Work Text:
Tango's POV:
BDoubleo100 whispered to you: join the voice group
BDoubleo100 whispered to you: The Best Ever Magical Moss Man PRIVATE Chats (NOT FOR SCHEMES!!!) No Pranks INNOCENTS ONLY!!!!!!
BDoubleo100 whispered to you: NOW
You whispered to BDoubleo100: im busy
BDoubleo100 whispered to you: DO IT NOW OR ILL BLOW UP YOUR HOUSE
You whispered to BDoubleo100:…….you are going to blow up all of DO?
BDoubleo100 whispered to you: SHUT UP
BDoubleo100 whispered to you: JOIN THE GROUP
Tango rolled his eyes. But a break from rebuilding the card shuffler would probably do him some good.
Scrolling through the voice groups on his communicator, he had just enough time to think it was odd that Pearl was also in the group before Pearl was shouting through the speakers at him.
"Tango! We need your help!"
He only flinched a little. That much enthusiasm was a lot after midnight. But it was Pearl, so he probably should have expected it. "What's going on Pearlypop?"
"So we need you-"
"We need you to open Decked Out." BDubs said. Tango barely had a chance to say that Decked Out was still a complete mess after such a long hiatus and there was no way it would be open soon before BDubs continued. " But not really open it. You just need to say it's open. We just need Etho and Gem to think Decked Out is open."
That’s when Tango paused.
The problem with hermits, he'd had found over the years, was that they were some of the smartest, most brilliant, most clever people he had ever met. Which was a good thing.
Usually.
It was also an absolutely terrible thing when they decided to cause mischief.
And Tango sensed mischief.
"Why?" Tango asked, suddenly reevaluating the name of the voice group.
"So short version," Pearl started. "Is that Gem and Etho are both into each other but they are idiots who can’t get it together. But BDubs and I think that they might be able to finally figure it out and get together if they meet up soon. And Gem and Etho are both addicted to Decked Out. So if you tell them Decked Out is open they will both come to the dungeon and then they'll talk to each other and yeah yeah yeah happily ever after."
"You don't even have to open Decked Out!" BDubs quickly added. "In fact, you can't let them run. You have to keep them out of the dungeon because we need them to talk to each other and they can’t do that in the dungeon."
"Everyone stop," Tango said, rubbing his temples for a moment. "Can we back up to Gem and Etho? What's going on?"
"What's going…Tango do you have eyes?" Pearl said, her disbelief obvious even through the communicator.
"Yeah, I see them all the time here in the dungeon. They won't leave." Tango had started making extra coffee every morning because Etho kept stealing it all every time he slept in his cubby.
"And you haven't noticed them?" BDubs asked similar bafflement in his voice.
"Notice what? They tease each other all the time. I'm overflowing with Etho heads for how many times Gem has killed him." Tango scoffed.
He could actually see one now, an Etho head that he had left looking over the card shuffler, hoping maybe the redstone would behave if it knew Etho was watching. It didn't, but he could hope.
"Yeah, they are both super into each other. Sickeningly into each other. It's gross really." BDubs rambled on.
"And you want me to do what about it?" Tango asked, thinking back to their interactions in the dungeon over the past few months. Now that BDubs mentioned it, Etho was always with Gem. And not just around her the way he hung around Hypno or would sit with Tango in the control chatting about the dungeon. Tango had known Etho for a long time and he'd always been a fan of his personal space. Not that Tango minded. Some people were huggers. Some avoided physical contact like the plague. Etho was the latter. But Tango could think of a dozen times when he'd seen Gem in Etho's personal space. Times that she'd run right up to him or propped an elbow on his shoulder or jumped on his back. And it wasn't just Gem. Tango remembered Etho turning to whisper in her ear and pressing their shoulders together as they leaned against the wall and poking his head over her shoulder to examine her deck. Which was all very un-Etho of him. The only other person he'd ever seen Etho be like that with, Tango realized, was BDubs.
And Gem, well Tango guessed he just hadn't known Gem long enough to question her behavior. He thought she was just a big fan of Etho's. He'd never questioned why she was such a fan. Or if the motivation for the punching and the teasing and her practically permanent residence in the dungeon went beyond that.
"We just need your help to get them in the same place," Pearl said.
The plan was actually simpler than Tango expected. Hermits usually overcomplicated everything.
If his card shuffler could talk, he knew it would be calling him a hypocrite right now for thinking other people made overly complicated plans. But redstone couldn't talk, despite what his sleep-deprived brain sometimes thought.
Tomorrow, Bdubs would talk to Etho and try to convince him to talk to Gem. Meanwhile, Pearl would hang around Gem all day making sure she was free when Bdubs gave the signal. This would also be Tango's cue to tell everyone that Decked Out was open and for Pearl to suggest that Gem do some runs. During that time, Tango would privately message anyone also who might stop by to warn them that Decked Out actually wasn't open.
"Just tell them you're planning a prank." Bdubs offered. "We love a good prank."
"And you're confident that Etho isn’t going to need encouraging to run Decked Out?" Pearl asked.
"Not a chance." "Absolutely not." Bdubs and Tango said at the same time.
That man was addicted.
The only person more addicted was Pearl, but Tango wasn't going to mention that now.
Once they arrived Tango just needed to figure out a way to keep them from running in the dungeon. But he'd think of something. He could always fall back on the fact that the dungeon was still very, very, very broken.
He swore his redstone was possessed sometimes. That was the only explanation.
Maybe the slimes were eating it when he wasn't looking.
Weirder things had happened.
Like him missing that two people were apparently very obviously pining over each other right under his nose.
They were literally under his roof the whole time.
"Alright, just let me know whenever I need to do my part tomorrow," Tango said.
"We'll keep you updated!" Pearl chimed in.
"Operation Cleaning Up is up and running!" Bdubs declared.
"No. That’s not it. Keep working on that." Pearl sighed.
"Hey, it’s a great name! I'm great at naming things I-"
"Goodnight guys," Tango said, dropping out of the voice group and leaving them to bicker amongst themselves.
He looked at the Etho head still staring at him from about the card shuffler. "If I help you out, will you make sure the redstone behaves?" he asked, pointing at the head.
It didn’t respond.
"Good. Glad we are in agreement." Tango nodded, and went searching for wherever he left his shulker box of redstone supplies. It had to be around here somewhere.
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BDoubleo100 whispered to you: Mission Squeaky Clean is a go
<Tango> Decked Out is open for business once again!
<PearlescentMoon> YAAAAAAYY!!!
<GoodTimeWithScar> :D:D:D:D
<Etho> about time
<Tango> hey Etho
<Tango> come run deadly
<Tango> definitely not adding extra wardens just for you
<Etho> you’re an evil man
<Tango> :)
You whispered to Docm77: DECKED OUT IS NOT OPEN. I'm just helping prank Etho and Gem. STAY AWAY.
You whispered to GoodTimeWithScar: DECKED OUT IS NOT OPEN. I'm just helping prank Etho and Gem. STAY AWAY.
You whispered to cubfan135: DECKED OUT IS NOT OPEN. I'm just helping prank Etho and Gem. STAY AWAY.
You whispered to joehillssays: DECKED OUT IS NOT OPEN. I'm just helping prank Etho and Gem. STAY AWAY.
GoodTimeWithScar whispered to you: 1) are you going to release gem into the dungeon to kill etho?
GoodTimeWithScar whispered to you: 2) are you streaming it????
GoodTimeWithScar whispered to you: I want to watch plsplsplsplspls
Docm77 whispered to you: to get them together?
Docm77 whispered to you: it’s about time
joehillssays whispered to you: Is this to help them finally talk about their feelings? How can I assist?
Docm77 whispered to you: its been forever man they were driving us crazy
cubfan135 whispered to you: are you gonna lock them in together?
cubfan135 whispered to you: cause……uh…..if you lock them in the dungeon together they might fuck in your dungeon
You whispered to cubfan135: why does everyone think this about getting them together?
cubfan135 whispered to you: tango. man.
cubfan135 whispered to you: they’ve been mooning over each other for WEEKS
cubfan135 whispered to you: we all want to kill em
cubfan135 whispered to you: did you not know? where have you been?
You whispered to cubfan135: IVE BEEN RUNNING DECKED OUT
cubfan135 whispered to you: they're practically LIVING IN YOUR DUNGEON
Docm77 whispered to you: if they get together I need to know ASAP
Docm77 whispered to you: I need to win the bet with Ren
You whispered to Docm77: WHY IS REN INVOLVED
Docm77 whispered to you: etho won't shut up about gem when they build that ice racetrack together
Docm77 whispered to you: did you really not know?
PearlescentMoon whispered to you: TANGOTANGOTAGNOTANGO OPEN THE DUNGEON NOW
PearlescentMoon whispered to you: I WONT REALLY RUN
PearlescentMoon whispered to you: I just need to get in the dungeon
So Tango climbed down through the tunnels to the bottom of the minecart track, grabbing the closed sign on his way down. He hoped Pearl would be able to coordinate whatever she was planning, but he'd just have to intercept whoever came down the track before they tried to run. It would just be more awkward if it wasn't Pearl.
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Not 5 minutes later, Tango heard the rumble of the minecart and a PearlescentMoon dropped directly in front of him.
"Did it work?" he asked, hopeful based on the look on Pearl's face.
"The plan worked. Etho flew in literally right behind Gem and I which is why I needed you to open the dungeon and get me out of there. But it should be just them upstairs. Assuming no one else shows up."
"I told the rest of the hermits to stay away. Now it's just up to Gem and Etho."
"Exactly. Given their track record, I shouldn’t have hope. But I do. Is that stupid?" Pearl asked, glancing up at Tango. He could see the hope in her eyes that they would finally figure it out this time. The hope that this time would be different. A hope that persisted despite all evidence to the contrary. And there was plenty of evidence that it wouldn't work given how long those two had apparently been dancing around each other. Why would today be any different? Gem and Etho had sat alone in the dungeon plenty of times before, and nothing had changed. Why should they be hopeful that it would be different this time?
But then Tango thought of Zed, and the way he laughed at the definition of insanity. The inside joke had started between then years ago, when Zed had died for the zillionth time trying to do something ridiculous and Tango had rolled his eyes, scoffing, "The definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
"It's not the same! I'm different each time! I'm getting better!" Zed had called back, before promptly dying.
Again.
It had no right to become something profound between them. Maybe it only stuck because of how comically inaccurate it was in the moment. But it stuck nonetheless.
"Definition of insanity!"
"I'm different each time!"
A call and response when Tango reconfigured a redstone contraption over and over only for it to keep failing.
A little encouragement when Zed couldn’t figure out a mechanic after weeks of testing.
A reminder that from every failure you improved a little bit, got a little better, learned a little more.
A silly way to remember to not give up hope that you will succeed eventually.
Something had made BDubs confident that this time would be different. And maybe it would be. Maybe this time Gem and Etho would be different than all those times before.
And of course, having their friends actively working to get Gem and Etho together might help too. A good game designer knew how important external forces could be on a person's decisions, even subtle ones.
"It's not stupid to want your friends to be happy. And if they like each other, I'm sure they'll figure it out. They're smart cookies." Tango said with a smile. Then he shrugged. "And if not, we try something else."
"If they don’t get together soon we'll have to start a club to organize our interventions." Pearl sighed, rubbing her temples.
"You can recruit plenty of helpers. Almost everyone I messaged just assumed the prank was about getting Gem and Etho together."
"Really?" Pearl turned, wide-eyed. Then she paused. "Actually I'm not surprised. They are the least subtle people on earth. In hindsight, I really really should have noticed."
"Hey, we just need to get your brother on board and it will become a full-fledged military operation."
"He'll make up stupid code names." Pearl rolled her eyes.
"He and Bdubs would be insufferable." Tango laughed. "Come on, let's go grab your deck while we wait for the lovebirds to figure it out. And then maybe you can help me hide the yeti."
So Tango and Pearl started the climb back up through the back tunnels of the dungeon, grabbing her deck before digging up through the floor of the control room.
"Do you see them?" Pearl asked as Tango replaced the blocks in the floor.
He glanced at the video feeds from inside the lobby and around the cubby area.
No sign of Etho or Gem.
"Let me check the playback." He muttered, sliding into his chair to pull up the last few minutes of footage. As they rewound, they watched Etho glide in beside Gem and Pearl, Pearl enter the dungeon, and then saw Gem and Etho chat for a moment. Then they watched Gem punch Etho and before they flew out the front door, blasting off into the sky on their elytra.
"Give me a second," Tango reached to the back of the desk into his bundle of wires. "I can connect the speakers in here so we can listen to see where they-"
"No." Pearl shook her head. "I don't want to pry. They deserve their privacy."
Tango paused, watching Pearl watch the paused video of Gem and Etho in the lobby.
"Okay." He said, sitting back in his seat and pulling up the live feed again of an empty lobby. "Then I guess we wait."