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Sam stood in the spray of the shower, letting the scalding water beat down on him. Between getting killed, finally defeating Azazel, and finding out his brother had sold his eternal soul for him, it had been a tough couple of days, to say the least. He closed his eyes and listened to his brother through the thin wall.
"Yea, you too Bobby. Thanks."
Dean snapped his phone shut and buried his face in his hands. Still in his towel from his thirty second shower, he shivered and stretched his aching muscles. Rubbing a hand over the back of his neck, he paused. He had left his amulet in the bathroom. Of course. He glanced at the door. The shower had stopped running a few moments ago, and Dean figured his brother had been in there long enough anyway. He got up and headed to the bathroom.
Dean opened the door.
"Forgot my amulet, sorry," he said, grabbing it and slipping it over his head, feeling the cool metal thunk against his sternum while decidedly not looking at his brother.
Sam stayed quiet. Which instantly put Dean on red alert, because when was Sam ever quiet? Dean looked up and stopped short.
Sam was standing in his towel, back to the mirror, turning his body at an awkward angle to see-
No. Dean couldn't look, would not think about it. Would not think about the sound of Jake's knife severing his brother's spinal cord. Would not think about the warmth of his brother's last breath exhaled into his ear. Would not think about the tug at his gut when he kissed away his eternity to save the boy- no, the man- standing in front of him.
"Dean." Sam's voice pulled him back. Dean realized he was still standing in the middle of the bathroom, staring at his own feet.
"Dean, hey, it's okay." Hands cupped his face, forced him to lift his gaze. His eyes locked on his brother's.
Sam grabbed Dean's hand, brought it around to his own back, made Dean rub the scar there. It was deep, but not alarmingly so. Dean's fingers dipped into the indention.
"It's like it's been there forever,huh? Doesn't even hurt."
"Sammy." Dean's voice came out raw, like all the words he had held back were trying to claw their way out of his throat. He cleared his throat and tried again, his eyes still locked on his brother's.
"Sam, don't. Don't make me." He tried to pull his hand from his brother's grip. "I can't- Feeling how close you came, how I couldn't save you- Don't make me Sammy. Please."
"Dean." Sam rubbed his thumb over his brother's cheekbone. "You did save me. You gave your soul for me. I owe you- I owe you everything. Look Dean, please, for me. I can't stand it if you won't look at me."
Dean dragged his eyes away from Sam's and forced himself to look in the mirror. He saw his own reflection first, haunted eyes staring back at him, freckles standing out in sharp contrast against his pale skin, tear tracks streaking his cheeks. When had he started crying? His eyes dragged over Sam's upper back and broad shoulders, the muscles held rigid there, like he was steeling himself for something. His gaze finally came to a stop at the scar, and his own fingers unconsciously caressing it. Had he been doing that this whole time?
"See? It's okay Dean. I'm okay."
Sam didn't know how to handle this version of his brother, the one who looked like a lost little boy. It unsettled Sam, to see his big brother like that. Even worse was that he knew it was his fault. Dean had sold his soul because Sam had died. All Sam knew to do now was make sure that Dean knew he wasn't going anywhere, that his sacrifice had been worth something.
He grabbed Dean's other hand, the one held rigid at his side, and brought it up to rest over his heart. He pulled his brother in, tucked his head into the crook of his neck.
"Still beating, yeah? Still breathing."
Dean's silent tears fell on Sam's shoulder as his body shook.
"Sam. I thought- Thought I would never-"
"Shh, I know. I know, Dean. I did too. But I'm here now okay? And I'm not leaving. We're gonna fix this. We always do."
Dean turned his face into Sam's neck, breathing wetly. His open mouth dragged against the side of Sam's throat, seeking out his pulse. He set his lips to it and held them there for a moment before pulling away, only to place another open mouthed kiss to the same spot. Dean's breaths became uneven as he cried and kissed his brother's neck, verging onto the point of hyperventilation.
Sam tried to get a grip on himself and ignore the stirrings in his gut. This was his brother. It was just Dean, and he was upset.
"Dean, hey. Breathe with me okay? I exhale, you inhale."
Sam placed one of his hands between Dean's shoulder blades and pulled him close so their bare chests were flush together.
"Breathe with me, ready?" Dean nodded into Sam's neck, his mouth now open and slack over his pulse.
"Inhale."
Dean took in a breath, Sam's chest caving in with his corresponding exhale.
"Exhale."
The older brother exhaled, his breath on Sam's neck. Sam inhaled, followed the pull of Dean's body by inflating his chest. Their nipples caught and dragged on one another, and Sam heard Dean whimper.
"Again."
Sam exhaled his brother's name with his next breath. Inhale. Exhale. Catch. Drag. Dean lifted his head from Sam's shoulder. Their breaths were ragged now, eyelids heavy as Dean dragged his cheek against his brother's. They breathed into each others' mouths, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. Their foreheads rested together, noses brushing one another. Their lips were a fraction apart.
"I thought I lost you, Sam." Dean's lips brushed Sam's with every word.
"Never, Dean. I'm yours."
Sam's tongue traced Dean's upper lip, the edge of his teeth. Dean groaned and surged forward. He sucked Sam's tongue into his mouth and tangled it with his own. Their teeth clicked together, mouths open wide, like they were trying to crawl inside each other.
Sam backed Dean up against the wall, rutting against him. Their hard cocks rubbed against each other through two layers of threadbare towel.
Dean's fingers were pressing hard into Sam's scar, his other hand tangled in his hair.
"Dean. Off." Sam broke away from their kiss, pulling off Dean's towel and tossing it.
Dean growled and shoved his hand down the back of Sam's towel, grabbing a handful of his ass and effectively loosening the towel enough so that it was only held up by their hips pressed together. Dean bent, the towel dropping, and mouthed at Sam's collarbone. He shoved one finger roughly down Sam's crack, rubbing at his taint then moving back up to press dry against his hole.
"Fuck, Dean. Come on, let's go to the bed." Sam was panting, rutting against the air, his fingers clenching around Dean's biceps.
"Yeah okay, Sammy, c'mon."
They stumbled out of the bathroom. Dean spun Sam around, putting them back to chest, and rubbed his cock against Sam's ass, holding him close in the doorway with a hand clasped loosely around the base of his neck.
The feel of his Dean's bare cock against him, so close but not nearly enough, was almost too much for Sam. "Touch me Dean, please, God," he circled his hips, grinding back against his brother. Dean moved his other hand down Sam's body and grabbed his hard cock, stroking with a grip just this side of too much, causing Sam to cry out. Sam thrust into the circle of Dean's fingers then pushed back against his brother, frantic with need. Dean bit down where Sam's neck met his shoulder and sucked on the skin there as his other hand trailed down to pluck at Sam's nipples, earning a whine from his brother.
"Fuck Dean, I'm gonna-"
"Don't." Dean let go of Sam's dick and bent him over the side of the bed with a hand on his neck.
"Don't move."
The bed was too high for him to kneel but low enough that Sam's dick barely touched the mattress with his legs straight. He heard Dean bend down behind him. His hands grabbed Sam's ankles and pulled gently, spreading his legs apart. Dean ran his hands up the back of his legs and grabbed his ass, fingers digging in and spreading him. Dean leaned in close. Sam could feel his breath ghosting over his hole. Dean moved up and planted an open mouthed kiss on Sam's scar, sucking on the indentation like he could reverse it, make it whole, smooth out the skin again. Moaning at the pressure, Sam reached back and put a large hand on the back of Dean's head, pushing his mouth down to finally close over his hole in a wet kiss. Dean swiped his tongue over the pucker and Sam felt himself clench. Dean's hands pulled his cheeks apart as he closed his mouth over Sam's asshole and sucked hard, thrusting his tongue inside at the same time, repeating the maneuver until his jaw began to ache. Sam knew that if he could get a hand on himself he would come, but Dean had told him not to move, so he fisted his hands in the bedsheets and panted his brother's name. "Dean, please, so good. Fuck me, please."
Dean moaned at that, squeezing the base of his own dick to avoid shooting his load right there like a teenager.
"Jesus Sammy, fuck. Can't say things like that." He pressed one of his fingers to Sam's hole, watching Sam take it into himself, and bit down on Sam's asscheek.
Sam bit off a shout. "Dean, want you to. Please, need it inside me, come on."
Dean removed his finger and pushed Sam up onto the bed, following him and blanketing his body with his own. He kissed the knob at the top of his spine, worried the skin between his teeth. "Are you sure? If we do this, I can't- I won't be able to pretend this never happened."
"I'm sure Dean. You're it for me, always been yours. Come on, I owe you everything, now fucking take it." He thrust his hips back as much as he could.
"God, Sam. Turn over, wanna see your eyes." Sam turned beneath his brother and smiled before scooting down on the bed, taking his brother's cock into his mouth in one long pull. He sucked hard as he pulled back, then took him in to the root, gagging around his brother's length.
"Fuck, Sam, stop. Fuck, I'm gonna come."
Sam pulled off and moved back up the bed, pulling his brother down for another kiss, biting and sucking on his lips, his tongue. Dean broke the kiss.
"Lube, condoms, do you have-?"
Sam kissed along his brother's jaw. "I don't want that. I'm clean, I know you are too. I want you now, wanna feel you, want you to fill me up with your come."
Dean groaned. "Sammy, we need lube, don't wanna hurt you."
Sam reached down, fisted their cocks in one of his large hands, slick with precome and his own spit. "I'm prepped enough Dean, there won't be any damage. You ate me out real good, I'm still wet."
Dean bit Sam's lip, tugged it until it snapped back with a wet pop. "It's gonna hurt."
Sam arched his back beneath Dean. "I want it to hurt, wanna feel it. Don't you want me to feel you after, Dean? I know you want to. Dirty me up, erase everyone else's mark. Only you Dean, come on, fuck me hard."
Dean slapped Sam's hand away from their cocks, grabbed Sam's legs and set them on his shoulders, rubbing the wet head of his dick against Sam's asshole. "You fucking asked for it Sammy."
He pushed into Sam, one long slow drag, punching the breath out of his little brother with a groan. He pulled out slowly, feeling the drag and clench of Sam's inner muscles around his cock.
Sam whimpered.
"Sammy?"
Sam reached around and grabbed Dean's ass, pulling him in. "It's perfect, don't stop, come on... Fuck me like you mean it."
Dean broke, fucking into his brother and circling his hips before pulling almost all the way out, only to shove back in. He tilted Sam's hips and set up a brutal pace, fucking into Sam like he was trying to carve him out inside, hitting his sweet spot with every other stroke while Sam's dick slipped through the sweat between their bodies.
Sam was incoherent beneath him, his hair plastered to his forehead, tears leaking out the corners of his eyes. The amulet bounced against the underside of his chin. Dean's sweat dripped onto his face, into his open mouth. Sam arched his neck and licked the sweat from Dean's temple, kissing over his face before licking into his mouth again.
"Sam. Tell me, tell me you're-"
"Yours, Dean. Fuck. Always yours, from the day I was born I was yours." He wrapped his legs around his brother, locking his ankles at the base of his spine.
Dean's thrusts became more erratic. He dropped his head onto Sam's chest.
"You're mine, you're safe, forever."
Sam's hands came up to grasp Dean's head, sliding through the sweat in his hair. He crooked his neck to speak close to his brother's ear.
"Gonna come for you Dean, only you, love you so much."
Dean shuddered. "Sam, I love you... Mine."
Sam's back arched as he cried out Dean's name, coming all over himself and his brother. Dean followed close behind, shoving into him one, two, three more times, before Sam felt the wet warmth of his brother's come inside him.
Out of breath, Dean collapsed onto his brother, tilting his head up for a kiss. It was unhurried, gentle, a sharp contrast to their almost animalistic coupling. Dean made a move to get up, but Sam put a hand on the back of his neck.
"Wait, just- Just stay inside. Please. Just for a little while."
Dean raised an eyebrow but lowered himself back down. "Okay."
They lay in silence until Dean's softening dick slipped out of Sam. Sam winced.
"How do you feel?" Dean asked, the reflex to take care of Sam so strong, a second nature. Sam smiled just enough to flash his dimples. Dean traced one with his finger.
"I feel great, Dean. Really."
Dean rolled off of Sam and pulled the covers up over them both. He curled back into Sam and rested his head over his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. He had started to drift off when Sam's voice pulled him back.
"I'm gonna save you, Dean. I owe you, yeah?"
Dean smiled sadly into his brother's chest, kissed him over the beat of his blessed heart. "You've already given me everything, Sam."