Chapter Text
The days had rushed by. Chaos had ensued. Chaos and victory, and finally, maybe, freedom. After everything that happened, I never expected to find myself back in the graveyard, waiting by his headstone, alone, after sundown. But I didn't know where else to go. It wasn't supposed to have turned out like this, after all. We'd done it, hadn't we? We'd defeated the Elder Brain, for the good of all. We'd wrested from the grasp of the Absolute the fate of the Sword Coast, perhaps even all of Faerûn. We'd ascended to the status of heroes. All should've been right – all of us able to walk off into the sunset. To go on as masters of our own destinies. Our futures bright and clear, our minds finally our own again. Friends in victory, forever, finally at peace.
But that's not what had happened at all. Of course, going into our final conflict, I had come to grips with the idea that we could lose someone...perhaps even everyone. Although, admittedly, even the permanence of death had come to seem temporary of late. But I never expected some of us to be scattered to the wind, as if on a whim of fate. True, Gale would be around a while, until he was able to retrieve the Crown of Karsus from the bottom of the Chionthar, but he would be relieved to be headed back to Waterdeep soon. Also, the Baldurians among us were eager to stay and see the city rebuilt. Equally, Halsin was passionate about returning to the region of Moonrise, to do whatever he could to bring healing and balance to the lands ravaged by the shadow curse. To lose Wyll and Karlach to the flames of Avernus, however, was regrettable beyond reckoning. And though it was best that she go, for her own sake and that of her people, I knew I'd miss Lae'Zel. I'd miss them all. Bitterly. Even still, deep down, wherever they went, I felt certain that they'd all be alright in the end. Once they got their feet under them. They were survivors, all.
But Astarion. He'd just been standing there, on that pier with those of us who were left. We'd been talking about celebrating together, and he'd been saying something about not caring what we did, or some such. All the while, the smoke and haze from all the destruction had been steadily clearing, I suppose, and so suddenly, his exposed skin began to scorch and crackle. We were all shocked; none more so than him. His expression – I kept seeing it in my mind's eye. The sheer horror dawning on his face as he realized what was happening. And, curse his quickness for once, before any one of us could do anything, he fled like a madman, to the waiting arms of the nearest shadow. As he did, he had torn an immense piece of my heart away. I could only stand there, speechless, helplessly watching him disappear right before my eyes. Like a dream upon waking. The others urged me to go after him, so I did. I'd half-expected, or hoped maybe, that he'd be waiting just inside the closest entrance of the Undercity. So that's where I went. I wore my throat raw calling and calling his name, but only my own voice echoed back to me. There'd been no sign of him, which is when true desperation set in. How would I ever find him? Especially if – and this I dreaded more than anything – he didn't want to be found. Thoroughly gutted, not to mention entirely worn out from the tremendous events of that day, I returned to where I'd left my few remaining companions. I agreed, reluctantly, to return to the Elfsong, if it were still standing, that is, rather than continue to hunt aimlessly for him.
Miraculously, the fabled tavern was undamaged, and the few patrons who'd gathered there allowed us graciously to retire to our rooms without much fuss over the “Saviors of Baldur's Gate”. In truth, I'd never felt less like celebrating, but felt poorly about it for Halsin, Jen and Gale, who had decided to rest before moving on to wherever and whatever lay in store for them. It seemed unfair to deprive them of much-deserved revelry. But they honestly looked relieved as we arrived back in our all-too-familiar quarters. It was so empty, though, with so many of us gone. Jaheira had gone to check on the state of her home, and the welfare of all her adopted children, taking Minsc with her. Even old Withers had gone. So many empty beds stared back at me. I could hardly stand it. Even Halsin's caring words of reassurance did little to mend the gaping wound I'd been dealt in losing Astarion so abruptly.
As soon as I'd gotten out of my armor, I went straight to Astarion's bunk and wrapped myself in the ragged old blanket he'd always had as part of his gear. I'd often wondered why he kept it. After all, it was thin, threadbare, and smelled of dust. But on that day, I found it oddly comforting. At least it was, until I caught it; that faint trace of bergamot oil. That was the final hammer-blow that shattered the last of my will. It was just too much to bear, and I dissolved into bitter, exhausted tears. It did me good, though, to finally be able to let so much go. There'd just been no time. I felt better, after. A little bit, anyway, and as my mind was always wont to do, there was already a strategy forming. If I couldn't find him, I would let him find me. So I wrapped myself in the ghost of his presence, rested, and waited for nightfall.
Which brought me back to the cemetery, to his grave. The one place in all the city that held deep significance for both of us. I was relieved to find that it was not buried under rubble, because so much of the city was. On the streets, there had been people all about. But the graveyard was quiet. With no surprise, I noted that the dagger he'd left at the foot of his grave was long gone, and the little flower had surely been obliterated by decomposers, as well as the passage of time. How long had it even been? I'd completely lost track, and honestly had little interest in working it out. All I cared about was the fact that he'd been gone for nearly a day, and that was already far too long. I settled myself among the roots of the old willow, and there I waited.
I tried to distract myself by wondering about the tree. Had it been there when he was buried? It seemed possible. Willow trees could live for centuries. Had it watched, silently, as he was laid to rest? Had it witnessed him crawling forth from his grave, on the night he was reborn into his master's clutches? I reached up to take hold of one of its trailing fronds, and was feeling at least a little relieved that it hadn't been destroyed that day, when a new sound emerged from the surrounding darkness. The sound of iron hinges groaning through their range of motion. I leapt to my feet and, looking around, saw the gate of the nearest mausoleum swinging open. The one who'd opened it barely had time to step out into the moonlight before I bolted, full-tilt, straight into his arms.
“There you are. I've been waiting,” he said softly, only the slightest waver in his voice. I wrapped myself around him fiercely, pressing my face against his neck, unable to contain my tears.
“Godsdamn you! Where did you go?! I've been in pieces all day!” I cried. I moved back a bit so as to look at him. He seemed to have healed, all evidence of the damage he'd suffered earlier now gone. In truth, he was as beautiful as ever.
“Forgive me, my Love. I panicked, you see. I know what I've put you through, and I am truly sorry for it,” he said, his eyes wide and soft.
“But, why did you run and hide?” I asked as we walked back over to sit beneath the willow again. “You know we would've helped you. Gods...your pride, sometimes. What were you thinking?” I added, but couldn't help but smile.
“Actually, I was just thinking about freedom. How I'm free of the parasite – free of Cazador. How I'll never be in someone's power again. And all it cost was my life in the sun. Now I belong to the shadows,” he mused with a soft chuckle. I marveled a bit at how he could simply pick up as if nothing that serious had happened. I recognized his mask by now, however, and was a little wary that he had it firmly in place. “So, what happens next?”
“We should find the vampire spawn in the Underdark. They'll need guidance,” I said, thinking as I matched his casual tone that two could play at this game. The night had barely begun, but dawn would come all too soon. In the Underdark, there'd be endless time to unmask. To knock the walls down again and work through all that had come to pass. But not now.
“True, the spawn will need someone to lead them. Otherwise they'll just be a murderous, blood-sucking horde. Although, I couldn't help but notice you said 'we' should find them. Is that what you want? Is this what you want? I would understand if you wanted to go your own way,” he said cautiously.
“Being free to choose love, to choose a new family – that is my own way,” I said. It's what I have always done, and for better or worse, it has served me well. I see no reason to stop now.”
“Good, because, selfless as I am, I really did not want to let you go. We are rather excellent together, you know. And united, there is nothing we can't do,” he said adamantly. “I can't say what the future holds for us, but I know we'll be facing it together. And we're going to have a lot of fun!”
“Indeed. But if you ever disappear like that again, I'll hunt you down and I'll...” I chided, trying and failing to seem grave.
“You'll what?” he asked silkily, both is eyebrow and the corner of his mouth raising devilishly.
“Just hope you never have to find out,” I said, glaring at him theatrically. He clicked his tongue at me and then, bringing his face mere inches from mine, traced the curve of my jaw with one deft finger.
“Idle threats don't become you, Darling,” he purred. “Be sweet to me. I've had a very hard day,” he added with a pout, before sweeping me into a deep, hungry kiss. Gods how I wanted to stay there, just frozen together in that kiss for eternity. But I knew time was clipping along, fast as ever, so after just the one kiss, I pulled back from him – so reluctantly - and put him at arms length. He looked just the smallest bit wounded by it.
“Are you actually angry with me?” he asked, tilting his face to one side.
“No, of course not. But we have to make plans. There are things to do, and I have questions. First of all, where did you hide all day?” I asked him, not really meaning for things to sound so urgent. He clicked his tongue at me again, but he put his palms to my cheeks, brushing my temples with his thumbs affectionately.
“Calm down, Love. We have time. Plenty of time. There are thousands of sunless places in the city. I spent today in the sewers, and while that is a serviceable enough option, it is far from ideal. The stench, after all, is formidable,” he said.
“Well, we can always go back to the Elfsong together. I reckon we'll have to anyway, all of our things are there still. We could make it more sun-proof. I mean, the drapes are heavy, and there are only so many windows,” I replied, aware that I was beginning to ramble. I was truly starting to feel my tiredness. I stopped myself from saying anything further and just looked at him.
“Oh Darling, your mind is always turning, isn't it? Do I even have to ask whether you've thought about where in the Underdark we'll go?” he said, giving me a bemused smile.
“I have, actually. My thoughts have been centering on that Arcane tower. Think about it! It's mainly intact. Those arcane-powered devices were functional. It's defensible – extremely defensible. There are those automatons. It does need some work, of course. But it's got a lot of resources close by, such as the lake, and the myconid colony. We have a good relationship with Sovereign Spaw's circle. That could prove invaluable. It's also less than a day's journey from several short ways to the surface. Granted, they are all some distance out of the city, but given that we're trying to corral vampire spawn, that may not be the worst thing. I think it's as close to ideal as it can be,” I explained. All the while, he listened, nodding thoughtfully a time or two. After I stopped, he cupped my face in his hands again, pulling me in as he leaned in close.
“You've thought of everything,” he said softly.
“Well, I just...” I began, but before I could go on, he swept me into another kiss so deep and sweet, it drove all thoughts right out of my head.
“What was that for?” I asked, when it ended.
“Must I have a reason? Actually, it was just for you. You've spent all day thinking of me, of us. Thinking of what we'll do, where we'll go. You should have been resting, but instead you've been missing me,” he marveled.
“Of course I've missed you! We've hardly been apart since we met. Not to mention the fact that I love you.” I exclaimed.
“It's new for me, you know, being missed,” he said, stroking my hair a few times. “I need a little time. I have so much to adjust to. Please, let's not be in such a hurry for once. I'll gladly go back to the Elfsong with you. We'll plan and prepare, certainly. But let's also just exist a little, shall we?”
“Alright, yes. Let's go, then,” I said. As we stood up, I noticed he was dressed in his camp clothes, and had carried nothing else with him when he'd stepped out of the mausoleum. “Where are your things?”
“Just inside the door there. I was trying to make a bit of an entrance, after all,” he said lightheartedly. He strode over, opened the gate again, and stepped into the dark. He emerged a moment later with his pack on his back, and his armor bundled neatly, slung at his side.
“Before we return to the tavern, there is one place in the city I would like to go. It's nearby,” he said.
“I'm intrigued. Where?”
“Well, it's a place we could raid for resources that no one would take issue if it were looted,” he explained.
“You're not thinking of the Szarr palace, are you?” I asked warily, as we began to walk westward through the cemetery.
“I know. I said I'd never want to set foot there again, but there may still be things we can take. Useful things. Valuable things,” he said emphatically.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes,” he said simply. We walked along in silence after that, taking in the lingering chaos around every turn. There were still people out in the streets. Some wandering, dazed and lost, others moving with purpose. Caring for the dead, searching for loved ones. I'd not seen anything much like it. The central watch tower, which we often used as a landmark to get our bearings, had been knocked down, so we kept the Upper City wall to our right and continued on, past the Devil's Fee, until we reached the high wall that ran out from the south tower of the palace. We were met, however, with a shocking sight. The entire building had been reduced to a blackened heap of rubble. It was utterly destroyed. We both stood there in stunned disbelief for a long moment, gazing at all the ruin. Everywhere lay piles of crumbled masonry, splintered and burnt wood, smoldering velvet and broken glass.
“What did this? A blast from a nautiloid, maybe?” I wondered aloud. But Astarion was speechless. He merely looked about, his jaw hanging open, and didn't respond to me at first. But then, all of a sudden, he threw his head back and began to laugh, loud and long, as if he'd just been told the cleverest joke he'd ever heard. I couldn't help it but to join him, and together, we stood there, cackling like a pair of lunatics at the absurd justice of it all. It took us several minutes to get ourselves under control.
“Well,” he said, swiping tears from the corners of his eyes. “So much for that idea.”
“I wonder if any of the lower catacombs are intact,” I said, looking around to see what I could make out. Despite the glow of still-burning embers, it was very dark and hazy with smoke. Even with my well-honed ability to see in the dark, it was pretty useless.
“Who knows. The only way in now would seem to be that entrance we found in the sewers. But I don't know, dear. Most of the valuable things I ever knew of were kept in the main part of the palace. I'm just not sure about the rest, but I hadn't really planned on venturing back down to the dungeons in any case. Not looking forward to revisiting any of that.” he said grimly.
“Alright. Let's just go back to the tavern tonight. If we do decide to come back, we'll start underground. Besides, I'm not sure we'd make it in and back out by sunrise at this rate,” I replied.
“Indeed, and I do not want to be trapped down there until sunset. Absolutely not!” he added adamantly.
“It's been such a long day. We need to rest, and I'd like to do it together. I've spent the entire day half-believing I'd never see you again,” I told him, looking into his face. He stroked my hair affectionately and nodded. I gave him my arm, and we turned back in the direction of the Elfsong. We'd only taken a few steps, though, when a clear, high voice rang out of the night behind us.
“Astarion Ancunìn,” the person said, with a commanding tone. He stopped in his tracks, and I felt his entire body tense at my side.
“Oh, for fuck's sake. Will it ever end?” he muttered under his breath. We turned around slowly to see a small figure stepping towards us out of the gloom. At first, I though them to be a dwarf, but realized that this person's build was far too slight. This person seemed more like a child.
“How do you know my name?” he asked indignantly, reaching subtly for the dagger tucked into his belt.
“I have known of you for a long time. Watched you. Studied you, and the others, from a distance. But I'll wager you've rarely seen me.”
As this person spoke, a pale blue flame gently grew from their raised hand, bathing them in the cold light of conjured fire. Standing before us was someone bearing the form of a very young elven girl. Her clothing was rich, her bearing regal. She had almond-shaped eyes that glowed like burning coals, and long, shining black hair that reached well past her waist.
“I have been hoping to find you,” she said coolly, in a voice that did not match her young face. The effect was unsettling and yet strangely beguiling all at once. It became even more so when she smiled, revealing a pair of gleaming fangs. Astarion drew his dagger and raised it slowly.
“Who are you?” he hissed.
“Do you not know? Can you not see the family resemblance?” she asked, almost bitterly. She raised her conjured flame closer to her face as she took a few more paces towards us. As she did, I gasped, as I realized her features did bear a striking similarity to a face I'd seen several times in my mind's eye since encountering him.
“Are you...Amanita Szarr?” I asked cautiously.
“I was, once. But no longer,” she answered.
“Why have you been looking for Astarion?”
“Because I owe him, and you also, I suppose, a very great debt of gratitude. The night is young enough still. Come. Walk with me.”
Astarion relaxed a little, a perplexed look coming over him as he stowed his dagger. She turned on her heel, and we followed as she walked in the direction of Bloomridge Park. It was almost as if we couldn't help but to go with her.
“I have many questions to ask of you,” she said as we went along. Some of the rubble from the destroyed ramparts of the palace had spilled over into the east side of the park, but it was otherwise untouched by damage. We walked to the little waterfall fountain at the back, and sat upon the low stone wall which surrounded it.
“I could say the same,” remarked Astarion. “Have you lived in the palace all this time?”
“For many years, yes, but only in the attic. Ever since the day I was made. Until recently, that is. When you disappeared, there was such disorder. My uncle was already so obsessed with this Ritual of Profane Ascension, but when you were snatched away, he became nearly unhinged. I secretly fled the attic, far into a remote corner of the catacombs below. Only daring to leave when my hunger became unbearable, and then, only to the Undercity and back. In a way, I was fortunate that he was so preoccupied. He barely spared a thought for me in his final days,” she explained, a note of contempt creeping into her tone at the end. We all sat for a moment, lost in our own thoughts.
“Were you here when this happened?” I asked at last, gesturing to the ruins of the palace.
“I was below, in the dungeons. I heard it happening, however. This is the first I have ventured out. I had to go through the Undercity to get here. The lift is completely buried under debris,” she answered serenely. “It is just as well. I've always hated this palace. Its destruction is one tiny step towards erasing the stain that my family has smeared upon the world.”
“How did you know that we killed Cazador?” Astarion asked.
“I watched it happen, from the safety of the cell I'd chosen as my refuge. As you and your friends valiantly fought my monstrous creator and his vile minions, I watched. I saw you pull him from his sarcophagus, saw you plunge his own dagger into his cold, cruel heart over and over. As you knelt and wept before his ruined body, I was there, watching from afar. As you freed your brothers and sisters, and all the thousands of spawn my uncle sired. From my hiding place, I pleaded with any gods who would listen for aid to your victory. I knew if you were not able to stop him, Astarion, that no one could,” she said. Though her voice remained smooth and cold, and her face placid, her eyes glowed with an almost terrifying fire. It was the only betrayal of the deep hatred she must have felt for her uncle.
“Why didn't you come out of hiding and try to help?” asked Astarion. His question was met with a rain of laughter that rang like silver bells.
“Oh, my dear vampling. Look at me! Whom could I fight? And you should know better than anyone how helpless a starving vampire is. I do not share my sire's gluttony for blood. I feed only at the absolute end of need, and then, usually upon animals,” she explained. “Besides, I could not risk exposure until I could be assured of my safety. If my uncle had ascended as he meant to do, I am certain he would have sought to destroy me. On the other hand, being trapped in a dungeon filled with hungry, feral vampire spawn is an extraordinarily dangerous situation, even if they are caged. I am actually a bit shocked that you set them all free. Where have your siblings led them?”
“To the Underdark,” Astarion said. He seemed utterly taken aback by meeting this person.
“We are planning to go there ourselves, to see if we can offer some guidance for them, and support for the other six siblings,” I interjected.
“An ambitious endeavor, to be sure,” she said, almost as if to herself. She was looking off into the distance as she spoke, as if lost in thought. “When do you plan to depart?”
“I don't know. We only just defeated an entire Elder Brain this morning. Why not go tonight?” Astarion spat testily. I laid a cautious hand between his shoulder blades, trying to calm him. He seemed to be getting more wound up by the moment.
“We have to make preparations, and we need rest. We aren't sure, but it won't be very many days from now, I expect,” I answered, and she nodded serenely.
“Very well. I know that you have already done a great deal for me, in destroying my uncle. But I must ask of you one more favor,” she said quietly. I took a long look at her then. Her skin was so pale as to be nearly translucent. Her gown was of a soft gray velvet brocade and she had silver ornaments draped in her hair. In the pale blue light of the magical fire still burning in her palm, which rested lightly on her lap, she looked almost like a ghost. Only her flaming eyes seemed truly alive.
“What do you want?” Astarion asked. His voice was laced with bitter mistrust.
“I wish for you to take me with you,” she said.
“Why?” he asked, giving her a rather hard look. She gazed off in the direction of her ruined home, and then out across the park, as she seemed to follow with her eyes the sounds of people as they clamored about, even at this late hour of night.
“Because there is nothing left for me here but loneliness and endless temptation. I never wished to sit up in gilded halls, lording over others. My uncle took me away from my quiet life in the country, and in doing so, took everything from me. He doomed me to a life of endless hunger and darkness. Please.”
Her final word hung in the night air. Her dispassionate expression made me uneasy, but I could feel the desperation in her words, and see it in her eyes. I looked at Astarion, trying to perceive what he was feeling at the moment. But his face was inscrutable. It was almost as if he had been charmed somehow. I put my hand on his where it rested on his thigh, and he pulled his eyes away, almost reluctantly, from her to look at me. There was something just off about the entire situation. I couldn't quite place it, but I knew I wanted to talk to him about it while not in her presence.
“We need some time,” I said quietly. “To think things over, to make our preparations. Can you give us a few days?”
“Yes, of course. What are a few days more to me? Will you meet me in the Undercity? Two nights hence, at the lower entrance to the palace,” she all but commanded.
“Alright. Listen, we were coming back here to see if we could find anything useful for our journey. Perhaps, until we meet again, you could see if there is anything salvageable left in the palace,” I explained.
“Very well. I shall see what I can do. Thank you for your consideration. I know it is a rare person that would not simply wish to see me with a stake driven through my heart. I will endeavor to make your trust in me well-placed,” she replied, rising slowly from where she sat. She dismissed her flame spell with a wave of her hand, and then reached out to place her palm on Astarion's cheek in a gesture that was almost beatific.
“I am sorry for what has happened to us. It should never have been, but it is. All that I want is to help set things to rights.”
He nodded at her, and then she turned away from us, walking back in the direction she'd come from. We watched her go, silently, until she'd disappeared again into the night.