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She was his first. Not in sex, of course. Jack Harkness is much more studied in that sense. Toshiko was the first he ever recruited for their shoddy office job. Recruited —she had rolled the word around her mouth often after he found her, a reminder she was out. A word to signify something more than freedom, but less than safety—is not quite the right word. Jack had saved her. More than just saved her life, gave her an almost wholly new one. The bruises on her arms faded but the scars on her mind stayed. He didn't seem to mind how she is now though.
Jack Harkness had stood in her cell door, shadow like an angel's and gotten her out. He didn't expect anything more from her than what she exudes, creativity leaking from the cracks, laptop given always in hand. It takes months before they're anything close to real friends, and years of loss and learning before there's any spark of possibility past it behind their words.
It started as little more than an excuse to get rid of excess energy after work.
Owen had brought in a case of booze after a particularly grueling case, and no one seemed to disagree with taking part in it. Suzie teased newly recruited Ianto in the harsh barking way she did, and aside from any expectations of him being too soft for the job, he barked back. Jack had a curious look about him, seeing the tea boy in action, and Tosh seemed to be the only one who could see it. Not yet anything like love, but Jack seemed interested. Jack could probably successfully get with anyone he particularly wanted, she thought.
She nursed her drink slowly, not saying much aside from the occasional timely giggle or related anecdote. She had still been caught up in making the newer workers like her to be as open as she had been with just Jack, or perhaps even just Jack and Owen.
Owen flirts not-so-subtly with Suzie, and she rolls her eyes with a smile. Tosh loses her interest in the conversation. Owen takes after Jack in a way, flirting with any person he's vaguely interested in shagging without real thought behind it. Except her, she's found. She doesn't think she loves him by any means, but there's a surefire childlike crush growing in her chest for the man.
She downed the rest of her second beer, standing up and trying to walk calmly out of the room to throw it out, not noticing Jack following suit.
Tosh had huffed frustratedly as she tossed it, then leaned back against the wall behind her.
Jack had walked over to her, leaned up next to her, and looked down. It might have been the alcohol in her blood but she thought he was gorgeous. The thought startled her as she gazed back up at him.
Neither of them said anything for a moment, the soft music and laughter from the room over echoing down.
In her luck, she had worn heels today, tall enough to be shoulder height with the man. Tosh leaned her body weight against him.
He blinked cartoonishly, like he was surprised by the act. Then his body slumped back against her in response. She had thought they fit well together. Too messy for a comparison to a puzzle piece and too emotionally weighted for the code she typically thought in. Jack's soft breath on her forehead shook her out of her spiraling brain.
“Hey there."
The comment was simple, but he leaned his head down closer to her as he spoke.
She turned slightly, facing him now. In a moment of confidence she wraps her arms around his shoulders, something like the beginning of a waltz. Jack's face looked a little flushed, but she could be imagining it.
He smiles, in the smirky almost flirtatious face she's seen him give many girls and boys before. It's enough to make her see stars. Jack brings his hand gently to her face, cradling her cheek in his palm. It might as well have been her world in his hand. It probably is.
There's a comfortability, a familiar warmth in his touch, that when mixed with the heat behind his eyes sets Tosh ablaze. She knows there's no coming back for her after this, that she's fallen like many before her.
She doesn't stop herself as she goes to kiss him. He lets out a noise of approval, as if her knees weren't already weak. His arms find their way around her waist and back, holding her closer to his body.
Tosh thinks she's held herself back from this for a long time, though she hadn't expected his response to be so in favor with her daydreams. Not that she's complaining.
She's greedy in her need to taste him and he responds with hands traveling up her spine and into her hair. He's gentler than she had guessed from his stories, and she's rougher than she thinks he had expected. It makes her smile into his mouth.
When he pulls back they're both close to gasping for air and she's grinning like a mad woman.
He grins back and she all but swoons like a cheesy rom com actress.
She stumbles on her feet a little and he grabs hold of her waist in response, holding her upright.
She lets loose a little giggle and leans up on his side cozily. A yawn bubbles it way up her throat and she closes her eyes against his shoulder blade.
“You, gorgeous, are exhausted. Let me bring you back to your flat. We can take the SUV.”
Jack calls her gorgeous, as if it's nothing but the truth. When he says it she can almost believe it.
He says SUV like it's an innuendo, if she wasn't busy trying to not kiss him again she'd laugh at the stupidity of it. Though she supposes a lot of things Jack says sound like that. Tosh is a little disappointed it didn't go any further, but she hears the meaning of his words. You're drunk, it would be irresponsible, let me take care of you. She simply peels off her heels and lets herself be taken care of for once.
-
Their relationship started with the threat of cannibals, which is a sentence so insane it could only come from Torchwood.
As Jack breaks in the wall, Toshiko thinks she's never seen him quite so angry as this moment. There's a righteous fear in his eyes, instead of the mocking smile on his lips. She's never been more happy to watch people be gunned down, a thought she feels dirty even thinking. She doesn't understand how these people can kill and hurt humans like it's nothing, like it's fun. Tosh can't stop staring at the knife that almost slit Ianto's throat in front of her.
The moments between Jack busting down the door, and Gwen untying her hands feels like forever. Her breathing is slightly labored and she feels seconds from a panic attack. Running over, she grabs hold of Ianto's shaking hand, while Owen works on his wounds. There's nothing immediately life threatening, though there almost was a traitorous part of her whispers. No one says anything about wayward tears on his face.
Jack and Gwen are whispering conspiratorially, looking between the people who did this and each other. Jack's hand holding his gun is twitchy. She doesn't blame him. The police are on the way, the real police. It'll all be fine. She still feels sick.
“Everyone else alright, no injuries?”
“I'm alright, Ianto gave me a chance to get away. He was alone with them. God…We're in one piece at least.”
“Oh yeah, because a little strangling never hurt anyone.”
Toshiko both loves and hates the way Jack immediately whips around to face her. The concern in his face is stomach churning but his eyes make her fall all over again. Instead of focusing on either one, she glares at Owen like he'd aired her darkest secret.
As Jack goes to talk she cuts him off. “I'm fine.” His fingers ghost the edge of her neck, accessing for damage. God, she hates being pitied, being the center of attention, but he genuinely cares for her and it makes her feel bunched up inside.
“Owen? Anything else happens that I need to be worried about?”
“All good on my end, Captain. Just want to check Gwen’s wound once we're all packed up here.” Tosh can tell he's rattled, but he's stubborn, not stupid. He'd do something if he had an injury that seriously needed addressing, but probably not much more than that. Self sacrificing bastard.
When help arrives, she gently holds Ianto up as they head out of the god awful, stinking hut. Owen puts his arm across Gwen's back as they walk towards the ambulance. Tosh prays that Gwen is alright, but she can tell Owen’s holding her up in a similar way to her and Ianto, and not for a secret romantic reason. Maybe it's both, but she doesn't have the energy to care.
Toshiko sits them down outside in the fresh air. It's minutes or hours before the cops are packed up, she can't tell. She doesn't force Ianto to talk about anything. She doesn't think she has the energy to talk. They don't stop holding each other.
She can't hear the others but Owen's muttering something serious to Jack, Gwen still glued to his side. Tosh is too tired to care when she spies him glancing over at them every few seconds. She busies herself with rubbing circles into Ianto’s hand.
Jack walks over, a false confidence in his step. “Let's go home.” He wraps his coat around Ianto's shoulder and tips his head towards the SUV. Seeing her opposition before she even speaks, he smiles. “I sent Owen to make sure Gwen is alright, now I need to check on you both.”
Ianto lets Jack drive, which tells enough on its own. They have an unspoken rule about not letting anyone sit alone in the backseat, now applying to him as well.
The drive is slow, already over half an hour back to the Hub, but Jack is driving carefully for once in his life. It drags on timelessly. “Who's place am I heading off to?”
Ianto makes a face, squinched and confused. “What? I assumed we were heading back to the Hub. Sir.” The last word is tacked off afterwards awkwardly. Tosh isn't oblivious to the tension the two have had for weeks now.
“I said who's place are we stopping at? I'm driving us all home, and unless I'm mistaken, we're making one stop.” He glances down at Ianto's hand curled tightly into hers. “Owen can't be two places at once, and he wanted me to make sure you two didn't die in the middle of the night. Infuriating, he is, but he cares deep down.”
Toshiko glances at Ianto, giving him the option to choose. He nods at her.
“Tosh’s. More space there.” While he's not wrong, there's more in his eyes. A need for somewhere that isn't lonely, a home where Lisa isn't, a need for companionship.
Jack smiles at them through the mirror, and she sees Ianto try not to scowl.
Her hands shake as she fits the key into her flat door. In her peripheral she sees Jack about to reach out to help, as she clicks it into the lock.
“Bathrooms down the hall, I have some extra shirts that should fit you if you'd like.” She tries to give a welcoming smile but can feel it's shaky. Ianto thanks her anyways.
Toshiko starts the kettle boiling, she should serve Ianto for once she thinks. Plopping down on a chair next to Jack, she lets out an exhausted sigh. He puts an arm around her shoulders comfortingly. If it was anyone else, she would've flinched after the day she's had. Jack has this effect on people, a soothing presence despite his boisterous personality.
“How's my Toshiko?”
“Right as rain, Jack. Don't be going all soft on me, I'll worry about your health.” Her voice has an almost crunchy quality to it, not quite recovered by the near death-by-hillbilly.
Eyebrows shoot up. “Oh, so I can't check on my favorite employee now?”
Tosh rests her head against his chest instead of smacking him. “Oh please, your favorite is Ianto and we all know it. Not that I can blame you.”
It drags a grin out of his weary face. “You don't give yourself enough credit, but no one can beat ‘anto’s prowess.”
“Oh, is that what you two are calling it now?”
He barks out a laugh that slams to a stop as Ianto walks out of the hall.
“Jesus.”
Without any confirmation to each other, both Tosh and Jack pop off the couch and rush up to him.
His chest is a splattering of bruises, small mottled purples and large nasty looking ones. He simply dries his hair off more with a towel, seemingly unphased.
Jack doesn't say anything, but his face is pinched in clear distress. Tosh glances up at him. “Should we have gone to a hospital?”
Ianto all but rolls his eyes. “Owen said I'm fine, aside from the head injury. Really Tosh, I just bruise easily.”
“If you're lying to me, I'll kick your ass.” It makes him smile.
“I wouldn't dare.”
“Does it hurt?”
“Oh, like hell.”
His matter of fact tone would make her laugh if she wasn't so worried. Torchwood employees and their stubborn tendencies, she thinks with frustration. Toshiko pushes past him into her cabinet, pulling through boxes. In success she lets out an ah-ha! and hands over a bottle of ibuprofen to the man.
Jack gives her a shoo motion with his hands. “I've got it from here, go on and take your shower.”
She pokes a finger into his chest. “Take care of him.” It's said with a smile, a reassurance she isn't truly upset with him.
Toshiko, selfishly, is grateful they're staying at her place. There's no confusion on soaps or towels of water pressure. The water rolls down her face, and she finally lets herself relax since the first steps out of the car this morning. She can taste dirt, licking her dry lips. The bottom of the tub is caked in mud, sticking slightly to her feet. It's stuck in her nail beds, her hair.
Looking down at her chest, she feels the tears well up in her eyes. The dark bruises around her neck trail down her chest, and she has to close her eyes before she lingers on it too long. If she focuses on it, she can feel hands around her throat, touching her chest, breath on her face. She dry retches a little, hand slapping over her mouth. She's glad she didn't eat the hamburger earlier. Toshiko doesn't let her mind wander on the what ifs, or it could've been worses. She scrubs her body thrice over til there's no dirt left visible and her skins slightly raw. At least she smells nice.
Drying herself off, she doesn't bother to blow dry her hair. The noise would worsen her starting headache. Slipping on her tank top, she winces at the low cut revealing more bruised skin than she'd like. They'd worry. She supposes she's a bit hypocritical, criticizing Ianto for the same thing.
Ianto bites his cheek when he sees her, and then goes to grab the kettle. She hits his hand lightly.
“We're not at work, you don't need to help right now. I can pour my own tea.”
He gives her a sad smile, but moves out of the way for her to help herself. Good , she thinks. He's the guest, he should take care of himself first.
Toshiko adds extra sugar to her tea, a lot more than usual. It soothes her rough throat going down.
Jack keeps looking her up and down, as if assessing for damage. She doesn't say anything back, but reaches out, putting her hand on top of his.
Moving away when Ianto comes back to get his own tea, she lays back on the soft chair in actually clean clothes.
Tosh picks up her pillow from the cushion and holds it to her chest. “I don't mean this the way you're thinking, but maybe it would be best to share the same bed for tonight.”
She hears a vague noise of protest from Ianto and can hear the raising of eyebrows from Jack. She shoots him a look and he raises his hands in mock surrender.
“You don't have to, of course. Just… so we know where everyone is. No one has to sleep on the floor this way.”
She moves towards her bed, migrating the group into her room.
Ianto coughs in the polite way he does but he sits down on the edge of her bed all the same. Jack has an amused smile and kicks his legs up.
Toshiko ends up between the two of them, the little spoon as Owen would tease. Jack's hand is warm as it cards through her hair gently. She holds Ianto's hand between her own as she falls asleep.
They all have nightmares of some sort, but they make it through the night. Holding each other helps, they find. They're all alive in the morning, so perhaps they'll be okay.
When she wakes up to the body made warmth in her bed, she's confused, until she remembers all at once. Tosh thinks waking up this way makes her day seem much brighter. Her face flushes but she smiles softly.
As she sits up, Jack stirs next to her. He opens his eyes lazily, smiling up at her.
“Mornin’.”
“Morning.”
He presses a kiss to her cheek as he stands up, like it's the most natural thing in the world. He plants one on Ianto's forehead as well, for symmetry she thinks, before heading into the kitchen. The early morning sunbeams coming through the windows give the room a soft glow, or maybe that's the people in it.
A one time thing, she had thought to herself the previous night. She sure hopes not.
-
They do it again the next week. Then three days after that. It becomes more and more frequent until it's a routine, sharing her small but not-too-small bed at night. She doesn't remember a time when she's been happier to wake up in the morning. If she leans harder into his casual physicality more and more after their first dash of passion, so what.
-
Toshiko has to take the week off, after Mary. Jack had texted her the day after they talked, saying to take time for herself. She knows he meant time to cool off, and she doesn't feel bad doing so.
She can't bear to hear Owen’s teasing or Gwen’s attempt at soothing while she hovers over Tosh’s workstation. No, she can't do it. She tries not to think about Jack. It's never worked before, but she's never been quite so upset at him. She supposes this is how Ianto felt as well. She makes a mental note to take him out for drinks.
She decides to be productive, if not just to do something instead of rotting in bed. The smell of cigarettes lingers on her bedsheets and her eyes stay red rimmed the longer she sits in the smell of something long burnt away. She hopes Mary didn't burn, didn't hurt long.
Ripping the bedsheets of the mattress, she throws her bedding and clothes from the previous days in the hamper, not daring to think too hard about what happened while she was wearing them.
As Tosh gets up to get herself a drink, there's a knock on her door. She rests her head against the wall for a second with a sigh before heading to open it. It better be something important to show up at six pm.
Jack stands outside her flat, holding a box of sweets from the cafe she'd gone to him with months ago. He remembered what she had liked too. It hurt her chest to feel soft for him, seeing his face holding more uncertainty than his normal confident ruse. Good , she thinks to herself, before feeling bad about it seconds later.
Tosh folded in on herself, nervous and angry and uncertain. She hated not knowing more than anything else. Not knowing how to feel, who to trust. Her voice comes out wavering, like something fragile to be held, and it makes her feel sick to her stomach. She still tries to be efficient with her words, she's nothing if not efficient.
“What do you want?"
She's startled and angry and pleased all at once. She's glad she's not alone in her room anymore. She's glad it's Jack who's here. She's so mad at herself for being glad it's Jack.
“Brought you a snack. Thought you'd like a friend, if you'll let me in.”
Toshiko holds down a biting remark of how friends don't kill each other's girlfriends. She looks down at herself in her sweatpants and ratty tshirt, biting her cheek, before swinging the door all the way open. She let him in. It was the only way the story would ever go, she thinks. An inevitability.
He pulls his shoes off as he steps inside without her prompting him. He knows her quirks too well already. He's being purposefully gentle as he moves in her home.
Secretly, she's glad he brought food. Normally by this time in the evening she'd had cooked something, or at least prepared for it.
She waits for him to settle into the couch, watching as he tries his best to keep his posture full of bravado. Tosh watches until he falters, looking at her, to take a pastry from the box on her table.
Tosh knows this for what it is, an apology in the only way he knows how.
“Toshiko, I-"
He starts talking in a more serious tone than she'd heard in a long time and she hears him fumble to a stop as she lets out a frustrated sigh.
“I can't… I can't talk about it right now, Jack. I'm too angry. It's too much.”
A sad smile graces his lips and she knows he understands the feeling.
“Well then, did I ever tell you about the time when…”
He regales her with stories of robots far in the future, sexual escapades only he could pull off, a fight with a dragon she's certain he's lying about. She sits in comfortable silence as he talks to her until the sun sets fully over Cardiff. She's glad she doesn't have to look into the sky and picture Mary anymore. The stiff uncomfortable anger in her throat fades a little as Jack's exaggerated hand motions and facial expressions soothe her mind.
“I'm glad you came." She says it softly. Like a secret. “I'm still upset with you." It sounds like a confession of guilt as it tumbles out of her mouth.
There's a look of soft relief on his face as she talks.
“I'd be shocked if you weren't.” He says it fondly, like a compliment to her character.
Jack takes one of her hands in his, looking at her with a silent question. She gives a short nod. He rubs circles into the back of her hand, and says nothing for a moment.
She looks into his eyes and he pulls her gently into a standing position. He holds her like she's something worth protecting, and she puts her anger on a shelf for later as she rests her face on her shoulder.
He presses a single kiss to the crown of her head and squeezes her arm gently as he steps back.
“Come back when you're ready.” He doesn't say take care of yourself as he stands up to leave. It would sound too much like a goodbye. She knows he cares anyway.
-
On her first day back, she says her awkward hellos to Owen and Gwen, and gets right back to work. Sitting back down at her desk and opening her computers without the weight of the pendant around her throat feels something like coming home.
She can't get rid of what she heard, and she can't seem to stop messing up her relationships with her friends (or should she say coworkers to be safe?). Jack had told her that night after everything, her face in his hands, that there are some things we—she—aren't supposed to know. Ignorance is bliss, isn't that what they always say.
She's glad there's a case, and Jack takes the others with him. Tosh needs a moment away from the action.
Toshiko jumps as a hand puts a cup down in front of her. She holds a hand to her heart as she turns to see Ianto’s face looking at her with kind eyes.
“Sorry about that. Thought you'd like some well made coffee after everything.”
As she looks back at the cup, she notices it looks nicer than his everyday pot in the office. She takes it in both hands gently, feeling the warmth of it.
“You didn't need to."
He shrugged lopsidedly. "It's not pity. I wanted to. Think of it as returning a favor."
Tosh looks at him curiously. She doesn't want, doesn't need, any sympathy from anyone. But she has to admit she's intrigued by what he means. She leaves an expectant silence.
“The coffee. After Lisa. I haven't forgotten."
Tosh takes in a shaky breath. God, Lisa. She's just happy Ianto can say her name without crying anymore. Maybe she'll get there with Mary.
“Right. Oh, Ianto, I'm sorry. Here I am crying all over when the same thing happened to you.”
She rubs a hand over her face, before turning back fully to look in his eyes.
“No need to apologize. Certainly not to me. Welcome to the uh… Jack killed our girlfriends club.” He says it with a lift to his voice, like it's funny.
Tosh drops her jaw.
“Sorry! Bad joke. Bad joke.” He holds his hands up in an admittance of defeat.
“Bloody hell Ianto.”
She had no idea he had such a dark sense of humor. Suppose he had to grow one, after everything. She smiles a little anyway, it is funny in a morbidly fucked way.
“I am sorry though. It wasn't right of me.”
Ianto flicked his eyes over her, but kept his expression the same as usual. Carefully crafted casually.
“Not sure what you mean, I'm afraid. I don't blame you for Mary.”
“Ianto, I heard your thoughts. I… I know it was wrong, trust me I know, but I can't unhear it now and I worry about you. You're my friend, and I know I haven't been the best one lately but-”
“Tosh." He says it firmly, but there's still that softness to his tone. Toshiko sniffs, rubs a finger under her nose. She didn't come back to work just to cry again. He knows what she heard. He's maybe the only person in the world who could understand what she's feeling right now.
“I don't blame you. I really don't. Toshiko, I kept a killing machine in our basement and you don't hold it over me. I used to go down there for hours a day after what happened, but it gets easier.”
She feels tears burning at the edge of her eyes.
“Are you okay? I know that that's the stupidest question, but I care.”
He snorts. “Are any of us? I mean we work at Torchwood, for God's sake.”
Tosh looks at him with her sad eyes and grabs hold of his hand. “I'm serious, Ianto.”
His eyes soften and he puts his other hand on top of hers.
“I’m alright. It's… It still hurts sometimes. Did you love her?”
She can't stop herself from crying, because this is the worst part. “Yeah… yes. I did. Isn't that terrible? She killed people and I miss her.”
Ianto squeezes her hand. “You missed who she was to you, not who she was at the end of it all.”
Toshiko is struck with a vision of Lisa, leaving Ianto unconscious on the flooded floor, dark parallels to the knife Mary held under her throat.
“It'll get better. I loved Lisa and it's better than it was before. It's gonna get better for you too.”
She nodded as he spoke, and gave him a wavering smile when he finished. God, she hopes he's right. There is a question left in her mind that she can't get to put away for later before it leaves her big mouth.
“Do you love Jack?”
Tosh slaps a hand over her mouth, eyes wide. “Ianto, I'm so sorry, I-”
He pauses, but doesn't seem angry at her, so she'll take it as a win.
“I think,” he says each word like a calculation and she can appreciate that. “It's complicated, but I think I might be. I think I am. It's too soon since Lisa, but he was there for me after it all.”
He looks into her eyes and cocks his head. “Do you?”
The question rings clear in her mind. Do you love Jack, Toshiko?
They'd never called it love, because that's something you can lose.
She lets out a nervous laugh. “I'm only telling you this because you're my best friend, which probably isn't reciprocated and is really embarrassing because we're just coworkers and I-,” she lets out a stressed exhale. “Yeah. Yeah I think I am, which drives me crazy. Jack drives me crazy.”
Ianto smiles. “I’ll cheers to that. He drives me crazy as well.” He bends down and kisses her cheek gently.
“You're my best friend too, Toshiko.”
-
“What are we Jack? I mean of course it's complicated because it's you, and I don't mean that in a negative way I promise, but I don't need more complications in our line of work.”
Jack squares his shoulders, taking in a small sharp inhale that if it wasn't her he was talking to, most wouldn't notice. He's good at it, pretending to be okay under stress.
He glances back up from the table, sincerity in his eyes. “To be honest with you, Tosh. I don't know. I could wave it off saying something about this century's obsession with labels, but I- me and Ianto don't talk about this kind of stuff.”
Toshiko thinks back to the amount of times she and Ianto laughed with each other about their relationship issues. She stirs her coffee instead of saying something rude.
“Well, maybe you- we should start.”
She says it with a small smile and he sits for a moment in deep thought before nodding. “Maybe so.”
“So, how would you feel about making this an official thing?” She raises her eyebrows in a flirty manner but her hands are clammy and she's just glad they aren't shaky.
“I'd say we already made things pretty official, if you know what I mean.” It comes out teasing but she just rolls her eyes.
“ Jack .”
He chuckles but relaxes into the chair. “Sorry. Not helpful, I know. I…”
Slumping forward on the table, he reaches out and squeezes one of her hands lightly.
“I’m not that good at this whole relationship thing.” He flicks his eyes up to her to stop her from saying something before he's finished. When he speaks again his voice is quiet. “It’s hard enough with just Ianto. Not because I don't… care about him. That's why it's hard. It scares me, Tosh, how much I can care about people. I don't want to let twice as many important people down.”
Tosh had stopped feeling like having a panic attack, but she now felt closer to crying. Composing herself, to be strong for him like he is for her, she presses a kiss to his outstretched hand.
In a repetition of his previous statement, she replies carefully. “I'd say you're already pretty good at it. But all of us can improve.”
She stands up, still holding his hand, and comes to stand next to him. Tosh wants to do anything to relieve him of some of the sadness in his voice.
“That's why I waited to bring it up til now. It makes it real, Jack. I want it to be real. If you do also.”
“I…” He goes quiet for a moment and her heart is held in a vice-like grip of anxiety. “I would really like that. I'll have to talk to Ianto about it, as well.” He says it softly and it takes a weight off her heart. Screw her, if she's a little protective of Ianto. She doesn't want her best friend to have his heart broken if she can help it.
“Of course. I want him here, too. I know you care about him as well, and I'd never ask you to stop that. Not for me, or for him. It wouldn't be fair for any of us to wake up here with my coffee making.”
He grins and stands up and wraps his arms around her waist.
“So can I call you my boyfriend, then? It'd definitely give me some bragging rights, I'd say.”
“Toshiko Sato's boyfriend has a very nice ring to it.”
When he sees her bright blush he pecks her on the nose, making her laugh. She gives one back to him, right on the lips. She's smiling the whole time.
“I think that sounds perfect.”
-
Owen scrapes his chair up next to her desk obnoxiously. She can't help but close her eyes and try to breathe deeply.
“Yes, Owen?”
“What, I can't have a chat with my coworker?”
She looks up from her computer screen to cock an eyebrow in his direction, fingers still dancing over the keys with ease.
“Okay so I have a point, you caught me!” He throws his hands up melodramatically. Owen scoots the chair in closer and she pauses on her next click. There's a nervous energy to his movement that catches her off guard.
“So uhh… you and the Captain, huh?” His tone is gentler than normal and she can't believe she's about to say this, but she finally understands Owen's no sappy crap at work schtick.
“And who told you that?” Tosh doesn't try denying it, there's no point. However, she would be less mad if it was Jack being nice and not someone acting nosy.
He avoids eye contact and she swivels her chair fully to face him. “Owen?”
“I may have walked in on you two in his office!” It comes out all at once in an embarrassed rush. Owen Harper, embarrassed, she should take a photo. She would if she wasn't mortified.
“Oh my God.” Toshiko puts her head in her hands. “You didn't.”
He has the decency to look sheepish. “I did. I left right away, promise, no peeking.”
Tosh puts her head onto her desk. Owen rests a hand on her shoulder, making her glance up again.
“Are you alright, Tosh?”
She sits up straight, not liking the implications. “Of course!” His eyes are concerned and it makes her feel some sort of complicated way. She's over what they weren't, what she felt for him, but she's so grateful for their friendship.
He chews his lip absentmindedly. “He treating you alright? You two were pretty uh…”
“ Owen!”
Grinning, he backs up, giving her space. “Sorry, sorry. I only ask because I'm worried, princess.”
“Don't start with the silly nicknames again,” She'd never admit it but it does make her feel special. “But, yes Owen. I'm fine. Not that it's your business, me and Jack are doing wonderful. It's just new, we're working it out. No more excitement in the office, I'll have to tell him though.”
“Ahh. Sorry to stop all the fun. Good. Good, though. I'm glad it's good. You deserve to be happy. If he ever acts up I can take him on, yeah?”
She giggles before she can stop herself. “You could certainly try.”
He smiles as he heads down to his work station, and she feels a surge of pride for her small ridiculous family.
-
“Is Toshiko your woman?”
He takes a second to think of how to answer, swirling his drink in hand. She sees him glance over at her while she's working.
“Something like that.” With any other boyfriend it would've sounded like a disappointment. Jack says it with so much pride and wonder in his voice she can't take it negatively. She knows how complicated their whole relationship is. If he can say even a little bit that she's his, she's okay with that.
A break opens in the world, a watercolor smear across the dance hall. There's a familiarity to the coloring, an allurance to it that immediately draws her in, and she knows what it is. They have to go home. She doesn't go all the way through until Jack comes back and grabs hold of her hand. Tosh gives him all the time they can allot to wish his same-named companion a sweet goodbye.
Grabbing hold of his hand as they fade back into the right time period, she can't help but feel guilty. She's glad they at least got a goodbye kiss. Toshiko knows firsthand how hard it is to lose a lover. For Jack to know what happens to the man he took his name from, and leave still, she thinks he's the strongest person she knows.
Entering back into the Hub, she sees chaos strewn across everything. Gadgets are thrown every which way, the rift machine making a strange noise. Stranger still is the blood splattered on the floor, and Owen sitting on his own autopsy table. Ianto standing near him with wound cleaning supplies, puts the picture into place for her.
“What the hell happened here? You'd think you were the ones in trouble.”
“Domestic dispute.” Gwen interjects as she comes in, drawing the two boys glares to her, making them all laugh at their state.
Owen winces as he digs the bullet out of his shoulder and drops it into Ianto's waiting tray.
“You're a crap shot.”
“I was aiming for your shoulder.”
Their chat fades into the background as Tosh glances back up at Jack. His expression is forlorn and darker than usual. She squeezes his arm gently, hoping her eyes convey her sympathy.
“It was wartime, but it was beautiful.” She means every word. He fit right in, eyes gleaming as he played his role. Tosh didn't fit in, but he had promised to take care of her as he spun her about, and she believed him wholly. She still believes him, but someone needs to take care of him as well.
Jack's eyes are clouded with what she'd guess was nostalgia. “There were angels dancing at the Ritz.” He brushes past the rest of them, going to sit by himself. All of them looked on with concern.
Owen starts to walk towards Jack’s office and she doesn't even want to see the result of that conversation. Stopping him with a gentle let me , she heads up there herself. Walking in with a soft knock on the door, she doesn't wait for a response. Jack sits forlornly, pouring two glasses of brandy as if expecting her arrival.
She sits next to him, giving company to his quiet mourning. Tosh can't say anything that can truly fix this.
“I'm sorry you had to leave him. I understand how hard it must've been for you.”
“I always would've had to, I have a job to do. A shame he was so handsome though, the world really lost a looker.”
She knows he's deflecting with jokes but she lets him cope however is easiest right now. Toshiko raises her glass.
“He would have been so proud that you took his name, because here you are, saving the world. To Captain Jack.”
He looks hesitant for a moment, and it hurts her heart. Jack takes his free hand and loops it in hers. With the other he raises his as well.
“To Captain Jack.”
They down their drinks, and sit in solace together for a moment before leaving for the night. Tosh pulls out her phone quickly, remembering the idea she had previously. The gentle notes of music play tinnily through the device's speaker.
She smiles nervously, tucking loose hair behind her ear. “It's no live singer, but you had said you liked this song.”
Jack glances up surprised, and he looks more emotional than she had anticipated.
Toshiko holds her hand out for him to take. “Care for a dance, Captain? We didn't get to, with all the rushing about.”
He teases with a wide smile and gentle look, before whisking her into his arms. He twirls her around and brings her close to him, arms wrapped around her. He's good at dancing but as the album progresses it becomes less about the moves and more about the experience. Its soft touches and loud laughter and a phone playing music from 1941 and Jack and Tosh.
He kisses her before the second song even ends. It's tender and warm and long lasting. There's the passion from before but not the desperation. The loneliness in them faded away, and the jagged edges smoothed into something musical and kind.
-
Over time her flat became less known as Toshiko’s place, and more often just called home . She's become increasingly familiar with Ianto and Jack's belongings starting to appear or be left at her place more and more. Jack's extra coat he let her wear hanging from the back of her door, Ianto's shampoo in her shower. She finds that she likes it. The reminder in her—their—home that there are people who love her and she loves back.
In the quiet aftermath, laying in bed she wraps her arms around Jack, who in turn is holding Ianto.
“There's enough space for you two’s things here.”
Ianto mumbles under his breath. “I've tried to get him out of that dingy basement for forever now, he won't listen.”
“No, you told me to find a new place in the city, Ianto. If you'd asked me to move in I'd have jumped your bones on the spot.” Jack smiles, smirks in the way he does when being cocky. She'd make fun of him if she didn't want a real answer.
“So do you want to move in with me, then?”
He moves to gaze into her eyes. “Don't have much to move , per say but I'd love to live here with you Toshiko.” Turning back, he pecks a kiss on Ianto's forehead. “And you of course.”
“Ianto? You don't have to of course, but it's open to you as well.”
Ianto smiles at her like she's offered something grand, and not what she's selfishly wanted for years. “Why would I go anywhere else?”
Her heart couldn't grow any further from this. Her best friend, and the man she loves more than anything else, laying on her silly purple sheets. In her room, their room. Their home. Tosh can't stop herself from grinning so wide it hurts.
“I love you both. Really, I do. I don't remember the last time I've felt like this. Been this happy.”
Toshiko looks at both of them with so much love in her eyes, the only way it could be more obvious would be cartoonish hearts coming out of her face and floating towards them.
“Love you too, Tosh.” Ianto says it like it's simple. She supposes it is. They've said it before, holding hands after a nightmare or hard case. It still rings joyfully in her head.
Jack smiles, looking at her affectionately, like she's something worth his worship. There's a sad twinge to it. He puts a hand to her cheek, brushing it gently with his thumb.
“I know.”
-
Ianto, Tosh finds out, is not too bad a nurse. She'd never tell Owen so, he'd tease him forever about it.
Toshiko sits precariously on the edge of her bathroom sink. The knock on the door makes her drop the needle in hand in surprise.
“Tosh?” She closes her eyes and takes a calming breath. Ianto doesn't know know, like Jack does, but she can trust him. It's probably somewhere in her personnel file anyways. “You alright in there? I fear we've left Jack alone in the kitchen too long, he might start trying to cook.”
She sees it for what it is, an ‘are you alright’, without saying it. Boys and their convoluted social structures. “Doors open, Ianto.”
Pushing the door open, he raises an eyebrow at her position. “Didn't expect you to be sitting in the sink.”
Tosh smiles despite herself. “ On the sink, not in it. More room this way, and I don't have to sit on the floor.”
She doesn't stop on his account, letting him in to sit with her. He crosses one leg over the other casually, as she pulls up the cloth of her sleep boxers to get at her thigh. The thigh is more inconvenient to reach for injections, especially doing it by herself, but it hurts less she's found. Easier to bounce back from immediately.
She fumbles the needle, not quite reaching where she wants it, and huffs in frustration.
“I can help you with it, if you'd like?”
Toshiko looks up at him, curiosity in her eyes. Tilting her head in consideration, she smiles at him. She's never let Jack do it, but they also don't let Jack cook. It's not an issue of trust, more an issue of immediate health procedures. Maybe it would be nice to have someone help her with it for once. “Here, why don't I show you how. You can just press it in for me.”
Ianto stands up with a soft look on his face and she wishes she could frame this moment. She adores him, wholeheartedly.
She puts the needle into place for injection, but not pushing it in quite yet. “Usually I put it right here. Easier to reach than my butt since I do it myself. Though I suppose it's a thought for next time.” She gives him a catty look.
Carefully, she lets him take hold of the injection, carefully pushing the needle into her skin. She winces, even though it isn't truly that bad. The pain is more irritating than anything, but she never quite gets used to it. He pulls it out with delicate fingers, opening the cabinet behind her for one of Jack's cheesy colored band-aids. It makes her grin.
“Really, Ianto, I'm alright.”
He tuts his finger at her, in a gesture she's seen him give to Jack many a time. “If I'm going to be helping you out, we're going to do it without infection, Tosh.” He says it in such an Owen way it makes her laugh, summoning Jack to the room.
“Aw, c'mon. Having fun without me?” He says it in a playful voice, arm leaning against the doorframe. Taking in the sight before him, his eyes soften in something like wonder.
“Always.” She squeezes Ianto's hand gratefully as she plops off the countertop. Tosh presses a kiss to Jack's lips, before pulling back in suspicion. “Did you leave the stove unattended?”
-
Owen shot Jack in the head. Owen shot Jack, her boyfriend, their boss, in the head. Everyone's quiet for a second and she can see the immediate regret in his eyes.
“What have you done?” He doesn't answer. They all know what he did. They move on. They have to keep moving or they'll fall apart.
Then he gasps up. Jack, the corpse of a man, sits up grabbing her arm. He gets up like it's nothing that happened and not his supposed permanent demise.
Things click in her mind, they all suddenly make sense. His infinite knowledge and futures to look forward to, the glint of familiarity during their stint in time travel. The hesitancy for finalities, the permanence of I love you ’s. He loves not just now but forever. She thinks of the look on his face as he said he'll take care of her. Toshiko may not be able to love him for infinity, not with her lifespan, not with this job, but she can love him now.
Ianto looks at her in fear and she locks eyes with him in understanding. They can't stop now, not with the whole world at stake, but they will later. A promise without words.
Jack sacrifices himself to save the world. Almost worse than Owen shooting him, dying for a world who'll never know their loss. He doesn't wake back up no matter how much she begs. Ianto cries into his coat when he thinks people aren't looking.
The Hub is quiet in his absence. The silence was more than a missing piece of the team, but an incompleteness in the every sound of the machinery and machinations of the building.
They all had tried to avoid looking at him. A deep shame ran through all of them, that they hurt him and he still died to save them. Owen suggests putting him in cold storage. She feels sick to her stomach, a wrongness permeating her being, but agrees it would be a good idea - to put the body away.
Gwen holds a hand to her mouth, horrified. Tosh can't blame her reaction.
“Are you-are you sure he's dead?”
Owen holds the Captain's hand in his own, checking one last time for a pulse that isn't there. “No vital signs. He's getting cold, we should move him.”
They put him in their own little morgue, but don't close the drawer. She presses a kiss to his forehead, before running back upstairs. Ianto is still holding his coat. They let Gwen sit with him long after what's reasonable, despite Owen's comments. None of them want to close the lid on him. They don't leave the Hub, but she can't bear to watch him grow cold sitting there, so she goes back to work. Something to take her mind off of it, even though she knows it won't work.
In the end, it takes days for him to wake up. Somewhere around the four to five day range. All of them barely left the Hub, barely slept. When Jack comes upstairs like the dramatic prick he is, they're all there to see it.
Toshiko sees him first. At first she doesn't trust her eyes, but after blinking he's still there. She runs faster than she ever has, flinging herself at him. He spins her around gently and she can't help crying a little. His body is cold under hers, and she whispers apologies over and over for her betrayal. He tells her he'd forgive her for anything, that she doesn't need to feel bad, and a shiver runs down her spine.
Giving the others a turn, she watches emotionally as he kisses Ianto, forgives Owen, and welcomes back Gwen. It's almost too good to be true.
Once things calm down, she corners him, and upon reaching up to touch him, she gets emotional again.
“Don't ever do that again. You can't die on me like that.”
Jack holds her face in his hands. It soothes her heart but not her mind.
“Sorry. Done it by myself for so long, I forgot it messes with other people too.”
Tosh shoves his hand away frustratedly.
“Oh, I'm sorry. It didn't occur to me that seeing my boyfriend die over and over might be a little upsetting! Must have slipped my mind.” Jack winces and immediately she lessens her glare. God, she's a sap. “Sorry. It's not your fault, Jack. Just… you don't have to do it alone. I won't let you, in fact.”
“Is that so?” He loops his arm into hers and they fit, in an awkward, strange way.
“Mhmm. You need someone to balance out your constant death wish!”
Jack gives a wry smile. “I'll try my best to leave the self sacrifice to a minimum.”
“Good.”
That's all either of them need to say on the matter for now. She gives their arms a soft swing as they walk. They can figure out the rest later. Jack's alive, and they're going to be okay.
-
Jack Harkness was Toshiko Sato’s constant despite the oddity of it all, and then he was gone. She knew how much she cared for him, but not quite how ever present he was in every aspect of her life.
Tosh missed everything about him, because she saw him in everything.
She missed looking up from her computer to see him watching with a stupid grin from above. She missed him geeking out with her over some alien tech that no one else bothered to understand. She missed his stupid unbelievable stories that are still probably true, knowing him. She missed how much he would touch her. Not in a sexual way (though, no complaints there) but it was who Jack is as a person. He's touchy-feely in a way so contrasting to his cool guy persona. Jack would put a hand soothingly on her back, holding her face gently in his hands. He'd kiss her and Ianto in the morning, and hug her before he ran out of the Hub in a rush. He'd even pick her up, to her dismay, making her laugh.
Ianto being with her helps. He's not as touchy as Jack is, not by far. But at least she isn't alone. He brings her coffee in the morning and she brings home dinner. Their home is less lively, but it's not empty. Tosh doesn't have to live and go to bed alone, and she's so grateful for that. It doesn't stop them missing him, as hard as they try.
The Hub still carries a chaotic energy to it, they still have a job after all, but it's lonelier. The rooms feel colder in his absence. Tosh puts her all into her work, but it lacks some of joy in it.
Ianto had suggested she step up as leader in his place, a proud smile on his lips. It was in the handbook after all, her being the longest running agent. She lasted about a week before a complete panic attack. Good lord , how did Jack do this every day? They talk it out that they don't need one true leader, can work as a group, but Gwen steps up anyways. She's grateful one of them is confident in their leadership skills (and that it isn't Owen, no offense).
Speaking of Owen, he and Ianto have been spending more time together. They still argue and bicker and piss each other off beyond belief, but there's something more there. Ever since she and Jack came home from their stint into time travel, there's been more of a mutual respect for each other, an understanding. With Jack gone, some of the natural order fell away, leaving whatever they are now. If Ianto wants to kiss their doctor, who is she to stop them? She certainly can't judge.
-
Jack shows back up in a whirlwind. She barely has time to work out her feelings between rushing about after fish, his cute ex boyfriend (wife?) with a poisoning problem and a bomb.
Tosh is a mix of rage for him leaving them without a word, pure relief he's alright, and love to see him, and the more at peace he seemed to be since his return.
After it all calms down, everyone starts to go home for the day. Ianto sits restlessly by her desk, while she puts the last few things away. Busying herself they wait until everyone else files out, and Jack walks back up to them. Ianto looks on at him, disapprovingly.
As he walks over, Tosh takes her petty time to turn back around to him.
“Took you long enough.”
He folds, walking over to the two of them and pulling them in close. Jack can sense their disapproval and presses a kiss to each of them gently. “I'm sorry.” He whispers it into their ears, a gentle word of truth.
Toshiko sighs, leaning her head against his shoulder. “It's alright. I'm just glad you're okay. We were pretty worried for a while when you up and left.”
“You're not mad at me?”
“Furious. But lucky for you, I don't stay mad long.”
Jack smiles sincerely and God she's missed that face. It used to take more to drag it out of him, something changed. She's mad she missed the change, frustrated she doesn't understand it yet, but so glad he's back.
Ianto gives him a side glance.
“Were you serious about what you said?”
Jack's face scrunches up, in a confused manner. “What I said? I said a lot of things today, Ianto, might have to be a little more specific.”
Rolling his eyes in response, he clarifies. “The date and real married life thing, Jack. It's not that I don't believe you,” he cuts him off before the self doubt starts, “its that it's different. It's new. You left for months and you're different. It's gonna take time and if you're gonna be serious you have to mean it.”
Jack pulls back slightly, bringing his hand up to caress Ianto's face. “I do mean it. I… a lot of things happened while I was gone. Probably for you all as well. But I came back for you. For both of you. It sort of made me reevaluate my priorities. I want a life with you both. We can go on cheesy dates and shop together and cook meals and watch bad cinema, like normal people.”
Some of Ianto's anger fades from him, despite his attempts at seriousness. Toshiko smiles, but has to state the obvious. “We aren't normal.”
“No, but we can damn well try to be. I want to do this right this time.”
Ianto kisses him, leapt at him more accurately and Tosh smiles with genuine joy, and a relaxation in her bones that hasn't existed since Jack left. He kisses her as well, and for a moment everything is right in the world.
-
As it turns out, Jack was deathly serious. They didn't just live together and shag on the weekends, they were romantic in a way she didn't expect from him. They went on dates, he bought flowers, Ianto fitted him for nice outfits. He started cooking for them.
They fit together well, less like puzzle pieces, and more like a house on fire. Things fall into place like gasoline on the floor and then they can't stop it from setting them ablaze.
Jack had taken the three of them out for a nice dinner and drinks. A nice cafe, good food and homely, but not so stuffy it was suffocating. It was one of the better dates they'd ever gone on. And then since they arrived home, Jack has been taking them on a wild goose chase. He's lost a piece of jewelry somewhere in the house. Tosh had looked at Ianto with amusement clear on her face, and shrugged. They were both in good enough spirits to play along.
“What is it we're looking for again?”
Jack swoops into the bedroom, coat billowing behind him dramatically and Ianto lets out a chuckle, making her laugh in response.
They walk in after him, only to stop short seeing him kneeling after something.
“Rings. Ah, look. I've found it.”
The room is set up with soft lighting, a candle sitting wobbly on the bedside table. Roses lay on the bed. He grins charmingly, opening a small box in his hand. Her eyes are comically wide. He's always been a charmer, but this is a lot.
“I've been looking for these for forever.” He says it with a smug look, but small beads of sweat sit on his forehead.
Ianto grips onto Toshiko's shoulder for balance, and she grabs onto his hand with her own.
“Oh my god.” Ianto's voice is tight and fainter than she expected.
“Jack Harkness-”
“-Captain Jack Harkness.”
“ Captain. Are you proposing right now?”
“You could think of it as a business deal if you like. Less rent costs. Tax saving.” He sounds increasingly nervous. “Is there a time you were more interested in? I can wait and-”
“Shut up!” Tosh rushes up and glances into the box held in his hand. “Are you serious? Because if Owen put you up to this, I swear.”
“No! God, no. I have some gentlemanly charm, I'd like to think. So, are you interested?”
“Yes. Yes! Oh my god, Jack.” Ianto crosses the room and silences him with a kiss. He looks close to tears.
Jack is smiling wistfully, looking back at her.
She can't help the girlish giggle that comes out of her. The sight is so unexpected, so genuine, it shocks the reaction out of her. He smiles as well.
“Gonna need a verbal response here, Toshiko.”
“Yes. Obviously, yes, Jack!”
He lifts her up off the ground and spins her around in the air laughing, then holds Ianto in his arms and kisses him passionately. She gives Ianto a smooch on the cheek before gently moving him aside. Tosh kisses Jack with more love in her than she ever knew she had. This was real, and god she's never been more excited to be alive.
As they settle onto the bed, they curl around each other naturally, like paper when singed. Ianto smiles wistfully, picking up a petal.
“A little much, don't you think?”
Jack holds a hand to his chest, in an offended manner, gasping. Toshiko laughs at him, legs kicking over the side of the mattress.
“Oh, I'm sorry Ianto! I'll try to be less courteous in my next proposal.”
Ianto snatches the box from his hand. “Bold of you to think they'll be a next one, sir. For one, I'm keeping this ring. No take backs and all that.” He twists it in delicate fingers, examining it under the candlelight. Tosh pulls the second one out as well, laying it flat in her palm.
“In that case,” Jack takes the metal bands from them, slipping them carefully onto awaiting fingers, Tosh then Ianto. She wiggles her fingers, grinning wide. Ianto nods in satisfaction.
“Where's yours?”
Jack pulls a third metal out of his pants pocket, loose. Of course he didn't get himself one that's as nice. She smiles and takes it from him. Looking over at Ianto, he gives her a go-on motion, watching with a grin, fist tucked under his chin.
Tosh giggles excitedly, putting it onto his hand, her fiancés hand in fact. She holds his arm in her own, laying back on the bed. “They are quite pretty. Good eye, Jack.”
“Only the best for you both.” He says it in his joking tone of voice, but he looks at both of them with so much care it makes her swoon and preen and ache . Jack Harkness is a strange strange man, but he's gorgeous and smart and he wants her. She has never wanted anything more, so she's glad not the lunatic here.
“Can three people get married like this? I know polyamory isn't discouraged by the Queen, but I just haven't heard of it.” He speaks as if he isn't nervous, but for Ianto, not knowing something must be a terrifying thing, Toshiko thinks.
Jack winks at him, like he was expecting the question and they've fallen into his ploy. She supposes they might have, but she has no desire to escape it.
“Oh, don't worry about it. I know a guy.” It's such a Jack answer she has to laugh, but she doesn't doubt that he truly does know a guy. A man who's traveled time and space wants to spend his life with little ol’ her. What a magical thought, something out of a storybook her mother would've got her when she was especially small.
Toshiko would spend eternity with him, if she could.
-
Jack all but waltzes up to her desk with a grin on his face. He wags a piece of paper in the air with an aha! sort of gesture. Tosh raises an eyebrow but can't help smiling.
He does a dramatic sort of bow, handing it over to her.
“Now what's all this then?”
She squints, pulling her glasses on to read the small print. It's a voucher for one of the nicer ice skating rinks in town and if not for her self preservation she'd hold it to her chest and kick her feet. Maybe when Jack leaves for the day.
Toshiko had offhandedly mentioned she missed going with her mother to Jack, years ago at this point, but he seemed to remember it just fine.
She looked back up with a barely contained beaming smile and she can tell he's happy with her response.
“There's no one who deserves a break to do something fun more than you. One of the rink employees owed me, so y'know.” He does the thing he always does, playing it off. He's touchy, better with a comforting hug than a personal conversation. He acts like being a nice person can be embarrassing somehow. She's unfortunately endeared by him all the same.
“Well you're coming with me, then. It's no fun to go skating alone. I'll pay for your skates myself.” She sees him briefly make a face, not at the idea of coming with her but the skating itself. “We could make it a date!” And he caves. If she had a chart for Jack's behavior she'd have put down a checkmark now, she thinks to herself.
They stop back home to grab coats and gloves (because yes Jack, even immortal guys need to prevent frostbite) and give Ianto a kiss before heading out. Jack doesn't have any on hand, so Ianto grins mischievously as he hands a pair over.
The gloves have little cat designs on the side, and Tosh giggles as she checks to see if they fit his hands.
She asks Ianto while Jack's getting ready if he wants to come with, to which he waves her off gently to go have fun with her boyfriend. He says the last part in that teasing voice he uses sometimes, but she can tell he really doesn't mind so she readies herself as well.
The rink is well kept, and much larger than she had anticipated for Cardiff she thinks with delight. It's early enough in the day that there aren't many people skating so the line is short. They pull the skates on easily enough, and he stands up to pull her upright like the dramatic gentleman he is.
“Ready to be the best couple in that rink?” He exclaims it in the cocky way he does, and she rolls her eyes on script.
“Don't get ahead of yourself. If you fall first I'll laugh at you, then I'll ask if you're alright.”
She takes his hand and stands up, and he shakes it like he's signing a business deal.
Tosh just grins, and quickly presses a kiss to his cheek. They're starting to grow pink in the cold air.
He follows her, and she thinks for a moment to herself that love suits him. Something Gwen had told her a long time ago. His clothes were less formal, kitten gloves, and his stupid big coat. He's smiling for real, not the kind of smile he uses in investigations, but one for her. One that's easy, without effort. It makes her feel mushy. She thinks he must have a hundred different smiles, for every situation. He must have practiced in a mirror, how to exactly cock his eyebrow or grin slyly. When she pulls him along to the entrance of the rink, there's only adoration in his face.
“Come on then!”
She feels the ice under her feet as she steps onto it first, Jack trailing behind her. It's smooth sailing for the first few laps going around near the edge of the rink, still in grabbing reach of the rail. But screw her, if she wants to show off a little bit.
Still holding onto her, she ventures closer to the center of the ice. She lets go of his hands for a moment, and does a small twirl. She lets her back leg go out further onto the ice, skirt billowing in the current of wind as her arms move through the air. A joyful feeling grows in her chest as she spins around, just once more for the fun of it. It's nothing particularly spectacular, no triple axle, but looking back Jack doesn't seem to agree with her.
He's grinning fully, eyes sparkling. Putting an arm out, he starts to say something but the second he steps forward he seems to lose his balance. He stumbles right into her, knocking them onto the ice. He had attempted to grab her back, to brace her fall but they both end up head over heels, giggling on the ground.
“I told you!” Toshiko can barely get the words out through laughs. Looking over at him laying out next to her she can't help but feel a surge of emotion in her chest.
His eyes are soft and his cheeks are rosy. The kicked up ice from their shoes looks like stars resting in his hair. “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up.”
She pulls herself off the ground first, brushing off her clothes. Hand out to Jack, she pulls him up this time. “It's harder than it looks really.”
Being who he is, he can't help throw a flirt into the conversation before it ends. “Well then, you must be pretty good at it yourself.” Jack puts an arm on his hip, trying to look confident but it just tips him slightly to the side. She flushes and grabs hold of his waist before he crashes over again.
Threading her fingers between his, she leads him over to hold onto the railing as they go towards the exit of the rink.
“Who would've thought, Jack Harkness, clumsy!”
He looks at her like she's just said something truly scandalous. “Now that is just hurtful hearsay!” She laughs again and he looks at her with pleading eyes. “Toshiko,” he draws out the ‘o’ sound of her name childishly. “Don't tell Ianto I'm crap at ice skating he'll never let it go! Remember the minigolf story, oh he's told everyone by now.”
She relents and swings his arm back and forth as they go. “Alright, fine. But you owe me one, Jack.”
“Oh I do, do I? I'm sure we can sort something out.”
She swats at him playfully, knowing the implications but not hating them.
“Alright, I've got you.” Tosh holds both his hands and they step out of the ice, making sure he doesn't trip on the edge of the mat. “Do you think we should grab Ianto a hot cocoa as well?”
“Might as well, I don't want him upset at us for not getting one. They won't be as good as the kind he makes, but it'll have to do!”
They buy three drinks before heading out, and Jack chugs his immediately. The sweet smell wafts up, steam rising in the brisk air.
She can't help herself, and gives him a soft peck on the mouth. His face is chilly and he tastes like chocolate.
_
Gwen and Rhys’ wedding was lovely. Tosh chastises Jack thoroughly for his interruption after the danger is taken care of, but she has to admit it was a bit dashing. Ianto says he's not allowed to pull that stunt at their wedding though, to which he pouts. He swings them both around the slowly lulling dance floor, and says that soon this will be them as well.
-
It all goes to shit when John shows back up. Or at least, that's what Ianto believes.
Really, it all went to absolute shit when Jack disappeared but he can't be the one to lose hope in this situation. They've been sitting in their own Torchwood cells for what feels like days. He pictures a montage of himself, pacing around the small area, tapping his foot on the pavement floor, banging his fist on the glass wall. It's quite pathetic in the end, Gray leaves them without another thought and they still haven't seen Tosh, something he's brought up in conversation at least ten times by now.
He's sure Gwen is tired of him saying so, but it's not like his worry is unwarranted. Both his fiancés are missing, sorry if he's perhaps a bit frustrated. He should be out there, punching his lover's stupid brother into the floor, firing off shots at whoever stole his family away. It's all a bit of a manly fantasy, but he can't do much else besides think in the jail he's in.
When Jack finally shows up, he lets out a gasp of relief, as if he's held all the oxygen in his lungs hostage until he saw he was alright. He looks like he's been crying and it makes him feel sick to his stomach, but they have bigger things to worry about right now. He opens the cells and all of them run up, grabbing onto him for clarity of life.
“Oh, thank God.”
“We thought we lost you.”
Jack presses a kiss to each of their heads with reassurances. “Never, never.”
As John goes to talk, Ianto pushes away as gently as he can and glares. “Gray's in the Hub, we need to find Tosh, now.”
Jack's face looked pained, scrunched up in concern. He clearly has questions, statements he needs to make. He shakes them away, starting up the hall quickly. “Yeah alright. Let's go find our people.”
-
Toshiko Sato is dying, and she can tell. Because it's agonizing. It's almost miraculous how much a hole in her chest feels like fire. She thinks this must be what it would be like to burn alive, be set ablaze. Distantly, she wonders if she could ask Jack about it.
She pulls herself step by step, bleeding more than she thought a body could hold inside it, until she reaches the medical floor. Tosh pulls herself through life by the bloody fingertips, because for God's sake, her family needs her.
She can hear Owen calling her name, growing desperate in his cries, and it's the only thing keeping her from passing out. Finally reaching her device, she's able to force through her blurry eyes and turn the power back on.
Owen cheers in celebration, so she must've done something right. Her fingers are growing slick with blood still leaking from her side. She doesn't say anything.
“You hurt?”
Owen can tell, because of course he can. For the first time about something other than silly crushes, Tosh lies to him.
She says she's fine, as she pulls out the needle and bottle of painkillers he'd taught her how to use. Barely containing the moan of pain as she stabs herself with the injection, she lets the medication soothe her flaming nerves. It passes through her system like a cool breeze in the summer heat, the scorching sun sitting inside her chest. She still hurts, because she still got bloody shot, but she feels a little less like she's dying. It's a lie, she's aware of the fact, but it distracts her enough that she can actually be of use to Owen, so she lets the lie overtake her mind from the red seeping through her hand.
“Oh God, Owen.” The facility is going into meltdown and she can't stop it. She can't save him. It hits her harder than the bullet did, because this one is on her. She's going to lose her friend because she wasn't fast enough. Wasn't good enough. That's the part that hurts the worst.
“Owen, get out of there. Owen, please.”
The power surge in the system lights up every screen she has in an emergency red, and she thinks if she had more energy she'd be sick. In the background she hears metal doors slam shut through the communicator. Owen doesn't reply. She thinks he must be dead, be dying just like she is on the floor of the only home she's had in years.
“I'm sorry.” It's the only thing she can say. There isn't a sentiment strong enough for her to convey her grief but she hopes he understands.
In her pained haze of a mind, she thinks of the others. She feels bad for Ianto who'll have to clean up this mess afterwards. Hopefully he's not too broken up about it. She prays that Jack is alright. She grasps towards the comms to try to force fate to be kind to Owen, a fair enough trade after this ending for herself.
Toshiko can hear someone yelling her name, their concern quickly turning to panic. She knows whose voice it sounds like, but Jack had gone, been taken somewhere. Can bullet wounds cause hallucinations? God, she wishes Owen were here. Another wave of remorse floods her veins. The voice persists accompanying stomping down the stairs. The famous coat trailing behind him, she looks up and sees his face. She missed his face. Jack screams her name in a desperate voice, and she can't do anything but smile.
Ianto's with them, Gwen running down the opposite steps. At least Jack won't be alone. At least Ianto's safe. He stands staring at her, then the screen of Turnmill nuclear plant, tears streaming down his face.
When Jack reaches down to her she looks into his eyes, hoping to convey any sort of words or meaning she can't say out loud. She remembers sitting at her computers and Jack saying to her, you did good, not knowing the heaviness of the admission, the meaning of the words. She held the memory close to her chest like a treasured gift. Tosh really hopes he thinks so. With the slot of him being alright falling into place in her mind, she loses hold on the willpower keeping herself awake.
“I couldn't save him.” The sentence feels fragmented coming out of her mouth, and her sense of hearing is failing her. Gwen mutters a reassurance into her hair but Tosh doesn't think she deserves it.
She can feel her body being picked up in a hurry, orders she can't fully understand falling from Jack's mouth. Jack is here again, so it's all going to be alright. The last thing she thinks before blacking out, is wishing she had enough strength to reach up and hold his face one more time.
-
Elsewhere, Owen Harper has a bad feeling, but he chalks it up to the nuclear radiation that leaked out and into his system as he'd run half hazardously out the metal door.
He had dropped his communicator on the ground, not having enough time to stop after it. He had just barely gotten out before it had slammed to a close right behind his foot, biting the edge of his pants. Owen doesn't have the time to bother with anything besides getting out of the building, so he doesn't. He rushes as fast as he's ever run (which is pretty damn fast if he says so, he's done a lot more of it since his undeath) until he's out the front door.
Leaning on his knees, he tries to calm his startled heart into submission as he pants. That was too fucking close for comfort. Something ticks in his mind, he doesn't want to die. That's a simple sentiment for anyone other than him. For weeks after Jack revived him it was all he thought of, and now in the face of imminent harm he ran. He got out, in fact, he was so determined to live. It means something to him.
Owen can deal with his mental state another time, he decides, trying to find the fastest way to Torchwood hq.
He comes in the main door, trying to keep an aspect of stealth that the tourist lift simply couldn't bring him. He brings his gun up to the standard position, gazing into the base. He stops short, breath catching in his throat like a gasp.
If his blood was still running it would've gone ice cold, and his hand drops with a stutter of his body stopping the rest of it's barely running functions. There's a silence in the echoing walls of their home that's never there. Even when it's late at night, past any probable connection, there's something. There's no keyboard clicks, no coffee brewing, no weevils making noises. There's just Owen Harper helplessly staring at a puddle of blood staining the floor.
He knows whose it is, logically. Owen isn't stupid, no matter how many times it may seem otherwise. He sees the drops on her desktop, like she grabbed it to stabilize herself. He sees her cellphone still resting on her laptop. There's a moment of hope, that it was something minor, that it was anyone else, until he turns the corner. He's stared for hours at his workspace. His autopsy table, he himself had been dead upon. Dread fills his entire body, a physical sensation tingling in his cold interior.
The trail of stark red on white drips down the linoleum stairs, stopping next to his box of tools. The tv is turned on, still showing the visuals of the building he was just in. A needle barely used is left on the ground. He remembers not all that long ago, showing her how to fill and use the injections in his kit. A just in case, a worst case scenario, if he wasn't there. He had trusted her to be the one to administer the care, and in his stupid mind he had never thought she'd lie to him like she had. Owen hears her voice ringing through his mind, comforting him that she was okay.
Tosh’s communicator they had spoken through rests tipped on the floor. Its surface is scarred with dried crimson fingertips.
He's never felt more nauseous, even when he had a working stomach.
The only thing he can compare the feeling to, is walking into Katie's surgery room for that last time. There's blood and medical equipment on the floor of a supposedly safe room. The girl he cared for more than he'd ever admit is gone.
He shakes himself out of his stupor, hands shaking worse than they ever have. He's a doctor, he knows how to control himself, but not how to control this. Tosh isn't going to fade away like Katie did. He won't let her.
He can't cry, but God he knows he would be if he could. Stumbling over his own limbs, like they'd gone numb on him, he runs back up the stairs and lunges for Toshiko's cell.
He doesn't even know if he's alive. He doesn't care, because he's the one who can fix this. Fix the things Owen should've been here to handle himself. He presses the dial button faster than he's made any decision of his life.
He calls Jack.
-
Sitting in the hospital waiting room, Jack can't believe these chairs were made for comfort. It's the one thought repeating in his mind, the only one not filled with something awful and bloodied. The plastic digs into his back, and at least it gives him something to focus on instead of Tosh’s blood staining his hands. He scratches them absentmindedly. Ianto pulls Jack's hand away from the other, a preventative measure.
They're holding hands, a grounding thing for Ianto, he knows. His grip is almost painfully tight but he wouldn't dare unravel them. Ianto's other arm is in a sling, wrapped by a passing nurse for his dislocation he had forgotten happened so recently. For Jack it had been thousands of years. His eyes have been watering for hours and he swears he can still feel dirt in the back of his throat. He couldn't mention this out loud to anyone. Not yet. Not until this stupid emergency room doctor smiled at him and told him everything would be fine. His mouth is dry and his eyes hurt with the fluorescent lights. Jack thinks of it as a sort of penance.
Gwen is still crying in the chair across from him. Rhys is holding her like something fragile. She had called him over after the treacherous drive to the hospital. Jack had never been more grateful he picked for her the job as that moment. She had sat in the backseat, brushing gentle fingers through Toshiko's hair, whispering sweet nothings. Darling, oh sweetie. Hold on there, love. Jack was grateful at least one of them remembered how to be human.
They all sit in silence except for the occasional sob or passing doctor, though never one with answers for him. It was like being frozen in a nightmare. Owen would've made a joke, awful as it would've been. Jack can't think about that for longer than a second or it will kill him. It will. So he waits in silence for the life ruining news of his best friend's life expectancy. If Tosh dies he doesn't know what he'll do with himself. Lead the team on some stupid mission, he supposes. Ianto could attempt to operate her computer. He used to be a programmer, he remembers, but no one could do her job. A morbid part of himself wishes he could die, because he thinks vaguely of suicide. A dramatic lovers death for them both. Doesn't quite pack the same punch if he wakes up to a doctor's ugly mug in his face ten minutes later. Wouldn't reunite him with her for long, not that he's going to heaven anyways, nor would it bring her back. Ianto leans on his shoulder and he thinks perhaps they've had enough bloodshed for one day.
Then his phone rang. Jack picked it up more forcefully than necessary, gasping air in harshly as he saw the caller profile. Seeing Tosh’s face smiling up at him after the hours of blank uncertainty leaves him breathless.
Jack slowly pulls the phone to his ear and answers gruffly.
“John, if this is your idea of a practical joke, now is really not the time.”
“Jack, it's me.”
He freezes in place. This was not on his list of predictions for today. God, he hopes it's true. Prays that it's not a deception. He can't handle someone else being ripped out of his arms today. Jack opens and shuts his jaw a few times, unsure of what to say.
“ Jack.”
He could laugh. The anger in his voice sure as hell sounds real. Ianto whips his head over to listen closer. “Is that…?”
“Owen?” Jack's voice comes out disbelieving and cracking. The one word brings everyone's gaze to him. He doesn't blame them, he's the one talking to him and he doesn't believe it either.
“Who else would it be?!”
He sounds the verge of a breakdown, and in a terrible physical response, Jack Harkness laughs. He definitely sounds hysterical, but he doesn't particularly care. Maybe all of them would be alright after all.
Jack can hear Owen's scowl through the screen and never before has he been so glad to. “Where the hell are you lot? The Hub looks like a bloody crime scene.”
It sobers him up real fast. The blood under his fingernails feels sticky. “The hospital. Tosh's in surgery.” He hears an intake of breath from the other side of the phone. Before he can even ask, Owen responds in a determined tone. “I'm on my way. Keep me updated.”
The call drops and he feels a little less horrible, a little more sane. Jack Harkness is built for only one major traumatic loss a day, thank you.
He squeezes Ianto's hand and breathes. Air, not dirt. He stays focused on what's here, because if he doesn't he's worried he'll drift off, dissociating for years and years. He stays awake and conscious of the world around him, the scraping of the chairs on the floor, tiny ruffles of clothing, the beeping of machines. He'll be here when—when, not if—Toshiko wakes up, and they'll both go home.
-
Owen rushes into the waiting room with so much urgency it almost makes Jack jump. It's like waiting for dust to settle, everyone sitting until Owen gets close enough for them to confirm it's really him. Gwen gets up first, a sob coming out of her body as she walks carefully up to hold him. “Oh doll, hey don't cry over me.” Gwen presses a kiss to his cheek for good measure, smiling watery back at the others.
Ianto has stood up watching the encounter, but just stares for a moment without movement. His eyes are a combination of emotions so strong Jack can just barely unravel it. He runs at Owen with such force, he worries it might knock them both to the floor. He wouldn't want to break Owen before they know how to fix him, after all. They don't fall over, but they do wobble as if they got close to doing so. Ianto holds Owen like he's scared he isn't real, and Jack can understand the sentiment. Then he presses a desperate kiss to his mouth, and Jack can't help but smile. As he pulls back, Ianto slaps his chest roughly.
“Ouch! What the hell?”
“Don't do that again.”
Jack thinks Owen would be blushing if his blood was still in circulation, but he can't make fun of what isn't there. Ianto has sat down and he realizes the last to move is him.
He stands slowly as if the years of age suddenly kick in all at once. The chair creaks dramatically and he curses whoever made it.
Owen starts walking forward and they meet in the middle, wide eyed and untouching.
Then Jack pulls him to his chest with a soft cry of relief leaving him. He pulls Owen as close as physically possible, his fingers tangled in the man's wiry hair, his arms around Jack's back. A desperate huddle of two men who almost lost everything all at once.
He doesn't make fun of Jack crying, so you know things must really be dire.
Owen rubs the back of his neck, a little uncomfortable with all the attention.
“I'm goin’ to have a chat with the other docs, see if I can get an update on our gal.”
God, is he glad their weird little surgeon is still kicking.
-
“Family of Toshiko Sato?”
Jack springs to his feet like a bullet from a gun. Too soon a simile, he thinks. Ianto stands up as well, with slower, shaky movements. Everyone else watches with baited breath.
“I’m her fiancé. Is she going to be alright?”
The doctor's face softens. “I'm her attending surgeon, she's stabilized.” Jack could throw up. He's so relieved. “She lost a great amount of blood, and flatlined once during surgery. It's going to take a lot of care and rest, but she should recover.”
He can't stop hearing the word repeat in his mind. Flatlined. He almost lost her. Almost genuinely lost her, because of his own mistakes. His breath is inconsistent and he's close to a complete breakdown, lord knows he's earned one.
Ianto reaches over and squeezes his hand. “Thank you so much. Could we see her?”
“Only family for right now, just til she's awake. I'd assume that's you two?”
Jack finds it in himself to nod and he squeezes the hand in his. A repetitive motion, similar to a heartbeat. Back and forth, I'm here, I'm alive.
Glancing back at the others, Owen gives him a nod to go on, and Gwen manages a smile.
Opening the door to the hospital room, Jack freezes. He stops short, because there on the bed lying pale in an uncomfortable hospital gown, bandages around her torso, is Toshiko. He stares until he sees the rise and fall of her chest. She looks close to dead. He knows what that looks like. She looks dwarfed in the white bed, vulnerable, it's wrong. It's so beyond wrong.
Ianto sits first, holding her cold hand in his own. He was always braver in these types of things, though he'd never say so. Jack in slow motion settles into the second chair in the room. He doesn't know what to do, what to hold.
The doctor gives them an update before leaving them to themselves. Just Jack and Ianto and Toshiko's comatose body. Tosh is pale, probably due to blood loss. The brightest thing in the room is the blood splattered on their clothes. The heart monitor beeps insistently, and Jack is grateful for the noise. She clings to life through pure force and willpower the way she's always had to, because she's strong, because against all odds she's alive.
“She looks so small.” Ianto's voice cracks in emotion, and he rubs shapes into her unmoving hand.
“We got lucky.” It comes out a whisper.
Ianto scoffs and looks up at him almost angrily, before looking back at Tosh, softening. He grabs Jack's hand in his own again. A lifeline, connected to the three of them through hands and blood and faint heartbeats. All three of them are still here. Jack can grieve later, put Gray and himself to rest when the time comes. They still have each other, against all chances and confrontations.
“I suppose so.”
-
Toshiko wakes up. Frankly, that's a surprise to even her. Her body is a strange combination of numb and aching tingling sensations. Her eyes are heavy, hard to open. The lights are blindingly bright, and every few seconds all she hears is beep, beep . Didn't Owen say it was dark after death? Right, not dead then.
She wants to shout out, say she loves them, ask about Owen, ask about Gray. Instead what she says comes out more like;
“Hmm…? Bright.”
Astute observation, Doctor Sato. She smiles loopily to herself remembering the fake identity. Space pig… what a job she has.
Hearing noise, Ianto, who had been standing outside the room talking to someone, whips around. Calling out to a doctor in the hall, he all but throws down the coffees in hand onto the closest surface, running up to her.
“Ianto.” Her voice comes out raspy, and when was the last time she had water? God, her throat is dry.
He looks like he's crying, it makes her frown. “Everythin’ okay? You look sad.” She doesn't seem to have the energy to bring her arm up to hug him.
Ianto places his hands gently around her own. “Everything’s just fine, love. You-” he takes a moment to compose himself. Her vision is too blurry to tell what Ianto-isms he's doing. “You're okay, now everything is going to be alright.”
Something sticks out in her mind like a piece of broken glass. “Owen. Did he…?” She licks her dry lips.
There's a dry chuckle from beside her. “He's alright. You did good, Toshiko.” She thinks he must be crying now, so she tries her hardest to squeeze his hand. It's a pathetic gesture ultimately, but he feels it all the same.
“M’okay… good…”
Her words start to slur more than before, eyes slipping shut between each word.
“You're okay. Get some rest, love.” He tucks loose hair back behind her ear with careful fingers.
-
Owen waits until a few days into her hospital stay to talk to her. He's visited a lot, especially when she was doing worse, but they haven't had a true talk about everything. She feels a little like hiding from him, now that she's well enough to remember her lies to him, but there isn't really a way to do so in a hospital bed.
Talking to people and doctors and worried friends all day is exhausting but God if she didn't want to see him. At least to make sure he's alright, and not some ghoulish figment of her dying brain.
He isn't of course, she finds when she wakes up one day. Owen sits hunched in that awful position, looking on at her.
“Hey there, princess.”
She huffs in mock frustration, but it comes off a little flat. “Hi Owen.”
He smiles at her and it looks sad. “I'm bloody pissed at you, y'know that?”
Tosh ducks her head bashfully. She chews the inside of her cheek. “Mhmm.”
“I'm serious, Tosh. If I hadn't gotten out those doors I never would've known what happened to you. If you died trying to… I never woulda forgiven you. Okay?”
She knows what he means. Never would've forgiven himself. Toshiko does feel bad about lying to him, but not for saving him. It was worth it for him to be here with her even if it hurts to breathe sometimes.
“Okay. Yeah, I'm sorry Owen. I just needed to help you out first.”
He leans his head against the wall, looking more than a bit peeved, but he was still looking at her with kind eyes. Owen always was a confusing bastard.
“You shouldn't have done that… but thank you. For doin’ all that for me. Don't lie to me in the future, especially about this stuff. I'm still a doctor, y'know?”
The way he says it in such a lecturing voice, finger out and everything makes her laugh. Then she winces. Ouch.
“Okay, okay. Deal. I'll tell you all the gruesome details doctor. I thought you were dead as well, so maybe we're even.”
Owen truly smiles now, holding his hand out for her to grab onto.
“Deal.”
-
The doctors tell her she might not walk again, or if she does it will take time. Toshiko isn't surprised. Her spinal cord wasn't severed, she can tell by the consistent aches and stabs in her legs, but damaged enough they're talking about ordering a wheelchair. The medical staff use the word miracle a lot, a biblical act that she isn't dead. She knows it was by chance and her family's desperate hard work, but they don't need to know that. She agrees to physical therapy, a long road to health. Jack makes note of something.
A few days later he comes into her room with a custom fitted chair, purple metal rims. He waves his hands, telling her how useless the hospital ones are, how he wants her to be able to be independent, since she's a lunatic who wants to get back to work as soon as possible. She laughs at the absurdity of it, and the kindness. Tosh kisses Jack and thanks him sincerely. Purple is her favorite color. A simple but life changing gesture.
Jack sits gently on the edge of her bed, holding her hand in his.
“I love you.” It's the first time he's really said it. She's known it all along, but she tears up anyway. She can blame the medicine making her loopy if anyone says anything. Toshiko smiles for him, and nods in emphasis.
“I know, Jack.”
-
The doctors, with Owen's hesitant agreement, let Tosh go home. She healed well, now having enough energy to stay awake for hours instead of seconds.
Toshiko insists that in a week or so she'll be able to go back to work. Jack does not agree with this sentiment, waving his hands about saying she's only to be on desk duty if anything. Owen brings her a handwritten checklist for daily do’s and don'ts while she's healing, and she thinks it's one of the nicest things he's ever done. On the bottom in badly scrawled pen are the words; glad you're alive. stay that way, get better. no weevil huntz! She puts it on their nightstand, and thinks perhaps she'll pin it on the fridge after.
As she wheels into their flat, Ianto on her heels she has to stop as the door opens. There are boxes piled by the doorway, rugs curled up, and mugs of hot tea set on their table. It stands alone in the mess of packing tape and cardboard.
“Now what's all this?” She puts a hand on her hip, turning towards Jack who sits awaiting their entrance.
“We're moving house! Thought that much would be obvious?”
Tosh bats at his arm. “Alright smart ass.” She picks up the papers set by her mug, giving them the once over. Its house listings. Quite a few house listings, actually. Under further examination, she finds all of them are quite a bit more accessible than their current place. She hadn't even mentioned that to them yet. One step ahead of her, Jack watches with a compassionate look on his face. God, she loves him. She says as much, making him smile.
“Which one do you like? I already trimmed out the worst ones before Jack printed them out.”
“Oh please! They weren't that bad Ianto. I wouldn't make my future spouses live anywhere horrible, you think so little of me.”
Ianto gives him a look. “You slept next to the weevils until you came here, Jack. Practically on the wet concrete.”
“Janet wasn't that bad of a roommate, truly.”
Toshiko feels the warmth of the room, sipping the tea she can tell Ianto sugared for her. “I like this one.” She points at a house, holding it up for a reminder. It's a one story house, more ranch style. It has a bigger master bedroom, but extra rooms for their family to come as well. A guest room she could corral Owen into, or Gwen when she's free. There's a backyard, small but enough for Ianto to plant some small things. It's somewhere she can envision a real family in.
Both of them look pleased, so she feels a bit proud of herself. She's done a good job at house shopping, something normal to want and able to achieve.
“That's a good pick. We can check it out-,” he sees Tosh yawn, and pauses. “-Sometime this next week. I made sure the bedroom was untouched til we officially moved. For now, lets let you get some rest.”
Jack picks her up, bridal style, carrying her into their room.
“You're ridiculous!” She laughs loudly, echoing in the cleared hall.
“Oh, but you love me!”
He places her onto the mattress, and Ianto follows suit, giving her a small teddy bear. “Gwen helped me pick it out from the hospital gift shop.”
She holds it like something delicate, pressing a kiss to Ianto. She pulls the other two into their formation on the bed.
Tosh thinks this was what she was made for. She's okay, she's healing, and she's home.
“I want to spend the rest of my life with you both, as silly as it sounds to say out loud.”
Jack grins and holds them both closer. “I think those wants can be easily met.”
Ianto's hand on her back, Jack's in her fist, their rings fit against each other perfectly.