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Seishirou was never an affectionate kid.
Unlike his classmates, his mother didn’t stick with him on the first day of school, she bid him farewell and left in a hurry—her job as a full time nurse demanding her full attention. She didn’t run to comfort him when he fell in the playground, or kiss his scarred knee to make him feel better.
His mother wasn’t an affectionate person, and neither was Seishirou.
That was never a problem to him, he knew she loved him and cared about him, she wouldn’t be working such a demanding and tiring job if it wasn’t for his sake; to make sure he leads the best life possible. Or that what he thought—up until she left the house, with everything she owned packed away into a single suitcase.
The divorce didn’t affect Seishirou much, nothing really changed, his relationship with his parents was always akin to that of distant friends or acquaintances. They do care about him and make sure he’s fed and well dressed, they buy him whatever toy he wants on his birthday, and pay for his school’s trips, they give him his space and don't restrict his freedom.
He’s a big boy, so mature for his own age.
That's what they used to say to him.
After his mother left, his father's attitude towards him changed. Seishirou doesn’t know whether it’s due to guilt for neglecting his family, or if it’s for fear of him following in his mother’s footsteps and leaving him be, but regardless, he can’t say the change is unwelcome.
It annoyed Seishirou at first, and made him a little uncomfortable; to be the centre of someone’s attention isn’t something he’s used to. But he gets used to it over time, and if he’s being honest, he dare say that it's quite enjoyable.
His father started paying attention to his hobbies, and asking about his day, often offering to take him out for dinner, or to just do something fun by themselves—For most of his childhood, it was just Seishirou and his father, and he was more than satisfied with that.
But apparently, his father wasn’t.
He met Reo for the first time when he was twelve, school had let out for the day, and as usual he was waiting for the bus near the school’s gate, when his father suddenly showed up to pick him—which is odd on its own because his father work hours keep him busy till the late afternoon.
“We’re having lunch at your favourite place”, his father inquired as he started the engine.
He only hums in response, choosing to focus on the game he’s playing on his console instead of the road ahead of them, it wasn’t until the two of them were seated at their usual table that he noticed the odd silence, and the way his father keeps fidgeting and looking towards the door, as if he’s expecting someone.
“Dad? What’s wrong?”, he asks
His father only brush him off, “it’s nothing kid, eat your food”
He shrugs and continues to chew on his noodles, he was never the pushy type, if his father has something to tell him, then he’ll do it sooner or later.
He’s halfway through completing a hard boss dungeon, furiously clicking the buttons on his gaming console while his bowl of noodles grows cold and forgotten, when his father suddenly arises from his seat.
“Reo! Over here”
He raises his gaze questionably to inquire about his father's strange behaviour, when he sees a young woman (whom she guesses can’t be older than thirty) heading towards them.
“Nagi-San!”, the other woman declares happily before throwing herself into his father’s arms.
His mouth hangs open in shock, utterly confused by the scenery playing in front of him.
Reo finally lets go of his father to look at him, she kneels to his level and smiles kindly at him, “You must be Seishirou?”
“Yeah”, he asks, “And who are you?”
She smiles brightly at him before reaching with her long hand to pat his head, “I’m your father’s fiancé”
—
Seishirou doesn’t remember much of the wedding—besides that it was too loud and crowded. He does however remember the cake; he has never seen a bigger cake in his entire life. He remembers stuffing his face with it until he felt so sick he had to go and lay down under one of the guest’s tables.
His sudden disappearance caused his father and his new bride to go into panic mode as they searched everywhere for him. Seishirou thinks his father still holds the belief that Seishirou would just leave him one day, which is just so silly and ridiculous because where would Seishirou even go?
They eventually found him in a pool of his own vomit under one of the tables. Still feeling a little sick, he doubled down to empty his stomach’s contents once more—right into his father’s bride dress.
It was in that day that Seishirou realised how much of a saint Reo was, because any other woman would have fled after being subjected to such an accident, but Reo was more concerned about his health than her own dress, instead of slapping him or throwing a fit, she rubbed his back and whispered to him that it was okay, she even helped him clean up and called for someone to give him medicine.
I guess she’s not that bad.
She’s still a stranger though—Seishirou would never see her as more than that.
—
His mother cut contact with him when he turned fifteen, it was only a matter of time, he knows that, still he can’t help but feel the sting her empty place had left inside his chest.
“Maybe she got busy, or had an accident on the way, or she could be preparing a surprise for you!”
“Don’t bother, let’s just cut the cake already”, he mutters, as he makes eye contact with Reo, who’s been desperately trying to come up with excuses for his mother’s absence.
“Maybe we should wait a bit”, his father inquires
He shakes his head, and moves closer to the cake to blow his candles, not giving them a chance to argue with him any further as he blows the candles one by one.
He thought he made peace with his mother's absence from his life a long time ago—but turns out the bitter taste of disappointment is hard to get rid off, he only made it halfway through his piece of cake before it was too much to handle.
They don’t bring her up in front of him after that.
—
The unusual sleeping hours are something Seishirou is more than used to. him being a dedicated gamer and a terrible time manger in general, means he’ll either be working on an assignment that’s due at last minute late into the night, or glued to the screen of his PC as he completes a mission or two on one of his games.
It’s always quiet and peaceful at this time of the day, it’s why Seishirou loves it so much. So when a loud noise suddenly reaches his ears, he gets alarmed, and reasonably so—When he and his father first moved into one of the Mikage’s mansions, Seishirou wasn’t prepared for how isolated and peaceful everything was. Despite being located near the centre of the city, its huge walls prevent anyone from getting close by, not to mention their thickness means any noises of the night bustle don’t reach them easily. He got up slowly from his seat, it’s unlikely that a burglar broke on, but one can never be so sure. He makes his way to the source of the sound—it seems like it came from the kitchen, so that’s where he heads to, not before grabbing a vase on his way, he knows if it’s someone breaking in he’ll be no match for them, he doesn’t know why he’s even bothering to investigate, maybe he’s just desperate to feel some thrill in his life.
“Ah—fuck”
“Reo-San?”
“Seishirou?!”, the other woman startles and raises from her position on the ground, she shouts at him when he tries to get closer, “Wait! Don’t come closer, there’s glass on the ground”
He stands still, “What happened?”
The other woman says as she gathers the glass on the ground with her hand to put it in the nearby trash can, “My hand slipped and I dropped a bottle”
He nods, content with just watching her take care of her mess, she’s wearing a short nightgown—one that can hardly be called modest, it’s a little see through and Seishrou can clearly see the curves of her body as she bends down to clear the glass, he turns his head to the side, feeling a little embarrassed when she reaches under the table to grab some of the glass there and he catches a glimpse of something he definitely shouldn’t be looking at.
“Ahh”
“Reo-San?”, he hurries worriedly to her side, she’s clutching her hand as blood flows down her wrist, there’s a glass shreds stuck on the tip of her middle finger, he quickly grabs a hold of it, “You’re hurt! Should I call a maid to help out?”
“N-no!”, she mutters as she shoves him away, “It’s fine, I can handle this, just go to bed, it’s late and you have school tomorrow”
He gets up to search for a first aid kit, completely ignoring her complaints, once he locates it on one of the canniest, he motions for her to take a seat on the kitchen counter, which she does, not before letting out a long sigh.
“You’re a good boy, Seishirou”, she mumbles absentmindedly as she watches him while he tries to get the shred out of her finger without hurting her.
He only huffs at her comment, and tries to hide his flushing face from her sight, once he pulls the shred out, he rubs her finger with an alcohol pad to sanitize it, he raises his eyes to look at her when he hears her quietly hiss in pain, “I’m almost done”
He then pulls a gauze and starts warping the previously bloodied finger, he knows he’s done a terrible job. The warping is too loose, and it’s already soaked with blood. But Reo only smiles at him and tells him that he’s done a good job as she draws her hand away, so he focuses on putting everything back together on the kit. He gets up after that to fetch a cup of water, he places one in front of her while he drinks from his own cup.
“What were you doing awake at this hour anyway?”, he asks after taking a sip from his cup.
“Couldn’t sleep”
He hums and proceeds to take a seat in front of her, now that he's paying attention he notices the way her gaze keeps glazing over, she also seems weirdly exhausted—In the years he’s known her, it’s his first time seeing her this vulnerable. But again, he was just a kid when he first met her (he still is, in her eyes) so maybe it’s not something so abnormal, everyone got their limits after all, it’s only natural she reaches her sooner or later.
“You wanna talk about it?”
He doesn’t know why he’s asking that, the words leave his mouth before he even registers them, she’s a stranger to him—yes they’ve been living together for a while now, but he still doesn’t see her as more than that. Maybe it’s the look in her eyes, or the way she’s holding herself right now, all hunched and closed on herself, unlike her usual demeanour—one that reeks of confidence and power.
She chuckles as she shakes her head, “there’s nothing to talk about”
She’s stubborn.
He speaks after a beat of silence, “Why did you marry my father?”
“Pardon?”
“I said why did you—“
“N-no I heard you”, she adds as she looks at him questioningly, “Why are you asking?”
He shrugs, not really knowing what to say.
She sighs before answering, “I guess it’s only natural that’ll you’ll be curious”, she says simply, “I love him”
“No, you don’t”, he answers confidently, he may be dense and unaware of most people’s emotions, but he’s not blind, a woman like her, one blessed with beauty and fame, one who is wealthy enough to live independently without a man by her side, what business does she have settling with his father? A man twice her age and of a mediocre background, surely love isn’t the reason.
“I may not love your father, but I do trust him”
Upon sensing his confusion she continues, “Being in my position, I know my options are limitless, however, none of them are actually that beneficial to me”, she sighs, a frown taking it place on her face as she says, “people sought after me for my money, being tied to me means ultimate power and wealth, I have no interest in being used as a walking wallet”
“That’s not all, right?”
She smiles at him, clearly impressed by his observation, “No, that’s not all to it”, she drinks the rest of her cup in one go, and Seishrou watches in fascination how little drops of water slide over her slender neck.
“I didn’t have many friends growing up, my status made me feared, and admired, people loved me, they begged for my attention…”, she continues in a quitter tone, “They wanted to be friends with the great Mikage Reo, not the little insecure girl that I was back then”
She holds eye contact with him as she says, “Don’t underestimate what loneliness can do to a person, it ruined me completely, I let myself be used, abused and discarded like a broken toy, just for a little bit of company” she chuckles bitterly, “I may not love your father, but i know he’ll never hurt me, or try to climb socially through me, he only has one thing in mind, after all….”
He swallows, “And that is?”
“You”
“Me?”
“Yeah”, she tilts her head, “Who else could it be? Surely not me, I mean I can’t fault him, you worry me sometimes Seishirou”
He frowns, “Why?”
“You remind me of myself when I was younger, alone, desperately looking for something to fill that void inside of you….”
“I’m not desperate”
“Sure you aren’t”, she raises from her seat, “Good night, Seishirou”
She ruffles his hair on her way out, slowly swaying in her steps, her long hair flapping after her like a cape.
He brings a hand to his hair, trying to tame his wild locks and failing, “I’m not desperate”, he mutters to no one.
He’s not, she doesn’t know what she’s talking about, she’s a stranger to him—no more than that.
—
“Have you decided yet on which high school you’re going to apply to?”, asks his father one day as they’re having dinner.
“Hakuho”, he answers
“Oh! That’s such a good school”, says Reo as she cuts her steak, “Is there a specific reason why you chose it?”
He shrugs, “it’s close”
“That’s it?”
“Well, I can have a good job if I graduated from a good school”
“Wow, I didn’t expect you to be this thoughtful Seishirou!”, says his father, clearly impressed by his son’s decision.
“Yeah”, he mutters as he chews on his mashed potatoes, “So I can just make lots of money and retire early”
Reo giggles at the typical response, that’s Seishirou for you.
“Money isn’t an issue, Hakuho is one of the elite schools in Tokyo, I actually used to go there, so I’m already more than familiar with the principles, I can just give him a call”
“We can’t possibly trouble you Reo”, says his father as he reaches for his wife’s hand, “You’ve done more than enough for us”
“Nonsense! It’s no trouble at all, if Seishirou want to go there then I’ll send him”
“If you’re so sure then”
“Oh I’m sure!”, she turns to him, “This is gonna be so huge for you, can’t wait to see what you’re going to achieve there”
“Don’t get your hopes up”
“Hey! Don’t be so pessimistic now, Honey you tell him”
“Uh, try your best Seishirou”
He only hums, as he watches the two of them bicker, he was going to apply for a scholarship, but now, he doesn’t know if taking the entrance exam would even be necessary.
“Thanks”, he mutters
The other woman only smiles at him as a response, before resuming eating her meal.
—-
Seishirou absolutely hates unnecessary activities. If it’s up to him, he wouldn’t even use his own legs for walking, but rather have someone else carry him around everywhere. So he truly doesn’t understand why he agreed to join the school’s football club, he doesn’t even know the goddamn rules.
It’s that creepy dude’s fault. He wouldn’t take no for an answer.
Is what he tells himself, but he knows it’s more than that, he’s just not ready to admit it to himself yet.
“You remind me of myself when I was younger, alone, desperately looking for something to fill that void inside of you”
What utter bullshit, she doesn’t know anything.
“Nagi! You gotta pass the ball”
So bothersome.
But he still passes regardless, still shows up to practice everyday, and still participates in matches.
It’s like video games, just something to pass the time—he’s surprisingly decent at it, and his teammates aren’t half bad, they’re annoying, and seemingly mentally unstable, but they tolerate him, which speaks volumes on its own.
It’s a little nice, to be part of something, to belong.
—-
Seishirou has been playing for less than a year, and he’s already deemed a genius.
Of course he’s still far from the best—Compared to his teammates, he’s merely a newbie, but with each passing day, he improves further, and if this continues, he may even be on the same level as them, if not better.
“I have a match on Thursday”
“You want me to come?”, says Reo, as she pauses her movements, they’re having a movie night, because her and his father happen to share a day off (Which rarely happens these days), she’s making chocolate muffins—they could’ve of course asked a maid to make it for them or just ordered a fresh batch from a nearby bakery, but Reo insisted she made them herself, saying that she want to do something nice for her family from time to time ( as if making them live in her mansion and pay for his own education isn’t enough ).
He shrugs, “If you want to”
She turns to him, “I’ll be there”
He doesn’t care whether she shows up or not, it’s not even an important match, it’s against some lowly team that their club has played against before ( and humiliated).
I’m being so unreasonable these days.
Still, he can’t deny the thrill, and the warm feeling filling up his chest when he saw her alongside his father cheering him on from the benches—it’s a little embarrassing, seeing her shout his name so loudly.
It is embarrassing how much he craves her attention.
I’m not a damn kid, so why am I acting as one?
—-
Seishirou isn’t lonely, he’s not.
He’s been on his own for as long as he remembers, sure his father was present, and he made sure to give Seishirou as much attention as he could when his mother left them, but for some reason, there’s a stubborn ache inside his heart that refuses to go away no matter how many people he talks to or hangs around. He’s not a social creature, or a talkative one—he’s used to people just brushing him off and giving up on him after seeing his dull demeanour.
Reo was the first person to give him the time of the day, the first to ever seek his company willingly, the first to ever think that he’s worth investing in.
As if paying for his education and showing up for every match, on top of buying him the most expensive equipment wasn’t enough. She started personally training him and putting him on a special training program, she even bought a special VR set to test his limits against different opponents.
“Why are you doing this?”, he asks one day, after finishing his usual work out for the day.
She looks up from her work ( because watching him train has become a hobby for her ), “What do you mean?”
He slumps to the ground, and raises his eyes to gaze into her amethyst ones, “This”, he gestures to the training room and all the equipment on it.
“Ah”, she says confidently, “It’s because you’re worth it, I know you won’t disappoint me”
—
Their club wins the national championship. And the first person he runs towards when they do is her.
“ Mama !”, he shouts as he throws himself at her.
She startles but gathers her bearings soon enough to return his embrace, “You were so good baby! God I can’t believe it, you did it! You won!”
“I did”, he breathes out as he buries his face in her shoulder, his arms circles her as he squeezes tightly, he comes on top, he’s on his way to be a professional football player—Many colleges has already offered him a sport scholarship, and it’s all thanks to her.
“Good job son, you were amazing”, his father says proudly from the side.
He squeezes her one more time before letting go, he smiles at his father, “Thanks”
“This is a cause for celebration! I should make a reservation at that Chinese restaurant you love!”
“Ah, my team also wanted to celebrate”
“Then you should go with them! It’s okay we can always reschedule”
He shakes his head, “I’ll just tell them to go without me”
“No!”, she shouts as she starts pushing him toward where his teammates still going on hard on their celebration, “We can wait, go have fun with your friends, don’t worry about us”
“But—“
“No buts! Just go”
He sighs before nodding, he gives them a last look to which they return with reassuring smiles of their own, before joining his team.
His face flushes as he remembers his slips up earlier.
I called her Mama.
How humiliating.
—-
Seishirou can’t put it into words, no matter how hard he tries—the longing, the ever growing desire to be held, to be praised, and acknowledged, to be perceived as something far greater than he is, he knows it’s wishful thinking, because have you ever seen him? Someone like him; who’s constantly bored, unmotivated, someone without a real purpose in life, someone who’d rather rot in bed all day than do something of value, surely no one wants to associate with that sort of person. And sure, he’s not a kid trailing after his mommy’s shadow anymore, he’s not the class weirdo who just sleeps all day—he has a loving family, friends who have no issues with his rotten personality and laid back attitude, he’s part of one of the best football clubs in Tokyo, he’s a prodigy, a genius, a national treasure. But it’s never enough, for some reason, nothing can ever satisfy that eternal desire inside of him.
On most days he can just ignore it—it’s too bothersome to think too much about such feelings and the source of them, but sometimes, when he’s alone at night, it creeps up on him, claws at his chest and prevents him from breathing.
Seishirou really doesn’t get it, these strange feelings are unpredictable, unknown in their patterns, they don’t differentiate between his good or bad days.
There’s less than a week left until his graduation, and he’s actually happy to be finally done with high school, a new era is upon him, new challenges and new opportunities, a new environment await him—it’s normal to feel anxious, he still doesn’t know what he’s going to do after high school, what college to choose, weather he should accept that sport scholarship or to settle for something simpler. But he knows that’s not all there’s to it.
He’s gasping for breath when he heads out of his room, he stumbles through the dark, and stumps his toe on the corner of a desk and hiss loudly, it’s a little chilly tonight, despite the high-quality heater the Mikage’s mansion has installed. He reaches the living room in a haze, unaware of his surroundings as he slumps on the first couch he sees, he lets his head rest back against the cushion and closes his eyes, trying to get his breathing under control.
“Seishirou?”
He snaps his eyes open, and if he was gasping for breath before, now he’s fighting a losing battle against his lungs, because god—Reo looks so worried, so put off by him just sitting in the dark like a total creep, her glossy lips shine in the dark as she bites them, her long hair covering her bare shoulders, she’s wearing a short nightgown with thin straps, and Nagi swears he can see her nipples prickling from a cold gust of wind that suddenly hit them from an open window somewhere.
“Mama..”
The words leave his lips before he can even register them, he stands up, he’s shaking all over now as he heads towards her, once he gets closer, he all but throws himself at her, his hands curling around her midsection and squeezing quite painfully, a wrecked sob escapes his lips and he bruises his face further in her chest.
“What’s wrong?”, she whispers as she gently strokes his hair, she’s not pushing him away, she never does, she only draws him closer to her and lets him use her as an outlet for all his frustration, and misery.
He doesn’t answer her, he couldn’t, even if he wanted to—he just continues to hold her, to fill his nose with her flowery scent, to bask in her presence. Seishrou doesn’t think she truly understands the impact she has on him, aside from his father, she’s the only person to ever love him unconditionally.
To be held by her like that, to be loved by her, to feel her skin against his fingers, it’s all too much, but also never enough. Seishirou wants to crawl inside her chest and stay there forever, to never be apart from her, to feel her heat around him, to get her to chant his name over, and over again, until he doesn’t recognise any other voice but hers.
“Mama…mama I—“, he continues to sob and weep pathetically.
He wants, wants so much, he yearns for her on a level far beyond human comprehension.
And he thinks she’s willing to give, to fill the void inside of him until it becomes full and it spills over.
He cries onto her chest till sunrise, she doesn’t let go of him for even one second.
—
Seishirou isn’t one for festivities, he already received his diploma a couple of days ago. But his family insists he go and attend his graduation, that he should celebrate with all his friends and teachers—So he agrees, only because they wouldn't stop complaining if he didn’t.
When his name gets called out, and he walks to the stage to shake hands with the principal, his parents let out the loudest applause, Seishirou can see Reo’s purple hair pouncing among the crowd of people—and he’s a little embarrassed, but he can’t fight the smile that makes itself present on his face when he witnesses such display.
“Congratulations Son, you’ve finally made it”, says his father once he makes his way to them after the whole celebration warped up.
“Thanks”, he accepts the bouquet of flowers his father put into his hands. It's a pretty arrangement, with daisies and tulips and a couple of lavenders, wrapped with a white ribbon.
“It matches your eyes”, Says Reo as she ruffles his hair.
You’re eyes too.
They’re walking towards where their car is parked, discussing their plan of the day. Seishrou really can’t find it in himself to complain when they begin planning for a trip to the Maldives, as long as it makes them happy, then he’s on board.
He looks up from his phone to notice that both of them had suddenly stopped walking, he squints his eyes to see what the issue is, they’re being suspiciously quiet, which is just so out of character for the both of them.
“Seishirou, how about you go ahead without us?”, says his father calmly.
“You can’t just dismiss him like that when I flew all the way here just for him!”, shouts an unfamiliar woman angrily at them, her pale face flushed as she tries to contain her rage.
“Mom?”, he whispers.
He didn’t recognise her at first, her white hair—her most distinctive feature is dyed a dark brown now, she seems to also have gained a bit of weight, her previously sunken cheeks are full now, she seems well, happy and healthy, and Seishrou can’t find it in himself to be happy for her, instead a bitter taste fills up his mouth and he nearly vomits on the sidewalk of how disgusted he feels. But despite that all, he walks towards her, his posture straight and palms facing upward, welcoming her back into his life like she never left in the first place, because after all this time, after all the disappointment she left him with—he still hopes, and yearns.
“No!”, Says Reo as she stretches her arms in front of him to prevent him from walking towards her, “She has no right looking for you after all these years! You abandoned him—“, she points her finger at the other woman, “Do you even realise how hurt he was by your actions? He was a child ! He needed you! And you didn’t even have the remorse to send a single card or text on his birthday! We waited for hours for you to show up and you didn’t even apologise or come up with an excuse for all that you did!”, she hiss at her, her teeth bared as if she’s ready to tear the other woman if she dare lay a single hand on him, “Go back to where you came from, he doesn’t need you anymore”
“I understand what I did is unforgivable, but please, I’ve changed, just let me—“
“I said no! We have a reservation so if you’d please excuse us ”
“Please wait!”
“Mama”, he says as he puts his hand on Reo’s shoulder, “it’s okay, I wanna hear what she has to say”
The other woman turns to him, “But—“
“It’s okay, I’ll be right back, I can handle it”, he says, he tries his best to give her a reassuring smile, but he must’ve failed because Reo’s scowl only worsens.
Thankfully it’s his father who come forward to place his hand on her shoulder and leads her away, he nods at him and tell him they’ll be waiting on the car, all while Reo struggles to get back to his side, not comfortable with the idea of leaving him with the woman who abandoned him all so willingly.
After their departure, his mother finally speaks directly to him, “It’s been so long Seishirou, how have you been?”
He ignores her questions, and instead leads her to a bench a few steps ahead of them on the sidewalk, he sits down and waits for her to copy his motion, which she thankfully does as she sits beside him.
He scoots a little further from her and waits for her to start speaking again, he has lots to say, so many questions swarming in his head, so many words clogging his throat. But he waits for her to make the first move, just like he waited all those years ago.
“I’m sorry, Seishirou”, she began.
“You should be”, he mutters bitterly.
She winces at his tone, “I know, I wasn’t the best mom you could’ve had, but I tried my best, I know I could’ve been better, but you can’t fault me for leaving!”, she lowers her head, “There was a lot going on at the time, but now that’s all resolved and behind us, I’m ready to take you back into my life”
He closes his eyes and inhales sharply, before opening them and staring right back into her eyes—a shade very similar to his own,
“Why?”, he breathes out.
She frowns at him, “Pardon?”
“Why did you leave ?”
“Like I said, there was a lot going on, the stress from work, and our financial situation—“
“Was it because of me? Was I too much to handle?”, he chokes out, unable to hold the tears that’s clinging to his eyelashes anymore.
“No—no you weren’t! It’s because of me! I was young and dumb and burdened with too much”
“Dad was young too…..I don’t understand why couldn’t you stick around for me”
“Well, your dad is a lot stronger than me, i know he could’ve handled you better”
He heaves, feeling sick to his stomach, all she has is excuses, and not valid ones at that, he stands up abruptly, he has heard more than enough.
“Seishirou baby—“
“No! Don’t call me that”, he yells, his face painted with tears and snot, he brings his sleeve to wipe them down but they continue to come back again.
When she reaches for him, and wraps an arm around his shoulders, he goes down willingly, her hands are cold and they feel so unfamiliar, her scent doesn’t resemble the flowers he’d grown familiar with, but he stays in her embrace nonetheless. He tries to feel comfortable in her hands, to bury his face into her chest and pretend that there’s a place for him inside it, but it all feels so wrong .
Once he calms down enough, he separates himself from her, he rubs his face with his hand, trying to erase every trace of his breakdown from sight, she offers him a napkin and he takes it gratefully.
“I’m sorry, I truly am, I know it’ll never be enough for you, and I don’t ask of you to forgive me, but if you could give me just one more chance to make it better for you, I could fix this, I could be the mother you’ve always wanted”
“I already have a mother, and it isn’t you”, he says sharply.
She bites her lips, before saying, “Right, she seems like a wonderful woman”
“She is”, he declares proudly, “Even if I go back with you, no matter how hard you try, nothing you’ll ever do will come close to what she’s done for me”
“But I could try! If you come back with me to the United States, I have a house and a high paying job, I could—“
He shakes his head, “don’t bother”, he says after casting a last glance at her, she truly looks unfamiliar, despite the clear resemblance he has to her. he truly can’t fathom the idea of her taking the motherly rule with him, she had her chance and she wasted it.
“Goodbye”
He doesn’t wait for her response, she’s not his mother, she never was, he knows that—even after he walks away, she doesn’t run after him, doesn’t reach for his hand or try to convince him to stay, she seems content with the result of their conversation, maybe if she had fought harder, come up with better excuses.
No, he knows he wouldn’t go with her either way, he just needed answers, and now he has them, he can leave her behind him.
—-
“Come in”
Hearing his response, the door to his room opens and in steps his father, slowly approaching him as one would do to a wild animal. Seishirou doesn’t appreciate such treatment, he’s not made of glass, his father ought to know that, he’s fine, but guess he can’t blame him, it is very rare that Seishirou allows others to see him in such a statue.
“How are you doing?”, he asks as he sits on the bed beside him.
“Fine”, he mutters
His father sighs, before reaching with his hand to gently pat his hair, “You know it was never your fault, you did no wrong, you were only a child”
“I know”, he says as he buries his face in his pillow.
“Do you, now?”, his father shakes his head tiredly, “Your mom….she was never the most responsible type, or that mentally stable to begin with, I thought she could change, could try for us, could stick around through all that hardship we faced, but guess I was wrong”
“ I don’t care ”
“You don’t have to pretend with me Seishirou, I know you still held hope all these years, I know she’ll disappoint you eventually, that’s why I told her to not look for you”, he mutters, “But that woman is as stubborn as ever”
He gets up to face his father—When he was young, he felt so incredibly alone, his mother was always busy and when she wasn’t working, she refused to give him the time of the day, opting to place him in front of the TV screen and telling him to not bother her, yes he knows raising a child is no easy feast, but the least she could’ve done was talk to him, have a single meaningful conversation with him, that would’ve been enough for him back then, his father of course was no better, but at least he was willingly to change, he did admit he felt guilty for neglecting him, and as much as Seishirou was hurt by his actions, he forgave him easily, because he actually tried, because he stayed.
So no, he wouldn’t let his father carry all the guilt for her when he had done so much for him.
“She didn’t only abandon me, she abandoned you too, as fast as things started to change…”
“I know, but I can’t blame her. Who would’ve predicted that I would get fired and would have to pay my father’s debts because everyone else was nowhere to be seen?”
“It’s still isn’t your fault, you did the best you could at the time, you stayed with me”
“Of course I will, you’re my son!”
I was her son too.
—-
“Hey, can’t sleep?”, he asks as he enters the kitchen and spots Reo nursing a cup of hot steaming tea—chamomile, judging by the smell.
She chuckles, “Oh you know me”, she raises her cup towards him, “You want some?”
“Sure”
He sits on a stool, and watches her as she puts some water to boil on the kettle, she opens the cupboard and takes out a pink mug, one he remembers seeing her drinking from while buried under a pile of paperwork, her pyjama’s top raises a little when she grabs a hold of it, and he bears witness to the milky skin of her abdomen. He gulps and casts his gaze down, what is wrong with him, she’s attractive, that is quite clear, but he can’t be attracted to her, she’s his mother.
“Here you go”, she hands him the cup, “Careful, it’s a little hot”
“Thanks”
She hums and resumes drinking her tea, comfortable silence is something he’s more than used to sharing with Reo. For some reason, he will find the other woman either wandering aimlessly around the house at night , or just chilling in the kitchen with a little snack or a drink in hand. Seishrou doesn’t know why she keeps staying up instead of sleeping—she’s a busy woman, she’ll be the first to wake up in the morning to head for work, a messy sleeping schedule is very unlike her. Seishirou doubts that habit might have something to do with him and his crippling insomnia, but he can never be too sure.
“Have you decided what college you’re going to head to yet?”
“I’m probably gonna accept that sport scholarship Tokyo university has offered me”
“Oh! That’s good, I thought you’re not as passionate about football anymore?”
“Yeah, I got bored”, he takes a sip from his cup before continuing, “it used to be fun, but I’m not sure what to do anymore”
“You could come with me to the company”
Seishirou knows it was only a matter of time before she made such an offer, he can’t say he’s against the idea, he’s not that interested in business, but he’s interested in what Reo does and how she performs her work.
“I’m very tempted, but…”
She abandons her cup and comes to sit in a stool just beside his own, she reaches for his hand, playing with his fingers, “I could train you myself, or hire someone to help you adjust, I’ll eventually need an heir…..and you’re Perfect for that role”, she looks him in the eyes, her face so close to his he can smell the chamomile in her breath, “You’re very smart and talented Seishrou, I know you’ll make me proud”
He gulps, and exhales sharply, “I’m not sure, I don’t think I’m cut out for it”
“Oh baby”, she places her other hand on his cheek and begins to stroke it lovingly, “You bet you are! You could do anything if you put your mind to it, don’t put yourself down like that”
“Mama…”
“Yes baby?”
He closes his eyes, it’s too much, her touch, her smell, the way she looks at him like he’s her most precious possession, Seishrou can’t take it anymore. He bends his head down slightly, and takes a moment to gather his courage, before parting his lips and placing a chaste kiss on her own. She gasps but doesn’t push him away, he opens his eyes to look at her very wide ones. She could push him, slap him in the face and call him gross or a creep, she could kick him out of the house for overstepping his boundaries. But she doesn’t.
“I’ll think about it”, he says after he untangles himself from her, “Goodnight mama”
“Night..”, she mumbles in a daze, her fingers coming up to touch her lips, just where he kissed her.
—
He ends up accepting that sport scholarship, if he abandons football completely, he wouldn’t know what else to do.
He also signs up for the dormitory the university offers—despite his parents insisting he could stay with them and commute from home. They also offered to buy him a place near the university, but he declined.
The dorms are nice, not as nice as his house of course, but they’re decent enough for him, he gets a spacious room with an en suite bathroom. And frankly, that’s all he needs.
He’s always been good at school, despite his minimal effort, he seems to have a knack for studying that many envy him for, of course the workload is tiresome but it’s nothing he can’t handle, plus their new coach is a lot nicer than the one they had at high school. All in all, he’s adjusting well.
“You’re not coming to the party?”
“Sorry, can’t, it’s mom’s birthday, I have to go home”, he says to a classmate of his, he can’t quite recall her name.
“Yeah, but can’t you just come for a bit? Your mom isn’t going anywhere”, she says as she twirls her hair.
He sighs, as he puts his stuff into his backpack, and as he walks past her to get out of the door and leave, she blocks his way again.
Thankfully, before he snaps at her and says something he’s going to regret, Bachira who’s been watching the whole thing from the sidelines steps in quickly, “ Mia-Chan , I don’t think it’s a good idea to press Seishirou when he already refused”
“But! He barely even goes anywhere”, she bats her eyelashes at him and continues with a pout, “It would be nice to hang out with people your age more often, it will be fun I promise”, she gets even more closer to him and gives him a wink, “I’ll make sure of it”
Bachira only giggles at her, “Well, he’s too much of a mama’s boy to abandon her for you”
The other girl only gawks at them, and Seishirou takes the moment of shock to finally flee from her grasp, not before giving Bachira his nastiest glare ever.
“You should be more thankful, I saved you there”
He rolls his eyes, “That wasn’t necessary, I could’ve handled it”
The other guy match his steps as they make it out of the building where their class was taking place, “By cursing her entire bloodline I assume”
“She would’ve had it coming”
“Wow”, he laughs in shock at him, “Who knows you could be so harsh”
He sighs, but doesn’t bother with a response, people should know better than expect him to be nice and mindful. If they dare bother him, then they should be ready for his dry response.
“It’s true though, you barely hang out with anyone or goes anywhere, it’ll be nice to just unwind for a bit, get drunk and maybe get laid ”
“I’m not interested”, he mutters, because he’s not.
“Awh what a shame”, the other guy smirks at him as he continues, “So you wouldn’t be so upset if I had Mia-Chan all for myself, rejecting someone as pretty as her, what were you even thinking?”
“Suit yourself”, he says to him, as he climbs in the car that’s waiting for him in front of the gate, he told his parents there was no need to send someone to pick him up, he can use public transportation just fine, but apparently that is a crime against them, because they wouldn’t take a no for an answer. He’s not a kid anymore, he knows how to make his way across the city for god’s sake.
Well, whatever, he’s finally going home.
He missed her so much.
—
“Do you like it?”
“Yup! It’s so pretty”, the other woman exclaims happily as she holds the necklace he had gifted her in her hands, “Will you help me with it?”
“Yeah”, he says as he proceeds to take it from her, he struggles with the clasp a bit, but he eventually get it to open, he leans over her and place it gently over her neck, she moves her hair to the side so he can see better, and he really tries to not stare too much at her bare slender neck, he tries not to think about how his lips would fit perfectly on the junction between her neck and shoulder, he tries not to imagine it littered with marks of teeth and love bite.
“Seishirou?”
“I got it”, he says shakily, he manages to close the clasp eventually.
He steps back, and watches as his father starts teasing Reo when she gets too excited when a maid brings out the cake—She claps and sings along with them, and holds both of their hands as she blows out her candles.
“I can’t believe I’m thirty-six now, I’m such a hag”
“No one could even tell you’re over thirty come on now!”
“Aww you flatter me”
“You better watch out dad, people might mistake you as her father if this continues”
“Seishirou!”, gasp the other women, not even trying to stifle her giggles
“Oh, do I need to get some Botox done?”
“No, honey ignore him, he’s just being mean!”
He chuckles, but doesn’t deny her statement, god he needed this.
—
Exam session has left him in shambles—yes he’s a genius who only has to study for like an hour a day to pass the hardest tests, but boy did he overestimate the amount of syllabus he had to consume. Him being a chronic procrastinator on top of his typical lazy attitude paired with his video games addiction and terrible sleeping schedule, meant he stood no chance in the face of exams sessions hysteria.
So when he finally finishes his exams, he doesn’t waste a single second before heading to his dorm and falling into his very well deserved slumber. When he wakes up, it’s two in the afternoon, and the dormitory building has become a ghost town, safe for him and a few stragglers. He texts his father to tell him he’d be late to return home, because he needs to pack first. There’s a slim chance of him moving into another dorm in the second semester, one closer to his major building, but he’s gonna take it anyway. He didn’t bring much with him from home, despite his upbringing, he’s quite the minimalist type. It only takes him about an hour to pack everything he owns into a single suitcase, and when he does, he informs his parents to send someone to pick him up.
He lays down on his bed while he waits. The year has been long, but it’s finally over, and he’ll be returning home and actually sleeping there instead of just paying a quick visit. He turns to his side and buries his face into his pillow. The bedding is of a lower quality than the one he has at home, but it’s decent enough—it can’t be the reason he’s been struggling to fall asleep lately.
He knows exactly why—images of purple hair and amethyst eyes and warm embrace, and the smell of chamomile breath fills his mind. He closes his eyes and tries to get his breathing under control, no, he can’t keep thinking about her like that, he can’t.
He shouldn’t, but he keeps doing it, because his mind is a traitor and he’s always been weak when it comes to her.
Tentatively, he reaches for the zipper of his pants, he hesitates for a second—I really shouldn’t, but the raging desire takes over him, and he undoes the button to pull out his briefs, his dick is already half hard, he gives it an experiment stroke, it’s been so long since he’s done this, maybe if he let it out of his system, then his hunger would be satisfied.
He bites his lips to stifle a groan as he begins to stroke his dick, he moves his fingers to gather bit of the precum that started gathering on his tip, he spreads his fingers along his shaft to cover it with precum, and he begins stroking himself again, this time faster, and a lot harder, his grip tightening on his shaft as he continues to stroke it, he’s close, so, so close , but it’s not enough.
I need her.
Mama…
He breathes out, as he moves his hand repeatedly, his legs are shaking and he’s hot all over, he closes his eyes and imagines a warm hand moving alongside his own, her soft lips pressing against his tips, her pink tongue licking all the fluids that’s gathered there, and her familiar voice as she whispers in his ears; you’re a good boy Seishirou. Just like that baby. You make me so proud. You’re all grown up now, my little boy.
“Ha—hh, Mama, mama”, he chants, his orgasm hitting him in full force as he imagines her encouraging him.
Once he comes from his high, he takes a look at his hand that’s painted with cum, he can’t help but imagine it’s her hand instead.
God, I’m so messed up.
He sighs, before getting up to clean up his mess.
—-
Growing up, Seishirou never realised how much his father had been struggling financially. That hadn’t always been the case of course, he can slightly remember a two story house with a pretty fence, and a picture perfect family living inside of it. Until his father was suddenly fired from his longtime job and had to look for an alternative, which led him to sell the house so he could pay off his own father’s debt while providing for his own family. He was barely making ends meet but Seishrou never noticed—that’s how hard his father has been working. And to be honest, he wouldn’t have minded if he cut a little on his allowance or bought him cheaper snacks, as long as he stayed with him.
The same couldn’t be said for his mother, after moving to their new apartment, it took her only a month to grow sick of how everything operated now and leave. Her absence was hard on both of them, now that Seishrou looks back on it, his father was constantly working overtime to compensate for the loss on their income, one would think that would result in him neglecting his own kid even more, but no, turns out his mother leaving was the wake up call his father needed to start being more involved in Seishirou’s life.
That’s to say, when he gets home for the holiday and gets informed that his father might not join them this year, he wasn’t upset, not in the slightest, even after all these years. After they have finally become financially stable, and Seishirou has become independent and on his way to become a professional footballer with a high paying income, his father still feels guilty for leaving him, for not being able to be present and welcome him home. He’s done enough already, and Seishrou is truly happy his father is finally chasing his old hobbies and is passionate about something that’s not related to him, he would love to hear all about his photography skills and the pictures he took on his travels when he comes back. That’s what he tells his father when they FaceTime, even if the older man looks slightly unconvinced, at least he’s not going to drop all his work just to make sure that he’s absolutely fine. Which he is by the way, his absence is noticeable, but he got Reo by his side, so there’s truly no issue, he’s not going to die of loneliness, just because his own father was late for a day or two for Christmas.
“It’s a shame your father wasn’t able to make it”, she says as she hands him a cup of hot cocoa, “Guess it’s just you and me this year”
“Yeah”, he says as he takes a sip, trying his best not to look into her eyes.
“So! What do you wanna do? Should we go out to eat or just chill inside and watch a movie?”
“It’s too cold to go out”
She giggles at him as she gets up to look for the remote, “Yeah, you’re right, so a movie it is! Do you have something in mind?”
They end up watching the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, again.
“It’s just so poetic ”, says Reo with a sniffle
“I know”, he says, as he observes her while she wipes up her tears.
It’s not their first time watching this movie, and not the first time he’s seen Reo cry during it, it's a usual scenery, yet this time—something is very different. She’s sitting so close to him as they share a blanket, snacks scattered all over the coffee table in front of them, he chews on some potato chips as he waits for her to collect her breath, once she does, she reaches with her hand to steal the bag of chips from his hands.
“How was college ?”, she asks around a mouthful
“Good, a little boring”
She chuckles, “I know you were gonna say that”, she throws a hand over the back of the couch as she leans over him, “No cute girls to bring home?”, she’s quick to add, “Or boys! Of course, whichever floats your boat”
He grimaces, “No”
“Awh, what a shame”, she adds as she winks at him, “But never mind, no one deserves a cutie like you”
“Don’t say that”, he mutters, as he turns his flushed face away from her sight.
“Don’t be so humble!”, she leans over him even more as she pinch his cheek, “You’re the smartest, most loving and thoughtful boy I’ve ever met! Anyone would be lucky to have you”
“Anyone?”, he breathes out
“Yup!”, she answers without hesitation
With quick movement, he moves one of his hands to place it on her hip to pull her down against him, she goes down without a fight, already half draped over his lap, she sits down and her gaze locks with his.
“Anyone?”, he asks again
This time she doesn’t answer him with words, there’s truly no need when her body language is so open, she places her hands on his shoulders to steady herself. And she doesn’t move away, or inch any closer, one might mistake her stance as hesitation, but he’s known her long enough to recognise the curiosity in her eyes.
He raises his head a little, inching closer to her lips but still not quite touching, unlike last time, he’s giving her the option to back away, and when she doesn’t, when she only smiles encouragingly at him. He takes the chance she gives him on a silver platter.
He kisses her like a man starving, biting on her bottom lips and sucking harshly, stealing her breath away as every time they separate, he goes back to attacking her lips with a vigorous force that’s very unfamiliar to him. His hands move from her hips to her waist to her lower back, and she shivers slightly as one of his fingers grazes the exposed skin of her abdomen.
She’s still not pushing him away, so he lifts her sweater a little and waits for her approval, she moves his hands away and pulls the sweater over her head herself. And Seishirou has seen glimpses of her body when she wore a tight fitting dress, or when she carelessly let her rope open while she walked through the house late at night, but nothing ever could have prepared him for the sight before him; her skin is soft to touch, her waist is so thin Seishrou can fit it into his own hands, her breasts stare right back at him, they’re sitting proudly on her chest, her lacey bra succeeding in making their shape stands out more, on top of it, between her cleavage sit the flower necklace that he had gifted her, it red colour reflecting perfectly against her pale skin, making it look a little flushed. He reaches with his hand to gently rub the necklace between his fingers.
“You really did like it that much”
“It’s from you, of course I like it”, she says, before diving in to kiss him again.
He opens his mouth to welcome her warm tongue inside his inner cavity, she licks the roof of his mouth and he lets out a soft sigh, he lets her do as she pleases, growing weak and dizzy as she continues to shower him with kisses.
He’s been thinking about this moment for years now, imagining what it would be like to be inside her, to be completely enveloped by her heat. He moves his head to the side and she starts attacking his jaw, he opens his eyes and manoeuvres them around so that she lies on the couch while he straddles her hips.
She chuckles in surprise and brings a hand to gently caress his cheek, “Wow, you’ve grown so much”
Even at this moment, as she’s completely subjected to his mercy, she still treats him like a child— it’s about time he shows her that he's not anymore.
He puts his hands on the waistband of her pants, and doesn’t waste a single second on pulling them off, he lays down on his stomach and raises one of her legs so he can leave kisses there, he sucks on the skin of her inner thigh, and his nose brushes against her wet pussy, he inhales sharply, trying to fill his nose with her scent as much as he can, before opening his mouth and mouthing at her pussy from above her panties, which is completely ruined by now. Her breathing is getting faster as he continues to lap at her folds, sucking and licking at them throughout the thin fabric, she pushes him away suddenly when he sucks particularly hard at her skin. He raises his head to look at her questioningly and she only smirks at him as she proceeds to remove her panties.
She lies there, bare and ready for him to take, and he starts shaking slightly, because he’s getting overwhelmed by how much she’s willing to give him. He raises on his elbows and comes forward to face her, he observes her face, her cheeks are flushed and her pupils are dilated—an indicator of her desires. He breathes out before lowering his head to kiss her softly, her lips brush against his slowly, and he takes his sweet time to open her up. He removes his mouth from hers, and while maintaining eye contact he brings his hand in front of his mouth to spit on it, and then he moves it to free his dick from where it lies hidden under his pants, he gives it a good stroke, making sure to cover every inch with it with his spite before inching closer to her. He raises his head to look at her, seeking her permission, she nods at him so he starts slowly interning her, her breath hitch as he fully sinks in, she’s a little tense, and he doesn't like that.
“You okay Mama?”
“Yeah, you’re just so big”, she breathes out, her hand come to play with his wild hair, “It’s okay, keep going”
So he starts moving,experimentally rocking his hips to find the best angle to thrust, when a particular thrust makes her throws her head and open her mouth in a silent moan, he knows he got it, he starts angling his thrust so that they meet her sweet spot, he groans and bruises his head into her chest, he closes his eyes and just basks in the moment—her walls clenching around him, her hands as they comb his hair, and her sweet voice as she tells him how much of a good job he’s doing. He feels the tears clinging to his eyelashes, it's just so good, it almost feels unreal to him, he opens his mouth and start slowly sucking at the skin of her chest, starting from her collarbone down to the pink mount that lies on her chest, he pulls her bra down with his fingers to get better access, and open his mouth to get the pink nipple inside of it, a certain image fills his head, and he groans in embarrassment at how much it turns him on. For a moment, he imagines what it would feel like to be fed by her, to drink up all her warm milk and taste it as it fills his mouth and tummy. He breathes out, and bruises his face further into her chest, not stopping his thrusts or his suckling for one moment.
He starts feeling himself getting closer to his release, tears are silently streaming down his face as his mouth gets filled with her taste—she’s soft, and warm around him, he feels himself burning.
“Shh, it’s okay Seishirou, it’s okay”, she continues to soothe him with a hand on his head, her other one comes to wipe his tears away.
“Mama…”, he whines as he kisses her, inserting his tongue into her mouth.
“I know baby, it’s okay”
God—he doesn’t deserve her, no one does, he whines as he hides his face into the side of her neck, his movements have become frantic, almost animalistic, but she continues to encourage him, and praise him, and calls him her baby. He bruises himself even deeper inside her, his cum filling up her hole and spilling into her thighs, her arms loops around his neck and she pulls him impossibly closer to her, as she also hits her release.
“I’m the worst”, he mutters against her skin, not yet pulling out from her.
“No, don’t say that! You’re my baby”, she coos at him, “My precious little boy, I would do anything to make you happy, no one can separate me from you”
He hums, as he starts closing his eyes, if she’s by his side, nothing else ever matters. He doesn’t care what anyone says about him, or them in particular, as long as she keeps looking his way, keeps touching him and staying by his side, the world can burn for all he cares.