Chapter Text
Charlie opened her eyes to a clear blue sky and an ever encompassing ache. Bellow her, the grass tickled her, slightly damp with past rain. If it weren’t for the hum of pain across her body, she would assume she was asleep.
Entranced by the immenseness of the blue above her, she didn’t think of moving until she heard a groan near her. A very familiar groan. She sat up, and stopped, recovering from the spike of pain and dizziness that the motion had sent her way. Looking around, she spotted several figures laying on the grass near her. On the distance, a road, and a bit further up, a tall lonely house, big enough to replace her own hotel.
She counted the figures. Five. Five… humans? Charlie hadn’t seen many humans in real life, but they looked similar to the illustrations that she had seen in old books. So they must be humans, surely.
The figure closer to her groaned again, pushing herself up. Charlie could recognize those sleepy groans anywhere.
“Vaggie?” She called, reaching out.
The figure–Vaggie, it had to be her–startled, turning to face Charlie and cursing loudly. “Hostia puta!” Vaggie heaved, probably assaulted by the same dizziness as Charlie. “Charlie?”
She had changed. Back to her human form, Charlie presumed. Her skin was a healthier shade of brown, and her hair, although shorter and darker, covered half her face in a tangled mess. It was still Vaggie, though.
“Vaggie!” Charlie smiled. She shuffled herself closer to her girlfriend, ignoring how that made her body complain. “Are you alright?”
Vaggie winced as she sat up. “I feel like crap. What’s going on?”
“I don’t… I don’t know.” Charlie said. She frowned. Last thing she remembered was going up to meet the angels and then…
Then blue sky above her.
“Charlie, I think those are the others.” Vaggie said, pointing at the others.
Looking them over, Charlie started noticing some similarities. That was Angel Dust’s jacket, oversized in comparison to the human in it–who was drooling into the grass–, and Alastor’s coat, and a semi naked man. Charlie was thankful he was wearing pants.
However, the lady next to him was not wearing a thing. She was sitting up, rubbing her eyes. She looked over to Charlie and Vaggie, half-closed her eyes, and then a look of realization dawned on her.
“Hi Miss Charlie! Hi Miss Vaggie!” She waved, even though they were a few meters away.
Oh. That voice.
“Niffty?!” Charlie asked, averting her gaze. She felt herself turning red, glanced at Vaggie, and saw her covering her eyes. “Is that– Aren’t you cold?!”
She peeped, looking at her head and nothing else–she barely looked like Niffty, with two eyes, and black hair and more height than before. Niffty seemed to realize she was naked, gave out a small hum and then turned to poke at the figure lying next to her. “Mister Alastor. Mister Alastor, can I borrow your coat?”
Alastor batted her hand away, slowly turning around. “What in the seve–OH DEAR LORD!” He shrieked the moment he saw Niffty naked, covering his face. “Put on some clothes, woman!”
“That’s what I’m asking your coat for, silly.” Niffty said, crossing her arms.
Alastor somehow managed to take his jacket off without removing his arm from shielding his eyes. He threw it with surprising accuracy for someone who wasn’t looking at Niffty at all.
Once Niffty had buttoned up the coat, Charlie relaxed. “You can look now, Al, she’s clothed.”
Next to her, Vaggie was staring at Alastor instead. To herself, she muttered. “I thought Alastor was white.”
Charlie looked at Alastor. Unlike Vaggie, she could hardly recognize him, if it weren’t for the clothes, and the smile, and the, uh, antlers. Were humans meant to have antlers? His skin was no longer grey, and his hair was a lot more curly and a dark brown. He had stopped covering his eyes, and was now staring at his hands.
“What the fuck is going on?” Vaggie asked. She raised her hair up, and away from her face, and Charlie caught a glimpse of a blackened vacuum instead of an eye. Then, Vaggie rearranged it so it covered that part of her face more neatly. “Alastor, what did you do?”
Alastor was broken from his weird trance. “Me?” He asked. What was wrong with his voice? “Why, I haven’t got the damnedest idea! Don’t blame me!” Oh, it was a normal voice. No radio effect with him. That would take a while for Charlie to get used to.
“Well, then, why are we here?” Vaggie asked.
Alastor only made the universal ‘I don’t know’ noise.
“Oh my God, can you assholes shut up?” The naked man–Husk, that was his voice–said, starting to look up from where he lied. He was a lot less furry. And a lot more, well, human.
“HUSKER DO NOT GET UP.” Alastor screeched, ready to cover his eyes again.
Vaggie sighed. “At least he still has pants on.” Small mercies.
“What are you talking about?” Husker muttered, looking around. “Oh. Well that’s fucking weird.”
Vaggie, since she was closer, poked at who Charlie assumed was Angel Dust, until he whined and opened his eyes. The eight of them. Apart from that, he looked mostly human–only two arms, unless he was hiding the others.
Angel Dust blinked, looked around, sat up, and just stared blankly at everything. “What the fuck did I smoke now?”
“Angel, could you, maybe, eh, give Husk your jacket?” Charlie asked, gesturing towards the now not-cat. “He needs to cover up a bit.”
“Sure, whatev.” Angel said, still a bit confused. As he took off the jacket he started to frown. “Where are my other arms?” He patted his torso down, as if searching for them. “And why do you have horns?”
Alastor tilted his head. He brought a hand to feel at his hair, seemingly surprised by the change of texture, until he found them. “Well that is odd.” He muttered. “Niffty, dear, give me a smile?”
Niffty smiled, her mouth filled with razor sharp teeth.
“It seems we’re not completely human.” Vaggie said. She tried to stand, and stumbled. Charlie offered her a hand to balance her. “Right, so. Where the fuck are we?”
“America, hopefully?” Angel said. He made no attempts to stand up.
Charlie pushed herself to her feet as well. Oh, dear, was she dizzy. “Maybe we could ask whoever’s in that house?” She pointed at the lonely building.
“That looks abandoned, hun.” Vaggie said. She looked around, searching for another option amongst the wide plane of grass. “But we can try.”
Charlie took one step, and stopped. What was wrong with her hooves? She looked down. What the fuck was that? “Eh… Vaggie?”
Vaggie turned from helping Angel stand to look at her. “Yeah, babe?”
“What’s wrong with my hooves?” She asked, still staring at whatever was at the end of her legs.
Angel burst out laughing. “Oh, thank fuck, I’ve got feet again!” He said.
“Feet?” Charlie asked. Oh, did humans not have hooves normally? She wasn’t sure she enjoyed the feeling of feet, yet.
Vaggie pushed Angel lightly, lest he fall in his butt again. “It’s just feet, but we need to get you guys new shoes.” She looked at Angel and Alastor as well. “Was I really the only one with feet?”
“It seems so!” Alastor said, standing up. He blinked at the sudden movement, but stayed up. “Well, what are we waiting for?” Husk flipped him off.
They looked like a bunch of just born deer, with how often they were close to toppling over. The only one who seemed to be doing moderately alright was Alastor. Ironic.
Charlie cursed her lack of hooves when they reached the road. Feet were a lot more sensitive than them.
Eventually, they made it to the house. Angel collapsed at the bench on the porch, followed by Niffty. Alastor walked to the door, ready to knock, when Charlie stopped him. “Don’t you think it’s better for someone more, eh, human, to greet the house owners?” She said, as she got in between him and the door. She was slightly taller than him, now.
“And your red demon eyes will make the best of impressions, surely.” Alastor said.
“Well at least it’s not fucking antlers.” Vaggie said. “Just let her knock, she’s better with people.”
Alastor rolled his eyes, but stepped away. Charlie squared her shoulders and took a deep breath before ringing the bell. It didn’t work, so she knocked. “Hello?” She called. “Is there anyone home? We got a bit lost!”
There was no response. Charlie waited for a few seconds. Only silence.
Vaggie stepped closer. “I think it’s empty, hun.”
“It can’t be.” Charlie frowned, and pushed the door. It offered a bit of resistance, but after the first inches were opened, it basically slammed itself as if inviting them to go inside. So, Charlie did. “Hello?” She called. “Is there anyone home?”
No response.
The house didn’t look so bad from the inside. It was clean, and lacked the distinct smell of old. Its furniture was sparse, but it looked well taken care off. A receptionist table, a few couches and sofas lying around, even a chimney and a chandelier. Charlie thought her hotel was better–better colour scheme, less creaky floorboards, more carpets and people…–, but she had to admit this one didn’t look so bad.
“Well isn’t this a nice cozy place?” Alastor remarked, as he looked around. The others ignored him, going to sit on one of the more comfortable looking couches.
Charlie gave herself a few seconds of resting. She felt nauseous and oddly out of breath. Was this normal for humans? She hoped not. It would be a miserable experience. How long did humans live again? Like, a hundred years, right? Unless someone killed them first, right?
“Charlie?” Alastor called, standing by the receptionist’s table. “There’s a note addressed to you.”
He handed it over–Charlie noted that he had already opened it, the bastard. She took it, and she only needed to read the header to remember.
Adam had laughed at her face. Several times. But specially when she’d proposed the hotel. Charlie had thrown herself into every single argument in her favour that she knew, but Adam wasn’t listening. Neither was the exterminator next to him.
But then, Adam seemed to get a funny idea. “Say, sugartits.” He said, and had he not been a hologram Charlie would’ve throttled him. “What if we compromise?”
Charlie tilted her head. “How?” She asked. She already had on demon trying to make shifty deals with her, she didn’t need an angel doing the same.
“We’ll give you a challenge. If you complete it, we’ll consider your idea.” Adam said. He waved his hand, and pen and paper appeared out of thin air. “Let’s say, America is a good spot for this, right?”
“America’s too wide of a continent.” The exterminator next to him said.
Adam hummed. “Hey, princess, pick a place.”
“…a place?” Charlie asked. Adam was still scribbling something down. “For what?”
“For your new hotel, of course.” Adam said, as if it were obvious. “If you can’t redeem some pesky humans, how can you even try redeem this fuckers?”
“Pick a place.” The exterminator repeated.
Charlie’s mind drew a blank. She cursed herself for not having studied human geography as in deep as she should’ve. A place? Any place? Wait, what was that country Alastor had mentioned…? “Eh… Louisiana?”
“Done!” Adam said. He signed the end of the paper and made it disappear. “Good luck, bitch.” Then, to the exterminator. “This is going to be fun.”
Charlie blinked. The note was in her hand now. Its message basically boiled down to ‘Have some money. Good luck.’
“Fuck.” She said. She crumpled the note into a ball and threw it away. “Alright, we can work with this.”
“Work with what?” Angel asked. He was in the couch in front of her, trying to fix his new hair. “You’ve been staring at nothing for a minute, girl, I was starting to think you were having a stroke or something.”
“No, no, I was just remembering something.” Charlie said. Her headache had only gotten worse.
She stood up, and Vaggie reached out to stabilize her. “What’s going on?”
“The angels said that if we wish to redeem sinners, we have to redeem humans first.” Charlie summarized. They didn’t need to know she hadn’t actually agreed to this. “So they sent us to Louisiana.”
Alastor tilted his head. His smile, somehow, widened. It was creepier on a normal human than before. “Well that’s all silk with me.”
Angel groaned. “Couldn’t it be New York? New York’s better.”
“A rat could eat Niffty if we were in New York.” Husk said. He then looked at Niffty, now bigger. “Well, if she had stayed the same size.”
“Oh, well, that’s… not great.” Vaggie said. She rubbed her one eye and sighed. “So what now? We don’t have any documentation, nor cash, and this place is… in need of a few cleaning sprees.”
“I can do that!” Niffty said, jumping from the couch. She blinked, wobbled, and fell back into it. “Maybe not now.” She amended.
“They must’ve left something for us.” Charlie reasoned. “Let’s have a look before doing anything else.”
They searched the receptionist table the most–well, except for Angel and Husk, who refused to get up from the couch. Angel was lamenting his loss of fur (specifically his ‘fur boobs’ as he called them) and Husk looked like he was taking a nap–. One of the drawers was filled to the brim with money bills, which Niffty started counting and organizing into neat little stacks. Charlie found where the room keys were stashed, and Alastor opened a door, only to be buried by cleaning equipment. Niffty was very excited about it.
And then Vaggie found their IDs.
She called them over, and lied the six cards and passports in a neat line. “They’ve changed my birthday date.” She complained, picking hers. “And my picture looks awful.”
“Darling, it can’t be worse than mine.” Alastor said, picking his ID as if it burned his fingers. “1998? Preposterous.”
“Well at least your nationality is the same.” Niffty said. “They changed mine! I don’t want to be American!”
Charlie stared at hers. The date of birth was also wrong, but what she found weirder was the picture. She looked. Wrong.
“Oye, you two!” Vaggie called. “Come grab your shit.”
Angel groaned, but he dragged Husk and himself to the main table. “Oh, look at that, they kept my proper name.”
Husk read it over his shoulder. “Your name’s Anthony?”
“Anthony Giovanni Russo” Angel Dust said, oddly proud. “What’s yours?”
Husk held his ID away from Angel. “Like hell I’d tell you. I’ve been going by Husk for fifty years, I’m not letting you fuckers change it.”
Angel held his arms up. “Alright, alright, I was just curious.”
“My name’s Kiyoko.” Niffty said, showing off her ID. “But you can keep calling me Niffty, I’ve grown to like it.”
“Yeah, I’m staying as Angel too.” Angel said. He leaned over the counter to look at Vaggie’s. “Ooh, Valeria? That’s a pretty one.”
Vaggie rolled her eyes. “Thanks, I guess.” A small blush crossed her face, making her even cuter.
“So. Smiles.” Angel called. Charlie turned his attention to them as well. “What’s your old name?”
Alastor blinked. “Why, Alastor Durand, of course!”
Charlie leaned to read his card. He wasn’t lying. “You kept your name after death?”
“Was that not allowed?”Alastor asked. He went to put away his card, and realized he wasn’t wearing his coat. “Niffty, dear, can you hand me my wallet?” Niffty passed it over. “Thank you.”
“Honestly, I just thought being called angel while being a demon was ironic.” Angel shrugged. “Also, love that drug. One of my favourites.”
Charlie frowned, but she decided she’d scold him later. Right now, there were more pressing issues. How did human money work again? Dad had refused to change Hell’s currency since humans invented bills.
“Alright, that’s settled.” Vaggie said. “Let’s keep searching, there’s gotta be a map of the area near here somewhere.”
They found a pair of boots, and a few umbrellas. A big book to write the clients who would come–if anyone ever came, they seemed to be in the middle of nowhere–, a few canned foods and a semi working kitchen. It wasn’t until they checked the locked drawers–by painstakingly trying every single key they had found–that they found a stash of maps, and other legal documents that listed Charlie as owner of not only the hotel, but the territory around it.
Alastor took a look at the map and almost frowned. He pointed at the marked red spot. “If that’s where we are, we’re a bit far from any major city.” He explained. “There ought to be a small town about an hour by foot up North, perhaps that’ll do until we acquire a vehicle.”
“Great!” Charlie said. “Me and Vaggie can go and get some things!”
Vaggie made a face. “Honey, I think it’s best if you stay here.” She said. Before Charlie could ask, she continued. “You don’t know how Earth works, and I don’t want you getting in trouble. I’ll take Angel Dust and we’ll figure it out.”
“Wait, why me?” Angel complained.
“You’re dressed, you ain’t got antlers on your head, and you know how Earth works.” Vaggie said. “So suck it up, you can’t expect me to do all the work.”
Angel groaned. “Fine. Give me the smelly boots, at the very least.”
Niffty handed him the boots. They didn’t look so smelly. They were too big for Angel though, but it was better than nothing. He made a face and put them on.
“I could come along too.” Alastor said. “If my antlers are the problem, I just need a minute to fix them.”
Charlie raised her eyebrow. Did he still have his magic? She didn’t feel hers, at least not as much as she used to. It was kind of colder without it. Or maybe Earth was just colder overall.
Before anyone could object, Alastor bit into his wallet, grabbed his right antler with both hands, and snapped it in half. The crack sent a shiver down Charlie’s back, and Vaggie gagged. Before anyone could stop him, Alastor did the same to the other.
He spat out the wallet and left the antlers on the receptionist table. “Ta-da! All fixed!” A trickle of blood run down the sides of his head. Were antlers supposed to have blood? “Now, there ought to be some other shoes around here some–” he took a step, swayed for a second, and collapsed.
“Jesus Christ, Alastor.” Husk said, pulling the other man up, against the table.
Alastor blinked. “I believe this form has a lot less pain tolerance than I remembered!” He held a hand towards the trail of blood. “Oh dear. I need to lay down.”
Vaggie face-palmed. “Great. Wonderful.” She sighed. “I’ll get you a lime for the remains, I don’t think you’ll want to go around ripping into every single pillow.”
“Ya mean a file, toots?” Angel corrected.
Vaggie waved her hand dismissively. “Yeah, that, whatever.” She grabbed a few packs of cash and started walking. “Now come on, we’ll be back as soon as we can.”
“Be careful!” Charlie said. She waved at them as they left, and then turned her attention back to Alastor. “Husk, help me take him to the couch?”
Husk complained and grumbled, but between them, they left the once Radio Demon laying on the couch. He stayed there without complaint, as the others left to do better things.
Looking at the map of her new hotel and at her once benefactor laying bleeding in a couch–through no fault but his own–, Charlie wondered how this was going to work. Trying to find a positive spin, even though it seemed harder than ever, she decided that they would take it slow and steady. After all, humans lived to up to a hundred, so it wasn’t as if they were all going to die tomorrow.
They’d figure something out.