Chapter Text
The 67rd floor was known to split teams in the tower.
Bam wasn't exactly sure how that reputation came to be, but previous teams have been known to fall out with each other on this exact floor. A rift caused between them that was simply too deep.
Jinsung Ha has warned him long ago to choose his team wisely, for this exact reason - for this exact floor.
Don't get too involved, he would whisper to him in the dark, lighting a cigarette in the process. Bam would cower in the corner, having endured yet another brutal training session from his master.
As Jyu Viole Grace, he was more machine than man, the heights set for himself very soon surpassed by himself again.
Jinsung Ha tried to spoil his disciple as much as he could, in between the cruelty known as FUG. That's why he emphasized his concern over Bams team choice, something about emotions and weapons and the importance of detachment.
Jinsung exhaled a long breath, cigarette smoke framing his face. The closer you are to someone, the more hurt you'll be once they leave you.
His master was not wrong.
Bam most certainly did not believe in miracles and fairytales anymore; but he did believe in loyalty. Perseverance and stubbornness for sure.
If two people were destined to be with each other, not even god could stand between them.
He thought of Daniel and Roen. Loyalty is what drove Daniel insane in the end, two lovers reunited only in death.
Maybe that's what happened to his parents as well, Bam pondered.
Maybe in a sleight hand of twisted fate, he was supposed to walk the same path as them. Emotions were really dangerous, if only strong enough - in the end, they forged a weapon more lethal than any of the 13 Months.
That's why at first, Bam didn't believe in Hwaryuns words when she first approached him.
Two floors ago, Bams' guide suddenly appeared before him after having left with Rachel. The red on her sweater matched the soft red on her lips, he noted. A faraway look donned her eyes, gaze somewhere beyond him yet still coherent enough to be seeking out her god.
Bam mustered his guide properly.
She seemed…serious? Or more collected than she normally was. A sure way to be fooled, he guessed. Or rather protected, in her own roundabout way.
“My god,” Her voice was still as smooth as velvet, Bam noticed. “How are you doing these days?”
Bam tightly grinned, smile straining at the corners. When Hwaryun came for a visit like this, it never meant anything good.
“Perfectly fine, thanks for asking. How are you holding up yourself?”
Hwaryuns face betrayed no emotion. He silently admired the way she always, with no exception, seemed to hold her composure.
“Just as fine.” Strutting to the window, the guide gently rested her hands on the railings. She seemed to ponder something, her gaze lingering on the scenery outside. To his right, Hwaryun began to fiddle with the ring adorned on her left hand, a pretty silver thing.
The ruby seemed to call out to Bam.
Bam's finger twitched in response.
“Say, how is your lightbearer doing these days?”
Bams brow quirked upwards.
Having Hwaryun asking about Khun was nothing out of the ordinary, but asking for the wellbeing of his lightbearer was something else entirely.
Bam slowly followed to the window, glancing outside. He deliberately delayed his answer, and instead chose to take in the 65rd floor, expecting to see something capable of even catching Hwayruns interest. Instead, what greeted him was an onslaught of…gray.
Nothing significant, vast fields stretching into nothingness - today's shinsu sky reflected a feeling of somberness, Bam observed.
Bam glanced at his guide. Her posture and demeanor exuded an air of serenity, not giving away any clue or indicator of what her intentions were. Deep inside, the irregular grew irritated at his inability to read her - if he could, he would at least be able to choose an appropriate answer.
In the end, he could only answer with the simple truth.
“He's holed up in his room, preparing for the upcoming floor tests -” which was really nothing but the truth, Bam noted to himself - “so he's fine, I guess.”
A smile danced around her lips.
“Hm.”
Somehow, that knowing smirk moved something in him. It was the all-knowing-ness, that arrogance of simply always knowing better than him, that really triggered him this time.
He was sick of being left in the dark once again.
“What? You know him better than me now?” Bam tried hard not to crush his hands into angry fists, keeping his hard gaze focused on the outside view.
He had a feeling that this conversation was less about Khun than it was about him, and that irked him.
Why did she always have this roundabout way of going about things?
He hated it, deeply despised the way they all still deliberately kept things from him.
The irregular breathed a heavy sigh, trying hard to dissipate his inner rage. “I just said, I think he is doing fine-”
"-You assume.”
Hwayrun turned to look at him, her gaze firmly fixing his. “You don't think about what he is doing or what he is thinking about, you assume.”
Bam blinked.
Somehow he was torn between disagreeing and agreeing with his guide. It was true, he was assuming Khuns feelings, but weren't they assumptions based on good enough grounds?
Didn't he know his lightbearer well enough to correctly deduce the reasons behind his actions?
His face must've reflected his inner thoughts, as Hwaryun just seemed to look right through him.
It also seemed that Hwayrun was not satisfied with his reaction. “Don't you think it would do you both good to talk to one another?“ she questioned.
Bam snorted. “We do talk, plenty. Everyday, actually, but you wouldn't know since you just disappear for months and then suddenly barge in and demand I speak to my friends, as if you knew everything while actually having not a single clue!” Bam heaved, breath heavy and charged.
A second passed between them.
Suddenly, white-hot shame coursed through the wave controller. Bam hated it, utterly detested it, when he lost it like that. Sometimes, he couldn't exactly grasp where his emotions led him, why he said the things he said.
Sometimes he felt so out of control in his own body.
Sometimes he wondered if there was something else controlling his emotions.
The worst part was that Hwaryun seemed to know even that.
“My god, I didn't mean any offense. Simply put, I will tell you one thing-” Hwaryuns finger tapped softly, creating a comforting sound in the eerily quiet corridor. “Things are never as simple as you think them to be. What might seem forever today, may very well be forgotten tomorrow.”
The clouds moved, forming a pretty shape of nothing and everything at the same time. Letting the light pass through, a sense of dread passed through Bam.
“Do not take promises as a rule, my god.”
He watched Hwaryun leave silently.
That night Bam found it hard to find rest.
Hwaryuns words were too mumbled, too vague, to fucking cryptic to make any sense of them.
There really was nothing out of the ordinary, nothing to be worried about.
Khun had made no previous indication of being sick or mad at him at all, and in the end, Bam was left wondering what the hell that was all about in the first place.
He turned to face his lightbearer, sleeping soundlessly in the bed next to him. Rak snored loudly to his left side, making it even more impossible to find rest from his racing thoughts.
His hair seemed a bit out of place, a stray lock making it out of his low ponytail.
It somehow made him seem more human.
If only he would allow us to see a glimpse of that side inside of him as well, Bam somberly thought to himself, suddenly recalling that very same evening's events.
Two floors ago, after Hwayrun cornered Bam, the team had dinner.
Why are you asking me that? Khun had asked with a little frown on his face. At the time, Bam was watching him pick at his food, barely eating any of the dishes he had prepared for the team.
Just wondering what you were up to , Bam had mumbled in response, mouth full of the stew he knew Isu and Rak especially favored. The wave controller kept his gaze focused on the lightbearer across him.
It was a lively evening, their entire team gathering to enjoy a meal together. Hwaryun had long left, leaving no trace of ever being there in the first place.
Khun made a little sound of acknowledgement to his question, yet ultimately just turned back to his food.
No answer whatsoever.
That was not a typical reaction of Khun which raised the inner red flags in Bam.
What was going on?
He tried to catch his attention with his eyes, if the verbal approach didn't work, but again - nothing. Khun just silently (and stubbornly) picked at his food, occasionally taking a small (actually tiny) bite.
An awkward silence settled over the dinner table.
Recently, their team had become even smaller than before.
While most of the original members remained by Bams side, others had been caught up in the complications of the climb.
Anaak, for one, had been stuck on the 63rd floor for quite some time now. Followed by Lauroe and Ehwa, that both decided to undergo some further training on their own. Even Wangnan had decided to move up on his own, after dramatically encountering Bam and his team on their run from the wreckage that was the Po Bideau and Lo Po Bia war ten floors ago.
Now it was left to a small group of people that were ready to give up their life for Bam at any moment. Now that Hatz and Shibisu had finally caught up to Endorsi, Bam, Khun and Rak, they were climbing as a small group of six.
Bam glanced at his lightbearer once again.
Khun picked some more at his food, finally left it unfinished, grabbed his plate and moved to leave the table early.
Where you goin, Earrings? Hatz had called out after him.
My work doesn't exactly finish by itself, Khun snakily threw back over his shoulder. Hatz had irked his eyebrows, hand gripping his spoon twitching in annoyance.
Just before he had left their dining room, Khun suddenly flashed an evil smirk at the scout. Well, not that you would know anything about it.
Bam had spent the remaining evening making sure their place didn't burn down again, and tried to deescalate the situation to the best of his abilities.
Which was clearly not the best, as he was left to clean the aftermath of yet another fight between the two.
Later that evening, Bam found himself at a loss.
Did he really fail to properly connect to his friends?
He thought he was doing a good job, managing his Friend - duties with his FUG - duties and Fending-Off-Jahads-Army-And-Staying-Alive-duties.
But Hwayruns comments made him reconsider - did he really know what was going on behind?
Deep in thought, he almost missed the door to his room opening: a tired Khun slipping into the room. Rak was already fast asleep to his left, having exhausted himself early in the evening.
Bam tried going after Khun, moving to follow his steps to the bathroom.
He found his lightbearer busy doing his extensive skin care, applying each product carefully and smoothly onto his already flawless skin.
This was probably how he kept it looking flawless and soft, Bam thought to himself.
While he himself did not exactly have a skin care routine, he did make sure to be clean and have a maintainable appearance. Watching Khun however, Bam did silently wonder how a person could put so much care and detail into an act as simple as applying a cream to one's skin.
“Are you done staring or are you actually going to come in?”
Khuns voice startled the wave controller, abruptly yanking him out of his thoughts. Bam struggled to retain his composure, spluttering something unintelligible in response.
Khun gave him a blank stare, simply gesturing to just move along already. Red-faced, Bam silently made his way to the sink, right next beside Khun applying some fluid and patting the wet skin lightly.
His gaze followed Khuns fingers tapping the product with a slight pressure. Probably to make the product work into the skin properly, Bam concluded. He watched his lightbearer work his skin to perfection and suddenly, Bam felt very, very small in comparison.
Of course Khun put so much attention and detail to the littlest part of himself while Bam couldn't even figure out what to wear most days without his master sending him his entire wardrobe. Which he kept destroying anyways.
While Bam felt so out of control, Khun seemed to be in tune with his environment at all times.
How he did it while maintaining a sanity and productive schedule and commitment to his team, he didn't know.
Bam realized at that moment that maybe he didn't know that much about Khun as he always assumed he did.
Watching the blue haired boy put so much diligent focus and care to a part of himself that Bam thought just naturally came to him, made him wonder.
What else did he not realize? What else remained hidden beneath his mask?
Suddenly, Khuns gaze met his and he lowered the treatment about to be applied on his under eyes.
“Bam. I can hear you thinking from over here,” he sighed and reached for a cotton pad on his shelf. “My skincare routine can't be that interesting now, can it?” Khun smiled at him, a little mischievous smirk dancing at the corner of his lips.
Bam returned his little sign of affection with a small laugh of his own, as he spit out the toothpaste and rinsed his mouth. He playfully pretended to scan Khuns face up and down, just to simply huff out a sarcastic sound.
“I mean it's definitely fascinating how you put on a million products on your face while I quite literally use the power of water to nourish my humble skin.”
Khun didn't even pretend to grace him with an answer of his own - with a smile on his lips he simply shook his head and patted down his face. He looked up to Bam, “What was that about at dinner?,” his voice fond and soft.
Bam swallowed, not exactly sure what to tell his lightbearer.
Sorry, I got anxious because of my cryptic guide?
Sorry, I got worried we don't actually know each other that much after all?
Sorry, I forgot you don't have perfect skin but instead maintain a crazy skin care routine?
No matter how he tried to spin his feelings and thoughts, there seemed to be no clear answer to his newfound anxiety.
Of course he trusted Khun with his everything, but seeing the exhausted looking boy taking such diligent care of his body threw Bam off balance.
He decided to go with the safe route. Bam murmured: “You know, I was just worried.” His fingers fumbled with the edge of the sink, “you just have been a bit distant lately. I wondered if everything was alright with yo-”
Bam caught himself at the last second - he didn't want a repeat of the dinner table, now that he realized just how uncomfortable Khun was with opening up about his feelings.
“- I mean, the preparations for the next floor?”
Putting every product back to its designated place, Khun answered curtly: “Everything is going well, don't you worry about that.”
Swiftly, he moved to leave the bathroom - but found his exit blocked by Bam's pleading eyes.
What are you not telling me?
Their gazes met, an unspoken conversation in a beat.
Nothing.
“Bam, everything is alright.” Khun accentuated his statement with a well placed hand on the irregulars shoulder, putting light pressure, meant to reassure him. “There is absolutely nothing to worry about. You focus on fine tuning your shinsu aim while you leave the planning to me, okay?”
Khun's smile didn't falter for a second, but it never seemed to reach his eyes.
For the first time in all the time he knew Khun, Bam somehow couldn't bring himself to trust in his words.
Bam always thought he was exempt from the high walls Khun put around himself.
Apparently he had guessed wrong.
For the first time in all the time he knew Khun, Bam couldn't find a single grasp on the lightbearers true emotions.
He was left wondering if he ever knew them in the first place.
*
They arrived at the testing ground barely before the time frame for teams to take the test was declared closed.
Bam didn't know whether to cry or laugh.
Per plan, Khun, Shibisu and Endorsi opted to check out the testing grounds first, making their way to the area as soon as they had finished breakfast. Instead of joining them, Bam decided to exercise before coming along to the testing site.
That morning, Khun decided to conduct the test briefing during their morning assembly. Every step and outcome of the previous tests was explained, input from other teams and the results of excellent bribery paying off in the detailed instructions Khun was giving them.
“The previous test was not based on skill set or shinsu aversion. It was simply an assessment of the emotional attachment between humans and the psychological repercussions of reversal of such.”
Somehow the test was known to be not exactly hard in its complexity, but more fatal in the consequences that would arise afterwards.
Khun recounted several examples of teammates becoming enemies, mothers and daughters becoming estranged - entire families torn apart.
Lovers killing their significant other.
Friends betraying one another.
Bam was brought back to his guide and her round-about-way of warning him. But of what exactly? He wasn't sure what to be worried about.
The test was complicated in its functionality, but in theory it was supposed to switch the hormonal makeup of your emotional setup and reverse it according to the test rules every individual time around.
Once, it moved the hormone oxytocin from being with their loved one to instead gaining pleasure from distancing themselves, Khun explained to them.
“It's a powerful tool to disrupt already established team dynamics and meant to target strong teams in particular,” he recited from his notes. “In order to pass you must bring the emotional reversal back to where it originally was, basically.”
“Sounds easy enough!” Shibisu exclaimed, gaining a slap from Hatz on his head as a response.
While training that morning, Bam thought about what the purpose of such a test would be. Splitting up a team? Gaining the upper hand in creating rifts between people?
Surely, there must be easier ways than that.
Apparently the irregular had been so engrossed in his work out, he missed the 23 missed calls from Endorsi and “Where are you?” messages from Shibisu.
It was soon declared that all members must be present at once, or else they'd fail the test, and Bam quite literally had to run to make it to his destination.
Rak came to collect him, shouting that the “black turtle should just destroy the dumb rules instead.”
Sprinting to the testing area, Bam felt conflicted about the events that had occurred over the last days.
Somehow he had grown anxious about the test to come, even though there wasn't a lot to worry about generally. Normally he would feel reassured by the competence of his team and the many feats they had achieved together, even escaping from not one, but two family heads.
But now? Things were not that easy anymore, Bam thought to himself. His steps increased in speed as he tuned out Raks' many complaints about the floor's time management.
They would take the test, resolve whatever tension existed and move on from this rough patch, Bam vowed to himself.
Coming into view, his teammates were chatting amongst themselves. Shibisus brow was furrowed in a constant pinch and Khun was seen fumbling on a lighthouse screen. Endorsi kept talking in a quiet murmur and pointing animatedly at the screen in front of the scout.
When Bam climbed the stairs, Endorsi immediately spotted him.
“Bam!” She met him halfway, her expression lighting and flashing the wave controller a small smile, before chastising him for barely missing the test.
“Where'd you been?,” Endorsi huffed, crossing her arms in a defensive pose. “We almost got disqualified because we were missing a member of our team.” She pointed at him with a glare.
“Sorry Endorsi, I kinda forgot the time here,” Bam apologetically smiled. His fingers automatically came up to readjust his ponytail. Putting his hair out of the hair tie felt freeing and he shook out his brown locks in a swift manner.
Letting his eyes check over the others, he caught Khun absentmindedly staring at him, gaze moving to follow his every movement.
Bam flashed a small smile in his direction.
Khun turned away.
Disappointment washed over the irregular. Just what was it about Khuns behavior? Bam couldn't make out the problem or any solution for that matter.
The test administrator flashed a glance at the emerging crowd and swiftly turned away. Grabbing a microphone, they ascended the stairs to the platform and firmly made the first announcement.
“Regulars, welcome to the 67th floor! As you have been made aware of, every member of the team shall be present in order to be eligible for the testing procedure to take place properly.”
Their ink-black hair swept the ground as they continued to make their way towards the big, illuminating screen above the regulars. Bam still found the floating screens fascinating - they almost resembled a lighthouse.
“As the law of the floor cites, this is the test of reversal. A member of your team shall be inflicted with the curse of reversal - may it be physical, mental, to your age or appearance, wisdom, shinsu affinity-” Bam gulped. “-or your memories for that matter. In order to pass this floor, the team must reverse the state of the chosen member to its origin out of their own means.”
The test administrator mustered the regulars, one by one, eye by eye and inch by inch.
“No killing shall be committed. Any means of violence shall not be tolerated. You cannot interfere in another team's test now can yours be influenced by external forces. If there is a discovery of such an occurrence, the respective team shall be disqualified immediately.”
Their fingers tapped a button on the screen.
A white, hot flash suddenly appeared before everyone's eyes. Strong winds gushed out and brought disarray to the regulars. Only one person remained unphased, with the test administrator calmly gazing upon the scene. Once the winds cleared, they concluded with an air of indifference, “And with that the 67th floor test has begun.”
Turning to leave, a last message was sent to the regulars. “I wish all of you luck and may you succeed in your endeavors.”
Bam and his team stood flabbergasted.
That…was it? A test of reversal?
What was that even supposed to mean?
Shibisu immediately went to check on each member, taking their temperature first and then checking any other signs of change. So far, everyone has been cleared and declared no significant changes inwards, since there have been no changes to their appearances.
Other teams were seemingly struggling to find the reversal as well, if there anxious chatter and body check-ups were an indicator.
“Khun, my love, are you okay?”
At Khuns turn, Shibisu threw his arms around his shoulders and shook the lightbearer with a heavy force. “You seemed kinda pale there, you sure you are alright?”
Earning a shove to his ribs, Isu was promptly pushed to the side while Khun brushed his dress shirt off. “Why wouldn't I be?,” he scoffed, giving the scout on the ground a piercing glare without any heat - so he was really fine, Bam deduced.
Relief immediately formed in his heart.
They were all okay, so it seemed.
Bam exhaled, observing the ensuing bickering among his team members.
It should be fine now.
But somehow he couldn't forget Hwaryuns words, heeding him, warning him of something. Yet, Bam couldn't put a finger on what it was exactly he should look out for.
Bam moved to join the rest of them, and sought out Khun who was the last one to confirm his unaffectedness. Khun didn't seem to notice him immediately, so Bam deliberately placed himself in his direct sight.
“I am glad we are all okay.” He flashed a genuine smile to his lightbearer and tried to convey his relief through his eyes. They, again, never seemed to reach Khun in the first place, an unreadable expression adorning his face.
“But if we all aren't affected, then why can't we move up right away?” Bam threw the question to the round, hoping for his strategist to maybe lift the anxieties a bit. He particularly craved Khuns reassuring smile, his confidence and the safety he so often provided, but to Bam especially.
However, instead Khuns expression turned dark, a snarky snort leaving his mouth.
For the first time since arriving on this floor Khuns piercing sharp eyes found his and somwhow he felt like he had been stabbed - yet not even that could have prepared Bam for the words that would leave Khuns mouth next.
“Maybe because you are a fucking dumbass?”
Endorsis eyes widened, her mouth opening in a silent gasp.
Hatz turned so sharply, he almost tripped over his own body.
Raks body stilled completely, as if frozen into place.
The pocket in Shibisus hand somehow cluttered to the ground, the sound of the impact filling the dead silence.
Saying everyone was stunned into silence was an understatement. Bam thought he misheard, maybe he didn't catch what Khun had said properly, he definitely must have misheard.
“What?” Bam whispered faintly.
There is simply no way Khun would ever speak like that.
Much less to him.
There was simply no way.
Khun huffed under his breath, his blue hair flipping over his shoulder. “Do I seriously have to repeat myself?,” he hissed under his breath, glaring at the irregular with the utmost disgust. Even the prospect of repeating himself seemed like an absolute disgrace to Khuns dignity.
Bam found himself at a loss of words.
What exactly was happening? Khun…snapping at him?
It was simply unbelievable; the Khun Aguero Agnis snapping at Bam, his Bam, best friend and closest teammate. They were inseparable, an item, always and forever together - even Poe Bideau Gustang acknowledged their relationship and even used their closeness to his strategic advantage.
However, it wasn't as if they didn't fight at all - Bam and Khun surely had fought their fair share of fights. If it wasn't about ideological standpoints, it was about their mundane daily routines. Khun was always minding the overall picture, while Bam was hung up over the details. In the end, they have always found their way to one another. Never in all the years they have lived and fought and loved by their sides have they disrespected one another.
Bam moved to touch Khuns shoulder as he always did. As Khun always did to him. It made Bam feel appreciated, comforted, seen by the other.
However, his fingers never made it past reaching out to his lightbearer, before a loud slap was heard across the platform.
Piercing blue met anguished gold.
“Put your hands on me one more time and it will be the last time you've had hands.”
Turning with a sense of finality, Khun descended the stairs back to the waiting area, not in the least aware of the storm he just left behind.
Bam felt like his entire world was collapsing.
Suddenly, Hwaryuns words came to his mind again - at once, they seemed burned into his mind.
“Things are never as simple as you think them to be. What might seem forever today, may very well be forgotten tomorrow.”