Aris Jones x Reader Oneshots

by The_Original_Loser

Summary:

It's exactly what it sounds like.It has everything except smut.Requests are open.

Chapter 1: Locket

Aris's P.O.V

"I'm sorry Aris. I can't,"Y/N whispered, her voice firm and confident. 

"Please. Don't go,"I begged, mine the exact same opposite. 

"Minho needs me. I can't let him suffer. You understand that, right?"She asked, her tone pleading for me to say yes. 

I did. She had come back to save me. So even though my heart was shattering in a million pieces it wouldn't be fair for me to say anything less than that.

"Just come back to me. Please,"I whispered. She merely sighed and shook her head. I already knew exactly what she was going to say next, and I knew it was going to destroy me.

"You know I don't lie to people Aris, and you know that especially means you. I would never make a promise I couldn't keep,"She reminded me. Still, I needed to at least hear the words from her mouth if I wanted any chance of being able to sleep at night.

"Lie to me. Just lie to me this once. I'll never ask you to do it again,"I promised. She just gave me a sad smile before taking my hand.

"I don't change my morals for anyone. That includes you,"She whispered. I knew that to. It was something that I had always admired about her. 

"Yeah. I do,"I nodded. 

"So here's what I'm going to do instead. You're going to take this, and anytime you need to think of me you'll remember I'm right beside you,"She said, taking her locket off of her neck. "This way I'll always be by your heart,"She explained.

"Y/N, I can't accept this."

"But you can. I know you'll take care of it for me,"She responded, placing it in the middle of my palm and closing my hand around it. The cold metal seemed to burn my skin because it belonged to her. Her touch always seemed to do that, to linger even when she pulls away. Even this seemingly small piece of jewelry did that because it means the world to her. It's the only connection she has to her old life.

"I promise to keep it safe until you get back."

"No. It's yours now."

"But it means so much to you. It's the only thing you have of your life before this,"I reminded her.

"It does mean a lot to me, but you know what?"She asked.

"What?"

"You don't just mean more than that. You mean everything to me,"She said as I traced my hand over the small intricate designs carved into the heart. I opened it to see a picture of Y/N smiling wide. A boy sat beside her. They were both wearing plain clothes with neatly combed hair. The boys face was blurry, but hers was clear as day. They looked around seven, and more importantly they looked happy. 

I felt a lump in my throat as I looked at the black and white photo. Despite her being around a decade older she still had some of the same features. Some things never change.

Life though, changes all the time. 

"You will see me again. Maybe not soon, maybe not in this lifetime, but we will be together again. That is my promise,"She whispered, pressing her forehead against mine. I slowly closed the gap between us, savoring the feel of her lips on mine for what may be the last time. My hands made my way to her hair as I gradually deepened the kiss. Before it could get to heated she pulled away. 

"I have to go now. If I stay any longer I'm scared I'll change my mind,"She admitted. 

"I love you,"I whispered. 

"I love you too, and remember,"She repeated as I put the locker over my head, "that I'll always be right here,"She finished, placing her hand over my heart. The ghost of a smile appeared on her face. 

"I'll see you later,"She whispered. "And that's not a lie. Not even death would be able to keep us apart,"She promised, and I know she never breaks her promises. 

"Goodbye,"I uttered, scared to raise my voice. She just kissed my cheek before walking away.

As she did one thing was clear. No matter what happens she would always be in my heart. So as I stand here running my fingers over the locket I know that we'll be reunited again in some way. That was enough to keep me going.

Chapter 2: Freckles

Summary:

Pure fluff

The Safe Haven is nice. It has stability, safety, and the opportunity to be be, well, safe. It also had really pretty night skys. The stars always shone so bright out here. 

Still, that's not what I was focused on right now. I was focused on who I was seeing them with. Because it's the people that make a home what it is, and Aris is mine. 

"Twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen,"I quietly counted. He looked down and wore a half smile. 

"Do you really think that you're going to be able to count all the stars in the sky?"He asked, with that same amused grin that I adored so much.

"I'm not counting the stars,"I sighed. 

"Then, what are you counting?"He asked, still gazing at me. I also stared right back, because he's the best thing to look at. The only thing worth admiring, worth giving all of my attention to, is him.

"You have freckles,"I explained.

"Yes. And?"He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You have freckles, and I want to see how many,"I clarified.

"Y/N, you're not going to be able to count my freckles."

"Yes I can. If I focus enough,"I argued.

"You aren't going to be able to just stare at me long enough for that."

"Sure I can. I can focus on you for the end of time,"I shrugged.

"Oh, my sweet angel,"He sighed, kissing my forehead. Despite how often he did so I still felt my face heat up. I couldn't help it. He's just so, well, he makes my heart beat faster. He makes me smile without realizing. All he had to was be around me, and the world was incredible. All because of him. 

"I love you,"He whispered, pushing a strand of hair out of my face. 

"I know,"I grinned.

"And?"He asked, gesturing for me to say it back. I pretended to be oblivious to it. "Y/N-"

"What? Did I do something?"I asked innocently. 

"That's just mean,"He complained.

"No. I'm your sweet angel. Remember?"

"Nope. I never said that,"He denied. 

"Mhm. Whatever you say,"I drew out. He just rolled his eyes, but he was still wearing a small smile. 

"I love you too, Aris. I love you with all my heart,"I swore, making an x across my chest. Because I needed him to smile wider. 

And he did.

Chapter 3: Anything For You

Summary:

-Descriptions of murder
-Childhood friends to lovers
-Unspoken feelings
-Emotional hurt/comfort

"I killed him. I killed someone,"Aris whimpered, staring at the guards dead body. Y/N sighed as she put on her gloves. He just stood there though as his mind tried to process this.

"Aris. Grab his legs so we can put him in the forest. The Cranks will probably get to him,"She pointed out, just trying to calm her friend down. It did nothing as he stayed frozen in shock. "He was going to shoot you, Aris. You reacted and struck him over the head with a tree branch,"She reasoned. He just kept staring ahead before falling to the ground. It wasn't as if he ever cared for this stranger, but he had taken a life. How could he not feel torn? Feel like a monster?

"How are you not freaking out?"He whispered, not looking at anything as he pulled his knees to his chest. Sighing, Y/N dropped to her friends level and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Someone has to think clearly right now, and I'll do it. Listen. You and I were never out here. We were in our rooms trying to sleep. We never left our beds. That's our story if something happens,"She explained, still patting his shoulder. He wiped more tears from his eyes as he nodded. Then, with shaky hands, he grabbed the gloves and put them on. 

"Good. Come on,"She urged, pulling the dead guy's arms. Aris grabbed his ankles, and together, the two kids dragged this man into the woods. They didn't stop even when their legs threatened to give out. 

Then, they saw it. A hill. 

Exchanging a look, they knew what they had to do as they hauled him over before tossing his dead body down the steep area. He rolled before hitting the bottom with a hard thud. Still, they gathered sticks and leaves and went up and down the hill, until their muscles ached, to place them over the body. Even though deep down, they knew it wouldn't do anything it would give their minds something to go autopilot on. Y/N could tell that Aris especially needed that, and she was willing to do anything to help him.

After all, she had just covered up a murder that he had done alone. She watched it go down a few yards away when she had just been investigating a noise. When she heard a louder one though she turned around to see him pummeling this man. So she knew he wasn't innocent. She knew that even though the guard had a gun, Aris was angry at the world. It had treated them terribly, and guards like that had contributed. His rage had overtook him. He had given in and beaten a man to death. 

She would deny that until the end of time though. Aris Jones was innocent, and she would make sure the world saw it like that.

________________

Covered in sweat, Aris sat straight up. Breathing heavily and shaking, it took him a while to realize what had happened. He was in the Scorch. He had the Flare and had to get to the Safe Zone to cure it. He was with the Gladers and Y/N. Together, they were all walking towards the mountains. They had just stopped to sleep for a few hours.

It had been a dream. Then again it wasn't a dream. It wasn't a nightmare either. It was a memory. The memory of him murdering someone. He had only been a child at the time, around eight or nine. He was just out with his friend, because they wanted to know what the world was like. It was supposed to be innocent.

Instead, he got something like this almost every night. He would dream of bashing the man's skull in. He would dream of his screams. He would dream of the way when he looked up Y/N was just standing there with her eyes wide and mouth agape. 

Then, she regained her composure. Together, they hid the body. 

They had never spoken of that night, and they definitely never snuck out again. 

Laying back down, he kept his eyes open. Because if he closed them he would see the dead man, and he couldn't handle that. Maybe it's selfish to attempt to block out what he did, but he didn't care. Nobody else was in his shoes. 

The only person who had the faintest idea was Y/N. Because she had turned ride or die into something else. She had made it so having friends and loyalty could involve dark things. It could be so messed up sometimes. 

She had been there though, and she hadn't hesitated to save his skin. If she hadn't been there he was sure he would have panicked even worse and ran.  

Ride or die. 

She was his ride or die.

♡ Time Skip♡

Y/N saw it. She had noticed that he had been more off than usual. She had admittedly thought, in the kindest way possible, that Aris was weird sometimes. 

This wasn't like that. He looked like he was going to pass out any second. He was lagging behind everyone despite being in fairly good shape. He looked out of breath and pale. With dark circles under his eyes, he looked sick. 

So she stayed behind with him. She watched over him.

She saw the way his eyes drooped every now and then, scaring the hell out of her. Still, he was standing. He was even, at the most, jogging. She would call that alright. It definitely wasn't good though.

Before anyone could comprehend it exhaustion overcame him. Spotting the way he fell forward, she grabbed him before he could hit his head and gently laid him down. 

So many things washed over him. Embarrassment at the way he had collapsed, shame that he needed someone to catch him, and guilt that he was slowing her down. All because she wanted to stay with him, to protect him, to make sure that no matter what he wouldn't be alone.

"Minho. We need a break,"She demanded.

"Why?"He sighed, turning to face her. Then, he saw Aris on the ground. The poor shank looked half dead. The only way they knew he was even alive was the way he was breathing and trying to keep his eyes open. Still, Y/N was already soothing him to sleep.

"It doesn't look like she's giving us a choice in that,"Frypan pointed out.

He was right. Sort of. If they wanted to go on she would demand their rations and stay with him until he woke up. They would do this with nothing but each other. After all, what was a better duo then two who would do anything for each other?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

"Fine,"He gave in. After all, Aris was already (against his will) dozing off. Y/N's soft humming, the way she laid his head on her lap, and how she repeatedly stroked his hair, made it almost impossible not to. 

So even though he knew what came next, he fell asleep in her warm embrace. 

♡ Time Skip♡

Three hours. That may not sound like much to most people, to normal people. 

It was everything to Aris though. Because instead of waking up from memories he woke up to Y/N gently shaking him. 

Three hours. He had slept peacefully for three hours. How though? Why?

"We need to keep going. Sundown should be soon, and you can get more rest,"She assured him.

Her. Y/N. She was why he had slept soundly. Because she hadn't left his side. Instead, she looked after him like she always did.

"Come on. Let's get going,"She whispered, pressing a kiss to his forehead. Instantly, his entire face got hot from something besides the weather. Had she just kissed him? Well kind of. She kissed his forehead. 

Why? She had never down anything like that. And why did it make him so nervous? They had been best friends for almost their entire lives. Surely a different kind of affection shouldn't bother him, and make his head sort of spin, and his heart beat faster, and feel like he was going to throw up, and-oh. Oh my god. Holy fu-

"Come on. I've got you,"She spoke up, smiling at him. Holding out her hands, he accepted it while praying she wouldn't notice that his palms had grown sweaty. Because this was scaring him. 

He was in love with his best friend. What a cliche. Definitely not the beginning but the part where the person he fell for was the person who had been there from the start.

He loves her. He actually loves Y/N. 

As the others ran and she kept jogging alongside him he knew that she had absolutely no idea how much she meant to him. How much she had always meant to him before he could even see it.

♡ Time Skip♡

There it was again. The three feelings. Embarrassment, shame, and guilt. Embarrassment because he knew the only thing that could make him sleep, shame that he was even considering waking her, and guilt at the way he was already beside her, debating it. 

Sensing someone's gaze Y/N turned over to see Aris looking at her. She stared at him before sitting up and rubbing her eyes. 

"Are you okay?"She asked, her voice almost as soft as her touch. This was insane. He was insane for this. He was insane for thinking anything about this made sense. He was insane for asking her to do this.

He does have the Flare though. He is actually going to lose his mind if he doesn't make it. This was the least of his problems. If anything it was the solution. To be more specific she was the solution. To everything.

"I can't sleep,"He mumbled. 

"Memories?"She asked. All he could do was nod. "You should have said something earlier. Before you almost hurt yourself,"She sighed. He just nodded again, as if he agreed. He didn't know how to explain it though. That he thought of that night so often. That it haunted him.

"You're not bad. You're good. You're brave, and you're strong, and you reacted. You were just a kid, and you didn't deserve to have to think about doing that. You didn't deserve to need to defend yourself,"She coaxed.

"I took someone's life. Not just quickly. I-I murdered someone. I beat him to death,"He uttered, feeling tears run down his cheeks. 

"Oh, Aris,"She whispered, wrapping her arms around him. He cried harder into her shoulder.

"You may have saved our lives, you know? You are good, Aris. And you're sweet and lively. You're kind. And a little rough around the edges, but you're gentle. And your heart may be hurt, but it's there. And it's so full of love,"She repeated.

"How do I take it back?"He asked. 

"You can't. The past is the past, and you can never change it,"She whispered, hugging him even tighter. 

"I didn't mean to,"He trembled. She wasn't sure how true that was so she just kept holding him. Because she couldn't lie to him. She could lie to anyone but him.

"But I did. I don't know. It wasn't supposed to be that bad. I just panicked. Because I was terrified that he would do something first,"He spilled out.

"You're good, Aris. You're good. You can't take back what you did, but you can accept it. Because you killed someone. You killed someone, and we hid the body. There's no changing that, but I'm sure if you keep beating yourself up about it everything around you will get worse,"She sighed, keeping an arm on his shoulder as she pulled away. Just like she had the night it all went wrong. 

"You're good my love. You are good,"She promised, pressing a hand to his cheek. He placed a hand over hers and leaned into her touch. 

"Thank you,"He murmered. 

"I didn't say anything but that truth,"She promised, moving close and letting him put his head on her shoulder. 

"Not that,"He whispered.

"Then, what is it?"She asked, leaning her head against his. 

"You are the one thing in this world that feels safe. The one thing I can love with everything I have,"He admitted. 

"The world should love you. The entire world needs to apologize for treating with anything but that,"She whispered.

"It doesn't, and it won't"He pointed out, feeling his eyes close.

"No,"She agreed, dozing off. "But I do,"She breathed out. Those were the last words exchanged for the night until the two teens gave into their exhaustion.

This time though, Aris slept through the night. Because he was with her. He was with Y/N. 

Chapter 4: Random Headcannons

-Lana Del Rey, The Neighborhood, and Arctic Monkeys fan

-Rain is his favorite weather 

-Likes to read

-Night owl

-Good at knowing how you feel

-Would give you his hoodies

-Needs reassurance

-Doesn't like PDA but extremely affectionate when you two are alone

-Likes forehead kisses and will wake you up with them

-Notices any change in you

-Gives the most sincere complications

-Would die for you

-Was shy about talking to you for a while

-Can't sleep unless you're next to him

-Always tries not to go to bed angry

-A great listener

-Gives you little nicknames

-"Bubs"

-"My girl"

-"It's you and I forever"

Chapter 5: Pretty Things (Part 1)

Summary:

-Angst
-Makes out scene
-Unrequited love

Clubbing hadn't been part of the plan for finding Thomas and Brenda. Then again things don't exactly go according to plan around the Scorch. That's how Aris pulled the short straw to be the sacrifice and drink. Of course, Y/N wasn't going to let him suffer again. Now the others were beating the shit out of Marcus which consequently gave the two teenagers time to run off. 

Colors. There were so many bright, blinding colors around them. With a foggy head and loud music Y/N let loose and ignored the brutality towards Cranks just a few yards or maybe feet away. It was hard to tell with the drugs or alcohol or whatever was given to her, in her system. 

Putting her arms in the air, she let the music flow through her body as it was loud enough to practically vibrate inside her skull. Or maybe that was whatever she was under the influence of. Not that she cared. For once, she felt free. No thoughts of despair or death filled her mind. Only relaxing. Dangerously relaxing, but she couldn't stop it now.

Aris watched from the corner, squinting his eyes as to help the headache. He was the exact opposite, shivering and breathing heavily as he tried to figure out what was happening to his mind. That fucking straw. He had to pull the short straw. Not level headed Newt, tough Minho, brave Teresa, bulky Frypan, or adult Jorge. No. It was him. Scrawny, lightweight, anxious Aris. Why wouldn't it be?

Leaning against a wall, he tried to make out anything around him. It didn't work though. Nothing was real. For him, he was in hell. For Y/N, she was grateful for the release.

Still, despite her blurred vision she spotted someone watching her or at the very least attempting. The backpack with the bat sticking out and the green jacket showed her who it was. Because she may have forgotten the world, but she wouldn't forget him. She couldn't if she tried. No matter what she would know his face.

Slowly walking over to avoid falling to the ground, she stood in front of him. He gazed at her, her hair messy from how she had ran her fingers through it, her face having purple sparkles that some random girl had been kind enough to share, her disheveled and wrinkled shirt, ripped at the sleeves to show her arms, her red, dazed, and glassy eyes, and most importantly her lips upturned into this sort of smile.

"You look like shit,"She slurred. He gawked at her as she let out this small laugh, wondering how the hell their reactions could be so different. Both to whatever was in their system and how they saw each other. "But you're still so pretty,"She whispered. 

"We need to leave,"He murmered, feeling the paranoia sink into his veins.

"Why? It's nice here. Nothing to worry about. Just the dancing. Just the headaches. Everything else is nice. It's bright. It's shiny,"She listed.

"It hurts my eyes,"He reasoned, every sound, including his own voice, being alien to him.

"Relax. Feel the peace,"She babbled, putting her arms around his shoulders. Closing his eyes, he put his hands on her back as they swayed back and forth. 

"You're pretty,"She repeated. He still didn't speak, didn't even open his eyes, as he put his head in her neck.

"I like pretty things. They're so, so nice. There aren't many so when I find them I need them. I keep them. No matter who they may have belonged to I make them mine. I pick them up and hold them. Keep them forever and ever,"She listed.

"That's not good. To get attached to things like that,"He pointed out, looking up at her.

"Then, they shouldn't be so nice to be around. You shouldn't be so nice to be around if I wasn't supposed to get close,"She shrugged, leaning in. In his delirious state, he did the same. Tangling his hands in her already knotted hair, he happily kissed her. She deepened it, causing the taste of whatever they drank to become clearer on their lips, on their tongues. 

Feeling his headache get worse as ran out of air, he pulled away and took in as much as he could. Shaky and still holding her, her eyes switched to familiar blue ones. Her hair was still in a disarray, but he knew those brown locks better than anyone. Her pale skin, soft, plump lips, faint freckles, and perfect face was in front of him. With reality being twisted he kissed her deeper, pushing her against the wall behind them. Putting his hands on her waist, he mumbled something against her lips that would ruin everything.

"I missed you,"He said, his eyes still shut.

"Missed who?"Y/N asked. Her voice snapped him back into where he was and reminded him who he was kissing.

"No,"He denied as Y/N stood there, trying to figure out if it was the drugs or he truly wasn't making sense.

"You're not Rachel,"He breathed out, pulling away. Expecting her to do something else out if character the second he said that, like slap him, or scream, he was shocked when she grinned, but that did nothing to mask the pain in her eyes.

"Pretty things don't like me,"She sighed.

"I-"

"Sweet. You're so sweet, but when you cut, you cut deep."

"We need to leave,"He reminded her, not knowing what else to say.

"No. I like it here. I don't have to feel,"She explained, ignoring her heart shattering in her chest. Before his already slow reflexes could do something, she left, keeping her arms up as she danced by herself. He stared as some stranger, the nice girl who shared her makeup, joined her. The way she had with him, she put her arms around Y/N. As they spun he spotted her face. She had long, blonde hair with purple streaks put in a messy braid, droopy eyes, a black crop top under a leather jacket, fishnets with shorts and a studded belt, and knee high boots to top it off. With dark lips and smudged mascara, she seemed to have put hours into this ruined look.

"I like you. You're pretty,"the girl slurred to Y/N.

"I like all pretty things. Even when they hurt,"She admitted.

"Do you think I would hurt you?"the stranger asked.

"Probably. Like this shiny, purple rock I found once. It cut my hand,"She answered. "It had the purple that your hair does,"She added, touching it.

"That's nice. Can I kiss you?"She asked, being blunt and uncaring that Y/N was someone she didn't know.

"No. I don't wanna kiss anyone,"She shook her head.

"Okay. Then, let's just dance,"She sighed, putting her face in her shoulder. With them still spinning, Aris felt his head do the same. That, combined with whatever he took and this weird feeling in the pit of his stomach made him lean over and throw up. As Y/N heard wretching she opened her eyes to see him about to collapse on the floor. Walking away from the girl, she was unaffected as she kept dancing.

"Go. We're gonna go,"Y/N directed, tugging on Aris's arm. He groaned as his knees gave out. Before he could fall in his own vomit she pulled him close to her. While he was slowly going unconscious she put his arm over her shoulder and dragged him to an empty spot near the entrance. Pulling some random napkin off of a table, she wiped his mouth. Then, she looked around and started asking for water. Any kind. Tap, plain, bottled, in a cup, opened, whatever. She just needed water.

With Aris keeping his eyes closed and panting, she asked someone who was just coming in. A boy in a spiked collar with dyed red hair, green eyeshadow, too long, black jeans, and ripped white shirt gave her an unopened bottle before walking on.

"Drink,"She demanded, unscrewing the cap. When all she got was another grunt she put his head back before pouring it in his mouth. Taking a long sip of the cold, refreshing drink, he felt it made him sleepier. Realizing this, she laid his head on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry,"He whispered.

"Shut up,"She sighed. Knowing he hurt her, he did so as he dozed off on her shoulder.

Chapter 6: Pretty Things (Part 2)

Summary:

-Jealousy
-Angst

Spotting Aris and Y/N near the entrance, with Aris asleep on her shoulder, and Y/N holding a half empty bottle, Newt let out a relieved sigh as he walked over to his friends. Hearing muffled footsteps approach, Y/N glanced up to see Newt's blurry face. She wasn't sure if she was hallucinating or not since apparently people can look like others.

"Come on. We gotta get out of here,"He explained, kneeling down. Spotting her glassy and puffy eyes, he assumed it was because of whatever they were under. While that was part of it and definitely an understandable thought because nobody could have expected a makeout session with heartbreak, it was far from the truth.

She didn't say anything as she put Aris's arm around her and used the wall to stand up. Feeling her legs turn to jello, Newt noticed her shakiness as he picked her and Aris up. Keeping one of them on each shoulder, Newt kept a firm grip on them as Y/N stumbled through the wave of people while Aris was dragged on the floor. Walking through a crowd of sweaty bodies and out the back he put Aris in Minho's arms first before seating Y/N next to him. Leaning against the car door, he recognized that the bumpiness in the ride could make her sick. Laying her head on his lap, he internally prayed she wouldn't throw up.

"Thanks,"She uttered in a strained voice. Giving her a simple nod, he pretended the pain in her tone wasn't there but made a mental note to check on her later. 

♡ Time Skip♡

Y/N hadn't cried on the ride even if she wanted to. She wouldn't waste any more tears on someone who didn't want her. She was better than that, stronger than that.

Feeling a sharp pain behind his eyes, Aris awoke. Lifting his head and looking away from the window, he spotted something that made his heart stop. Y/N with her head in Newt's lap. Without even realizing he was glaring with everything he had. Still, something inside of him screamed that he didn't have a right.

That's when it all came flooding back. Not just the kiss. Seeing the glitter on Y/N's face and still knotted hair reminded him that he had run his fingers through it. Feeling his mouth go dry, he remembered her helping him after he threw up. 

He remembered her calling him pretty and him shoving her against a wall. He remembered how her arms had been on his shoulders. He remembered thinking she was Rachel while it all went down. He remembered her dancing with some stranger. Most of all he remembered what he said while they were literally in the middle of making out. 

What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell?

Why did that have to happen?

Why? Why? Why?

Why was his first kiss Y/N? Why did he call her somebody else? 

Because he pulled the short straw, and she couldn't just let him suffer alone. No. She just had to be by his side and help. She just had to look out for him.

As his thoughts kept spinning so did his head. Managing to demand they stop the car, Jorge did so without question. Stepping out, he leaned over and threw up the little food that was left in his stomach. Hearing him let out a pained groan, Y/N walked out and waited until he was done. Looking up at her through tearful eyes, she feigned ignorance as she handed him the water. Taking shallow gulps, he barely managed to stand. Spotting this she pulled him up.

"I'm sorry,"He blurted out. She pretended not to hear. "Y/N, I-"

"I don't care,"She lied.

"Oh,"He mumbled, feeling his heart ache all over again.

"Yeah. We were just intoxicated. It's not like it meant anything,"She kept up her act. Aris stated at her as his lips, the lips that had just been against hers, turned into a frown. Anger at the thought of him being upset after what had happened flowed through Y/N's veins as she said one more thing she knew would hurt. 

"Yeah. I kissed some random girl after."

"You did?"He asked, wracking his brain for when that happened.

"Yeah. You were there, remember? When I kissed the pretty girl?"She asked, screwing with his head. The word pretty felt like a knife through his chest. He was supposed to be her pretty thing. He knew that he had no right and sure as hell didn't deserve it, but damnit, he was pretty. He was the pretty thing she craved. That she had her eye on. Not some girl who shared some stupid glitter. No. Him. He was pretty. She said so. She had said it to his face.

He. Was. Pretty.

He never wanted to be called that before, but now it was all he wanted her to say. 

"Great. That's absolutely fantastic. I'm just so happy for you,"He snapped, pushing past her. Slamming the door, Y/N stood there before storming the other way and doing the same. They both sat there with scowls on their faces and their arms crossed. No matter who asked they wouldn't speak. All they did that ride was glare out the window, then each other. 

Chapter 7: Pretty Things (Part 3)

Summary:

-Angst

Seeing Aris with Sonya and Harriet killed Y/N, but she didn't say anything. She sat on the mountain top with her friends while she focused on him laughing and telling stories about his escape. Of course, there was one part he didn't mention. The club that ruined it all.

Harriet was naturally observant though. He could make vague statements about being forced to drink. He could say that was why his eyes were red and he looked like a train wreck.

He couldn't brush off the faint bruises on his lips though. He couldn't brush off the glitter on his cheek from how close he had been to Y/N. Harriet was more than aware there was more to the story he was telling them.

"Who'd you kiss?"She asked bluntly. Aris went silent as he glared at the ground with his arms crossed. Lost in thought about how he was supposed to be her pretty thing but messed it up, he was only pulled back to earth when Frypan called his name. Still not acknowledging anything, he stood up and walked to somewhere, pushing past people. His friends stared at him as a thousand questions of what just happened circled their heads.

One other person who saw had a good feeling she knew the reason though. Y/N was more than aware that her goal of upsetting him had worked. The problem was that it didn't give her the satisfaction she hoped. It only left her confused on why this hurt in the first place when he thought that she was Rachel.

Without a word she stood up and walked somewhere, ignoring her friends. She just needed to be alone. Hopefully, forever. She couldn't do this right now. She just couldn't deal with it.

Storming down the mountain with her hands in her pockets, she walked to the edge of the Safe Haven. Assuming that she was alone she glared at absolutely nothing before kicking the stone wall. 

Assumptions are never good though. Because Aris saw, and even with her back turned her rage was obvious.

"He has no shucking right to be mad. No right. He called me Rachel. I just got back at him. It shouldn't even matter because he obviously doesn't see me that way,"She ranted. 

Aris knew her hatred should be what he focused on, but hearing her say that she was getting back at him left him curious. What did she mean by that?

"Shucking hypocritical, scumbag. Gullible, jerk. Cold-hearted, cruel, foul, human,"She listed. Her words cut deep as tears filled his eyes. Walking away, he didn't hear her say what could have helped fix this.

"You're an idiot, Y/N. An idiot,"She mumbled. 

Assumptions really are bad, but clearly they have that in common. Just like they have the way they're confused, hurt, and need someone to lean on.

♡ Time Skip♡

With everyone on their knees, Y/N stayed next to Aris as WCKD guards remained behind them. Feeling one close enough that his boot was on her back, she couldn't help but flinch. With his first instinct being to comfort her, Aris grabbed her hand. Knowing who it was, she held his as tight as she could while shaking in fear.

Holding her breath, everything in her mind started spinning as Thomas voluntarily stepped forward. In her head she called him an idiot. 

When he pulled out the grenade though, those thoughts intensified. She understood that WCKD was bad but didn't want to die. If they took her that would happen. If Thomas went though with this that would happen. There was no winning. 

Everyone knew that though, including Thomas.

His goal was to save his friends, and as much as he despised WCKD he couldn't let everyone die. Standing there and frozen he did as he they said while trying to plan our what to do. 

There wasn't time for that though, and he was never good at making plans anyway. Before anyone could blink several people were pulled up. With survival skills kicking in Y/N elbowed the guard behind her, resulting in her letting go of Aris's hand. Realizing this a second too late, she felt frozen as he was dragged while she watched. It seemed like she was outside her own body, seeing things through someone else's eyes. 

With chaos around her, she didn't know what to do. She didn't know how to handle it. So her body decided for her and collapsed.

Chapter 8: Pretty Things (Part 4)

Summary:

-Hurt/Comfort

Being awake, Y/N had been saved by Newt. Still, there was something she had to do. She would save Aris if it was the last thing she did. The way they had left things was unacceptable. 

Because even if it hurt, him not being there hurt far more.

♡ Time Skip♡

For six months Minho, Sonya, and Aris had been trapped in WCKD's clutches. And for those six months the entire Safe Haven, Y/N definitely included, had been planning to get them out. It was a long shot, but if it would get them the people they love back everyone was willing to take it. Nobody was going to be left behind this time. They swore it.

Well, they could try. 

Because they did get two people back. Minho however was still trapped in that hell. That information just wasn't out in the open yet. All they knew about was that Sonya and Aris were safe with them.

Currently, Y/N remained on the floor beside Aris. With a rag, she gently wiped the dried blood from his face. Naturally wincing and pulling away as the cloth made contact with his injuries, he still sensed her gaze strictly on him. Opening his eyes, he saw the frown on her face as she kept the rag in her hand. Giving in, he let her do the same to his cheek.

Having her so close brought memories. While they had taunted him while he was captured, it was like they were reenacting what had destroyed them.

"I'm trying to be gentle,"Y/N apologized, mistaking the frown on his lips to be from the physical pain. He didn't know how to say it was because he regretted everything that happened before they got separated. Now he didn't know what they could do to fix it. What would become of them?

"I thought about you a lot in there, you know? I had a lot of time to think about things I didn't want to,"He settled on. She froze at his words, and it took her a minute to regain her composure and clean his lips. The lips she had kissed six months, two weeks, and four days ago. Not that she had counted. 

At least, that's what she told herself.

She had though. She didn't mean to, but when he was the only thing she could think about fighting it was no use.

At least, that's what she told herself.

"I'm glad you're okay,"She whispered, ignoring his statement. 

"You and I have to talk,"He sighed. Unable to handle that right now, she made sure he was physically okay before leaving. He stared at her as she walked out like nothing had happened. 

Because there was nothing else he could do for them. When the others filled the room, he knew that only became more true.

Chapter 9: Pretty Things (Part 5)

Summary:

-Love confession
-More make out scenes

Sitting by a tree, Y/N tuned out the world. Pulling her knees to her chest, she leaned back and closed her eyes as her mind filled with him. With the night that has hurt like hell. All because of a drink. If it hadn't happened she would have bottled her feelings up.

It didn't go down like that. He knew, and there was nothing she could do to take it back. There was nothing he could do to take back what he did either. Because while she was kissing him, while she was trying to show that she had fallen in love, he had imagined Rachel. That's not exactly an easy thing to come back from. 

He was here now, and as grateful as she was, suddenly she wanted to leave things alone. She didn't want to hear him say it. She didn't want him to apologize before justifying that he couldn't help but love Rachel. She didn't want him to reason that they were under the influence and their minds hadn't seemed to be theirs. 

Because her heart was still in control. It wanted him. It always did. 

"Have you seen Y/N?"Aris asked. Thomas just gave him a useless shrug. Holding back an irritated sigh, he headed towards the next person he saw.

"She's by the tree near the ocean,"Brenda said before he could get a word out. "Avoiding you,"She added. Of course. Did she think that he was an idiot? He was well aware that he had hurt her. He knew that what he had done, intentionally or not, left a mark that nobody could see. He knew that you're not supposed to call someone another person's name when you're kissing them like it was all you were capable of doing. Even if he never meant to, he knew what he did. So he was absolutely aware that Y/N wanted nothing to do with him right now.

"Thanks,"He said instead, walking towards that direction. He hoped that she was alone. He hoped that she wouldn't walk off. He hoped that she would listen and look him in the eyes. Most of all, he hoped that she would believe him. 

Taking a breath, each step made his heart a little heavier. By the time he was near her it was going to sink into his chest. 

Standing there, he watched as she picked at some grass. She looked so out of place here. Well not really. It was her frown that didn't belong. He just wanted to see her smile or even just wear a deadpan expression. 

Instead, her sadness was obvious to the world.

"Y/N?"He dared to ask, stepping closer. 

"What do you need?"She sighed, not facing him. He just sat a few feet away from her and took in her features. Her Y/E/C eyes, messy Y/H/C hair, and Y/S/C skin. He looked at the way her lips had gone from a light purple to their original color. He just gazed at every part of her, noticing small things he wish he had never missed. 

"I'm sorry,"He finally breathed out. She just nodded as he expectantly looked at her.

"Okay,"She shrugged.

"Okay?"He asked in disbelief.

"Yeah. It's fine,"She lied. 

"It's not,"He shook his head. She just closed her eyes as she leaned further against the tree.

"Let's just pretend it never happened,"She suggested.

"No. I can't do that,"He quickly admitted. She groaned as she rubbed her temple. "I can't just-"

"It meant nothing,"She kept lying.

"That's not true,"He argued.

"Fine. Then, it meant nothing to you,"She corrected.

"It meant everything,"He frantically explained. She scoffed at his response causing him to feel like he had been punched in the gut. "Y/N, I-"

"We don't need to talk about it. I don't need your pity,"She scowled, masking the hurt. He just shook his head as he moved even closer without realizing. She still refused to look at him.

She needed to though. She needed to understand that he meant the words he was saying. 

"Y/N,"He whispered. She stared at the ground as she ignored his presence. She was done. 

"Y/N, look at me,"He repeated firmer. Before she could react he placed a hand on her jaw and made her. Her breath hitched in her throat as she realized how close they were. If she leaned in just a little bit she could-no. She can't. That's what got them here. 

"That kiss meant everything. I didn't know what was going on, but I knew that. And yeah. I miss Rachel, but that doesn't mean I don't love you. That doesn't mean I wouldn't choose you. That doesn't mean I don't think of it all the time and wish I could change it, that I could go back in time and keep just kissing you. That for just a little longer I would keep my lips against yours,"He promised. Before she knew what was happening he trailed his thumb along her bottom lip sending chills throughout her body.

"I'm not a rebound,"She got out.

"No. You are everything. So tell me how to make this better. Because I will get on my hands and knees and beg if that's what you want,"He admitted.

"Don't do that. That's really weird,"She pointed out.

"What can I do? To make you believe me?"He asked.

"I don't know,"She whispered, moving closer. 

"Let me prove it. For real this time. While I'm in my right mind, and know what I'm doing, and who you are,"He asked.

"Are you-are you asking to kiss me?"She stuttered out.

"Yes. I am,"He answered without hesitation. 

"Make me believe you, Aris. Prove that I mean something,"She allowed. 

Taking her invitation, he kept his hands on her cheeks as he connected their lips. Her heart beat faster than she thought possible as she realized that this was really happening. So even though she had said yes, she couldn't help but freeze. Because there was no way this was real. There was no way this was Aris. That he had so confidently crashed his lips against hers in a fit of passion. There was no way this passive boy could be so gentle yet so sure of this. 

Realizing she had stopped moving, he pulled away. With a bubble of disappointment in the pit of his stomach he went to leave. 

Then, she did something that caught him off guard. She grabbed his arm and put them around her shoulder before kissing him. Like last time, he had her against what they would count as a wall, as he moved in synch with her. Fitting together, they didn't stop. Because who needed air? Not them. They had each other, and that was more than enough. 

Suddenly, he grabbed her wrists, and her hands were pinned above her head as he kissed her collarbone. It was small, but it sent a million butterflies to her stomach. 

"Believe me,"He begged one more time, gazing at her. Unable to help it, she smiled as she took his hands in hers. Dropping his hold, when her hands were free he intertwined their fingers. 

"I believe you,"She promised. 

"Thank god. I was running out of air,"He joked.

"In that case, I don't,"She teased. Glancing around, when he confirmed that they were alone he pressed his lips back against hers. Because he may be willing to kiss her until the end of time, but the only reason he had done it in front of others was because he was under the influence. He didn't want anyone to see this. Not out of shame, but because nobody needed to know. Nobody deserved to see her with her arms above her head as they kissed like they were the only people alive. 

"I love you,"He breathed out, pulling back but keeping her hand in his. 

"I believe you,"She promised, kissing his fingertips. "And I love you too,"She whispered. He gazed down at her with admiration before rubbing his thumb over her knuckles. 

It had finally happened.

He had finally noticed the girl who had been there all along.

Chapter 10: Tired

Summary:

-Platonic love
-Fever Code Aris

Exhaustion was a daily part of all of our lives. Whether you were a regular subject or working for WICKED, you were always tired. Some people could hide it better than others, like me. I could mask the way I felt like I was going to pass out.

Aris was a different story entirely. He always looked half dead, and I had regularly seen him fall asleep in class. Not that I blame him. He was up late studying because they told him he wasn't good enough, and now that it was wearing him out he wasn't good enough. There was no winning, but that's not a surprise. There never is with them.

As I was sitting beside him I could tell that he was writing on autopilot. The information was being taken on paper, being written by his hands, but being tuned out by his actual mind as his eyes remained almost completely shut.

Glancing at the board, I tapped my pen against the desk, a nervous habit I was never able to break. The last thing he needed was to be humiliated, which this teacher had a tendency to do if you were the slightest out of line. I think the fact that we were each other's only classmate, (meaning we're each other's only friend) made it even worse. It just felt so much more personal.

Seeing his head completely drop, I kicked his shin before the teacher could turn around. He sat up in his seat so fast he almost fell out.

"Have a nightmare Mr.Jones?"He sneered, dramatically walking towards his desk and staring at him. The room was dead silent as we waited for what he would say next.

Nothing. He said absolutely nothing. Seeing as the teacher was about to open his big mouth I would have to do it first.

"Neither of us know what you're talking about. Are you on Bliss or something? If you are I'm afraid I'll have to report it."

"Excuse me?"He asked as they both turned their full attention to me. Their was no backing out no.

"Yes. That's quite a serious thing. We can't have some drugged out Crank as our teacher,"I deadpanned.

"Are you joking with me?"

"Nah-"
"It's no!"

"Nah. I would never, ever joke about something so serious. Scouts honer,"I nodded, holding up two fingers. By now his veins were almost popping out of his forehead.

"In all my years of teaching-"
"All 5,000 of them?"I interrupted. Judging by how he was bright red he had forgotten about why this had started was long forgotten.

"I have never seen such a disrespectful kid before."

"And I've never seen a prehistoric man child before yet here we are."

"I am only 45!"He defended.

"Is that in dog years?"I suggested.

"Listen here you little-"
"Sir. Unexpected, irrational anger is part of being a Crank. You're really starting to make yourself look bad,"I sighed, clicking my tongue.

"I am not a damn Crank! All you munnies think you're all high and mighty, but you're not! You're just cocky, no good, obnoxious, brats!"He yelled. After he finished his temper tantrum and had his breathing under control I pointed out the obvious.

"You shouldn't be a teacher if you're prejudice."

"Back in my day-"
"When dinosaurs roamed the earth, the sun was safe, and the Flare hadn't come about you would walk the jungles as a wee little lad. After your parents sent you on your first hunt to become a big, strong man you would kill those tigers with only your hands. But you were far too weak so you became a measley little berry picker,"I interrupted, looking right at him. The pencil he was holding snapped in his grip.

"Sir. Wood is very hard to come by. Whatever could drive you to do such a thing?"I gasped.

"I'm done! I'm done! I can't do this anymore! I quit!"He screamed, storming out of the classroom.

"Oh no. Come back. I was just starting to enjoy myself,"I taunted.

"I hate these munnies! I hope you all die!"

"That's what you're going to do in a few weeks so you better enjoy breathing while you can,"I called. He let out another frustrated grunt so loud it echoed through the hall, allowing us to hear it.

"Y/N, that is the third teacher you have made quit. This year,"Aris pointed out.

"When they stop making fun of you I'll stop gaslighting them. It's the bare minimum,"I shrugged. "Besides, they all leave screaming about munnies. Why would anyone want to be around that?"

"Almost everyone hates immunes. Are you just going to make every teacher in the world quit?"

"If every teacher in the world is mean to you I will,"I nodded.

"You don't think that's a bit much?"

"No. I think I should go even further. When they go low I go lower,"I answered.

"Or higher depending on how you look at me. You're just giving them a little bit of help with letting them be themselves. Awful people."

"See? That's the spirit, Aris,"I smiled proudly.

"Thanks for helping me out. Again,"He mumbled.

"Anytime. To be honest, I was waiting for him to do something else. I have a list of insults,"I admitted, handing them to him from the back of my notebook. The further down the list he got the wider his eyes went.

"I don't even know what some of these mean. What is a cun-"
"Don't finish that question. Just know that the lower it is the worse it is,"I explained.

"What's on the other page?"He wondered. Before his mind was completely tainted I took it from him.

"Don't look at those. Just cover your ears if it gets past number sixty seven,"I suggested.

"Yeah. I think that's a good idea,"He agreed.

"Great. Now you want to play Hangman on the board until someone comes to lecture us?"

"Definitely. Can we name the little man the teacher?"

"We always do."

Chapter 11: Our Spot

Summary:

-Extreme angst

"Why are you so angry about this?"He groaned. 

"Why aren't you angry?"I shot back. 

"I am angry. I just know how to control my temper,"He scowled.

"Temper? You don't have a damn temper. You don't have anything."

"Excuse me?"He asked, giving a laugh of disbelief.

"You don't have anything. Not your own opinions, goals, morals, limits, nothing. You'll do whatever they tell you. You'll step into line like the brainwashed worker you are."

"It's not my fault that I follow rules. What happened to Minho was horrible, but I'm not going to try and fight the damn chancellor."

"I will. I stand up for what's right. You wouldn't know that if it slapped you across the face and called you a bitch."

"I am not a bitch,"He scowled.

"No. I just gave a metaphor on why you have no mind. Then again you don't listen that well, do you?"

"You think I don't listen to you?"

"I know you don't."

"You never want to see me again?"

"About time you figured something out in your own."

"Well I don't want to see you either."

"Fine."

"Fine.

"Fine."

"That's perfectly fine."

"Yeah. It is,"I agreed, shoving past him. I don't need him. I never did.

Aris's P.O.V

Two years. Two years of not knowing what happened to her. She has just vanished into thin air. 

I did go to that closet every night and wait for her so I could apologize. I wanted to make it up to her. I wanted to work it out. I wanted to be with her. I wanted to make my own decisions.

She never came, but I always showed up just in case. Maybe she would decide to wait for me. Maybe she still loved me too.

As I sighed and leaned against the wall I suddenly heard muffled voices outside. I held my breath and had my fingers crossed that these people would go away. I really didn't want to be caught. 

"In here,"the girl whispered, opening the door. Before I could get a good look at her she shut it as the boy blocked her from view. How the hell do I get out?

"Wow. A janitors closet. What an amazing place,"He dramatically sighed. Now I recognized him as Minho. If that's Minho who's that girl with him. 

"Shut up you idiot. It was the first place I could think of,"She laughed. 

Y/N. It was Y/N, and she was right near me with Minho. She brought him to our spot. How could she do that? How could she betray the place that had meant so much? Why did she talk about it like it was nothing? Like we hadn't spent hours laughing, talking, crying, daydreaming, and holding hands in here? How could she treat our spot like it was just some space?

It's their space now. Theirs. This place that had meant everything is tainted with him. They had ruined it. Destroyed it. I had waited years for her, and when she comes it's to hang out with Minho?

"You're just lucky I love you,"He teased. No. This can't be happening. And that's not what he should be saying. That's something that she should say or he should confess. He's lucky that she loves him, that she even looked in his direction. 

Before this could somehow get worse I made a run from it when they had moved. Without waiting to see if it was safe, without caring if they saw who it was, I swung the door open and ran faster than my legs could take me. I don't know where I was going, but that didn't matter. I needed to leave. I needed to find a way to breathe. I needed some way to pretend this wasn't real. 

So I just kept running without a second thought about the consequences. I ran and ran until I felt like my lungs would collapse, then I ran some more.

Only when the tears blurred my vision so much I couldn't see did I stop. I leaned against a wall and kept crying and crying and crying. I cried until I had no more tears to give, then I cried some more. 

"Aris?"the voice I hadn't truly heard in so long asked. Of course she would find her way her when I didn't want her to see me. 

"How could you?"I asked, still not turning around.

"Aris, I'm not yours,"She reasoned.

"But how could you bring someone else to our spot?"

"It can't be our spot if there's not an us."

"I waited for you. I waited everyday for you to show up. I just wanted to make this better,"I whispered.

"I've moved on, and you need to as well. I'm not your girl anymore. We don't belong together, and that's life. People grow apart."

"That wasn't supposed to be us. We were supposed to last forever."

"Aris, look at me,"She whispered. Like I always did, I gave in. "You have a place in my heart. You always did, but it's not the same. I love everyone I had once loved even if it's different. Do you understand?"

"Are you happy with him?"I asked.

"Yes. I am,"She nodded.

"More than you were with me?"

"I'm happy at this time of my life. Oh, Aris. You were a wonderful chapter, but it had to end."

"You were everything,"I breathed out.

"Not anymore."

"I made a mistake. A really big, really dumb mistake, and it cost me more than anything else in my life ever could. It cost me you,"I murmered.

"No. We messed up, and now we don't have each other. We both did and said things we shouldn't have. We were so young, so naive. We thought love was all you needed to stay together, but it isn't. This falls on both of us. You just need to know how to heal,"She whispered, grabbing my hand.

"Can you at least tell me one thing?"I pleaded.

"Yes. I can,"She agreed.

"If we hadn't had that fight would we still be together?"

"I don't know. Maybe something else would have happened. Maybe we would have fallen out of love."

"Do you love him?"I asked, not saying what I truly wanted. I could never fall out of love with her. Never.

"I really like Minho. We're just seeing what happens next,"She admitted. 

"As long as he treats you right."

"He does,"She nodded. "I'll find another spot and leave what was once ours with memories. With those nights that had kept me going. Thank you for all you did, but now you need to find a new chapter,"She coaxed. 

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are, and I am sorry for how things ended."

"But they did. It's over now, isn't it? We're actually over?"

"We are. Goodbye Aris. Take care of yourself, okay? Find a way to be happy. You deserve it,"She whispered, letting go of my hand that I hd forgotten I was holding. 

Only when she was gone did I allow myself to break as I slid against the wall, pulled my knees to my chest, and cried. The delusion of her loving me again, us getting back together was what kept me intact. Now that I didn't have her I was broken. Forever.

Chapter 12: Psychology

Summary:

-Love confession
-Fluff
-First kiss

Something I loved with a passion, was always learning more about, is psychology. Humans are just so interesting sometimes. It's the little things about us, like how we change around people or the way we react in different situations. Like grief stages, the bystander effect, and just things that I wanted to understand more. 

That's why you can't imagine how excited I was when I woke up to a book outside my hut. I looked around for a while before opening it to see a letter with my name. I had read it over and over. The handwriting was so familiar. I just didn't know whose it belonged to.

Dear Y/N,

As strong as the feelings in this book are, the way I feel for you is stronger

~ ?~

That was only the first one. It was all about different social experiments in the world. I had stayed up for hours reading it until I passed out on my bed. While I did, I would keep that note nearby. The small crinkle of it in my pocket would remind me just how special it was. I may not know who got it for me, but they sound so genuine and sweet.

♡ Time Skip♡

Around two weeks went by with me obsessing over that. 

Then, I went to grab the supplies to garden from my special bin. They all have our names so people know not to touch them. Still, I could tell mine has been messed with. I was already irritated, because I had assumed someone had just stolen something without asking.

Instead, I opened it to see another book. This one was about how emotions affect our decisions. I just opened it to see another note.

Dear Y/N,

Because you love these topics almost as much as I love you

~?~

I couldn't help but grin as I stared at the ground. I felt my entire face blush as I tried to think about who could be behind this. They sound so pure. I hope I find them soon, but they haven't given me any hint of their identity.

"Hey Y/N,"Aris greeted. I quickly shoved the book and note where I had found it. For some reason, I don't want anyone to know about these. They're special and private. 

"Heyyy Aris,"I drew out. He gave me a weird look before heading to his drawer right next to me. I avoided looking anywhere near him.

"Are you okay?"He asked.

"I'm great,"I answered honestly.

"Is something on your mind?"

"Nope. Not a thing,"I lied. 

"If you say so,"He sighed. I just kept staring at the bin, my hands itching to read that note over and over again."I'll see you later,"He added as he walked off. I waited until his footsteps left before pulling it out again. I traced my finger over each letter as I smiled to myself. This was my special secret that only one other person knew about.

I just wish I could find out who. Somehow, I think I've fallen in love with someone I don't even know. 

-----

Right on time, as the two week make hit I found a book and note by the tree I always climb in when there's a bonfire. I just like to get away from it all sometimes.

That's when I saw it, perched on a tree branch. Whoever this person was knew about my spot. The knew so many little people things about me.

Sitting down, I opened it and as always, read the cute, little note first.

Dear Y/N,

I don't really have a pun for a book about the way people interact so I'll say this instead. We interact practically everyday, and the more I'm around you the deeper I fall

~?~

A hint? I got a hint this time.

There are so many people I interact with though. Who was this mystery person? And how wouldn't I recognize someone with this kind of poetry in their soul?

I didn't think about that for long though. I just held it to my chest, closed my eyes, and smiled. 

-----

I can't say I'm surprised that I got another one two weeks later. Still, whoever they are always hides them in some place I won't suspect. This time though, it went down differently.

As I got home from work I flopped on my couch and resisted the urge to scream into a pillow. The thing about me is when I like someone I don't just like them. I love them. It's obviously always been platonic, but I want to be around them.

Strangers though, are not in that picture. Not at all, and so many of them seemed determined to talk to me. I was more than done with this. 

A I sighed and reached to find my leftover bag of fruit I touched something different. All of a sudden the entire world was a miracle. How could I forget about this?

I sat up and pulled it out. I didn't even look at the cover as I went straight to the note.

Dear Y/N,

This seems pretty self-explanatory. Don't you think so?

~? ~

Confused at what this meant I turned it over in my hands to see what it was about 

Love. It was all about love. 

♡ Time Skip♡

Since I had the day off I did nothing but longe in my sweat and read those books. I practically knew all the words by heart, but I always took extra time to scan the words with the last one. Because it's about love, and I love this person without knowing their face. I love them, and they love me.

I was right at the part of I describing the symptoms: sweaty palm, racing heart, dilated pupils, etc...

As I kept gazing at it there was a knock on my door. With an irritated sigh I closed it, put them under my table, and went to see who was disturbing me.

"What the hell do you-oh,"I trailed off, feeling my face flush with shame when I realized that it was Aris. "Sorry. I thought that you were basically anyone else,"I explained. 

"It's fine. Glad to see I'm someone you like,"He grinned.

"Yeah. What are you doing here?"

"I mean it's your day off, it's my day off, and it's pretty early in the morning. Do you want to hang out?"

"Honestly, I don't feel like putting on decent clothes. Or just looking presentable,"I admitted, pushing a piece of unbrushed hair out of my eyes.

"I figured. I wanted to hang out at yours. Just the two of us,"He clarified.

"Oh. If you're the only one I have to see than that's okay with me,"I shrugged, inviting him in. Like always he made himself at home as he sat on my couch.

"Anything new going on in your life? Anything interesting?"He asked. 

"No. Life's the same as always,"I lied, grabbing a water bottle and tossing it to him. He caught it as I sat next to him on the couch.

"Nothing new to obsess over?"

"No. Just the same things. Gardening, nature-"

"And psychology and books. Can't forget about your favorite things,"He pointed out.

"Mhm. Yeah,"I said quickly, giving a nervous laugh. 

"You've seemed off and pretty distracted. Are you sure that there isn't something or maybe someone on your mind?"

"No, Aris. There's no-"

I stopped mid-sentance as I looked at him. At how he was wearing his nervous smile, the way his eyes were focused strictly on me, and most of all his pupils that were definitely dilated.

"I-you-what?"I sputtered out. "You. It was all you,"I whispered, putting the pieces together.

"No clue what you're talking about,"He lied. I knew because he was now looking anywhere but me. 

"You. You're the one who's been leaving me the notes in the books. I'm always around you, we work side by side so you know where my bin is, you know where my secret tree is, and you're just always here. You've been doing this,"I ranted.

"Yeah. I have,"He confessed.

"Did you mean it? What you wrote?"I dared to ask.

"More than I've ever meant anything,"He whispered, gazing at me.

"I don't understand. Why not just tell me?"

"Because I didn't want to just tell you. Anyone can do that. I wanted to do something that you'd remember forever,"He breathed out. "And I was nervous,"He added. 

"I don't even know what to say."

"How about "I feel the same way, and you didn't just make yourself look like an idiot"?

"How about I love you too, and you could never look like an idiot?"I suggested.

"I like that more,"He whispered.

"And maybe throw a can I kiss you in there?"I suggested.

"Definitely,"He mumbled. I pressed my lips against his for barely a second but what felt like a million lifetimes. All along I did know the person I'm in love with. So much more than I could describe. In a way I always had. If anyone else has shown up at my door I would have said no.

It's him though. It's always been him.

Chapter 13: Challenge Accepted

Summary:

-Fluff

"Wow. You suck at this,"I remarked.

"You don't always have to be mean to me, you know? It's not required,"He sighed.

"Aris, with all due respect, you are like seven inches from the target,"I pointed out. 

All day I had been attempting to teach Aris to throw knives. Please note the word attempting because as much as I love him he's probably the worst person to do this. He was so bad that I made the deal to give him a kiss if he could hit the target.

"Alright. We're going to try again, alright? Here. Give me your hand,"I requested. He did as I said while I stood behind him. Very cautiously adjusting his posture for him, I was more than relieved when he was in the right position. 

"Ready?"I checked. He nodded again. "And give it a shot,"I allowed. While he was intensely focusing he did as I said. This time he was barely off.

"You're almost there,"I complimented.

Can we count the almost?

"We had a deal, Aris,"I sighed.

Please?

"That's not going to work this time."

Please. It always works though.

Please? It always works though.

"You're almost there. Hit the target, and I'll give you a kiss,"I repeated.

"Hey. What are you guys up to?"Sonya asked, popping her head through the door.

"I'm teaching him to throw knives,"I explained. 

"What do you mean?"She asked, looking between us. She seemed especially fixated on Aris so I also glanced at him. His face seemed completely flushed. 

Without a word he quickly threw the knife. There was barely any time to register it as it landed directly on the target.

"So you're 'teaching' him to knife throw?"She asked with air quotes.

"Yeah,"I shrugged, trying to see if I could see what she was talking about in her face.

"Sonya. No,"Aris spoke up, practically begging. 

What are you hiding?

Nothing.

Liar.

"Aris already knows how to knife throw,"She informed me.

"Oh, does he?"I asked, turning to look at him. He just wore a cheeky, lopsided grin.

"I hit the target,"He pointed out.

"Did you seriously pretend you didn't know how to throw knives so I could kiss you?"I questioned.

It doesn't matter. We had a deal,"He reminded me.

"And I'm out,"Sonya mumbled, quickly leaving the room. Neither of us paid it any mind though. 

"Why didn't you just ask? You know? Like a sane person?"I suggested.

"I was playing the long game. Plus, you had to hold my hand to teach me,"He shrugged.

You're an idiot.

We had a deal.

"You truly are something else Aris,"I sighed. Nevertheless, I gently pressed my lips against his. Cupping my face, he gradually deepened it. Running my hands through his hair, it got more and more heated by the second until the once casual kiss was something else entirely. I mean he was trapped between the wall and me now kind of different.

"This brings back memories, doesn't it?"He mumbled against my lips.

"And you ruined it,"I sighed, pulling away and shaking my head. 

"It does,"He defended. 

"I'm dating an idiot,"I sighed, rolling my eyes.

"But I'm your idiot,"He reminded me, tossing an arm around my shoulder. 

"Yes. You are,"I agreed, leaning against him. 

So can we continue the deal?

"And you ruined it again,"I groaned, walking out of the room.

"Please Y/N,"He begged, following me.

"Maybe next time I teach you something you already know. Just play the long game Aris,"I shrugged.

"Challenge accepted,"He nodded.

"Oh my god. Just ask,"I repeated.

Hey Y/N.

What do you want you moron?

Challenge accepted..

Chapter 14: A Letter Never Sent

Summary:

-Angst
-Doomed love

Aris's P.O.V

Dear Y/N,

I'm not sure what happens now. All I know is that I don't trust the people in charge here. There's something off about them. That's why I'm writing this now. If I get chosen find a way to get out of here without me because I don't want to be the reason you don't make it out. If they do take me I know it'll be okay because you'll be the last thing I think about.  That is more than enough for me to go through whatever it happens okay. Because you give me strength and something to fight for without even realizing. You're everything to me.

Unfortunately, there's been a lot that's happened so I never told you the truth. I'm in love with you. Ever since I first saw you I just knew it. 

I had just come up in the box, confused and not even knowing my name. It was freezing, and my jacket was no help for the snow falling on my face. I was terrified. I didn't know where I was, and I couldn't remember no matter how hard I tried. 

Then, I looked up to see you with your hand out. Just like that everything felt better. As I looked into your eyes I just knew that you were special.

Your hands were warm and soft. I still remember the way I held on just a little too long. I remember everything about that day.

Even if you don't feel the same way I can't risk you never knowing. So here it is. No matter what happens it will always be you. It always was from the beginning. Nothing and nobody in the world can compare to what you are. To your beauty, your smile, your laugh, your heart, and just everything about you. 

No matter the outcome I need you to understand that I don't just love you. I am in love with you, and now all I can do is hope you feel at least half of what I do. 

L ove,

Aris Jones

I re-read the letter over and over. By now the words were smudged by the amount of tears drops that had fallen onto the page. I couldn't let go of it though. Even though it feels like a knife to the chest every time I even hear it crinkle in my pocket I couldn't toss it away. Even out in the Scorch it was the only thing keeping me going in a messed up way. It was my only connection to her, and I needed that. 

I need her, but she's not here. So all I have is this stupid letter that I guard with my life.

It was the only thing I had to remind me of her. Even then it could hardly be counted as that. It had never touched her fingertips or been seen with her eyes. It had never made her feel something, whether it be good or bad. It was meant for her and her alone yet that couldn't happen.

I had to hold onto something though, because the memories didn't feel like enough. 

One day, if I live through all of this, I will forget her face. I will forget her calming voice and the way her eyes looked when she glanced at me across the room, twisting my stomach into knots yet putting a smile on my face. 

No matter how hard I try I know that memories fade. This was the only thing I had left 

If only I had given her the letter before she had heen called.

Chapter 15: Because I Deserved It

Summary:

-Hurt/Comfort
-Angst
-Fluff

Maybe it was weird. To let this random group of half Cranks beat the hell out of me. Maybe it was weird not to scream for help. Maybe it was weird not to fight back.

But it didn't matter. They were crazy, and if they were going to take it out on a stranger then so be it.

As long as it was me. 

It wasn't as if I asked them to. I didn't really want them to, but I knew deep down that I deserved it.

I had worked at WCKD. Even worse is that I had been their favorite. I was loyal and did everything to find a cure. I screwed people over and just tossed them to the side to devote myself to the cause.

So I would let them beat me, maybe to death. 

By now it was bad. I could taste blood in my mouth, my nose has made this cracking sound a few times, my skin was so bruised I can't even remember what color it was, I couldn't move if I tried, and it was hell. My entire body was screaming in agony.

It's okay though. I deserved it. It's good that the group left me in charge of the stuff as they looked for supplies. It was almost fate. I had been living with guilt for so long. Now that this was happening this weight on my shoulders may just go away. I hope so. 

If not then that's okay. I deserved every second of this.

So as I felt myself go limp to the point where I could hardly feel, I couldn't help but smile before losing consciousness.

♡ Time Skip ♡

"You're not going to ask that. No matter why that's the last thing that will help,"Someone said. Too worn out to speak up, I remained still with my eyes closed. It looks like I'm not dead, though I feel pretty close to it. Yet this weight on my shoulders wouldn't go away, if anything getting worse.

"How's it looking?"

"Honestly, not that good. She's got a broken nose for sure. She lost her tooth. Definitely a ton of pain. We'll have to wait until she's awake to figure out what else is wrong,"a boy explained. 

"Think she'll have a concussion?"

"I don't know. We have to wait for her to wake up. Now please stop breathing down my neck. I'm trying to focus,"He demanded before pressing something to my nose. I winced at the unexpected contact, groaning as I opened my eyes to see Aris staring down at me with a rag in his hand.

"Hi,"He quietly greeted. I could barely blink as my entire face felt bruised. Probably because it was. 

"Why's she not talking?"Thomas asked.

"I don't know. It just might have something to do with her looking half dead,"Minho pointed out.

"It's not even close to being the time,"Aris sighed. "Do you think you can move?"He whispered. I barely managed to sit up, with my arms feeling like they were about to break as I did. 

"How long do you reckon we'll be staying at this spot?"

"You can just leave me behind,"I got out, making a face at the bad taste filling my mouth. 

"Funny,"Minho deadpanned.

"It makes sense though. I'll just meet you by the mountains later,"I pointed out. 

"Yeah. In a body bag."

"Still not the time,"Newt said firmly. 

"But-"

"Did they knock the common sense out of you? Hate to burst your bubble, but you're going to die a pretty lonely, slow, miserable death if you're on your own,"Frypan added. 

"I-"

"You're not in your right mind,"Newt suggested.

"A little bit delusional?"

"Delirious?"

"Caught Thomas's death wish?"

"Overconf-"

"None of you guys are helping. At least, give her a few minutes awake before blurting things out,"Aris demanded. They didn't say anything as they moved closer, staring at me like I was some new specimen.

"And stop crowding her. Just go somewhere."

"Exactly where are we supposed to go?"Frypan questioned.

"Anywhere but here. Go set up camp or something. Just stop staring her down,"He waved them off. They took their time doing so, almost literally dragging their feet. 

"Are you okay?"He whispered when they were out of sight. While I felt awful that they were stuck out here longer now, to the point where I wish I had just actually been beat to death, I shrugged. 

"Just lay your head down. I want to try and get all the blood off,"He sighed. I slowly did so, unable to say no to anything right now. I was so drained from everything that's ever happened. This wasn't supposed to be the outcome. It was either supposed to leave me in some pain or dead. Not holding everyone back. 

"I'm sorry,"He mumbled, wiping my lips. Only then did I notice the tears on my face.

"It wasn't you,"I promised.

"I'm just trying to be gentle. You're just well . . ."

"Bloodied up?"I finished.

"Yeah. Bloodied up,"He nodded. 

"I'm sorry. That we have to stay longer because of me,"I whispered.

"It's not your fault. We just didn't think any of them would show up,"He sighed, wiping more blood from my neck. "We were wrong though. Really wrong,"He added.

"I just know we're trying to hurry up. I didn't mean to make this worse than it is,"I apologized.

"Y/N, it's not like you wanted them to do this,"He reasoned, applying a bandage to one of my injuries. Great. Wasting supplies on me. That's exactly what was needed. 

"Why are you crying?"He asked, looking down at me. I tried to bite my lip to hold back sobs but realized my mistake when more blood flooded my mouth. So now I had just wasted more time, and I was ruining everything. 

"It's okay. We found more, okay? You're going to be alright,"He soothed, reaching in his bag.

"That's the problem,"I admitted. He froze as he took a moment to process my words. We both did. 

"What do you mean?"He asked almost silently, daring to look at me. I didn't answer as I felt more shame wash over me. "Y/N, did you-did you let them do this to you?"He whispered. 

"I'm sorry. I thought it would fix everything. I thought it would make everything okay,"I confessed, feeling tears fall from my blacked eyes. I could still see him sadly shake his head though before gently stroking what must be one of the only places on my arm that wasn't in pain. 

"What was this supposed to fix?"He asked softly.

"Me. I thought if I let them hurt me I would stop tearing myself up for my past. That if I just ended up dead it would be some karma for the world. I didn't think it would affect anyone. I didn't think it would make it worse,"I spilled. "And I worked for WCKD. You didn't know that, but I did. I worked for the people that did everything bad, and I hate myself for it. I just wanted it all to stop. I need it to stop,"I ranted, unable to stop myself from saying everything I didn't want to. "And it doesn't. I can't do this anymore. I should have just stayed there and let them experiment on me. That's what I did for years. I watched it all go down and recorded so why don't I try the same fate? Why am I alive and genuinely good people aren't?"

"You worked for them?"He asked. 

"I'm sorry."

"Y/N, I don't think what you did makes you bad."

"I put you guys in a Maze. I watched,"I pointed out.

"Weren't you in a Maze?"He asked slowly.

"I was in the Glade for six months. I didn't remember anything until the end, and I never told anyone."

"How did you get in the Maze? Who put you there?"

"I-I don't remember. That much. I just know what I did."

"And do you know what they did? To you?"

"I was them."

"Can I tell you want I think? About all of this?"He asked slowly. While I wasn't expecting it to be anything good I still said yes. "I think that they were all you knew. I think that they used you, and when you couldn't do what they wanted for some reason they threw you out. I think that for years they told you things, and you accepted them with open arms. I think that they tricked you like they did all of us. That I what I think about all of this."

"I worked for them,"I repeated, unable to say anything else.

"Worked. Past tense. People can change though. I think that maybe you did some bad things, but I don't think that means you're bad. I know it doesn't mean you have to constantly torture yourself over what you can't control."

"But that's all I can do now. There's this feeling of needing to get what I gave. I deserved it. I deserved what they did, but it still doesn't feel right,"I breathed out.

"What did doing this give you? You don't feel better, you're just letting it all keep you down, you almost got yourself killed, and now you just feel worse about yourself. What did this do to you?"

"I deserved it though,"I repeated.

"You have to let that go. You don't deserve to hate yourself for something you did that you can't even fully remember. All that's going to do is end up making you angry,"He said gently yet firmly.

"I don't want to be angry,"I whispered.

"I know, but that means forgiving people. You can't hold on to it if you want to be happy. You need to forgive yourself,"He said, still looking at me with his eyes full of something I couldn't decipher. I didn't say anything as I just stared back. I didn't know what I could that wouldn't be a lie. I can't just do it that easily. It's so easy to resent yourself that it's almost terrifying.

"You're going to let go of this one day. You're going to finally put it all behind you,"He stated.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I believe in you. I believe in good people. I always have, and you are one of the best,"He answered, enunciating the last word. 

"If you believe that I'm good than part of me has to be. I don't see it, but I trust your word. I trust what you think, and if you actually think that I deserve to be okay then I can try and get there."

"And.you will,"He promised, lightly brushing his fingertips over my skin.

I truly would try. If he doesn't think that I deserve a fate worse than death than that has to be true.

Chapter 16: Words

Summary:

-Emotional hurt/comfort
-Slight angst
-Fluff

'Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me.'

A phrase almost every kid has heard in their life, or in this case, knows about. If that didn't help the fact that he had escaped a Maze, fought Shades, figured out the truth about WCKD to escape again, fought off Cranks, and just gone through hell and back, should be enough to make him invincible. As a last resort the way this small group of guys meant nothing to him should mean their words shouldn't sink into his mind until he was lying awake thinking about them.

Apparently, none of that matters though. Because he does. Mirrors are pretty much a luxury, but he's seen his reflection before in things like water, windows, and glass. He just never cared to truly look at himself.

Now he never even wanted a glimpse. He didn't want to see if his teeth, if his smile, is as messed up as they tell him it is. He also didn't want anyone else to be able to tell, just in case it was true. Then again it seems like a pretty stupid thing to make up.

That's how Aris came to the conclusion that his teeth were no good. Without even actually being able to know he had just decided that what they said is true.

He never told anyone about it. He just didn't see the point of that. There's also the fact that if nobody's lives are in danger he’s a very passive person. He heard the whispers when he was at WCKD, and he never bothered to say that hearing he’s from a Maze full of nothing but girls, some of which were his friends, and all of them were missing, stung. He didn't want a constant reminder that he had nobody.

So he definitely wasn't going to say anything about this.

Nobody really saw it. The way he was slowly pulling away from everyone without even realizing. Everyone missed it.

Everyone except Y/N. She knew that no matter how active he was in them, or how bittersweet they could be, he loved the bonfire nights. She knew that even if he was more of a listener than a talker, he would still know what to say. She knew that the times he did talk if you knew what to say he could go on for hours. She also definitely knew what his smile, the one that was impossible not to return, looked like, and it wasn't like the one he had now. It looks forced. Like he was purposely holding back.

She thought he was just distracted with something or stressed. Until tonight. She was at the bonfire, sitting at their usual spot and waiting for him. No matter how many times someone asked to sit there she firmly said that it was taken.

As people started leaving though, she realized that wasn't happening. She also knew that something was wrong. Aris wouldn't just ditch her for no reason. He wasn't like that, never had been.

With a barely audible sigh she stood up and made her way to their hut. No matter what or how long it took she was going to figure out what was happening. By now all these red flags were screaming at her, and she’d be damned if she ignored them. If something happened to him, well, she couldn't even bring herself to think about it. So she won't. She'll just fix it before something does.

“Aris?”She asked, ignoring the way her heart was thumping in her chest as she walked in. While she spotted him almost instantly, something that should have calmed her down, it made the uneasiness bubbling in her stomach worse.

He was just laying on the couch with his knees to his chest. Still in his daytime clothes, his hair a disaster, and the way he was so still he could be mistaken for someone sleeping, it was clear that he was a mess right now about something.

“Hello my love,”She whispered, walking towards him. He didn't speak as he sat up while still almost being curled into a ball. Sitting next to him, she waited for him to say something, anything. When he didn't though, she knew that she would have to. “What’s wrong?”

Giving her a half hearted shrug, he ignored the lump in his throat. With his answer only scaring her more she kneeled in front of him and placed his face in her hands. It was only then that she noticed it. The dark bags under his eyes. It was as bad as back at WCKD, when he wouldn't sleep. That had been because there was a fear for his life though, along with the grief of losing everyone he cared for at the time. Not because of the things three guys would constantly say to him. Now the empty and painful expression he wore was from them.

“What's going on my love? What's wrong?”She repeated.

That was it. The breaking point wasn't them. It was her love and care for him.

Tears filled his eyes as he looked at her. She didn't speak as she stayed where she was, still cupping his cheek, knowing what would happen next. When he did start to cry she gently wiped away each tear with her thumbs, but each time more came.

She didn't try to stop them though. She stopped them from falling onto the ground but not him from actually crying. She let him get out whatever he was holding in. She would be here all night if that was what he needed. As long as he got it all out.

He eventually did. Kind of. He ran out of tears to cry. With his bloodshot eyes and puffy face he wasn't going to look okay for a while. The way he had felt inside was finally visible to the point where it would take a while to fix.

“We don't have to right now, but would it help to talk about it?”She offered.

“You like the way I look, right?”He blurted out, daring to ask what he feared wasn't true. When her face had dropped though, he was sure it wasn't.

“Aris, I love the way you look. I absolutely adore you inside and out,”She promised, finding her voice. When she saw the doubt in his eyes she took both his hands in hers and ran her thumbs over his knuckles. “Why don't you believe me?”She asked.

“What about my smile?”He continued.

“It makes the world brighter. You being happy, genuinely happy, makes everything better. It makes everything unnaturally perfect,”She answered, pressing a kiss to his fingertips as she tried to figure out what was happening.

“What about my teeth?”

Her heart broke as the pieces fell into place. His smile had only been forced a few times. Every other time, things that would usually make him grin, resulted in the ghost of one across his lips. Just enough to hide his teeth.

“They’re a part of you, aren't they?”She whispered.

“And if they weren't?”

“I would think that they were very nice. I would think they were part of a very special, beautiful smile.”

“You have to say that though,”He mumbled. His disbelief of her words cut deep. She meant it, because she loves him. He's her everything, her world, her person, the one she goes to when everything is wrong or right. How could someone she loved so deeply not love themselves?

Unless-
“Who insulted you?”She asked. He just stared as he tried to figure out how she had come to that conclusion. It was right, but still. “Aris, who said something wrong?”She repeated in a firmer tone.

“I don't want to tell you,”He admitted.

“Why?”

“You're going to do something about it, and I don't want you to.”

“If someone is talking bad about you, of course I am. Nobody says anything bad about my angel. Nobody,”She almost scowled. Not at him but the thought of anyone saying anything mean to him. Stil, she stopped herself so she wouldn't make whatever he was feeling worse.

“That's going to make it worse. If you fix it for me.”

“Why?”

“Because it's not you they're insulting. It's me.”

“I know. That's the problem.”

“Y/N.”

“Aris.”

“I don't want you to fix this for me.”

“Oh my love,”She sighed. “I don't fix things for you. I help you out sometimes, but that's different. So tell me who's hurting you, and I’ll help with that too,”She promised.

Gazing at him though, at the way he was so drained, and the exhaustion on his face, she knew right now wasn't a good time to handle it.

“Come to bed my love,”She whispered, letting go of his hands to stand. When he did the same she intertwined their fingers and walked with him in silence to their bed.

Without bothering to change he laid on his side, and she did the same. Pulling the blanket over both of them, she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him as close to her as possible. He didn't object as he did the same.

“I love you,”She whispered in his ear. He didn't have it in him to say anything back. Partly because of the way he was finally tired and partly because he was scared he would start crying again.

So, to tell her that without speaking, he opened her palms and traced each letter of those special three words on her skin.

Tomorrow, they would find out more about what they could do. Tonight, they would lay beside each other where they knew they were safe.

Where he knew that no matter what he was loved.

Chapter 17: Fluff Alphabet

Summary:

The fluff alphabet challenge from Tumblr

A-Affection-What does he do with you? How does he spend time with you?
He likes reading to you. Cuddling while going to sleep, staying up late and talking, and looking at the sunset are also daily things.

B-Beauty-What does he admire/think is beautiful about you?
He likes listening to your voice and seeing your smile whenever you're happy or excited. He just really admires you when you're in any kind of good mood.

C-Comfort-How does he comfort you when you're upset?
He's very upfront on asking what you need. If you need time alone he'll give it to you and come back to talk to you when you're feeling calmer. If you're too upset to speak he'll just sit beside you so you know he's there for you.

D-Dream-What is his dream life with you?
He wants a traditional life with one or two kids.

E-Equal-Is he more dominant or passive?
He's absolutely the more passive one in the relationship.

F-Fight-How often would you fight? What would it look like?
You two don't fight often, but it's when you do it's more of seeming passive aggressive than yelling. Before anything gets too bad you both give each other space to collect your thoughts. After a few hours to a day, depending on how bad it was, you sit down and talk about it.

G-Grateful-How grateful is he for you? Does he notice things you do for him?
He's very observant in general and definitely to what he cares about. He always notices the little things about you and is just always happy to be around you.

H-Honesty-How honest is he with you? Does he hide anything?
Honesty is a big thing to him. The only thing he isn't good at talking about is if he gets jealous or is worried about the relationship. If he bottles it up for too long it usually comes out in an argument.

I-Inspiration-Did you change him or is it the other way around?
It's a mix of both. You helped bring him out of his shell a little bit, and he put the bar for love and standards through the roof.

J-Jealousy-Does he gets jealous easily? How does he deal with it?
While it's not extreme it happens usually when you're apart for a while. He just bottles it up, but you can tell when something is wrong and have to force it out of him.

K-Kiss-Is he a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?
Most of the time he's a very gentle kisser, and if things get heated and he ends up leaving marks they're usually in a place that's easy to conceal. Your first kiss was short, sweet, and when you two were alone.

L-Love confession-How would be confess his feelings?
He would take you somewhere where you two could be alone. He'd really have to hype himself up for it, and it'd take him a while, but eventually he would find the courage to just straight up admit that he likes you.

M-Marrige-Does he want to get married? How would he propose? What is the marriage like?
He absolutely wants a traditional wedding. He'd take you somewhere private that means a lot and has played a part in your relationship to propose.

N-Nickames-What would be call you?
He usually just calls you your name, but sometimes he'll call you bubs, angel, or my girl.

O-On cloud nine-What is he like when he's in love? How would he confess his feelings?
He gets very flustered around you when he first realizes his feelings to the point where he debates avoiding you so he stops tripping over his words.

P-PDA-Is he upfront about your relationship? Does he show you off or is he shy about affection when others are around?
He doesn't see the point in PDA or trying to prove you're his. The thought of everyone's eyes on your relationship makes him uncomfortable, but he'll do subtle things like holding your hand, keeping his arm around you, or kissing your cheek.

Q-Quirk-Some random ability that's helpful in your relationship
He's firm on boundaries for both of you no matter what they are. Even if he doesn't quite get one of yours he'll never cross it, and if he ever does it's never on purpose.

R-Romance-How romantic is he? What would he do to make you happy? Cliche or creative?
He's a hopeless romantic. He likes to schedule time alone with you, but sometimes he just gives you something out of nowhere just because he can and he loves you.

S-Support-Is he supportive of your goals? How so?
He's your biggest supporter no matter what you're doing. He'll always celebrate your accomplishments no matter how small.

T-Thrill-Does he do new things in the relationship or is he not one for change?
He likes what you have and takes his time when it comes to changes.

U-Understanding-How understanding is he? Is he empathetic?
He's pretty good at reading you and knowing how you feel. If he doesn't he tries to put himself in your shoes. He never judges you for how you feel.

V-Value - How important is the relationship to him? Where does it rank compared to other things in his life?
After not constantly almost dying in the Safe Haven you're his top priority. Your kids are the only thing that mean as much as you.

W-Wild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon
He is clingy. He always wants to be around you no matter what you're doing.

X-XOXO-Is he affectionate? How does he show it?
He's really affectionate when you're alone. It's usually small and innocent things like holding your hand, cuddling, and having time just enjoying each other's company when you first wake up.

Y-Yearning - How does he deal with it when he's missing you?
He tries to distract himself, but it doesn't work for long because everything reminds him of you.

Z-Zeal-Is he willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind?
He would literally give his life for you.

Chapter 18: Well Played

Aris's P.O.V

This killed me to do. It hurts more than what I had been forced to do to Thomas. Thomas hadn't been in love with me. She was or is. Even worse, she seemed to genuinely understand why we did what we did. She didn't get angry or upset even when I told her about the kiss with Teresa, in hopes that she would break it off herself. 

“Aris?”She asked, joining me away from the group. I didn't say anything as I avoided looking at her. I swear that I’m going to be sick. I never wanted to do anything like this, ever.

But I had to. It was part of the plan that I didn't have a choice in.

“I like you, Y/N,”I started, choking on the words.

“I would hope so,”She joked, making the guilt so much worse. 

“Listen. You're really cool. You're really great to be around. You're nice and smart and funny, and I really like hanging out with you,”I got out. 

“Look at me,”She suddenly demanded. I didn't have it in me to do that as I stared at the ground. “Aris, look at me. If you're going to break up with me look me in the eyes while you do it.

“I really like being around you. I honestly do, and I didn't want to from the start. I really, really didn't want to, but I didn't have a choice. I like you-”

“What I’m asking is simple. Look at me while you break my heart,”She repeated, sounding unusually calm. Taking a breath and blinking away tears, I finally did to see that she was completely stone faced.

“Say it,”She said, gesturing for me to continue.

“You’re great, but I don't like you that way. I never did. WICKED made me, because you had been close to Thomas so it would rub salt in the wound. I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't. I had to kiss you, because that's normally what you do when you're with someone. I had to say that I love you, because you had to believe it,”I confessed. Closing my eyes, I waited for something. For any kind of reaction. 

“Okay,”She replied in a dry voice.

“Okay?”I asked, looking at her. Her expression, or expressionless, face didn't change.

“Yeah. Okay,”She shrugged. I tried to wrap my head around her casual response to all of this. I don't know what I expected, but this was more confusing than upsetting.

“What? You want me to cry? Scream? Maybe start hitting you in rage?”

“I don't understand,”I admitted.

“You thought that I would try and hurt you, didn't you?”She asked. I didn't know how to answer that. I had imagined a thousand ways this went down, and none of them were this nonchalant. 

“Do you think that I didn't know, Aris?”She asked. Thinking I was hearing wrong, I kept staring at her while trying to figure out what was happening. “It was pretty easy actually. The way you ‘coincidentally’ became more affectionate around him,”She explained, using air quotes.

“I don't understand. If you knew then why wouldn't you say anything?”I asked in disbelief.

“Because I knew it would make you feel worse when you did something to him. Knowing you had used someone else, I knew that would kill you on the inside. Think of it as a little bit of salt on the wound,”She mocked. 

“I already feel bad,”I defended.

“And you felt even worse, right?”

“Of course I did.”

“Exactly. You got what you wanted, and I got what I wanted.”

“What did you even want?”

“Just to screw with you a little bit. See how long until you told the truth. I didn't know the exact betrayal or even if there was one. The theories ranged from hurting him to being in love with him. I guess you did hurt him though.”

“That's not fair. I didn't have a choice,”I argued. Except, she wasn't arguing. She was just cold.

“Aris, that’s not how this works. You try to cut me, I’ll leave you looking like an idiot.”

“This is insane,”I mumbled.

“So am I though. I’m gonna go talk to Minho. I hope that salt isn't burning you,”She smiled. It looked so sweet and innocent that it was terrifying. She's just, I don't even know. That interaction just chilled me to my core. 

I mean it didn't hurt her, but damn, that was unexpected. She played me better than I ever could have. 

I guess we're even now, but I’m probably going to think about that conversation a lot. She didn't just rub salt in the wound. She had me wrapped around her finger while she did it.

Well played, Y/N. Well played.

Chapter 19: Forever (Part 1)

Summary:

Forever by Lewis Capaldi is what goes with this chapter.

Running. Running. Running.

We were all running.

Running from what would kill us.

Or worse. 

But they were strong, and I knew that they would get through the door if someone didn't hold it shut. 

Before I could hesitate, before I could remember why I was living, I remembered all the people out there v.s one person. I remembered my lovers life v.s mine. 

Forever. We had promised forever, but if that meant forever when he was dead then we couldn't have it.

So we just stared at each other, his eyes begging me to come with them, him frantically gesturing for me to follow them to safety. By now the others seemed to realize what I was doing as they ran. I knew why. You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved.

I stood there for what felt like hours when they got closer. Breaking out of my trance as he reached for me, I slammed the door shut and held myself against it. 

"No! Y/N!"He screamed, frantically hitting it. I didn't answer as they got closer and closer. All I did was wait for death. 

"Y/N! Please!"He cried. I shut my eyes as I tried to tune it out. "I love you! Please! You promised me! You promised me forever! You swore you would love me forever!"He got louder. I closed my eyes as tears fell. "You said we were forever! You don't get to break that! Y/N, you don't get to leave me alone!"

I held my breath as I prayed he would just leave. As I prayed this wasn't for nothing.

"No! Let me go! Let me save her!"He demanded as his yells grew fainter. That's good then. If it hurts I don't want him to hear me scream out in pain. 

So I remained silent, standing against the door. Right on time too, because they were here, and they wanted through.

Standing my ground, I guarded it with my body. As expected they didn't like that as the clawed at me so I could move. 

Sobbing. Only now did I start sobbing.

They didn't like this either as they bit at my arms and legs. They were sinking my teeth into my abdomen, ripping me apart while I was still breathing. They didn't like being quick. They like to torture. 

And now I was screaming. Only when it was too late did I realize I wanted to live. I finally realized that I wanted a forever. That I wanted that life I had planned with Aris. 

They started grasping for my neck making my vision blurred as it was almost over. Only then did the memories and what we could have been flash through my mind.

° ° °

"You're a boy,"I gasped, not knowing how to react as I jumped in the box to pull up the new Blondie. He gave me a funny look at the obvious statement.

"Right. Uh, let's get you out of here and warmed up. You look cold,"I offered, holding out my hand. He stared at it, then at me, before slowly accepting.

"You're going to be okay Blondie. You're going to be just fine,"I promised, helping him out. Immediately, everyone was surrounding him and asking questions.

"Back to work. All of you,"I commanded. They complained about it under their breath and whispered to each other as they walked away.

"Sorry about that. We've never gotten a boy before so you're practically a new species,"I explained, giving him a small smile. He didn't speak, but he gave me one back, and that was enough.

~ ~ ~

"You need to get up,"He whispered, kissing my forehead. I opened my eyes to see him gazing at me like he always did.

"Just a little longer?"I begged.

"You ask me that every morning,"He sighed, brushing my hair from my eyes.

"You give in every morning,"I pointed out.

"Not this time. We have to-"

"Please? Just stay a little bit longer?"

"Y/N-"

"It's cold."

"It is the exact opposite."

"And you get to hold me,"I reminded him. He looked in heavy debate before wrapping his arms around my stomach.

"You shouldn't have said forever if you wanted to get up early,"I sighed, smiling as he pressed a kiss to my shoulder.

"Forever is the only right decision with you."

° ° °

"Hey. You okay?"He whispered, sitting by me. I nodded, too drained to do anything more. I was anything but okay, but I didn't want to worry him.

As we sat there in silence he suddenly pulled me in for a hug. I froze in shock before wrapping my arms around his neck.

"What's this for?"I asked, not letting go.

"You're not okay. I can see it, and you don't have to tell me why, but I'm here if you do. I'm here for whatever you need,"He promised.

His words and embrace pushed me over the edge as I cried in his shoulder. He didn't speak, didn't tell me to shush, didn't pull away as he comforted me.

And all that took was him existing.

~ ~ ~

I groaned as sweat dripped down my head as I was on my way to lunch. I was more than ready for a break and of course, some of Frypan's famous stew.

As I turned a corner someone suddenly pulled me around a different one where nobody came.

"Aris, if you don't let me go-"

"How'd you know it was me?"He asked.

"You do this everyday."

"Then, you should be used to it by now. "

"Aris, I'm gross and sweaty and hot-"

"I agree with this last one,"He shrugged, wearing a cheeky grin.

"I'm married to a moron,"I mumbled.

"You shouldn't have said yes if you didn't want me to annoy you forever."

"Forever is the only right decision with you."

° ° °

I was away from everyone, winding down and enjoying my time alone. As I was finally at peace someone walked towards my tent. Just as I was about to snap at them to go away I saw that it was Aris. My gaze and heart instantly softened as he waved. 

"Come sit,"I invited, patting the spot next to me. He joined me in me tent, looking over his shoulder before zipping it up.

"What? You plan on murdering me tonight?"I deadpanned. He was silent as he sat a little further than usual.

"What's wrong?"I asked, moving closer and putting my hand on his cheek. 

"I'm in love with you,"He blurted out. 

"Oh,"I mumbled as I took it in. "Oh,"I repeated, not knowing how to say anything else.

"I'm sorry. I'll go,"He uttered, standing up. Before he could I grabbed his hand. 

"I just don't know what to say. You can dream about something all day, but you never expect it to happen. Nothing good ever happens around you so when you hear all you ever wanted to you're going to be caught off guard,"I rushed out, rubbing my thumb over his knuckles. He just stared at me.

"Like that. That's exactly how you react,"I whispered. 

"I have always wanted you. From the first time we met,"He whispered, not letting go of my hand as he sat closer to me than ever. 

"And I always needed you. Always,"I admitted, putting my head on his shoulder.

"Can we be together then? Be each others forever?"He asked.

"Yeah. We're forever now. Forever,"I promised, intertwining our fingers. 

And I meant it too. Now that I finally had him I would never let him go.

° ° °

Forever used to feel like no time at all if it meant being with him. He was worth so much that even that wasn't enough.

I wouldn't get that. All because I thought I would be okay dying.

I'm not though. I never will be because I won't keep my promise.

Forever.

There is no forever.

Chapter 20: Forever (Part 2)

Summary:

-Extreme angst

Aris's P.O.V

"I really don't think you should see her like that. I don't think she'd want you to,"Newt reasoned.

"She's alive. She promised forever. She promised,"I pointed out.

"I know that you're hurt-"

"No. You don't know. You don't know what it feels like to know your soulmate might be,"I started, choking on the word I couldn't say. "You don't know,"I repeated.

"She's not there. She couldn't have made it,"Minho added.

"You don't know her like I do. She's never broken a promise. If she said forever than that means forever,"I assured myself. 

"Just bring your-"

"I don't need anything. I'll have her,"I said firmly. Before they could try and talk me out of it some more I started my walk to the door.

She'd be there. She promised forever so she was alright. I'd help bandage her up, clean up her wounds, and kiss her forehead. I'd never let her go. We would live lives like we had talked about. 

I repeated this to myself as I started the too short walk to that door. I just had to remember that she would be alive. I had to remember how she had promised. 

Still, I was there before I truly wanted to be. Somehow, it was already cracked open so obviously she had found her way out. There was no other option. 

Taking a breath, I closed my eyes before pushing it open. 

The first thing I noticed was the metallic scent in the air. It wasn't her though. No way.

The second was the blood all over the walls. It's just a good thing it's not hers.

The third thing was her laying on the ground. I kneeled beside her faster than I could blink, feeling my heart shatter as blood was still pouring from her body and staining her clothes. 

"No, no, no, no. You're fine. You're okay,"I promised, running my hands through her hair only for them to be covered in blood. 

"It's okay. It's okay. You're just hurt, but I'm going to make it better. I'll fix this. I can fix this,"I repeated, not even knowing where to start.

Trying to think while also telling myself this wasn't real, I pressed my hand to the gash in her neck. Throwing my jacket off, I attempted to mend her wounds. When she didn't wake up I started shaking her. 

"Wake up. You need to wake up, okay? I'm going to make this all better. I'll help you, alright? I'm going to help you, and we'll do everything we talked about. We'll be forever, but you need to wake up. Just wake up,"I cried, pulling her to my chest. When I didn't hear her heartbeat my world shattered. 

"How could you do this? How?"I sobbed.

"You idiot. We would have been fine. You knew that that. What's wrong with you? What went through your head?!"I demanded to know, rocking her back and forth. I didn't know what to do, how to feel. She promised, but I failed her. All I had to do was pull her out. That was all it would have taken.

But this still isn't fair.

"You had no right. Not a single one. You promised, and you broke it, and you lied to me, and I hate you, and I love you, and I need you, and I can't forget you, and I'm sorry, and I just want you to wake up because you said forever, and please don't let me be alone,"I begged only to get nothing. Not a sound, even pained breathing, moved past her lips.

"I'm sorry,"I repeated, still feeling her remain limp. With tears falling from my eyes until I couldn't even see, my entire body wracked with silent sobs as I held her. 

"I'm not going to move on. Ever. It's April 25th today. It's April 25th, and I'll never forget that. I will never forget you. Because I'll love you forever,"I promised, setting her on the ground. Pulling her hair out of her eyes, I tried to pretend there wasn't blood coming from them. That she wasn't covered in bites and claw marks. Bruises, broken and twisted bones, and things so horrible I can't even describe, were tuned out. 

Humming to her, I placed her hands over her stomach before taking the jacket and placing it over her. Sleeping. She was just sleeping.

Despite knowing it wasn't healthy to purposely stay in denial I walked out like her blood wasn't covering my clothes. It wasn't hers. It didn't belong to her.

She was just sleeping. She was just a little tired. 

I kept mumbling that as I somehow found my way to the group. They stared at me in horror. 

"I'm sorry,"Teresa apologized.

"Sleeping. She's just sleeping,"I said firmly.

"Aris-"

"She's fine. Just a little tired. Nothing bad happened. She's going to be back soon. Eventually,"I nodded.

"Aris, when do you think she's coming back?"Thomas asked slowly. 

I said the only right answer.

"When she's done sleeping."

Chapter 21: Forever (Part 3)

Summary:

-Angst
-Emotional hurt/comfort

Newt's P.O.V

Everyone saw it. The way Aris was losing his mind without Y/N. Her blood was still on him, but he just said that he must have fallen or something if anyone tried to reason with him. It was painful to watch that he couldn't let her go. He would sometimes lag behind, and if anyone questioned what he was doing he said that he was waiting for Y/N to catch up. We just sort of pulled him forward and told him she was just a little ways ahead. The worst part is that he seemed to believe us. 

He was doing it again. Looking out for her in the distance as everyone was sitting around the fire. He even wore this small smile as he just kept expecting her to show up. He was literally going mad without her. 

"I can't do this anymore,"I finally admitted.

"We've tried. Nothing will work. All we can do is let him fool himself,"Minho sighed.

"No. He's going to end up hurt if he keeps this up. When reality crashes he's going to do something stupid,"I said firmly, glancing back over at him. He was sitting on the rock as he kept mumbling the same haunting words.

"She promised forever so she's coming back. She promised forever so she's coming back. She promised forever so she's coming back."

"I've got to try before he ends up like her,"I stated, standing up. Nobody stopped me as I slowly approached him. Ignoring the nerves of how he might react, I reminded myself that this could turn into something much bigger if he kept putting this off. Someone had to make sure he was grounded, and while that had once been Y/N, she wasn't here to do that anymore. Someone else had to, and if nobody else would I guess it would be me.

In almost no time I was almost right next to him. Despite the way I purposely made my footsteps loud, he didn't hear me as I stood below him. He was too busy tricking his own mind and whispering to himself.

"Hey Aris,"I greeted. He looked down at me with that same bone chilling grin. 

"Hi Newt,"He happily said back. It almost made me not want to do this. Almost. He deserved to realize what had happened so he could get better. 

"Can I join you?"I asked.

"Sure. Just until Y/N gets back,"He answered. Another pang of hurt went through my chest as he kept his cheerful smile. 

But I still sat by him. All he did was hum to himself. He had been doing that for a lot of the time, and it was always the same tune.

"What song is that?"I questioned, deciding to start off with something innocent.

"Y/N and I made it up. It's like a comfort song or a signal that one of us is hurt. I can't whistle so we settled on this."

Okay. Maybe not an innocent question. Is everything just connected to her? Does he have anything of his own that he didn't share with her? Hell. I'm pretty sure that they shared clothes. From food to weapons, they clearly were each other's everything.

I guess I was going to have to be blunt.

"Aris, Y/N is dead,"I finally said. 

"No she's not."

"Aris-"

"She's just tired. That's all. She's okay. She has to be okay,"He argued. 

"How did that blood get on your clothes?"

"I must have fallen or something,"He frantically tried to convince himself.

"And where are you hurt?"

"I must have fallen."

"Aris-"

"No,"He interrupted.

"Where's your jacket?"I pointed out. 

"She has it, okay? She has it, because she's asleep. She deserved it. She deserved to go without being cold."

"Aris-"

"She gets cold really easily. I always share it. That's why I gave it to her,"He rushed out. I went to speak when he spoke faster than I thought possible. "And that's why I held her. When I found her on the ground I had to hold her. I had to fix her. I tried to clean her up, and I explained that it was April 25th,"He ranted, only stopping when he was almost turning red from not taking a breath. 

"What happened on April 25th?"I asked as gently as possible. He didn't speak as he started at the distance. However, I still saw his quivering lip and tears brimming his eyes.

"I found her dead on the floor. I told her I was mad that she left and that I love her. I promised not to forget her,"He admitted. "And I failed her. I didn't do enough."

"Aris, you love her. She knows that. She died knowing how much she means to you and you mean to you. She died loving you."

"I just want her back,"He said through shaky breaths.

"I know."

"I didn't get to say goodbye,"He whispered. 

"I know."

"Why wouldn't she let me help?"

"Because she chose you over her,"I quietly answered.

"But she wouldn't do that to me,"He murmured, switching back to denial.

"She's not coming back."

"But she has to."

"Aris-"

"No, no, no. She wouldn't lie to me. She wouldn't do that,"He uttered. Before I could blink he was hyperventilating as he kept saying that she was sleeping and okay. 

"She's gone,"He suddenly accepted. I put my arms out for a hug which he took. The poor kid was sobbing into my shoulder as he realized it. "But she promised me forever. She said she wouldn't leave,"He trembled. I rubbed his back as he cried harder. "She's not sleeping. She's never coming back,"He continued. I didn't speak as I tightened my hold on him. Neither did he anymore. He just let his tears fall as he got it out. 

Though, he never fully would. I don't really know them, but I know how much they love each other. Even if they weren't that physically affectionate, that we had seen, the way they spoke so softly and even looked at each other, said it all. 

After a long time I felt his tears stop, as his grip loosened, and his sobs became completely silent. Looking down, I realized he had cried himself to sleep in my arms. 

Being careful not to wake him, I carried him off the rock and to the ground. I don't think he's rested this soundly in so long so disturbing it would be the final straw for his sanity. 

Unzipping his sleeping bag, I placed him inside of it. He didn't move a muscle as his breathing was completely even. With his face so puffy you could see it through the dark, and his cheeks streaked with tears, I saw him suddenly reach to the side and hug absolutely nothing. Realizing that he was imagining her, I rolled up my own and put it in his arms. He smiled as he pulled it closer to him, making my heart shatter even more. 

"It looks like he's sleeping,"I absentmindedly said as I came back to the group. We all froze as his haunting words came back to us.

"She'll come back when she's done sleeping."

Chapter 22: Our Paths (Part 1)

Summary:

-50/50 angst & fluff
-Slight hurt/comfort

My job isn't the most morally correct, but not much is out here. I don't ask questions about it. That makes what I do easier. The more I distance myself from it the easier it is on my shoulders when I turn in immunes. I don't know what they do with them, and I'm not curious either. It's not my problem.

"See that kid over there? The boy your age?"my boss asked. He was a big guy around in his late 40's who insisted he was in his early 30's. With his beady, squinty, black eyes, skin that looked like it could fry food, and thin oily hair, he was exactly what you would expect a jackass who takes advantage of people to look like. With the brown suit with obvious fake gold buttons, fake gold watch, and necklace that was made of, you guessed it, fake gold, his entire era was just gross and suggested that you stay the hell away.

The thing is that he pays well, and I like being able to eat. I gotta do what I gotta do to live. It isn't pretty, but neither is life. Sometimes it screws people over or you have to do it yourself. That's just the way the cookie crumbles.

"There are a lot of people my age,"I reminded him, pretending I didn't want to leave his presence quicker than a Crank could bite you.

"The one with the green jacket and bat in his bag,"He specified. Turning around, I saw who he was talking about. The boy had his back turned to me and was walking through a crowd with others. The real tricky part would be getting him away from them. 

But I could do it. I've seen way more intimidating people with way worse weapons. Have you ever had a 14 year old shoot you in the arm from two inches away? And I still got him. It's not something to brag about. It's just a fact that I know what I'm doing so I could definitely get this kid with no issue. 

"How much am I getting for this one?"I asked.

"15k,"He answered.

"I don't know. He's with people. That could be quite a problem,"I pointed out.

"That's all I can offer,"He tried to tell me. As if. He's just a cheap bastard.

"That's not even half the profit. You better give me a price worth working for."

"17k,"He scowled.

"Make it 20k, and we'll have a deal,"I bargained.

"That's not-"

"The clock is ticking,"I sighed. 

"Fine. Just get the kid. His name is Aris or something,"He snarled, storming away. 

Or something. What a fantastic hint. I swear that guy's as helpful as an umbrella in a lightning storm. 

Pushing my way through the crowd, as he was about to go in the back with his friends I tripped him. Right on time too, because the door shut.

Before he could get trampled to death I pulled him up. 

"Are you okay? That was quite a fall,"I checked, feigning concern.

"I need to go,"He tried to tell me. 

"Go where? Look around. There's nowhere to be but here,"I shrugged.

"My group-"

"Let them do whatever they're going to do,"I recommended.

At the perfect moment the music changed to something upbeat. It's time for the kicker. 

"I love this song,"I squealed. Without warning I grabbed his hand and spun him around, subtly pulling him further from the door. 

"I really shouldn't-

"Loosen up. What's your rush?"I asked, grinning at him. Glancing at the room with his friends, I saw it open. Before my job could get harder I pulled him even further in the crowd of people where he had no chance of being seen. 

As his eyes went wide I looked behind me to see the Crank circle. If he's immune then he doesn't know what happens here. He doesn't know just how cruel everyday people can get, all for the fun of it. I had the excuse of needing to live. These people were just bored or in the beginning stages.

I also know just how they were dealt with it.

 

When they pulled out a gun I blocked his view as I covered his ears. I barely made it as just a second later it rang throughout the club, making my skull feel as though it was vibrating. I winced at the volume but waited just in case-

Bang!

I was right. Another one. 

Still holding him, I saw the way he was breathing heavily and shaking. With his eyes darting all over the place and the way he had paled, the amount of fear in him was almost heart wrenching. 

Realizing that they were done I let go of him. He seemed frozen in place as he stared at me. Or not really. He stared through me as he processed what had happened.

I don't know why seeing as I've done this time and time again, but for once I couldn't do it. I couldn't sell him out.

"Are you listening?"I asked. He managed to nod his head. "Grab your friends, and get out of here. Run far, far away, and never look back,"I whispered in his ear. 

"Who are you?"He asked in a weak voice.

"Nobody good. Nobody here is. You're an immune, and you're worth a ton."

"But-"

"Aris,"I whispered. He looked mortified when he realized that I knew his name, but there was no time to explain why. "Grab your friends and go. You're worth a lot of money. You don't want to find out what people would do for a piece of you."

"I don't understand. What are you doing here? Who are you?"He whispered. Glancing over, I saw my boss just a little ways away. Thinking quickly, I took advantage of the slow song as I made sure neither of our faces were visible.

"You need to go. Marcus is just one of the bastards making a living off of you. So's my boss which means so am I,"I explained.

"Then, why are you helping me?"He repeated, keeping his arms on my waist as he understood that we were hiding. 

"I don't know,"I admitted. "But you need to leave. I'm going to lead you to the door,"I explained. 

"And if he sees us?"

"You have no reason to, but trust me. It's the only way out now,"I mumbled. 

"Okay. I trust you,"He hesitantly agreed. Shuffling my feet, I guided him to where we needed to be. Staying as close as possible, I tried not to let the nerves show. We just had to leave.

"Don't come back here, Aris. Ever,"I whispered as the song ended. Somehow, some way, we had made it through the crowd of sweaty people wearing heavy colognes and perfumes in hopes to cover up the scent of their nicotine, alcohol, or Bliss addiction. Wearing bold makeup to mask their exhaustion or how far gone they really were still made me shudder. Bright jewelry, flashy outfits, and colorful hair were just a few things that made this place an eyesore.

Seeing him put his hand on the doorknob, I waited for him to get out safely. Just as he looked back once more, some kid his age, who was slightly taller, with neat black hair, and a strong figure left the room. Without asking what he had been up to, he gestured for him to follow some more of them.

Standing there, I waited, but he never did. As someone shut the door he turned back to me.

"Come with us,"He suggested.

"I can't,"I said firmly.

"You can. Just-"

"You don't understand. I have made a lot of enemies throughout my life, and I'm going to make more. It is life threatening for me to join you."

"Right Arm can protect you."

"Right Arm doesn't like me."

"I can-"

"Your friends are leaving, and my boss will be back any minute. I can only buy you so much time,"I urged, grabbing his hand and forcing him towards the back where the others were. Shutting the door, I waited for him to go with them, but he stayed by me.

"Will I ever see you again?"He asked.

"If you do, it won't be good. I've chosen my path. Now go and choose yours,"I told him. Seeing his face drop, I pressed a kiss to his cheek before telling him one last thing.

"Good luck, Aris. You're going to need it."

With that I left him there to pave whichever road he thought was best. I just hope that it was the right one or I was about to go through all of this for nothing.

Aris's P.O.V

"So are we going to ask the inevitable question of who that was?"Minho pointed out as Jorge started the car. I went to answer when I realized that I didn't even know her name. 

I guess that she was right then. I really won't see her again, and something about that kind of stings. 

There's nothing to do now though but keep going and hoping that she stayed safe too. 

Chapter 23: Our Paths (Part 2)

Summary:

-Filler chapter
-Violence

"I told you. I don't know anything,"I repeated, spitting my blood on the concrete floor. This was some real mafia shit right now, and I'm not in that. I'm not even in a gang. I was picking up immunes. Now I'm bound to a chair as some guy in a mask beats me senseless.

"You betrayed us for a reason. What do you know about Right Arm?"He insisted.

"Because some kid got away I'm with Right Arm?"I asked, pointing out the pure ignorance of his statement.

"You think you're funny?"

"I'd like to think so,"I mumbled, keeping up my strong demeanor. He didn't appreciate that answer as he pulled something out of his pocket. If things were bad before they were about to get disgusting. 

"Tell me what you know,"He demanded.

"You want the truth?"I asked. He got real close to my face as he awaited my brilliant response. "I. Don't. Know. Anything,"I said slowly, talking to him as though he was a toddler.

"That's it! I've had enough!"He yelled. 

On the inside I was terrified. I can put on all the acts I want, but I'm still human. I still don't want to be in pain or in a hole in the ground after having accomplished nothing. 

Then, I thought about Aris. 

Maybe I did accomplish something. 

As long as he's safe I did something right for once.

Aris's P.O.V

I don't know if it was me that needed to learn or them, but the result was the same. I lost every time and ended up in my cell covered in bruises and blood. I don't know if it's downright stupidity or a dangerous level of overconfidence, but it was getting me nowhere.

On the surface. 

I was showing them that no matter what they couldn't keep me down. Physically I may be hunched over in pain, but mentally I am just as strong as ever. They can't take who I am from me. 

I just hope that this is the right path. Or else that girl would have gone through something she wouldn't tell me about for nothing. 

I really hope that I'm doing the right thing.

Chapter 24: Our Paths (Part 3)

Summary:

-Fluff

I don't know why the hell anyone would save me, much less give me a chance after the things I've done, but I didn't end up getting beat to death. That ironic part was that it was Right Arm that got me out, and no matter how much I reasoned that I didn't deserve any acts of kindness they made me go with them and accept help.

I'm honestly still adjusting. Apparently, I don't need to hoard random supplies in case someone either steals from me or I go months without a paycheck. I don't even get paid. I just do normal jobs that don't involve kidnapping and manipulating people, and I get to live. Honestly, I needed a minute for that to sink in when they told me.

For a while they didn't really give me specific instructions. It was more like 'help around here until we see what you're good at.'

I also found out not too long ago. I'm a medic which was just a whole new level of unexpected. It turns out I can knock people out and help them.

Despite this the slightest thing can set off my paranoia that someone here was going to do something. If someone that I was helping winced I was afraid that it would be like Scorch City where people start fights over basically everything. Step on their shoe? Fist in your face. Bump into them? Look at that. You're hunched on the ground in pain after they kneed your stomach. Start a fight when you can't fight? Now you get to be a dead body. How wonderful.

To cut it short, I've seen a lot of things that I shouldn't have, even as a kid.

That's why I was hiding from everyone on my break. Looking at my chipped black nail polish that had helped me fit in where I used to live and the brown boots that I couldn't make myself get rid of was bittersweet. While there weren't many good memories it was all I had known. Being here, I just felt like I didn't belong. I couldn't help but think that maybe I should just go back to a life of stealing, scamming, and using people. A life that was barely even a life. Consistency and safety and comfort are all weird to have or even see.

"Hi,"Someone greeted from way too close to me. Backing away, I went to leave until I saw their face. More of their eyes actually.

He looked different. A lot different. His hair had gotten a little longer, almost falling in his bruised up face. He was about an inch taller and had less of a feeling of passiveness. It wasn't aggression or something weird like dominance. I guess the word, or words, to describe him now would be older and confident.

"Hi Aris,"I greeted back. "You get rescued while getting beat half to death too?"I added.

"Not exactly, but I don't really want to go into all that,"He explained.

"Makes sense. So when'd you get here?"

"Just a few hours ago,"He answered. I nodded as we stood there in awkward silence.

"Do you want to just skip the uncomfortable small talk so you can ask or tell me whatever you were going to?"I suggested.

"Absolutely,"He agreed, heaving a sigh of relief. "That night we met, why did you save me?"

"I already told you. I don't know."

"There has to be some reason."

Thinking about his words, I replayed what happened in my head. How we had gone from dancing to me making sure he saw as little of the Crank circle as possible to getting him out.

"You were afraid. You were terrified, and for some reason that got to me. You didn't belong there, and somehow I had to make sure you didn't stay. I don't even know why, but something about you being almost frozen, your eyes wide, and the way your lip was quivering like you were going to cry, got to me. For the first time, that wrong thing that I was doing for years felt wrong. Even if I did it to live, you made me realize that I wasn't a good person. You just, I don't know, that felt different. Something about covering your ears and trying to shield you from the Crank circle seemed right even if I had always been taught to do the opposite of things like that. And something about putting my arms on your shoulders while yours were on my waist and dancing with you seemed special. I had done that so much to manipulate people, but I didn't want to manipulate you. I didn't want to sell you out. Not when you made me feel new things,"I explained.

Staring at me for a moment, he stepped forward. As he put his arms out I couldn't help but flinch for a moment. He seemed to notice as he slightly moved back.

"I don't think you're a bad person for doing bad things. Bad people don't think they did anything wrong, and they probably aren't in survival mode 24/7. You wanted to live so you can't really fault yourself for that. And while I'd like to say I wouldn't do the same I wasn't on that side of life so I'll never know. I just know that your past actions aren't all you are."

I was silent as I processed his words. Yeah. I didn't really think they were true, but he just seemed so thoughtful that I gave him a nod. As if he could read my mind his face dropped.

"Can I give you a hug?"He offered. After a moment I nodded my head. Approaching me again, he gently wrapped his arms around me. Being careful not to hurt him I tried to make my touch as light as possible. Closing my eyes, I savored the feeling of actually being touched in a way that wouldn't cause me pain. It was really different. While I don't think I would let anyone else do this, it was nice with Aris.

Pulling away, he seemed to be thinking about something for a moment. Then, he pressed his lips to my cheek like I had done him making my face flush.

The second he pulled away someone called his name breaking the little bubble we shared. Still, he stayed for a moment.

"I'll see you later? Maybe tonight?"He asked.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that,"I agreed. He gave me a small smile that I returned before finding whoever called for him.

Leaning against the wall, I felt my grin grow as I touched where his lips had been against my cheek. As my heart beat faster I tried to figure out what this feeling was.

It didn't take long for it to hit me.

Love.

I was in love with Aris.

So now what?

Chapter 25: Our Paths (Part 4)

Summary:

-Bittersweet fluff

Aris's P.OV

All day, I had been counting down the time until tonight. While a medic was cleaning me up my mind had been on her. While they gave me new clothes my mind was on her. While they showed me where I would sleep my mind was on her. Honestly, it was almost sad at this point. 

I didn't care though. I just wanted to see her again. So a few minutes before sundown I was fixing my hair as best I could without a mirror and trying to smooth the wrinkles out of my clothes. Right as I thought I looked okay Harriet came in.

“Where are you off to?”She questioned.

“I’m meeting someone,”I vaguely answered.

“Who?”She asked, not letting me off the hook that easily.

“Just this girl,”I shrugged, pretending I wasn't sort of giddy.

“A date-”

“No, no, no, no. Not a date,”I rushed out. I mean I think so. I’m pretty sure it's not. 

“Who's this “non-date” with?”She asked, using air quotes. 

“If you must know, this non-date is with Y/N,”I gave in.

“Y/N? You're actually going on a date with Y/N?”

“It's not a date,”I insisted.

“Right. You're just in here looking extra nice to meet a “friend". Makes sense,”She teased.

“Can't I just put a little effort into my appearance?”I pointed out.

“Because you definitely cared about that forever,”She deadpanned.

“It's just a little change. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go and meet my friend for our non-date,”I repeated, walking past her.

“If neither of you specified it's definitely a date,”She called. I didn't turn around or say anything as I headed to where we had met earlier. 

Seeing as it was basically around the corner (and just a little out of sight) it took almost no time to be there. Heading back behind the building, I saw she was already there. Leaning against the wall, she was picking at her dark red nail polish. Between the ripped jeans, tank top, and brown boots, she didn't really look like anyone here. 

That's cool though. She’s cool. 

“Hey,”She greeted, glancing up. 

“Hi,”I said back. “You look really pretty,”I added. 

“You look nice too,”She nodded. As I stood there rocking back and forth she sat down and gestured for me to join her. Nodding, I did so for our non-date.

Your P.O.V

I don't know how long we have been out here. Just that it was enough for the stars to be shining in the sky and the Safe Haven to be almost dead silent.

“Do you want to go somewhere?”I offered.

“Where?”

“If I told you that would spoil the surprise, wouldn't it?”I pointed out. Standing, I grabbed his hand and helped him up. Not letting go, I dragged him to the very edge of the Safe Haven, then a little past it.

“Isn't this kind of dangerous?”He reminded me. 

“Yeah. Probably,”I nodded. Still, he didn't object as I kept pulling him until I was finally there again. The very top of the mountain.

“What are we doing here?”He asked.

“Come on. I’ll show you,”I urged, letting go of his hand as I stepped forward. After a moment he did so as well. 

“Look. Way past the Safe Haven,”I said, pointing at the bright lights that were an unfathomable distance away. 

“Woah. What are those?”

“Scorch City. At night it was so dangerous yet if you knew where to be it could be so pretty. I would just walk the streets with my hood up and knife in my pocket as I took it all in. Eventually though, I would forget about the dangers, unless I had to defend myself. The rest of the time though, I enjoyed my home,”I explained.

“You miss it, huh?”

“Yeah. I guess that's kind of weird though. With all the bad memories it had,”I shrugged.

“No. Sometimes, I miss the Spring. It was a prison in a way, but it was my home,”He admitted. “I mean now that I say that it is kind of weird.”

“We can be weird together then,”I offered.

“Yeah. I’d like that,”He agreed, grabbing my hand. There, we stood side by side in a comfortable silence, holding hands. 

For the first time in my life, everything was kind of okay.

Chapter 26: Not So Invisible

Summary:

-AU
-Fluff

Aris's P.O.V

Candy hearts, love letters, red flowers, Valentine's Day, I hate it. Honestly, I can't stand it. If I could get rid of any day I would pick that one. Unfortunately, I can't. So I just get to sit back and pretend to be absolutely shocked when there's nothing in my box that I stopped decorating years ago. I’ll draw some lousy red hearts on it for a grade and call it a day. 

Well there is one thing I like about it. During homeroom, while everyone is passing stuff out I can put my head down, turn my own music up, and sleep. 

Like right now. I pretended to care about the teacher's five minute speech. The second her mouth stopped moving though, I slipped my earbuds on. Shuffling through my Spotify, I found one with not a single lyric about love (which definitely wasn't made specifically for this day) and put my hood up. In the very back corner of the class, I placed my head on the desk and closed my eyes so that this could pass by as quickly as possible.

♡ Time Skip♡

I cannot even begin to describe how hard I tried to sleep this period away. Unfortunately, while the back corner allows me to just remain invisible-by my own free will for once-it came with the glorious sunlight shining right in my face. It also happened to be what most would consider a wonderful day. Bright blue skies and warm weather. 

I hate that weather too. I love the rain though. After all, I don't just hate everything, though I can give you a list. 

Group projects, bus rides, people with no sense of personal space, the label of “quiet kid”, ads between songs, headphones randomly screwing up, those popular kids that act like the best friend of people who are just minding their own business to entertain their friends, random words that came out of nowhere like rizz, people that text without even attempting to use grammar or proper spelling, sleeping in unfamiliar places, the times I get sent to the school counselor because they think that something’s wrong with me, that therapist I wouldn't speak to who thought she could “fix me”, those stupid parent teacher conferences where they act like I’m not there by giving one glance at my grades then go after their list of concerns for my social life, and so on.

I don't just hate things though. 

I love Sonya, Rachel, Harriet, some of my family, the smell of new books and feeling of old ones, hoodies that I know like the back of my hand, the occasional time my cats will cuddle with me, stormy weather with lightning and heavy rain, mist and fog, the nighttime when everyone is asleep and I get to be in total silence, driving when the roads are almost empty, doodling on pieces of paper, the sound pencils make when they scratch journals, the teachers who don't force me to speak, bittersweet music that with soft melodies that you don't know whether to cry or smile at, and the way fire cackles and dances in the dark. 

The sunlight was not in the list of things to enjoy, because it stopped me from doing one of the other things I love. Sleeping. So I reluctantly pulled The Dead Poets Society out and got back to reading. 

Because life hates me back though, the second I opened it someone walked up. Giving them a glance, I was expecting it to be someone just trying to mess with me. 

I definitely wasn't expecting her. Not Y/N in her everyday clothes with a small smile and her own earbuds in. 

Without a word she dropped a small white envelope in my box before hurrying back to her seat near the wall. This interaction, if you could call it that, was extra odd since she was notorious for not handing stuff out no matter how many she got. In fact, she had been at her spot the entire time and didn't seem like she was getting back up any time soon. 

Staring at her, I waited for her to meet my gaze or explain. Instead, she was reading something of her own like she hadn't just done that.

Still heavy with skepticism, I turned it over in my hands to see my name in blue ink. It was held shut by a small star sticker. I love those too. The stars.

Being careful not to rip it, I opened it and saw a piece of paper and red gumdrop. Setting it down, I unfolded it and started reading.

Dear Aris,

I’m not good with words, or people, but I still wanted to at least try. Even if it's not that good. You probably don't remember, but we used to sit next to each other a few classes ago. I really wanted to say something, but I didn't know what. Still, it's Valentine's Day so I may as well try today, right? 

I think that you're really cool. You're really kind and genuine. You do things because you want to and not to get something back. That's probably why you helped me with a lot of the world three years ago in science class, though I don't think you remember that either. 

Because it probably didn't mean much to you, though it meant the world to me. That someone would actually help out the new girl. You were the first person to do that and actually talk to me. I would have told you a lot earlier if I knew how, but now that we have this class I’ll do what I said I would years ago.

So if you're not doing anything later would you like to hangout? Just you and I?

Love From,

Y/N

Taking another read through the letter, I evaluated each word. Each space between them and the way the slight curves and dots in the i’s. Just to be sure there wasn't something that I was missing.

There wasn't. 

She noticed me. Y/N actually notices me.

Glancing at her again, I saw that she was just turning the page, seeming content in her world. Then, she slightly turned and looked back. I gave her a small smile, and just as she returned it I heard the rain start outside. She just slightly waved to me before turning back around.

So while everyone was complaining about the water falling on the windows I felt my smile grow as I buried my head in my hoodie so nobody would see.

Because even if nobody else was looking, she was, and I was actually okay with that. 

I think I was okay with not being invisible around her.

Chapter 27: Forbidden Fruit

Summary:

-Forbidden love
-"Fake" Flirting

The plan was simple. We already found their stash of uniforms in a closet. Now to get out of our facility we needed a way around that WICKED worker, Aris. While we had talked about it, just knocking him out and running probably wasn't the best idea. We had nothing to bait him with, which we no doubt he would have accepted if we did. We sure as hell weren't going to trust that he’d let us stroll on by.

So that’s when Sonya suggested the worst idea in the history of ideas.

“None of us know how to flirt. I mean the only guy we’ve been around is your older brother,”I pointed out.

“I know, but it just has to throw him off for a minute. That's all,”She justified.

“Well I’m not doing it on account of I was the one who suggested violence,”Harriet stated.

“I’m the youngest therefore that would be weird,”Sonya pointed out.

“I’m socially awkward, meaning it would just look really sad,”I defended.

“Again, we just need to confuse him,”Harriet repeated.

“But I don't want to try and flirt with the WICKED worker,”I complained. “Or anyone.”

“Just take one for the team, okay? Then, we’ll never have to deal with them after this,”Sonya promised.

“But-”
“Just go. We’re wasting time,”Harriet reminded me.

With a frustrated sigh, I put a smile on my face, attempted to fix my hair with my hands, and walked straight towards him. At my footsteps he glanced up and almost cocked his head. That's definitely confusion at least.

“Hey,”I greeted, standing just close enough to him that my skin didn't crawl.

“Uh, hey?”

“Are you new? I’ve never seen you around, and I would definitely remember you,”I drew out, looking at him as I leaned against the wall. He just stared at me with a blank expression before doing the same.

“Apparently, you would not,”He responded, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Strange. I don't know how someone like you could slip my mind,”I shrugged, giving him a grin which he didn't return. If anything, I seemed to be psyching him out as he messed with the sleeves of his shirt.

“So you aren't new here?”He asked, looking me up and down.

“I just barely got here. Not that it makes a difference. After all, I know you now,”I said, subtly moving closer to the door. Daring to glance at the keys on his belt, I worked out how I would get them before quickly meeting his gaze.

“Not officially. I’m Aris,”He ‘introduced’, holding out his hand.

“I’m Y/N,”I actually introduced, accepting it. Before I could react he kissed the back of it making my face flush. No longer seeming to think anything of it, he moved just a little closer, making me see that he was around an inch taller than me. Taking in his tan skin, short hair, and fit figure from who knows what, being next to someone on the other side was almost surreal. He just looks so much like the regular subjects that if it weren't for the suit he actually would blend in. Still, the thought of him doing that just seemed like some sort of crime. The thought of actually flirting or being with one, now that would just straight up be forbidden from both sides.

Trying to block out those thoughts, I averted my gaze as he leaned so close to me that I swore I could feel his breath on my neck. This was absolutely not part of the plan.

“Nice try, love. Though, if you want to flirt to sneak out at least be ready for someone to happily play along,”He whispered in my ear, making my heart beat faster.

“I don't-”
“They’re already back in their dorms, you know? There are very handy forms of communication in this place. Just enough for some tricks up the sleeve,”He grinned, pulling away and showing me this little wire device with a button that was in fact hidden up his sleeve. Without a word he pushed it, and a little light I didn't notice was there dimmed to nothing. “Impressive, isn't it?”

“So you just let me keep wasting time?”I snapped.

“More or less. They’ve been good for about five minutes.”

“You were just screwing with me? For what?”

“What else was I going to do tonight? I may as well play along with the pretty girl thinking she's slick,”He shrugged.

“I’m not-”
“So what do you say I personally walk you back, love? Make sure my girl doesn't stop and flirt with someone else on your way?”He suggested.

“Shove off,”I scoffed, crossing my arms over my chest and glaring at the ground.

“Is that a yes?”

“I can walk back by myself,”I pointed out.

“Actually, you can't. I wouldn't be very good at my job if I let you leave like that. Or a gentleman.”

“You are not a gentleman,”I promised, rolling my eyes.

“I disagree. Now do you want to get going or stay here and keep being flustered?”

“Fine. Let’s just go,”I gave in.

“By the way, I’m here quite often. You should drop by again. Preferably, soon. It’d be nice to see my girl again,”He nonchalantly said, winking at me.

“Like I would ever be your girl,”I scoffed.

“Really? We could be like Romeo and Juliet. Minus the constant murder and joint suicide.”

“I am not acting out any story involving love with one of you,”I promised.

“Awe. Why not?”

“What the hell do you mean why not? You're just the other sides, cruel, cold, manipulative, lying, guinea pig,”I listed.

“And you gathered all of that from five minutes of trying to flirt your way out of here?”

“I don't even need that."

“If anything Y/N, you should spend a little more time with the other side. Maybe I could even get you flustered again.”

“Ew.”

“Ouch. After everything we had?”

“All five minutes of pretend flirting?”

“Pretend flirting from you. From me, I’ll let you decide that, love.”

“I’ve decided that it was stupid.”

“Really?”He questioned.

“Yes, really.”

“So if I got really close to you again, that would be really stupid?”

“Extremely stupid.”

“Interesting,”He said in a tone that I didn't like. Before I could blink he drummed his fingers on the tip of the door frame above him as he leaned forward just to test my theory, which I was definitely right about.

“Aah,”He nodded.

“What?”

“Oh, nothing. Just enjoying watching you blush again.”

“It's really hot in here, okay?”I defended.

“Actually, they keep this place cold, almost freezing. That's how the Chancellor likes it.”

“Your uniforms are hot.”

“Well you certainly seemed to think so recently,”He remarked.

“Not like that,”I snapped.

“If you say so, love.”

“Stop calling me love,”I demanded.

“Of course. I’ll have another name for when I see you again. We could go through the list.”

“I will not be seeing you again.”

“Are you sure? You seem to like this little thing we have going on, and I know I do.”

“There is no thing, and there sure as hell is no we.”

“Right. Because of the forbidden love story we have going on.”

“There is no love story.”

“Not with that attitude.”

“Aren't you supposed to be walking me back to my prison cell?”I reminded him.

“Yeah, but you don't seem to be moving anytime soon,”He shrugged.

“Well I am now so let's just go,”I repeated.

“Of course. Anything for you, darling,”He agreed, leading me down the path I hadn't come. When I tried to point that out he just gave me the smartass explanation of taking the long way. With a huff I walked alongside him a few feet away. Still, the idiot moved closer so that our shoulders brushed against each other. I threw him a glare but didn't bother to move.

Without a word he turned a corner to my room, a way shorter destination than I had used. He also must have noticed my confusion as he started talking.

“I’m not actually stupid. You obviously don't like me so here's the shortcut,”He explained. While I knew this should be what I wanted as he held the key card to the door I pulled his hand away without actually thinking. Still, I hesitantly asked the dumbest question.

“Just out of curiosity, are you at that spot tomorrow?”

“Every Thursday and Friday so yeah. I will be,”He answered.

“Okay,”I nodded, waiting for him to let me in. As he glanced down though, I followed his gaze and realized that I had never let go of his hand. As quickly as humanly possible, I pulled away, almost like his touch had burned my skin.

Staring at me for a moment, he waited a moment before doing so.

“I guess I’ll see you around, darling,”He whispered.

“Yeah. I think you will, love,”I agreed. Then, I gave him a small smile as I walked into my prison cell.

Chapter 28: The Initials

Summary:

-Fluff

Being in the Spring, ironically, meant a lot of snow and ice. Naturally, sometimes people would screw around with it when they're bored. Maybe draw little things, or on Blondie nights, build things and skate on the ice. It was probably one of the best perks to the place (partly because there aren't many).

A few examples of things that can be carved into the earth are crooked stars, smiley faces, or maybe, just maybe, a very small heart with two people’s initials through it. And maybe just maybe, it just so happens to be the ones of the only people who have a last name.

That doesn't mean anything though. Even if everyone seemed sure it did.

“Don't you think that's a big assumption?”I pointed out yet again.

“Who else would it be?”Harriet tried to reason. I just shrugged as I wished that her and almost every other girl would drop it.

“Well I think it's cute,”Sonya added.

“It's not, because there's nothing there,”I promised.

“Y/N, are you stupid, clueless, or in denial?”

“Don't insult another Icer,”Harriet reminded her. Just as I thought this was over she said that she still had a point.

“It’s not anything big. And it was hidden in the ice. You two only found it because someone lost something,”I reminded them.

“Yes, but it was still there. His initials and your initials in a heart.”

“That doesn't mean it was him,”I huffed.

“There's a way to find out,”Annie suggested. My glare did nothing to make her back down. “You three saw the writing and a few of us checked it out.”

“What the hell would you do that?”I groaned.

“We were curious. Anyways, we can go look at his signature on the wall and see if it's the same one,”She suggested.

“No,”I argued.

“If you really aren't worried about anything then this shouldn't be a big deal,”She shrugged.

“It's just stupid. Shouldn't we all be at work?”I almost begged them.

“It can wait for a minute. Just to solve this once and for all,”Sonya added. No amount of head shaking, threats, or pleading seemed to be any good, but I still tried by trying to make up excuses about our jobs and the Spring. As I knew deep down though, it was useless as everyone was already headed to the wall. Staying still, I debated what to do.

After a moment I realized how little good it would do to just run. With my head down I reluctantly and slowly went with the crowd. And who knows? Maybe it's actually not his writing? I hope so.

Barely feeling like I was getting oxygen, I covered my face with my scarf as I looked at everyone carefully observing his signature. With some girls actually tracing it, I just wanted the ground to swallow me whole.

“Hey Y/N,”Aris greeted, coming from nowhere. I didn't respond as I kept walking with him now trailing alongside me. Despite knowing this could make it worse I didn't tell him to go away. I don't think that I would even be able to.

“So any idea what's happening?”He asked. I felt my mouth go dry as we just stood behind the other girls. Finally, I dared to look up and see if it matched. It couldn't though. It wouldn't.

Just one glance was enough though. It was small but seemed to have taken a good minute, like a perfectionist or neat freak made it. Yet it looked like with just a few more minutes it could be cursive. It had true care put into it.

Just like that heart.

By now Aris seemed to realize what was going on as he awkwardly shuffled a little closer to me. Nobody seemed to have realized we were there though. They were too focused on the way the theory was right. Aris has drawn the heart and written the letters.

With everyone there whispering in some kind of excitement, I felt my face burn as they kept talking about it. It certainly didn't help that Aris was staring at me. Without realizing I looked up to see him with a blush on his face before staring back at the ground.

Somehow, that made this worse. Knowing that he could mean it made my stomach twist in knots. I couldn't do this. I needed to get out of here before they saw me.

Feeling tears prick my eyes, I stormed away.  Going to the forest, when I was deep enough I started running faster than my feet could carry me. Rushing past trees and frozen bushes, I ran and ran until I didn't think I could. With the snow crunching beneath my feet and the wind nipping at my face, I just kept leaving my problems where I couldn't see them.

Feeling the air leave my lungs while the environment started to dampen my clothes, skin, and hair, when I came to the edge of the forest, after what seemed like hours or twisting and turning, I fell into the snow. Taking harsh breaths, I laid in it as I closed my eyes. I just needed to be alone for a bit. I just needed to think about everything that went on. The heart, the letters, the signature, and him. Just him.

While trying to rid my mind of all these chaotic thoughts, I heard footsteps. Barely lifting my head, I saw Aris standing there with his dark blue jacket, red snow hat, and striped scarf. If this were any other time I would think that he looked very cute.

“How’d you find me?”I sighed.

“I followed your footprints,”He explained. Damnit. I forgot that part of living here. “Can I join you?”He added.

“Yeah. Sure,”I quietly agreed. Accepting my answer, he laid down right beside me, even keeping his arms outstretched like I was.

“I didn't think anyone would find it,”He whispered after a moment of nothing but the wind.

“Yeah. I know,”I whispered back. “But why’d you do that? Carve that into the ice?”

“It's obvious, isn't it?”

“Yeah. It is,”I admitted. It always was. I just didn't want anyone to realize it too.

“Would it be that bad?”He asked.

“Would what be that bad?”

“Being with me. Would it be that bad?”He clarified.

“No,”I admitted.

“Then, why’d you run like that? Like you were disgusted,”He mumbled.

“The attention. I can't stand having eyes on me.”

“I can't either, but,”He trailed off.

“But what?”

“I wouldn't want to run. Not from you.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

We kept laying there, in that same position, in silence. For some reason, we just didn't know what to say, if there was anything to say. Even when the sun started setting we were lost in our own worlds. Or maybe they had combined into one.

“I’m sorry,”He spoke up.

“You didn't do anything wrong,”I assured him. Glancing over, I saw him looking back. This time, we held our gaze as the world around us kept going on. Yet it seemed different in this spot. Like time had just stopped.

“You're a lot of things, Y/N. A lot, so there are just a lot of reasons to like you.”

“I don't really think I’m that likable. Especially, in that way,”I admitted, avoiding a certain word.

“I just think there's a lot of great things about you. You're always there like when you explained everything about this place and promised to help me fit it. You kept your word too. Because you're honest, and that makes you extra comforting to be around. Sometimes you skate the Maze, and that's really brave. You never even seem scared before going in. You just look determined, and you are. It's why you don't give up. And you're smart. You're the first to point out any small details somewhere that could have been missed. Even if they try to argue with you, you won't back down unless they can give a valid reason. You listen. Actually listen. And you're also pretty. Even if you don't seem to think you are, you're always really nice to look at.”

“I-I don't know what to say,”I barely found my voice, feeling my face blush for the thousandth time today.

“You don't have to say anything,”He promised.

And I didn't. I’m not good with words.

So I moved closer. After a moment of debate I pulled off my glove and held out my hand. He stared at it, then me, before doing the same.

Squished side by side, he intertwined our fingers. Laying there in the freezing snow, I still felt a small smile cross my lips. Looking back over, I saw his eyes had never left me as he wore one too.

Were we absolutely going to be thrown in the Slammer when we left this place?

Yes. Without a doubt.

Was it worth it for this moment of just us holding hands?

More than anything had ever been.

Chapter 29: The Plan (Part 1)

Summary:

-Angst
-The song Another Love by Tom Odell goes well with this part

It was an accident. Kind of. I knew that playing with his feelings was wrong, but at the time there wasn't another choice. For some reason, he was the only boy so we needed to know if he was up to something. We thought that maybe he was a spy, but we couldn't prove it. We also couldn't just banish him without evidence, and he sure as hell wasn't just going to talk to us anytime soon.

So a plan was made. I would become his girlfriend and find out what he knew.

It took a few months, around two, to notice him acting differently around me. To catch him looking at me before frantically turning away, tripping over his words, and overall just being barely a little closer to me.

At around three months we realized he wasn't going to make the first move. So I did. I took him away during the Blondie celebration and confessed feelings I didn't have. I made sure to fiddle with my hands and rock back and forth so he thought I was nervous about his reaction. Thankfully, it worked well enough for him to kiss me.

At six months, we realized he really is just like the rest of us. Only he's a boy.

I know that I have to either break it off or tell him the truth. The thing is though, while I was just supposed to be pretending to care about him I grew to feel so much more.

Somewhere along the way I fell in love with Aris. Seeing as he really likes me, and we're happy together, I knew I had to take this secret to the grave. There was no reason to destroy him. After all, ignorance is bliss. So I'll let him think he had my heart from the beginning. It's what's best for both of us.

I know that some of the girls don't agree with this. Any of it. Both that it should be a secret or that we should even be together. Still, nobody has tried anything. Besides a glare or two everything seemed normal.

Ironically, the Blondie celebrations are where we see each other the most. Hidden in the dark, I could lean my head on his shoulder and listen to him say whatever he wanted or nothing at all. As long as we are together I don't care what he does.

Tonight was one where he was just a little more talkative. With my head on his lap, I gazed up at him as he told me about his day. Every now and then he would look down at me and grin before going on with what he was saying. Holding the sleeves of his jacket, I got lost in his eyes, in his smile, and in his voice.

Just as he was about to ask me another question we heard footsteps in the snow. Seeing as we're usually the only ones who stay this far away it was definitely odd for another person to just show up.

Looking up, we spotted Beth approaching. After we exchanged a glance of confusion I sat beside him as we waited for whatever she was going to do or say.

"So you two are still going strong,"She remarked, her smile innocent yet her tone having an underlying callousness in it.

"Yeah,"Aris mumbled, shifting closer to me.

"That's just unusual considering everything,"She trailed off. That's when I knew exactly why she came over. She had one goal in mind, and no matter what it would mean and who it would hurt, who it would shatter, she was going to try and accomplish it.

"Don't,"I snapped.

"Don't what?"Aris asked.

"Yeah, Y/N? Don't what?"She taunted.

"It's over with,"I begged.

"What's over with?"Aris questioned.

"Oh, you don't know? That explains so much,"She drew out.

"Explain what? Y/N, what is she talking about?"He asked, looking at me. Feeling my mouth go dry, I just silently pleaded for her to not do this.

"You know? The plan,"She vaguely answered.

"Beth, please stop,"I repeated, hearing my voice crack.

"Wha-"

"You know how nobody trusted you when you first showed up?"She started.

"Yes, but-"

"And a few people randomly trusted you one day?"

"Of course."

"Well-"

"Please don't!"

"There was a reason for that,"She kept going. Holding back tears, I tried not to break. "Do you remember Y/N's sudden closeness to you?"She asked. His silence was all he needed. "Do you want to know why?"

"Y/N, what is she on about?"He whispered. I just desperately shook my head no.

"Y/N faked her feelings for you. She actually came up with most of the plan,"She explained.

"What plan?"He asked, moving away from me.

"Get you to fall in love so we know your intentions. Of course, nobody thought she would too. Then again, she can be all over the place,"She spilled.

Time stopped as he went completely still. Leaving us there, Beth left like she had done nothing wrong. Staring at the snow, I listened to the silence. Then, Aris stood up and started walking away. Regaining the ability to move, I followed him to the forest.

"Aris, I-"

"No. You've done enough,"He whispered, walking faster.

"Please, I didn't mean for this to happen,"I promised, grabbing his hand. Turning around, he just blankly stared at me. "It started out that way, but I really do need you now. If I could take that back I would. Because you deserve nothing but the world. I just-I-"

"Stop,"He demanded, pulling his hand away.

"Please, it was a mistake,"I begged. He didn't say anything as he stood there so I kept going. "You didn't deserve that, but I couldn't tell you. I couldn't lose you so I just kept it down. I never meant to fall in love, but I did. If I could make this better I would, turn back time so I didn't do this to you, I would. If I could change anything it would be pretending to care instead of realizing how incredible you actually are. Please, Aris. I love you so, so, so much. I love you more than anyone has ever loved everything."

Standing there in complete silence, I held back tears until he spoke up.

"Do you know what's worse than what you did? Do you know what's worse than you treating my feelings like a game?"He whispered. I didn't answer so he kept talking. "It's the fact that after you stopped toying with me, stopped loving me to my face and hating me behind my back, you did apparently love me. Or you say you do. Yet you still lied to me like it was nothing over and over."

"I never meant to hurt you like this,"I repeated.

"I wish I could believe that, but I learned your best talent,"He started, meeting my gaze. "You're a great actress, Y/N. Maybe they'll put your name on a screen one day,"He shrugged, wearing a bitter smile as tears fell from his eyes. Wiping them with his hands, he turned around and kept walking.

Despite wanting to keep chasing him, I fell to my knees in the snow and cried. Burying my face in my hands, I leaned over and sobbed until I couldn't. Then, I curled my knees to my chest and fell asleep in the freezing forest.

Chapter 30: The Plan (Part 2)

Summary:

-Angst

Aris's P.O.V

I can't believe it. I don't want to believe it. I don't want to believe that she could do that to me. 

She had told me herself though. I was nothing more than a plan. 

It was depressing really. Now that I look back on it, it's so obvious that she hadn't just grown feelings for me. The change in attitude from a few girls, the way we always ended up as alone as you could get, and how she seemed so interested in everything I said, should have been a huge red flag, but no. Instead, I just decided that she actually felt something for me. I thought that she actually was different and would get to know me and who I am, my morals and beliefs, the things I like and don't, before deciding whether or not I deserve to die. I thought that I had actually meant something to her. I thought she cared about me. 

She says she does now, but I don't believe her. I can't. Even if I did, what next? We just move on from the fact that she was just as bad as basically everyone else?

Actually, no. She's worse. I had fallen so deeply in love, and she used that to her advantage. 

She's not just cold.

She's heartless. 

The fact that I know all of this and am still carrying her back to her tent is pathetic. I could easily wake her up so she wouldn't die of frostbite. Instead, I had her in my arms, curled up to my chest. 

I have never hated snow so much before. Not until it meant her needing to be near me.

Of course, that's sort of an excuse. Like I said earlier. I could just wake her. I didn't have to carry her bridal style to her place. 

I was though, and I have never felt like more of an idiot doing something good. At least when I was with her I didn't know she was a master manipulator. Now that I did, with me still caring, the pain’s probably on me now. 

It actually all is. I blindly loved her and didn’t spot what she was thinking when she acted like she did.

It kills me even more that the very first time she said those three words was after I found out our entire relationship was built upon lies. 

But whatever. I’ll just keep holding her until I can't. It's all fine. Everything is fine. I’m fine.

As I approached her already opened tent I felt tears pour down my face. Ignoring them, I ducked my head and entered the place I had spent so much time in.

Holding my breath, I tucked her into her sleeping bag, making sure she was on her side the way she always slept. With her tears shining like dying stars through the dark, she was almost blinding to look out. There were too many things to take in. Too many small details and unwanted, maybe real, emotions.

Looking at my feet to avoid those, I spotted a small paper. Picking it up, I saw my handwriting. 

A letter. 

A stupid love letter I had given her a few nights ago.

Picking it up, I crumpled it into a ball before throwing it on the ground. Glaring at it, I pretended it was her through my blurry vision. Wiping more tears with the back of my hand I actually gave her a cold look before saying one last thing.

“It's not like it meant anything to you anyway,”I spat. Stepping over it on the way out, I zipped her tent and stormed to mine, of course being just a little further away than everyone else's. 

Because screw me, right? Because I definitely asked to be here? Because I definitely didn't spend my first month here sobbing my eyes out every chance I got because of how alone I was?

At least when they were all adjusting to their home and wondering how they got here, if they did something wrong, if they were being punished, if they were meant for something, or if they were dangerous, they had each other. They could just ask for help from someone. And what did I get? People talking about whether or not to send me to die, right in front of me.

I hate this place! I hate all of them! I hate her! I especially hate her! 

Without bothering to close it, I fell on the floor of my tent and sobbed like it was the first night all over again.

Chapter 31: The Plan (Part 3)

Summary:

-Angsty
-Bittersweet

I wish I could say that I had regained my senses enough to wake up and walk back to my tent. Instead, I did the exact opposite and sobbed in the snow until I passed out.

That's why I have no idea how I woke up in my tent, tucked into my sleeping bag the way I always was. Only one person had ever slept beside me, and he was the last person who would take me home. 

But he also shouldn't be. I screwed up. I really, really screwed up, and I don't know how to fix it. I don't know if I can.

While it's not all her fault, I can't comprehend why Beth did that. I hadn't done anything to her (that I could remember), and even if I did that was worse than anything I was even capable of. 

Staying still, I stared at the tent wall as I debated never leaving. After last night how was I expected to be around him without apologizing a thousand different ways a thousand times over? How was I iust supposed to go to the gardens like this has all been some nightmare that I would wake up from any second now? 

Taking a breath, I wiped a tear that I somehow was still able to I cry before going back and forth with the options in my head. On one hand, I didn't know how to face him after he discovered the truth. On the other, I couldn't just pretend that he didn't exist. I honestly didn't want to. I was the one who destroyed us. Not him.

Which means that I have to be the one to fix this no matter the cost. Because he was worth more than whatever it could be. More than any material item, my pride, my ego, or even whatever might have mattered to me in the past. 

I had to fix this. 

I just don't know where to start.

♡ Time Skip♡

The hours had passed by. While I had assumed finding some way to talk to Aris would be no problem, it only became evident how wrong I was towards the end of the day. Then again, that's also my fault. It's like the second my eyes land on him I forgot how to speak, and I can't fix us if I don't even know how to say hi. 

So I stared at him from a distance, praying that he would look up for just a moment and meet my eyes the way he used to. Yet somehow he was always able to dodge my gaze.

He hates me. He actually hates me. 

I know that this shouldn't really surprise me, but I'm still sure that someone was kneeing me in the gut. I need him to just look at me. Just for a moment. I need to talk to him. I need to figure out what to say. 

I need him.

I need Aris.

But as I stared at him for just a moment, I always turned my head before I could truly take him in the way I wanted. I know it was cowardice, but the thought of speaking to him after what I did, the thought of him telling me that he didn't want to see me, shattered my heart into pieces that don't fit together.

So I don't know what was wrong with me, but as I saw him walk away from the eating area my feet had a mind of their own as they followed him. Acting like nobody else existed, I didn't speak as I tried to think of what I should say. Still, every word in my mind was jumbled as I kept going after him through the forest.

I don't know where he was going, but he seemed determined to be away from the world. Just as I thought he would decide he was far enough he would pick his head up and go forward. That meant I had to do the same. 

Walking past frozen bushes and fallen tree branches, he wrapped his scarf around him and pulled his jacket tighter. I wanted to beg him to just turn around, but my throat seemed to have swelled up. So we kept going and going and going until he was as isolated as you could get. 

Standing in front of the shed nobody went in, he looked up at it like he knew something that nobody else did. Putting his hand on the doorknob, he went to open it so I stepped closer. Too immersed in being anywhere near his presence, I didn't realize that I had done the cliche step on a stick move until the snap echoed through the dead air. 

Turning around, he saw me standing there in the open. We both stared at each other before I found the ability to speak.

"I'm sorry. I know you don't believe me, and you have every right not to. You have every right to not want to see me, but I can't not try,"I rushed out.

"Congratulations. Did you get a callback for that performance?"He deadpanned, crossing his arms as he looked right past me.

"I don't know how to say it enough. I don't know if anything could go back to what it was, if we could get back what we had, but I can't live knowing I didn't do everything possible to earn your trust and love. I may not deserve it, but I swear if you let me prove how much you mean to me I'll love you right. I won't lie to you ever again, but I just need a second chance. Please, I am pleading for you to to just give me one more chance, and I'll do everything that I should have from the beginning. Please let me prove myself. Please Aris, please,"I begged, not looking away as I stepped towards him. 

"Calm down, Y/N. You can save it for the addition. I'm sure you'll be the lead,"He scoffed.

"Aris-"

"Go show off your acting skills to someone who wants to see them. I'm done with you,"He whispered, walking inside the shed. 

"Please. You weren't supposed to find out like that,"I repeated, still following him.

"Apparently, I wasn't supposed to find out at all,"He mumbled.

"Okay. You're right, but-"

"Wow. Who could have thought you'd ever lie to me,"He muttered.

"If you just-"

"I came her to get away from everyone. You know when I thought one of you was going to kill me in my sleep or something this was my hiding spot? I'd be here until someone found me the next morning. Because that's what you all did. I didn't feel safe in my home. Do you know how screwed up that is?"

"It is, and we should have given you a chance. You deserved one,"I nodded, breaking my gaze.

"Yeah. I know."

"Aris-"

"What part of I'm done with you don't you understand? You can't fix this, Y/N. You will never be able to fix us. No matter how many times you try you ruined everything. Not Beth. You. You are the one who carried out the plan. You are the one who tricked me. You are the one who kissed me as if we weren't built on lies. You are the who would tell me how much I meant to you. You are the one who was supposed to love me. But I didn't mean enough for you to tell me everything. You didn't love or trust me enough to tell me yourself. I would have been hurt and maybe a little mad, but I would at least try to understand. I would have listened to you and know you cared enough to be honest. It's not even what you did. It's that the leader of my hate club told me first. I asked you what she was talking about, and you didn't have the guts to admit what you did,"He listed. I stared at the floor as more shame bubbled up in m stomach.

"Look at me. Look at me after breaking my heart,"He demanded.

"I can't-"

"Look me in the face. Look me in my eyes after being so cold. Look at me."

"I-"

"Look me in the face. If you can lie to my face you can look at me to see what you did."

"I'm sorry,"I promised, forcing my voice steady.

"You know what? I was an idiot for loving you. An idiot."

"No. You don't mean that. I know you're hurt, and I know that you're angry, but please don't act like we meant nothing. Please don't pretend we didn't have anything. Tell me how much you hate me but take that back. It's not true. It's not."

"I think it's truer than anything about our relationship."

"No. We were something special. We had something."

"I can't deal with you,"He repeated, going to walk past me. In a split moment a strong gust of wind went through the shed before slamming the door shut. With wide eyes, he started pulling at the doorknob before pushing on the wood. Banging on it, he kept trying to force it open until he winced and pulled his hand back. Daring to turn on the light, I saw the little pieces of wood under his skin. 

"Let me see,"I requested, my old Medic instincts kicking in. To my thankfulness and surprise he slowly put his hand out. Looking at it, I saw a few in his palms and fingertips. Glancing around, I spotted the back-up first aid kid.

"This should be quick. Just try now to move,"I instructed, holding open his hand. Sitting directly under the light, I got the tweezers and started what had once been so natural to me. 

Finding one, as I pulled it out I saw him wince again. 

"I'm sorry. I'm trying to be gentle,"I promised.

"Yeah. I know,"He nodded.

From there we sat in complete silence as I examined ever inch of his hands. From the obvious ones on his palms, to his fingertips, to the sides, I didn't allow myself to miss a single one. Only when I was sure of it did I put away the kit.

"Why do you do that?"He whispered as I found its original spot.

"Do what?"

"Make it so hard to hate you? Why do you do that?"

"I don't know. I'm not trying to be."

"That makes it worse."

"I'm sorry,"I repeated, sitting on the floor across from him. Moving against the door, we sat with that invisible wall that I couldn't figure out how to break. 

♡ Time Skip♡

The atmosphere had never been more tense. Then again that was a given. Even though he realized us getting locked in together wasn't part of a plan (I hope) there were just a lot of things to say, but neither of us seemed to be capable of words.

"Was it worth it?"He suddenly whispered.

"Which part?"

"Playing me to find out the truth? Was it worth it?"He clarified.

"No,"I answered. 

"So this was all for nothing then?"

"I do love you, okay? I've never told you, but I do. So much more than I could or knew how to say. So I just didn't. I never told you all of the things that I should have, that you deserved to know, because it was easier to pretend it was all fine. Because I knew that I would lose you, and I know it's selfish, but I couldn't risk that. I would do anything but let you go, and that was more than wrong. I never meant to fall for you, and I never meant for you to end up hurt. I didn't realize how good you actually are until it was too late. The plan was already over with. I knew that, but I dragged it on for as long as possible just to stay with you a little longer. I made excuse after excuse until having to come clean. Until admitting there was nothing off but I couldn't just leave, because I was completely in love with you which is messed up, but it's the truth. I just wanted us to survive whatever happened, no matter what, because I am so stupidly in love with you. Even if you don't think so, I am. I'll love you until the end of time even if you don't. Then, I'll love you beyond that. You mean everything, and I'm sorry that I didn't tell you that. I'm sorry for being too much of a coward to say what you deserved to hear, to tell you everything. Even if you don't believe it, which I don't blame you for, it's the truth. That is the full truth,"I spilled, holding back tears.

"Please don't cry. It's so hard to be mad at you when you cry,"He whispered.

"I'm sorry,"I repeated. 

"What you did was really messed up."

"I know."

"It really hurt. More than anything anyone else did,"He admitted, taking a shaky breath as he met my eyes. "But the worst part is that I still care about you. I think. If the person I was with actually is you, I don't know how to not feel something around you. Even if I really don't want to. Even though I shouldn't. I know that I shouldn't care about you the way that I do. I know that it's not good to want someone who hurt you. I know that I'm not supposed to think about you the way that I do, but I can't get you off of my mind. I'm trying, but apparently I'm not good at knowing what's bad for me. Because my mind knows not to want you, but my heart doesn't. It's smart to just forget about you, but I also don't want to. You were the first comfort that I had, and even if it wasn't meant to be true, I can't just let go of you after that. So the worst part of all of this is knowing that I can't stop loving you even after what you did,"He confessed, not taking his eyes off of me as they filled with tears. 

"I'm sorry, Aris. I'm sorry,"I whispered.

"Y/N, be honest. What we had, when was it real? When did you actually fall?"He asked.

"I don't know when, but I know how it built up. I know that somehow my thoughts were consumed by you until I found myself falling asleep to the thought of seeing you the next day. I realized that I constantly thought of the boy I was supposed to be playing and instead of thinking anything about that, I smiled. It was like that stupid plan didn't exist as long as you were around. Then, when you left, there was just this pit of guilt in my stomach that I swore was going to make me throw up. I found myself looking for you across the Spring and wanting to be with you instead of my friends on Blondie night. I tried to tell myself that it was all pretend, but when people kept reminding me that I could let go of the plan I denied that being true. Soon, when I couldn't lie to anyone, I couldn't lie to myself. I knew that I loved you. I do love you."

He was silent for a long time. Staying completely still, neither of us even seemed to be breathing as we stared at each other. Every now and then I would hold myself back from wiping the tears from his eyes. 

After another shaky breath he moved next to me. Holding out my hand, I silently begged for him to hold it. 

Staring at it, then me, he shook his head no. Nodding in understanding, I put it down. Leaning closer, I froze as he put his head on my shoulder and pulled his knees to his chest. After regaining the ability to move I dared to put my hand on his knee. This time, he didn't object to the small act of affection, but I didn't push it. He was near me in some way, just barely letting me touch him, and that would have to be enough for a long time.

When I earned his trust back maybe, just maybe, he would let me do more.

Chapter 32: The Plan (Part 4)

Summary:

-Hurt/Comfort

Blondie nights were something with so many mixed emotions now. While they used to be my everything, the only day of the month that used to occupy my mind, I kind of pretend that they don't exist. It's just that Aris didn't show up for them, and I didn't want to push it. At all. He lets me hold his hand now though so that's better.

I think so.

I hope so.

Staying in my tent, I kept reading the love letters that he used to write. It was weird, because they always left my chest feeling heavy but my heart feeling kind of light and my head feeling fuzzy. It's like they sort of made my eyes sting, because I knew he wouldn't write another one for a while, but it wasn't something I had expected. I know it's wrong to think everything would just keep being the way it was, and I don't, but I can miss it. I should be able to miss everything that we were before this.

Right?

As I was tracing my fingers over his handwriting, getting every curve and line on my skin, I heard a light tap on the fabric of my tent. Glancing up, I set the letters beside the sleeping bag and crawled over to unzip it. Feeling a cold breeze hit my face, I didn't have time to react when I felt arms around me. Recognizing his touch more than anything I owned, I clung back as he buried his face in my neck.

“Are you okay?”I whispered, daring to break the silence.

“Yes? No? I don't know right now,”He admitted.

“That's okay. You don't have to,”I assured him.

“Can I come in? Please?”

“Always,”I promised, letting go. He sat beside me as I zipped my tent back up, muffling the noise from outside that I didn't realize had been there.

Looking at him, I met his gaze as he wiped his eyes with the back of his hands. Still in his night clothes with tousled hair, he appeared to have just gotten up.

“Do you want to talk about it?”I offered.

“No,”He shook his head.

“What do you need?”

“You,”He answered without skipping a beat.

“From me though? What do you need from me?”I whispered.

“Just you. Just to stay the night, beside you, and see that you're here, and be able to look at you, and hear your voice,”He listed.

“Then, I’m right here. I’m always here,”I promised.

“I know.”

It was the wrong time, but I felt this weight from my shoulders get a little lighter at his words. Since I couldn't say that though, I just decided to move their letters back to the small bag in the corner of the tent, purposely holding the paper longer than required.

“Are those?”He asked as I turned back around. Not even needing to hear the rest of the question, I nodded.

Apparently, this was the wrong response as his eyes filled with more tears.

“I’m sorry,”I apologized, though I didn't actually know how I messed up. When he didn't say anything I moved closer and put my hand on his knee.

“Don't let me be cold. I don't want to be cold to you anymore,”He whispered.

“You had every right to be,”I reminded him.

“I know, but I didn't want to be.”

Taking his hand, I ran my thumbs over his knuckles before letting him cry on my shoulder. Feeling his tears drip onto my night shirt, I had to hold back my own.

“Lay with me, and you can tell me whatever you want. I’ll listen,”I reassured him, opening his palm and almost pressing my lips to his skin before not knowing if it was okay. Just as I was about to lower his hand, he held my face and brushed his lips against mine. While it barely lasted a second, it was a blissful eternity as it was our first one since the incident.

“I want you to touch me like you used to. I need to know that we're not ruined forever. Please?”

Cupping his face, I kissed his temple the way I had wanted to for so long. Pulling away, I saw the ghost of a smile on his face as his tears dried on his cheeks. Taking my thumbs, I wiped them away until the only sign of the way he had cried were his glassy eyes.

“Let's head to bed. We don't have to sleep, but it’s good to try,”I whispered. Grabbing the sleeping bag, I arranged it to be in the middle like it used to be and opened it. Putting it flat, I laid down with him still in my arms.

“Tell me everything,”I repeated as I rubbed circles on his shoulder.

“I had this dream that I was with all these people. They were wearing suits and lab coats with the words WCKD stitches on in gold letters like it was something to be proud of. There were monitors and things that just didn't make sense. There were pictures of the Maze and names on screens and faces I didn't know. Then, I looked close to see that one of them was me. It was my own reflection, and I was one of them. The worst part though, was that I looked so apathetic to everything that was going on. What if I was? What if I was actually one of the people who put us here? What if I am as bad as you all thought?”

“Nobody would need to know that,”I pointed out.

“What if your plan was right though? What if I really am . . . bad?”He trailed off.

“That plan was stupid. You're here, and nothing is going to change that. It is what it is so we need to make the best of it.”

“But there would be no best of it. It would be because of me. Do you understand? I could have been one of them,”He repeated.

“I don't care what you were. If we found out that was true I would do everything so nobody else would. I will protect you from anyone and anything that tries to come near you. You are safe with me. No matter what you did, you will always be safe in my arms.”

“And if I was bad?”He repeated.

“Then, I guess I’m in love with someone who was bad.”

“You would have every right to leave though. You would have every right to be cold.”

“And would you stay? If I did do that?”

“Yes. Without a doubt.”

“Then, I’ll stay. I have, haven't I? I wasn't going to leave.”

“How long until you left?”

“I read your love letters every night, Aris. There are twelve. Each of them is written in black pen on slightly off white paper. In the very top left corner you put the date. The three holes are on the left as well. In the bottom right there are page numbers. The first one you gave me is page fifty. The last one is page one hundred and seven. You put full circles to top your i’s. You always dot the question marks too. Instead of crossing it out when you mess up you write the letter you meant over it. My name always has a small heart next to it no matter where it is. Do you understand? I can recite every word in every one. Does it sound like I was going to leave?”

He was silent for a long time, and I didn't break it. We just laid there, side by side, the way we used to, the way that I had craved, as we held each other as tightly as possible.

It still wasn't the same though.

It was just a little stronger.

Chapter 33: Paranoid

Summary:

-Angst
-Fluff

"You're insane Aris. This is insane,"I ranted. 

"Insane? Because I trust this place? Because I don't want to leave?"

"Yes. Think about it. Every place that's been safe has only brought worse things. Why would we trust it again?"I pointed out.

"Because this is supposed to be a safe place with-"

"Screw being safe! Nowhere is safe!"I scowled.

"Y/N, this place is-"

"No! It's not!"I repeated.

"If you'll just listen for a-"

"No. I was in the Spring for three years, Aris. Three years of being trapped there. You were there for what? Maybe three months?"

"That's not fair, and you know it."

"It is though. I was there all alone, and you showed up for almost no time. I know what danger feels like. You only got a sliver."

"I ran to escape the Maze too, Y/N."

"I did everything first, Aris. I ran that first. I was stuck there first. I set everything up first, and I remember what felt like being safe and what wasn't. If you listen to me-"

"No. You're not listening to me,"He interrupted.

"You're ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. Don't you think that my survival instincts are just a little bit better than some Blondie?"I snapped.

"I didn't ask to come up,"He defended.

"Neither did I! I didn't ask to be first! I didn't ask to be all alone, but I was! Even after that nobody wanted to listen to me, but right now you need to!"

"No. I wouldn't listen to you either. You're paranoid, Y/N."

"I'm paranoid. Are you kidding?"I asked in disbelief. His shrug and the way he looked at the ground showed that he absolutely was not.

"Fine. When you're face to face with danger I don't want to hear it. Do you understand?"

"Yeah. Loud and clear,"He mumbled.

"Then, you can leave. There's nothing left to talk about,"I almost whispered.

"I guess not,"He agreed, taking off the vent cover. I didn't look at him. Instead, I laid on my bed and stared at the wall beside me. Even when I heard the metal closing and him leaving I didn't turn back around. There was no reason to. I was only still here because I wanted him to be safe. Now that he doesn't believe me, all I can do is help myself. 

Because there are two kinds of people you can't save.

Those who don't want to be and those who don't believe that they need to be.

♡ Time Skip♡

Sitting at lunch the next day was lonely. Instead of being next to Aris like always I was on the opposite side of the cafeteria. It was just what was easiest for both of us.

"You alright there?"Someone asked. Looking up, I saw a blonde boy with warm brown eyes and a small smile. Despite the way kindness practically radiated off of him I didn't have an answer. All I did was shrug. 

"Do you mind if I join you?"

"No,"I mumbled. Accepting my response, he sat next to me. Avoiding his eyes, I stared at my plate.

"What happened to your friends?"He asked. 

"We're not talking right now,"I admitted, subconsciously glancing up at Aris. To my surprise he was looking back but not exactly in my direction. He was looking at the boy beside me with this expression of defeat. From slouched shoulders and sad eyes, he just looked tired. 

"Relationship problems,"the guy suddenly suggested.

"Friendship problems. We don't like each other that way,"I corrected.

"Does he know that?"

"Of course he does. There's nothing between us."

"I don't think he's really aware of that."

"What's your name?"I asked, getting away from that conversation.

"I'm Newt,"He introduced, holding out his hand.

"I'm Y/N,"I said, accepting it.

"Nice to meet you. Have you been here a while?"

"Yeah. Almost a week,"I nodded, accidentally meeting his gaze again. Despite the way his head had dropped he hadn't looked away from my table. For just a moment we stared at each other before I broke eye contact. 

“So what's the deal with this place?”He asked.

“Nothing that you’d believe,”I shrugged.

“Try me.”

“Why? So you can call me paranoid? No thanks.”

“I'd hear you out,”He lied.

“Yeah. Everyone will hear you out until you tell them. After that it's all over, because obviously you're just overthinking.”

“I happen to like overthinkers.”

“Yeah? Well that’d be nice if I was one,”I snapped. He was completely unaffected by my attitude as he just nodded.

“Everyone’s some kind of overthinker. It's just that most are in denial about it.”

“Denial?”

“Yeah. Denial. Even you are.”

“What makes you so sure? You don't know me,”I pointed out, putting my fork down to actually look at him.

“Like I said. Everyone is. Your mind never wanders to questions people would call ridiculous but not know how to answer?”

“That's normal,”I defended.

“Of course it is. Overthinking is just part of being human. It's how you handle others that think the opposite that counts on who you are.”

“Are you listening to me through the walls or something?”I checked.

“No. Why?”

“No reason,”I lied, meeting Aris’s gaze one more time. He just immediately broke it as he fixated on the ground. 

I think I know where I'm going when I’m supposed to be alone. 

I think that I know exactly where I need to be.

♡ Time Skip♡

For a long time, I laid just under his bed as I thought about what to say. As my mind went from being blank to a jumbled mess, I knew that I just had to start talking and hope the words would sound the way they had to. 

Rolling out from my hiding spot, I sat up as he turned over to see what the noise was. Looking me up and down, he cocked his head as if to ask why I was here.

“I’m not paranoid,”I stated, standing up and trying not to fidget with my hands. “I’m not paranoid, and I know that, and I don't have real proof, but I can't leave you behind. If I get out of here with nothing else, I wouldn't care as long as I have you. You're all that I have left, and I can't lose you. You mean too much to just forget about, and I don't want to. You're the one person I can't truly let go of, and I won't. I don't care if you think that I’m crazy now, as long as you find a way to get out of here with me to safety. Even if you were a Blondie, and I wasn't, the only person to trust is you. You may not agree, and I’m sorry that I threw that in your face. I was just so angry that you didn't trust me word, but now I understand that I wasn't actually angry. I was afraid something could happen to you and hurt you because you wouldn't listen. I care about you, Aris. I really, really care about you, and your opinion is the most important one to me. Hearing that mine wasn't stung, because all I ever wanted since the day we met was to protect you. I thought that was clear, but it wasn't, and it wasn't fair to assume that it was. Anyways, the point is that I’m really sorry, and I really want you to come with me,”I ranted, taking a breath when I was done. 

Without a word he stood up and pulled me into his arms. Keeping his hands on my waist, mine stayed around his shoulders as I buried my head in the crook of his neck. 

“I don't know how I feel about this place, but I know that I can't leave you alone. If something happened to you and I wasn't there to do something, that would destroy me. If I had to live not knowing whether or not you were safe, I would hardly be able to. I would regret not being with you too much, and I'd rather risk losing a safe life than never knowing if you're okay. I would think about you every minute of every day until you consumed my soul. So no matter what I choose you. I will always choose you,”He whispered in my ear. Cupping my face, he pressed his lips to my forehead before pulling away. Seeing him glance from my eyes to my mouth, I didn't think as I brushed mine against his. Instead of reacting he went completely still, making me pull away.

“I’m sorry. I just thought that you, you know? I mean you do so that was stupid, but-”

Cutting me off, he crashed his lips against mine. Closing my eyes, I bathed in his touch like it was my life source as he left an electric feeling on my skin.

“I love you,”He mumbled against my lips. Swearing that I had heard wrong, I pulled away again. 

“I mean it. I love you, and you don't need to say it back, but you should know. You deserve to know,”He whispered. 

“I love you too,”I said back. 

“Say it one more time. Please?”

“I love you,”I repeated. 

“I love you too. I love you inside and out. Your smile, your eyes, your hands, your laughing,your voice, your attitude, your humor, your heart, your flaws, you. I love you.”

“That makes me really lucky.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“So would you want to be my-”

“Yes. I want to be your girl.”

“Then, you're mine, and I’m yours?”

“Yeah. You're mine, and I’m yours.”

Chapter 34: The Bare Minimum

Summary:

-Hurt/comfort

You’re okay now,”I repeated, stroking his hair. He didn't say anything as more tears fell from his eyes. Despite it being hours since they had pushed him into the lake I could still feel him shaking and hear his teeth chattering.

“I don't know what I did,”He said through hiccuped sobs.

“You didn't do anything,”I promised, wrapping my blanket a little tighter around him as we stayed in the corner of my hut.

“I didn't even see what they looked like.”

“I know, love. I know.”

“I’m not here to hurt anyone, and I haven't done anything wrong,”He uttered, his voice straining from the past three hours of crying his heart and soul out, until there was nothing that he had left to give.

“I know.”

“Why doesn't anyone else then?”He mumbled.

“I don't know, but it's not your fault. Okay? Nobody chose to be here. You didn't choose to be here.”

“I can't take this anymore. I’m sick of them. I'm sick of everyone but you,”He whispered as I traced shapes on his shoulders.

“That’s not true. You’ve got Sonya and Harriet, right?”I reminded him. He didn't say anything as he pulled his knees to his chest while keeping his head on my lap.

“This place isn't my home. Not the way it's yours, and it never will be,”He murmured, resting his hands on my knee while remaining curled up in a ball.

“I’m going to get you out of here, okay? I’ll find us a way through the Maze. I don't know how long it will take, but it will happen,”I promised.

“Unless they kill me by then,”He mumbled.

“I won't let anyone hurt you.”

“You can't be in the Maze and in the Spring with me. Even if you could, you can't be there every second of the day,”He reminded me.

“Aris, I will be by your side every minute that I can. I won't let something happen to you. Do you understand?”

“You can't do that. You're just one person, Y/N,”He sighed as I pressed my hand to his cheek. Taking it, he fidgeted with my fingers, tracing his between mine and on my palm.

“I can try,”I repeated.

“I know you will, but that doesn't mean it will work.”

“Then, I’ll have to try harder,”I stated simply.

“Just don't blame yourself if it's not enough,”He whispered.

“You know me better than that,”I sighed.

“I do, but it was worth a shot,”He responded, still keeping my hand in his. Looking down at him, I let him go deep into his mind as I kept thinking about how I would handle this.

Right now though, wasn't the time to actually go into detail. He's here, and he's alright. A little shaken up, but he's alive. He's breathing and not covered in blood.

It may be the bare minimum, but right now it would have to be enough.

Chapter 35: His Hoodie

Summary:

-Angst

A blue and gray striped hoodie, with no zipper, a hood, a single front pocket, and that had been through absolute hell.

Some days, I hate his hoodie. Other days, it’s the only sort of comfort. One thing's the same though. I will never take it off. Not even at night to sleep, out of fear that something could happen to it, refusal to let go, and grief that he never made it.

It doesn't smell like him anymore, and I don't know how to get it back.

I hate the Scorch, and I still hate Jorge and Brenda. I refuse to even be around them, but apparently everyone’s just forgiven them. I mean Thomas is fucking dating her. He's actually dating the girl who killed my boyfriend.

They keep telling me that it was an accident. And it was. There was no way she could have known her bullet would go through the guy's body, hitting my love.

So now I don't talk to Thomas, Minho, or Frypan either. While Teresa was with us I wouldn't look at her. When Newt was here I only spoke to him when it was about rescuing Sonya. Everyone only talked about Minho though, and Harriet didn't stand up for her, leaving me responsible for doing so. Now I don't talk to her either. I sometimes speak to Sonya, but she still hangs out with Harriet so I can't do so often.

I hate them. I hate everyone. They just want me to move on. Even the new friends didn't take me seriously as they tried to set me up. Every time though, I said that I had a fiancee, because I do. I never had a ring, but I didn't need one. That promise to be his wife when we got to the Safe Haven was more than enough.

Nobody took it seriously though. So much so, that somebody took his hoodie while I was in the shower as a “joke,” and I was apparently overdramatic. Because he was younger. He was just a kid, and kids make mistakes. While I agree, he was a teenager. Not a child so he knew right from wrong. Yet somehow when I beat the hell out of him for taking the only thing I had left of Aris I was the bad guy.

What kills me the most? It's only been ten years, and I’m already starting to forget his face. It's getting so blurry. His voice, I don't quite remember his exact tone and how he spoke. There also weren't exactly any photos or videos to remind me.

I remember the way Brenda led us to Jorge though. I still recall being afraid while he hung us upside down but feeling stronger when I looked at Aris. Because he was my everything, and I could make it through hell as long as I had him. Then, when we figured out how I was the one who untied his chains from his ankles so that we could move. Just as we thought it would okay though, there was some guy that came out of nowhere, pointing his own gun at us. Since we're each other's everything I kept my hand in front of Aris to protect him, and he did the same. It wasn't the time for it, at all, but the way fingers brushed against my hips while he did was kind of nice. I mean we were all being threatened and one of my thoughts was how much he means and how much I love him.

When the gunshot went off we thought it was from him until he fell forward, revealing Brenda pointing one. Like it was nothing she yelled at us to hurry up and ran without looking back. I also know the sound obviously made everyone flinch because we all thought that we were the ones who had been hit.

As I tried to leave he whispered my name. I turned to see blood coming out of his chest before he fell to the ground. As he did I was right beside him while everyone else stood there. Not knowing what to do, I just pressed my hands to the wound as I told him it would be okay. As he reached his hand out though, just barely pressing it on my cheek, I looked him in the eyes as he just gave me his touch.

What kills me is that his last sentence was just, “it's okay.” Officially, his last word was just, “I,” before he died. He never even finished them so all there was was an absolute lie. It's not okay, and it never will be.

I screamed as loud as I could. I shook him as I demanded that he wake up. In my hysteria I kissed him, only for his lips to be cold, like they belong to a stranger and not the warm boy who lit up my world. I kept saying his name, sobbing over his dead body as I did everything to wake him up, as if there was a chance. I mean I shook him, kissed him, hugged him, cradled him, rocked him, and stroked his hair.

The worst part is that I did all of this in so little time before two or three people dared pull me away. I kicked and thrashed and screamed and reached for him, only for them to tighten their grip. Two people grabbed my legs while another grabbed my arms. They pulled me to Jorge and forced me on the zipline.

When Jorge came down I was still on my knees, sobbing and repeating his name. When he got close I got on top and punched him over and over and over. I was yelling at the world, rage filling my veins as I called him and the girl monsters and barely human and freaks and screamed that I would kill them. I grabbed my knife and tried to stab him only for someone to restrain me.

Eventually, when I kept trying to kill him when nobody was looking, Minho was assigned to be his body guard since he was in obvious need of protection. Where was Aris’s protection though? Where were they when I was on the floor, doing everything to save his life?

I had failed him too, but I tried. It wasn't enough and never would be, but fucking hell, I did everything I could. It may have been in vain, but I did everything in my power to keep him alive.

Unfortunately, I didn't have any power. So now he's dead, and I’m not.

Since I couldn’t kill Jorge I attempted to murder Brenda. I dragged her to the club and beat her senseless. She barely got any hits in that I couldn't even feel through the sharp pain in my heart.

As I was only halfway done Newt found me. He put his arms around me so that I couldn't move. While he did so I was still shouting at him, telling him that I wasn't finished, reminding him that she killed Aris, the love of my life. The second he got a word in he told me that Aris wouldn't want me to be like this.

This broke something in me as if I wasn't already nothing but little pieces, a shell of who I was. I demanded that he tell me how he would know what Aris would want, but he just reminded me that this violent girl, the one seeking revenge, the one so easily able to hurt people, was not who he had fallen in love with.

The worst part was that he was right. I was not who Aris knew. When I saw myself in a mirror I didn't even recognize myself, and I hated everything about that person staring back.

How can I remember all that but not his face? Not his voice? Not his body? Not his scent? How can I remember everything but what I’m supposed to?

Why couldn't it have been me? Why did it have to him? Why can't I trade places with him?

Standing at the edge of the Safe Haven, I let out a blood curdling scream that only the birds in the sky could hear. Dropping to my knees, I told him that I was sorry as I started pulling at my hair. I screamed about how much I hate everyone and how much I love him. I screamed until my throat was raw, and my voice was scratchy. Yelling into my hands, I broke down again as I tried to remember any positive detail about him. All I had was little moments that he didn't look right in.

Feeling myself break even more than before, I banged my fists on the hard dirt until they were bloody. Crying out for him, as it started to rain I held his hoodie close to my body as it soaked through it. Laying down, I let myself get colder and colder as my eyes started shutting.

For hours and hours I laid there, waiting. Waiting with a small on my face as it kept pouring. If it rained enough I would freeze. I wouldn't have to wake up. Not without him.

So, with my eyes still shut, as I became unable to move, I repeated his name as I prepared to see him again. And this time I wouldn't have to let him go. Ever.

Chapter 36: Lipstick

Summary:

-AU
-Secret Relationship
-Fluff

Aris's P.O.V

It wasn't as if we were ashamed of each other. There also wasn't any fear of judgment or strict parents. There wasn't any real reason for keeping our relationship a secret other than it sounds kind of fun. Honestly, just sneaking around also made when we were together even more special. Besides, we were wondering how long our friends would take to figure it out.

Right now, the decided destination was under the bleachers during class. I had never really skipped before now, but it was just worth the risk. 

“Not gonna lie. I have no idea what's going on over there,”She remarked, referring to the football practice.

“Maybe I should try out,”I deadpanned. She rolled her eyes before cuddling up to my chest. Wrapping my arm over her shoulder, I pressed my lips to her temple.

“No you're not. You're my book nerd,”She sighed.

“I've got no clue what you're talking about,”I lied. Throwing me a look, she pointed to my bag that was in fact full of books.

“I may have an idea of what you're talking about.”

“You're such a dork,”She teased. 

“Ouch. What’d I do to deserve that?”

“Is it better if I say you're my dork?”

“Yes. Very much so,”I nodded. 

“Okay, fine. You're my dork,”She corrected. With a grin, I cupped her cheeks and kissed her forehead again. The second my lips weren't on her skin the bell rang. 

“I’ll see you during sixth period,”She sighed. Taking her hand, I helped her off the grass. 

“I’ll see you there,”I agreed as we snuck out. Once we were out in the open she risked kissing my cheek before walking to her next class. With my bag on my shoulder, I headed to lunch where I’d be interrogated on where I was last period. 

♡ Time Skip♡

With my tray in my hand, I sat at our usual table outside. With Sonya on one side and Harriet on the other, I gave a small wave before going to eat. Just as I opened my sandwich Sonya straight up squealed, almost making me fall out of my seat.

“Why don't you be a bit louder? I don't think the south side of China heard you,”Minho remarked.

“Where did you go last period?”She asked.

“To the nurse,”I shrugged. When she raised an eyebrow I added that it was for a headache.

“Cut the act. Who’s the girl? What is she like? Do we know her? Does she go here? Are you going to introduce us?”She threw at me.

“What girl? I don't know what you're talking about,”I denied, doing my best not to fiddle with my sweatshirt strings. That would be a dead giveaway that I was fibbing.

“You have a lipstick mark on your cheek,”She informed me. Without realizing I was covering it with my hand as if I could just go through all of lunch like this. Not letting that slide, she pulled it away and took a photo before passing her phone around the group. The second they saw it they crowded around me like I was a new species.

“What are we looking at?”Gally asked, coming out of nowhere. With a wide smile, Teresa pointed at my cheek making my face flush.

“Aww. He's blushing. Who is it? Who?”Thomas repeated.

“Nobody,”I lied.

“Just tell us.”

“Who do we know that wears this color?”

“We won't say anything.”

“We just want to know.”

“How long have you two been together?”

“Where do you guys sneak off to when nobody's watching?”

“Stop asking questions,”I demanded. The second the words left my mouth they were silent. Still, they were staring into my soul as if they could read my mind. 

At that moment my phone buzzed. Staring at it, before I could check it Thomas snatched it up. Getting up so fast I almost lost my balance, I reached for it when Gally pulled me back. 

“It just says, “hello my boy. I’m getting picked up early so I wanted to tell you I love you.” It even has a heart,”He explained, ready to fangirl out.

“Who’s it from?”

“Love of my life. That's literally too cute. Look,”He urged, showing them. The second he did, their jaws dropped. 

“Thomas, you moron. Look at the lock screen,”Gally directed as I was ready to elbow him in the face. That was the only confirmation they would need. It's not like anyone else would be my background, but the picture was so sweet, so lovely, so genuine. She made me do facemasks with her, and I took it when she didn't have time to pose. It was just her being happy which was more beautiful than any staged photo. The point is that it's my favorite picture in the entire world so of course it was my phone's background. 

Turning it around, he was flipping out so hard he almost dropped it. With Gally finally releasing me I grabbed it from his hands. 

“Aris, how dare you not tell us. Where'd you meet her? When can we? Does she know we exist?”Sonya asked so fast I don't even think she was breathing.

“I have her first period. She's really nice,”Teresa spoke up.

“It is a crime that you would keep this from us,”Fry added. 

“Yeah. That seems bloody adorable,”Newt chipped in.

“I’m really just interested in the drama,”Brenda admitted.

“Can you guys just stop? There's not even any drama,”I promised.

“Then, why’d you hide her?”Harriet pointed out.

“Because it’s fun, or it was,”I answered.

“Tell us about her,”Sonya urged.

“You do not want me to do that,”I promised.

“But why?”Thomas groaned.

“Because I wouldn't stop talking, and I still wouldn't even be done with half of what I want to say.”

“Awww,”half of them gushed. 

That damn lipstick mark.

I mean I do get to talk about her now though, so it's definitely not all bad. Besides, I was getting sick of only holding her hand when we're alone.

Chapter 37: Flustered

Summary:

-Fluff
-Light hurt/comfort

Aris's P.O.V

Despite the way I should be the last person to do so, I get flustered very easily when it comes to very specific people. Especially, when those specific people are always looking at me and trying to talk to me. And especially, when those specific people is actually just one girl named Y/N who was the exact opposite of me and still made me feel like I belonged.

At least, when I didn't look like such an idiot in front of her. 

Feeling her gaze on me, I finally found the courage to look back as I kept walking. Taking a breath, just as I debated doing what I had been waiting for and speaking to her, I stumbled over my own feet, landing on the ground. With a halfhearted groan, I wondered why I hadn't given up on life as I stared at the ground. Praying my face wasn't too red, I went to stand only to see someone in front of me. Without a word they pulled me up. Looking forward, I saw it was Y/N wearing a soft smile, making my face grow warm.

"Are you alright?"She checked.

"Yeah. Yeah. I feel great. I mean I don't, because I fell, but I'm alright,"I said quickly, tripping over my words too.

"Are you sure?"She repeated.

"Yeah. I'm fi-"

Before I could react she had her hand on my cheek, making me freeze. With a frown, she wiped some blood that I didn't realize was there. That's just amazing. I absolutely love looking stupid in front of her.

"Here. I'll help,"She offered.

"You don't have to,"I quietly told her, mumbling without meaning to. 

"It's alright. I was a Medic back at my Maze so I promise that I know what I'm doing."

I wasn't worried about that. I was worried about how flustered she made me. Also, sort of unrelated, but it makes sense for her to have been a Medic. She's so sweet to everyone. 

That's sort of a problem though. She's naturally kind so there's not a sign she could give of liking me.

Realistically though, she wouldn't. When it comes to the romantic category she wouldn't even give me a second glance, and I don't blame her. I'm not much. All I really have going for me is the bat and the fact that I work well with adrenaline. There is literally nothing else to notice. Unless it's the way I constantly embarrass myself around her. 

"I'll be quick,"She reassured me, breaking me out of my thoughts. Giving a nod, I sat beside her on the ground. Keeping my head down, I listened to her look through her bag. With my eyes finding their way to her, I looked at the way she kept her hair up with a bandana, suiting her well. I looked at her nose, at every curve it contained. I looked at her neck, one of the only places not covered with fabric, getting every mark burned into my head, dreaming about kissing such an intimate part of her. Not in that way. Just pressing my lips to her skin to wake her up or as a promise that my feelings were more than there. I looked at her waist through the shirt, wondering what it would be like to put my arm around it and hold her. I looked at her lips, wishing I could press mine against them for just a second, just to be able to say to nobody at all that I knew what it was like to do that. 

Then, I looked at her eyes and realized that I had been staring. Fixating on the ground, I didn't even know how to apologize. I didn't know how to make this less weird, how to be less awkward around her.

"The sun's really getting to you,"She remarked, turning my cheek to see the injury. With her hands on my face, I wondered what it would be like to lean into her touch. I wonder if they would fit in mine. Biologically hers would probably be just a little smaller, but I really want to Interlock our fingers.

"Hold still,"She instructed, wiping a cloth to it. At that moment my brain actually malfunctioned as my breath hitched in my throat. She was so close. Way too close. And what if she doesn't like what I look like? What if she thinks that my face is stupid too? What if I'm not imagining any of it and she really does think that I'm dumb? Because I really don't want her to.

I genuinely have no clue what to do. I've never felt this way about anyone before. Am I supposed to be this scared of not being liked back?

I mean I know that it wouldn't be shocking, but that would still sting.

"I'm just gonna put a bandage on it. With all the dirt and things like that out here, it's easy for a small cut to get infected,"She said, reminding me that she was still there. And touching me. She's still touching me. 

Pressing her fingers against my face, she made sure that the bandage wasn't going anywhere soon. Now I look even dumber than before. This is such a-

Before I could finish my thought she pressed her lips to where the injury was before pulling away. Brushing my hair out of my face, she looked over the rest of me before seeming to decide that I was fine.

"You do need to do something for the sun though. You're pale,"She sighed.

"Is that bad?"I asked quickly.

"Not really. You burn rather easily, but you still look nice."

"I do?"I whispered.

"Of course. Just in general. You look sweet, Aris,"She complimented, giving me a small smile. "And you are sweet,"She added.

"I think you're really sweet too,"I admitted, looking at her eyes for the first time again since I realized my feelings. Actually looked at her. At every different hue, every light and dark shade, the shape of them.

She looked back too. She was looking back, and even though I still had butterflies I was a little more okay with them.

Chapter 38: Loyal

Summary:

-Jealousy
-Fluff

Aris was never ugly. From the start, I was always mesmerized by him. From his eyes to his hands to his hair, I always found myself looking at him. Even when he just spoke, I instantly listened. I always listen.

Even in that Maze full of girls though, nobody looked at him the way I did. Nobody ever blushed when he looked up. Nobody ever learned to hold eye contact just for him to do the same thing. Nobody ever took him ice skating as an excuse to hold his hand. Nobody ever had to gather the courage to tell him. Nobody ever got to kiss him.

He was never ugly though. Never to me. As far as I was concerned, he was the most attractive boy to exist. Even when we all escaped the Maze and had others around, I was still looking at him. Even when he got nervous that I would seek out someone better, I knew that there was nobody better than him.

He was more than loyal. He always wanted to be around me just as much as I did him. He never stared at other girls since he was too busy staring at me. Even though that was apparently supposed to stop a while ago there were always little glances being exchanged.

I’ll be the first to admit it. When he came back from WCKD he looked really different. I guess you could just say more up to what others thought was attractive. His hair was a little longer now, always styled in a way that I couldn't help but touch. I could actually run my hands through it now and get to move it out of his eyes. He was a little taller which admittedly, was probably more appealing for other people to look at.

He was the same Aris though. The same beautiful Aris that I could never keep my eyes off. Even when he was gone, it was him that I was thinking of. Of the way his breath tickled my neck when he wrapped his arms around my stomach at night. Of the way whenever he pressed his lips against mine it was gentle and soft and sweet yet firm. Of the way he would run his thumbs over my knuckles when he held my hand. Of the way he would randomly whisper that he loved me whenever nobody was looking, for no reason at all. Of the way he would wrap his arm around my waist when he got the feeling that something bad would happen. Of the way he would trace his fingertips up my spine subtle enough that nobody would notice, yet would leave shivers on my skin. Of the way he would pick me up and spin me around when we were alone. Of the way he would tell me about the stars before telling me about ones that reminded him of me.

Him. It was always him.

Realistically, I had nothing to worry about. He still called me his Y/N. He still looked at me. He still kissed me like it was the first time again. He still touched me in ways that left sparks on my skin. He still loves me. He had always loved me.

He was loyal. So very loyal. He had never given me a reason to believe that he would even think about someone else.

What sucks now though, is that other girls noticed him too. While I had always wanted him, suddenly he was interesting to them.

“Why don't you cut the meat a little harder? I don't think there's enough blood,”Winston deadpanned.

“Shut up,”I mumbled.

“You gonna tell me what's wrong or make me guess?”He asked. Pretending that I didn't hear, I went back to aggressively chopping meat.

“Okay. So I have to guess. Friendship problems?”

Still not talking, I glared at the already dead animal.

“Relationship problems?”

Without realizing my cuts only got more aggressive.

“Jealousy?”

And worse.

“From you?”

Now hacking it like it murdered my family, I scowled at it as I finished. Putting it in the bucket for dinner, I wiped my bloody hands on my apron.

“You mad because he looks better now?”

“No,”I scoffed. “I’m mad because he looks better to others,”I admitted.

“So the girl attention pisses you off?”

“Why wouldn't it? Nobody wanted him in the beginning. Now all of a sudden, every girl wants him. Everyone wants my Aris,”I pointed out.

“You know he only has eyes for you.”

“Yeah, but that doesn't make it better. Even worse, he doesn't pick up on it when it's subtle,”I admitted.

“Have you told him all this?”

“No. He can't know that I’m jealous. Ever,”I said firmly.

“Didn't he tell you when he was worried you would find someone you thought was better?”He pointed out.

“Yeah. What's your point?”

“Well, didn't you just promise that you love him and kiss him?”

“Again. What's your point?”

“So why wouldn't you tell him?”

“Because I know nothing will happen, but I don't. I can't explain it, but it still scares me.”

“Well, you murdering an already dead animal is scarier. So for the sake of all of us, talk to him,”He advised.

“I don't want to. Now if you'll excuse me I have to wash this off,”I said, not letting this conversation go on. Walking out of the door, I left my apron by it before getting ready to storm off to the showers to aggressively wash myself off.

Glaring at the ground, as I was about to be in plain sight I felt a pair of arms around me that I immediately recognized as Aris.

“What do you need?”I sighed.

“Nothing. I just thought my Y/N needed some attention,”He shrugged.

“I’m covered in blood.”

“Not too much,”He countered. To be fair, most of it was on the apron. Still, I didn't want to spill everything to him right now, and he's just so easy to talk to. “I love you,”He whispered in my ear, repeatedly pressing kisses to my neck.

“Yeah. Love you too,”I mumbled, giving up on getting out of his hold. Then, he sort of did it himself. Spinning me around to face him, he literally swept me off my feet before gently setting me down. Kissing my temple, he pulled away while still holding my face.

“You have nothing to worry about. I’m in love with you and only you. You have my heart,”He promised, taking my hand and placing it on his chest, exactly where his heart would be. With my face heating up as I realized that he heard, I just felt his heartbeat until he took my hand and kissed my fingertips. “See? My heart beats for you. Always has, always will,”He reassured me.

“Yeah. I know,”I nodded, feeling my face get hot.

“You promise?”He asked, keeping his hands on my cheeks so that I had to look at him.

“Yeah. I promise,”I sighed.

“Good. You need to know how much I love you,”He grinned, pulling me in for a hug.

“I’m still covered in blood,”I reminded him.

“That's nice. Now hug me back.”

“Aris-”
“Just hug me back,”He repeated. Giving in, I wrapped my arms around his waist as he rested his chin on my head.

“Better?”He asked.

“Mhm. Much,”I promised, nuzzling my face in the crook of his neck. “I have to wash off soon.”

“You need my hugs more.”

“Yeah. I do,”I admitted, letting out a content sigh.

I really do have nothing to worry about. If he’d hug me while I’m covered in animal blood then he's definitely not planning on finding someone better any time soon.

Chapter 39: Songs That Remind Me Of Him

In general

Scrawny-Wallows

Are You Bored Yet-Wallows

Cooler Than Me-Mike Posner

First-Cold War Kids

Dancing in My Room-347aiden

Cool Kids-Echosmith

Riptide-Vance Joy

Pompeii-Bastille

Prierre-Ryn Weaver

Freaks-Surf Cruise

People Watching-Conan Gray

Beautiful Boy(Darling Boy)-John Legen

Wake Me Up-Avicii

Renegades-X Ambassadors

Little Talks-Of Monsters and Men

Everybody Talks-Neon Trees

Burn-Elle Goulding 

Dating/breaking up with book Aris

Cry Baby-The Neighborhood

Reflections-The Neighborhood 

Devil Doesn't Bargain-Alec Benjamin 

Happiness is a butterfly-Lana Del Rey

Let Her Go-Passanger

Shameless-Camilla Cabello

FOOLS-Troye Sivan

idfc-blackbear

Apologize-OneRepublic

Chasing Cars-Snow Patrol

Moral of the Story-Ashe

Different Eyes-Marco Tamimi 

Cry-Cigarettes After Sex

Somebody That I Used To Know-Gotye, Kimbra

Dating/breaking up with movie Aris

I Wouldn't Mind-He Is We

i think you're really cool-guardian 

Treehouse-Alex G, Emily Yacina

In Luv With You-Finn

Sunkissed-Khai dreams

Crush-Tessa Violet

I Wanna be Yours-Arctic Monkeys

Stupid for You-Waterpark

Cloud 9-Beach Bunny

IDK You Yet-Alexander 23

Too Young-Sabrina Carpenter 

I don't want to watch the world end with someone else-Clinton Kane

Take On The World-You Me At Six

Chapter 40: Not For Show

Summary:

-Fluff

Aris's P.O.V

The Safe Haven was interesting. Seeing the way so many different people interact like they haven’t been through hell can almost be surreal at times. Some days, it’s hard to trust that this place actually exists.

There are always calmer times though. Times of peace and without the urge to do something. I like those the best.

A good example would be right now. Just me sitting under a tree with Minho, Fry, Thomas, and Gally. 

“It's miraculous to me that I’m single, and you're not,”Minho sighed, looking over at Thomas. He just gave a shrug and chose not to make a remark about his and Brenda's relationship. Honestly, that's probably the smartest move.

“It's always him. Meanwhile, the rest of us are struggling to get a girl to look our way,”Fry tried to say. 

“Uh, are we though?”I asked.

“Yeah. I mean who else in this group is with someone?”He shrugged.

“Me,”I answered.

“You?”Gally asked.

“Yes. I have a girlfriend,”I shrugged.

“Nu uh,”Minho argued. Why he was arguing with me about my life is a mystery, but life is full of those. 

“Who?”Gally interrogated.

“Y/N.”

“Y/N?”Thomas asked, also turning his head to stare at me.

“Yes. Y/N.”

“Y/N, Y/N?”

“Do we know any others?”I pointed out.

“You two are not dating,”Minho scoffed.

“Good to know you're invested in my life.”

“How long have you even been together?”Thomas kept pressing.

“Exactly five years in a week.”

“Five years?!”He whisper yelled, seeming to find this information impossible to take in. Now I kind of wish I would have just kept my mouth shut.

“There's no way. Someone would notice if you were together,”Minho debated.

“We have literally lived together for three years now,”I reminded them.

“Everyone thought you were just super close roommates. I mean you don't kiss, you don't hold hands, you don't put your arm on her waist. How is that even possible?”

“Maybe we're just respectful enough not to show PDA 27/7,”I shrugged.

“The only PDA you two have is aggressive eye contact, but I thought y’all were just telepathic or something,”Fry admitted.

“How do you come up with a superpower before a relationship?”I pointed out.

“I don't know. Maybe because neither of you ever said anything? You never told us this,”Gally reminded me.

“You never asked,”I shrugged.

“So what do you do when you get jealous?”Minho integrated.

“This super cool thing called communication. You know? That thing that builds trust and respect?”

“Okay, but what if you did want to hold hands?”Thomas chimed in.

“Then, we hold hands where nobody will notice.”

“But what if you got married? You're just going to throw that at everyone?”Fry added.

“That all depends if she says yes tonight.”

“Excuse me?!”

“Yeah. I already have the ring,”I shrugged.

“Nu uh,”Minho kept arguing. With a sigh, I pulled the small box out of my pocket. 

“No! No way you're just casually getting marr-”

“Shhhh,”I hushed, clapping my hand over Thomas's mouth. Nodding my head towards the left, they saw Y/N a few yards away. Stopping for a moment, I kept my gaze on her as she laughed with Sonya before slightly turning. I gave her a soft smile which she returned. She nodded at me, and I nodded back before she went to talking and walking with Sonya again.

“Hmmppp,”Thomas said, reminding me that other people exist. Pulling away, I wiped my hand on my shirt before leaning back against a tree.

“You know what? It is kind of obvious now,”Gally admitted.

“Yeah. I’m pretty sure roommates wouldn't share a bed,”Minho shrugged.

“How the hell do you know that we share a bed?”I asked, turning to look at him.

“Thomas told me.”

“Why-”

“Gally told me,”He instantly defended.

“Wha-”

“Frypan told me,”He rushed out.

“How do-”

“My break's over. See you shanks later and uh, good luck with tonight,”He said in a millisecond, already up and running off. With a sideways glance, I made a mental note to get several locks for every door and window in our home. Just as a precaution.

Chapter 41: Not For Show (Part 2)

Summary:

-Fluff

Aris and I were never exactly a secret. It was more of a “why bother to tell people?’ mindset. We just didn't exactly plan on announcing it, and if they asked we would absolutely say yes. They didn't though, and for some reason us being roommates never made anyone realize it. Not that it matters. We’re happy, and that's all that matters.

Right now, was happy too. While I’d admit that he has flaws but so do I, and he loves me despite them. I don't hesitate to do the same. 

I love everything about him, about us. I love the way I still jump into his arms the second that I get home. I love the way that he still wraps his arms around my waist and rests his chin on my shoulder. I love the way that he wakes me up with forehead kisses. I love the way that I lay on his chest while we sleep so that I can listen to his heartbeat. I love the way that we hold hands under the table. I love the way he gives me little neck kisses. I love the way that I still feel giddy when he tells me to get dressed because I know exactly what that means.

While his request for me to wear something with pockets was odd I didn't ask about it. I just chose my sundress with them. Partly because they're so hidden and partly because I really like the dress. So does Aris so it seemed fine. 

“Pretty,”He whispered in my ear, hugging me from behind. With his hands on my hips this time, I pretended not to notice that they were a little lower than usual as I leaned against his chest. 

And with that he took my hand and led me to the shore. In the dark, with nothing but the stars to light our path, he kept his hand in mine. Still, I noticed the way he kept glancing at the ground before looking up at me. 

“Are you okay? You seem a little off.”

“I’m fine. Just thinking about something,”He shrugged.

“What?”

“You. I tend to do that.”

“Aww. My sweet boy,”I sighed, hugging him from the side. Grabbing my hand that was on his waist, he spun me around, making me laugh. Pulling me close, he pressed a kiss to the tip of my nose, smiling as he just gazed at me.

Putting my hair behind my back, he wrapped his arms around my waist and picked me up. Laughing again, I cupped his face as he kept me in mid-air and kissed him. Gently putting me on my feet, he kissed back before pulling apart and keeping his forehead against mine. Taking in his features, I pulled away and brushed his hair out of his face.

“It looks nice like that,”I complimented, running my fingers through it. “And it’s soft,”I added, admiring the way it would fall back on his forehead.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,”I nodded. “You're pretty.”

“You're pretty too,”He whispered, pulling me in for a hug. Holding the back of my head, he let me keep my head in his chest for a while.

“Can you do something for me?”He whispered in my ear.

“Always.

“Look in your pockets.”

“Why?”

“Just do it,”He pushed. Rolling my eyes at the mysterious statement, I did so only to feel something square. Glancing at the way he pulled his hoodie strings back and forth something clearly made him nervous. 

Deciding to just see what it was, I pulled it out to see a small, velvet box. Turning it over my hands, I looked at him to silently ask what it was.

Without a word he took it before getting on one knee. Staring at him with wide eyes, I watched as he opened it to reveal a small ring, shining just enough in the moonlight, looking just bright enough, the diamond being just big enough, it being just perfect enough. 

“I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything. Even without all of my memories I am sure that you have always been the best thing in my life. You have always been there, and I hope you know that I always will too. I hope that you’ll let me wake up beside you every day for the rest of our lives. I hope you’ll jump into my arms every chance you get. I hope you’ll let me dance with you in the moonlight. I hope you’ll let me do all those little things to prove that I love you. Y/N, will you take my last name?”

Not knowing how to speak, I covered my mouth with my hands as I cried. Nodding my head, I wore a smile bigger than I thought possible as more tears poured down my cheeks.

“Yes?”He whispered.

“Yes. Yes, yes, yes. I will marry you,”I got out. 

Standing up, he threw his arms around me so quickly that I almost fell over. Regaining my balance, I held him tighter than I ever have as he gently rocked me back and forth while still standing up. 

“I love you. I love you so much,”I whispered. Pulling away, he wiped my tears with his thumbs before brushing his lips over mine. Grabbing my hand, he put the ring on my finger as I smiled wider than I ever had. 

“Married. We're married,”I got out, wondering how this was true while also internally repeating that he was no longer my boyfriend. 

He was my fiance now. Aris is my fiance. My fiance. 

“I guess now is a good time to tell you then.”

“Tell me what?”

“Tell you that I’m pregnant,”I confessed.

“Are you serious?”He asked after a moment of silence.

“Yeah. I am,”I nodded. 

“So you're actually carrying my child?”

“Yes.”

“So I’m going to be a dad?”

“That's typically what follows.”

“I’m a dad. I’m actually a dad,”He whispered to himself. “Can I touch it?”He breathed out. Giving him a nod, I let him put his hands on my stomach, only smiling more as tears filled his own eyes before hugging him again.

“She said yes, and I’m a dad!”He exclaimed, cupping his hands over his mouth and screaming to nobody in particular. 

“It is eleven pm! Go to bed!”Someone shouted back. 

“Way to kill the joy,”I sighed.

“Nothing will do that. Nothing,”He said firmly, holding my face before kissing me for longer than he ever had.

♡ Time Skip♡

I cradled our baby in my arms as he looked over my shoulder and rubbed his back. 

“Precious little Aaron,”He whispered, still looking at him like he was an angel. Holding back a yawn, I nodded in agreement. “You go to sleep, okay? I’ll put him to bed,”He suggested.

“You sure?”

“Yes. I’ll be with you soon,”He assured me. Nodding, I rubbed my eyes as I handed him the baby. Opening our door, despite the pure exhaustion from being home all day with little Aaron, I smiled as I thought about everything. About how sweet he was to our kid. About how he immediately came home after work and started helping. About the way he had been there for every step of the way. About how he stayed home with me when I first had him to make sure that everything was okay. About how despite how tough it could be he was always so gentle with our kid. About how he suggested the name Aaron because it means miracle. About how when he had swaddled the baby and put him in his crib he would lay beside me and hold me close as I listened to the soft melody of his heartbeat.

This was perfect. It may be a little rough sometimes, but my life with Aris and our kid was everything I could have asked for and more.

Chapter 42: Wasted

Summary:

-Light angst
-Fluff
-Hurt/comfort

Aris's P.O.V

I tried. I tried to forgive her. I tried to brush past it. I tried, I tried, I tried.

It was stupid. It was a mistake. She was angry. I know that. She was angry and wasted. She was so wasted that she probably blacked out halfway through the argument. 

I know that there was some truth to her words. I can be overbearing. I can be clingy. I know that. 

I just never thought that she minded.

I had to drag her out of the bonfire when she almost fell in. She complained the entire time, telling me to just screw off and that I never let her do anything.

I can be overbearing. I can come off too strong. I can be bossy. I know that. 

She didn't have to insult me though. She didn't have to complain that I can't just leave her alone in front of everyone. She didn't have to roll her eyes as I literally helped her stumble in the door.

You shouldn't escalate situations when someone's that drunk, but I couldn't take it. All I wanted was for her to drink some water. Seeing as she was slurring her words and leaning on the walls just to stand yeah. I'm going to want them to do something to help.

She argued with me about that too, but I bit my tongue until she drank it before rolling her eyes again. 

Another thing is that she smelled awful. Like smoke, straight liquor, and something I couldn't recognize. So I just tried to change her shirt, in hopes that the sheets wouldn't end up smelling the same way. While I could wash them, and was going to anyway, I just wanted it to be easier. 

She fought me there too. 

I should have left. I really should have just walked away so I could take my spot on the couch. 

It was relatively small, but I could only take so much. When she slapped my hand away while mumbling something incoherent I just asked if she could stop being so difficult, if for five minutes she could let me help. 

That set her off. It really set her off as she screamed forme to fuck off. And that set me off. It really set me off as I just yelled that I was trying to help.

It somehow escalated. For the first time too. We don’t scream at each other, but when she called me controlling, I was done. So I packed a bag. She asked if I was going to Y/N’s house but said her name wrong. Through gritted teeth I corrected her. When she told me that I could go marry her if I loved her that much I walked away without a word.

I knew deep down that wouldn't end well. She already didn't like Y/N. She said that we were too close, but that wasn't fair. Y/N was my best friend in the Maze. She was my best friend at WCKD. She was my best friend in the Scorch. She was my best friend in the Safe Haven. She is my best friend so I wasn't going to stop talking to somebody who had been there for as long as I could remember.

Yes. I did end up on Y/N’s doorstep. Yes. She did invite me in with open arms. Yes. She did tell me to stay as long as I needed. Yes. We did stay up all night after she made tea and sat beside me.

After ranting the conversation turned to something more lighthearted. She took my mind off of it as she started showing me new seashells she collected. She even gave me one. From there, she let me ramble about things people would think were stupid. Not her though. Never her.

I went back home the next day. I looked at the person I was supposed to love, sitting at the counter, her face puffy.

We stared at each other for a while.

“I’m leaving,”I finally said, giving up on us.

“You going to her?”She whispered.

“Yeah. Probably,”I whispered.

She just nodded as I grabbed another bag before making my way back to Y/N’s house to see her sitting on the porch.

“I need a place to stay. Just until I find another house,”I explained.

“Stay as long as you want. I’ll get the guest room set up for you.”

Going back, I grabbed one more bag of things that I needed before going to Y/N's. I didn't cry when I left, and neither did she. We didn't even talk. We just accepted that it was over.

Y/N was more than kind. She helped me set up. She hugged me as I found myself too drained to cry. She made me breakfast and sat with me. She took the day off just to be there.

She was. She made me tea. She put on music and danced with me. She didn't make fun of the way I was nowhere on beat. She just spun me around and around and around until I was dizzy. She braided what she could of my hair just because. She let me do hers in whatever way I wanted. She made me laugh. She made me forget that I should be devastated.

Eventually, a small stay turned into a month which turned into four which turned into her asking if I wanted to live with her. I did. So all my stuff was at her place. Only now, it was our place.

She let me decorate however I wanted. I didn't do much to the room though. I kept up every photo and left every niknaks on her shelf. Her jewelry box was still by her bed. The only new thing was my clothes in the closet and a few photos away from them and personal items in a trunk under the bed.

I liked living with her. She was neat and had a deep clean once a month, which made sense. It also only made sense for me to help. 

Her fridg wase was always stocked. From full dinners to small snacks to drinks, she always had something. I helped with that too. It was a trade off thing.

Eventually, when we got really bored one night but couldn't sleep, we wrote down every single recipe we were capable of. Then, she taught me how to sew it into a book. We decorated the front, writing the other's name and making it as fancy as we could. We put it by the kitchen window after and just sort of looked at it

I didn't want to. I didn't mean to, but I did. I caught feelings just a week later. 

She went in earlier than usual so I got off after her for once. The second I came in I saw her just sitting on the kitchen floor, her white pants and shirt covered in paint with a few streaks even being on her face. Naturally, I asked what she was doing. She casually showed the canvas of a rainbow cat and invited me to help.

I accepted, but I screwed up when I knocked the black over, even getting it all over her. I frantically apologized and stood up to clean it only for her to fling a little bit of red on me. I looked at her wearing a cheeky grin, not a single hint of malice on her face.

I did not go into the house we just cleaned expecting a paint fight. I did not expect to be running after her as she ran around the kitchen island. I did not expect to slip on it and bring her down on top of me. I did not expect her to laugh with me. I did not expect to fall in love.

I did though. I absolutely did.

I didn't tell her though. I didn't want to ruin this carefree, already amazing atmosphere with her.

Like me, she wasn't a drinker. The thought of blacking out and losing control wasn't that appealing. Seeing as she's a free spirit it’d be weird if it was.

Tonight was different though. 

Tonight marks eight years since her first best friend died in the Maze. 

She wasn't drinking alone by the cliff because it was fun. She was drinking alone by a cliff because some idiot gave her Gally's drink when she was on a day full of grieving. She accepted an entire bottle and just left.

I found her after hours of looking. She hadn't come home after work which was the first red flag. She hadn't told me anything which was another red flag. When the sun set though I started looking for her.

That's how I found her alone, her feet dangerously swaying.

I was scared. If I ruined this I would have nobody.

She was too close to the edge though.

When she looked at me she had small tears. I just kept telling her it would be okay before asking to put my arm around her. When she accepted I pulled her up by her waist and led her home.

She leaned against me the whole time, not talking as I opened the door. As I filled up a cup with water and gave it to her she managed to get a few good sips before looking nauseous. Rubbing her back, I just let her slowly drink the rest.

When she was done she put the cup in the sink and leaned against the counter.

“I’m sorry,”She whispered, her words a little shaky. 

“It's okay,”I promised.

“No. It’s not. I don't do this, Aris. I don't-I’m not-I don't have fun destroying myself. This isn't how I have fun. This isn't fun,”She repeated.

“It's okay. I know today is hard for you,”I assured her.

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I didn't mean for you to have to look for me,”She kept apologizing as hiccuped sobs left her. 

When she almost fell over again I picked her up to see that she didn't really smell like smoke and something I couldn't recognize. Just alcohol and her familiar scent of the sea and paint. While that should be unappealing it was so her. It embodied Y/N perfectly. Not the liquor part.

Still, she smelled like her.

I hugged her to my chest and laid her in her bed. As I went to leave she grabbed my wrist. Looking at her, I didn't know what to expect. Insults? Cold words? Harsh demands?

Realistically, no. Not from her. Never from kind hearted Y/N, the sweet, introverted soul, who deserved the world.

Mentally, yes. I had done something wrong. It was always my fault. Always. 

“Stay?”She whispered, her eyes soft and half closed.

“But I’ve never-”

“Please?”She uttered, her voice only growing quieter. 

Against what I thought should be acceptable I was on the edge of her bed. Shaking her head, she gestured for me to come closer. Managing to do so, I was on my side with her facing me. Looking at me, she just looked off, like she knew something nobody else did.

Before I could react her lips were against mine. They were soft, as soft as her. Faintly, just for a moment, I swore I could taste her favorite strawberry chapstick. It was gentle, so very gentle.

I couldn't though. Not when she's like this. Not when she can barely keep her eyes open. Not when she had to lean against me to walk. Not when her voice was too quiet.

Not when she was drunk. I couldn't kiss her when she was drunk. 

If she was sober, if she could think right, I would kiss back. I would tell her everything that had been threatening to spill.

She isn't though.

Pushing her away, I didn't know what to say. Not really. So I just stated the obvious.

“You're drunk,”I whispered, shaking my head no.

“Oh,”She mumbled, her eyes more than halfway shut. Laying there, I just didn't move as she gave a half conscious nod. “I’m sorry,”She repeated.

“It's okay,”I whispered, having nothing else to say. Having nothing else to react to as her eyes fluttered shut and she dozed off.

I didn't though. I couldn't. 

So I just laid on my back and stared at her ceiling while everything I thought was just ruined again.

Still, the total darkness pushed me over the edge at some point when I woke up to pained groans. Sitting up, I looked at her as she rubbed her head and kept her eyes shut. 

After a moment of her just sounding like hell she opened her eyes to see me. With her face instantly losing color, I just sat there as she gawked at me.

“How did-what-huh?”She asked quickly, tripping over her words.

“I walked you back home last night. You didn't want me to go,”I vaguely explained.

“I’m sorry,”She said for the thousandth time during this incident.

“It's okay,”I shrugged. “It's okay, but are you?”

“Yeah. Just miss her sometimes. Do things that are bad for me,”She answered.

“We all do,”I reassured her.

“Did I do something stupid?”She hesitantly asked. 

I guess that depends on what her version of stupid is. Is kissing me stupid? If she remembered would she be grossed out? Is it worth telling her? Should I risk it?

“What did I do?”She sighed.

“Nothing,”I said quickly.

“Aris, you don't know how to lie. Just rip the bandage off. What did I do?”

“Um, nothing,”I shrugged, hoping I could somehow convince her of it.

“Aris-”

“You didn't-”

“What did I do?”She repeated. Shaking my head to keep lying, as I tried to leave she pulled me back. Like it was nothing she laid on top of me. “Now that you're stuck with me what dumb thing do I have to make up for?”

This is normal. This should be normal. She doesn't talk to a lot of people, but she's affectionate to me. I’m her best friend. I live with her. I know her morning routine. I know when she gets home. I know her scent. I know her clothes. I know her hobbies. I know her paintings. I know her cooking. I know her smile. I know her laugh. I know her positive outlook. I know her voice.

Her favorite chapstick.

I also know her favorite chapstick.

Her lips.

I now know her lips.

“What's up with you?”She asked, looking at me.

“You kissed me,”I blurted out.

“Oh,”She drew out, her mouth half open as she tried to figure out how to react. Still, completely frozen, she didn't even get off of me as she took in the news. “What did you do?”

“Pushed you away.”

“Oh.”

In thick silence, we laid there trapped in our own minds.

“I wish I would have done that sober,”She quietly admitted. 

“Oh.”

“I love you.”

She had said this to me before, just like I would to her. The thing was that it was always platonic.

This was sure as hell not platonic. Nothing about this was. Not her voice, not the events, not the context, not even the position we were in. Because those three words had never been said like this. Not in that tone. Not with her on top of me. 

“I’m sor-”

Before she could apologize, before I could think about it, I brushed my lips against hers. Just for a moment. Just enough to taste her strawberry chapstick. Just enough for my lips to tingle.

Just enough to say it back.

In just one second all those things I had thought about but didn't think could be true happened. 

Still, I may as well say what I had waited to for way too long.

“I love you too.”

Chapter 43: New Girl (Part 1)

Summary:

-Angst
-Hurt/no comfort

Aris's P.O.V

Tonight was supposed to be it. It was supposed to be the night Y/N and I left this place for good. At exactly midnight we were supposed to be outside those doors ready to see whatever we had been warned about.

She was late though. She's never late to anything, but I had been sure that she'd be here. So even though it was almost freezing I waited for her to follow through with the plan. She would come.

And as the time went from five minutes, to thirty, to an hour, to two I didn't move. Not until it started raining. 

Except, that's a lie. That's only what I should have done. Instead, I sat there completely soaked under a tree with water going through my clothes and down my face. By now I looked pathetic as I waited for someone that wouldn't come, in weather so cold that I could feel it in my bones. 

It was only when I heard thunder that I accepted that she had just stood me up on what was supposed to be the most important and best night of our lives. She made me look like such an idiot. 

Then again I did that myself. I tricked myself into thinking she was just running a few hours late. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with her? 

This is so messed up. We were going to get out of WCKD. We wouldn't have to be subjects anymore. We would just live.

Clearly, it was a mistake to believe her when she actually agreed. I should have never told her anything. In fact, I wish that I never even met her. 

Hate is a strong word so I don't like using it. There are so many bad people it should be reserved for. If you overuse a word it loses its meaning so I avoid words like that, or even good ones like love.

This time the impossible seemed to happen. I’ve never meant a word like more before, but tonight changed that. I hate Y/N. I hate Y/N for being like everyone else and lying to me. I hate Y/N for always being there for me only to leave me alone. I hate Y/N for forgetting about me like I’m nothing. 

I hate her. I hate her, I hate her, I hate her.

Most of all, I hate that I still love her, and I hate that I can't stop. 

Is there an actual word for this? For despising someone who has your entire heart? 

Probably, but I’m too drained to come up with an answer. I just want to sleep and forget about this night. I just want to forget all about her forever. 

I know that won't happen though, but I can pretend I have a chance. Maybe if I lie to myself the way she lied to me I would believe my words.

Time Skip

Waking up the next day hurt and not just because of the way it seemed like she had shoved a knife through my heart (that obviously didn’t help the situation though).

I was still shivering, and my hair, body, and clothes were damp. It's not like I could say anything though. That would end great. 

’Hey WCKD worker. I’m just sick, because I snuck out to run away with the girl who I thought loved me.’

‘That’s a really depressing story. By the way, you're on lockdown.’

Yeah. What a wonderful conversation.

That meant just sitting at breakfast like nothing had happened. Resisting the urge to slam my tray on the ground and just walk out without a word. Resisting the urge to finally say everything about this place that I wanted to from day one. Resisting the urge to say screw it and run from them until I was free. 

The worst one though, was pushing down the way seeing Y/N sit alone made me want to just ask what her problem was. Ask what I did for her to leave me out there. Even if I wouldn't like the answer I deserve an explanation for why she abandoned me when I had just gotten a little bit of hope in my life. 

Seeing her wear a blank expression though, killed me. She was so apathetic about this, and it shattered my soul. Even if I did something without realizing what she did was beyond callous. 

“Aris?”Sonya asked. I glanced over to see her looking like she was debating herself about something. 

“Are you okay?”She whispered after a minute of silence. I went to lie to her when my throat closed up. She was still expecting an answer, but I couldn't even say a word. Not while she was there, and I couldn't ask why she did that.

“I’ve gotta go really quick,”I managed to say. Standing up, I ignored the shakiness in my legs as I quickly walked towards her. Feeling my heart thump faster with every step and my palms sweat, I dreaded what she would tell me. At the same time never knowing would only keep me up at night, thinking about all the possible answers. Even if I felt like I was going to throw up, I had to do this. I had to discover the truth. 

Approaching her table, I stood before her. She didn't even look up as she ate her breakfast. Had I actually done something so bad that she didn't want to look at me? What is it? Can I fix it? Do I want to fix it?

“Y/N?”I finally asked. She looked up at me and smiled as she met my eyes. By now the pain was confusion as she looked at me with such gentle eyes.

“Hello. Did you overhear what the guards called me?”She asked, holding out her hand for me to shake. What the hell? 

“No? That's okay. Not everyone likes handshakes from strangers,”She stated.

“Strangers?”

“Of course. I'm new here so I haven't gotten acquainted with anyone yet. Thanks for being the first person to talk to me,”She grinned.

“Y/N, are you kidding? It's me. Aris,”I apparently reintroduced.

“Hi Aris. As you know I'm Y/N, and I'm new to this place.”

“No you're not. You’ve been here for years,”I reasoned. She gave me a funny look while shifting in her seat. 

“I don't know what you're talking about. I just got her last night,”She shrugged.

“You aren't funny, okay? Whatever joke this is, it isn't cool,”I said firmly.

“I don't know you or anyone. I just got here,”She repeated.

“Y/N-”

“Hey, Aris. You talking to the new girl?”Harriet asked from next to me. 

“New girl?”I whispered, turning to face her.

“Yeah. The new girl,”She repeated.

Swearing that I would throw up, I frantically ran back to Sonya. Trying to control my breathing, I asked if she knew who Y/N was. When all I got was her asking if that was the new girl I tried the girl next to her, and the girl next to her, and the boy beside her, and the boy in front of him, and the girl in behind him, and every single person in this cafeteria. It was the same answer. 

New girl.

Nobody remembered her, not even her. 

Glancing back over at her, I saw Janson talking to her before facing me. With a small smirk on his face, when Y/N wasn't looking he put his finger to his lips. 

He knew. He knew about last night, and he did this. He erased everything from her. She never stood me up. They had her. 

Why couldn't I think of that? How could I doubt her? How could they take her from me? How could they do this? 

Taking my seat beside Sonya, I kept thinking about what I would do next. Obviously, I was going to restore her memories, but the real question is how?

Chapter 44: New Girl (Part 2)

Summary:

-Light angst
-Bittersweet fluff

Aris's P.O.V

I’ve learned a few things that may be useful.

1 ) Y/N is in the same dorm

2 ) Nobody remembers her

3 ) WCKD knew about our plans

4 ) She's remade her old friends

5 ) She has the same personality

I had to use this to my advantage. It wasn't much, but she's still in there. I just need to bring her back. 

I have to bring her back to me. 

So I need to remind her of everything she had. It was a longshot, but it was all I had. For now.

Hidden in the vents, I slowly pushed the cover out before rolling out from under her bed. Admiring her for a moment, I looked at bed head, her slightly parted lips, her eyelashes and closed eyes, every mark she had, every scar, and everything. Caught up in her, as I heard a noise I was snapped out of my thoughts.

Before I could overthink it I started gently shaking her. She groaned and opened her eyes. As they adjusted I guess I freaked her out because she tried to scream until I clapped my hand over her mouth.

“Don't panic, okay? I’m going to help you, but you need to trust me. Can you trust me?”I pleaded, ignoring my racing heart.

After a moment she nodded. Moving my hand off, I watched as she sat up.

“Who are you?”She whispered.

“I’m Aris, and I’m going to save you. You have to come with me though,”I explained.

“Come where?”

“To the vents. I’m going to show you some important places,”I answered.

“The vents?”

“Yeah. It's safe though as long as we're quiet,”I assured her, back under her bed. Waiting for a moment, when she followed I gestured for her to stay close. Thankfully, some part of her actually trusted me as she stayed near, even making some turns to our destination without needing to be led. Hopefully, that was a good thing. I really think so, but with WCKD you can never be too sure. 

“This is our very first stop,”I whispered, glancing down. Seeing it empty (as if it's never not) I pushed the grate off and flipped on the lights by the wall. Taking her hand, I helped her out before turning around. While refusing to let go, I couldn't help but smile as I looked at the dim room just covered in art. Some of it a few decades old while others go back centuries.

“What is this place?”She wondered, letting go of my hand to better examine them.

“A hidden room. Well, more like abandoned. It doesn't seem like much, but it means a lot to you.”

“Really?”She asked, running her hands over the frame of a painting.

“Really,”I nodded.

“How come?”She questioned, turning to look at me. Internally debating it, I had to choose between the truth freaking her out or lying to her.

Still, as she looked at me, expecting an answer, the decision was obvious. 

“It's where you had your very first date,”I admitted, watching her expression change from almost deadpan to furrowed eyebrows.

“With who?”

“With . . . me,”I trailed off.

“You?”

“Yeah. With me,”I repeated.

“Oh,”She mumbled as I stared at my feet. “That makes sense.”

“What do you mean?”

“You seem nice, and you are pretty cute,”She shrugged, looking at more of the paintings, leaving me standing there, trying to figure out what to do.

“Have we been anywhere else?”She asked, taking this better than I imagined.

“Yeah. There are two more places that I want to show you.”

“Let's go then. We don't have a lot of time,”She pointed out.

“Yeah,”I agreed, holding out my hand. Accepting it, we crawled back in the vent. Leading her up the slanted spot, we were able to stay side by side, with me occasionally grabbing her shirt so she wouldn't slip. Not that I minded. This area always was a bit of a struggle, and she still didn't seem to recall anything about it.

“We’re almost there,”I assured her, pulling myself over the flat edge before helping her do the same. Glancing down, when this place was clear too I pushed the cover out and dangled my feet over the edge as she sat beside me.

“What's here?”She asked.

“Our first, “I love you.” Right below the stars,”I explained, pointing at the cracked window. With the cool breeze blowing, we sat there as we admired the night sky, with me doing the same to her every now and then. 

“What are you looking at?”She asked, turning her head to meet my gaze.

“You. I’ve always loved looking at you.”

“Oh,”She murmured, her cheeks turning a light pink. “How come?”

“I just do. I like taking in your features. It makes life better,”I confessed.

“You're really sweet, Aris,”She whispered, placing her hand over mine. Looking at her fingers brushing over my knuckles, I tried to ignore my heart racing in my chest even faster than before. 

“Pretty,”She whispered.

“Yeah. The stars are always lovely.”

“The stars too, but I was talking about you,”She clarified, giving me a small smile that I didn't hesitate to return.

“Come on. We've got one more place to be,”I said after a minute of comfortable silence.

“Where to now?”She asked, sliding down next to me. Before she could fall I caught her in my arms, stopping her from collapsing on her head.

“Oh. Thank you, Aris,”She said, giving me another smile. Looking at her, I brushed some of her hair out of her eyes as I just kept admiring her. 

“Don't we have to go?”She whispered, breaking the silence. 

“Yeah. We do,”I nodded, letting go of her as she crawled beside me. Turning another corner, I looked down through the vent bars to see the special room was still a little dim. 

“Come on,”I muttered, pulling it up before dropping down. Following me just like she used to, she landed on her feet as some part of her remembered how to do this. While it seems to be muscle memory right now, it just had to be more. It has to run deeper. 

She has to remember. Somehow, someway, she has to know everything.

Turning on the light, I squinted for a moment as they flickered before individually turning on. Looking at her for her reaction, I saw her just standing there, a blank expression on her face as she started walking by the shelves. Following her, I crossed my fingers that this would work.

“This is nice for a place like this,”She just pointed out, running her fingers over a dusty bookshelf. “So what was here?”She inevitably asked.

“First kiss,”I mumbled, taking in the thought, taking in the way that felt. The way those words felt so powerful yet so hopeless. 

I had to have hope though.

I had to have something.

I had to have her.

“Our first kiss?”She repeated.

“Yeah. Our first kiss,”I confirmed, waiting for something. Anything. 

“This was all very nice, but it's not clicking. Nothing's clicking,”She sighed, shaking her head as she gazed at me, her eyes having this flash of sadness for just a moment before disappearing.

“I’m sorry, Aris. I don't remember,”She said softly, patting my shoulder.

This could end really well.

This could end really badly. 

It was going to end in something though. It may be the dumbest idea ever, but it's all I’ve got.

So in one last desperate attempt to save her I grabbed her waist and pulled her close. Before I could back out I smashed my lips against hers. To my shock, she only froze for a second before putting her arms around my shoulders and kissing back.

This was good.

I think so. 

I think she may remember. I really, really need her. I really, really Y/N to realize I love her, that I’m in love with her. I need her to realize that she's in love with me. I need her to realize that we couldn't throw away everything that we had dreamed of as if it was nothing.

To do that though, she needs to know it.

And I think she does. She's kissing me like she does, the way she always has. Her hands were around my neck, the way they always were. She was just barely standing on the tips of her toes, the way she always did. 

So I just missed her and hoped that she knew all of this, that she still knew us. 

“I love you,”She mumbled against my lips, making me pull away as I internally replayed those words. While there was a split second of doubt, when I saw this familiar spark in her eyes I knew I had heard just right.

That, and I was done doubting her.

“So you remember?”I asked, holding back a hopeful grin.

“No. I don't remember anything,”She admitted, making my heart drop as I wondered if I had imagined every moment with her. Could I? Could I possibly imagine those kinds of feelings? “But I know that I know you,”She continued, making my head spin as I wondered what was happening. “I know that I trust you. I know that I love you,”She finished, giving me a soft smile.

“So you are completely sure of this?”I checked.

“Absolutely,”She nodded, still holding her arms around me.

“Then, do you believe me when I say that we had plans to leave? If I told you that you needed to go with me tonight so that we can live the life we’ve dreamed of, would you do it?”

“Yes,”She answered without hesitation.

“It won't be easy. It’ll be dangerous, but we have a plan. If we stay together we can do it. Even if it's deadly and we’ve never been outside the entire gates, will you escape with me?”

“Yes. I just want you, and if you say being free means I get to do that, then I want that.”

“Then, let's go right now,”I suggested.

“Yeah. It's now or never, right?”She pointed out.

“Exactly,”I nodded, taking her hand and leading her out of here.

So it may not be exactly what I imagined, but I got my girl back, and now she was never leaving. Just like we had talked about. Plus, if anything, her falling in love again, having one night of memories was a beautiful last time here. Even if she didn't remember before this she'll remember now, and that's what matters.

Chapter 45: Wounds

Summary:

-Bittersweet fluff
-Hurt/comfort

It had been six months away from my Aris. When WCKD captured him I thought about him every second of every day. From the moment I woke up to before I went to sleep to even in my dreams, I was constantly thinking about him.

We had planned for this, and it was successful. Kind of. Their Minho friend was still trapped, but we could figure something out later.

For now, as cold as it may be, all I cared about was Aris.

I don't know the extent of the hell he had to go through. Just that he had visibly been beaten.

I was here now though. I was here. He was here. We are finally together, exactly where we belong.

Now I just had to fix him up.

His face was the first thing I looked at. He understandably winced a few times, especially around his lip and eyes, but he was as strong as ever, probably even more.

It took a while, but I ended up cleaning his face up okay. I had bandaged up his cheek and kept the rag to his lip, just in case.

That was the easy part though.

With the curtains drawn, I was as gentle as possible with his back. From old wounds now scaring to ones that looked only days old, it was something that I wouldn't wish on anyone but WCKD themselves.

“I’m sorry,”I apologized, seeing the way he flinched as I touched his shoulder. Not saying anything, he just took my hand and kissed my fingertips.

“It's okay,”He whispered, opening my hand and tracing the lines on my palm. “I’m okay.”

“I missed you,”I whispered after another minute of comfortable silence.

“I had nothing to do but miss you,”He said, still tracing my hands. Turning them over, he fidgeted with my fingers as I stood behind him, cautiously wrapping my other arm around his chest as I savored the feeling of him, of having him back.

“Not a minute went by where I wasn't thinking about you. I didn't want there to be,”I promised, lightly brushing my fingers over his uninjured shoulder.

“I’m not going again. I’m not leaving you,”He reassured me, leaning against me.

“I know, Aris. I know. Because I won't let you. I won't let anything hurt you again,”I swore, closing my eyes as I rested my chin on his shoulder.

“And I won't let anything get in the way of us. Never again,”He whispered, still leaning against me as I nuzzled my face in his neck. While I am a Medic for just a moment I didn't want to be that. For just a moment I wanted to be his girlfriend. While I always was, I hadn't gotten to show it in so long.

So now I have to.

Now I will.

I’ll never take him for granted, and most importantly I will never let anything or anyone cause him pain. While I’m not usually one for violence if someone so much as lays a finger on my Aris I’ll kill them, and I put that on my grave.

Chapter 46: My Type

Summary:

-Light angst
-Fluff

Maybe it's a little odd to think Aris is the most attractive boy that I’ve ever seen after living in a Maze full of them, but my god, I just found my type. I really, really just found my type.

Quiet, introverted, smart, scrawny boys. I mean he perfectly made his way through the vents. Quick and efficient. Observant. Plus, the fact that he lived with all girls kind of gave him bonus points.

In hindsight though, it was a bad idea to write all of this in my notebook.

It was an even worse idea to let Minho borrow it for some paper.

“You give that back! Minho!”I demanded, chasing him in circles.

“Not until I read a page!”

“Minho! I am going to murder you!”I threatened, trying to run faster. Unfortunately, that has literally been his job.

So I had one last resort.

“Newt! Minho had my journal!”I complained, knowing that I couldn't keep up with him. Sprinting to Newt while completely out of breath, I pointed to Minho proudly standing on a rock.

“What do you want me to do about it?”He shrugged.

“You are a second-in-command. Do something,”I begged.

“Page 36-”

“No!”I screamed, realizing where he was.

“My type-”

“Don't do it!”I repeated, trying to scramble after him.

“Shy-”

“No!”

“Quick witted, introverted, quiet, observant, sweet, level headed, brunette, blue eyed, pale, scrawny. Bonus points for-”

“No, no, no!”I rushed out, running faster as he hopped back over a rock.

“For being in a Maze full of girls,”He finished, gawking at me as he dropped it. Feeling my face flush, I glared at him as I picked it up and shoved it in my jacket pocket, holding back tears.

It definitely didn't help that everyone was so close by that they had been watching this go down because they didn't think there was anything serious in there.

“Let's just go,”I mumbled, keeping my harsh glare at Minho.

“Y/N-”

“We don't have a lot of time. So chop chop. Let's get to it already,”I repeated, not waiting for an answer as I stormed ahead of everyone. Holding the journal to my chest, it suddenly felt like a weight in my pocket instead of some paper and words. 

It was, I guess.

It held the weight of my type.

It held the weight of him.

♡ Time Skip♡

I wouldn't speak to anyone, especially Minho. If I was asked a question I gave a one worded response, making the conversation dryer than the air out here. That meant they had to leave me alone.

I definitely was now. Sitting on a rock, staring at the sky, and silently crying as the moment replayed in my head. 

Everything about that made me want to throw up. I was embarrassed. I was ashamed. I was humiliated.

Most of all, I was stupid. So very, very stupid.

Wiping tears from my face, I realized it was no use as they poured harder.

I know that there are way more important things to worry about than romance. Still, I was a teenage girl with my very first crush so yeah. It feels like a big deal to me. Especially, now that he knows.

“Y/N-”

“Go away,”I mumbled, not bothering to see who it was as I wiped my eyes again. Sitting there, I put my knees to my chest as I ran out of tears. 

Assuming they left, I just stayed still as I wondered what use this would do.

None. Absolutely none.

It's nice to pretend though.

I couldn't pretend not to notice the chills on my arms since this place was freezing at night though. No matter how badly I want to. 

Rubbing my hands together, I blew on them in a feeble attempt for some warmth. 

Suddenly, I felt someone drape fabric over my shoulders. Looking up, I saw Aris just standing there, his eyes telling me something that I didn't quite understand.

“Aris, I can't-”

“Yes. You can,”He interrupted, his voice as gentle and soothing as ever. 

Not knowing what else to do, I moved over so that he could sit beside me if he wanted to. Accepting the silent offer, he just stayed there as I pulled his jacket closer to me, secretly savoring the way it was his.

“Everyone thought that I was lucky for being in a Maze full of girls,”He started, making me look at him. “Maybe I was. I like a lot of them. They were nice, nicer than a lot of other boys have been. Sweet but strong, agile yet caring, firm yet fair,”He listed, taking a breath before continuing. “I like that. I like girls more than I’ve liked guys. I didn't care if I never met another one. I like girls more. I think they can be kinder. Not all of them, but more than anyone expects,”He whispered, closing his eyes and staying silent for a long, long time. While I wasn't sure if he would talk I waited, just in case, even for a single word.

“I know why they thought I was lucky, and I was. They taught me a lot, but that wasn't why everyone said that. They thought I was some kind of playboy who had girls love him on sight,”He kept going, opening his eyes before looking at me. 

“I’m not. I’ve never even thought about a girl as anything but a friend. In the Maze, I didn't fall in love. I loved them because they're my friends, but I would never want to date them. Not out of fear. It would just be a waste of time,”He admitted, taking another breath. “In the Maze, I just didn't that I could fall in love,”He admitted, going back into silence as we sat there.

“And now that you're out?”I dared to ask.

“And now that I’m out I’ve met you,”He whispered, moving just a little closer. Doing the same, I wrapped his jacket a little tighter around me. 

For a long, long time we just stayed still, looking at the stars. While I thought it would stay that way I unexpectedly felt his hand on top of mine. Looking down, I just looked at the way he stayed there before looking up to see the tips of his ears being a faint pink.

Leaning over, I pressed a kiss to his cheek, still not moving his hand away while I did. Sitting in silence, we just looked at the stars, his jacket around me, his hand on top of mine.

To be honest, it kind of felt like a date. Maybe it is. Maybe it isn't.l

I won't ask though. There was no reason to. It didn't matter.

All that did was that he was here. 

He was here . . . with me.

Chapter 47: I Chose You

Summary:

-Fluff
-Light angst
-Requested

Aris wasn't usually the jealous type. He tried not to be. After all, Y/N chose him. Not Thomas or Minho or Sonya or Harriet or B/F/N.

No. She chose him.

Lately though, it hadn't seemed that way. Not with how often she was with B/F/N. Recently the two girls had grown inseparable, admittedly pushing him to the side at the same time.

Grudges. Aris didn't like those either. He saw them as a disruption to his life and a way to hoard anger until it hurt someone. So he tried not to glare at the girl stealing his. Still, as far as he was concerned she had taken Y/N from him.

Y/N usually picks up on these things, but she has been so distracted hanging out with B/F/N that she didn't really notice. She didn't notice his folded arms or him clinging to her whenever he could or the change in attitude when her friend came around. For example, like right now.

Aris listened to her talk about her friend and what they did that day. All the while he just nodded his head and held his tongue. It was for the best.

When he was invited to hang out with them by the cliff though, he instantly declined. He wasn't sure how much of the duo he could sit through without actually getting sick.

“Why not?”She asked, absentmindedly running her fingers through his hair.

“I don't want to,”He mumbled, absolutely leaving out the reason.

“You usually do though.”

“Well, I don't want to come,”He repeated.

“Well, if you change your mind-”
“I won't,”He said firmly, his sharp tone catching her off guard and making her stop touching his hair. “Sorry,”He muttered, not looking at her.

“It's okay, love. We all have rough days.”

Rough day? No. He was having a rough week, and she didn't even notice.

Now though, she definitely noticed the way he was glaring at the ceiling.

“If you want I can stay home with you this weekend? It would be just you and I?”She offered.

“Just you and I?”He asked skeptically.

“Yes. Just us.”

“And nobody else?”

“Not a soul.”

“Not even B/F/N?”

“She's not you or I, so no.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

“Promise promise?”

“Yes, Aris. Why-”
Cutting herself off, she looked at the almost sour look on his face as his arms were still folded.

“Yes, my jealous boy. Just us.”

“I’m not jealous,”He quickly lied, trying to sound convincing. One actual, close look at him though, said everything that she needed to know.

“You should have said something. I would have stayed in with you sooner if you did.”

“I’m not-”
Glancing up, her genuine love and understanding in his eyes made him fold as he slowly nodded his head.

“If you just told me I would have absolutely spent time with you.”

“Sorry,”He quietly repeated.

“It's okay. You just need to talk to me more. Okay?”

“Yeah. Okay,”He whispered, turning on his side to look at her. With a small smile she was back to brushing his hair with her fingers, all the while looking at him like he was the only person to exist. With him looking right back, he had that exact same glint in his eyes.

“I’m in love with you, okay? No matter how many people I see, my eyes will always go towards you. My hands will always only hold yours. My lips will always only know yours. No matter how many people I talk to, I'll always only lie with you. I’ll always only run my fingers through your hair. I’ll always only cuddle with you,”She listed, placing her hand on his cheek, making him grin as he took in her touch. “I will always choose you,”She promised.

With that being all the reassurance he needed, he brushed his lips against hers for just a moment. Because just a moment was all he needed to feel those sparks on his skin, to feel his heart flutter in his chest, to feel his mind go fuzzy as he kept falling and falling and falling more and more in love.

“I love you, my sweet soul,”She promised, still holding his cheek in her hand.

“I love you too,”He said back, doing the same before nuzzling his face in the crook of her neck. Happily accepting the affection, she put her hand behind his head as she kept holding him close, still silently swearing that it was him. It always was and always would be him.

Chapter 48: Loopy

Summary:

-AU
-Fluff

Aris's P.O.V

Y/N was definitely out of it, and with both her parents gone I was looking after her. Her mom had specifically called and basically told me to make sure she didn't do anything stupid. Hence, why I spent half my day at the dentist, annotating some of my books. Partly because it was fun, partly because I had just been given more supplies to do so, and partly because I needed something to do. 

I didn't bother to keep track of time since that seems to make it slow down. All I know is that eventually, after some gibberish from her during the appointment, she was good to go. Keeping an eye on her, I let her lean against me as I signed her out. After giving the nice man at the front desk a nod I helped her out and into my car. Closing her door, I stepped into the driver's side and looked over to see her seatbelt wasn't on. Reaching over to help, as I clicked it into place she patted my head a few times. Doing the same to her, I went to start the car only for her to grab my face and turn me towards her.

“I don't know your name, but I really like you,”She said with a straight face. 

“I would hope so,”I nodded, trying not to laugh at the way she was more than loopy.

“You look like you would make a good boyfriend,”She told me with total seriousness.

“Yes. I would hope you think that too considering I’m yours.”

“Wow. Really?”She asked, her eyes going wide as she kept staring into my soul.

“Yes. Really,”I nodded.

“Wow. How come?”

“Because I love you and you love me,”I answered simply.

“Why?”

“Because there's a lot of things to love about you.”

“Like what?”

“Like you forgetting who I am and still deciding that I’m a good boyfriend.”

“I have no idea who you are,”She restated.

“You will in a few hours.”

“I want to know who you are now though.”

“Tell you what. I’ll get you ice cream, and you can figure it out while you eat it.”

“I love you,”She blurted out, her pupils dilated and mouth half open. 

“I love you too. Even when you have no clue who I am.”

“You know what you should do? You should marry me.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Preferably, when we aren't in college.”

“Wow,”She repeated.

“Yes. Wow,”I said back, trying to match her energy. “Can I drive now?”

“Yes.”

“Can you let go of my face so I can do that?”

Still staring at me, she pulled away before putting her arm behind her head and turning to face me. Still doing my best not to laugh at her, I put on the ac before pulling out to get her Dairy Queen.

“You look like you have really soft hands,”She continued.

“You would know,”I shrugged.

“Wow.”

I guess that's her word now. Wow.

I really like how there have been awful stories of people confessing unethical things that they’ve done while under laughing gas, and Y/N just decides that I need to marry her. If that isn't true love then I’ll never know what is.

Chapter 49: Defender

Summary:

-Light angst
-Light fluff
-Protective relationship

Aris's P.O.V

I didn't have a fun time betraying Thomas. I didn't want to hurt him, to hurt anyone. I didn't want to kiss Teresa or lock him in a cave. 

I never wanted to do anything bad.

WICKED though, had other things to care about than what I wanted, but to be fair, when didn't they?

So yeah. I expected the backlash from everyone, even after the explanation. I mean they already didn't exactly trust me, and some of them (Minho) hadn't been so subtle about it. 

Still, we had to retell the story after explaining it to a groggy, confused, injured, upset Thomas. Fun.

But alas, we didn't have a choice. We told the story from the beginning (as far as anyone needs to know) and awkwardly stood there. Well, Teresa and I. Thomas was sitting down with a halfhearted glare on his face. So much for forgiving us.

For around a minute after that everyone let Minho go off. That wasn't unexpected either. 

He wasn't what I was worried about though.

Y/N.

I was focused on her, watching her reaction when we explained the kiss while hoping she knew we had to. I need my girl to know I only wanted her, only ever had eyes for her, even if I had to pretend that I didn't.

She didn't react at all though, which was worse than anything. The only thing that changed was a split second of her eyes going wide before she just nodded along to the story.

As Minho was spouting insults or lecturing or giving a speech on why we suck, that look changed though as she rubbed her forehead and took a breath.

“Minho, cut the klunk,”She spoke up, her tone walking the tightrope between a sigh and harsh demand.

“Excuse me?”He asked, looking back at her.

“Cut the klunk. What did you want them to do? Let Thomas be killed by WICKED? It's better that he's hurt than dead,”She shrugged.

“Do you not see him-”

“I do, because he isn't dead. Something he would be if they didn't do what they did. They did what they had to, and I’m not even sure you would be able to do that,”She defended, at the same time making us just gawk at her.

“Excuse me?”He scoffed.

“I don't think that you would be capable of hurting and maybe losing someone you care about to save them. I think you would be too stubborn to think it through,”She clarified.

“What if he did that to you?”He snapped.

“I’d be glad my boyfriend has enough common sense not to risk my death? I’d rather be hurt than dead,”She shrugged.

“Did you miss the kissing Teresa part? How are you not angry about that?”

“Oh no. My boyfriend made sure someone didn't die? However could he not risk Thomas’s life like that?”She deadpanned.

“Why don't you care about Thomas?”

“I kind of do. That's why I’m just happy he's not six feet under or whining that he had to see a little kissy kissy and get some blood on him. I mean seriously? If you want me to get mad at them for helping you're out of your shucking mind. If you're mad at them for helping you're also out of your shucking mind,”She shrugged.

“I would find another way to save anyone,”He defended.

“And that is why whoever you were supposed to be protecting would be dead. You wouldn't be capable of doing what they did.”

“I can look out for my friends,”He scowled.

“Maybe, but are you capable of hurting them and trusting the bad guys, resulting in you looking like one? Or would you put up too much of a fight?”She asked, standing up and putting her bag over her shoulder. “Can you walk, Thomas?”

“Yeah, but-”

“Are you breathing?”

“Yes, but-”

“Are you on the brink of death?”

“No, but-”

“Are you bleeding uncontrollably?”

“No, but-”

“Then, everything is fine. You can throw yourself another pity party about it when we're not at the risk of being attacked by Cranks. For now, everyone stop whining, and just be grateful you're alive because not everyone has that luxury,”She reminded us.

“But they-”

“Shut your trap, Minho,”She sighed, gesturing for everyone to get up. Following her, everyone did as they said. Stepping to the side, she let Minho lead again, choosing to stay in the very back. Lagging behind, I joined her. 

“Aris,”She said in a sharp tone.

“Yeah?”I asked quietly.

“Whichever one of you hit him hit too close to the part of the brain that would kill him. While it was probably panicked, the jaw is a better option. It's not as close to the really important part,”She explained.

“Oh. I’ll keep that in mind in case I ever have to hit someone with a stick again?”I sort of asked.

“It's great for interrogations.”

“How do you know that?”I dared to ask.

“Don't worry about it, love,”She shrugged, squeezing my shoulder before still continuing to walk alongside me in total silence. With my mind completely quiet, I just looked at her, at her nonchalant behavior after doing something that was supposed to make her hate me. “What's up with you?”She questioned, meeting my gaze.

“Nothing. I just love you,”I answered.

“I love you too, pretty boy. I love you too. Even if people complain about you.”

“Y/N-”

“I’m kidding. Now let's keep lagging behind everyone so that I don't have to defend your sorry self again.”

“Y/N-”

“What? It's true.”

Shaking my head, I put my arm around my girl to keep her close. 

To keep my flawless defender right by my side where she belonged.

Chapter 50: Tomorrow?

Summary:

-Angst
-Hurt/comfort

Aris knew from the beginning that his emotions very well could be his downfall. If anyone knew the truth somehow, if he let one drop of how much he knew spill, that would be the end of everything. The end of every friendship that he had spent so long making, the end of everyone's trust that he had fought tooth and nail for, and the end of his relationship with Y/N that he had poured his heart and soul into.

Bottling everything up though, would do nothing but make it explode. So he found an alternative. It wasn't as effective as talking to a real human, but it was all he had.

In the beginning, there was nothing that could go wrong with it. Keeping a journal about everything he felt and all the confessions he wished he could give didn't seem like something that could backfire. 

In a way, it didn't.

In hindsight, not telling Y/N he had it, as if she would invade his privacy if he said not to, was really dumb. What's even dumber? Hiding the item containing everything nobody was supposed to know on top of a cabinet that she walked past daily. So much so, that she was bound to run into it some day, causing it to fall to the ground.

While that wouldn't be a problem if he was home, he wasn't. It wasn't as if his name was on it either. Since he had never said a word about it despite the way she had explained to him that she owned a red, blue, and green one that he wasn't to touch, and seeing as the one she found was blue and the one that she misplaced was that exact same color, it was only natural for her to assume it belonged to her. 

Seeing as she had the time, she opened it and started reading. As the first page she opened it to started with her name, she was almost on autopilot as her eyes scanned the words.

Immediately, she recognized it as Aris's handwriting. While she knew it'd be right to put it back she just wanted to read one page about her. After that, she would never touch it again. 

Getting on her stomach, she laid on the floor and started reading.

Y/N still doesn't know. Sometimes, I think that she should. Then, I remember how that would end. I would lose her, and I can't. I won't.

Taking a breath, she stared at the wall as she tried to think about what this could mean. What could he possibly be hiding from her? For crying out loud, the things she hid from him were about private things her friends didn't want anyone to know, surprises that he would see soon enough, important life events that he was most likely there for, and vents about arguments with him or her friends. Those also were the reason she knew how to fix whatever had happened so it wasn't as if there was anything particularly nasty in there.

So maybe whatever he wrote wouldn't be that bad. Maybe it was a small thing that she could forget about. Even if her gut said otherwise.

I love my girl. I love her more than I've loved anything, and even though I write about her a lot, not every page of the universe would be enough.

Glancing at the wall again, despite the way her heart should flutter, it had sunk to her stomach. Something about the way it had been written, like it had guilt behind it, made her almost sick. 

Still, she decided to ignore that feeling until something was disproven or confirmed. While she was sure of what it would be, she kept lying to herself. 

That's why I think about it. If I were to tell anyone it would be her. No matter what, she's always my first option. While right now I seem to be hers, if she knew I don't think that I would be, and I can't risk finding out. I can't risk her finding out.

With each word only getting worse, she was sure that whatever the next sentence would be would be a punch in the gut. Somehow, she knew this would destroy her. Yet, having to live without finding out what he was hiding would put her in a constant state of paranoid hell. At the same time, she knew nothing would be enough preparation for what she was about to discover.

I can't risk her finding out that I was one of WICKED'S most loyal workers. I can't risk her finding out that I remember everything before the Maze.

Slamming the journal shut, Y/N didn't know how to accept this. In all her time with him, he has never said anything about being on their side. Sure. He had betrayed Thomas, but she didn't think it was directly from them. She thought there was some message they had missed. Not job orders. Not directions that he would be okay listening to. 

Standing up, she took shaky steps to their bedroom. Leaning over the bed, she took several slow breaths as tears poured from her eyes. Closing them, she gritted her teeth as she tried to blur it out all. Blur out every memory with him, good or bad. 

From their first meeting, where she had pulled him out of the box before realizing that he was a boy. Freaking out, she dropped him back in. Hitting it with a thud, he groaned as his head made contact with it. Finding her voice, she rushed out apologies and jumped next to him. Helping him up, she got him out of the box and to the Nurse's station.

She tried to erase their first kiss. It was a few hours after they had escaped the Maze. After the initial shock of learning about Cranks and WICKED and seeing Beth throw a knife at Aris only for Rachel to block it, they tried to be normal teenagers. Well, as normal as they knew. To start with that, they decided feelings were good enough. So she pulled him away from the group of girls. Around the corner, they were as alone as they could get. While this would normally freak her out, it was now or never. So she looked him in the eyes and tried to form words. However, all she got out was incoherent sounds. Still, he knew just by the way she pulled him over what she wanted to say. Grabbing her hand, he told her that he really liked her too. Feeling her face flush at the way he knew, she stood on the tips of her toes and kissed his cheek. Intertwining their fingers, he kept her close as they sat side by side, putting themselves in their own world.

She thought about the betrayal for Thomas. How all she knew was that Teresa kept telling them that he truly was the enemy. While some of them wanted to brush it off, her included, Teresa said that revenge for all he had done was the only way to get the cure to the Flare. Naturally, Harriet called a private meeting. After a good ten minutes of tense arguing it was decided that it was better to be safe than sorry. Besides, they didn't know Thomas so it made no difference. 

When they did find out, they also saw Aris. Despite the situation, when nobody was watching she gave him a wave and small smile that he didn't return. Figuring that this just freaked him out, she tried not to take offense as they dragged Thomas in a bag for hours, only stepping at sundown. From there, while Teresa was asleep the girls just got tired of the attitude. Realizing he might know why she was that way or that maybe he had something to do with it, they let Thomas plead his side. While they didn't want to admit it, he made very convincing points. As they were about to try and talk it through some more though, Teresa tried to play leader again. Sick of whatever game that was, they let her storm off and allowed him to follow them, only for him to vanish barely an hour into their walk.

She thought about how it ended up leading back to Aris as he came crawling back two days later. While Thomas was covered in dried blood Teresa and Aris looked completely fine. Because they were. Once again, sides were chosen. While they were obviously biased, which is only human nature, Y/N was still with Aris. At that moment, she was sure that she always would be. As he squeezed her hand when nobody was looking she was convinced that he would do the same for her.

She thought about when they first got to the Safe Haven. How instead of looking at their new home they looked for each other. Scanning the area, they tried to look cool and collected while their minds swarmed with all these what ifs. What if the other didn't make it through? What if they died in the fight? What if they had to live without their other half?

Thankfully, (at the time) they didn't. They spotted the other about six feet away. After staring, just to be sure this was real, they ran, her jumping into his arms. Grabbing her waist, he spun her around before kissing her. Feeling a thousand things that needed a million words to be described, they didn't say one as they pulled apart. Pressing his forehead against hers, he cupped her face and wiped her tears. Doing the same, she savored the way she could truly have him until he whispered two words. Until all he told her was, “it's okay.” At the time, she believed him. There was no reason not to. 

Now it wasn't. As she wondered how these events went down for him, if there were parts of the story she was missing, she knew that she couldn't do this right now. Not that she could trust him to tell her. 

Opening her drawer, she grabbed a pen and paper. Leaving no real note, not thinking she had the capability of putting energy into something involving him, she just wrote that she would be at Gally's, that she was safe, and that she was done. Putting the note on the bed, she took off her ring and did the same. Taking a bag, she put the bare minimum of hygiene supplies  in there, before leaning against the counter and trying to think about what she could possibly do next. What options life held without him.

Just a few feet away Aris was home. Taking off his shoes, he looked around for Y/N. Since she usually got off before him she would already be at the door. Putting his arms around her, he would give her a tight hug as she buried her head in the crook of his neck. Pulling apart, he would kiss her temple. Only then, would they actually do what they needed to.

Being greeted by dead silence was all wrong. It made his skin crawl as he tried to figure out what was going on while also telling himself that it couldn't be a big deal. He kept convincing himself that it didn't make sense for a life-changing event to happen in the six hours he was gone. 

Slowly walking through the house, as he stepped into the living room he instantly saw it stand out against the white floor. A single, dark blue journal, right below the dresser. 

He knew. He already knew before he even picked it up. He already knew before he saw her that she currently hated him. Maybe forever.

Praying that she hadn't left before he could tell her anything he had to, he called her name as he rushed into their bedroom, only to see a note on their bed with her wedding ring, her promise of till death do us part, on top of it. Frozen at the way this could be the end, he didn't know how to move until he heard footsteps. Glancing at her figure as she came out of the bathroom with an open bag and bloodshot eyes, the silence that filled the room was screaming at them, demanding they talk about the obvious, yelling that before leaving she should hear the full truth so they could go through whatever went next together. After all, they've gone through everything together.

Standing there, they stared at each other the way they had during every special moment. Except, this was special in a much different way. Not even special really. More of unforgettable. The kind of unforgettable that keeps you tossing and turning at night as you wonder if it was the right decision.

Breaking their own, small world, Y/N went to grab a few more clothes when Aris shut the door to keep it as just them for as long as he could.

“Y/N, please just think about it before you do this. Okay? We'll talk it through. We can fix this. We'll move past it, and it will be fine. It'll be great. It'll be perfect, but you have to stay,”He ranted, watching as she zipped up her bag.

“No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't leave me, okay? Put the bag down, okay?”He begged, pulling her to his chest and holding her close as she stood still while more tears she didn't know she was capable of having fell. Thinking he had gotten to her, he stroked her hair as he kept promising that he would make this better.

“No,”She whispered.

“Y/N-”

“No. We-we're over. It's over,”She finally said out loud, hearing her crack.

“Just put your ring back on, okay? Put your ring on, and let me love you. I'll make it up to you. I promise, but you have to let me try. Please? Please? Can I please fix this?”He begged.

“No. You can't,”She got out through shaky breaths. Loosening his grip, his arms dropped to his side as she remained still, leaning against him. For a while, neither of them spoke. Neither of them moved.

Not until she found it in herself to step forward. Going to get her socks, as she was grabbing the last of what she could for now, she stopped again as she heard his voice. 

“I don't know what to do. Not really. Honestly, I don't think that I ever do,”He said slowly. Turning around, she saw his eyes glued to the journal as he kept reading. “Even at WICKED some part of me felt behind everyone. While I obviously couldn't speak to anyone but Rachel, the teachers, and occasionally Thomas and Teresa, it seemed like they knew more. Like somehow everyone was always better than me. Even though I was at the top of the testing, my score was still two points below Thomas's. Something about the speech category. I didn't really think there was anything wrong with how I talked, but they thought otherwise. As for the girls, they just really picked up on things. They spotted things I sometimes didn't. So they're better. Everyone's always been better,”He read, not looking at her as he turned the page. Standing in her spot, she listened to whatever mindless sense his heart held.

“I think there's only one thing I have that nobody else does. I'm not as strong as Gally. I'm not as fast as Minho. I'm not as quick-witted as Brenda. I'm not as intimidating as Jorge. I'm not as smart as Thomas. I'm not as great as anyone. I never have been,”He kept going, feeling a single tear drip down his cheek. “I have Y/N though. So that has to count for something, right?”He whispered, his voice cracking as his hands started shaking. “So even if I can't tell anyone I'll always have her. If she chose me, if she sees something in me, then maybe I am good at something. Maybe I do have something good about myself, right?”He kept going, feeling his heart shatter as he prayed she heard him. Truly heard him.

“When she looks at me though, I do. Even if everyone else has everything, they don't have her. Nobody has her. Nobody but me. Because she's mine, and I'm hers. It's just as much of a fact as it is that the sky is blue. It's a beautiful thing really. Getting to love her,”He spilled, holding back sobs. Stopping for a moment, he needed a breath so he didn't break before continuing.

“All I can do is hope that she feels the same. All I can do is hope that I'm not imagining that look in her eyes. All I can do is make sure that she never finds out what I've done so that way she stays,”He finished. Taking another deep breath, as he went to turn the page it fell to the floor from the amount of fear in his body. Bending down, as he picked it up and just held it while staring at her feet, he heard the familiar sound of pages rustling before she started speaking.

“Sometimes being with Aris feels weird. It's definitely not in a bad way. Nothing about him is actually bad,”She started. Glancing up, he saw her standing there while her eyes scanned the words of her own blue journal. 

“It’s just that he gets this look in his eye that really, really makes me want to kiss him. Not in a good way. There's just this feeling sometimes that he doesn't quite see what I do. When he's looking at other people sometimes his face drops before he pretends nothing happened. So I don't think that he actually knows how much worth he has,”She spoke slowly, hoping her own words would seep into his head. “I try to tell him instead, in different ways. When I wake up early just to lay with him, just to listen to the waves outside our window as I play with his hair and tell him I love him,”She recited, feeling her own tears that she didn't stop fall down her cheeks. “At night, I like when he ends up tangling his legs in mine in his sleep. I know because I fall asleep after him so I get to watch after him, listen to his soft breathing, put my head by his chest and hear his heartbeat. I really like all those little things. I like when he ends up wrapping his hands around my waist in his sleep too. It's like even in his sleep he reaches for me, and I want him to. I want him to be sure that I love him,”She read, closing her eyes for a moment. Despite the way she could recite the next jumbled mess of words by heart she couldn't mess this up.

“Tonight was bad. He doesn't really drink. To be fair, neither do I. I guess the temptation was just stronger for once though. Because I was sitting at home, waiting for him. Sitting on the couch, I kept listening for the door to open just so I could say hello and tell him that I love him,”She kept going, barely holding it together. Still, for him, she kept going. “So I went to look for him, and I found him. While the loud noise should be a total detour, something told me to just look at the celebration we never went to for once. Following that instinct, I smelt the events before I saw it. The strong scent of alcohol. While I was sure nobody would be in their right mind I still asked for him. It took a lot of people, some of which I couldn't even understand, but eventually Minho said he had left to walk on the beach a while ago. While this still was off since he's never away for this long without warning me, I just went where he said. I started walking down the shore, and all I could think as it grew darker and the air got colder was that I hoped he was somewhere warm,”She managed to get out, her voice almost strangled.

“I found him by the water soon. He was just staring at it. As I got closer I realized that he also smelled like straight alcohol. Pretending I didn't notice that red flag, I grabbed his arm only for him to flinch before looking up. The very second he saw me he started crying, almost hyperventilating. Trying not to make it worse, I kneeled beside him and loosely put my arms around him, only for him to cling to me, almost knocking me over. Ignoring that, I kissed his forehead as I rubbed his arms to subtly warm him up a little. All the while, he had his head buried in my neck while repeating that he wasn't them,”She said as quickly as would be possible with him still able to hear. “He ended up falling asleep in my arms. I tried to pull him back to our place, but everything was so confusing and draining that I just pulled my sweater off and placed it over him before laying his head on my lap. Stroking his hair, I kept my legs outstretched so that it would be a little more comfortable despite the way the water soaked my shoes, socks, and even the ends of my pants. For hours, I looked at the waves as I tried to make sense of it all,”She remembered, feeling her lip quiver.

“Eventually, when it was dead freezing, I knew it wasn't safe for either of us to be there. So I pulled him over my shoulder and dragged him back home. I put him in night clothes that didn't smell like whatever that night was and laid him down. Tucking him in, I covered him in blankets and put a bucket by the bed. Watching him for a moment, when he seemed not so broken I took a shower. Then, I cried. For a long, long time. Because I was confused and scared and lost. I didn't know who they were and why he had to tell me that he wasn't like them. I didn't know why tonight he got wasted instead of coming home to me. I didn't know why he sat by the ocean where nobody could find him. I didn't know why he flinched when I touched him. I didn't know why he did things he never had before,”She spilled, wiping her tears so that she could read the rest. 

“I'm not mad at him, and I won't tell him about this. Just because I know him enough to know that he would feel ashamed, and that's not what he needs. Something's hurting him that he won't talk about. I want to help him. I want to make it better, but he won't let me. Asking him doesn't work either so all I can do is give him these little acts of love and hope that he'll tell me what he's fighting one day. All I can do is trust that he'll come home to me tonight,”She finished before the book slipped past her fingertips. Falling to the ground next to him, they held each other, both of them crying harder than even that night. For hours they didn't speak as they sat on the floor, accepting each other's embrace.

Still, someone had to break it.

“Tomorrow?”Aris whispered.

“Tomorrow,”She agreed.

“Right here?”

“Right here.”

Knowing that they would talk about all of this in the morning, they stood up. Putting on her wedding ring, Y/N let the forgotten paper fall to the floor as Aris laid beside her. On opposite sides of the bed, they looked at the other to silently ask if it was okay. When they both nodded he loosely wrapped his arms around her waist while she kept her head on his chest. Listening to his heartbeat, they fell asleep knowing that this would be fixed, realizing that no matter what they always ended up okay as long as they had each other.

Chapter 51: Unconscious Confessions

Summary:

-Light angst
-Fluff

Aris's P.O.V

I didn't mean to say it. Not yet. I didn't even mean to feel it.

I don't know exactly when I felt this way. It's just that one day it hit me. I’m in love. I'm so in love with Y/N that it's almost stupid.

It was absolutely an accident. It was one of those tired, spilled thought moments. Those times where you're so sleep deprived that you tell the truth without realizing.

So as I was nuzzling my face in the crook of her neck, already halfway unconscious, I just blurted out that I love her. What's even worse is that I didn't even realize that I had confessed something that big to her.

She didn't give any acknowledgement that I said it. At that moment, I was too exhausted to care, and she was too comforting for me to comprehend that I may have screwed up.

When I woke up to her gently shaking me I looked at her with a small smile only to see her almost fidgeting. Completely raising my head and trying to meet her eyes, I still didn't remember much as she avoided looking at me. She didn't even speak to me as she just stood up and put her bag over her shoulder. 

When she just started waking the other people who were half asleep I didn't know whether to be more confused or hurt. Eventually, I just decided that both were probably the most reasonable.

It didn’t make sense until I stretched my arms while staring at the ground. Only then did I realize just what I did. I said that I love her. She hadn't given a single sign that she looks at me the way I do her. Sure. Some people thought that she did, but she just happened to be a good friend. She just let me sleep on her shoulder because she knew that I was never a good sleeper, even before this. She only held my hand because she just had this way of knowing when I was nervous. She only kissed my forehead because she was a naturally affectionate person to her friends.

So yeah. There really aren't any signs that she likes me, much less loves me. Especially, since she seems determined to avoid me.

♡ Time Skip♡

I tried to get her to talk to me. I tried to get her to look at me. I tried to get her to acknowledge me.

When she still wouldn't though, I did something completely out of character. I just needed my best friend back, and this was the only way to get it.

I grabbed her hand during a break and pulled her inside of a building, away from everyone else.

“Aris-”

“Just give me ten minutes, okay? Just ten minutes to talk to you,”I pleaded.

“But-”

“Please, Y/N? I’ll be quick,”I promised.

“Yeah. Ten minutes,”She quietly allowed.

“Okay. I know that I said I love you. I didn't mean to, but it slipped out. The thing is I said because I was more than tired, and you were there. You're always there, and I ended telling you the truth. I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to ruin our friendship, but I just wasn't thinking. I honestly didn't even remember it for a while when I woke up. Not because it's not true but because I confessed something while so sleep deprived. And that's the truth. That's the entire truth. I love you. The way you laugh, the way you smile, the way your eyes look by the fire, the way you keep your head up, the way you're there, the way you know what to say, the way you make my heart beat faster. I love you, Y/N. I love you, I love you, I love you,”I rushed out, taking a breath when I was done, as she stood there, just staring at me.

“Y/N, please say something. Anything. I-”

Before I could react I felt her arms around my shoulders and her lips on mine. Instantly melting into her touch, I put my arms around her waist and gently kissed back, just brushing my lips over hers. With my mind completely fuzzy, I didn't wonder why she was kissing me and just savored her lips on mine until we needed air. Not that I wanted that. If I could give up breathing just to keep doing that, I would.

I can't though so we just pulled away while our hands remained where they were, where they were supposed to be.

Around each other.

Still, I was more than lost.

“If you’ve been ignoring me why did you just kiss me?”I pointed out.

“I was scared,”She muttered.

“Scared?”

“Yeah. Scared,”She repeated.

“How come?”

“Because you were tired when you said it so I didn't know if you meant or not. I didn't know if you felt the way I did so I wasn't sure how to act,”She admitted.

“Well, I meant it with all of my heart,”I promised, brushing some of her hair out of her eyes to look at her. Holding her face, I kissed her before pulling away.

“I love you,”I repeated, just to be safe. Just to reassure that my word was true.

And as she smiled at me I was sure that she knew it.

Chapter 52: Interlinked (Part 1)

Summary:

-Fluff
-Angst
-Light hurt/comfort
-Requested

Hanging upside down on the bunk bed, I looked at him beside me, crossing his arms over his chest to keep balance. Not as worried about that, I let my arms dangle down.

"You're going to fall one day,"He sighed. Repeating his words, I made sure to exaggerate his subtle southern accent. "Hey, I'm looking out for you. I'd like it if you didn't have brain damage."

"But I already have fallen. I've fallen for you,"I pointed out, noticing the blush on his pale skin, making me laugh. Still turning to meet my gaze, I just looked at him. I admired the dark bags under his eyes, plus his blue eyes that were such a strong color they could put oceans to shame. I looked at the faint freckles that were still my everything. I looked at his brunette hair that he kept short and neatly styled. 

I looked at him. I looked at my otherworldly soulmate.

"What are you staring at?"

"You of course,"I shrugged.

"Why? I promise that I'm not much to-"

Cutting him off, I put my finger over his lips to shut him up. Despite this, his eyes said everything that he wanted to.

"Be nice to yourself, right now,"I ordered. Rolling his eyes, he didn't have to speak to be a smartass. "Don't speak down to yourself, or I'll give you aggressive love,"I warned. After rolling his eyes again he reluctantly nodded his head. 

"You're so dramatic,"He sighed once I gave him the ability to speak. 

"I don't care. You don't get to be negative to yourself,"I said firmly.

"Please-"

"Shhhh."

"Let me-"

"Silence."

"If you just-"

"Oh, hush,"I interrupted, sitting back up only to hit my head on the roof. Rubbing it, I cursed under my breath as Aris was beside me, gently pulling my hands away to check on me.

"I"m fine,"I insisted.

"I just have to be sure,"He defended, tracing his hands over where I had injured myself. Wincing at the sting, I just let out a barely audible groan of pain.

"It'll just be a bruise,"He explained.

"Kiss it better,"I demanded. Cupping my cheeks, he lightly pressed his lips to my temple, making me smile. 

"You okay now?"He asked as he pulled away.

"Yep,"I shrugged, still grinning.

"Good. Just stop being so accident prone before you do actual damage to yourself."

"I'm so sorry that it's such an inconvenience for you,"I drew out.

"Or I just don't want you to hurt yourself?"He suggested.

"You hurt me every day."

"How?"

"You won't stay beside me every single second."

"Are you serious?"He sighed.

"Yes."

"I promise that you'd live without me,"He lied. Throwing my arms around him, I pulled him next to me before holding his hand. Interlocking our fingers, I kept them by our sides as we turned to look at each other for a long time. In complete silence, we just said I love you without ever speaking.

"You're going to have to,"He whispered, making my face drop. 

"I can't."

"Soon we're never going to see each other again. We won't even remember each other,"He gently reminded me.

"That doesn't mean that I won't love you,"I whispered, holding back tears.

"How can you love me if you don't know me?"

"So you're just going to move on? Just like that?"I asked, not wanting the answer. 

"No. I won't remember you, but my heart will know that there's another half of it missing. I will forget you but never how you make me feel,"He whispered, turning on his side at the same time as me and putting his hand on my cheek. Wiping tears from my eyes with his thumb, he comforted me in a way I know only he could. "My hands will never be warm without yours. My lips will never know softness without yours. My eyes will never know satisfaction without meeting yours,"He whispered, wiping more tears before kissing my forehead. Closing my eyes, I burned the feeling of his lips on my skin into my memory.

"My mind will never know true happiness without you,"He told me as he pulled away. 

"I'll love you forever. Even when we meet again, because we will. We will always find our way back to each other."

"How are you so sure?"

"Because we're soulmates, and that's just what soulmates do. They will always get to be with their person, and you're mine,"I promised, running my thumb over his knuckles. Brushing my hair from my face, he kept his soft gaze.

"Am I your soulmate?"I asked.

"Yes. You are. You're my other half, my second heartbeat, my only true love, my guide, my light, my entire world. You're my everything"He said slowly, letting his words sink in. Letting more tears fall, I curled up to his chest as I quietly sobbed. Wrapping his arms around me, he kept repeating that it was okay in a cracked voice as his own tears fell on my skin.

"It's going to be alright,"He lied.

"No. Not without you, and you know it."

"Yeah. I do. I just don't know how to make this better,"He quietly admitted.

"After we meet, I'm going to kill WCKD. Ava, and Janson, and Thomas, and Teresa, and everyone. I'll kill everyone who separated us."

"You can't blame the last two. They don't know any better."

"You were told you had to take a spot, and you said no. They could have done the same thing, but they're cowards. They will never have your strength. They will never be good. You always will. You will always be better than any dream."

"Just don't think about them right now, okay? All I want is to be with you for as long as possible. I don't want a single thing to stain our time together."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I know that you're angry, okay? I know that you're upset. So am I, but I'd rather hold you than feel that way,"He whispered in my ear. Wrapping my arms around him tighter, I kept sobbing until my entire body was shaking. Holding me tighter, he put his hand behind my head while his other rubbed my back.

For hours I just cried my heart out, and for hours he held me while silently doing the same.

Just as I was calming down a bright light shone on me. Putting my hand in front of my face, I tried to figure out what was happening as someone called my name.

"Y/N,"the person repeated, aggressively shaking me. Quickly sitting up, I took a breath as tears streamed down my cheeks. Wiping my eyes, I sniffled as my heart ached for someone who wasn't real.

"Are you okay?"Alby asked, kneeling beside me.

"I don't know. I think so. I hope so,"I repeated, drying more of my tears.

"You sure? You were talking in your sleep?"He gently told me.

"What was I saying?"

"It was hard to make out. Ares? Oris?"

"Aris,"I corrected, not knowing where the thought came from. I had never known an Aris before and neither had anyone else. 

So who was he? What was that dream? Why would he be someone to cry over? Was he real? Was he actually my soulmate?

So many questions, and so many answers that I'll never get.

So all I can do is go to work. I had a Glade to contribute to, and real people to interact with.

Even if my heart that had always felt half empty seemed to have something that I would never know.

Aris's P.O.V

I didn't want her to know. Ever. If she ever found out that WCKD had thought I was someone who would want to work for them she would hate me. She would never speak to me again, and that would actually kill me.

So I had been avoiding her. I couldn't confess anything if I wasn't talking to her. 

Hiding in the library, I ignored the cameras like everyone else. Even if they did make me want to set this place ablaze.

While tracing my fingers over the spines of history books, I was about to pick one out until I felt two hands on my shoulders. Not giving me time to react, they spun me around and slammed me against the bookcase. With wide eyes, I stared at my extremely pissed off girlfriend.

"Did you really think that I wouldn't find out?"

"How do you-"

"Don't change the subject. You're the one working for the no good, dirty, inhuman, unethical, pain causing, murder filled, corrupt, hateful side-"

"I-"

"Shut up. Just shut up. How could you do that? After everything that they've done you still-"

"Y/N-"

"No. I can't believe you, Aris. I-"

Realizing that she wasn't planning on listening to me anytime soon, I grabbed her face and crashed my lips against hers. As if she hadn't just been going off on me, she put her arms around my shoulders and firmly kissed back. With every bit of tension seeming to leave, we tuned out the world as I kept my hand behind her head to deepen it. By now she seemed to have forgotten everything as I kept my lips against hers until we ran out of oxygen. Pulling away, there was no sounds for a minute except heavy breathing and my heart beating too fast. 

"Explain. Explain everything,"She whispered.

"They asked me to work for them. They said that I would be a good fit since they've seen the way that I mostly keep to myself and am always studying something."

"And what did you say?"

"I said no. I said that I wasn't going to betray my friends. Even when they promised everything, I swore that I wanted nothing from them. Because I don't. I'd go to hell before I was ever on their side,"I answered honestly.

"Oh,"She mumbled, turning red as she stared at the ground. "I'm sorry for thinking you would do that. You just had been avoiding everyone, and when I found the list of workers I thought that you agreed. I just thought that you forgot about everyone to have them."

"I would never forget about you. I just didn't want you to know they considered me, because it's embarrassing that they believe that I was that kind of person. I just thought if they saw me that way so would you,"I admitted.

"It looked worse that you ignored me, and I found out myself. Just don't keep secrets. You and I, we're a team. We belong together, okay?"She said gently, slowly running her fingers through my hair.

"I'm sorry. I just didn't want you to hate me,"I uttered, feeling myself start to cry.

"Oh Aris, I could never hate you. As long as you forget that I pushed you against a bookshelf, which I would really appreciate,"She kind of joked. Giving a small laugh, I went to wipe my eyes only for her to do it for me before standing on her tiptoes and kissing my cheek.

"I really, really love you,"I swore, feeling more tears sting my eyes anyway. Just looking at me, she wore a small, bittersweet smile before hugging me. Resting my chin on her shoulder, I wrapped my arms around her and smiled as more tears fell. I just couldn't believe that even after the way they saw me she still loved me. 

That's all I want. To be loved by her just half as much as I do her. 

The way she knows how to make everything better proved that it wasn't half. It proved that it was just as much.

Suddenly, the moment was disturbed as someone shouted my name. Sitting up, my mind was a jumbled mess as my clothes were drenched in sweat. Taking a breath, I didn't really register anything as the girls face stayed at the front of my name.

"Y/N,"I blurted out, feeling my chest get heavy at this stranger's name. Shaking my head, I glanced up to see Sonya staring at me with a look that just said what the hell was that (which was understandable). Taking another breath, I just wiped my eyes to realize that they were full of actual tears. For just a moment though, I swore it was the stranger's hands as I just laid back down and held back sobs.

"I was going to ask if you're okay, but you definitely aren't,"She mumbled, sitting beside me. 

"Do you believe in soulmates?"I immediately asked.

"What?"

"Soulmates. Do you believe in soulmates?"I repeated.

"I don't know. Why do you want to know?"

"I don't know. Maybe I do. Maybe I have one. A girl. The girl in my dream,"I tried to explain, looking at her to plead for her to believe me.

"Let's just get you to the Nurse-"

"I'm not crazy, Sonya. She's real. The girl is real,"I insisted.

"Why don't you take the day off? You're not in your right mind."

"But-"

"Let me correct myself. That's an order. Sleep whatever that was away, and you'll feel better."

"But-"

"I'll check on you in a little bit. I've got to go talk to Harriet,"She said firmly before leaving.

Closing my eyes, I let out a deep sigh before touching my lips. Despite the temperature they were warm and tingly. Almost like I had been kissed.

That girl, who was she? Because you don't just have a dream like that for no reason.

I don't know, but I'm sure that one day my heart will lead me to her. It has to. 

Because if a dream could make me feel a little fixed seeing her would complete me.

Chapter 53: Interlinked (Part 2)

Summary:

-Angst
-Fluff
-Requested

For months, I just kept telling myself to move on. I knew that it was best to forget about the boy in my dreams and get on with my life. It wasn't as if they even meant anything.

Still, I refused to sleep now. Because I knew when I closed my eyes the stranger, Aris, he would come back to me. The thing is that I truly love this figment of my own imagination, this story that has too much comfort and hurt to be real. 

It's waking up that's the actual problem. I always wake up crying. Even if it was the happiest dream I’ve ever had, the ache in my chest made it impossible to savor.

Now though, I’m sure that there's something else. It's just unrealistic to have whatever these are be this consistent. Shuck, I’d even say downright impossible.

I don't want to see him. Not when it only becomes more and more clear that this isn't just a fever dream. I think that these might be memories. Actual memories.

Whatever they are, they always hurt. The second I wake up the soulmate that I may have never met, that I may never see again, is gone. 

Forcing my eyes open, I held them with my hands as I told myself not to go to sleep. If I could go two days without it, what's one more? 

I was scaring the Gladers. I knew that, but I couldn't stop. I couldn't see him anymore. It killed me.

Looking out the window, I saw the sun just barely rising. Slowly standing up, I leaned against the wall to dress myself. Feeling like I was going to faint at each movement, I tried not to cry at the way he was still taking over my mind. That, and the skull splitting headache that made me want to throw up and die.

Pretending that everything was fine, I opened my door to the sound of the early birds chirping, the hens and cows starting to move, and some other Runners getting ready for the Maze earlier than usual. Not even waving, I forced my eyes open again as I tried to do the same only to nearly fall over a second time. Regaining my balance, I stood up to see Minho right in front of me.

“You look like klunk. When was the last time you slept?”He interrogated.

“Last night,”I lied.

“Yeah right. You don't just fall over after sleeping all night.”

“I just tripped over something,”I snapped before my eyes shut against my will again. Quickly opening them, I spotted his crossed arms and stern gaze.

“You're going to sleep.”

“I don't need-”

“No. You cannot run in the Maze like this. It's dangerous, it’ll slow you down, and it’ll kill you. Go to bed.”

“But Alby-”

“I’ll explain everything.”

“But I-”

“Sleep. Don't think I haven't noticed someone walking around in the middle of the night.”

“I don't know what you're talking about,”I lied again.

“I’ve been mapping late, and I’ve seen you going through the Deadheads and back. I should have told him the first time.”

“I’m not going to bed,”I repeated.

“Don't make me get Alby on you.”

“He doesn't scare me,”I scoffed.

“Well, his lecture would. Sleep before he has to give you one.”

“Oh my shucking god. I hate you,”I scowled, turning back to my hut. Slamming the door, I flopped on my bed and screamed into the makeshift pillow. Everything sucks. Everything in the world absolutely sucks. I don't want to see him. I can't see Aris. I can't wake up without him beside me again. I can't, I can't, I can't. 

Still, hyperventilating drains you so much more than you realize. So before I could even realize it my eyes were completely shut as my breathing evened out.

“Suicide.”

“Y/N, no.”

“Hear me out when I say that if someone ever tells you that killing yourself isn't the answer when you're obviously joking you should just say suicide.”

“Y/N, I love you, but what could possibly run through your head to get to this conclusion?”

“I love you too,”I shrugged, pretending to hear nothing else. 

“You deeply concern me.”

“Yeah. I do that sometimes.”

“Can you not do that?”

“I could, but why would I want to?”

“So that you don't say some of the things that you do.”

“Like what?”

“Oh, I don't know. Maybe suicide being the answer to a question?”

“You’re just mad that I’m right.”

“Since when have I ever been mad at you?”He pointed out. To be fair, never. Not really. Accidentally hurt by me? Yeah. Sometimes, but never anger. There was already too much rage in this place. Why add on to it when we're full of love?

“See? Never, ever,”He answered for me. Giving him a shrug, I just tried to catch a Skittle in my mouth by throwing it in the air. While it probably should have been easy, I apparently have a horrendous aim as it just fell on the floor.

“Well, that was a waste,”He sighed.

“Oh gee. I didn't know,”I deadpanned.

“You know, for someone who loves me you sure do love sarcasm more,”He complained, sitting back in the chair. Doing the same, I crossed my arms just like him too. 

“You're mean, you know that?”

“I am but never to you,”I shrugged, hooking my ankles around his under the table. 

“How many cameras do you think this place actually has?”He asked after a moment of comfortable silence.

“I don't know. Probably twenty in just the library, and that doesn't count the ones we can't see. Why?”

“Do you think we would we just cover them? Just for a little while?”

“I mean they can't look at every single one so it wouldn't be impossible. I just don't know how long it would last. Why?”

“So that they won't see me getting bullied by you for once.”

“Did you seriously put me through that just to be a smartass?”I sighed.

“Yes. Yes I did,”He proudly accepted. Rolling my eyes, I just took another Skittle before offering him some. Accepting it, he held his hand out. Grabbing it so I wouldn't spill anymore, I gave him the last ones in there before tucking the trash in my pocket to throw away later.

“I just meant one or two.”

“I can always get more,”I shrugged. Despite my words he just held his hand back out, silently gesturing for me to take one. Giving in, I didn't even look at the flavor as I did.

“Thanks.”

“Don’t worry about it. I would actually give you the the last bit of my candy every time, if you wanted.”

“I love you,”He said after eating another piece. “Not for the Skittles. Just because you're you,”He clarified.

“You're the only one that I would ever share my Skittles with,”I admitted, saying it back in my own special way. 

“I’ve been thinking a lot lately. A lot, a lot, and I know what I believe now.”

“About what?”

“About us. I’ve just been thinking a lot about the way we're supposed to be separated and then I thought about what you said. I think that you're right. I think that I will see you again. I don't know how I’ll hang on until I do, but I will. I’ll find my way back to you.”

“I know we will too. We're forever. We're interlinked,”I whispered as he downed the rest of his Skittles before holding out his hand. Hooking our pinkies together, we held hands under the table as I went over what he said.

We would see each other again. As long as we hung on we would. We would have something to fight for. 

Each other. Because we would do anything for each other. 

With everything fading away to black, I sat up and looked around as I remembered where I was. 

The Glade. I was still trapped in the Glade without him, and my heart still hurts like it's been hit with a hammer. 

Taking a breath, I stretched before opening my door to see that it was night. Looking up at the stars, I silently wondered if we were looking at the same ones. 

I knew that it didn't truly matter though. I don't care if people think that I’m crazy. He's real, and so is our story.

I just need to fight to complete it, and I will. If I would share my last Skittles I would get u through the Maze and reconnect with my missing piece.

Aris's P.O.V

Looking up at the stars, I hid in the trees, leaning against it as I kept thinking about her. I was always thinking about her. 

I don't care what anyone thinks. I don't care if Sonya still looked at me with skepticism when I talked about my other half. I love her. I love Y/N, and I know that she's real. I know that fate will bring us where we belong.

With each other. 

I wonder what she's doing right now. I wonder if she knows me too. I wonder if she's thinking about me. 

Smiling at the thought, I sighed as I leaned my head against the tree. Trusting that it would be fine, I tried to calm my beating heart as I closed my eyes and waited for the next chapter of us.

“What do you think about Evelyn?”She randomly asked while being cuddled up to my chest. With me lying behind her, I kept my arms around her stomach as I asked who she was talking about.

“No. The name. What do you think about the name Evelyn?”

“I think that it's pretty. Why?”

“What if we named our child that?”

“Excuse me?”I asked quickly, leaning over her to look at her completely casual demeanor.

“Not right now. The kids we’ll have in the future,”She clarified, as if it was obvious.

“You really should have started with that. I think I actually saw my life flash before my eyes,”I told her, sighing in relief.

“Well, that's rude.”

“No. I’d just prefer it if we didn't have a baby before losing everything. That, and we probably would be separated forever,”I pointed out.

“Would they actually want to do that? They're not exactly qualified to take care of a newborn.”

“I wouldn't put it past them,”I said firmly.

“Wanna find out?”She asked like it was nothing.

“You're actually going to give me a heart attack one day. You know that, right?”

“I am planning ahead.”

“Yeah? Well, ahead does not mean in nine months.”

“But why?”She groaned.

“You're actually insane,”I sighed.

“Just a little, but you still love me,”She shrugged.

“Without a doubt,”I promised, gently cupping her face and brushing my lips against hers. Lightly kissing back, she wrapped her arms around my shoulders, even as I pulled away.

“You’re so easy to love, Aris. Almost a terrifying amount. It's as easy to love you as it is to breathe. It's just in my nature to always want you with me,”She whispered. Tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear, I kissed her temple before holding her face in my hands. Leaning into my touch, she wore a soft smile as she placed her hands over mine.

“Forever?”She whispered.

“And always,”I swore. With that seeming to satisfy her need for love, she closed her eyes. Just looking at her, I watched as she fell asleep until I did the exact same. 

Quickly opening my eyes, I found myself looking straight at the tree tops as my face burned from the memory. 

Evelyn.

I wonder if she would still want to name our apparently inevitable child Evelyn. I wonder how she thought of that name in the first place. I wonder just how much truth there was to that.

Hopefully, all of it. 

Chapter 54: Interlinked (Part 3)

Summary:

Have We Met Before? by Sarah Barrios and Eric Nam goes well with this part

Everything about this was nothing short of insane. From Chuck being killed by Gally, to Gally being killed by Minho, to everyone finding out what WCKD was after seeing it on the Maze walls for years, to seeing the lady kill herself, to finding out what the Flare is, to discovering that the world isn't nearly as wonderful as we thought, we may as well be in hell.

Now though, we're safe.

Except I don't think so, and I'm sure that some of the Gladers are suspicious as well.

If what I've seen is true, which it is, then they have to be. Teresa and Thomas were one thing. Even if I did punch Thomas in the face and knock him out when he said his name (which really put a damper on Greenie night) he earned our trust by getting us out. Teresa too.

Janson though, Janson is bad. If Ava was an actual part of WCKD, so is he. I just couldn't say anything until I was sure that we weren't being watched again.

"Why do you look like a Bagger?"Minho asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Just processing everything,"I kind of lied, picking at my nails.

"You almost look as gloomy as the Maze B boy, and all his friends left. Cheer up, you shank,"Frypan suggested.

"What Maze B boy?"I asked.

"Have you not been listening?"Minho sighed.

"Not at all,"I shamelessly admitted.

"That boy over there. The one with the hood,"He explained, pointing over his shoulder. Looking where he was directing, when I saw him I clapped my hand over my mouth in shock while wondering what the shuck I was supposed to do. Does he even know me? Has he dreamed about me? Am I just crazy? Is he even here?

Raising his head, he met my gaze. When he seemed to completely freeze, along with time itself, I was just sure that he knew. He wasn't my soulmate for nothing.

He knew me just as much as I knew him as he pulled his hood down, with his very presence seeming to call for me.

Not caring about the tears in my eyes, I stood up, ignoring my friends' questions along with the shakiness in my legs. Approaching him, he stood up as I just stayed by his table, not truly knowing what I was supposed to do.

"Y/N,"He whispered, pronouncing my name as if he had said it every day.

"Aris."

"Mine?"He whispered.

"Yours,"I promised. "Mine?"

"Yours."

For another moment we just stared at each other to be sure that this was real. To be sure that if we so desired we could hug as tight as possible and never let go. We could hold hands until we forgot what they felt like empty. We could kiss until we needed each other more than air. We could say I love you until we were in our graves.

We didn't do any of those though as we processed everything on top of the things that we've already seen.

Then, our world was disturbed as the door slammed open. I turned around to see Janson standing there with a clipboard. Quickly sitting down, we both avoided looking at him as he called names. Holding my breath and crossing my fingers, I silently prayed for it to not be us. Glancing at me, I met his gaze for a moment before we both stared at the ground. Closing my eyes, I listened to him call out people that I didn't know and probably never would.

After an eternity of fearing this would actually be the end, I almost wanted to pull my hair out when he said that was all. I would also keep having that feeling until something actually happened. I would have to stay here and constantly wonder whether or not I was next.

At least, until I found a way out, if there was one.

"He's not good. This place never will be,"He whispered.

"I know. I recognize it from my dreams."

"Memories,"He corrected.

"Yeah. Memories,"I nodded, playing with my hands before staring at him. Now, his hair was just a little longer, while still being neat and well put together. His eyes still pulled me in despite the way he still looked incapable of sleep. Those same little freckles lined his nose. He still had that subtle, southern accent.

He was still my Aris.

Looking at his lips, I realized just how much I had missed the way they feel. His hands, I wished I could just hold them forever, hold him forever.

"Nobody can know that we know. Not yet,"He whispered, snapping me out of my staring spell.

"I know. It's just that we need to get out. We know that, and I can't go without you. I won't. I've waited too long, cried too many tears in my sleep, and kept wishing to meet you again for too long. I can't lose you again. Not after everything. I promised to find you, and I have, and I just-"
"Y/N,"He interrupted, making me stop and listen. "We find our way back to each other. We're soulmates, and you said it yourself. Soulmates always find their way to their other half,"He said firmly.

"Promise?"I asked, holding my pinkie out.

"I swear on every breath I share with you,"He promised, wrapping his around mine. Keeping still, we held hands in our secret way. With the thought of food not even on my mind, I just smiled at him until we were called to leave.

"I'll see you tonight,"He whispered in my ear as we stood up.

"How?"

"Just trust me."

"Always,"I breathed out as I stood beside him. With our rooms in the same direction, we let our hands brush as we walked.

"I'll get us out,"He promised one last time. Even though I believed him the first one I nodded as he was let into his room.

With my heart still racing in my chest, I kept walking with the guards as I repeated his words.

Soulmates always find their way back to each other.

Chapter 55: Interlinked (Part 4)

Summary:

-Fluff
-Request

Aris, just like I knew he would, kept his promise. We were together. 

It's just that with running from Cranks, hiding from WCKD, Winston being infected, the lightning storm, and almost getting caught by WCKD again, there wasn't exactly time to talk. 

When Thomas was gone we thought that would just repeat. Instead though, we knew he was in Scorch City with Brenda. For protection, we camped just outside it while planning to go look in the morning. While they did though, we just looked at each other across the dying fire. Even when the flames completely burned out, we didn't take our eyes off of each other. 

Tuning out everyone, we stayed still until someone said they were going to sleep. With everyone else agreeing, I cocked my head to the side to ask if he would leave with me. Standing up, he walked around the others as I held out my hand. Accepting it, he stayed next to me while interlocking just our pinkies.

"I meant what I always said,"He said when we were out of sight.

"What do you mean?"

"When I said that I would only ever want you, I meant it. I just felt sort of . . . "He trailed off.

"Empty?"I finished.

"Yeah. Empty. Like some part of me was just taken away. When I would see you in my sleep though, I would be complete for a moment when I woke up. Then, I'd remember that you weren't there and would barely manage not to cry."

"I cried when I first remembered you. I was actually devastated. It felt stupid to be that hurt over someone that doesn't exist, but it all makes sense now. I was in that much pain because you do exist. You always have had a place in my heart,"I swore, stopping to turn to face him. 

"I have something for you. I didn't really know when I made it, but it belongs to you. It always did,"He said, breaking our small, comfort silence as he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. Unfolding it, he barely looked at it while he read.

"I see her in my dreams every night now. I see her in everything around me. I see her eyes reflect into mine when I look at the water. I see her pure soul in the snow whenever I wake up. I see her lips whenever I somehow catch a glimpse of myself talking. I see her in me, like she's connected to my heart. I see her in the sunsets when we would talk about what they looked like. I see her in the fire when it makes me warm and protected. I see her in that one blanket that makes my skin feel tingly. I see her everywhere I look. After all these nights, I feel like I know her. Or I do. Because even if everyone thinks that I'm crazy, I have a soulmate, and her name is Y/N. I know that all of these are true, because we are interlinked,"He finished, folding it before placing it in my hands.

"That's-I don't even know what to say. That was just-that was beautiful, Aris,"I whispered, holding the paper close to my heart.

"I just kind of started writing one day to keep myself sane from knowing you, but not knowing you. It was just the only words that made sense, and I swore to never show anyone, but you're an exception. You always are,"He swore, pressing his hand on my cheek before kissing my temple. Putting the note in my pocket, I wrapped my arms around him as tightly as I could. Not hesitating to do the same, right there, under the stars, we had our first real embrace after years, and we weren't planning on letting go anytime soon.

Aris's P.O.V

She's real. She's really real, and she's in my arms. 

I knew it. I knew from the first time we met that I love her, I knew when I met her in my sleep, and I knew when I saw her with my own eyes. My girl, my other half, my soulmate, my Y/N. 

It's not truly over, and maybe it won't be for a while, but one thing will always stay the same.

Y/N and I will always find our way back to each other.

Chapter 56: Fake Kisses

Yes. Thomas was in fact going through an unfathomable another of pain from the betrayal. I mean there's a reason Teresa was in charge of surprising him at the cave instead of kissing Aris like planned all those months ago. He had obviously grown feelings that I didn't return.

I felt bad for myself too though. I mean come on. There is nothing worse than having to kiss the guy who's been infatuated with you basically the very second you met in class. Because he could be so quiet but wouldn't shut up around me. 

“Well, that's over,”I said thankfully as we sat outside the cave. Unfortunately, it was just us two since Teresa had one other thing to do.

“Yeah. There was one good thing about it though.”

“I would actually kill myself before kissing you again,”I said firmly.

“Why though? We could be good together,”He tried to convince me.

“Yeah. Together in a ditch. I would literally have to be dead to be that close to you again.”

“I think that's a little dramatic.”

“You don't do much thinking then,”I insulted.

“Can you at least admit that I’m a good kisser?”

“Everything about that was fake,”I reminded him, blowing some of my hair out of my eyes.

“That wasn't what I asked,”He pointed out. Glaring at him through the corner of my eye, I pulled my hair back down as I felt my face heat up. Only this time, not because of the sun. “So is that a yes?”

“Shut up,”I mumbled, crossing my arms over my chest. Ignoring it, he just brushed my hair back. Slapping his hand away, I covered myself again.

“I think that's a yes. I think that you secretly liked the kiss. I mean you are blushing so-ow!”He said loudly as I kicked his shin. 

“Shut up, Aris,”I repeated, getting off of the rock.

“Where are you going?”

“Anywhere away from you.”

“Y/N-”

“It's never going to happen. You're actually delusional,”I interrupted, leaving him there, alone, the way I should have from the beginning.

Aris's P.O.V

Whether I’m delusional or not doesn't actually matter. She liked the kiss which is the first part of getting the girl. Probably.

Chapter 57: Two Lines

Summary:

-Light angst
-Light hurt/comfort

I don't think that anyone has ever had to send down such a terrifying request before. Still, I needed to know. While I wasn't sure what I could do, if there was anything to do, it was better to plan ahead.

As I only had two weeks until the next supplies were filled I just knew though. You don't throw up almost every morning after having basically never done so before. You don't get snappy after being the exact opposite. You don't end up breaking up with your boyfriend, with the only chance of being the father of your child, just for fun.

I cried a lot. A lot, a lot. It was just that he had been catching on, and I was scared. I was scared of him breaking up with me over this. So I broke up with him. It was so reasonable at the time, but now I just wanted him back. I just wanted him to hold me and promise that no matter what happened we would be okay. I needed him to wrap his arms around me and pull me close. I needed him to kiss my forehead and rub my back while promising that he would make everything alright. I needed him. I needed my boy. I needed my Aris.

The second the girls had Blondie out I grabbed the “special box” and ran for it. Shutting myself in the bathroom, I locked the door and waited to see if my life was going to change. To see if one line or two would show how I would wake up tomorrow.

Bouncing my leg up and down, I waited and waited and waited for an eternity until I looked down again to see it.

Two lines.

Just one time gave me two lines.

“No, no, no, no, no,”I denied, staring at it as if it would change what I saw, as if it would take the truth away.

It didn't.

“I’m screwed. I’m so screwed,”I whispered, putting it back in the box before curling my knees to my chest. Sitting on the floor, I forced myself to forget everything around me as I just started crying. What else was I supposed to do? Right now? After this? Years from now? In eight months?

Aris.

How am I supposed to tell Aris? Just walk up and say it? Put it off? Hide it until I can't? Would he want our baby? Not want anything to do with it? With me?

Right now the only thing I can do is sob my heart out.

Right now this is bad. This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me, and I’m trapped in a Maze. I don't know how to take care of a baby. I don't know if he’ll want to help. I don't know how to be a good mother.

Putting my hand on my stomach, I swore that I was going to vomit. From stress, from fear, from crying, and from pregnancy.

Running my hands through my hair, I kept trying not to hyperventilate. Wiping my eyes, I laid down as I forced myself to breathe. Putting my fist in my mouth, I held back louder sobs. Even if I am in the bathroom that nobody went in, I was on the verge of screaming. Tuning out the world, I just tried to make it all go away. How do I make it go away?

In the midst of my sob session there were several knocks on the door. Ignoring them, I put my head down until they got louder, and he started yelling.

Until Aris started yelling.

“Y/N! Y/N!”He repeated.

“Go away,”I demanded.

“Open the door. Y/N, open the door,”He begged, banging on the wood harder.

“Leave me alone,”I repeated through hiccuped sobs.

“Y/N, please. Please open the door,”He whispered, no longer frantically knocking. “Please?”

Wiping my eyes, I took as many deep breaths as would keep me sane before standing up. Leaning against the wall as I was still in shock, I didn't quite process anything as I opened it. Not really.

“Positive or negative?”He immediately whispered. Crying even harder than before, he knew what my answer was as he pulled me in for a hug. Clinging to him, I buried my face in his chest as I sobbed.

“It’s okay. You're okay,”He soothed, rubbing my back as I was choking on tears. “It’s okay. I’m here. I’m right here, okay?”

“I'm sorry,”I got out.

“No, no, no. Look at me, okay? Just for a moment,”He asked. Sniffling, I pulled away and did so.

“I love you so much. So very much, and I’ll be by your side for this. For everything. No matter what happens I will always stay with you. From the second the sun's up, to the second it sets, to the dead of night, I’ll be there. It's you, Y/N. You are my everything, and I want you to know that,”He whispered, wiping tears from my eyes. Finding myself unable to speak, I just hugged him even tighter than before. Accepting it, he kept rubbing my shoulders.

“I’m sorry I thought you would leave.”

“Why would I leave?”

“Because I’m pregnant?”

“You are, but that doesn't mean that I’ll leave.”

“What if I’m a bad mother though?”

“You won't be. You’ll make mistakes raising it, but so will I. We’ll learn from it though. We’ll grow. We’ll protect our baby. We’ll be the parents that got taken away from us.”

“Aris?”

“Yes?”

“I’m scared. I'm really, really scared,”I whispered.

“I know.”

“Are you scared?”I asked.

“Terrified.”

“You don't seem terrified,”I pointed out.

“I’m just trying to stay calm. I’m trying not to say or do the wrong thing.”

“You aren't,”I promised.

“We're going to be okay. You know that, right? That I love you and just want you here forever?”

“I do, but I panicked. I panicked really, really bad. I’m still kind of panicking on the inside.”

“That's okay. It's okay to panic. It's okay to be scared. You just need to know what to do with those, and you do. You usually do.”

“It doesn't feel like it.”

“I know, but you're doing your best. That's all anyone can do.”

“So you and I will do our best then? To take care of our baby?”

“Of course. We’ll figure this out, Y/N. Besides, we’ve talked about this, about the family we’d have one day. It just came earlier than expected.”

“Way earlier,”I got out, giving a weak laugh through my tears. Pulling away, he wiped them again before kissing my forehead. Looking at him with complete adoration, I felt myself smile at whatever you could call this feeling.

“I hope our baby has your eyes,”He whispered, brushing my hair out of my face.

“I hope it has your everything,”I whispered back.

“We’ll be okay, alright? We're going to be fine Y/N. It'll all be okay,”He promised.

Hugging him tighter than before, I just clung to him as he slightly rocked me while standing. Now completely drained, I didn't really move as he did. I just let him hold me and make me feel like we had any idea what we were going to do next.

I’m still scared. I’m still absolutely terrified. I’m still not sure how to handle this.

But what matters is that I won't have to do it alone. I have him. I have Aris who I know will be next to me for every step of the way, no matter what it is.

Chapter 58: For The First Time

Summary:

-Request
-AU
-Fluff
-Slight hurt/comfort

My birthday was just something that I kept under wraps. Usually there's something like cake or gifts which is attention, and I don't like attention. From anyone. While I didn't mind being with people, if I told one person the date could spread which would give me the opposite of a pleasant birthday.

Deep down, it does hurt. I just wish that someone would listen and spend the day how I wanted to. Alone with whoever I trusted enough to tell, doing nothing but spending time together. 

While Aris would be the only person I’d like to do so with, I’m just not sure if he would be able to keep it a secret. So I just don't tell him and pretend everything’s normal.

“Y/N?”Aris asked, slightly tightening his hold on my hand so we would stop walking. Glancing up, I silently asked what he needed. “Are you okay? You’ve been off today,”He checked.

“Yeah. I’m fine,”I shrugged.

“Are you sure? You’ve just been really quiet today.”

“I’m always quiet,”I pointed out.

“I know, but you're usually pretty talkative when it's just us or our friends. Is something bothering you?”

“No,”I shrugged.

“Okay. If you're sure, angel,”He sighed.

“I am,”I repeated.

“Okay. Then I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah. See you tomorrow,”I waved, pulling my hand out of his and starting to walk to my house.

“Wait?”He called, slightly jogging beside me.

“Yeah?”

“You forgot something,”He stated.

“Forgot what?”I asked. Not answering, he just placed his hand under my jaw and gently pressed his lips against mine for way too short of a time before pulling away. Then again there is never enough time to be kissing him. Or just to be with him in general.

There is never enough time to love my Aris.

“Your goodbye kiss,”He whispered, taking his hand off of my skin. “And that one other thing,”He reminded me.

“I love you,”I smiled.

“I love you too,”He said back, leaving me by my door. Watching him go, I wore that same, lovesick smile until he was out of sight. 

The second I went inside and dropped my stuff though, my face did the same as I saw the empty house.

“Happy birthday to me,”I mumbled, dragging myself over to the couch and laying down. Grabbing the remote, I picked out the most sleep inducing show I could find, turned the volume up, and allowed the salesperson to bore me into darkness.

♡ Time Skip♡

With me dead asleep, I stayed curled up in that spot until there was a firm knock on my door. Quickly sitting up, I rubbed my eyes as the television was still blaring. Thinking it was just that, I went to turn it off when I heard it again. Glancing over at the clock, I felt my heart drop when I saw that it was eleven at night. Why the hell is someone at my door at this time?

When they did it again I grabbed my phone and the candle by me, just in case, as I carefully crept towards it, practically holding my breath while I did. Looking out the peephole, when I realized it was too dark to see who it was I turned on my porch light, still prepared to defend myself.

As I saw Aris just standing there though, I knew that there was nothing to defend myself from. Just that something was wrong if he showed up like this. 

Setting my candle and phone down, the second I opened the door he had his arms around me. Regaining my balance, I hugged him back as he tightened his grip.

“I’m really sorry,”He whispered, pulling away and holding my hands.

“Let's just get you inside. You're freezing,”I pointed out, letting him in my house. While he took his shoes off I shut and locked the door before I felt him hugging me again, still mumbling apologies.

“Aris, whatever you did, it’ll be okay. We can fix it,”I assured him.

“I just feel like the worst boyfriend ever. I can't believe I forgot your birthday.”

“Excuse me?”I asked, almost tripping over the two simple words.

“I know that you're upset, but I’m really sorry. I’ll make it up to you. I promise.”

“How the hell did you know it’s my birthday?”

“Because you told me. Remember?”

“No. I obviously don't,”I got out.

“That time that I slept over and we spent all night talking you told me that today was your birthday, and I just didn't put it on my calendar. I’m really sorry, but I promise that I’ll make it up to you somehow,”He swore.

“But I don't tell people my birthday because I don't want anyone to know it,”I quietly admitted, feeling my eyes water as I realized my slip up.

“Why wouldn't you want anyone to know it though?”He asked gently.

“Because I just want to spend it with one person, and nobody ever understands that. Everyone always thinks that I want something when I really don't,”I explained, the sentence somehow making my tears dry up as quickly as they came.

“Oh,”He mumbled again, “I’m sorry. I didn't know that you didn't want to spend it with me.”

“No. That's the problem. You are who I want to spend it with, but I just didn't know how to explain it,”I confessed.

“Exactly the way you did now,”He pointed out, his eyes seeming to get a bit of a spark.

“Do you promise not to tell anyone though?”I asked, holding out my hand.

“I promise,”He said firmly, wrapping his pinkie around mine. “Just tell me what you want to do now.”

“I just want to be with you. I just want you to stay the night again and stay up with me.”

“Then that's exactly what we’ll do,”He smiled, grabbing my hand. Instantly holding it, I led him to my room and plopped down on my bed, keeping him beside me.

“I did still get you something though,”He admitted.

“How? Almost everything is closed,”I pointed out.

“I know, but I improvised a little. If you don't mind, I’ll still get you something else, but I wanted you to have something on your actual birthday,”He explained, pulling out a thin box that he had hidden in his jacket.

“You didn't have to,”I promised.

“But I wanted to,”He shrugged, still looking at me while wearing a small smile. Giving a thankful nod, I pulled the top off and pulled a soft fabric out of the box. To be more specific, a hoodie. To be even more specific, his favorite striped one.

“Really?”I asked, as if he would ever try and trick me.

“Yeah. Really,”He nodded as I slipped it over my head and hugged it to my body while wearing the widest grin I was capable of.

“I love it. I love it, and I love you,”I beamed, wrapping my arms around his shoulder. Hugging back again, he kept his arms around my waist as I held him for a long but comfortable time. Comfortable because it was with me and him, and he’s all that I’ll ever need. He's my everything, and he needs to know it, and now I’m sure he does.

“Happy birthday,”He whispered as he pulled away.

“Yeah. For the first time in my life, it is.”

Chapter 59: In My Head

Summary:

-Angst

"Daisy's always want attention but don't know what to do when they get it."

Sometimes I think that I want to be noticed. Not just as a boy in the Maze full of girls, not as the one that had been there the longest, but as me. I want to be noticed for who I am as a person. Other times the thought that someone sees me makes me sick to my stomach. Not being seen is the only reason that I'm alive. As long as I didn't cause problems nobody in the Spring would try to hurt me, Harriet and Sonya had my back, WCKD hadn't been suspicious of me, I learned the truth, and even if life sucks right now I get to see another day. 

Y/N just got attention. Not because of anything she really did, but because of lots of small things. 

She's pretty which is naturally the first thing to catch your attention. The kind of pretty where you find yourself looking without realizing when you first meet her. Even some of the people in her Maze seemed to. She was smart. The kind of smart that kept you intrigued. She would tell you all these bits of knowledge that your mind just wanted to hold on to. She was funny. Not in a way where she was constantly making you laugh. She just said witty things that made you feel normal for a moment.

Most of all though, she was kind. Like me she had lost her entire Maze, but she still kept an eye on you. She could see if something was wrong. She would just stay by your side as if to silently say that you weren't alone. She would give you her water no matter how many sips she had left. She would offer her food as if she had an infinite supply. 

That's why it was no wonder that some people looked at her. Frypan and Winston seemed to be drawn to her, as if she was pulling them out of the shadows. Minho, despite being firm on being only a leader for the group, would glance at her through the corner of his eye when he thought that nobody was looking. Newt would do the same, as if he wasn't dead set on protecting everyone. Thomas was always looking at Teresa so he didn't, but he seemed to be the only one.

I could also be imagining it. I could be projecting in my own, weird way. Maybe as a way to deal with knowing that everything else was all in my head.

She wasn't looking at me. I'm sure of it. It was just a coincidence that I would feel her gaze and look up only for her to look away. It was all in my head, and I need to accept that. I'm sure that she didn't mean to brush her fingers against mine when she walked beside me. She probably didn't even mean to walk beside me those times. I was just overanalyzing it.

To be unrealistic for a moment, even if I wasn't what would I do? I don't get noticed. I'm nobody's first choice. Rachel connected with Annie in the Spring, and they acted like they had known each other since birth. Harriet and Sonya had been together for longer than I can even remember knowing someone, and it was clear that they would always have that bond. The Gladers each had their own friendships or "friendships". It was Teresa and Thomas. It was Minho and Newt. It was Frypan and Winston. Y/N could be anyone's if she wanted to.

Me though? 

Not me.

I'm not upset about it. If my life wasn't like that I wouldn't even be here to experience more of it. It's just as basic of a fact about me as my eyes are blue or my hair is brown. I'll never be the first choice, and that's alright with me. I've made my peace with it. 

Sure. Sometimes I do wish to be looked at instead of through, but it's okay. Besides, I wouldn't have a clue what to do if I wasn't. 

"You okay?"Y/N whispered, pulling me out of my mind and into reality. Glancing at everyone asleep around us, I realized how long I had been in my head again.

"Yeah,"I shrugged.

"You sure? You looked lost for a moment."

"What do you mean?"

"You just look like your head wanders. Like you go somewhere nobody is allowed,"She shrugged.

"No. I'm just . . . here,"I trailed off.

"Physically yes, but mentally, where are you?"

"I don't know,"I answered honestly. Giving a nod, we just went back to staring at the fire. All the while I kept pretending not to notice the way she was just barely shifting closer or her hand almost touching mine. I stared at the fire while reassuring myself that it was all in my head.

"You're brave, Aris. You're kind too. You know that, right?"She asked. 

"Yeah. Sure,"I lied.

"No. You don't, but you should. You should know the good things you have,"She whispered, placing her hand over mine. Refusing to even acknowledge it, I avoided eye contact.

"Aris?"

"Yeah?"

"Why don't you let people get close to you?"

Not knowing how to explain it all to her, I remained silent. Pulling her hand away, I expected her to leave. 

I didn't expect her to place her hand on my jaw to turn me to face her. I didn't expect her to be right there.

"I want to be close to you,"She confessed, making my heart race. Moving closer, her lips were practically on mine. It would be so easy to kiss her. It would make sense, be logical even. If one of us just leaned forward another inch I would know what it was like. I could find out if her lips were as soft as they appeared. I could find out how long she would kiss back.

Her palm was still pressed against my cheek, making me want to melt in her touch. She wants to kiss me. I want to kiss her. This is such an obvious decision. It's literally less than two inches in front of my face.

No. It's not.

She doesn't want me. Not really. I go unnoticed. That's just who I am. That's just how I survive. That's all that I know. I can't jeopardize that. 

Pulling away, I didn't say anything as I just laid down and pulled my knees to my chest to go to sleep, facing away from her. She didn't say anything about it either. She just whispered something that I couldn't make out before standing up and walking away.

I want attention. I truly do.

I just don't know what I'm supposed to do when I get it.

Chapter 60: 🎶 Something In The Orange 🎶

Summary:

-Request
-Songfic
-Angst

🎶 'Cause if I say I miss you I know that you won't 🎶

Y/N didn't feel what I did. I know that. She liked me though. She enjoyed being with me. She liked holding my hand. She liked kissing me. She liked when we would get up early and watch the sunrise. She liked me. She truly did, and I can never deny that.

She never loved me though. She never felt what I did. She never looked at me the way I look at her. 

She looks as pretty as ever, dancing with her friends by the fire. She looks pretty when she wears that bright, contagious grin that still makes me nervous in the most wonderful way possible. She still seemed to glow every time she moved, as if she had created the sun and the stars.

I know that it's stupid. After all, it's been months. Eight to be exact. Not only that, I'm the one who ended it.

It's just that it seemed like the best choice. She just didn't fall the way that I did. I wasn't someone that her heart wanted, and that's not her fault. She can't control that she'll never see me the way I'll never stop seeing her. I also refuse to make her. If I can't make her truly happy then there's no point in holding on. Not when she could find someone who actually can.

It wasn't a mean breakup. Not at all. I just told her when we were watching the sunrise, and it was too quiet. She didn't argue. She didn't yell. She didn't ask why. She just said okay but didn't move. Neither of us did. Not until the sun was fully out.

Just like that, it was over. She took the clothes that she kept at my place home, and I just stayed in and stared at the wall for hours. I didn't get up, didn't eat, didn't move. I just tried to wrap my head around it all.

As I was admiring her dance with my heart shattering in my chest, she suddenly had her arms playfully wrapped around a guy's shoulder. While I had seen him around, I hadn't bother to pay him any mind. Not until now.

There was nothing that I could do but watch as he leaned in and kissed her. Nothing but stand up and go home so I didn't have to see her kiss back.

🎶 But I miss you in the mornings when I see the sun 🎶

I think about Aris all the time. I try not to. After all, I didn't even ask why he broke up with me when I thought we were just having our usual morning date. I thought that we were fine. I thought that he loved me the way that I love him. I thought he felt that same kind of comfort that I did. The kind where silence and secret glances speak a thousand words. I thought that when he held my hand he also felt that pull that made it so right, that made letting go freeze them over, only to be warm when we were together again. I thought that when he kissed me he had the same emotion of the entire world vanishing, as if it was made just for us to be together. I thought that when we got up early and watched the sunrise he also just knew that it was the only right place to be.

I still don't know what I did, if I did anything. 

Is he just in love with someone else? Maybe he never actually got over Rachel? Maybe Sonya? I mean I swear I've seen something change when he would look at her.

Or maybe it really was just me. Maybe I just wasn't good enough. Maybe I didn't love him right.

He doesn't know that when I left I took his sweatshirt. It was just a plain grey one that he didn't wear enough to miss but still smelled like him. 

Putting the hood up, I just stared at the sunrise and silently cried. I thought about last night. I thought about how I had been kissed. I thought about my friend's disappointment when I pulled away and rejected him. I thought about how I left right after to lay down and son as I just kept wondering why it couldn't have been Aris kissing me. 

He wouldn't kiss me like that in front of others though. He wouldn't kiss me like that ever. He would pull me away from everyone just for even a moment of my lips against his. It was always so gentle and sweet but so genuine and full of love. 

Or I thought so.

Now I just wish I could undo whatever I did to make him no longer want to kiss me like that or even just be with me.

Staring at the morning sky, with the stars just barely getting ready for bed, I finally closed my eyes as I laid down on my roof and somehow still cried. I really thought that I would have run out of tears in my first or second or even third month. Instead, I got literal tear stains around my eyes and even some down my cheeks from where they had fallen in the same place.

I miss him.

I will never not miss him.

🎶 Somethin' in the orange tells me we're not done 🎶

Every single day, without fail, I get on my roof and stare into the orange of the sunrise.

Every single day, without fail, I can make out her silhouette across from me, laying down.

Every single day, without fail, I walk past her looking like she's never been happier an hour later and am convinced that I imagined it. 

I'm convinced that I love her so much that my mind is tormenting me by fooling me into believing she loves me back.

But she doesn't. 

She won't. 

She never will. 

She never did.

🎶 Where the hell am I supposed to go? 🎶 

It's getting bad again. Those feelings of worthlessness. The way I torment myself over just being alive.

I didn't depend on Aris to fix it. I never expected him to make it all go away or solve my problems, but being with him was one of the best things in the world. It would just make me feel like everything was actually okay. It would remind me that I do have a reason to stay. I have him. More specifically, what he seems to represent.

He's my hope. He's my love. He's my reminder to breathe. He's my world. He's my everything. 

Or he was. 

I wonder if that's why he doesn't love me. I wonder if I was too much. I wonder if I didn't hide my problems well enough, and it just wasn't something that he wanted to deal with.

I don't blame him if that's true. I can barely handle myself sometimes. It's just that I would find a way to put myself together, but he just made it easier. He gave me more of a reason to do that. He didn't fix me, but he kept me going. His hugs always made coming home with it. His kisses always made waking up at his place an absolute dream. His eyes always gave me something to get lost in. He was just so unreal, yet he was here. He was here, and he was real.

He's real.

He's here.

Just not with me.

🎶 I poisoned myself again 🎶

I don't know why I wear it. I mean it's killing me. It's soul crushing when the charms make even the slightest sound. It's heartbreaking when someone asks about it.

It's hers. It's her bracelet. 

I know that I should have given it back the second I found it by my nightstand, but I couldn't make myself do it. I couldn't make myself give up something of hers. It's such a small thing that she won't notice, but it still belonged to her. It still knew her touch. It still knew what it was like to be close to her.

I did too, at one point. I would be close to her everyday, whether we physically saw each other or not. As long as I knew that she was there, my heart had its other beat.

She's still here, which I'm thankful for in a messed up way. I'm thankful that I walk past her everyday. I'm thankful that she still seems to be smiling. I'm thankful that she seems so happy now.

I just wish that she had been that happy with me.

Chapter 61: The Sidewalk Rule

Summary:

-AU
-Fluff

Aris’s P.O.V

My Y/N is, how do I put it in a way that makes sense? I guess, easily distracted. I'd go as far as to say to an almost dangerous extent. I don't think that I’ve ever met anyone run into a pole while looking directly at it, but she exists so I have. 

That's also a good thing though. At least I think so, and I assume that she does too. If I hadn't seen her run into that pole I wouldn't have helped her up and asked if she was okay. She wouldn't have taken my hand and said yes. We wouldn't have kept walking that same direction, talking about random things. She wouldn't have stayed the night because she walked past her house while talking to me and also left her wallet on her counter that morning.

She's not an airhead. She's one of the most intelligent people I’ve ever met. She can explain the most advanced novels to the point where anyone could understand it. Or at least the basics, depending on how simple she has to make the summary. She always knows what's going on in the world, which just busies her head even more. She's creative with that though. She writes all the time to get it out of her system. Sometimes it's all over the place but has this fascinating way of putting pieces of things together that you didn't know could correlate. Other times, it's all perfectly aligned, as if she's turning in an assignment. Both though, are just gateways to what she's like.

There are obviously a million other things to love about her, her kind nature, her cheerful yet reserved personality, her bright grin, her genuine compliments, the way she sees the slightest change in people, how she has this natural charm, her soft eyes, and just everything. I’m getting off track though. 

Still, that doesn't change the way her head works, and I don't want it to. I want my bright, pure hearted, positive Y/N. She just evens me out. While she’ll never just walk up to someone she's fine talking to them if they approach her. I lost her one time during Sonya’s birthday party. When I found her on the front lawn with a few others, she was being hugged by someone before they left. I thought that was her friend or something, but she had just met the girl. She was just so likable that the girl didn't even remember that. What's crazy is that they never even saw each other again. 

I would never be able to talk to a stranger like that. I have no desire to either. I’m content with the people I have, and to be fair, so is she. She's just so approachable that people want to know her.

She's still a rambler though. 

Crossing the street, I listened to her tell me about her favorite musician. Nodding along, I spotted the way she was gradually moving to my other side without realizing. By the time we were on the sidewalk she had completely switched us so that she was by the cars.

Like always when this happened, I just kept listening as I took her hand. With her closer to my side, I subtly switched us so that I was closer to the street again. Not noticing, she just kept her hand in mine, slightly swaying our arms as she did. 

“Anyways, that's why you should always sleep. It'll screw your head up, which you probably knew. Not that you're screwed up or anything. You try, and it usually works. You're most likely an insomniac though, but melatonin thankfully knocks you out,”She said, having moved on to a new topic.

“You sleeping beside me is my melatonin,”I joked (not really). 

“That’s probably because cuddling actually can help you sleep. It releases oxytocin which is like a love chemical for your head. That chemical reduces stress which is one of the most common reasons people’s sleep cycles get mixed up.”

“Maybe, but I honestly think that it's just you,”I promised.

“I love you too, Aris,”She sighed, her mind racing again as she tried to move. Nudging her back to her original position, she still didn't notice, and I still didn't tell her. I just kept her hand in mine while knowing that I could listen to her talk for hours.

Chapter 62: Cheater

Summary:

-Angst
-Hurt/no comfort

Aris's P.O.V

I told myself to just ignore it. I told myself to ignore the way she would sneak into the house late at night. I told myself to ignore the way she hugged him just a little too long. I told myself to ignore the way she would disappear at the same time as him. I told myself to ignore the way she looks at him. 

After all, I have no real right to be angry.

It didn't matter though. I can't do this anymore. Not when she does all those things right in front of me. It was killing me, destroying me.

She told me that she’d be home late, which makes sense. I mean where else would she be but with him? 

That was good though. It gave me time to pack and just leave. I don't know where I was going, but it wasn't here. It wasn't with her. 

I have no right to be angry, but I also do. Nothing got dragged on. It didn't actually mean anything. Not the way he does to her.

Looking at the small picture she had made for me just a few months ago, I sat on the bed and held it like it would fix this. Like it would make everything okay.

Despite my better judgment, despite the way it made the small bag weigh more than I could carry, I put it in and zipped it up. 

Knowing that if I stayed in that room one more second I would never leave, I slowly walked out, my entire body heavy as I dragged myself down the stairs. Leaning against the wall, as I got to the bottom floor she came in through the front door right by me, wearing a bright grin.

“Aris?”She called, turning to go upstairs and finding me. “Hello, love,”She smiled. Until she saw the bag in my hand. That's when it left her face quicker than anyone could imagine. “Where are you going?”

“I’m leaving,”I whispered.

“Leaving?”

“Yeah. Leaving,”I repeated.

“Me? You're leaving me?”She asked slowly.

“Yeah. I am.”

“Why? I thought we were fine? I thought we were happy?”

“So did I.”

“Aris, whatever it is, we can talk about it. Okay?”

“Y/N-”

“Whatever I did, I’m sorry. I can fix it. If you-”

“Y/N-”

“Just explain we can talk about it. We can fix it if-”

“Y/N!”I finally yelled. Shutting her mouth, she just stared at me with teary eyes.

“What did I do?”She repeated.

“Don't play dumb,”I sighed, trying to push past just for her to grab my arm and keep my back. “Don't-”

“I can fix it. Okay? I can fix it. Just let me-”

“Y/N-”

“Make it better. Tell me how to make it better. I just-”

“Let me go!”

“Aris, I just-”

“I’m done with you! I know the truth! I know you're a cheater!”I finally confessed, feeling tears stream down my cheeks at the words. Gawking at me, her hurt eyes turned into a cold glare as she slowly got closer.

“Did you accuse me of being a cheater? I try to spend time with my brother that I just found out is alive, was just keeping it from you because I wasn't ready to talk about it, and I get accused of cheating?”

“Brother?”I got out.

“Yeah. Brother. And you have no damn right to talk to me like that after kissing Rachel,”She scowled, now eye level with me. With her glare only hardening, I swore she could kill me with it right then and there.

“You know about that?”I whispered.

“Know about it!? Know about it!? I saw it!”She screamed.

“Why wouldn't you say anything? If you saw?”I dared to ask.

“I didn't say anything after you put your lips all over Rachel's, pulled away, and smiled, because I heard you panic. I heard you just remember that me, your supposed lover, exists. I saw you cut her off and just decided it wasn't worth it. I was young and dumb and cared about you too much to leave. I mean can you believe it? I pushed it down so much that I actually forgot until you started your dumb rant? Isn't that insane? I hang out with my brother and get accused of cheating, but when you actually cheat I don't even acknowledge it? What the hell is that about!?”

“Y/N, I’m sorry. I-”

“No. I am the one who's sorry. I’m sorry I wasted ten years of my life with you.”

“I just-”

“No. I don't want to hear your excuses,”She snapped, throwing her jacket on.

“Y/N, please? I’m sorry. I’m sorry I did that, and I'm sorry I accused you. You don't-I don't-I love you. I love you, and please just stay?”I begged as she ignored me. “Y/N!?”I repeated as she walked out the door, with me following her. “Y/N!? Please-”

“No! I should have left you a long, long time ago. Where’d you even get that idea? Huh? Was that just you projecting your guilt, you selfish, selfish jerk? Huh?”

“I just-”

“I don't want excuses! I should have left! The minute you kissed her I should have left you to the dirt! I should have let the other girls say whatever they wanted! I shouldn't have let you have another second of my time! I should have been ready to give my love to someone who deserved it! I shouldn't have laid down with a boy after! Because you're no man! You never were, and you never will be, you self absorbed, vain, entitled, cowardice child! But then again I've met children with more empathy, self respect, and human decency than you! That's pathetic! Aris Jones, you are absolutely pathetic!”

With all the words leaving her mouth like she had been ready to say them for so long, I just stood there as the only sound to be heard was her heavy breathing. 

“I’m sorry,”I repeated, wiping my eyes.

“I’m sorry for you,”She insulted.

“I can be what you need. I can be who you deserve. I can love you right,”I whispered.

“But there will be someone out there who would love me better, someone whose love wouldn't make me cry the way yours does.”

“Please? I don't know who I am without you.”

“You didn't seem to think that when you were ready to leave.”

“Please? I need you. You're my other piece, and I don't know how to be without you,”I begged.

“If that's true, then that’s an actual problem. You shouldn't be so reliant on me that you don't know how to live when I’m gone. That's actually pathetic.”

“Please-”

“I. Am. Done. You’ve crossed a line. You assumed that I did what you did years ago. You didn't stop to think that I could be better than that. Because the truth is that you're selfish. You only got the Gladers out because you needed other people's help and you knew Thomas was your best bet. You only came back for Minho when he got struck because the door wasn't open yet. You only cut Rachel off because you didn't want me to know. You do good things, Aris. You do lots of good things but only if they benefit you. That's the real reason you're practically on your knees, begging me to stay. Because you need me to know who you are.”

“I can be better,”I promised.

“It's time to face the truth. You never learned to grow up. You were too busy fighting for your life, and you never had to mature emotionally. You never had to actually figure stuff out, and while most of us just figured it out a little late because we had the same problem, you just leaned on me. You depended on me to fix it for you. You just thought that I would love you no matter what, even if you did something horrible. Not on purpose. Not because you're a bad person. Because you don't know what else to do.”

“But I have. I can,”I swore.

“Goodbye, Aris. I honestly wish the best for you. I wish for you to have an amazing life, but I don't want to be a part of it. Now listen to me one last time, and go inside so you don't see where I go,”She instructed.

“I’m sorry,”I repeated.

“I know you are,”She whispered, still keeping her gaze on me. Doing as she said, I wiped my eyes as I turned around and went inside, not facing her once. Sliding against the door, I buried my face in my hands and sobbed.

It should have been me that night. It should have been me that got lost in the woods. It should have been me that froze to death.

But it wasn't. Because I listened to her. Because I didn't just point out that she can leave in the morning, when it's safe. Because I didn't just ask what was happening. Because I didn't tell her the truth when I first screwed up. Because I just let everything keep piling on until I broke us.

I’ll never tell anyone what happened that night. I’ll never tell anyone that the muffled yelling was from us. I’ll never tell anyone that I’m the reason she left. I’ll never tell anyone that it was my fault.

Instead, I’ll sit by her grave, talking to her as if she was still here to love me back.

“I never did say why I kissed Rachel, did I?”I pointed out, picking at the flowers I got her. “It was stupid. You know that it was a Blondie night, and I never liked those. Not really, but I went for some reason. I went, and I drank until all I could think about was you. And as the world revolved around you, she was you. She was you so I kissed her, and for that second she kissed back, I thought those were your lips. But they still felt wrong though. Like something was off,”I admitted, glancing at the tombstone before facing the grass again. “I realized why later. You worked outside so your lips were always kind of chilly. Hers weren't. They were too warm for it to affect me the way yours do. And as I pulled away, I realized that after I smiled. Then I panicked. I panicked because it wasn't you. I panicked because I love you. I panicked because I thought that you would hate me so much you would leave. I didn't realize that that was just me. I didn't realize that I’m the one who just runs for a little bit and then comes back,”I finally confessed, looking at her grave as if it could give me her voice. As if it could give me her hands. As if it could give me her laugh. As if it could give me her.

She's dead now. She's dead because of me, and I’m alive. I’m alive so now I’ll visit her grave in the middle of the night, when it's freezing, just to suffer at least a fraction of what she did.

Chapter 63: Right Here

Summary:

-Fluff
-Slight emotional hurt/comfort

I didn't like being completely alone in my Maze. At least, when it comes to my room. I just don't understand why they couldn't put Aris and I together. After all, we’re all that we have left.

With a sigh, I took a breath before turning on my side only to see someone looking at me. As I went to scream they put their hand over my mouth and their finger to their lips. With my vision adjusting to the dark, as my heart stopped racing I was able to recognize his bright blue eyes, dark eyebags, and freckled face, still in his pajamas.

“Sorry,”He whispered, pulling his hand away.

“What the hell is wrong with you? How long have you been here?”

“I literally just showed up when you turned around. I just wanted to see you.”

“You can see me without giving me a heart attack,”I grumbled, crossing my arms as I glared at him.

“I’m sorry,”He whispered, fidgeting with his hands. Looking at him, my face dropped as I heard the shakiness in his voice. “I just really needed to see you again. I had to make sure that you were safe. You're all I have left, and I need you to stay. I need you here.”

“Aris, I am here. I’m right here,”I promised, sitting up and patting the spot next to me. Accepting it, he leaned his head on my shoulder as I took his hand and kissed his fingertips. Like usual, they were absolutely freezing. His hands just don't seem to know warmth on their own.

Wrapping them in mine, I lightly squeezed them as he buried his head a little more in the crook of my neck.

“I’m right here, Aris. I’m right here,”I swore.

“You promise?”He whispered in my ear, his skin being cold to the touch.

“I promise,”I nodded, wrapping my arms around him and kissing his temple. “Let’s sleep for a little bit now, okay?”

“Okay,”He whispered again. Laying down, I put the covers over us as I pulled him close and kept his hands in mine. Feeling him still shivering, I rubbed his arms and pressed small kisses to his neck.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“If we don't make it out, I love you.”

“Don't say that. We’ll make it out. Both of us,”I swore, cupping his face before brushing out his hair.

“I want to believe you. I do, but I’m not sure how. This is just, this entire thing is just wrong. We're supposed to be safe, and now it's worse. Just as I thought that you and I could be safe together it gets taken away, and nobody else even knows. I just want us to be okay, and we never seem to be. Just as we think we are, it gets torn away,”He whispered, taking a shaky breath.

“I know, but when we escape we will be okay. Do you understand? We’ll be free, just the way we had dreamed of,”I reassured him.

“Can you tell me about our future again? Please?”

“Of course,”I agreed, putting my arm around his shoulder. Resting his head on my shoulder, he kept his eyes on me as I trailed my hands up his arm.

“First, we’re going to get to whatever safe place Sonya and Harriet are at. We’ll reunite with them and all be happy,”I started, glancing at him before continuing. “We won't have a wedding, but we'll make special bracelets and never take them off. We’re going to move in together. We’ll fall asleep beside each other and start our day the same way. Then, we’ll have one or two kids. We’ll take care of them and love them and show them the difference between a house and a home. Life will be nothing but happiness. It will be everything that we dreamed of,”I envisioned, looking over to see that he had fallen asleep with a smile on his face.

“We’ll be okay, Aris. We'll be okay,”I whispered, kissing his temple. Keeping him close, I wrapped the blankets as tightly over them as they could be to give him some sort of warmth. Promising that I would be by his side for everything, I then fell asleep right next to him.

Chapter 64: The Right Thing (Part 1)

Summary:

-Angst
-Hurt/no comfort

Aris's P.O.V

I watched Y/N from behind the screen. So far she didn't seem to be doing too bad in the Glade. Especially, for being the first girl. 

She was understandably not very pleased when she figured out I tricked her. At the same time we made a promise. We work for WICKED so we follow their directions. We're looking for a cure, and she was getting in the way. Plus, it wasn't as if she didn't have a chance to back out of her lie. She suggested it in the first place. 

I did the right thing no matter what anyone says. 

I was only proven right when I saw just how quickly she ended up getting along with the other Gladers. After her first week she had already befriended Minho and Newt. She seemed genuinely happy. It's not as if anyone is suffering.

At least, that's what I told myself. It only kicks in at night that she won't be here tomorrow. That's when the guilt and shame wash over me. I wish I understood why. I was doing what was best for the world. I just kept repeating that she was stopping me from doing that.

That's why I don't understand why tears fall when I think about it. Then again maybe I do but don't want to accept it just yet.

Maybe I know that the fact that she won't remember anything is going to sting, and if she does she won't hesitate to tell me how much she despises me. That's how she breaks you. She never uses her fists. Her words will cut you deeper than any dagger ever could. It's not that she uses basic insults.

I already know what she would say. She'd tell me I was a despicable monster. She'd just say that she wished she never got her memories back so she didn't remember me. 

She'd tell me she hated me, and she wouldn't yell. She'd say it in the calmest yet coldest voice. 

I won't accept that right now though. Not until I actually saw her.

During the day it's okay again. She smiles wider than I've ever seen. She always looks so happy.

If only I had known better. Each of them have cried during the night at one point or another, but I kept telling myself she'd be different. She's stronger than anyone there so she'll be just fine. 

Then, I worked the night shift. That's when I saw her walk by the walls. She stared at them before tracing the letters of her name. 

"What did I do wrong to get put here?"She whispered to the night air. I kept saying she was traitor in my head over and over. She was betraying humanity.

Except, she wasn't the one who was going to betray Thomas. Then, there was her name.

Y/N

Subject A3

The Truth

Which truth would she tell? The part about me watching as she lost everything? The part where I made sure she couldn't tell anybody what actually happened? The part where we just sat there and watched them die, and she was the only one ready to fix that?

"It must have been pretty bad if I'm stuck here. What'd I do? Did I hurt someone? Am I some kind of monster? A freak?"She muttered. 

Without even realizing I was shaking my head no. 

"Do I not belong here since I'm the only girl? I must have done something absolutely evil to deserve that."

In that moment I realized the gravity of what I had done. I had sent her into a death trap as the only girl with no memory. Of course she wouldn't be okay. 

"What's the point of this? What's the point of even living behind these walls if there hasn't been a way out?"

My heart stopped beating. 

"No, no, no, no. Please don't do it. Please don't try it,"I repeated, shutting my eyes as I felt the tears fall. 

"Then again if I have to be here it has to be a punishment. I'll have to live it out. If I'm here I just deserve it,"She uttered, sliding down the wall and pulling her knees to her chest. I could only watched as she cried her heart out.

"No. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry,"I repeated, choking back sobs. 

How could I forget this side of her? The side where she does anything if she believes it's deserved. She already blames herself for so much. She was insanely close to getting over that kind of thinking before I ratted her out. Now I had set her back on years worth of work, and for what? For something that may not ever happen. 

"You were right, and you deserve better than this,"I whispered as if she could hear me. 

Now I know what I have to do. I have to fix this. Even if she wants nothing to do with me after I need to let everyone know the truth. 

I'm going to the Glade, and I'm getting us out. It's the only thing I can to fix this. There is no black and white here. 

At least, not when it comes to her or any other choice. It's time to betray the other side. I'm finally time to do what she had been planning. It's time to do the right thing.

Chapter 65: The Right Thing (Part 2)

Aris's P.O.V

"What brought on this change of heart?"Chancellor Paige asked.

"If I'm in the Maze A I'll be able to observe the subjects closer. It can help us in our studies,"I easily lied. 

"What about your partner?"She asked, referring to Rachel.

"I'm not sure, but this is a way to get closer to the cure. Isn't that what we're doing this for?"I pointed out.

"Are you this isn't about Y/N? I know you miss her. After all, she was your first partner."

"It's about the cure. This is what we need. I'm sure of it,"I said firmly. She still eyed me in suspicion as I kept up my lie. 

"There's supposed to be a new subject coming up today. Send me instead. I'll stay there and do what I'm supposed to,"I repeated.

"You're sure this is what you want?"She asked.

"Yes. I am."

"Very well then. I suppose we should have one last cup of tea together then. We won't see each other for a while."

I nodded as she went to brew the drink. What she didn't know was that I knew exactly what her plan was. She truly thought she was capable of outsmarting me. I saw the way she had looked at me, and I already knew how to deal with it.

"Drink up,"She instructed, handing me the cup. I gave a polite nod before taking a mouthful. She looked at me as I very subtly kept it inside my cheek to avoid swallowing.

"Aris, did you truly think I wouldn't figure it out?"She questioned. I gave her a fake look of confusion before glancing at the glass. I twisted my look to horror as I faked looking in it before spitting it back out. So she wouldn't be able to measure it out I dropped it.

"What did you do?"I asked, slurring my voice.

"What I had to,"She answered. 

I crossed my eyes before shutting them and falling to the ground. I nearly winced as I landed on the broken glass but reminded myself of why I was doing this as I held it back.

"Such a shame,"She sighed as two arms picked me up and dragged me. I kept my eyes shut as they opened my door before taking me into the other room. I knew where I was. I was being put in the box.

They tossed me in like a ragdoll. As my head collided with the metal I nearly let out a groan of pain.

"You know, I never liked that one anyway. He never spoke unless it was to the girl. He wasn't very useful,"One of them remarked. Well, screw you too I guess. Not that it matters. 

"I don't like any of them. Bye bye buddy,"The other one said in a mocking voice, referring the last part to me. With that they closed the door before pulling the lever. 

And I'm off. My mission starts now.

♡ Time Skip♡

I didn't know how long I had to fake being unconscious, but after counting past 2 million and hitting my head against the metal the entire time I figured I had to be safe. I opened my eyes and pretended to be groggy. After a moment I quickly stood up and started banging on the sides.

"Hey! Let me out!"I screamed as loud as I could. As expected nothing happened. "Help!"I yelled, still frantically hitting the sides. 

Before I could let out another cry of fake panic the box threw me back. I frantically scrambled up as it opened to reveal the Gladers. I scanned the crowd for Y/N.

After a moment I found her. Actually she found me as she held out her hand.

"Up you go Greenie,"She said. I instantly took it as she helped me out.

I looked around my surroundings. It was insane to believe I had a hand in building this place. It was even more unbelievable all they had done to it.

"Take it all in Greenie. It's quite a sight,"Y/N sighed, reminding me why I was here. I threw my arms around her. She stiffened, and I remembered she didn't know who I was.

"Y/N, I missed you so much. You still look the exact same. I saw you everyday though, but it obviously wasn't the same. Not even close. I know you couldn't hear me, but I still said goodnight like I used to. I still said I love you, and-and-"

"What are you talking about?"She asked, interrupting my unintentional rambling. 

"You don't remember me, but I still know you. I understand we didn't leave off the best way, a terrible way actually, but I came to fix it. I can fix all of this."

"Alright Greenie. Get away from the girl,"Alby instructed. 

"Right. I forgot. Well, more like she forgot, but it's a really confusing story. Then again I forgot that she forgot so it's not wrong, and-"

"Stop talking Greenie. I think they sent us up a psycho,"He said, mumbling the last part.

"Wait a minute. Why do you know my name?"Y/N questioned. 

"Listen. I know this entire place inside and out. It sounds crazy, but just hear me out. Just call a Keeper's meeting,"I pleaded.

"What makes you think I can do that?"She asked, eyeing me with suspicion.

"Because you have a third-in-command title."

There was mumbling from everyone, and I realized I was probably just confusing them more. 

Y/N looked at Alby and Newt. After a moment they all nodded their heads.

"Alright Greenie. We'll hear whatever it is you have to say. If you're out of your mind though, well, we'll cross that bridge if we get there,"She warned.

"We'll throw your shank self in the Greiver hole,"Gally clarified. Even though I didn't need it I still nodded in understanding. 

"Alright. Let's go then,"I said, resisting the urge to smile. Part one complete. 

♡ Time Skip♡

"Alright. Is everyone present?"Y/N checked. Alby did a quick head count before nodding. Y/N nodded before writing something on a piece of paper.

"Okay. We are here to talk about Greenie because he claims to know both me and the Glade. First, we hear opinions. Then, we'll listen to him. After that, we give our final vote. Is anyone willing to go first?"She asked.

"I may as well,"Newt shrugged, walking up to the front.

"Here's what I think. Greenie came up babbling who knows what so he's in some kind of shock. With that being said he knows an awful lot about this place. For now all we can do is hear the bloke out."

Y/N nodded before writing in the notepad again.

"Minho isn't here so we'll move on to Frypan,"She instructed.

"I think he's got a few screws loose judging from the fact he looks like he wants to get up and start tap dancing with joy, but there's nothing we know about him yet. Not really."

"Okay. Jeff. You're up,"She said, glancing over the list. 

"I don't know what's happening with this shank, but he needs to take a step back. I help with physical injuries. Not nutjobs."

"Refrain from insulting Greenie. We don't know if he's crazy, and if he is it's best not to piss him off,"She pointed out. I could never be pissed off when I'm around her, but saying that would probably only make me look like an obsessor.

"Zart. Your turn,"She listed.

"Uh. I don't know,"He shrugged.

"How helpful,"She mumbled, checking something of. "Winston,"She called.

"He kind of freaks me out. He looks so happy to be here, and I feel like you should be more concerned that he seemed to fall in love with you within one minute."

"I have no need to be concerned because that's not possible. Besides, nothing freaks me out anymore. I've seen you shanks do to many weird things that the Greenie's are normal."

"Yeah. Nice story. Can I have a turn already?"Gally snapped.

"I have already corrected your behavior in these meetings before. Act like a Keeper who's got some amount of patience and understanding or get out of my sight,"She sighed, not looking up from her clipboard. Nobody said anything against this. Either he is extremely hated or she is extremely respected. Maybe both.

"Fine. I don't trust Greenie's weird statements. I don't trust the way he remembers us, and I don't like the way his first instinct was to hang all over you."

"Uh huh. I'm not putting down that last part because it's idiotic."

"But-"

"Everything else is fine, but I am the one he appears, implies, or whatever that was, to be friends with."

"Am I the only one that caught the 'I still said I love you' thing?"Frypan asked.

"No, but I don't find it necessary to address. Especially, since we still don't have a clue what's happening. Now Alby. Are you going?"She asked.

"I want to see what Greenie has to say."

"I thought so. Greenie, the floor is yours."

"Aris,"I corrected.

"What?"She asked.

"It's Aris. My name,"I explained.

"You're still a Greenie, and I-"

"Silence. It's not your turn you numbskull,"She interrupted Gally before gesturing for me to talk. 

"Well, I work for WICKED. At least, I did. I made-"

"Called it. I knew there was-"

"I am done with your disruptions,"She interrupted. Before anyone could blink she dragged him out the door before tossing him to the ground. She shut it on him before turning back to face me. I took a moment to process what I just saw. In two seconds she had dragged someone two inches taller than her across a room like it was nothing. She was already strong back in WICKED, but this was a whole new level.

"Go on Aris,"She said in a not so deadpan voice.

"Right. I worked for WICKED, but a few months ago I started coming up with a plan to get here. In the meantime I had been messing with things like the maze walls, the Beetles Blades, and the Greiver's so they wouldn't be so hard to get past. That's also how I know they're still in the maze and won't know about this meeting right now. About two weeks ago I found the perfect plan. I pretended I wanted to study you guys closer so I would get put in the box. I had a feeling someone would catch on, and I was right so I tricked them into believing I don't have my memory. Now I'm here in the Glade."

"Why the change of heart? It sounds like you were working for them for a while,"She pointed out.

I froze as I stared at her. Telling the truth means admitting her hand in this. Could I truly do that to her? Tell her that the place she had spent so many nights crying in, only for it to make her someone who holds her head high, was partly made by her?

"Did you hear me?"She asked.

"Yeah,"I said a bit too quietly.

"So why did you suddenly change your mind?"

"I don't know,"I lied.

"Yes you do. I can read people, and your entire demeanor screams secrets. So tell us so I can actually help you not get thrown in the Griever hole."

"Help me?"

"Yes. I don't want you dead if you don't need to be. Just tell the truth. It can't be any more unbelievable than this."

"Can I just tell you?"I asked. 

"No. This is how it works here so-"

"Yes,"She interrupted.

"Y/N, he seems a little bit messed up and a whole lot obsessed with you. That isn't safe."

"Alby, nothing here is ever safe. Now let's start learning what's happening. Aris, you and I are going for a walk, and you are going to tell me everything."

"Maybe one of us should go with?"Newt suggested.

"You don't think I can handle myself if he tries something?"She asked.

"I do, but-"

"Then, we'll allow his request of only telling me. To add on to that, something new already happened. This isn't as concerning, and if he tries to hurt me he'll find out how I got my nickname."

"What is your nickname?"I asked nervously.

"Test me, and you'll find out. Now let's go,"She repeated. 

Taking a breath I followed her out. Right before I did Newt pulled me close to him.

"I fon't judge from first introductions, but I can judge you from this. Don't hurt her. You wouldn't have a chance, and don't think she'll fall in love with you either. Trust me, the Greenie's have tried that, and you know what happened?"

"What?"I asked.

"Plenty of blood, and it sure as shuck wasn't coming from her. We watch out for her Greenie so just know that we'll be keeping a close eye on you. Good that?"He asked, suddenly seeming very friendly.

"Uh, yeah. Good that,"I agreed.

"Newt, stop trying to scare Greenie and get him out here already."

"I was just giving him some advice. Now off you go Greenie. Good luck,"He said, patting me on the back. I rushed out of there and saw Y/N waiting with her arms crossed.

"Welcome to a Keeper's meeting. Did you enjoy it?"She asked.

"Sure,"I said, not knowing what else I could respond with.

"You're a bad liar. Just come on. You and me are going in the Deadheads. You can't be interrupted, and guess what else?"

"What?"

"Nobody would be around to hear you scream if worse came to worse. So let's go then. It should be a good learning experience."

Her words terrified me, but I wasn't going to leave even if I had the opportunity. No matter how she reacted she was right in front of me, and not on a screen. If I wanted I could physically hug her and never let go. It's not like that would go down well, but the point is it's possible.

Chapter 66: The Right Thing (Part 3)

Summary:

-Angst

I ignored the curious stares from the other Gladers as I took Greenie, or Aris, into the Deadheads. He seemed to still be glowing with happiness at the thought of being here. While happiness is obviously usually a great thing something about it with him didn't seem right. I can't explain it, but there seems to be some feeling of nostalgia around him.

"So do you like the Glade?"He asked as I led him past more trees.

"Yes. It's my home. My family lives here,"I stated.

"But do you ever feel like something's missing from it?"He interegated.

His question caught me off guard. It had nothing to do with the seemingly innocent wonder itself. It was because I had indeed felt like that. When I came up in the box there was this feeling of emptiness in the pit of my stomach. I remember the way it all started.

I was transcending into the air at what felt like lightning speed. I don't know how I got here, but I did know that I had to escape.

As I stood up my legs shook from under me. After another bump I fell to the ground. Even though it didn't cause me any pain I started sobbing. Except, not really. As I frantically wiped my face I realized it was already covered in dried tears. 

As I looked around these creatures started shrieking from all sides. For some reason I did not feel afraid yet I knew I was supposed to. 

How did I know so much and so little? 

"Y/N. Your name is Y/N,"I repeated, desperate to get this feeling out of the pit of my stomach. It was as if somebody had plunged a knife through my heart. Had they?

"Y/N?"Aris softly repeated.

"No. This is my home,"I restated. 

"Oh,"He murmured as I tried to regain my composure. Something about being around him gave me an unexplainable emotion.

"You said you were going to tell me the full truth. What is it?"I spoke up, reminding him why we were here as we came to the very edge of the forest.

"Okay. Here it goes,"He breathed out. "Y/N, you were also part of making everything,"He told me. I looked him up and down at the ridiculousness of his response. I had spent so long miserable behind these walls. I doubt I would force others to be here. Besides, if I truly work for WICKED why would they steal my memory?

"Think about it. This place never felt like you knew it already?"

As the box lurched back I tried to think about where I was going. That when a word I thought I had heard so many times before came to mind. Well, at least the beginning.

Glid. Glide. That's not right.

The box stopped, and I blurted out exactly where I was.

"The Glade!"

It did. I was confused about everything else, but I knew about the Glade. Now that I think about it I also didn't feel as much fear as I should have when I encountered a Griever. Of course, there was some running down my bones At the time I knew there was a way around them. 

"If I built it why am I here?"I asked in a voice much more quiet than I wished.

"That's the thing. You weren't supposed to,"He whispered.

"What are you telling me?"

"You had the plan to come up and warn everyone first. I just sort of, okay completely, messed it up,"He kept vaguely explaining.

"Get to the point,"I sighed.

"This was your plan, but I messed it up. On purpose,"He confessed.

"How?"

"You told me what you were going to do, and I sold you out to WICKED."

Without a word or even a thought I brought my closed fist straight to his face. He stumbled back before holding his face and groaning in pain.

"Why'd you do it Greenie? Why'd you think that was a good idea?"I scowled.

"It was supposed to be for a cure. Then, I saw you on one of your first nights,"He said quickly, blocking his face off. 

"A cure? What cure?"I snapped. He stayed silent.

"What cure Greenie? Tell me before I cut you,"I warned.

"For the Flare. It's a disease, but everyone was supposed to be fine,"He defended.

"Take responsibility. Does putting us in this hell seem fine to you?"

"I thought it was."

"Hold yourself accountable for your actions!"

"No. No. It's not fine,"He said, trembling in fear.

"Why'd you come back? Are you going to find some way to ruin our lives again?"I spat. 

"I just wanted to help, and I wanted to see you again."

"Yeah? Well I don't ever want to see you. Go to Jeff. Tell him whatever you want. Tell him a lie. Tell him I punched you in the face. I don't care. Just get out of my sight,"I demanded. He just stood there as he avoided looking in my face.

"I said get out of my sight!"I yelled. He finally walked off with his head down the entire way.

Aris's P.O.V

I can't believe it. She punched me in the face. I knew she'd be angry, but I didn't think she'd split my lip. Angry isn't even the right word for that. She was completely full of rage.

"How did this happen?"Jeff asked as I kept the cold rag to my mouth.

"I fell,"I lied, wincing at the pain. I didn't think that having that kind of anger was possible with her, but I was definitely wrong. 

"You fell on your mouth?"He questioned.

"Yes. I did,"I continued lying. Maybe it's strange to cover for her, but I didn't exactly deliver the most cheerful news. That just went so much worse than I thought. She's yelled before when she was frustrated, but she's never just gone straight to violence. Especially, when it came to me. 

"Right. Are you sure you didn't just get punched in the face? Y/N hits hard,"He informed me.

"I wouldn't know,"I shrugged.

"Trust me. Some of the guys here would. Not that I blame her. Some Greenie's are just weird. She's gotta do something if they won't stop harassing her."

"Yeah. Makes sense,"I mumbled. How much more was different that I didn't know about? I'm not saying I haven't seen a few guys mysteriously get black eyes or broken noses. There was just never anyone in the pit to indicate they got beat up. 

"Yeah. Listen Greenie. I'm not gonna lie. You're strange. Just coming on up and saying all that without a second thought is definitely weird. How do you plan on getting us out of here anyway?"

Oh no. I didn't think this far ahead.

I think I just screwed myself over for no reason. 

But maybe it was the right thing? I guess I'll have to wait and see.

Chapter 67: The Right Thing (Part 4)

Summary:

-Photograph by Ed Sheeran goes with this

I sighed as I sat on the highest branch of the tree I could get to. I just needed to be alone and take time to think about what I would do next. I punched him in the face so it's quite obvious he's not going to care to keep my part of this a secret. How will the Gladers react? I take it not very well. In fact, I can almost guarantee the respect I had worked so hard for will be thrown out of the window.

To think of the way I had failed them wasn't a feeling I could describe. Not that I would care to if I knew how.

"Hey,"Someone greeted from below me. I glanced down to see Greenie looking at me without seeming to be any kind of nervous.

"Are they banishing me?"I sighed.

"What? Why would they banish you?"He asked, playing oblivious.

"Maybe because I put them here? Catch up to the program."

"I didn't tell anyone anything at all,"He replied. I narrowed my eyes in suspicion.

"What do you mean?"I interegated.

"I mean I didn't tell them anything that happened, and I don't really blame you for punching me in the face,"He shrugged. This couldn't be right. There had to be some kind of lie in his words. There always is.

"What's your endgame? What are you looking for from me?"I questioned.

"I don't have an endgame. Honestly, I only came up for you. I just needed to see you."

"I said I didn't want to see you ever,"I reminded him.

"Then, why haven't you told me to leave?"

"I have-"
"No. I'm still standing here, and you haven't demanded I get out of your sight."

"Are you just here because you want protection? Are you covering because you don't want something to happen? Because I don't care if anything does,"I informed him.

"Because you think you deserve whatever bad thing would happen if anyone knew the truth. You think this is your fault so you don't care what the consequences are. In your mind it's only right you get the worst fate possible because you had a part in everything,"He stated. He was completely sure of his words, and he was right. I just don't know how.

"I know you Y/N, and I know that right now you're wondering why I didn't hesitate to say what's on your mind. I know that your favorite color is y/f/c. I know that you double knot your laces. I know you're loyal beyond belief and blunt to the point where it's almost painful. I know you play with your sleeves when you're nervous and that you just want it to rain. I know you get cold easily and always talk in a flat tone when you're angry. I know what it's like to ki-I mean I know you,"He listed.

Those details are so insignificant that he has to be telling at least part of the truth. Still, I had a question about it.

"What were you going to say before the last sentence?"I asked.

"Forgot that part,"He waved me off, giving a nervous laugh.

"Tell me or I swear I will throw an entire tree branch at you,"I threatened.

"Okay,"He gave in after internally debating it. "I know what it's like to kiss you,"He breathed out.

"Excuse me?"

"You and I were sort of together. It's complicated,"He confessed. Now I needed to know what else I wasn't aware. This shank can tell my about my past. I should accept that.

"Are you free right now?"I checked.

"Yeah."

"Okay. If I come down will you talk to me?"

"Only if you don't punch me in the face,"He bargained. "Because I knew you could say mean things if you wanted, but I didn't think you could be so physically intimidating too,"He added.

"I guess you don't know quite a bit,"I shrugged.

"Yeah. It's kind of impressive though. As long as it's not directed at me."

Maybe it's wrong, but I found him amusing. Funny even.

I jumped down and stood beside him. He was practically glowing with happiness.

"What's it like outside of here?"I questioned.

"Terrible, but I guess a Maze isn't much better."

"What's so terrible about the outside world?"

"Everything. It's all ruined. The sun flares destroyed the earth, and there's this disease call the Flare that turns people into Cranks. They lose control of themselves and become monsters. There's no cure which is supposed to be where we come in."

"What's so special about us?"

"We're immune to it. They want to know what makes us different."

I took a second to take in all this information. A lot had been thrown at me in such little time. Even though I requested it was a shock to hear.

"Did anyone else here build the Glade?"I settled on.

"Nobody here. There are two other people, but they don't know about any of the plans made,"He explained.

"And you said you came back to see me. How did you do that?"

"I tricked them. As far as they know I have no memory and am a scared, oblivious Greenie."

"And why was it so important to see me?"

"I don't think you'd like that answer,"He admitted.

"That doesn't matter. I want the truth of everything that's happened. I won't hurt you as long as you're honest,"I promised.

"It's important to see you because I realized that I messed up. I saw you that night you were crying against the walls, and I realized you thought you did something wrong. All you wanted to do was the right thing, and I stopped you from doing that."

"So you felt bad for your actions?"I clarified.

"That's part of it. I missed you. Seeing you isn't the same as being with you. I just wanted to have a real conversation with you. I just needed to be around you. I still love you Y/N. Even if you hate me enough to punch me I can't stop,"He admitted.

"Oh,"I mumbled, not having a clue how to react. I've had a few desperate Greenies think they had a chance, but this is new in the worst way possible. At least, I think so.

"Look. I know that I messed up, and I can't take it back. I can't change what I did, but I can try and make everything better. Even if I don't deserve it I need you to trust me,"He pleaded.

"Trust is earned."

"I know, but I'm going to do whatever it takes to get it back."

"You can start by telling me how you plan to get us out of here,"I suggested.

The second the word's left my mouth his face flushed. He stared at the ground as the air filled with an uncomfortable silence before he muttered something I couldn't understand.

"Speak up so I can hear you,"I instructed.

"I didn't get that far,"He admitted.

"So you came up here to help us escape with no idea of how to help us escape?"I clarified.

"To be fair telling you all was the first part of the plan,"He defended.

"How do we know that you're not lying? For all we know this could be a trick,"I pointed out, allowing my suspicions to show.

"I thought you might say that,"He shrugged, reaching into his pocket. Without a word he pulled out a slip of paper and looked at it with a small smile on his face and a thousand memories in his eyes. Then, he snapped out of his daydreams and took a breath before handing it to me.

Turning it over, I realized it was a photograph. It wasn't just any photograph though.

"Is that me?"I whispered.

"Yeah, and I'm right next to you. See?"He asked, pointing at someone with their arm around me. I observed the picture then looked back up at him. It was a perfect match. Same hair, same eyes, same nose, same lips, same everything.

"When was this?"I managed to say, trying to take in the seemingly simple photo.

"Six years ago,"He answered without hesitation. "You stole an old camera from the classroom. That was the first picture you took."

"This is, woah,"I breathed out, holding it up near him.

"That's one word for it,"He said with the same cheeky grin he apparently had years ago.

"Can I . . . keep it?"I trailed off.

"You really want to?"He asked.

"I mean if you don't want me to it's-"
"Keep it,"He interrupted, placing it back in my hand. Keeping his hand there the only thing that felt real was him as his fingertips touched my hand. "Please keep it,"He whispered, still not pulling away.

"So you, you're connected to my past?"I asked.

"Some of the biggest parts of it. Good and bad,"He confessed.

"I take it the bad were worse than just that?"

"Yes, but the good times were so much more. It used to always be you and I."

"And what happens now? Between us?"I whispered.

"I don't know, but we'll figure it out as we go along. We always did."

"And I guess all I can do for now is believe you, huh?"

"I'm not going to say what you should and shouldn't believe, but I'll do my best to prove that I really came back to help, that I really came back to you."

"But the place in that picture looks so safe. How did you just leave that for a Maze?"

"Because it has you. No matter how safe somewhere is I don't want it if it doesn't have you,"He sighed, placing a hand on my cheek. Nothing about the rush it gave me made sense. The way my breath hitched in my throat, my heart fluttered in my chest, and shivers ran up my spine didn't seem real.

They were though, and the more he looked me in my eyes the more these emotions, whatever they are, grew.

Without even noticing I leaned into him. Shutting my eyes, I pressed my lips against his. What should be nothing but wrong felt familiar, safe, comforting. It felt like something that was meant to be done, and even though it barely lasted five seconds millions of things I couldn't describe coursed through my veins as we pulled apart.

"That,"He whispered, still so close to my lips. "That is why I came back. Because I can't do that through a screen. I can't hold you. I can't kiss you. I can't let you know how much I love you."

"Aris."

"Y/N."

"I don't-I don't know what to say."

"Then, don't say anything,"He murmured, looking in me in my eyes.

For once, I didn't have a logical reason to say no. Is that what he's always done to me? Taken away the side that does nothing but think? Done and said things that would get anyone else slapped?

Things like kissing me.

There's still no answer. Right now nothing is black and white. Everything in this world is pure gray.

And he is probably the at the top of that list.

Chapter 68: The Right Thing (Part 5)

Summary:

If you want a fluffy ending stop reading at the time skip of this part.

Aris's P.O.V

For a few months we had been planning everything. Y/N's part in this had been kept a secret, but that didn't stop us from doing what we had to. Why would it?

There was one more thing that they didn't need to know about. They don't need to know about us. Just because we're together, sort of, doesn't mean it needs to be on display. In fact, it can be a complete secret.

"I hate you,"She groaned.

"No. Quite the opposite,"I teased.

"Says who?"

"Says me."

"Oh really?"

"Yes."

"You think you know it all?"

"Yep."

"Did you know that I was gonna do this?"

"Do wha-"

Before I could finish my question she pushed me in the water. This girl really just shoved me into a pond in the dead of night. Even worse when I opened my eyes and pulled myself up to the surface she was there smiling like she's all nice and innocent.

"Y/N-"

"Yes? Is something wrong?"She asked, leaning close to the edge. 

"You're still really mean,"I groaned as she pulled me out. 

"I would never,"She shook her head, still wearing a smug grin.

"Yeah?"

"Yes."

"You would never?"

"Never."

"I think you absolutely would,"I disagreed, pulling her into me before she could react. She struggled as I held her as close as possible.

"Aris, it's cold,"She shivered.

"How do you think I feel?"I pointed out, still refusing to loosen my grip.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry."

"No you're not."

"I swear that I'm-"

Like she did to me, before she could do anything I swung her over the edge. Just as she let out a quiet shriek I spun her around so she didn't get absolutely soaked at three in the morning.

"That was not funny,"She scowled. All I did was shrug as she glared into me soul. Then, she started laughing. 

"I think you know it was funny,"I pointed out, laughing with her.

"Or we're really tired."

"Maybe just both?"I suggested.

"The things I do to spend time with you,"She sighed, still smiling wide. 

"This is nothing new."

At my words she grew quiet, and I knew why. I try not to mention the past, but sometimes things just slip out. That's when we both go completely silent and just stand or sit wherever we are. It wasn't like an awkward silence, but it was far from comfortable. 

"We've got more work tomorrow. You need to get dried off,"She pointed out.

"Good that. If only I knew whose fault that was."

"Shut up,"She said, rolling her eyes. Throwing an arm around her, I let her lead me to the much needed towels.

♡ Time Skip♡

Thomas. Thomas is here. He's here, and he's an actual Greenie, and Y/N likes him. She really, really likes him. She likes being around him. She likes showing him around. She likes playfully teasing him. She really, really likes him. 

I don't. I don't like the way they grew so close so quickly. I don't like the way she laughs so much around him. I don't like how she's the first to stand up to him, and I hate the way I can't do anything about it. 

"How long do you plan on glaring at them?"Chuck asked.

"I don't know what you're talking about,"I lied.

"Mhm. So the dirty looks when Thomas is around and how you always go out of your way for them to not be alone together is a coincidence?"

"You know a lot about feelings for your age,"I mumbled.

"I'm a kid. Not an idiot."

"Fair enough,"I sighed.

"You could let people know."

"It's not that easy,"I defended.

"Oh come on. You're just going to hide this forever. When we escape are you going to keep being some secret?"He pointed out.

Yeah. Chuck knows about us. He's a sneaky and surprisingly quiet kid when he wants to be. That's how he found out about the late night dates. He also appears to like giving me relationship advice I didn't ask for.

"This is how it has to be,"I repeated.

"I don't think it is. I think you're just scared of what everyone would think."

What-"

"Look at that. Aris is with the only girl. How'd he get with her? You think he even likes her? You think he just saw her and said whatever? Is he just being a teenage boy? Does he even deserve her? How long until she realizes she can have anyone? What-"

"Okay, okay. I get it,"I sighed. "It's not just that. She despises anyone seeing her as some girl that can't do anything."

"She is a girl. Besides, we know she can do stuff. Why does it matter?"

"It's just that-"

"No more excuses. Admit it. You're afraid of someone getting in her head about you."

"I'd rather not."

"But you are."

"Chuck-"

"Stop being a shuckface and talk to her about it. Most relationships have something called communication, and you have been slacking on that."

"I have not."

"Sure. Denial will really solve your problems,"He deadpanned.

"You've got an attitude problem,"I mumbled.

"Says the guy arguing with a child."

"You can't keep pulling that card on me."

"While I'm a child I can,"He shrugged.

"Whatever man. I'm going back towards work,"I grumbled.

"Have fun glaring at them. I'm sure that'll help you be productive,"He said as I walked away. He's lucky he's adorable. Otherwise, I'd have left before the conversation before it could have started. He is though so I guess I'll have to put up with his unsolicited advice. Fun.

Your P.O.V

Greenie is certainly interesting and more curious than anyone ever has been. Then again it makes sense. If he built this place than some part of him must know about it. I was the same way.

"Which of these jobs have peeked your interest the most?"I asked. 

"I think that being a Runner would-"

"We've been over this. You don't just get to be a Runner. You have to earn it,"I sighed, digging my shovel into the dirt.

"But how do I do that?"

"Don't worry about it. Listen. We're supposed to be getting out of here soon anyway,"I sighed.

"How are you so sure?"He interegated.

"Aris,"I shrugged.

"Who?"

"Aris. See that boy over with? The tall and fit one with tan skin and dark, short hair?"I asked, subtly pointing at him. Greenie full on stared into his soul before nodding. "He's going to help."

"How long has he been here?"

"Around five months,"I answered.

"If he's been here so long how are you so sure he's still going to help you out?"

"I just do, okay? He's someone you can trust,"I promised, admiring him. "And easy on the eyes,"I mumbled.

"What?"

"I said you can trust him,"I shrugged, pulling my gaze away from Aris.

"After that."

"I didn't say anything after that."

"But you said something under your breath,"He insisted.

"I don't know what you mean Greenie. I guess the heat's just messing with your head,"I lied.

"But I-"

"Why don't you get me some fertilizer? Be a bit of help around here?"I suggested, handing him the basket and a shovel. 

"I have been,"He defended.

"Yeah. Your questions have been great help. Just do what I said, alright? Don't screw up our system,"I recommended.

"Of Alby, Newt, and you?"He guessed.

"In that order. Get to it,"I repeated. 

"This job sucks,"He whispered, walking away.

"You'll find your calling soon,"I assured him. When he looked at the Maze walls I quickly said that it probably wouldn't be that one. The poor kid was gonna be real disappointed if he kept thinking that just waltzing into the Maze would do anything for him. 

"What's up with you and Thomas?"Chuck asked, appearing out for nowhere. If I wasn't so used to him he'd scare the klunk out of me with how quiet he can be.

"I'm just being a good Keeper to him, and for now he's Greenie,"I shrugged.

"You didn't call Aris a Greenie."

"I don't see how those are related,"I mumbled.

"You call everyone that's new Greenie, but-"

"It's not the same. He's a bit different."

"And not bad on the eyes,"He recited.

"How long have you been there?"I asked in horror.

"Long enough to hear you talk about the tall, fit, tan, trustworthy, handsome-"

"Go do your work Chuck before Alby puts an arrow through your skull,"I ordered.

"That's graphic."

"So's what'll happen if you get caught slacking. Just get going."

"Fine, fine,"He agreed. "One more thing though?"He asked.

"Fine. One thing,"I gave in.

"He does not like Thomas."

"Who-"

"Aris,"He answered.

"Why? What'd Thomas do?"I asked, my interest instantly going through the roof.

"You're just going to have to ask him."

"Chuck-"

"Sorry Y/N, but he really needs to work on his communication skills. I can't do all the work for him."

"You're helpful, aren't you?"I grumbled.

"I'm a kid. Not a couples therapist,"He pointed out.

"You're sure acting like one."

"Aris said that too. Anyways, I've got to get to work before something graphic happens to me. See you later,"He shrugged, skipping past the gardens. I just watched his little curls bounce as he left me there trying to figure out what he was babbling on about. 

That's such typical Chuck behavior. Give a vague statement that only leaves you with questions. That's exactly what this place needs. More questions.

He's lucky he's cute and actually helpful in the long run (most of the time). Otherwise, he'd be just a stitch in my side.

Chapter 69: The Right Thing (Part 6)

Summary:

-Angst

Great. How fucking great. I'm not even going to say shucking because it's pointless to censor anything. Nothing in our lives has ever been that way. Making Ben the Griever's next meal because he tried to attack Thomas sure as hell isn't. Now Alby was dealing with that leaving Newt and I with some stupid meeting that also was going to be complete hell.

"Here's how this is going to go. One peep from you anybody here when it's not their turn, and I'm going to drag them out by them ankles. Is that clear?"I sighed, already done with this.

"Clear as day,"Clint shrugged.

"It better be. Now we know that nobody was there when Ben attacked Thomas, but he's also not the first person to suspect that he may have ill intentions. Seeing as that person went through the changing and the person who attacked Thomas was stung this can't be dismissed. While we know of his original role we need to decide whether or not we believe he's telling the full truth,"I directed.

"He seems clueless,"Winston shrugged.

"You know who else did but was acting?"Newt pointed out.

"Yes. We're all aware of what Aris was here,"I pointed out, rubbing my temple. "And you better bite your damn tongue until I say otherwise,"I added, knowing that he wanted to say something about that too. After meeting his gaze for a mere second he stared at the ground.

"Gally. Take the lead,"Newt ordered.

"Is this some WICKED trick? Come on. That kid seemed alright, but he's been acting odd since Thomas showed up. They're in on something,"He theorised.

"I do see the logic there, but he's said he only knew the outline. We can't dismiss that though,"I admitted.

"Y/N-"

"I said to wait your turn. He's not being untruthful,"I pointed out. He crossed his arms as he sat back in his seat, and I held back an overwhelmed sigh. The last thing I needed was relationship drama on top of the new circumstances.

"Thomas hasn't shown he want to hurt anybody,"Newt defended.

"People can lie,"He shrugged.

"So what if we just ask him?"Chuck suggested.

"Because if he has any ulterior motives giving away that we're suspicious may make this worse,"I explained.

"I get that, but nothing's going to get done unless we get his side,"Minho reasoned.

"Yes. Yes. I understand, but it's a decision of knowledge based on trust or having an upper hand in case something happens."

"I knew Thomas, and I don't think he's up to anything,"Aris quietly spoke up.

"People change. For some reason he's here. Surely, that means something."

"It just doesn't seem like him to trick everyone. He's loyal, but-"

"Yeah. Loyal to WICKED,"Gally scoffed.

"For the love of-don't start anything,"I pleaded.

"It's true. Whether those two like it or not they believed in WICKED. You can't just put the truth in a box because you don't like it."

"I understand, but-"

"Do you, Y/N?"Aris interrupted, glaring at me.

"Don't you dare,"I hissed. He didn't move his cold gaze from me. "This has nothing to do with me right now."

"I think it has everything to do with you."

"Aris-"

"What? You don't want to keep the truth in a box, right?"He mocked.

"When they're not relevant to what's happening then I typically don't pay it any mind."

"Uh, what is happening?"Frypan asked.

"Nothing that has to do with this,"I said through gritted teeth.

"You'd like to believe that,"Aris grumbled.

"And maybe if you hadn't ruined it we could be out of here,"I snapped, glaring at him.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. That's exactly right. You had to ruin it though like you're ruining this meeting."

"The meeting? That's all that matters?"He asked.

"My loyalty is to the Gladers before all else. What's important to them is what's important to me."

"Some free mind you have."

"Taking out your jealousy on her isn't going to do anything for you,"Chuck spoke up. That's when his words from earlier clicked. Aris hates Thomas because he's jealous.

"I'm not-"

"Stop before you make it worse. Let's get back on track everyone,"I demanded.

"That's all that matters to you?"He whispered.

"Right now yes,"I nodded.

"Listen, whatever teen side plot is going is going to have to wait. We're talking about Tommy and WICKED people,"Newt said.

"Yeah. We're trying,"I promised.

"Are you serious, Y/N?"He asked.

"I am a Glader first and your girlfriend second! If you have an issue with our relationship then you should have talked to me before something serious started happening!"I yelled, finally losing my temper. That split second of rage just complicated everything so much more though. One outburst had the entire room silent. Not even Gally could find something to fight about, and Minho didn't have some snide comment to throw in. It was dead and total silence.

"Okay. That's out on the table so let's continue with what we started this for,"I begged.

"Is that all-"

"Get out of here. Out. I am done with your petty interruptions when they're are actual problems to focus on,"I demanded, pointing at the door. He just stared at me as if he didn't expect the rules I do heavily enforce to apply to him. "Don't make me drag you,"I threatened.

"I should've stayed at WICKED,"He mumbled, dragging his feet.

"Then, go! If you hate this place so much then you can leave!"

"I wish I could!"

"I didn't ask you to be here!"

"And maybe I shouldn't have come!"

"That is so selfish! Some girl meaning more to you than people's lives is bullshit! Absolute bullshit!"

"That girl was you!"

"And we're here because of you! You ruined it though! You ruined it all the way you probably always did!"I screamed.

"You're not who I thought you were,"He mumbled.

"When you put someone in a Maze they change. I'm sorry I'm not that girl that took photographs anymore. I'm sorry it's such an inconvenience that I don't remember our old relationship. I am so sorry that I actually know what I want and you don't. Most of all I am, so, so sorry that I gave you what you came looking for,"I listed.

If the silence wasn't loud before then it was shouting at us now. Nobody even seemed to breathing as we all waited for whatever would happen next. For who would say what or what secrets would be out in the open now that emotions were rising like a raging storm.

"This isn't getting us anywhere. Let's get some sleep. We'll come back to this in the morning,"Newt ordered.

"Yeah. Goodnight guys,"Clint agreed, walking out. When he was at the door instead of leaving Aris just stepped aside to give him room to go. Everyone else followed his lead until it was just us two.

"Do you really think I ruined everything?"He asked.

"I think that you're confused. I don't even think you know why you're here or what you want,"I confessed.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"So this is it?"

"Yeah. This is it,"I agreed. To show that I meant it I didn't look back as I left him there completely alone.

Chapter 70: The Right Thing (Part 7)

Summary:

-Angst
-Fluff

Three weeks. In three weeks Thomas had shown up followed by Teresa, the walls stopped closing, the Glade had been destroyed, we had lost most of the Gladers, and we escaped the Maze. Now that we were free there was time to think about what to do. Like what would happen next, what our lives would be like, and maybe even what Aris and I would do. If we would resolve what happened.

Gally getting stung was not supposed to be part of that future. Him getting his hands on some knife wasn't supposed to happen. Him getting ready to kill Aris wasn't supposed to happen. Me jumping in front of him wasn't supposed to happen. 

It was though. This very second I was on the floor with a knife in my chest.

"No! Wake up!"Aris screamed, kneeling beside me. I didn't have the energy to respond as I stared blankly into his eyes. All I could do was clutch onto the photograph in my hands.

"Did you hear me?! Wake up! Wake up!"He yelled, trying to shake me back to life. "Don't leave,"He whimpered, holding me close. "Please don't die,"He whispered, cradling me in his arms.

There wasn't anything I could do about that though. This was out of our hands. Our lives always are.

"I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. I'm sorry, and I didn't mean the things I said, and I love you, and you mean everything to me, and don't die,"He begged, his voice seeming further and further away each second. 

"Please?"He asked, keeping his forehead against mine. By now the only thing I could even feel was his tears falling onto my cheeks as the ache in my chest dulled. 

"Aris, we need to-"

"No. No,"He interrupted, refusing to let me go.

"We can't stay-"

"No, no, no, no, no. I can't-I can't leave her. She just-she can't-no,"He sputtered out.

"Aris-"

"No,"He repeated, holding me closer. By now my eyes had shut as sounds around me became muffled. 

"I love you,"He whispered, sobbing into my shoulder. All I did was make sure that photograph of us stayed in my hand. The one that was taken six years, five months, and three weeks ago. The very first one that told the story of us. 

I'm sure neither of us thought that story would end like this. I don't need my memories to know that.

"No! Get your hands off of me! Let me go! Let me go!"He shrieked as his grip loosened. He seemed to be screaming his throat raw as he kept grabbing at my clothes only to be pulled back. After what felt like hours, days, weeks, years, and no time at all he must have lost whatever fight that was because there was nothing but more screaming that grew fainter and fainter before stopping altogether.

Laying on the cold ground, and clutching our story, there was something I never thought I could have again. One by one they all came back to me.

~ ~ ~

"Hi,"I greeted.

"Hi,"the boy mumbled, keeping his hands in his pockets and his eyes on the floor. He was just a little shorter than me with tan skin and dark hair that slightly fell over his forehead.

"So I guess we're partners?"He asked

"That's what they said so we must be."

"Well I'm Y/N."

"Aris."

"You're short for a boy."

"What's that supposed to mean?"He asked, snapping his head up to look at me.

"I don't know. Aren't guys supposed to be taller or something?"

"I bet you when I get older I'll be way taller than you."

"No you won't,"I shook my head.

"Will too."

"Will not."

"Uh huh."

"Nu uh."

"You're gonna be short forever,"I repeated.

"We'll just wait and see,"He shrugged.

"Yeah. See that I'm right."

"Has anyone ever told you that you have an ego?"

"Yeah. All those thousands of friends I have."

"Up in your head?"He suggested.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know you had actual people to talk to."

"I do. Up here,"He said, pointing at his head.

"It makes sense why you think you'll win this bet now,"I observed.

"Why is that?"

"Because you're a little bit insane,"I answered.

"I'll bet that you're even more insane."

"Are we just going to make bets?"I asked.

"Maybe not, but I like the thought."

"What a healthy relationship,"I mumbled. His eyes went wide as he gawked at me. "Relationships can be platonic, you birdbrain,"I sighed. 

"That makes so much more sense,"He nodded.

"It sure does,"I agreed.

Even if he is kind of cute.

~ ~ ~

"For the love, hold still you idiot,"I sighed.

"What'd I-"

"You're a wreck. An absolute mess,"I interrupted, fixing his hair. As we had grown he cut it shorter, but for some reason that seemed to make it more unruly than before.

"Can you not do that?"He complained.

"Then, learn to brush your hair,"I suggested.

"Okay, you control freak."

"Sue me for wanting you to look like a presentable human being."

"I'm gonna sue you for all your worth,"He wholeheartedly agreed as I pulled away.

"My ham and cheese sandwich from lunch. Don't take that. It's my most treasured procession,"I gasped, dramatically placing a hand to my mouth.

"You left me with no choice,"He sighed, being dramatic back.

"You have free will,"I pointed out.

"Ah yes. I love the free will that WICKED gives me,"He grinned.

"More snide comments. Who could have guessed that?"

"You probably,"He shrugged.

"I've got to know my best friend, don't I?"I pointed out.

"I'll-"

"Bet that I won't guess what you'll say next?"I finished. The way he stared at the floor shows that like always I had correctly inferred his next move.

"That's what I thought,"I teased.

"One day I'm gonna win a bet with us,"He insisted.

"When you're not half my height then maybe that'll happen,"I laughed. Despite the way he was trying to be offended he laughed with me. I expected that to happen too though. 

~ ~ ~

"I hate this,"I repeated.

"We're going to be able to do this. Just give it another go,"He encouraged.

"But this is so draining, and I'm tired,"I complained.

"Come on Y/N. Don't leave me hanging on this."

"But I'm hungry,"I groaned, flopping over on my bed.

"What's up with you today? You're usually the one telling me what to do,"He asked, sitting next to me. I just shook my head as I pulled my knees to my chest.

"What happened?"He asked softly, rubbing my back.

"I'm just sick of this, and I want to go home,"I admitted. "Really, really bad,"I trembled, feeling a tear run down my cheek.

"I know you do,"He nodded as I leaned against the wall. Wiping my eyes with my palms did nothing as more tears poured from my eyes. No matter how frantically I tried to slap them away a thousand more followed.

"Don't do that. It's okay Y/N. You're okay,"He coaxed, holding both my hands in his. "It's going to be okay, alright? Everything is going to be fine,"He promised, pressing a hand to my cheek. 

"How can I miss what I don't remember?"I whispered.

"I know that you like logic and instant answers, but there really isn't one for that. Maybe you just miss what it could have been. Maybe you miss the thought of safety. I don't know, but you're here now. You're with me, and we're going to look out for each other,"He promised, using his thumb to lightly rub my tears from my face. 

"I just wish that I knew who I was,"I sniffled.

"I know."

"I don't like crying either, but sometimes I have to. Sometimes I want to scream until I can't."

"That's okay. Feel whatever you can. That's how you know that you're human, right?"He pointed out. 

"Yeah,"I nodded.

"And you Y/N, are a bright, sweet, caring, funny, wonderful, smart, sarcastic, beautiful person, inside and out. Don't let anyone take that away."

"I won't."

"And if you ever do I'll just repeat myself,"He assured me, going back to holding my hands.

"Thank you Aris. For everything. For being the best thing in my life."

"And I'm never leaving."

~ ~ ~

"Blah, blah, blah. That's all I hear from their mouths when they speak,"I groaned, sitting upside down in my chair. 

"Bad class?"He laughed, joining me.

"The worst. I bet you a Crank would be more competent than him,"I huffed, crossing my arms.

"It couldn't have been that-"

"He called me a dunce because I was too literal. Sue me for following their dumb directions."

"He called you what?"He asked.

"A dunce,"I repeated. He just stared at me with his mouth agape. "It means-"

"I know what a dunce is. I'm just wondering where he gets the audacity,"He said with a sour look on his face.

"Hell if I know."

"I think I need to fight a teacher,"He scowled, actually going to stand up and walk away. Before he could do anything that would get him in trouble I grabbed his shirt and pulled him back. Despite his protests he sat next to me and glared at the air.

"You need to chill, and stop being ready to jump everyone who's slightly rude to me."

"But why?"He asked.

"Because it's stupid to get hurt on my behalf,"I answered. He shook his head no. "Can you stop being stubborn?"

"But-"

"I don't need you to stand up for me. I don't need you getting hurt,"I said firmly.

"So what do you need?"He asked, looking at me with gentle eyes.

"Just be there for me. That makes everything better,"I shrugged.

"Then, that's what I'll do,"He sighed.

"Good. Now can you help me sit up? The blood's sort of rushing to my skull,"I admitted, feeling my head start to ache. Doing as I asked, he pulled me up.

"Thanks Aris. I knew I could count on you to help me up."

"Meteorically or physically?"

"Both of course."

"I know. I just like hearing you say it."

"You're an idiot."

"You know you love me."

"Whatever you say,"I sighed. The way he was beaming showed that he saw right through my sarcastic tone. Then again when doesn't he?

~ ~ ~

"Can you not?"I repeated.

"Whatever do you mean?"He asked, feigning innocence.

"I am not an armrest."

"You tormented me about this for years. I'm going to gloat about it,"He said, now putting both arms on me.

"Gloat? Big kid words are not a good look on you,"I sighed.

"Man, do you always have to diss me like that?"

"That's my job,"I shrugged. "Now get off of me you idiot,"I demanded. When I realized that wasn't happening I ducked my head away from him. Since he was as unprepared as always he stumbled to the floor. After seeing that he was okay I laughed at him before helping him up.

"Thanks. I love falling to the ground,"He deadpanned.

"Quit complaining. You know you love me,"I teased.

"I do,"He whispered. This wasn't the usual answer to this. He'd deny it, and our banter would continue. This wasn't part of it.

"What?"I asked.

"I do. I love you,"He confessed. For once, he was looking right at my eyes despite the situation being new or uncomfortable. "You don't have to feel the same, but it's true. I love you,"He repeated.

"I don't know what to do with this,"I breathed out.

"Then, don't do anything."

"Not even kiss you?"I asked. 

"Do you want to kiss me?"He asked, leaning closer. Instead of giving a verbal answer I brushed my lips against his. It was light and hardly seemed to last a second, but that moment sent a thousand emotions through me. My stomach was filled with butterflies as my lips tingled from where they had touched his. All of a sudden the world didn't have any problems. The only thing that mattered was us, and as far as we're concerned right now that's the only thing that should.

~ ~ ~

"Do you think that they're gone?"He whispered.

"Shh. Just a little longer,"I urged, keeping him against the wall of the closet with me. After more silence angry stomping ran past the door. Still, we didn't move until we were sure that there weren't any more people.

"Now why did I sneak out at 3am?"He asked.

"This. This is why,"I answered, turning on the light before opening my bag to reveal an old, black camera. 

"Did you steal this?"He asked.

"Yes, but-"

"You could get in so much trouble. If you're caught then-"

"Are you going to tell on me?"I asked.

"I'll never rat you out, but this is an actual crime,"He pointed out.

"Do you want to be the first person to take a picture with me or not?"I sighed. He changed the moment the words left my lips as he tossed his arm around me. Wearing the brightest and most genuine grins we looked at the lens as we held back laughter before I pressed the button. A flash went off making me squint my eyes. Then, the sound of gears turning came as I put the camera down. 

Sitting on the floor criss cross applesauce with Aris beside me, we waited for the Polaroid. As if it would speed up the process we stared at the camera until it decided to do its purpose and show us the photo.

Once I did I couldn't believe what was in my hands. The colors were a bit faded, but the happiness on our faces was better than all the colors in the world. 

~ ~ ~

"But WICKED says-"

"Newt tried to kill himself. I'm not standing by and watching any longer,"I said firmly.

"What about the Flare?"He asked.

"What about you and I always being there for each other?"I reminded him.

"I know, but-"

"You don't have to go with me. Stay here and watch us escape. No matter what you decide I'm going to the Glade,"I promised.

"But-"

"If you're not going to help me with this why are you here?"I snapped.

"To talk you out of it,"He answered, throwing his arms in the air.

"Well you can't. You're either with me or not."

"But-"

"What's it gonna be? Me or WICKED?"I asked, crossing my arms.

"You're really making me choose?"He asked in disbelief.

"The Gladers and I or WICKED?"I repeated.

"I want to pick you, but I can't."

"Okay. Then, you don't pick me. It's as simple as that,"I shrugged, masking the new sort of pain his decision had caused. I know that people grow apart, but that wasn't supposed to be us.

It is not though, and there's nothing I can do to stop it

"I'm sorry,"He whispered.

"Okay. Whatever."

"Y/N-"

"Just leave me alone. It's not like we'll be together again anyway,"I snarled.

"I want to be with you, but-"

"If your mind is made up then this conversation is over,"I snapped, shoving past him. As I left I could feel his eyes on me just like I felt mine brimming with tears.

I could also feel my heart and soul shatter.

~ ~ ~

"Today is the day,"Paige stated.

"Yep. You're finally getting someone on the inside,"I shrugged, sipping my tea.

"That was the plan, wasn't it?"She sighed, putting her cup away. 

"What do you-"

"Aris is very loyal to you, but he's just a bit more loyal to the world,"She said, making my blood run cold. 

"I don't know what you're talking about,"I tried to lie, but my voice was much quieter than it ever has been. My confident demeanor had been knocked down at just the sound of his name. Hearing the entire sentence made my head spin. 

Unless, it wasn't that.

"What's in here?"I asked in horror.

"You're going to the Glade Y/N. Only it's going to be like everyone else."

"No,"I denied, loosening my grip so the cup crashed to the floor. With shards of glass going everywhere, I was able to feel some cut my legs as my vision blurred. Each second I was awake though the less anything around me registered.

"Tell Aris I hate him,"I slurred before crashing to the floor.

~ ~ ~

"Aris!"I woke up screaming. Only I didn't know when I got here. I don't even know what here was as I was in some sort of metal box pulling me up. 

"Aris!"I yelled one more time as a fog overcame my mind.

"WICKED, variables, and Newt! The Glade, and the serum, and the Flare, and Cranks, and WICKED. It's all WICKED! It's all Aris!"I shouted. The higher up I went though the more whatever those are slipped my mind. I was begging myself to remember because I knew that those were important, but it all seemed like gibberish. That combined with this pain in my chest made everything surreal.

Then, I realized something. That pain wasn't in my chest. It was in my heart. Someone had just stabbed me in the back. If only I knew their name, why they did it, what they looked like, or how we were connected.

If I ever do I'll kill them for making me feel this way. 

Because something in my gut tells me that they just stole everything from me including my life.

~ ~ ~

I had always wanted to know my past. It was just different than I could have ever expected. It also seemed like Aris was right. Every good and bad time was so much more than that, and all of it involved him. 

So as I lay here clutching the photograph in my hands, holding our love story that was interrupted with tragedy after tragedy, I realize that sometimes ignorance truly is bliss. 

Chapter 71: Too Different (Part 1)

Summary:

Too Good At Goodbyes by Sam Smith goes with this chapter

Aris's P.O.V

Y/N seems to think that I don't realize what's happening. She seems to believe that I don't know what she's doing. She seems to believe that despite what we've seen it's better to be a subject than a worker. 

This though, this was my last straw. The way the girl who likes being early to things "accidentally" came in late to one of the most important meetings of the year. At the very end actually, and while she looked embarrassed, I saw the little glimmer in her eyes that nobody else could. Mumbling about irresponsibility, everyone stood up and went back to their lives. 

I though, stayed behind. The second the door closed I grabbed her hand and pulled her out the other one. Hiding her in the storage room where there weren't any cameras, I locked the door and pulled down the blinds before flicking on the lights.

"I know what you're doing,"I admitted. 

"Yeah. I figured you would eventually,"She mumbled, crossing her arms over her chest as she stared behind me. Before she could gaze off I stepped closer and took her face in my hands, making her look at me.

"You can't do this."

"I have to. I can't do this anymore. Everything about this job sucks. I hate watching everyone leave while I'm stuck here,"She justified.

"What about me? I'm here to stay. Isn't that enough?"

"No,"She whispered.

"Y/N-"

"It's not enough,"She repeated.

"Why? Why am I not enough for you?"

"Don't do this, Aris. Don't try to make me stay."

"I need you to. I have nobody. Nobody but you. If you walk away I'll be alone, and I can't handle that. Do you understand? I can't handle you leaving,"I promised, putting my hands on her waist and keeping her close.

"You'll get another partner."

"I don't want another partner. I want you."

"Aris-"

"Y/N, please? I don't need anyone, but I do need you. I need you more than anything, and you can't walk away from us. Please? Don't leave me alone? Please, Y/N, I still need you. I really, really need you, and it would destroy me if you walked away. Don't walk away from us. Not after all we earned and went through together. Why-"

Before I could finish my rant she brushed her lips against mine. It wasn't rough, wasn't greedy, or frantic. It was soft, gentle, and sweet, just like her. And it was small but left me with a million emotions as she pulled away.

"Come with me?"

"What?"

"You can do the same thing. It'll be just us,"She whispered.

"We won't even remember each other,"I pointed out.

"But you know we'll see each other again, and if we're meant to be we can fall in love again. So come with me?"She repeated.

"I-I can't,"I whispered.

"Aris-"

"I can't. I'm not strong like that, like you. I can't lie to them,"I justified.

"Yes you can. You can do whatever you tell yourself you can,"She encouraged, grabbing me hands and squeezing. Looking at me, she silently begged me to agree.

"I'm sorry,"I whispered, shaking my head no.

"Yeah. So am I,"She mumbled.

"I'm sorry. I love you, but I can't,"I repeated.

"So this is it then? This is the end?"

"I think it is."

Without a word she threw her arms around me. Accepting her embrace, I didn't even try to fight the tears as I sobbed into her shoulder. Refusing to break, she just whispered soothing words in my ear as her voice kept cracking.

After a long time she pulled back. Brushing my hair out of my face, she looked at me, with me staring back. 

"Please give me one last kiss,"I begged.

"I'll give you whatever you want tonight,"She whispered.

"No. You wouldn't. Not if you knew how much that actually was,"I admitted.

"I will though."

"Y/N-"

Cutting me off, she put her arms around my shoulders and smashed her lips against mine. Putting my hand behind her head, I deepened the already passionate kiss. Wrapping my arms around her waist, I picked her up and put her on the table behind us as I just kissed her like my life depended on it. Doing the exact same, she pulled away for air for barely a second before pushing her lips back against mine, her arms still around my neck. Cupping her cheeks, I did everything to make this a kiss she would somehow be able to remember, to hold on to.

Suddenly pulling away, she rested her chin on my shoulder as small tears dripped on my shirt.

"Stay. Stay for this. Stay for us,"I begged. 

"Come with me? Please?"She pleaded, her voice only breaking.

"Y/N-"

"Aris, I'm leaving today, with or without you. So please? Stay with me forever?"

"I'm sorry,"I promised.

"Were we ever meant to last then? Were we ever meant to be forever?"

"We could be."

"I wish. I wish that we wanted the same thing."

"So do I,"I quietly agreed.

"So this is our goodbye? This is really how it ends?"

"I'm sorry,"I repeated, not knowing what else to say. Pulling away, she just looked at me with heartbreak in her eyes. Wiping her tears away, I wished that I could have done the same to that feeling in her heart.

I can't though.

Cupping her cheeks, I didn't try to kiss her as I pressed my forehead against hers. I just closed my eyes as I tried to burn in the feeling of having her so close to me. That electricity that traveled up my skin whenever we touched. That feeling of telling her how much I adore her without saying a word.

"Goodbye, my amore. Goodbye,"She whispered.

"I always love it when you say that. When you speak French. I love the way you use it in arguments to throw people off. I love the way you carry a notebook and pen with you just in case. I like the way you always wear two rubber bands on your wrist in case you see another girl who needs one. I love the way the only place you kick people is in the shin because it's the easiest to get away with. I love the way you look at the ground when something makes you blush. I love the way you smile more with your eyes than your mouth. I love the way you save your favorite part of the meal for last. I love the way you never leaned how to properly do puppy eyes. I love the way you throw pencils at your ceiling when you're bored in your room. I love the way you give the best insults without even cussing. I love the way you play with your hair whenever you're nervous. I love the way you won't wear anything that has the fabric of a sweater. I love the way you exist. I love every little thing about you. I love you,"I listed. Not saying anything, she just kissed my forehead before getting back on the ground. With a bittersweet expression, she squeezed my hand one last time before walking away.

Away from us.

Chapter 72: Too Different (Part 2)

Summary:

-Fluff

Aris’s P.O.V

I hadn't gotten to talk to her in the Spring. Not with everything going on. I hadn't gotten to talk to her when we got back because there was apparently another plan we hadn't been told about. I hadn't been able to talk to her in the Scorch because she wasn't with me.

Now though, she's standing in front of me, her head held high and weapon drawn. While I know that I should feel fear, all I could do was stand there and admire her as I wondered why. Why couldn't we think the same way? Why did we have to be so different? 

“You all turn around and count to a thousand,”She demanded, ignoring Thomas struggling in the bag.

“Y/N-”

“Quiet, boy. Turn around, and count before we do something to him we can't take back,”She threatened. 

Just staring at her, I barely found the ability to move as I did. Standing up, I kept counting while going over the plan in my head. Not WICKED’s but mine. The one where I get everything that had been lost back. 

No matter what it took, I would find a way. One way or another, I would be with her again.

I hope.

♡ Time Skip♡

I didn't speak the entire day. As they were discussing how to get Thomas I stayed to the side, just waiting for the chance to leave.

And I found it. As Jorge and Minho were bickering again I didn't hesitate to just turn around and start running. I knew where she was. I knew what she would be doing. I knew that I had to get her back.

Acting as though I had nothing to fear, I kept sprinting, not even stopping to wipe the sweat from my forehead. That would take up seconds which would add up which would mean less time to explain which would mean less time to tell her I love her. To sum it up, it would be a butterfly effect that I was not dealing with right now. 

So I just ran and ran and ran. Even as the sun burned down, threatening to kill me, I didn't stop.

Not until I saw that hill, with a bunch of silhouettes on top of it.

Despite my previous words, I just collapsed on the ground, closing my eyes as I panted. I just needed a minute after two hours of straight running. While it wasn't the most that I had done, it was still not something I would do for the fun of it.

“You want some water?”a girl asked. Opening my eyes, just like that all my energy was back as I saw Y/N, just holding out a canteen with a small smile. Losing the ability to speak, I just accepted as I waterfalled it. “Wow. You’ll makeout with me in a storage closet but sharing drinks is where you draw the line?”She sighed, making me choke on the water. Kneeling beside me, she patted my back as I tried to figure out what the hell was happening. 

“I missed you,”was all I got out.

“I did too. I was actually wondering how long it would take you to not do what I said. You were always good at that,”She teased.

“How though? I thought they took your memory?”

“They actually thought that I was just going to eat the candy they gave me after I said I was done. I mean they may as well have been insulting me. Do I look stupid enough to fall for that?”

“You're not stupid at all.”

“I just kept it under my tongue and fed it to the Griever's when I got thrown it. Give them a little snack,”She shrugged.

“You're brilliant. You know that? You are absolutely amazing,”I whispered, leaning over to kiss her just for her to push me away.

“You are covered head to toe in sweat. You can kiss me when you don't look like you’ve been walking in rain.”

“Awe come on. I’ve been waiting to kiss you for months now.”

“Then you’ll survive a little longer,”She shrugged.

“I actually need you to kiss me. You need you to help remind me why I’m about to do what I’m going to do.”

“Well, that's ominous.”

“I’m serious. I need something else to fight for,”I whispered, pushing her hair back to see a small cut on her forehead. “What happened?”

“It's nothing,”She shrugged, taking my hand and holding it to her cheek. Running my thumb along her skin, I smiled as she leaned into me, closing her eyes and holding her palm over the back of my hand.

“I do love you. Even if I didn't go with you, I thought about you every day. I never stopped thinking about you,”I promised.

“I love you too. Even though I didn't stay, I thought about some way that I would see able to see you again. I had to stop myself from waving at the Beetles Blades in just case you were watching.”

“I would have waved back.”

“Unless someone was watching.”

“Honestly, I would have done it without thinking. I probably would have had a dumb smile and everything.”

“Well, I love that dumb smile of yours,”She whispered, leaning further into me.

“Do you need to get back?”I pointed out.

“Yeah,”She answered with her eyes starting to shut.

“Are you going to?”

“No. Too busy with you,”She mumbled.

“You want to go to sleep?”I offered, noticing the sun starting to set. 

“Yeah,”She agreed, raising her head for a moment to stretch. Laying my legs out while leaning against the steep hill, I let her lay her head on my lap to get some rest. 

“Goodnig-”

“I’m not done,”She interrupted. Before I could ask what was wrong she slowly brushed her lips against mine. Feeling her sweet smile, I couldn't help but return it, even as she pulled away. 

“I will find my way back to you,”I promised as she laid her head back on my lap. 

“And you have,”She mumbled, sitting up again while her eyes were still half closed. Keeping her in my lap, I held her in my arms as she laid her head on my chest. Running my fingers through her hair, I smiled as I looked at the way I finally had my girl back.

Just the way I always would. Because no matter how different we are, she is mine, and I am hers.

Chapter 73: My Darling

Summary:

-Enemies to lovers
-Love confession

I have no idea what to do with emotions. There's no point in denying it. I also have heavy feelings for Aris and no idea how to talk to him, which is not a good mix.

I do have the ability to screw with people's heads. Screwing with people's head means getting their attention. Getting their attention means I'll be on their mind. I also want to be on Aris's mind at least half as much as he's on mine. He's just consumed my thoughts until there's nothing left but his name, until when I close my eyes the only thing that I'm able to see is his.

So yes. I've been messing with him in every way I was capable of. My personal favorite was the hot and cold act. One minute I'm giving him overly sweet eyes and nicknames, the next I'm thinking of anything that could get under his skin.

It works too. Really, really well.

"What are you doing, darling?"I asked, peeking over his shoulder to see him writing in something. Shutting the journal, he shoved it under his arms before walking off. "What's wrong, my lovely? What don't you want me seeing?"I teased, following him.

"Can you leave me alone?"He mumbled.

"I could, but spending time with you just means the world,"I shrugged.

"Can you just-"
"Just what, my dear?"

"Just leave me alone. I'm just trying to have a peaceful rest of my night, alone,"He said firmly.

"And I'm trying to bother you so you can't have that. Tell me, is is working?"

"Can you just-"He started, throwing his arms up in the air and letting the journal fall to the ground. Before he could react I picked it up and held it behind my back, out of his reach.

"Looking for something?"

"Give it back,"He demanded, trying to reach behind me only for me to switch hands as he put his over my shoulders.

"Give me a kiss, and I'll consider it,"I offered. Scoffing at me, he just gave me a glare before pulling my arms off of him and grabbing the book. Still, he stood there, as if he was debating something. So I may as break the silence.

"You hate me, don't you darling?"

"I don't like the word hate,"He sighed.

"But you want to say it, don't you?"

"I'd rather just not speak to you."

"Well, that's no fun."

"Neither is whatever game you're constantly playing. You've already seen the way I haven't reacted, and you keep going. It's like you want me to do something. It's like you want me to say all the reasons you piss me off. What is wrong with you?"He snapped.

"A lot, but I'm sure you could give me a list,"I shrugged.

"Oh, you want a list?"

"That's what I just said, isn't it?"

"Fine. Here's the list of everything I can't stand anything about you. When people don't react you keep going. You push me to the limit. You never explain why you do all that you do. Even worse than that, you're just always there somehow. It's like no matter where I go I see your face or hear your voice, and it drives me absolutely insane. You drive me absolutely insane. With your snide and stupidly flirty remarks and sarcasm and constant need to have the upper hand, you are so-so-"
"So what, darling?"I asked in a sickly sweet voice.

"See? That. That right there. You are just so up and down that I don't know if you want my head on a stick or to kiss me. Do you hate me or are you really bad at flirting? Because I don't even think I would send that many mixed signals, and I definitely haven't fallen for anyone. And I don't know if you despise me or want me, but no matter which it is, you're so shameless about it. It is impossible to know what you want. What do you want?!"He asked, close to yelling.

"I thought it was obvious."

"I'm done with this conversation,"He mumbled, going to leave. Before he could go I pulled him back by his shirt.

"Was the darling not a giveaway of what I've been craving?"I asked, turning him around to face me.

"What?"

"I thought it was obvious. Maybe a little unconventional but still clear."

"What are you talking about?"

"Do you know what I've been looking at, Aris? What pretty thing's caught my attention like a diamond in the sunlight?"

"I don't,"He denied, his voice growing softer.

"You. I've been looking at you, thinking about you, wanting you. I've been looking at you, my darling."

"Your darling?"

"Yes. My darling."

"I'm not yours,"He reasoned.

"No. You're not,"I accepted. "But I want you to be. I want you to actually like it when I call you darling. I want you to say it back."

"Are you messing with me again?"

"Would I be just inches from your lips if I was messing with you?"I pointed out.

"Why are you so close? Why are you inches from my lips?"

"Why aren't you pulling away?"

"I don't want to,"He admitted.

"Then don't. Then just kiss me."

"I want to see if you'll kiss me first."

"Do I seem like the kind to do that?"

"No. That's why I want you to. To prove this isn't another mind game,"He explained.

Taking a breath, I tried not to show that this actually twisted my stomach into knots as I hesitantly leaned closer and closed my eyes as I just barely brushed my lips against his. To my surprise, he didn't hesitate to kiss me back, almost as though I was someone he always wanted to see and not a girl who always gets on his nerves. As though I was nothing but sweet to him and not someone who messed with his head. As though I was his lover and not someone he dreaded seeing. As though I was his darling and not me.

"You're really not messing with me, are you?"He asked as he pulled away.

"For once, no. I'm not,"I promised.

"If that's true, would you let me be your darling? For real this time?"

"I'll let you be my anything. Anything you want. Anything at all."

"What about yours?"

Wearing a genuine smile, I stood on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek.

"Yeah. You can definitely be that."

Chapter 74: Two Beds

Summary:

-Fluff

Aris’s P.O.V

I know that it's bad that Thomas and Brenda are missing. That's obviously something to worry about.

It's just that we had to stop at Scorch City for the night, and Jorge had a friend that ran an old motel. We each paired up, and I obviously needed to be with my girl. 

Was it superficial? Maybe a little. Did I care? Not really. I like being near her, and I hadn't had a real chance to do that. It had been so long since I had gotten to actually cuddle her.

That was kind of ruined though when there were two beds. Not only that, but she called dibs on one.

“Are you alright?”She asked as I sat on the bed.

“I’m fine,”I shrugged. “Are you?”

“Yeah. I’m good,”She shrugged back. “I’m honestly just waiting for you to ask.”

“Ask what?”I asked quickly, feeling my face turn red.

“You know what.”

“Then why do I have to ask?”

“Because you're cute when you blush,”She explained, smiling at me.

“I’m not really blushing,”I lied, only getting hotter as she kept her gaze on me. Looking at the ground, I played with my hands as I found out how to say it in a coherent way. “Can I share a bed with you?”

“Yes,”She instantly agreed, moving over. Making my way over, I laid beside her, keeping my head on shoulder as I held her waist. “You happy now?”

“Very,”I smiled, closing my eyes as she wrapped her arm around me. Completely ignoring that there were two beds, we got our first real sleep in a long time, right beside each other.

Chapter 75: Forced

Summary:

-Angst
-Slight hurt/comfort

I can without a doubt say that Aris is the best thing that's ever shown up in that box. I can without a doubt that I would do anything for him. I can without a doubt say that I love him more than life itself.

"Hello, my love,"I greeted, joining him beside the frozen lake.

"Hi,"He mumbled, focusing on the ground.

"Are you okay?"I checked.

"I'm fine,"He muttered, keeping his head down.

"If you say so, but if you're not, I'm always here,"I assured him, going to place my hand on his shoulder just for him to flinch. Pulling away, I tried to figure out what to say to that.

"Sorry,"He whispered in a shaky voice.

"Aris, is someone hurting you?"I asked gently.

"No,"He insisted.

"Aris-
"I'm fine!"He snapped, glaring at me. I didn't care about that though.

I cared about his very recently split lip. Today recently because I had just been with him yesterday.

"Who did this to you?"I demanded to know.

"I fell,"He murmured, back to staring at the ground.

"Aris,"I began, carefully placing my hand on his cheek and making him face me. "Who's hurting you?"

"I already told you that I fell,"He lied.

"Aris-"
"It doesn't matter. I'm not even your problem. I don't want to be,"He snapped.

"You're not a problem,"I promised.

"It doesn't matter what you think of me. I don't-I don't even like you,"He said through shaky breaths.

"What are you talking about? Aris-"
"I never even liked you. Ever. I never loved you. I never cared about you. You're-you're stupid if you think I did. If you think anyone could,"He insulted, standing up just for me to do the same.

"Aris-"
"I don't want you. I never-"
Cutting him off, I wrapped my arms around him. Clinging to me, he sobbed on my shoulder as I rubbed his back. Humming to him, I rocked him while standing up. Holding me a little tighter, he broke in my arms. Forgetting every word he just said, I comforted him like it was all I knew how to do until he pulled away.

"I'll let it be me, but I can't let it be you. Never you."

"Whatever is going on, I'll take care of it,"I promised, wiping his tears from his cheeks.

"No. I can't let anyone hurt you. I don't care what happens to me, but I can't let anything happen to you,"He whispered, pressing his forehead against mine.

"Nothing will happen to me. I'll take care of it. I'll take care of myself and most definitely of you,"I reassured him.

"Can you just please do something for me?"

"Anything you want."

"Can you please show me heaven one last time?"

"Last time? Why-"
"Please? Please just kiss me?"He pleaded. Not knowing how to say no, I cupped his cheeks as I brushed my lips against his. Not pulling away for once, he put his hand behind my head to deepen it. With the once gentle kisser I knew being gone, he kept his lips against mine like if he stopped he wouldn't be able to breathe. He kissed me like I was the only thing that could keep him alive when he was on the brink of death.

Wrapping his arms around my waist, he pulled me closer until I was pressed against him as tears streamed down his face. Pushing me against the tree behind us, he still didn't stop. Not until we finally ran out of air.

"Remember that you hate me. Remember that you only wish the worst for me. Remember that I was cold and cruel when I broke your heart,"He whispered.

"You can't kiss me like that and leave,"I begged.

"Yes. I can. I can do anything for you. I will."

"Whatever it is, I can fix it. I promise I'll fix it if it means I get to stay with you."

"You hate me. You wish you never met me. You wish you never spoke to me, never held me, never kissed me, never loved me, never anything. Do you understand? You hate me,"He begged.

"Aris-"
"Please don't make this harder than it already is. Just remember what I said. I'm doing this for you. I'd do anything for you, even if it meant I don't get to be there with you anymore. Even if it means I never get to have you,"He whispered, pressing his lips to my temple and taking my breath away for just a moment before walking away like it was nothing. Staying where I was, I just listened to him go.

When I could no longer hear him I fell to my knees, buried my face in my hands, and sobbed.

Chapter 76: Forced (Part 2)

Summary:

-Angst

I don't know how I managed to drag myself back to my tent. Just that when I woke up my body felt too heavy to even move. 

Still, I made my way to the bathroom. Washing my face, I took a breath before actually looking in the mirror to see the faint purple color now on my lips. 

The color of beginning bruises. The color of lavenders. The color of frostbite. 

The color of evening skies that I would watch with him. The color of the bracelet I never take off just because it's from him.

The color of him.

The color of love.

The color of Aris.

Gripping the sides of the sink, I dropped my head as I started quietly sobbing. 

I love him. I will always love him, and I just want him back. Why can't I have him back? What even happened? Why did it happen? Why would him leaving ever be what's best for me? 

I know what's best for me. Not him. I always have. Between heaven and hell, freedom and prison, cold and warmth, I have always known that I would find my way to him through it all.

At least, that's what I thought. Now I don't know what to believe. I don't know what's real. 

Just that I already miss him, and I don't know how I can get him back. If he can kiss me and leave me in one minute, how am I supposed to act like I hate him? How can I act like he’s been anything less than loving? I mean even if he has me crying at the crack of dawn, there wasn't even anger inside of me. At least not towards him. 

Whatever the reason for this is though, whoever did this, I hate the more than the creators, and I put that on my past, present, and future self.

Aris’s P.O.V

This is for the best, this is for the best, this is for the best. It's better this way. It will always be better this way. 

She won't stop glancing at me. I can see it. I can see her watching me through the corner of my eyes.

I don't look back. I made the mistake of meeting her gaze once and immediately regretted it. Her face was all puffy, her eyes were red, her expression was broken, and her lips were purple. 

This is better than what it could be though. It's better her tears be from me than someone's hand. I know how to hurt her softly, how to be gentle and loving when I do. 

They wouldn't. Nobody would.

Seeing her put her shoulders up and grin when Harriet came over to talk to her, I figured I may as well get it over with. After this, I would never have to worry about it again. 

Putting my food to the side, I stood up to meet her where I said I would, holding back tears as I did. She didn't need to know just how much this destroyed me. She didn't deserve to.

Heading past a few people, I made my way behind the Builder’s shed to see that she was already there. Taking a breath, I kept my hands in my pockets as I walked out of sight from everybody else, a few feet away from her.

“I did it. I’m not with Y/N anymore,”I spoke up. Glancing over, she had a completely blank expression to the heart shattering information.

“Good,”She shrugged.

“Really? Is it really good? Come on. You can't tell me you don't see her face,”I snapped without thinking. Still, she remained nonchalant about it all.

“This wouldn't have to happen if you just left her alone. Remember that this is the best thing. We don't want you corrupting her,”Beth shrugged.

“I never would have hurt her. Ever. Why can’t you understand that?”

“And I’m just supposed to believe that? No. I can't. So you stay away from her. Don't even go near her.”

“You're wrong for this. For making me do this,”I scowled.

“I didn't make you do anything. I just gave you the choice. Either I hurt her until she's worse than you, or you leave her. You are the one who decided that she wasn't worth fighting for. You weren't forced to do anything. You just couldn't love her enough, and now she hates you. She hates you, and it’s nobody’s fault but your own.”

Chapter 77: Forced (Part 3)

Summary:

-Fluff

Aris's P.O.V

She's angry at me. I understand that. I understand why. How could she not hate me now? I had loved her with all I had, gave her every ounce of my being, just to kiss her and ignore her for months. That's not something that you can just forgive and forget.

She won't look at me. Even though it's just us in this room, she won't acknowledge that I exist. She just lays with her back to me and stares at the wall. 

I don't know what to say. I don't know how to fix it. I don't know if I can.

“I’m sorry,”I whispered, breaking the disheartening silence.

“Okay,”She whispered back, still not looking at me.

“I never wanted to hurt you. I never would if I didn't have to.”

“Okay,”She repeated.

“You never stopped being my world. Even if I’m not a part of yours.”

“Okay,”She said at a normal volume, still not moving. While silence is normally fine, it just can't be right now. Not when she's forcing it. Not when it means I’ve pretty much lost her forever.

“I love you. I have always loved you, and I could never stop. I never wanted to, and I can't imagine any world where I would.”

“Maybe the one where I say I never liked, loved you, or cared about you, that you're stupid if you think anyone could, kiss you in a way I never have, and then walk away? I’m sure that would work on anyone,”She said, her tone so rightfully bitter I could practically taste it. 

“Y/N-”

“I’m doing what you said. You wanted me to remember that I hate you and wish the worst for you. You said that I wish I never met, spoke, held, kissed, or loved you. You said you would do anything for me even if it means you never get to have me. So why don't I make sure not to make this isn't harder than it already is by making sure that you don't get a second chance?”

“Y/N,”I whispered, a lump forming in my throat as tears filled my eyes. Trying to figure what to say, all I could do was realize his fucked up it is that even when we're out of the Spring, the restrictions of it never left. Almost as if we never left.

“Do you want to know what's the worst thing about this?”She asked through shaky breaths.

“No, but I need to, don't I?

“You told me to remember that you were cold and cruel when you broke my heart, but you weren't. You were so gentle, in a way only you could be. Only you could take something as awful as heartbreak and turn it into something that could be a song. Only you could describe a kiss like having heaven. Only you could mark my skin in a way that I never knew I needed. Only you could make me remember every word of a night that killed me with a bittersweet love. Nobody else could do those things, but you could do them without thinking. Because you're Aris. You're Aris, and I love you. And I always will be. Even when I try not to,”She whispered, turning over so that I could look at her tear streaked face. With dark circles that only seemed to have gotten worse, glassy eyes, and hurt gaze, it felt wrong that she could feel so broken yet still look so beautiful. It was almost unreal.

“You know what else sucked about that night?”

“Besides everything?”I genuinely asked.

“Yeah. Besides everything.”

“A lot, and you're going to tell me it all. Because that's what you do. You hold it in and think about every last detail of the event until it's in some sort of order in your head. From most to least exciting, best to worst, or more painful to the most numbing, you go over it in a way nobody else does. Because that's you. That's always been you, and whether I’m there or not, it will never stop. And it shouldn't. Because there should never be a reason for the world to not have you here, with or without me.”

“You still know me, don't you?”

“I never stopped.”

“You're doing it again.”

“Doing what?”

“Making my chest ache in a way that almost feels poetic.”

“What kind of poetry would it be?”

“You mean what kind of poetry would we be?”She clarified. Giving her a nod, I just tried to figure out how she knew my words before I did. How she knew where I was going with this.

Then, I looked at her closer, as if I was just seeing her pull me out of the box again, and realized it didn't matter.

“A kind that never gets an ending.”

“As in it goes on forever?”

“Maybe that or maybe the kind that someone never gets to finish writing.”

“I don't want us to be that one. I don't even want us to be poems. I just want us. That’s all I've ever wanted, before I even knew it.”

“We could be.”

“Then what's stopping us? Now that we're safe, why can't we be in love again?”

“How can we be in love again if neither of us ever fell out of it?”She pointed out.

“So you knew it too then? That something will always be there?”I asked, with some kind of hope that hurt more than breaking up with her did. That was supposed to be a certain thing. Something that she could move on from.

Now that we haven't and we're here, there's no true vision of tomorrow. There's barely a glimpse of now.

“Yeah. I did,”She nodded. 

“Is that good or bad?”

“A week after that, where did you get the black eye from?”

“I fell,”I lied without really thinking. Seeing her turn on her side, I quickly asked for her to stop. 

And for some reason she did. For some reason she sat straight up, hung her legs off of the bed, and looked at me.

“Some of the girls in the Spring, they didn't like me. They didn't trust me and thought that I was there to ruin everything. They also thought that would start with you. So I had a choice. I could let you go through it too or I could keep my mouth shut, leave you, and keep making excuses for the bruises and cuts. And I love you so I chose the second one. I chose what would make life easier for you,”I confessed, doing the exact same thing she was, looking her in the eyes as I took a breath.

“Easier for me?”She whispered.

“Yeah. Easier for you,”I repeated.

“Aris, we were trapped in an ice prison. There was no easier. It was about choosing which battle was worth facing, and we were. You were. I could have protected you. If you just gave me names, I would have done something.”

“What would you have done?”

“I would have figured it out. I already knew someone was hurting you, and I tried so hard to figure it out. I never stopped, even when I wouldn't look at you, but if you had just told me from the beginning I would have saved you. I thought you knew I would always be there to protect you?”

“I didn't want to drag you into my mess.”

“What's mine is yours, and what's yours is mine. It always was, and that included pain. I would do anything for you, no matter what it does to me. Because that's what you do when someone has a place in your heart nobody can fill.”

“It shouldn't be your job to save me,”I pointed out.

“And if the roles were reversed? You're telling me you wouldn't have tried to protect me?”

“Of course I would. I would do anything I could to,”I trailed off.

“To help me. And if instead of letting you, I left and ignored you while you just had to know there was nothing you could do?”

“That would kill me,”I breathed out. “I would feel like a failure, no matter what. I would hate myself for not being able to help while knowing that all I want is you.”

“Yeah. You would.”

“I am sorry. I was always sorry,”I promised, wiping some of my tears with my sleeve. Not saying anything, she slowly walked over, almost as if she wasn't sure if this was the right decision.

But those are never black and white.

Sitting beside me, she wrapped her arms around me. Hugging her back, I let my tears spill on her bare shoulder as she ran her fingers up and down my spine. Closing my eyes, I took in her touch for the first time in too long. 

“I love you. I love you more than words could describe, and I truly wish they could.”

“I know how much you do. You don't even have to say it. I can feel it in the way you touch me,”I promised, “and I hope you can too. I hope one touch is enough for you to know you're my everything.”

“Aris, one glance from you is enough,”She smiled, pulling away and keeping my arms my shoulders. Spotting her tears shine from the dim lights around the room, I wiped them away with my thumbs as I cupped her cheeks. 

“It won't be the same as before. I know that, but-”

Cutting me off, she pressed her lips against mine. Kissing her back, I put my hand behind her head to deepen it, just like I did that night. I kissed her as tears ran down both of our faces just like that night. I pulled her as close to me as possible just like that night.

Only this time, there wasn't an ache that wouldn't be fixed. There was just love. Just the feeling of being missed despite the way we never left. 

Getting carried away, I pushed her under me as I didn't let my lips leave hers. Not once. Not until we ran out of air.

Pulling away, all that could be heard was our heavy breaths as I pressed my forehead against hers. Wearing the kind of smile only she could give me, I took in every single part of her features as if I was going to lose her again.

“Aris?”She asked when our breathing returned to normal.

“Yes?”

“Everything can be exactly the way it was.”

“I like that.”

“Except for one thing?”

“What is that?”

“More kisses exactly like that.”

Chapter 78: Fight Back

Summary:

-Angst
-Hurt/comfort

Thomas.

Thomas was safe.

Thomas was hurt.

Thomas was my younger brother.

Aris.

Aris was gone.

Aris was here.

Aris was the love of my life.

Was.

Everything was fine.

Seeing Thomas all busted up though, still covered in his own blood and fresh bruises, broke something inside of me. The humanity I hold just seems to be evaporating from my veins each second I breathe.

I didn't stop to ask why. I didn't ask what happened. I didn't ask how much he was involved. When the first thing he was going to say was an apology, that was enough for me.

He was stronger than me. Way stronger. I knew it, he knew it, and everyone here knew it.

Yet he didn't stop me. He could easily push me off of him, but he barely even lifted his arms to protect his face as I struck him with my fists. While it normally wouldn't make a difference, the way he seemed determined to lose which only made the fire in my blood burn brighter.

“Fight back! Fight me back like you did him!”I demanded, hearing a crunch as I struck his nose. He barely even moved. “Coward! Fight me, you coward!”I screamed. Just as I went for another someone pulled me back. Turning around, I saw it was Brenda. I went to ignore her when Minho dragged his feet over and pulled me off.

Breathing heavily, I looked at him lying on the ground covered in blood. Sitting up, he wiped it with his shirt. While it seemed to be drying in some places his lip and nose were still dripping. With his skin already bruising and one of his eyes completely black, the damage from just a few seconds was unreal.

“Yeah. I expected that,”He shrugged. Glaring harder, I went to kill him when Minho picked me up and carried me away from the group. With me kicking and shouting threats, I attempted to get to Aris, only for Minho to tighten his grip.

“You should be just as pissed! Why aren't you mad?!”I pointed out.

“I think you did enough for both of us.”

“No. I’ll kill him. I will kill him!”I swore.

“Listen. I know what it feels like-”
“Do you? Do you know what it feels like to constantly fail your baby brother? Do you know what it l feels like to always almost be losing him? Do you know what it feels like to constantly have him ripped away from you? Like that? You know what that feels like? What the memories of failing your brother feel like? Do you?”I spat.

“So this isn't about Aris then.”

“It's about everything. When one person that you love hurts another person that you love, it's hard to love them.”

“I know, okay? I know that, but you can't kill him. No matter how tempting it is.”

“But Thomas-”
“Is back and alive and safe. He's here,”He reasoned.

“But he was hurt. He was hurt when I was supposed to be protecting him.”

“Y/N-”
“Why do I never know how to protect him? Why do I never keep him safe? Why do I even have to? It's not fair. None of this is fair,”I repeated, stomping my foot like an upset child I never has the chance to be. From the second he as born, it was always “take care do Thomas. Take care of your brother. Look after him.” So I did. Then it was “be more mature. Be a role model. You're the oldest. Grow up for him.” So I did.

Then he left. He was separated from me, and I didn't have anyone to watch after. While that should have been good, it drove me insane. My entire life was looking out for him. Now I just had to play with the other kids while he was doing important stuff?

I couldn't do that. I didn't know how.

So I found someone else. I found a boy crying in the closet. I took that complete stranger and comforted him as he rambled to me. While most of it was nonsense words, I understood some. All that mattered though, was that he felt so torn up and hurt and lonely.

I couldn't let him be like that. I vowed to stay with Aris until he was better. Along the way, I just fell in love before I was supposed to leave. He also loved me back. He said I made him feel as if he had a purpose. As if his life could be something besides WICKED. He told me that I made him feel like a person and promised that he would be good to me. He said that he would look after me no matter what it meant. He said that I would be his everything.

I liked the thought of it. Being someone's everything.

I didn't let him do that. I didn't let him look after me. I kept everything bottled up while being there for him.

It wasn't that he was difficult. It wasn't that he needed a lot. He just needed love, and I could give it to him. I could be there. Even when he wasn't upset, I would sit in silence and read with him. I would help him with studying, even when he assured me that I could go to my room if I was getting bored or tired.

I was, but this was the only way I knew how to be. Someone taking care of someone else.

“I’m selfish,”I realized.

“Huh?”

“Me. I've made my entire life revolve around other people until my self worth was if they were okay. I don't have too much empathy. I see it all as my fault. It's always my fault if they fail or get hurt or are upset. Not because I did something. Because I didn't make sure it didn't happen,”I confessed, sitting on the rock before pulling my knees to my chest.

“You're not selfish. You just have too high expectations. You care too much about people's lives. You see it as your job to fix everything and everyone.”

“But I can't,”I whispered, a tear streaming down my cheek as I pressed my face to my knees, looking away from him.

“No. You can't,”He confirmed before just sitting with me in silence. Because there was nothing to say for a while. Not while I collected my thoughts, and he let his presence be enough to do so.

“Minho, I have no idea who I am.”

“No. You don't.”

“I know nothing about myself. Everything I am is the people that I love.”

“Yeah. It is. Why wouldn't it be? You told me the changing gave you memories that nobody had, and you told me how you were expected to care for a boy named Thomas. Then you talked about always making sure a boy named Aris was fine. Then you talked about a girl named Sonya who you watched over just because she was the youngest.”

“You knew this about me already, didn't you?”I muttered.

“Yeah, but you needed to figure it out for yourself. You wouldn't have believed me if I said it.”

“No. I wouldn't have,”I confirmed.

“So what are you going to do now that you know?”He asked.

“I don't know for once,”I admitted, leaning my head on my best friend’s shoulder. Wrapping his arm around me, he let me figure it out too. He usually did that. He had faith in me, even when I didn't.

“First, I’m going to check on my brother. I’m going to help clean him up before letting him make whatever decision he does and be alone,”I started, taking a breath as I closed my eyes to visualize it. “Then, I’m going to make it to the Safe Zone. I’ll stay with everyone and see what it has,”I kept going, feeling another tear that I still didn't bother to wipe roll down my cheek. “Lastly, I’m going to break up with Aris. Even though I love him with all of my heart, I’m going to be by myself until I have full confidence in who I am as a person. I’m going to learn to be alone.”

“That all sounds good,”He agreed. “And just so you know, he’ll wait for you. If you wanted him to, he would wait for years. As long as you came back eventually, he would love you from a distance until you did.”

“How do you know that?”

“Listen, I don't like him. He's just weird in a way that throws me off and makes me kind of angry sometimes. He's kind of cocky and a freakishly good liar. He's casual about a lot of things and doesn't seem like he really fits in with anyone besides you. Plus, he sometimes has an attitude. Not a funny one like me. Just a regular one that annoys me. Also-”
“Minho, my question?”I cut him off.

“Oh, right right,”He remembered. “Like I said, he’ll wait for you.”

“How do you know though?”

“Because he's still sitting on top of this unnecessarily steep hill, waiting for you to walk up so he can explain. He doesn't care that you hurt him. He let you because he would never put a hand on you. He loves you too much. He thinks so highly of you and looks at you in a way I’ve never seen before, that kind of makes me gag because it's so disgustingly loving. So when you go up there and see him, he won't yell. He won't hit you. He won't insult you. He’ll wait and see if you look less angry. When you do, he’ll explain. Then, when nobody's looking, he’ll wrap his arms around you and promise that he would never do something like that if he didn't have to. He’ll kiss you for a moment, and you’ll kiss back because you know it's going to be your last one in a while. That's how I know he’ll wait. Because that's how that story will go.”

“Thank you, Minho. For understanding.”

“Anytime.”

“Can we sit here for a little bit? Just until I can face everyone?”

“Yeah. I think it’ll be okay,”He promised, patting my shoulder in a way that told me he wasn't just answering my question.

He was telling me exactly what the future would be.

Chapter 79: When This Is Over

Summary:

-Small book Aris dialogue

"I need you to remember everything we are, everything we've shared, when this is over. Every kiss, every hug, every late night, every note, every gaze, every dream, every piece of us. When all is said and done, can you promise to remember how loyal we have always been to each? How we've never doubted our love?"

"When what is over, Aris?"

"I can't tell you now, but you'll know. So please?"

Chapter 80: Earned Hearts

Summary:

-Small movie Aris dialogue

"Y/N, why do you like me?"

"I don't like you. I love you."

"But why? I'm nothing like you."

"That's exactly why I love you. You're my other half, the one to pull me in when I've gone too far out at sea, the one who calms me down when I don't think I have any self control left, the one who reminds me that love is possible without words or touch, and the one who will always have my heart. Because you deserve it, and I hope I earned yours."

"It was in your hands from day one."

Chapter 81: Wait For Me

Summary:

-Angst
-Slight emotional hurt/comfort

“But that isn't fair. You promised to never leave me. You promised,”He whispered.

“People break promises all the time, Aris. This is nothing new to either of us,”I pointed out, keeping my back to him as I grabbed my clothes.

“But that's not fair. You said we would be different. You said you would love me forever. You promised you wouldn't run from me, and now you are.”

“Yep. I am,”I nodded, tightening the straps on my bag as I walked out of our room.

“That's not fair. You said you would stay. You said you loved me.”

“Yep. I did.”

“You promised to never leave. You promised to always love me. You promised.”

“Yep,”I repeated, not turning around as I made it to the bottom of the stairs.

“Y/N,”He begged, grabbing my wrist. Pulling away, I went down the hall, pretending he wasn't there. “Y/N, please? Y/N, look at me?”

Tuning him out, I kept walking, not daring to glance at our pictures on the wall. As far as I was concerned, they didn't exist. We had never happened. Not once.

“Y/N-”

“This isn't something you aren't used to. I don't know why you care.”

“Y/N, look at me,”He uttered, his voice cracking. Keeping my eyes fixated on the door, I held back tears as I kept telling myself that I didn't even care. 

Still, I just stood there, frozen as he kept pleading for me to turn around.

I didn't dare. That would break me more than this. If I looked at him I would have to feel something. 

That's why I’m leaving. I need to stay numb. It's just how I am.

“Look at me!”He screamed, the disbelief of it all clear in his voice. Not doing so, I started walking again. 

“Look at me!”He repeated, grabbing my hand. Not letting me react, he kept his hands on my shoulders as he turned me around. With red, glassy eyes, and tears streaming down his face, he looked worse than I had ever seen him. “What did I do?”He whispered.

“Nothing,”I shrugged.

“Then why are you leaving? Why am I not good enough?”

“It's not you. It's-”

“No! You don't get to say that! If that was true you wouldn't be leaving when we were just fine this morning!”

“Were we really fine?”

“This isn't fair,”He repeated, already knowing the answer. 

“It's not.”

“Then why would you do this?”

“I don't love you anymore. It's that easy,”I lied.

“That's not true,”He denied.

“It is. I can't handle this.”

“Is there someone else?”He asked, his face losing color at the mere thought.

“No. I just don't love you.”

“Why?”

“Don't do this to yourself.”

“Why don't you love me?”

“Aris, stop it,”I said firmly.

“What did I do? What do I need to fix?”

“If I’m honest, you're going to actually be hurt.”

“I don't care. Just tell me so I can fix it.”

“But you can't fix it. You can't fix who you are.”

At my words, the world went completely silent. Dropping his hands to his sides, he stared at me as I looked back, keeping my expression blank.

“What?”He whispered, his tears falling faster.

“You aren't someone I can love. You want so much. You just always want to be near me. Being with you is so suffocating. I mean if I find one more love letter I’m going to rip my hair out. And you always kiss my forehead to wake me up. Every. Single. Time. The very first thing you do is kiss me. Not to mention the way you lay on top of me at night. You act like if you don't, I’m going to disappear. You always hold my hand. No matter what, you just grab my hand like you’ll die if you don't. You are constantly saying you love me to the point where it has to be fake. You always think I’m going to leave you, but you never say it. Somehow, you're even worse when I’m sick. You just stay by my side and keep asking if I need anything. You're too much for me. You. Are. Too. Much.”

“But I do those things because I-”

“I swear to god if you say that right now I’m going to lose it! I can't do this! What don't you get!? I have fallen out of love! Do you understand!? I cannot be your girlfriend anymore! I don't want to be! So stop begging me to stay! It won't change anything! It won't make me want you again! Nothing will! So for once in your life stop chasing people who want nothing to do with you! Why do you do this to yourself!? Why do you always run to what hurts you!?”

“It's better than running away when I get close to people.”

“You're ridiculous. You know that, right? You're so stupid if you genuinely believe I’m running out of fear.”

“No. I’m stupid for trying to fix something that was never meant to be fixed,”He corrected.

“Yeah. You are,”I nodded, turning around and walking out of the door.

“And by the way, don't look in the front pocket of your bag! You know!? Since you hate my love letters that much!”He screamed. Pulling my hood up, I turned a corner and made my way to the bridge under the beach. I would just sit there and think. I always did that whenever I was feeling anything. I have also found myself there more and more lately. Not entirely by choice. It was like my legs made the decision for me, and I accepted it.

As expected, I was there before I could even blink. Climbing up to the ledge, I hid on top of a rock under there. Pulling my bag off, I stared at it. Running my hands over the stitching, I didn't dare let myself cry as I got lost in it all. As I let him consume me until there was nothing left. Not in a toxic way. Not in a bad way. In a way where he loved me so much I didn't know what to do with it. I didn't know how to keep up with the way he was always so perfect to me

So I stopped trying. 

I stopped kissing him back.

I stopped saying that I loved him first.

I stopped smiling whenever he hugged me.

I stopped leaning my head on his shoulder when I was tired.

I stopped holding him when he laid with me.

I stopped letting my heart flutter when he would take me to the shore to talk.

I stopped talking with him about our wedding.

I stopped speaking about kids.

I stopped playing with his hair.

I stopped taking his hand when he asked me to dance.

I started pretending that I wasn't so in love I would let it kill me.

So I made up lies and walked out. That was easier.

Without truly wanting to, I reached for the front pocket. Slowly pulling it out, I grabbed a folded piece of paper.

So he wasn't lying like I did. He really did hide another letter for me.

Dear Y/N,

Every time I look at you, I remember why I fell in love. And I’m always looking at you so I never forget. 

I know I can be a lot. Honestly. I’ve been told that more than I can remember.

That's part of why I love you so much. For the first time, I feel like it's okay to love the way I want to. I feel like my love is actually right, like I can actually do things right. 

I love the way I can feel your smile when I kiss you. I love the way you laugh when I pick you up to hug you. I love the way you take me to the ocean and tell me about the stars. I love the way you don't care that your shirt gets wet when I cry on your shoulder. I love the way you treat the sand like snow. I love the way you sneak onto the roof with me. I love the way you roll your eyes when you actually have to get out of bed. I love the way you only have one hairstyle. I love the way you're so wonderful you make the world a better place.

Even if you don't see it, you're an angel. In all of my life, I have never felt so free. 

But of course you could make me feel that way. Because you're you. You're Y/N, and I love you. And I know you sometimes think you don't deserve it, but you deserve the world. So thank you for everything you do and everything you are.

Which is why I hope you say yes to this. All of this and more is why I’m praying you don't want to wait any longer either.

Y/N L/N, would you please let your last name be Jones? 

Would you let me have the only thing I’ll ever need and marry me?

“God damnit!”I screamed, burying my face in my hands as I sobbed. Clutching the letter in my hand, I started shaking while rocking back and forth. How could I be so stupid? How could I let him in when I know what I do? How I could I love him when I know that I always leave when I feel something? How could I hurt the only person who makes me happy? 

How could I do this to someone who genuinely wasn't going to leave?

With hiccuped sobs escaping me, I kept trying to wipe my eyes just for more tears to fall. As I started shaking so hard I swear I was going to pass out, my hands started sweating.

Causing the letter to slip between my fingers.

“No, no, no,”I said quickly, reaching over to catch it just for it to fall into the ocean. Not giving it a second thought, I jumped in after it. With the cold soaking my clothes and salt burning my eye and nose, it was almost impossible to believe I didn't care about anything but that letter.

Splashing around in the dark, I kept searching for it just to feel wet pieces flow through my fingers. Grabbing them, I realized it was too late as the water had already torn it up. 

“No,”I whispered, holding them close as I just floated in the water. With the beautiful stars and calm sea, it was wrong for the world to be so perfect when I had just destroyed my life. It's not right that the earth is still spinning after the hole I just dug myself back into.

Swimming to shore, I crawled on the sand and stayed on top of it. Closing my eyes, I held the pieces of the letter as carefully as I would if they were his heart that I just so carelessly broke. 

I just didn't believe it. I didn't think anyone could actually love me. I didn't think anyone could feel so strongly for me.

All I had ever felt was strong for him. I had always loved him. Even in the beginning and end when I pushed it down, I had always thought of him as someone who could hang the stars in the sky.

Laying there, I let myself silently cry at my own stupidity and selfishness until I fell asleep.

Time Skip

I should be absolutely freezing. I should be cold and wet and shivering.

I wasn't though. I was warm and dry and covered in blankets. 

Opening my eyes, I looked around to see that I was back in his room. With the pictures of us on the wall, the clothes folded on the chair, and his sheets wrapped around me, I had never known a place more than here.

“Oh. You're awake,”He stated. Looking up, I saw him in the doorway, his hair messy and his eyes still red, shattering my hope of it having been a dream. 

“I’m sorry,”I promised.

“You're going to kill yourself one day. If you keep running from people who care about you, soon all you’ll have is yourself. And you don't even love yourself.”

With the lump in my throat coming back, I looked at the ground in shame as tears fell from my eyes. No longer able to hide it, I broke down on his bed, hiding my face with my hands in shame. My chest ached as I sobbed so hard I could feel every bone in my body break, but I didn't stop. I couldn't. I just kept crying in front of him for the very first time. 

“You aren't nice to yourself. You never have been,”He whispered, pulling my hands away as he pressed his palms to my cheeks. Wiping my tears with his thumbs, he comforted me despite the way I had left him crying and heartbroken just a few hours ago. 

“I’m sorry,”I got out.

“I know you are.”

“I wish I knew how to love you. I would if I could. I would give you everything if I knew how,”I promised, taking shaky breaths as I was able to open my eyes. Looking at him up close, the bags under his eyes and puffy face, it was obvious he hadn't slept last night.

“I just wanted to love you. I just wanted to be enough.”

“But you are.”

“No. I wasn't. If I was enough, you wouldn't have ran. If I was enough, you wouldn't be crying like this.”

“I read the letter. I read it, and it fell, and I lost it, and I’m sorry.”

“I know. I saw the pieces in your hand.”

“I would have said yes. I would have figured it all out for you.”

“Y/N, being my wife wouldn't fix you. It wouldn't give you any self worth. It wouldn't make you love yourself. It wouldn't make you see all there is to you. I would be doing that, but I can't. I tried, but I can't.”

“So all this time, I was the one who was too much,”I realized.

“I don't think you were too much. I think you expect so little of people when they give you more than you're used to, you think they're lying. For some reason, you don't think you can be happy.”

“I was with you.”

“Then what did it go away?”

“When I started being happy. When I started loving you. When I realized how much you meant,”I answered honestly, closing my eyes and taking a breath before gazing back at him. 

“You know that this won't make it right? That we can't fix us until you fix yourself?”

“I can do both,”I promised.

“No. You can try, but you won't be able to. You already did try.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

Staying silent, we both stayed there, knowing but hating what came next.

“Your extra stuff's all packed. When you're ready.”

“Even your love letters I kept here?”

“Yes. They're in a separate bag in case you don't want them.”

“I do,”I uttered, holding back more tears as it all unfolded. The most painful moment I’ve ever had, and there was still love. 

The problem was that I didn't have enough. 

He loves himself and me. 

I could only think of him as good enough.

“Can I lay here a little longer? Please?”

“Yeah. You can.”

“But I have to do it without you,”I accepted.

“Yes. You do,”He said firmly. Nodding, I pulled his covers to my chin as I curled up in a ball. Brushing my hair out of my eyes, he looked at me with something I couldn't decipher that sent a pang of hurt through my body. Then he looked away, and it just left.

“I’ll fix myself. I’ll be better,”I promised.

“And I’ll wait for you to do that. You can't try for me though. It has to be for yourself. Otherwise, this cycle will repeat, and it will only hurt worse each time. Do you understand?”

“I do for once.”

“You promise?”He asked, holding his pinkie out.

“I promise,”I swore, wrapping mine around his. Holding it there, we then just acted like this was as painless as when we held hands. 

Until we couldn't.

Getting up, he went to the doorway. Before he could, I stopped him.

“Yeah?”He asked, turning around.

“I am sorry. I know it doesn't mean much, but I am.”

“Y/N, it means more than you think. Even if you never come back and leave me waiting until death, that does matter to me.”

“It won't be forever.”

“I hope not, but you break promises all the time. That's nothing new to either of us, right?”

Not responding despite the way I knew the answer, I stared at him until he left. 

Exactly the way I did him.

Chapter 82: Light Weight

Summary:

-AU
-Fluff

Aris’s P.O.V

Two minutes. I left her alone for two minutes, and now I didn't know where she was. No amount of asking, calling, or texting did any good. Just like that she had vanished in the middle of Minho's party for at least an hour now. I knew this would be a bad idea, but he made a very good argument. The argument of “you never do anything with us so you come before I make you” or something. Since I didn't want to be alone I brought Y/N. Now I have lost Y/N. Great. Amazing. I’m having such a good time looking for my girlfriend in this crowd of people with loud music ringing in my ears. 

As I went to check the backyard again someone grabbed my shoulders and turned me around. Coming face to face with Minho, there was some sort of panic in his eyes.

“Before you say anything, how could we have known that she was a lightweight?”

“What did you do?”

“She's fine, but uh, you gotta take her home. If she says your name one more time I am going to vomit.”

“What the hell could you have done to her in an hour?”I sighed.

“Just take her home.”

“I will if you tell me where she is.”

“Front porch.”

Not really replying, I went to get her before he called me. Turning around, I asked what he could possibly want. “You should still come to-”

Nope. I’m out. 

Walking past the crowd of wasted teenagers and more obnoxious music, I squeezed through. Finding the front door, I opened it and looked for her. Stepping out, I almost instantly felt a pair of arms around my neck.

“I love you,”She sort of slurred out. I guess she's not hammered so that's better than I expected. She's just tipsy.

“Come on. It's time to get you home,”I said, patting her back.

“No,”She argued.

“You can't stay here.”

“I don't wanna go home. I wanna go with you,”She clarified.

“Then, we’ll do that,”I promised, putting her arms over my shoulder. Leaning against me, I looked at her only to realize something very important. “What happened to your shoes?”

“Shoes are for the weak,”She said firmly. At least her completely reasonable opinions are easy to understand. She also has socks on. Then again, that wouldn't do much.

“Come on. You can't walk barefoot,”I pointed out. Picking her up, I started carrying her bridal style to my house while really wishing that I had my own car. Mainly because I’d rather not carry a tipsy Y/N twenty minutes to my house.

“Mine,”She mumbled, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and cuddling into my neck.

“Yes. I am,”I promised, pulling her close for fear of dropping her to the concrete. “Did you have fun?”

“No. You left me.”

“Y/N, I did not leave you. I was looking for you.”

“No.”

“No?”

“You left because you don't love me.”

“This is news to me. I’ve always felt very in love with you,”I shrugged.

“No.”

“No?”I repeated with an amused grin.

“It's not funny,”She insisted.

“You're right, you're right. I’m sorry,”I apologized, holding back my smile. With that seeming to satisfy her, she wrapped her arms around me just a little tighter. Accepting it, I repeated sweet nothings the entire way home to apparently make up for abandoning her.

Not that I minded. I could tell her how much she means to me until the end of time.

Chapter 83: My Hero (Part 1)

"No. That's an awful idea,"He groaned as I told him my brilliant plan to try and climb the Maze walls.

"Why?"I asked. 

"What are you expecting to find up there?"

"I don't know. Maybe more than I find down here,"I shrugged.

"Y/N-"

"It's all going to be fine. Now are you coming?"I repeated.

"Do I want to go on an uneventful journey up some walls? No. Not really,"He shook his head.

"Okay. Have fun doing nothing,"I shrugged.

"You mean actually enjoying not working? Yeah. I'll survive,"He exasperated.

"For a Skater, you sure are a wuss,"I sighed, tying up my skates. 

"That's fine with me. Just be careful out there,"He called as I stretched.

"I always am,"I called back. Then, I double checked that I was good to go. Still, something felt off. 

"Your Skater bag. You might want that out there,"He pointed out, handing it to me. I gave him a nod as a way to silently say thanks before going through the walls. Turning around, I gave him our usual salute which he returned along with a dorky grin. I just rolled my eyes as I turned back around.

Only when he couldn't see me did I dare smile back.

♡ Time Skip♡

Like I said I would, I kept skating until I was near the middle. From there, I removed my skates and found a good section of vines. Tugging on a few, when I was sure that they were stable I started climbing. Putting my feet on the wall, I made my way up. Glancing towards the top every now and then, I was more than excited to see what I would find. So excited, I was practically shaking. Maybe today would actually be the day. Maybe I will find the way out. I can't even begin to imagine how people would react. Just as ready to go as I am? Scared about what's out there? Reluctant to even try?

I don't know, but I’m ready to go. I’m hoping to find our way out today.

With a huge grin on my face, I realized I was just inches from the top. Resisting the urge to cheer just yet, I climbed even higher.

Then, my hand missed a vine.

Just like that I was falling to the ground.

And saying goodbye to consciousness. 

Chapter 84: My Hero (Part 2)

Aris’s P.O.V

All day I had been waiting for her to get back from her adventure on the Maze walls. She'd climb up, see that there was nothing new, and leave to actually enjoy her day off. It would be as simple as that. 

But it was nearing sundown, and she still wasn't back. Had something happened? Was she in trouble? Was she hurt?

As I looked at the Maze walls I knew there was only one way to find out. I can't believe it, but I've got to go in there.  I just had to be sure nothing had happened to her. I don't know what it could be since the Shades were never out in the day, but it was better to be safe than sorry. I'd rather find out she wasted her day than not find her at all.

Or worse, find her when I'm out there tomorrow.

I need to go now. Before something happens that can't be fixed.

Without even bothering to say a word to anyone I ran to the Skater's area, almost slipping on ice as I did. Despite this, I slammed the door open and with shaky hands put my skates on. In my haste to leave I didn't even bother to grab my bag. I just had to find her. Now.

♡ Time Skip♡

Two hours. My watch told me I had two hours before the doors shut and locked me in here, leading to my certain death. 

If I didn't try until the end though, I would never forgive myself. 

Why hadn't I just gone with her? Or made her tell me which route she was taking? Make her tell me where she would be? 

I messed up bad this time. This wasn't something I could slap a bandaid on. It wasn't like when I accidentally tripped her while in the beginning stages of earning this title. Or when I ran straight into the wall and broke my ankle, resulting in her dragging me out of here. This wasn't like the time we thought it was any kind of smart to run on ice in socks and fell flat on our faces.

This was her life. 

I should have just gone with her. Even more, I should have just convinced her to stay with me. Not try something new on her own. What was I thinking?

To cut it short, I wasn't. 

"Y/N! Y/N!"I kept shouting. All I got was my own voice echoing back. These stupid walls were mocking me. 

I had never despised this place more. 

Turning another corner, I got ready to yell for her again when I saw it. To be more specific I saw her, unmoving on the ground.

This isn't real. It's not real.

"Y/N?"I asked, kneeling beside her. I pressed my hands to her face to feel that she was absolutely freezing. She seemed to have been like this for hours.

This wasn't real though. She was fine. She was just messing with my head. She had to be.

"You're-you're not-you aren't funny,"I stuttered, praying for her to just open her eyes. I wouldn't even be mad. As long as she's okay all I would be is thankful.

Still, the more she remained unmoving the faster my heart started beating. This couldn't be real. She couldn't be hurt.

"Hey, hey, hey. Wake up,"I repeated, frantically shaking her shoulders. She was out cold. It seemed like she had fallen off while climbing. 

"Didn't you hear me? Wake up. Wake up now!"I demanded. I didn't get anything back.

This was real. 

If this is real then I need to get it together. I need to get us out of here before the doors close. 

Without a second thought I put her arms around my shoulder and started dragging her back. I had never skated while holding someone before and definitely not somebody unconscious. 

They were going to be pissed, but they would get over it. Even if they didn't, I don't care. All that matters is that she gets out of here. 

Setting her down, I went completely barefoot before picking her back up. I wasn't sure how well this would work, but anything was worth a shot. 

My watch beeped, alerting me that I had only an hour to leave. Glancing at the walls I saw that I was in section one. I could make it. I could work with that. When skating it takes about half an hour to go through a section. I had double that so even without them I should be okay. We should be fine. 

We need to be. If we're not then it falls on me. 

I should have just gone with her from the start. 

♡ Time Skip♡

I swear I was the one dying. I felt like I was turning blue as I walked through the Maze. 

But I was almost there. I was going to make it. 

Absolutely exhausted as the adrenaline seemed to be wearing off, when I turned a corner and saw the exit I swear that I was hallucinating. 

Daring to look at my watch, I managed to make out the timer telling me I had five minutes. Fast. I had to act fast. 

She was still unconscious making this harder, but I wouldn't give up on her. Because she has to be just knocked out. She wasn't allowed to just die on me. My partner wasn't allowed to leave me alone. She said she would stay safe, and if that can't happen, she can at least be breathing. 

I need her. I can lose everything in the world but not her. Not my Y/N. 

Feeling my head spin as voices shouted at me, I didn't even realize that while I had been thinking of how much I needed her I was out. We were out. 

I had done what I needed to do. Now I truly was out of adrenaline to keep me awake.

So I didn't fight it as I collapsed in the snow.

Chapter 85: My Hero (Part 3)

Summary:

-Fluff

Aris’s P.O.V

When I woke up I was in the Medical Wing. I don't know what happened or why I was here. Did I do something stupid? Did I get hit upside the head or something? Because I felt like hell. 

Sitting up, I rubbed my eyes as I tried to recall everything. Putting my feet over the edge of the bed, I found myself face to face with Y/N. 

Well, almost. She seemed to be asleep, curled up in a chair beside me.

That's when it all came back. Everything. The Maze, finding her, dragging her out, and passing out in the snow. 

"Y/N, hey, wake up, wake up,"I said frantically, having this fear that she wasn't just sleeping. That she was truly gone. Because I can lose anything but her so if she doesn't wake up, I don't even know what I would do. Because I need her. I need her with me forever.

Because I'm in love with her. 

"Y/N?"I repeated, shaking her shoulders again. She groaned and mumbled something incoherent as she opened her eyes. Then, her entire face lit up.

"Aris!"She exclaimed. Before I could react she threw her arms around me. I just hugged back as tight as I could. Just to be sure that she was real, that she was here, and that she was okay. 

"I'm sorry that you had to come rescue me. I just fell from the wall, and if you hadn't come looking for me I'd be dead,"She whispered.

"I should have just gone with you from the start. I shouldn't have let you go without a partner,"I whispered back. 

"Still, I'm okay all thanks to you. I should have just stayed with you, Aris. The only time I even enjoy being out there is with I'm with you anyways,"She admitted. 

"I feel the same way,"I promised.

"My hero,"She sighed, pulling away. Then, she pressed a kiss to my cheek. It was so small, barely a second, but I felt my entire face turn red. Without even realizing I raised my hand to where her lips had touched me. She kissed me. She had actually kissed me. I mean it was on my cheek, but that counts. 

"Are you okay?"She checked.

"I'm fine, but are you? You must have been out for hours. You were freezing."

"Good as new. The Nurses said I just went into shock and that you were most likely worn out. They were worried it was frostbite for little bit. Said you were barefoot."

"Yeah. It was easier to walk than skate while carrying you."

"I'm done exploring that place alone,"She sighed. 

"Did you find anything out there?"

"Yeah. I found out that I have very bad climbing skills,"She shrugged. 

"So what-"

"I missed a vine and fell."

"I'm just glad that you're okay,"I said, reaching for her hand. She accepted and intertwined our fingers.

"I'm thankful you are too and just for you in general. Thank you."

"As long as you're okay it's worth it,"I promised, running my thumb over her knuckles. She looked at the ground as she turned a light shade of pink.

"I'm just grateful that you're here and that you exist. If I lost you I'd just lose it. That would be it. For my sanity, my comfort, my happiness. Because the only time I truly smile without a care in the world is when you're with me. Aris, it's you. It was always you."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that you are everything to me. That I'm in love with you. I'm in love with the way you smile. I'm in love with your freckles that you can only see if you're close enough. I'm in love with your laugh. I'm in love with the way you look so free when you're skating. I'm in love with the pure heart you have despite everything. I'm in love with everything about you,"She confessed. 

I sat there as I tried to think of the right words to her, of how to tell her how I feel. How it took almost losing her to see what was so obvious.

"There are a million things I could say about you. If I put everything I love about you in a list I would never stop talking. You're the only person I truly feel like myself around. I could say anything at all, and I wouldn't even think of how you would react. You're like the little bit of sunlight we get here. It's so simple, but it makes the entire world brighter. You're special, Y/N. You're worth everything,"I breathed out. 

"So then what do you say? You wanna give us a shot while trapped in an ice prison?"She asked. 

I looked at her. At her shy smile, her bright eyes, and then at our hands. We still hadn't let go. There was no reason to. 

"With everything in my heart, yeah. I would love that.”

Chapter 86: My Hero (Part 4)

Summary:

-Angst

Life would never be easy. It doesn't work like that. Just because you realize you have feelings for your best friend and end up being the love of each other's lives, does not make the world perfect.

I was tired. I was really, really tired. All I do is look for a way out, and all I get is nothing. The same patterns at the same times at the same sections.

“What's that look for?”He asked, glancing down at me.

“What look?”I asked quickly, meeting his gaze.

“You know what I’m talking about. What's running through that pretty head of yours?”He smiled, tracing his fingers down my arms.

“It's just that, I know it ended badly last time. Sort of. But I have another idea. One that might be crazy enough to work.”

“Y/N, last time you had a crazy idea you almost died,”He stated, as if a reminder was needed.

“It’ll be different this time. I’ll be the only risk. Nobody else needs to get involved.”

“That makes me trust this even less. Why would you want to be the only risk?”

“Aris, I think I have it. Every person that's been trapped in the Maze overnight hasn't been prepared, but-”
“Hell no,”He said before I could finish.

“I need you to hear me out. I’ll be ready. I’ll be on the lookout,”I assured him, sitting up and crossing my legs together.

“No. I am not going to find my lover's dead body while I’m in the Maze. Do you understand? I am not going to start skating and look down and see your blood or your bag or whatever. I won't do it,”He said firmly.

“You won't have to. I’ll be okay.”

“Just like you were okay last time?”

“Aris-”
“No. Listen to me. I saw you just lying there. I thought that you had left me forever. I thought you were never coming back to me, and I hated you for leaving me, and I hated myself for not saving you. I hated the idea of you not being beside me so much that in three seconds I realized I loved you. You were lying there, cold and unmoving. I couldn't even believe it was you. I didn't want to, and only when I realized your heart was beating did I feel okay enough to come back to reality. Only then did life become any kind of okay. I grieved over you for only a few minutes when I thought you were gone, and I won't do it forever. I can't,”He told me, tears streaming down his cheeks as he looked at me.

“I love you, okay? I love you, and you won't lose me,”I whispered, moving over and putting my arm around him while tracing shapes on his arms, “At the same time, we both know being a Skater is dangerous. If there's any possibility that we won't have to be trapped here every day, that we can be free, isn't it worth taking?”

“No. Not if the cost is you.”

“I can't stay here anymore. I don't want to. Who would?”

“It's not that bad. We have what we need. We have food, water, shelter, a routine, jobs, people we care about, and each other. What more do we need?”He listed, this unfamiliar glint in his eye that made my stomach twist in knots.

“Aris, do you . . . like it here?”

“I mean, it's not so terrible. Maybe there's nothing for us. Maybe this is the best it gets,”He mumbled, dropping his head.

“You're a Skater. How could you say that when your job is to find our way out?”I asked in disbelief, pulling away from him.

“I don't know. It's just that it's pretty safe here. The most dangerous part is the Maze, you know?”

“So you're telling me if there was a way out you wouldn't go?”

“That's not what I’m saying.”

“Then, what the hell are you saying? As a Skater, an Icer, and a friend, what are you saying?”

“I just don't think this place is nothing but bad. It's not perfect, but it's safe. We don't know if the outside world is the same.”

“We are so restricted here that it's a glorified prison. We are constantly watched. We can't just go anywhere we want. We can't do so many things.”

“What can't we do in here that we can do out there?”

“Do you not remember barely a week ago when we were kissing and saw a Beetle Blade barely two seconds when we pulled apart? Do you not remember how uncomfortable that was?”

“I do, but what's to say the outside world isn't monitored too? What if this place is the best we have? Are you really going to risk your life for just a chance of more?”

“You're ridiculous,”I muttered, standing up.

“Y/N, I’m not saying I wouldn't take it if we knew what's out there. If we know it was safe I would do it in a heartbeat, but while everything is the same as always and nobody knows different, I won't. I will skate in that Maze forever, and I would go if there was a sure way out, but there isn't right now. So you're plan is basically suicide. So no. You can't go.”

“Then it's a good thing I wasn't asking for permission, isn't it?”

“You're not going through with this.”

“You know, I thought I would be nice and be honest. I thought I would warn you that I wouldn't be coming out for a night but clearly that was a mistake,”I recognized, turning my back to him as I started walking out of his hut.

“I’ll tell Harriet,”He threatened.

“Excuse me?”I asked, spinning on my heel and meeting his gaze.

“I’ll tell Harriet that you're planning to leave. Then she won't let you go in the Maze ever again.”

“Are you giving me an ultimatum?”

“I know when you're lying. So are you going to try and do this?”

“You're on very thin ice right now, so you better watch what you say next,”I warned, crossing my arms as I stood just inches before him. Taking in his blank expression and his head held high, it was clear he wasn't taking it back.

“Fine. Here's my ultimatum. If you stop me, I will never talk to you again. I will never, ever, ever forgive you. If I wake up tomorrow and get even a hint that you told someone, we’re done. As partners, as friends, and as lovers. That is my ultimatum.”

“I won't give you up.”

“But you're not not going to say anything, are you?”

“I love you.”

“So this is how it ends? Just like this, right here, right now?”

“It depends. Are you ending it?”

“I guess we’ll find out in the morning, won't we?”

“Yeah. I guess we will.”

Chapter 87: My Hero (Part 5)

Summary:

-Angst
-Hurt/comfort

I didn't look at him when I put my skates on. I didn't speak to him. I didn't hug him. I didn't acknowledge that he exists in any way, shape, or form. 

He wouldn't look at me either. He also kept making that clicking sound with his tongue. The one he only makes when he feels guilty about something. It's a giveaway that I used to find cute.

We both pretended not to notice it. I pretended not to notice the guilty, unconscious habit. He pretended not to know that after today, we were done. 

“Y/N, I need to talk to you,”Harriet called. Walking past him, we both avoided looking at each other as I met her.

“Yeah?”I asked, feigning ignorance to what she wanted to speak to me about.

“Someone told me you're thinking of staying in the Maze overnight? Is that true?”She asked outright.

“Yes. It is,”I admitted, not seeing the point in hiding it.

“Okay. Well, I thought about it, and I think it's a good idea.”

“You do?”I asked quickly, a grin of excitement and disbelief crossing my lips.

“Yes. I do, but I would like to wait a little longer. I want an official game plan.”

“I’ll wait as long as you want,”I promised. 

“Okay. That's all so for now get to the Maze,”She commanded, patting my shoulder before walking away to take care of other leader things. To be honest, who cares? I’m going to get to be in the Maze overnight! I’m getting us out! We're getting out!

Rushing back to the Skaters hut, I practically flung the door open as I grabbed my stuff. Looking at Melly, I waited for the schedule while holding in my smile. Nothing, absolutely nothing, could kill my joy.

“First up, Y/N and Aris, section one.”

Damn. I guess I was wrong. 

So now I get to be alone with my unofficial ex all day. Yay. What fun.

♡ Time Skip♡

We didn't talk as we mapped everything out. There was no reason to. We already knew it was over so why push it? What was the point? 

“Have you seen anything new?”He mumbled, glancing over at me as I was just trying to write my part down.

“Besides Harriet this morning, no.”

“I’m sorry, but it's just going to get you hurt.”

“Oh no. She's on board with it,”I shrugged.

“She's what?!”

“Yeah. She thinks it's a good idea.”

“How?! How is that a good idea?!”

“Would you mind not screaming three feet from my ear?”

“You're going to kill yourself.”

“Wow. Good to see your faith in me,”I deadpanned, rolling my eyes.

“I’m not just saying it as whatever we are now. I’m saying it as your best friend, who cares about you.”

“Okay, but I don't care. Nothing you say could stop me.”

“Harriet was supposed to stop you.”

“Well, luckily for me, she didn't.”

“Y/N-”

“I’m done talking about this. Just like I'm done talking to you,”I promised, walking out.

“Well, I’m not done talking to you,”He argued, following me anyway.

“That's too bad,”I shrugged, not turning around to face him. 

“Y/N, stop,”He said firmly, grabbing my hand before I could react.

“Let. Me. Go,”I said slowly, glaring at him.

“Y/N, I care about you. If you don't want me to say I love you, fine, but that won't change anything. At the end of the day, I just want you here. I just want you to be safe. That's the only reason I was ever okay with losing you. Because I’d rather you be here without me having you, than not be here at all.”

“Let go of my hand,”I repeated, despite the way his grip was in no way harsh. It wasn't about his touch. It was about seeing if for once he could listen.

He didn't.

“I’m done with you. I’m done,”I scowled, pulling out of his hold and storming to my hut.

“And I’m not done with you. Please? Please just listen?”He begged.

“Screw you.”

“Y/N, please?”He repeated, keeping his pace beside me. Rolling my eyes, I went inside and shut my door, standing against it as when I did.

“Come on. Please open the door?”

“For you? No.”

“No. Because I want to talk about this.”

“There's nothing to talk about. I’m going in, we’re done, life is that simple,”I pointed out.

“Is it?”

“Why wouldn't it be?

“Because I know you still love me, and you know I still love you. What about that is simple?”

“The part where I say no I’m not.”

“We both know you can't lie to me. That no matter what I’ll see you right through you.”

“Gee. Good to know I’m invisible.”

“No. You're the opposite. You're the only one I see, the only girl I could ever look at. You're the only one I could ever love, and to me you're an open book. Whether you like it or not, it's true. I will always know when you're lying, even if I can't see you.”

“What's the point of you not going home?”

“I just want you to be safe. I want to change your mind. I want you to stay with,”He trailed off.

“With you,”I finished.

“I just want you alive. No matter what that means.”

“And what if I don't want to be alive? Did you ever stop and think of that or are you still thinking of yourself?”I snapped, the words immediately filling me with regret when they left my mouth. Shutting my eyes, I took a breath as he stayed silent. 

He was still standing there. I could feel it. I knew his presence so much it was almost unnatural.

“What does that mean?”He whispered.

“Just go away.”

“Y/N-”

“Go away, Aris. Leave me alone.”

“No. I won't.”

“Can you stop being so damn stubborn?”

“What do you mean you what if you don't want to be alive?”He repeated.

“It doesn't matter.”

“It does. If you tell me, I’ll prove it matters. I promise I will. You just have to tell me.”

“You don't get it,”I uttered, tears pouring down my cheeks.

“Make me get it. Okay?”He whispered.

“I can't. You're okay with it here, but I’m not. I’m tired of failing everyone. I’m so sick of coming back with nothing. What's the point of it? Of anything at all? Why am I here if I can't save everyone?”

“Can I please come in?”

His words were the same as before. They hadn't changed. His voice was as gentle as ever, softer than anything I could ever touch.

He had ruined the world. It could never compare to him, no matter what it held. Anything that was beautiful would be nothing next to him. 

Five words. Five words that he had been repeating and begging for was all it took for me to give in. It was all took for me to let him in. 

We stood there for a while, staring at each other as we tried to figure out what to do next. Who would break the heavy silence. Who would know what the right thing was. 

“It's okay,”was all he said. Letting the tears spill harder, I wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his neck as I cried. Holding me tightly, he rocked me back and forth as we stood there, the embrace breaking me more than I’d like to admit.

“You're not failing anyone. You're doing your best. You're doing more than you should, but I’m proud of you. I'm really, really proud of you,”He coaxed. Through hiccuped sobs I choked out apologies for something. I didn't know what nor did I care. “It's okay. I’m right here. I will always be here.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It's okay. It's all okay,”He whispered, his voice cracking as his own tears dropped on my shirt. 

“Today was hard. Today was really, really hard,”I said through heavy breaths.

“I know it was.”

“I just want tomorrow to be different.”

“Sleep then so it can be.”

“Can you stay with me?”I pleaded

“Always,”He assured me, taking my hand. Falling on my bed, I closed my eyes as he pulled me to his chest. Rubbing my back, he kept me close until I cried myself to sleep.

Chapter 88: My Hero (Part 6)

Summary:

-Fluff

Aris’s P.O.V

When I woke up she was still cuddled to my chest. Glancing down, I saw her tear streaked face as the sun just barely shone through her window, almost in her eyes. 

Kissing her temple, I pulled her a little closer, keeping my hand behind her head as I pulled the covers over us a little more so it wouldn't wake her up. I protected her from the sun waking her up the way I wished I could protect her from herself. What she feels, the way she's so unfair to herself, the way she doesn't think she’s doing enough, that sucks. It sucks because she does more than I’ve seen anyone do, goes further than anyone should. Time and time again she does the most dangerous things for that chance of getting everyone out. She was strong like that, selfless and kind. Quick witted and agile. Sweet and beautiful. To me, she was nothing short of perfect. No matter how impulsive she could be or how outlandish her thoughts were, she was incredible.

“I don't know what we are right now, but I’ll always love you. You will always be enough in my eyes and you should be in everyone's. Even your own,”I whispered, tracing hearts through her shirt on her back, “You will be my everything until I die. Even if I’m not yours. So hold on. Hang on a little longer. We’ll get out, but you have to wait. We’ll be free one day.”

“Aris?”She asked as I went silent, opening her eyes and looking up at me.

“Hi, lovely. Hi,”I hesitantly greeted.

“Hi, beautiful boy. Hi,”She said back, letting me know that we were okay. Sort of. Mentally, she wasn't doing that good. Us, we were alright.

“I love you,”I told her the way I do every morning.

“I love you too,”She smiled. Cupping her face, I wiped her dried tears with my thumbs. “I do love you. I just want to love you somewhere else. Somewhere I know I don't have to worry about losing you in a Maze. Somewhere that doesn't trap us in one place. Somewhere where I can hold your hand whenever I want.”

“We will. We’ll get out,”I promised.

“I’m holding you to that,”She warned.

“Hold me to whatever you want. I’ll never lie to you.”

“Do you really like it here?”She asked.

“I like the way I know we're safe as long as we're out here. I want more, but I’m scared of what it is. I do want to spin you around in the rain. I do want to see you be happy when you wake up. I do want to see you feel good about who you are. I do want to kiss you where I know we're alone.”

“And you promise we’ll get it? Promise promise?”She asked, holding out her pinkie.

“Promise promise,”I swore, hooking mine around hers. With her smile reaching her eyes, she only got prettier. There's something about her being happy that means everything. “Can you do one thing though?”

“Maybe. What is it?”

“Be careful out there. Look out for yourself and come back to me. Come back to me when morning comes.”

“I will always find my way back to you.”

Chapter 89: My Hero (Part 7)

Summary:

-Hurt/comfort

I couldn't do it. I thought I could. I thought it would be fine, but it's not fine. Nothing is fine. I spent all night there. I skated and hid and searched and found nothing. I did everything, and it was all for nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Still, I held my stomach as blood poured from the cut from the Shades leg. I kept the rag pressed to it as I leaned my head against the door, hating how I had failed them. I was supposed to fix it. I was supposed to get us out, and I failed. I failed, and I have nothing left. I have nothing to show for it.

Curling up in a ball, I laid there and closed my eyes. Keeping my hands to my stomach, I held my breath as the pain was spreading to every part of my body.

As it always does, the sun shone down, demanding that I open my eyes. I didn't. Even as I heard those stupid doors opening, I laid there, wondering how I could screw up so badly.

Still, the tears gave me no choice but to look at the hopelessness of the Spring. Right now, everyone's asleep and I’m here, having failed them again.

I wasn't met with that as the doors opened though. Not at all.

“Y/N?”He asked quickly, stepping in the stupid Maze. Kneeling beside me, he ignored the puddle of blood soaking his jeans as he repeated my name.

I didn't know how to speak. I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything. I just started breaking down.

“It's okay. It's okay. I’ve got you,”He assured me, carefully picking me up. Wrapping my arms around his shoulders, I buried my face in his neck as I sobbed, mumbling apologies against his cold skin. “It's okay. You're okay,”He repeated.

“I tried,”I choked out.

“It's fine. It's okay. You did just fine,”He repeated, his voice slightly shaky as he laid me on his bed. When'd we get here?

“It's okay,”He promised, taking my jacket and shirt off. While in any other situation I would mind, a stab wound is a pretty good exception. “This is going to sting. Okay?”He warned as the scent of alcohol filled my nose. Nodding my head, I closed my eyes as he pressed a wet rag to my wound. Wincing at the contact, I clenched and unclenched my fists as he disinfected it. As he started to press it a little firmer I cussed before biting my lip to hold back a sound.

“No, no, no. Don't do that, okay? It's fine. You're fine,”He said gently. Taking a breath, I nodded again. “It's all gonna be okay,”He promised, getting what was hopefully all of the blood. I don't know. I was too queasy to look, my stomach twisting in knots despite the literal stab wound by my waist.

“It's not as bad as it feels. I know it hurts, but it's not too deep. Okay lovely?”

“Whatever you say,”I quietly agreed.

“It’s all okay,”He repeated, putting his hand over my fist for a moment before drying both the alcohol and the rest of the blood. When I guess he was satisfied he gently but firmly put a gauze over the wound. Resisting the urge to kick my feet and scream at the pain, I still refused to lookas more tears streamed down my cheeks.

“You're okay. You're alright,”He soothed, leaning over and kissing my forehead. “You did your best. That's all you can do.”

“But it wasn't good enough. I didn't find anything,”I whispered, leaning on my elbows to sit up. Putting a hand on my back, he helped me before sitting beside me. Resting my head on his shoulder, I closed my eyes while wondering why it was never enough.

“Look at me,”He whispered, cupping my cheeks as I turned to face him. “You did what you could. Okay? You did your best, and don't forget you're the very first person to survive all night. That means something, right? It means it is possible as long as you don't give up, and you Y/N, never give up. That's part of why I love you so much. You always have hope, even for things nobody else does.”

“I’m just tired right now. I just want to sleep,”I mumbled, my eyes now fluttering shut against my will.

“Come on lovely. Lay down,”He urged. Slowly doing so with him still keeping a hand on my back, I groaned at the stinging in my side before half giving up and laying my head on his lap. Tracing his fingers up and down my spine, I felt him write the words I love you on my bare skin.

“I love you too. I’ll love you forever,”I muttered, involuntarily smiling. Writing the words back, he promised to look after me.

And while I would usually be against that, he was the only one who could truly know what I needed.

He was the only one who knew what kind of love made everything better.

Chapter 90: Heartbeat

Summary:

-Angst
-Fluff
-Hurt/comfort

Aris's P.O.V

She was beautiful. So very beautiful. With hair that framed her already angelic face and eyes that could light up the night sky, it was always impossible to pull my gaze away from her. With her soft skin that always gave me this warmth that could only come from her hand and gentle lips that gave such gentle kisses, she was too captivating to be human. 

And with bags under those bright eyes, they were turning dark. Her taken care of and perfectly done hair was now a tangled mess with knots every other section. Her skin was cut up, dried blood permanently staining it. Her lips were cracked, blood naturally flowing. 

She was losing warmth. And with each second she was also losing life.

"It's okay. It's okay. It's all okay,"I soothed, holding her close as she had tears streaming down her face and blood pouring from her waist, the bullet still doing everything to stop her heartbeat.

I couldn't try and remove it. That would be the final straw. That would make it too late.

Pressing my shirt a little tighter on the wound, I repeated my words as she kept her arms around my shoulder while I kept her on my lap. With those tears turning to quiet, slow breaths, she dug her nails into my skin to keep herself in my hold. 

"It's okay. It's alright,"I whispered, completely tying my old shirt around her waist before carefully rocking her back and forth. Running my fingers through her hair, I pressed my lips to her temple as she held on to me.

"You need to go with the others,"She pointed out, reminding me that while the others were safe, we were here in the destroyed WCKD facility.

"Don't worry about it, okay? Don't worry about it,"I repeated, putting my hand behind her head as she rested on my shoulder.

"It's cold,"She said through quiet breaths.

"It's okay. It's alright,"I coaxed, taking my jacket off while keeping her close. Wrapping it around her with one hand, I didn't let her fall asleep as I rubbed my hand up her arm while she shivered.

"Aris?"She whispered.

"Yes, angel?"I asked, only to immediately regret my words. Taking a breath, I pretended I hadn't said it just like I pretended there was no way we wouldn't have a happy ending.

"It's okay now. I'm okay."

"What?"I choked out.

"I'm okay. I'm fine,"She lied.

"No, that's not-no. You can make it,"I said firmly. "If we find something. Or I can go out and get help. I'll get help and you stay here. I'll make it okay, and-and-"

"Aris,"She said with such strength there was no way she could be bleeding out.

She was though.

And there was nothing I could do about it.

"Nobody's around here for miles. You know that."

"But they might be. If I can just-"

"Aris,"She cut me off, her hands pressing against my cheeks as she looked at me. Wearing a small smile, she closed her eyes as she pressed her forehead against mine. With our noses just barely touching and her dying breath against my lips, I felt something inside of me break as it all became too real. 

We were back at the Spring, in our hut, sleeping together in the same small cot. She's laying on her side as I hug her from behind. With my arms around her stomach, I press kisses to her bare skin, taking my time with each and every one until she wakes up. Her hands trace shapes down my arms until she kisses my fingertips. She turns around and smiles as she plays with my hair. I kiss her forehead when it's finally time to get up despite the way I know she's going to make me stay a little longer. She'll hug me and bury her face in my chest while mumbling that she didn't want to get up yet. I give in and lay with her for five minutes, rubbing circles on her back until it's time to start the day.

We dress on other sides of the room, our backs turned until we've confirmed that we're ready to go. Her outfit is simple as always, but she makes it seem like it's handmade only for her. I tell her she looks beautiful no matter what she's wearing. She rolls her eyes until I make her face the mirror. I don't let her look away until she believes it. 

I eat breakfast beside her. We don't hold hands. We don't kiss. We just sit there with Natalie and Melissa, quietly talking until that meal is over. 

We head to the Med-hut. We don't get a patient for at least until lunch. We're also the only two there since nobody else seems to want to do it. They all favor being Builders and Track-hoes. Plus, the one we got two weeks ago fainted when a Skater broke her leg.

We organize the supplies again. We disinfect everything. We end up getting bored. I sit on the ground and she lays her head on my shoulder as I read to her. She stops me every now and then to make me annotate the book. I do it without question. By the time we've finished there's still nobody there. She doodles random things. I watch over her shoulder. She says she needs to save paper. I let her draw on my arm. She makes flowers and stars and planets and writes our initials inside one of the several hearts. I ask if I can draw something. She agrees. I take her hand and write mine on the back of it before kissing it. She makes a joke about me being possessive. I promise that it's just because I'm thankful she loves me too. She swears she'll somehow get it tattooed one day. I tell her she can do whatever she wants, and I'll love her all the same.

Someone finally comes in before lunch. Then another person. A Blondie and a Cook. She helps Blondie because she's better with them. She'll make small talk as I help my patient in silence, only asking basic questions. By the time I'm finished, she's still talking to Blondie despite having healed her. I say bye to the Cook before watching them. She reassures her it'll be okay. Blondie ends up asking about the writing. Her smile grows as she glances at me. Blondie understands. They talk more before she leaves.

Lunch is the same as breakfast. There's nothing wrong with that. We like it that way. By now Natalie and Melissa are more awake. We talk a little more, a little louder. We don't go into anything major. It's lighthearted and enjoyable enough.

We go back to the Med-hut when it's over. We disinfect everything. We reorganize. We know our only chance of someone else is a Skater. She lays on the ground and complains about being bored. I lay beside her as she says she just wishes there were more people to help. I wish I had that kind of selflessness. I like this job because I'm good at it. Not because of what I do. She asks what's wrong. I tell her nothing because nothing is. I just admire her. I just wish I could be more like her. She knows something is up. She lightly kicks my shin until I do the same. She takes my hand and turns on her side. She plays with my fingers, getting lost in the meaningless activity. Her touch kind of tickles. I don't tell her that. I just watch her fidget with my hand until she kisses my palm and sets it down. She looks up at me to see me smiling, and she does the same. She runs her hands through my hair and tells me she wants me to grow it out so she can braid it. I promise to let it get just long enough to make mini ones. She likes the idea. It makes her happy so it makes me happy. 

We go to Blondie night for a bit. We don't watch the fights. We sit with Sonya and Anne. Harriet's too busy watching over everything. We all talk. We know these girls better so I feel comfortable holding her hand. Plus, it's dark so it's hard to tell. I'm proud to have her, but I don't want anyone to see how much. She feels the same. I know for sure because I once asked if it hurts her feelings that I don't really touch her in public. She looked surprised and said no. I like that we're so in synch. She does too. Nobody was there right then so I kissed her. She kissed back before we went to sleep. That's how I know it's fine that all I do is hold her hand. I don't even think about it. I just feel more comfortable when I do without even realizing why. 

We're not tired, but I can feel my social battery going down. I don't say anything, but she knows because I'm zoning out a little bit. She says she's tired and wants to go to sleep. She always makes an excuse like that when I need to leave. I play along. We say bye and promise to talk to them later. 

I feel bad when we get home. I apologize for getting like that again and promise she doesn't have to leave for me. She tells me to stop thinking like that as we turn around and get dressed. I tell her that she's too good for me. She goes quiet. She looks sad. I don't want her to be sad. I tell her that I love her. She says she loves me more than I understand and that she wishes I could just accept that I come first to her. I tell her that she's the first choice for me too. She looks happy again. It makes me smile when she's happy. She likes it when I'm happy. 

She kisses me. I don't hesitate to kiss back. She's the one who deepens it. She's always been bold, and that won't stop today. She lets me lay on top of her. The kiss has so much love but no innocence. No lust either. Just the craving of our lips, the hunger that can only be solved like this, finally being filled. Neither of us want to stop. We want more. I think about kissing her neck. I decide not to. I don't want to go too far. I pull away when her breathing gets heavy. She understands. She still isn't quite satisfied, but she knows I'm not ready yet. I promise we'll do more soon. She tells me she doesn't care as long as I love her. I do. I tell her that. She smiles and hugs me. 

We get back in our sleeping positions. I can feel her shiver despite the blanket. I offer one of my hoodies. She says it'll be too hot later, but she will definitely accept that tomorrow. I wrap my arms around her. I keep her warm with my body. She leans close to me. She hums a song I don't know but love anyway. I whisper sweet nothing's in her ear as I wrap my arm around her stomach. She tenses up. She still doesn't see all of her beauty. I list all the things I love about her. When we get past the twenties, she relaxes. I silently plead that she'll know the truth forever this time. I have hope that she will, but I know it probably won't be tomorrow. That's alright though, because as far as we're concerned, we have forever to be together.

"Please don't leave until you're sure I'm gone? I don't want to die alone,"She whispered, tears streaming down her cheeks, mixing with mine as we stayed closer than we ever have.

"I could never leave you,"I promised.

"You know what this means, right?"

"No. I don't."

"I'm the better Med-jack,"She almost laughed before taking a deep breath. 

"I'm sorry,"I promised.

"Guess you should have taken me that week ago, huh?"

"You seem too happy right now."

"I am. I'm always happy when I'm with you. Even if it's for my last moments, I can never not be so in love."

As her smile started fading, I knew she didn't have long. She had never had long to begin with, but time was completely up. There was no saving her. There was no fixing this. 

Brushing my lips against hers, I mumbled I love you's as I kissed her. Knowing it was our last one, I didn't stop. I didn't know how. I just knew that as long as I kiss her she'd be breathing. Because that's how it works. That's how deep our love runs so it can keep her alive. I know it, I swear it, so as long as I don't stop she'll stay breathing. 

Doing what I had never done before, I put my hand behind her head as I deepened, ignoring the tears flooding down my closed eyes as I did. And I felt her tears on my skin, mixing with mine until I could taste it in our mouths. Ours. Ours. Ours. Because this moment it ours, this life is ours, and everything is fine.

But I needed to breathe. I needed to breathe, but my heart told me that she needed me to kiss her for her to breathe. So I did, and she kissed back, and we cried, and I kept saying I love you until I was sure the words were burned on our lips. And I want them to be. It's close enough to the tattoo she wanted, and I'll have the same one. 

But I couldn't breathe. I needed air so I pulled away, panting as I took in all that I could. 

Looking down, my already grieving mind cleared I saw how greedy I had been with it. Because she wasn't moving. Her eyes were completely shut as she laid still.

Laying her down, I listened for her heartbeat. If it was there, my heart would break because she was still in pain. If it wasn't, my heart would break because I would never have her.

Silence. There was nothing but silence. Not a sound from out there, not a sound in here, not a sound from her. 

She's dead then. She's gone. 

Untying my shirt from her waist, I brushed hers out as if she had to be neat to go somewhere. Taking my jacket, I carefully placed her arms inside before remembering that she gets too hot. Taking if back off, I laid it over her like a blanket before lying next to her. 

Brushing her hair out, I looked at her as every moment flashed before my eyes.

~ ~ ~

"Hey, hey, hey! Don't run!"the girl repeated as I tried to get out of here. With my hand on the doorknob, I stared at her as she wore a gentle smile despite the firmness in her words.

"Where am I?"I got out.

"I'll tell you if you sit down,"She bargained, sitting on the bed. 

This is dangerous. I don't know where am I. I don't even know-

"Who am I?"

"I'll explain. Just sit down, okay?"

Taking slow steps, I almost found myself on autopilot as I sat on the other side of the bed. 

"You can come closer. I won't hurt you,"She promised. Looking at the ground, I slowly did so until I was about an inch away.

"Do you know who I am?"I quietly repeated.

"No, but nobody does. When every single one of us came up, none of us knew anything about us. We never do, but in a day or two you should get your name back."

"How many people are there?"

"Twelve, and you make thirteen."

"Okay,"I nodded, fiddling with my thumbs as I didn't look up. 

"Do you want to know anything else?"

"Is everyone nice?"

"Well,"She trailed off.

"Well what?"

"Yes, but you're the only boy."

"The only boy?"

"Yeah."

"So everyone else is a girl?"

"Yep."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Like I said though. They're usually nice. It's just that people are a bit on edge. None of us even remember boys so it's a very unexpected experience."

"Sorry."

"For what?"

"I-I don't even know,"I admitted.

"You didn't do anything wrong so don't be. It's going to be fine, okay? We're friends now."

"Can I know your name?"I asked, looking at her for the first time just for my breath to get caught in my throat.

She was pretty. No. Not just pretty.

She was beautiful. Her eyes matched her jacket, making their already bright color pop. Her hair was pushed out of her face with a pencil stuck behind her ear. There was this slight tint over her lips, the kind you get from chapstick.

"It's Vaseline. I always keep some because of the cold."

"Huh?"

"I just put on Vaseline. It's always cold so it's the only way my lips won't chap."

"Oh,"I muttered, feeling my face burn as I realized I had been staring. 

"So any more questions you can think of?"

"No,"I responded, fiddling with my sleeves as I felt nothing but embarrassment. So much for good first impressions.

~ ~ ~

I don't like the way the Blondies look at me. With either distrust, intense curiosity, or a not so friendly glint in their eyes. It made me nervous. 

"You coming to Blondie night?"Y/N asked, nudging my leg.

"I am at Blondie night,"I technically pointed out.

"I meant why aren't you down there with everything?"She clarified, gesturing to everyone at the fire under us as we sat on the surprisingly sturdy Watch Tower.

"I don't want to be,"I said simply. "Why aren't you down there?"

"Because you're here. Not there,"She shrugged. Staring at the ground, I ignored the way my face warmed.

"It's nice up here,"I whispered, glancing up at the stars.

"Yeah. It is,"She agreed, hooking her ankle with mine as she moved closer. Looking at her as she rested her head on my shoulder, I held my breath as she seemed close to sleeping. After a moment of internal debate, I wrapped my arm around her, tracing my fingers up her arms.

"Aris?"She whispered.

"Yes?"

"I'm really happy you're here. No matter what anyone says, you're the best thing that's ever happened to this hellhole,"She admitted, glancing up at me. Looking back at the girl that still caught me off guard no matter how many chances I had to admire her, I felt my heart race as I moved just a little closer. Doing the same, there was something different in her eyes. Not that I knew for long as I glanced down at her lips. The ones that still looked so soft. The ones that I was sure would fit perfectly with mine.

When I tried to meet her gaze again I saw her staring at mine, this emotion in her eyes that I had never seen before. It made them seem so much brighter, more full of life than they ever had been. 

As I was about to close my eyes and finally, finally, finally kiss her, loud cheering from below made us pull away. Staring at the ground, we saw it was just some of the girls celebrating their fight ring. 

Are you kidding me right now? Are you serious? That's when it has to end? Not when we were actually kissing?

"I'm uh, gonna go to bed,"She mumbled.

"Yeah. Yeah, goodnight,"I muttered, not meeting her eyes. 

"Are you coming down?"

"No. I'm gonna stay a little longer."

And hate the way I'm ridiculously in love with you, but who cares?

"I'll see you in the morning then."

"Yeah. See-"

I was cut off as she kissed my cheek before climbing down the ladder before I could react. Staring at the ground, I saw her sprint to her tent as if she had something to run from.

Putting a hand to my cheek, I tried to take it in. She kissed me. She really kissed me. I had never been kissed before, but she just kissed me.

She kissed me, she kissed me, she kissed me.

I am not going to sleep tonight. Not when I swear I can still feel her lips on my skin.

~ ~ ~

I was tired. I was sick of it. I just wanted it to end. All of it.

I know I had to go to work. I know I can't just not show up, but I was tired. I was really tired.

One year. I had been here for a year and people still didn't trust me. They would still look at me with such hatred.

I tried to tell myself it didn't bother me. I tried to tell myself it didn't matter, but it does. It really, really does.

I wanted to move. I wanted to get up, but I couldn't. It was like there was an actual weight on my body, forcing me to stay in bed and think about the way I have only five real friends, three of which I rarely see. 

I didn't want anyone to notice. I didn't expect anyone to care, and they didn't. That was exactly what I wanted and expected.

So why did it still hurt me so much I could feel it crush my soul?

"Knock knock,"a familiar voice called from outside my hut. Not really wanting to answer despite the way all I wanted was her, I pulled the covers over me as I kept my knees to my chest, hugging myself while holding back tears.

"Aris, are you okay?"She asked, her voice as gentle as when I met her, if not more. 

I didn't answer. I wouldn't. Something was in my throat, not letting me speak. 

"I'm coming in,"She said firmly, opening my door. Not bothering to look at her, I listened to her shut it before walking over to my bed. After a moment she sat on the edge of the cot, rubbing circles on my back with her hand. "I know you're awake,"She sighed. Still not moving, I kept my eyes closed to stop the tears. "I tried to see you earlier, but Harriet said I had to stay. I'm here now though, for anything you need."

"No,"I whispered, taking a shaky breath.

"No? What do you mean no?"

"Go away,"I demanded in a weak voice.

"No,"She said simply.

"Go away. I don't want you here."

"Aris-"

"I told you to leave! Go! Get the hell out of here!"I yelled, choking on sobs. 

"Oh Aris,"She whispered, pulling the blanket from my face. Holding my face in her hands, she wiped my tears as I sobbed. "I don't want you to be alone right now. You're too upset, okay?"

"That should make you want to leave even more,"I pointed out.

"Not for you. You look lonely. You have for so long."

"It doesn't matter what I feel,"I uttered, crying so hard my chest hurts. Despite that, she kept taking my tears away, looking at me with an undeniable sadness in her eyes. 

"What do you really need?"

"It doesn't matter. Nobody needs me. Nobody wants me here,"I whispered, pulling away.

"Excuse me?"She asked quickly, this hint of anger in her voice.

"Nobody needs me. No-"

"Oh hell no. Don't you dare talk like that."

"Why? Why does it matter? It's true. Nobody wants me here. Maybe I should just-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence."

"You don't get it! You don't understand! Nobody understands!"

"No. I don't understand what it's like being the only boy, but I know what it's like. To have something pushing on your chest until you can't breathe. To want to do something but not even be able to move. To be so tired no matter how much you sleep. I know exactly what that's like, and I won't let you repeat my mistake."

"Your mistake?"I whispered, sitting up for the first time all day and staring at her.

"You'll regret it. When you fall or bleed or whatever, you will regret it. You'll realize how much you actually want to live. You'll panic and hurt and nothing will be solved. I will not let you feel that. Do you understand? I won't let it get that far, no matter what I have to do."

"You-you know?"

"It doesn't matter. I won't let you feel that. Even if I have to be by your side forever."

"Why would you want that? Why would you care that much?"

"Because,"She whispered, sitting in front of me and putting her hand on my knee, "I need you. I want you. You do more than you could ever know. You are worth so much, and I would never give up on you. You're too important, too special, too kind. Even if nobody else sees it, I do. I see it, and I need you here."

"I don't know how to be okay,"I admitted. Pulling me close, she wrapped her arms around me as I cried into her shirt. Burying her face in my neck, she put her hand behind my head as she kept pressing small, quick kisses to my neck. Not the romantic kind. The kind of kisses that held so much love that words couldn't describe. The kind of kisses that brought this sort of comfort I didn't quite understand. The kind of kisses that made her words so much more truthful.

"I'm tired. I've been tired for so long,"I whispered as my tears stopped.

"Come on. It's time for bed,"She lied. Pretending not to notice the sun just barely shining through the crack in my door, I laid under the covers with her still keeping me close. Running her hands through my hair, she hummed to me as I closed my eyes.

"Y/N?"

"Yeah?"

"What if I wanted to sleep like this every night? With you by my side?"

"Then all you have to do is look at me that way only you can, and I'll know,"She said simply.

I wasn't sure of that. If only glance would let her read my mind, but I was sure I would find out soon. 

~ ~ ~

I was falling for her more and more every day. I was completely in love with her. That was undeniable.

We slept beside each other every single night. We woke up beside each other every single morning. We spent every Blondie night together, either hiding from everyone to talk or look at the stars in silence (which was her looking at the sky and me looking at her) or with a few friends. I was an open book to her, and by now I knew everything there was to know about Y/N.

I know I should doubt it, but I don't. She feels the same. We don't say it, but we know. We both know we aren't cuddling in the sheets because she's cold. We both know she doesn't just wear my clothes because she thinks my hoodies look nice on her. We both know her neck kisses that are lasting longer are starting to be more than just comfort. We both know the I love you's aren't platonic. 

We just don't say it. We both feel it, we both know the other does, but we don't bring it up. For some reason, we decided this was better. 

She was just a little shorter than me. Not by much, but she was. Just enough to where I would sometimes get things from the top shelf for her. 

I already knew what she was reaching for. The sketchbook that had ended up on said top shelf somehow.

I didn't mean to. Honestly. I didn't realize I would catch her off guard, but as I leaned over her to get it down she turned around to face me. From the way her face was a light pink, it was an obvious accident. 

I don't know why this moment was different. It wasn't that we were alone. We're alone all the time. It wasn't that emotions were heavy. We had both had enough of that late at night. It wasn't even like we were touching the way we do but pretend we aren't when we're alone. 

This was different though. Something about the built up love was tired of being held back. We wanted more. It wasn't like we were even close to friends with benefits but friends with unspoken love was exhausting.

She was the bold one, but I still expected it. I expected the way she put her arms around my shoulders and kissed me. I expected to find myself kissing back, keeping my lips to hers while wrapping my arms around her waist, pressing her body to mine. Putting her hand behind my head the way she did when we pretended to be stupid to it, she deepened it, taking me from her soft lips to her sweet taste. 

Unfortunately, we needed to breathe. Even though all I wanted right now was to keep kissing her while somehow also wanting to just hold her hand and talk, we had to pull apart for air. 

Keeping her forehead against mine, I could feel her shaky breaths against my lips as the sound of heavy breathing filled the air. I hate oxygen. I hate it so much. I hate that I can't live off of just her.

We'd live together and die together.

"I love you,"She whispered, saying what we already knew.

"I love you too. Forever and always,"I promised. Watching the way it made her smile, I said it again just to see her do it again.

She did.

~ ~ ~

She was sick. Seriously sick. Up and down fever, not eating, throwing up sick. 

I stayed with her. One day without someone to help the slightly injured was fine. My girl was actually sick, and I was going to take care of her. 

"I'm sorry,"She repeated, glancing at the hoodie she had first thrown up on in the corners of my room to be washed later.

"It's okay. Don't worry about it,"I reassured her.

"Are you sure you don't want your other one back?"

"Keep it forever. Okay?"I told her, rubbing her back.

"You're going to get sick."

"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine,"I promised. As she went to say something else she leaned over the bed. Holding her hair back, I kept it out of her face as she threw up in the bucket. Spotting a small strand, I pulled it back and into my hand as I rubbed her shoulder. 

"This sucks,"She muttered as she was done. Handing her her water, I made sure she drank a good amount before letting her give it back. 

"I know, lovely. I know."

"You don't have to stay with me, you know? I'm not exactly in a good-"

Cutting her off, proving I would rather be taking care of her than with anyone else, I cupped her face as I kissed her temple. Hearing her sigh, I pulled away to see this glimmer in her eyes despite the bags under them.

"What's on your mind?"

"You'll be a really good dad one day."

"Oh,"I got out as my entire face heated up. 

"Just to be clear, I'm the mom."

"Yeah. Yeah. I got that part. I just didn't know you wanted a family too."

"With you, yes. Yes I do. Plus, it makes you blush which makes me happy."

"Well, I like it when you're happy,"I smiled, pushing some of her hair back. "And when you're not sick. Come on. Get back to sleep."

"Maybe I'm actually pregnant,"She shrugged, laying beside me.

"That's not, no. Not possible,"I pointed out.

"I know. Just watching you blush again."

"Go to bed."

"What if I was though?"

"Y/N, bed,"I repeated. Rolling her eyes, she tried to stay on the edge. "Quit worrying about me,"I said one too many times as I pulled her to my chest. Wrapping my arms around her, I listened as her breathing evened out until she fell asleep in my arms.

~ ~ ~

She was mad at me. She's never been mad at me before so I didn't know what to do. She didn't even sleep in the same bed for two days now.

"I'm sorry,"I blurted out as I saw her at the Med-hut, sitting at her spot.

"Whatever,"She shrugged, not meeting my gaze.

"Y/N-"

"You hurt me, Aris. That really stung."

"I didn't mean to. I would never want to hurt you,"I swore.

"Well, you did. You did, and you didn't even care."

"I do care, and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

"What you said was cruel. It doesn't matter that you weren't sober. You were completely hateful. Do you know what that feels like? To hear the person that saved you say they don't even like what you do."

"I didn't mean it like that. I love you more than anything, and I'm sorry I lied like that."

"You told me you wish I never had to put up with you. You told me that you hate how I pretend to care about you. You told me that I should just leave you now since you'll ruin us eventually. You told me if there was someone better than you wouldn't mind leaving so I can have someone I actually want. You told me that I was just bringing myself down by being with you. You said all these things like it's facts. You made me sound like a fake and that you were lost again and I didn't care to help. Not to mention, that's only what you remember. I sure as hell remember though,"She scowled, wiping her eyes as tears fell.

"Y/N, lovely, angel,"I whispered, kneeling in front of her. Putting her hand in mine, I kissed the back of it before looking up at her, "I love you. I do, and it all came out wrong. I know you love me too, but I just thought about how much better you could do. You have my heart, and I have yours, and I'm sorry I made you think otherwise."

"I know you love me, but I don't know where that's coming from. There will never be anyone better than you. So stop thinking like that. Stop thinking about impossible what if's and think about right now. Please?"She asked, looking at me. 

Despite the way her eyes were red and her face was puffy and I felt awful for being the reason, she was still the most beautiful girl to exist. She still has this contagious smile and even better laugh. She gave the most amazing hugs and knew the exact words. She was perfect, and she saw something in me. And I trust her judgment more than anyone's.

"I promise."

~ ~ ~

She was a good kisser. She had me absolutely addicted to her, as if her lips were a drug that I could never not give in to. She was just addicting in general. Not in the sense where I got a nervous rush. In a way that everything only made sense with her. 

She was usually very gentle, but she could be so different without even realizing. 

Pushing her lips against mine, she stayed on top of me. Just as I got a taste of her she traveled down my jaw, leaving marks on my skin. With her hands on my stomach, she came to the collar of my shirt. 

"I want more,"She whispered against my skin. Tensing up at the new words, I held my breath as I tried to think of what to say. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to,"She trailed off.

"I want more too. I do but not yet. Not right now."

"I understand,"She said, smiling as she looked up at me. Laying down, she kept her ear by my chest. She said she liked listening to my heartbeat, that it made her feel safe and loved. That she liked knowing I was alive with her. I told her my heart beats for her alone, and that led to this being her favorite sleeping position the way she said my heartbeat was her favorite melody.

~ ~ ~

I was happier than I ever had been. I was absolutely over the moon.

Running to her, I picked her up in my arms and spun her around. Letting out the most genuine laugh to exist, she held my shoulders until I let her back on the ground.

"We're getting out. We're actually getting out,"She repeated.

"I know. We're going to be free. We're finally going to be free,"I grinned, wiping a tear as I kept my eyes on her.

"We'll get to do everything we talked about. We're actually going to be together forever and start a family. We'll do everything we dreamed of,"She whispered, wrapping her arms around me and pressing her ear against my chest, taking a breath as she heard my heartbeat.

"I know. We're going to have everything. We're going to have it all,"I whispered back, kissing her forehead while closing my eyes to fully feel her embrace. 

"I'll protect you out there. I'll keep you safe,"She muttered.

"I won't need protecting. Okay? Just let my worry about you and you worry about yourself."

"I'm not going to do that, but nice try."

"Y/N-"

"Aris,"She cut me off in a teasing voice. Rolling my eyes, I sighed as I kept her close, wondering how I could get so lucky.

I would have it all. I would have her and freedom and our dreams. It was all going to be okay.

~ ~ ~

"No! No! No! This isn't how it's supposed to be!"I cried, curling up to my beautiful angel's side. Holding her, I kept telling her that I was more sorry for this than anything I had done. That I would take it all back if she could be alive. That I would never have met her if it meant she got to live the life she deserved. That I would have taken the bullet since it was meant for me. That if I knew she would actually die for me I would have moved out of the way faster.

"I love you. I could never not love you. I will never love anyone else. I will never even look at anyone else. Like I said I would, my heart will only belong to you,"I whispered, putting my head by her chest. As I was met with more silence I understood why she was always listening to mine.

Because one day she wouldn't be able to. 

It just wasn't supposed to be because she would never open her eyes again.

Chapter 91: My Exception (Part 1)

I seem like I hate being in love. It can stupid, foolish, and a waste of my time. Besides, I don't trust basically any of them. Almost everything that I know is a Maze full of girls. Why would it be unreasonable to not want that to change?

I don't know why, but my friends were more than accepting of this. When they realized the facility had boys they were instantly more excited about this place. I however, was not excited to begin with and now like this place even less.

“Come on. Not one boy has caught your eyes,”Anne repeated.

“No. In fact, I wish I was blind every time I accidentally look at one,”I answered.

“Why though? Some of them are really cute. Did you see that Minho boy?”

“Yes. He talks too loud and is unnecessarily muscular.”

“Okay. What about Newt? He looks sweet.”

“You mean the one who looked like he would be my mom? No thanks.”

“Frypan?”

“He would probably critique every food super loudly.”

“Thomas?”

“Seems too impulsive. He’d probably get me in dangerous situations.”

“Winston?”

“Just no.”

“Did you see Jeremiah?”Melody asked, moving on to other Mazes.

“Yes. I think I’m even more repulsed.”

“You can't be serious?”

“I am. I don't want anything to do with boys. They're known for big egos, thinking they're such amazing protectors, being rough, and to top it off, none of them have ever interacted with a girl for more than a week. That's a disaster waiting to happen.”

“You can't possibly be going off stereotypes?”

“If the stereotype gives me a reason to avoid guys, yes I can.”

“Do you even believe them? Or are you just making excuses?”

“It still doesn't matter. All I know is that dating any of them would decrease my quality of life. Now goodnight,”I said firmly, pulling my covers over me and listening to their whispers about it.

All the while I looked at the small doodle the quiet boy I saw at the library drew on my hand. A bow and arrow on my palm with a small heart on where the sharp point should be.

Because they would go absolutely feral if they even suspected that I found one boy I could never mind being around.

Chapter 92: My Exception (Part 2)

Summary:

-Fluff

I love this place. So far, nobody obnoxious has bothered coming to the library so it's essentially complete silence. It's a break from the stress of all the new people who want to speak to me.

There was one other person though. Someone whose company I genuinely enjoyed.

He wasn't here yet. He was probably still in his room. Maybe sleeping. Or off exploring somewhere. Those both sound like him.

This honestly sucked right now. I saw the perfect book that I just barely couldn't reach. I also almost fell when I tried climbing the shelves and didn't have a ladder. Jumping did nothing and my tippie toes weren't even enough.

“Need a hand?”a familiar voice offered.

“No,”I said firmly, jumping for it again. Hearing him let out a laugh that he then disguised as a cough, I glared at him. Shrugging, he stood there as he waited for me to get it down.

Figuring it couldn't hurt to try again, I stepped back on the bottom shelf. Sticking my arm out, just as I touched the spine I found myself falling back.

Instead of the harsh impact of the floor though, I found that he had caught me in his arms.

“You alright?”

“I’m fine. I got my book,”I nodded.

“I was talking about the way you almost gave yourself a concussion.”

“I did not.”

“Okay Y/N. If you say so,”He smiled as I stood up. Dusting myself off, as I looked at the cover I saw that it was the wrong book. “You want help yet?”

“No,”I promised.

“Do you need help?”

“Yes,”I quietly admitted. Reaching over, he didn't even need to look as he got my book down. As he handed it to me while wearing a half soft half cocky smile I rolled my eyes.

“Well, you're welcome.”

“Thanks,”I sighed, staring at the ground as I did.

“Still hating when you need help I see,”He remarked.

“Still being irritating I see.”

“I’ve got nobody else. Why would I not be?”

“So I’m a last resort?”

“Who said I didn't choose to only be with you?”

“You annoy me. You know that, right?”

“I also get books down for you.”

“Shut it. It was one time.”

“For now,”He shrugged.

“Are you seriously saying there will be more times I need you to get a book for me?”

“No. I’m saying there will be many more times you're too short and need my help.”

“Aris,”I said in a warning tone.

“What? It's true.”

“No. You just want it to be.”

“Maybe. And if I do, what's so wrong with that?”

“Everything. That's what,”I answered, opening the book while leaning against the shelf. As I flipped to the front page he leaned his head against my shoulder. “What are you doing?”

“I want to know what you're reading.”

“No,”I said, slamming it shut.

“Why?”

“Because I don't like you,”I sighed.

“Because you love me.”

“Shut up.”

“When I’m with you? Never,”He grinned, tossing an arm around me. Looking up at him, I started running my hands through his hair.

“I’ll love you forever,”He whispered.

“I know. I didn't wait in that Maze just for you not to.”

“Wow. What a sweet response,”He deadpanned.

“Just my usual one,”I shrugged, standing on my toes again as I pressed my palms to his cheeks. Slightly leaning down, he wrapped his arms around my waist as he brushed his lips over mine. Feeling his smile against my mouth, I couldn't resist returning it as I pulled apart. Still, we stayed in our same positions, pressed against each other.

“I’m so stupidly in love with you. I don't know how, but I absolutely am. I would do anything and everything for you,”I swore.

“And I would go to the ends of the world for you. All you have to do is ask.”

“I mean I’d kind of prefer if you were by my side and not millions of miles away. You know? So I can actually see you.”

“You're always ruining my metaphors,”He complained, pulling away.

“And you're ruining my day by being here so I guess we're even,”I shrugged, leaning against the bookshelf.

“Fine. I’ll see you-”
“No,”I interrupted, hugging him before he could walk off and leave me. Wrapping his arms around me, he accepted the embrace, slightly swaying back and forth with me.

“You're perfect. You're perfect to me, and I love you,”He whispered, rubbing circles on my shoulders.

“After all this time you're still so sweet,”I whispered back, gazing up at him and finding myself smiling without meaning to.

“I could never not be. Even if you've decided you hate everything, I could never be mean to you.”

“Well, if I ever do hate everything you'll be the only one I don't,”I promised.

And I meant it too. Even if every single person and thing in the world were to make me recoil in disgust I would always find myself back in his arms.

Chapter 93: Needy

Summary:

-Fluff

I love Aris. I love him with all of my heart. I would kill for him. I would die for him. I would let the world burn for him.

But he's an idiot sometimes. Somehow, I looked at this passive, introverted, unintentional chaos causing, southern sounding, obnoxiously stubborn, overly observant, overthinking, secret yapper and thought 'yes. This is the person I would like to one day spend the rest of my life with.'

Probably because he's a sweetheart who gives me forehead kisses, writes love letters that don't have the words I love you, wipes my tears when I cry, climbs trees with me to look at the stars, has a daily to do list that he's so excited to cross things off of, sits through conversations he doesn't want to just so he isn't rude, and is overall awkward perfection in human form.

That however, does not cancel out his occasional idiocy.

I also should have known better than to think he would use some common sense about the same bad habit he does not seem eager to and most likely never would get rid of.

"You can't go to Blondie night yet. You need your coat,"I reminded him.

"I get too hot when I wear it though,"He complained.

"I don't care. You need it,"I repeated, throwing it to him.

"I'll stay by the fire,"He argued, tossing it back.

"You said that last time. You know? Before I found you wandering around aimlessly in the Deadheads?"

"I won't do it again. I promise."

"You get sick every time you don't wear it. That is not a coincidence,"I pointed out.

"I'll be fine."

"Well, I have to take care of you after."

"Just don't take care of me. I always tell you not to."

"No, but you're a baby. You act like you're dying so put it on,"I demanded, still playing catch with him.

"I do not."

"Yes. You do. Now put it on."

"Nu uh."

"You put your coat on right now."

"You're not my mom."

"Then don't make me act like it. Coat. Now."

"No."

"Aris Jones, you put this damn coat on or so help me."

"How about you make me?"He dared.

"Fine. I will,"I agreed, pulling him into me before he had time to react. Despite him literally kicking to get out of my grip I quickly pinned him on our bed. Firmly keeping his hands at his sides, I held him there as he glared at me.

"You can go when you put on your coat."

"Well, I'm not going to,"He argued, trying to wiggle out of my hold.

"Neither of us are going anywhere until you wear it."

"Are you serious?"

"Dead serious. It's either you put on a piece of fabric that keeps you warm or stay here all night with me."

"So neither of us would go to Blondie night?"

"Now you're getting it."

"Oh no. Me staying in with you, alone and doing nothing? That's just horrible and not at all something I would make a plan for just so it would happen,"He drew out.

"Are you kidding me?"

"Not at all. I would never set up something just to have all your attention,"He grinned.

"You know what? I'm going without you,"I shrugged, letting go and slamming the door open. Sprinting outside into the snow, when I was barely a few inches out I felt his arms around me. Sweeping me off of my feet, he picked me up bridal style and carried me inside.

"Much better,"He grinned, closing the door with his foot while holding me close.

"You do know you don't need to have me all to yourself, right?"

"Yes I do,"He insisted, setting me down and wrapping his arms around me. Nuzzling his head into my neck, he stood there as I tightly hugged him back.

"You could have just asked. I don't need to go every month, and I would never get tired of spending time with you,"I promised.

"I know. This was just more fun."

"You're an idiot sometimes. You truly are,"I laughed, pulling back. Taking my shoes and jacket off, I laid on our bed. Doing the exact same, he snuggled next to me, curling up on his side and firmly placing my arm around his shoulder.

"But I'm your idiot,"He reminded me, closing his eyes.

"Yes. Yes you are,"I smiled, running my free hand through his hair. With him somehow pulling himself closer to me, he made sure my hands didn't leave their spots on him. Still playing with his hair, I rubbed circles on his shoulders too.

"You just wanted my love?"I whispered.

"Mhm. I just want to stay in and cuddle,"He muttered, yawning a little at the end.

"Even if you're just falling asleep with me?"

"Mhm. Need you here."

"You're precious. You're the sweetest boy ever, and nobody will ever be better than you,"I promised.

"Your sweet boy though, right?"He whispered, his breathing starting to even out.

"Absolutely. You're my boy and mine alone,"I promised.

"Yay,"He mumbled, burying his face in my neck. Softly humming to him, I made sure he was safe, sound, and getting my attention that he so desperately needed.

Chapter 94: Nighttime Kisses

Summary:

-Fluff

We couldn't be together during the day. Mealtimes were the only time I was allowed to even be near him, but half an hour, three times a day, isn't enough. Especially when some of it has to be spent eating.

It’s superficial. I know that. I’ll also never take talking to him for granted. I won't even take his silence for granted. As long as he's there, my life is complete.

I miss kissing him though. I miss his lips when they're against mine. I miss the way I could feel his smile on my skin. I miss the softness they always had. I missed the tingly feeling they left on me.

You know what? Screw it. I’ve seen where his room is, and I know the vent just needs to be pushed up. What the hell is stopping me from finding him?

Getting under my bed, I pulled the cover up and got down on my stomach. Pulling myself through, I just let it shut as I found out that I could crawl on my hands and knees. Still not convenient but better than the other option.

Slowly making my way there, I was as quiet as possible. Remembering that his room was just across from mine, I turned to find that I could kneel now. Sighing in slight relief, I made my way down and internally mapped out the difference between the roof and the floors. Estimating that I had one more turn, I made it to see light shining through from below right in the middle of the spot.

Even more important, was the person blocking some of it.

“What are you doing up here?”I asked quickly, taking a seat next to him.

“I was looking for you,”He said simply. “What about you? What are you doing here?”

“I missed you. I missed you a lot,”I admitted.

“I missed you too. I mean I see you, but I don't really see you. You're there, but it's not the same as it was.”

“Not at all. Everything’s changing so much quickly I don't know how to catch up,”I sighed.

“I know. It's just so off-putting,”He agreed.

“Yeah, but you're here now. You're here, and I’m here,”I grinned, wrapping my arms around him. Hugging back, he placed his face in the crook of my neck as I tightened my grip. Smiling even wider, I whispered I love you’s in his ear. Saying them back, he made everything just right again.

Pressing his lips to my skin, he repeated his words between kisses. Pulling away, I firmly pushed my lips against his. Kissing back, he wrapped his arms around my waist as I held his face in my hands. Putting his hands on the base of my neck, he pressed me to him as close as humanly possible as it got more heated. Kissing down my lower jaw, he left careless marks on my skin. I didn't dare tell him to stop though. I had waited too long for this, to the point where I would let him kiss me anywhere. Anywhere at all.

Pulling away, there were no sounds but our ragged breathing. Closing my eyes, I leaned against the vent as I grabbed his hand. Doing the same, he put his head back on my shoulder while trailing his hands up my arm.

“I missed that. I missed that more than I thought I would,”I said through heavy breaths.

“I missed that too. I missed truly having you.”

“Well, you can have me every day and every night.”

“I don't get to have you in the day. Not really,”He sighed.

“Well, there's plenty of free time between meals, and I could always just be sleeping really great that day?”I suggested, moving over a little to lay my head on his lap. Still running his fingers over my skin, he smiled as he took my hand and pressed a small kiss to my palm.

“Yeah. I think I could be too.”

Chapter 95: How You . . .

Summary:

-Fluff

How you sleep

You sleep with your head on his chest. He plays with your hair and whispers sweet nothings into your ear. His arms protectively wrap around you. He's always the last to fall asleep, but he doesn't mind because he likes being sure you're sleeping okay. Most of the time when you wake up your legs are completely tangled up.

How you hug

He likes to hug you from behind. He rests his chin on your head and wraps his arms around you. You'll reach up and hold his arms. If you're sitting you are leaning on his chest as he holds you. 

How you cuddle

A lot of the time you put your head on his lap as he plays with your hair. Other times you're just the little spoon. Depending on how drained you are you'll both just recharge or you'll tell each other about your days and talk about random things.

How you kiss

Forehead kisses are a must. If he wakes up before you he'll kiss your forehead to wake you up. When he kisses your lips it's always really gentle and sweet. When you end up having make out sessions it's very slow and it's always in private. 

Chapter 96: What Everyone Else Thinks Of You Two

Sonya: They're a perfect match. She brings him out of his shell without changing him, and he keeps her calm. They look out for each other. It's nice to see people so in love.

Harriet: Y/N is a badass. Aris is a badass. Y/N overthinks. Aris overthinks. Y/N can't stop staring at him. Aris can't stop staring at her. Basically they're made for each other.

Brenda: They're so cute it's disgusting. They don't even show PDA besides hand holding and forehead kisses, and somehow that feels more personal. Awesome couple though.

Thomas: They're great and everything, but it's weird when they're apart because they seem distracted. Not in a 'I can't stop talking about the love of my life way'. More of a 'I'm not 100% myself' way.

Newt: They're good together, and they keep to themselves. They both appreciate privacy in their relationship so we don't have to see em' snogging. It's great for everyone.

Minho: They keep to themselves, but you know when they're fighting because they stay away from each other. It doesn't happen often but when it's weird when they're not making heart eyes at each other.

Chapter 97: Mirrors

Summary:

-Hurt/comfort
-Fluff
-Trigger warning for implied eating disorder

Our new living areas were interesting to say the least. There were lots of things I never could have imagined. One of those things was mirrors. It's something so small and minor compared to everything else. It shouldn't affect me the way it does.

I know there are bigger problems to worry about. I know we have to get out of here before we die. I know that we have to focus on escaping whatever this place was. The way I look shouldn't even be on my mind.

It was though. Every time I saw myself all I could see was how I looked. I saw how round my face was and how thick my thighs were. Somehow I had stretch marks and everything looked wrong. I just felt wrong.

Lunch came, and I was doing my best to avoid it. I looked over everything on my tray. I know I had to avoid the cornbread for sure. I could live without the potatoes and milk.

"Are you okay?"I heard Aris ask snapping me out of my thoughts. 

"Yeah, I'm fine,"I lied. He looked at me skeptically before going back to his plate.

Being in the rooms always felt bad. I could see my reflection everywhere I looked. The thoughts were always there. 

She looks so much prettier than you.

Did you really need all that food?

You'll never look like her with the way you eat.

There's something wrong with you.

I got up and accepted defeat. I just need to clear my head, and a little walking around couldn't hurt. After all, it's not after curfew for another two hours. 

I peered into the hall to see it empty except for the occasional friend group talking to each other. A lot of them looked calm, like they had nothing to be worried about.

Look at how pretty she looks when she laughs.

I bet everyone loves her.

Aris would love her too.

The last thought stopped me for a second like it always does. That one comes up more and more lately. It cuts deeper than the rest. I know that the girls are pretty, and I eat more than I should. That's something I'm certain of and have some control over. I can't control how Aris sees me though. I can't control if he loves me.

Of course he doesn't.

You know it's true.

My frustrations only grew as I kept walking. I just wanted these thoughts to stop. I feel like I'm being tormented, and I'm the one doing it. 

I gave up after 30 minutes because I felt like I was absolutely losing it. I walked back to my room with the thoughts calling me a failure the whole way.

I couldn't stop the tears from flowing as I sat on my bed alone. Every part of it hurt, and I felt selfish for even being worried about something so miniscule at a time like this. There were so many things being thrown at me that I felt like my head was spinning. 

I heard a knock on the door and didn't get up to open it. If it's one of the girls they'll just walk in. Instead, I closed my eyes and pretended I was asleep.

"Hey angel. Are you okay?"I heard Aris ask. I sat for another moment before wiping my face as best I could. It didn't look too bad, just a bit red.

"Yeah,"I responded. He came in and flopped on the bed next to me. We sat in silence for a bit. It's never an awkward silence. Sometimes his presence feels just as special as talking.

I felt his eyes on me and turned my head to see him looking at me. The usual butterflies that were normally there were replaced with worry.

You look horrible today.

He's going to leave you for someone better.

"Are you okay?"He asked again. I turned away and nodded. 

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"I responded as nonchalantly as possible.

"You don't look fine. You look sad again. You've looked like that for a while,"He whispered. 

You're too hard to love.

"I have no reason to be sad."

"That didn't answer my question though,"He whispered again. I didn't know how to respond. I hate lying to him. I also don't want him to think anything is wrong with me.

"You have that look again. It's like you're not really here, and it gets worse when I look at you,"He continued. 

"I can't tell you,"I finally answered, feeling my voice starting to break. He grabbed my hand.

"You can. I can see that you want to talk about it. I know you Y/N."

"I don't want you to worry. It shouldn't be your problem,"I told him, almost silently. I still couldn't look at him.

He gently touched my cheek and I could feel how cold his hands were. "Look at me. Just for one second,"He asked. I did so, and he turned over to face me.

"You'll never be a problem. It's just not possible,"He assured me, playing with my hair. I felt a tear fall down my face.

"There's this voice everywhere I go. It tells me how much prettier the other girls are,how I could look like them if I tried,and how selfish it is to have that voice in the first place,"I admitted. He just stared as he was trying to figure out what to say.

"You've always been beautiful. What about you don't you find pretty?"He asked, sounding hurt.

You hurt him.

"Everything. I don't like my nose, or my thighs, or my face, or any part of me. I hate it,"I said, feeling more tears fall. He pulled me into his arms and held me tightly letting my sob into his chest.

"I think you're breathtaking. Every single part of you is. I like taking in your features. I like admiring you,"He said, still playing with my hair. 

"I can't see it, Aris. It's not there."

"It is there, and I'll help you see it. I'll tell you every day until you see yourself the way I do."

"How do you see me?"

"So beautiful it's unreal,"He whispered before kissing my forehead.

Chapter 98: 🎶Softcore🎶

Summary:

-Fluff
-Hurt/comfort

🎶 You've been my muse for a long time🎶

🎶You get me through every dark night🎶

Ever since Aris came up in that box I felt drawn to the boy. It was pure curiosity at first, but when Beth started saying we needed to kill him I felt like I needed to protect him. I carried him to the nurses and checked on him. There was no explanation for my feelings. He should have been an untrustworthy, random boy in a coma. 

Deep down I knew he was special. Being near him was comforting. It felt like home.

When I heard he woke up I dropped everything to officially meet him. Everyone gave me weird looks, but I didn't notice. He was awake, and that was all that mattered.

The second we locked eyes the world was complete. I could see in his face that he felt the same. From then on we were each other's comfort. Nothing could separate us, not even the threat of death.

Aris P.O.V

🎶I'm always gone, out on the go🎶

🎶I'm on the run and you're home alone🎶

Making it to the Safe Haven didn't make everything all peachy. I was constantly going back to WCKD to get more kids out having to leave Y/N. Every time I did I could see the worry in her eyes that I wouldn't come back. I hug her tighter every time, and every kiss was more frantic like it was our last.

She stayed behind and helped the other survivors. She was the backbone of the community. Even Vince knew that the place would crumble to the ground without her. 

Leaving her was gut wrenching. I could feel my heart shatter. During the day I would think of her in my arms at night. How she would lay her head on my chest in the bed or my shoulder by the fire. How her hands fit perfectly in mine, and our lips moved in synch every time we kiss. I could see her beautiful smile and wonderful laugh.

When night fell and I had to sleep I would dream of her. The dreams weren't the ones I wanted though. It was her cry that I'd become familiar with. The ones that made hold her a little tighter when she thought I was asleep. Then, came the ones were I would come back to see her gone. Her name was carved in that stone. Sometimes I watched her die, and there was nothing I could do.

Your P.O.V

🎶But I know I'd miss you, baby🎶

🎶If I left right now🎶

Every day I'd watch kids die. Sometimes they would scream in their sleep, and I would wake them up. The younger ones would cling to me. There were always some I couldn't save. During that time I would sit by their bed and hold their hand. Sometimes I would tell them stories and watch their eyes light up for the last time.

It was an unbearable pain to not cry for them. No matter how many deaths I'd see each one would make me want to break down. When I left I wouldn't let anyone see my vulnerability until bed. Then, I would let the tears run and Aris would hold me. 

Sometimes he asked what I needed. Other times he told me how much he loved me, and how proud he was. At night he would hold me. I know he would hear by the way his breathing was a little to slow.

There were times I wanted to join those kids. The fact that I couldn't save everyone ate me alive. Aris always told me I saved so many others. He'd say that I did everything I could. He'd tell me that I was by their side holding their hand so they didn't die alone.

He can read me like no other person could. Whenever my mind went to those dark places he wouldn't say anything about it. He's just tell me how much he loves me and kiss my forehead. He'd tell me how I became his reason to wake up in the morning. 

Those thoughts became quieter when I was near him. I'd be able to smile for real and laugh until my stomach hurt. He brought out the best in me. He was true happiness.

Aris's P.O.V

🎶 You're like the sun,you wake me up 🎶

🎶 But you drain me out if I get too much 🎶

🎶 I might need you or I'll break 🎶

WCKD put a lot of stress on everyone including me. Y/N didn't help that situation. I'd watch her from across the room and lose focus on what I was doing. She was a distraction, and I told myself she was nothing more than that. There was no time to fall in love. 

We were still around each other. It wasn't on purpose. It was just fate. I ran into her crawling in the vents one night. She almost screamed, and on instinct I covered her mouth before realizing how embarrassing that was. She forgave without hesitation and told me she had the same mission as me. 

She wanted to be a team, but I couldn't. I was already falling for her harder than I could imagine. I could tell I hurt her when I snapped that I didn't need her. She didn't cry, but her eyes seemed to cloud over. She left before I could apologize, and I didn't stop her.

On our way out Janson ended up getting a hold of her. He grabbed her wrist and held a gun to her head. She looked at us and told us to leave her behind. When I didn't she was begging. At that moment I realized I couldn't live without her. Without a second thought I ran straight towards him and stabbed him with a piece of broken glass. He let go holding his face, and I took that moment to drag her out.

When we escaped I could see anger in her eyes. I couldn't understand it. I saved her life, and she responded by glaring at me across the room. Eventually, I straight up asked what her problem was.

That's the first time she said she loved me. She told me she was angry because I could have died, and she would never be able to forgive herself. She yelled that she couldn't lose someone she loved. 

It took me a minute to process her words, and she didn't seem to understand what she said. That's when I couldn't ignore the feeling. I told her I loved her more than I wanted to admit. In the middle of all that craziness she kissed me.

Nothing else mattered but her. For the first time in my life I felt true peace. I needed her.

Your P.O.V

🎶 Sharing my bed 🎶

🎶 Sharing my bread 🎶

🎶 Sharing my head 🎶

 

I could hear Aris tossing and turning through the night. He slept right next to me so it hard not to. Even if he was on the other side of the room I would still notice. He looked like he was going to pass out at any minute.

One night when he had almost fallen asleep during the day I grabbed his hand. He seemed to calm down. I offered to let him sleep with me, and he was up on my bed. We weren't official so we started off far from each other. 

When he was still wide awake I wrapped my arms around him. I felt him tense and worried I'd messed up, but he played with my hair. When I woke up my head in his neck, and this time his arms were around me. He was still asleep, and I didn't want to wake him so I enjoyed him there.

The running left everyone hungry, and food was limited. When we ran into a surviver I saw Aris give him his last piece of food. I didn't know it was possible to fall even more in love. 

One we all stopped for lunch Aris lied about having already eaten his. I handed him my last piece of bread. I didn't ask because I knew he would say no. Even when he had it in his hand he tried to give it back. I shook my head and slowly ate my ration for the day. I could see him glance at me every now and then and felt my face heat up from something besides the Scorch.

When he lied next to me that night all I could think about was how he handed that little boy his food like it was nothing. I could feel him tossing again and asked him what he was thinking about. He answered that he knew I was thinking about something. I admitted I had seen him give away his food. 

He seemed embarrassed so I explained that I wanted to marry him one day, and maybe start a family. I was worried I had said too much before he whispered in the dark that one day we will, and I knew it was true. 

Chapter 99: Stress

Summary:

-Fluff

Aris's P.O.V

I watched her as once again she was pushing herself to the limit. It was clear she was exhausted. All day she helped with everything from building new things for the Safe Haven, to gardening, and apparently she knows how to fish. She never took a break, even when she clearly needed it going as far as to avoid sleeping some nights just to work on something. 

I waited up for her as she was working late again. To say she was burnt out would be an understatement. 

I finally heard her walking over to our hut and sat up. She came in and jumped up.

"Aris, you scared me. Are you alright? It's late,"She asked, concerned.

"I was waiting for you. You've been doing a lot lately. Are you okay?"I asked.

She looked at her hands, a nervous habit she always seemed to have. "You can tell me Y/N. It stays between you and me,"I assured her.

She sighed and sat next to me. There was clear exhaustion on her face like she was going to pass out any minute now. Honestly, I hope she does. She needs it.

"I'm just tired. There's been so much to do lately, and I don't want to fall behind. With all the new arrivals comes more to do, and it's burning me out,"She admitted. 

"Why don't you talk to Vince about taking tomorrow off? Just tell him you need a day to sleep and what not,"I suggested. She buried her face in her hands and groaned.

"We're supposed to have more people arriving tomorrow. I can't take the day off,"She told me, close to frustrated tears. I put my arms around her shoulder and hugged her closer.

"You're not the only person around here. You don't have to do this on your own, and you can't help if you push yourself to the limit,"I reminded her gently. 

"I don't know. I don't want anyone to think my work ethics have gone down."

I kissed her forehead and laid her head on my lap. 

"Everyone knows how hard you work. They also know you're a human being who needs some rest,"I said softly. 

She looked at me through her eyelashes in consideration. 

"What if I talk to him with you?"I offered. She yawned and nodded. 

"You're right Aris. You always are,"She said.

I put my hands on her face and gently kissed her lips.

"I love you,"She murmured, before finally falling asleep. I could feel that smile on my face that came whenever she was around.

"I love you too,"I whispered back before falling asleep with her.

Chapter 100: Needing You (Part 1)

Summary:

-Angst

"Aris, I already told you. I'm not going to burn out. I'm fine,"I said firmly.

"You're kidding right? You were three seconds away from passing out. That doesn't sound like you're doing fine,"He responded, getting close to pacing.

"You're being dramatic. Yes I was tired, but I have a job to do. I'm not going to slack off because I'm a little tired,"I told him.

"A little tired? Even Vince is worried about you. What part of this don't you understand?"He asked, running a hand through his hair.

"I'm not a child, Aris. I don't need you to tell me my limits,"I argued.

"You don't even know your limits. Do you not remember what happened last time you did this?"He asked, close to yelling.

"I don't need you to tell me what I need Aris. I'm grown. I don't need your dumb advice!"

"Really? Are you kidding me? You haven't slept for three days Y/N. Get it through your head. You need a break!"

"I already told you. I know what I need, and I don't need this."

"Well I don't need the way you talk to me! I don't need the way ignore what I say! I don't need the way you push everyone away because you can't handle uncomfortable truths, but I still lay next to you every night."

No one's making you! I don't need you!"I yelled, not being able to control my temper.

"You don't mean that,"He said softly.

"I think you should leave. I don't think we're working out,"I told him, looking at the floor.

"After all we've been through?"He asked. I could hear his voice cracking. It was taking everything in me not to cry right then and there.

"When I walk out this door, I'm not coming back,"He told me. I couldn't say anything. I couldn't even look at him. I could already hear the pain in his voice. I don't want to see it on his face.

"Goodbye then. Stay safe,"He muttered, before leaving. Once he was out I curled up hugging my pillow to my chest and sobbed. Every part of me ached with a pain I never thought was imaginable. I don't know why I did that, but I couldn't stay. It was hurting both of us especially him.

He was right, and I hated it. I run when something bad happens. It doesn't matter how small. It was a bad trait, and I knew that. We both did, but he still stayed. I should have known I would have done something like that because that's what I do. I ruin everything good, and I just ruined the best thing to ever happen to me.

Chapter 101: Needing You (Part 2)

Summary:

-Angst

I kept up with my daily life, but did 10 X more than before. I was doing anything and everything to keep my mind off Aris. If I couldn't think about it it couldn't hurt.

"How are you with everything?"Sonya asked. 

"Fine. Anyways, how was your day?"I asked, changing the subject.

"You can't do this forever you know? You can't just pretend Aris never existed,"Harriet replied.

"I'm not. I just don't want to think about it,"I muttered.

"You're going to have to. It's freaking everyone out. No one's ever seen you two apart from more than like three days. People are going to ask,"Brenda pointed out. 

"Then, I'll tell them I'm busy. I'm focusing on the Safe Haven right now. That's all I have to do,"I said, wishing they would drop it.

They all exchanged worried glances that annoyed me. I was fine. Everything was fine.

"Just yesterday you went to tell Aris about your day. You asked me where he was. I had to explain that you guys broke up,"Sonya reminded me. 

"You keep forgetting anything happened. You're so focused on forgetting that you are literally forgetting why he's not in your tent,"Harriet added. 

"Plus, you look terrible. I've never seen you this tired,"Brenda said.

"It's okay. I'm going to bed. I have to get up early tomorrow,"I told them. Before they could say anything I walked off. 

They were right, and I hated that too. I hated all of this. I couldn't sleep without him by my side. My nightmares got worse, my work ethics had gone down, and everything sucked. He was the only thing keeping me together. Without him I was falling into bad habits. I'd forget to eat anything, and at the end of the day I wouldn't have even touched my water. I should have fought harder for him to stay. Instead, I was a coward. Now I lost him forever.

I kept my face buried in my pillow like I had every night, and cried until there was nothing left. I'd been clutching it so hard there were nail marks on it. My arms weren't much better. It was always an accident, but the crescent marks were still there. I wore the same hoodie every day. Aris was the only one who could keep me stable. Now I was back to that dark place from before I knew him. I was self destructive and angry all the time. He was my lifeline. Nothing could replace him. Now he was gone forever.

Aris's P.O.V

I watched Y/N as she talked to our friends at the bonfire. She always seemed okay when she was with them. She forgot me so quickly. I wish I could forget her that easily. Instead, I was falling apart. I can't remember the last time I had been this quiet. It's true that I wasn't the most social, but I could still talk to people. Now every interaction drained me, and there was no one I could wind down with.

"Aris, you okay? You're distracted,"Thomas asked. 

"Fine,"I murmured. 

"You really don't seem fine. You've been with her for years now. There's no way you're okay,"Minho said. His blunt honesty made me cringe.

"She's fine so I'm fine,"I said, wanting to leave. 

"She's not fine either. She asked if we had seen you yesterday so she could show you something she found,"Minho told me. 

"She looks like she's doing good,"I shrugged.

"No. She actually looks worse than ever. She has bags under her eyes, she doesn't eat nearly as much, and I can't remember the last time she changed out of that hoodie,"Thomas remarked.

"A plain blue hoodie?"I asked, worried.

"Yeah,"Minho responded, confused about the obsession over that part. There's a reason she always wore that hoodie. Whenever she was reaching her breaking point she'd claw her arms. There had been nights I'd wake her up so she would stop doing it in her sleep. 

"I'm going to bed,"I told them. I needed time to think about what to do. Was I supposed to talk to her or would it send her spiraling? I don't want to make it worse, but what would? 

That night I lay there trying to figure out what to do. If I talked to our friends she might deny everything to them. If I talked to her it could make the situation worse. I couldn't ask others for advice because that's a huge huge breach of trust and invasion of privacy. I can't just leave her because she's probably doing exactly what I think she is.

I thought about the options again. I don't want to risk pushing her to a worse point. As much as she might hate me I have to tell one of our friends. Maybe just maybe they'll be able to help her. Maybe they'll know what to do. Until then I'll keep an eye on her. 

I turned over, wishing I didn't care for her the way I did. It was to hard not to though. As much as she could distance herself she always came back at the end of every day. She always knew the right things to say and the best way to make you laugh. She would be there to listen or just to be there. She was the only person who knew me like the back of her hand. 

Now we were here. I don't even know what happened. I just know now I have to try to go to sleep without the person I truly need by my side, and that hurt more than anything else. 

Chapter 102: Needing You (Part 3)

Summary:

-Fluff

I felt like my head was spinning through breakfast. I don't know what time I went to sleep, but I do know it wasn't early enough. Then, there was still the problem with the hoodie. Eventually, I'd have to wash it, and I didn't have any long sleeves shirts due to the weather. When this used to happen Aris lent me his. Now I couldn't even look at him. In short terms I was a total wreck.

"Y/N, wake up. You're going to fall asleep in your oatmeal,"Harriet told me.

"Sorry. Rough night,"I grumbled, trying not to yawn.

"We can all see that. Why don't you just let me cover for you for the day?"She suggested. I quickly shook my head sending a shock of pain through it. 

"Are you alright?"She asked.

"Yeah. It's just a headache,"I tried to assure her. Instead, she looked even more concerned. 

"You're supposed to be building today Y/N. I don't think it's safe to do that today."

"Harriet stop. You sound just like-"

"like who?"She asked, seeming to have an idea.

"No one. I'm going to go. I'm not hungry,"I said, leaving. This whole situation was overwhelming. Even worse I knew for once it would be safer to listen to someone about taking a break. How could I though? That wasn't something I'd do without a major reason. This didn't seem that major.

Extreme frustration was boiling over that I couldn't figure out how to handle. What was I supposed to do with all these emotions? There was nothing good that could come out of this. How much longer would I really be able to push these down?

I subconsciously dug my nails into my arm causing worse marks than usual. Why couldn't I just handle everything better? I wasn't even handling it at all actually. I was close to crashing, and I did it to myself. 

Aris's P.O.V

 

I tried to take a closer look at Y/N to see if she really was doing worse. It was unfortunately true. It looked like she hadn't slept in days, and her eyes were glassy and red. Even worse she had the same blue hoodie. 

I saw her mutter something to Harriet before leaving. Now I just had to talk to Harriet. 

"Hey Harriet. Can I talk to you real quick?"I asked, nervously.

"Yeah. Is it about Y/N?"She asked, straightforward.

"Yes. Can you just come over here? It's private."

"I think that's a good idea,"She agreed.

"She might hate me for telling you this, but she does this thing when she's overwhelmed were she kind of claws her arms. I just think she is because of the hoodie. Can you just check on her?"I pleaded.

"Aris, do you really think she's going to talk to me? She barely even talks to us in general now."

"What do you mean?"I asked, worried.

"Exactly that. She only ever opens up to you. You need to talk to her,"She said.

"I don't think that's the best idea,"I muttered.

"I do. Aris, she's so focused on forgetting you broke up that she actually does. You need to talk to her. We both know she won't admit it to anyone else."

Your P.O.V

I needed to get up no matter how exhausted I was. Even though I knew that all I wanted to do was sleep. I was exhausted, and from more than the lack of sleep.

"Hey Y/N, can I come in for just one minute?"

I hadn't heard his voice in so long, and I hadn't realized how much I truly needed to hear it. I tried to wipe my face and muttered a yes.

"Can I sit?"He asked awkwardly. 

"Sure,"I said quietly. 

It felt like forever since he'd say next to me. There were so many things I wanted to say but didn't know how. A single apology couldn't make up for what I said, but was there anything that could? 

"You're wearing the hoodie again,"He said softly.

"I'm sorry,"I mumbled, not knowing what else to say. It was the only thing I could say right now.

"Don't be sorry. I just wanted to check up on you after . . . everything,"He said softly. 

"Not for that. For what I said about not needing you. You were right Aris. I do push everyone away. I hurt people. I hurt you."

"You don't think I blame you for that, do you?"He asked.

"Why wouldn't you? Look what I've done Aris. I couldn't just admit that I needed you, and you're still here."

"Of course I am."

"Why? After all I've said why are you still here?"I asked, feeling myself start to cry. 

"Because I'm still in love you Y/N. I always was, and I'll never stop. I'll never stop caring about you. Nothing you do could change that,"He said, brushing a piece of hair behind my ear.

"I was never not in love with you. You're the only person I feel safe with. I can only talk to you. I've done a lot of terrible and stupid things, but that was the worst."

"We both said things we didn't mean. I told you when I walked out I wouldn't come back, but that was never true. I'd find me wat back to you. I always do,"He whispered. 

"What you said and what I said aren't the same,"I reminded him. 

"Maybe not, but it doesn't matter. You weren't thinking properly, and honestly neither was I. I don't care who said what. I just need you to be okay."

"Would you ever forgive me?"I asked quietly. 

"I already did Y/N."

"Would you take me back?"I asked hesitantly.

He moved my head into his lap and gently ran his fingers though my hair before placing a kiss on my forehead.

"Consider that done too."

Chapter 103: 🎶 I'll Be Good 🎶

Summary:

-Angst

🎶 I never meant to start a fire 🎶

🎶 I never meant to make you bleed 🎶

"I didn't want to hurt you,"He whispered, reaching for my cheek. I flinched and put my arms out. "I'm-I'm sorry,"He stuttered out.

"It's too late for sorry,"I scowled. 

"Listen to me. I did what I had to do. You wouldn't have made it-"

"I don't want to make it here!"I yelled. When he tried to shush me the burning anger only grew. "No! You agreed I should be with the Cranks!"

"Because nobody is supposed to know about us. I was looking out for our safety,"He hissed.

"No. You were looking out for your reputation,"I corrected.

"Take it back,"He demanded, standing up and glaring at me. I didn't back down as I kept my harsh stare.

"What are you gonna do? Are you going to toss me down there again? Are you gonna watch me struggle? Is that what you enjoy doing in your free time?"I spat.

"Whether you like it or not I did what I had to do look after you. What do you think would happen if somebody found out about us?"

"Oh my god. You are so fucking unbelievable. Nothing worse than what I just went though could have happened, but your title means more than I do. Because all you are is WICKED's manipulative, lying, delusional, idiotic, foolish, cowardly minion,"I listed. 

"Screw you Y/N! Unlike you I'm not selfish enough to put myself before the entire world!"He yelled before clapping a hand over his mouth. 

"Do you really think that I'm selfish?"I whispered. Despite the way he slowly put his hand down and slightly shook his head his silence, wide eyes, and deathly pale face proved otherwise. "You know what? If I'm selfish then I'm okay with that because at least I give a damn about the people I love. I don't even think you know how to love. You put a bunch of strangers in front of everyone, including me."

"Y/N-"

"I am done with you. If you love the world and your precious, non-existent cure so much then you can choose it. I'm done being second choice to your job,"I swore, storming off only for him to grab my hand. I turned to glare at him, pretending his soft gaze didn't make my heart shatter.

"Don't walk away from us,"He begged.

"If you won't do it then I will. Goodbye Aris. Have a nice life,"I scowled.

He let go of my hand but kept his eyes on me. Unable to look at him, I turned around and left.

Walking out of the door brought one thought out. This was bound to happen. A subject and a worker don't belong together.

🎶 I thought I saw the devil this morning 🎶

🎶 Looking in the mirror 🎶

Aris's P.O.V

Glaring at my own reflection, I hated it enough for angry tears to spill from my eyes. I'm angry for so many reasons that I wouldn't even know where to start. I'm angry because she doesn't understand that this had been me entire life since I was a kid. I'm angry because she walked away. I'm angry because I insulted her. I'm angry because I didn't try and make her stay. 

This is so, so stupid. So ridiculous. This all started because I did what I had to. I was looking out for us, for her. Doesn't she realize how much worse it would be if they knew what would we are? Does she not realize what they're capable of?

I was just protecting us, and I'll stand that ground until I die. 

Even if my own reflection is trying to tell me otherwise.

🎶 I'll be good 🎶

🎶 I'll be good 🎶

🎶 And I'll love the world like I should 🎶

Your P.O.V

Sitting with the other Gladers, we were all silent as the thought of Winston stayed in our minds. Now they we escaped it I realize that Gally may have been right. Maybe staying there was the only right decision. Even if we had to deal with Griever's, we had never heard out friends shoot themselves because of the Flare. One of them was undoubtedly worse. 

I was supposed to love the world. It was supposed to be a dream. We were all supposed to finally have good lives together.

Instead, we're living a nightmare.

🎶 I'll be a better man today 🎶

Aris's P.O.V

Seeing her again had me torn in two. On one hand she didn't remember what happened so she couldn't tell me that I was a terrible person. On the other hand there was no way to try and explain all we had gone through. There was no way to explain that just because I believe that parts of WICKED are good doesn't mean I agree with everything. There was no way to explain that I had genuinely thought about it from her shoes and even though I didn't completely think it was right, I could see why she was convinced they were only evil.

Maybe that's for the best. Maybe I don't have to talk through what happened to let her know that I'm a better person now. 

I'm doing my best though because that's all I can do. It may not seem like much, but I'm trying, and that counts for something.

🎶 I'll be good 🎶

🎶 For all of the times that I never could 🎶

I sat by as everything seemed completely fine. Besides being with two random beginner Cranks nothing was really too bad.

At least, that's what it was supposed to be like. Life is about choices. The Cranks chose to blow up the building we were in. I had a split second to choose if I wanted to possibly save the life of who was probably a stranger or without a doubt save my own. 

In that split second a thousand memories rushed through my head. Memories that had kept me up because I had made the wrong choice. 

So this time I'll make the right one. Even if it kills me. 

Without a word I was running away from safety and towards the stranger. Through the rubble it was hard to see them as they were collapsed on the ground. It was all a guessing game now as I tried to pick them up. They remained limp in my arms as I had to switch the plan. Turning around, I carried them by the elbows as I dragged them out. Not being able to see anything behind me made this so much worse, but I didn't turn around. If I did this was all for nothing. 

As my vision remained blurry I tripped over something behind me. Falling over my own feet and bringing them down with me, I was more than relieved as the sun shone down on my face. I had never been so thankful for something so painful, well, ever, but I'm alive. 

With a groan, I sat up and set them beside me. Turning to face them I realized it definitely wasn't just a stranger I had saved. It was Newt. An unconscious, bloody, bruised up Newt. 

He was breathing though. That was enough.

🎶 I've been cold 🎶

🎶 I've been merciless 🎶

Your P.O.V

Walking out of the cafeteria after lunch, I spotted Aris just starting his. Instantly, everything I had been pushing down rose to the surface. What he had done and said had haunted me for so long. 

He noticed me the second I stepped out of line. Not giving him time to react, I used to my arm to shove him against the wall hard enough to where just a little more pressure could strangle him. 

"You mean nothing to me. You never meant a damn thing. You were just someone who happened to be there when I needed to latch onto someone. Do you understand? I could never love you no matter what you gave me. I would rather die than be with you!"I yelled. 

"Please-"

"Why don't you tell them? Tell them what you thought I was to you? Or are you still a coward?"I sneered.

"I-I don't know you,"He lied, looking anywhere but me. 

"Yeah? You seemed to know me when you said you loved me. You seemed to know me when you cried on my shoulder. You seemed to know me when you asked me to be your girlfriend,"I said loud enough for the people surrounding us to hear. Nobody came to help him as they tried to put the pieces together.

"I don't know who you are,"He repeated.

"Yeah? Well I don't know who you are Aris. I thought I did, but I was wrong. I was so wrong about you Aris,"I scowled, letting him go just as a guard turned the corner. Stepping back into line as the mumbling started, I didn't take my glare off of him.

"I'm sorry,"He mouthed.

"No you're not,"I mouthed back. Before he had the chance to try and defend himself again I turned around and glared at the person's head in front of me. 

Now everything we were is in display. What people will think is their problem because we'll know the truth. Except, they're two separate ones.

My truth is that he's a pushover worker with no brain of his own. That's why he pretended he had never met me in front of everyone. My truth is that I wish the worst for him.

What's his truth?

He's a hero looking out for the world. He's going to save the human race, and everything he does to get to it is okay. Everything will all be worth it in the end. 

No wonder we didn't last. The truth is that we were stupid to think that we could.

Chapter 104: More Than a Fling (Part 1)

Summary:

-Hurt/comfort
-Fluff
-Angst

It was seven months. Seven months of drawn blood. Seven months of weapons. Seven months of matching uniforms. Seven months of being referred to by a subject number. Seven months of watching failed escapes. Seven months of hell.

She had been his cellmate. Kind of.

They weren't very ‘well behaved’. They wouldn't cooperate with what was told, blatantly reminded WCKD guards of their friends that they killed, stayed silent during every questioning, and overall, refused to play along or give them what they wanted without making them fight for it.

WCKD was worried their behavior would spread but didn't want them to be alone. The last thing they needed was less supervision. These two, they were sneaky. They went under the radar only to appear when they were halfway out the door and on their way to freedom.

Aris and Y/N hadn't talked much the first few nights. Not really. They just sat there on their beds and pretended they were asleep. It wasn't that the atmosphere was uncomfortable or hostile. They just didn't know what to say. They're both trapped here against their will, and there was no getting out.

If they wanted to survive with their sanity though, they were going to have to give in eventually.

Around a week later Aris have in. He was getting tired of only knowing her as Subject C1, The Monachopsis.

First though, he couldn't help but be curious.

“What's that mean?”He asked when they were both supposed to be asleep. Neither of them were, but they hadn't planned on acknowledging that.

It's just that they were clearly going to have to get comfortable so he figured he may as well.

“Huh?”

“Monachopsis, what does it mean?”He clarified.

“Oh. That,”She sighed, turning on her side to face him. “The subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place. Apparently, I don't belong anywhere or something I guess,”She shrugged.

“Well, that sounds sucky.”

“Yeah. It does,”She agreed. “Who's your partner then? Do you know if you have one?”

“No. They never did give me a match.”

“That's a ripoff then. What's the point of a label if you don't get something to go with it?”She joked.

“I know. We got scammed,”He played along.

“Yeah. We really did.“

“Well, my actual name is Aris,”He introduced.

“I’m Y/N.”

“That's a pretty-”
Subjects B1 and C1 are in their cells,”a guard outside exclaimed. With the air turning sour at the other voice, they kept quiet and still as they heard his footsteps leaving, almost like he was stomping.

For a while after, they laid there, their eyes open and bodies sore. They didn't speak anymore. They couldn't.

But they didn't need to.

Right now, having someone near who wouldn't hurt them was enough.

They didn't talk when they were woken up that morning. They just stayed silent as they were taken to breakfast.

They couldn't have predicted it happening then. They knew one of their turns was soon, but they didn't think it would be that day.

They had heard the screams during the day. They would block it out by pretending to sleep or looking out the small window in their room, but that didn't and would never do much.

Aris wasn't surprised when she fought them. When they tried to force her to come with them the second she put her tray down, he wasn't at all shocked that she was protesting, trying to elbow the guy that was taking her.

He couldn't watch. Not because he was a coward but because there was nothing he could actually do. The meals they gave them were an excuse for food, they were sleep deprived, and they were still hurt.

He kept his head down the entire time. If he did something it could make it worse for her, and that wasn't a risk he would take.

He was nervous when he was taken back to his cell. For hours, he had sat on his bed, tapping his feet as he stared at the ground, then the door, then the ground.

At lunch, he didn't speak. He didn't have anyone to speak to, and the only one in this place he could was gone. The only other person was Sonya, but she was on a completely different schedule. Even then, the only thing that could calm the nerves was seeing Y/N alive. While realistically she probably was, he wasn't sure how much longer he could sit there without screaming.

He did the same thing when he was taken back to his cell as earlier. Edge of bed, tap foot, floor, door. Edge of bed, tap foot, floor, door. Over and over.

By dinner she still wasn't back. That meant he was just staring at his food for half an hour until they pulled them back to their prison dorms.

He was somehow hopeful that she was there, waiting for him. He didn't know it until he was locked inside only for her to be nowhere in sight. When he did though, the disappointment hit him like a tidal wave.

So he was back in that routine for at least another hour, not even getting bored of it. He was too worried to be bored.

On the time he was staring at the door it actually opened. Next, Y/N was basically dragged in, her head down and body slightly limp.

They just set her on the bed and walked out without a word. Typical.

“Hey,”He whispered, kneeling near her. Moving her hair out of her face, he saw her bloody lip and tear stained cheeks.

“Hi,”She whispered back.

“I’ll help you, okay? Just try to keep still,”He promised. Too exhausted to question him, she shut her eyes.

Pulling the small rag he had snagged from the cafeteria out of his pocket, he dabbed at her split lip. When she winced he mumbled an apology as he pulled away.

“It's okay. I’m okay,”She muttered, taking his free hand and placing it on her cheek as if to promise that. Believing her, trusting her, he wiped the blood from around her mouth. With her too tired and too drained to move, she let him help her in essentially the only way he could.

“I’m glad you're here,”He admitted, carefully tracing his thumb over her skin. When she let out a barely audible laugh he realized what his words sounded like. “I mean I don't want you to be here. I want you to not be trapped, but I’m glad you're alive. I-”
“You ramble when you're nervous,”She said in an almost slurred voice, her eyes fluttering shut as she placed her hand over his.

“Sorry.”

“Don't be. It’s cute,”She shrugged, still drowsy from all the earlier events. With his face warming, he kept his eyes on her as he waited for what she would say next.

She didn't say anything though. Anything at all. She just drifted off to try and forget the altered memories they forced in her head.

Realizing her breathing was evening out, he slowly slipped his hand off of her skin, letting her arms fall to her sides. Pulling the sheet over her, he felt a pang of disgust when he realized just how thin they were. WCKD has enough money to torture millions of kids and teenagers but not to give them real blankets? Seriously?

With a sigh he walked over and took his off of his bed. Taking it back over, he pulled hus over her too. Making sure she was on her side and not at risk of falling out, he tucked her in.

It was silly. It really was, but at the moment he couldn't help but believe that if he wasn't close to her she would die or get taken. Something in his head just screamed at him to stay near her.

He didn't want to squeeze next to her in her bed. It would be really awkward for both of them in the morning. Besides, he highly doubted she would be okay with that.

Coming to a compromise, he grabbed his pillow and set it on the floor. Then, just as a precaution, he slowly took one of her arms and dangled it over the bed. Taking her hand, he held it in his as he fell asleep on that concrete floor.

It was odd for her to wake up to. Her tucked in with an extra sheet, and him on the cold floor, holding her hand. She also felt bad. How could she not? She had been so out of it yesterday, but she still knew he had helped her. To top it off, he gave her his blanket. While that may seem like nothing, that kind of selflessness was something she was losing hope anyone could have. Kindness and care, she was doubting the world still contained that.

It does though, and it came in the form of a boy named Aris.

He was embarrassed when he woke up to her staring at him. His face grew red, and he immediately started stumbling over his words. While it may have been an obnoxious thing to some, Y/N couldn't help but find it endearing. It made him human. Actually human. Someone complex with real emotions and pure intentions.

A deal was made that night. One that would help both of them since it's freezing there.

One bed would be enough. It was just fine.

So they kept their pillows and shared the blankets. They hold each other each other on nights it seemed to get worse.

Until it became a habit to hold each other just because. The sweet human contact, the one that had gentleness and not pain, was necessary to them. While neither of them were very touchy people, it was the only thing that felt right there.

They would stay up late sometimes and talk. Sometimes about heavy stuff and sometimes about nothing serious. Sometimes they would wrap their arms around the other as they cried and sometimes they would have to quiet their laughs.

“Your hair's getting longer,”She pointed out, carefully running her fingers through it.

“Yes. That's what happens when it doesn't get cut,”He said in a serious voice.

“Shut up,”She smiled, rolling her eyes.

“Well, it is,”He defended.

“You're ridiculous. You know that, right?”

“Maybe, but it makes you smile.”

“No. You make me smile. Being around you, being with you, that makes me happy. You make me happy,”She whispered, her voice turning firm yet genuine.

“You make me happy too,”He whispered back.

“I’m still scared though. Whenever you're not here it's all I am. I make it seem like I’m not, but I am.”

“I know. I'm the same way, but it's going to be okay. I already told you we would get out, and I meant it,”He reassured her, reminding her of Harriet, Thomas, Newt, and Fry.

If only he knew that loyalty is subjective and how little he means to some of them despite what they say.

He doesn't, but he will soon.

That's not the story of right now though.

“What if they stop looking for you?”She pointed out.

“They won't.”

“But-”
“They won't stop looking, okay? You and I, we’re getting out. We just have to be patient. I know it's hard, but it will be okay,”He coaxed, cupping her cheeks. Pushing down the butterflies in her stomach, she stared up at his beautiful face. With his blue eyes being worth drowning in, his freckles scattering his face, his hands so gentle on her, it was impossible though.

Some people say it takes three or four months to fall in love. Some people say you have to be together for a year. Some people say you never actually know.

She has known him for two months, and she had known for one. She was in love with him. While she was sure others would say it was because they were now each other's only good thing and they were actually growing codependent as a response to their pain, she knew the truth.

She's in love with Aris.

She wouldn't say it though. Not yet.

So instead she nodded her head and closed her eyes so that they could sleep.

Around a week later of the same routine they were just talking. It wasn't a serious one. It was just things they remembered before actually being taught to them.

“There’s this game. I never told anyone about it, because I was worried they would think it was stupid, but you're different so,”She trailed off.

“Different?”

“Yeah. You're just, you get me, you know? You actually understand me in ways nobody ever has. People have known me, and I’ve had friends, but nobody has ever made me actually feel like I don't need any kind of filter before. Not in the way I do with you. Does that . . . make sense?”She asked, looking over at him.

“It does. I feel the same way with you. It's like I don't have to think at all before I speak. I don't feel like I have to apologize for being who I am, and every word is the right word.”

“Yeah. It is,”She nodded, feeling her smile grow as she leaned closer to the wall. Doing the same, they kept their lovesick smiles until Aris remembered the conversation.

“So what's the game?”

“Right, that. Turn around,”She started.

“Why?”

“Just turn around,”She repeated. With blind trust, he did as she said.

Thinking about it for a second, she then knew the perfect shape.

Using her finger like a pen, she drew a heart on his back. Shivering a little at her touch, goosebumps went down his arms.

This girl, he’s in love with her. He has been for so long yet for so little time so her being so close just felt so right.

“So what did I draw?”

“What?”

“What did I draw?”She clarified.

A heart. He knew it was a heart.

“I don't know,”He lied, crossing his fingers that she would touch him again. Well, his shirt, but it was close enough.

As she moved a little closer he resisted the urge to lean into her.

Taking her finger, she was slower this time. With his breath hitching in his throat he couldn't help but wish she was saying something with that heart.

She was.

“What’d I draw?”She almost whispered.

“A heart,”He answered as if he was just getting it.

“Yeah. It was,”She confirmed.

“So now we trade places?”

“Do you want to?”She asked, internally praying he actually did.

“Yeah. I do.”

That simple game became special to them. Late at night when they could hear the other tossing and turning one of them would turn their back and the other would trace shapes.

It was her this time. It also wasn't difficult to know why. They had learned the schedule of when they were chosen which meant they knew her turn was tomorrow.

“It's going to be okay, okay? I’ll be here for you when you get back,”He assured her. Shaking her head, she didn't even know how to speak. “Just turn around. You need to sleep.”

Slowly doing so, she held back tears as her mind wouldn't stop reminding her of what would happen. Not even needing to think about it, he started drawing a small fish over and over.

“Fish,”She managed to say.

They had a system now. One tap if it was right, two taps if it was wrong.

Tapping her shoulder once, he wasn't able to see the smile that put on her face.

If he did though, it would have made him smile too.

The next day went as predicted. She was taken away after she finished breakfast, kicking and screaming the entire way. While they both knew they wouldn't actually win, they weren't going to make this easy.

By now around six other teens started doing the same. People just got used to it, ignoring them as they ate their sorry excuse of oatmeal. There also wasn't any reason to say anything. They understood why and didn't particularly mind. Even the ones who had been sleeping instead of eating felt no annoyance. If anything, they felt bad at the way their time would hurt worse and be longer. At the same time, they admired them for not letting this be easy for WCKD.

Edge of bed, tap foot, floor, door. Edge of bed, tap foot, floor, door. Over and over. Edge of bed, tape foot, floor, door. Edge of bed, tap foot, floor, door. Edge of bed, tap foot, floor, door. Edge of bed, tap foot, floor, door.

Over and over, he waited. He had already snagged the napkins and shoved the goldfish in his pockets. He was ready to help her, the way he always is.

Right on schedule, she was dragged in and put on their bed. With him on the other one so they could do that, he waited for them to leave and lock them in there.

The second the door shut he headed over to her. Kneeling next to her, he saw her neck was what had been hurt this time.

“I’m sorry,”She said through shaky breaths.

“Never, ever be sorry. It's not your fault. Okay?”He promised, starting to dab the blood from her skin. With no shame she let the tears stream down her face, hiccuped sobs leaving her. Still tending her wounds, he whispered soothing words until he was finished.

“I got something for you. If you can stomach it,”He stated, holding out the snack. Shaking her head no, as she curled up on her side he nodded in understanding and put them under the bed.

With her moving over to the wall, he crawled into bed with her. Pulling the sheets over them, he made sure they were tucked in as she kept quietly crying.

“Are you okay enough?”He checked. They definitely weren't okay after these things. They knew that so they knew that was a useless question.

Instead, they decided on okay enough. To sum it up, if the answer was yes they weren't too hurt to be held.

Too drained to say anything, she turned on her side to face him. Burying her face in his chest, she clung to him as she sobbed. Rubbing her back, he kept her there as tears soaked his shirt. Not that he could ever care.

“I’m here. I’m right here,”He promised. Sobbing harder, she listened to every last word until she couldn't even think. Eventually dozing off, she stayed cuddled to his side.

“It's okay. We’ll be out of here soon,”He said until he realized she was silent.

Moving her hair out of her face, he kissed her forehead before saying what he couldn't when she was awake.

“I love you.”

It was his turn the next day, but they pretended no to know. They just ate in silence, with him doing so slower than usual. They pretended not to see that too.

When he threw his tray away Y/N kept her head on the table. With her hood up, she listened to his screams of rebellion and of pain. Shutting her eyes, she heard someone get hit and fall to the ground. Already knowing who it was, she was frozen in place as he was dragged out.

When the cafeteria door shut, tears fell from her eyes. Not caring who noticed, she let them fall as she silently prayed for him to come back to her with just a few bruises. With the other teenagers feigning ignorance to her cries, they either ate, slept, or stared at the walls. There was no reason to say anything, and it wasn't like they hadn't done the same. At some point here, everyone had found themselves breaking down in front of everyone. Out of respect and knowingness, nobody spoke to them. Nobody ever stared at them. They just sat there. That person would never feel shame either. This was what made them human, caring about others and just wanting a life without pain.

Aris had his own times breaking down. While it was usually when she left, there had been one time she was right there. He missed being able to go outside. He missed fresh air. He had missed his other friends. He missed everything he wasn't allowed to have.

It was so small, but he had heard some guards talking about their lives. Apparently, one of them was taking his little girl to the pool and to distract her from everything around her.

These people had kids. Some of them have families, and they are still doing this.

Y/N didn't look at him. She just put her hand on his knee as she ate. Not even needing to look, he placed his over hers, knowing when they were back in their cells she would hold him until he fell asleep.

Y/N sat on the bed. All day, she hadn't eaten. She couldn't. Not when she knew Aris was being hurt.

Edge of bed, tap foot, floor, door. Edge of bed, tap foot, floor, door. Over and over. Edge of bed, tap foot, floor, door.

When he was dragged in she stared at the guards who just dropped him on the floor. With a lump in her throat, she looked at her friend, in pain and groaning on the ground.

When the door shut she was right by his side. Resting his head on her lap, she looked at the dried and fresh blood on his nose and lip and his eyes, one of them starting to bruise.

“It's okay. It's alright,”She soothed, pulling one of the water bottles they stashed from under the bed. Pouring it on the new rag, she then wiped the blood from his nose. With him breathing heavily, she felt her heart break for him the same way his would for her when she looked like this.

Still, she pushed it away as she cleaned him up. When his nose was okay she wiped his mouth. Every time he winced she would pull away for a moment before continuing.

She did this until he was as good as he was going to get. While it still wasn't much, it was something.

“Come on. Let's get you into bed,”She sighed, sitting him up and putting his arm around her shoulders. While he wasn't heavy and she wasn't weak, they were both malnourished and scarred. So yes. She struggled a little bit.

Eventually she just picked him up and let him rest his head on her shoulder for a moment. Resisting the urge to cling to her, he held back sounds of pain as she laid him down. Making sure he was on the pillow, she then did the usual routine of pulling the blankets over them.

He was hurt. Really hurt. More hurt than she had ever seen him. That’s why instead of asking the question she just made sure she wasn't touching him.

“I’m okay enough,”He whispered. Not bothering with a response, she rested her head on his back while holding him. Taking her hand, he pressed a kiss to her fingertips before lacing their fingers together. Feeling a blush spread across her face, she closed her eyes as she breathed in his scent. While there was obviously blood mixed in, she noticed the hint of coffee, as if he lived off of it.

She was never one for coffee, but now it was her favorite drink.

“I’ll be here for you in the morning,”He promised.

And he was.

As time went on the two somehow grew closer. They swore they had found their heaven in hell.

“Watch,”She urged, patting his knee. Despite having already been doing that, he turned to stare directly at her. Even though he knew what she was going to do he made sure to be completely invested.

As predicted, she threw the goldfish in the air and caught it in her mouth. With her face lighting up, she had the biggest grin that even reached her eyes.

“Yay! I did it!”She celebrated, putting her hands up in the air for a second. Laughing at her excitement, he felt another spark of happiness flow through him. The type he only had with her.

“Don't laugh at me,”She complained.

“I’m not laughing at you,”He defended.

“I’ll call what you were doing laughing at me,”She argued, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I wasn't laughing at you. You're just cute when you get excited like that,”He explained. Putting her hands over her face, she looked down to hide the tint of red on her skin. Laughing again, he made her blush harder.

“I hate you,”She mumbled.

“If you say so,”He drew out.

“Well, I do. I-”
“Dinner time. Come on,”a guard called, interrupting their wholesome moment. Going silent, they got up from their daytime bed and followed them.

It was the same as always. Sitting there in silence, eating, and getting back to their cell. From there, they stay tangled under the sheets to keep themselves from shivering.

“You ever think about lighting this place on fire?”She sighed.

“Every day, but . . . “He trailed off.

“But what?”

“Their shampoo smells pretty good, and I don't want it to go to waste.”

“Yeah. You know what? That makes up for everything,”She played along.

“See? Look on the brightside.”

“What? You mean you?”She asked in a playful voice, though her words held nothing but sincerity.

He knew too. How could he not? They were together basically every second of every day.

“I hope so. I really do,”He quietly admitted, leaning over her. With his hand cupping her face, he found himself inches away from her. “I hope so, because you're my brightside. I never understood what a light in the dark was. I thought that’s all there was. Good or bad. You though, you make my world brighter. You show me what it means to be free when trapped behind walls. I’m surrounded by pain, but you remind me of home. You are my home. No matter what happens, you always will be. My worst nightmare isn't what they put me through or anything that they're capable of. Now my worst nightmare is to one day wake up and you're not beside me. It's me staying in the cell on a day they take you only for you to never be brought back. And I know this isn't the place for this. I know I’m not supposed to find my other half here, but I have. You're mine, and I need to be yours. Please tell me I take up part of your heart the way you do mine? Please?”He whispered, his forehead pressed against hers as he brushed his thumb over her skin.

She wasn't speechless often. In fact, she doesn't think anyone's words have ever caused her to not know what to say.

This love confession though, this was something special.

“You say beautiful things. You do beautiful things in such an ugly place,”She started, her hand under his jaw as she sat up. Still cupping her face, they weren't any further apart despite the new position. “I have always been my subject name. I have always felt monachopsis. I’ve always felt like I’m just enough out of place to not be able to be with someone, to make a true connection. With you though, I don't feel lost. For the first time, I feel like I know who I am. You have brought out so much in me, so many good parts I didn't think existed. I have never been truly scared of not having somebody. Then, I met you. You were forced into my life when I didn't know if I even wanted to make it. You were just there, and I had no choice but to accept it. The thing is though, I would have never turned you down. Even when you were a stranger, some part of me knew that you needed to be here. In a place of weapons and fists, there's pure love. There's you, and I would go anywhere to be with you. Anywhere at all,”She confessed.

“Can I kiss you? I know right now isn’t really ideal, but-”
“Anywhere with you is ideal,”She interrupted.

Leaning into her, he carefully pressed his lips against hers. Wrapping her arms around his shoulders, she let their lips fit together, simply discovering what it felt like to kiss the boy she loves. With his hands on her cheeks, he deepened it. Pulling each other as close as possible, they didn't dare stop. There was so much overspilling that actual tears fell from their eyes. Still, they kept kissing, no more words needing to be said. This said it all for them. The love, the pain, the everything, this kiss was all of that.

Running out of oxygen, they were forced to pull apart while making sure to stay close, their hands on the other.

“I’m in love with you,”He said through raspy breaths. With heavier tears pouring, she buried her head on his shoulder as she sobbed, the realization that if she lost him now the pain would somehow be worse coming to her.

“I’m in love with you too. I am. I have been for so long,”She whispered, her tears soaking his shirt.

“Look at me, okay?”He whispered, gently prying her from the crook of his neck. Wiping away her tears, he held her as she cried.

“I would do anything for you. I will,”She promised.

“I will too. I’ll never leave you. I’ll never let you go. I’ll protect you from everything I can no matter what.”

“I’ll do the same. I swear it, and I swear that I’ll love you forever,”She told him, taking his hand in hers.

So there they stayed, kneeled on the bed beside each other, love being found in a place full of hate.

They couldn't have known they would be moved the next day. They couldn't have known they would be in separate compartments. They couldn't have known that one of them would be getting out, and one of them wouldn't. They couldn't have known that hidden kiss he planted on her neck might be their last one.

Everyone thought he should be grateful that he was saved. They thought that now that he and Sonya are out he should feel on top of the world.

He felt the exact opposite. He felt as if just as he was granted eternal bliss just for it to be taken from his hands. As if he’d been shown all of the stars in the universe only to be taken to total darkness. As if he’d been given the secrets to the world just for his mind to be wiped blank.

He had to make his case, and that was the very first thing he did. He walked straight into the room with the original rescuers and started talking about what they needed to get Y/N, this complete stranger to everyone else, back.

It wasn't going well. In fact, they had all been going in circles for over an hour now.

“We can't go back for your fling,”Vince said firmly.

“She's not a fling. What don't you understand? I need her. I need her with me,”He begged.

“You knew her for seven months. What could you possibly have been doing that would make her so special?”He sighed.

“She's my everything. She's my world. She was always with me. She held me, and cared for me, and laid with me, and made me smile when everything else around me made me cry. She is the most special girl I’ve ever met, and I won't not have her.”

“There will be another girl for you. Before you know it she won't even cross your mind,”Newt tried to tell him.

“I don't want another girl. I want her.”

“Aris, it was one fling. A few kisses doesn't mean-”
“We aren't just a few kisses. We did everything for each other. We cleaned each other up, we wiped each other's tears, we were all we had. Please? I can't give her up. I can't lose her, and I can't do this on my own,”He begged.

“You’ll meet someone here who will love you too.”

“What aren't you understanding?! I don't want someone else! I want her!”

“Come on Aris-”
“Don't, “come on Aris,” me! We went through hell and back! We were tortured for months, and we still loved each other! We made the best out of the worst! The worst that nobody here could get! Nobody understands but her!”

“Aris! Just-”
“I promised not to leave her behind if something happened! I swore to protect her forever! And she promised the same thing! And if she was the free one she would make damn sure to keep it!”

“It was a fling! You were emotional! It's-”
“I’m in love with her! I love her so much more than you could ever understand! I’m sorry that your lover is dead! I really am, but that does not mean I won't be seeing mine!”He scowled, pointing at Vince. While the words brought him nothing but pain he decided to say screw it and leave, not wanting to hurt the already fragile teen.

“Aris! That's not-”
“And you! I’m so sorry that your precious girlfriend got us into this mess! I’m so sorry strangers will always mean more to her than you ever will! I'm so sorry you're in love with a traitor who you mean nothing to, but that will not keep me from my Y/N! Nothing will! Just because your little girlfriend is the entire reason any of this doesn't mean everyone else's is an oblivious, selfish, gullible-”
“Shut up about Teresa! You know nothing about her! Nothing!”Thomas yelled, shoving him back. As he raised his fist he was back there all over again. He was living it all over again. He could see their shadows passing by the window to make sure he hadn't dared escape. He could smell the chemicals and iron. He could feel the needles and their punches. He could taste the blood in his mouth. He was there. He was right there.

Only this time there was no softness of Y/N.

Backing against the wall, before anyone could blink his hands were over his head as he fell to the floor. With tears pouring down his cheeks, strangled sounds wracked his body as he started shaking. With all eyes going from him to Thomas, the glares were so harsh they were like knives on his skin.

“Come on,”Brenda said in a low voice, forcing him out of the room by his shirt. With her literally dragging him, he let her pull him out of there and to where nobody could hear. “What the hell is wrong with you? He just got out of WCKD and was obviously hurt pretty bad. Why the hell would punching him be a good idea? Huh?”

“I can't just-he just-”
“He just what? Pointed something out? Is that what he did?”

Not wanting to deal with her words and acknowledge his love for Teresa, Thomas pushed past her, going to plan out his rescue for Minho.

“It's going to be okay, hermano. It's going to be fine,”Jorge tried to assure him from a non threatening distance. With the words not registering but his mind going from that hell to fuzzy and where he actually was, he just stopped sobbing. With his demeanor unnaturally calm, he stood up, staring at the wall in front of him with a blank expression.

“Would anyone help me get her back?”He asked, looking around the room. At the silence he got, the answer he was sure he would get was confirmed.

“Okay. Fuck you guys then,”He said simply, shaking his head in disgust, disbelief, and betrayal as he walked out of the tent. With nobody following him, he snuck back to the paper with the layout. Seeing where the basic supplies and few cars they had were, he nodded to himself as he knew what he had to do.

“I’m coming back for you Y/N. I’m going to rescue you if it's the last thing I do.”

Chapter 105: More Than a Fling (Part 2)

He didn't tell anyone. For all he knew, they would stop him. Instead, he packed a bag, stole a pair of keys, and was ready to go.

The car he needed was by the edge of the Safe Haven, further out. Since he was sure they had no reason to be up, he wasn't worried about Minho, Thomas, Newt, and all of them. He was sure they’d be fast asleep. As for his friends? Well, he couldn't drag them into this suicide mission. He was going to get Y/N out on his own.

As he walked over to that car a light switched on. Glancing up, he saw Harriet standing there, leaning against a table.

“Going somewhere?”She asked in a knowing voice.

“Harriet-”
“Hop in. I’m driving,”She said with no room for debate.

Not that that had ever stopped him.

“This is really dangerous. Between driving there, finding the way in, maybe Cranks, the guards, the extra security, and just everything that could go wrong, how new this stuff is, this is risky. This could kill you. One wrong move would end everything.”

“Yeah, but that's nothing new to any of us,”She pointed out.

“We don't know what we're up against, and I don't want you to get hurt.”

“Y/N, you love her, right?”

“With everything in my heart,”He answered honestly.

“Is she worth it to you? Is she worth giving your life up for?”

“Of course, but this wouldn't just be me now. This-”
“When you were with her, what did it feel like?”

“It was the most beautiful moments of my life. It was painful, but I would live it all over again. As long as the path I takes leads to her, I don't care what it is.”

“Exactly. We don't know her yet, but Y/N makes you happy, and we want our friend to be happy. That means if this girl is what it takes, we’ll help you get her back.”

“We?”

While leaning against the side she opened the car door. With the light on, it revealed Sonya in the passenger seat. Looking between their faces, he saw smug grins.

“Hey. I heard we’ve got a rescue mission?”Sonya reminded him. Looking between them, he sighed as he pulled his bag on and approached the vehicle. Going to the driver's seat, Harriet buckled up as he threw his stuff on the ground before doing the same.

“So where are we going?”She asked, knowing the answer but living for the dramatic effect.

“To the very last city. To Denver.”

“To get your girl back?”Sonya teased.

“Yeah. To get my girl back,”He nodded with full seriousness.

Miles away, Y/N sat by the window, staring out into the city. It was all she did now, waiting for him to rescue her. While she never wanted to be a damsel in distress and was still more than feisty, this was an exception. Besides, he would be waiting for her if the roles were reversed.

“I’m hanging on for you, Aris. I’m hanging on for you.”

Chapter 106: More Than a Fling (Part 3)

Summary:

-Fluff

They were more than shaken up. They were all essentially frozen as Aris stayed at the wheel, driving straight ahead. 

Cranks. They actually went through a dark Crank tunnel. They had driven over them as others banged on the windows, cracking them. Sonya and Harriet were shouting for him to go, and he just floored it the hell out of there. 

“So how long until we get there?”Sonya mumbled, slowly snapping out of it.

“Ten minutes,”He answered. Nodding her head, she just went back to staring out the window. After all, what else was there to do?

They didn't talk as they kept going on the open road. They just kept their hope that the rest of the mission would somewhat go off without a hitch.

It would not, and they knew that, but delusions are comforting.

“We’ve got three of them coming up,”a guard said from just outside of Y/N’s cell. With her attention being caught like a fish in a net, she slowly approached the door, putting her ear to it.

“Do we know which ones?”

“Harriet, Sonya, and the subject that just got broken out. What was his name?”

“Aris. His name is Aris. It has to be Aris,”Y/N kept telling herself.

“Aris,”the other one finished.

“Yeah, yeah. Aris.”

Putting her mouth to her hand, she held back tears as it set in. He was here. Just like he promised, he didn't leave her. He had come back for her the way she would for him.

Her Aris is here. 

“We’ve to help take care of them. Come on.”

Oh shit. 

Her Aris is here, just miles away from the captures. 

From said miles away the trio was shoving through people. Keeping their heads high, they showed no fear or intimidation as people shouted and pushed and held signs. They just kept simly finding their way past, making sure they were somewhat together.

“How are we supposed to get in?!”Sonya yelled over the crowd.

“We’ll figure it out when we get there!”Aris yelled back.

Just then, Harriet was tripped by someone. Spotting her, Aris helped her over to the side with him as Sonya made sure she was still by them. 

That didn't make it normal though. Not at all.

With the crowd parting, the three kept a hold on each other's arms to not be separated, making sure to stay back as they did. 

It was also a good thing as a large truck holding people in masks and guns passed by. With one of them having familiar black hair in its usual two braids, they all couldn't help but think that they knew her. As if it was an old friend for lack of a better word. 

They couldn't see her face though, and they knew it was ridiculous. They had all watched Aris shoot Beth when she was aiming for Rachel. They watched her slump to the ground and stop breathing. She couldn't possibly be here.

Apparently, that was the least of their worries. 

Spotting their targets, WCKD had their bombs set up, aimed directly at the three teens. Deciding losing some rebels was an alright price to pay to take them out, they gave no warning as they pressed the button.

Before anyone could blink there were shots fired by them, the dirt flying up in the air and turning into debris. Putting together the pieces, they all kept their grip on each other as they went the other way, sure there was a different way in. With dust clouding their vision, they squinted until Sonya noticed a small backway, going somewhere unknown. Still, it had to be better than here.

As she tried to lead them there they all felt someone holding them back. Despite them immediately kicking and screaming to be let go, they were picked up and carried to the back of a truck. With whoever kidnapped them then locking it, they all glanced at each other as they tried to figure out what was happening. 

As expected, not one of them had a clue. 

Looking ahead of them, they found themselves mask to face with the girl from earlier. With the short sleeves showing her tan skin and them being able to estimate her height, she was getting more and more similar to a certain someone which was making them feel more and more crazy. 

They didn't speak. What were they supposed to say? ‘Would you mind letting us out of the truck that you threw us in?’

Yeah. That would sure be effective. 

So they sat there in silence, trying to figure out their next move. After all, there wasn't much else to do. Not yet.

With the worry building up for both their safety and now Y/N’s, they kept peeking out the small holes in the vehicle in hopes that they would see a way out. 

Then again, how were they supposed to find something they had never seen before? This world was new to them. Completely and utterly new.

That meant they just stayed quiet and still, waiting for the stop. Not that they knew what the stop was but they were waiting for it nevertheless.

Staying dead silent, Aris longingly looked up as he saw the letters WCKD on a huge, glass, definitely expensive, building. With his frown growing, his mind was back to being occupied by her. Shutting his eyes, he took himself back to that hell that held the most angelic girl.

With the pen she snuck from the guards pocket, the two stayed huddled on their bed. With the covers over their heads, they stayed as close to each other as possible. Her head was on his shoulder as she found the bruises from the needles on his wrist.

Being as light as possible, she drew hearts on his skin. Slowly coloring them in, every now and again she would glance up to make sure he was okay. Each time, she would find him staring at her with a smile across his face.

Going back to her work, she finished off the last one. When she was satisfied she took him by surprise as she slowly grabbed his hand and put it to her lips. As she kissed his wrist he shivered at the contact. Not the shudders he would get when he knew but also didn't know what WCKD would do to him. Shivers at the way she was so gentle and genuine. At the way the girl he was so in love with had placed her lips on his skin. His. Not anybody else’s.

No. It was his wrist that he had kissed.

Giving him the pen, she silently told him he could do the same if he wanted. Tensing up as he knew her blood had been drawn from around her neck, he stared at her to ask if she was sure. When she nodded and leaned against the wall to reveal the bruising hidden by the collar of her shirt, he moved closer.

She swore she could feel his breath on her skin as he traced the pen around the marks. Shutting her eyes, she understood why he had shivered as goosebumps ran up her arms simply because he was so near to her. 

Cautiously making his design to where it would be hidden, he watched the pen glide across her skin. Being in awe at the simplicity of how small the moment was yet how intimate it felt, he let himself get lost in it all. In being hidden under the covers with what was now his world.

With someone who he swore felt it too.

More than friends, less than lovers.

Yeah. That fits them in the most melancholy way 

Whatever this was, it was devastating. How they would always clean the others wounds. How they would pull the other close and whisper that it was going to be okay while not actually saying anything about the tears. How they were constantly playing the game to help them sleep. How any spark of happiness needed to be treasured in case it would all get taken away soon. How they would lose sleep talking about all they were, all they are, and all they wanted to be.

How they were too afraid of the outcomes out of their control to confess.

“Done,”He unintentionally whispered, clicking the pen. Dropping it to the ground, he let it roll under the bed to their stash of forbidden items for a later time.

Keeping her spot, she let him kiss her neck the exact same way she had kissed his wrist. With sweet, sweet comfort. No expectation of anything more. No thoughts about how it made them look like lifelong lovers. No cares about what it means to some people. No care about anything else at all.

It was just them right now. They were alone, in their own world, that couldn't be touched by anything else. They were safe here. They could rest now.

Pressing his lips to her skin, he unintentionally sent shivers down her back. His softness was now something only he had. Nothing else in this world held light anymore. Nothing but him.

“What’d you draw?”She whispered as he pulled away.

“Just stars,”He smiled, brushing her hair behind her ear.

“Stars are nice, aren't they?”

“Yeah. They're beautiful. That's why I drew them.”

“You think I’m beautiful?”She asked slowly. After all, she wasn't in an appealing state. She was covered in bruises, had sunken and tired eyes that sometimes seemed broken, and wore clothes that still contained some of her blood and would for another week. That wasn't something she imagined anyone could find beautiful.

“Yes. Even if you're in this awful place that does awful things, you're still beautiful. You're my everything. Never forget that.”

“I won't.”

“Why hearts?”

“Because I’m in love with you. Because you mean everything to me. Because mine always seems to pull me towards you. Because mine only beats for you. Because without you, I would forget that mercy exists. Because you're proof of good. Because even though you're being touched by evil, your heart stays pure.”

She said all of this inside of her head. How could she confess something like that right now? How could she even make it sound right?

“Because you're my only reason to wake up in the morning,”She said instead. 

Wrapping his arm around her, he let her pull herself into his chest. Closing her eyes, she wore a bittersweet smile as she fell asleep on him. 

Brushing her hair back, he stared at the star he had drawn with a very important detail that he left out.

A + Y/I

You would never see it. He knew that.

But he also knew that he meant these two letters more than anything else he had ever written.

Sitting back again, just as he closed his eyes a sudden stop lurched him forward. Quickly looking up at the impact, before he could process it someone grabbed him by the back of his shirt and forced him out of the truck. Setting him beside his struggling friends, the people walked away from them to let them know they weren't prisoners. 

Not that they understand but kudos for trying.

“Why did you take us?”Harriet demanded to know, pushing the guy off of her. Stepping closer to the person that had been staring into the souls the entire ride, she held her head high and her certainty higher. She was not going to be trapped somewhere again. Her and her friends were going to be free, no matter the cost.

With them remaining collected but prepared to run, fight, or both, it was obvious that they had good heads on their shoulders.

That wouldn't prepare them for the next thing they saw though. Nothing in the world could. No planning, no warning, no instincts. Not a damn thing.

Forcing her tight braids out of the way, the tan girl pulled the mask over her face. Holding it at her waist, she watched her former friends’ and Aris’s eyes go wide. Not knowing how to form words for a second, their brains malwired as their jaws hit the floor. Now this was definitely an original experience.

“Beth?!”They all asked, still in disbelief despite the suspicions.

“Hey,”She greeted, nodding her head as if she had just gone away for a small vacation and not vanished from the face of the planet after meeting the grim reaper.

“I shot you?”Aris got out, close to tripping over his words.

“Yeah. I remember some of that.”

“You died?”

“It did look like that.”

“What the hell is happening?”Harriet demanded to know.

“Well, after Blondie shot me-”

“If you hadn't been pointing a gun at me, I wouldn't have had to,”He grumbled.

“And you all left me to die I got picked up by these guys,”She explained.

“And who are,”Sonya started, gesturing towards everyone, “these guys?”

“The Right Arm. The rebels against WCKD.”

“People really know all about WCKD?”Aris clarified.

“Yep. You either hate ‘em or you work for ‘em,”She shrugged. Glancing between the other for the thousandth time today, they kept wondering how all of these things were being thrown at them like this. 

“Come on. I’ll show you around.”

“Why would we trust you?”Aris pointed out.

“Look. I knew I tried to sacrifice you, but the other two know me. I wasn't going around doing that for fun,”She defended.

“That doesn't make what you did right. Everybody was innocent the entire time, and you still tried to kill me and Rachel. We have no reason to trust you.”

“Look,”She sighed, pushing down the embarrassment of the memory. Not because she was wrong, but because her being so paranoid and afraid to leave causing her to try to kill two people is surreal. “I never hated you. I never hated anyone. I just wanted everything to go back to normal, no matter what it costs.”

“We were all scared. The difference is we weren't hurting other Icers,”Sonya reminded her.

“Y’all are here for a reason, aren't you? A reason you're going to need help with?”

Yes. Yes they were. 

“So are you coming to get it?”She repeated, nodding her head down an unknown path. 

Then again, every path is unknown.

This one though, might be the way to Y/N.

So this is the one they’ll take. 

Chapter 107: More Than a Fling (Part 4)

Summary:

-Fluff

Y/N was tuning out the other teens conversation as she laid on her bed. Keeping her eyes shut, she faced the wall as she hugged herself, wishing it was late at night. Wishing they were holding each other. Wishing they were able to smile as they spoke.

She was scared but brave. She knew that, and she knew he would believe the same.

She was struggling though and had forgotten almost every method of coping with difficult times that didn't involve him.

So now she was taking her mind back to around four months ago.

“That’s insane,”She quietly laughed, absentmindedly running her hands through his hair as he laid on her chest. Keeping his eyes shut, he smiled at the comforting feeling.

“Well, it’s true. I got out with a bat,”He shrugged.

“I used a butter knife. Stabbed a guard, climbed out the roof, and bada bing, bada boom. I’m out.”

“Is that why we were given plastic silverware?”

“Probably,”She shrugged.

“I would pay to see you stab a guard.”

“Well, I would pay to see you knock one out,”She grinned, looking down at him. Returning it, he reached up and brushed a lock of hair out of her eyes. Blushing at the contact, she turned away.

“This place was lonely. No matter how many people I was around, I was always alone,”He whispered.

“I take it you're even lonlier now that I’m the only one around?”She guessed.

“No. Not at all.”

“No?”She asked, surprised.

“No. Spending time with you is the only time that I don't feel lonely,”He told her, looking deep into her eyes. Reaching her hand out, she pressed her palms to her cheeks as an uncontrollable smile crossed her face.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Shutting her eyes, she just relished in the feeling of her having him close. Of meeting someone that reminded her that love is real. Of being so close to someone who taught her what it’s like to belong.

Her subject name was wrong. Now she was sure of it.

A week later, they're back in a similar position. Pretending this place was normal. Or maybe forgetting it wasn't because of being together.

“Have you ever been in love?”She asked, putting her hands under her head as she faced him.

He is right now.

“Yes. Twice,”He admitted.

“Who?”

“Someone I once knew. She was just the first person to understand, you know? She was the first person I’d go to, and I was hers.”

“What happened?”

Going silent, his eyes shone with grief. Understanding the look, she patted his shoulder for a moment. Moving closer, he rested his head on her shoulder. Softly running her hands through his hair, she rested her chin on top of his head.

“You deserve better than what you’ve been given,”She whispered.

“I think right now is as good as it gets.”

“No. You're gonna be free again. You're gonna be happy.”

He was too tired to clarify that he meant being with her was the best thing that's ever happened to him.

Chapter 108: More Than a Fling (Part 5)

“So you need inside of WCKD to rescue a girl?”Beth clarified.

“She's not just a girl. She's my, I mean she's Y/N,”Aris defended.

“I was just checking. Motives can tell you a lot about a person.”

“You trying to find another reason to kill me?”He mumbled under his breath. Pretending not to hear, she just led them up the roof.

“It's gonna be rough. Even with all of us inside, a lot could go wrong.”

“If you're not gonna help, don’t. I’m getting my girl back no matter what it takes,”He said firmly, getting off the ladder and standing in front of the telescope the way Beth did.

“There it is. Your girl,”She realized, waiting for Sonya and Harriet with him.

“What's that supposed to mean?”

“You're doing all this because she's your lover. Or do you just want her to be?”She interegated as they now waited for Harriet.

“She is my love,”He confirmed as Sonya grabbed Harriet’s hand. Not noticing the special look and slight blush the two shared, he kept his arms crossed and defenses up.

“Did you meet her in the Scorch? Right outside the Maze?”

“Why does it matter?”He almost snapped.

Pursing her lips together, she looked at the ground for a moment as she tried to explain it. Leaning against the railing, she forced her mind have words that give him some sort of understanding.

Looking over at him, she figured the best thing to do was just to start talking. They say you're supposed to speak from the heart. It's the most geniune thing so it's probably what she should do. It's not much, but it's the best solution she could come up with.

“Aris, I know what I did. I know it was bad. I know I was wrong for that. I didn't at the time, because I was afraid. I wanted to fix everything. I wanted my friends to be safe, and I panicked.”

Staying silent, he listened to her words, his face still almost a scowl anyway.

“I was angry, but I was also a lot more than that. I just didn't want anything to change. So I did whatever I could to make sure nothing did. What I did, it was bad. I know that,”She stopped, taking a breath. “I know what I did. I know I tried to kill you both. I didn't think I would, but I regret it now. I regret trying to hurt you guys.”

With his gaze softening (platonically), he put his arms at his sides as he let her talk.

“You don't have to forgive me. You don't have to like me. You don't have to be my friend.”

Nodding, he leaned against the railing as he kept looking at her.

“But you do have to trust me. If you want your Y/N back, you just have to. If you don't, this won't work, and I want it to work. I honestly do. I want to save her. Not just for you. For her. For the people that WCKD hurt. For the people WCKD killed. For the people that deserve better. So can you do that? Can you trust me just for a little bit? When it's over we never have to see each other again, but for now can you look past what I did? For her?”

Staying silent, he thought about it all. What Beth did. What she attempted to do. What he went through.

But he thought about her. He thought about Y/N. About the last time they spoke.

“Up!”the guards demanded earlier than usual. Sitting up, they squinted their eyes as their cells were opened. “Out! We’ll be waiting!”They yelled before walking off to their next victims.

Wincing at his injuries from not too long ago, he took a breath. Noticing his pain, she gently grabbed his arm. Looking at her, he nodded to silently say that he was okay.

Getting up, they tightly laced their fingers together as they went out to see other people being given numbers and put into groups. Moving closer, she met his eyes as they thought the same thing.

Please let them be together no matter where they go?

“B1, here!”one of them demanded, pointing at a line of people. Not having time to waste, she then waved her hand at Y/N before gesturing to a different line. Then, she kept going.

“Aris-”
“I’ll see you soon. Okay? Just stay safe, and remember the names I told you. Okay?”He begged, frantically taking her hands in his.

“I’ll find you again,”She promised.

“I’ll find you too. You know I always will,”He whispered, squeezing her hands.

“B1, over here!”

“Stay safe. Okay? Stay low and stay safe,”She whispered, throwing her arms around him.

“I will. I will, and I’ll find you,”He repeated. Before anyone could call for them again he softly pressed his lips to her neck. Letting go, she nodded at him when he pulled away, trying to ignore the shivers he sent down her skin.

They would find each other. They were sure of it.

“Okay. For her,”He gave in.

“You're gonna trust me then? Just for now?”Beth repeated, holding out her hand. Holding in a reluctant sigh, he shook it.

“Yeah. I am.”

Chapter 109: More Than a Fling (Part 6)

She was physically ill. She was so afraid of her Aris having been killed that she was throwing up.

Maybe because of that. Hopefully, it was only because of that. If it wasn't, she was screwed. Completely and utterly screwed.

She couldn't sleep. No matter how badly she tried, her mind was racing. Her heart was beating a million times faster than it should. It was aching as her head forced the memories to her.

“I will too. I’ll never leave you. I’ll never let you go. I’ll protect you from everything I can no matter what,”He said, his breathing just barely returning to normal.

“I’ll do the same. I swear it, and I swear that I’ll love you forever,”She promised, her hand still in his.

“I’ll always only want you. No matter what happens, it will always be you,”He whispered.

“Even if you found someone a million times better?”

“How could I when you're as close to perfect as someone can be? Flaws and all, you're perfect to me,”He said firmly.

“Even when I come back bloody and bruised?”

“It's easy to love someone when times are good. It always is. The fact that we can love when our time has been nothing but bad mean something,”He pointed out.

“I’ll love you through heaven or hell,”She breathed out, putting her arms back around his shoulders.

“I’ll love you forever,”He whispered against her lips, his forehead pressed against hers as he took in every detail of her face. The soft look in her eyes as she gazed at him. Her hair pushed behind her shoulders. Her cheeks a light pink as a blush spread across them.

Pushing her lips back against his, she kissed him deeper than before. Getting lost in her touch, he carefully pushed her under him, his body almost fully pressed against hers.

“I know it’s not ideal but,”She started, her breath shaky.

“Anywhere with you is ideal,”He told her, his hands finding their way to the bottom of her shirt.

“Even here?”

“Especially here,”He breathed out, his brain erasing the concept of consequences as he stared into her eyes. As if they weren't just barely recovering from their last time being called, as if their bruises weren't just beginning to heal, as if there wasn't already a thousand pains covering them, she nodded her head, telling him that this was enough. That the middle of hell, a place of pain, a place of full of evil, was just fine as long as it had him. There was nothing negative that could come from this. Just like him, she was too caught up in the new type of love to remember another outcome of this.

Kissing deeper, the two let themselves become one, no matter what it could mean. This was right. This was needed. They were sure of it.

Shutting her eyes, Y/N faced the wall as it ran through her head. She definitely remembers what the consequences of that could be now. No matter how much she tried to deny it, she knew that despite the way being apart was killing her, there could be another reason for the sickness that seemed to never want to leave.

Back at the Right Arm wing, Aris was leaning against the wall, his head in his hands as he silently cried. He knew Beth said to trust her, and he does to some extent, but he was scared. He was terrified that these people were bad, that they weren't on the same side.

“I’ll find you either way. I promise,”He whispered, wiping his eyes as that same memory flashed through his head. Even miles apart, they were still so in sync. They didn't even have to know it for it to be true.

He had made sure to be slow, to be gentle. They made sure not to leave marks where someone could see. If someone found out, they knew they would be separated. They wouldn't be able to do anything they had been. Steal for the other, talk about everything that mattered and everything that didn't, remember what it means to smile, touch each other in ways they weren't allowed to.

Their mouths hadn't left the other. Even when it hurt, she didn't dare pull away. Not a sound could travel past their lips. Even if their minds were full of nothing but love, even if their hearts were sure this was all that mattered, some part of them remembered deep down that if they ever wanted this again, if they ever wanted to hold the other, if they ever wanted happiness, they couldn't let anything tear them apart.

They were quick to dress. To check over the other to make sure not one spot was out of place. To make sure they were okay.

“I love you,”She repeated through raspy breaths, her face buried in his neck as he held her close.

“I love you too. I promise,”He whispered, his heart still racing from adrenaline and the way he as just barely remembering what oxygen was. He had been sure it was her during it. He was sure she was his lifeline.

“You're all I need to be okay,”She whispered, her eyes shutting as she kept herself close.

“I’ll always be okay as long as you're here. Always.”

Opening his eyes, he gasped as he remembered the definition of consequence the way she was. With wide eyes, he stared at the wall in front of him as he resisted the urge to pull his hair out.

They both prayed it wasn't true. The chances of a newborn being safe in WCKD’s hands, especially one that came from two immunes, was none. They weren't people in the workers eyes. They were nothing but brain waves and blood samples. Maybe a family would be nice someday but not now. Not yet. Not when she wasn't with him.

They both prayed to every higher power there is that their first time wouldn't end with that.

He didn't want to say anything about it. He didn't want to confess to his friends and Beth and Gally how far what some people would still call a fling truly went. That and who would want to tell their friends about a moment like that in general?

“Gally will still be undercover to finish what needs to be done while I get the other kids out of there and on a bus. For you all and Y/N to get out, you need to jump from a window. There's a pool right below you all that would be safe to land in.”

Yeah. Maybe him, Sonya, and Harriet.

His face flushed as he ran a hand through his hair. This was not a fun thing to ask. Not at all.

“How much would falling through a window and landing in water affect a pregnant teenager?”He asked quickly. With all eyes turning to him, he stared at the table. He did not need to see their actual reactions.

“Aris,”Sonya whispered, not knowing how to say anything else.

“A lot. A lot a lot,”Beth said frantically, already panicking. The current plan could hurt a baby but so could WCKD. That was something nobody wanted.

“Aris, no,”Harriet groaned.

“We didn't plan it, okay? It just happened,”He tried to explain.

“How? Did you just fall and slip inside of her?”Gally deadpanned, finding his words.

This was a setback. A really big one. One they didn't want. The point of this was that everyone would get out safe, and apparently that now includes a possible baby.

“It just happened, okay? We didn't plan it,”He repeated.

Looking at the other, Sonya and Harriet felt their faces flush as they remembered what that feels like. To confess after months of trying to avoid obvious feelings.

“Are you sure she's pregnant?”Harriet checked.

“It doesn't matter if he's sure. It's possible, and that's enough”Beth pointed out

“Look, I’m sorry, okay? I didn't know she would get stuck there when I wasn't, and we weren't thinking about that,”He repeated.

“This is bad,”Sonya mumbled.

“Great. When I meet her that's the first thing I’m gonna think about now,”Harriet grumbled.

“I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry,”He repeated, not knowing what else to say.

“This is fine. We can work around this. We will work around this,”Beth promised.

“How?”

“It's a little more risky, but I think we need to split up a little more. Gally will do his part, I’ll get the others and drive the bus, Sonya and Harriet will be lookouts, and you'll be here guard. Her knight in shining armor and all that.”

“And if one of us gets caught?”Harriet asked slowly.

“We won't. We’ll all be fine. All of us,”Gally said firmly.

For her sake as well, they better be.

Chapter 110: More Than a Fling (Part 7)

Summary:

-Light angst
-Fluff

She wanted to eat dinner. She tried. She did her best to force it past her mouth.

It was no use. The second it touched her lips, it was on the floor. It had to be the fifth meal she had thrown up this week, not to mention the times in the morning.

Two female guards turned and looked at each other. To some, it seemed as though Y/N was sick. To them, it was more than obvious.

Walking over, the taller one gestured for her to follow. Despite the harsh glare she gave them, she found herself giving in, every part of her drained of energy.

The guard with light hair opened the door for both of them. Walking through, Y/N felt her heart beating out of her chest as she kept her fingers crossed that it wasn't what she thought. One day, yes, but now? Without her Aris?

Her Aris.

He’s her Aris.

She would always remember that.

He had been asleep, his hair falling into his closed eyes. His breathing was slow, his chest falling and rising at an even pace.

She couldn't sleep, and she gave up on trying. She had pretended for hours since she knew he wouldn't go to bed unless he thought she was out. Unless it had been a particularly rough day. Because this one was normal though, he kept himself up until he believed she was unconscious.

She wouldn't be sleeping anytime soon, and she was aware of that. At the same time, she didn't really care. Nothing would change, and by now almost nothing mattered.

He was the only thing that did. He was the only thing keeping her going.

She lightly traced the freckles on his arms, being sure not to wake him. She found herself hypnotized by him, by his soft skin and the patterns it held. His freckles were a better version of the stars for her. Ones that were always right there and deserved the utmost attention, admiration, and love.

They may not be together yet, but he’s already hers. She’s sure of that.

Touching her shoulder, a guard guided her to a doctor's room as the other opened it. Snatching her arm away, Y/N threw the woman a nasty glare before walking in. With her arms crossed over her chest, she started at the ground.

“Hello, Y/N. How are you feeling?”Ava asked. Glancing up, she saw Ava, Janson, Teresa, and two women she didn't recognize.

Not responding, she went back to glaring at the ground, not even bothering to observe her surroundings.

“Okay then. You just need to step through this machine. You won't feel anything, but it's important.”

Still not looking up, she dragged her feet over to the machine by the chancellor. Shutting her eyes, she reminded herself that even though they’re probably lying, she won't be here forever.

She walked into this machine that she could perfectly stand in. Letting her arms fall to her sides, she allowed herself to be scanned.

They all watched the x-ray, feeling physically addicted to the screen. Some of them even held their breaths.

Until it got to her stomach, where the outline of a baby only a few weeks old could be seen.

Teresa pushed down a surge of guilt as she wrote down her final notes for the day before handing them to Ava. Walking over, she waited for the machine to stop before holding her hand out for Y/N to take.

“I can walk,”She mumbled, ignoring it and stepping out.

“Why don't you sit down? There's something we have to tell-”
“Teresa, that patient needs you,”another nurse burst in, her hair in a now messy bun and lab coat flowing behind her.

“Can it wait? There's something important-”
“It's the little girl.”

Her heart started racing in her chest as she tried not to imagine all that could be wrong. Without looking back, she gave Y/N’s shoulder a soft squeeze before rushing out.

Already aware of the news deep down, she sat, awaiting the backlash and judgment she would get.

Backlash and judgment that Janson did not hesitate to offer.

“We put you two together so you would stay out of trouble. Not so you could fool around,”He scolded. Holding back tears, she glared at the ground.

“Janson, show some compassion. Unexpected things happen when emotions run high,”Paige said firmly.

“This is too much. WCKD doesn't have the resources-”
“Don't you understand? This is what we need.”

Looking up, she felt her heart drop at the woman's words.

“How is this what we need?”

“No,”She whispered, putting her hands over her stomach. How could they do that? How could they take her baby from her? How could they look at themselves after ripping a newborn out of its mother's arms?

“This would be the very first child born of two immunes.”

“No, no, please?”She repeated, as if that wasn't anything more than begging to the devil.

“You don't need to worry. We won't let you keep it long enough to where you get attached.”

“This is my baby. Mine,”She said through gritted teeth.

“After a while you could always ask how it's doing.”

“You would never be honest with me. Ever.”

“We’ll bring proof if that's what you need.”

“Please no? This is all I have left of him. This child is the only proof I have that he exists. You can't take that from me. You can't.”

“You won't be too attached. After the first few-”
“No! I won't just not get attached! I’ll love them forever!”She screamed.

“Y/N,”Janson sighed, trying to find enough human decency to empathize with her. Standing before her, he held back an irritated groan as he thought about the proper words. “This isn't-”
“You won’t take my kid. I won't let you,”She interrupted.

“Y/N,”He started, attempting to place a hand on her shoulder.

“Don't touch me!”She screamed, kicking his stomach.

“You little-”
“Janson!”Ava scolded as he tried to strike her back. Backing against the wall, she was breathing heavily as she glared at them, as if she was a scared puppy. “Leave. Now,”She demanded.

“But-”
“Leave my sight,”She repeated with far less courtesy. With a grimace, he dragged his feet doing as he was told, resentment already filling his soul.

“Y/N, we’re going to put you in a separate room for now. It's for your benefit, so that everything can be easier.”

“Can be easier? I’ll be giving birth without the dad of my child there, you're going to take them away right after, and you think there's any way to make this easier? Screw you, and your half assed apologies,”She promised, tears filling the brim of her eyes.

“This is for the best. You’ll see.”

“No. It's not. I want my Aris back. Give me Aris back.”

“We can't-”
“Why are you doing this to me?! Let me go! Let me leave! I just-”
Not wanting her to put up a fight, she quickly jabbed a needle into her neck. She gasped and tried to remove it only for her vision to blur. With her eyes and body refusing to cooperate, she passed out right in Ava’s arms.

She removed the needle from her neck, placing it on the table. Then, she picked her up as the young mother was thrown into a dozy state of more memories.

“There's still hope. You know that, right?”He whispered, his eyes burning into hers.

“Yeah. Sometimes,”She hesitantly admitted, looking at the ground.

“No. There's always hope, okay? You and I are getting out. Just remember that.”

“I mean it's kind of hard when you randomly remind me about it like this,”She joked.

“Sometimes, WCKD looks like they're getting to you. You just need a reminder that good people exist, you know?”

“Of course I do. I see you everyday, don't I?”She reasoned.

“Besides me though.”

“Well, you're the only good person in my world right now.”

“So then I guess right now you're the only good one in mine?”He nodded.

“In a way, I guess. All I know is that I for sure have a place with you.”

“And you always will, no matter where we are,”He promised, reaching over and lightly taking her hand. She smiled as she accepted it, lacing their fingers together.

Ava set the now smiling girl in her new bed, adjusting her on top of the blankets. Staying there for a moment, she watched her turn on her side and hold her stomach.

Not wanting to second guess herself, she left before her emotions could catch up to her.

As she did, Y/N was suddenly crying into her pillow as the memory of that night came back to her.

“Did I hurt you?”He asked gently, his voice soft as he brushed her hair from her eyes.

“No. You could never hurt me,”She assured him.

“You're sure?”

“I’m sure,”She nodded, running her hands down his spine. Shivering at her touch, he kissed the marks hidden by her shirt on her collarbone.

“You're the only reason to keep going,”He whispered against her skin.

“And you're mine.”

From a few miles away Teresa had a bag being pulled off of her head after being snatched right out of her work. Looking around, she saw Aris, Sonya, Harriet, Gally, and some girl she didn't recognize.

“Where is she?”Sonya asked slowly.

“What are you talking about?”She asked, trying to wrap her head around the events that had been thrown at her.

“Don’t play dumb. Where is Y/N?”Beth clarified.

“That's classified.”

“Is it?”Aris asked in a cold voice, flipping his open pocket knife and catching it in his hand. Walking over, he kneeled down and looked up into her eyes. “Where is my Y/N?”He repeated.

“She's safe. They're both safe,”Teresa vaguely stated.

“Both?”Aris unintentionally whispered, his gaze softening as the possibility was essentially confirmed.

“Yes. Her and the baby are okay.”

“Not with you, they aren't.”

“You don't understand-”
“No. You don't understand. My Y/N will not be trapped there, and my child will not be raised there.”

“They're safe-”
“Damnit, just tell us where she is!”Beth snapped. Looking back, Aris gave a nod before standing up, going back to his original spot.

“It doesn't matter. You’ll never get inside.”

“That is where you come in,”Harriet said firmly.

“I can't-”
“Oh, you will,”Gally promised.

They would rescue her no matter what it cost. Even if the cost was the girl sitting in front of them.

Y/N was still crying even hours later. She just kept digging through her memories for any hope of happiness, something she definitely needed.

She was having trouble finding them. All she could seemed to think is that he would be a good dad. Yet the father of her child is nowhere in sight for her.

“Have you ever felt like the world is ending? Not the actual destroyed world but something inside of you?”He asked slowly, raising his head from her shoulder to look at her.

“Yeah. I used to feel like that a lot. When I was in my Maze, when I escaped, and for a while in here.”

“So your entire life?”

“Yeah. Pretty much. Not to be cheesy but you're the first person to make me look forward to talking to someone.”

“I don't think that's cheesy at all.”

“No?

“No. I think it's sweet,”He smiled.

“Have you ever felt that way? As if the world is ending?”

“Yeah. There would just be random moments of emptiness. Something would happen, and life would feel cold again.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don't be. I’m just happy you're here,”He admitted, his voice going quieter towards the end.

“I’m happy you're here too,”She smiled, her face warming up.

Moving slightly, they both laid on their sides. With their hands under their heads, they looked at each other through the dim light.

“Even if I died here, I think I would be okay.”

“I won't let you die,”He said firmly.

“No?”

“Never,”He promised.

Nodding her head, she sighed as she shut her eyes. Moving closer, she rested her head on his chest. Wrapping his arms around her, he kept her in his hold, one of the only places he knew she was safe.

“So do you think we’re all going to make it out?”Harriet asked quietly, leaning against the building to appear as nonchalant as possible in the uniform. Peeking over her shoulder again, she confirmed that they were still waiting.

“Yes. We are,”Sonya assured her, her head held high as she looked at her through her mask.

“Just remember that if something happens to-”
“Nothing will happen to me,”She interrupted, thinking she already knew what she was going to say.

“Remember that I’ll love you until the very end,”She finished, her face flushing.

Going completely speechless, Sonya pushed down the lump in her throat as she carelessly wrapped her arms around her girlfriend. Hugging her back, she wrapped her arms around her waist, resting her head on her shoulder.

They know what it's like to be foolishly in love. They know what Aris and Y/N are feeling.

They know that if something happened to either of them, guilt and pain would haunt their sleep until they died.

In the elevator, Aris and Teresa stayed dead silent. Despite that, Teresa could feel his glare burning holes in the back of her head, warning her to go along with the plan. Not that she would disobey right now. There was nowhere to go, and nobody to run to.

Yet.

Janson rushed into the ascending elevator right as it was about to shut. Freezing, Aris slowly backed away, his glare turning toward Janson. Taking quiet, deep breaths, he pushed down the memories of what had been done to him and the possibilities of what had been done to his girl. He knew if he didn't, he would blow his cover.

He couldn't though. He could barely even see through the drunken rage clouding his vision.

Shutting his eyes, he brought himself back to his good place.

“I can't wait to see the stars from outside of here,”She sighed. Nodding in agreement, he turned to face her for a moment. Too fixated on outside the window to notice, she smiled as she rested her chin on her hand. Gazing up at the night sky, she wore a kind of happiness that Aris was sure shouldn't be able to exist in here. Then, he remembered the way he feels with her, right now, and realized how silly that sounded.

“Beautiful,”He whispered, resting his cheek on the cold stone as he admired her.

“Yeah. They really are,”She agreed.

Too unbothered by how perfect the moment was, he let her believe he was talking about the stars.

When the elevator dinged, he was brought back to reality. Opening his eyes, he looked as Teresa exited in a straight path, waiting for him to follow. Doing so, he quickly shoved past Janson, unaware of how suspicious a guard being so careless truly was.

Suspicious enough for Janson to press stop when they walked away.

“Aris, this isn't any kind of guarantee. The guards-”
“I don't care how likely it is. I’m getting them out of here, and nothing you say can stop it,”He cut her off, gesturing for her to get him through the door.

“You don't get it. We're close to the cure. If you just let-”
“It clearly hasn't sunk in so let me make this clear. I do not give a damn about your little cure. I do not care about the world. I do not give one fuck about anything or anybody except for Y/N and our kid. I don't care if you're one minute away from your stupid cure. They will not be a part of it.”

“Aris-”
“Don't, ‘Aris’ me. Don't give me any excuses. Don't tell me that I’m being selfish by not caring about the world, because that won't change me not caring. I want my girl. I want our kid. I want to get out of here and live the most normal, happy life I can with them by my side. I am getting my family out of here tonight, and nothing you have to say will convince me otherwise,”He scowled, absentmindedly throwing his mask off as he glared at her.

Already having backup, Janson wore a smug smirk as he spotted the scene.

“Well, what do we have here?”He asked, drawing his gun at both of them.

Panicking at the sound of his voice, they turned to see the grey haired man looking far too calm. Seeing actual guards rushing from the left, Aris swiftly grabbed Teresa, pointing his gun at her head with shaky hands.

“Don't come any closer,”He demanded, his eyes full of determination. With nowhere to go, Teresa stayed still, silently praying Janson wouldn't do anything stupid.

“Don't you think this is a bit much? For some girl?”He sighed, putting both his hands in the air anyway. Not showing any concern, he simply froze in his tracks while wearing that fake smile.

“No. It's not,”He answered, tightening his grip as he narrowed his eyes.

“Aris, this is just some fling. I guarantee you’ll forget about her soon. You’ll settle down and raise a nice family with a nice girl,”He shrugged, dropping his weapon.

“I have my family. I just have to get them away from you,”He scowled.

“Your family?”He asked, taking in the fact that he now has two reasons to take down WCKD.

“Yes. My family,”He repeated.

“How do you even know it's yours?”Janson taunted, attempting to get in his head.

“Shut up.”

“Who says it isn't someone else's?”

“Tell me where my girl is. Tell me where my child is,”He repeated.

“You won't kill her.”

“Says who?”

“If you were going to kill her, you would have by now.”

He wasn't completely wrong. The conversation has been mere threats to find another way out without murdering Teresa. Janson had watched him interact with the other subjects before the Maze and during it for years. He knew that violence was always Aris’s last resort, something he was never fond of. While he was a great fighter, agile and quick, he didn't show that very often.

Realizing no side was getting anywhere, Teresa figured she could at the very least make sure her and the boy pointing a gun at her head didn't die.

Spinning him out of her arms, she turned around and hit the button for the door. When it opened she shoved him through before shutting it again.

Rushing towards it, Janson slapped the glass as Aris stared at them from the other side. Taking a step back, he put the mask back on as he went to find the others with Beth and Gally.

“What was that?”Janson snapped, glaring at Teresa.

“I just did you a favor. The doors are sealed. Nobody can get out,”She bitterly explained, becoming fed up with how selfish he always seemed during the search for bettering humanity. As he stared at her blankly she spun on her heel before remembering that revenge was something that always seemed on the back of his mind. “Don't touch any of them. I need all of them alive, including the baby,”She said firmly, going to leave to figure out where everyone was, her hair flowing behind her.

“What's taking them so long?”Harriet asked nervously, the gun still in her hand.

“I’m sure we’ll get something from them soon,”Sonya reassured her, gently squeezing her shoulder.

“If you're-”
“We’ve got a group out. No Y/N yet but everybody needs to get to their places,”Beth called over the walkie.

“On it,”Sonya called back before putting it in her belt. Looking at her with a ‘told you so’ expression, she gave a smile grin. Rolling her eyes at the antics, Harriet placed a soft kiss to the blonde girl's lips before leaving to do her part.

Pulling her mask back down, she resisted the urge to skip in her step as she went the other direction for her own place.

“Where is she?”Aris frantically repeated, running his hands through his hair.

“We’ll find her, okay? Just stay calm,”Beth told him. Holding back a groan, he nodded his head. “Gally's leading the kids outside. For now, we’ll go a little off plan, and I’ll help you get your girl and your kid back.”

“Fine, but I’m still mad at you,”He warned.

“Wasn’t expecting anything less. Now let's get them out of here.”

The fact that Beth was more helpful and empathetic than most of his friends was actually starting to bum him out. How the hell did the girl who wanted him dead end up being one of the best allies?

Hopefully, he can rethink his life choices later, after they get what they came here for. And maybe think about getting a new friend group or just only keeping the good ones.

Y/N watched the red lights flash outside of her door and heard the alarms. Already having a clue of what this meant, she was frantically jamming a plastic card between the door and the lock. Of course they locked her away when it would overcomplicate an already complicated situation.

As it snapped in half she leaned her forehead against the door. Shutting her eyes, she placed her hands over her stomach.

“Do you believe there's something actually wrong with us? Besides being immune?”She sighed. Looking more at her, he watched her stare at the ceiling, her eyes numb as the blood fell down her soft lips. He hadn't kissed them yet, but he had admired her enough to be sure of that. Plus, she's the only soft thing here. Surely that means so are the parts of her.

“No. Just bad luck mixed with bad people,”He said gently, wiping the crimson from her face.

“Yeah. Maybe,”She sighed again.

“Why maybe?”

“I don't know. I guess everything in here is just getting to my head. I just keep looking for that bright side, and I can't even see you sometimes since it gets so dark in our room.”

“There's a bright side for every situation,”He promised.

“How could you be sure?”

“Because even if you're upside down, there's still an up side to that, right? There's still a good thing.”

“Well, I have a good person, but I want a good thing. A reason to live besides a person or a possibility.”

“But isn't that the only reason to live ever?”

“What do you mean?”

“Love.”

“Love?”She echoed.

“Love. Platonic, romantic, selfish, whatever. As long as there's love, there's life, right?”He pointed out, dancing around other implications of them.

“Yeah. Love,”She slowly agreed, turning her gaze to him. Looking back, he sent her a small smile as he wiped the blood from her cheek.

Opening her eyes, she repeated his words.

Love. Love is her reason to live, and it will be her reason to get out of here. That truly is all there is to it.

Peeking through the window in the door, she kept searching for something helpful. She didn't really know what, but it was something to do, which is better than nothing.

As she was met with emptiness she held back a frustrated groan as she stepped away from the door. Shutting her eyes, she collected her thoughts before opening them.

When she did she was met with a familiar yet chilling mask. Stepping back even more, her eyes widened as the mystery guard opened the door. Glaring at them with a burning hatred, she backed away even further as they stepped into her room.

Letting out a relieved sigh, Aris took the mask off again.

Both of them stood there, frozen in their spots. Every muscle in her body refused to cooperate as her knees threatened to give out from under her.

She had never seen him like this before. Completely cleaned up, free of bruises, cuts, and blood. She had never seen him so safe looking before.

“Ar-Aris?”She asked slowly, her voice breaking.

“Y/N,”He breathed out, his launcher dropping to the ground as he opened his arms. Accepting the embrace, she stepped forward and clung to him for a moment. Closing her eyes, she breathed in his scent of the outside, something that seemed so foreign to her some days.

“You came back for me?”She mumbled against his chest.

“I will always come back to you,”He promised, cupping her face as she pulled away. Leaning down, he pressed his lips to her forehead. Shutting her eyes again, she took in the feeling of his lips on her skin.

“Come on. We need to get out of here,”He remembered, grabbing the weapon and waving her forward.

While she more than wanted to leave, she wasn't sure just how much action she could take.

“Aris, I have to tell you something,”She said, quickly grabbing his shoulder.

“I already know. It's all thought out though. Both of you are gonna get out safe,”He promised.

“You know?”

“It’s a long story that I swear I'll tell you later. For now, meet Beth,”He sort of introduced, pointing at a tan girl with dark hair pulled into a tight bun. Her dark green eyes seemed full of mischief and planning, as if fear was an unknown word to her.

“The Beth?”She tried to clarify.

“I think so. And you must be the Y/N.”

“I think so? But I thought you were-”
Before she could finish her question the lights stopped flashing. The alarm shut off, sending them into an abyss of silence. Not even a footstep could be heard.

Meeting the others' gaze, they all asked if anyone knew what was happening. As everyone just stood there though, it became clear they were all oblivious.

“Come on. Let's just hurry,”Beth urged. Nodding in agreement, Aris grabbed Y/N’s hand, taking her alongside him as he followed Beth into the seemingly empty hall. “It shouldn't be this quiet,”She whispered to herself, slightly shaking her head as chills went up her spine. This was definitely not part of the plan.

“We’re only three stories up. We can make it out,”Aris said firmly.

“We have to do it quickly though. There's been talk amongst the guards lately. The people in the city are angry at WCKD for keeping them out, and nobody thinks they're planning on being peaceful much longer,”Y/N added.

“The city? Like Right Arm?”Beth asked slowly, the gears in her head turning as some of Lance’s latest sort of off remarks started falling into place.

“Yes. Exactly like Right Arm.”

“But I don't understand. They were supposed to be-”
Before Aris could finish his sentence a boom echoed throughout the entire city, almost causing them to fall over in shock. Y/N frantically grabbed Aris’s hand, tightly squeezing as she looked out the window with them, only to see the chaos now starting to form.

A bomb.

Right Arm had thrown a bomb.

“Teresa, what are you doing? You have to go,”Ava practically scolded.

“I can't go. It was there all along. The cure was right there,”Teresa defended, desperately digging weeks back into Aris’s and Y/N’s folders.

“What are you talking about? Teresa-”
“I thought something was off with their blood separately so I looked closely. It seemed to almost force the virus away, just barely breaking it up, the closest we had was it being brittle. So I took both of their old blood samples and combined them into one, before adding it to the cure, and just look,”She ranted, cautiously yet quickly passing the microscope over. Sliding the old sample out, she disposed of it before grabbing a fresh one.

Despite her confusion Ava peeked into the cure to see nothing. It was the same as always. As she tried to convince Teresa of reason again though, she was met with a slammed drawer before the teen measured out one drop each of their blood. Swirling it in a vial, she mixed it together before adding it to the now most important invention of mankind.

Giving in, Ava looked back through the microscope to realize that the virus was dissolving before her very eyes, as though it was a magic potion.

“All this time,”She said to herself, pulling away.

“It was never just immune blood. We need a combination of them, of those two,”Teresa clarified.

“The baby.”

“The baby?”Teresa asked quickly.

“Yes. If Y/N gives us the baby, everything could be fixed. We would have enough blood to last a lifetime. The child would grow up here, and we could let the others go. Now that you found a cure, it can stop.”

“But the baby? That would mean it wouldn't stop for the baby?”She pointed out.

“It's one life here for millions of others. Don't you see, Teresa? This is it.”

Staring back out the window, Teresa went silent as reality came crashing down. Her high of the discovery was long gone, replaced with dread.

Could she live her life, knowing that from birth a person would be forced to be a blood donor? Could she ever sleep at night knowing a newborn had been ripped away from its parents the way she had been ripped from her mother's once loving arms? She could barely even look at herself some days, but could she really tear a family that held so much love and loyalty apart? And what happens when the child grows old and dies? What happens when they have no more blood to give?

“Yes. It is,”She said slowly. “They're on the top floor. In the medical wing. I moved Y/N there earlier, and they are looking for her so they’ll all be there,”She lied.

“I’m going to get them. You stay here and wait for me,”She commanded as she walked out, her heels clacking on the ground with each step.

Not waiting for something to happen, Teresa grabbed her kit and bolted down to Y/N’s room.

With his hand in hers, Aris led her around the now almost pitch black building, Beth following as she watched for people behind them. The three were on edge, on high alert for anything.

Despite that, Aris couldn't find it in himself to not look back every few seconds despite the feeling of her skin on his. The worry about it all was too much, and the countless sleepless nights probably didn't help.

From just the hall down, Janson was creeping around the corner, his gun drawn. Teresa was on the other side, looking to help them escape in any way she could.

It was too late for that though.

They turned as they heard a noise behind them. Not knowing what it was but suspecting it was them, Janson popped out, weapon still in hand.

“Damnit,”Y/N cussed as she noticed him. Grabbing Aris’s sleeve, she dragged him along, following Beth who was leading her down the hall.

“You're not going anywhere this time!”Janson threatened.

Not ready to be caught, they kept sprinting, too focused on adrenaline to realize that almost all the lights in the city had been obliterated in the war of civilians and power right outside that building.

There was no time to care. There was no time for anything but escaping.

As they rounded a corner, their hearts pounding in their chest, footsteps thumping on the ground, they saw that they were back to where Teresa had shoved Aris through earlier. They turned to go down the hall only to see guards on both sides of them, catching up.

In desperation, Aris squeezed Y/N’s hand tighter, as if that would mean he would never have to let go. Y/N squeezed back, looking at him with the pain of defeat.

Beth had other plans though.

Not letting them get caught, she shoved them both through the door. Before they had a chance to react, she slammed the lever, locking her with Janson and the other two safely on the other side.

“Beth, no!”Aris yelled, banging on the glass. He hadn't realized it until now, but he had found himself somewhat attached to her. She had done more than his friends back at the Safe Haven. She had planned this all so he could get his Y/N back.

“Stay safe, okay? Live a good life with your family,”She smiled, not moving as she knew she would be cornered.

She was right as Janson grabbed her arm while guards stood around her. Keeping her head high, she gave the two a nod to go on.

“I’m sorry,”Aris mouthed.

“It's okay,”She promised.

Y/N gave the girl a small nod back, silently promising that she would never be able to repay her. When Janson screamed at his guards to go get the others though, they knew time was up.

Hand in hand, the two headed down the hall, searching for the stairs.

Having been following them, when Teresa saw that the guards were gone she snuck out from behind the corner with a vase and smashed it over his head. His grip loosened on her, his gun fell to the floor, and he passed out, blood seeping out of the wound.

“What the hell? You were on their side just a few hours ago?”Beth reminded her.

“I know, but I’m getting you all out before something happens,”She explained, hitting the button.

“Change of heart, huh?”Beth asked, picking up Janson’s weapon.

“Yeah. Something like-”
Teresa was stopped by the sound of a gun. Spinning on her heel, her eyes widened as she saw that Janson had been shot in the chest with his own weapon.

“Now we know for sure that he's dead,”She shrugged.

“Yeah. Good idea,”She nodded, her morals already too on the edge to truly care right now.

“Thanks I guess,”Beth accepted, stepping over his body and into the hall so they could find the others.

Ava was on her way to the cameras after realizing she had been tricked. Walking in, she turned them on only to be met with Aris and Y/N outside the building, running just out of sight.

“We have to go back for her,”Aris realized.

“We just got out. How do we go back for her now?”

“I don't know, but we have to. This whole thing, none of it would have happened without her. I just, I can't let her die there. Not like this.”

“I’ll go with you.”

“No, you have to stay out here.”

“Aris, I can-”
“Y/N,”He whispered, taking her face in his hands. Pressing his temple against hers, he traced his thumbs on her cheeks as he held her close. “I can't lose you again. Please?”

“You need backup, Aris. You can't go in for her, alone,”She reasoned.

“But-”
“I need you, Aris. I need you to make it home to me. I need you alive and strong and happy. Not just for me but for our kid. I don't want them to just have stories. I want them to have you, and I want you too. I want to wake up everyday beside you and sleep beside you every night. If you go in by yourself, that won't happen. We’ll do this the way we always have.”

“Together?”He breathed out.

“Together,”She whispered.

“I love you. I hope you know that,”He whispered, shutting his eyes as he wrapped his arms around her.

“I love you too,”She promised, resting her head on his chest for a moment before they went to risk it all again.

“This is still sickeningly cute, but it's better than making out I guess.”

“Beth?”They both asked, pulling apart and looking at her.

“Yeah. I-”
“Thank God you're okay,”He rushed out, his shoulders visibly relaxing.

“I have one other person though.”

“Who-”
Y/N stopped speaking as Teresa walked out, her heels still clicking against the cement.

“What the hell is she doing here?”

“I came to apologize for everything. Nothing happened the way I wanted it to, and I never thought it would get this far. Not until it did, and I’m sorry.”

“Sorry doesn't excuse anything,”Y/N snapped.

“I know. I don't expect you to forgive me, but I wanted to say that before I left.”

“Left?”Beth asked.

“Yes. I can't go back to the Safe Haven so-”
“Where are you going then? The city’s ruined,”Y/N reminded her.

“I know, but I can't go back. I-”
“Teresa, do you want some advice?”

“I-okay?”She agreed, not sure what to expect.

“If you stay here, you die. You’ll end up as another dead person as everyone else keeps collecting survivors' guilty debt. If you don't want that, if you really don't want to cause any more pain, you’ll come back and accept that you’ll probably get some harsh glares and insults from certain people. That may be the only way to make up for what you did to your friends.”

She stood there, her mind turning to Thomas.

Would he be one of the glares?

Then again, she already knew that he would definitely add her to his list of survivor's guilt.

“You coming? Time’s limited,”Aris reminded her.

“I-yeah. I’m coming,”She agreed.

Beth and Y/N were already off, finding Sonya, Harriet, Gally, and the bus of kids. The two quietly talked, learning all about the other and a little of their very different history with Aris.

“If you ever do anything to Y/N or my kid, I will make sure your home is somewhere even worse than the city. This change better be real,”He warned.

“It is. It's real,”She promised.

“Alright. Come on then. Let's go,”He shrugged, urging her to catch up with the girls so they could all leave.

Teresa followed suit, ignoring the chills at Aris’s words. That was definitely not a threat.

That was a promise.

She also knew that she didn't have to worry about breaking it though. She had found her side.

With them.

Inside the building, Ava was staring at Janson’s body in shock, not having believed the cameras at first. She had tried to tell herself it was a trick of the light or shadows.

As his blood spilled onto the floor, staining her white shoes, it became clear this was real.

It was also clear that she had lost.

WCKD was done for.

Back at the Safe Haven, Teresa's presence was met with confusion and anger. Thomas was obviously the first to forgive her, his love overpowering his disdain.

Gally was punched in the face by Thomas when he first met, but luckily Harriet stopped him before it could escalate, her old leader instincts coming to the surface.

She had also become more open with Sonya, with the two of them building their own place, moving in, and having a good life. The reactions of their friends ranged from light teasing to hugs, but none of them treated them differently. They were still them, and they clearly made each other happy. Who doesn't want their friends to be happy?

Beth had fit in nicely, helping around, using her strength for the best, and also being a surprisingly good sitter sometimes.

Aris had kept their lack of help over everyone's heads, finding taunting them far more satisfying than revealing the ridiculous way they viewed his relationship. They had to sit back in guilt, watching as the two moved in together, making sure there was a room for a baby. They watched his protectiveness over her last until after the pregnancy. The only difference was that it included the baby girl.

The two had a day off, and as such, had decided to take Rory to the beach to play in the waves and sand. They kept a close eye while holding hands, more than content with the life they had built.

When it was becoming too cold for her, Aris has dried their kid off before handing her to Y/N who had her arms out. They walked back to the Safe Haven to go get dinner.

That's when he saw them though.

Thomas, Newt, Minho, Brenda, Jorge, and Vince in the same spot? What are the chances?

He kissed Y/N’s temple. Smiling, she let him wrap his arm around her waist for a minute as she leaned against him, still holding their now toddler in the other.

“I’ll hold Rory for a little while,”He offered.

“Okay. I was gonna go visit Harriet and Sonya anyway. Just drop by for a little.”

“We’ll be there in just a second,”He promised. Nodding her head, she handed her to him. Holding her by her waist, he let her feet dangle as she happily settled into her father's arms.

When she was out of sight Aris wore a petty grin as he walked over to the group. When they heard his footsteps and looked up they already knew what he was going to say. He never missed an opportunity to remind them. Ever.

They couldn't say anything about it. They couldn't complain. At the end of the day, he was right, and they were wrong. Besides, if Y/N found out she wouldn't be so open to any of them coming over to see the little one.

Looking at him, they waited for his inevitable jab.

“Told you it was more than a fling.”

Chapter 111: Higher Up

Summary:

-Hurt/comfort

I won't deny it. Being a step above the trained and a step below the trainors is lonely. It's like I’m ahead just enough to be seen as better than the ones my age but I’ll never be good enough for the actual adults. I can't go back on my actual level of intelligence because the sudden lack of knowledge would have me tested on. I can't stay the same because I’ll be pushed to the point of passing out. No matter what though, I’m just not good enough for any group.

He was not helping. In fact, he had me three seconds from having a public instead of internal existential crisis.

“You look nice today,”He complimented.

“You say that every day, and every day I look the same,”I sighed, keeping my eyes on my book as I highlighted what must have been the only relevant sentence to my current topic of studies.

“Well, it's true every day.”

“Aris, what are you doing here?”I asked, glancing up at him for just a moment.

“Nothing.”

“Well, there are plenty of places you're allowed to be on the premises where you can do that. So go to one of those.”

“No. There are plenty of places for you to go.”

“Just go somewhere,”I repeated, circling a word I was going to need to research the definition of later.

“So what are you doing?”He asked.

“Studying.”

“That’s boring.”

“When you don't dwell deep enough to find a subject truly worth knowing of, I’m sure it is. Fortunately, some of us have an interest in not staying at our current position until we die.”

“You don't have to use stupidly big words to insult me. You know that, right?”

“Of course they're stupid to you,”I mumbled.

“So,”He started, pulling out the chair beside me and inviting himself to be next to me. Moving over from him, I peeked at him through the corner of my eye. With this ridiculous half smile and elbows on the table, he looked like a character in a movie after that unrealistic love at first sight scene. He has that stupid face every time he decides I need company.

“What do I have to do to get you to leave me alone so I can have some sort of peace?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“If it was obvious I would have done it the first time you put yourself next to me for lunch.”

“Awe. You remember the first time we met?”

“Of course I do. You looked like a mess. It's good to see you've somewhat grown out of that.”

“So you like the way I look now?”

“Don't twist my words. I’m simply pointing out that you look nicer when your shirt isn't on backwards. Honestly, how do you go half a day without realizing that?”

“I don't know. I just did.”

“Do you know anything? Why are you still wasting my time?”

“Oh come on. I know you like it when I talk to you.”

“Oh yes. I enjoy your presence as much as I’d love to run through the Crank infested Scorch while not being immune,”I deadpanned.

“You're mean.”

“Yeah. Because I'm hoping you'll take a hint.”

“I kind of like it when you're mean. It's cute.”

“I guess you won't be taking said hint,”I sighed, turning the page.

“Do you want to know why you really intrigue me?”

“I’m surprised you know a word above a first grade level.”

“Well? Do you?”He repeated.

“Nothing about you has me any sort of interested. Nothing you say could possibly be worth investing my time into.”

“So that's a no?”

“You obviously don't plan on listening so sure. Tell me what absolutely important thing about me caught your eyes,”I sighed, putting my book down and facing him.

“You're sweet. You're really sweet, but you never let anyone know.”

“I am not sweet. You're stalking the wrong girl,”I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest.

“I know you comfort the new kids when nobody's watching. It was cute when that one little boy called you his mom. Sad but cute.”

“I do no such thing,”I said quickly, glaring at him as my face flushed.

“See? Why do you do that?”

“I don't do anything nice,”I repeated.

“I watched you from my class. You patted his head and told him it would be okay. Sat with him for a little bit and played Ispy. You were really kind, but you don't let anyone know. How come?”

“I am done with this conversation,”I scowled, picking up my things and shoving them inside of my bag. Shoving my chair back in, I turned on my heel to leave when he just insisted on following. “What the hell do you-”
“I know you don't write the answers on the desk just lightly enough for only someone sitting there to see on accident. You also don't need to cheat, and I know you know my class is after yours and I sit there because you forget stuff sometimes and come back a few minutes later.”

“I don't do that,”I said through gritted teeth.

“You do-”
“Get it through your thick head. I have no interest in helping you or anyone. I do not wish to be anywhere near the likes of you. Not only that, but if you were my partner because you got where I am because of my help, I would be absolutely humiliated. So stay in your lane. I don't want you, I don't need you, I don't like you, and if you walk up to me one more time, I will end you. Do you understand me?”I asked, grabbing the collar of his shirt and pulling him close enough to see the irritation deep inside of me.

“You have sad eyes,”He whispered.

“What?”

“Your eyes. You look sad. You look like you want someone. You look like you want a friend, and I’d like to be your friend.”

“The amount of times you said like in your sentences is obnoxious.”

“You're doing it again.”

“Doing what exactly?”I asked, not really wanting to know.

“Talking about something else so you don't have to think about the way you're lonely. You want someone with you. I know you do.”

“Shut up,”I demanded, tightening my grip on his shirt as my jaw clenched. With my heart going at an unreasonable speed and my legs shaking, something that could only be dumbed down to lonely adrenaline consumed me from the inside out.

“Y/N-”
“I told you to shut up!”I yelled, tears pricking my eyes as I let him go. Turning around, the second I was out the door he was already behind me. Tuning him out, I kept wiping my eyes as he was still bothering me.

“Y/N, please stop?”He repeated. Feigning ignorance to his presence, I tried to run only for him to grab my hand. Before I could react he turned me to face him.

Staring at the ground as more tears fell, I bit my lip to muffle my cries. The ones I specifically made sure to never have since tears are nothing but a waste of time and energy. There's no reason to cry. Not at all. Never, never, never.

“It's okay. Just let it out,”He whispered. Despite the way I was doing everything I could to not do that, I did.

Wrapping my arms around him, I sobbed on his shoulder. Hugging me as tightly as he could, he rocked me back and forth while humming.

“It's okay. It’s all going to be okay,”He soothed.

“You don't get it. You don't-you don't know what it's like. No matter what I do, I’ll always be alone. I’ll never have anyone. I’ll never get a friend. All I’m allowed to have is myself, and I hate it,”I spilled.

“I do. I get it more than you think, and I will be your friend. If you let me in.”

“Why? Why would you want to be my friend?”I asked, pulling away and wiping my eyes.

“Because I just do. I don't need a reason to like you. I just do,”He shrugged.

“But I’ve been so rude to you? What could you possibly have to gain by being my friend?”

“I don't want to gain anything from you. I just want to hang out with you. I just want to be around you, because that's what friends do,”He smiled.

“That's actually the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me,”I admitted.

“Y/N, that's actually really sad.”

“Yeah. I know.”

“Of course you do,”He teased.

He’s nice. Nicer than I thought. Even if he’s not technically on my level he knows things I don't, and that’s really cool.

“You want to start over then?”I suggested, pulling away.

“Yeah. That sounds nice.”

“Hi. I’m Y/N,”I introduced, holding out my hand.

“I’m Aris,”He played along, shaking it.

“Well, Aris, it's nice to meet you,”I smiled. Not a fake smile to mask the sorrow of one of proud for being the best. A genuine smile that forced its way on my face.

“Yeah. It’s pretty great to meet you too.”

Chapter 112: You Weren't There

Summary:

-Angst
-Hurt/no comfort

Aris’s P.O.V

I don't think that I can do this anymore. I don't think that I can sit by and watch her pretend I don't exist.

I was mad at her. I was pissed off and angry and most of all, hurt. I was really, really hurt.

She promised she’d be by my side no matter what. She promised that she didn't care what me working for WICKED meant. She promised that she would always be there for me even when nobody else was.

She wasn't. She was the exact opposite.

She didn't say anything. She didn't do anything. She just listened to the insults they spewed after the betrayal with Thomas.

The entire time she stood there, listening to it as she stared at the ground. I kept telling myself that she was going to step in. 

She didn't. She stood there with her head down, playing with the sleeves of her jacket. 

When they were done berating me we all got ready to go. She didn't speak to me then either. She ignored me. She acted like I meant less than the sand beneath her feet. Even on the Berg, she refused to let there be any sign that she loves or even knows me.

I needed her that day. I needed her more than ever, and she didn't even think about me. She didn't care. She still doesn't. 

She's just standing there, talking with her friends as I sit by the shore, picking at the grass as the sound of her laugh punches me in the gut. 

I waited. I waited and waited and waited for her to turn around. For her to tell me it's okay. For her to tell me she loves me.

She didn't. As I watched her for literal hours until the fire started to burn out, she wouldn't talk to me. Every time she glanced at me she quickly looked away, as if I disgust her. 

“You okay?”Rachel asked, taking a seat beside me. 

“Yeah. I’m fine,”I lied, staring at the ground as tears slowly poured down my cheeks and into the dirt. Watching it soak into the ground as more came, I felt completely numb. 

“You want to talk about it?”She offered.

“I just need to be alone.”

“Okay. Come find me if you change your mind, okay?”

“Yeah. Will do,”I mumbled, standing up and stepping over the log. Not having a destination in mind, I was practically stumbling over nothing as the tears kept coming. It was like the more I tried to stop them the more that followed. 

I tried. I tried to keep walking, but when I was just a little ways away from everyone on the shore I couldn't even see. My chest ached, and my head hurt, and my heart cracked, and I just want it to be over. Over over. I want everything to be like none of it ever happened. I want everyone to be here. I want to be okay.

Laying on the sand, I closed my eyes as I wished for everything to just disappear. I just wanted to shut everything out. I just wanted to live a normal and happy, the way everyone else is. Why can't I do that? What's wrong with me?

Am I going to spend the rest of my life stuck in a pattern of guilt?

“Hi,”that familiar voice greeted. Glancing up, I saw Y/N standing there, her arms crossed over her chest as she looked down at me. 

“Why are you here?”I asked quickly, drying my eyes with the back of my hand as I sat up.

“I,”She whispered, staring at the ground before taking a breath. “I don't know.”

“Then, why don't you just go back to your friends? I’m sure you’d rather be seen with some picture perfect people, right?”I glared.

“It's not like that.”

“Oh, it's not?”I asked, scrambling up.

“I just-they're my friends. I wanted to see them for real again.”

“Then, go back to them.”

“They're all gone-”

“Oh? So I’m the backup? Who could have predicted that?”

“No. I just meant you aren't-you’re not-you’ll never be,”She stuttered.

“Never be what? Huh?”

“Like me. You’ll never be like us.”

“Y/N, why the hell are you still here?”

“I wanted to apologize.”

“Apologize? Apologize? For what? For leaving me? For treating me like a stranger? For being ashamed of me? Is that what you want to apologize for? Is it?”I snapped, stepping closer to her.

“I’m sorry. I didn't mean to-”

“But you did. You did, and you know it. You're so fake that you won't be seen with me, but you'll walk right up when nobody's around. Right?! Right?!”

“Aris-”

“No. You watched them call me fake, but the truth is, it's you. You're a liar. You're so selfish,”I insulted.

“That isn't fair,”She insisted, standing close to glare at me as tears fell from her eyes.

“Why are you crying? Nobody hurt you. Nobody did anything to you. It was all you.”

“Well, maybe you deserved everyone being mad at you?! Did you ever think of that?!”She screamed before stepping back and tensing up a regret filled her eyes.

“I deserved it? Are you serious?”

“Love-”

“Oh, hell no. You don't get to call me that. You understand? You don't get to pretend you were ever good to me. Do you hear me?”

“I messed up. I know, but-”

“You didn't just mess up. You were absolutely awful. I was forced to betray him. Forced,”I scowled, stepping closer.

“Aris-”

“I’m so sorry your precious Thomas got hurt. I’m so sorry he didn't listen to any of our warnings. I’m so sorry he’s too stubborn to believe anyone. I’m so sorry we made sure WICKED didn't kill him. Maybe next time, we’ll just sit back and watch. We’ll just let him die-”

“Aris-”

“Oh, wait. We’d be the bad guys, right? For not doing anything. It would be all our fault, but it’s fine. That's fine.”

“Aris-”

“No, no, no. Don't start apologizing now. Your sweet Thomas might think you're a traitor-”

“Just stop for two seconds!”She demanded, backing away as the tears kept coming.

“Why are you here?”

“I should have said something. I know, but that was insane. One second everything is as normal as it gets, the next you're gone, the next you’ve betrayed Thomas by hurting him and kissing Teresa? What about that wouldn't throw someone off? Why wouldn't I start thinking deeper about you? Looking for signs that anything is off?”

“Why would you stand there and let people yell at me before you did that? Why couldn't you have been there?”

“What did you want me to do?”

“Not nothing. You didn't even talk to me. You haven't for months, and you're only here now because nobody can see you. You will always care more about what people think than us. You're a terrible girlfriend, and I wish I wouldn't have wasted so long with you. I wish I didn't stay with you for so long. I wish I could take back the nights I’d be up the entire time comforting and holding you while you cried. That I could take back all the times I said I love you. That I could take back when I would watch the stars with you. That I could take back when we would talk about what the future would be. That I could take back sneaking out just to be with you a little longer. That I could take back meeting you. I wish I could just erase everything and start over. I wish I could have been someone who cared about me,”I spilled, taking short, heavy breaths as I looked at my feet. Wiping my eyes, I just kept wondering why this all had to happen. 

“I-I do care. About you. I just-I can't-I don't want to do this. Because the truth is I don't really love you anymore. I think-I think I love Thomas,”She confessed. 

“Then, go live your happily ever after. It doesn't matter to me.”

“Listen. I’m sorry. I-”

“Don’t touch me, you traitor. You don't get to touch me. You don't get to do anything with me. You can just forget all about me, and I’ll forget about you too,”I uttered, shaking my head. With the silence following, another wall was built between us. Somehow, they don't stop. Unlike us, they get stronger and stronger, pulling us further and further apart.

“I . . . okay,”She accepted, walking past me.

“I should just tell Rachel that I love her. After all, she is my partner,”I lied loud enough for her to hear. With another sigh, she just walked quicker, her feet hitting the hard sand before going to the actual dirt. And with that, I listened to her walk and walk and walk until I knew I wouldn't be able to see her when I turned around.

Screw it. I guess I’ll go to Rachel's tonight. After all, she’s all I got now.

Chapter 113: Never Over It

Summary:

-Angst

I try. I try not to keep my guard up around him. I try to forget everything. I try to just be happy. I try to live my life.

I love him. I do. He means so much, and I could never imagine being with anyone else. I don't want to be.

At the same time, I haven't forgotten it. No matter how hard I try, no matter how much I want to, I can't let it go. I can't just move past it. Every time I think I do, during our next argument it comes up again. I don't want to remind him of it, but I just start speaking, and the words spill out until I can't take them back.

I had been better at it. I hadn't done it in a long time.

But history always repeats itself, even the bad parts.

“It’s not a big deal. I just ended up hanging out with Sonya,”He groaned.

“Yeah. After telling me you would be with Thomas,”I snapped.

“I already told you. I didn't plan it. That's just what ended up happening,”He defended.

“Is it now? Is it really?”

“Yes. It really is. I don't know why it even matters that I was hanging out with Sonya. You know-”
“For the last time, it doesn't matter that you were Sonya. I like Sonya. I trust her. It's the fact that you lied-”
“I didn't lie. For the last time, I did not plan this,”He said slowly.

“You told me this less than two hours before the plans apparently changed. What about that isn't suspicious?”

“I have not given you any reason not to trust me. Why the hell do you keep acting like I’m doing something awful every time something is slightly off? Why do you keep doing this? Every. Single. Time.”

“Because you’ve never lied before, right?”I snapped.

Almost immediately, his expression dropped as he frowned. His eyes seemed to lose all light as he faced me.

I regretted the words the second I said them. I wanted to take them back.

I couldn't though.

So I just stood there in silence with him.

“You're . . . never going to be over that . . . , are you?”

“I’m sorry,”I apologized, meeting his gaze before looking down again. “I thought that I could be. I try to be. I want to be, but every time something happens, every single time something is off, I’m back in the cave. I’m on the ground, and you're not. You're both there, above me, taunting me. There was just . . . nothing there. Nothing in your eyes,”I admitted, wiping away my tears. “I’m sorry. I tried to be over it, Aris. I tried not to see you as them, because I really do love you. I really do want us to work,”I whispered.

“But we won't, will we?”

Not knowing how to speak, I just buried my face in my hands as silent sobs left me. Stepping forward, he pulled me into him as I clung to him and cried on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry,”He whispered, his own voice cracking.

“It's not even your fault, and that's the worst part. It’s not even your fault, and I know that, so it shouldn't hurt like this anymore. It should be over with,”I got out, wrapping my arms around him a little tighter.

“It was supposed to hurt. I just didn't know how to make it not so bad. I didn't know how to warn you.”

“I love you. I promise I love you. I really, really do.”

“I know. I know, and I love you too,”He said back. “I just wish that was enough.”

“I’m sorry I couldn't get over it.”

“It's not your fault. You tried. You did everything you could.”

“I’m sorry,”I repeated anyway, running out of things to say.

“I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I had to be someone who could do that to you,”He whispered, his devastatingly comforting grip not loosening once during this breakup.

“That's even worse. Because it isn't your fault, and it isn't my fault, so why don't we get to work?”

“The memories I guess. No matter why it happened, it happened, and you can't change the past. No matter how hard you try, you can't erase it. No matter what, neither of us will forget that day.”

“I try to. I try to, but I still dream about it sometimes. I still see the way you glared at me the entire time. I can still hear the way you told me that I never actually meant anything. I can still feel the way you grabbed me when I tried to run. There was so much pain in my life, but that one just sticks out the most because it's from you, you know? It's from you, and I love you. I love you so I don't know why it hurts.”

“I think because you love me. When betrayal comes from someone that means something, I don't want to know how that feels. I never wanted you to know what that feels like either, but I did. I try not to think about it sometimes, but there's always something to remind me of it. I’ll always remember the way you cried when you curled up on the ground. I’ll always remember the way you screamed when I hurt you. I'll always remember the way you went silent for so long after. So much more silent than you should be, and I thought that I lost you. I thought that they made us kill you, and I couldn't even find out for hours. I just had to sit there and wait. I had to think about everything that happened in so little time.”

“What do we do now?”I muttered.

“You know the answer, Y/N,”He said softly, rubbing comforting circles on my shoulders. Knowing what he meant but not wanting to speak, I just held still and took in his touch, with the only sound being the heavy breathing you get when you cry so hard your eyes aren't even worth opening.

“Can we have just one last night together?”He asked.

“Yeah. Just one last night of everything feeling okay,”I agreed.

Pulling away, acting as if this was any other time, he kissed my temple before wiping my tears. Despite the way I knew this was going to be the most painful and loving few hours I’ll ever experience, all I could think of was a question that you ask anyone after reuniting at home again.

“So how was your day?”

Chapter 114: Missing You (Part 1)

Summary:

-Light angst
-Fluff
-Mr.Loverman as song

Aris’s P.O.V

I hate it here. Hate it, and not just because it’s dangerous (though that definitely doesn’t help).

No. I hate the regular people here. The teenagers that are apparently exactly like me.

It doesn’t feel that way though. I feel like an outcast. It’s as if I’m some kind of zoo animal that’s on display for everyone to stare at. They act like I’m deaf. They act like I’m not five feet away from them.

That’s not what bothers me though. I don’t care that they say, “he’s been here a week,” or “he’s been here the longest.” I don’t care about them saying I was in a Maze full of girls with that ridiculous half smirk, like I wasn’t capable of just being friends with them. At the same time, at least it was me there and not some creep who didn’t know how great having girls as friends can actually be. When I say friends I mean friends.

No. It’s the way every time they say that they remind me that I’m completely alone. I don’t know where they are or if they’re okay. I don’t know if I’ll ever see them again. I don’t know if I’ll ever be happy again. I can’t be happy if I don’t have them.

There’s a new Maze today. It was unfortunately all guys so I knew exactly what that meant.

“That kid over there, he’s been here the longest. Almost a week,”the main culprit explained. With my hood already up and my eyes on the table, I pretended not to feel their stares burning holes into my skin.

“His Maze was nothing but girls,”his friend added. There it is. The infamous line that makes me wish they would just come over and punch me in the gut. That would be an easier pain to deal with than the sharp ache in my heart every time I hear that.

Maybe these guys would be different? Maybe they wouldn’t start thinking what everyone else does?

“Really?”a new kid asked in a way that let me hear the thoughts in his voice.

“Some guys have all the luck.”

All the luck? All the luck?! I’m alone. I’m all alone with nobody I care about by my side, in a place where nobody actually cares about me. I don’t get to hang out with the only people who make me smile. I don’t get to be by their side. 

If they knew I have a girlfriend, that would make it so much worse. They would think their suspicions were true, as if I wasn’t capable of loyalty and actual love, even though I have so much of it. Y/N is the only one I could ever fall for, and everyone else is basically my sister. I would die for any of them without hesitation. 

I miss them. I really, really miss everyone.

~ ~ ~

“Who the hell are you?”

Not very kind words. Not very patient. Not a good first impression, but it was all my stupid head could come up with. 

To be fair, I had just woken up beside this girl I had never seen before in a box. I think it’s pretty fair to ask.

“I-I don’t know. Who am I? Who are you?”She asked, not quite looking at me.

“I’m . . . I don’t know? Why don’t I know?”

“Why would I know?”

 

“Well, I don’t know.”

“As fun as it would be to let this continue, we’ve got to get you out,”a girl's voice said. With both of us glancing up, we were met with a lot of them. At least fifteen. 

“What?”

“Come on. Up you go,”a blonde said, holding out her hand. With hazel eyes and her hair in a side braid, she wore a patient smile as she expectantly looked at us.

I was the first to accept. I let her pull me out of whatever this was. Some kind of box? Metal cage? 

“Up and at ‘em,”another girl said, probably helping the girl I came up with out.

I looked around to see snow surrounding every area of this place and frozen tree branches. There were buildings or huts made out of straw or wood. Maybe a combination? Then, there were these signs with words I didn’t know and arrows. Am I stupid? Or are those names of places I actually don’t know? And there are these stone walls which somehow aren’t affected by it. While it was ice, no snow touched them. Speaking of which, they seemed more like doors. They looked like they lead somewhere. Maybe somewhere cool? Or terrifying? And-

“Alright Blondie. Let’s get you both warmed up,”the girl from earlier directed. At her words, I realized I was shivering and in short sleeves. 

“Is my name Blondie?”I asked, following her.

“No. That's what we call the new prisoners. Nobody remembers their name for a day or two. Maybe three.”

“What if mine doesn’t come back?”

“You’re a worrier aren’t you?”She grinned.

“No?”

“I like the Blondies. They always ask the best things,”She shrugged, leading me to one of the buildings. Without looking back she opened the door. While this would be a great opportunity to just run because there was no reason to believe a thing they said, I only hesitated for a moment. 

“Here. You get the pretty, pink one,”She insisted, handing me a coat. Looking at it for a moment, I saw it seemed fairly puffy with a zipper and two pockets.

It also seemed like great protection from the weather.

Slipping it on, I just zipped it up before awkwardly standing there, keeping my hands in the pockets and staring at the ground while rocking back and forth.

“You don’t wanna look at your girlfriend?”

“My what?”

“His what?”

With both of us saying it with the same quickness and level of panic, we ended up meeting each other’s eyes. 

It was the girl from earlier.

She was beautiful. She had these soft eyes that seemed warm at the same time, as if she was comfort in the form of a person. Her hair was a little messy, probably from whatever that ride was. It suited her though. I can’t explain it, and I won’t, but it did. Her lips were pursed shut, as if she was afraid to talk. At the same time, they still looked soft. Something about her, she just seemed gentle, as if I was supposed to know her. It was like I was meant to be drawn to her.

“Sonya, enough teasing the Blondie’s. We need to ask them things. Especially, the guy,”the girl who probably helped the one I came up with directed.

“You got it, Harriet. Come on. Let’s get going.”

“Okay,”I nodded, watching her walk out the door. “Bye,”I mumbled, giving the girl a small wave. With a barely noticeable smile, she waved back. 

I wanted to stay here. I wanted to know more.

I had to follow Sonya though so I guess it’s time to be interrogated.

~ ~ ~

“How did your questions go?”the other Blondie asked as I met her by the forest. Not for any reason. I just didn’t know where else to go, and it looked like she didn’t either.

“It was . . . interesting?”I trailed off.

“Did she tell you we’re the only ones who came up together?”

“Oh, definitely. She made fun of me a little bit. Kept calling me your lover.”

“In a friendly way or?”

“Yeah, but it was still a little, you know? I guess weird? Everything here is.”

“She could be right,”She shrugged.

“What?”

“Yeah. We don’t remember anything so she could be right,”She pointed out.

“We don’t know each other though?”

“No. We don’t remember each other,”She corrected.

“I mean yeah. Everything is just so surreal I can’t even think about that right now,”I admitted.

“I know what you mean. I take it she told you you’re the only boy ever?”

“Trust me. She did.”

“What do you think about that? What do you think it’ll be like?”

“I don’t know. We’ll breathe the same air and be trapped in the same place so it can’t be too different from everyone else’s.”

“Fair enough. So do-”

“Hey. There’s the Blondie’s,”Harriet greeted.

“Hi.”

“Come on. I’m gonna show you two around,”She explained, gesturing for us to come with her. Glancing at the other Blondie, after a moment she shrugged and started doing so. I guess that means I am too so off I go.

~ ~ ~

“Here me out,”Sonya started.

“Every time you say hear me out, I regret it,”Y/N sighed.

“No, no, no. You’re gonna like this one,”She insisted.

“What wise words are you going to share with us?”I folded.

“We convince the Blondie’s Aris isn’t real for a day or two. It would probably work.”

Sonya, no,”Harriet said firmly.

“Oh, come on. Aris, don’t you think it would be just a little amusing?”She asked, pointing at me.

“No. I think it’s mean to confuse already confused Blondie’s,”I pointed out.

“And it’s time to cut you off,”Y/N added.

“Oh, come on. No it’s not,”She groaned.

“When you suggest ideas like that, yes it is. Not even because you're drinking too much. I’m just tired of losing brain cells whenever someone wants to say yes,”She said, looking at me through the corner of her eye.

“It’ll be a good idea one day. I have faith in her.”

“Then, you’re cut off too.”

“Jokes on you. I’ve just been drinking water,”I shrugged, showing her my crystal clear glass.

“As amusing as this is, it’s past curfew,”Harriet pointed out.

“No. Just five minutes,”Sonya begged.

“No. We’ve got to work tomorrow.”

“I know when I need to sleep though,”She argued.

“You said that last month.”

“Nu uh.”

“Come on. Let’s sneak off,”I whispered to Y/N.

“You read my mind,”She agreed, taking my hand to pull me up. Not bothering to let go, we headed to our hut (which Sonya knew very well what she was trying to do when she set that up. Same with only putting one cot in there).

I also may or may not like sharing a room with her.

“To bed we go,”She announced, ducking her head as she walked in. Letting go, I stood outside so she could get changed. We had a few systems like that set up. Not out of distrust or anything. It just prevents awkward moments. 

Leaning against the door, I quietly whistled to myself until she knocked on the wall. When I gave her the all clear we traded places. Not bothering or caring what clothes I picked for bed, I threw on the nearest clean hoodie and pants. It’s not like I’ve got anyone to impress.

Knocking on the wall, I gave her the all good. Listening, she walked in, the wrinkles in her clothes having been brushed out and her hair brushed. 

“I call closest to the wall,”She said quickly, getting on her claimed side. Rolling my eyes, I got on the other one, our invisible barrier still set up. 

“Imagine if-”

“Nope,”I cut her off before she could even say the, ‘one day the wall might just break’ joke.

“What if I was going to say something different?”She complained.

“Were you?”

“No.”

“I didn’t think so.”

“You’re annoying.”

“Says the one who makes the same joke every night,”I shot back.

“I hate you.”

“Goodnight to you too,”I grinned. Hearing her move to her usual spot completely pressed against the wall, I sighed as I shut my eyes, still wearing that smile only she can cause.

~ ~ ~

I honestly don’t know what happened. One second I was having a relaxing, dreamless sleep. The next I was wide awake, slowly sitting up. Rubbing my eyes, when my mind adjusted to my surroundings I heard soft cries. Looking over, I saw Y/N tossing and turning while seeming absolutely miserable.

“What happened?”I asked gently, putting a hand on her shoulder. Turning over, she looked close to sobbing. “It’s okay. It’s okay. You’re okay,”I promised, rubbing circles on her skin. Mumbling something I couldn’t understand, she curled up on her side. “You’re okay. It’s all okay. You just need sleep,”I reassured her.

“I can’t. I haven’t been able to sleep,”She admitted through shaky breaths.

“Just tonight?”I asked hopefully, keeping my hand on her. At the silence filling the air I knew the answer. 

“Come on. I’m right here,”I promised, laying down and putting my arms out. Not even needing to think about it, she curled up to my side, wrapping her arms around me. Holding her back, I traced my fingertips down her spine. 

“I love you,”She mumbled.

“What?”

Once again, I got complete silence. Only, it wasn’t because she didn’t want to answer.

She was too tired to register any truth her words held.

“I love you too,”I said anyway. 

Only I was fully awake and knew exactly how much I meant my words.

~ ~ ~

“She said what?!”Sonya asked too loudly.

“Shhh. Keep your voice down,”I hushed.

“Sorry, sorry. I just love being right.”

“I didn’t say we were together. I’m asking what to do,”I reminded her.

“Easy. Tell her so she can admit it while awake.”

“I’m being serious.”

“So am I. Stop being a coward and tell her what she already knows.”

“What do you mean what she already knows? What are you talking about?”

“You know how people say drunk words are sober thoughts?”

“Yeah, but neither of us were drinking last night,”I pointed out.

“If she hasn’t been able to sleep for long she’s obviously exhausted. The same rule applies. Tired words are sober thoughts.”

“No way.”

“Oh, yes they are. Do you know how unfiltered I’ve been when tired?”

“Wow. You have a filter?”I genuinely wondered.

“Shut up, and go get your lover,”She sighed, cutting more of the vegetables. Going back to stirring the pot, something she always does outside the kitchen, we worked in silence.

~ ~ ~

I in fact did not go ‘get my lover’. I did however avoid her with a burning passion. I know, I know. I’m being a wuss. It’s just that this is my best friend. She was the first one I spoke to and the last person I see before I go to sleep. She means so much to me, and I don’t know if Sonya’s even right. What if I misheard her? What if she just slurred her words? What if it was gibberish?

“Hey Aris. I wanted to-”

“Gotta go,”I immediately panicked, basically slamming the door open and running to the kitchen before she could say a word. Deciding that the backdoor was my safest bet, I sprinted the ten extra steps and opened the door so quickly it barely made a sound. Then, I shut it just as fast.

“I take it you didn't tell her?”Sonya sighed.

“Not exactly,”I mumbled, avoiding eye contact.

“You cannot just avoid her forever. You literally share a bed.”

“Yes I can. I just fall asleep really quickly.”

“Hasn’t she not been able to sleep?”

“I’m a sleep cuddler,”I lied.

“Since when?”

“That doesn’t matter. Let’s just get to work,”I said firmly.

“So the day after she confessed her love? Got it.”

“It doesn’t matter, okay? Drop it,”I demanded.

“She’s going to get really pissed at you. So pissed she may just fall out of love,”She just had to point out, munching on her toast.

“Yeah. I know,”I whispered. 

“So just talk to her.”

“And say what? Ask her if she loves me?”

“Yes. Exactly like that.”

“Can we just-”

“Hey sticks. Get to cooking,”Harriet instructed from just outside. Being thankful for the distraction, I did just that, refusing to speak another word as I did.

~ ~ ~

It was super simple. Get to the hut before she comes back from fixing up the Watchtower and go to sleep. Straightforward and something I had done every night for four Blondie’s now. 

The second my part of the kitchen was clean I ran out of the door before Sonya could give me her glare of disapproval. Or at least before I had to see it.

Not stopping to say hi to anyone, I was inside basically the second I started running. Being thankful our hut was so close to the kitchen, I headed in to start my new and awful routine. Still, I breathed a sigh of relief as I shut the door.

“Interesting to see you for once.”

Damnit.

“Hey. I thought you had work still,”I greeted, forcing a smile as I looked at her with her arms crossed and her eyes narrowed.

“I finished early. Needing to see your best friend who won't even look at you is a pretty big motivator.”

“Y/N-”

“Talk to me. Now,”She demanded in a steady voice.

“I do-”

“You don't know how to lie to me. You never have. Now spill.”

“I really don’t-”

“We aren’t doing this. You’re gonna tell me why you’re ignoring me,”She said firmly, putting her arms on my shoulders so I had to look her in the eye.

“There’s nothing happening,”I lied, staring at the floor anyway. 

“You know, if something happened and you didn’t want to tell me, I could understand. This though, what you’re doing now, what you’ve been doing for months, is not okay. It’s not, and you know that.”

“It’s nothing. It’s really-”

“Yes. It is,”She stated, seeing right through me. Putting my face in her hands, she made me look at her. Just inches away, it suddenly occurred to me just how close we were right now. If I wanted to, no, if I had the guts to, I could kiss her by just leaning in.

“I’ll resent you forever. If you keep doing this, if you keep ignoring me, I will feel nothing for you. Either admit that something’s wrong, tell me what, or I ask for a new roommate. You have five seconds.”

“I . . . I don’t know,”I trailed off.

“Fine. You can get a new-”

“I’m in love with you,”I blurted out before she could even take her hands off of me. With neither of us moving, the silence was so loud it was echoing in my ears.

“You’re what?”She asked slowly.

“I am in love with you,”I repeated firmer.

“You're-you’re in love with me?”

“Yes. I am. I’ve been in love with you for so long. I just never wanted to say anything. I didn't even want to admit it to myself, but I can't lie forever. I can't lie to myself, but even more than that, you're right. I can't lie to you. So I just didn't say anything. Because I can't lie if I keep my mouth shut, you know? So I’ve been avoiding you, because the thought of this freaking you out and ruining our friendship terrifies me. Not because I don't want to be more, but because I know for sure I’ll have you in my life. I’ve never been with anyone though so even if you somehow did feel the same, I don't know what I’d do if I messed it up.”

“Well, the only way to find out if you're good at something is to try, right?”She smiled.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I mean don't get me wrong. I have no damn idea what the hell I would be doing either, but for you, I’ll do my best. If you’d give us a shot?”

“Yes. I absolutely will,”I whispered, absentmindedly wrapping my arms around her shoulders. With that same smile she closed her eyes and kissed my cheek. Feeling my face flush at the feel

ing of her lips, I silently cursed my pale skin as I knew I turned bright red. 

“I love you, Aris. And you don't have to say it back, but I do.”

“I love you too, Y/N. I love you, and I will always say it back.”

~ ~ ~

Sighing at the memories, I put my head on the table. Shutting my eyes, I feigned unconsciousness until Janson forced me back to my empty room.

Chapter 115: Missing You (Part 2)

Summary:

-Fluff
-Light angst

My heart hearts. Everyday, it breaks more and more.

I miss Aris. I miss him more than anybody understands. All I want is to see him again. I just want to be with him, to hold him, to love him. I want to kiss him, hear his voice, whisper sweet nothings in his ear as he falls asleep. 

I want Aris. I miss him. I miss him so much it physically aches. My heart is heavy in my chest, and all my mind can think of is him. 

If I had known that catching feelings would end up making me feel like this, would I still let myself fall in love?

~ ~ ~

It was still difficult to believe. Even as I was cuddled into his side, inches away from his face, it didn't quite seem real yet.

I had been pining over him for months now, just waiting for him to notice. I had been waiting for him to see me as more, to tell me that he feels the same. 

And he does. Even if I couldn't believe it at first, he actually feels everything that I do. 

“I love you,”He whispered to me in the dark, his hands slowly going up and down my arm as he traced his fingertips on my skin. 

“I love you too,”I whispered back, a smile creeping across my lips. 

“I’ve wanted to tell you that for so long. I just couldn't get the words out. I didn't know how.”

“Well, you did. It just took some threats, but you said the words just right,”I promised, lightly tangling my hands in his hair. 

“I’m glad you're here right now with me. I can't imagine what it would be like to not have you in my life. You're my first memory and my favorite one.”

“You're my favorite memory too. I still remember how you used to always be so awkward around everyone, but you were still really sweet.”

“Really?”

“Really,”I promised, curling up to his side even more as my eyes shut. Wrapping my arms around his shoulders, I clung to him as he brought this sense of peace over me. “And by the way, I know you haven't just been falling asleep early when you hold me at night,”I added. 

“Well, I wanted you to sleep somehow,”He defended. 

“I would have said yes, you know?”

“Yeah. I know you would have.”

~ ~ ~

The bed was comfortable for the first time in forever. I was so used to waking up to it being cold and empty that I had forgotten what it was like to wake up beside him, with his hair ruffled about, his chest rising and falling, and his eyes firmly shut as he mumbled in his sleep. 

It's different now though. The fact that I’m waking up beside him knowing we're more than friends changes so much. 

He looks peaceful when he sleeps. He looks completely relaxed. 

“Hey, wake up,”I loudly demanded, lightly tugging on his arm.

“No,”He groaned, turning over and burying his face in the cot.

“We have work which you need to wake up for,”I reminded him.

“I don't wanna go to work.”

“Aris Jones, get your lazy self out of bed,”I repeated.

“You just want me up so you can have breakfast faster,”He accused.

“No. You're going to be late if you don't get dressed,”I corrected, throwing his shirt at him.

“No,”He yawned.

“Aris, people are already getting up. Besides, you got a night in the pit last time you pulled this,”I reminded him. 

“Worth it,”He insisted.

“Don't come crying to me when you’re in the pit tonight,”I sighed, tying my boots as I got ready and walk out.

“Mhm. Love you too.”

Rolling my eyes at his state, I kissed his cheek before leaving to go to work, knowing very well I’d see him way past when he was supposed to be up.

~ ~ ~

“Are you having fun?”I teased.

“It was worth it,”He defended, still standing by his point.

“Yeah. It really looks worth it with you stuck in a hole in the ground,”I deadpanned.

“Worth. It,”He repeated slower.

“Whatever you say,”I sighed, plopping down on my stomach and resting my chin on my elbows as I looked down at him.

“You're going to catch a cold if you don't get inside,”He warned.

“You should have gotten up then,”I shrugged. 

“Y/N, you can't stay out here. You’ll get ill.”

“I’ll be fine. Right now, I’m just keeping you company,”I smiled, reaching my hand into the bars.

“You don't have to do that,”He smiled back, reaching up and lacing our fingers together. 

“Well, I love you so I want to.”

“I love you too. And not just because you stay by my side when I get stuck out here.”

“Get stuck? You did this to yourself,”I corrected.

“Well, I’m still stuck, aren't I?”

“Yeah, but at least you’ve got me to be stuck with.”

“I’d like to be stuck with you forever.”

“Forever forever?”

“Forever and ever,”He nodded.

“You reckon we somehow will be?”

“You and me, yeah. We will be,”He grinned, standing on his toes to kiss the back of my hand. I squeezed as I admired his features from the little bit of light the torch gave off, my mind calm with the feeling of love. 

~ ~ ~

“You know, I could probably recreate this,”I spoke, taking another bite of my lunch.

“I hope you know that is the greatest insult you could tell a Cook.”

“Is it? Is it really now?”

“I’ll have you know it is. That'd be like me saying I could recreate a building.”

“Hey, hey, hey. That is very different,”I warned, pointing my fork at him.

“Is it? Is it really now?”He mocked.

“You are what is commonly referred to me as a smartalec. I hope you're aware of that.”

“Oh really now? I never could have known.”

“See? This is exactly why we aren't friends anymore,”I deadpanned.

“Because it has nothing to do with us being more,”He said in a blank voice.

“Ugh. As if I could ever be more with you.”

“Acting like we aren't hopelessly in love is a lie.”

“Pft. As if,”I scoffed. 

“Listen, you woke up with an attitude problem-”

“You woke up with an attitude problem-”

“And I-”

“Hey!”I yelled as he pushed me in the snow to fall on top of me. Wrapping his scarf around the back of my head, he pulled me in as he wore a cocky grin.

“Don't appreciate that,”He finished.

“Well, I don't appreciate you,”I argued.

“Well, I love you anyway.”

“You completely ruined the insults I had going.”

“Oh, did I? Did I really now?”

“You actually did, you prick.”

“But you know you love me anyway.”

“That is quite a strong word. Don't you think?”

“No. I think it's just right,”He argued.

“Just right?”

“Yeah. Just right,”He repeated, his face still inches from mine. Wrapping my arms around him, I closed my eyes as I hugged him tight, keeping him even closer to me.

“I’ll love you forever. No matter what happens,”I whispered in his ear. 

“I’ll love you even longer than that. Nothing in the world could make me stop loving you. Absolutely nothing.”

~ ~ ~

It hurts. It hurts so much, because it's still true. 

I love him. I love him so much that I swear I’m going crazy without him. 

If he's out there somewhere, I hope he knows that. I hope he knows that I think about him every minute of every day.

I hope he thinks of me too.

Chapter 116: Missing You (Part 3)

Summary:

-Fluff
-Emotional hurt/comfort

~ ~ ~

“I've loved you for a long time, Aris. A long, long time,”I promised.

“I’ve loved you for even longer. I love you more than you'll ever know,”He whispered, his hand in mine as he traced circles on my skin. 

“I won’t stop loving you. Nothing can tear my heart from you. Absolutely nothing in the world.”

“My love for you is infinite. Absolutely infinite.” 

“You mean everything to me, Aris. Everything. And I don't know what I’ll do when I lose you.”

“It won't be forever. I’ll be by your side before you even know it, and we'll start all over. We’ll fall in love again.”

“You never get worried that we won’t?”

“No. I love you so much that I know I have nothing to worry about. I already know that you are the only one I will love like this, the only one I will ever be with,”He said softly, slowly leaning in.

“I’ll only ever be yours,”I promised, doing the same.

“Yeah?”

“Yes.”

The second I answered he closed the gap between us, gently pressing his lips against mine. I kissed back as I cupped his cheek in my palm, a soft love felt from my fingers to my toes at the touch. 

When he pulled away far too soon I kept my eyes shut for a moment, savoring what it’s like when he kisses me. Not just because of the kiss but all the emotions he brings with it. The way his lips fit so perfectly against mine and how he’s always so gentle feels like a dream sometimes.

If it is, I hope I never wake up.

~ ~ ~

“You can't separate us. We won't let you,”I swore, keeping my hand in his. He tightly squeezed, clearly just as afraid as I was.

We won't show it though. Not to them at least.

“We can't send a boy in a Maze full of girls. That'd be inappropriate,”Ava restated.

“How would it be inappropriate? You’ve already seen how I act with the girls, and I get along better with them anyway. Why would it make sense to separate me from them?”

“Pregnancy, hormones-”

“We’ve been together for years now, and in case you haven't noticed, I’m nowhere near pregnant. It won't change in the Maze,”I promised.

“You don't know that. Without your memories-”

“We called you, the person who's going to take everything from us, just to plead our case. How could you give reasons that don't even match our personalities? That isn't fair,”I pointed out.

“See? This is why we didn't want anybody dating. You’ll get attached-”

“But we love each other. We can't push that down. Not with how deep our feelings are,”Aris said firmly, his head held high. I squeezed his hand in gratefulness at the sweet words and as a silent way to say I'm thankful for how lucky I am to have him. Almost instantly, he squeezed back, silently assuring me that it would be okay. That no matter what, we will always find our way back to each other.

“Please just think about it?”I begged.

She stayed silent for what felt like hours but couldn't actually be more than five minutes. During that duration, my heart was practically beating out of my chest.

The answer to if we get to be another lifetime is all in her hands. We need her to say yes.

“I’ll think about it,”She finally answered.

Knowing that was all we would get, I held back a sigh as I walked out, our hands still laced together as I did.

~ ~ ~

It was both a nightmare and a dream. We would get to be together forever but at the cost of our memories.

As we were led to the box, all the questions started piling up. Would we rekindle our relationship? Would we catch feelings again? What if only one of us did? Would it even work out?

“I’m scared,”I admitted, clinging to him as the box lifted us up.

“It's okay. It’ll work out,”He soothed.

“I don't want to forget you,”I whispered, tears starting to drip down my cheeks as I held on to his shirt.

“I know, but we’re going to pass out any second now. We need to lay down and think about everything good. Think about us. Okay?”

“Yeah. Okay,”I whispered.

Even so, I kept my face buried in his neck as the worry overcame me.

Eventually, so did the exhaustion.

Chapter 117: Missing You (Part 4)

Summary:

-Fluff

Aris’s P.O.V

I didn't believe I at first. Even though I was looking right at her as she pulled her scarf down, even as her eyes filled with tears, I didn't quite believe my Y/N was actually here. I had been missing her so much that it physically hurt, and I swore I was going crazy. It didn't seem real that she was here.

“Aris?”She whispered, her voice cracking a little bit. 

That told me she is. The emotion from just the way she said my name, let me know that this is real.

“Y/N,”I breathed out, running up to her. She threw her arms around me, burying her face in my neck as she hugged me as tightly as possible, as if I would vanish if she let go. 

Hugging her just the same, I shut my eyes as I savored the feeling of having her, of her being this close to me. 

“I missed you. I thought about you everyday,”She whispered. 

“I missed you so much it hurt. I missed you, darling,”I promised. 

“This is real, right? You won't leave me again?”She whispered, pressing her palms to my face as she looked at me.

“It's real. I’m real, and I’m right here,”I assured her, placing my hands over hers. 

“I’ve wished for you to come back to me every night. I wished on every star in the sky,”She admitted. 

“I’m back. I’m here, and I’ll stay with you forever,”I promised.

“Forever forever?”

“Forever and ever and ever,”I smiled. 

“Uh, what’s happening?”Minho spoke, ruining our moment. Still, I pulled away for a moment, looking over at him.

“We were in the Maze together,”I answered, glancing at Sonya and Harriet. 

“And the one with her hands on your shoulders? That's your?”He trailed off.

“Yeah. She's my darling,”I nodded, turning back to face her. 

“I have so much to tell you. And I want to hear everything that's happened. Absolutely everything,”She grinned, taking both her hands in mine.

“Come on, lovebirds. We’ll have plenty of time for that when we get to camp,”Harriet said, placing a hand on my shoulder as she passed by. 

“Yeah. We’ll have forever,”Y/N smiled.

“Forever and ever,”I promised.

I mean it this time. Nothing can take me away from her. Absolutely nothing.

Chapter 118: Not So Perfect

Summary:

-Angst

“How could you do this to me?! How could you do this to us?!”

“I’m sorry. I promise it didn't mean-”
“No! You don't get to tell me it didn't mean anything! Not after spending the night with
another girl! How the hell does that not mean anything?!”

“It was a mistake. I-”
“No! A mistake is forgetting something at home! A mistake is burning dinner! Laying down with another girl is a betrayal!”I screamed, tears streaming down my face.

“I know. I’m-”
“Then, why would you do it?! How could you do this to me?!”I demanded to know.

“I’m sorry. You're the best thing that ever happened to me, and I’m so sorry-”
“Then, why would you do it?! How could you hurt me like this?!”I repeated.

“I’m sorry. I-”
“She was my friend too! Rachel was mine too, and you both did this to me?! And you can't even tell me why?! You can't even give me that?!”

“I’m sorry,”He repeated.

“Then, why?! Why the fuck would you do this?! Why would you do something that would break me like this?!”

“I’m sorry. I didn't-”
“If you didn't love me, you could have left! You could have been with her! This is unforgivable! This is disgusting of you to do to me! Of both of you! You're both backstabbers!”I insulted.

“I know. I know that, and I’m sorry-”
“Shut up! Stop apologizing! If you were sorry, you wouldn't have done it!”I yelled, shoving past him. Slamming our bedroom door shut, I locked it before leaning against it. Breathing heavily, I slid down it as I buried my face into my hands, sobbing into them.

“I’m sorry. You mean everything to me. You’ve always meant everything,”He tried to tell me, standing right sitting right outside the door.

“We have a life together. We have a home and a bed and everything. We have so much, and you threw it away for one night of pleasure. Do you understand that? You destroyed it for your own selfish wants.”

“I’m sorry.”

“What does she have that I don't? What does she do better? What does she give you that I couldn't?”

“You're everything-”
“Bullshit. If that was true, you wouldn't have done this.”

“You’re everything. I know I didn't show it, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you.”

“Was it in our bed?”

“Y/N-”
“You screwed her in our bed, didn't you?”

“I’m sorry,”He whispered, his voice starting to crack.

“You brought another girl to our bed. Not just any girl but a friend. Someone I should be able to trust. You brought her to our bed.”

“I’m sorry-”
“Did you kiss her?”

“It didn't mean anything,”He begged.

“In all the places you would kiss me?”

“No,”He whispered.

“But you still kissed her?”

“I’m sorry.”

So that's his way of saying yes now. Apologizing.

“Did you kiss her first?”

“I’m sorry.”

“God damnit, Aris. How? How the fuck could you do this?”I groaned, running my hands through my hair as I leaned my head against the door.

“I love you. I love you, and I’m sorry.”

“You were perfect. You were so perfect and did everything right. You were comforting and safe and never lied to me. Even now, you still haven't lied to me. And somehow, that makes it worse. That makes it hurt even more. Because you were so good to me, and you still betrayed my trust like this.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll give you whatever you want. Space, time, anything you ask.”

“I don't want anything from you. I just want you out of my life. You can go sleep at hers tonight, and I’ll pack your stuff up. I don't want to sleep on that bed anyway. Not after what you did on it.”

“I understand, but I want you to know that I really am sorry. I’m not just saying it. I really do regret hurting you like this.”

“Leave. Get out of my home,”I demanded.

He stayed where he was for a moment. I don't know why. Maybe to wait for me to change my mind. Maybe for me to say something else.

I did neither. I stayed silent.

He understood. He knew I meant it as he walked away.

Maybe even to go to hers.

It doesn't matter now though. I have to pack his stuff up.

I just have to find the strength to move first.

Chapter 119: Not Tired

Summary:

-Fluff

I don't know why exactly nor did I care. No matter what the reason was, I still got to room with my Aris. While we took the same one, I still stole the top bunk while he took the bottom.

While I am definitely happy with everything about this arrangement, I am a terrible sleeper. If he actually wants to sleep he can do so in minutes which is an odd combination. I mean we are pretty much sunshine and rain so that isn't a shock.

My mind also likes to race at night. A lot of times I sort of babble and ask stupid questions. He answers them though, never once seeming annoyed with them. I don't know how, but I still don't care. I’m just happy that I got the closest thing to perfection.

“Aris?”

“Yes, love?”He half mumbled.

“If you were in a room full of girls would you choose me?”

“Y/N, the last time I was in a room full of girls half of them wanted to kill me,”He pointed out.

“But if they didn't want to kill you?”

“Then, yes. I would choose you every time.”

“I like it when you say that.”

“I know you do,”He sighed. “Don't you think it's time to sleep now?”

“Technically, but I’m not tired.”

“I can tell,”He said, sitting up as I leaned over to look at him.

“Aris?”

“Yes?”

“Would you love me if I turned into one of those Crank things?”

“Yes. I’d be heartbroken, but I'd still love you.”

“Okay,”I accepted again.

“Try to sleep now, okay? For just ten minutes try to be silent,”He suggested. Giving him a nod, I buried myself under the covers. Forcing my eyes shut, I took deep, slow breaths while silently counting.

Still, I swear I could feel everything in this room. The air conditioning, the heavy sheets, hear the ticking of a clock, see every light flickering through my eyelids.

Holding back a frustrated grunt, I pulled the blankets completely over my head. Turning on my side, I took another long breath.

Still, it was hell. It was absolute hell, and I wasn't any closer to sleeping. Not one bit.

“Hey, Aris?”I asked, pulling off the covers and getting on my stomach to see him again.

“Yes, angel?”He sighed, giving in as he looked back.

“I’m still not tired.”

“I can tell, but you still have to sleep.”

“I know, but I can't.”

“Oh Y/N,”He sighed, pressing his hand against my cheek. With me still upside down I did the same as I brushed my lips against his. Feeling his tired smile against my lips, I couldn't help but return it. Even as he pulled away though, I kept my lovesick grin.

“Come on. Get in bed, love,”He whispered, moving over.

“Really?”

“Yes. Really,”He repeated, patting beside him. Without hesitation I climbed down and collapsed on the spot next to him, beaming even wider at just the feeling of him being closer.

Pulling both the blankets over us, he kissed my cheek before wrapping his arms around my stomach. As he kept me close as I held his hands in mine.

“Are you going to sleep now?”He whispered.

“I’m going to stare at the wall and pretend until I actually do,”I answered honestly.

“Okay. As long as you just get a somewhat decent amount of sleep,”He sighed.

“I will. I sleep better when you're next to me,”I shrugged.

“Then, I’ll sleep next to you every night.”

Chapter 120: Passing Notes

Summary:

-Fluff

Aris’s P.O.V

I had nothing but disdain for this teacher. He was just a jerk. While he didn't really pay attention to me, he always had something to say to Y/N. He actually loved “calling her out” for the smallest thing. If she got a less than perfect score on something, couldn't figure out the trick answer that took every ounce of brain power, thought she wasn't paying attention, she didn't immediately know the answer to a question, and so on, he would insult her until she was red in the face. I also couldn't say anything because I would just be sent out of the room for “behavioral problems.”

Today was literally just listening to his rant and writing down anything we thought was important, which is actually code for everything he says. To be honest, I had stopped in the first ten minutes of class. If I kept writing all the information would leave my head anyway.

Glancing at Y/N, I saw her biting her lip as she tried to keep up with his rant. Seeing her come close to frustrated tears, I just kept wondering why he was so mean to her. She never did anything wrong. 

Putting her pencil down, she just stared at him while still appearing ready to cry. 

Helping the only way I knew how, I quietly took out a notecard and just scribbled hi before handing it to her. Not taking her eyes off the teacher, she grabbed it and just read it before writing back and just as cautiously handing me it.

Hi to you too. Do you have any idea what he's saying?

I stopped caring so long ago.

Sneaking it in her hand, I saw her roll her eyes but still smile as she handed me the next message.

Of course you did. You're more worried about me.

How'd you know? 

Sliding it to her, I saw her grin just grow before she kept adding on.

You're probably the dorkiest boy in here. You know that, right?

It looks like your type is dorks then.

No way. I totally wasn't aware of that when I became your girlfriend.

It's good you finally realized it.

Changing the topic, when can I see you again?

You're seeing me right now.

You know what I mean. When can I see you alone, at night?

What makes you think I would partake in such rulebreaking?

Probably the fact that you're passing me this note.

I mean you're passing it back.

I can't just leave you hanging.

Well, you know what they say. The couple that breaks rules together, stays together.

As she was passing it to me the teacher turned around to see the way I had the note in my hand. Snatching it up, we all just stared at each other.

“Let me have the note,”He demanded.

“What note?”I asked.

“The one in your hand,”He sighed.

“This one?”I asked, holding it up.

“Yes. That one.”

“I can't though,”I shrugged.

“Give it to me, and she’ll be the only one in trouble,”He tried to bargain.

“And if I don't?”

“Then, you’ll join her in extra classes with me tonight. Do you want to be back here?”

“Not at all.”

“So give it to me.”

“I can't though,”I shrugged again.

“Why?”

“Because it's not here,”I explained. Before he could ask what I meant I made one of the most idiotic, love sick, and power move choices ever as I just shoved the notecard in my mouth and ate it.

“Did you just eat paper?”He got out after a long, long minute of silence.

“No,”I lied.

“I just watched you eat paper.”

“What paper? All my paper is right here,”I pointed out, holding up my notebook.

“You just got yourself in even more trouble.”

“I mean you have to have proof we did something to request a punishment, and I don't see any proof. Do you see the proof?”

“I just watched you eat the proof!”He snapped.

“That would be a silly thing to do.”

“But you did it!”He screamed.

“No I didn't,”I shrugged, feigning confusion at his frustration. Not saying anything, he threw his marker on the floor before storming out and slamming the door.

“Wow. I wonder what has him so upset,”I sighed, looking over at Y/N.

“You could have just ripped it up,”She pointed out.

“Yes, but is it cooler to rip up a note so you don't get in trouble or eat it and taunt the teacher?”

“You wouldn't have gotten in trouble at all if you just gave it to him,”She reminded me.

“And let my girl deal with consequences by herself? Never.”

“You're ridiculous,”She sighed, putting her head on the table as she looked at me. Doing the same, I leaned forward just an inch and kissed her cheek before pulling away.

“I love you,”I whispered.

“I love you too. Always have, always will.”

“You promise?”I asked, holding out my pinkie. 

“Swear it,”She nodded, hooking hers around mine. Ignoring the fact that I had literally just ingested chemicals, we sat there in a comfortable silence, taking in each other's features like it was our first time seeing each other all over again.

Chapter 121: Already Yours

Summary:

-Fluff

I know that realistically my jealousy is ridiculous. They're doing this for Thomas, to save his life. It's not like they actually want to kiss each other.

It sucks though, knowing he’ll kiss someone that isn't me. No matter what the reason is, it's hard to stomach.

“I love you,”He stated, reaching for my hand as he sat beside me.

“Okay,”I shrugged, not looking at him as I put it in my lap.

“I know you hate this. I do too, but after this, that's it. You’ll be the only one I'll ever kiss ever again. You know that, right?”

“I don't care about the stupid kiss,”I lied.

“I already know you do, okay? I could see from the beginning that you hate this,”He pushed.

“It doesn't matter to me.”

“Y/N-”
“I’m serious. I don't give a damn. Kiss Teresa all you want,”I scoffed, crossing my arms as I glared at the ground.

“I don't want to kiss her. You know that, right?”He asked softly, the sympathetic smile clear in his voice. Ignoring him anyway, I kept my eyes on the dirt beneath my feet as my lips pursed together.

I do care. I care a lot.

As I stayed silent he gently placed his hand under my chin. Raising my jaw, he made me look him in the eyes as he stood right in front of me. Feigning ignorance to the heat rising to my cheeks, I stayed still.

“I’m in love with you and only you, no matter what. I already have an absolutely perfect girl, and I’ll never want another. No matter what, you own every piece of my heart. Nothing could change the way I feel about you, and I would never do this if I didn't have to. It's only because Thomas’s life would be in danger otherwise so I have to suck it up and go along with the plan. I don't want to, but I don't have another choice. As soon as this is over though, your lips are the only ones that mine will ever touch. I will only ever taste you, hold you, and tell you I love you. I know this is the worst, but it's almost over. After this is done and we’re safe, all my attention can go back to you, exactly where it belongs. Okay?”

“Yeah. Okay,”I folded. To be fair to me, how could I not? I mean he basically pulled a little speech out of mid air with such love in both his eyes and voice. That's just something you can't be upset at.

“Good,”He smiled. Not the almost sad one from earlier. A more genuine and relieved one.

“I love you too,”I promised.

“Aww.”

Leaning down, he kissed my forehead before wrapping an arm around my shoulder to pull me close to him. Burying my head on his chest, I smiled as I clung to him.

“Come on. We need some sleep before tomorrow,”He pointed out. Nodding in agreement, I moved my head off of him and slid off the boulder. Doing the same, he landed on his feet before plopping down and leaned against it, his arms already open for me. Instantly accepting it, I placed my head back on his chest, curling up to his side. Wrapping his arms back around me, he placed his chin on my head as he hugged me as tightly as possible. Shutting my eyes, I silently wished to be trapped in this moment forever.

“You never have to be jealous, angel. I’m already yours,”He whispered in my ear.

“All mine?”I mumbled.

“All yours. Forever.”

Chapter 122: The Real Traitor

Summary:

-Angst

There's double cross and there's double double cross.

It was quite ironic really. The way the original WICKED worker would get the worst of the bargain, and the one who backed out first essentially got nothing. He got his feelings hurt and maybe a concussion, but that was nothing compared to what Y/N was about to do. Not at all.

Childhood best friends. It's a beautiful thing really.

Y/N and Aris had been close since they were little. They would study together, sneak into the halls together, eat together, laugh together, and spend most of their time together. Sometimes they’d even share a bed when one of them was too tired to go back.

They were truly loyal to the cause. They had given their lives for a cure, doing whatever was demanded of them. They didn't stray from the goal, even if they love each other. That's why they're such a good team. They know what comes before everything, even the other.

The cure.

Recently, Aris has thought differently though. After seeing Rachel and the Icers and the Gladers die, having to betray Thomas, and going more deeply into his childhood memories, he couldn't help but doubt that WICKED was good. In fact, he wasn't sure if they were even a side to be on. Sure. Their intentions may have started out okay, but have they changed? And what if he was only brainwashed to believe that?

Y/N was never like that. She would give her life up for that cure. She would literally be willing to die if it meant finding it. Her sleepless nights and exhausted days will not be for nothing. No matter what, it will have all been worth it. She would make absolutely sure of that. While she is alive, there will be a way to save the world.

WICKED knew. They knew Aris was starting to doubt what they had told him. He was on the path to being Thomas.

And Thomas had already been so much trouble. They can't have another one.

Y/N was hesitant, but at the end of the day, she agreed. WICKED asked if one life or millions meant more. They said if she said one that she was being selfish. Having been around these people for as long as she could remember, she blindly believed them, swearing to make up her hesitance as if she was repenting for sins.

Aris loves her. He does. He loves her more than anything. He loves her more than the thought of a cure. He loves her so much it's almost unreal.

Y/N does love him, and even though it's screwed up, she always will.

She just has priorities.

Y/N didn't have to betray Thomas. After all, she had something much harder to deal with.

Teresa was by the cave, waiting in the dark. The Gladers and Icers were still moving, looking for them.

Aris was standing where nobody could hear, crying on his best friend's shoulder.

“I didn't want to,”He repeated through hiccuped sobs. Running her fingers down his spine, she held him as she resisted the urge to let her own tears spill. She couldn't not do this. It was too important, and if she was emotional she may get too blinded to remember why.

She wanted to give him another chance though. He’s her Aris. The one she grew up with. The one she would read books with. The one she would eat lunch with. The one she would hold hands with. The one she would talk about a good world with.

They used to hold each other in the night, when they would get nightmares. They would lay down and wrap their arms around the other while they sobbed. Exactly like right now.

Aris remembers it more than clearly. The last time it happened. They had been up late quizzing each other until they could barely keep their eyes open. They just decided to call it quits and slept on his bed, on top of the covers.

It must have been maybe three hours into a good rest before he heard soft cries. He opened his eyes to see her shaking as tears streamed down her cheeks. With his heart breaking for her, he pulled her close to him, running a hand through her hair as he promised it was okay. Clinging to him, she just kept shaking while taking in his words of love.

“It was what you had to do though, right?”She pointed out, hiding her desperation with a soft smile.

“It didn't have to be. This has gone too far. Too many people have died for something that might not even be real. What's the point of it all? What's the point of sacrificing people to save others?”He ranted.

“You have every right to be upset, but that's an entire world. It's generations, Aris. That's the whole reason we’ve done what we have. That's why the trials aren't over yet,”She pointed out.

“What if they can be?”

“What do you mean?”

“What if we leave? WICKED doesn't have to know. While there's still time, what if we get out? We’ll sneak to where they say their next phase is and break everybody out. We can actually be free. It'll be over. All of it,”He realized, a hopeful grin growing.

“We can’t, and it's more complicated than that,”She said firmly, holding back a glare.

“I know, but we can figure it out. For now, you and I can go. We’ll be free. We’ll never live by their rules again.”

“This is important. We’ve worked so hard for this. We can't stop when it's almost over,”She reasoned, feeling exactly like Teresa in that moment. She knew the other girl's pain a little better now. Aris is her Thomas. He sees something she can't, a future where they betray humanity. It's like the boy she loves is an entirely different person while also owning her heart. It makes her want to fall to her knees and scream. How could the person she grew up with be like a stranger? At the same time, how could she still love the stranger? It's insane. All of it is.

Aris is her Thomas.

If Aris is her Thomas that would make her his Teresa.

“I know, but think about it. If we find our own place to live, life will get better on its own. People will do what they want, start families, carry on the population. If the point of this is to stop the population from dying, this would solve the problem,”He explained.

“That isn't the only problem. People are dying.”

“Yes. They are,”He nodded. “But that doesn't mean we have to be one of them.”

“Aris-”
“Y/N, do you love me?”He asked frantically, taking her hand.

“What?”

“Do you love me?”He slowly repeated.

“Of course I do. You're my best friend, and nobody in the world will replace you,”She promised.

“Then, come with me. Hide with me from them for a while. Break them out with me. Do this all with me. I need a partner. I need you,”He told her.

“We don't know how this will go,”She kept justifying.

“Y/N,”He whispered, cupping her face so that she was looking at him. With his eyes burning into hers, she felt something inside of her beg to be let out. “Come with me. Come with me so that we can be one of those families.”

“What?”

“I love you. I’m in love with you, and I want you by my side forever. I want to be with you. I want to wake up with you every morning and sleep beside you every night. I want to be with you, hold you, kiss you, without worrying that someone’s listening. I want a life with you. A house on a hill with kids inside. I want that with you and you only.”

“I want that with you too,”She whispered, her words true and dear. The very thought of it, of him wanting the life she had secretly dreamed of, was incredible. It was like he was her Aris again.

But the way he wanted it, that still meant he was her Thomas to his Teresa.

“Marry me? Run away with me right now, and marry me?”He begged.

“I love you. I love you too,”She said instead. Thinking that was an indirect yes and the happy ending, he closed his eyes as he brushed his lips against hers.

She wanted to savor it. She wanted to take in the taste of his mouth and the feeling of his lips. She wanted to get lost in his touch, the way she always does when they kiss.

She couldn't though. She wasn't allowed to think about how much she loves him, because then she wouldn't be able to do it.

Grabbing the dagger from her belt, she pushed it into his abdomen before he could react. Pulling away, they both stared at each other, the realization of it sinking in. She had stabbed him. In the middle of a kiss after he said he wanted a family with her and asked her to be his wife, she stabbed him. She killed him.

With blood pouring from his mouth, before he could fall limp to the ground she caught him in her arms. Carefully laying him down, she made sure his face was out of the sun.

Tears streaked his face as the blood stained his clothes. Keeping him against the cave, she just stayed silent as she pulled her knees to her chest.

“I’m sorry,”She whispered, not daring to look at him.

“I still love you,”He admitted through gasps for air. Shaking her head, she kept her gaze on the ground as she tried to remember what WICKED said.

It didn't come to her though. Nothing did.

As she heard his breathing slow down, something became clear though. Something more important.

He was right. If WICKED cared they would leave them alone.

And she wanted that life with him. No matter how it came to her, she wanted to stay with him forever. He was the only one who had given her a purpose. He would always be someone soft in a world she was always fighting in. He had always been the one part of her day that brought her true happiness.

“No, no, no, no, no. Fuck, no”She said quickly, pulling off her jacket to try and stop the bleeding. Slowly pulling the knife out, she kept the fabric pressed against his wound as she kept apologizing. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so, so, so, so sorry. I'm sorry,”She promised.

He knew that.

He also knew that she wouldn't be able to fix what she had done.

With his energy leaving him, he managed to push her hands away from his stomach. Looking at his eyes, her now bloody hands trembled as she pressed her palms to his cheeks, pressing kisses to his face as she kept switching between the truth that she loves him and the truth that she's sorry.

She regrets it. She already regrets doing what WICKED told her.

He had said years ago, under the pretense of a joke, that blindly following orders would kill one of them one day.

Now she understands what he meant. She hadn't thought for herself about what was right and what she wanted because a bunch of powerful people told her not to. Not in those words, but they handed her her morals on a false silver platter, and she took it.

“I love you,”She uttered as she kissed his head. With him no longer moving, his chest no longer rising and falling, his breath no longer quiet and short, it was clear that he was gone.

“No, no, no. I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”She screamed, pulling him into her lap. Running her fingers down his now cold arm, she sobbed as she wished more than anything that they could trade places. That it was her, laying there, dead.

What could WICKED have possibly told her to make her do this? What could they have said to make her kill her best friend? Her forever lover? Her soulmate?

He had been by her side for everything, and now he had to be gotten rid of? Because the way he thought had changed?

No. Because in their eyes he was a traitor.

That's what they said.

“Traitors must die,”She muttered, laying him on the ground. Brushing out the wrinkles in his clothes, she put his arms at his sides.

“Traitors must die,”She repeated, grabbing the dagger before laying beside him. Glancing over, she took in the way his face had no color and his eyes were shut.

Soon that would be her.

“Traitors must die,”She said again, putting the dagger over her stomach, exactly where she had stabbed him. Closing her eyes, she took a breath, counted to three, said it again, and stabbed herself.

She just felt numb, her body not understanding it despite her mind knowing what was happening. There was ice spreading through her skin as the cold metal penetrated her flesh.

Wanting to be exactly like him, she started to pull it out as darkness began clouding her vision. Gasping for air, the blood poured past her lips as she got the dagger out of her. With what little strength she had left she shoved it as far away from them as possible.

Then, she waited, gurgling noises and an iron scent filling the air. With her eyes too heavy to keep open, she let them flutter shut. Her arms naturally fell to the ground entirely. In the same position as him, her hands ended up by his. Knowing she only had enough time for one final, small action, she loosely laced their fingers together, exactly the way they would as kids with so much ahead of them.

Nobody knows what happened. Nobody knows why. Just that Teresa and Thomas had found them laying there, a trail of blood from the wall to their current positions and a pool of crimson staining the ground around them. The murder and suicide weapon was barely an inch from their feet, a bloody dagger that Aris had just held to him a few hours earlier. Their eyes were closed, their chests weren't moving, and their hands were still together.

They tried to wake them up. They tried CPR, tried to see if they could contact WICKED, and clean the wounds.

It was all in vain. They were gone now, forever together and dead, with Aris having been killed with his own weapon and Y/N having ended her life with it covered in his blood.

They didn't know what happened. They never would.

What they did know was that they needed to be together.

They carried them into the cave and put them in the chamber where nobody could disturb their graves. They absolutely checked that they were holding hands, their fingers still interlinked. They brushed their clothes out and made sure they were as close as possible.

When they left they stabbed the keypad over and over, making sure their grave would never be accessible to anybody. They were never to be disturbed. For the rest of time, they would be here, safe and protected the way they never were when alive.

If he could speak, Aris wouldn't object to being buried with his killer. In fact, he would specifically make sure she was by his side.

He knew that WICKED had a way of twisting the truth, of making wrong sound right and right sound wrong. Maybe this is his karma for not seeing it sooner when he built the labyrinths. Being murdered by his other half.

She had a choice of course. She could have let emotion become her logic so her heart would guide her to the right path, but she didn't.

So now they're here, where they’ll stay until they're bones in the ground.

Bones that are still holding hands.

Chapter 123: Trapped

Summary:

-Hurt/comfort

Aris’s P.O.V

I wasn't allowed to talk about it. Not without being seen as a traitor. I wasn't allowed to explain the original goal. I wasn't allowed to share any of the memories that showed I had more than hatred for Ava Paige. 

I wasn't allowed to grieve over her. Even though everyone else could do so for whoever they wanted, I had a restriction. I could barely even say Rachel's name without someone looking at me in a way that showed all they knew about her was WICKED. This means that showing any kind of emotion for Ava was off the table. Even if she did take care of me to the point where she sometimes felt like a mom and was one of the only people I ever really got to talk to for years, I couldn't say anything about how I wish that she was still alive. Maybe not in the Safe Haven but somewhere where she could be happy.

It's messed up.

Today is the day I first met her. Since I couldn't show how much that pained me I hid by the cliff all day, watching the waves roll back and forth while wondering if she had ever seen any. I wonder a lot of things about her. Why’d she change her mind? Why’d she decide to continue the trials? What pushed her to stop?

So many questions, so many answers I’ll never get. 

“Hi,”Someone mumbled. Wiping my eyes, I turned around to see Y/N, just standing there with a blanket wrapped around her.

“Hi,”I got out.

“Can I sit?”She asked, pointing at the empty spot beside me. Moving over, I didn't say anything else as she took a seat on the grass. Putting half the blanket around my shoulders, she leaned closer to share it. Accepting it, I just kept my knees to my chest as I stared at the stars.

“You can't just pretend you were never on their side, you know?”She whispered, breaking our silence.

“But I can. I don't have to be there anymore. I can be something else,”I said firmly.

“You can't pretend none of it meant anything. You know that your experience was different from ours.”

“But I was trapped there too,”I reminded her.

“I never said that you weren't. It's just that you were a different kind of trapped. A kind that most of us will never understand. Just like you’ll never understand our kind of trapped.”

“I’m sorry,”I whispered.

“It's not your fault. Like you said, you were still trapped. It's just that it was different. None of us can remember anything WICKED did to us before the Maze or what that was like. None of us know any side of Ava Paige that isn't just hate.”

“She wanted to be good. I wanted to be good. I thought I was doing the right thing,”I mumbled, shutting my eyes as tears fell down my cheeks.

“I’m sure she did too at one point. It doesn't mean I can feel anything nice or understanding for her, but it doesn't mean that you don't get to. It doesn't mean you don't deserve to grieve. Even if nobody else knows how to, even if they can't see how anyone could mourn her, that shouldn't mean that you never get to.”

“She just wanted to help people. She didn't think anything would go so far. I didn't think any of it would happen.”

“So you have good memories with her?”

“Yeah. A few, but I try to forget them. I try to forget everything,”I admitted.

“Well,”She started, placing her hand over mine. “I don't know how to mourn with you. I don't have any kind of positive emotions for her, but if you say there had been something good at one point, then there was. There’s something worth missing, and even if I will never miss her with you, I’ll sit beside you and make sure you don't have to do it alone.”

“You do know who I was, right? What I did?”I checked.

“Yeah, but it doesn't take away any of my love for you. As long as you're loyal to who you are and also me of course,”She kind of teased.

“I'll always only ever love you,”I promised.

“And I will only ever love you. The real you. Past you, present you, and future you.”

Chapter 124: What Had To Be Done

Summary:

-Angst
-Hurt/no comfort

“It's good to see you again, Tommy,”Aris taunted, hitting him in his weakspot. He knew it was a lowblow, but there wasn't another choice. This was the key to saving Thomas and them. Surely, he would understand when he woke up? Surely, he would realize there wasn't a choice?

Thomas locked eyes with Teresa for a moment and gave her a nod. She nodded back, already knowing what was supposed to, what needed to come next.

They just hope you would too, for the sake of everyone.

You had already rehearsed this enough times in your head to be numb to any reaction he would have. No amount of hurt or anger would throw you off of your mission.

You were one of the best of the best, though you had been kept under wraps. Not even he knew about it.

Then again, he didn't know a lot. Like how Thomas betraying WICKED and Teresa betraying him was never actually real. He didn't know that you knew everything the entire time. He didn't know that you recognized the pain when he thought you didn't remember him.

You kept your mouth shut though, pretending you weren't aware that he was once your entire world. All for this moment.

You were behind him before anybody could even blink. With no hesitation, you placed your knife by his throat as you wrapped your arm across his neck.

Shock cascaded through him as he froze, his own dagger slipping from his hands. Thomas took the opportunity to grab it.

“I-I don't-”
“Shut up,”You whispered in his ear, giving a swift kick to the back of his knee, causing his legs to buckle from under him. He fell to the ground, scraping his palms and knees, drawing blood.

That was the least of his worries.

“What's wrong, my love? You look scared,”You taunted, towering above him. His mouth has dropped in disbelief as he tried to put all the pieces together.

“You thought it was me you would get to betray, right?”Thomas tsked, leaning down as he frantically scrambled up only for you to kick that same spot, knocking the air out of him as he fell on his face. Suddenly, any athletic ability he had as gone as he stared up at you, his eyes begging for mercy.

“It's not so fun now that you're the one being betrayed, is it?”You asked simply.

“Y/N?”

“Well, don't you catch on quick?”You deadpanned.

“Teresa, what's-”
“She's on our side, you idiot. Don't you get it? You're the one who's been played today. You,”You grinned, though there wasn't an ounce of humor. You seemed cold to him, like an actual stranger instead of the wonderful girl who he adored with everything he had.

As you went to grab him, he regained the urgency to move as he tried to run. Putting your leg out, you didn't even let him get two feet before he tripped, once again falling face first.

“Do not play with me right now,”You scolded, grabbing his arm and harshly pulling him out. He let out a sound of pain as you twisted his wrists behind his back. “Don't be a baby. Come on. You already know where we're going,”You huffed, dragging him along. Putting his dead weight down, he tried to make it more difficult only for Thomas to grab his upper arm and force him upright.

“This-this isn't-why are you doing this?”You sputtered out, almost falling over as you dragged him faster than his feet could carry him.

“It was all a ruse. All of it. The relationship, the memory loss, the betrayal you would have to do, it was all a lie to get to you. To kill you actually,”You said simply.

At your words, he started panicking, trying to wiggle out of your grasp. Kicking his feet out, he groaned as the panic truly set in.

“Shut up already!”You snapped, hitting him upside the head with the blunt end of your knife. He hissed as he felt the bruise forming on his cheek, his eyes shut as he blinked away tears. “You two take him. I can't deal with his nonsense anymore. I’ve put up with him for too long now,”You spat, handing him off to Thomas. He gave you a nod of understanding as Teresa joined him, laying a subtle hand on your shoulder as she did.

You stood there, watching them both carry him out of sight as he continued struggling. Each step they took, your heart grew heavier and heavier in your chest until you couldn't take it. When you could no longer see them you fell to the ground, burying your face in your hands as you sobbed.

You never could have imagined it would go this far. You just wanted to find a cure. Not cause pain to the love of your life, to your second heartbeat, to your other half. Never in a million years would you want to hurt him.

You didn't have a choice though. It was either this or WICKED kills him and you.

You already knew you would probably never have him again. After this, he would want less than nothing to do with you.

Not having him in your life but having him around has to be better than not having him at all though. Even if it kills you, even if it destroys every inch of your soul, this truly is for the best.

Chapter 125: Unwanted Competition

Summary:

-AU
-Angst
-Fluff

Aris’s P.O.V

For as long as I can remember, everything has been a competition with my brother. No matter who it was towards, what it was for, and even who it hurt, if someone wanted something he had to get it first. 

Even as a kid I pissed him off, because I never gave him anything to compete against. He really doesn't consider grades something worth keeping up with so mine don't matter to him. Or maybe he genuinely can't get higher ones than me. I don't know, and I don't care. I stay inside and read. I turn my lights off, open my window and sit near it while getting lost in the pages. I’ll put on earbuds and blast music until the only thing I can hear is the story of the song. I’ll close my eyes and think about what it would be like to live another life. None of those things are something that he could steal though, so my existence becomes more of a burden to him everyday. It's why I don't bring my friends over. 

Because I had something once that he didn't. I had someone. 

It was just a school project. We had the same English class, and neither of us had partners, so by default we were together. It was pretty simple. Read the book and make a poster. She would bring over some of the supplies while I got mine ready, and we would just get to work. While it started with conversations about it, that trailed off to small things until we forgot about what we were doing. 

Even when we finished she came over daily, and I also grew to know her house as well as my own. That was my best friend. We’d do absolutely everything together, even if it was nothing.

When summer came she went on vacation with us. For once, I actually wanted to go. Things would be different this time. I would have her by my side. 

From there, we would sleep at each other's houses, talking late into the night until we fell asleep by the window, gazing at the sky. 

It was stupid really. The way I actually realized I’m in love with her. She wanted to go down to the creek so I went with her. We stayed near the water, just looking at it and listening to each other. Eventually though, when the sun started setting it was time to go. 

All I did was stand up, but apparently my sneakers didn't have as much grip as I thought. I slipped right into the shallow water, and to my surprise she held onto my hand to try to catch me. She didn't though. She just fell in with me, getting her new summer clothes completely soaked. 

She wasn't angry though. She just asked if I was alright too. When I said I was she wore this huge grin as she just sat in the water, letting it flow through her hands.

I just knew. I knew I was in love. So when she looked back at me it caught me off guard how close she was to me. 

She didn't speak. Neither did I. We just leaned in and closed our eyes as we kissed, right there, soaked in creek water, in the setting summer sun. 

I walked her home like always, holding her hand until she got to her door. Then, I went to mine with the dumbest lovesick smile. After all, there was no reason not to have one. She became mine, and I became hers. What more could I ask for?

The problem with all of this was that she never glanced at my brother. She acknowledged his existence, but she cared more about my mom than him. He was just too much of a show off. He drew too much attention to himself, and she just wanted to go exploring where nobody would be. Nobody but me.

I guess that was a problem. I had a love before him. I had a girl who only knew about him because of me, and that killed him. I wasn't supposed to have anything first. I wasn't supposed to have a kiss before him. I wasn't supposed to have that kind of friendship, but I did, and I didn't even care about that. I just cared about her.

He got her in the end though. She came to my door and just told me that she never wanted to see me again. Then, she just ran off before I could even see which direction she went. I checked her house, but her parents said that I needed to leave her alone.

I don't know what I did, and she wouldn't let me get close enough to apologize for it.

My brother did though. He got really close. Close enough to go out with her, then come home and constantly talk about it. He had a picture of them on his wall and everything, exactly where I could see it if I walked past his open door. 

He always talks about her, and it seems like she's changed. She doesn't seem like who I know, or maybe he just isn't actually paying attention to her. 

As he was going on about her while my parents had the television on and I was reading my book, Mom stopped him. He finally shut up. 

“What color are her eyes?”

“Her what?”He repeated.

“What color are her eyes?”

“I don't know. Why’s it even matter? It's not that important,”He defended.

“Y/E/C,”I sighed, not looking up.

“What?”

“Her eyes. They're Y/E/C.”

“Well, how am I supposed to know that?”

“She’s had them her entire life. Why wouldn't you?”

“That's superficial though. Looks aren't everything.”

“It's not about looks,”I sighed, turning the page. “It's about noticing the small things about someone you love. Like the way she scrunches up her nose when she smiles extra wide or how whenever she does paint her nails they never have any theme. Or the way she makes all these facial expressions that lets you know exactly what she thinks of the characters when she's reading. Or how she’ll sometimes close her eyes when she listens to music to feel more connected with it. Because she's a poet. That's just who she is. She connects with thing's, with people, that nobody else cares for,”I explained, still not looking at anything but the blurry pages as my eyes filled with tears.

Closing the book, I put it under my arm to walk up the stairs.

“Where are you going?”Mom called.

“My room. I’m going to get some schoolwork done,”I lied.

“In the middle of summer?”

“It's for next year,”I lied again, getting to the top of the stairs before anyone could ask me anything. Ignoring the picture on his wall, I slammed and locked my door before laying on my bed. Reaching into my nightstand, I pulled out my headphones and just turned the volume all the way up. Turning on my side, as the song without lyrics told a thousand stories I looked at her picture by my bed. 

I loved that summer. I loved it so, so much. I swear that we were both invincible. 

I’ve never liked having my photo taken, but it was with her. A random photo with her was the only keepsake I needed from that vacation. 

Closing my eyes, I let the song put me back in the creek, perfectly capturing every detail of our months there. Every laugh, every smile, every tear, all of it. 

That image was ruined though, as someone started banging on my door. As I went to turn up the volume I discovered that I had maxed out.

“Go away!”I demanded.

“Aris, can I come in?”

“Why would you ever be an exception?”I snapped.

“Please? It's about Y/N.”

“We get it! You got the girl! You did it! You won! Are you satisfied!? Are you happy!? Are you finally happy!? Is it finally good enough for you!? What more do you want to take from me!? What more do I even have!?”

“I want to apologize.”

“I don't want to hear it. You took her. I finally had someone who cared about me, and when she stopped, you walked in and took my place. You replaced me, and I know that you don't care.”

“Listen-”

“No! You’ll never understand! You're never going to get it! You have everything you could want! You win every award! You have every friend! You get invited to every party! You're everyone's favorite, but you take, and you take, and you take, until there's nothing left of me!”

“Aris, I’m sorry, okay!?”

“No! I’m done! I'm tired of you talking over me! I’m tired of you competing with me against my will! I just wanted to live my life! I just wanted to stay out of the way and be with Y/N! I learned to keep my head down! I had to, because whenever I did something you took it over! You made everything about yourself until I had to be alone just to know that I’m still a person! Then, I finally get someone who cares about and loves me, and you take that away too! That's not fair! It was never fair!”I exploded, curling my knees to my chest as I held back angry tears.

“I had to, okay?”

“You had to make me feel like I was nothing!?”

“No. I just had to do something to be seen again. Everyone went on and on about how you're such a good kid. They would talk about how responsible and respectful and kind and smart and perfect that you are. Then, they would talk about how rude and sour and bratty and slow and demanding and how much trouble I am. I just needed to be good again. I had to be something.”

“Then, you could have been all those things. You could have made yourself better. Instead, you pushed me into a corner. So no. I don't forgive you for all these years of torment. I never will.”

“I didn't take Y/N from you,”He lied.

“You sure say otherwise.”

“I lied, okay? The photo’s fake. So are the stories. So’s why she came to the door that day.”

“What?”I got out, sitting up.

“I lied to her. I forged your handwriting, made it sound just like you, and left this letter in her mailbox about everything you hate about her. I don't even know what was on it. Just random stuff and something about you getting five bucks for a kiss. I stole your phone when I left and told her to check her mail so it would be extra convincing. I deleted it after and left it on your bed so you wouldn't know.”

Taking in his words, I wiped my tears as I walked over to my window. While he was still begging me to speak to him I opened it and climbed on the roof. Like I used to do when I was alone and needed to walk at night to clear my head, I found the right tile on the side of my house as I climbed down. 

The second my feet hit the ground though, I ran. I ran all the way to her house, not once letting up. Passing by the empty fields and other houses, I just kept going and going, ignoring the fact that I could barely breathe. I just ran and ran until I saw her house.

Sprinting up the pathway, I jumped on her porch and rang the doorbell a few times, putting my hands on my knees as I caught my breath. 

As the door opened, I wiped my forehead as I looked at her dad, clearly still having a disdain for me.

“I don't know what the letter said, but I didn't write it. I would never do anything to hurt her. Ever. I’ve known her since middle school, and I've loved her since the beginning of high school. I know everything about her. She's been my everything for so long. She’s the only one that I would ever look at, the only person worth looking for in a crowd. She's the first person I look for in a room full of people, and I’ll always find her. Always. So please, please, please, let me talk to her?”

“She's not here,”He shrugged.

“Where is she?”

“I don't know. She just said that she was going to clear her head again.”

“The creek,”I realized.

“The what?”

“I’ve gotta go. I’ll see you soon.”

“Where are you going!?”He called as I ran back off.

“I’m getting my girl back! I’m going to make everything the way it was meant to be!”I promised, sprinting back down the beaten dirt path. As if I wasn't dying, I ran like it was the only thing keeping me living until I passed my house again. Ignoring everything around me, I found my way to the woods I had missed so much. Slowing my pace, I went over the overgrown bushes and past the open trees before coming to the top of the small hill. Looking down, I spotted her sitting there, letting the water run over her hands again.

“Y/N,”I called, sliding down and sitting beside her. Looking over at me, she just stared as I caught my breath again, having had enough running to last me the rest of the summer. “Hey,”I finally greeted, getting the ability to breathe back.

“What do you want?”

“I didn't know why you were ignoring me. I didn't know why you hated me until I got into an argument. That argument was the most important one ever though. Because now I know everything. I know that he's so insane that he wrote you a letter, stole my phone, and made this entire plan just to make it seem like you two were together. He has a picture printed and everything. He doesn't know your eye color though. Can you believe it? He can fake a relationship but doesn't even know something that beautiful about you? I mean-”

“Slow down,”She instructed, putting her hand on my shoulder before pulling off as if the smallest bit of contact with me would hurt her. 

“My brother wrote the letter. He did it all so that way he could make it seem like you two were together. Even though I knew he wasn't someone you would be with, even though the stories didn't sound like you, I believed it. I believed it, and I’m sorry. I should have tried harder to find out what happened. I should have worked harder for the girl that I love, but I promise that if you give me a chance I can. We can. We can start all over until we're past where we were. We can fall in love all over again,”I ranted.

“We can't,”She said simply.

“Y/N-”

“No. We can't start over. Not if there's nothing to start over from.”

“What do you mean?”I dared to ask.

“I mean I never fell out of love. Even before it occurred to me a few weeks later that it was stupid to believe you would do that. I was so hurt though, that I let it turn to anger and blind me from what was important. I let it blind me from you. After I recognized that, I just didn't think that you would want to see me again,”She confessed.

“Y/N,”I whispered, taking her free hand in mine. “You are the only one that I ever want to see. You make me feel fearless, as if I could conquer the world. No matter what the other choice is, you will always be the right one. I wouldn't even have to look at the other one to decide. It's you. It's always been you, for longer than you know. Nobody, absolutely nobody in the world, could be what you are. Your heart, your soul, and your mind, are the most beautiful one's I’ve ever gotten to be around. You aren't perfect, because nobody is, but you're better than that. Your flaws only make me fall deeper. I’m always falling deeper whenever I’m around you. So right here, right now, I’m promising that if we try again everything will go right this time.”

Staring at me, she stayed completely silent, making me worried I had screwed up. That I had said too much. That I had overwhelmed her with feelings she didn't quite have.

As she smiled and pulled me in to kiss her by the collar of my shirt, I was proven otherwise. Putting my arms around her shoulders, I didn't need to think twice as I kissed back. Just like last time, I felt as though I was on top of the world. I could physically feel the love she had for me on her lips. I could feel it by the way her hands were on my skin. I could feel how much we were meant to be by the way we fit so perfectly together, as if we were made for only the other. 

“To say I love you without saying I love you, that is a different kind of special. That is a poet with a story in their heart. That is someone with true emotions that many would kill for. That is something that people could only do if what they feel is unmatched by anything else around them. That's someone special, someone that you should never let go of, and that's you. I will never let you go. Never again. Not when you're the way you are, the kind of person that I could only dream of being. You're worth everything in the world, and I’ll show it. I’ll prove it this time, if you let me?”She whispered as she pulled away.

“You don't have to prove anything as long as you love me back.”

“Always. I will always love you,”She grinned.

“Then, we have nothing to worry about.”

“Nothing but each other,”She corrected.

“Exactly. Nothing but each other.”

Chapter 126: Five Years (Part 1)

Aris is a lot of things. He's quick witted, level headed, intelligent, an observer, brave, kind, and loyal. Physically, is different. He's, to put it into not so weird words, easy on the eyes. There was also a reason he wasn't a Skater or a Builder in the Spring.

That's why he got hit by lightning. Sort of. I know lightning picks where to strike, but he was just a little bit behind us.

"Hey. Wake up, you idiot,"I sighed, shaking his shoulders. He did absolutely nothing. "Aris, if you died on me I'm going to kill you,"I stated, masking the panic. Still, my heart was beating so fast I could hear it in my ears. I could feel my hands shaking with nerves as I silently prayed for him to show any signs of life. I swear if he's actually dead I'm going to set the world and everything it holds on fire.

I didn't have to though, as before I could even blink he opened his eyes to see us staring down at him, with me being the closest. As I was about to make sure he was okay he grinned, making me think he had lost it.

"I love you,"He stated like it was perfectly normal. What the hell? My moron of a best friend got hit by lightning, and the first thing he blurted out was a delirious love confession.

"No you don't,"I argued.

"I do. A lot,"He continued. Did that lighting fry his brain cells? Once again, what is happening?

As I just went to call him insane I heard loud laughter. I snapped my head up to glare at Minho who was having the time of his life.

"Shut up,"I demanded.

"I'm sorry, but this is brilliant. This shank gets struck unconscious, and the first thing he does is confess his undying love. That is awesome."

"He's not in his right mind,"I pointed out.

"You guys have fun with whatever this is. We're going to look around,"Frypan mumbled.

"Take Minho with you,"I pleaded.

"Sorry Y/N. I can't make him do anything,"He shrugged, walking away.

"If you say one more word-"
"I really do love you. I think that you're really kind in your own special way. You're smart and sarcastic and funny and pretty, and you should be my girlfriend,"He interrupted. When he's back to normal, I'm going to strangle this freak.

"Talk to me when you're sane, and I'll consider it."

"Really?"

"No."

"Is it because you hate everyone? Because you don't hate me."

"This is the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen. I am so happy to be alive,"Minho laughed.

"Oh sod off, you big haired prick,"I scoffed.

"See? You hate everyone but me."

"Aris, you are not in your right mind right now,"I pointed out.

"She's wrong. You get her, tiger,"Minho encouraged, patting his shoulder before walking off.

"I have never been in a more sane mind, because your here. You're here, and you're still so close to me, and you're holding my mind,"He rambled.

"That was-no,"I denied, pulling my hand out of his. Before I could he intertwined our fingers and gazed up at me.

"Why are you so afraid that I love you? Y/N, I'll never hurt you or leave you. You mean the world to me. Don't you see? It's always been you,"He pleaded.

"You're not in your right mind. You're only saying all these things because of the lightning. You don't know what you're talking about,”I said firmly, standing up.

“But I-”
“No. There's no chemistry between us. It won't work out,”I argued.

“It can though, and we have lots of chemistry. If we just tried-”
“No. There is no trying,”I repeated, turning on my heel as he also stood up, walking beside me.

“Come on. Life is too short for you to pretend you don't feel something for me.”

“I do. Friendship,”I shrugged, rolling my eyes a little for good measure.

“Just think about it-”
“Gross.”

“Just for a little bit-”
“Hell no.”

“I think we can-”
“We don't have anything.”

“If-”
“As entertaining as this is, we have bigger problems right now,”Thomas spoke.

“What could we possibly-”
I cut myself off as I turned to see a girl I had definitely never seen before, just standing in the doorway, watching us. Her head was buzzed, and she was significantly shorter than almost everyone here, though she carried herself with her shoulder high.

Things may have just gotten even more interesting, as if that was needed.

Chapter 127: Five Years (Part 2)

"So Y/N?"Aris trailed off.

"We are literally trapped in the Scorch with this strange man while Thomas missing. What the hell could you want?"

"You should be-"
"No,"I interrupted.

"Why?"

"You're still delirious,"I sighed.

"It's been quite a while, and he seems fine. I think that you are just in denial,"Newt butted in.

"When we got to safety you, Minho, and Aris are dead."

"Sounds good to me."

"Aris, I am going to take you out first,"I said before I could catch myself. Once I did I cursed under my breath. He was going to take that the complete wrong way on purpose.

"Just tell me when and where, and I'll be there."

"Go screw yourself,"I scowled.

"Hey Aris, I'm not saying you have terrible taste, but I am saying that you are picking someone who hates you,"Frypan added.

"She could never hate me. Right, Y/N?"

"Shut up,"I mumbled.

"See? If it was anyone else she would have just said yes,"He pointed out. To be fair, he was also right. He was probably the only thing I could handle, that I wanted around. I wouldn't admit that to anyone though. Ever.

"To be realistic, you are her only friend,"Minho pointed out

"I hate all of you. I hate everyone and everything,"I grumbled.

"Is there anything you actually like?"Aris questioned.

"No. Everything sucks. I hate being stuck out here. I hate how we're always on edge. I hate that we're never safe. I hate that we're always lied to. I hate that we can never just live our lives. I hate that I don't even know what I hate everything. Most of all I hate that the only thing I can't hate Aris, and I hate how I love him,"I absentmindedly confessed. The silence that followed was so loud it actually hurt my ears. Has I truly just blurted out something that mortifying?

"Would you look at that? You actually were the exception. What a cliche,"Minho stated.

"I hope I get struck over the head and never have to deal with this,"I mumbled.

"Don't wish for that. I still haven't asked-"
"I will never be your girlfriend,"I repeated.

"So you love him, he loves you, and the thought of admitting that mortifies you?"Jorge clarified.

"Nobody loves anyone. Besides, relationships when you're young don't even last. Why would I want to deal with that?"I pointed out.

"Maybe to learn?"He suggested.

"I'm not taking advice from some guy who tied me up,"I promised.

"I've got it,"Aris spoke up.

"I swear if you ask me-"
"Five years,"He interrupted.

"What?"I asked.

"Five years. Five years when we're older I'm going to ask again."

"You'll find someone else. It's not-"
"Then, you'll have nothing to worry about,"He reminded me. At this point I would do anything to get him off of my back.

"Fine. You're not going to do that anyway."

"I'm determined when I believe in something, and I believe in you,"He said firmly.

"Sure. Whatever you say. Now can we get some sleep before we get to the Scorch City? Going in this place when we're not awake sounds like a bad idea,"I pointed out.

"Good job avoiding the topic Y/N. You didn't even insult someone."

"Hey Minho?"

"Yeah?"

"You're at the top of my hit list now."

Chapter 128: Five Years (Part 3)

Summary:

-Fluff

The Safe Haven and everything that's happened is certainly interesting. I've been here for five years now, and it's nice enough. There's food, water, and good people. Even more importantly it's, as the name suggests, safe.

With a sigh, I looked out at the ocean and listened to the waves crash below me. I basked in the setting sunshine and breathed in the scent of the sea. I just felt truly at peace.

"Hey,"Someone greeted. I looked back to see Aris standing there with his hands in his pockets.

"Hey. What's up?"I asked, giving him a small smile. He glanced around before taking a seat next to me. I moved over to give him more room but kept my eyes fixated on the view in front of me.

He however, was not. He was practically burning holes into my skin as he stared at me.

"Are you okay?"I asked, turning to face him.

"Five years,"He whispered.

"What are you talking about?"

"It's been five years since I last asked if you would be my girlfriend,"He reminded me.

"Yeah. I know,"I shrugged.

"You do?"

"Yeah. I just accidentally counted the days without realizing,"I explained, looking forward again. He still hadn't though. "It's weird. It was just some silly bet, and I think about it a lot,"I admitted.

"That wasn't a bet,"He whispered. I turned my head to the side to look at him, as if to silently gesture for him to go on. "That wasn't a bet. That was a promise. There's still nobody else but you. You're still the only girl I had ever wanted, and I waited five years just to prove it. Just to prove that I could wait for you, and it was hard. Not because of other girls but because I wanted to ask you so many times. It's been five years though, and now I can."

"Then, ask what you've been waiting for. Right here while it's just us,"I murmured, feeling in awe at his speech. Feeling flattered and like all of a sudden everything in my life made sense.

I wasn't angry anymore. I hadn't been for a while. As I had grown I had significantly calmed down. I wasn't so mean to people.

Yet he has remained special. I couldn't help but like him more than anybody else.

"It's been five years so what do you say? Will you be my girl?"

"Yeah. I think I'd like that,"I agreed, placing my hand on top of his. Through the corner of my eyes I saw that him look at our hands then mine. As he faced the sky I also saw that small smile I had always loved.

Because no matter how angry or cruel I could be, I had always loved him. I just needed to grow so that I could learn how to show it, and I have. I can confidently say that waiting was the best decision I've ever made.

I could love now. I could love properly, and now I would show that to him forever.

Chapter 129: Switched Places

Summary:

-Emotional hurt/comfort
-Light fluff

I used to admittedly drive Aris a little crazy. When we were in the Maze together, I forced him to socialize a bit. Not all the time of course, but I wouldn't let him be completely friendless. I basically told him not to let a few people ruin his chances of meeting others and pulled him out of his shell just enough to get comfortable with around five of the girls.

The story when we were “rescued” was a bit different. He didn't like the not so subtle stares and remarks so I wasn't as keen to be friendly towards everyone. To some people? Definitely but I made sure to be more cautious.

When we got out with the new group, I would definitely strike up a few conversations with them, though I would always gravitate back towards Aris. No matter how many people I met, he remained my rock, my reason to keep going.

When we were betrayed and he was taken from me, that changed though. I didn't have the one who I would always fall back on. I would find myself reaching over to hold him at night only to find the space to be empty. No bed was truly warm without him, and waking up was somehow worse. There was no sweet kiss on my forehead to start my day. No early morning conversations about life. No chilly hands wrapped around mine for warmth. Everything was always just cold. It was always bleak.

I would just drag myself out of bed and get ready to keep planning to get him back. Sonya and Minho too but I really needed my spark back. I was losing a part of myself in a way I didn't know how to deal with but still had to cope anyway.

That takes a toll on a person. How could it not? Six months of fear for his safety? Six months of worry that life would be like this forever? Six months of separation from the light of my world? That's heavy, and that's not even beginning to talk about how we found him. The blood and bruises were just the cherry on top of what they did to him.

I guess after all that you just change. Or maybe in this case reversed roles.

He looks happy now, at the bonfire with Sonya and Harriet. It's nice to see him like that, smiling and laughing.

I would go with him, but I just couldn't take anymore people today. After Vince’s speech, I gave my respects and left to go watch from the sidelines, the way he used to.

Even that became too much though as I ended up needing to drag myself over to the hammocks. Not even to sleep. I just needed to decompress and clear my head.

I sat on the wooden stairs, my chin in my hands as I leaned against a beam. I didn't shut my eyes, but I wasn't particularly focused on keeping them open. I guess I just didn't care enough for thinking right now.

As I was taking in that peace it was interrupted by soft footsteps and a familiar nickname. I glanced up as Aris walked over, a small smile on his face as he met my eyes. I managed to return it as I moved closer to the beam, inviting him to sit.

He accepted the invite, taking a spot right by me. With his arms out, he offered a hug which I happily accepted, burying my face in his chest as he wrapped his arms around me. Resting my hands on his knee, I sighed as I kept myself as close as possible to him.

“Are you okay?”He asked softly, rubbing my back.

“Yeah. Just tired. Too many people. Too much happening,”I answered.

“It's okay. It happens to the best of us.”

“Yeah. It just feels like that a lot lately. You seem happy though. Warming up to everyone.”

“Yeah. That’ll probably wear off soon though.”

“What do you mean?”

He went silent for a moment, pulling me in for a tighter hug. I let him, resting my face in the crook of his neck as I wrapped my arms around him, waiting for him to speak.

“I mean it got really lonely where I was. Everything was hard. Everything sucked. Dealing with it sucked, and I didn't think I could. It's why I just tried to be you. You’ve always been so strong, and you were always my favorite. It was my one way to stay close to you. Really, actually stay close to you,”He whispered, though his words were clear as day.

“I wish we could have gotten you out sooner,”I sighed, grabbing one of his hands that was on my shoulder and placing it in mine as I rested my head back on his chest. He laced our fingers together, lightly running his thumb over my knuckles as he rested his chin on my head.

“It's okay. I’m sure things will go back to how they were in no time.”

“I mean I don't mind it that much. It's nice to see you so happy.”

“I’m happy as long as I know that you're somewhere close. That's what I truly care about. You.”

“I care about you too. I love you, Aris, in all the ways somebody can love someone,”I promised, squeezing his hand. He gently squeezed back before kissing my temple, making me smile and close my eyes as I just enjoyed the soft moment with him.

Chapter 130: Changes of Us

Summary:

-Angst
-Emotional hurt/comfort

“You don't understand!”I repeated, frantically running my hands through my hair as I paced back and forth in front of him despite the small closet we put ourselves in just to argue.

“I don't understand?! How the hell would I not understand?! I-”
“I’m already pretty aware of everything, Aris! That's how I know you don't understand! I’m defending you from something like every other day now-”
“I didn't ask you to do that!”

“I do it because I love you, you idiot! You don't ask! I just do it because I care about you, but at some point it's just insane! It's a lot! You are a lot sometimes! Don't you understand?! You have all these things and all these problems you don't tell me about so I’m trying to support you while basically blind! That's a lot to deal with, and just once I wish you would say thank you instead of thinking I don't love you or I’m ashamed of you the second it becomes a lot!”I ranted.

“Because either you want me or you don't! It's that simple-”
“It isn't fucking simple! Nothing about you is simple! Don't you see?! Nothing about you has ever been easy! Not one thing!”I yelled, clenching my firsts in my pockets as I was on the verge of shaking him.

“If it's that difficult then maybe we shouldn't even be together,”He huffed, throwing his hands in the air with a half hearted shrug.

“That is not what I’m saying. I’m asking for a little bit of damn grace over here. I’m drowning in all these stupid problems and still trying to help with yours while being kept in the dark. I still try anyway, and you say stupid, stupid things about me not wanting you the second it starts to weigh on me a little bit. Your issues and your problems are so heavy, Aris. They're suffocating so I’m trying to carry some while carrying my own, and you don't even ask if they're too much. Just once in this relationship, I’m asking for a little bit of understanding that maybe the weight hurts my hands too. That maybe you aren't the only one in this relationship who's struggling. That is all I ask of you, and you need to tell me right damn now if it's too much. You need to be completely honest if you're going to have doubts every time I need to process something. Because if you do, then this relationship is too heavy for me to keep carrying,”I rambled, leaning back against the wall as I desperately wiped my falling tears. Taking a deep yet shaky breath, I tried to get my breathing under control before looking at him, still wiping some of my tears as I did.

He stared at me, almost seeming to malfunction. Keeping my eyes on his, I silently asked if he had anything to say. Anything at all.

“I’m sorry. Everything’s changing now. It just feels messy, and I don't want how you see me to change with it. I want you to love me so much I can't even think about what life would be like if you didn't. I love you, and I want us to work. I’ve just been so caught up in everything lately. It's like one thing after another, and I forgot to make sure that was happening.”

“The way I see you will change with time, but that doesn't have to be a bad thing if you don't make it out to be a bad thing. People grow, and people grow alongside each other. We could do that too, but I need you to stop having all these accusations every time there's a shift in our relationship. I know it doesn't seem like it to you, and I know you think you're just being worried, but it really hurts to hear that you doubt how much I love you when I try to go out of my way to show it. Just give me a minute sometimes. Please? That's all I’m asking for,”I pleaded, wiping my eyes on my sleeves before meeting his gaze. He slowly nodded before walking closer to me, cupping my face in his hands as he looked at me, running his thumbs over my cheeks.

“Okay,”He breathed out, kissing my temple. “Just promise one more time that you're okay that the hands that hold you have blood on them?”He whispered.

“As long as they hold me all the same,”I promised, pressing mine over his.

“Are you okay? Honestly and truly okay?”

“I’m trying to be. Life's kind of hard right now, but I’m trying to figure it out,”I admitted.

“You're doing great. You know that, right? I’m proud of you. Of everything you’ve done in life,”He whispered, his eyes softening more and more every second he looked at me.

“I’m proud of you too. For standing up for what you wanted. You were always so brave,”I promised.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you and for what I said. The last thing I want to do is hurt you.”

“I know that, and it's okay. We’ll work on it, okay?”

“Okay,”He accepted, wrapping his arms around me. Sighing, I firmly hugged him back, nuzzling my face into the crook of my neck as I held on to him. “I’m not going anywhere,”He promised, seeming to read my mind.

“I know. I’m just making sure.”

Chapter 131: No Longer Alone (Part 1)

The loneliness was killing me now. It had been for years, practically since I was born. My very first memory is being trapped in a room, crying for someone I know despite having no recollection of anybody.

It's not fair. I’m kept completely isolated but forced to listen to others. Forced to listen to them talk with friends or catch glimpses of them in Mazes. People my age I think, though all the Mazes have been empty for months now.

I overhear the Chancellor as well. I hear and see basically everything there is to hear and see.

I haven't had someone in the room besides me once. I would know. Their would be a sign of then. There never is though so all I have is myself, the pain, and the hours I get taken to be experimented on.

I would have ended it by now, but I’m not allowed to. I am quite literally banned from all sharp and dangerous objects unless I’m under direct supervision. There is literally no way out of here. Not unless I develop some deadly disease at random.

I couldn't move. Not really. I was in too much pain to do anything but lay on the floor, staring at the vent that was too small for me to go through. I don't even think my voice would be heard, and if it was, I doubt someone would respond.

I want sunlight. I want rain. I want people who aren't in lab coats. I want life.

The only place I can get them though is in my dreams.

Sighing, I shut my eyes, ignoring the tears rolling down my cheeks and blood spilling from my lip. Ignoring the aches that went down to my bones, I huddled into a ball, praying that I wouldn't wake up this time.

Time Skip

Darkness. Everything was dark. Everything was pitch black so it had to be night. Most of the scientists are probably at home now.

What woke me up then? I hurt as much as I usually do, which isn't enough to disturb me. There's no lights. Nobody's walking outside my door.

Holding my breath, I laid there, waiting for what could have possibly made me open my eyes from such a dreamless sleep.

As there were quite sniffles from the vent, I found my answer. The cries were soft, muffled even.

I’m sure the person probably doesn't want to be disturbed right now, but that was not my first thought. All I could think was that this could be another person just like me.

“Hello?”

Immediately, I cringed at my scratchy voice that hadn't been used for months. 

I’m also assuming the person crying did too as they immediately went silent.

Desperately, like a caged animal, I wrapped my fingers around the vent cover, ignoring the way the metal dug into my flesh as I repeated my words a little quieter. 

“Hi?”

The voice was male and most likely young. He seemed to be a teenager around my age, with this slight accent I couldn't quite place.

“You can hear me, yeah? You're like me?”

“Like you?”He asked.

“Yeah. Forced to stay here? You're like me, yeah?”

“A prisoner,”He confirmed.

“A labrat.”

“Yes.”

“That's good. I mean not good, but hi. Who-who are you?”

My words seemed to be all over the place, my head trying to process what my ears were hearing. 

Like me.

He’s like me.

“I’m Aris.”

“Have you ever left here? Have you ever gotten out?”

He went completely silent. No quiet cries. No response. Just dead silence, the same thing I hear here almost every minute of my day.

Had I imagined him? Am I losing my sanity now?

“Yes. With my friends,”He admitted.

“You know other humans? Besides the scientists?”

“You don't?”

“No. I’ve never left this place.”

“What about the Maze?”

“No. I’ve always been here.”

“Do you know your name?”

“Y/N.”

“Y/N,”He echoed, as though he were testing out my name for himself. “That's pretty.”

“Thank you.”

“You’ve never spoken to anyone before?”

“No. Not besides the workers,”I answered.

“Why not?”

“I don't know. I haven't been allowed to.”

“But you know your name?”

“Yes. I had a bracelet around my wrist with my name on it.”

“You said had. What happened to it?”

“They took it. They said it was too sharp.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s-it’s okay. Just, hi. You’ll get out again, right?”

He went completely silent again, leaving me hanging on to the vent, like I would open my eyes all over again if I let go.

“I can't talk about it. Not here,”He whispered.

“Okay.”

“Watch under your door. Okay?”

“Okay. Are you going to sleep now, Aris?”

“I’m gonna try. Night Y/N.”

“Okay. Goodnight Aris.”

Despite my words, I kept my eyes open, refusing to doze off again. I can't let this now be real. It has to be. It has to.

Chapter 132: No Longer Alone (Part 2)

Despite my attempts, I found myself waking up again, light shining in through the small window on my door. My fingers were still hung around the vent cover, clinging on for dear life.

Slowly, I removed them as I sat up. Looking at my hands, I saw the dents made in my skin from clinging to the metal for hours on end. 

Using the wall for balance, I cautiously stood up, making my way over to the sink. Turning the water on, I collected it in my hands before splashing some on my face. Looking down, I saw the blood flow with the water as I cleaned myself off as best I could. 

Shutting the sink off, I stared at the blank, white wall, wondering if I had imagined it. Maybe my loneliness had finally gotten the best of me.

Turning around, I went to sit back on the floor when something caught my eye in the dim light. Right by my door was a folded piece of paper.

Walking over to it, I quickly kneeled down, picking it up in my hands to see that it was actually a napkin. Walking back over by my vent, I leaned against the wall as I opened it to see black writing, most likely with a marker.

My friends are coming back to get me out, and I’ll make sure you get out too. Forever this time

-Aris

It wasn't a dream then. He’s real. He’s actually real and is going to get me out. Or that's what he says.

“Aris?”I called into the vent.

“Y/N? You okay?”

“Make sure to be careful, okay?”

“I will be,”He confirmed.

“Okay. Good.”

“Are you hungry?”

“I get fed twice a day.”

“That's not what I asked.”

“I don't know. Everything hurts too bad to tell,”I admitted. 

He made a small sound of acknowledgement at my answer. Choosing not to question it, I just decided to ask if he knew his full name.

“Aris Jones.”

“That's-that’s a nice name.”

“Thank you.”

“Are other people like you?”

“Prisoners?”

“Kind.”

“I think so. People are complicated, but they can be kind too.”

“Are your friends kind?”

“I wouldn't call them my friends if they weren't.”

His answer seemed hesitant, as though he wasn't quite sure he himself believed that. Still, if he wanted to tell me he would.

“What's your favorite animal?”

“My favorite animal?”He repeated.

“Yes. What's your favorite that you know of?”

“Foxes.”

“Why foxes?”

“I don't know. They're just pretty. They're known to be smart too. They can be underestimated, but they can do more than people give credit for.”

His answer, like most others he had given, seemed genuine. Maybe simple but not everything has to be complex.

“I like the way you talk about things. You make them sound nice.”

“Thank you.”

I didn't point out that his voice seems to grow quieter at compliments or ask why. I just sat by the vent, still processing the fact that even if I have no idea what he looks like, I have a friend.

Chapter 133: No Longer Alone (Part 3)

Summary:

-Fluff

Late nights have grown more common now. Silent days were needed too. Days where we didn't speak but still knew the other was there. 

I hate silent days. It means one of us had been experimented on that day and was too drained to talk. 

I hate days like today. Where I know he’s hurt but can't help. I just stay by the vent, my knees curled to my chest, being more than aware that he was so close yet so far. And so hurt yet there was nothing I could actually do about it.

“You're my best friend. You know that, right?”

I winced at just the sound of his voice, broken and nasally. It sent a pang of guilt through me, something that stung more than anything the doctors could ever do to me.

“You're my best friend too. You're my only friend.”

“And friends look after each other. I’ll look after you. I’ll make sure you're safe from this.”

Without realizing what I was doing I had reached my hand out for him, only to be stopped by the tiny vent. Glaring at the thing both separating us yet being our only form of communication, I reluctantly pulled my hand back, holding it in my lap.

“You need to take care of yourself too,”I said firmly, my eyes glancing towards the hidden empty wrappers stashed under my bed. Another pang of guilt wept through me, as though it was a dirty secret. Every time he slips them under my door though, I devour them almost instantly. So quickly I’ve come close to vomiting more than once now.

“That’s kind of hard to do here.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“It's okay. I mean I wouldn't have met you if I wasn't trapped. That's something good,”He reasoned.

“Maybe.”

“What do you mean maybe?”

“I don't know. I just-I've been here for so long I can't help but associate me with them. I don't want to, but there's this distinction I don't know how to place. That growing up with nothing but WCKD means I am WCKD.”

He stayed silent so I went quiet as well. Besides my heart that was racing in my chest, thumping out that he agreed. That I’ve somehow become WCKD through my time with them there.

I don't want to know if that's what he thinks of me. If that is true, that would break me in ways I can't even describe.

“No.”

He said it so quietly I almost didn't quite hear. If I wasn't always listening for him maybe I wouldn't have.

“No?”

“No. You'll never be them. You're too kind. Your heart is too pure. You think too much. You would actually think about everything you were doing. You would dwell on it, lose sleep over it. Just because they're all you’ve been allowed to know, does not make you them. This won't be for much longer. I’ll make sure you get out, no matter what it takes.”

“You can't talk like that here,”I whispered, my face heating up in worry that someone was listening.

“But I mean it. You're not going to be their prisoner forever. Neither of us are. You’re too good for that. Far better than they could even dream of.”

“I wish I could hold your hand. Just for a little,”I admitted, placing my palm back on the vent. This time it was with purpose though, as if I was taking in his presence with the seemingly useless action.

“One day, you can hold my hand as much as you want. I promise.”

“Don't make promises you can't keep.”

“Do you doubt me, Y/N?”

“I don't doubt that you mean what you say. I just think you're underestimating them.”

“They underestimate me all the time. That'll even the playing field a little bit.”

“But somehow it still won't be fair, will it?”

“No. Not in the slightest.”

♡ Time Skip⁠♡

My body felt cracked, permanently altered. For days, I couldn't even speak to Aris. Al I did was stare blankly at the door, silently sobbing. Even when I was given food, I didn't move for it. Not unless it was packaged. That’s the only way to know it was from Aris. That was the only food I could trust. He's the only one I could trust.

I heard about plans the chancellor was making, but I couldn't really pay attention to it for long. I was too tired now, too full of pain, too drained.

I want to talk to him, but I can't open my mouth. I can barely even open my eyes sometimes.

He understands. He’s worried, but he understands. I tap the vent covers with my fingers despite the way they hurt so he knows I’m here. He taps back. We get back to our silence and our pain. That's life right now.

I slept through the night again. Most of the day too. There's nothing else I can do right now, even if I wanted to.

Taking a shaky yet deep breath, I opened my eyes, lightly rubbing them. Sitting up, I let my feet rest on the floor as I got ready to sit by the vent again, by my only source of comfort.

As my eyes fully adjusted I saw something shining by my door, almost reflecting? Like some kind of metal? Except, I’m not allowed to have metal?

Standing up, I walked over by my door, to where the small object was. Kneeling down, my eyes widened as I picked up what should be impossible.

My bracelet with my name. The sharp gold beads and everything were still there, as if I was trusted with the world. 

Holding it up to my lips, I kissed the small object before pulling up one of my socks. Where it wouldn't be found in any normal way, I hid the bracelet inside, heaving a sigh of relief.

As I did, I noticed another object that I hadn't seen in months. A napkin with black marker bleeding through.

Eagerly, I unfolded it, a wide grin crossing my lips at his handwriting. At the message that was just for me, that was truly mine. At one of the only things that actually belonged to me.

You're Y/N. Not WCKD. You're stronger than them. Don't forget it.

-Aris

As quickly as my injured body would let me, I slipped the note inside my pillowcase with the other two. My theory is sleeping on good things means good dreams. It doesn't always work, but it's comforting to know they're always so close.

Taking my spot by the vent, I quickly tapped on the vent. After a moment of what I assume is hesitation he tapped back, showing he was there.

“I can never thank you enough for this. Never,”I promised.

“You don't have to thank me. Just remember the note, okay? Remember all of them.”

“I will. I swear I will. I love you.”

The words left my lips before I could actually process them, before I even realized the gravity of what I said, of what I could have done to my only friendship, to my only way out.

I can't take them back though. I won't.

Because if I did, I would be a liar.

“You love me?”

His voice was barely over a whisper as he took in the information as well, more surprised at the confession than I was.

“I-I do. I’m in love with you. I have no idea what you look like. I have no idea how to find you in a crowd. I’ve never laid eyes on you. I’ve never touched you, but I’m in love with you. You're all I ever think about. You haunt my thoughts in a beautiful way, and I love you for it.”

I could hear him take a sharp breath from the other side as I held mine, my heart practically beating out of my chest as I waited for him to say anything.

“I find comfort in your presence. I find a lot of things in it. Softness, strength, bravery, proof of goodness, love. I can't help but love you dearly. I wouldn't know how not to if I tried. You mean too much to me.”

“One day, right? One day?”I whispered.

“One day. It’ll be here before you know it,”He said gently, as though his voice was capable of touching me. 

Leaning against the vent, I clung to it again, shutting my eyes and taking in his presence that was still so far from me. So close yet so far.

Chapter 134: No Longer Alone (Part 4)

Summary:

-Fluff

Despite having time to think about it, I never actually considered what the feelings of being free would be. I just assumed happiness, but what about the confusion of what I’m meant to do? The worry of screwing it all up? The fear of WCKD taking me back? The nervousness that I won't know which one of these many people is my Aris?

Staying away from everyone for now, I stared at the setting sun, still taking it all in. I hadn't spoken a word yet. I hadn't had a reason to.

I should probably go find someone and figure out what exactly is going on, but I don't think I have much energy left. Turns out, a lifetime of experiments and torture really makes you tired. Who could have guessed that?

I should still try and find Aris though. Somehow.

Sighing, I stood up, brushing the sand of my pants. Slightly shaking my head, I silently scolded myself for freaking out about every small thing before taking a breath and turning around.

As I did, I found myself facing a fairly pale boy with brunette hair that was pushed out of his face. He has a small bandage on his cheek and a split lip. One of his eyes was bruised, and he was wearing the same uniform I was. WCKD’s uniform.

“Hi,”I got out, giving a small wave.

The boy’s face flashed with some sort of recognition as he looked at my wrist. Following his gaze, I saw him fixating on the bracelet with wide eyes, even as I put my hand down.

“Aris?”I asked hesitantly, walking closer to him.

“Y/N?”

Holding out my hand to him, I let him take a closer look at the bracelet. Slowly, he took my hand while inspecting the beads that spelled out my name. The ones he was already familiar with.

“I didn't get to keep the notes. I didn't have time to take them,”I admitted.

He didn't say anything. Just put my hand down before wrapping both his arms around me. An unexpected embrace that I immediately returned, resting my face by his chest and listening to his heartbeat.

“I’m glad you're okay,”He whispered.

“I’m glad I’m here with you. I love you in every way you could ever love someone,”I whispered back, shutting my eyes as tears fell from them. All the overwhelming emotions, relief, uncertainty, comfort, all of it spilled out at once.

“I love you too. I won't let bad things happen to you anymore. Okay? I’ll make sure nothing hurts you,”He said gently, cupping my cheeks with his hands. Using his thumbs, he wiped my tears away, even as they kept falling. “It’s okay. You're safe here,”He coaxed.

“How can you be sure?”

“I’ll make sure of it. As long as I’m here, nothing will touch you.”

Reaching my hands out, I held his injured face without really thinking about it. He gave a strained smile until I gently kissed his cheek. As I pulled away I could see a small blush creeping on his soft skin.

“Thank you for keeping me sane. I didn't know how much I needed you until I had you,”I admitted, taking both his hands in mine.

“Thank you for being my good thing in there. I needed it. I needed you too,”He smiled, lacing our fingers together.

“So what do we do now?”

“I think we just live.”

He spoke in a way that told me his answer had another meaning. One that I was too tired to decipher right now.

“Can I live with you?”I asked hesitantly.

“If that's what you want.”

Nodding my head, I wrapped both my arms around him again, closing my eyes as I listened to his still beating heart. It may just be the nicest sound I’ve ever heard.

“I love you,”I repeated.

It feels nice not to have to say it through a vent.

“I love you too.”

Or hear it through one.

Chapter 135: Early Mornings (Part 1)

Summary:

-Fluff

Tradition is important. I think so at least. Having something to look forward to keeps us going through the day, even if we don't quite understand why. Maybe it's just having some motivation to make it to that tradition. Maybe it’s seeing how doing the exact same thing at the exact same time will change.

I have a few traditions, but my favorite is one I do every morning. Even if I’m tired. It's a good way to start the day. It gives me hope that things will actually stay this way. Hopeful. Happy. Fulfilling. It's a way to try and remember the Safe Haven really is safe, even if nothing else in life ever has been.

I was running late this morning. Between having to find my coat for the cold weather that was starting thanks to the winter season coming up, to realizing I lent it to someone else, to not knowing where my shoes were, I was rushing.

Eventually, I made it out of my house and to the shore though, where Aris was already sitting, drawing in the sand that now had small bits or ice with a stick.

“Sorry I’m late,”I apologized, rushing to sit beside him.

“I was beginning to think you wouldn't show,”He shrugged, erasing whatever he had done with his hand before I could see.

“I always show. You know I wouldn't miss our thirty minutes together.”

“Well, it's twenty now.”

“And I said I was sorry.”

“It's fine. Just had to give you a little bit of grief for it,”He shrugged again, back to drawing in the sand. I absentmindedly rested my head on his shoulder as I watched him draw stars, my hands buried in my pockets.

“Where’s your jacket?”He asked quickly, glancing over at me.

“I let someone borrow it.”

“When winter was coming up?”

“Yeah. They needed it.”

“It's gonna start snowing eventually. I’m pretty sure you need it too.”

Seeing as I can see my breath every time I speak, he's definitely right.

“It’s fine,”I shrugged.

He gave a halfhearted sigh as I pulled my knees to my chest, looking out at the ocean and setting sun. Stuck in this trance of admiring the beauty, I didn't actually comprehend him draping his jacket over my shoulders until it was rested on me.

“Aris, now you're gonna be cold. You can't-”
“I’ll be fine. As fine as it gets. Okay?”

Shaking my head a little at home, I moved closer. Leaning my head on his shoulder again, I took his freezing hands in mine, holding them tightly.

“You’ve always been so selfless. Always,”I whispered.

“Maybe not always,”He mumbled.

“Always. Always, always, always,”I repeated, meeting his eyes. His gaze was soft, gentle even.

Besides the crashing of the waves and chirping of birds, there was complete silence, just me looking at him and him staring back before his eyes glanced towards my lips. I found my heart stopped beating for a second as I did the same, the same thought crossing my head that I'm sure is crossing his.

What happens if we kiss?

I looked back up at his eyes, my heart now racing in my chest. Without a word, he took his hands out of mine to cup my face. There was no need for the jacket anymore as my entire body seemed warm and tingly. Especially where his touch laid.

“Can I-”
“Y/N, I've got your jacket!”

In a flash, we pulled away, him facing the front as I looked at my friend. Completely oblivious to what she had interrupted, if there was another to interrupt, she handed it to me before skipping off.

Staying there, I looked at the jacket in my hand that was suddenly much less appealing than the one I had. Not really knowing how to say that or what to say at all, I stayed silent as I faced the front, not daring to look at him. Even when our time was up for today, I stayed put as he left.

I could have left earlier, but that would be breaking the early morning tradition. Something I just can't bring myself to do, no matter how long those minutes seemed to drag on or how tense things were.

I like tradition. I don't like change. My whole life has been changed, and that scares me.

Is there such a thing as good change?

Did our entire dynamic just change? Is that good?

Chapter 136: Early Mornings (Part 2)

Summary:

-Fluff

My night was spent tossing and turning. My mind was racing with restlessness and guilt, and it was making sure I knew why as the moment of his hands on my face replayed over and over. The gentleness he held me with, the softness in his eyes, was stuck to me, haunting me.

I really can't do this right now. It's driving me crazy.

Without a word I got up, slipping my shoes on before sprinting to my front door, where two jackets were hung up.

Despite the entire reason I was going for a walk, I couldn't help but slip his coat over my arms, pulling it close for a moment and breathing in his scent. When I realized I was acting like a lovesick teenager I shook my head as I opened and shut my door, my feet already knowing the path I had to take.

The chances of him being there right now are slim, and I don't know what exactly I’ll do if I see him. Just that I won't even be able to shut my eyes until I do.

Walking by the ocean, I kept his jacket close to me, burying myself in the fabric. Even then, I still shivered at the night air, my breath visible as always during this time of the year. The sand combined with ice crunched beneath my tennis shoes, but I paid it no mind as I kept walking to the place that always made everything better.

I know the path by heart. I could take it with my eyes closed, but for the sake of not falling into freezing cold water, I won't test it. And since my eyes weren't closed, I was able to spot his figure in this distance as he tossed rocks into the ocean, skipping them across the waves.

“Aris.”

My tone was urgent as I approached him despite me having no clue what to say next. ‘Did you mean to almost kiss me this morning? Were we about to kiss? Are we more than friends now? Should we be?’

“Y/N.”

His voice was mostly calm as he turned to look at me, though I could still tell there was a heavy tension in the air. One I had never felt before.

Standing in front of him, I fell completely silent as I stared at him, making out his soft features and even some of the harsher ones. Like the scar on his cheek from his time at WCKD. My heart was racing, practically beating out of my chest.

Finding myself breathless, I slowly reached my hand up, lightly tracing it with my fingers. He took a breath at the action but didn't pull back or push my hand away, somehow giving me the courage to cup his cheek in my hand.

Hesitantly, he placed his hand over mine. My entire body warmed, but I didn't speak, didn't pull away either. Like him, I stayed still, processing the seemingly small action that spoke a thousand words.

Or maybe just three.

“Aris, I'm-”
“Hey, what are you two sticks doing out here?”

As if we were committing crimes, we quickly pulled away, looking at Sonya. I clasped my hands behind my back as I held in a frustrated groan.

“I was returning his jacket,”I came up with, only to regret it. I like wearing it, knowing it belongs to him. Knowing it smells exactly like him. Like a hint of the coffee he always needs, the medicine he works with, and the beach. Or maybe that's just what my mind tells me it smells like since I associate all of those with him.

She gave a shrug before continuing her walk in the grass, most likely clearing her head. As she left I turned to Aris, beginning to slip it off my shoulders.

“You should keep it,”He said simply.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. It looks better on you.”

A blush spread across my face. One that seemed to travel to my toes as he reached over, adjusting it over my shoulders. My breath hitched in my throat.

There's always tomorrow morning. I know that, and even though the tension is still practically unbearable the moment appeared to have past.

Giving him a small nod, I turned around, heading back to bed to pretend to sleep, while he stayed out here, skipping rocks.

Maybe while thinking of me?

Hopefully while thinking of me.

Chapter 137: Early Mornings (Part 3)

Summary:

-Fluff

I made it on time this time. To be fair, I usually do. That and I knew exactly where the jacket was, seeing as I had fallen asleep in it, admittedly holding it close to me.

He was already there in his sweatshirt and pants, though he had only socks for shoes. They were fuzzy though, so they were probably warm enough.

Without a word, I took my spot next to him. He stopped drawing in the icy sand with his stick and looked over at me. He had heavy bags under his eyes, though I’m sure I was no better.

“Hi,”I managed to say.

“Hey.”

We went silent, just looking at the other. I noticed his hair seemed neater than usual, almost as if he took extra time with it. His freckles seemed to stand out more as his skin was paler. It always is in winter, and it probably doesn't help that he works inside a makeshift clinic all day. The sun was never something he would be in long to begin with.

As I took him in, I realized just how much attention I pay to him. More than anybody else. I know practically everything there is to know about him. Like how he was never a good sleeper and used to hide in the forest in the Spring at night until he fell asleep under the trees. Like how winter was his favorite season and reminded him of the first home he could remember. Like how people’s comments always stuck with him, no matter how much he tried to pretend they didn't. Like how he would hum when he was figuring something out.

“Do you want to take a walk with me?”

I didn't even have to think as I nodded my head yes, standing up at the same time as him. He went back to silence as we walked by the shore, side by side.

“Your hair looks really nice today,”I spoke.

“You really think so?”

“Mhm. It's pretty that way.”

I pretended not to notice the blush on his face, no matter how obvious it was.

Without a word, he slipped his hand into mine, fixating on the ground as he did. Despite my heart racing again, I lightly squeezed as I locked our fingers together. He gently squeezed back, seeming to speak without saying a word.

Stopping in his tracks, he turned to face me. I managed to do the same, meeting his ever so soft gaze.

“I’m in love with you. I have been for years now. Ever since that night you sat with me in the forest. I would play it over and over in my head. It wouldn't leave me alone, no matter what happened. I thought about it all the time, and I could never figure out why until recently. I love you. I pay attention to everything you do, and I can't pretend I don't.”

His words were rushed, as though if he didn't say them quickly he would never speak at all. They were geniune and sweet. Exactly what I would expect a confession from him to be. They left me absolutely speechless. He left me speechless.

Since I couldn't speak, I pressed my lips against his. So gently and quickly that it almost couldn't be felt. As his face flushed, I knew he definitely did though.

Without a word, he grabbed my face in his hands before crashing his mouth against mine. My hands found their way around his shoulders, pulling him close to me as I kissed him with everything I had. I could feel every bit of passion and tension that had been haunting my mind. His lips were soft, addicting even.

As we ran out of air, we pulled away, almost as close as just a second ago. The only difference was our lips no longer touching. My arms stayed wrapped around him though as he did the exact same.

“So, um, hey,”He sputtered out.

“I love you too.”

“Really?”He asked hopefully, a wide smile across his face.

“Really. I’m in love with you.”

“That’s, uh yay, cool.”

I laughed a little at his adorably awkward nature. He smiled, admittedly a bit shyly.

“There's the bonfire tonight. If you want to go with me?”

“Yeah. I would,”I smiled.

“Like as a date,”He clarified.

“I understood that. I’d love to go out with you.”

His smile grew before he placed a soft a kiss on my forehead. Something that gave me just as much butterflies as the kiss we just shared, if not more.

I could get used to this. I’m pretty sure I already am.

Chapter 138: Nothing

Summary:

-Angst

Nothing.

You felt nothing as you looked at him. No anger. No sadness. No anything. Just tired despite the sleep you had been forced into. You weren't sure if you could call it that with the memory that came with it, but you weren't sure there was another name for it.

Your expression was completely blank as you looked at them.

Everything.

Aris felt everything as he looked at you. Love. Thankfulness that you were alive. Pain. Everything.

He didn't say anything as he held his hand out. You didn't accept it, just looking over yourself. At the bruises and cuts despite not fighting them.

As you glanced up, you saw his face twist into a grimace, almost as if it physically hurt him.

You still didn't speak as you stood up without his help, walking past Teresa and out the cave. Your legs were shaky, but you ignored that and the bright sun as you started walking.

“Y/N, wait,”Aris called desperately. Stopping in your tracks, you stared at him, your eyes piercing into him. Teresa stood beside him, her expression something you didn't even care to read.

“I’m waiting.”

You said it as a fact. No snappiness. No anything. Just the simple truth.

“It was all part of a plan. WICKED wanted variables. Needed them, needed you. And they were gonna get it, whether we wanted to or not,”He explained.

“I don't believe you.”

Your words cut through him in a way he couldn't understand. He swore you just knocked all the air out of him.

“They would have killed you if we didn't,”Teresa tried.

“Totally,”You shrugged.

“We had to.”

“So you two weren't communicating telepathically in the Maze?”

“We were, but it was only about the plan and WICKED. That's it. I swear,”Aris pleaded.

“I still don't believe you.”

He took a shaky breath as he tried to think of what to do, of how to convince you that this was the truth this time. Of how he could undo all he did wrong.

“Yeah. That's kind of what it feels like. Betrayal sort of feels like that.”

You turned on your heel, leaving him to figure out what you meant. Walking down the sandy hill, you glared at the ground, scowling at the broken earth as a tear fell. Wiping it away with your sleeve, you took a breath before continuing to walk.

Getting over the shock of it all, Aris followed you, his footsteps light on the ground. Not on purpose. He just learned how to walk silently to prepare for the betrayal. Something that may just stay with him forever, a constant reminder of today.

His hand brushed over your shoulder. Stopping again, you turned to look at him, your face blank.

“I didn't have a choice. I’m sorry. I am. I just wanted to keep you safe.”

“Even if it meant losing me?”

“Yes.”

He cringed at his answer, but it was true. Protecting you had always been the most important thing to him, no matter what that meant.

“I don't know how to love you now. It was easy, and now it's just not. It was so easy to defend you when everyone else was actually wrong about you. But they weren't in a way, and now I look stupid.”

“I’m sorry. I am. You couldn't know. It would have ruined everything. This was the only way,”He whispered, his hands cupping your face. You tried to feel something at his touch. Shivers or butterflies or calmness or a blush or a racing heart. Any indication that your feelings were still there.

There was none of that. It just felt like hands on your face. Everything about him became literal. Not the usual happiness that he was supposed to bring.

“I love you,”He repeated softly. As you didn't say anything, he gently brushed his lips against yours.

You begged your heart to remind you why you always loved his kisses. To give you a sign that you would still find a way to genuinely smile against his mouth. To tell you that if he woke you up by kissing your temple life would be complete.

You didn't get that.

All you could think about was how his lips just touched another girl's. Almost as if he wasn't yours. Almost as if he never was.

He pulled away, his forehead pressed against yours as his eyes begged for you to speak. To tell him it was okay the way you usually did. To tell him you felt the same goosebumps on your skin he just did from a single kiss.

“It's not okay. It doesn't just get to be okay now. You lied to me, and now I look stupid. Why do you get to be okay after hurting me? Why do you get to be fine when I look like an idiot because of you? Why do you get to be forgiven after what you did? To be told it's alright while I have to just accept what happened? While I have to move past it as if you didn't just betray my trust? Why?”

You pulled away from him, crossing your arms as you looked at him for an answer. An honest one.

“I love you. If you stay with me, I’ll prove it to you every day. I promise,”He swore.

“No.”

“Please? I-”
“No. I’m not gonna wait around and be happy with you just for you to betray me again. Fuck off, Aris. Fuck you.”

Your face contorted to absolute hatred as you stormed off in the other direction to find the group. Anywhere that meant not being around him.

Not knowing what else to do, he sat down, his eyes wide as he replayed the moment over and over. The disgust from just looking at him. The rage. Your narrowed eyes and scowl said everything. Your low voice said even more.

Covering his face with his hands, he silently cried into them. Curling his knees to his chest, he covered his mouth as broken sobs left him.

Hesitantly, Teresa approached him, placing a soft hand on his shoulder. He cried harder at the contact, unable to look up.

“We have to leave soon,”She said gently.

“Just go,”He got out through muffled cries.

“You’ll die if you stay here, and nobody wants that. We have to go now. You can't make it up to her if you sit here and rot away.”

“Five minutes? Please?”He sniffled.

Sighing, Teresa nodded as she sat a few feet away from him. Taking out her pocket watch meant for the betrayal, she set a timer before placing it on the ground, staring straight ahead as if there wasn't a boy breaking down in plain sight.

There was nothing that could be done about it now. She knew that. No words would be any comfort. If it was Tom, nobody would be able to console her. Nobody but him.

Nobody would be able to console Aris. Nobody but you.

How could you? How could you fix him after he broke your once happy relationship as if it was nothing? How could you fix him after he caused you pain that would haunt your sleep?

You can't.

So for once, you won't.

Chapter 139: Aris and The Girl's

Summary:

-Platonic love

I was a teenage girl alone with one other girl and a bunch of teenage boys. The sentence was strange. Everything about it was strange.

My life of girls and Aris had turned into boys I didn't know, a girl I didn't know, and Aris. All in a few hours at most.

I didn't want to make assumptions about it. I wanted to form my own opinions about it, the way I did for everyone else I’d ever met. I wanted to disregard everything my instincts told me about and just be thankful I was out.

As I followed one of the boys gaze, I changed my mind completely. The uncomfortable sweater I had been given was suddenly preferable to the one in my hand.

I looked away quickly, letting Teresa simply change her top. Something so simple that was still being gawked at. Something that just set off every alarm bell there was.

“Hey.”

I took a breath as I looked up at the face connecting to the hand on my arm. Seeing it was Aris, I let my shoulders relax.

“You okay?”

“I’m fine,”I nodded, my eyes traveling back to the boy before I looked at the shirt in my hand.

“I’ll cover you,”He whispered, the small action saying more than I meant.

“Really?”

“Mhm. Just stay behind me. Okay?”

I nodded as a relieved sigh left me. Giving him a thankful nod, I turned my back to him as he stayed in front of me, acting as my walls seeing as there wasn't time to find one.

As quickly as possible, I slipped the shirt over my head before tugging the other one down just as quickly, making sure it fit right.

Brushing it out, I turned around to see him still patiently standing there, his back turned away from me.

“I’m decent now,”I assured him.

“You okay?”He asked, turning to face me.

“Fine. Thank you. Honestly.”

“It’s fine. You just come find me if you need cover again.”

“I definitely will. Thank you,”I repeated, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. He tightly hugged back, his hands wrapped around my back.

“Yeah. Aytime,”He promised.

“I miss when it was Aris and the girls,”I quietly admitted, closing my eyes.

“It’s okay. I do too,”He sighed.

“It's okay if you don't,”I assured him.

“I do. I hate that I have to help you out with something so small.”

“Aris and the girl's soon? When we find Harriet and Sonya?”I asked hopefully.

“Yeah. Aris and the girls.”

Chapter 140: Flowers

Summary:

-Angst

“In another life you see all the flowers I bring you.”

 

“I brought you Tulips again. Your favorite.”

Sighing, I took a spot near him, taking my time arranging the flowers. He was always a neat freak, and I don't think anything could ever change that. Anything at all.

He didn't speak. Exactly like last time I saw him.

“I wanted to see you sooner, but it just seemed like everyone else needed something from me. Everything's been a lot lately. I’ve even been able to sleep again, even if I didn't really want to.”

Crossing my legs, I took one of the flowers to begin picking at the petals. I always do that. Take one so I can sprinkle the parts of it around him. It may not be like the others, but I think he deserves something unique with how special of a person he always was. 

“I want to bring you new kinds of flowers. I know these are your favorite, but I think it'd be nice. You wouldn't mind if I changed the routine, right?”

Staring blankly at the ground, I blinked away tears. Even now, years later, I hate crying about this. That's not what he would ever want. All he ever wanted was to make me happy, and if he couldn't, for me to be happy. He always made me happy though. He never failed to bring a smile to my face.

“You're my everything. You always will be,”I whispered, finally looking up, my face expressionless as my heart broke all over again in my chest. 

Knowing he would hate to see me like this, I grabbed the old flowers that were beginning to wilt. Placing them to the side of me, I used my hand to wipe some of the dirt off the stone, making a silent note to clean it better eventually.

“I have to go, but I’ll be back. You know I’ll always come back,”I whispered, sprinkling the petals I had collected in my pocket. Standing up, I grabbed the old flowers as I left, my footsteps getting heavier and heavier the further I walked away from him.

Chapter 141: Pale

Summary:

-AU

Aris’s P.O.V

Talking to anyone about this was a terrible idea. Talking to Thomas was even worse.

It appears as though I like terrible ideas. I seem to enjoy making myself suffer.

“You should just talk to her. You don't have to tell her you like her,”He said, going slightly higher on his swing. Being just fine close to the ground, I simply let my feet dangle as I looked at him.

“I don't get to talk to her, Thomas. She’ll realize I like her.”

“Just be yourself. It’ll be fine.”

“No, Thomas. You don't understand. I am unable to just hide my feelings. About anything. Ever.”

“Sure you can.”

“I don't think you understand. I cannot feel anything. Anger or embarrassment or whatever this is-”

“Love-”

“Whatever this is. My face will completely give it away.”

“Just don't make weird faces.”

It's like talking to a brick wall. Except the brick wall doesn't stop moving and has a lot of energy and will either give the most life-changing or life-ruining advice you’ve ever heard.

“I am very white. Like one of those porcelain dolls that break when you touch it,”I reminded him.

“I’m white too.”

“Yes. But you're white like you enjoy the beach and can tolerate spice. I am white like I was banned from light since I was born.”

“I don't think Y/N cares how white anyone is. Probably not.”

“That’s not the problem. The issue is that being this pale means everything makes you blush. Everything. Including super strong emotions. She’ll know there's no way I just happen to look like a damn cherry in front of her.”

“Watch your language. There are children here.”

Rolling my eyes, I looked at the only other child here. Chuck, who seemed perfectly content spinning himself around on the merry-go-round until he was going to pass out. Again. That's what Gally’s there for though. He’s making sure he doesn't hit his head. 

“I don't think he cares. Unless you're talking about yourself.”

“Why would you think that?”He asked, kicking off higher on his swing.

“It just felt right. Now can you please help me figure out what I’m going to do?”

“Avoid eye contact.”

“I already do. Besides, my ears turn red too.”

“Just get more sun.”

“I’ll burn until I can't even move.”

“Say you're having an allergic reaction.”

“To what? Her?”

“I’m out of ideas.”

“You could just tell her you like her. Then, you don't have to worry about turning red since you'll have an answer,”Sonya suggested. In unison, Thomas and I looked over at the girl on the other swing who had been way too quiet this entire park trip.

Glancing back at Thomas, we just looked at each other before deciding the answer.

“Nope.”

“Nah.”

“You two are idiots. You know that?”

“Why tell someone you like that when you could just die of shame?”

“You're with Teresa. Surely, you told her.”

“No. I just very smoothly-”

“Doubt it.”

“Kept talking to her until it was unofficial so it could then be official.”

“Boys are dumb,”She sighed, getting off her swing and walking over to Harriet who was sitting on top of the playground. The place she loves but definitely shouldn't be on.

“I have enough self awareness to know she's right but not enough to not be dumb about this.”

“It's fine. You’ll figure it out,”Thomas shrugged.

“I can't gradually talk to her without making it obvious though.”

“You could just die? And when you come back to life she’ll say she loves you all along.”

“How do I come back to life though? And how long would I have to be dead for that work? Probably too long for me to be able to come back to life.”

“If it is too late I’ll make sure you have the nicest casket ever.”

Sighing, I stared at the mix of unstable and sane people in front of me, all very weird in their own ways. I have no idea where I fall on this scale. Probably below Teresa but above Minho.

“Thanks, Thomas. I appreciate it.”

“Anytime, buddy.”

It's good to know that if I die, I’ll have a nice funeral. Especially since I’m just a few more almost interactions away from dying of shame.

Chapter 142: Cat Person

Summary:

-AU
-Fluff

Aris’s P.O.V

I don't know her, but I watch her from my window every day. Not in a creepy way or anything. I’m just naturally intrigued by if she’ll ever complete her mission.

My cat, Whiskers, likes new people about as much as me. Not at all. So I wasn't the least bit surprised when he didn't come to her the first time she sat by my driveway and called for, in her own words, “the precious, precious kitty kitty.” When he inevitably ignored her and she left a few minutes later I assumed that would be the end of it.

Nope. She was back on the sidewalk the next day, with her arms outreached as she kept calling for him. He most likely just gave her a blank stare. 

While it would be nice to tell her that he’s not a people lover, I wanted to see how far she would take this. Besides, it was summer so I’m stuck in this house, all alone, for most of three months. My friends are on vacations and stuff like that, my parents are on business trips and whatever else they do, and I am not going to find social events. So I’ll just watch the girl from my window trying to make my cat love her.

“You could just go up to her, you know? She’d probably pet you for however long you wanted,”I sighed, scratching Whisker’s head as I sat on my windowsill and looked at the night sky. Feeling his stare, I glanced down to see his judgemental gaze.

“Don't look at me like that. You're the one she wants. Not me,”I reminded him. Still keeping that same expression, I could just feel him calling me a hypocrite. “You’re lucky someone wants you. Besides, she's really pretty. I see why that would make me nervous, but what’s your excuse?”I pointed out. Just staring at me blankly, he blinked and turned on his selective hearing. “Seriously? Just let her pet you. She's been so dedicated. For heaven's sake, she bought cat treats and reads to you. What more could you want?”I pointed out. Tired of my speech, he jumped out of my arms to go do whatever mysterious cat activities I wasn't allowed to see. Then, he would run around at 3am, because to him if I’m asleep I may as well be dead. He's just literally the definition of sleep is for the weak.

Leaving my curtains cracked, I made sure that there would be just enough sunlight to wake me up before crawling under my covers. Pulling them up to my chin, I dozed off while thinking about the odd girl my cat didn't want to meet for some reason.

Still, my cat’s gotten more human interaction than me this summer. Love that for me. 

♡ Time Skip♡

As always, I watched her from my window. This time she wasn't really doing anything. She just had some headphones while sketching something. I wonder what it was. My cat? A past sketch? My porch? 

I mean I could always go down and ask her. At the same time though, I’d rather not be judged by the pretty girl waiting for my cat.

Letting out a half hearted sigh, I kept my seat on the windowsill and fiddled with my earbuds cords, wrapping them between my fingers over and over. Fully immersing myself in the useless activity, I didn't notice him staring at me. Not until I glanced down for a moment.

“Aren't you supposed to be outside?”I reminded him. Cocking his head to the side, he just kept his gaze. “Do you want to go outside?”I offered. Standing up, he nudged my leg so I would do the same. Patting his head, I decided that means yes as I held him in my arms while feeling the vibration of his purrs. Repeatedly stroking him, I pulled him closer before coming to my front door. Setting him by his cracked window, I waited for him to hop out.

Instead, he wore that same blank stare before jumping down again. Rubbing his head against the door, he kept waiting for me to open it.

“Come on, Whisker’s. Don't do this to me,”I begged. Headbutting my leg, he silently repeated his demand. “I can't talk to her. If you want to see her then you can go on your own,”I said firmly. Ignoring that, he just started clawing my legs, probably tearing up my pajamas some more. “Fine, fine. I’ll let you out, you spoiled, spoiled cat,”I gave in, scooping him up and opening my door. As I tried to set him down and leave I heard the girl greet me from the bottom of the driveway.

Glaring at my cat, I asked why he hates me. He just kept that same blank stare, but I just know it was smug.

Raising my head, I waved to the girl while looking at her from somewhere besides a second story window for the first time.

“Uh, hi,”I greeted back. Pulling her hair out of her face, she stuck her pencil behind her ear as she smiled at me, her sketchbook in her lap and usual cat treats by her side.

“It's nice to meet the guy whose cat I’ve been trying to get to love me.”

“He's not a people lover,”I explained, glancing at the ground as silence filled the air. All the while, I went over how awkward this was in my mind.

“Do you want to come inside?”I asked, the heat already getting to me. She’s seriously just been out here in this? For over a month now?

“Sure,”She shrugged, standing up. Slipping the book and treats in the front of her denim overalls, she brushed them out for a moment, her hair pulled out of her face, tennis shoes perfectly tied, and yellow shirt that seemed to match her personality. The exact opposite of me in every way. Messy hair that I hadn't bothered to do anything with since I woke up, the same pajamas I’ve had since the end of middle school now complete with plenty of tears in the faded blue pants, and white socks. 

Opening my door wider, I let her in, trying not to think about the way this breaks every rule of protecting yourself against stranger danger while wondering if she was thinking about that too. 

Plopping himself on the porch, Whiskers still wouldn't just let the girl pet him as he got comfortable. Rolling my eyes at his sass, I shut the door only to realize just how dark it seemed to be. I think I come down here maybe two times a day for food, to let my suddenly stupid cat in, or something so I never really think about it.

“You never have cars in your driveway,”She stated, looking back at me.

“Nobody but me is ever home.”

“Oh. That's sad.”

The statement wasn't cruel. Just honest. It was indeed pretty depressing the way I was spending my time.

“Yeah. It is,”I agreed. 

“You don't have any siblings?”

“None that I’m aware of.”

She gave a small grin at my deadpan joke before following me in the kitchen. Seeming perfectly at home, as though she belonged here, as though she knew my soul, she took a seat at the table, her sketchbook already out and pencil back on the page.

“What are you drawing?”I asked, sitting beside her.

“You,”She shrugged, showing me her sketch of me sitting by my window.

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

“I didn't know you could do see me.”

“It's fine. Besides, you're a lovely canvas. Your features make great art.”

Since I’ve been alive, I don't think I've ever heard anything like that about myself. I certainly doubt I’ve ever been compared to art before, to something not just worth looking at, but creating. 

“I’m Aris.”

“It's nice to know the boy in the window has a name. I’m Y/N.”

“It's nice to know the girl on my driveway has a name too.”

“And the reason for this meeting? What's your cat's name?”

“Whisker's.”

“Hm. Straight to the point. I like it.”

“Yeah. He’ll get used to you the longer you're here,”I absentmindedly promised.

“Are you saying I’ll be spending a lot of time here?”She clarified, looking at me with an expression I couldn't quite read.

“That depends on if you want to spend time here.”

“Can I wear my pajamas when I’m here?”

“I don't see why not.”

“Then, yeah. I don't see any reason not to.”

I like summer. I like summer a lot.

Chapter 143: Overworked

Summary:

-Fluff

I’m going to pass out at any second now. I’m sleep deprived, overworked, and losing my sanity. There's so much that WICKED keeps throwing at me that has to get done before a deadline. It's not optional. Nothing is optional with them.

“I really don't think more caffeine is the solution to this,”Aris sighed. Nevertheless, he set my mug on the table beside me.

“Have to get this done,”I mumbled, my eyes scanning over Minho’s file before burning. I rubbed them at the irritating feeling before letting out a groan.

“Y/N, you need some sleep. You can look at it more in the morning,”He pushed.

“I can't just go to sleep. This has to,”I trailed off, covering my mouth as I yawned before shaking my head. “This has to get done.”

“I know that, but you need your rest,”He said gently, placing a soft hand on my back as he stood beside me.

“I can't sleep right now. There's just all these people counting on me to get it done, and I have to do it right. I can't just keep them waiting,”I sighed, my words a little slurred. I shook my head again before wincing at the headache.

“You're making yourself sick. Come on. We'll get you to bed, and tomorrow, first thing in the morning, I’ll work through this with you.”

“But I-”
“No but's. Come on. It's way past your bedtime,”He urged, taking my hand as he stood up.

“But this is-”
“No no no no. You are going to get a nice sleep without worrying about work until the morning. Got that?”He asked (ordered), tugging me out of the room. He stopped for a moment as he stood in the hall, looking back at me expectantly.

“Yeah. Got that,”I sighed.

“Good. Glad we're on the same page.”

“Against my will,”I mumbled.

“That's okay. You’ll thank me later.”

“Prick.”

“I heard that.”

“You were supposed to.”

Chapter 144: The Good Side

Summary:

-Hurt/comfort

“Hey, lovely. You still mad?”

“I’m pissed,”I said simply, my voice admittedly bitter despite his soft tone.

“You can't just be mad forever,”He tried to reason, gently rubbing his thumb over my knuckles as he looked at me, pleading with me to realize that.

“Yes I can. Who does Harriet think she is?”

“The leader of the Spring.”

“That doesn't mean she can tell me what to do.”

“I hate to tell you this, but it actually does.”

“I’m literally fine. I don't have to be stuck here.”

“Y/N, you're in the Medhut with a very twisted ankle. Don't you think this is exactly where you should be?”He suggested.

“No. I need to be out there with the other Skaters,”I said firmly.

“Hey. So you can't even walk right now. I really don't think that’d be the best idea.”

“I’d be good enough,”I insisted.

“Your entire foot is actually bandaged up right now. I don't think any amount of talent would be good enough.”

He was in fact right about that. I couldn't even wear shoes with how much they used. I had to settle for socks in an ice prison.

“I don't wanna be here,”I groaned.

“I can tell. Look, I am very sorry that you can't skate in the super dangerous Maze with flying monsters and certain death if you get trapped. I’m truly devastated you can’t risk dying everyday for a while.”

“So am I.”

“But maybe we think about the fact that the more you just rest the sooner you’ll get to be back in the super scary Maze almost nobody wants to go into?”

“I wanna go now.”

“I know, lovely. I know,”He nodded, lightly patting my head.

“I don't wanna be here.”

“I know, I know. When they let you go in your bed though, I'll sleep beside you? Doesn't that sound like a good idea?”

“You already always sleep beside me,”I pointed out.

“You can have the side closest to the wall.”

“Really?”

“If it'll make you stop trying to convince yourself you can skate right now, really.”

“Okay. I can live with that,”I nodded, using my free hand to sit up as I found myself smiling.

“Good.”

“Lunch was over ten minutes ago. You have to leave,”Jen called from the other side of the room.

“I’ll see you later,”He promised, kissing the back of my hand before heading back to the gardens.

“I get the wall side!”I repeated as he left.

“Yes! You get the wall side!”

Maybe this doesn't completely suck. I mean I’m still not totally happy about it, but I get the good side.

Chapter 145: Aftermath

Summary:

-AU
-Fluff
-Hurt/comfort

I love him. I love my incredibly awkward boy so much.

He’s can be a mess though. Not on purpose but the way he acts when he's uncomfortable around people is just not good to say the least.

With a sigh, I checked the water and Advil by the bedside hadn't vanished overnight. When they were all there, I found a rubber band to fix my hair for the day.

Standing in front of my vanity, I tried to decide what would look best but take the least amount of effort in the dim room only to hear a groan.

“Hey there. How you feeling?”I asked gently, giving up on that for now as I sat beside him. Opening his eyes, when he saw he was in my bed his already pale face seemed practically transparent.

“No. You did not do anything life changing or memorable while you were barely conscious and definitely not going to remember it,”I promised, already knowing what he thought. When his face got a little color back, it was clear I was right. “You still smell and probably taste like homemade moonshine though.”

“What happened?”He grumbled, slowly sitting up and looking at me.

“You’re a dumbass who tried to self medicate your social anxiety with alcohol. While already being on anxiety meds too,”I answered, lightly running my fingers through his hair.

“Did it work?”He asked hopefully.

“No. You silently stood in the corner and stared at the floor until I managed to find you. I had to drag you out before you forgot how to breathe,”I sighed.

“Damnit. I thought it would work.”

“I know. The medicine bottle you see everyday also tells you it won't do anything but screw you up more so I’m not sure why.”

“Did you just take me home after? Or to your home?”He asked, clearly not wanting to talk about it.

“No. I got you a happy meal, you threw up in their trashcan, and when I took you to sit on the curb for fresh air you cried because you saw a duck. You said something about them not getting to live forever and also them being evil.”

“No,”He groaned.

“It's okay. I was the only one you have to see who knows that part,”I promised.

“I’m gonna go throw up again,”He mumbled.

“Okay. You have water and Advil on the bedside, your extra medicine, proper medicine, is in my cabinet, and I’ll go find you something you can keep down.”

“Sorry,”He mumbled.

“It's okay. I just wouldn't try that again if I were you.”

“I won't. Probably.”

“You're gonna have to tell your psych. That's gonna be a really uncomfortable conversation,”I pointed out.

“Damnit.”

“Yeah. Just try and remember that next time,”I suggested.

“I’m sorry, thank you, I love you, and I’m gonna go throw up,”He listed.

“Okay. Your toothbrush is in my drawer,”I told him as he stood up.

“Which one?”He checked as he opened the bathroom door.

“The blue one.”

With another groan, he just shut the door. Leaving him be for now, I went to see if I still had pizza in my fridge. And a movie and blanket. Something tells me he's really gonna need it.

Chapter 146: Why Him?

Summary:

-Light fluff

“The hands that cradled your face and tilted it upwards to kiss your forehead are soaked in unfathomable amounts of blood.”

“But they cradled me, yes?”

I already know everything about what he did. I know about the betrayal with Thomas. I mean I was there so I would hope so. I know about him working for WICKED. I know about him having all his memories from this place (though nobody else does and ever will). 

I know about the whispers. I know about the things people say even years later. I know about the resentment so many hold towards him. 

I have never felt that way, and I never will. Nobody will ever see him the way I do. He wakes me up so gently, as though he wants nothing more than to lay in bed with me. He kisses me with pure love, not an ounce of plain lust in him. His kisses are slow and sweet, like he wants to savor every moment. His lips have touched my forehead more times than I could count. His hands seem to always find their way to mine without either of us looking. His hugs are comforting, my place where the world is safe and only us. His voice is the one I recognize the most and could listen to forever.

They’ll never know him the way I do. How soft he truly is. After their judgements and how long they’ve lasted, I don't think they deserve to. 

“I just don't get it. Out of all the people here, you chose him?”the girl with the worst opinion of him sighed, wiping her hands on her jeans before resting her chin on them.

“Yes. He was the right choice.”

“I could understand that in the Spring and even in the Scorch, but you're in the Safe Haven now. There are plenty of guys to pick from. Why did it have to be him?”

“I love him,”I said simply.

“He was a huge part in our torture, including yours. He’s a huge reason why our friends are dead. He’s done horrific things. How could you love him?”

“Because I do. My heart yearns for him, and they say you should follow your heart. I have, and in every life they lead to him.”

“In every life, he’s still a traitor,”She mumbled.

“Maybe so. And in every life that won't make me his and him mine any less.”

“Come on, Y/N. There's Minho, Gally, Fry, so many other guys. You could love any of them. Why couldn't you have picked them?”

“Because they aren't Aris.”

“Exactly. They haven't betrayed anyone. They haven't hurt people like he did.”

“Yes. And they weren't isolated like he was. They didn't spend their years in a classroom being forced to fit a mold they couldn't even see like he did. They didn't get insulted for not knowing an answer to trick questions like he did. They didn't grow up without any friends, love, or a person whose intentions were pure, like he did.”

“He’s just-he’s done vile, vile things.”

“I know.”

“So why him? Why be with someone who was capable of causing so much pain?”

“Why talk to someone who doesn't understand that he deserved better too?”I pointed out.

“I care about you. I don't want to end up hurt because of him. What if changed his mind about this place and wants to betray us?”

“Then, he’ll try and betray us,”I shrugged.

“Y/N, why be with someone who has caused so many people pain? Who’s caused you pain? Why be with someone who did things so terrible and inhumane none of us could even imagine them? He can never take back anything he’s done. He can never fix it.”

“He can't take it back. He can't take back anything he’s done. He can do new things though. He does do new things. One thing he’s always done, that's never changed, is how he loves me so deeply.”

Glancing around, when I finally saw my Aris sitting a few feet away from me, his legs out as he looked at the beach, I stood up. Without a word or a care of what anyone thought, I walked over to the one who has caused so much pain yet given me his entire heart.

Chapter 147: Passive

Summary:

-Hurt/comfort

I’m hiding it pretty well. All of it. I don't think he has any idea about the nightmares or the things people have been saying to me or how stressed all the extra work actually made me. I’m a Keeper so that's part of the job. I have to accept that people are going to complain about me and nothing I do will ever be good enough.

I'm the most passive Keeper there is. I try to work things out without involving anyone, but that doesn't seem to be working.

It's fine though. I’m totally chill with it all.

I’ve hated this the most from the start. Having to banish someone. I’m helping kill an already dying human. Someone's friend or maybe even mine.

It haunts me. The faces they’ll make, the screams, all of it. It haunts me, and because it's known I’m the only Keeper who won't do something about it, if it's someone's well liked the frustration gets taken out on me. Small things. Whispering loud enough for me to hear about how I’m a killer, spouting insults under their breath as they walk past, tripping me, bumping into my side hard enough to leave bruises, and a few other things. I even had a Slicer cut me with her knife once.

I had to do it again. At the end of the day, I had to push someone into the Maze, where they would never leave.

I’ll go through it all over again tomorrow. I’ll be reminded of the painful memory every second. After inevitably having a nightmare about it. They happen for about a week after, which means a week of telling Aris I have to sleep in my own room since I’m not feeling well. Even if it does get difficult since he promises he'll just cuddle and take care of me.

The insults started early today. I got called a heartless monster when I was walking home to tell Aris the same excuse as always. That's totally fine and does not get under my skin at all. There is no reason to react.

With a very heavy sigh, I just walked into his place, prepared for the usual lie.

“Hey. How was your day?”He greeted.

“It was alright. I’m just-”
“Not feeling well,”He finished.

“Yeah. Not feeling well.”

It's not even a lie actually. I am genuinely exhausted. Life feels so much more horrible than it should despite already being rough. I just want to sleep forever at this point.

He didn't say anything as he stood off his cot. Walking the two feet to me, he tightly wrapped his arms around me, keeping me close and resting his head on my shoulder. Giving in, I loosely hugged back, shutting my eyes as I took in his soft touch.

“I love you,”He whispered against my neck, rocking me back and forth while standing.

“I love you too,”I mumbled.

Keeping me in his embrace, he rubbed my back. Sighing, I wondered why all of life couldn't feel like this.

Pulling away, he placed his hands on my shoulders as he looked at me, his eyes full of concern in a way that made my stomach turn.

“When’s the last time anything was okay?”He asked softly.

Losing the ability to speak, barely having energy to react, much less think of an answer or lie, I pulled him closer, burying my face in his chest as I gripped the back of his shirt. Letting the tears fall, I silently cried in his arms as he hummed to me, rubbing circles on my back.

“I love you. No matter what, that'll never change. I promise.”

“I’m tired, Aris,”I admitted through shaky breaths.

“I know. I know you are.”

“Life sucks.”

“I know it does.”

Shutting my eyes, I let myself go as limp as I could while standing, every part of me seeming to drain at once.

“Let's go to sleep. We can talk about it in the morning. Does that sound okay?”

“Mhm,”I answered, still not making the effort to move yet.

“You want me to hold you like this a little younger?”

“Please?”

“Okay. Whatever you need, Y/N. Whatever you need.”

Chapter 148: Faker

Summary:

-Fluff

Aris’s P.O.V

I wasn't truly bothered by what the girls in the Spring did anymore. As long as they weren't trying to kill me, and they aren't. Just glares, passive aggressive comments, and death threats. All of those though, meant nothing to me anymore. 

I could tell Y/N that. I probably should have, but I kind of like the way she sticks up for me. It's just that I really like her so when she defends me it makes my heart flutter a little bit. So I don't say anything at all about it. 

Now I know that I really, really, really should have. Because apparently her defending me includes when nobody's around. When nobody's around she can get punched in the jaw with nobody seeing. When nobody's around she could end up knocked out cold for who knows how long. 

We already knew who did it. Seeing as Beth was bruised and bloodied up it was obvious that she fought back. She also literally bragged about every single part. So, just like that, she was in the slammer, hopefully forever.

Knowing who hurt her didn't make it better though. It didn't put her in any less pain.

“I’m sorry,”I apologized again, holding her hand as I sat beside her bedside. Running my thumb over her knuckles, I just kept my frown before kissing her fingertips, saying another apology as I did. 

As I put her hand back by her side but still in mine I felt her grip tighten before she groaned and opened her eyes.

“Y/N?”I said louder than intended.

“What happened?”She mumbled, wincing as she sat up.

“You got in a fight,”I vaguely stated, as I grabbed a new ice pack for her face. 

“Ohhh,”She drew out, clearly remembering it.

“Y/N, I’m really sorry,”I whispered, sitting back beside her.

“You didn't do anything wrong,”She shrugged.

“I mean I did. I just know that you were sticking up for me, but you didn't have to. You never had to,”I tried to get out.

“Why wouldn't I stick up for you?”

“Because you didn't have to. I just-I really-it’s complicated, but, you know?”I rushed out. Seeing her dumbfounded look, it was clear that she did not know. I mean I don't even know what the hell that was.

“What they said never bothered me. I just kind of liked it when you stuck up for me, because you're you. You're you, and you were standing up for me, and that made me feel really special,”I quietly admitted, “I really, really like you so it made me happy when you did. I just didn't think anything would get physical, and I’m sorry that I did.”

For a minute we stayed silent. Taking a breath, I just looked at her, the ice pack now by her bedside as she gazed at me with a smile.

“Y/N?”

“That's really cute. A little odd but still adorable.”

“What?”

“Yeah. It's just really sweet that what I say means that much to you,”She shrugged, now sitting on the bed as she kept her eyes on me.

“Oh,”I mumbled, feeling my face heat up.

“And just so you know, in case it wasn't obvious during this entire interaction, I really like you too.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Really,”She nodded, giving a soft laugh.

“So you wouldn't mind if I kissed you?”I dared to ask.

“That depends.”

“Depends on what?”

“On if you’d mind if I showed you my favorite spot tonight,”She shrugged again.

“Like a date?”

“Do you want it to be a date?”

“I’d actually prefer it.”

“Then, you can kiss me anytime you want.”

Chapter 149: Flirting

Summary:

-Fluff

If I have to see one more second of this I’ll actually kill myself. I get it. Aris “doesn't have his memories” so he can't know about his girlfriend, me. And yes. He so very clearly does not want anybody to flirt with him, but I want to pull my hair out whenever it happens.

“Just another week or two, and you’ll see him again. I know it feels like forever, but it won't be,”Teresa spoke, lightly patting my back.

“I know. I just hate it. I've never had to be,”I trailed off.

“Jealous?”She finished for me.

“Yeah. Jealous,”I sighed.

“Well, you can talk him in just a few hours when we head to bed. I’m sure he’ll tell you all about how much he misses you,”She kind of teased, though her words were definitely truthful.

“Yep. Glad to know telekinesis wasn't completely useless,”I shrugged.

“It wasn't useless at all.”

“It is when I can't even use it during the day so I don't catch him off guard. Stupid Chancellor and her dumb rules.”

“Don't let her hear you say that.”

“I know, I know. I’ll make sure she doesn't,”I sighed.

“Good. Now we have to get back to watching the Mazes.”

Sighing again, I rested my chin on my hand as I gazed at the screen, Aris being the only thing I could focus on. His sweet face, and dark hair, and olive skin, and gentle eyes. All of him.

“The entire Maze. Not just him,”Thomas said from the other side of the room. Letting out a pathetic groan, I glared at the ceiling before reluctantly pulling my attention away from him.

♡ Time Skip⁠♡

I was not going to sleep. I refuse to even shut my eyes until I talk to him. I have to stay awake and finally have a conversation with my love. If not, I’ll actually go insane.

Hey. Are you awake?

I could sense the hint of worry in his voice, but I didn't question it for now. I’m sure I would learn what it was about when he spoke.

Yeah. I was waiting for you.

You could have reached out.

I didn't know if you were sleeping.

Then, you just wake me up.

No. I don't want to do that. 

You're ridiculous sometimes. 

I could just hear in the tone that he was rolling his eyes, not understanding why I possibly wouldn't want to keep him awake. 

How’s it going in there?

Not the worst. It’d be better if it had you. 

One week in a Maze and you already miss me?

I missed you on day one.

Turning on my side, I couldn't help but smile as I pulled the blankets closer to my body, just relieved this was almost over. 

I miss you too. It drives me crazy to just watch you through a screen.

It's not forever though. When I see you again I’ll hug you as tightly as possible and never let go.

Yeah. It’ll be nice.

Yeah. I just wish the week would hurry up already. It feels like forever. 

That's not even an exaggeration. I just want to see you already. Hold you tight, and kiss you, and stare at you.

Soon. I promise.

I know. In a week, you're all mine.

I’m all yours right now though. Just because I can't be right next to you doesn't mean I love you any less.

No?

Not at all. You'll always be my entire world.

I really don't have anything to worry about. Even though the flirting drives me up the wall, it will always be one sided. That's just a fact of life.

Chapter 150: Afraid

Summary:

-Slight hurt/comfort

Aris could without a doubt say he had never felt a fear like this before. He didn't need his memories to be aware of that.

It was cold, with snow falling on top of his head no matter where he tried to hide in the jail. Everywhere around him was pitch black, the stars barely enough to let him see his own hands from where he was. The constant sounds of the Maze moving and Shades screeching sent goosebumps up his arm.

Hiding in the very corner, his nails dug into the harsh dirt as he stared at the sky. He had stopped trying to warm himself long ago, accepting that the shirt that barely went past his elbows and plain pants were all he had for the winter weather. He didn't know it, but his pale face was turning bright red as he shivered, his teeth chattering. His stomach burned with hunger, along with hatred for the way Beth had both managed to dump his food to the goats when nobody was looking and convince people this was where he had to be until he could be trusted. Being far too passive to try and tell anyone and afraid of being called a liar or causing problems, he kept his mouth shut.

You hadn't bothered to hide your irritation from your roommate, but that didn't stop her from going on and on about the boy. She had prying for what you thought about him and even asked if you thought he was cute to see if she could get a proper response. Throughout the entire interrogation, you gave vague replies until she grew bored of your nonanswers.

Laying there in the dark, you had waited for her to start snoring. While that seemed to take forever too, when it happened you walked out, bread and canteen in your hand as your blanket was wrapped around your shoulders.

He didn't let himself cry. In fact, he had probably run out of tears a few hours ago so he doubted he could. He just sat there, observing his breath in front of him as questions ran through his mind. Leaning against the wall, he didn't even flinch when there was another sound echoing through the air. A sound so loud he couldn't hear your footsteps crunching in the snow. You being barefoot didn't help that factor, something you regretted as your socks began to get soaked.

Still, you kept walking until you were in front of him, your shadowy outline the only thing visible.

Staying completely still, he squinted his eyes until he could make out some of your features. Barely enough to recognize you as the girl that hadn't spoken during the meeting.

“I can't let you out. It would only land me beside you,”You spoke, sitting down. Not knowing what to say, he chose nothing at all. With the Maze seeming to understand it was time to let you both have some kind of conversation, even if it ended up being onesided, it too stopped.

“I have this for you,”You told him, leaning down and handing him the food through the bars. Even with you not being able to make out much, you noticed his eyes widen in surprise at the kind gesture.

He knew it could be some kind of trap. That maybe you were on the side against him.

He also knew he was starving.

With great caution, he reached up, preparing to take the bread from your hand. When you didn't pull away or do something else tauntingly cruel, he accepted it.

“This too,”You said, grabbing your water and doing the same. At a slightly faster yet still hesitant pace, he accepted that as well, keeping them both close to him.

“It's going to be okay. I don't know how, but we’ll get it figured out. You’ll be out with us and trusted soon enough. Do you understand?”

Still looking at you with those big blue eyes that reminded you of ice reflecting with the sun, he nodded.

“I’ve got your back. For anything,”You promised.

He didn't speak, and you didn't ask him to. You both just gazed at the other, knowing that your words held just as much weight as your voice held truth.

“I’ll get you a jacket tomorrow. You should be a small,”You said, slipping your blanket through the bars. Putting what you had given him to the side, he grabbed the soft fabric that you had placed on the bars, wrapping it around his entire body as he pulled his knees to his chest. With that being the first warmth he had felt since he arrived, he found himself burying himself in it, putting it over his head and to his cheeks, his eyes gradually returning to their normal size.

“Goodnight, Aris. I’ll see you tomorrow,”You assured him, getting to your feet and brushing the snow from your pants as you turned around to leave.

“Thank you.”

He spoke in barely a whisper, his tone seeming just as soft. It was as timid as the rest of him, a little shaky and strained. There was uncertainty in it, as if the wrong thing would get him sent to his death no matter who he was speaking to.

You held in a sigh of sympathy, not understanding how people could be so cruel sometimes. Even if it was partly due to fear and partly because of Beth’s far too convincing and unofficial leadership, you didn't see how others didn't realize he was just as scared as all of you were.

“You don't have to thank me.”

Walking off, when you were sure he wouldn't notice you rubbed your hands together, knowing that your sleep would be interrupted by cold.

You could tell he needed it more, and that was more than to make it worth it.

Chapter 151: Settling

Summary:

-Angst

Aris’s P.O.V

I would never mean to hurt her. At the end of the day, I do love her. I have fallen for her. From skipping stones over the lake, to staying up all night to talk, to saving each other in the Scorch, there was this bond that nobody else could understand.

For some reason, it just hit me. As I woke up to her beside me, resting her head on my neck while asleep, I realized something. 

I had been so distracted by how she's my entire world that I hadn't realized what's in the back of my mind.

Rachel.

I was still wondering what life would be like with Rachel. I would still think about what it would be like to wake up beside her, to hold her, to be in love with her forever. 

That's not fair. Just yesterday we were talking about having a family. I can't be thinking about that while thinking of Rachel. 

It was the truth though. At the end of the day, I had found someone who I loved just enough to be happy with.

Carefully pushing her away, I looked at her sleeping figure, the peacefulness of the way life was finally a dream.

Ignoring the pang of hurt in my chest, I walked down the hall. As if on autopilot, I sat down at the kitchen table, staring at the closed window as I regretted everything. Not her. I could never regret Y/N. I do love her. I do care for her.

It's just not the way it should be, the way she deserves.

“Aris? You okay?”a voice that I still loved asked, putting her hand on my shoulder. Not knowing what to say, I laid my head on the table as everything I didn't want to feel, everything I pushed down, flooded through me. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”She offered, pulling out the chair next to me and taking a seat. Putting what was always a comforting hand on my knee, I could feel her loving gaze and smile. Until it became too much for her to even glance at me, I raised my head, wiping my tears as I did. 

“I’m so sorry,”I promised.

“Whatever it is, it's okay. We’ll figure it out.”

“No. No, it's not okay.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry,”I repeated.

“It's okay. Just take a breath and tell me what's going on.”

“I do love you. That's why I can't keep doing this to you. That's why I can't hurt you.”

“Hurt me? What could you ever do to hurt me?”

“You are good enough. You're perfect, but I screwed up. I really, really screwed up,”I uttered, wiping my eyes as more tears fell.

“It's okay. Just tell me, and I’ll help with whatever it was.”

“I’m still in love with Rachel. I love you, but I love her too. I love her just a little more, and I didn't know. I’m sorry. I love you, and I’m sorry I did this,”I blurted out, not looking at her as the guilt pressed on my shoulders. Ten years. Ten wonderful years, for what? For this?

“I-I know that. I’ve always known that.”

“What?”I asked in disbelief. Looking up, I saw her wearing this bittersweet smile despite everything. 

“I knew you were settling. I just thought you did too.”

“Why would you want that? Why would you be okay with that?”

“Because I got to have you. It’s just I thought I’d always have you.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for doing this to you.”

“It’s okay. Grief does weird things to us. It's another reason I stayed.”

“What?”

“Yeah. I loved you, I mean I still do. I love you, and I had already lost so many people. I just didn't want to mourn someone else, alive or not.”

“I’m sorry,”I repeated, not knowing what else to say.

“It's okay.”

“No. It's not.”

“Aris, this is just how life is. Sometimes you love someone just a little more than they love you. There's nothing you can do about it. You can't control how you feel,”She said, her voice so soft yet so full of pain.

“If I could, I would only think of you.”

“No you wouldn't. You would have made sure to love nobody but Rachel.”

“You're the only one I want who I can actually have. You’ve been my everything. You still are.”

“Look at me,”She whispered, pressing a palm to my cheek. Staring at her eyes that were still so full of life yet heartbreak, I had never felt this terrible before. “You didn't mean to, but you did. You settled.”

“No,”I denied.

“You did. You settled for me. You just didn't know, but you do now. And now that I know you know, you know what comes next.”

“I don't want to leave. I can fix it. For you, I can fix it. I'd do anything for you.”

“I know you would try, but this isn't something you can fix. So let me help us both. Let me walk away until it's too late. I don't want to die with someone who wants someone else. I don't want to be like that anymore. I can't.”

“I’ll be better,”I repeated.

“You're already great. You're the perfect lover, but there’s so much more than that. This is complicated. This is so painful. I know, but if we stay together, soon we won't even be able to look at each other. I don't want to kiss you when you're thinking of someone else. This is for both of us.”

“If it means anything, I’ve never thought of anyone else when I’ve kissed you,”I whispered, meaning it more than any other word that had been said during this.

“Oh Aris,”She sighed, leaning closer to me. Putting her hand behind my neck, she brushed her lips against mine, so lightly it was almost unreal. She was always a slow and gentle kisser. No matter what, there was never anything less than love. I love her too. I love her, I love her, I love her. I love her, and I want that to be enough.

Why can't it be enough?

“Even if you're not thinking of her, you're not just thinking of me. You're not just thinking that you love me. There's so much more in your mind,”She whispered against my lips, pulling away but keeping her hands on my shoulders. 

“I love you, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry, and I love you,”I swore, hoping she knew they were both equally important and true. 

“I love you, and you’ll be okay. You’ll be okay, and I love you.”

“Now what? What happens next?”

“You go to work. You're hurt and thinking you made the wrong decision. You didn't, but you love me so you don't really know. You don't talk to anyone. You think of me, but you also think of Rachel. You blame yourself. While you do, I stay here. I pack all my stuff up. I put it in the living room, every now and then sitting on the couch to cry. I regret letting this go on for so long. Then, I go back to packing. When I’m done you’ll come home. We’ll eat next to each other in silence. It's going to be really, really painful. When we go to sleep, you’ll take the bed since my stuff is out here. I’ll sleep on the couch. Tomorrow, you’ll completely regret this completely right decision. When you go home to tell me, I’ll have left. My stuff will be gone, and you’ll cry. You’ll sit on the spot I did and blame yourself. I’ll be somewhere else, and I won't. We’ll avoid each other for a few months before somehow reconnecting. You’ll say we can just be friends. I’ll remind you that you know we can't, and we'll be a little more than strangers. That is how this story ends.”

“That's an awful ending.”

“Yes. It is,”She nodded.

“But it’s true. I hate it, you hate it, but it's true.”

“Yes. It is.”

“I’m sorry. I wish all I wanted was you.”

“All I’ll ever want is you. I can't have you though. So I’ll see you around,”She nodded, pulling her arms away from me. 

“Yeah. I’ll see you around,”I accepted.

But neither of us moved. For just a little while longer, we stayed in the bubble we had spent so long making.

The one that I just popped.

Chapter 152: Morning Cuddles

Summary:

-Fluff

I don't know why he’s so damn stubborn all the time. Looks are definitely deceiving because he appeared so passive and quiet when he first came up, but when you get to know him and he likes you he's a bunch of chaos in the form of a boy who never stops talking. He also observes absolutely everything. He's like a sponge for social information.

He is everything but what he first seemed.

That means he likes me though. I mean I would hope so considering we're together, but the point is I know a lot about him. And his stubbornness. And his rants. And his passions. And his clinginess.

“Aris-”
“Five more minutes,”He mumbled, his face cuddled in the crook of my neck and arms wrapped around me.

“You said that ten minutes ago.”

“Nu uh,”He denied.

“I haven't even gotten dressed yet.”

“Okay? You're pretty like this anyway,”He insisted, grabbing one of my hands to hold.

“We're gonna be late for work.”

“No we won't.”

“We're literally about to miss breakfast.”

“Nu uh.”

“We have to get up.”

“It’s cold not in the cot though,”He complained, curling his legs to his chest and himself closer to my side.

“We live in ice and snow. The sooner we get up the sooner we adjust to it.”

“No.”

“Aris-”
“I love you,”He said simply, his voice still quiet and almost slurred. He sounds like that every morning no matter how much sleep he got.

“I love you too-”
“So you’ll stay with me,”He sighed, his free hand patting my head before grabbing mine.

“It's time to go-”
“No,”He said simply.

“Aris-”
Before I could get another word out he softly yet repeatedly kissed my shoulder, his lips cold on my skin.

“We have to get up now.”

“No thanks.”

“Come on. We’re getting up,”I said firmly, pulling the blankets off and grabbing them before he could reach for them, balling them up under my arm.

“No,”He repeated, pulling his hood over his head.

“Come on. You’ve got things to plant today. Holes to dig and whatever you do,”I sighed, grabbing him by his shoulders and dragging him out of bed.

“No,”He complained, covering his face with his hands as I carefully dropped him on the floor.

“Yes. Go do your garden work,”I sighed, slipping out of my thinner jacket for the one that would keep me warm without a blanket.

“It's boring.”

“So are you. Get up.”

With a purposely audible huff, he stood up, his arms crossed. Rolling my eyes, I found my boots.

“I’ll see you later. I’ll save you a seat by me at lunch,”I promised, holding one of his cheeks while I kissed the other. Before he could take advantage of it and try to trap me in his arms, I quickly pulled away.

“I love you,”He called as I walked out the door.

“I love you too, you clingy idiot.”

Chapter 153: Bad For Me (Part 1)

Summary:

-Angst

Aris’s P.O.V

Y/N and I have a sort of difficult sort of natural friendship. Natural because we just seem to click. It's like I could just look at her, and she would know what I was thinking, and vice versa. I mean she could just glance at me and know exactly what I was feeling, and I swear that I could do the same.

Difficult because she works for WCKD, and I don't. I hate them with a passion, but I just can't see her as them. I mean I did at first, when I was just supposed to be helping her study so she wouldn't tell on me for being inside of the vents. What was supposed to be blackmail though, turned into a friendship I wouldn't trade for anything the world has to offer. 

Complex. Her and I are complex. I just know if we saw this from someone else's point of view, it would be off-putting.

It's us though. It's us so it makes sense.

Now I spend so much time with her, I may as well see her bed more than my own. Even if it was just reading in silence or talking until we couldn't keep our eyes open, these nights were something that meant so much to both of us.

Somehow, I found myself admiring her, looking up to her, and falling in love with her. I just don't see her as WCKD. I see her as her. I see her as Y/N.

Every single time I’m next to her, I push all of those feelings down. I keep myself in denial. Even now, as I'm just gazing at her like she's the only person to exist, I keep lying to myself and saying it's nothing.

Looking at her, at her hair falling slightly over her eyes, I tried to figure out how to get my breath back as she focused on her work. While I had a book out I stopped caring about that story a long time ago as I found someone actually worth observing right in front of me. I basically made sure every last detail of her burned into my mind, as if I would ever need that. As if there would ever be a time I would need to know the exact shade and length of her hair, or her uneven nails that she bit when she was nervous, or the way she stopped and looked at the wall for a moment when she was lost, or the scars by her neck from when she had “stepped out of line”. As if I would ever have to explain all those little things I notice about her that I shouldn't.

WCKD worker. She's a worker, and I’m a subject. She's a worker, and I’m a subject. She's a worker, and I’m a subject.

I was just here to help her study, which I did. She learned the material months ago so why am I sitting on her bed? Why am I dreaming about something I shouldn't? About something that will never happen? There is no romantic chance of us so why am I pretending there could be?

Looking up at me, she gave me a small smile before asking if I was okay. Only managing to nod my head, I tried to figure out what to say now, if I even had anything worth saying. 

“Are you sure? You look off?”

“I’m sure,”I lied, not meeting her eyes.

“Is something on your mind then? You’ve been pretty quiet,”She pointed out, turning me to face her and making my heart beat in my ears. 

I didn't think. Not really. I just knew that she was touching me and right there. She's not even three inches away, and it was killing me. It was destroying every part of me.

So I didn't use any sort of logic whatsoever as I leaned over and kissed her, for just a moment discovering just how soft her lips truly were. 

Instantly pushing me back, she glared at me as I opened my eyes.

“I thought we were friends?”She scowled, making my face turn red.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry. You were just close, and I really like you, and I really thought that you liked me back. I’m sor-”

“Shut up. I can't believe it. I finally had a friend, my very first friend, and that doesn't even work. Because he kisses me. What the hell is wrong with you, Aris?”She snapped.

“I’m sorry,”I repeated.

“Save it. Just get out of my room.”

“Y/N, I-”

“Get the hell out of here! Just go before I make you!”She yelled, pointing at her door.

“I’m sorry. I can't help how I feel.”

“Well, you can hide it. I don't like you like that. I don't even know if I like you at all after this.”

“Y/N-”

“Get out of my room!”She screamed, pulling my arm and forcing me up. Dragging me to the door, she shoved me through before slamming it in my face. 

“Y/N? Please? I’m sorry,”I begged, repeatedly knocking on her door.

“Well, I’m not. Leave me alone.”

“Please lovely? I just-”

“You're not allowed to call me that anymore. Go away, and don't you ever come back,”She repeated. 

Staring at the closed door, I just closed my eyes before sliding against it. Leaning my head back, I kept asking myself how I could be so stupid as tears fell from my eyes.

She hates me.

I love her, and she hates me. 

Chapter 154: Bad For You (Part 2)

Summary:

-Fluff
-Light hurt/comfort

I feel like hell. The night I pushed him out I spent hours against the door, listening to his soft cries as I held my breath so I wouldn't do the same.

I mean I wanted to kiss Aris. I wanted to be his lovely. I wanted to be more than friends. I wanted to have his lips on mine again.

I can't though. We're just too different. He's too good for me. He talks to all these people, has all kinds of intelligence, mental and physical strength, and the biggest heart.

As for me, I work for WCKD. I’m not good enough for him. I don't deserve to be with Aris.

So I just laid on my bed, silently sobbing as I held the silly little doodles he made for me in my hand. The ones that meant everything. Because nobody had ever taken the time to make me something. Especially something that I could always carry with me and treasure forever.

Holding them to my heart, I cried even harder than before as I swore that I broke more and more every second. It's so stupid, because it's literally my fault, but I didn't know what else to do but be a mess. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't focus on anything but him.

But he's not even here. He’s not coming back, and it's all my fault.

As I was just sobbing into my pillow I heard a firm knock on my door. Glancing up, I just stared at the door until they banged louder. Thinking it was probably a real worker, I wiped my eyes as best as I could with my sleeves before dragging my feet to open the door, looking at the floor as I did.

“Hi,”He whispered. At the sound of his voice I just started crying all over again. Without a word he stepped in and shut my door before wrapping his arms around me.

“You're not supposed to be here,”I got out through hiccuped sobs.

“No. I’m not,”He admitted. “But I am.”

“It's really hard to be angry at you when you come back and hug me.”

“But it also looks really easy to be sad without me,”He pointed out.

“I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to tell you everything that's wrong,”I whispered, burying my face in his neck. Placing his hand behind my head, he just held me as I sobbed.

“Y/N, I’m sorry,”He whispered, pulling away but keeping his hands on my shoulders. Wiping my tears, I just looked at him as I realized that if I wanted any chance of him being in my life, he needed to know.

“Aris, I do love you. I love you so much. I have for so long, and I've wanted to be with you. I still do, but I can’t. I’m not good for you. I-”
“What makes you think you get to decide that?”He interrupted.

“What?”

“What gives you the right to decide what's good for me? I know what you're like. I know who you really are, and you can't just say that I’m too good for you.”

“But I work for WCKD,”I reminded him.

“I couldn't care less. When I’m with you do you think that I’m looking at your job? Or do you think that I’m focused on the loving soul who knows how to make everything better and just brightens up my world by existing? Do you think I’m looking at what's embroidered on your shirt? Or at your captivating eyes and contagious smile? Do you think I’m thinking about what you say around them? Or am I too focused on your melody of a laugh and warm voice? Which of those things do you think I’m paying attention to?”

“You can't love someone like me.”

“But I can. I do. I love you, and you don't get to decide how much is too much for me to handle.”

“I’m not deciding anything. It's true. I-”
“When I kissed you what did you feel?”

“What?”I whispered.

“When I kissed you what went through your mind? If you were completely honest?”

“That it was wrong,”I whispered, “that it was wrong, but it was all I should be doing. That the boy I had been dreaming about was kissing me. That your lips were so soft. That I never wanted to stop.”

“So why can't you feel all those things? Why does it have to be wrong?”

“Because I work for WCKD. Besides, I’m alone all day while you're going to live with a bunch of girls. You’ll see someone better. You'll meet someone smarter, someone funnier, someone stronger, someone prettier, some-”
Cutting me off, he put his hand behind my head as he stepped closer. Pressing his forehead against mine, I could feel his breath near my lips as he took mine away.

“There is nobody better than you,”He whispered. Not knowing what to say, I just stared at him. “If this is wrong, push me away. If you really think that you're so bad for me, tell me to leave. Tell me not to kiss you.”

“But I don't want to be bad for you. I just want to kiss you.”

“Then, do it,”He dared.

With that being all I needed, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders as I closed my eyes and pressed my lips against his. Without hesitating he kissed me back, sneaking his arms around my waist as we moved in sync.

And just like that I didn't need air. I needed him. I needed Aris. I needed somebody who I swore that I didn't deserve yet was still kissing.

Now that I could, now that I knew how to savor it, I realized just how gentle of a kisser he was. How truly slow and passionate he was. Yet there was still no lust, no greed. Just pure, sweet love.

And the best part was that it only took five seconds to realize that. Five seconds of his lips on mine until he pulled away.

“Will you be mine? Will you be my lovely?”He whispered.

“Yes. I will,”I nodded, standing there and hugging him. Just hugging back, he didn’t say a word as he held me close.

And he didn't need to. His touch, his presence, said a million.

Chapter 155: Never Truly Hated

Summary:

-Fluff

My ability to speak to Aris was decreasing by the day, my anger at the way he could lie so easily growing. He could die. He could go to hell for all I care.

He doesn't seem to understand that. He still looks at me with this longing eyes, his expression calling me. Telling me to just come back to him. To love him the way I used to.

He asked to see me. Just to talk. Just to figure something out.

I can't. I can't, and I won't, and I told myself that so many times. I said it as I went to sleep, whenever my eyes met his, whenever I heard his name, and all the time.

Unfortunately, I’m an idiot. I’m an idiot who felt so much for him. I’m an idiot who was curious as to what he possibly had to say to me. I’m an idiot so I did.

So, in the dead of night, I went to see him at the beach. To see what he thought was important enough to speak to me despite my obvious distaste for him.

“What do you want, Aris?”I asked shortly.

“No more love?”

“No. You lost that nickname when you lost me.”

“Fair enough,”He shrugged.

“What do you want?”

“I have to know if that's actually true.”

“If what's true?”

“If I really lost you. Have I?”

“I’m not in the mood for your nonsense tonight.”

“Are you sure you're just not in the mood to answer?”

Crossing my arms over my chest, I glared at him, my lips pressed together as I was as cold as possible.

“You still look at me. And sometimes it's exactly the way I remember. With so much want. So tell me you don't? Tell me I’ve truly lost you forever, and I’ll never reach out to you again.”

His voice seemed honest, holding more truth than anything else he's ever said.

I also never knew he was a flawless liar until it was too late.

“You're awful. Absolutely awful.”

“I’m still waiting for you to say you don't want me. To swear you wouldn't want me if enough time passed. If I was close enough,”He whispered, stepping even closer. Meeting my eyes, he stared at me. Without a word, he gently tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear, causing me to take a breath before shaking my head to get over it, putting my hair back in that spot no matter how much I hated it.

“If I was with someone else, you wouldn't get mad? You wouldn't hate everything about that? You wouldn't wish it was you whose hand I was holding? Whose lips I was kissing? Whose body I had pressed against mine in the sheets as I kept her close to me? If I did everything I’ve done with you to another girl, you wouldn't hate everything about it?”

“It doesn't matter,”I said firmly.

Placing his hands to my cheeks, he held my face in his hands, his lips so tauntingly close to mine for just a moment. As he pulled away, his hands didn't leave me. Not once.

“You can say you hate me all you want. You can say you despise me. You can actually want me dead. But no matter what, you can never unkiss me. You can never unlove me. You can never take back every late night where you would tell me I was your everything. You can never have a first anything with anyone else. No first kiss, no first I love you, no first love, no first date, no first cuddle, no first sharing a bed, no first sweet names. I’ll be your first everything no matter what you do,”He whispered in my ear.

“That won't make my love for someone else any less real,”I insisted, doing my best to ignore the goosebumps on my neck.

“But you’ll never erase me. You can try. You can try and pretend it never meant anything. You can try and pretend one look doesn't say everything. That won't make it true. Because no matter whose hands touch you, no matter where, mine will always have been their first. You’ll always know that I’ll consume your mind until my name is all you can think about. It's why you’ve already rejected people with such good traits and looks. It's why nobody has caught your eye. Because those people aren't me, and your eyes always meet mine. Always,”He whispered against my lips.

“No,”I denied.

“Yes. It's why you haven't said three words that will make you leave you alone forever. It's why you haven't just told me you don't want me. Because you do.”

“I just want to not feel anything ever again.”

“Even if it’s with me?”

Feeling my face warm at the question and being aware he knew by his face still in my hands, I didn't bother to deny it. To say it means nothing. To say he means nothing.

“My lips have painted every inch of your skin. You know very well so many parts of you have always been adored by me. Have been admired and seen. Inside and out, you know nobody could ever see you the way I do. Vulnerable and strong, starving and fed, cut up and fixed, tortured and safe, I know every last part. And I love them. I love you.”

“What if your lips haven't painted me? What if they tainted me? Stained me so badly I can never scrub the marks of you off?”

“You’ll want them anyway.”

His response was so simple. So much less complex and thought out than any other.

Yet it seemed to be the one really getting to me.

“I don't not want you,”I whispered.

“I know.”

“I don't see you the same, but if I woke up next to you, limbs twisted together and your lips on me, I wouldn't hate it.”

“Then, come home to me? Let me hold you until I’m all you know?”

He has been all I know. For so long, he was the one that mattered more than anything. The one I gave everything to without a second thought. The one I called mine so much he was sure that would always be true.

And maybe it is.

“Earn it then. Earn me,”I bargained.

“How do I do that?”He asked, not a second of hesitation or unwillingness in his voice.

“Meet me here tomorrow night. Love me the way you used to. The way I know you still can. Look at me while I pretend not to notice as I watch the stars.”

“I’ll watch you forever. Forever and ever.”

He still has me. He always did, and the traitor definitely knows it.

Chapter 156: Rule Breaker

Summary:

-Platonic love
-Slight angst
-Hurt/comfort

Stupid boy. He’s a stupid, stupid, stupid boy. Never in my life have I witnessed such senseless rule breaking like this. Never. 

He got lost in the Maze. He got lost, because he isn't supposed to be there. That is not his place, but he took it upon himself to test that.

As expected, he failed. He failed, because that is not where he belongs. He failed so he got himself hurt for no reason. He put himself in danger. He put himself in harm's way. If someone had pointed out his absence a second later or I had made just one different turn he’d be as good as dead.

Now he's just a Cook with a broken arm. Because he couldn't accept the balance of everything. Because he just had to test out how true that was. 

He didn't look at me. He just sat on his bed with his makeshift sling and head bowed in shame as I glared at him, my arms crossed as I tapped my foot. Having to find him in the first place, pulling him out of danger, and now having to try and sort this out when my plate was already overfilling, had officially taken all of my patience.

“I didn't think it would happen. I promise-”

“Shut up. I told you this would happen. I told you you'd get hurt, didn't I? I said that you need to leave this part of the job to me, and what did you do?”I scolded.

“Y/N, I just wanted to help. That's all-”

“Some help you were. I told you that you need to stay out here and do your job. I told you not to worry about the Maze. I said leave it to me, because it's deadly out there. Instead, you snuck in like someone with no damn common sense. The worst part is I know you have so much of it. I've seen you be better than whatever the hell today was. I have stood there and vowed that upon my name, and you undid all that work for nothing. After all that work you put in to show you were worth trusting, after all the help I gave you with that, you basically just spat on it.”

“I just wanted to help. I heard you weren't back when you were supposed to be, and I wanted to find you.”

“And I came out on time, only to have to go back in because of you. Because you weren't prepared for the Maze. Exactly like I said.”

“I just wanted to help,”He repeated, his voice growing softer as he kept his gaze on the floor.

“If you want to help, do what you're told. The last thing we need is a dead Icer. We already have a hurt one. Some use you’ll be now,”I insulted, having to keep my eyes off the cast to avoid lashing out in ways nobody has ever seen before.

“I’m sorry.”

“Whatever. Just do what you're told next time. I don't want to waste my time having to help you, when you could have been just fine. You're not special, Aris. I don't know if you think you are cause you're the only boy or something, but you aren't. You're here to work in the kitchen and follow the rules so that's what you better start doing. If you do one more stupid thing, I’ll banish you myself,”I promised, slamming the door to his hut. With my heart racing, I clenched and unclenched my fist as I kept thinking about how dumb he was. 

He could have killed himself. He could have died today. He could have been stung. He could have gotten lost. So many unspeakable things could have happened. 

That's why these rules are so important. They protect us, which is why banishment is a valuable punishment. People need to understand that life isn't a game here. The rules save us. They haven't failed us yet, and they won't anytime soon.

With my mind and body being absolutely drained, I leaned against his door, sliding to the ground. As I shut my eyes to think it all through I heard small, hiccuped cries from the other side. 

Damnit. 

He’s not stupid. He’s not selfish or a show off. He has good intentions. He has from the very beginning. I know that.

But I almost lost him today. I almost lost him, and I don't want to. I’ve already lost so many people, and I won't let him be one of them. If that means threatening him, so be it.

He’s lucky he’s even here to be threatened.

♡ Time Skip♡

I tried not to stare at the empty spot a few inches away from me. The spot that he was always there to fill. I told my eyes not to wander and remind me that he wasn't here. I tried not to think about how I’d have to call a meeting about this tomorrow so we can decide what would be a fitting punishment. I feel like a broken arm that’ll never actually heal right due to limited resources is good enough, but not everyone would think that. We’d have to argue between slammer and banishment. We have to decide how much slammer time it will be if that's what it is and how to make sure we’ll have enough people in the kitchen to cook for forty of us. 

This is exhausting. I can't deal with this. I don't want to deal with this. I just want to sleep all of this off. I don't want to worry about things that shouldn't have been a problem. 

Usually, talking to him would be helpful. Sonya and Harriet were already leaders too, which meant they had to stress just as much as I did. Aris was supposed to be the dependable one who would both do what was expected and have his presence be enough to make things feel better. 

He’s my friend. He’s my friend, and he went in for me, and I have to accept that some part of me will always feel guilty about it. I already have so much of that. When I have to make almost impossible decisions that could hurt people, I have to live with the consequences. 

This is a lot. He knows that, but he doesn't completely understand it. I don't tell him about all the actual negatives that come with this position. I don't want him to worry too much about me. I just wanted him to stay safe and be my friend. Is that too much to ask for?

It seems like it. 

I should talk to him. I should explain my point of view and why I reacted so harshly. 

Placing my plate down, I shoved my hands in my coat pockets as I headed to his. Staring down at the snow, I kept wondering how things could go wrong so quickly. Why does anything have to be like this? Can't we just act our age and have normal lives?

Nope. No we can't.

Maybe it wouldn't matter anyway. Maybe I would still be in front of his door, having to apologize for something impossible to fully grasp. 

I'll never know.

“Aris?”I called gently, knocking on the door. Getting silence back, I sighed as I knocked a little harder. “Aris, I need to talk to you. It's important.”

With the silence getting louder, I took a breath before trying again. “I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I’m sorry if you thought I was just being cruel to get back at you, but that wasn't what I was doing. I care about you. You mean a lot, and you really scared me today. You could have died. You could have been hurt, and I don't think that actually sunk in. We could have lost you today, Aris,”I reasoned. “I could have lost you,”I whispered so quietly I don't even think I heard.

Leaning my head against his door, I sighed as I shut my eyes. 

“I could have lost you. I don't want to do that. I don't want to bury someone else. I’m tired of that. I’m sick of knowing not to get attached when they could leave me at any moment. When you could leave me at any moment. Especially, when I have to do it. It hurts. It's sickening, and there's nothing I can do about it. I can't save everyone, but I try. I try so hard to make sure there aren't deaths here, even if that means banishing. That breaks me a little more each time too, but I have to. Because if I don't, the chances of people dying from not following the rules, the consequences, would be devastating,”I admitted, pulling away from his door. 

After what seemed to be hours he opened it, revealing his tear streaked face. Wiping his eyes with his working arm, he sniffled as I tried to figure out what to do. I don't usually comfort people. I more of guide or threaten them. 

“I’m sorry,”I repeated. Not saying anything, he wrapped his arm around me, his face buried in my neck as he quietly cried. “I’m sorry. I never wanted to make you cry. I was just scared. I was afraid and felt like a failure for not being able to protect you better. The last thing I want is for something to happen to you,”I promised, hugging him as tightly as I could.

“I’m sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel like that,”He whispered, his tears beginning to soak the fabric of my jacket. 

“I know. I just don't want to lose you. I’m attached to you. More than I have been to anyone in a long time, and it would kill me if something happened to you. Especially, if I was right there,”I whispered, rocking him back and forth. 

“I’m sorry. I didn't mean to scare you like that. I didn't mean to get hurt.”

“I know.”

“I’ll make myself useful. I promise. I’ll be just as-”

“Trying to prove yourself is what got you into this mess. You just need to rest right now. You need to worry about yourself and get better. Do you understand?”

“Yeah. I do.”

“I’m going to let you get some sleep,”I said, pulling away.

“Wait?”He called, grabbing my sleeve.

“Yeah?”

“Can you sleep with me? Just for tonight?”He asked in a shaky voice, avoiding my eyes. 

“Yeah. I can stay with you tonight,”I nodded. It wouldn't hurt to be some sort of comfort to him. To maybe hold him as though I could shield him from every bad thing in the world as he drifted off. 

I wish I could. I really, really wish I could.

Chapter 157: Trying To Help

Summary:

-Angst

The stress was getting to him in a way he never imagined it would. Sure. Aris knew that trying to save the world wouldn't be an easy task. He just couldn't have predicted that it would involve so much tedious labor. Not to mention, he wasn't even told what exactly it was for half the time.

You were always the one that cheered him up. Sneaking out to meet you was the only time he felt life was worth something. That he was worth more than test scores.

It was different this time. You could tell something was off the second he sat down. His posture was standoffish, almost defensive. He didn't look at you. Even though you tried to get him talking you just got shrugs or one word responses.

Your go to method was always distraction. Seeing as that wasn't working, it was clear you would have to be blunt.

“What's wrong?”

His face scrunched up at the question, eyebrows furrowing in frustration. You stayed still, waiting for an answer.

“Nothing,”He grumbled.

“It's not hard to tell something's up with you. Maybe ranting a little will make you feel better?”You suggested.

“Oh yeah. Because talking will totally solve my problems,”He deadpanned.

“It could make you feel better to get it off your chest.”

“I’m leaving,”He huffed, standing up to storm off.

“Aris, it’s not healthy to keep things bottled up. I really think-”
“I don't give a damn what you think.”

You stopped walking beside him for a moment as the words left you blindsided. Not once in your years of knowing each other had he directed his frustration towards you.

“You're already upset, and if you keep avoiding the topic you could end up snapping at someone important. I-”
“Shut up about the I! I don't care what you think! I don't care about your stupid advice that you think is so helpful! Not everything is about you! Did that ever cross your mind!?”

He wished for more than anything to take back the words as soon as he shouted them. You just stood there, a dumbfounded expression on your face as your eyes were stinging with tears. Pure shame washed over him as he realized the only important person in his life, the only one that actually cared about him, that just wanted him to feel better, was starting to cry because of him. His face burned as he stared at you, watching the hurt expression on your face switch to anger.

“Y/N, I’m really sorry. I-
“Save it. You’ve said more than enough,”You snapped, the tears beginning to spill. You let them stream down your face as your lips twisted to a scowl.

“I didn't mean-”
“Oh, you meant it all right. You showed exactly what you think of me.”

“I didn't. I’m sorry. It was-I was being stupid. I don't want to hurt-”
“Shut up! Just shut up!”You demanded.

He stepped back, flinching as you glared at him, your voice holding an almost hatred.

“You can think I make everything about me. You can call me selfish a million ways. That won't change the fact that I am the one putting myself at risk when I see you. Who do you think would be punished worse? The special, super genius, that they're always around, or the average one? Which of us do you think will get a slap on the wrist while the other gets beaten down? Huh?”

His breath hitched in his throat as he took in a thought that had never even crossed his mind. His once harsh demeanor was now timid, his eyes wide with realization.

“You think people appreciate me befriending you? Do you think people are okay with me hanging out with someone like you? Huh?”

“I’m sorry,”He whispered, his eyes flickering to the ground to avoid your upset gaze.

“No wonder you're not allowed to have friends. Look at how you treat your only one.”

You both stood there in heavy silence, your arms crossed over your chest as he fixated on the floor, chewing on the inside of his cheek as his lips threatened to quiver, his eyes stinging.

What a way to end his only real friendship.

Chapter 158: Talk It Out

Summary:

-Fluff

“Come on. Can you please just talk to me?”I repeated for too many times.

“I have,”He shrugged.

“You haven't. You have said the bare minimum of words,”I huffed.

“The silent treatment is extremely hurtful and damaging to do to someone, I’m still pretty upset at you, so here's some middle ground,”He said simply.

“You know what's extremely damaging to a relationship?”

“Don't say it.”

“Lack of communication. Sit-”
“Y/N-”
“I said sit down.”

With great reluctance, he took a spot on the ground, arms still crossed as he looked at me. Sitting across from him, I gestured for him to talk first.

“Just sneaking off in the middle of the night is a terrible idea. You could have been hurt or killed or just something bad could have happened. You can't do that out here.”

“I can protect myself, and we really haven't seen anything dangerous for a while,”I pointed out.

“We also didn't think there would be anything dangerous in the mall.”

“That was a super enclosed space. This is literally just open earth.”

“Leaving without telling anyone like that is still an awful idea. The Scorch has proven to be unpredictable just as you get somewhat comfortable.”

“I know that. I also know I’ve been in this group of people without a chance to be alone after being stuck in a facility also full of people. If I didn't decompress I was going to lose it. I know you know exactly what that feels like.”

With a halfhearted sigh, he uncrossed his arms, his eyes still on me. His gaze, though it had never been harsh, held a little more understanding.

“You still scared the hell out of me. You're in my arms when we go to sleep, and when I wake up you aren't. That's terrifying. I didn't know where you were or if someone took you or if you were hurt or lost or in danger or dead. I just knew you weren't there with me,”He admitted, glancing at the ground before looking back at me.

“I mean I don't want you to be worried about me.”

“And I know you need a break from people.”

“How about this? I’ll leave my jacket and make sure to have a weapon. You’ll know I’m safe and protected if you wake up, I’ll get my break, and we don't have to do this again. Can we agree on that?”

“How long are you usually gone for?”

“Half hour at most.”

“If it goes over that, then can I look for you?”

“Just for a half hour too. In case I come back by then,”I bargained.

“I can live with that,”Ha agreed.

“Are we good here? Is this all figured out?”I checked as I stood up, holding out my hand for him.

“Yeah. We’re good here,”He agreed, accepting it. Pulling him up, I Iaced our fingers together before quickly kissing his cheek.

“I love you.”

“I love you too,”He said back, giving my hand a light squeeze.

He always says it back. Even when he’s been upset at me, he doesn't want to hurt me.

If the world were normal, I would marry this boy. Since that isn't an option, I’ll just stay with him forever and ever.

Chapter 159: Dating Headcannons

-He’s always cold and eventually uses that to get you to hold his hand and cuddle with him

-He has a hoodie obsession but doesn't mind sharing with you

-He’s a super quiet walker so sometimes he’ll accidentally scare you by sneaking up on you

-He likes just sitting in silence with you sometimes

-He’s also a secret yapper that could talk for hours

-He’s the best listener and remembers basically everything told to him

-He has super bad insomnia so sometimes the only way he can go to sleep is if you hum to him and play with his hair

-You also have to wake him up sometimes or he’ll oversleep

-You’ve tried to count his freckles quite a few times

-He lets you braid his hair

-He loves any nickname you give him

-He’s a surprisingly good climber, and it’s not uncommon to find him hiding in a tree somewhere

-You sometimes chill with him on the branches and just people watch

-He has the worst puns sometimes, but you never tell him

-It's hard for people that don't know y’all very well that you're dating because of how subtle public affection is

-You still catch him staring in the sweetest and most longing way

Chapter 160: Destined To Be

Summary:

-Fluff

I wish I could curl up into a ball and give up on life. I wish I could just close my eyes and never have to wake up again. I wish everything in the world could just disappear. 

It seems ridiculous to be near suicidal for a boy, but this isn't just any boy. This is Aris. He’s the best friend I’ve ever had. We were basically glued together in the Spring. We looked out for each other, sitting away from everyone on Blondie nights, sleeping in the same hammock when it was just too cold, holding on to each other as we attempted to skate in plain tennis shoes in our free time. We were everything. 

And then in WCKD, we somehow got closer. Every lunch was spent together, either in comfortable silence holding hands or whispering amongst ourselves. We basically ignored everybody else. Notes were exchanged and held on to to give each other some part of us during the day. When we weren't in the vents at night, we were in the same bed, clinging to each other. 

The Scorch was something else entirely. Obviously, we looked out for the group in general, but the other was always the first we looked or reached for in any danger. A single canteen was shared with both of us trying to avoid the last drop. We huddled together at night to try and keep warm. I essentially forced him behind me when Barkley tried to shoot any of us. I found myself needing to hug him every time we were slightly alone, clinging to him for comfort. An action he always returned.

I think it was obvious I would eventually fall in love. We were practically made to be together. At least, I think so. Even if he doesn't feel the same, I need him back. I need him back to go on.

I need him. I really, really need him.

Sitting by the shore, I kept my knees to my chest as I stared out at the water. By now, I was probably out of tears. While I still cried myself to sleep at least once a night, they seemed to have turned to dry, quiet sobs.

I miss him. I miss him more than humanly possible.

♡ Time Skip⁠♡

It was a lot. It was a long, stressful, exhausting fight to get everyone out of WCKD.

Yet somehow, it was even more exhausting for me to have to wait to see him. Since I had to stay back to help stall a little longer, I was the last back at the Safe Haven. I was the last to see if we got who we needed.

My legs were shaky as I just stood there, looking at the matching jackets the rescued ones wore. As I still didn't see him, my heart beat faster and faster. Pulling on my sleeves, I tried not to imagine what it'd be like to have to go any longer without him.

“Y/N, hey Y/N.”

I turned at the excited voice, spotting Sonya with a huge grin on her face. Harriet was right beside her, a happy glint in her eye.

“What’s-”

“Come on,”She cut me off, grabbing my arm, tugging me forward. I figured the only thing I really could do was let her, frantically trying to keep up with her fast pace. Something Harriet somehow still easily managed. 

She pulled me to one of the familiar, a canopy that had been forced to suffice for a room. Before I could blink, she pulled me inside, making me stumble for a moment.

As I regained my balance, I found myself looking at the one person that had been haunting me. Someone that despite me constantly wishing for, I had to just stare at and process was back to me.

He was sort of different. His hair had grown out, pushed nearly out of his face. As he stood up, his eyes widened, I realized he had gotten just a little taller too. Obviously, it would go away, but his lip was still split, recently cut by something or someone who I instantly hated for ever hurting him. 

He was the same Aris I always knew though. Same light freckles scattering his face, same small gap between his front teeth, same soft ocean blue eyes.

“Aris,”I breathed out, throwing my arms around him, burying my face in his chest as I gripped the back of his jacket like he would disappear if I let go. Hugging back just as tightly, he wrapped his arms around my shoulders as he kept me close. 

I could faintly hear the others footsteps leaving but couldn't truly focus on it. Not when my world has just fallen back in place.

“I missed you. I missed you all the time,”I whispered.

“I missed you too. I thought about you whenever I could.”

I was supposed to be long out of tears.

And still I found them dripping down my face at the warmth cascading through every part of me.

“You don't have to cry. I’m here now. I promise,”He soothed, pulling away but holding my face, wiping away my tears with his thumbs.

“I missed you,”I whispered again, holding my hand over his. Turning my head, I kissed his palm, savoring the feeling of his gentle touch.

“We’re not leaving each other again. You don't have to worry,”He said gently.

“You're my everything. You’ve been my everything since the day I met you. You’ve been my everything since before I fell in love with,”I finally confessed. I didn't think I ever would. Not when I first realized.

How could I possibly have him back and waste time not finding it if he feels the same though?

“I’m in love with you too,”He smiled.

“Really?”

“Really.”

His hands still held my face as he leaned down. Closing my eyes, I stood on the tip of my toes as I brushed my lips against his, softly kissing him. He kissed back in a way that was just as gentle as him, a contrast to the harsh cut on his lip. His lips that still fit so well against mine, practically made for us to do this. I swear despite every bad thing in the world, every bad emotion and experience we had just gone through, this was and would always be the happiest moment of our entire lives. And if by chance there ever is a better one, it will only be because we're together.

“Yes! What’d I tell you?!”

We pulled away at her ecstatic yell, our faces flushing as we looked at Sonya standing right beside Harriet. 

“You two were supposed to leave,”I complained, kind of irritated our first kiss was so rudely interrupted.

“We had to see what would happen,”Harriet shrugged.

“I mean you really didn't,”He promised.

“We did. We had to see if you would kiss now or tonight,”Sonya insisted.

“Why in the world would you have to see that?”

“Harriet owes me her desert. I won the bet. I won, I won, I won,”She celebrated, finally waking away. Harriet rolled her eyes, disappointed at the loss, as she followed her anyway.

“So you wanna try that again?”I suggested as I turned back to face him.

“Yeah. I think that’s a good idea.”

Chapter 161: Fire on Fire

Summary:

-Song fic
-Hurt/comfort

For Kaelyn, I know it's out pretty quickly, but I swear I took my time on it. Hope you enjoy<3

🎵 Maybe it's 'cause I got a little bit older 🎵

🎵 Maybe it's all that I've been through 🎵

They weren't quite human. Not really. They were something else entirely, something changing into monsters. They would lose every part of themselves. They would lose their sanity. They would lose their humanity. They would lose their ability to feel. They would lose their minds.

They had been someone once. Someone with a life. Someone with goals and ambitions. Someone with favorite things. Someone's baby.

That woman had been someone. With her long dark hair, light brown eyes, and tan skin, she had been someone. It didn't matter that she seemed to have chewed off the tips of her fingers, had clothes covered in blood, and was laughing maniacally as she was tearing her hair out. She had been someone.

“Shoot it already!”

Minho’s voice was harsh. It was something it needed to be. I knew that. As she was waking closer and closer, bearing what was left of her teeth as blood dropped from her mouth, I had to kill her.

It. It's supposed to be an it now.

She was human once. She had been someone. Maybe she could have found some way to be saved.

And if I wanted us to live, I had to get rid of that chance.

“I’m sorry,”I whispered, shutting my eyes. With my hand already on the trigger, I pulled it once, then twice, listening to her strangled sounds before the metallic scene of blood filled the air. Not daring to look, I let the slow tears run down my cheeks, a surge of guilt and remorse hitting my entire body. I seemed to mount for who she could have been, for this woman I never knew.

“Come on,”a much more gentle voice instructed, his hand on my back. I could only nod, turning around before staring straight ahead. Without a word, Aris took the gun from my hand, the object that seemed to suddenly weigh more than I could carry, and tucked it into his pocket. “It's alright. You did what you had to do.”

Stupid, stupid tunnel that was supposed to be safe. Stupid, stupid Jorge for making me carry the supplies, including the only gun. Stupid, stupid me for being the one to take a life. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

🎵 I'd like to think it's how you lean on my shoulder and how I see myself with you 🎵

I should sleep. I should shut my eyes and rest. I should realize I wouldn't be able to cope with life out here, especially while worrying about Thomas, if I wanted to survive.

I’m not sure I want to survive anymore. Every time I close my eyes, I see her. She’s already haunting me, and I'm not even asleep. I can't live like that. I can't take it. 

“Hey.”

I flinched as he rested his hand on my back, sitting beside me. When I realized it was only him, only the one who could make me feel any sort of better, I leaned my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes as I took in his presence.

“You put her out of her misery. She was suffering. She was in pain, and you did a very good thing for her,”He coaxed, rubbing my back. 

It's strangely therapeutic to hear someone call the human her. The fact that someone else could recognize her as something more than a monster made me feel less insane for the way this was destroying me.

“It doesn't feel good.”

“I know, sunshine. I know.”

“I feel awful about it. I feel like a monster.”

“I know. I know you feel bad right now. I know it hurts, but you can't let it get to you. You did what you had to do to save everyone, even her. You were brave,”He coaxed, holding my face as he pressed his forehead against mine, looking into my eyes.

“I wasn't. I didn't want the gun in the first place,”I admitted.

“I know. I told him it was stupid to have you be someone to try and do that. You're so bubbly, and bright, and wonderful, and kind. Your heart is too pure to handle hurting anyone.”

“But I did.”

“I know. Because you're brave and strong too. Because you do hard things to protect other people. It's part of why I love you so much. You're a light in the darkest times and still do things you hate for the sake of other people. You have a beautiful soul. One this world could never deserve.”

“I think you deserve it. You deserve whatever makes you happy.”

Wrapping his arms around me, he kissed the top of my head as he rubbed my shoulders. Closing my eyes, I took in his touch.

“Wonderful, wonderful girl. Absolutely wonderful,”He whispered as he pulled away. Even in the darkness of night, his green eyes were his brightest feature, one that I could admire for hours. His short dark hair that has no choice but to be out of his face let me admire them even more, a small thing I greatly appreciated.

“Pretty girl. Pretty, pretty, pretty,”He repeated, pressing kisses to my face, making me smile for the first time today. 

Resting his hands on my shoulders, he brushed his lips against mine in a way I knew would escalate. It just feels different when it's going to be more. Slower, more of a build up than a simple kiss. It's something you just have to experience to understand, and I’d be damned if anyone else did.

“You sure me being emotionally disturbed is the appropriate time for this?”I teased as he pulled away, his face still so close the tip of his nose touched mine.

“Yeah. Let me take your mind off it,”He whispered.

Nodding in agreement, I pressed my mouth back against his, rougher than before. Holding my waist, he gently laid me under him as he trailed his lips down my jaw, not long enough to leave any trace of this but still enough to be enjoyable. 

And honestly, after how rough today was, I'll let him put his lips anywhere he wants.

🎵 'Cause when you unfold me and tell me you love me and look in my eyes 🎵

🎵 You are perfection, my only direction 🎵

🎵 It's fire on fire 🎵

I didn't expect to drift off. I was sure I would be awake all night, staring at the sky as the moment played on repeat.

Yet I found myself opening my eyes, squinting at the bright sun, as Aris was still on top of me, resting his head in my neck as his legs rested on top of mine. His hands were still locked in mine beside my head, a playful position I had apparently fallen asleep to. 

Yesterday was nothing short of hell. It was every bad thing in the world. 

Him though? He was everything good it had to offer.

Chapter 162: The Center of Attention

Summary:

-Slight angst
-Hurt/comfort

“I told you that this was a bad idea. I said that we should have been out in pairs,”I scolded, glaring at Minho and Frypan as we walked past people our age too out of it to be even the slightest bit of help.

“He's not a child. He doesn't need to be watched,”Minho reasoned as I shoved through more people.

“I didn't say that he needs to be watched. I just didn't want anyone to get separated. You know? The way we are right now?”I snapped.

“Don't even start. We all know that you just don't want to be away from that shank. I mean could it be any more obvious that you're in love?”

“You are so fucking funny, making jokes, at a time where Aris is missing. Oh wait. You aren't.”

“Nobody told him to go running off,”He shrugged.

“He was following the stupid plan that you all thought was a good idea for some reason.”

“Because it was. We have Thomas and Brenda,”He reminded me.

“And we have lost Aris! When will that get through your thick skull?!”

“He was supposed to be hiding near the front doors. You know? Hiding the way he always does?”He had the nerve to joke.

“Are you kidding me? He does not just hide, you birdbrain of a man.”

“I mean he does,”He shrugged again as we nearly stumbled through what was probably a group of friends.

“If he always hides like that, he should really get some more practice in,”Frypan remarked.

“What are you,”I started, trailing off when I saw Aris on the very middle of the floor, dancing like this was a normal thing for him.

But at the same time like he was just learning how to walk.

“Now this is a show,”Minho grinned, nodding his head. As he was about to cheer him on I clapped my hand over his mouth to shut him up.

“Handle him. I’m going to get Aris,”I directed, not bothering to get a reply as I dragged myself through all the sweaty skin that made me want to throw up and die. I swear to god if Aris doesn't have a reason for putting me through this I am going to kill him, bring him back to life, and kill him again.

“Aris! We need to leave!”I demanded, stepping over someone as I got to him.

“Hi!”He loudly greeted, wearing a wide grin. Getting a little closer, I realized just how much stronger the alcohol smell was.

“You were alone for five hours. What the hell happened?”I sighed, pulling his jacket sleeve to drag him back to the group.

“I got liquid courage!”He announced, like it was supposed to mean anything. Realizing that he wasn't going to be making sense any time soon, I kept pulling him.

“Y/N-”
“Not now,”I snapped, looking for Minho and Frypan who were now just gone.

“But Y/N-”
“Not now,”I repeated, tightening my grip on his hand.

“Y/N-”
“Damnit Aris! Not now! We have to go look for two other people after finding you because you had to be so fucking irresponsible!”I yelled, glaring at him.

“Yeah. I did,”He scowled, his eyes watering as he glared back.

“What are you talking about?”I asked, done with this.

“Maybe I did want to be irresponsible! Maybe I just wanted to be more than whatever the hell I am now! Because I don't even know what I am! Do you know what I am?! Because nobody does! Not really! It's always “boy in a Maze full of girls” and “that one kid that's always hiding” but never just me! I have never just been me! There's always been something over it, and I’m sick of it! I’m tired of it! So maybe I just wanted to be something else and actually be fun! Maybe then you would actually notice me! Maybe then you would actually like me!”He screamed, tears violently streaming down his face.

“Aris, I do like you,”I unintentionally whispered, just barely tugging him forward so I could wipe some of them away.

“No you don't,”He denied as more came.

“I really do. I do like you, and I do like being around you. You're sweet and funny and smart and patient and positive and bright. You're amazing, Aris,”I listed, sitting him at one of the round tables and handing him my extra water, still holding his hand as I sat across from him.

“It wasn't supposed to go like this,”He uttered as he put his head on the table.

“What wasn't supposed to go like what?”

“Just this. Everything. I just, I just needed you to know that I like you. I really, really like you, and I really want to be able to call you mine. But you don't like me. Because you talk to people. You react. You get angry. But not at me. Never at me. You just see through me, like I’m not even supposed to be here. Like I’m invisible. Like I’m so small and everything else is so big. And it is, but still. I don't want it to be like that. I want it to mean something. I want to mean something. I’m just invisible though so I don't,”He spilled, tightening his hold on my hand while still not looking at me. “I thought that maybe if I was someone else I would be someone worth hanging out with,”He whispered.

“Aris, you are someone worth hanging out with. You are fun,”I assured him. As he just shrugged though, I knew I would have to explain a bit more. “When we would have snowball fights and go ice skating or run off in the woods late at night, that was all fun. When we would talk and watch the stars when everyone was asleep, that was fun. That was all something that I could do forever and ever and not even think about doing something different. I could do that for any activity really,”I admitted, running my thumb over his knuckles. “Just as long as whatever I’m doing has you.”

“What?”He asked quietly, finally meeting my gaze.

You are somebody's someone. You're my someone, and you don't need to be someone else for that. Even if you were somehow someone else, you wouldn't be my person anymore.”

“So am I not your person now?”He whispered, his voice only cracking more despite how out of tears he was. With his face puffy and the way he would just let out hiccuped coughs every now and then, he was drained yet hungry for answers.

“You are. You just did something that messed up the plan so we couldn't find you. We were just looking for you, and that scared me. That terrified me, because I need you. I will always need you. You're the piece of me that keeps me on the ground. You keep me sane. You always make being alive worth it.”

“Why wouldn't it be worth it without me?”

“That's just, that's a really long story. A story without good answers,”I admitted.

“Oh,”He mumbled. “I’m sorry,”He whispered, seeming to understand anyway.

“So do you get it? I need you, Aris. I need the real you. I always have,”I promised.

“Would you ever need me as more than friends?”He asked slowly.

“No, but I want you like that.”

“So can I kiss you?”

“Not now.”

“Awe,”He mumbled to himself.

“But when you're sober you can kiss me until the sun rises in the east and sets in the west,”I assured him. Which maybe was a bad idea since the second I said that he started chugging the water like his life depended on it, downing the whole thing in two seconds. “You good?”

“I’m sobering up faster,”He shrugged, making me laugh a little bit.

And then I also realized that it was the first time in a while.

It also makes sense that he would be the one to make me do so.

Chapter 163: Still Wounded (Part 1)

Summary:

-Angst

It feels sweet. The way he kisses me. The way he touches me. The softness he has. The mumbled I love you's against my lips. It feels sweet. Knowing that my first would be my only.

It would still be sweet. If I told him. Maybe different but sweet.

He wasn't asleep yet. He never just fell asleep after. Not until he knew I was. And I usually would be by now, but I can't. My mind just has far too much on it.

“Aris?”I whispered despite already knowing he was awake.

“Yeah?”

“I want a family.”

Almost instantly, he stiffened, as though I paralyzed him. His hands that had been holding my arms, rubbing shapes on my skin, froze. I swore even his breath on my neck stopped.

“Aris?”I repeated, pulling myself out of his hold to look at him. His face seemed devoid of color, his eyes wide as he stared at me.

“Why?”

“What do you mean why? You knew this a long time ago.”

“Why now?”

“Why not now? I mean there are already toddlers here. Why wouldn't we have one?”

“Right now?”

“You said you wanted a family too,”I reminded him.

“I-I do. I just don't think now’s a good idea.”

“Now’s as good as ever. Nothing’s going to change. Nothing's really changed in our years here. Just getting everything set up, which is completely done, and families. We’ve already been together for so long. Why can't we have one?”

“Not now,”He repeated, turning on his side.

“You always say not now. There's always an excuse. Adjusting and being the first ones and something. There's always a reason.”

He didn't say anything, his arms crossed as his head rested on the pillow.

“If you don't want a family, you need to tell me now. I made it clear that was going to be a part of my future. I made it clear that's what I want. You said that you wanted that too. If you’ve spent those years lying to me, leading me on, getting me attached so I would accept not having a kid, let me know right now.”

He didn't speak as he took a shaky breath, his back still turned to me.

“Fine. Don't tell me,”I snapped, grabbing my blanket. Storming off, I found the couch perfectly out of his view. Laying down, I glared at the ceiling as though it was him.

Did he really lie? Make me love him until he knew nobody else would be the same? Did he change his mind and not once think he should tell me? What the hell is going on?

I’m going insane. I swear I’m going crazy right now. This is just some kind of really bad movie because what the actual hell is happening?

Did he lie to me? Did he really lie to me about this?

And if he did, should I walk away forever?

Chapter 164: Something To Look Forward To

Summary:

-Fluff

From the Spring to WCKD, Aris had been the one I was closest to. Even before dating, we were inseparable. We were basically glued at the hip.

Now, in the Scorch, he’s truly the only one I can lean on. Everyone else is essentially a stranger. Aris is the only one I know. He’s the only one I actually trust.

During our break, I migrated away from everyone, sitting on an old log that was somehow still around with my back to them. Sighing, I kept wondering how the finch this became my life.

“Hey.”

Turning around at the voice, I couldn't help but wear a small smile as I saw Aris.

“Hi,”I greeted back as he took a seat next to me. Grabbing my canteen, I held it out for him. Accepting the offer, he took a sip before placing it in its original spot, leaning against what we claimed as a bench.

“I’m tired,”I sighed, laying my head on his shoulder.

“It won't be much longer,”He assured me, knowing I didn't just mean physically. Wrapping his arm around me, he let me stay close to him despite the awful heat.

“I hope not. I don't think I would be able to take it.”

“You would. You're the strongest person I know,”He insisted, making me resist the urge to roll my eyes. I simply remained close to him, being as in love as a person could get.

“What do you think life’ll be like when we get there?”I asked.

“Better than whatever it is now.”

“Yeah, but more specific than that. What are you hoping it will be?”

Looking down at me, he met my eyes as I stared up at him.

“I want to spend it with you. Sleep in hammocks like we did in the Spring,”He said, facing ahead again. Resting my head back on his shoulder, I nodded in agreement that that was a great idea.

“Can I still sleep in your hoodies?”I checked.

“Yes. You absolutely can,”He promised.

“And we'll get to see Sonya and Harriet. Finally talk to them.”

“Yeah. That’ll be nice. To see our friends again,”He agreed.

Feeling the heat kick in like we knew it would, I scooted about an inch away from him, choosing to hold his hand instead.

“I mean I don't know how we're supposed to have a family with hammocks though,”I pointed out.

“That can be figured out later,”He insisted.

“You mean in a literal week or two?”

“Well, that is later.”

“Boy or girl?”

“Girl,”He answered without hesitation.

“You're not tired of that yet?”

“Nope.”

“What are we naming the hypothetical children?”

“I haven't gotten that far yet.”

“How far have you gotten them?”

“How we’re gonna raise her and stuff.”

“So you’ve decided on parenting before a name?”I pointed out.

“I have to think of a boy and girl name so we’re prepared for whatever the kid is.”

“Two names? Oh no. That's so much work.”

“Well, we have to think of them together,”He reasoned.

“Are we gonna give them your last name or mine though?”

“I think we could just combine them and they can have that.”

“We could always have two.”

“That depends on a lot of stuff though. How difficult the first kid, how you feel during it all, maybe being sleep deprived. This is the safest option.”

“I wouldn't mind two.”

“That's because not even one is here yet.”

“I am going to teach them how to shoot a gun,”I added.

“That'd probably be a good life skill, but I really hope it doesn't end up being necessary.”

“It’d probably just be for things like target practice. Aiming at things for fun, you know?”

“Where do we get a target though?”

“I’m sure they’ll have wood we can draw it on.”

“I’m gonna have to learn to do hair if it's a girl.”

“I’m sure you'll catch on pretty quick. You can always practice on mine,”I assured him.

“I’ll probably need it.”

“Hey, we have to get going.”

Glancing up at Thomas, I sighed as I nodded. Taking my hand out of his, I stretched as I stood up, something I desperately needed as my neck popped.

“Off we go again,”I said as I pulled him up.

“Off we go again to have our dream life,”He corrected.

“It better not stay a dream.”

“I’m sure we’ll finally have some kind of luck.”

With how things seemed to have been going lately, it's kind of hard to believe that. At least I have him to believe in it though.

Chapter 165: Finally Snapped

Summary:

-Fluff
-Light hurt/comfort

For as long as I’ve known him, Aris has been calm. He keeps to himself, shuts his mouth, and does his own thing without bothering anyone. He just wants to get through the day without anything remarkable. All pretty standard things.

I admire that about him. I wish I could be like that, but I am not. I snap at people who don't know how to keep their mouths shut, get in fights with people who badmouth people I care about, and need to learn to let things not affect me the way he does. It’s a great skill that I do not have.

Apparently, he’s not picture perfect at that skill though. Everyone has their breaking points, and after a week of people talking about him in front of him, I got to see his. I got to see him actually snap back at someone, telling the group of boys to shut their mouths before he shuts it for them. Other things were said, but that was the most memorable.

Of course, he got pulled out and to his room before he could try to follow through on that word, which is admittedly good. He’s quick witted but not the fighter type. He has a fighting spirit and will do what he has to do to stay alive, but petty fist fights is another story.

I thought it was cool. It kind of made me love him a little more honestly, something I didn't know could happen.

As I was taken back to my room after lunch, which was a whole half hour of waiting, it was clear he did not think it was a good thing. He was sitting on his bed, in the very corner, staring at the wall. His face was almost devoid of color.

“Hey,”I tried, ducking under the bunk and sitting a few feet away.

“I’m sorry,”He mumbled, still not looking at me.

“Don't be. They deserved it,”I promised.

“I just know that I don't yell like that. I try not to lose my temper. I don't want to do that. I don't want to be angry. I don’t want to scare you. You know?”He mumbled again.

“Aris,”I sighed, moving directly beside him. Placing my hand on his cheek, I turned him to face me. His eyes widened with surprise for a moment before going back to normal as he just looked at me. “You could never scare me,”I smiled, gently caressing his face with my thumb.

“Never?”He whispered against my lips

“Never ever ever.”

Chapter 166: In Another Life

Summary:

-Angst

In another life, I would be your girl

One journal, one pair of headphones, two pens, three hoodies, four books. All carefully arranged in a box for me to never see again.

I looked over at him, sitting on my bed for the last time. He hadn't looked at me once, staring down at the box he had also gotten ready.

“I’m pretty sure I got the last of everything,”I said quietly, standing up as I held it. Meeting my eyes, he gave me a small, almost reluctant, nod.

“I, um, I have all your stuff. I should. Just, uh, just find me if something’s missing,”He stuttered, glancing at the floor, then at me again.

“I will. I know where your door is,”I promised.

“Yeah. You do,”He whispered.

Slowly, he got up, setting the box on my bed. Even with his back to me, I could tell he was holding on for longer than needed, almost as if he was holding on to us.

I could hear him take a breath before officially letting go, walking over to me. Holding his stuff out, I prayed he didn't notice the shakiness in my arms as he accepted it, his fingers grazing mine for just a moment. Something that made my grip a little tighter, desperately wishing I could stay like this. Or even better, turn back time so things could be different.

They wouldn't be. Not when neither of us were really at fault.

Taking it from my hands, he tucked it under his arm. Standing there, I tried to think of what the right thing to say was.

“For what it’s worth, I don't want to take my stuff back,”He whispered.

“I don't either.”

He gazed at me in a way I had never seen before. Despite the way he used to look at me every day, his eyes shining with love, they had never held this kind of love. Love with a longing that we both could have held on.

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah. I’m sorry too.”

The tears stung my eyes, threatening to spill down my cheeks in front of him. Wiping them with my sleeve, I pretended not to know he didn't realize anyway. He always realized things nobody else did. It was always something I loved about him.

“In another life?”

“Yeah. In another life.”

Chapter 167: Still Wounded (Part 2)

Summary:

-Hurt/comfort

I really, really wish I didn't have today off. I just want to go to work and forget about it all. I just want to plant things and take my frustration out on the dirt as I dig holes. Is that too much to ask?

I would have settled for him having to go to work too. Anything that meant not being near him. Anything at all.

I was up before him. Or at least before he left the room. Figuring that was for the best, I left in last night’s tank top and sweats, blanket around my shoulders. Walking out the door, I carelessly let it shut as I took a seat on the porch.

It's nice here. It’s peaceful. Life is safe. There's no real threats. There's nothing that's going to hurt us. The only way we're going to die is old age or stupidity.

Why isn't that enough? What could he possibly be waiting for? Why is he only okay with those nights if it's not for a family?

I don't get it. I want to get it, but he shuts down. Every. Single. Time.

I want a kid. I’ve survived the unsurvivable, been through a living hell, have known true grief, and I just want a kid. The one I had dreamed of. Having a family, getting to have a family without worrying about if one of you won't make it home that night, used to be impossible. Now that is isn't, I want what I have for years. I want that dream to be a reality.

What sucks is that I only want it with him. I never imagined it any other way. I never dreamed about it with anyone but him.

He’s ruining it. He suddenly doesn't seem to want that cliche but picture perfect life, and I don't know why. He won't tell me why.

It's not supposed to be like this.

With a frustrated groan, I buried my face in my hands, fighting the urge to scream into them. To cry, and yell, and, hit something, and pull my hair.

“Hi.”

Having been too caught up in my head, I didn't hear the door shut or him sitting next to me, also in last night's clothes and with a blanket over him.

“I’m mad at you.”

“Yeah. I know.”

“You never talk about it. About why. And that sucks, because I would listen without a second thought. I would comfort you the way you do me, and you know that so why? Why can't you just talk to me?”I pleaded, facing him. Staring straight ahead, he just looked out at the sea, his breath slightly shaky. Still sitting by him, despite my definite anger and confusion, I took his hand in mine, firmly locking our fingers together.

“It still hurts sometimes. A lot. Knowing I’m here and happy. Knowing I’m a part of the reason people aren't. It hurts. It aches, and I don't know how to let it go. I don't think I can.”

Squeezing his hand, I stayed still as he rested his head on my shoulder, a small sigh leaving him as he kept his eyes forward. With nothing but the sounds of the overpowering waves, faint noises of people working, and birds, it was peaceful. It was wonderful.

“You deserve to be happy. Being miserable isn't going to do anything. It isn't going to bring anyone back,”I said gently, resting my head on top of his.

“I feel guilty. Out of nowhere sometimes too. I’ll be okay, and then I’m not. And there's nothing I can do about it.”

“You did what you thought was right. You know better than anyone here what they were capable of, what kind of mind games they would play. You know what they did was wrong.”

“But that doesn't make what I did any less wrong.”

Wrapping my arms around him, I kept him close to me. Leaning almost his entire weight against him, he let me hold him, as though it would make the weight on his shoulders lighter.

“You were young. You were young, and you were growing, and you were alone, and you were vulnerable. You were there for them to mold you, to make you their puppet. And you fit that mold perfectly and moved every time they pulled your strings. It's what they wanted.”

“I know.”

“And now you're not that. You're older, and you've grown, and you’re surrounded by love, and you’re stronger than you’ve ever been. You're authentically you. The things you think, the things you hate, the things you love, the people you surround yourself with, that's your choice now. You get to decide.”

“I don't feel strong sometimes. It just sucks. It hurts all the time. I’m tired of hurting. I’m tired of feeling like this.”

“I know. I don't know exactly what that feels like, but I know what it's like to feel bad just for being alive sometimes. We all do.”

“I don't think I deserve happiness sometimes. And a family with you would make me really, really happy. Being with you is already the greatest thing ever, and if it gets better, I don't know if I’ll be able to take it. I don't know how I’ll not break, and I don't want to be like that. I don't want to have those feelings while raising our kid.”

So it all comes back full circle. His past that he had almost no control over then and absolutely none now, still haunts him.

“Aris,”I started, grabbing his hands as I pulled away. “That feeling will never completely leave. Survivors' guilt never really does, but you're so much better than you once were. I remember the nights we would sit outside and mourn everything and everyone. I remember how miserable everything once was. Now, while there are still some nights I just have to wonder why, I appreciate all the good here. You do too. So, since this is the easiest it gets, why wait just because you think you don't deserve it?”

“Do you really think I could be a good dad?”He whispered, lightly squeezing my hands.

“I know you’ll be the best dad,”I assured him.

“You’ll be a very good mom.”

“I hope so.”

“You will be,”He shrugged, giving me a small smile.

“I think we’ll be good parents.”

“Well, time to find out then,”He grinned, pulling me up and into his arms, holding my bridal style. Wrapping mine around his shoulders, I let him carry me inside with a ridiculously wide smile and a gentle kiss.

Chapter 168: A Better Fighter

Summary:

-Fluff

Working for WICKED was . . . interesting? I guess that's a word for it. It's just that one day we're in separate classrooms, then we’re side by side in front of a computer screen, then we're practicing telepathy (which would be amazing if they didn't know what we were saying), then we're in a meeting with Chancellor and the Counsel, then we're practicing self defense. Because that's definitely needed in this place gated off from the outside world.

Still, I don't mind. A few daggers never hurt anyone. At least, as far as Aris and I are concerned. If anything, we’ve accepted it as a fun game between friends. 

A game that I refuse to lose. Not in an “I’ll kill him” way. More of a “I’ll be damned if my only friend will beat me” kind. A little friendly competition, if you will. It's nothing serious.

“Remember that it's okay to lose. I know that you tend to do that,”I taunted, circling him with my dagger drawn.

“I would keep that in my mind, but that's not happening,”He shot back.

“Remember. Stay clean. First person to draw blood wins,”the referee announced.

“You hear that, Y/N? You might want to follow the rules for once.”

“Rules were meant to be bent. Just like your ego.”

“On three, start.”

“If only I were the one who had one.”

“One.”

“After always losing, it's the only thing you do have.”

“Two.”

“You really like erasing every match you lose from your mind, don't you?”

“Three.”

Stepping towards him, I had my dagger out at the same time as him. Seeing the way he was close to making the first slice, I moved to the side before he could cut me. 

“Starting off quick, aren't you?”I pointed out, putting my dagger on my belt, knowing he would do the same. With one arm protecting my face, I threw a punch only for him to block it.

“It's the only way to beat you,”He justified, going to knock me from under my feet. Taking a step back, when he followed I went to the side before getting in front of him and grabbing my weapon.

“I’ve already told you. Slow down just enough to see the details, pretty thing,”I advised, throwing him a sly grin before he tried to cut my hand. Pulling back for barely a second, as he attempted to catch me off guard I got behind him. When he inevitably spun around, I grabbed his arm and pushed him on the wall behind me.

“You want out yet, pretty thing?”I suggested, placing my dagger at his throat.

“Draw blood, love. Earn the win,”He dared.

“It's no fun if you don't at least try to fight back,”I pointed out, getting as close as possible without breaking the skin. Close enough to feel his heartbeat and see every bit of his face. 

“Cranks don't flirt to win!”the ref yelled.

“That one's always such a buzzkill,”I sighed, acting like I didn't see his hand reaching for the extra weapon in his pocket. Not taking our eyes off of each other, just as I felt his knife on my arm I made a quick cut on his shoulder, tearing his shirt and obviously drawing blood. He winced for a second before letting out a defeated sign.

Like usual we stepped away and put our weapons on the ground. Not even listening to the instructions, we shook hands.

“That was the closest one so far. I couldn't even see the weapon,”I complimented.

“How’d you know though?”

“I saw you going for your left pocket out of the corner of my eye. You keep extra things in your left pocket and things you know you’ll need in your right,”I explained.

“You’re observant.”

“That's why I always win. That, along with making you nervous with the fake flirting,”I added.

“Nobody flirts better than two best friends in competition,”He shrugged.

“Yeah, and we're living proof. I’ll see you in class after you get cleaned up?”

“Obviously. See you in a bit, pretty thing,”He mocked.

“Yeah. I’ll see you in a bit, love,”I agreed, rolling my eyes as we walked out the doors on opposite ends of the place. Trying not to skip, when I shut it I slid against it, closed my eyes, and smiled. 

Pretty thing. 

I like that.

Aris’s P.O.V

“Pretty thing,”I repeated to myself as I took a moment outside the door. I know that it doesn't mean anything, but I’d be lying if I said I didn't feel something after these. 

Pretty thing. 

I like that.

Chapter 169: The One You Want

Summary:

-Angst
-Hurt/no comfort

Aris’s P.O.V

I look at Y/N constantly. I mean I have to. She's the love of my life. She's the light of my world. She's everything I need. 

So I shouldn't look at her the way I do. I shouldn't find my gaze on Rachel as I wonder why it ended the way it did. Why outside forces pulled us apart. 

She looks back at me. Her eyes catch mine for just a moment, something that makes my heart skip a beat. She was my only friend at one point. She was my life. My first hug, my first kiss, my first connection. She was everything to me.

It's wrong. I know it is. If I ever told anyone, they would say the obvious truth. 

I shouldn't still fall asleep next to Y/N. Not when I want to call out to Rachel. To tell her I’m sorry for it all. To tell her I’m sorry I was able to love someone else.

She was dead asleep, sure to be out until morning. It takes a lot to wake her up. There's nothing like having to threaten to drag her out of bed before pressing teasing kisses to her face until she couldn't resist. There's nothing like watching her rest, the moonlight glowing on her. 

Sitting up, I kissed her temple, stroking her hair. As expected, she didn't even stir. I know that about her. I know everything about her. 

She knows almost everything about me. Everything but the guilty wonder of another life.

Sighing, I got out of bed, keeping my back to her. I have to clear my head. Have to get out of the space we built into ours. Maybe it’ll make my stomach settle. Just for a little bit.

Cracking the door open, I slipped outside, letting it shut behind me. There was an instant breeze sending goosebumps up my arms, the earth punishing me for not being beside my girlfriend who’s done nothing but make my life so much better. She’s the first person I see when I open my eyes and the last one I see when I close them. That should be the only thing that matters.

It's not. She's not, and I know that. 

I should do something about it. I should stop holding on. I should stop risking hurting her. She doesn't deserve this. She deserves someone who only wants her. I know that.

I do want her. I do love her. 

I just know being with her randomly makes me sick when I look into her kind eyes and realize she should have better. 

The world seems empty. The beach seems empty. It all seems so empty, so pointless.

Rachel has a boyfriend now. They look happy. They look like they belong together. 

It kills me a little more every time they kiss. It kills me when she rests her head on my shoulder. It kills me when Y/N holds my hand without realizing I’m jealous of someone I’ve assured her she doesn't have to worry about.

Staring out at the sea, I took a breath before shaking my head. 

She's bound to realize. She's not stupid. Quite the opposite. She's as smart as it gets, always sharing things I didn't know and teaching me things I didn't know could be taught. 

She's going to catch on that when we kiss I can't help but reminisce about another memory. About kissing Rachel. She's going to catch on that I’m noticing every difference in how they kiss. She's going to realize I want to say Rachel's name after an I love you. And I mean my I love you. I truly do. My love for her is real.

It gets overshadowed sometimes. More times than I can handle.

Too caught up in the problem I created, I didn't hear soft footsteps behind me. Not until I felt someone’s presence beside me. 

I knew who it was before I even looked. I only ever feel as calm as I do when she's around.

“Couldn't sleep?”

“No. Mind’s too loud I guess,”I answered, peeking at her through the corner of my eye. She was fixating on the ground, avoiding me completely. 

I’m not sure how I feel about that.

“Do you ever think about us?”I asked before I could stop myself. Silently looking over at me, she frowned at the question. Pursing my lips, I met her sad gaze.

“All the time,”She whispered.

“I think it should be me. Sometimes. When he loves you.”

“It was,”She pointed out.

“I know. It was . . . nice. Being with you.”

“It was nice being with you too. Until,”She trailed off.

“Until it wasn't.”

“Yeah. Until it wasn't.”

Turning my entire body to her, I took another breath as my heart broke a little more in my chest. I’m wrong for this. I’m wrong for not immediately walking back to bed. I’m wrong for even thinking about leaving in the first place.

I was here though, digging myself deeper into the hole.

“It was complicated. You know that.”

“I do. I was happy with you though. It's just,”I started, the words getting caught in my throat.

“You're happy now. You have a life. One without me. You're doing better and loving someone new and happy with her,”She finished, reading my mind without telepathy.

“Yeah. I love her. So much.”

“If we were still together, would you still love her?”

“Would you still love him?”

“No.”

This conversation shouldn't be happening. None of these words should even be a possibility. We should both be content in our new lives and new lovers. I should be thinking about how lucky I am to be with someone who cares about me in ways I never thought I deserved.

It is though. And I can't find it in me to walk away. Not yet.

“Y/N’s safe. Being with her is safe. Life is safe. And I love her. I do.”

“Who are you trying to convince, Aris?”

I’ve missed hearing my name from her lips. I’ve missed the way she speaks so softly. I’ve missed the way she would say it with such happiness. I’ve missed the way it would fill me with butterflies.

Now I just want to throw up. 

“Nobody. I love her. I just don't feel right about it. Sometimes. And that's wrong.”

“I know. This is bad. We’re bad. Again.”

“That's the thing though. It was always you and I. And now it's just not. And I don't think that’ll ever not hurt. I don't think I want it not to.”

Looking towards the sea, she rubbed her arms, warming herself. I used to lay beside her when it got cold, holding her to my chest as our body heat protected each other. 

Something that never gets to happen again.

“But that doesn't matter. We can't hurt them. They don't deserve that.”

“No. They don't.”

“So this is the actual goodbye then.”

“Then, why'd you walk up to me?”

“To be sure.”

“To be sure of what?”

“That it really would be too hard to see you every day again. Harder than seeing you with her.”

“Is it?”

“Is it hard to think about being with me?”

I do think about it. All the time. Both what we had and what we could be.

But to have what we could be, we'd have to erase what we had. And we can't do that. History doesn't have to repeat itself, but it can never be erased. 

“Goodbye, Rachel. I . . . I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too.”

Staring at her for a little longer, I took her in. Her brown skin. Her caramel eyes. Her dark hair. Her soft cheekbones. Her. 

I know she wants to say it just as badly as I do.

I still love you. No matter how badly I don't want there to be, you’ll always have a place in my heart.

But we said nothing. There was nothing that could be said that wouldn't end in ruins. 

Walking away from her again, I tried to tell myself my eyes stung because of the wind and not the tears threatening to fall. That my chest only ached because I needed to warm myself up by Y/N and not because I resent myself more and more for loving her through a lie. That my throat was only closing up because I was tired and not because I was about to sob.

As I dragged myself to our home, I noticed the small light on. Figuring she was just wondering where I was, I wiped my face before opening the door, ready to give her some excuse.

Not to see her holding her face in her hands as she silently sobbed on the edge of the bed. Not even thinking about what just happened, I sat beside her, rubbing her back to comfort her.

“Y/N, what-”

“Why? Why couldn't you just leave me?”She cried, pressing her palms to her eyes as her shoulders shook. Going speechless, I just stared at her like an idiot, my hand stuck on her skin.

“Have you done anything with her?”

“Y/N-”

“Yes or no?”She snapped, glaring at me through tears. 

“No. I would never do that when I have you,”I promised.

“But you don't want me. You want her,”She said through heavy breaths, burying her face in her knees as she hunched over in pain.

“I want you. I do-”

“You want Rachel. You want her,”She cried, sliding to the floor, breaking worse by the second. Sitting beside her, I swallowed the lump in my throat as I placed my hand on her shoulder the way I was used to.

“You dont-you don't love me. You just-you-you like what I give you. You don't love me,”She sputtered out.

“I do. I love you. I-I promise-”

“You love her. You want her,”She said sharply, slapping my hand away as she forced herself up, leaning against the bed as she laid her head back, tears streaming her cheeks as her lips quivered. Covering her mouth, she screamed into it as I helplessly sat there, the realization that I just ruined the best thing in my life over something that fixed nothing. 

“I’m sorry. I-I love you. I love you,”I promised, my voice cracking.

“You want-”

“Please? I-I love you. I love you so much. I-I love you,”I begged, holding her face in my hands, pressing my forehead against hers as hot tears burned my skin.

“I’m leaving you. I don't-I can't even look at you,”She choked out, pulling away from my touch.

“No. No, no, no. I can't-I need you. Beside me. Please? You can't-don’t leave me too? Please don't leave?”

“You want her. You would be with her if you could.”

“Please? I-I love you. I love you-”

“And you think I didn't love you? You think I didn't think you were my forever?”She reasoned.

“Please, Rach-Y/N.”

Standing up, she went quiet, the only sounds being her panting and sniffling. 

“Y/N, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn't-I didn't mean it,”I pleaded, standing with her, clasping my hands together as the panic only got worse.

“You-you called me her,”She breathed out.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I love you. I-I love you,”I repeated, wrapping my arms around her, burying my face in her neck as I kept begging in her ear.

“Don't touch me!”She shouted, grabbing my wrists and forcing me off of her, pushing me back as hard as she could. Falling on our bed, I looked up at her, shaking my head in denial. Narrowing her eyes, she gave me a look so hurt and full of rage that I froze. Turning around, she went to leave, snapping me out of my trance as I quickly followed, my legs shaking as I grabbed her arm.

“Get your hands off of me!”She screamed, spinning around and shoving me to the floor, knocking the wind out of me. Staring up at her with wide eyes, I found myself unable to speak, unable to move, at the shock of everything crumbling down.

“You're a cheater. You may have never touched her, but you would leave me for her in a heartbeat if you weren't such a coward. If you weren't so pathetic, you’d actually be with who you wanted. Putting your hands all over her as you whispered sweet nothings in her ear. You’d like that, wouldn't you?”

Tearing my gaze from her, I could only stare at the wall, knowing there was nothing I could say to that.

Because she's right. I would like it. If she didn't exist, I’d be with Rachel before I could even blink.

“I hope you get her. You both deserve each other. Pathetic traitors,”She insulted, her footsteps heavy as she walked out, slamming the door behind her. 

I lost everything. I lost the life I had grown used to, the girl I had fallen in love with, everything. I lost everything.

And I only have myself to blame.

Chapter 170: Theories

Summary:

-Fluff

I was tired. I’ll admit that. Life had been a lot lately, and people couldn't stop getting sick for some reason. It could be really taxing to be around the ill and injured all day.

At least I know I have Aris when the day’s over. And sometimes when it isn't.

Already having dried, I slipped on my first available clothes before finding him at dinner. With a halfhearted sigh, I sat beside him, resting my head on his shoulder as he handed me my meal.

“Rough day?”

“Yeah. Rough day,”I sighed.

“I take it you're going to bed after this?”

“Yeah. I need it,”I nodded, pulling my head up but placing my hand in his.

“I’ll be with you shortly after. I just have to finish up something for Vince.”

“You can stay up later if you want,”I assured him.

“It's fine. I’d rather be with you.”

“Even if I’m just asleep?”

“Yes. Even if you're just sleeping.”

“Ugh, I swear you two make me sick.”

“Huh?”I asked, looking over at Minho.

“I would feel better if you guys would just make out in public at this point. Anything but all the cute lovey dovey stuff.”

“Just to clarify, you’d prefer we make out in front of you instead of just holding hands? That's what you're saying?”I pointed out.

“At this point, yeah. It’d be easier to eat with that than what you two are doing.”

“I mean I’d be willing to test that theory. What about you, Aris? Would you?”I suggested, looking over at him.

“I certainly have no problem with that,”He shrugged.

“No complaints either?”

“Nope. Not one.”

“I’m gonna go find Thomas before I barf up my meal,”He told us, standing up to go find him. Letting out a small laugh, I shook my head a little at the way literally anything we did would make him physically ill. On the bright side, he walked away because of it. As long as I don't have to deal with him, I don't care.

“You still up to test that theory?”He whispered in my ear.

“When we're alone, sure. We can test that theory,”I promised.

“Yay.”

“Yeah. Yay,”I echoed, slipping my hand out his to eat.

Chapter 171: Confessions I Didn't Want (Part 1)

Summary:

-Angst

It was bad. More than bad actually. It was gut wrenching to figure out what to do now. If I could go back in time and make him shut his mouth I would.

I can't though.

For some reason, he decided years into the Safe Haven was the time to confess that his role was more than he would have ever admitted. Not only did he know about the trials, he had never lost his memories. From the beginning, it was all a trap.

Even when I asked him to stop talking he just kept going on and on. Even though the rage seemed to have filled my head to the point where I tuned out the words, each syllable made my blood boil.

“Shut up!”I finally snapped, pushing him back. Staring at me with wide eyes, he just took several breaths as I glared at him. “Why the hell is it now when you tell me? We were fine. We were amazing just a few minutes ago. What the hell? Why would you ruin that?”

“I’m-I’m sorry. I just-I had to tell someone, and I thought you would understand. I thought you would know what to say.”

“What do you want me to say, Aris? What the hell am I supposed to say to that? That it's all okay? That it's totally fine that you were completely involved in them from the start and lied about it for years? What am I supposed to tell you?”

“I don't know. I just needed someone to know, and I thought that it would be you,”He whispered.

“I can't just-you can't just drop that all on me and expect me to be calm. That's not fair.”

“I’m sorry. I just needed someone to know, and I just-it just had to be you.”

“I just can't do this right now. I’m going to sleep on the couch.”

“Y/N-”
“I just need some space right now, okay? I’ll see you in the morning,”I promised, grabbing a blanket.

“I love you,”He whispered as I walked past him.

“Yeah. Love you too,”I mumbled, keeping my head down as I went to act as though I could sleep this off.

Chapter 172: Confessions I Didn't Want (Part 2)

Summary:

-Fluff

Aris’s P.O.V

“Love you too.”

She didn't say I love you. She always says I, but she didn't. She didn't say I so she doesn't love me now.

I didn't want to make her upset. I didn't want to make her angry. I didn't want to hurt her feelings. I didn't want to do whatever I did. 

I just had to say something before I blew up. I couldn't keep bottling it up, because if one thing set me off that would be it. Forever. 

I didn't sleep. I just kept my eyes shut and silently cried until I ran out of tears. I just cried until I was too drained to even move. I just laid there, curled up in a ball, as I regretted saying anything. 

She doesn't love me. She didn't say I so she doesn't love me anymore.

Hearing her quiet footsteps by the door, I debated just admitting that I was awake. Then, I realized that it didn't matter. Not really. 

As she crept in the room, I just stayed in that same position. With my eyes closed and everything, I didn't even mean to fake being asleep. I just didn't know how to get up. 

“You awake?”She whispered, walking over to my side. Staying silent, I just listened as she sighed. “I was hoping you wouldn't be,”She quietly admitted, pushing some of my hair out of my face before wiping my mostly dried tears. Balling my hands up, I resisted the urge to let more spill. “I'm sorry I didn't sleep next to you. I know that I always do, but I really did need to just think about everything. I had to wrap my head around it all so that I didn't end up saying something that wasn't true. I didn't want to hurt you in a way that can't be fixed,”She whispered, leaning closer and kissing my forehead. “I love you, my beautiful boy,”She assured me, wiping away more of my tears before pulling away completely. “I’m going to go make breakfast, but I’ll see you when you wake up. When you do, you can tell me anything you need to. Anything at all, and I’ll listen. It’ll just be you and I, and this time I’ll find the right thing to say,”She finished, standing up and leaving, quietly shutting the door on her way out.

She still loves me. She loves me. She loves me, and she said everything I didn't know that I needed to hear.

I love her too. I love her so very much, no matter what she does.

But I also don't think she could do any wrong so there's nothing to even worry about.

Chapter 173: Suspicious (Part 1)

Summary:

-Slight hurt/comfort

Everyone seemed to have warmed up to Aris. Trusted him enough. I mean I know we're all stuck out here together, but they seem to genuinely not think he has ill intent. Not like when we first ran into him.

I’m suspicious of him. I don't trust him as far as I could throw him. I don't think he’s as clueless as us, and I don't believe anything he says. I mean I don't trust much, but I trust him less than anything else.

“We need someone to keep night watch,”Jorge instructed.

“I’ll do it,”I instantly offered.

“You offered the last three nights too. Someone else-”

“I’m fine,”I said firmly.

“And sleep deprived.”

“Be quiet, Fry. Everyone just go to bed. I’ll make sure we're safe.”

“We’ll have to pair you with someone then. Don't want you snoozing on the job,”Minho said.

“I am not sleeping.”

“Yeah. We can tell,”Newt deadpanned. Rolling my eyes, I kept my spot, not planning on backing down.

“Aris, you get to be her watch partner first,”Frankie volunteered.

“No he does not. I do not need a partner.”

“The bags under your eyes say otherwise.”

“We all have bags under our eyes, you twat.”

“Well, we’re going to bed. You two make sure we don't die and all that,”Fry said, patting Aris’s shoulder. He stiffened at the touch, silently and awkwardly glancing up at Fry until he removed his hand. 

I am not going to stay with this guy. I might just kill him first. This is an awful idea, and everyone that disagrees needs their brain checked. Besides for being a Crank. It's a bit late for that.

The others, as they said, fixed up the fire before rolling over in their spots. With a huff, I turned back around on my rock, my eyes watching for any movement in the darkness. 

“So how have you stayed up for three days?”

“Shut up,”I demanded, not wanting to remember his existence. I’m just trying to do my damn job. I don't need a sidekick sitting under my rock and looking up at me.

I can feel it. I feel his eyes on me, and it makes me want to tear myself into pieces. 

Nobody is to be trusted, but him, there's something about him that I just can't let go of. So I won't. Simple as that.

♡ Time Skip⁠♡

The fire was gradually going out. The flickering of it behind us and crackles were fewer and fewer, leaving it essentially useless. It only illuminated a few sleeping shadows and us.

“Do I still have to shut up?”He whispered.

“I’d prefer it.”

“What if I have to ask you something?”

“I could not care less.”

“Can I just ask you something?”

Sighing, I took a breath before looking down at him. With his eyes already meeting mine, he seemed to silently repeat himself.

“Fine,”I gave in.

“Why do you hate me?”

“I don't know you. I don't know you so I don't trust you. I’ve made that clear.”

“I just mean you look at me as if you genuinely despise me. You look at me with anger in your eyes, and I just,”He trailed off, his voice growing softer with each word. By now the only thing I could see of him was his outline and the time the sparks would make his green eyes bright for just a second before fading.

“You just what?”

“Don't know why. Everyone seems to look at me like that. All the time. And you wouldn't care about me enough to lie about why so do you know why? Why everyone looks at me like that?”

Staring down at him, I took a moment to think about it, making sure his suddenly sad, maybe even vulnerable, gaze didn't change my answer. If he wants one, then he should know why. Not for his sake. Just for the sake of being fair.

“Do you know why?”He repeated.

“You rub people the wrong way. There's just something about the way you carry yourself that's off. There's no way to describe it. It just doesn't seem authentic. You move, and walk, and talk like everything you do is for a purpose. Every action and word is just not quite right.”

“Oh,”He mumbled, facing the openness right as the dying fire went out. Staying silent, I sat on the rock while still looking down on him. “I don't mean to.”

“Look,”I sighed, getting down from my spot for the first time throughout this. Sitting a few inches away, I pulled my knees to my chest while staring at the same emptiness he was. “In both situations where you remember meeting people, there's something weird happening. Don't you see how that’s a little odd?”

“Yeah. I just have, or I feel like, I’ve always been looked at like that.”

“Why?”

“I don't know. I just do.”

Nodding despite the deadness of the night, I looked over only for him to be looking back. Even though there was almost less than no light I could see the way he wore a small frown, his face having this hint of defeat.

“Maybe you don't seem so bad when people know you longer?”I suggested, absentmindedly running my hands back and forth in the sand between us.

“What if I do?”

“I don't know. I guess just accept it.”

“I don't want to just accept it.”

“Your best bet is to find the right person then. Someone who you know you won't rub the wrong way.”

“And if I don't?”He whispered, his words devoid of hope.

“Find someone who's okay with that.”

“It sounds so simple like that.”

“Did you want it to be complicated?”

“Doesn't something being complicated mean it's more genuine? Because you have to work for it?”

“All I can say to that is every boy guy's relationship with me when I first got in my Maze that started complicated ended with nothing. Because there are some things you shouldn't twist your bones for. I won't do something I don't have to for a result I can get another way.”

“And if there is only one way?”

“Then, do it right. If you have to do something, don't screw it up.”

“Okay,”He nodded.

“Do you have to do something?”

Staying silent, he looked over at me, his expression melancholic and worried.

“Do it right then,”I repeated.

“Yeah. I will.”

Chapter 174: Suspicious (Part 2)

Summary:

-Hurt/comfort

I had grown to not think he was the worst. I had genuinely thought that maybe Aris truly was just like us. That there was nothing to worry about when it came to him.

And this whole time, I was right from the start. He wasn't meant to be trusted. He was a backstabber. A literal backstabber.

The events from that and the fight after had worn everybody out. The only people that weren't fast asleep just so happened to be him and I. What a fun coincidence.

“I’m sorry,”He whispered in the dark. Recognizing his tone of genuinely wanting someone to talk to, I turned over in my spot to face him.

“I’m not the one you have to be sorry to.”

“I deceived you too. I just-I’m sorry.”

“You understand now, don't you? Does it finally make sense?”

Going silent, he just stared at me, his eyes holding a deep sorrow and regret. His shoulders were slumped despite him laying down.

“That is why people look at you the way they do, Aris. That's exactly why.”

Nodding, his eyes pooled up with tears. Not bothering to fight it, he let them slowly spill down his cheeks, reflecting in the little light this place had, causing them to shine as though they were the brightest thing to exist. As though they were the brightest thing about him.

“That was the one thing you had to do?”

“Yes,”He confirmed, his voice cracking at the single word.

“Did you do it right?”

“Yes. I did what I had to.”

“You did your best, right?”

“I did. I didn't want to, but I did,”He said slowly, more of his tears dripping down his cheeks.

“That's important. That's good,”I whispered, taking his face in my hands. Without a word, I wiped them away, drying his cheeks. Gazing at me with glassy eyes, he stared at me with an emotion I swear nobody had ever looked at me with before.

“I never thought anything would go this far,”He whispered.

“Nobody ever does until it happens, do they?”

“No. I don't think they do.”

As I took my hands away from him, he moved closer. Without even thinking about it, I wrapped my arms around him, letting him curl up to my side, his head buried in my neck as though that was his protection from the world.

“Do I still rub you the wrong way?”He whispered.

“No.”

I hadn't realized it but not one bit. Even after the betrayal, my view on him has changed from what it once was. He was good, even if people were convinced otherwise now.

“And if I do one day?”He whispered again, his voice holding fear at the answer.

“Then, I would put up with it.”

Chapter 175: A Heavy Role

Summary:

-Angst
-Hurt/comfort

Aris’s P.O.V

I don't know how to make this better. I’m not sure I could, even if I tried. I’m not sure any amount of love or answers could make her look at me the same. 

She used to cling to me at night, holding my hands as she cuddled up to my chest. She used to tell me she loved me every morning when she woke up. She used to jump into my arms when she got home, letting me spin her around before setting her down and kissing her. 

She stays so far on the edge of the bed she's about to fall off now. She doesn't even look at me. She doesn't talk to me. She’s just there. 

Is there any universe where this was different? Where the truth will actually set me free? Is there any universe where my happiness is forever? 

“Y/N?”I whispered. She didn't respond. She doesn't respond to a lot of what I say now. 

Closing my eyes, I stopped the tears from falling before looking at her, her back facing me and her arms still hugging herself as she ignored my existence. “You used to love me. You said you would always love me. When we were younger, you swore we would be forever. You promised nothing would change that,”I whispered.

Curling herself into a ball, she stayed silent. 

“I’m sorry. For all of it. I love you so much. So, so much. It's why I didn't want to lie to you anymore. It's why I couldn't. You mean too much. You mean everything to me.”

“You lied to me for years.”

Her voice was ice cold, sending uncomfortable chills down my spine. Yet somehow the anger in her tone, the way she had once spoken so softly to me only to speak to me with resentment I didn't know one person could have, wasn't the worst part.

It was the fact that she was right.

“I’m sorry. I didn't know what would happen if I told you. I tried to forget it, but I couldn't. When I knew I wouldn't, I knew you had to know.”

“Maybe that. Or maybe because you're not dumb enough to try to have a family with someone while keeping secrets. It might just be the one good thing you knew.”

“I would have told you earlier if I knew how.”

“You should have figured it out. I mean you have to have been pretty smart to be WICKED’s loyal worker, right?”

“I don't know. I don't know if that's true. Sometimes I think they just picked four kids at random,”I admitted.

“I still hate you for it.”

“For working for them or keeping it from you?”

“Both. Mainly the second one but definitely both.”

“Do you still love me? Even just a little bit?”I quietly begged, my voice cracking as I waited for whatever she had to say.

She didn't say anything. She just moved further away, her head curled in her hands.

“Y/N, please say you still love me?”I pleaded.

“I hate you.”

“But you can love me too.”

“Aris-”

“Tell me you love me-”

“I hate you, Aris-”

“Just say you still want me-”

“I don't know how-”

“Please-”

“I don't know, okay?! I don't know right now!”She screamed, finally looking at me, quickly sitting up on the bed.

“Y/N, please?”I whispered.

“I don't know, okay? I don't-I don't know how I feel. I don't know what I’m supposed to do,”She cried, her tears spilling over. Pressing her palms to her eyes, her shoulders shook as strangled, pained sounds left her.

“I’m sorry,”I promised, hugging her tightly, already far too used to comforting her about anything to even think about it.

“I hate you,”She sobbed, leaning closer to me, her head resting on my chest as she kept her face in her hands. Keeping my arms around her, I kissed the top of her head as I ran my fingers up her arm. 

“I’m sorry,”I repeated, shutting my eyes as my own tears threatened to spill.

“What are we supposed to tell our kids when they ask how we met? If they ask how we got together? If they ask how we first said I love you? What do we say if I don't even get to remember it?”She questioned, broken sounds leaving her as she buried her face in my neck, her hot tears falling on my shirt. Her cries seemed muffled against my skin but just as devastated.

“The story we both know,”I said gently.

“I want to remember it all too. I want to remember what else hurt me. I want to remember the good parts. I want to remember it too. Why don't I get to know the story too? Why are you the only one who gets to know everything? Why?”She trembled, her voice becoming clearer but still shaky, her seeming to take a breath between each word.

“I’ll tell you whatever you want,”I promised.

“What was the worst part of it all?”She whispered.

“For you, probably knowing I helped build the place you’d go without your memories,”I answered.

“What about you?”

“Helping murder the first Chancellor of WICKED.”

“Why?”

“So the trials could continue. Ava told us it was what was best so we helped cover it all up. All we knew was that she had to be right about it all.”

“How did we meet?”

“You got curious about a room you weren't supposed to go in and looked through the window. I saw you just before you were dragged away. You found me later that night with your friends and broke me out of my room.”

“Did you ever think it wasn't for the best?”

Her questions weren't meant to hurt. They weren't some type of payback. There didn't seem to be hate in her voice. Just a numb tiredness that she desperately wanted to leave.

“No. Not until Rachel died. While I was there, Ava told us what we were supposed to do for the world. So we did it. She didn't have much power at first. I don't think. She was nice though. Nicer than anyone else. The teachers weren't patient. They weren't kind. They only liked me when I did what I was supposed to, even though they never told me what it was. Ava was different. She was the closest thing I had to love for a long, long time. Only when you found me, did I know what it meant to care for someone and have someone put you first.”

“This is still confusing. It's a lot of things.”

“I know it is. I’m sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you.”

“You did. You really, really did,”She whispered, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and keeping herself in my hold.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“I love you. I still do, but you have to know that this changes things. That this makes everything uncomfortable. That I need time to wrap my head around it.”

“I understand. I really do.”

“I’m not leaving you, Aris. I’m not going to walk out of your life or break up with you. I’m not going to not love you, but I need a minute to process this before even talking about having a family again. I need to accept it. We can't have a child while I’m still getting rid of the resentment for what you did. That wouldn't be fair to the kid.”

“I know it wouldn't be. I know it's different than it was before. I know you should have known sooner. I was putting off hurting you until I couldn't. That was selfish. I know it was, and I’m sorry.”

“I love you, Aris. I love you, but you really, really fucked up. You can't keep things like that from me. You can't break my trust like that,”She whispered, cradling my cheek in her hand.

“I know,”I quietly nodded, a single tear falling down my face. Sighing, she wiped it away before placing a small kiss to my nose. 

“I love you,”I repeated, not knowing what else to say.

“I still love you. Greatly. I just need time to get used to knowing this. You get that, right?”

“Yeah. I do,”I promised.

“As long as you mean that,”She slightly smiled. Managing to return it, I nuzzled my face into her hand, closing my eyes as I got lost in her touch.

“We’re gonna be okay, right?”I checked.

“Yeah. We're gonna be okay.”

Chapter 176: Tutor

Summary:

-AU
-Platonic fluff

I have three words that sum up geometry. Hell on Earth. It's boring, it's unforgiving, and it sucks. Not to mention the teacher loves group projects. Before you start to get excited you don't get to pick your partner. Not that it matters. I don't have any of my friends in this class anyway. 

At this point, whenever we're paired up, I do what my classmates say or they tell me to just stay out of the way once they understand I know zilch. 

Mrs.Renelds was droning on about something. Honestly, I gave up the first three months I got here. The material makes no sense, and nothing helps. It's not like I haven't tried. It's just not clicking. No video, Quizlet, Kahoot, or packet was useful. I've attempted it all.

I settled for drawing dragons on the front of our new semester packets. They were my heroes setting the devilish item aflame. If only drawings could come to life.

I heard a chair scoot out from next to me and figured it was another group project. I would have heard the bell for sure. 

I turned my head to see the kid that joined the school about a month after me. He didn't really talk but was pretty good at this class. I know because he's 'accidently' had his homework face up when the teacher was coming to collect it. I learned to read his facial expressions from there. He would look like he was having a crisis each time he got something wrong. He didn't say or do anything outrageous. There was just a quick flash of panic before he went back to staring at the paper. It wasn't that he thought he was better than anyone. He was genuinely afraid to fail.

"Hey,"I greeted, finishing up my dragons. He peeked over at them suddenly making me very self conscious. "It's just a doodle,"I said more defensively than I meant. I didn't want my art to be judged by anyone.

"They're cool,"He said quietly. I shrugged but still put them away. 

"How are we going to do this? Am I going to sit back completely and do what you want or follow basic instructions?"I asked. He raised his eyebrows before finally taking a seat.

"It's a major grade and a partner assignment. We're splitting it,"He said firmly. The thought almost made me laugh.

"You realize I'm gonna screw this up, right? You should probably ask the teacher for a new partner. She'd probably understand."

He ignored me and pulled out the rubric. "We have one week. The class is only forty five minutes so we should probably meet at one of our houses."

I groaned before looking at the clock. I just have one minute. "Here. My address and phone number are there. I'm home pretty much every night,"He said, handing me a rubric with a sticky note on it. 

His handwriting was just as neat as you'd expect. His name is Aris Jones. For some reason it makes sense. It just suits him.

I shoved the rubric in my folder. It's up to him. It's not like I don't want to help. I will genuinely slow him down. At the end of the day he can't say I didn't warn him.

Nevertheless, I took a second to put his number in my phone. It's going to be a long night for both of us.

♡ Time Skip ♡

His neighborhood was surprisingly close to mine. It was a five minute walk. Plus, the weather was nice. That should be just enough time to give myself a hype talk without deciding to turn back.

Despite this I showed up earlier than I would ever want. Was it possible to just go home and never show my face? Better yet I could fly into the sun. 

I went to turn around when I heard him call my name. I slowly turned on my heel to see him swaying on his porch swing with a book in his hand.

"Come on. I have supplies in my room,"He called, closing his book, opening the screen door, and looking back to make sure I hadn't left. There wasn't a choice at this point. I made my bed. Now I had to lie on it.

I followed him up a set of stairs. Everything was perfectly in place, and there wasn't a speck of dust on anything.

Then, he opened his door. If I thought his house was organized his room was from a magazine. I mean the clothes in his closet were color coded. I took a peek at his bookshelf to see that they were sorted in alphabetical order and genre. He had bought a name tag maker for his bookshelf. This was insane.

"Water?"He offered when I was next to him. I nodded, and he handed me a bottle. 

"I've got an idea to have it split 50/50. I highlighted parts of the rubric that I think we could do separately,"He said, handing me a rubric. 

"How do you get the energy to do any of this?"I asked, looking at each perfectly placed color. That's just what he seems to be. From his room to his handwriting, it's all unnaturally perfect.

"Do what?"He asked. 

"You have not a single clue what I might be referring to?"

"No,"He shrugged. 

"Dude, your room is spotless, your handwriting is like a font, your work's always done, and even your hobbies are educational. All the skills you have are useful,"I pointed out.

"It's not really much though,"He mumbled.

"What do you mean?"

"It's just not that cool,"He clarified, opening his notebook.

"Come on dude. This is pretty impressive. I'd kill to be good at this stuff,"I admitted.

“I mean it's kind of boring. The things I’m good at. They're not exactly going to win anyone over.”

“You have to enjoy some of it though.”

“Yeah. It's just not cool I guess. I mean you can draw really, really well. That's cool. That would make people want to talk to you “

“It won't do me any good in the ‘real world' though,”I recited, the phrase practically burned into my brain.

“I guess we all want what we can't have,”He mumbled.

“There are tutorials and stuff you could do to learn to draw.”

“The video's don't really click. If you quizzed me on techniques and stuff, I’d ace it. Doing anything with that information just doesn't make sense.”

“I know what you mean. I’ve seen every math video under the sun. It's no help.”

“Tutoring was no good either?”

“I never tried that. I didn't feel like having my lack of math skills he judged all the time.”

“That's the same reason I won't take art class. I don't want an entire class to see how much I suck at it.”

“What if it was just one person who would see it?”

“I don't know. Depends on if I like them.”

“On a scale of one to ten, how judgemental are you?”

“A three. There are a lot of pricks in the world that should be judged more,”He answered honestly. Honesty that didn't include judging ignorance.

“I suck at math, you suck at art. I’d like to be better at math, you want to learn how to draw. If I help you with your problem, would you help me with mine?”I suggested.

“Seriously? You’d really teach me to draw?”He asked quickly, his eyes widening as he looked at me.

“As long as you teach me math without being a dick to me,”I promised, holding my hand out.

“Definitely,”He nodded, shaking it to complete toe deal.

I got a math tutor who I get to teach art skills to. That's probably the best outcome that's ever happened due to a group project.

Chapter 177: I'm Right Here

Summary:

-AU
-Angst

With a groan, I flopped on my bed. Sometimes, I wonder why I even try anymore. With anything. 

“What's up with you?”Aris asked from across the room. 

“I hate life,”I complained into the blanket. Walking over, he sighed as he sat next to me. 

“Bad date?”

“Not even. He canceled again,”I admitted, resting my elbows on my bed and my chin on my hands.

“If it helps you look really pretty,”He complimented. 

“No. I just look stupid. The sundress is too much, the makeup is too little, the headband is too plain, the jewelry is too flashy, the shoes are too simple, and everything sucks.”

“Well I think it all suits you.”

“I do not.”

“You should,”He sighed, playing with my hair. I rolled my eyes when he wasn't looking, knowing he’d have something to say if he saw me. 

“I just don't get it. He always does this,”I whispered.

“I know.”

“It sucks.”

“I know.”

“Am I just not important enough?”

“I mean I think you're important. Probably the most important person that I know,”He said after a moment of heavy silence.

“Yeah right. I’m not even important to the guy who loves me,”I quietly pointed out.

“I’m not him though. I’m me, and to me, you are the best person in my life,”He said, rubbing comforting circles on my shoulder.

“I just want to sit in the shower and sob, but I don't think I have it in me to cry anymore,”I admitted, holding back tears anyway.

Aris’s P.O.V

I can't stand her boyfriend. Not at all, and not just because I love her, though that doesn't help. Every time they get together she comes home worn out or he doesn't show up. Seeing how hurt she is always makes me feel sick. Especially, when it started to affect her self esteem. She used to seem like she was going to cry when he did something like this, but unfortunately she got used to him over time.

I can't say anything though. I’ve tried, but she doesn't hear it.

“Do you want to get something to eat?”I offered, still rubbing her back.

“Can’t. I’m broke,”She mumbled.

“And I’m paying,”I said firmly.

“I don't want to owe you anything.”

“Who said you ever do?”

“Common decency.”

“Look, it’s completely on me, okay? It always is,”I promised. She remained completely silent as she stared at the wall. “Come on. You look too pretty not to go somewhere,”I pushed. She didn't respond for a while as she took a breath, making me sort of nervous.

“Yeah. Okay,”She finally gave in. 

“Good. I’ll meet you outside in a minute,”I promised, actually being willing to keep it. Standing up, she stretched her arms before brushing the wrinkles out of her outfit. Not wanting to stare, I looked at the carpet as she started walking off. Just as I heard the door creak open though, she called my name.

“Yeah?”I asked, glancing up at her.

“Thank you, Aris. You're a really good friend,”She whispered, giving me a smile before walking out of the room.

“Yeah. Friend,”I whispered like it didn't kill me on the inside. Staring at the door for a moment, I gathered all my jumbled thoughts that led back to her. Not that it's shocking. They usually do.

I can't tell her that though. So I just grabbed my wallet before following her to the car, repeating the word friend so that maybe it would stick in my head for once.

It didn't.

Chapter 178: Worth It To Me

Summary:

-Fluff
-Slight hurt/comfort

Aris’s P.O.V

If you love something, let it go. If it was meant to be, it will come back to you. 

I should let her go. I know that. For her sake, I need to end things. 

She’s outcasted now for daring to be with someone on the other side. She’s seen as a traitor, as someone with no morals. Her friends have left her, leaving her with only me.

It has to be isolating. I know it kills her on the inside, but she doesn't talk about it. She seems desperate to just forget about it completely. 

I don't want to be the only thing she has. She deserves other people. She deserves to have her friends back. She deserves for people to see her as more than an extension of me. 

It doesn't seem to be happening. Every day, she looks lonelier and lonelier. Every day, I wonder if maybe it's for the best that I stop this before it gets tangled to something that can't be undone. 

“Are you okay?”She asked softly, pulling me out of my thoughts. Looking down, I met her eyes as she kept her head on my lap, her hand still firmly holding mine. 

“I’m fine,”I promised.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. Just,”I trailed off.

“Just what, love?”

“Just wondering if this is actually worth it to you,”I admitted.

“If what's worth it?”

“Being with me. Is that really enough to make the isolation worth it?”I whispered.

“Of course it is,”She immediately defended.

“I’m just me though. You could have so many other people. You could be with so many other people and have so many other friends. Are you sure one person is worth that?”

“No. You are worth that.”

“Are you sure?”I couldn't help but question. 

“My love,”She sighed, sitting up. As I looked at her, she wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into her. I couldn't help the stupid smile as I immediately nuzzled my face in her neck, too captivated by her divine softness to try not to fall. 

“You're worth everything. Absolutely everything.”

Chapter 179: Gossip

Summary:

-Fluff

The whispers are the exact same every time. They got old the first time they were said. They're aggravating in ways I can't even begin to explain and seem to get under my skin more than my actual skeleton is.

Sighing, I kept my head down and hood pulled up. Right next to me, Aris was doing the same, both of us just waiting for lunch to finally be over.

“Those two over there, they’ve been here the longest. Almost a week.”

Resisting the urge to roll my eyes, I met his gaze. Giving a halfhearted shrug, he seemed both just as done with yet just as uncaring about it.

“Their Maze was just girls. Besides him.”

Biting the inside of his cheek, he pulled his hood completely over his eyes. Finding his hand under the table, I laced our fingers together and moved a little closer, my knee touching his. Giving my hand a squeeze, he sighed before resting the side of his head on the table, letting me see his eyes again.

“They look . . . close,”one of the new boys trailed off.

“Wonder why,”I mumbled. Giving me a small smile, he ran his thumb over my knuckles, warming my once cold hands.

“They do. We just don't know if it's a really good friends way or a romantic way.”

“Really?”

“Really. They don't talk. They don't get touchy and all that either though.”

Actually rolling my eyes, I internally cursed whoever decided hanging all over someone is the only way to show you love them. Are we supposed to be walking around with signs announcing the relationship or something? Would people finally mind their business then?

“Sue us for wanting privacy,”I said under my breath.

“You know what it makes it even worse?”

“I don't think anything can, but you can tell me anyway.”

“If we did hang all over each other, we would still be talked about. Just in a different way.”

“Somehow, yeah. That does make it worse,”I admitted.

“Told you.”

“You should just sit on my lap then. If we're going to be talked about anyway,”I grinned.

“Or the other way around,”He played along.

“As long as we're visibly close in some way. That's apparently the only important thing.”

“Exactly.”

“And I mean if we're going to be uncomfortable, why not make everyone uncomfortable?”

“That’s a definite perk.”

“An absolutely brilliant one.”

“They don't seem like they're dating.”

With my eyes widening, I held my breath to avoid laughing at the so small yet so incorrect statement. With his face turning a light pink and his lips twitching into a small smile, it was clear he was trying to do the same.

“You’re really going to have to sit on my lap now,”I whispered.

“I’m considering it at this point.”

“They look like they're just staring at each other. That's pretty couple like.”

“We're finally popular,”I pointed out.

“I know. I hate it just as much as I thought I would.”

“At least you know you were right.”

“I didn't want to find out though.”

“I don't know. They could be sleeping.”

“Maybe we would be if they weren't so loud,”He suggested.

“Especially since they're literally talking about us.”

“My vote’s on best friends.”

“Nah. Definitely dating.”

“The last guy’s right, and he’ll never even find out,”I shrugged.

“Good. He doesn't need to anyway.”

Chapter 180: Natural Consequences (Part 1)

I love Aris. I love him with everything that I have, and he loves me. One gaze from him is enough to be sure of it. The way he never stops looking at me, the way he always knows what to say, the way he's so sweet to me no matter who we’re in front of, he’s everything. I could never in a million years see myself with someone else.

When he first showed up I never expected to be with him. Honestly, I didn't care to. While I was happy to be his friend, I wasn't interested in being more. I didn't want to be with the only boy here, and he didn't want to be with me.

Until we did. Until I got hurt in the Maze. Until he was the only Medic I wanted. Until he seemed so calm wrapping my stomach. Until I realized that even though it should be the other way around, I trusted this boy more than any girl.

Because I loved him. I love him, and I just blurted it out.

For a minute, he just stared at me, his cheeks turning pink as he took in my words. Then, he started rambling about how he felt the same.

From then on, it was him and I. We were in love, and we accepted it. We looked after each other in our own ways. We protected each other from anything and everything. We didn't care what anyone thought because we knew the truth. We’ll always be there, no matter what.

That pretty much made it inevitable. Growing up as one of the first people that were there, becoming lovers barely a half a year later, and never straying or wanting to be apart. Despite the way some girls would have their eye on him when they first came up, he only ever looked at me. So yes. It just made sense. Especially, when we both admitted we were losing hope of getting out of here. Emotions were high that night, and they ended completely different than they started. It started with hopelessness and defeat. It ended with comfort, sweetness, and pure but far from innocent love. And when nothing happened to me, it seemed safe enough. It felt fine. And it wasn't like the creators were exactly going to help keep it that way. So as long as we were never caught, seeing as it would be highly uncomfortable, judged, and frowned upon, we saw no reason to stop.

We were out now. We were out, and I’m being asked all these questions that make my skin crawl. While I wanted to lie, I just didn't know how. Too much had happened, and I was so drained from it all. So I answered with full honesty.

Until I didn't know it. Until I couldn't remember my last cycle. All I knew was that is was before our most recent time.

She took a really long note about it. She made me take a test. She took my blood. She sat there with me and gave me a look between pity and judgment as I took in the news. She left me there until another nurse came and sat with me. A nicer one who had a motherly smile as she explained everything this meant.

I don't have a mother. Not that I remember but I wish I did now. I had never wanted a loving parent so badly before. Not until I was going to have to become one.

I tried not to tune her words out. I tried to listen to every word because every word was important.

But I was watching in third person. It was like this was someone else's life and not mine. It was so unreal that I couldn't even cry. I just sat there.

“The dad?”She asked for what must have been at least a third time.

“Huh?”

“The dad. You know who he is?”

“Obviously,”I snapped, leaning back as I took offense to the implication. Ignoring it, she wrote something down. They do that a lot. Write down every word as if I’m some science experiment.

“It sucks to say, but don't be too surprised if he doesn't want to stay. It’s not that common for teenage fathers to want something to do with the baby.”

“Can I please go to dinner now?”I begged, standing up as I held back tears. Giving me a sympathetic nod, she led me down the hall and to the cafeteria where it was just starting.

With my head hung low, I somehow found my way to him at the end of a table. Sitting across from him, I laid my head down as I closed my eyes. Everything was still too bright, too loud, too numb.

“What's wrong?”He asked, his voice so loud despite the actual volume.

“Tired,”I mumbled, raising my head to look at him.

“I’m sure. Why’d they keep you so long? It was starting to freak me out.”

“Tests,”I kind of honestly answered.

“Why’d yours take so long? Everyone else is out.”

“Extra stuff.”

“You're okay though, right? They didn't hurt you.”

They sure as hell hurt my feelings. They hurt my certainty. They hurt my faith. If a nurse could judge me, other people definitely would. Even if they didn't, would people seriously doubt I’d be sure who the father of my child is? And was she telling the truth? Would he really not want to stay? Would he leave? Decide it was too hard? Think that this wasn't what he signed up for and cut me off?

Glancing up at him again, his small but genuine smile, his kind eyes, his soft and loving gaze, the thought felt ridiculous. This wasn't just some guy. This was Aris. My best friend to lover, the first person on my team, the one who didn't even need me to speak to know what I was feeling, the one who was always there.

He loves me, and I love him.

But would he love our baby?

“No. They didn't hurt me.”

“Okay, lovely,”He whispered, using the name that always made the world shine.

It didn't this time. If just made me nervous.

“I love you. You know that, right?”He smiled.

“No matter what?”

“No matter what,”He promised.

I was too tired to believe him.

“Are you going to eat?”

“Not hungry.”

“You sure? You can have the rest of mine,”He offered.

“Not hungry,”I repeated, laying my head back down to end the conversation. Letting me do so, he just put his hand in mine until dinner finally ended.

Chapter 181: Natural Consequences (Part 2)

Summary:

Hurt/comfort

We were rooming together.

I didn't like that. Because we were alone. Apparently, it was a glitch in the system. That's code for the nurse from earlier set this up so I could tell him.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Talk about what?”I asked, not moving from my bed.

“What’s wrong.”

“Why would something be wrong?”

“Well, for one, you're on the other side of the room,”He pointed out.

“Yeah.”

“You’ve never wanted to be on the other side of the room.”

No. I haven't. But I don't want him to touch me tonight. Because I know that, while uncommon, it’s not a surprise when something more ends up happening. I know that I always want him when he wants me. I know that I wouldn't be able to resist if he kissed me in that specific way. And I would find myself kissing back until we're back in the position that got me to this mess.

“Just hot,”I shrugged.

“You didn't eat anything today.”

“Not hungry.”

“You were with them pretty long.”

“Extra tests.”

“You look upset. You look like something's bothering you,”He pushed.

“Okay.”

“Y/N,”He whispered. Turning over on my side, I saw him with his feet off the bed as he stared at me. “Do you really know that I love you? Because you didn't look like you believed me for once. And you always believe me, and you should, because it's true.”

“I love you too.”

“You do know I love you though, right? Because you asked no matter what, and I meant it when I said yes.”

“I know.”

“Lovely,”He sighed, taking a breath as I stared at the top bunk. “We don't have to talk about it, but I am here. No matter what you need, I’ll be there for you. Silence or a distraction or a hug, I’ll give it to you.”

“I-I just-I’m,”I started before tears started streaming down my cheeks. Curling on my side, I held my stomach as I sobbed. Breaking down, every emotion flooded through me like a dam had been broken. With the numbness leaving me, all I could think was what the hell was I supposed to do now. Wrapping my arms around myself, I laid there as my chest ached, the consequences of it all finally becoming real. There was no getting out of this. There was no escaping it. There was just accepting that everything I knew would change.

“Hey, hey, hey,”He soothed, sitting beside me. Laying my head on his lap, he rubbed circles on my shoulder as I bit my lip to quiet my cries. “It's okay. It's okay, lovely,”He coaxed, gently pulling me up so I was resting my head on his chest. Clinging to him, I let him hold me as I buried my face in his neck, close to hyperventilating. “It's okay. I know it's a lot right now, but it’s alright. We're going to be fine, okay? We’ll be fine, and I’m right here.”

“I'm pregnant,”I blurted out, almost the exact way I had when I confessed my love. Only somehow, this was far more serious. While I never could have imagined something mattering or being more emotional than that moment, it was right now. It was something like this, something that would flip our lives upside down.

“Oh fuck,”He said quickly. Crying harder, as I tried to pull away he held me tighter, running his fingers down my arms while repeating apologies. Digging my nails into my arms, I muttered gibberish until he gently grabbed my hands, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles as he held them.

“I didn't mean it like that. I just really, really didn't expect that.”

“No. You're gonna leave,”I uttered, close to being incoherent by now.

“That’s not true. I’m not leaving. I’m never leaving.”

“Yes you are. The dad doesn't stay.”

“I will. I’ll stay forever. I’ll love you until the end of time, just like I’ll love this baby.”

“No you won't. And nobody will think I know who the dad is when you're gone.”

“Why does it matter what anyone else thinks?”

“Because they won't be looking at you. They’ll be looking at me.”

“Okay. You're right about that,”He accepted. Running out of tears, all I had was hiccuped sobs as I soaked his shirt. “But I’ll be there. I’ll stay beside you and love you and hold you and if someone ever asks who the dad is, I would say it first. I would tell them exactly who's baby that is.”

“But I’m not ready. I don't want a baby yet.”

“Oh.”

“And it's so easy for you to ask why because you're not the one having it. You don't have to be stared at or change or be in pain. I do, and I don't wanna.”

“I know. I promise I know. I’m just trying to figure out what to say to make you feel better. I’m trying to figure out what will help you understand that I’m there and that I love you still and I love our kid too, but I don't know what will.”

“I don't either. I’m just scared. Because I can deal with risking my life but this is another one. It's going to need me, and I can't screw it up. Or more. What if it's twins? Oh my god, what it it's twins?”

“Don't think so much, okay? Not right now. Just go to sleep and let me hold you. We have basically all day tomorrow to think about this, and we will. So lay your head down and let me love you.”

“Okay,”I gave in, closing my eyes as I completely rested myself against him. Leaning against the wall, he rubbed my shoulders as I lied to myself about this all ending up totally fine.

Chapter 182: Promised Protection

Summary:

-Slight hurt/comfort

He was pacing back and forth, stopping at our door each time to check the window. I sat on the bed, keeping a close eye on the ticking clock, both metaphorically and literally. The countdown was practically taunting, reminding me that we’d be back in uncontrolled danger far too soon.

“We don't have to get help with this, you know?”I pushed.

“That won’t-”
“These are strangers. What if they're spies on the inside? Or they screw this up for us? Nothing here is as it seems. Why would they be any different?"I pointed out before he could give me the same answer as always. We really don't need anyone else. Not if we can't trust a single one of them.

“You and I are just two people. There's so many guards here that we’ve seen a new one every day. We can't do this alone.”

I couldn't help but sigh as I glanced back up at the torturous time bomb to when we’d face death all over again. It's completely different though. Last time we had to escape somewhere, we were with people we knew we could count on. Now it's just us and a group we’ve never met.

“Y/N,”He sighed, stopping in his tracks. I grabbed the ladder of the bunk bed, leaning on it, as I looked up at him.

With his brows furrowed in sympathy, he walked back over to me. As I faced the ground, he took a seat on the mattress. His presence, like always, was warm, an inviting comfort I wanted to melt in. Still, I didn't move a muscle, my head spinning with possibilities.

“Do you remember the night we had to get out of the Maze? When we were hiding from the Shades?”He asked quietly.

That night was the true definition of a nightmare. Never before had I seen so much blood in one place, thick dark red spreading across the pure snow. Piercing screams and monstrous shrieks sounding through the dark were the only sound from our spot in the slammer. Each one was a banshee call of death.

“Yeah.”

“Do you remember what I told you during that? While we were hiding?”

The sounds throughout the night grew louder the more infrequent they were, cries for help and pain as friends clawed at arms, begging them to stay. His hand muffled my panicked breaths as he made me look at him while almost silently promising it would be okay. Nothing, he swore, absolutely nothing, would happen to me.

“That as long as you were there, I’d have protection,”I recited.

“And I haven't broken that so far. Have I?”

“No. You haven't.”

“So why would I break it now?”

I trust Aris so much it's almost a weakness. He could stab me in the chest, and I’d spin in circles looking for who hurt me. As far as I’m concerned, everyone here but him is guilty.

“You wouldn't,”I sighed, leaning my head on his shoulder. He placed a hand on my knee, rubbing innocent circles with his thumb.

“That won't change just because there are more people around. We’re going to be fine.”

I’m not sure about that. Not with how insane everything has truly been.

But we’re going to try our best to make that true, no matter what it means.

Chapter 183: Incompatible Partners (Part 1)

Summary:

-Angst

“You're insufferable. You know that, right? Absolutely insufferable,”I ranted.

“Yeah yeah. You say that all the time,”He dismissed.

“I mean it. You never care about anything. Ever.”

“Right. Because I’ve been given so many things to care about,”He deadpanned, going as far as rolling his eyes. Giving him a harsh glare, I started frantically tapping my pencil on the table, being so close to leaning across it and strangling him.

“The lives of billions, the fate of the world, is a lot,”I had to point out.

“I didn't say otherwise,”He defended, leaning back in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest. Sighing, he pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek, a frustrated and nervous habit he never quite managed to break. To be fair, he never needed to. My unconscious pencil racking was obnoxious. His was more subtle, but I’ve been around him more than long enough to notice. I know more about him than anyone else, even the people who run WICKED. Naturally, he’s the same, able to answer any question about me that can be asked.

That absolutely boils my blood. Of all the partners I could have, it had to be him? Really?

“I guess is not a sufficient answer to something like that. You're a reflection of me in there, and you just made us both look ridiculous.”

“You made us both look ridiculous,”He mocked, leaning back further in his chair before letting it fall to the ground.

“I mean it. That was-”
“Oh, how absolutely preposterous of me. The nerve I could have to not fall to my knees praising WICKED. The audacity to not sob for the world. How could anyone ever forgive me?”He practically taunted, finishing with a sigh as he made an exaggerated expression of shock.

“Are you done?”

“Tough crowd tonight.”

“You're so childish.”

Proving my point, he stuck his tongue out at me. I swear the wood was about to snap in half with how quickly the utensil was bashing back and forth in the desk. Catching myself, I slammed my other hand over it so hard it echoed.

“You're so uptight. I get it. The cure, the Flare, all that. But do you have to remind me of it every other second?”

“It's the entire reason we're here,”I said firmly.

“See, man? That. That right there is exactly what I’m talking about,”He responded, pointing at me.

“What the hell are you on about now?”

I don't want to know. Not really. The things he says interest me but for all the wrong reasons. Only about half the time is there any academic value. Everything else is banter and casual conversations that we don't have time for.

“Your entire shtick is being thrust into child labor. It's all science and work and being serious and boring. And what makes it worse is that you have a personality. I’ve seen it. Against my will but I have. So I don't know why you have to get all weird like this.”

“I’m not getting weird. I care about the cause. It matters,”I defended.

“Yes. Obviously stopping the world from dying out is important. But you're obsessed with it. And that sucks. You're kind of the closest thing I’m allowed to have as a friend.”

My gaze accidentally softened as I took in his vulnerable expression, his eyes cast on the ground as he chewed on his lip. He just looked so sad. And I understand that so much more than words can ever explain. There have been days I’ve hidden in the bathroom to cry and not have to listen to the others that I’m not allowed to meet in the cafeteria. There have been nights I’ve stayed up wishing this burden was given to someone else.

It wasn't though. It never will be, and I can't be distracted by anything, even my partner.

“If you don't care about me, at least think about the telepathy? It needs a connection to work, and we don't really have one.”

“We have a connection.”

“Not like Thomas and Teresa.”

“Thomas and Teresa aren't you and I.”

“No. They aren't. But that doesn't change you wanting nothing to do with me.”

Looking back down at the textbook, I avoided his stare as I gave a halfhearted shrug. I have much bigger things to worry about than a connection. We both do. We can live without mastering telepathy. If we don't find this cure, more people are going to die slow, bloody, brutal deaths.

“Fine. I’m asking for a new partner. I’m tired of mine,”He insulted, standing up from his chair. I tuned him out, rereading the same passages as if it’ll give me something new, something helpful, something better. I need that right now. Anything at all to ground me back to the reality of the only thing that matters.

Still, as I heard him walk away, the library door closing behind him, I couldn't help but cross my fingers that it was too late for him to find someone else.

Chapter 184: Incompatible Partners (Part 2)

“So are you getting a new partner?”

With my textbook open in my hands, he couldn't see my fingers crossed behind the title that they wouldn't give him one. It didn't even matter the reason.

Yes. He is an absolute distraction to everything that matters to me. Yes. He’s too casual about everything for me to be comfortable. Yes. He tends to get on my nerves.

But he's also right. He’s the closest thing I have to a friend. We are friends. Occasionally, but I’d like to think that counts. Besides, don't friends sometimes annoy each other anyway?

“Sorry, man. You're stuck stuck with me,”He deadpanned, a blank expression to match.

I know what he really wanted to say. I already know what was truly running through his head. It’s like he said. Our connection may not be the same as Teresa and Thomas, but it's there.

‘Unfortunately, for me’.

I hummed in acknowledgement before highlighting what I swear is an important line.

“It still wouldn't kill you to be nice to me, you know?”He grumbled, sitting back in his chair and crossing his arms.

“Funny. I could’ve said the same thing about you,”I reminded him

“I already apologized for that,”He defended.

“You told me I seemed weird two seconds into meeting me.”

“It was supposed to be an inside thought. And I didn't even mean it like that. You just weren't how I imagined other people my age.”

“That doesn't make it any nicer.”

“Well, you can blame your beloved leaders for the lack of social skills,”He said in a tone that should have gone with an eye roll.

“Those ‘beloved leaders’ are you to save the world,”I reminded him.

“Yeah. That doesn't stop them from being a total pain.”

Aris is completely impossible to deal with. I admit I probably prefer him over others. I haven't met anyone but the workers, but he's enjoyable to be around.

When we aren't having yet another disagreement.

My feelings for him are all over the place. We're on the same page for the cause but completely different paragraphs. Our mood together is up and down, high and low. One second, we’re having a simple conversation about life. Next, we’re delving into our emotions about the world. Finally, we're going back and forth about absolute nonsense and pettiness.

It'd be nice if it wasn't that way. It’d be nice if there wasn't this barrier between us.

But the reality is it's just tall enough for it to be hard to reach each other.

Chapter 185: Incompatible Partners (Part 3)

Summary:

-Light hurt/comfort

Beth has been two steps behind me since I first got here. She can't stop saying that there's something vaguely strange about my presence. She talks about me like I’m some kind of lab rat. And I understand that she rightfully should think that something's up but she's not actually supposed to catch on.

“Aris, you would not believe,”I tried, catching myself as I looked beside me.

Right. I can't actually see him yet. There's no sitting across from each other in a library as we find ourselves going off topic. There's no sitting on the same bed as we go over our days. There's no long looks across the hall as we talk but make sure nobody else can hear. 

Falling back on the bed that somehow always manages to prick me in my sleep, I stared at stick roof as I thought about everything. Sure. Him and I were commonly on different wavelengths, but he’s a huge part of me. So much of our interactions have shaped me into who I am. 

I want to reach out to him. I’m able to. Our telepathy more than works.

I’m just not sure the whole, ‘distant makes the heart grow fonder’ thing is mutual. I didn't even know it was real until I got here. 

What do I even say? I can't exactly blurt out that I wish he was here.

I can say something though.

Hi?

I crossed my fingers the way I had when he was trying to get a new partner and I knew that would kill me. I need him to reply. I need him to not just say something, but actually want to talk to me. 

Hi.

I released a breath I didn't know I was holding, biting my cheek to hold back a grin since he’d able to know. We can already tell emotions when we communicate. There's no need to give away how deep I actually feel about this.

You definitely won't be a Cook. 

He’s right. I almost set an entire meal on fire. I got told how incredible it was that I was the worst Blondie yet.

I see you're keeping an eye on me.

Not for that long.

I could hear the defensiveness in his voice. Even if the connection didn't include feelings, he said in this slightly quick and high pitch he gets.

I can see the Beetle blades, you know? Like that one that's always following me around?

There was no response, making me frown as I turned on my side. Putting my hands under my head, I stared at the doorway (long piece of fabric that draped an inch above the ground), taking in the darkness. There's usually a small amount of light under it, exactly like back at WICKED. When it would get dimmer, leaving me in almost complete darkness, I’d hide under the covers. It's a silly fear for however old I am, but I’ve had it ever since I got locked in a closet when I was little. I mean brand new to the place, not even knowing the name of it yet, little. The clicking of the Shades here certainly don't make the fear any better.

I’m sorry. I’m just used to getting to see you.

I could hear his flushed face inside of my head, relaxing me enough to close my eyes.

I miss you too.

There was another silence for a moment, though this one was much more comfortable. It was more of a natural pause, a chance to think of what should be said next.

I’ll let you get some sleep.

Are you tired?

Not really. Drained but there are too many thoughts to doze off.

Can you tell me them?

You sure?

Please?

There was another silence, making my heart race. Shutting my eyes tight, I curled my knees to my chest as I hugged myself.

Whatever you need, Y/N. Whatever you need.

Chapter 186: Incompatible Partners (Part 4)

I’m not supposed to do anything that’ll draw attention to myself. I’m not supposed to give away that I know more than any of them.

And still I found myself being the first to sprint at the sound of the Blondie alarm, nearly tripping as I went faster than my legs could carry me. Not that I cared. I was too busy standing above ground, beside the box, staring down at a sort of unconscious Aris. I guess paralyzed or forced comatose would fit better.

Same Aris as ever. Same tan skin, same short dark hair, same tall height, same everything. He looks exactly like when he falls asleep on my bed. He just happens to be clutching a note instead of study papers.

Harriet jumped down as everyone else silently looked down at him in anticipation. I just kept in the front, trying not to somehow let anyone know my breath hitched in my throat both because of nerves and the relieving sight of him.

She leaned over, easily prying the paper from his fingers.

“What's it say?”May questioned the second she unfolded it. Her eyes scanned the note before she looked up at us, her eyes seeming to stop at each and every girl. I resisted the urge to shift in my spot as she frowned while her eyebrows furrowed in worry. Everyone else leaned closer, waiting for what could possibly get more puzzling about the situation.

“Everything is going to change.”

Chapter 187: Natural Consequences (Part 3)

Summary:

Hurt/comfort

I didn't eat breakfast. I couldn't. I just sat there with my head down and kept my hand on my stomach. Tuning out conversations, I kept my eyes closed.

Aris didn't really eat either. He just held my hand while offering me his food or whispering that he loves me.

I didn't respond. I was just tired. Despite the way I had slept all night in his arms, I was still drained.

Now I just stayed there, curled up to his side as he kept my head on his shoulder, gently rubbing the back of my neck as silent tears poured down my face.

“I love you,”He whispered again.

“I’m sorry,”I whispered back, saying my first words in hours.

“Sorry for what?”He asked. Shaking my head, I tried to go silent just for him to put his hands under my chin and turn me to face him. “Y/N, why are you sorry?”He repeated.

“I don't know how to be happy about this. I know it's our kid, and I know you love me, and I know you would stay, but I don't know how to see the good side of this. And if I can't feel just happy then I can't be a good mom. So why even have it? If I can’t love a kid right, why have one?”

“Oh lovely,”He muttered, his expression only dropping more before he pulled me closer. With his arms wrapped around me and his hand rubbing my back, I felt my shoulders slump, making me almost sigh in relief as they finally untensed. If he noticed, he didn't mention it, too busy holding me as life as I know it was gone the second time this week.

“I don't want to fail them. I can't,”I whispered.

“You won't. You've always been so understanding, even when someone was making it impossible. You’ll do great,”He coaxed, gently rocking me back and forth.

“I’d rather be no mom than a bad one. I can't be a bad mom,”I whispered, resting my head on his chest, my grip on his shirt growing tighter as it seemed to crash down on me all over again.

“Do you want to take that risk?”He asked slowly. His hand held the side of my neck, his thumb brushing against my skin as he ensured I couldn't pull away from him again.

“There's not really a choice. We said we’d handle it if something happened.”

“And we’ll do that in a way that works,”He reassured me.

His voice was soft and kind. There was a love in the way he spoke to me that could never be faked. His ability to make the world melt away, to replace every problem but ours and us, was nothing short of miraculous.

Would he still do that if I backed out of this though? Would he still talk to me like I’m his world?

“Do you not want this kid? If you were completely honest, do you really not feel like this is the right thing?”He asked gently, resting his chin on top of my head while hugging me a little tighter.

“Don't be mad?”

“Never. I just need to know so I can figure out where we’re going next. I’ll support you, but you need to tell me what you think the right thing is.”

“I don't know. I really, really don't know. Because this is our kid. And we’ve both said after the first time if anything happens we would deal with it. But we both knew neither of us really thought it would. It's just something you're supposed to say to feel more responsible. So now what? What's left to do? What do we do?”

“I don't know what we do. I really don't. I want to have an answer for you. I want to make it better, and I would do anything for it to be. I just don't know what that is.”

“I’m gonna have to have it no matter what. I know that, but what next? What are we supposed to do after? I don't want to screw this kid up. I don't want it to feel unloved. I just want everything to be like it was.”

He nodded in understanding as he kept rubbing my back. His touch was soft and gentle, a sweet promise that the dunce of a nurse was wrong. He’s very much still here, right by my side. Even if I still do have no idea what the hell we're supposed to do. For once, I’m glad someone is as lost as I am.

“I really didn't think it would happen like this,”I whispered.

“I know that. I know. But it's going to be alright. Okay? I’m going to make sure it's okay.”

“I wanna go to sleep,”I mumbled. It didn't matter that I was just sitting here. The mental toll of knowing everything I know is going to be different is completely and utterly exhausting.

“You can go to sleep. I’m not going anywhere,”He reassured me.

“You promise?”

“Promise. I’m right here.”

Chapter 188: Forced Insomniac (Part 1)

Summary:

Hurt/comfort

He didn't want to go to sleep. Not when he knew what followed. Not when he knew what haunted him. Not when he knew the hell he’d be in until you had to gently shake him awake and promise he was okay.

His eyes were bloodshot by now, dark bags that could get him mistaken for a raccoon around them. His skin was paler than usual, a sickly white that could blind someone. His heart was racing as he tapped his fingers on the table, staring off into the distance as he was on his third cup of coffee for the night.

You were used to waking up with an empty bed. It always disturbed you, the change from a warm body holding you to an empty freeze that sent shivers up your spine. Every time, you sighed, already knowing where to find him.

Grabbing your blanket, you wrapped it around you as you shuffled out of bed. When your bare feet hit the chilly hardwood, you stopped, shuddering as you hugged yourself tighter.

Disturbingly on edge, he snapped his head towards the sound no regular human should be able to hear. His movements were staggered, almost like time itself was glitching and he was the only one affected. He swallowed as he stared into the dim bedroom only lit by the moonlight shining through the window above the bed.

He saw your figure stand, making him stare at his lap in guilt. His hands became a tangled mess as he fiddled with his fingers to stop him from clawing at his legs. He had become particularly fond of messing with the scar on his knee, trying to rip it out like it would erase six months of torture. The only reason he hadn't was because he started to gain that same sick urge when he laid eyes on the matching one on your waist from the tasers that became basically a necessity to keep you in line. Too often he had found himself distracted by it, his chest aching with how he hadn't kept you safe despite suffering himself. Not that you would have let him. You didn't even tell him. You already knew it would end in blood, and you weren't willing to find out whose.

“Aris,”You sighed. He winced at the disappointment in your voice, shoulders slouching as he slowly blinked. “You can't keep doing this,”You whispered, gently running your hands through his hair as you stood behind him. He opened his mouth, trying to find something to say. Denial? A promise to stop? An apology?

It didn't sound right. None of it did. He was actively keeping himself awake until he was always on the verge of passing out. He didn't know how to make himself stop, how to get that control back. Any apology would be met with sympathy, a promise that you were there for him.

“If you keep doing this, you could leave me. Forever. And I can’t lose you,”You said softly, a yearning sadness filling your soul. Your fingers kept playing with his hair, a nervous habit he always let happen. You repeatedly brushed it out of his eyes, somewhat fixing the strands that stuck out where they shouldn't.

“I won't leave you,”He said in what he was sure was a firm and confident voice. You didn't respond as you unscrambled the slurred mess in your head.

“Please just come back to bed?”You pleaded, resting your head on his back. He shivered at your breath through his thin night shirt, eyes closing as he took in your soothing presence. “Please?”

“I can't sleep. I . . . I just can't,”He whispered, laying his head on the table. You gripped the back of his chair, closing your eyes as you sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“I don't want you to be sorry. I want . . . I want you to be okay,”You breathed out, blinking away tears.

“I am. I’m fine,”He reiterated, practically choking on his lies.

You clearly weren't going to get him to admit it tonight. Not when he barely even wanted to admit it to himself.

“Okay, Aris. Okay.”

Chapter 189: Book Headcannons

-He has forest green eyes

-His favorite sweet is dark chocolate

-He had an absolutely horrendous plaid phase that Harriet to pull him out of

-He doesn't know the proper strength to high five at

-He has a resting “go the hell away” face even if he's in a good mood

-He can never admit he’s upset until he’s about to explode

-He pinches himself when he's nervous because it’s hard for people to notice

-He can't be trusted to not pick at wallpaper

Chapter 190: As Long As You're Here

Summary:

Leaving Aris behind kills you.

Aris. My Aris. My soft, sweet, awkward, courageous, intelligent Aris.

I'm supposed to be able to protect him. I’m supposed to make sure he’s alright. I’m supposed to make sure we're side by side no matter what happens. Because that's what I promised. That's what I swore. 

When you love someone, you put them first. You prioritize their well-being. You don't do what I do. You don't run when there's a way out of death if it means running without them.  

Coward. I’m such a coward. A stupid, stupid coward. 

Staring down at my meal, I moved my beans around on my plate. There's no point in eating them. I don't deserve to eat. He might never get to again. WCKD probably killed him already. They probably harvested him like a vegetable while I’m surrounded by safety. 

My stomach burned with regret, a growing self-hatred gnawing deep within me. I should have done more. I should have been better. If I was smarter or stronger or cared enough, I would have done better. 

With the food making me sick, I placed it to the side, leaving it for whoever wanted it. I don't want it. I don't need it. 

“You have to eat tonight,”Harriet whispered. I could only stare ahead at the small fire, flames flickering in the air. The sparks crackled at each movement, mocking laughs that made my heart ache. “Wherever he is, he doesn't want you to do this to yourself.”

There is no wherever he is. He’s dead. He’s gone, and he’s never coming back. 

When my eyes started stinging the way they do endlessly now, I stood, casting a small shadow under the moonlight. The stars were shining especially bright tonight, almost as if to promise that one of them is him. 

My legs shook as I started walking to my tent, my body trembling. A chill ran through the air, sending shivers down my spine. On instinct, I went to rub my arms only to remember that he won't be able to do that anymore. He was probably colder than I’ve ever been when I died. 

Still, I couldn't help but pull his hoodie closer. Each week, it fit less and less, my lack of ability to eat catching up with me. It doesn't make sense that I can be expected to swallow anything though. Not when my world has completely collapsed at my own hand. 

He deserved better. 

I should have given him better.

♡ - - - ♡

“You wanna hear a joke?”

I didn't bother to turn my head this time, staring off into the distance. Every day, Sonya tries to make me laugh. Every day, I fall deeper and deeper into this hole.

“What do you call an alligator in a vest?”

What's it matter? Why would it matter?

“I’m not going to tell you unless you speak.”

Speaking is useless. Speaking won't bring him back.

“Come on? Just one word?”she sighed, a subtle pleading in her tone. 

Tuning her out, I buried my face in my knees that I pulled to my chest. Hugging myself, I closed my eyes as I did my best to disappear. 

“Y/N, come on?”she bothered, putting a gentle hand on my shoulder. I instantly shook it off as I moved further away. She can't touch me. Nobody can touch me. Not until Aris can. And he’ll never be able to. Even if he could, he wouldn't. He would hate me for being so dastardly I saved my own skin instead of saving him. He woke up loving me and died despising me.

“An investigator,”she finished, giving a forced laugh. 

Holding in a sigh, I put my hands over my neck to try and block out everything and everyone. I can't take it anymore. I can't do this. 

“Please? Aris wouldn't want you to kill yourself like this.”

Wouldn't.

Everyone already talks about him in past tense, because he's dead. He’s dead, and it's my fault, so we’ll never actually know what he wants.

As I was debating going back to bed, the sun was blocked from my skin, making me shudder. My ability to regulate my temperature is just gone apparently, my body being as sick as my head. It wouldn't be a shock if this heartache killed me. It wouldn't be something I’d mind.

“Morning to you too,”Harriet greeted, her voice way too cheerful. I hate that everyone goes out of their way to either sound happy or comforting. I’ll forever be tormented by my cowardice. There's no stopping that.

Looking up, I stared at her wide smile that held a hint of mischief, dark brown eyes shining with light and another ridiculous plan.

“We have something you're going to like,”she said in a sing-song voice. I didn't acknowledge it, looking right through her while understanding that I’ll never have the one thing I truly want back.

Building suspense, she slowly stepped to the side, gesturing to the person who had been hidden behind her. As if it was nothing, he spoke my name as though it was sacred, face lighting up with over a month of longing.

“Aris?”I breathed out, my voice scratchy from so long with absence. Despite how I wanted to run to him, I slowly stood, not wanting to pass out again. Sonya put a hand on arm, helping me to my feet. 

“What happened?”he asked softly, taking slow steps towards me, treating me as though I would bolt. 

He was still exactly as I remember him, bright blue eyes that put the sky to shame, short brown hair out of his sweet face, and pale skin that he had somehow protected from the sun.

That was my job. It was my job to protect him, and I failed.

“I’m sorry,”I got out, face burning with shame. My eyes started watering as there was a lump in my throat that I couldn't just swallow down.

“Why would you be sorry?"he whispered, lips downturned in a pitiful frown as he stepped closer. With such gentleness it should be a trap, he cradled my face in his hands, palms perfectly fitting my cheeks that I was suddenly aware were less full since when we were last together. Judging by the worry clouding his eyes, eyebrows furrowed as he tried to recognize me, he was too. 

“I didn't want to leave you. I-I shouldn't have left y-you. It wasn't-I’m sorry,”I sputtered, tears stinging my eyes at each word. When I covered my face, crying into my hands harder than I have every night here, he pulled me into him, firmly wrapping his arms around me as he whispered that it was okay. Each reassurance sent another pain through my heart, a reminder that he wouldn't have done that to me.

“It's alright. I’m here anyway, aren't I? I still made it to you.”

“But I shouldn't have left. I . . . I should have stayed with you. I should have done better,”I whispered.

“There wasn't time to just go back for people. Staying could have killed you. And I can't let something happen to you. I couldn't live knowing I won't see you again. You mean too much to me.”

“I missed you. A lot.”

Cupping my cheeks, he smiled as he looked down at me, forehead pressed lightly against mine. His thumbs brushed stray tears from my face as he kept whispering soft words that gradually made my heart beat normally again.

“I’m never going to leave you again,”I swore.

“And I’m never going to let you go.”

Chapter 191: Sweet Lies

Summary:

Aris lies about his opinion on horror movies to impress you.

Aris said he would be fine. Had he ever watched a horror movie before? No. Did he find the idea of being disturbed entertaining? No. Had he ever enjoyed anyone or anything setting his nervous system off? No.

You were so excited about it though. You were dying to see the new Annabelle. Seeing as it had only been a few months, you were also completely unaware of how your boyfriend felt about anything scary. So when he insisted that he ‘watched them all the time' you were genuinely excited to watch it with him. And what kind of monster would he be to take away your happiness?

Maybe a doll. A cracked, porcelain, haunted, terrifying doll. He found regular ones creepy enough on their own. He definitely wasn't going to be alright with this one.

“You alright over there?”you checked. He just nodded while the blanket was an inch away from covering his eyes. Every time a scene dared to get darker, he would shrink in his spot. Every time music would play, he gripped his protection tighter.

Noticing the obvious discomfort, you went to wrap an arm around his shoulder. The second you touched him, he screamed so loud half the neighborhood awoke with their own terror.

Holding back a sigh, you grabbed the remote from beside you. Before he could argue, you were back in search, finding the nearest cartoon.

His face turned cherry red, the tips of his ears to his neck heating up in shame. He sunk into his seat, still shaking from the last jump scare.

Finding something half decent without any type of horror, you clicked on it. He couldn't help but notice that you were completely unaffected from it, maybe even more collected than usual.

“You do know I wouldn't break up with you just because you don't like a movie genre, right?”you checked. He could barely nod as he moved closer to you, arms wrapped around you as he waited for the talking blue cat and orange fish to warp into evil entities. “I mean it. I don't want you to make yourself uncomfortable for me. I don't care what movie I’m watching as long as it's with you,”you reassured him, holding his head in your arms. He nuzzled into the crook of your neck as he placed a hand on your thigh, silently requesting permission.

Wrapping your arms around his back, you let him sit on your lap. His legs draped across the couch as he held onto you, head resting on your chest. You gently ran your fingers through his hair, tangling them in his strands.

“I’m sorry,”he found his voice.

“I’m not mad. Just don't know why you'd do that to yourself,”you promised, keeping your voice soft so he wouldn't mistake it for frustration.

“You're really cool so what you like is really cool too. I just wanted you to think I was. But I’m,”he trailed off.

“The sweetest, smartest, greatest guy around. Yeah. That's already pretty obvious.”

Holding back a flustered smile seeing as he was already a blushing mess, he pressed a small kiss to your neck while having a feeling that for something sort of new, this was going to last a long time.

Chapter 192: What's Best For Everyone (Part 1)

Summary:

Being desperate to escape the Maze turns people against each other.

“I have made my decision. My word is final,”I repeated.

“I know it's supposed to be. I do-”
“Then, don't question me,”I said firmly, my eyes going back to the map.

“I’m not questioning you. I just think there's something else we can do,”he defended.

“And this is the most efficient and safest way. Do you want to stay trapped here forever?”

“I obviously don't, but-”
“Then, act like it,”I snapped, crossing out another word that didn't fit, replacing it with a new possibility.

“I am acting like it. I’ve acted like it from almost the beginning, and I’m telling you that you're wrong right now. What you’re suggesting is dangerous. You're going to get everyone killed,”he insisted, his gaze burning into me.

“I’m doing what's right. We don't have another choice. We have to leave before something happens.”

“Nothing's happened for the years we've been here-”
“So we've been lucky.”

“Can you be realistic for five seconds?”he snapped, slamming his hands on the table.

“Don't get an attitude with me,”I warned, narrowing my eyes in a warning glare.

“Oh, what? You gonna throw me in the slammer?”he deadpanned, rolling his eyes.

“Go. Right now,”I ordered through gritted teeth, pointing at the door.

“You don't get it, do you? You have absolutely no idea what you're asking of these girls. You're going to kill them all. You're going to kill everyone.”

“We have to leave,”I reiterated, the conversation running in circles.

“Most of these girls don't know how to skate. What the finch are you going to do when they fall? We can't exactly go back for them every five seconds with the Shades, can we?”

“I know what I’m doing.”

“You barely know the Maze.”

“Aris-”
“You think you're all-knowing because you're the leader, but the truth is you're only being such a power freak because you don't know anything. You haven't since the beginning. You don't know the Icers because you're too busy being a dictator,”he insulted, starting to pace around the room.

“Aris-”
“You don’t know how to properly talk to them, because you're such a loner who couldn't make a friend if her life depended on it,”he kept going, snatching the paper I had spent hours pouring over in hopes to find the safest route, walking back as he grasped it in his hands.

“Aris, please-”
“And you don't even know how to skate since you spend all your time yelling at everybody!”he shouted, ripping the paper in half before I could say another word. Frozen in place, I found myself only able to watch as he repeated the action until it was just shreds on the floor, a puzzle I could never piece together.

“No! No, no, no, no,”I cried, desperately collecting them in my hands, frantic tears spilling down my cheeks as I realized that the thing I spent the most time on, a piece of something so important to save everyone was gone, was discarded as less than trash.

“No,”I whispered, my eyes stinging as I felt my stomach churn. Everything. Everything I had worked for, the reason I was so isolated I didn't have time for connection, had been ruined.

Clapping my hand over my mouth, I sobbed so hard my entire body shook, barely able to take shallow breaths. Dropping my head on the ground, I found myself screaming into my palm, my heart breaking in my chest.

“I-I’m-”
“Get out! Get out of my Maproom! Get out, you freak!”

“I didn't mean-”
“I hate you! I hate you more than you could ever know! You should have never come here! You don't even belong here!”I screamed, scrambling up and grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, slamming him against the wall, too devastated and outraged to see his face drain of color.

“I should have banished you! I should have killed you! I wish I murdered you!”I screeched, my voice already scratchy at the volume. Still gripping his shirt, I dragged him to the door, slamming it open and throwing him face first in the snow. Forcing it shut, I leaned against it, back to crying as I found myself clutching the fabric of his clothes, my force having been enough to rip them.

I don't care. He killed us. He killed everyone that isn't a Skater like him, he killed most of us, and he doesn't even know it. All because he thought I was a dictator who wanted to constantly be alone. Because he couldn't stop and think that I had everyone's best interest at heart so many of us were going to die.

I was going to die.

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 2 of One Shot Collections