Chapter Text
there was a lot to be said about the internet, yoongi thought. it had its soul crushing negatives, like information control, fake news, materialism, and the crippling insecurities that it often created. but it was also a thing of beauty, because it allowed strangers on the internet to help with his two greatest troubles; stress and insomnia.
it wasn’t a cure, but damn did it work as a good fucking balm.
it was four o’clock in the morning when yoongi had found it, his exhaustion at odds with his racing mind and heart. he’d heard of asmr before, hadn’t really understood the craze behind it, and had written it off as some kind of fad or trend. but he had been so desperate, his lack of sleep having turned painful a whole twenty four hours ago, that he had decided to say fuck it and search for it on youtube.
he had been a little confused at the sheer amount of content, all of them featuring different triggers and styles that were more or less unique to the creator — or asmrtist, as yoongi had quickly learned — and he fast forwarded through numerous videos trying to find something that might appeal to him.
he didn’t like it when they were too fast or too crunchy, he didn’t like it when they whispered or roleplayed, and he really didn’t like it when they ate food. but right when he was about to give up and resign himself to another sleepless night, one particular video caught his eye.
it wasn’t anything particularly special or out there, not something that had him muttering “how the fuck do they think of this shit?” under his breath before quickly moving on, and it wasn’t as visually demanding as so many of them were. no, it was something as simple as a girl getting her hair brushed in a sun drenched room.
he never saw her face, or the person behind the feminine hands that toyed with her hair and brushed it out, but yoongi was enraptured to the point that within half an hour his eyes had started to droop. it was actually sending him to sleep. he almost couldn’t believe it.
so he had immediately gone to the channel and scrolled down until he found another video, a longer one that had been labelled as no talking, and he settled back into his pillows with his phone propped up in front of him. and that video, that one video in an oversaturated market, had changed everything. because it wasn’t just a girl getting her hair brushed and played with. it went further than that. the creator gently stroked the girl’s skin, running her fingers along the nape of her neck and shoulders for almost ten minutes straight. he could hear it all, the nails lightly dragging along her skin, and it caused pleasant tingles that had formed at the base of yoongi’s skull to roll down his spine. and before the video had even ended, yoongi had fallen deep into the best sleep that he had experienced in weeks.
and from there on out, every single night he would settle in to either rewatch the same videos or explore the channel for something new. his scalp would tingle and his heart would thud, and he’d watch with rapt attention until he could no longer keep his eyes open. and when the pressures of work would get too much, when his hours in the music studio would wear him down, he’d take a moment to watch one. letting it settle him before he pulled himself together and returned to doing what he does best.
and on some days he wondered what it was about those videos that seemed to stir something in him. what it was that had captured him so deeply. because even though he was loath to admit it — and he never would aloud — sometimes those tingles would spread so far down that heat would begin to build in his stomach in a silent demand for an orgasm. sometimes he would comply, but most of the time he wouldn’t. it felt wrong, and he had no desire to objectify the gentle women who were just trying to provide people like him some peace of mind. they weren’t even doing anything remotely sexual.
and in those moments of wondering, the answer would rise and he’d immediately shove it away into the back of his mind. he knew what is was, and he really didn’t want to think about it. because the truth was that he hadn’t been touched in years, save for the occasional handshake or socially expected hug. it had been so long since his skin had been traced, since his hair had been played with, since he had been rubbed or massaged or held. he couldn’t even remember when the last time he had slept in the same bed with someone was. he was so starved of it, so greedy for it, that just the sight and sound of someone receiving attention would satiate part of that need.
but he was single, and he was alone. he was terrible at relationships, his inability to really speak from the heart turning everyone he had ever dated off. no one wanted him, and the absence had gone on for so long that the idea of being close to someone would send him reeling to the point that he had grown adverse to seeking it or allowing it. it was a vicious and self-fulfilling cycle, and it was one that he refused to think about.
but still, he had found an outlet, and was content to keep it close and entirely private. he could sleep again, he could breathe again, and everything was fine. that was, at least, until jungkook happened.
jungkook, who was a few years his junior and entirely too gifted to be wasting his talent as a background singer-songwriter employed at his company. but he had always been yoongi’s favourite to utilise, to tell the truth. either to sing the guides for the songs that he was writing, or to fill in the gaps in production. he was young, attractive, clever, and free-spirited. all things that yoongi admired in a person, and had resulted in them becoming good friends over the years. best friends, even. but that free-spirit is what had proved to be yoongi’s undoing.
“hyung!” jungkook’s voice carried through the front door of yoongi’s apartment, punctured by a series of unnecessarily loud knocks, “it’s me!”
“no shit!” yoongi called back as he rushed to the door, pulling it open with a huff, “I literally just let you into the building!”
jungkook stood there grinning, holding up three bottles of soju in one hand and a bottle of mid-shelf whiskey in the other, “I come bearing the goods!”
yoongi smiled as he stepped to the side to let him in, “pizza’s on the table.”
jungkook let out a happy sound as he breezed into the apartment, heading straight into the kitchen to grab them some glasses and put the soju in the fridge. he moved through the apartment like he owned the place, a habit that amused yoongi to no end.
but, to be fair, the two of them gathering at yoongi’s for pizza and drinks had become a fairly common occurrence over the past couple of years. neither of them necessarily liked going out to bars or clubs, each of them realising pretty quickly that the both of them found the music too loud, the lights too stimulating, and the amount of people pressed together entirely overwhelming.
jungkook used to say that they just weren’t built like other people were, and yoongi had been hard pressed to disagree. in fact, jungkook had even witnessed the fiery car crash that was yoongi’s last relationship, and he had consoled him by reaffirming that they just didn’t understand how he worked. no one ever seemed to understand how either of them worked.
except for each other, of course. it was why it was the easiest friendship that yoongi had ever had.
“for you,” jungkook handed yoongi a generous helping of whiskey on ice, “here’s to another job well done! you have, once again, outdone yourself, hyung.”
“why are we toasting to me?” yoongi knocked their glasses together, “you got your first producer credit!”
“I’d hardly call it a producer credit,” jungkook scoffed before taking a sip, “I just happened to help because I’m your apprentice now.”
“ah, but you’re the best apprentice that I’ve ever had,” yoongi winked.
“I’m the only apprentice that you’ve had,” jungkook rolled his eyes before pushing his way out of the kitchen, “come on, let’s go eat! I’m starving!”
and so things went how they always went on nights like this. they ate too much, drank too much, and ended up flopped on the couch and mindlessly scrolling through netflix whilst they talked for hours on end. and in this moment is when things start to go awry.
“hyung, do you remember the name of that youtube show we watched last week?” jungkook slurred, eyes hazy and brows pinched, “with the… uh… the ghost hunters? I wanted to show jimin-hyung but I couldn’t remember what it was called or who it even was.”
“uh…” yoongi’s head fell back against the couch, the room slowly spinning around him, “honestly, I dunno. we watch a lot of shit.”
“lemme look,” jungkook snatched the remote from yoongi’s hand, closing netflix and switching to youtube, “it’ll be in your history.”
it took yoongi’s mind longer than he’d like to admit to catch up with what was happening, but when it did, panic had him surging up and almost slipping off of the couch, “wait—”
“oh, you’re into asmr?” jungkook asked as he scrolled through yoongi’s watch history, casual and relaxed like he hadn’t just exposed yoongi’s guilty pleasure, “I like the texture ones. mainly when they tap on stuff.”
yoongi tried very hard to play it cool, somewhat bewildered at the sweat that was now insisting on forming on his palms, “you do?”
“yeah! I can watch the craft ones for hours,” jungkook laughed, “who knew the sound of stickers could be so pleasing?”
“um,” yoongi’s eyes flick in alarm between jungkook and where he could see his favourite videos flying past on the screen, “yeah— it’s relaxing. they help me sleep.”
jungkook nodded, “yeah, I’ve heard that’s a thing. I’ve never heard of these hair playing ones before though?”
“um—” yoongi’s voice cracked before he quickly cleared his throat, “yeah, they’re simple and rhythmic. it’s nice.”
and jungkook, seemingly curious and somewhat sold on the idea, decides to actually click on one. yoongi froze, his heart inexplicably galloping in his chest as he watched jungkook study the screen with interest, his head tilting to the side as he nodded. yoongi also thought that he may have accidentally pavloved himself, because he could now hear the high definition sound of fingers running through hair, and he instantly began to calm back down.
he let out a breath and fell back against the sofa, his attention drifting to the screen in front of him. and as his head continued to swim from intoxication, he found that it was actually quite nice to have the company of jungkook whilst growing absorbed in his comfort videos. it put him more at ease than he had been all day.
“you’re right, it is quite simple,” jungkook mused as he leaned back against the couch and got comfortable, “I can kind of see how this would send you to sleep.”
“mmm,” yoongi nodded, “there’s no surprises either. it all just sounds like this.”
“look at you— already so relaxed,” giggled jungkook, “it does make sense that a music producer would like asmr though. sound is kind of your thing.”
“I think that’s why I need to be so quiet and simple, to be honest,” yoongi stretched out further across the couch, his arm resting across his stomach, “all I hear is sound all day. I don’t get much silence.”
jungkook nodded in understanding before returning his attention to the television, both of them falling silent for a while as they watched the woman get her hair brushed and receive a head massage.
"how do I sign up to be one of these models?" jungkook sighed, "that looks so nice. I love getting my hair played with."
yoongi's throat grumbled lowly as his lips pushed into a pout, "I'm sure I did once too. I can't even remember what it feels like, at this point."
jungkook's head rolled to the side to look at him in surprise, "seriously?"
"you saw how I fucked my last relationship up," yoongi shrugged, "and you know that my ex before that hated touching me."
jungkook's face pulled into a sneer as he sat up in frustration, "fuck that guy! you know I hate that piece of shit. all of your exes are trash and didn't deserve you."
yoongi snorted in self-deprecation, "yeah. right."
"I'm serious!" jungkook turned to face him, his arm hooking over the back of the couch, "hyung, when was the last time that someone gave you attention?"
yoongi raised an eyebrow, "you're giving me attention right now."
"physical attention, I mean," pressed jungkook, "you've never really been a touchy kind of guy, so how do you get your touch quota in?"
"I don't know… I just don't," yoongi's mouth twisted as he let out a breath, "no one touches me."
"but…" jungkook's brows drew together in confusion, "that's not… it's not healthy."
yoongi shrugged again, trying to brush it off in the hopes that jungkook would let the subject go before he started to get overwhelmed, "it is what it is. it's fine, don't worry."
"well I am worried now!" jungkook shifted closer, "you need to let people touch you! skinship is important! go cuddle namjoon-hyung or something!"
yoongi shot him an unimpressed look, "absolutely not."
jungkook raised an eyebrow, "why not?"
"because it's weird!" yoongi rolled his eyes, "I'm not going to just go cuddle my friends. I'm not a child."
"that's not—" jungkook blinked a few times before shaking his head, "alright fine, whatever, but you need to go out and find someone who will give you affection! hell, at least go get laid!"
"no," yoongi huffed and turned away, discomfort building in his gut, "I don't want to."
"why not?"
"because it's weird," yoongi reiterated, "having strangers in my personal space is the last thing that I want."
he couldn't quite believe he was having this conversation. if he had been sober he would have never let it get this far. this whole topic was just way too personal. and he supposed the calming effects of the asmr video were working their magic as well. he was being tag-teamed by the two things that had the power to knock him out. unfair.
"is it the strangers that's weird about it?" asked jungkook, "or is it being touched in general?"
yoongi glanced over at him, finding him looking surprisingly genuine without a trace of judgement on his face. he just seemed genuinely curious.
"I don't know?" yoongi lifted his hands before letting them drop again, "both, maybe? its been so long that the idea of any of it just kind of freaks me out now. can we move on from this, please?"
jungkook went quiet, his lips pressing into a tight line as he looked between yoongi and the television. yoongi could practically see his drunken mind sloppily putting pieces of yoongi's psyche together and it made him want to run away.
"whatever you're thinking, stop," yoongi snatched the remote back and switched the television over to cable, the peaceful quiet suddenly filling with the explosive sounds of an action movie, "don't go making mountains out of… whatever it is they say. hobbit holes? don't make mountains out of hobbit holes."
"I think it's mole hills…" jungkook murmured before slapping his leg and standing up, making yoongi jolt, "come on! get up! I have an idea!"
yoongi blinked up at him, "huh?"
"up!" jungkook took the remote back and switched off the television before grabbing yoongi to pull him off of the couch, "come with me! you have to do what I say!"
"since when?" yoongi shot him a glare, "I'm the hyung here. you're supposed to do what I say."
jungkook smirked and continued to tug yoongi up off of the couch, "you can preach that when you actually manage to deny me something."
yoongi scowled as he was pulled to his feet, the two of them immediately stumbling and knocking into each other.
"I think I'm a bit too drunk to go on one of your late night adventures," yoongi tried to steady himself, "please don't make me go to the playground again."
"fear not! we're not leaving your beautiful home tonight!" jungkook threw his arm around yoongi's neck and started to guide him across the room. well, vaguely. jungkook was wobbling and veering in a different direction with every step, but he clearly had a destination in mind.
and before yoongi could think too much about the fact that jungkook's arm was around him and that his body was knocking into his pretty heavily, he found himself being shepherded into his home music studio, of all places.
"kook, we just pulled a twelve hour day," yoongi whined, "I don't wanna work!"
"we're not!" jungkook flicked on the lights before staggering across the room to grab a soft, round ottoman from beside the couch, "sit!"
yoongi eyed him suspiciously as he complied, “what are you doing?”
jungkook just shot him a shit-eating grin before heading over to the desk and digging through his drawers, pulling out various objects and dumping them haphazardly onto the desk before brandishing an old pair of earbuds like he had discovered the holy grail.
“aha!” he yelled in success, and then promptly unplugged yoongi’s eight hundred dollar headphones to switch them over.
“can you stop messing up my shit, please?” yoongi leaned over to start throwing things back into his drawer, “you’re like a goddamn tornado.”
but jungkook just batted his hand away with a tisk and pulled a microphone over, the telescopic arm stretching so that it hovered by yoongi’s head.
yoongi looked up at it with a cocked eyebrow, “why do you want to record right now?”
“I don’t,” jungkook began to switch things on with practised ease and turned up the gain of the microphone, “I’m gonna asmr you.”
yoongi leaned back in surprise, “you’re what?”
“just trust me,” jungkook handed him the earbuds, “now put these in.”
“jungkook…” yoongi sighed, “you know I’ll always support your creative endeavours but—”
“just put them in, hyung!” jungkook demanded as he moved to stand behind him, “I need you to tell me if it's picking up enough!”
yoongi groaned as he once again complied, putting in the buds to hear every tiny sound in the room amplified straight into his ears.
“is it good?” jungkook asked at full fucking volume, making yoongi wince and grab at his ears.
“shit— sorry,” jungkook’s voice dropped to a whisper, “I take it that it’s working?”
yoongi just nodded, not wanting to hear his own voice amplified back at him. he peered up at jungkook, curious as to what he intended to do, but jungkook just clicked his tongue and gestured for him to turn back around.
and then suddenly there were fingers moving through yoongi's hair, the crackle and drag of it loud through his ear buds, and tingles exploded through his entire body so quickly that he actually shuddered. the audio made him even more hyper-aware of each and every touch more than he normally would be, and he was caught between wanting to jump away from jungkook and demand that he continue.
“is this okay?” jungkook asked quietly, and yoongi found that the urge to recoil or just say no was lost under the weight of his intoxication and just how good it felt. all he could do was hum and nod, and console himself that he was only allowing this to happen because he had nearly a litre of alcohol in his stomach.
and so jungkook continued to play with yoongi’s hair, sectioning it into pieces and twisting it through his fingers. he scratched along his scalp, combed his fingers through it to carefully detangle any knots, and all but massaged his head. and yoongi… he felt like he was slipping away.
his mind had grown clouded and his eyes had fallen closed, and his body sat perfectly still as he tried to hold himself back from another shudder. every pass of jungkook’s fingers were sending warm tingles down his spine, and it took all of his willpower to keep himself silent. he wanted to groan from it, purr even, but he absolutely refused to embarrass himself more than he already was.
but jungkook must have paid more attention to the video than yoongi had realised, because he was soon brushing his hair forward over his shoulders and returning his fingers to the nape of yoongi’s neck. warm fingertips ghosted along his skin, tracing the hairline before fanning down to dance across his spine and across the top of his shoulders, the collar of his shirt being gently tugged aside so that jungkook could grant himself more access. every single pass was audible, the sound of skin on skin feeding straight back into yoongi like some kind of unhinged feedback loop of sensation.
goosebumps broke out across his entire body as he shivered, his heart racing and head spinning like he had been drugged. he couldn’t move and he could barely breathe, frozen in place for fear of breaking whatever spell jungkook was putting him under. because this… this… this went above and beyond anything that he had ever experienced. and part of him felt stupid and somewhat pathetic for being so… so shaken by it. he was only being touched and listening to the movements through a sensitive microphone. surely this wasn’t a normal response?
but he couldn’t bring himself to move or ask jungkook to stop, instead letting himself melt under the gentle ministrations of hands that were far more delicate than he could have ever imagined they would be. not that he had ever thought about it before, but he never would have guessed that jungkook’s touch could be so soft. not when all that he did in his spare time was box and workout.
so yoongi's mind continued to drift and his breathing grew slow and heavy, sparks moving beneath his skin every time jungkook would lightly scratch at him or drag his nails across the metal chain that sat around the base of his neck. it felt so impossibly good that he wanted to live in that moment forever, and he didn’t even notice that he was slowly starting to fall asleep until jungkook gently shook his shoulder.
“hyung?” jungkook whispered as he pulled the ear buds out for him, “did you want to go to bed?”
yoongi blinked himself back to clarity, shaking his head to clear his mind as he rubbed his face, “woah— how long—”
his was voice was deep and crackled with exhaustion, and jungkook just cut him off with a smile, “you weren’t quite asleep yet, but it’s been about half an hour.”
“jesus, it feels like it’s been five minutes,” yoongi stretched and broke out into a yawn, “that felt really nice.”
“there’s nothing wrong with a good massage,” jungkook helped pull him to his feet, “you didn’t find it too weird, right?”
“surprisingly, no,” yoongi shook himself off, “I’m telling you— asmr cured my insomnia, I swear.”
“clearly,” jungkook laughed, “so did you wanna go to sleep? I know where to find the spare bedding.”
yoongi considered it for a moment before shaking his head, “it’s up to you, but I’m happy to watch a movie whilst we finish off the bottle.”
“sounds good!” jungkook said over his shoulder as he switched everything back off in the studio, “you down for a late night horror movie?”
“always,” yoongi spoke around another yawn as he headed into the living room, “I wanna see if you end up jumping over the back of the couch again.”
“that was one time!” jungkook whined as he followed after him, “I wasn’t ready for her to just jump out from the back seat like that!”
yoongi chuckled as he dropped down onto the couch and quickly poured them both drinks, trying to redirect his focus onto the task as much as he could. because the truth was that he was trying to hide the fact that he was hanging on by a very delicate thread, feeling more raw and open than he could ever let on. he had been touched for the first time in years, and he had enjoyed it. and to make it all the worse, he couldn’t stop himself from wishing that his best friend would do it again. he wanted it. craved it. and now he was terrified that he would never experience it ever again. and he could never, ever ask for it. and he just knew that it was all he was going to be thinking about every time he tried to go to sleep now.
he was so fucked.