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It was stupid.
Lightning knows how dumb he is, and he does not need Doc to know how dumb he really is— or how easily influenced he is. Oh god, he is more embarrassed than in pain right now. His first instinct would be to call Doc, but this was different. This wasn’t some emergency that would be justified with a quick phone call to his mentor. Lightning admits this is his lowest moment yet.
“McQueen, just call Doc,” His best friend says. “What’s the worst that could happen?”
Oh so much. So so so so much…
Currently, Lightning and Mater sat in the middle of a grass field just past the gates that kept the cattle out. Blood dripped down Mater's shins and Lightning was nursing a twisted ankle. Cuts littered both of the boys, but they were alive at least.
“He’s asleep,” Lightning says, trying his best to avoid calling Doc.
It wasn’t a lie! It was 2 AM and they were miles out from town. If Doc got a phone call this late at night and had to drive 20 minutes out to rescue them, Doc would probably force him to do laps until he passes out from heat exhaustion.
“Well shoot,” Mater sighs. “Can you walk?”
The blond shakes his head and winces while attempting to move his ankle. “I knew cow tipping was not a good idea.”
“You always say that.”
“I knew one of these nights we wouldn’t be so lucky. I just wished it wasn’t tonight…” Lightning corrected himself.
“Awe, cheer up, buddy,” Mater says while patting Lightning’s shoulder. “We will just wait here for a few more hours. Someone will be up around 5 or 6 and save us!”
To Lightning that sounded easier than done. If this had happened literally any other night, then Lightning would’ve accepted defeat, but he had an important race the next day and Doc wanted to practice early in the morning before heading out. Now, he messed up. He messed up big time.
Mater and Lightning sat there in silence. The grasshoppers and the soft breeze of the wind were the only noise that filled the air. It would’ve been peaceful if it wasn’t for the circumstances.
“Mater,” Lightning suddenly says. “Do you think Doc will get mad?”
Mater twists his head to look at the other boy, his eyes half-lidded from the concussion. “Nah, I don’t think he could ever get mad at you.”
“But what if he does this time?” Lightning urges. “What if he gets so pissed at me and kicks me out?”
“McQueen, you are not making any sense.”
“That’s because you have a freaking concussion, Mater!” Lightning snapped.
The young boy forced in a breath and calmed himself. His temper always tends to spike in moments of crisis and stress.
“Sorry,” Lightning mumbled.
Mater still managed to smile.
“It’s alright, bud.”
But it's not. It’s not alright.
Lightning has been doing an awful lot of reflecting lately, and all he can think about is how selfish and undeserving he is of everything good in his life. Mater should be yelling at him right now. Doc will tell him tomorrow to pack his things and leave. Sally will say that she doesn’t love him anymore. And everyone will call him a fraud and a self-centered prick. Everything will fall into place— Lightning is sure of it.
Lightning’s eyes were glazed over. His gaze never broke from the horizon.“I can’t race with a twisted ankle,” The blond whispered to himself.
“Doc’ll fix you up. Make you all brand new.”
Lightning wished he had Mater’s optimism.
A thousand thoughts flooded the boy's mind. All were negative— which was nothing new. He was always an overthinker, which is surprising considering his impulsive behaviors throughout the years. Normally, he’d run. He’s really good at that. He has run away from home several times. Made it out of state twice and to Canada once, but this time he felt the most fear that he had ever felt. Perhaps it was because, for the first time in his life, he had something to lose. When he was younger he had nothing. There was nothing to come back to— no love, no comfort, no warmth. Nothing .
But now he has everything to lose.
I’m going to lose my career over this. And if I lose my career, that means I lose the pit crew. I will lose Guido, Luigi, Fillmore, Sarge, and Mack. Everyone will leave me and then Doc won't be my crew chief anymore and will kick me out and then I won't have a place to stay, and of course, everyone in Radiator Springs will hate me because I am careless and don’t think. And then Sally will realize how pathetic I am then I’ll have to leave because why would a town want a racer who can’t even race? And Mater— he might even realize how bad of a friend I really am…
The fence was creaking due to Lightning rocking back and forth. His chest heaved and his breathing was shaky.
When you first meet Mater, most see him as a brain-rotten hick, but the boy knew how to comfort. His heart was pure and every action was always in benevolence. He was the first to treat Lightning like a friend and not like a burden like the others did when he crashed into Radiator Springs.
Lightning hopes they are best friends in another universe because he is positive he struck gold in this lifetime.
It’s a shame that he had to go and mess it up…
Lightning didn’t even have to speak. Mater wrapped his arms around the blond and pulled him into a warm embrace, which reminded him how crisp the night air was.
“I’m scared,” Lightning managed to say out loud through shaky breaths.
“Just call Doc,” Mater replied.
Lightning held a tight grip on his phone. The light blinded him, causing his vision to blur. Through squinted eyes, he read the time: 2:34 AM. His thumb hovered over Doc’s contact.
“I guess Doc would be mad regardless,” Lightning reasoned. “I'll just bite the bullet and hope he shows mercy.” Lightning looked up towards Mater and winced. The light from his phone fully revealed the damage done by Frank. “And Doc can clean up that gash.”
“Shoot, don’t worry about me, McQueen! I’m more worried about your banged-up ankle.”
The racer's ankle was swollen and turning a very gross shade of purple and blue. He couldn’t feel the pain until Mater pointed it out. The adrenaline was draining and slowly the pain was becoming more noticeable. Despite it all, Lightning pretended not to notice.
With a hitched sigh, Lightning pressed Doc’s contact. The ringing caused the boy's skin to heat up and his hands to grow clammy.
“Lightning?” A very groggy voice said.
“Hey, Doc.” Lightning’s voice shook.
“Kid, it’s nearly 3 in the damn morning.”
“I know, I know! I’m sorry and I promise I'll make it up to you but me and Mater—”
Lightning was cut off by his mentor. “Where are you?”
“Doc, just let me explain!”
“Monty, are you two safe? Do I need to call an ambulance or Sheriff or—”
This time, it was Lightning's turn to cut Doc off.
“Gosh, no! We are fine— a little banged up but we will live.”
“I’m in my car now, son. Just stay put, alright? Tell me where you two are and I'll be there as fast as I can.”
Lightning was thrown off by Doc’s reaction.
“Uh… we are about 15ish miles west of town. We’re sitting out by the road.”
“Okay. I’m on my way. Hold tight, kiddo.”
Doc hung up and Lightning was left in silence. A large weight was taken off his shoulders and for the first time that night, he could breathe again.
“What’d I tell ya?” Mater chuckled.
~
Twenty minutes passed and the two boys were suddenly blinded by a pair of headlights. The car door swung open and out came Doc. That all too familiar feeling of anxiety came back to Lightning.
“Is anyone hurt?” The older man asked. He rushed towards Mater where obvious bleeding was showing.
“Doc, I am so sorry!”
“You can apologize once we get back into town,” Doc said as he helped Mater up from the ground. “Come on, Monty. We still have a race in a few hours.”
Lightning’s face paled. He remained on the ground and didn’t have to see Doc’s face to know he was rolling his eyes with annoyance.
“Please don’t be mad.”
Doc sighed. “I’m not mad yet. Just a little annoyed that you won't get your ass in the car when you know we have a big day tomorrow.”
Tears threatened to fall from the boy's eyes. That familiar feeling of panic came back. It was just like when he was a kid and got hurt.
Doc is not my father.
“Rookie,” Doc’s voice whispered. It was gentle and unexpected. “Talk to me.”
Lightning’s lip quivered as he lifted his pants leg, revealing a black and blue swollen ankle.
Doc hissed. “Jeez, kiddo. How’d you do that?”
“It doesn’t hurt that bad,” the young racer said, avoiding the question. “I think I can still race if I ice it tonight but I can’t really walk on it. The adrenaline wore off.”
Doc whistled. “You’re joking if you think you can press the gas pedal with that,” he said. “I'll call in the morning to let them know you won't be racing.”
Lightning suddenly forced himself up, ignoring the shooting pain from his ankle. “No please, Doc!” The young boy cried out. “I can race! Everything is fine, I promise!” His desperate pleas did not convince Doc in the littlest bit. His mentor remained silent grabbed under Lightning’s arms and practically carried the kid to the passenger seat.
~
Lightning lay on the couch with an ice pack while Doc took Mater back to the clinic to help clean up the wound on his forehead. His eyelids grew heavy but his anxiety refused to let him sleep.
Lightning’s thoughts spiraled. Doc was unnaturally calm. Doc never got seriously angry at him. After a few months of working together, they both learned that raising their voices would get them nowhere. But now, this made Lightning feel sick. A pit grew in his stomach. He was waiting for the needed shouting that he should be getting.
But Doc showed no signs of anger.
Thoughts of running away plagued his mind. I could grab my keys and I already have a bag packed. Lightning swung his leg off the couch but quickly retracted as a sharp pain shot through his foot. His eyes watered as he slowly put the ice pack back on his swollen ankle.
A soft click from the door was heard and the clang of keys echoed from the entryway. Doc slowly made his way to the living room after putting away his jacket.
“How’s the ankle, Rookie?”
Lightning’s throat was dry. Doc should be mad. Why isn’t he yelling? Biting his tongue, he remained silent. Something inside him told him that if he spoke it would make things worse.
Doc huffed and sat down on the couch, right next to Lightning’s injured ankle.“Kid, I'm not mad. I know that’s what you’re thinking right now,” Lightning went to open his mouth to protest, but Doc continued his lecture. “I know I’ve been tough on ya these past few months and barely gave you time to actually have a life outside of racing. I know you and Mater didn’t intend on losing to that damn bull.” Doc stopped to chuckle, making sure his kid was easing up a bit. Once he saw a slight smirk from the young boy, he continued. “I worry about you, rookie. When I got the call— I assumed the worst and I’m just glad you’re okay. A few weeks off the track won't kill ya. You’re talented and I’m positive you’ll bounce back in no time… plus a break might be the best thing for you right now.”
Lightning stared back in disbelief. “You should be yelling at me right now,” the young racer whispered out. “I messed up big time and you haven’t even raised your voice at me?”
“What good would that do?”
“Well if I were you, I would be screaming at me for being so reckless and stupid and irresponsible. Especially for calling you super early or late or whatever like— like I’m a child .”
“Rookie, you’re still a child to me,” Doc chuckled. “Sure, I want to slap you in the back of the head for being dumb, but I think that ankle is punishment enough. I think I did enough scolding and yelling at you when you first crashed into this town. And I know you, Monty. You learn from your actions. You’re always changing for the better.”
“But I’m not changing,” Lightning mumbled. “I’m still doing the same dumb shit I did as a teen.”
“Being reckless doesn’t stop with age. You do know that, right?”
Lightning shrugged from his corner of the couch. Doc pretended to not notice the kid’s eyes that refused to meet his gaze.
Lightning sucked in a tight breath. “I almost got arrested before Harv found me. I ran away and illegally crossed the border into Canada. For most of high school, I was suspended for fighting kids for no reason. All of my school photos are of me with black eyes from said fights. I stole one of my dad’s friends' car and totaled it and no one knew it was me. And one time I went to a party and the cops came because we were all underage and drinking and I ran from a cop with a bottle in my hand.”
Doc fell back into the chair, his mouth agape. “Lightning, I didn’t ask for a confessional. Why are you telling me this?”
“I don’t want to have anything to hide, so if you want me out then you have more reasons to consider. I don’t want you to hesitate,” Lightning took in a shaky breath. “I messed up. It’s not the first time and I'll keep doing it. You don’t deserve that. I know— we both know that I'm not your son and you’re not my father and I can’t keep relying on you to clean up my messes. I’m an adult and I need to figure it out.”
“You really think that?”
Lightning remained silent.
“I want what’s best for you, but runnin’ away whenever you feel trapped is not the solution, son. And believe me, I know.”
“I don’t feel trapped,” Lightning deflected.
“Well you’re being self-destructive and pushin’ everyone away again,” Doc retorted. “I know your life wasn’t peachy before we met, but life will not be anything close to what you had growing up… not if I have anything to do with it.”
“I don’t understand,” Lightning cried out. “Why won't you just yell and scream at me? Tell me that I let you down and that you’re angry!”
“Because I’m not your deadbeat father. I’m not Harv. And I am not angry with you.”
Doc’s voice was soft and calm. There was a vast contrast between the two’s voices. Lightning was screaming, his voice shaky through desperate gasps for air between sentences. His body was now trembling and his face grew a bright red.
“Please don’t say that,” Lightning’s voice was sharp and bitter. “I need you to be honest with me like you are on the track.”
Doc stood up and moved closer to the younger racer. Lightning cautiously picked up his leg, trying to hide the painful wince in his face. As Doc sat down, Lightning pulled his chest away and drew in shaky breaths. His mentor could read Lightning like an open book. They’ve known each other for over a year now and every day Doc sees himself in the kid. He knows Lightning hides his fears behind his large ego and pride. Sometimes his camera-ready persona slips into his real-life personality, but that is expected when it comes to his occupation. In reality, Lightning is nothing like his persona. Harv has done some serious damage to the kid to the point that Lightning has no idea who he really is, but Doc knows. Everyone in Radiator Springs knows the kind of person Lightning McQueen is, and everyone would say he is amazing and kind and one of the best people you’d ever meet.
He just wishes Lightning could see that.
“I think it’s time for you to get some rest, kiddo,” Doc says innocently. “Ankle won’t heal if you don’t.”
The young blond’s lips quivered as he watched Doc stand up and walk away. “Doc, please just yell at me!” He cried out.
Getting a phone call at 3 AM would’ve normally annoyed the hell out of Doc, but as soon as he heard Lightning’s voice, his heart dropped. All he could think about was all of the worst-case scenarios. God, if anything ever happened to his kid, he wouldn’t know what to do. It’s something he refuses to even think about. Every race he secretly prays. He’s not religious anymore but he hopes that some being out there is keeping Lightning safe.
“Okay, fine,” Doc huffed. “What you did was incredibly dumb, especially since we’ve had this talk before. Stay out of the damn fields with Mater. But shit happens. You miss a race— it is what it is. Things could be way worse than a twisted ankle.”
Lightning looked up with teary eyes. “I’m sorry.”
Doc tsked but showed no signs of annoyance. This time when he sat back down, Lightning didn’t pull away. His heart still broke from seeing his kid so worked up over this situation.
Firing Harv was one of the best things for Lightning. Unfortunately, the young racer is constantly running from his past. He thinks too much about it and too many people from his past are trying to contact him, which has been putting the kid in a poor mental state. He thinks he’s good at hiding it, but Doc sees right through him.
“Look, Monty,” Doc says, putting a hand on his protege. “I didn’t keep you around for this long for nothin’. I care about you and of course, I worry.” Doc took his hand and placed it on the kid's cheek, directing his face so his eyes could meet his. He wanted Lightning to understand every word that he was about to say. “I don’t want to go back to the way things were before you came to Radiator Springs. It was crappy and dull and just depressing — you came and gave this town a boost of life. Every room you walk into, you brighten. After the crash, I lost all ambition. You created a new spark of life in me… anyway kid where I’m goin’ with this is that you are very important to me and if you ever leave— well I’d be devastated. This whole town would be.”
Lightning rubbed his eyes and sniffed. “I— I don’t know what to say,” He croaked out. “There’s something wrong with me, Doc.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re still learning. Still changing.” Doc reassured as he pulled the kid close to him, bringing Lightning’s head to his chest.
“I’m tired of running.”
“I know, kiddo.”