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scar, she’s dead
you won
those words ring through scars head as he awakens on hermitcraft, in his cozy sheets, with no blood or gunpowder under his fingernails. the phantom feeling of it sticks, but he looks down to check and sees nothing but clean hands. the respawn did that, he thinks.
he stays in his cocoon, in the darkness of his base, and he thinks. he remembers the whole game, up until he hit that succeed button and won. he remembers grian, then, as clear as day in his minds eye. he remembers the first day, on a camels back in a desert with him. he remembers his joke about getting a monopoly on cacti, and feels the dread of nostalgia wash over him.
monopoly. getting a monopoly, with grian.
he remembers sand stuck to his skin, bare back facing the sun as plants cacti in the sand. he remembers the feeling of bloodlust, red and all consuming, washing over him in waves. he remembers grian, framed by the sun behind him, giving him a halo like an angel. he remembers voicing the thought to the man, that he looks angelic. grian laughs him off. he remembers sleeping at night, warm skin pressed against his, preserving their warmth in the night. he remembers soft kisses before bed, to wean off the stress of day. he remembers more nights without than he does with, grian absent for the night. he remembers grian often forfeiting sleep in favour of getting ahead.
he remembers grian, sad and bloody in a ring of cacti. he remembers the joy he felt, that he could sacrifice himself for grian. everything for grian.
oh fuck.
he shoots up and out of bed, equipping his elytra and shooting himself over to grians base as fast as the wind can take him. he lands with a jolt, running inside to find the man.
“grian? you around here?”
“…scar? we just got back, how are you up so quickly?”
grian has a good point, hes certainly still exhausted. thankfully adrenaline beats out exhaustion any day, so scar doesn’t even know how hard he’ll crash as soon as he’s finished his mission. scar finds grian sitting in his bed, which is squirrelled away in a corner of his base, wrapped in several blankets and trying his best to eat the meal in front of him.
scar runs over to him, sitting across from him on the bed. he gently moves the bowl of soup to the side before tugging grian into his arms, burying grians head in his shoulder. grian is only slightly confused, but he wants the affection, so he snuggles into the unexpected hug.
“scar, not that i’m mad or anything, but why the hug?”
“i get it now, grian. i didn’t before, but i got it! i forgive you!”
grian is now infinitely more confused.
“forgive me for what? i’m lost.”
“the games. i remember them! all of them! you were so sad after the first one, you’d hardly look at me! and you tell me all the time that you’re okay, but i know you aren’t! and now i know why! i forgive you, i love you so much! i always have!”
grian is absolutely not going to cry about this. he just snuggles closer, pressing his face into scar’s neck, for absolutely no reason.
“you remember the first game?”
“yeah, i wanted you to win. i remember it now! you were so sad, you just kept apologizing, but i didn’t want to win any more than you did! man if only i’d know you’d remember it but i wouldn’t, i would’ve tried harder to win! you didn’t deserve to carry all that on your own!”
grian is certainly crying now, scar can feel the way his lungs heave for air under his arms.
“you wouldn’t deserve to carry that on your own either…”
“neither of us would deserve it! that’s the point! i love you so much, g.”
“you mean it? you love me still?”
scar almost laughs at that, grian is so silly sometimes.
“of course i still love you, i’ve said it only a million bajillion times now, haven’t i?”
“i guess so. i love you too.”
the conversation peters out from there, the two of them still tired from the respawn. they snuggle in together, arms wrapped around each other and blankets pulled up over them to keep them warm. it’s quiet, and it’s nice, and even though they can feel the phantom itch of sand stuck to their sheets, they know it isn’t really there.
and of course, grian knows that this moment won’t heal the hurt he feels, he will still come out of this pained by the memory of killing the man he loves most, but he feels lighter knowing the burden of remembering isn’t solely his anymore.