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There’s something about Christmas (especially Christmas Eve), the joy and cheer spread in the air. December is a magical time for New York, the decorations are everywhere, trees and Christmas lights across every store, every house. People’s smiles come easier, you can feel something shifting and changing. It’s the season of relaxation, of spending quality time with friends and family, showing people around you how much they mean to you.
Of course…..you can do all that only if you have the time and are not swamped with work like she is.
Olivia made a promise to herself holidays would be easier this time around. She would cut off her hours for December- she had the leniency to do it as a Captain- and she would dedicate moments of her time to important things. For once, she wanted to have what everyone else was talking about; the shopping dates with friends, the Christmas cartoon screenings with her son, the full on decorated apartment to the point of ridiculousness. She was curious to try her hand at baking cookies and make a stuffed turkey all by herself. Unfortunately, none of that came to pass. Crime never sleeps, predators never stop and someone has to be out there to deliver justice to the victims aching for it.
The mall is huge, she’s merely a speck of dust between the hundreds of people passing by. Their laughter and big smiles fill the space with warmth. It should reach her, the festive spirit should be present in her heart; instead all she has inside of her veins is the unwavering duty to accomplish her task and close the case. Like a well oiled machine, she’s most of all always a soldier, a cop. Spending holidays away from her son shouldn’t phase her, really . Noah understood, insistent to pass a specific amount of time with the McCann’s since his brother came into their lives. It didn’t make her role as his mother any less vital. As a woman who found her brother at an older age, she respects her son’s wishes to have memories with another person being a part of his story.
“Cap, should we search the upper floor?”
Velasco’s voice interrupts her musings, her thoughts dissolve like smoke clearing up her jumbled brain. The call back to duty returned and her inner pondering should maybe take place another time.
“Yeah, you and Bruno take the upper floors. I’m gonna remain here. The suspect is working in the mall for the holidays. From the description the victim gave we should be able to tell him apart.”
Leaving her two detectives on their own, she walks further down the center corridor, losing herself between the crowds carrying huge bags full of clothing, toys and ornaments. The clothing stores are packed and the fast food shops are occupied by teens with their company. Her steps lead her to the big hall where Santa’s chair and sack of presents with the huge tree are placed. Small screams of toddlers and infant cries are the loudest noise amongst the vast space. She experienced moments like these with her son. Even if they were a nightmare for a first time mom like her; they were precious. A treasure she keeps locked tight. Noah is growing up and before she realizes it her baby will be out of the house.
Her staring is abruptly stopped by the captivating image of her reflection on her right side. It’s a jewelry store, one with various antique necklaces, bracelets and rings. She can tell everything is unique, old and extremely valuable.
Her eyes are enthralled, caught in the reflection of her figure. She’s wearing muted colors, not something flashy. Maybe it’s why the compass shines bright on her chest. Her treasured gift from Elliot certainly gives the stuff in the window shop a run for their money.
Elliot.
The name hasn’t left her mind. There’s a pair of blue eyes circling inside her noggin. These days his absence is felt greatly, it’s a thorn rooted in her heart poking her pre-existing trauma, making it bleed into her psyche. She experienced his leaving once before. It was like losing a limb. At that time she felt angry, pained and desperate. She was losing the ground beneath her feet, a profound heartbreak taking up space in every cell of her body. This time the feelings shaped up to be something different. Nostalgia and melancholy are the prominent emotions taking up space when it comes to him now. She misses him, desires of his presence in a way resembling that of long time lovers.
They haven’t even started anything and yet she is impatient for his return. Every time the phone rings she waits with bated breath to see if it’s him.
Grasping the gold compass around her neck, she toys with it. Maybe this holiday season she’s feeling blue because what she wants most of all is Elliot.
“See anything you like to match the compass?”
She’s startled, brought out of her headspace by the familiar smooth teasing, his voice that of a melody she spent twelve years hearing. Slowly, like a scared animal, she raises her head, meeting the familiar face of her partner. Elliot.
The first thing she notices is the beard, trimmed nicely along his chin and cheeks. Her brown orbs wander to the bulging muscles that stretch his blue shirt. The man sometimes can be irritatingly handsome and sexy.
At first, she doesn’t believe it’s him, thinking her mind conjured a hallucination in order to cope. When she spares him a second glance on the window, her opinion changes drastically.
His cerulean eyes are sparkling with joy, a certain characteristic that cannot be replicated. It’s Elliot at his core, his soul reflected on his expressive gaze. The kindness and gentleness of him.
“Are you really here?” By this point, she can tell he’s isn't a figment of her imagination. The words honestly slipped out. She still couldn’t believe the phantom of the man she yearned for was right here to touch.
He doesn’t speak, instead he takes a step, his chest flush against her back. His voice is soft as he leaves a feather light touch on her fingertips. “Sure looks like it.”
Her sculpted eyebrow rises, looking at him expectantly to elaborate further. “Bell is somewhere around here, came for an interview.”
“When did you return?” The question needed to be uttered, a doubtful tone hidden behind it. Sometimes she’s harsh, she doesn’t mean to but it’s her trust trying to hold on, the trauma coming back to haunt her.
His blue eyes never stray as he responds, his fingertips by now having gripped her own, soothingly rubbing circles against her skin. “Would you believe if I said the day before yesterday? It was twelve am. Called the kids and just passed out. I was exhausted. But hey, you know me. Can’t stay away.”
The smile starts to broaden, the curved lines of her face stretched wide. It’s not something happening often. She’s ready to respond when-
“Catch him ! He’s getting away!” A woman could be heard shrieking.
Their heads turn in unison, a move they mastered in all their years as partners. The figure running is in all red and he’s fast. Olivia, realizes it’s the mall Santa. There’s no time for second thoughts or to stay idle for long. She needs to act fast and so does her partner. Elliot’s face holds the same seriousness.
Their connection is something that existed since the dawn of time. They anticipate each other’s moves, are essentially the same person. It’s as if a higher being created them with the same heart and brain. They only needs a few seconds, both of them starting to run. She knows she’s getting the right side and Elliot the left. It always was like this during their partnership and why should it change now? She’s the one chasing and he’s the one waiting on the end to catch the perp. It’s their own plan, a game they had perfected.
When the Santa (actually a young guy with a fake belly and white beard) turns the corner, terrified from seeing her pursue him, Elliot is right there to catch him. Her partner pop ups out of nowhere falling on top of him as they both tumble to the floor. The handcuffs are already out, her hands squeezing tightly the Santa’s hands and passing them on. The security that has been notified, is hot on their heels arriving just as they were getting the man on his feet.
“Thank god. We were afraid he’d get away.”
“Captain Benson. Special Victim’s Unit. This is Detective Stabler. Organized Crime. ”
The security reluctantly shakes hands with her. “Glad you caught him. He’s responsible for robbing parents coming for photos ops with their kids. All this time we were blind to it.”
No shit. With two security guards to protect a three story mall it’s no wonder they were lacking.
Her eyes dart over behind the guard’s shoulder and she spies Velasco and Bruno coming towards her with their suspect. Looks like they’ve caught him. She sighs, disappointed she has to part with Elliot and get back to reality.
“Cap, we got him. Was hiding upstairs.”
Turning around she’s prepared for the sorry to slip out and the excuse. It never comes. Elliot grasps her shoulder gently muttering an “It’s okay. Bell is calling me too.” It’s true his phone buzzes and he’s wearing an apologetic expression.
“See you soon?” he asks hopeful.
Olivia doesn’t plan for it, it's her mouth that tends to run faster than her brain on this occasion. She misses him and maybe this is a sign that she needs to take a leap, see if he’ll meet her in the middle.
His compass is on her neck, after all.
“Noah is at the McCann’s for Christmas and the morning after. We spend the previous days together so he wanted his brother. I was wondering if you’d-
“Yes.” He answers immediately, no hesitation whatsoever.
-come by my apartment at like seven pm? We can talk about how your UC went. That’s if you don’t have plans with the kids.” She finishes off her sentence while looking at him shocked. He said it so casually it was hard to comprehend it at first.
He really is quick when he wants to.
“Don’t have any plans. Kids will be actually on a trip together.” He replies, smiling softly.
She’s sad when he mentions this detail, holiday melancholia is something she knows extremely well and that’s because she spends her days with Noah or alone. Elliot always had people, family, a house filled with joy. She imagines, it’s different the last few years.
This time around, she’s secretly happy they get to spend it together.
“Great then, I’ll see you tomorrow?” she eagerly asks, a sculpted eyebrow raised and eyes waiting with anticipation.
“Tomorrow.”
Her stomach already tightens with knots. She’s filled with dread but also excitement. For once, maybe things should be left to fate. The question is, will she be kind?
***********************************************
With a case closed and all her detectives spending their holidays away from the precinct her Christmas are a quiet affair. At least until Elliot comes.
She spends the day video-calling Noah, watching closely as he opens his present, the light never leaving his eyes. She’s happy her son has other people to depend on, another unit to create memories with.
Amanda calls her out of nowhere too, having the girls sing her Christmas carols and pressuring her into an invitation. She declines, knowing this particular night won’t be spend lonesome. The rest of time, she spends cooking (mac & cheese, nothing fancy- she’s not a great coo ) and tidying up the house.
When seven pm arrives and the doorbell rings, she’s in a wine colored dress with a V neckline. Sweats could have worked too, but she won’t lie. She wants to impress him even if she won’t ever admit it out loud.
“Coming!”
A bearded Elliot holding a single yellow rose and a present in his hand greets her. His smile is as bright as the sun. He cleans up well when he wants to. With his black shirt, tight pants and leather jacket; he’s a sight to behold.
“Can I come in?”
Shaking off her invasive thoughts, she ushers him quickly inside. “Yes, of course.”
“The rose is for you. It needs water.”
It’s a unique color, one she doesn’t see often. Hearing his words, she heads for the kitchen, his footsteps indicating he’s following her closely. When she places the rose in the water she asks the question itching to come out. He may be able to give her an answer. He’s the one that picked it out . “Why yellow?”
The scenery is familiar, she’s traveling eleven months ago, almost a year since they had that precious fragile moment in her kitchen. She wasn’t ready then, maybe she’s not even ready now but if she doesn’t fall, if she doesn’t risk it she will stay with the what if’s all her life. She hates those, hates not taking chances and that stems from the fact she lost so many with him already.
Turning around and giving him a glass of wine as she grasps her own, she observes him looking intensely at her, a hunger visible on his eyes and a filthy smirk.
“Friendship and trust.”
Her grin is huge, not able to be hidden .”Well, I’m glad-”
“I’m not finished.” He replies leaving the glass on the counter as he takes the gift on his hand.
She stops, waiting curiously, anxiously. She’s frozen. It’s a movie playing slowly. Every interaction counts when it comes to him. His muscled form stops in front her, his unoccupied hand landing on her waist.
If her next breath is loud when it fills the room, Elliot doesn’t comment on it.
“It also means love at first sight. A love so great that it spells eternity. You have always been that for me Liv, even if I didn’t show it.”
Her eyes fill with tears, droplets threatening to fall. His voice is soft and his expression honest. She gulps shaking like a little bird in his arms. The bastard always knows how to leave her speechless.
“Now, why don’t you open your present?”
Her composure barely hangs on but she manages to answer. He’s always saving her like this, from emotional moments that are too much for her. “But I didn’t get you anything.”
“Sometimes, it’s better to give than to receive.”
The words shake her to her core, her trembling hands vibrating while carefully opening he bag. Her gasp is heard throughout the room. “Elliot this is gorgeous. W-where did you find this?”
“Phoned the jeweler responsible for your compass. Asked for it to be made in advance. If I wasn’t here, Kathleen or Bell would have given it to you.”
The bracelet is gold, the same shade as the compass she has on her neck. There’s a tiny picture of a map inside with New York in bold letters . Their place. Two charms hang from the two sides. One with an O for Olivia and one with N for Noah.
“Turn it around. There’s an engraving.”
He’s right. There’s a quote of his handwriting. The jeweler replicated it perfectly.
“Life is a journey. You hold the map.”
It’s the most truthful thing she has ever read. Life was a long journey for her, one without a particular destination. The only force behind it was her goal of justice for her mother and for the victims. Every decision was her own. She held the map for every step of the way in her life. She has always been the Captain of her own fate before a detective. There are things that hurt her at points but those decisions weren’t in her control and she’s not at fault for them. She did the vest she could with what life gave her.
That brings her to now.
She’s the one steering the wheel and for a long time it leads her to Elliot. It will always be she and him. The compass and his actions showed it. She’s never felt more seen or understood than with him, never felt more at home.
“You like it?” He inquires , his hand still around her.
The only answer he receives is a passionate kiss on his lips.
*********************************************
He lays her down gently on the bed. It’s like she’s a goddess, a statue of worship and he falls at her feet showing his adoration. Her panties, surprisingly, are the first thing that comes off. He’s feral, hungry for a taste of her. There’s that specific glint in his eye, one telling her he wants to devour her.
When the underwear land on the floor and her dress is bunched to her waist, he pulls her legs around his shoulders gazing unashamedly at her glistening core with the triangle of hair. She takes care of herself, is trimmed down there and she can tell he’s pleased.
“Been waiting a long time for this. A long time to taste you.”
His tongue is surprisingly long when it comes in contact with her pussy. He’s relentless, licking her walls with intent and she swears she can already see the stars behind her eyes. She’s already been so wet, a feat rarely happening the last years. Olivia guesses, it’s the person. If anyone would have done it for her, it would be Elliot.
Small little moans escape from her mouth as he adds two fingers pumping them in tandem with his spearing tongue. The pressure rises and she’s ready to snap, ready to travel to euphoria. He’s skillful, a blue eyed devil dragging her into surrender.
Fuck. She’s right there.
His lips close around her clit blowing hotly and she screams. A sound like that of a howling animal. When his fingers curve inside of her she cums, white filling her vision as a raw moan leaves her body.
She’s contracting around him and he slurps every single drop, prolonging her pleasure and keeping her anticipating for more.
When he pops up from between her legs and rises to her height on top of the bed, Olivia glances at his bearded wet face for the first time.
He’s beautiful, a mess of his own with her release painting every feature of his. A specimen, a wonder of a human being all for her. There’s Christmas lights on her room and they reflect on his face, bathing him in the homey red and green glow, showcasing his sharp cheekbone lines and expressive cerulean blues she gets lost into.
She’s so in love with this man. Olivia can’t wait any longer; she aches for some sort of contact so she takes initiative, nipping at his bottom lip as their tongues battle for dominance.
Time to lose their clothes.
*************************************************
When he slips inside of her, her whole body is on fire. An electric current passes through every cell, destroying her beyond belief, beyond human comprehension.
This is it. He’s the one, her final destination. They are meant in the stars. He was always supposed to come back for her, come back to her.
His cock stretches her wide and she feels him in her belly. Elliot is the perfect fit of her, her cunt like a lock finally finding its key. It’s a magical moment, twenty five years in the making. Their bodies and souls are meeting in their most primal form.
Possessively, he takes one of her legs, curving it on his hip as he starts thrusting. His strength is impressive and she’s left in pieces, trying to hold onto his shoulder with her other hand curving around his neck.
“More.”
She’s extremely wet and he’s slipping inside of her easily, hitting the secret spot that most of her partners don’t know, the one making her shiver and be on the edge of orgasmic bliss.
After her command his pace quickens. Elliot is persistent, pounding her to the headboard, using everything he has on his arsenal in order to satisfy her.
And damn, isn’t she satisfied?
Their bodies are coated in sweat when he takes a nipple in his mouth, sucking her areola and biting it gently.
“Please. I’m…..so…..close.”
She lets out a small moan, barely audible. She can hardly breathe from the passion but she longs for the torture to end, the release to obliterate her.
Elliot doesn’t leave her high and dry. His hand sneaks downwards quickly, the pad of his finger coming in contact with her clit applying pressure to the little bundle of nerves.
She explodes, liquid rushing in abandon as she comes endlessly, drenching their sheets with her release. There’s a low groan released from Elliot’s mouth. He’s close too, can feel it from the jerk and swelling of his dick inside of her.
He only needs an incentive, a trigger to bring him over the edge. With her contracting cunt still like a vice around him, she clenches her inner pussy muscles. That does it. His expression can only be described as bliss, pure happiness. His dick shoots his load inside of her, painting her walls white with his semen .
Hugging him tightly with their bodies still pulsing, out of the corner of her eye Olivia spies the decorated window. The lights may be blocking her full view but it doesn’t matter. He can still the snow falling.
It’s a rare sight. The weather forecast predicted sunshine and clear skies. Sometimes, unexpected things happen though and you can’t do anything but admire the magic, the small miracles holidays can bring. It’s kind of like her and Elliot.
Unexpected but welcomed and what she needed all along.