Chapter Text
"Love", Tom spits out, "is a load of crap, Greg. It's a fucking lie and somehow everyone's fooled. They all think it's supposed to be nice and fucking… easy. Isn't that ridiculous when you think about it?"
They're sitting at a corner table, far enough from the dance floor that it's somewhat possible to hear each other. Greg can still feel the beat of the music in his chest, pleasantly buzzed on two beers, half a joint and a glass of champagne. Tom's had more, maybe four glasses of wine and some shots, and it shows. He's flushed and his hair is rumpled, soft-looking. He sits folded over the table, head hanging low.
He reminds Greg of a sad old dog one of his neighbours used to keep in his yard, years and years ago.
"Yeah, dude", Greg says and watches Tom absently rubbing at his wedding band, turning it around and around on his finger. It's Saturday and Shiv is in DC or California or somewhere. Her phone is off, Greg knows because he's seen Tom try calling her three times tonight. "Like, who says it's even a real thing at all?"
"Plenty of people say that, Sasquatch", Tom groans, instantly annoyed. "I say that! But who knows, I'm an idiot." His voice goes smaller at the end and his eyes look glassy and sad, fixed on the ring. Not good. Something has to be done.
"Come on, Tommy", Greg goads and tucks in closer, knocking his knee into Tom's. "Forget all about like, love, for a second. Let's go dance."
Tom looks at him, gaze catching on his smiling lips for just the tiniest moment, but Greg notices. He always does, with Tom. He tugs Tom off the stool and toward the dancefloor and the crush of bodies, the rhythm of the music. Tom follows half a step behind, just like Greg knew he would.
-
Greg Hirsch doesn't believe in love.
He'd like to, the idea of it seems cool, but there's just never really been any concrete evidence of it existing, in his life. When he was small he thought the little kiss his dad dropped on his mother's cheek every morning was love, until it turned out it really, really wasn't. He thought his dad calling him every Friday when he'd moved away was love, until the calls grew few and far between, stilted and awkward, and then stopped.
He thought what their nicest neighbours had was love, until Mrs. Johnson left Mr. Johnson for a younger man the neighbourhood grapevine said she'd met at work. At 9, Greg thought the admiration he had for an older boy at science club might be love, until the boy told him to fuck off when Greg tried to make friends.
At 29-about-to-turn-30, he's never been in love. There was a girlfriend in middle school for a month, but they only skipped last period together sometimes to go catch frogs in the tall grass behind the school. In high school Greg thought he had a crush on a girl named Jenny and he even gathered up the courage to ask her out. It was awkward even though they had interests in common, and kissing her in her pink-and-lilac bedroom in her parents' house… it felt nice, physically, but mentally he just kind of checked out. Jenny was pretty in an understated way and wicked smart, but there was never any spark for Greg.
Dating her elevated him from his previous status of 'lanky loser' to 'dude with a solid 7 for a girlfriend' though. He was content to let it continue, taking her to the movies and even a big party once. She held his hand a lot and didn't mind when he spoke weirdly, and he liked her well enough.
It eventually ended when Jenny started talking about college and it came out Greg had never even thought to consider whether they should apply to the same schools. She cried and asked if he even cared about her at all, and he tried to argue that of course he did, but he got tongue-tied and the words wouldn't come out.
"There's something wrong with you, Greg, like seriously", she'd spat through her tears, and then she was gone. Maybe there was; maybe whatever it was, was in his mom too. When he told her Jenny wouldn't be coming around anymore, she just silently patted his arm and sighed, and then curled up on the couch to take a nap.
After Jenny, there were a few hookups at college, and what might be called a situationship with his college roommate that lasted on and off for the better part of a year. Greg realized he felt as much of an attraction toward guys as he ever had girls, maybe more, but it didn't feel like he would ever love anyone. It seemed complicated and often ended in tears, so maybe it was better to not try looking for it. He'd never really seen it work out anyway.
So, arriving at his Uncle Logan's birthday party, Greg can't help but see the falsehood in all the supposed love in the family. Logan doesn't seem to be capable of even liking anything, least of all his children. He's a little bit nicer to his wife, but Marcia must be after his money. That's how it always goes.
His cousin Kendall is recently divorced; later, Greg finds out that Connor is apparently paying his pretty girlfriend Willa to stick around, and Roman seems as uncomfortable with his girlfriend as Greg once was with Jenny.
Shiv, though, is a surprise. She seems happy enough with her boyfriend, Tom, and the guy seems to be head over heels in love with her. He watches her with so much warmth in his eyes, a little nervous and desperate to please, but mostly just adoring. It's weird and a little awkward to see, and Greg has to look away when he spots Tom stealing a kiss just before lunch and Shiv giving him an amused smile after, knocking her shoulder into his arm.
Tom seeks Greg out right before they're meant to be playing baseball. Greg's first thought is a curious 'how does such a normal-looking guy end up in a relationship with Shiv Roy?' but he soon finds out Tom is the farthest thing from normal.
"I've got my eye on you", he says, smiling, but it's maybe a threat.
"The truth about me is that I'm a terrible prick", he says seriously, but it might be a joke.
"Would you kiss me?" he asks, with his girlfriend on the same field, just out of earshot.
Greg stammers and looks around, confused, but Tom keeps on going, winding Greg up tighter. Would he kiss Tom, if he was asked to? If he was told to? Would he?
Tom laughs it off right after, but there's this look. First around them to see if anyone heard, then up and down Greg's body, stopping at his lips, and, oh.
Tom is joking, except that he isn't. He's in love with Shiv, except that he's looking at her cousin with that hint of curious desire in his eyes. Love is real and good and true, sure, except that Greg already knows better. He's not surprised or disappointed that Tom is like everyone else, he just feels a little empty, a little tired.
The game kicks off but Greg is distracted watching Tom. He's got a kind face under the bluster, and big, well manicured hands. His shoes and watch and clothes seem expensive; he's high up at Waystar, makes good money and probably has some influence. He's so aggressively masculine and straight that it practically screams 'closeted' - and he just checked Greg out. Entertained the idea of kissing him. There's a little part of Greg - maybe the Roy in him, now that he thinks about it - that takes these observations and runs with them. Nothing's certain yet, obviously, but there could be an angle here, a way to get in.
Greg may not believe in love or any other fairytale stuff like that - but he does believe in opportunities and tiny little strokes of luck. He doesn't have much to offer in regard to skill or charm, but apparently Tom is at least a little attracted to his physical person, and that could come in very useful.
Tom told him to not fucking bother if he ever needed help, but it was him who specifically sought Greg out. It was him who looked at Greg like he was imagining what he looks like under his clothes - so, Greg might be able to squeeze some help out of this man after all. God knows he'll need it to find his footing with this family and to secure a place for himself at the company. He makes a mental note to seek Tom out later, in private, just to see what might happen.