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“It hurts.”
“What does, Doctor?” The child was by their side–Amiya–a part of their mind told them. The part not pounding in anguish. Are you injured somewhere?”
“My head. All this anger, fear. Hurts.”
The young girl frowned.
Empathy
Concern
Understanding
“It’s alright, Doctor, it will go away. I can help, if you’d let me.”
“Please.” They all but begged, desperation soaking their voice as they looked up at her, fragile hope simmering in their eyes.
The child’s smile was shaky but her gaze strong, gently taking their hands in hers. They followed her lead, closing her eyes and letting her do what she pleased as they sat there, fighting just to hold back the emotions hammering away at them.
Anger, vengeance…fear… peace… death… peace… peace
Slowly, their mind was brought above the writhing chaos they found themselves in, brought up, up, and up, soaring into the sky until they breached even the clouds themselves.
Above everything else, they let the sun wash over them, it’s warm rays gently burning away the harsh tendrils of emotions suffocating them.
“It will be alright, Doctor.” They could hear Amiya, her voice so far away yet so close at the same time. “We have you back with us, and you will have us to help you as much as we can.”
Trust, hope, love
They could feel her own emotions surrounding them, wrapping around them like the vile feelings that they had just escaped from. Unlike those though, her feelings were comforting, as warm as the sun shining upon them.
“Trust.”
They opened their eyes, the spell broken by their own words. From floating among the clouds in the sun’s warm embrace, they had been yanked back down to the harsh reality of Terra(Terra? How did they know that word?)
They froze, waiting for the rush of negative emotions to crush them once more, and they were still there, but as they waited with growing dread, the crushing feelings never truly came. They lingered in the background of their mind, held back by… something.
“Doctor?” They turned back to Amiya, the girl looking towards them with hopeful eyes. “Are you feeling better?”
“...yes.”
The child’s happy smile was worth everything they had just gone through, Amiya’s entire being brightening in joy as she helped them to their feet.
“I know there’s a lot you don’t understand right now Doctor, and I’m sorry I can’t explain everything right now, we don’t have a lot of time right now.”
The words hadn’t even left her mouth before there was a commotion at the entrance, heads turning as shouts and cries echoed from the corridor outside.
“Hostiles inbound,” a Guard said, preparing his weapon. “How are we doing this, Amiya?”
“The Doctor will take command.”
Shock
The Doctor could feel it even through the muted bubble covering them, the surprise of the surrounding people as they all looked to the young girl in disbelief.
“T-the Doctor?” The Medic asked. “But they just woke up, a-and with their memory loss and communication problems how will they be able to…”
“They will,” Amiya assured her, a comforting smile easing the others’ worries as she turn to the tactician. “Doctor, I’m sorry to ask this of you so soon after you’ve awaken but please, give us the orders we need to survive.”
They stepped back, shaking their head firmly.
“Can’t.”
“You can,” Amiya smiled reaffirmingly. “Even without your memories, it will come back to you with time. I trust you.”
‘Can’t.’
They wanted to say it again, to refuse that they could possibly be capable of anything, but the word wouldn’t come to their lips.
How could they say no to this girl, this child, so obviously burdened with more responsibility than anyone should have at their age? She had saved them from themself, if she felt like they were able to achieve something, they couldn’t find it in them to let her down.
“Help.”
Amiya’s ears perked up, her hidden fears almost kept from even them slowly bleeding away in face of their reassurance.
Who were they to earn such trust from her? Could they continue to deserve such trust with how they were now?
There was no time to ponder such worrying questions, the sounds of conflict almost to their room.
“Operators,” they commanded, the words coming quick and familiar to their lips. “Prepare. Engage.”
The enemy came at them in a frenzied rush, only a momentary pause of confusion before their hatred pushed them forward.
Why were they so angry, why did they cry in pain even as they screamed in rage?
The Doctor couldn’t understand what they felt, nor did they have time to figure it out, not as the enemy was about to crash into their hurriedly constructed front line.
The orders came quick and stunted, ghosts of experience whispering in their ear as they gave short, stilted commands.
Thankfully the Operators knew what they were doing, quickly adapting to their commander's limitations and swiftly beating back the masked attackers.
“Reunion?” A Guard looked at a symbol on a fallen enemy’s shoulder. “What are they doing here?”
“Things aren’t going as planned,” Amiya guessed, her brow furrowed in worry. “If they’re all the way down here, what is it like for the rest of the city?”
“Anger.”
She turned to them, surprise flickering across her face.
“Doctor?”
“Anger,” they repeated, more firmly this time. “Fear. Hatred. Pain.”
The Operators shuffled anxiously, nervous murmurs traveling amongst them as Amiya digested the Doctor’s words.
“If what the Doctor is feeling is linked to Reunion’s sudden appearance, all of Chernobog might be experiencing similar incidents.” Worry flitted across her emotions before it was smothered by determination. “We need to head to the surface and rendezvous with the other teams. We have the Doctor, leaving should be our main priority.”
The Operators agreed, quickly coming together to move out. The Doctor just stood there, feeling lost among the clearly experienced men and women around them. The tactician had been giving clean, practiced orders just a moment ago, but now they felt like they were completely lost again.
“Doctor.”
They turned to Amiya, the young girl taking their hand in her own, giving it a reassuring squeeze.
“We’ll make it through this. With you leading us, we’ll be fine.”
They stared at her for a moment before nodding.
What else could they do when they were afraid to face the emotions that almost drove them to madness?
“This is the fate all Infected face.”
The Doctor listened to Amiya’s words, looking at the woman they had just saved. She hid her child behind her, glaring at them as if they had been the ones to destroy her very way of life.
Anger, grief, fear
“We are infected.” Amiya watched the woman run off with her daughter, the young leader’s expression closed off, resigned. “Because of our sickness, the world despises us and blames us for the continued spread of Oripathy.”
“Why?”
“Fear is a strong motivator, as well as a good way to control others. But sometimes, that fear comes back to punish those who try to abuse it.”
The Doctor looked around the destroyed street, bodies of Ursan and Reunion alike scattered amongst the rubble and burning wastes. Far above the chaos, a ripped Ursan flag fluttered listlessly in the wind.
“Wrong.”
They didn’t know what else to say, but the relieved smile Amiya gave him, it appeared to be the right choice.
“I’m glad you feel that way, Doctor. Having those who are willing to understand us and help us gives us strength.”
Especially if it’s from you
The unspoken sentiment was there, felt in the air through words rather than physical emotion. It left them blinking, taken off guard by the sheer sincerity of her words.
“Rhodes Island, move out!” Dobermann commanded, the Operators gathered in preparation. “We need to continue moving before we’re trapped by Reunion.”
“Come on, Doctor,” Ace said, clapping the tactician on the shoulder. The Doctor stumbled from the blow, catching themself from just falling as they glanced at the smiling man. “With you leading us, we’ll make it through without too much issue.”
Trust, doubt, resolution
The tactician stared at him, unsure how to decipher the emotions leaking through to them.
“Know me.”
A brow lifted above Ace’s sunglasses, the man pausing to regard the other.
“Yes, a lifetime ago. Amiya filled me in on the situation, I’m sorry you ended up losing your memories… as well as.”
The tactician shrugged, what could they say about something they had known only the entirety of their short memories?
“Works.”
Ace grinned, clapping the Doctor on the shoulder again, gentler this time.
“That’s the spirit, Doctor. Now come on, let’s get back home.”
‘Home.’
The thought sounded nice. Even if they didn’t know what home was to these people, the sense of comfort it brought to the tactician was enough to harden their resolve.
“Let’s go.”
FEAR
SHOCK
PAIN
ANGUISH
The Doctor’s hands itched to slam over their ears, to shut out the emotions tearing them asunder.
They forced them down, just as they kept their eyes open, forcing themselves to witness the carnage of what had been most of the Rhodes Island Rescue Team.
Here to rescue them.
The thought made them ill, bile rising in their throat. Tearing their gaze away from a charred corpse before they could puke in their mask, the Doctor looked to the single person that stood against them, the one that had single-handedly killed the strongest fighters the Doctor had met.
Her hair was gray as ash, twin obsidian horns protruding from her scalp like the Orginium shards now rising from the broken ground of the city. She wore a dress reflecting the burning remains she left in her wake, pitch black with burning ornate simmering beneath the darkness, begging to reignite.
A Reunion emblem flew from her arm, proudly displaying her allegiance to the ones who had brought doom to this city, the smoldering sword at her side—almost as tall as she but held effortlessly in a single hand—proving she was not an innocent witness to all of this.
Not that one could ever mistake her as innocent, not with the cold, uncaring look in her eye, or the swath of corpses left in her wake.
“A single attack…” The Medic muttered, her eyes blown wide as she stared in horror at her burning friends, shock quickly setting in. “All it took was a single attack and they all…”
A hand flying to her mouth, the girl hurriedly turned away. The Doctor couldn’t see it, but they could hear her wretch as she emptied her stomach on the ground beside her.
They were close to joining her, the smell of bile and burning flesh bringing back their earlier nausea. The storm of emotions actually helped, keeping them in so much pain they couldn’t focus on the gruesome sensations assaulting them.
‘What about Amiya?’
They turned to her in worry—not understanding how she was similar to them—but knowing she wouldn’t be unaffected.
Indeed, the young girl was struck by the sight before her, of her friends and comrades burned and massacred before her very eyes, but her resolve was far stronger than the Doctor had expected.
Or the Doctor ever hoped to be
Her gaze was firm as she watched the enemy approach, her twitching ears and rapid, almost panicked breathing, the only sign of her true feelings on losing so much so easily.
“Retreat,” the Doctor ordered, finding strength in a child’s courage. “Everyone, retreat.”
The Operators were more than happy to follow the order, Medics and helpers retrieving the injured while those who could fight prepared to make a final push.
“We won’t be able to retreat while she’s attacking us,” Nearl said, her gaze sharp in the face of such tragedy.
The knight was still prepared to fight—her shield and weapon in hand—even if her body was barely in condition to fight. Her shield hung limply on one arm while her weapon hand shook, the previous attacks from the mysterious sniper having taken it’s toll on the stalwart Defender.
The Doctor knew she was right, but they had no answer for the overpowering force bearing down on them. How does one plan for a natural disaster they have never encountered before?
The knowledge they have no answer struck a chord of despair in the tactician’s heart, the information might have even broke them if they weren’t already terrified to their very soul.
“Doctor!” Dobermann called, helping a wounded Guard to his feet. “What are your orders?”
‘I don’t know!’ They wanted to shout, to scream until the sky fell on them once more, their own body trapping them in silence. ‘I don’t know what to do!’
A hand came down, a firm clap on their shoulder that brought everything in distinct relief.
Frozen, the Doctor could only watch as Ace walked past him, a parting smile on the man’s lips as he turned to the burning monster marching towards them.
“It’ll be alright, Doctor.” Ace hefted his shield, standing between Rhodes Island and their approaching doom, his hammer held at his side in preparation. “Sometimes losses are necessary. What’s important is that at the end of the day, the chance of victory is still possible. That’s something you taught us a long time ago, it seems even with your memories gone, somethings are just unavoidable.”
“No…” The words came from the tactician in a quiet whisper, unable to turn away from the inevitability before them.
“Dobermann!” Ace called. “Nearl! Make sure the others make it back to Rhodes Island.”
“Very well,” the Guard bit out, her jaw tight as her emotions screamed at the Doctor, voicing what she was unwilling to say.
Denial, sorrow, anger, anguish, why, why, WHY
“No!” The Doctor shouted, stepping forward. They had to help, they were supposed to be a brilliant tactician, surely they could think of something to save everyone, something to-
An arm around their waist pulled them away, Nearl taking them away from Ace and his remaining squad, their backs stalwart in the face of the roaring flames before them.
“We need to leave, Doctor,” the Defender said, her voice gentle, her emotions tightly wrapped in grief and self-loathing.
“Ace!” Amiya called, struggling against Dobermann’s iron grip. “Everyone! Please, don’t do this!”
The man glanced behind him, a soft smile for the child who never should have had to bear such responsibilities.
“It’ll be alright, Amiya. Trust Dr. Kal’tsit and the Doctor to take care of the rest.”
“Ace!”
A final shout, a final, desperate plea, and then they were gone, the survivors too far away to see or hear the brutal, inevitable end to their friends and comrades.
“What a pleasant reunion this is, wouldn’t you agree?”
The Doctor gazed at the woman—W, she had called herself—with tired, weary eyes. Numb after the hell they had just escaped from, they could still feel her emotions burning like oil.
Hate, hate, grief, HATE, hate
The recoil sent them staggering back, a pain groan leaving them as they struggled to understand the strength of her disdain for them.
What had they done to earn such derision from this woman?
There would be no answers for the lost tactician.
After a short yet intense scuffle, the woman drew back, leaving the tattered remains of the Rhodes Island limping to the meet up point.
There an airship awaited them, lifting the few survivors up in it’s metal wings and carrying them off to the unknown.
Safety, Amiya had said, Rhodes Island the name of the mysterious location they were heading to.
The Doctor was too drained and worn out to ask any questions, nor was anyone in any position to answer.
All around them, the Operators thrummed with dim emotion, all of them sharing the same feeling.
Despair
It weighed heavy on the Doctor, but they bore it the best they could. A glance at Amiya’s lost expression and they knew they could not ask her to help them again.
Reaching out an arm, they slowly wrapped a hand around her shoulder and pulled her to their side. Stiffening in surprise, the young girl looked up, relaxing as she gazed up at their dark helmet.
“I’m alright, Doctor,” she assured them, her eyes shimmering. “It’s just…”
The reason was unknown, but the movement familiar as they wrapped their arms around her and drew her into a gentle embrace.
Amiya held herself back for a moment before the tears gave way, the young girl finally letting her emotions come pouring out, bawling her eyes out in the crook of their arm.
For the rest of the flight, they stayed like that, an adult with less memories than a baby comforting a child who had more burdens than most adults.