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Almost everything about the scene is familiar. The infirmary on the Thousand Sunny, with its single bed and pristinely organized medical equipment. Chopper's stool, placed just beside the bed's headboard, his desk chair slightly askew and his notes open to whatever page he was studying last. The sun is shining through the window, signaling that it’s still daylight out. Zoro, head pounding and body covered in wrappings, laying on the bed with his swords resting on the wall next to him.
Zoro is used to waking up like this, used to the aches and pains of having just finished an intense fight that left him injured and bedridden. Being the first mate of a captain who is as crazy as Luffy leads to this exact scene startlingly often. Zoro furrows his brow, flutters his eyes open, and turns his head despite the shooting pain that the action causes.
Because there’s one thing that’s unfamiliar. One difference from his usual waking up from a coma routine. Sometimes Chopper is there, checking on him and startled when he’s awake. Sometimes Luffy is in the room, sleeping in a chair while leaning on his bed, or eating some food that was no doubt left for Zoro himself lest he wake up. Sometimes it’s the middle of the night when he wakes up. There are small changes, but otherwise it’s typically the same. This change is notable in its monumentality.
Someone is holding Zoro's right hand, between two closed fists.
No, not just someone.
Sanji.
“Curly?” Zoro manages, his voice rough due to a mixture of his injuries and disuse. His throat aches, like he hasn’t had water in days.
Sanji startles, whips his head towards Zoro, and promptly begins crying.
Everything about this is wrong, and Zoro can’t figure out why. He can’t remember why he’s even in the infirmary anyways, can’t remember anything that could’ve led to this. It’s not often that he forgets why he’s injured, but it’s annoying. Especially when whatever happened leads to Sanji at his side, holding his hand, and crying from presumed relief at his being awake.
“Zoro, you’re finally awake! How do you feel- that’s a stupid question. I’ll get Chopper right away-“ Sanji starts, but the use of Zoro’s first name has Zoro flinching like he’s been stabbed.
Finally able to move his muscles, Zoro rips his hand out of Sanji’s grip. Whatever the cook is so stressed about does not mean he gets to pretend like their dynamic is one of worrying by bedsides and holding hands. They show their concern for each other in less touchy ways. Unless you count fighting, but there’s nothing tender about their fights.
Sanji stares down at his own newly emptied hands for a second, apparently stunned into silence, before turning back towards Zoro’s face.
“Oh, um,” Sanji mutters, before standing up and shoving his hands into his pockets. He glances at Zoro one more time, confused hurt evident on his face, before walking towards the door. Most likely getting Chopper, as promised.
He’s walking with a limp. And parts of his arms had been wrapped in bandages as well. Whatever got Zoro got Sanji too, although evidently not as severely. Zoro scowls, annoyed that the cook beat him in that regard. Whatever it was, Zoro must’ve been fighting for longer, otherwise Sanji would’ve been in the same state if not worse.
“I’ll just- Chopper should still be eating,” Sanji mutters, leaving Zoro alone.
Zoro grunts in response, despite Sanji already being gone. With great effort, he hoists himself up into a sitting position and pulls the blankets aside to survey the state of himself.
He’s practically more bandage than human. He can feel the wrapping on his head, as well as the pounding of a headache, so that probably explains the memory issues. His torso is wrapped, along with both of his arms and especially hands. He can see quite a lot of dried blood on the bandages covering his hands, so they must’ve gotten especially damaged. His legs are relatively unharmed, aside from his ankles and heels. He feels like shit.
Chopper bursts in, followed by Sanji, who puts out a cigarette before entering the infirmary. He’s not allowed to smoke in here, of course.
“Zoro! Why are you sitting up? Just because you’re awake doesn’t mean you have the energy to do anything, you have to rest!” Chopper scolds immediately, hopping up onto his stool to begin checking Zoro in earnest.
Zoro ignores him. This is familiar.
Why is Sanji back? He should be off doing whatever he does in his spare time now. Obsessively cleaning, obsessively planning meals, making snacks, anything else. Why would he have come back to check on Zoro with Chopper? Why was he here at all?
Sanji feels eyes on him. He turns to make eye contact, his face flushing when he does.
“What’re you doing here, cook?” Zoro asks, deciding to be direct.
The flush gets worse. The tips of Sanji’s ears are so red it’s distracting. Zoro feels like this sight is familiar, but he can’t place why.
“I just wanted to make sure you were okay… and to thank you,” The cook responds, picking at a thread of his hoodie like he’s nervous or something.
“What’s it matter to you?” Zoro says, angry that he can’t make heads nor tails of the situation. He hates being this confused. He hates knowing less than everyone else about something concerning himself. Stupid head injuries and their stupid consequences.
Sanji looks hurt again, and it doesn’t make any damn sense.
“Zoro, I-“
“Stop calling me that! What’s going on?” Zoro erupts, interrupting whatever Sanji was about to say. Chopper stops poking and prodding, apparently startled by the outburst.
Sanji frowns, hesitates, and then stops attempting to speak altogether. It’s annoying! Sanji is supposed to argue back, call him Marimo, mosshead, grass, brute, anything but Zoro. Zoro can’t handle the way Sanji saying his name makes him feel. The two of them don’t do names, ever.
“Why am I here, what happened? Is everyone else okay?” Zoro directs his question at Chopper. Sanji was injured too, it’s a high likelihood that they’re not the only two.
“Zoro, how much do you remember?” Chopper asks, voice hesitant and concerned. Sanji gasps, but when Zoro looks towards him he’s looking down, hand over his mouth. He looks terrified.
“I don’t remember anything,” Zoro states, feeling helpless and lost, “last I remember we were nearing a new island, and it was uninhabited. Something about it being a winter island? Nami was yelling about it but then Luffy got distracted by snacks and shouted over her. Did we get into a fight on that island?”
Zoro doesn’t turn back towards Chopper. Sanji’s hands are shaking.
“You don’t… remember anything?” Sanji says, voice quiet like he didn’t mean to say the words out loud.
“Nothing,” Zoro responds, and Chopper starts raving and ranting about head injuries, asking him questions and explaining some tests he wants to run. All the while, Zoro watches Sanji.
The cook won’t look at him. His hands are still shaking, but he puts them back into his pockets. He fiddles around for a second, pulling out a cigarette and a lighter like he intends to smoke in here, before he visibly realizes he can’t. With one last glance towards Zoro, Sanji leaves. His eyes look haunted, and Zoro needs to remember what happened.
—
Everybody else is acting normal, aside from the few worried glances his way when he grunts in pain, forgetting not to overexert himself. Nobody else is injured, either. So whatever happened only happened to himself and Sanji. Which is even more annoying, considering anybody else would’ve told him what happened. Trying to ask Sanji about things he doesn’t feel like talking about is like pulling teeth.
So far, the two times he’s attempted asking have both resulted in insults, and then getting ignored. He says if Zoro wanted to know he should’ve just remembered on his own. Which is stupid, because it’s not as though Zoro purposefully forgot.
Normally it wouldn’t bother him this much. Normally if he forgot he would just continue about his life, get as much information out of the crew as possible, and then stop caring. But whatever happened this time is driving Sanji insane. Not only the hand holding and crying when Zoro first woke up, he keeps staring at Zoro when he thinks he isn’t paying attention. He turns red when they make eye contact for too long. He keeps preparing extra onigiri every meal, despite being clearly mad at Zoro.
Zoro decides to try and figure out if someone else knows why he’s being like this, even though they weren’t there for whatever happened. Maybe Sanji told them.
His best bet would be Nami or Robin, and he’s not in the mood to try and decipher Robin's riddles and “sage advice”, so he goes to Nami first. Especially considering she’d probably be more willing to try and parse Sanji’s thoughts and feelings, always ready to gossip about people.
Unfortunately, it’s as if Nami is avoiding him too. She’s always either busy or with the cook. Zoro can’t very well ask Nami what Sanji's deal is within earshot of him. Zoro only manages to track her down when Sanji is distracted cleaning the kitchen after Luffy managed to get into the fridge. (he won’t tell anyone who left the fridge unlocked; not unless he wants to get in any more trouble) Nami is working on her maps in the library where not many others spend much time besides Robin, so it’s his safest bet.
When he stomps up to her, she’s making a face and resolutely staring down at her paper, so Zoro knows she knows. Which means she has been avoiding him.
“Nami,” Zoro starts, not entirely sure how to approach this, but Nami interrupts before Zoro can start questioning her.
“Not happening Zoro, I hardly know any more than you do,” Nami says, only glancing up once before turning back to her map.
Zoro sighs, sitting down across from her. At this Nami finally stops trying to avoid any conversation and drops her pencil.
“Can you at least tell me about that island?” Zoro tries, figuring she’ll let some detail slip about what happened once she goes into detail about the island itself.
Nami hums, “I didn’t get to see much of it actually. It was a winter island, uninhabited… supposedly. I guess it was just that nobody who’d gone there had ever left before. Or at the very least left with their memories intact- before you start down that path, no. Your memory issues are your own and have nothing to do with the island. Probably,” she says, tapping her fingers rhythmically on the desk.
“Wait wait,” Zoro frowns, “so it wasn’t deserted? Who was there?”
“I didn’t get to see! Only you and Sanji actually interacted with anyone on the island. Sanji’s keeping a tight lip about it all, and you’re useless to ask since you can’t remember a thing,” Nami answers, even though Zoro knows Sanji’s “tight lip” must be for everyone but her. He probably won’t get more answers out of her than that though. At least now he knows that nobody else knows anything, so his only bet is getting it out of the cook. Which is the worst case scenario.
—
Zoro is.. not sure where he is. One second he and the cook were racing to see who could find some animal to cook first on the new island they docked at, the next Zoro was lying face down on a cold dungeon floor. At first he assumed he had been captured or something, but upon standing up he realized he’s not behind bars or anything. Just in a random empty dungeon.
With nothing to do but try to find a way out, Zoro begins walking.
Somehow after thirty minutes of walking, Zoro ends up in the same place. Despite the stairs he’s been going up and down, which must mean that the stupid hallways are moving around. Zoro hates stupid buildings that move like this.
Just as Zoro is about to pull out his swords and start busting through the walls, he passes by another cell and hears a gasp. Suddenly on guard, Zoro turns his head towards the noise and reaches for his swords, but stops himself at the sight before him. In the cell at the very end of the hallway there are two figures.
The cell itself looks like it’s seen better days. There’s no window, and the walls don’t look like they've been cleaned since the dungeon got built. There’s a tiny bed in one corner, covered in a threadbare blanket, and the flattest pillow Zoro has ever seen. There’s a toilet in the other corner, and at least that looks clean. There’s a tiny table and chair that has been set up like a fancy table with a tablecloth and everything. Sitting at the table is a small child, way too small to be here alone. He has a giant metal thing on his head, like a helmet. It weighs his head down as he eats.
He’s not the one who gasped.
Sitting on the floor behind the kid, Zoro sees Sanji. He looks startled and terrified.
“Cook? What’re you doing there? Who’s this kid?” Zoro asks, and Sanji stands. The kid doesn’t acknowledge Zoro at all, not even after he’s spoken. He doesn’t turn to Sanji at the noise of shuffling either. He just keeps eating, bite after bite, rhythmic motion that seems to be familiar.
“What are you doing here?!” Sanji demands, sounding well and truly pissed, “you weren’t supposed to be within radius of it! Why do you always have to get lost and end up where you’re not supposed to be?”
Zoro frowns. Sanji doesn’t usually get this serious about things unless he’s really upset. Zoro isn’t sure how to deal with this properly, aside from his tried and true method of losing his own cool and getting mad right back at him.
“What the hell are you talking about? What radius? Do you know where we are, who that kid is?” Zoro is about to ask why Sanji hasn’t simply kicked the bars of the cell out of his way, rather than sit here in this dirty room. Before he can get the words out, Sanji walks fully through the bars as if they’re not there.
Sanji is mumbling something along the lines of “stupid mosshead” under his breath as he approaches, and instead of answering any of Zoro’s questions he grabs Zoro by the wrist and begins tugging him up the stairs.
Zoro struggles out of the hold a few steps in, remembering himself.
“Wh- Cook! Just answer the damn questions!” He demands, truly shouting now. A glance behind himself confirms that the child still hasn’t acknowledged their presence whatsoever.
Sanji visibly deflates.
“Just- ugh!” His hands move jerkily into the air as if he was reaching for his hair, but he aborts the motion before he completes it, dropping his hands down to his sides, “there was… a Devil Fruit user on the island. It wasn’t uninhabited like Nami thought- I ran into them and they used their power on me. I guess you got caught in the crossfire.”
Zoro assumes there’s more to it than that, but he isn’t sure what Sanji could be hiding. Zoro nods, but doesn’t keep walking like Sanji clearly wants him to.
“So who’s the kid? Someone else that got ‘caught in the crossfire’? Don’t tell me you want to leave him here, he looked like he was a zombie. This is no place for a kid,” Zoro says, and Sanji finally turns to look at him again. His expression is… unnerving. He looks like he’s seen a ghost. Haunted would be the appropriate word to use.
“It isn’t,” Sanji whispers, but before he can continue they’re interrupted by the sounds of multiple people coming down the stairs. Sanji gasps like he did before, and his expression turns to one of panic. He grabs Zoro’s wrist again, much harder than before, and pulls him back into motion up the stairs.
“What-“ Zoro doesn’t get to ask his question before he sees the source of the footsteps. Three little boys, all identical besides their different hair colours and styles. One of them has green hair like Zoro, although much brighter and unnatural looking. The other two are red and blue. Most startlingly, they each have the same eyebrow as Sanji, curled on one end. Although theirs face the opposite way that Sanji’s does.
None of them acknowledge the two adults, just continue walking down the stairs and laughing to themselves. Zoro gets a bad vibe from them, somehow. Despite them being children, seemingly not much older than the kid down in the cell. Maybe they’re here to try and rescue him? It doesn’t seem likely, their laughter rings like taunting.
“Who are they?” Zoro asks, but Sanji ignores him and keeps pulling him up the stairs. As the two groups approach each other, none of them seem like they’ll be the ones to stop. Zoro isn’t sure why Sanji is so determined to walk into these kids, but he won’t do it along with him. He manages to rip his arm out of hold again, just as they’re about to collide.
Instead of the collision though, the three boys run right through Sanji’s body as if he’s not there. It looks exactly like it did when Sanji walked through the bars earlier.
“Look, Moss, just. Just ignore it okay!” Sanji says, as he begins walking again. Zoro follows in line because Sanji is the only one who can answer his questions, even though it seems like he doesn’t want to.
“I can’t ignore it. I need to know what’s going on so that I can help us get out of here,” Zoro proclaims, more earnestly than he intended it to be.
Sanji pulls out a cigarette from his pocket and lights it, likely trying to bide his time so that he doesn’t have to meet Zoro’s honesty with honesty of his own just yet.
After taking a drag and exhaling slowly, Sanji is finally out of options but to start talking.
“The devil fruit user. Their powers have to do with memories, I’m not sure the specifics. They came to me in the form of someone from my past… so that got my guard down. Now we’re…” Sanji pauses for a while, clearly trying to convince himself to say whatever he’s trying to say, “we’re in my memories.”
As if on a cue for the most dramatic timing ever, the screams and crying begin from downstairs. Right from where the cell was. Where those three boys who looked like Sanji were headed, where that little boy with the helmet too big was sitting like he was hardly alive. The boy was blond, now that Zoro is connecting the dots.
Sanji flinches at the noise, but he doesn’t turn in the direction they come from. Like he can’t face it.
“Oh,” Zoro says dumbly, and Sanji’s hands finally reach his hair. Zoro can only watch in mute horror as realizations begin to dawn on him. The crying doesn’t stop, and the laughter doesn’t either. Sanji, the Sanji on the stairs up here, tugs on his hair in clear stress. Zoro is frozen in indecision.
—
Zoro wakes up with a headache far earlier than he’s usually awake. It’s still dark out, early enough that the sun still hasn’t come out. He’s thoroughly confused by the dream, it’s nothing like anything he’s dreamed of before. Zoro wonders if it’s actually a memory, bits of whatever happened to him coming back while he’s unconscious. If that’s true then…
“Wh- are you awake? You should be getting rest.”
Zoro turns his head towards Sanji, not surprised to see the cook getting out of his own hammock. He’s known that Sanji gets up absurdly early to start his daily chores and breakfast preparation since they started sailing together, but it’s extremely rare that Zoro is also up this early. Zoro prefers to stay up into the night to stand watch and then sleep in a little bit longer in the morning, waking up when breakfast is ready like most of the rest of the crew.
There’s no way Zoro is going back to bed now. He grunts in response and then climbs out of his own hammock, intending to follow the cook out of the bunk room to try and get some answers on the new questions he has.
Sanji seems content to let this happen, for the most part. He simply gives Zoro a weird look and then continues about, not acknowledging that Zoro is following him. At least not until they make it into the galley and Zoro is still following him.
“What are you doing, Mosshead?” He finally caves, just as Zoro leans against the counter a few feet away from Sanji, who’s pulling out a notebook Zoro recognizes as his most recent recipe/meal planning book added to his collection.
“I need some answers,” Zoro responds, crossing his arms. Sanji’s mood instantly darkens, and he glares at Zoro through his hair.
“Well you-“ Zoro doesn’t let him get the words out, this time.
“I should’ve bothered to remember, yeah yeah. But I think I did remember a little bit. Last night, while I was sleeping,” Zoro starts, and Sanji drops his book onto the counter and whirls around to face him.
“Wait- you remembered?” Sanji asks, looking simultaneously worried and hopeful. It’s a strange look on him.
“I think? Only a tiny bit. We landed on the island, and then you got attacked by a devil fruit user and we got put in your memories. That’s the extent of it,” Zoro explains, hoping that his dream was a memory and not just a random thing his brain made up. If that’s not what happened Sanji is going to make fun of him for sure.
Sanji frowns again, and his hands move to wrap around himself as his shoulders drop. He looks vulnerable like this, Zoro thinks.
“What- uh,” the hesitation is another sign that whatever Zoro remembered last night was probably real. If that kid was Sanji, then it’s a pretty shitty part of Sanji’s life that Zoro accidentally snooped in on, “what do you remember about.. the memories..?”
It’s Zoro’s turn to frown. He doesn’t really want to recount what he remembered, actually. It feels shitty to do that to Sanji when he already seems upset.
“Just.. the beginning. With the uh… multi coloured haired kids,” he assumes brothers, based on appearance, but he doesn’t want to say it out loud in case it’s wrong. Or upsetting. Sanji has never mentioned any sort of family, other than Zeff. Zoro is going out on a limb to say that maybe Zeff isn’t his biological father like everyone had assumed. Zeff was way too good of a man to have ever let Sanji be in that situation.
Sanji’s hands are shaking. He’s gripping his own arms so hard his fingers are turning white, and Zoro wishes he could just stop it. He wants to have never brought this up in the first place.
“Right. So you had… questions…” Sanji says, voice dark and without emotion. Zoro really just wants to go back to the bunk room and ignore his memory coming back. Or rather, the beginnings of a memory. He really didn’t gain much.
“Uh, yeah. I just wanted to know if that was actually what happened or not. So. Thanks,” Zoro cringes at this. What is even going on right now. Zoro has never thanked Sanji before, especially not for something this stupid. He’s all out of whack, trying to balance this new revelation with his perception of Sanji up until now. He isn’t sure what he’s allowed to say or not. He’s never been worried about saying the wrong thing to Sanji before.
Damn it. He refuses to let himself get swept up in all of this. He shouldn’t treat Sanji any differently.
“What. Did you just-“ Sanji starts, sounding incredulous.
“Never mind. I’m thirsty, gimme some booze,” Zoro says, peeling himself away from the counter and heading towards the cabinet.
Sanji unfreezes, stomping up in front of him, “not happening, Moss! You’re still in recovery and Chopper said no alcohol!”
“Like hell that's going to stop me,” Zoro declares, quickly stepping around Sanji. Like always, Sanji manages to turn and trip Zoro fast enough. Also like always, Zoro catches himself and continues, thus beginning their chase towards where Zoro knows Sanji keeps the good liquor. Once again, Sanji “wins” and prevents Zoro from getting the truly good stuff, but Zoro knows where Sanji hides the extra stuff he buys just for Zoro to find and “steal”.
Sanji’s mood improves after this familiar argument.
–
Zoro doesn’t remember anything else, not even in his dreams, like the other night. It’s been a week since then, and it’s frustrating Zoro more than it should. It’s just… Sanji’s mood doesn’t improve. He keeps flip flopping from being genuinely mad at Zoro to… well. Zoro would describe it as soft.
It’s against Zoro’s very nature to describe the cook as soft. Sure, he’s all flowers and sunshine and wavy hair and big blue eyes, but Zoro knows the cook under all that. The one with a short fuse, who loves arguing even though that hardly makes sense. He’s sharp like a glare, rather than the edge of a knife. The way he’s been acting towards Zoro feels more like the morning after a storm, like a touch to the shoulder in silent apology and comradery. Like their dynamic changed irrevocably and Zoro just doesn’t remember.
It’s unnerving. It’s frustrating.
It’s pissing Zoro off that he got here and doesn’t know how or why. It’s what he’s been yearning for, under all the fighting and arguments. It’s the silent moments of peace between them as they do the dishes or drink together at the end of a party when everyone else has passed out or gone to bed, except tenfold, except it’s not just the two of them alone.
Sanji passes by Zoro and taps a hand to his shoulder for no reason but to touch him, and Usopp gives them a weird look. Sanji smiles at Zoro as he passes him a plate of whatever meal he’s serving, and Nami snorts at them. Sanji turns towards Zoro when he’s laughing at some nonsense the crew did, sharing the joyful moment with him rather than anyone else, and Robin gives them a knowing smirk.
It’s maddening.
Why is Sanji being soft at him?
He still won’t answer questions. At least he’s not attacking Zoro for asking anymore, but he still gets irate whenever Zoro tries. The longer it goes on with Zoro still not remembering any more than that first night, the more desperate Zoro feels to find out more.
When Sanji isn’t being uncharacteristically nice, he’s being extra rude. It’s like he remembers that Zoro doesn’t know why he’s doing all this and over-corrects, or like he’s so frustrated by Zoro not reciprocating this new dynamic that he takes it out on him. They fight, they argue, sure, but it’s not supposed to be this serious. It’s like Sanji thinks he needs to be on the defense when Zoro isn’t even on the offense.
He kicks Zoro out of his kitchen by force before even letting Zoro talk, he makes Usopp bring Zoro his afternoon snack rather than giving it to him himself as he usually does, he even left Zoro behind on an island they briefly docked at to do his shopping on his own. That one particularly hurt. Zoro may put up a fuss about how much being a pack mule annoys him, but he actually values that time with Sanji, listens to his every word as he explains every ingredient he buys and what he could use them for. Watching Sanji in his natural element is enchanting.
It’s weird, how Zoro is the one who doesn’t remember and yet he’s the only one acting normal between them. At least Sanji stopped calling him by his name.
Zoro thinks himself in circles trying to wrap his mind around all of this, day after day, and doesn’t get any closer to figuring it out. He needs to stop stressing himself out with all of this. Either he remembers or he doesn’t, and Sanji’s new attitude can be… normalized. He just has to recognize that this is the new way Sanji is around him, and deal.
Zoro, wanting to reset in a way, decides he needs a place to mediate and get his mind off of everything in order to truly stop stressing about it. Stressing is Sanji’s thing, anyway.
Except all of Zoro’s quiet places are taken by someone, which is infuriating. It feels like the crew only spreads around like this when Zoro is in need of true quietness. Usually he can meditate while the others are around, having trained himself to do so, but every once in a while it’s impossible. He knows now will be a moment like that. His mind is too messed up right now.
Hunting for a spot that he won’t get interrupted in, Zoro heads towards the library. It’s as good a place as any, provided nobody is using it. That’s where Nami has set up her whole deal, and Robin does spend a lot of time there, so it’s not the safest bet, but he’s pretty sure he saw Robin heading down to Franky’s workshop, so all he has to worry about is if Nami is in there.
Just as he’s about to open the door, he hears her voice floating through it and curses his luck. He’s about to turn around and see if maybe Usopp's workshop is empty when he processes what Nami said, and his feet freeze in place.
“Sanji, why don’t you just tell him?”
It doesn’t take a genius to figure out who “him” is. Zoro is rooted to the spot, despite the way he starts to feel an uneasy guilt. He’s never been a fan of eavesdropping, and this is clearly a private conversation that Sanji would kill him if he found out he was listening to, but the fact that this is the closest he’s gotten to maybe getting some answers makes his feet feel heavy like lead, if he leaves right now he’ll truly know nothing.
“It’s- It’s hard…” Sanji mumbles, voice so quiet and guarded Zoro has to really strain his ears to hear the response, “I just… Well, the devil fruit it.. It exposed a lot about me, stuff that I didn’t think he’d ever find out about and then he- it just feels like… like I gave him so much of myself, and now he doesn’t remember, and I feel like I can’t breathe.”
Zoro feels his stomach drop down to his feet at this confession. Shit. He feels like the worst person alive right now, even though forgetting it all was completely out of his control.
“Sanji,” Nami says comfortingly, and Zoro has the harsh realization that Sanji must be crying.
“It’s okay Nami dear, I didn’t mean to worry you! This is good, anyways! I can go back to how things were before, and now he doesn’t know all the embarrassing stuff anymore! This is a win!” Sanji declares, voice loud and projected, in the way he always does when he realizes he’s been too vulnerable with someone and wants desperately to change the subject.
Nami asks for details on what happened exactly, which does prove that she apparently wasn’t lying when she said she only knew a surface level amount of information, but Sanji deflects fast as lightning and goes on about how he wants to prepare her a snack for letting him have a quiet, nice moment with her in between work, and he simply must leave now, so Zoro books it as fast and silently as he can away from the door, turning around to pretend he’s just started coming this way just in time as Sanji opens the door.
He looks startled to see Zoro, and Zoro has a brief moment to try and guess whether he’s soft Sanji or angry Sanji, before they’re passing each other. No insult or soft touch occurs as they walk by each other, so Zoro breathes an internal sigh of relief. Normal Sanji it is. Zoro pretends this doesn’t scare him, like it doesn’t make him feel as though Sanji is slipping through his fingers.
–
Sanji has been leading him away from the dungeons for what feels like forever. He hasn’t looked back to see if Zoro is following a single time, but that probably has more to do with the fact that he’s trying to get away from the memory as fast as possible. While Sanji clearly seems to know the layout of this castle-like structure, Zoro isn’t sure where he’s taking him. He keeps starting down certain paths, and then seemingly thinking better of it, because he’ll change direction instantly. It’s kind of annoying, really.
After what feels like eons of this, Zoro has had enough of the silent treatment.
“Oi, cook, where are we going?” he asks, for lack of anything else to say.
Sanji drops a cigarette butt on the floor and pulls out his next one instantly, which he has been doing this whole time. Zoro knows Sanji is a chain smoker, but this seems excessive. At this rate he’ll be out before the hour finishes.
“Dunno. I’m just trying to find the devil fruit user and kick their ass so we can get the fuck out of here,” Sanji responds, and Zoro can tell by his tone that he made sure to carefully speak and leave any semblance of feeling out of his voice so that Zoro can’t guess what he’s thinking.
“What did they look like, I’ll keep an eye out too,” Zoro says, glancing around like the person will randomly walk through a wall.
“Fuck!” Sanji lets out seemingly out of nowhere, rapidly turning around and changing directions again. Zoro peaks behind them as he follows, catching sight of those same multi coloured hair boys down the hall, although he doesn’t see little Sanji.
“They- It wasn’t their actual appearance, so I don’t know what they actually look like. But I remember everyone… here… so I’ll know if something is out of place. If you see someone from your memories that has no reason to be here, let me know. That’s what they did to me,” Sanji finally responds, once they’re far away enough from the boys.
“Yeah, but who? Maybe if I have a description I’ll see them first, if they appear as the same person,” Zoro argues, frustrated at Sanji’s attitude. He doesn’t seem to be looking for someone, rather he’s avoiding people.
“Mosshead! Just- Ugh!” Sanji lets out, huffing smoke out of his mouth angrily, “Whatever. It was a girl, pink hair, same- same eyebrow as those… guys,” Sanji finally lets out, gritting his teeth the entire time, “but my age. So ignore the child version. I guess.”
Zoro hasn’t seen any children with pink hair and the same eyebrow, but he takes note not to attack whatever memory version of her they may encounter. It’s not like he can affect the memories anyways, so even if he did recklessly attack the wrong figure, he’d just phase through them like Sanji’s been doing. Zoro wonders if it’s just happenstance that they haven’t seen her, or if Sanji has been avoiding her like he’s been avoiding the other three kids. Zoro doesn’t know what kind of relationship Sanji has with whoever pink hair is, but his relationship with the other ones is clearly terrible. Zoro can still hear the screams from before ringing in his ear.
“If the person's devil fruit has to do with memories, and they are in here with us, wouldn’t they be at important memories?” Zoro suggests, thinking out loud. Sanji tenses and ignores him. They continue walking in silence, for a while. Zoro isn’t sure if he should bother suggesting it again, because Sanji seems dead-set on avoiding everything they walk near.
After a while of this, Zoro almost walks into Sanji, the cook stopping so suddenly Zoro doesn’t process it in time. He’s staring at a door, identical to pretty much every other door in the hallway. And every hallway they’ve been walking through. Zoro doesn’t know how he could possibly remember what lies behind it, but judging by the abrupt stop and haunted expression on Sanji’s face, it’s important.
Zoro is about to suggest they enter, but Sanji turns around as fast as he’d stopped. Zoro assumes they’re about to do the whole ‘avoid the memory’ game again, but Sanji doesn’t keep walking. He stares down the hall, apparently waiting for something to happen.
Zoro is at a loss for what to do, unsure what kind of moment Sanji could be having here.
Always one to ask the questions he wants answers to, Zoro doesn’t hesitate much longer to ask, “What’re we stopped for, aren’t we looking for someone?”
Sanji sighs, glancing at Zoro with a complicated expression.
“Yes, but… like you said, they’re probably at important memories, right? This is…. An important one,” Sanji says, shrugging. Zoro frowns, wondering why Sanji is starting to listen now rather than when Zoro first suggested it. He’s saved from having to answer at the sight of the figure walking down the hall.
It’s little Sanji again. Except this time there’s no metal thing on his head, he’s wearing a yellow raincoat that’s drenched, holding a box of something that looks like it’s been dropped a few times. He has a patch on his cheek, a bruise on one eye, and a limp. Yet he’s grinning.
Zoro watches as little Sanji stumbles on, heading towards the door they’ve stopped in front of. Sanji crouches down to stare at himself, right up until little Sanji walks through him, before he finally stands back up and walks through the door. Helpless but to follow, Zoro does as well.
He watches from a corner, standing next to his Sanji, stunned into silence. He again feels like he’s intruding on something he was never meant to see.
There’s a lady laying in a bed in the room, and from the inside it looks more like a medical bay than a bedroom. Her face hardly has meat on it, like she’s withering away. She has long wavy blonde hair, and eyes almost as blue as Sanji’s. She’s beautiful. She must be his mother.
She’s delighted to see Sanji, whose grin grows impossibly larger.
“Oh, Sanji dear… what happened to your eye?” the lady asks, helping Sanji climb up onto the bed.
“It’s- It’s nothing, mommy! I fell! But look, I brought you this,” little Sanji responds, and Zoro internally winces at the words, instantly knowing a lie when he sees one.
The damaged box is what little Sanji is presenting, holding it up so proudly that Zoro feels his heart shattering. It’s a bento box. The kind that Sanji always makes for Luffy when he wants to explore an island. The food inside is hard to see, it’s all been shaken up and squished. Zoro peers towards his Sanji, only to find him completely entranced. He’s staring at his mother like she’s his whole world. There are tears welling up in his eyes. Zoro knows instantly what must have happened, why Sanji never talks about her despite all the love he clearly holds.
“Looks delicious! I’m so spoiled to have such a wonderful son, who brings me home cooked meals! I’ll dig in straight away!” she responds, running a hand through little Sanji’s hair. Little Sanji drops the box and pushes up into the caress, like he’s starved for any sort of soft contact.
Without thinking, Zoro jerks his arm forward, grabbing his Sanji's wrist. Sanji startles, turning towards him in alarm. Zoro pinches his face together, unsure how to explain the sudden action without making it seem like he’s pitying the cook. Sanji hesitates, before wordlessly nodding. He keeps nodding as he turns back towards the scene, keeps nodding as he slides his arm upwards, moving Zoro’s grip from his wrist to his hand.
The two of them watch, hand in hand, as Sanji’s mother eats the meal that hardly looks edible, complimenting her sons cooking all the while.
–
Zoro wakes up with a headache again, but this time it’s not as severe. His body is basically recovered by now, only still bandaged on his head and hands. His hand… feels empty. Zoro glances down at the hand that he had apparently reached out to Sanji with, with a strange feeling stirring up in his chest. He wonders again, about Sanji’s soft touches. He wonders if he started them, and Sanji was just working with what Zoro gave him. He thinks of how long Sanji kept it up, until Zoro not reciprocating whatsoever made him stop. He wonders about how much little Sanji clearly needed the contact, how rarely he must’ve experienced it. How often does adult Sanji experience soft touches? Rarely. Not enough.
Zoro didn’t catch Sanji as he was leaving this time, but he’s still up before anyone else. With a new understanding, Zoro races to get out of bed and head towards the galley before Robin wakes up for her morning tea. He needs to talk to Sanji again. He needs to touch him, in the gentle way he deserves.
Sanji is sitting at the table and writing when Zoro storms in, and he sleepily turns his head towards the door to regard Zoro, confusion and then recognition on his face. Sanji yawns but turns back towards his book, “You keep interrupting me as I’m writing new recipes. Don’t blame me if your next meal tastes weird,” Sanji mumbles, seeming more tired than he usually is. Although, Zoro doesn’t typically wake up with him so this could just be how early morning Sanji is.
“Curly,” Zoro says, and the tone of his voice must clue Sanji in, finally. He watches as the cooks back tenses, and he turns back towards Zoro, watching him approach.
“Oh,” Sanji lets out, “did you.. Remember more?”
Zoro wordlessly nods, sits down next to Sanji rather than across from him. Sanji stares at the space between them, moving his leg carefully so they’re not touching. Zoro shuffles closer, presses their knees together. Follows when Sanji tries to move away again. Sanji doesn’t move his leg after that.
“Tell me about her,” Zoro says, voice far softer than it has any right to be.
Sanji drops his pen, face scrunched up.
“I- I don’t know who-” Sanji starts, voice robotic once again, hand twitching upwards. Zoro doesn’t let Sanji grab his hair again. Whenever he does that he pulls and pulls, and Zoro doesn’t want to watch Sanji hurt himself. He grabs Sanji’s hand in his own, finally getting rid of the feeling that has followed him since he woke up, that his hand was empty of something. Sanji’s hand twitches again, but he lets it happen, again.
“Your mother, tell me about her,” Zoro prompts again, watching Sanji’s expression carefully. He’s not the best at reading Sanji, especially when he’s guarded like this, but he watches regardless. Sanji smiles, but his eyes are far away.
“She was amazing, everything a mother should be. Kind, warm hearted, gentle… she… she loved me,” Sanji finally says, voice wobbly. Zoro hears the rest of the unspoken sentences as if Sanji had said them outloud. she was the only one of them who loved me. Zoro doesn’t know if any of the people from Sanji’s past are around, or what they’re like now, but Zoro wants to track each and every one of them down and hurt them, worse than they ever hurt Sanji.
Zoro breathes deeply to calm himself down, trying to focus on the moment at hand. He shouldn’t be thinking such violent thoughts, when he and Sanji are talking about her.
“Her name was Sora. She ate everything I tried to cook for her, even though it was practically inedible. I tripped or- or got pushed every time I tried to bring her food, so it was always all mixed together and gross, but she always ate every bite and praised my effort. She’s the reason I started loving cooking, why I continued trying despite-” Sanji has to take a deep breath to stop himself from breaking down, and Zoro scoots even closer.
“She died when I was eight… She had always been sick, but… I guess as a kid I thought loving her would be enough to make it go away,” Sanji admits, like it’s something to be embarrassed by. Zoro doesn’t know how to help, he sucks at comforting people. His words are shit, so he moves again. He wraps Sanji in a hug that's incredibly awkward due to the fact that they’re sitting sideways on a bench and Sanji is incredibly stiff. After a moment just long enough for Zoro to regret the action, Sanji finally melts into the embrace, hiding his tears on Zoro’s shoulder.
“She sounds wonderful,” Zoro states, after a few moments when Sanji starts pulling away. He uses the heels of his hand to wipe away the tears on his face, pushing his hair off of his forehead. Like this, Zoro sees both of his eyes for the first time. They’re as beautiful as Sora's, even though Sanji’s been crying. Without thinking, Zoro reaches forward and tucks the hair behind Sanji’s ear, entranced by the sight. He’d never given a single thought to seeing both eyes at once before, but now that he has, he never wants to look away.
“Zoro,” Sanji murmurs, but before he can say whatever he’s about to say, the door to the galley is pushed gently open.
Sanji stands up so fast it’s dizzying, shaking his head so his hair falls back into its place. He turns towards the door, and promptly begins greeting Robin, who looks as shocked as Robin can look, taking in the sight of Zoro on the bench and Sanji’s red-from-crying eye. Luckily, Robin knows when not to press. She accepts the tea that Sanji pours for her and sits near Zoro, only looking at him curiously for a little bit before minding her own business.
–
Zoro finds Sanji later, smoking on the deck and leaning against a railing. Sanji doesn’t flinch when Zoro saddles up next to him.
“About earlier,” Sanji starts, after a moment of companionable silence, “Sorry about losing my cool,” the words come out stilted and with gritted teeth, so Zoro rolls his eyes.
“Shut up,” is not the best start, according to Sanji’s incredulous look, “I don’t give a shit about whatever blow to your masculinity you think that was or anything. It’s… normal, to feel things. Anyways, thanks for indulging me and talking about her. I did sort of just attack you with that out of nowhere.”
“Normal to feel things,” Sanji whispers to himself, clearly lost in thought for a moment, “Uh- yeah- It’s… It’s fine, I guess I needed to get that out or something. I should talk about her more, but- It’s hard.”
Zoro nods, understanding for once.
Speaking of…
Zoro has been worried this entire time about how much he’s learning about Sanji with nothing in return. Sanji had phrased it as giving Zoro so much of himself. Well, Zoro wants to give some of himself to Sanji. Not only to return the favour and make it more equal, but because. He wants Sanji to know.
“I grew up in Shimotsuki Village,” Zoro starts, turning towards the ocean waves. He hears the way Sanji turns to face him, but continues staring out at the water, “I didn’t know my parents. Got dumped at some orphanage before I was old enough to remember ‘em, and then once I got old enough to get out on my own, I did.
I travelled randomly, got lost a bunch, challenged every strong looking person I encountered. Until I stumbled upon Isshin Dojo. That’s where I created and trained in three sword style. It’s also where I met Kuina,” Zoro runs his fingers over Wado’s hilt, something he does whenever he talks about her. Sanji’s eyes follow the movement, but he stays silent.
“She was a little bit older than me, but way stronger. I challenged her two thousand and one times, and lost every single time. She was my rival, but also my best friend. We made a promise to each other that one of us would become the world's greatest swordsman.
The day after we made that promise, Kuina was dead,” Sanji gasps, and Zoro finally turns to face him rather than the ocean.
“The Wado Ichimonji was hers, and I decided to take it with me and become the world's strongest for both of us. Her spirit is always with me, as long as I have Wado,” Zoro finally finishes. It’s not the full story, but he’s never been the best with words, and he feels like he’s just spoken more than he ever has in his whole life.
Sanji is staring down at Wado like he’s never seen it before, and he speaks so quietly Zoro struggles to hear it.
“She’s that important and you let me…?” he says, and Zoro has no idea what he’s talking about. Before he can ask, Sanji shakes his head and turns his gaze back up towards Zoro’s eyes, “thank you for sharing, that- It means a lot. I wish I could’ve met Kuina.”
Zoro snorts, “she would’ve hated you.”
Sanji looks a little shocked by this and sputters for a few seconds, “wh- why??” he shouts, crossing his arms.
“Your whole fawning over ladies thing. She would’ve hated that. Probably would have admired your strength though. Although you could’ve never beat her in a million years,” Zoro responds, smirking.
“I wouldn’t try to beat her!” Sanji screeches, whacking Zoro on the head. Zoro laughs, a full body laugh that hurts his stomach, but the response is so Sanji, and it makes Zoro feel happy. He feels light now, like he had to get that out. Maybe he did. Whatever it is, doesn’t matter. Sanji is laughing too, his grin wide and stretching his cheeks. His eye squints a bit when he grins this wide, his face accommodating for the sheer joy. Zoro loves this look on Sanji, feeling pride that he brought it out.
–
The devil fruit user doesn’t visit them in this memory, and after a while of watching silently as the two interact, Sanji sighs and starts heading back out the door. Zoro follows, unsure if he should say something. Prying feels like the wrong thing to do, so he stays silent.
“I guess we just have to sift through Sanji’s endless miserable memories until we find this bastard,” Sanji mumbles, angrily.
“I don’t see any other option,” Zoro agrees, frowning.
Sanji has clearly hit a new level of frustration, one he wants to take out on Zoro, “I can’t believe you! You weren’t supposed to be in here! Now I have to just- just sit through this, knowing you’re here and seeing everything! How fucking pathetic I am!”
Zoro crosses his arms, “What’re you even talking about?! It’s not like I chose to be within the blast radius, or whatever!”
They’ve come upon a new memory, faster now that Sanji isn’t avoiding them. Zoro can see little Sanji huddled in a corner, holding his head between his arms and curled into a ball. The three boys from before are here, two of them kicking Sanji and one of them seemingly directing it all. There’s a fifth child now, though. She seems to be a few years older, but Zoro recognizes the description. Pink hair and eyebrows curled in the wrong direction. She’s not partaking in the violence, but she’s laughing. She’s laughing as little Sanji is beaten into a corner.
“Fuck! Nobody was ever supposed to fucking see this!” Sanji yells, hands once again tangled in his hair. Zoro is at a loss for what to do. He doesn’t think holding hands with Sanji will be welcomed right now, nor would it really help.
“We just have to find the devil fruit person as fast as we can,” Zoro responds, averting his eyes from the scene. Even though this is a memory and he can’t really change what's happened, it feels wrong to avert his eyes. To ignore and move on. Zoro wonders how many people in this past did the same, back when they had the power to change it. The two siblings not kicking Sanji are laughing, but Zoro has seen others walking the halls of the memories. Maids, staff, visitors. Nobody did anything. It makes Zoro want to wreck the place in anger.
“Why you of all people! You weren’t supposed to know what a fucking weakling I am! Shit, shit!” Sanji yells, stomping away from the scene. Zoro growls, knowing that he’s about to lash out and probably regret it. Being aware of it doesn’t stop him.
“Would you shut up, cook? You were just a kid! That doesn’t make you weak!” Zoro calls out, following as close as he can. Sanji is walking aimlessly, forgoing the halls and walking entirely through the walls. Zoro hardly pays any attention to the rooms they walk through, most of them look the same to him with only slight differences. This must not be the actual layout of whatever castle they’re in, because it makes no sense. The path is probably updating itself to present new memories. Either way, Sanji isn’t looking through any of them.
“I was weak! My brothers are the same age as me, and they turned out just as strong as he- as- as Judge wanted them to be! I was a stupid failure,” Sanji responds, though he stops rushing forward. He’s looking straight ahead, with another haunted look on his face.
“No… no no no, fuck,” Sanji says, looking around at the room they stopped in.
“Look- I don’t know much of what's going on here, but I know the current you, and I know you’re not weak, or a failure, or whatever they made you think,” Zoro responds, unsure if he’s helping or not. After a way too long moment of silence, Zoro glances around as well, trying to spot what's got Sanji completely frozen.
They’re in a small room with yellow walls. There's a bookshelf in one corner, and a bed in the other. The pink haired girl from before is sitting on the bed, but she’s not laughing. She has a blank expression on her face, which is unnerving. For a second Zoro thinks she’s staring at him, before he remembers she can’t see him, so he turns around to see what she’s looking at.
“Please-” Sanji starts, but before he can finish Zoro has turned to see. In front of a mirror, little Sanji is staring at his own reflection, but instead of any of the yellow clothes that Zoro has seen him in up until now, he’s wearing a pink dress that’s slightly too big.
“Please don’t look,” his Sanji says, but it’s too late.
Little Sanji does a twirl, before turning back towards the pink girl. He has bandages on his face and arms, but he doesn’t seem to mind them.
“It doesn’t fit,” the girl on the bed says, and her voice is soulless. She has no inflection whatsoever. Zoro watches little Sanji frown, picking at the hem of the dress.
“I know! But, doesn’t it look nice?” he asks, voice clearly hopeful. Zoro feels like his stomach is in his throat, unable to move.
“Not really,” she responds, and little Sanji’s face drops, “boys aren't supposed to wear stuff like that, anyways. I lent the dress to you just this once, but you can’t keep it. Just think of what they’ll do to you if they catch you wearing it.”
Zoro should not be watching this. He shouldn’t be seeing any of this.
“Oh,” little Sanji says, staring down at the floor. The pink girl sighs, but hops off the bed to walk towards him.
“You look like mom, like this. That’s nice, isn’t it?” she says, and little Sanji’s face lights up once more.
“I do? Do you think she’d like it?” he says, turning back towards the mirror.
“Mom loves you because you’re normal, remember? You have feelings and stuff. This isn’t normal, so you shouldn’t show her.”
Zoro turns around and walks away, leaving the memory before he can see any more. His heart is breaking for little Sanji in a way he doesn’t think he can handle. His Sanji is nowhere to be found, must’ve bolted while Zoro was distracted. How much of this has Sanji internalized? How much of this does he tell himself? Zoro needs to get the hell out of here.
–
Wandering around aimlessly is even harder when you’re walking through someone else's memories. Without Sanji around to tell him what’s important, Zoro doesn’t know where to look for the devil fruit user. He’s not even sure if their theory is correct, considering they haven’t found them yet. They have no idea how the devil fruit works, in all likelihood they’re trapped here until Sanji has re-lived all of his memories. Maybe they’re stuck here forever, or at the very least until someone from the outside world figures out how to save them. Whatever the case is, Zoro feels like the worst piece of shit alive. Sanji asked- no, begged Zoro not to watch that memory. He should’ve bolted the second Sanji said it, instead of watching in morbid curiosity.
Zoro refuses to watch any more memories, only glancing around for anyone who would match Sanji’s description. Considering they’re still in Sanji’s early memories, there's no reason for the pink girl to be an adult yet, so the second Zoro sees her their age, he’ll know she’s out of place. If the devil fruit user can change forms, well, maybe they’ll attack Zoro first and he won’t have to play the guessing game.
Zoro doesn’t look closely at any of the memories beyond his initial sweep for oddities, doesn’t pay attention to any of the details, but he can’t shut his ears off. He hears the taunting, the laughing, the crying. He hears a voice that sounds deeper, louder, crueller, telling little Sanji he’s a failure and should never have been born. He hears Sanji’s mother, thanking him for meals. He hears the staff whispering about Sanji. At first they’re talking about the weird one, then they’re talking about the little boy who sneaks into the kitchen, and then they’re talking about the poor little prince who died. Zoro grits his teeth and ignores it all.
Eventually he stumbles upon a kitchen, and finally spots his Sanji again. He’s standing near the sink, watching himself. Little Sanji has a stool, and a book practically the size of his body, and he’s struggling to drag both towards the counter. Adult Sanji glances up once Zoro walks closer, but he doesn’t make eye contact. Like he refuses to.
Little Sanji manages to get the stool where he wants it, and he climbs on top, dropping the book on the counter. It’s a giant cookbook, and some of the pages have been dogeared. Little Sanji flips to one such page and starts carefully reading out loud.
“It wasn’t all bad. The cooks, after they realized I wasn’t like my brothers and wouldn’t tell Judge, started helping me sneak into the kitchen and cook for my mom. They chose easy recipes to mark for me to try,” His Sanji says, apparently able to speak again.
Zoro nods, moving closer to his Sanji. He stands next to him again, unsure whether the company is welcomed or not.
“I’m sick of this. I’m sick of watching this all happen, I already experienced it. It should be over,” Sanji says, dropping his head into his hands. Zoro decides to stop worrying about whether he’s doing the wrong thing. He puts his hand on Sanji’s shoulder, pulling him closer.
“It’s not fair. I don’t want anyone to know about any of this,” Sanji mumbles, voice muffled due to the way he hides his face on Zoro’s shoulder again.
Zoro isn’t sure what to say. He watches little Sanji start to move his stool around, gathering ingredients for whatever recipe the cooks here marked for him to try.
“Sanji,” Zoro starts, and feels the way Sanji’s entire body flinches, “you didn’t deserve any of this. I shouldn’t be in here seeing this, but I am. We can’t change what’s happened, we just have to find a way out.”
Sanji pulls away. He’s not crying this time, although Zoro suspects that’s probably because he doesn’t have anything left to cry out.
“You-“
Zoro shrugs, a little embarrassed, “felt weird calling you cook after watching you fail miserably at cooking,” Zoro attempts, gesturing vaguely towards little Sanji who probably misread the recipe because whatever he’s doing back there does not resemble food. The joke is a dangerous one to make, Zoro’s not sure how much of his little self’s cooking Sanji will be defensive about, but it’s not like Zoro can admit he just wanted to call Sanji Sanji because he’s been in love with him for months and seeing all this is making it impossible to hold in. Making him realize Sanji deserves to be loved properly.
“Fuck you, I’m a revolutionary. I was just improving the recipe,” Sanji responds, sniffing defiantly. Little Sanji spills something and starts panicking, trying to clean it up as fast as possible. Zoro assumes that he’s not supposed to leave a trace of having been in here.
“Damn, I was tiny,” Sanji mumbles, crossing his arms and leaning against Zoro. Zoro doesn’t question it, just widens his stance for better balance. If Sanji needs to lean on him, then that’s fine by Zoro.
“Yeah, it’s a wonder how you grew up to be such a string bean,” Zoro responds, hand moving back around Sanji. He rests it on Sanji’s waist, trying not to take too much pleasure from the action. It’s meant to be comforting, not possessive.
“Shut up, I’ve got muscle. I’m just lean,” Sanji argues, turning to glare at Zoro half heartedly before he turns back towards little Sanji.
“Whatever helps you sleep at night, curly,” Zoro responds, snorting.
“......what happened to Sanji?” At this, Zoro turns to stare at the side of Sanji’s head. His ears are bright red, similar to his face, Zoro can tell by the view of the side of his cheek. It makes Zoro feel incredibly smug, but also makes him want to do something cheesy like kiss Sanji’s cheek. No way he’s going to get away with that, though.
“What, you want me to?” Zoro asks, trying to clarify what the cook means by that. Everything about this is so confusing, it’s a roller coaster of emotions. Zoro can’t really blame Sanji for flip flopping between moods when he’s faced with all this emotional garbage suddenly. Zoro imagines that Sanji tries to ignore or suppress a lot of what has suddenly been blasted to both of them.
“Not- Not always. But… It was nice,” Sanji admits, voice quiet. He turns towards Zoro at this, his face still red. His visible eye is wide, like he’s scared of something.
“Well… you’ll have to call me Zoro, then,” Zoro responds, taking this opportunity to be selfish. He has always wanted Sanji to call him by his name, ever since he realized his feelings and noticed how smooth and deep Sanji’s voice is. The nicknames are nice, having gone from genuine taunting to friendly teasing to just actual nicknames, but hearing Sanji say Zoro feels important.
“It’s a deal, Zoro,” Sanji agrees, and Zoro has to suppress a shiver that the name coming from Sanji’s mouth triggers.
Zoro can’t help it. He moves ever so closer to Sanji, hardly a noticeable change, but Sanji is staring straight at him and noticing every small detail. Sanji’s eyes widen imperceptibly, and he glances down towards Zoro’s mouth. Zoro notices that. His heart skyrockets, and he wants to lean forward and do something stupid like kiss Sanji, but before he can act on this urge, Sanji turns his head back towards little Sanji so fast he must’ve hurt his neck.
“A-Anyways,” he starts, and Zoro takes it for the distraction it is, turning back towards little Sanji. He’s cleaned up his mess and is back to cooking whatever it is he’s trying to cook, “you really.. Don’t think less of me after seeing all of this?”
Zoro snorts, “I don’t know what you expect me to say, obviously I don’t. Nobody else on our crew would either. Just because these people treated you like a failure, or whatever, doesn’t mean you are one,” it’s a truth obvious plain as day to Zoro, even if Sanji somehow thinks otherwise.
“It’s not just that… It’s the whole thing. I wasn’t born right, from either point of view. To my family I was a failure, too weak and emotional. To everybody else I’m a freak, not human enough,” Sanji says, still trying to argue his point no matter how stupid Zoro thinks it is.
“You’re not a failure. Those people aren’t your family. Zeff is your family, we are your family. And so what if you’re a freak? Luffy is made of rubber. I put a sword in my mouth to fight. We’ve got a talking reindeer, and a cyborg on our crew. We’re all freaks,” Zoro declares, and Sanji’s shoulders drop, like they stopped holding tension in them.
“Why are you- Why are you so fucking emotionally mature all of a sudden?” Sanji complains, sniffling. Zoro grins.
“I’m always this emotionally mature, asshole,” It startles a laugh out of Sanji.
“You-” before Sanji can get the words out, the memory around them suddenly shifts. It startles both of them, neither of them having seen that yet. Zoro doesn’t know whether it’s because they stood still for too long, whether the memory of Sanji cooking ended, or if it’s the fault of the devil fruit user.
For the first time since they got here, they’re outside rather than in whatever castle-like structure they were lost in before. Some sort of courtyard, judging by the fact that Zoro can still see the same walls as before. It’s bright and sunny out, and the grass is a perfect green. In front of them are all the multi-coloured hair kids, including Sanji. They’re all holding swords, including Sanji. There’s some sort of instructor standing in front of them, guiding them through various forms. Sanji is following along with relative ease. Zoro’s mind is blown.
“Wh- HUH?” he lets out, turning to Sanji who is cringing at the sight.
“Yeah yeah, don’t get too excited. I only trained in sword fighting very very briefly because it was required,” Sanji explains, rolling his eyes. Zoro’s still completely slack jawed.
“Why didn’t you tell me?!” he demands, his mind already flooding with images of Sanji holding a sword, Sanji and him sparring, Sanji by his side as the two of them take down marines together.
“Why would I have told you that, idiot! It’s not like I could explain why without having to explain where I came from! Anyways, it’s irrelevant because I’m not an idiot swordsman like someone, and I happen to value my hands,” Sanji says, gesturing to where Zoro’s swords lay.
“Wh- Are you still any good?” Zoro asks, turning back to little Sanji. He’s behind when compared to the other four, but he’s still leagues ahead where normal kids would be at that age. If Zoro had encountered him at this age, he would’ve recognized him as a threat to be taken down.
“Irrelevant, I don’t fight with my hands,” Sanji says, walking away from the training grounds. Zoro follows, albeit reluctantly.
“How long did you train? You must recall some of it, right?” Zoro demands, wanting nothing more than to see Sanji with a sword.
“Only a few years. I… do. Recall some of it. You’ve seen me cook, haven’t you? I’m excellent with a knife, not to mention butchering. When Robin was taken from us, I ended up fighting some annoying guy with noodles with kitchen knives, but that was an exception. I was only cutting food,” Sanji explains, and Zoro regrets not having seen that.
“I can’t believe you know how to sword fight and you never told me,” Zoro repeats, although his tone leans more towards fond than annoyance like he intended. Probably because he can’t wipe the grin off of his face.
–
It’s not until five more important memories later that something finally changes. Sanji has stopped running away and yelling about the memories, but he doesn’t linger around them either. Zoro has the displeasure of watching Sanji crying at his mothers grave, Sanji’s brothers killing a squirrel in front of him, Sanji’s sister patching his arm up after the others broke it, Sanji stealing a dress out of his sister's closet when she’s away, and then he finally sees Sanji’s father, apparently called Judge, locking him in the horrible cell. They leave that memory the fastest, with Sanji’s fists curled in on themselves so tightly Zoro fears he might break the skin with his nails.
The newest memory they walk in on is when Sanji escapes the cell. Or rather, when Reiju lets him out and he runs away. Zoro feels a sort of pride well inside him at how brave little Sanji is in the face of all this. As they’re watching little Sanji book it towards the ship his sister pushed him to, they hear a voice.
Immediately Sanji turns to the voice, getting ready to fight. Realizing that this must mean Sanji doesn’t recognize the voice from his memories, Zoro follows suit.
“Well, that was all depressing,” the voice says, and when Zoro finally spots where it’s coming from, he pauses. The person isn’t still disguised as an older version of Sanji’s sister, but in what Zoro assumes to be his natural form. He has purple hair and bright yellow eyes. His face is twisted in a grimace.
“We’ve hardly made it a few years of your memories and so far all you’ve done is cry. Normally with someone with memories so repressed, there's more of a breakdown. Guess I underestimated you a bit, Vinsmoke,” the man says, walking over to them casually as if this is a normal conversation to be had. At the name, Sanji’s entire body flinches and his glare deepens tenfold. Zoro growls, not liking this situation one bit.
“Don’t call me that,” Sanji responds darkly, his leg igniting on fire.
“What, Vinsmoke? As someone who just had to suffer through your miserable memories, I feel I’m entitled to a little teasing,” purple says, and Zoro grits his teeth. This guy is the worst of the worst. Without much preamble, Zoro unsheathes two of his swords and springs forward to attack. Just as he’s about to reach him, the man changes forms and ends up a lot smaller, so Zoro ends up attacking right above his head. A glance down shows that he’s now taken the form of the red haired kid, but Zoro has no qualms about attacking a grown man disguised as a kid. He changes direction as easily as if he had been intending to attack that way the whole time. The man disguised as little red clearly wasn’t expecting this, judging by the way he only manages to dodge enough not to be decapitated, his arm gains an unsightly gash for his efforts.
The guy changes back into his regular form, and he hisses as he jumps backwards.
“What the hell!” he shouts, angrily pointing at Zoro, “Who even are you!”
Zoro flicks the blood off of his sword, and ties the bandana around his head. He doesn’t deign to respond to purple’s questions. It doesn’t matter to him who Zoro is, it only matters that he’s been making Sanji suffer, so now he has to suffer in return.
Sanji apparently decides to stop being gobsmacked and races forward as well, his leg still on fire as he launches his own attack against the man. Purple manages to dodge better this time, although Sanji doesn’t relent. He continues jumping forward and throwing his legs at purple, face dark in anger still.
Just as Sanji is about to land an attack, purple changes forms again. Back to adult pink, which actually works as intended this time. Sanji’s attack is at the last minute aimed to the left of her, and he jumps away, face alarmed.
“Hah! I knew you wouldn’t attack your dear sister!” She says, face twisted in a grin. Sanji scowls at her, but he doesn’t continue his attack. Zoro steps around him to do the work. He doesn’t care about attacking women, or whatever her name is. He’s never met her before and doesn’t plan on changing that. He hopes Sanji can get over it quickly, recognizing that even if he’s taken the form of a woman, he’s still the same bastard that put them here.
“Shit! You stupid swordsman! You’re not supposed to be in here” she yells, pulling out a throwing knife from wherever she’s stored them, launching it at Zoro. Zoro dodges by throwing his head to the side, the metal of the knife making a noise as it nearly collides with Zoro’s ear, ringing against his earrings.
Zoro again doesn’t respond. He doesn’t care what this person thinks whatsoever.
She grabs more knives from wherever, throwing them once again. Zoro uses his sword to slash one out of the air, snapping the metal in two. The other one manages to connect, but it’s only in his leg, so Zoro ignores it. The two of them collide, sword against tiny knife. The metal is weak, nothing that Zoro’s swords can’t handle.
The pink haired girl didn’t have yellow eyes, but this person in her form does. Those eyes glow once Zoro is this close to her and making eye contact. Shit.
She changes forms. Suddenly in front of him is Koushirou. Zoro doesn’t understand why he keeps trying the same trick on him, when he knows it won’t work. No matter who or what he changes to look like, Zoro won’t stop attacking. He won’t fall for it.
Koushirou unsheathes a sword, and Zoro has a brief moment to realize how it’s kind of cool to be battling someone who looks like his old master. Even if purple is definitely not on his level.
Sanji seems to be back to himself, because he joins the fray. For a while, it’s the two of them against purple, and they seem to be making headway. Purple gets them each a few times, Sanji has a large gash on one of his arms, and Zoro’s bleeding from the leg wound from earlier and a few more cuts to his stomach and arms, but purple disguised as Koushirou is far worse off.
Zoro forgets himself in the moment, too overcome with excitement that he and Sanji are battling together again. Whenever in the heat of the battle the two of them always seem to be linked, perfectly communicating without ever speaking a word. They’ll do joint attacks without even looking at each other, moving together as smooth as butter. It always makes Zoro’s heart race. Just as he begins to think they’ll be out of here soon, purple changes form again. Just as Sanji swings a kick towards his head, he shrinks down into the form of Kuina.
Kuina is far shorter, so Sanji’s leg passes over her head, just in time for her to swing a sword upwards. Zoro watches in real time as fake Kuina slices right on Sanji’s ankle. Sanji yelps and jumps to the side, as Zoro swings his swords downwards. He manages to slash Kuina down her side, and purple screams in pain. Apparently whenever he gets severely injured he changes back to his normal form, because he does so again. Zoro lunges at him again, not letting him have a break.
Purple is getting desperate, he’s stopped taunting and begun just sort of growling and grunting in frustration. Zoro doesn’t find this intimidating at all. Whenever he changes forms, his weapon changes as well. In his natural form he has a large dagger, rather than the small throwing knives he has as little pink, and what Zoro suspects is a gun strapped to his front. The dagger is strong, but not stronger than Zoro’s three swords. Purple slashes at Zoro, misses, and then evades and runs past Zoro. For a split second Zoro thinks that he’s finally realized he’s losing and is trying to run away, but once he turns around he realizes the truth.
Earlier, Kuina must’ve hit Sanji’s tendon. The cook is on the ground, holding his ankle. Zoro knows if it had been any other situation Sanji would’ve stood up by now, but losing the ability to put pressure on his foot or really move it at all is probably the worst case scenario for a man who fights by kicking.
Sanji manages to notice purple advancing on him in time, and he flips onto his hands and does what is basically a cartwheel to the side. He lands on his feet and then winces and goes down, his slashed tendon predictably making it so he can’t do such a reckless landing.
Zoro is pissed.
He unsheathes Wado, sliding her into his mouth.
“Ew! What the hell,” Purple says, apparently grossed out by this. Zoro doesn’t give a shit.
For once, purple advances on him rather than the other way around. Zoro glares as much as he can, readying himself for the attack. Purple tries to fake him out, going low when really he’s going high, but Zoro sees this coming from a mile away. He deflects easily, careful to keep an eye on both of purple’s hands, knowing he could pull the gun at any moment. He’s about to swing his head to get Wado across purple’s throat when Sanji shouts.
“Zoro!”
Apparently Sanji isn’t the only one here efficient in fighting with his legs. Purple kicks a leg straight up between them, and a knife that had been concealed in his shoe appears, slashing the meat between Zoro’s thumb and his sword. Kitetsu goes clattering out of his hand and Zoro reels back, startled and angry. Purple doesn’t give him time to process, twisting his leg in the other direction. This time he gets Zoro’s wrist, and Yubashiri drops to the floor as well. Zoro has never been more angry.
Before Zoro can return the favour and rip purple’s head off, Sanji comes barreling into the scene. He’s yelling in rage and throwing himself bodily at purple. Zoro watches as Sanji lands a kick on purple’s head with his injured foot, shouting in pain as he does so. Purple goes down, yelling angrily as he does so.
“Would you two just give up already!” he says, managing to kick Sanji off of himself. Still unable to use his foot, especially not after making it worse just now, Sanji goes easily. He rolls a few times, hitting his head on the dirt and opening a wound on his forehead.
Zoro takes stock of his hand injuries and decides to stick with Wado. Purple isn’t actually strong enough to need all three swords, he’s just annoyingly difficult to catch, and crafty. Him being able to change forms is frustrating as well, making it easier for him to dodge out of the way. Zoro can feel the blood gushing out of his wrist and growls, hoping they get out of this situation fast enough that the blood loss doesn’t make him pass out. He can handle this fight, he’s just worried about after, having no clue how far away Chopper is. Their doctor is going to be so upset at them.
“All I wanted was to live on this island, isolated from you people! Don’t you know how frustrating it is that pirates keep being led here? Do you know how many boring lives I’ve had to sit through? How many people I’ve killed!” Purple is yelling, holding his side. He finally pulls out that gun that Zoro has been watching for, and aims it at Sanji, “You idiots always fall for it! All I have to do is show up in the form of someone from your past and you’re weak!”
Zoro jumps before he can think, realizing that Sanji won’t be able to react in time to jump out of the way. Purple shoots once, and continues yelling about whatever it is he’s talking about, just in time for Zoro to get in the way. The bullet hits him right in the stomach and sends him flying backwards. He hits his head pretty solidly on the ground, landing a few feet from Sanji. Sanji is yelling, calling him an idiot. Zoro doesn’t care, that bullet was aimed for his head. Better a bullet to the stomach than losing his Sanji.
“It was supposed to be one at a time, when your guard was down from watching your memories! This blonde idiot had the easiest memories to distract with, did you see how pitiful they were? But no! You had to be here in the end, constantly with him, or moving around! Next time, just! Sit! Still!” Purple continues, running up towards Zoro. Zoro lost his grip on Wado when he was thrown backwards, but she’s within arms reach. He grabs the hilt with the hand that got sliced on the thumb, ignoring the searing pain of it.
Purple reaches him, and Zoro manages to get up, prepared to swing Wado in defense, but purple changes forms once again. This time he’s little pink again, with her throwing knives. She throws one past Zoro, and he hears Sanji yell out in pain. Zoro is only distracted by this for one second, but it’s just long enough for her to jump at him. Weirdly, she grabs his legs and clings like a child. Zoro tries to swing Wado down onto her head, but she moves faster. She digs two daggers into his ankles, and Zoro yells out and manages to kick her away, before he too stumbles to the ground. This annoying bitch and his tendency to go for the tendons!
Zoro very nearly lands on Sanji, who crawls up to him in a panic.
“Zoro, fuck, fuck!” Sanji says, grabbing his wrists, “You can’t- fuck!”
Zoro winces at the touch and the implication. He’s beyond pissed that this smug asshole is beating them, going for where it’ll hurt. With Sanji’s leg out of commission and Zoro unable to use his hands, they’re practically screwed.
“Fuck, finally! Now that mr. useless can’t kick and mr. annoying can’t swing his dumb swords, you two are mine to get rid of,” Purple announces, changing forms as he speaks. The way his voice shifts from pinks voice to his annoying nasally voice is gross and off putting. Sanji turns and sends him a glare, still holding onto Zoro.
“I hate to break up this romantic moment, but I’m fucking tired of you two now,” Purple says, pulling out his dagger and approaching.
Sanji tries to stand, but still can’t put pressure on his leg. Zoro watches as Sanji stumbles, landing on his hands and knees next to Wado.
Oh.
“Sanji,” Zoro whispers, drawing his attention. When Sanji turns to him with a panicked expression, Zoro reaches towards Wado.
“Zoro, what are you doing?” Sanji asks, watching as Zoro picks Wado up. He grunts in pain at the action, but continues nonetheless.
“He won’t see it coming,” Zoro says, and just as purple reaches them, he throws Wado in Sanji’s direction.
Purple screeches in confusion as Sanji jumps onto his good leg and swings Wado in his direction, cutting him down from his neck to his side, almost a mirror to Zoro’s own scar. Zoro grins, despite the pain. Basically worth it to see that sight.
Purple lands near Zoro, twisting in agony. Sanji is staring down at his own hands in shock, like he wasn’t even expecting himself to do that.
“Fuck you! Fuck you!” Purple is shouting, and he turns towards Zoro. Zoro glares at him, trying to push himself up. Sanji probably won’t want to deal any sort of finishing blow with a sword, considering his rule. Even that one attack goes against what he’s been saying. What he’d been saying just before this fight, in fact. Zoro never would’ve suggested it if the situation wasn’t so dire. Something to apologize about, later.
Apparently having a lot more will to live than expected, purple hurls himself upwards and throws himself at Zoro. In contradiction to what Zoro and Sanji have been experiencing up until now, purple seems to be able to actually interact with the environment. Zoro watches as purple grabs a huge rock off the ground, swinging it at Zoro. Zoro manages to dodge, throwing purple off of himself. Purple has a stronger grip than expected, so Zoro tumbles with him. The two of them roll a few times, but Zoro ends up on top. He pins purple’s hands down, but forgets to account for his wrist being fucked up.
Purple uses Zoro’s weak grip and the slick of the blood to slip his one hand out, and bashes Zoro in the head with the rock. Zoro tumbles off of him, immediately losing sight. He hears Sanji yelling, the familiar sound of flesh being pierced with a sword, and then the agonized screams of someone dying. Then he stops hearing anything altogether, completely unconscious.
–
Waking up this way has become familiar, too. In the dead of the night while everyone else is asleep, snoring away or in Frankys case, sleep-humming. The bunk room is never truly silent, but the sounds at night are muted, softer. Zoro doesn’t necessarily mind being abruptly woken up like this, it’s kind of nice to see the moonlight reflecting through the window and hear everyone asleep and at peace. If only he didn’t wake up with headaches every time. That part, he could do without. Although, unlike the last few times, Zoro wakes up before Sanji. That just goes to show how early it must be, practically still the day before. If Zoro knows one thing for certain about the cook, it’s that he’ll be up as early as physically possible in order to get his day started.
Zoro isn’t really sure what to do now.
He’s sure that those were the last of his lost memories. Which is mildly annoying, if he’s being honest. What’s the point of remembering over half of what happened in one night? If he was going to remember that much at once why not remember it all at once? Or better yet, not have forgotten in the first place.
Zoro is angry. Pissed even. Annoyed. Most pressingly, he’s… sad. Sad for forgetting all of that. Sad for not realizing that whatever happened that he forgot must’ve been important, monumentous, for the way Sanji had been acting. He’s sad that he managed to change their relationship, grow closer to the man, and then managed to screw it up.
Reflecting on the memories that are still kind of hazy and new to him, Zoro finally connects the dots to Sanji's attitude. He wasn’t acting weird. He was simply following Zoro’s lead. The touching, the closeness, the names. Zoro himself started it all. Then when Sanji simply tried to continue on with it, Zoro had gone and been a dick about it. Even if he forgot it all and shouldn’t really blame himself, Zoro feels an immense guilt.
Peeping through Sanji’s memories, despite how uncomfortable and how perverse it feels, makes a lot of the things about Sanji make sense.
Zoro had comforted Sanji, in the only way he knew how, and Sanji had simply continued to seek out that comfort, despite Zoro regressing back to their old dynamic.
With that in mind, Zoro springs out of his hammock. Headache be damned. He walks over to where he knows Sanji is, only mildly tripping over some things in the dark that he assumes to be clothes.
His eyes have adjusted enough by now to the darkness to see Sanji, asleep and cuddling a pillow like a loser. He probably should let Sanji sleep in as much as possible, knowing the man doesn’t sleep much at night and never takes naps, but. Sucks for Sanji that Zoro’s dream-memory-thing woke him up early, because he doesn’t have the patience to wait any longer. He needs to talk to Sanji, genuinely, with all his memories intact once again.
He shakes Sanji’s shoulder, dislodging his grip on the pillow.
“Whuh- fffff- who?” Sanji mumbles, his eyes hardly opened.
Zoro, straight to the point because he doesn’t see any reason to delay, responds immediately, “I remembered everything.”
Sanji, still in a half asleep state, groans before responding, “good for you,” and then rolling around. Zoro feels his eyebrow twitch in annoyance, but before he can do much else, Sanji whips back around at a speed that looks painful, “wait, you- WHAT?”
There’s a few grumbles and shushing noises from the others around them at Sanji’s outburst, so Zoro puts a finger up to his mouth to indicate Sanji be silent. Sanji glares at him for this.
“You shut up,” he responds, as if Zoro had actually said the words aloud.
Sanji starts climbing out of his hammock, apparently wanting to take this conversation out of here. Zoro follows his lead, recognizing that they probably shouldn’t talk about this with so many people around. Even if Sanji doesn’t feel up to talking about his frankly traumatic and deeply personal memories, Zoro still doesn’t want to have such a serious conversation in the bunk room. Emotions are not well undercut by Usopp's snort-snore that he does when he’s having a strange dream. To the galley it is, another ritual that has been the same as the last two times Zoro remembered.
Just like the last time, Zoro isn’t exactly sure why he feels compelled to talk to Sanji. He has no plan on what he wants to say, no plan on how to react no matter how Sanji acts. He’s only acting on pure instinct, a subconscious need to talk to Sanji.
It’s dark but beautiful outside. Sanji pauses on their walk just long enough to stare out at the ocean, watching the moon's reflection ripple in the waves. For a second, Zoro thinks Sanji wants to stop out here for their conversation, but he continues on. Once they enter, Sanji immediately moves to put on a pot of coffee. Either muscle memory or stalling, Zoro doesn’t mind. He rushed to wake Sanji up earlier, desperate to start this conversation, but now that he’s faced with it and realizing he has no idea what he’s doing, he’s content to let Sanji take longer.
Once the coffee is ready, Sanji pours both of them a mug. Zoro doesn’t normally drink coffee, but he’s not one to waste anything Sanji makes. Sanji pours some sugar into his own but thankfully leaves Zoro’s alone. Zoro chugs it like it’s his booze, ignoring the burning of his tongue and throat. Sanji gives him a pinched sort of look as he sits next to Zoro but doesn’t comment on it.
After a moment longer of silence, Sanji finally decides to be the one to speak first.
“Sorry for using Wado on that asshole,” he says, voice low and held back, like he’s afraid to say it. Zoro frowns, thrown off by this. Of all the things he expected Sanji to say, an apology for that was not on his list.
“The hell’re you even apologizing for? I threw her at you, I basically made you do that. I should be the one apologizing, for making you use your hands in battle,” Zoro responds, suddenly angry again.
“Still, I didn’t know the specifics at the time, but I knew she was important to you. I should’ve just powered through the pain and kicked his ass,” Sanji says, his voice a little louder this time. Like if he speaks up, suddenly it’ll become the truth and Zoro will accept it. Well, he doesn’t.
“Would you stop being an idiot? I trusted you to use Wado. I knew that you’d treat her with respect and wield her properly. I knew that before I even knew you could use swords at all. What you did saved my ass, so stop blaming yourself for everything,” Zoro implores, knowing that he’s fighting a losing battle. He’d always known Sanji had some issues with blaming himself for things gone wrong, but now he knows the extent to how deep the wounds go. He won’t undo a lifetime of belittling and insecurity in one night.
Sanji seems surprised at this response, and he sips his coffee in another attempt to stall having to give a response of his own.
“W-well, regardless, I… I cleaned her while you were unconscious, so I hope that was okay,” Sanji finally settles on, and this is actually news to Zoro. He hadn’t even thought to question why his swords were in perfect condition despite having clearly been in battle, it was just a fact that he accepted without further thought. This revelation gives Zoro pause, trying to decipher the sudden rush of feelings that have spontaneously surfaced within him.
Mostly he feels love.
Overwhelmed by this, Zoro acts on instinct once again. Much like it had back in those memories, Zoro’s hand jerks forward to grip Sanji’s own without proper instruction from his brain, like his body was compelled to move on its own.
Sanji jumps, very nearly pulling his hand away. Zoro can tell by the twitch of it, the way his arm moves back not even half an inch. But he leaves it there, even going so far as to hold Zoro back.
“Thank you, Sanji,” Zoro says, earnestly. His voice is hushed, this feels like a private moment. Despite the fact that they’re completely alone here.
Sanji looks back up at him, averting his gaze from their joined hands.
“Right. Yeah. No-No problem, uhhh, Zoro,” Sanji responds in what is the most awkward phrasing Zoro has ever heard from the guy.
“Oof. That was rough,” Zoro deadpans, giving Sanji a look of exaggerated pity. Sanji’s eyebrows furrow, and he glares at Zoro.
“Cut me some slack! I’m running on a total of three hours of sleep, and I’m not exactly on the same page as you. I-I don’t know how I’m supposed to be acting,” Sanji says, his voice loud at first but quieting as he goes on. Like he starts with energy for an argument but it dies down as he realizes now isn’t the time for an argument.
Zoro nods, processing that thought. Sanji isn’t on Zoro’s page right now. Sanji isn’t the one who forgot everything and then remembered slowly over a few weeks. To Sanji, everything happened a while ago, and despite his best attempts, he’s had to revert back to their Before Times dynamic, so to have Zoro suddenly on After Times attitude is probably jarring.
“Stupid purple asshole. I can’t believe a rock made me forget everything. If I could revive him I’d do it just so I could kill him again,” Zoro complains, entirely blaming the purple guy for all of this.
“Don’t be an idiot, if you revived him he’d probably just make me go through your memories this time,” Sanji says, rolling his eyes.
“I-“ Zoro wishes his brain would pick a lane between being sincere and trying to act nonchalantly about all of this, because flip flopping is getting old, “I wouldn’t mind that.”
Sanji looks confused at this, “you can’t mean that. While I don’t know much about you pre me joining the Strawhats aside from being a bounty hunter, there has to be stuff you want to keep private.”
Zoro shrugs, “sure. But not from you,” he says, easy as anything.
Sanji’s hand twitches in Zoro’s hold again, and his face slowly turns red, “y-you mean from us, right? Not just me.”
Zoro shrugs again, “well, whatever. If the rest of the crew asked, I’d be honest. I see no reason to hide my past. But… when it comes to you, I want to tell you. I told you about Kuina, didn’t I? Nobody else knows the details of her or my promise,” he explains, being honest.
Sanji’s face is as red as it can get, and Zoro worries about all the blood rushing to his face. Typically his nosebleeds are a response to something he finds hot, but still, he has a history of being hospitalized from them. Starting a nosebleed now would not be recommended.
“Why?” Sanji asks, seeming genuinely confused.
Zoro raises an eyebrow at him, and continues speaking honestly. He resolves to not hold back. Sanji deserves to know the truth, and deserves to know how valued he is. Seeing how he was raised, how he was made to think of himself, Zoro needs to be someone that Sanji can trust. He already knows Sanji would put his life in Zoro’s hand should it come to that, but so would every other strawhat. With Sanji it needs to be special. Sanji needs to be special.
“I love you,” Zoro says, easy as anything. It’s the cold hard truth. Seeing his memories, that he deems “pathetic”, would never be enough to change it. Even if the memories were different, if Sanji turned out to be the evil one, it wouldn’t really matter. Sanji is Sanji.
There are a few long, intensely long, moments of silence. In fact, Sanji stops moving as well. Zoro can only see that he’s still breathing because he’s so still that the rising and falling of his chest has become obvious. His eyes are locked on Zoro’s, but they’re unseeing, clearly not processing anything.
It goes on for so long that Zoro starts to genuinely worry.
“Are you… okay?” Zoro asks, unsure if he should be getting Chopper or anything. Do heart attacks look like this? Zoro isn’t sure.
“YOU WHAT?!” Sanji finally yells, so loudly that Zoro actually flinches away like he’s about to be attacked. Hopefully that didn’t wake anyone up, but Zoro wouldn’t be surprised. He also wouldn’t be that surprised if Sanji’s throat hurts from the sudden outburst.
Zoro repeats himself because he refuses to regret it. Even if Sanji gets mad, or grossed out. No matter what, he won’t take it back or try to hide it anymore.
Sanji takes a shorter amount of time to process it, this time. His face practically explodes with red, so much that it looks like he might be on the verge of exploding. His eyes are so wide it looks painful, and his mouth is twitching like he keeps trying to speak but second guessing himself.
“Wh- since when?” Sanji asks, and Zoro gets the impression that Sanji was about to ask ‘why’.
Zoro is sticking with his conviction to be completely honest.
“I’ve been attracted to you since we met, but the feelings didn’t develop until Skypiea island, when Nami and Usopp told me what happened,” Zoro responds, talking casually as if discussing the weather.
Sanji’s face can’t physically get any redder, but his expression somehow changes to appear even more surprised.
“What about… that made you…?” Sanji says, and Zoro can tell Sanji is going to be asking a lot of questions in order to process this.
“Sanji,” Zoro starts, and Sanji jumps again, “You faced a man claiming to be god and took on multiple full blasts of lightning just so Nami and Usopp wouldn’t have to. It wasn’t because you were willing to die, it was because you were utterly selfless. Incredibly brave. beautiful. When they told me, despite knowing you were alive, I got scared. And then I realized I wasn’t ready to lose you, wouldn’t survive it, so I connected the dots.”
“Oh. oh,” Sanji says.
Zoro nods, willing Sanji to understand.
“But you’ve never acted like you were in- like you liked me,” Sanji accuses, pointing a finger at Zoro with his free hand. Zoro raises an eyebrow, trying not to respond sarcastically.
“Are you kidding? I literally go out of my way to be around you and start arguments just so you’ll give me your attention,” Zoro declares, not embarrassed in the slightest.
“That’s not romantic at all!”
Zoro laughs at this, “I’m not the romantic one! Either way, I know you don’t feel the same so why would I try to romance you,” he explains, pushing Sanji’s finger out of his face.
Sanji pauses for a while at this, but doesn’t respond. Simply moves on to more questions.
“So- so, you love me. How far does that go? You want to date me? K-kiss me?” He asks, averting his gaze. Zoro grins.
“I almost kissed you in the memories. Remember when we were watching little you cook and you leaned on me? When you faced me, I started genuinely going for it,” Zoro says, kind of enjoying this. It’s nice to get it all out there. It’s nice that Sanji isn’t upset, just curious and shy. It’s nice to see Sanji like this.
“You-you-“ the amount that Sanji is stuttering during this conversation is amusing, something to make fun of him for at a later time, “seeing all of that shit, my memories.. it didn’t change anything? For you?”
Zoro frowns at this.
“Why the hell would it?” Zoro answers the question with a question of his own.
Sanji looks downwards, “if you’re attracted to strong and brave, why would seeing any of that not change how you feel about me? I was weak and pitiful the whole time.”
Zoro practically interrupts Sanji in his attempt to dispel his worry, “that’s incredibly stupid. I know you can’t see it because of how they made you feel about yourself, but none of that was weakness or pitiful.
You faced them bravely at every turn. They banned you from cooking, but you continued anyway. Sneaking into the kitchen in the dead of the night. You faced your mother even as she got worse, always with a smile and a brave attitude. You stole that dress from Reiju, despite her words about it not being normal. You survived every single day in that cell without ever giving up. You escaped and ran, despite the fear.
Always being the strongest doesn’t make someone brave. Being the weakest and yet continuing on, is bravery,” Zoro rants, getting way too caught up in it. By the end of his ramble he’s stood up, staring down at Sanji’s face with determination, like he’ll manage to convince Sanji by sheer will alone.
Sanji is staring up at Zoro with still wide eyes, but this time they’re shinier, like he’s on the verge of tears. He doesn’t let them fall, though. There’s a wonder in his eyes, like he’s seeing something out of a dream.
“Oh,” he says again, rendered speechless.
It must be because the sun is starting to shine through the window, or the fact that Zoro suspects at least Robin will be waking up for the day soon, but suddenly Zoro feels like the moment is over. Their peace in this quiet morning disrupted, and Zoro beginning to feel a little self conscious at having just expelled his entire heart out of his mouth at Sanji, who wasn’t expecting this and probably didn’t need it as much as Zoro was convinced he did.
“Anyways… I just wanted to tell you all that. Because not enough people are honest with that sort of thing. You’re important to me, to us, despite whatever worries are in your head,” Zoro mumbles, sitting back down harshly.
Sanji starts laughing, and it’s jarring in its unexpectedness.
“What?” Zoro asks, confused.
“You!” Sanji manages through his laughter, “you’re so stupid!”
Zoro growls, suddenly regretting leaving his swords back in the bunk room because he’s suddenly itching to start a fight.
Before he can ask what the hell Sanji means, he continues, “I can’t believe you just confessed all that out of nowhere. Didn’t you wake me up to talk about my memories more? You hardly even brought those up!”
“Why would I bring those up? They’re private! If you want to tell me about them, sure, but I’m not going to make you!” Zoro defends himself, feeling like they’re about to enter a childish argument.
“You asked me about my mom, before!” Sanji points out, probably trying to win the fake argument they’re apparently having now.
“Because it was important! I wanted to know more about her. Plus I hadn’t remembered everything at the time! If you said you truly didn’t want to talk about her, I would’ve given up,” Zoro says, also trying to win.
“This is the least romantic confession that has ever happened. When I confess to you, it’ll be far more romantic!” Sanji practically shouts, and it’s finally Zoro’s time to freeze in shock.
He doesn’t pause for as long as Sanji did earlier, just long enough to watch Sanji process what he just said.
“When you what?” Zoro asks, immediately grinning so wide it hurts his cheek.
“Nothing! You misheard me,” Sanji says, and at last pulls his hand out of Zoro’s grip. Zoro reaches forward and grabs his hand again, not letting that slide.
“You’re going to confess? To me?” Zoro clarifies, already knowing he’s right based on Sanji’s reaction.
“Get out of the galley, I need to start breakfast preparation!” Sanji yells, ripping his hand away again. He stands up and begins speed walking towards the kitchen, but very noticeably he doesn’t actually kick Zoro out like Zoro would’ve expected.
Zoro follows, not done with this conversation.
“So when will you confess? How will you make it romantic?” He says as Sanji starts very loudly and pointedly pulling out cooking utensils.
After a moment, Sanji finally stops ignoring him, but he doesn’t turn to face him.
“It was going to be romantic as fuck. Candle lit dinner, cooked by me obviously. You would’ve been freshly showered, I would’ve been in my best suit. Just the two of us on the ship. I would tell you how despite our constant arguments I enjoy your company, and despite how gross, ugly, and smelly you are, your strength and loyalty make you beautiful. How you inspired me to follow my dreams, as dedicated as a man who’d willingly get cut in half rather than give up,” Sanji says, whispering it out. Zoro strains to hear, but is glad Sanji is facing the other way because he’s no doubt as red as Sanji had been earlier.
Zoro walks closer, directly behind Sanji. Instead of replying right away, he gets as close to kissing Sanji as he can right now while the cook refuses to turn to him. He presses his lips to the back of Sanji’s neck, and Sanji jumps at this action too. He whirls around in shock.
“Sounds romantic. This is more my style,” Zoro responds, and attempt to lean forward for a real kiss now that Sanji is facing him. Sanji’s hand stops him.
“We’re not kissing until I get to confess for real, for a real first date. Going through my traumatizing memories and then spending weeks dancing around each other before accidentally confessing is not how this begins,” Sanji declares, face red but determined. Zoro grins against Sanji’s fingers.
“you confessed by accident. I did it on purpose,” Zoro reminds him, conveying through his tone that he considers this a win over the cook. By Sanji’s annoyed eye twitch, he knows it too.
—
Everything about the scene is familiar. Zoro waking up as he has been for the last few months. It’s so early it’s practically the dead of night, the moon still reflecting through the window, with the sun nowhere near rising. Luffy and Usopp snoring, although Luffy’s is far louder. Franky sleep humming, and Chopper not snoring but making a strange noise every once in a while. There are always clothes scattered around the room, despite everyone’s best attempt at keeping it clean. By everyone, Zoro only means Sanji. He’s the only one who genuinely makes an effort.
Sanji is always the reason Zoro wakes up. He’s climbing out of their hammock, doing his best to stay silent and keep Zoro asleep, but he always fails. Sanji can move slowly, silently, completely unnoticeably, but Zoro will always wake up. It’s not the sound that wakes him up. It’s the absence of Sanji by his side.
“Hmmmm,” Zoro mumbles, reaching blindly because he doesn’t even have enough energy to try and open his eyes.
Like always, Sanji sighs, but grabs Zoro’s arm.
“Go back to bed. I’m preparing breakfast,” Sanji whispers, so quietly Zoro isn’t sure he’s not making it up in his sleep-addled brain.
Zoro always tugs Sanji back, trying to pull him back down. Sanji always manages to pull himself out of Zoro’s grip, slack with tiredness.
“Bed. Cmon,” Zoro lets out, his attempts always futile.
“Not right now. Don’t be a baby,” Sanji responds, but he moves closer and presses a kiss to Zoro’s wrist.
“‘Kay,” Zoro murmurs, placated by the kiss. Sometimes he manages to wake up fully, and follow Sanji into the kitchen. Sometimes he wakes up enough to have a conversation, before he falls back asleep, sometimes he doesn’t even manage to get words out before he falls asleep, but he always wakes up and grabs Sanji, trying to convince him to go back to sleep. It always fails. Sanji always kisses him somewhere, his hand, his arm, his cheek, his lips, his forehead. Always somewhere Zoro will feel it.
Most commonly the scar that resides on Zoro’s wrist.
Zoro never forgets any of it.