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Dejun carefully placed the soup in the picnic basket alongside some bread, smiling to himself. He couldn’t wait to walk hand in hand with Yangyang at their favourite park. He couldn’t wait for him to try the delicious soup he always loves. He couldn’t wait to be with Yangyang, his favourite person in his favourite place.
Yangyang had prepared something special , instructing Dejun to not open the other half of the basket. Nervousness shackled his bones but he couldn’t wait to see the latter’s sparkly eyes and his cherry lips utter the word “Yes”. Dejun. The only one in his life ever. No one had come close as much as he did. They became the bestest of friends in the orphanage and became closer from there.
Inseparable is how their other friends described them.
Stuck like glue .
He wouldn’t have it any other way.
They wouldn’t have it any other way.
“Dejunnie!” Yangyang shouts from the car.
“Coming, coming!”
“After you.” Yangyang says smirking as he opens the passenger door.
“My my what a gentleman.” Xiaojun gasps as he dramatically places a hand on his chest fluttering his eyelashes, cherry lips stretched into a smile.
Giggles followed right after with Dejun cutely covering his mouth with the palm of his hand. The sound was music to Yangyang’s ears and he loved the little habit his lover had whilst laughing.
The cutest thing in the entire world.
Yangyang carefully placed the picnic basket into the back of the car making sure it stays stable with the soup and his special surprise.
The streets were almost always quiet, hardly any cars , no chaos. Yet Yangyang was ever so cautious of the road like it was alive and well, moving his eyes everywhere like a hawk even when singing along to Dejun and his favourite song.
“I don’t want no one but you I don’t want no one but you.”
Dejun’s voice was like honey . Yangyang could listen to it all day. Their voices together matched in perfect harmony.
As they approached closer and closer it seemed the roads got busier. They continued their singing whilst making sure they were extra cautious on their journey today.
All seemed well as they approached the space.
That is until a car uncontrollably swerved their way.
Yangyang had moved too late .
On instinct he had one hand trying to stop Dejun from getting any of the damage as their car was going astray. He tried his best.
Fate had other ideas.
The car tipped right over into their favorite spot. The spot where they should have been eating soup. Dipping the bread. The spot where Yangyang was going to propose. Their favorite spot.
Yangyang tried to keep consciousness as he lifted his head weakly to see Dejun unconscious.
Bleeding.
“Dejun, Dejunnie.” Yangyang could barely choke out.
He reached out, interlocking their hands together.
Unable to move .
For a slight second he saw Dejun’s eyes fall open again.
Just slightly .
Before they fell again along with his own eyes.
-
Yangyang woke up to blurry hospital lights.
Hospital?
Why was he in a hospital?
Where was Dejun?
Thoughts raced to his mind not realising he had company.
“Yangyang? Yangyang! You’re awake.”
That wasn’t Dejun’s voice.
Ten?
Hendery?
He became aware of his surroundings, completely clueless of what was going on still.
“Where’s Dejun?”
Staring.
They just stare at him.
Hendery starts to speak before Ten stops him.
“He wanted to make sure things were ready when you came home!” Ten smiles.
He ushers Hendery to go get a doctor to alert them of Yangyang’s consciousness.
“You were out for like 3 days. We were all worried sick. We had to calm Dejun down and tell him to make your favorite. His special soup.” Ten rambles as he takes out a pot looking suspiciously nervous.
Ten holds out a spoon to Yangyang’s mouth to tastes a little.
Something felt..off.
“This isn’t-it doesn’t really taste like Dejun’s usual soup but I suppose he was too worried. It’s still good. It’s Dejun’s after all.” Yangyang shrugs happily.
“Hold on only one spoon, the doctor needs to run some checks.” Ten smiles softly.
The doctor ran the checks needed with Yangyang still confused as ever.
He just wanted to see Dejun.
Those soft sparkly eyes and his sweet giggles.
Soon he was ready to go home, still wondering why Dejun hadn’t come to see him.
Maybe the rest didn’t want him to stress out so much.
He’s probably waiting looking cuter than ever.
He had finally arrived. He ran to the door, face aching with his non stop laughter and smiles.
The door was already open.
There he stood in their kitchen concentrating on the soup.
He turned as he noticed Yangyang’s arrival, soft smile upon his face. Sparkly eyes. Exactly how Yangyang always thought of him.
“Dejunnie!”
He runs into his arms. Dejun doesn’t say a word but wraps his arms around him.
Comforting.
Warm.
“Why aren’t you saying anything hmm?” Yangyang pokes at his nose and sees a silent giggle fall upon his face.”
“Yangyang what are-“ Ten nudges Hendery again.
“He uhh lost his voice from crying.” Ten quickly covers up the tracks.
“Oh poor baby.” Yangyang cups Dejun’s face in his hands and gives him a gentle kiss.
-
Ten paces back and forth.
The doctor warned this would happen.
It was bad .
“I think we need to tell him. Things are going too far. He really thinks he’s alive.” Hendery says head in hands.
“Are you crazy? The doctor said we might lose him too .”
“Ease into it gently. The doctor also said not to let it go so far.”
-
A week had passed.
Dejun still couldn’t speak but that didn’t matter for Yangyang. His presence alone was comforting . They- He had talked all week about going to the park again. Dejun shook his head but Yangyang insisted. They had made soup but it still wasn't how Dejun would usually make his soup. It was okay though since it was Dejun’s. Ten also helped. He didn’t know why he and Hendery were here a lot more but the more the merrier.
As they hopped into Ten’s car to go, Hendery was causing a fuss about something.
Something about someone not being here?
Yangyang shook his head, turning his attention to Dejun and his sweet smile.
As they drove by an unfamiliar graveyard just before their favorite park, Yangyang had a sinking feeling.
Why did it catch his attention now and not before?
He shook it off as he looked back at Dejun, still silent as ever.
Ten and Hendery looked in unison.
They had to tell him soon.
-
Everyone looked at him crazy in the park.
Everyone looked as if he was talking to thin air playing around and feeding nothing.
Yangyang hadn’t paid any mind. Dejun was in front of his eyes after all and nothing mattered.
Ten and Hendery were just standing next to a specific tree watching over them like babysitters. They looked concerned. Again Yangyang didn’t pay any mind. Dejun was here .
-
Dejun hadn’t said a word yet. Yangyang was caressing his face ever so gently, brushing his hair aside. The sight of him was enough. He didn’t need to say anything.
“Surely your throat would be better by now hmm?”
“Wake up my love.”
“I am awake Dejunnie?” Yangyang’s brows furrowed together.
“Wake up Yangyang.”
Blood .
Blood gushing from his head and eyes stained the bed. Bruises covered his once unblemished face. Stomach also bleeding out.
“WAKE UP!”
Yangyang shook with fear. Unable to move. Breathing heavy. Dejun grabbed on his neck, choking him. Yangyang just let him.
This wasn’t real.
This wasn’t real .
“Yangyang wake up!”
Ten was shaking him.
“Wh-What happened?” Yangyang could barely rasp out.
“You were shaking and your breathing went crazy.” Ten sighed out.
“Where’s Dejun?” Yangyang pats the empty space.
“Where’s Dejun?” Impatient for an answer.
“I think-I think it’s time we tell you.”
“Tell me what?”
Hendery arrives. They both look a mix of upset and worried.
“I need you to relax and be calm whilst I say this.”
Ten told him everything.
How there had been a car crash which injured both him and Dejun. How Dejun was with him in the hospital holding his hand whilst he lay in his own hospital bed hoping Yangyang would wake up. How he had opened his eyes just a crack before falling unconscious again and the hope that had instilled in Dejun holding him tight never wanting to let go. How he had a ring prepared. How he kissed him and his hands, holding him tightly watching and waiting. How Dejun had fallen unconscious right after and his heartbeat dropped. He had died of internal bleeding just hours before Yangyang fully woke up.
He had died?
No.
When Yangyang wanted to speak, Hendery urged him to stay calm. To breathe.
Ten had told him that the doctor had warned this would happen. How he’d forget and hallucinate. When he came through the house they wanted to show Dejun to him where he was peacefully laid into the casket. Instead Yangyang had gone and scooped the deceased body against his own in his arms, stroking the face while talking to him. How the soup he tasted at the hospital and home was never Dejun’s. How at the park he was talking to nothing, holding a frame of Xiaojun and him in his arms.
No.
No.
This wasn’t true.
Yangyang ran. He ran straight out pushing them both. He didn’t know where he was going whilst yelling Dejun’s name driving carelessly. He needed to stop. Breathe. He had stopped right in front of a graveyard. The graveyard that made his stomach sink before. He moved before his brain could think.
“Dejun. Dejunnie!” Yangyang yelled, getting soaked in the rain.
He let his feet guide him. He froze at a certain stone. Dejun’s name was carved in the headstone. The date, everything was there. It all flew back to him. That day, the plans and the crash. He dug. He dug through the wet dirt sobbing his lover’s name. Arms restrained him, telling him to stop. He yelled. He yelled and yelled till he couldn’t anymore.
-
Yangyang woke up confused as ever. He saw Hendery and Ten by his side. Oh. He just remembered the reality. Dejun was dead. The one thing he loved most deep underground.
“I wanted to give this to you.” Ten’s voice cracked as he handed Yangyang a couple of red velvet boxes.
Yangyang held them in his hand to his chest. His heart. Dejun was going to propose to Yangyang at the same time. Yangyang wore his ring, placing it on his finger. Each moment made his heart crack even more than it already had been. He looked at the ring he wanted Dejun to wear as he smiled and hugged him wrapping his arms around his neck whilst he picked him up by his waist spinning him. How fate should have been.
“I want to visit him now.” Yangyang’s voice barely above a whisper.
“I don’t think you’re ready now. I need you to rest. We can go tomorrow and you can get anything you want ready.”
-
Yangyang dropped to his knees letting tears flow freely soaking his best suit, staring soullessly at the engraving on the stone. He looked at his ring and the one in the box forever waiting to be rightfully placed on Dejun’s finger. Oh how he wished he could be hand in hand placing gentle kisses.
He kissed the gravestone and placed the ring amongst the flowers and soup. He gently placed the picture of Dejun and him from the last time they went to the park together on his lap. The very last time with Dejun’s real presence. He sat next to the stone and ate the soup with bread. It wasn’t quite how Dejun made it. He couldn’t quite perfect the recipe. He'd get there someday. Dejun was part of him. A part of his heart. He wouldn’t function if he wasn’t with him. A significant piece forever and always.
Yangyang smiled as he felt a warmth surrounding him and a little weight on his shoulder. He felt an air breeze amongst his neck.
He whispered softly, sensing a presence.
Him.
He couldn’t see him but he could feel him.
That’s what mattered.
In this life and the afterlife forever and always Dejunnie.
No one but you.
With that Yangyang passed out lying his head on the stone, Dejun’s favourite things, The frame of them together on his lap and Dejun himself surrounding him with comfort and peace.