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The passcode on the front door beeped as Hanbin walked into their dorm, two cups of jasmine milk tea in one hand, his bag in the other.
Kicking off his shoes, he walked over to their living room balcony where the cool wind greeted his face.
There was a reason why the air seemed clearer, birds more alert, trees singing through their rustles. Hanbin moved forward, turning to look inside the balcony, where he spotted him.
Sunlight glimmered through the trees, sparkling like glitter and reflecting onto Zhang Hao’s face. His beautiful face. He had perfect facial features, of course, but to Hanbin, Hao was beauty itself.
Their eyes met as Hanbin smiled warmly at the older, setting his things down and opening his arms invitingly for a hug.
Hao strode into those arms, burying his mahogany head of hair into the crook of the other’s neck, face first into his thick winter coat, absorbing the warmth that was exuding off of Hanbin like he was his own personal radiator, (he was).
He felt a gentle hand stroke his back, and warm breath trickling down his nape. He smiled, pulling the other closer, arms clasped tightly around his slender waist.
“You did a good job today,” Hanbin whispered slowly.
It wasn’t like today had been particularly eventful, it had been nothing out of the ordinary. A tedious, repetitive day of training and conditioning, honing their skills to the max, awaiting a comeback that was probably months away.
But still, hearing those words from Hanbin made his heart twinge. Holding the other’s fit, sturdy frame close to him, he felt their heartbeats slowly beginning to sync together.
“You did too,” Hao murmured back, placing a small kiss on the other’s neck.
They both held each other for a little while longer, reluctant to let go too soon in case the other needed a little more time. And when they broke apart, a flushed smile lingered on both their faces, eyes sparkling like they hadn’t been before.
Sitting on the small couch that fit snugly in the balcony, the two of them sipped their tea, talking about how their day had gone. Hao had to deal with some youthful frustrations, having to console their youngest member Yujin after he had been through a remarkably tiring day at school, and again when he simply couldn’t get a hang of a particular dance move only he had to do, and that too in the centre, which was quite stressful for him.
Turns out, Hanbin had to deal with something similar as well, having to break up a fight between Ricky and Gyuvin over text, since he couldn’t be there and they were both too stubborn to talk to each other.
It had been a long day for both of them.
Soon, the cups, once full of tea, stood drained on the balcony floor.
They both sat together, Hanbin’s long legs draped over Hao’s lap as the older massaged his calves, hearing him sigh about all the university assignments he had to do.
Hao leaned forward to ruffle the younger one’s hair, “It’ll be alright, everything will be alright, I believe in you,” he said tenderly.
Hao had a way with making things sound like the truth. Of course, who wouldn’t believe him when he says something with utmost certainty? After everything he had achieved in his life, it was like his words spoke directly to the universe, who listened to him intently, noting down every fact.
However, it seemed to have not worked this time. Hanbin had smiled at the older, but the traces of stress in his furrowed eyebrows and clenched jaw were unmistakably insistent.
He spoke sombrely, “Yes…I hope so too. I can’t let my mind get away from more important things. My focus should be on the group, I’m the leader. I need to do my best for the group.”
Hao pulled the other closer, slowly carding through his dark hair, the other hand patting his chest gently.
“You still need to take care of yourself, you know.”
And if he did forget, Hao was there to remind him. Hao was there to take care of him too. Perhaps in small ways, such as giving him massages, texting him words of encouragement and lovely messages every now and then, ordering his favourite food after a long day, going on long walks to spend time with each other under the guise of it being good exercise, and pulling him into a warm, comforting hug like he was doing now.
Hao stared at him in wonder. The younger looked so cute with the orange sunlight splattered across his face, painting his features in the most romantic way. ‘Beautiful’ was not a word big enough to encapsulate everything that described what Hanbin was. He felt his lips curling into a smile when he saw him staring through his eyelashes. Hot. Hao found himself reaching his hand to gently touch the other’s jaw, massaging the joint so it wasn’t so tense anymore.
Hanbin was grateful for Hao.
He moved his head up to steal a kiss, savouring the older’s strawberry chapstick. Each touch was electrifying, to think that the two of them were here, like this, after months of longing gazes and dreams of intimacy was a fact he was not completely impervious to. They broke apart, completely breathless, as Hanbin sighed deliriously.
How lucky was he that they both coexisted in the same universe at the same time? How lucky was he to be able to meet this wonderfully bewitching person he now called his soulmate? Was it just by fluke that they completely understood each other? That they were meant for each other?
It was like Hao could hear the rambling in Hanbin’s pretty little head when he suddenly spoke, “You know… I remember reading something when I was little… when I was very into science,”
Hanbin hummed, desperately trying to keep his focus from getting lost in the other’s star studded eyes.
“… The atoms in the universe that existed when it was first created, before the big bang, before anything, they get dispersed into various parts of the world right?”
Hanbin nodded, latching on to his every word. It didn’t matter that it sounded like some boring physics lecture, he would gladly listen to Hao read a ten page appliance manual if he had to.
“So these atoms, they were very close to each other during the formation of the universe, and when the big bang happened, they got separated, and they keep trying to come back together.”
They stared into each other’s eyes, as Hao kept going, “What if that was us? What if the atoms that make us up were together during the creation of the universe?”
Hanbin’s face broke into a sweet smile, “Soulmates. Eternal Soulmates.”
Hao nodded, his head bouncing up and down as his soft cheeks pressed into an identical smile, eyes crinkling at the younger’s observation.
“I’ve been saying that ever since we debuted…” Hanbin murmured wistfully, slipping his arm around the older’s waist and pulling him closer.
Hao turned to him suddenly, noses pressing against each others’. If they were any closer their eyelashes would be tangled together.
Hao spoke slowly, his lips touching Hanbin’s, “I hope we found each other in all our previous lifetimes.”
Hanbin responded by pulling him into a deep kiss, one hand still gently resting against Hao’s waist, and the other on the cool skin of his neck. They drew each other closer and closer, the quiet balcony now filled with sounds of heavy breathing as the sun had begun to make its way down.
“I promise to find you in our next,” Hanbin pecked the other’s swollen lips one last time before starting to pick up things and walk out of the balcony to freshen up.
Hao lingered there for a few more minutes, he had a lot on his mind. He knew the youngest, Yujin, was probably busy doing homework in his room and hadn’t eaten anything. He thought about his parents, it had been three days since his mother last called. He hoped they were alright. He remembered his promise to Gunwook that he would vacuum their room. Laundry.
So many things to take care of.
Spending time with Hanbin had been refreshing, but now that he was out of his sight, he began to see the reality staring back at him. But he knew everything would be alright.
He ordered Malatang for the youngest on his phone, knowing it was one of his favourites. That gave him around twenty minutes to do the vacuuming before it arrived.
Walking back into the dorm, it was unusually quiet. He knew Matthew, Jiwoong and Taerae were at the gym, Gunwook at a Japanese lesson. Judging by the low volume level, he could deduce that Gyuvin and Ricky were either doing their own separate things or still in a fight.
He walked past the kitchen when he saw Hanbin signalling him to come towards the end of the hallway near Gyuvin’s room.
Not knowing what to expect when he peeked inside, he was surprised to find both Ricky and Gyuvin sleeping peacefully in the same bed.
Hanbin chuckled quietly, “To think they were fighting with each other just earlier today,”
Hao snickered back, “and now they’re curled up together like a kitten and a puppy.”
Hanbin moved towards him to hug him tightly, but Hao’s mind was still weighing him down.
“Bin - ah, could you go over the dance move with Yujin? I’ll send you a video of it. It’s just, he’s been studying for so long, probably without taking a break, so this is like… what’s that saying? Two stones?”
“Two birds with one stone.” Hanbin confirmed. “Cruel, yes I know,” he added when he saw Hao wince, “Don’t worry hyung, I’ll go take care of our baby. Have you already ordered food for him?”
“Yeah, it’s arriving in…” Hao checked his phone, “Seventeen minutes. I have to vacuum my room and do laundry, if you have something to throw in, leave it on your bed.” He gave the younger a swift peck on the cheek before getting started with his tasks.
Meanwhile Hanbin made his way over to Yujin’s room. Standing outside the closed door, he kept thinking of how something seemed wrong with Hao, especially after their talk on the balcony. Hanbin wondered if it was something he said, he’d have to ask him later.
The phone in his pocket vibrated, it was probably Hao sending him the dance video. Hanbin took a deep breath and knocked. Yujin made some sort of weird, incomprehensible noise, upon which the leader invited himself in, finding the youngest sitting at his desk with his chair turned around to face the door, his eyes noticeably weary.
Hanbin urged him to take a break and they worked on the choreography for a little bit. It all clicked when Hanbin explained it to him patiently, and the smile on the youngest’s face once he got it was incomparable.
They spent some time together, Hanbin giving him a long, comforting hug while hearing out all his woes and worries, rubbing his back softly. Raising the youngest members, especially Yujin, was not in his job description as a leader, but it practically could’ve been, seeing as it took up so much of his time.
Not that Hanbin was complaining of course, there was something very noble about leading and helping impressionable people younger than him who looked up to him. He thought about his days as a dance instructor. Another thing he had in common with Hao, although his speciality of course, was music. Funny how that worked, music and dance. Two sides of the same coin.
Hao peeked into the youngest’s room, glad to see their baby more relaxed. He was in good hands with Hanbin of course. Hanbin just had a way of making everything better.
He quickly checked the time, it was almost 7pm. Jiwoong had texted their group chat earlier saying he, Matthew, Taerae and Gunwook were planning to get dinner outside and would probably be back late. It seemed like a fun night out, seeing as they didn’t have any early morning schedules the next day.
Hao returned the vacuum cleaner back to its original place and got started on the laundry. He smiled when he saw that most of Hanbin’s clothes used to be his, and a lot of his clothes, Hanbin’s. It was peculiar how most of them were old clothes they had worn for a long time, weary with each other’s scents and memories. It was almost like subconsciously they were both trying to be a part of each other’s past.
After starting the washing machine, he knelt down in the laundry room, his back pressed against a wall. The slow hum continued in the background as he dialled a call to his mother.
It had been quite a few days since they last talked, which was making Hao anxious for some reason, he couldn’t sleep well. The call went on to the third ring, then the fourth, and by the fifth he had lost all hope, not anticipating anything, but to his surprise, she had picked up.
Immediately upon hearing her voice his shoulders had relaxed, jaw unclenched, every muscle in his body that was once tense had been relieved. They chatted for a while, very menial, mundane stuff. But it gave him a lot of energy, and everything was going to be alright.
She asked about Hanbin, of course. Hao’s mother was quite fond of Hanbin, as was Hanbin’s mother of Hao. If they could communicate in the same language they would probably joke about how each of them now has two sons.
That idea comforted Hao, imagining what it would be like. It would certainly be true one day, Hao had made a firm decision to be alongside Hanbin for as long as he possibly could, for as long as the universe would allow him to, and he knew in his heart it was going to be a long, long time.
He exhaled as the call ended, staring at the sky outside the laundry room window, feeling much lighter.
Hao flinched as his phone buzzed, letting him know that the food delivery was 5 minutes away, he hadn’t realised so much time had passed already.
Realising that Hanbin probably hadn’t eaten anything in a while either, he remembered they had Greek yoghurt in the fridge.
Grabbing that, he made his way over to Yujin’s room.
“What are you guys doing?” he laughed at the amusing sight in front of him.
The two of them were hugging, Yujin trying to dodge Hanbin’s adoring kisses despite having his arms tightly fastened around the leader’s slender waist, not wanting to let go of his comforting presence.
Hao rolled his eyes at their adorable antics, sitting down and beginning to feed the two of them spoonfuls of yoghurt.
The sweet taste of honey and the creamy texture of the frozen treat seemed to mellow both of them out a little. Hao noticed Hanbin’s face relaxing, his once tense jaw now completely at ease. He noticed the look in Yujin’s eyes softening, not so weary anymore.
It's as if a lightbulb had turned on in Hao’s head. Both Yujin and Hanbin probably had low sugar levels from working so hard all day, and this had probably brought them back up.
The revelation made him smile to himself.
Just then, the bell rang and Yujin scurried off to get the door, the surprise that awaited would definitely delight him, thought Hao.
He moved closer to Hanbin, taking his hand into his.
“What did you guys talk about?” Hao asked Hanbin curiously, fiddling with his fingers.
He simply smiled, shaking his head. “It was nothing… I just consoled him the same way you did to me. The baby had a long day today, he needed to be comforted.”
Hao feigned a pout, pulling Hanbin closer and beginning to pat his back in an exaggerated manner, “Aww, the baby had a long day today?”
There was a pause, they both locked eyes with each other and burst out laughing.
Hao cradled Hanbin’s face in his hand, his eyes twinkling with serenity. He leaned forward, plucking off an eyelash that had settled down on his cheek, and placed it on Hanbin’s knuckle.
“Here, make a wish.”
And before Hanbin could respond, Hao added, “Not something for the group, don’t say something like “I wish we would place first on music shows” or whatever, make a wish for yourself, for you, and nobody else. God knows you deserve it.” He knew how hard Hanbin worked to take care of everybody else.
Hanbin exhaled, “Alright…” He looked at Zhang Hao with star studded eyes, feeling the warmth of his hands on his skin, the love and affection radiating off his face onto Hanbin’s, when he knew he couldn’t do what the older asked him to do. He couldn’t be entirely selfish like that, although perhaps…
He took a deep breath and blew it out, the small speck of his eyelash disappearing into space, wishing that he could make Zhang Hao happy forever.
He couldn’t help it, Hanbin thought to himself, not when Hao was his everything.
“So… what kind of wish did you make?” asked Hao with a teasing smile.
“A very good one.” Hanbin shot him a playful wink, mirroring his expression.
“Hmm, is that so?” Hao grabbed his waist, staring at him coyly.
Hanbin was about to retort when Yujin darted into the room, throwing his arms around the both of them excitedly. In a flurry of “thank yous”, Hanbin realised Hao must’ve ordered Malatang for the youngest, which he loved very much.
Hao took care of his loved ones in the most gentle and considerate way. Hanbin realised it must’ve rubbed off on him too, recalling how he had bought the older’s favourite milk tea for him earlier.
There were so many things so similar about them, and so many things so different.
He watched in adoration, sweetness dripping from his eyes as Hao stuck his cheek out for the youngest, pointing at it and awaiting a kiss, which he received without hesitation. The sight was so sweet, it made Hanbin remember how many different kinds of love there were in the world, and Hao deserved to receive all of them.
And when Yujin leaned forward to place a small peck on the leader’s cheek, it led him to wonder, whether he was deserving of all the love too.
Hao sighed, pulling on his arm, urging him to come to the living room where their filial youngest had already set the table, and that’s when Hanbin realised he didn’t need to question whether he deserved it or not, because one thing was for sure, with Zhang Hao next to him, he was already receiving as much love as he possibly could.
So he smiled and trudged along, following him to their dimly lit living room where Yujin had already set up three bowls for each of them.
Hanbin patted the youngest’s cheek, “Thank you, baby.”
“Let’s eat!” exclaimed Hao, and so they did.
Soon enough they were all full, the bowls were cleared off the table, washed and stored away, recycling neatly sorted. It hadn’t surprised either of them when Yujin fell asleep right then and there on one of the couches.
Hao had used that opportunity to move closer to Hanbin, who rested his head on his shoulder. Neither of them said a word, the only sound in the room was that of light snores coming from Yujin.
Hanbin took Hao’s cold hand, pressing it between both of his own, slowly waiting as it arrived at a thermal equilibrium. He smiled at the older, who merely stared back with a melancholic look in his eyes. That reminded Hanbin.
“Hyung, earlier, did I say something wrong on the balcony? You looked a little off when you came back inside.”
Confused, Hao responded, “No, no of course not, I just had a lot on my mind, that’s all.”
“You know you don’t have to carry it all alone, you could talk to me about it if it helps,” Hanbin proposed gently.
Hao let out a slow exhale at that, “It’s just that I hadn’t talked to my mother in quite a while, and I really missed her, but I just did earlier, so I’m feeling much better now, I’m okay, you don’t have to worry.” he rambled on, talking quietly to not wake the youngest.
“She’s doing okay?”
Hao hummed, “She asked about you, you know. She always does.” He smiled at Hanbin, staring at him holding the entire universe in his eyes.
Hanbin smiled back, pulling him closer and whispering into his ear, “My mother does too, all the time… sometimes I think if they could speak to each other in the same language, they would say they both have two sons now.”
He felt his eyes glistening when he heard Hanbin repeat the same thought he had had earlier, placing a small kiss on the younger’s neck.
“I love you,” breathed Hao, a little bit star struck.
“I love you.” Hanbin turned his head and grabbed Hao’s face, his fingers gently squeezing the older’s soft cheeks, as he soaked up each and every detail of his face. The bright eyes, the thick and symmetrical eyebrows. His eyes trailed down the perfect curvature of his nose, landing at his thick and rosy lips, which were looking particularly red now after drinking the spicy soup.
“You’re my everything.” Hanbin felt a tear rolling down his cheek, still unable to believe this perfect person in front of him was someone he could call his. His expression, however, full of love and admiration and care and a million other things, was left unwavering as he moved closer, connecting their lips together.
Without really caring about the fact that their youngest was sleeping not two feet away from them and could wake up at any time, or that the rest of their members could walk in at any minute, they continued to kiss, intensely, breathlessly.
Both of their hands somehow managed to find the only uncovered places on their body, Hao’s wrapped around Hanbin’s neck and jaw, the other slipped under his shirt, absorbing all the warmth from his back.
They broke apart, faces flushed, lips more swollen than they had been before, Hao was the first to stand up.
“So should I tell Gunwook to sleep in your’s and Taerae’s room tonight?” he asked Hanbin with a teasing smile on his face.
Hanbin nodded eagerly. “You can go wash up first, I’ll take care of the baby here.” he said, slinging an arm under the youngest’s knees and back, picking him up.
Hao laughed when he saw what Hanbin was doing, “You should probably wake him up, he still needs to brush his teeth and wash up.”
A similar smile bloomed on his face, settling the youngest back down on the couch, as Hanbin laughed at himself for the silliness.
He patted Yujin’s cheek gently to wake him up as Hao walked away to go shower.
After a little while everything was in order. Yujin was ready for bed and Hanbin had hugged him again, telling him that tomorrow would be better, and he still did his best today. He could feel the youngest’s gratitude and appreciation in how tightly he held onto him. Ultimately, he had fallen asleep peacefully, and Hanbin was glad.
Hao, on the other hand, had showered, and was ready for bed.
Although it wasn’t winter yet, the air in the room still seemed crisp and cool, which was great for him, seeing as he planned to cuddle Hanbin tonight.
That made him think of Gyuvin and Ricky, so he went to check up on them.
Their room was dark as he opened the door slowly, but then he noticed a dim light coming from the bed. He walked closer and realised Gyuvin was awake, scrolling on his phone.
His hair was messy, hanging down below his eyebrows. When he saw Hao he sat up a bit, Ricky still laying peacefully next to him. He motioned the older to move closer.
Hao whispered, “Are you hungry? There’s malatang in the fridge.”
But Gyuvin simply shook his head. “I ate with Ricky before.”
“You guys fought?” he investigated further. Something about this moment right now took him right back to a couple of years ago, at the Yuehua dorms.
“It’s all sorted now,” he said, patting Ricky’s chest.
Hao hummed, trying to be firm with the younger, “Don’t fight, okay?”
“Alright!” Gyuvin said, grinning widely, his eyes turning into little crescents.
The scene melted Hao’s heart, and the minimal hints of firmness he had tried to muster up earlier disappeared completely.
He leaned forward to give Gyuvin a kiss on the cheek, and received one from him in return.
Ruffling his hair, he leaned down to press a small kiss to Ricky’s temple, hoping the younger would have sweet dreams.
A couple of hushed “Good nights” later, he walked back to his room, finding Hanbin laying on his bed.
He opened his arms up to invite the older in, just as he had done earlier that day.
They got comfortable quickly, Hanbin snuggling into Hao’s chest, as the older rested his chin atop his head.
“Do you remember that night, during the Tomboy mission?” Hanbin mumbled, locking his legs around Hao’s, who hummed affirmatively.
“You snuck into my bed, I had no choice but to take you in because you had cried so much earlier and the morning after I couldn’t even feel my arm.” Hao chuckled, remembering the stressful time.
“Please, your arm was fine when I massaged it for you,” he felt Hao slap his butt, but paid it no heed, snuggling closer.
Hanbin breathed into the older’s chest, the clean scent of soap and laundry detergent prominent, when he lifted his head up and whispered quietly, “Oh… I forgot something.”
Hao groaned, he was already warm and comfortable, limbs tangled around Hanbin’s, blanket wrapped perfectly around the two of them, if the younger got up now that would mean it would all get messed up and -
His thought was interrupted when Hanbin simply leaned upward to kiss his lips.
Of course, thought Hao. Only Hanbin was shameless enough to pull this off. His Hanbin. His beautiful, adorable, completely irresistible Hanbin whom he could feel smiling against his lips.
“Good night,”
“Good night.”