Work Text:
March 16, 2024
There was a new barista at the Heaven’s Cup cafe where Beomgyu and his friends liked to have their bi-monthly Saturday brunch.
“Can you wipe that drool off your chin?” Yeonjun says to him. The oldest of the group sat across from him on their table with Kai, sipping his americano.
“What?”
“That’s Sunmi noona’s younger brother,” Kai interjects. Their youngest friend was cutting through his blueberry cheesecake, which he will later regret. It was way too sweet. “I heard he’s taking care of the cafe while she’s away on her honeymoon.”
“I didn’t know she had a brother,” Beomgyu says dumbly.
Sunmi, the owner, was by now already a good friend of theirs because of their frequent presence in the cafe. They were close enough to have their own designated little table which the place often kept clear for the set of friends.
“He’s cute.” Beomgyu added.
It’s true, anyway. He was tall, at least a couple inches taller than Beomgyu, just based on the brief exchange they had at the counter. Had kind eyes, deep dimples, and a very pretty pair of lips which smiled warmly at Beomgyu as he was saying his order.
“Anyway,” Kai interrupts his train of thought, “are you excited for your date with the accountant guy?”
“The accountant’s name is Jimin,” Beomgyu says, taking a slice of his carrot cake he ordered. “And yeah, I am.”
Right. That’s what they were talking about. Beomgyu has been chatting with someone he met at a club with his work friends two weeks ago. By some miracle, even when he was half-drunk, Beomgyu still had the mind to give that cute guy, Lim Jimin, his number.
After a few weeks of texting, Beomgyu liked that Jimin was just a little bit better at keeping their conversion from going dry and boring, unlike Beomgyu’s previous casual “somethings”. So, whether this was something worth continuing to talk to Jimin for, Beomgyu was going to find out that evening.
They were finally going on a formal date for the first time.
“Well, good luck.” Yeonjun sighed. “Maybe you’ll finally get laid after a billion years of not getting any.”
“Shut up,” Beomgyu says, rolling his eyes. “Like you’re any better.”
Yeonjun snorts. He had no problem in that department, at all. Beomgyu knew that too but whatever.
“Right,” Yeonjun says. “Where are you meeting anyway?”
“Primavera.” Beomgyu answered.
“Fancy of him.”
“He is an accountant.”
“Are you nervous?”
“Not really.” He shrugs.
Only a little. He hasn't been on a serious date in a long time.
On the last relationship he had, his boyfriend told him that he realized too late that he didn’t really love Beomgyu. That he just thought he did because Beomgyu was this fun, interesting, sparkly new thing that piqued his curiosity when they first met, and once they got used to each other, Heeseung (his now ex) realized that he wanted someone a little more grounded, a little less of a loud ball of quirkyness. He forgot the details, but he'll never forget the lesson he learned:
People don't really know what they're getting into when it comes to love.
So, since then, Beomgyu hadn’t tried to see other people, fearing that they’d all see him as their own little manic pixie dream boy until they realized he wasn’t what they wanted, and then bounce once they "wake up" from their temporary trance.
Took a while for him to fully move on but now, It’s fine. He’s gotten used to being alone that solitude had somehow become addictive. And besides, this date with Jimin didn't necessarily have to mean anything serious, he supposes.
“So, are you ready?” Kai asks.
“What do you mean?”
Yeonjun chuckles, “I think what Kai means is if you’re prepared for it tonight.”
Beomgyu winced. Right. That’s probably where the night was going anyway, if things would go well, that is.
“No, I mean, I’m not even sure I’m sleeping with him. What if I end up not liking him?”
“You never know, but it’s good to be ready.” Yeonjun shrugs.
“But even if you don’t, I bet it’ll be fun,” Kai raised his brows, encouragingly. “And since you've been able to talk for more than a week and not find anything wrong with him, I’m sure he's a nice guy.”
“Speaking of a nice guy, Kai-ya, what did your colleague say yesterday?” Yeonjun directs the question at the youngest.
Just like that, their chat immediately jumped from Beomgyu's date to Kai's ongoing process of setting better boundaries at work.
As their group’s talk stretched on, Beomgyu couldn’t shake the feeling of eyes on him. He absentmindedly turns to look at the counter again.
His gaze meets with the barista’s for a fleeting moment, before the other looks down on the counter. Cute. The brief exchange made his chest feel a little warm, a tinge of awareness dancing along his skin.
When they leave a few minutes later, he waves him goodbye and gets a smile in exchange. The name tag on the handsome man’s shirt reads ‘Soobin’.
The afternoon passed in a blink of an eye and Beomgyu found himself as a puddle of anxiety waiting for his date at Primavera. He didn’t like making people wait, so he arrived 5 minutes earlier than their meeting time, surprising Jimin as he walked in.
He was still as fit as Beomgyu remembered him to be, with the way his muscles were noticeable when his shirt peeked through his suit. He couldn’t help but blush at Jimin’s comment about how gorgeous he looked. Beomgyu himself had on a baby pink dress shirt, which he thought looked nice with his dark brown hair.
The only thing that bothered him was Jimin’s cologne. It was a little too strong for his liking, which he wishes will wear off later if things do go smoothly.
The food was exquisite and their seat afforded them a luxurious yet warm ambiance in the glowing establishment.
As the night dragged on, something felt off about the date.
“I bet you get asked about your job a lot,” Jimin comments. “What kind of photos do you take?”
That makes Beomgyu think of two things: one, is that Jimin didn’t bother looking through Beomgyu’s stuff before which means he wasn’t someone who spent his time online stalking his future date, and two, that Jimin must be forgetful, because Beomgyu remembers sending him a link to a magazine article which he took photos for a few months ago, just two days back when they covered this topic via texting.
He remembers Jimin replying they ‘looked amazing’, but now he wonders if he actually clicked on it.
“People, usually. I wanted to be a fulltime photojournalist but it doesn’t help much with paying the bills right now so I do fashion photography more. Magazine spreads here and there.” He wants to tell him he has his own studio, but maybe next time. It always sounds like a brag.
Jimin smirks, cutting through his steak. “Photography sounds more like a hobby to me, personally.”
He nods, understanding, trying to take it lightly. “Do you think you’re gonna be good at it?”
“Maybe, dunno. Depends on the equipment, right? Then all you gotta do is point and shoot something,” Jimin chuckles. He doesn’t notice how it picks at Beomgyu’s pride.
Maybe it was just Jimin’s idea of small talk, but whatever. He seemed to enjoy chatting about basically nothing for nearly half their meal. A gentleman the whole time, sure, but it made Beomgyu feel like it ruined the point of seeing each other in person if they didn’t break the niceties.
They jumped from work, to family, to friends, to world news, and each conclusion felt drier than the previous one. He doesn’t know why he was nervous about this. By the end of their date, he wasn’t sure if there was going to be a second. The chemistry just… wasn’t there.
“Well, it was nice talking with you, Jimin-ah. I took a cab here so I could just–”
“You wanna go home? We haven’t even had drinks yet.” They are outside the restaurant now, with the orange logo of the establishment glowing above them.
“Oh,” Beomgyu puts his hands in his pockets. Jimin called a taxi and opened the door for him, urging him to go to this bar a few minutes away. “Come on.”
He smiles nervously. He needs to say no, but again, it wouldn’t hurt to get— “Just one drink.”
“Yeah, of course,” Jimin says sheepishly, reaching for Beomgyu’s hand to pull him into the backseat. “I promise. I’ll even bring you home safely after.”
Jimin sounds so sincere and genuinely excited to be with him that, forgetting the comment about his photography job earlier, Beomgyu begins to think maybe he was just judging him too closely. Maybe this was a good night, after all.
“Okay.” He says, earning a relieved smile from Jimin. “Honey Tavern, please.”
Beomgyu’s heart picks up the pace as the driver takes them to their destination, his eyes scanning Jimin’s face underneath the scattered night lights of the city.
Just one drink and then he’ll go home.
XX
Beomgyu doesn’t know why he agreed, but three hours later, after a couple (and not just one) drinks and a little more of a comfortable conversation, they are now in his apartment. Jimin promised to take him home first.
He doesn’t even get a chance to turn the light on before his back is pushed to a wall and Jimin captures his lips, sharing the taste of alcohol in his tongue. The taller man’s thigh is pressed between his legs punching out a wet whimper from him.
They walk to the bed and their clothes come off quickly. Jimin’s hands are all over his body, caressing the soft plains of his chest and brushing his nipples.
“Beautiful,” is whispered to his ear, over and over again, and he’s nervous but still lets himself fall apart.
Jimin suddenly goes still above him, and he couldn’t help but be taken out of the intoxicating trance.
“Is anyone else here?” Jimin huffs.
Beomgyu furrows his brows, confused. “No one. Why?”
He’s lived alone since graduating college. The sudden question makes him look around them, wondering what may have prompted Jimin’s comment.
“Oh, okay. Perfect.” Jimin says before tickling his neck with kisses again. He continues as if that was nothing.
Meanwhile, Beomgyu’s never been more anxious. It’s been a while, so maybe that’s why there’s this uncomfortable knot in his stomach. Like his tummy is all misplaced.
He begins reaching for his bedside drawer to pull out the new bottle of lube. He bought it earlier, in case this did happen. Yeonjun was right.
Jimin starts to lap at the head of his cock, making his toes curl at the sensation. It’s the dead of night and he doesn’t want to make so much noise, but he couldn’t help the lewd moans escaping his lips. After a few minutes, Jimin lets go of his dick and bites the soft skin inside his thigh too hard that it makes his eyes water.
“Ow! No wait, I don’t like that,” he quietly whimpers, but Jimin doesn’t seem to hear. He doesn’t mind biting normally, but he’s pretty sure his skin was cut by how hard that bite was.
Jimin sucks on the other thigh before biting it sharply again, making Beomgyu squirm in pain.
“Hey!” he says a little bit louder, but Jimin only chuckles and turns him around so his chest was flat on the bed. He feels a fist grab at his hair, pulling his head back, and the vodka from Jimin’s breath floods his nose.
“Ready?” he asks, and Beomgyu feels the wet, thick head prodding at his entrance. His eyes widen in shock, he hasn’t even prepped him properly yet.
Without warning, Jimin pushes into him so abruptly that he couldn’t help but scream in pain before another hand covers his mouth. He feels his tears fall as Jimin groans in pleasure behind him. The man’s cock entered his rim and eventually buried himself inside Beomgyu now, and the only thing in his mind is worry, if he tore inside because it was excruciatingly painful. He’s scared if he’s bleeding, even with the lube. He’s never been with anyone so careless with his body before.
Jimin grunts, “Shhh, Beomgyu-ya.”
What are you doing? He wants to say, but his mouth is muffled by Jimin’s hand.
He begins to pull out and push in again roughly, all while Beomgyu continues to wet his pillow with his own tears. Jimin doesn’t even seem to care about how much spit comes out of Beomgyu’s mouth on his palm, he doesn't care about Beomgyu at all. All he wanted was to–
“Feel good, I promise,”– he thrusts– “It will feel so good in a second.”
Beomgyu’s mind goes hazy, the physical pain and emotional hurt is too much for him. He doesn’t remember if Jimin mentioned something about having such specific preferences in bed, but he knew that he would be thrashing in anger if he just had been any more sober or had any strength in him right now.
When he feels Jimin release inside him a few minutes, Beomgyu’s body has been exhausted. He is already too tired to verbalize his anger. He winces when the man kisses him wetly on his cheek and collapses next to him. He falls asleep on his tear-stained pillow.
XX
March 17, 2024
Morning comes without warning and Jimin is already gone. Beomgyu begrudgingly lifts himself off the bed after spending almost two hours googling home remedies for a torn asshole.
He grimaced – even the sound of it sounds so stupid. Amateur. Because what idiot or psychopath fucks someone like that without prepping them first?
He braces himself nervously for the worst, but it all recommends that he go see a doctor.
He wants to talk to someone about it now, maybe Yeonjun, but he doesn’t want to make him panic considering how protective his friend already was, and frankly, he’s a bit embarrassed about it, especially with how excited they were yesterday.
He finds a tacky post-it on his table from the guy. “Let’s do this again next time” , it read. When he steps outside, there is a plate of pancakes on his dining room table. Beomgyu throws it away and blocks his number with his pride really hurt.
He takes a long, thorough shower, rigorously scrubbing his skin until it turns red and raw. When he is angry, he distances himself from people, and prefers to let his emotions subside first, but now that he’s older, he sometimes prefers to just shut people out completely especially when they aren’t worth confronting.
Jimin was definitely not worth it.
“Hello? Beomgyu-ya?”
“Hi. Are you busy?”
He hears something shift at the other line. Hopefully Kai isn’t in the middle of something important. Although he knows he can count on Yeonjun to drop anything for him if he needs it, Kai was more careful with his reaction, and he won’t make Beomgyu feel too regretful immediately. Later. He will tell Yeonjun later, once he’s sorted things out.
“Not really, I’m at home. Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, I just— I kind of need your help. Can you pick me up in 20 minutes?”
“Sure. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, yeah, don’t worry about it, um. I’ll tell you when you get here.”
“You’re kind of making me nervous, hyung,” Kai takes a few seconds before talking again. “But okay, let me just get changed. Be there in 15.”
12 minutes later, Kai arrives in his apartment with a worried look on his face. Beomgyu doesn't bother to cover the fact that he feels like a wreck, but he does ask his friend to promise that he won’t be mad before he tells him what happened, and that makes the blonde only more paranoid.
“I just, I agreed to one drink. And I said okay when he offered to take me home once we were done, and, fuck, Kai, I shouldn’t have let him in. It’s my fault, right?” He asks. Kai didn’t interrupt him as he recounted everything that happened.
“I’m gonna kill him.” Kai grits out. He should have seen it coming but of course Kai would be angry. Any normal person would be.
“Kai,” Beomgyu began rubbing his face, feeling more tense now. “I’m fine, I just need you to drive me to the hospital.”
“Beomie-ya… ” Kai was looking at him like he was a kicked puppy, and so was Kai. His friend was so empathetic and it just made him feel even more like shit. Just when he thought it couldn’t get any worse, he sees Kai’s eyes begin to water.
“Kai, I’m fine.”
Kai begins to sniff, “You’re… you’re not… he…”
Kai reaches over to envelop him in a big hug.
Beomgyu lets himself go pliant, and they both cry in each other’s arms for a few minutes. This was all a mess. And he’s still feeling like shit, still regretful about everything. He’s sure it wasn’t his fault, he’s sure. If he told Yeonjun now, if he told anyone, they would probably say the same thing.
They spend a few more minutes just talking about what exactly happened, which Beomgyu feels quite uncomfortable with. It was all fresh but blurry in his memory at the same time.
“Drive me to the hospital now, and whatever the doctor says, I’ll talk to Yeonjun about it as soon as possible.”
Kai looked at him, still serious and visibly just trying his best to put up a strong front. He nods and grabs his hand, always warm and gentle with Beomgyu to leave his apartment.
They take his car to get him checked and it’s probably the first time when they didn’t play any music as they drive. The only sound he could focus on was Kai’s breathing next to him. Heavy and restless even once they arrive at the hospital.
He should really take a week off work. It’s not like Beomgyu’s financially secure enough that he can afford to close his own photography studio and cancel on as many schedules as he wishes, but he desperately needs it now.
It was kind of humiliating, waiting for his results. He’s so thankful he asked Kai to go with him, who served as such a stable support for him as he spoke to the medical staff on Beomgyu’s behalf.
He felt like his friend was the only thing keeping him from falling apart. Beomgyu probably wouldn’t have known about how stressed he was too if not for Kai’s leg, bouncing nonstop as they sat in the doctor’s office.
A heavy weight was lifted off his shoulders when the doctor told him that there were no lacerations found inside him, and that his body would be fine. But what followed (after the shame) was the self-doubt.
“Hyung, just because you’re physically fine, it doesn’t mean that fucker is off the hook,” Kai says as he opens the door to Heaven’s Cup.
He didn’t realize he hadn’t eaten anything since he got up that morning, and this was the closest place they could stomach food from after leaving the hospital. Thankfully, there were only a few people in their favorite cafe today.
“I know, Kai, but I let him in, I didn’t–”
“No, don’t do this.” Kai is rarely angry, but when he is, it’s always usually rooted in how much he just cares for people he loves.
He sat on the table farthest from the entrance. Not their usual table today. Beomgyu sat across from him. “Talk to Yeonjun about this. He knows what to do. You could– you should sue that guy.”
Beomgyu takes a deep breath, massaging his temples. To sue him is to admit that something did happen. It would mean that he did something wrong to Beomgyu, and that… that makes him feel so small. Like it would be to admit he let himself go through that.
Kai is right, but he also doesn’t even know if it was just his nerves from even before the date that made him think he didn’t want that, or if Ji– god, he can’t even think of his name without recoiling– if that guy even really forced himself onto him.
This is the problem with himself. His self confidence is so fragile, and his thoughts are already all over the place that he finds it hard to even just understand what he really feels, and what really happened.
“You wanted him to stop and he didn’t.”
He doesn’t remember if he did anything about it though.
“I don’t remember if I said that to him, Kai-ya.”
Kai shakes his head. “But you didn’t say yes, and not a yes means no.”
“I… I guess.”
“Beoms,” Kai reached for his hand, eyes looking tired. “Tell Yeonjun-hyung. Now. Please.”
“Okay. You’re right.”
“I am. And you need to eat.”
Kai gets up, bringing his wallet with him when Beomgyu grabs his arm to look at him, “Thank you, Kai.”
Kai gives him a small smile, patting his hand. As he orders for the both of them, Beomgyu opens his phone, opening his message thread with Yeonjun. A bittersweet feeling washes over him as he sees the last few texts from yesterday, from go get that d! xD make sure u have stuff, to tell me how it goes tomorrow . Oh Yeonjun.
He rubs a hand over his face, he’s pretty sure he looks like an even bigger mess than he already feels. He types:
Beomgyu
hey. u busy?
Kai hasn’t even returned yet when his phone buzzes with the notification of a new text. Yeonjun must have been dying to hear from him. A gross feeling fills his stomach at the thought of the news he’s about to deliver.
Yeonjun
BITCH
HOW DID IT GO??!?1
did u hop on that thing
wait
oh my god
is he still there????
As sick as it is, Beomgyu chuckles. He puts his phone on the table to rub both hands over his face now, realizing this is harder than he thought. Him and Yeonjun are too similar. They feel too deeply and think later. Much, much later, and so he doesn’t consider he’s in public before sending his next text.
Beomgyu
no
well
ok so
he kind of
he didnt prep me before he fucked me
so like
Straight to the point. Might as well just let Yeonjun take that as it is.
Yeonjun
what
WHAT THE FUCK
well what did u do?
Beomgyu
i was too drunk already and i just
i just let it happen
Yeonjun
beoms
fuck
im so sorry
He deletes the words “it’s fine”, because clearly it wasn’t.
Yeonjun
i think im in a state of shock
Beomgyu
same
Yeonjun
i cant fucking believe this
where are u right now?
can i come over?
Beomgyu
heavens cup
with kai
Yeonjun
why didnt u tell me?
yk what
probably a good idea because now i can just go directly to wherever the fuck that little bitch lives
Beomgyu himself doesn’t even know where Jimin lived, so neither does he, but he feels a sense of comfort knowing how much his friends were willing to go for him. Even if not in the literal sense of what they were saying.
Beomgyu
thanks
i went to the doctor already
Yeonjun
WHAT THE FUCK
Beomgyu
and he said i was fine
but i decided to cancel gigs for now
Yeonjun
IT WAS THAT BAD?
yeah thats a good idea
Beomgyu
and close the studio for a while
no it wasn’t that bad
ig
Yeonjun
gyu
how are u feeling rn?
this is so fucked up
i’ll be there in 10
Beomgyu
like there’s no physical pain now but like
i think i was freaking out
so i just wanted to check with the doctor
just in case
Yeonjun
dont u dare make excuses for that fucker
god
im so mad
Beomgyu
its just never happened to me before
ok well dont drive like that
IM NOT
r u gonna take a cab
Yeonjun
no
Beomgyu
bc i kinda need u to be the calm one here
Yeonjun
gyu
how can i be calm?
i feel so fucking stupid even cheering for u and that guy
Beomgyu
ur not
we didnt know the kind of person he was
is
Beomgyu looks over to Kai, already paying for their food, which he can already sense Kai wants to pay for it. He really didn't need to.
His eyes mindlessly land on the barista that he forgot to notice earlier when they came in.
Dimples.
How he suddenly wishes to travel back in time, to when he first saw the guy, almost 24 hours ago. Maybe then he could have just made different choices and avoided all this mess.
The man on the counter catches his eyes as he hands Kai his change, and his brows furrow, looking concerned. Like he could read Beomgyu’s mind. God, he must look so pathetic right now.
He looks back at his phone, sparing this stranger of his terrible energy.
Yeonjun
ok ur right i’ll take a taxi
im sorry
omw now
Beomgyu
thank u
Kai returns with their drinks, handing Beomgyu an americano and keeping the mocha latte by his side.
“He’ll bring our food over in a minute.”
Beomgyu nods, eyeing the steam from the dark liquid in front of him, filling his nose with the smokey smell of coffee. He brings the mug closer to his lips to blow on it before taking a sip. Even though he’s pretty sure he’ll only want to sleep after this, that felt good, he needed that.
He and Kai try to talk about something else to distract themselves. They have plenty of time for when Yeonjun arrives, or as he thinks about it now, before all hell breaks loose.
“Excuse me.” Beomgyu looks up and sees the barista, Soobin (right, that was on his nametag), bring their food over, looking tall and easy-going like he remembers. “Pancakes and a breakfast sandwich for Kai.”
As he places their plates on their table, he gives Beomgyu a polite smile, which Beomgyu tries to return.
“Thanks,” Kai says, moving the pancakes closer to Beomgyu. He then tilts his head to the side, like he was surprised about something. “Um, wait a second…”
Soobin doesn’t leave his spot yet. Beomgyu feels his eyes linger on him again, like he was being observed.
“Yes?” Soobin says.
Kai looks at the plate, “Uh. Well. It’s fine, I think.”
Soobin smiles again, dimples popping out. He then turns his attention to the other person. “Beomgyu, right?”
The two friends look up at him, with Kai paying extra attention now.
Beomgyu clears his throat before saying, “Yes. Hello?”
“Hi. I, um… I just, I heard from my noona that you liked strawberries so I added those.”
Beomgyu blinks and looks at the neatly arranged slices of strawberries, whipped cream, and syrup on top of the pancakes, the sweet smell spreading through the air. So, that means Kai just ordered regular pancakes for him, that’s why he must have looked a bit taken aback earlier.
“Oh.”
Soobin opens his hands, gesturing at their table. “It’s on the house.”
Kai raises a brow and looks at Beomgyu, probably trying to scope out his reaction before he says anything.
“Uh, thank you…” Beomgyu starts, still pretty surprised. He looks up at his tag to be sure about his name again. “... Soobin. I really appreciate it.”
Soobin beams at him brightly, cupping his hands together against his apron. “You’re welcome. Please have a nice day.”
Kai doesn’t fail to notice that Soobin didn’t even spare him a glance as he walked back to the counter. Beomgyu’s eyes are glued on the pancakes, still trying to register what just happened.
“Well that was… sweet of him.” Kai says, smirking.
“Yeah, he must have thought I looked that pathetic to give these for free.”
“Hyung, that’s— of course not.” Kai just shakes his head, not saying more. It probably isn’t a good idea to tease him about a new guy who they also barely even know. Beomgyu shrugs before taking his fork to slice through the pancakes.
The door chimes open not long after, and Yeonjun enters the cafe looking alert and breathless.
“Gyu.” He says as he walks over to his two friends. Beomgyu swallows the lump in his throat as Yeonjun grabs him to give him a hug.
As expected, after he narrates to Yeonjun everything that happened, from the lousy dinner conversation to the time he woke up that morning, the oldest of the group follows up by bombarding him with questions. Are you sure you’re absolutely okay? Where the hell does that douchebag live? Have you called the police? Do you need a lawyer?
“Do you think… I should get a lawyer?”
Yeonjun goes quiet, hands clasped together next to him. Kai had been there listening the whole time, thinking along with them.
“I don’t want to push you to do anything you don’t want to do, but as much as we know this sucks, sexual assault cases are a bit harder to defend as more time passes.” Yeonjun explains, trying his best to sound calm. His great aunt was a retired lawyer, which explains his familiarity with how legal cases usually go.
Kai shifts in his seat at the mention of assault, visibly uncomfortable for his friend.
Yeonjun continues, “But I think you deserve to think it through if you want, even just for a few hours. Whatever you want to do, you have my full support. I can call my mom right now and ask for a lawyer for you, just say the word.”
Hours? Beomgyu doesn't know if he wants to face someone he doesn't know just to tell them about what happened to him, but he nods at that, considering his options.
Yeonjun’s right, he doesn’t have the luxury of time. It wouldn’t hurt to seek legal advice now, just to see if there really is anything that he could do.
Okay, think . Up until they got to his apartment, up until he got naked and started kissing him, things were just… okay. Not that great, but things were fine. He’s trying to rethink last night, at what exact moment did it begin being a nightmare for him.
He squeezes his eyes shut. The more he thinks about it, the weaker it seems to be of a case for him, and it only makes him doubt himself even more.
“Can I say something?”
The oldest two turn their attention to Kai, who had just been silent the whole time as Yeonjun got technical.
“Of course,” Beomgyu answers quietly.
“I’ll support you no matter what, you know that right?”
Beomgyu nods, urging him to continue.
“But what if a lawyer right now just makes him feel even more terrible?” Kai says, frowning. He turns to Yeonjun’s direction, but avoids his eyes. “I know I suggested this earlier, I know it would be a good idea. But, what if the things we say, the evidence we gather, all won’t be ‘good enough’ for them to press charges right now? How will it make hyung feel?”
“It’s still the best option we have, Kai.” Yeonjun says weakly, like he didn’t feel that confident either.
“I know, but I’m saying, it’s been a long day for hyung. Immediately pushing him to go to talk to lawyer now, I don’t want it to just worsen how Beomgyu hyung already feels. It’s… it was traumatic for him. And I don’t want him to relive it, just for it to risk being minimized, or ridiculed.” Kai’s voice is firm, with the way he says it. “At least not today.”
Yeonjun furrows his brows and straightens back on his seat. He looks over at Beomgyu, and the latter feels like breaking down all over again.
“Okay, no, you’re right. I’m sorry, Gyu-ya.” Yeonjun reaches over to hold his hand. “You deserve to just… talk about how you feel right now. We can deal with the next step tomorrow, or the next day, whenever you’re better.”
It was Kai who spoke next, looking at Beomgyu. “Please don’t hate me.”
“I don’t, Kai-ya.” Beomgyu simply says. If he was being honest, he was thinking of the same thing. He’s seen how rape cases, way way more severe, have not fared well in favor of the victim. Even without Kai saying it out loud, he feels defeated already, and that’s not the mindset he should have right now. He needs to rest.
“I don’t know what I’d do without you two.”
Beomgyu's voice trembled as he spoke, and his friends exchanged glances filled with concern. Yeonjun squeezed his hand reassuringly, offering a supportive smile.
"We're here for you, Gyu. Always," Yeonjun said, his tone gentle.
Kai nodded in agreement, his eyes reflecting his own compassion. "Take all the time you need, hyung. We’re not gonna pressure you into anything you're not ready for."
Beomgyu managed a small smile, grateful for the understanding and support surrounding him. He took a deep breath, feeling the weight of last night’s events settling on his shoulders. It’s only 2PM, but it has been a long day for him already.
The barista must have sensed the heavy atmosphere between them. He says thank you for coming , and doesn’t flinch when they all just nod instead of returning a proper goodbye as the trio get up to leave. Beomgyu doesn’t dwell too much on the fact that he feels his stare on the back of his head as they exit the cafe doors.
His friends offer to let him sleep over their own places that night, but Beomgyu insists on going home. He needs to feel a sense of control. And he wants to reclaim his room as a place of comfort for him. Kai looks at him sadly but says he understands, while Yeonjun doesn’t stop asking until they finally arrive there.
Tomorrow, he will deal with all of this again tomorrow.
March 17, 2024
Jimin finishes his cigarette and drops it on the ground. Putting it out with his shoe, cutting smoke fuming at the end.
He’s somewhere in Haebangchon, where he just met with his sister. She needed help with moving her things into her new dorm, which is why the 29-year old traveled there all the way from Itaewon today just to do most of the heavy lifting for her.
They’d already said goodbye 3 hours ago, but Jimin hasn’t left the neighborhood, still looking for some way to pass the time. A group of young girls pass by. He nods to them, gives them a smile, and follows their strutting with his eyes which makes Soobin sneer.
The quiet observer hated two kinds of people: smokers and creeps, which meant he absolutely despised this guy already.
“See anything you like?” Jimin says, to him, he assumes. They’ve been standing next to each other on the street for the past few minutes, and he’s been anticipating getting the man’s attention.
“I might.” Soobin replies. “I’m Sangwoo.”
Soobin reaches out a hand for him to shake and Jimin takes it. “Jimin. You live here in Haebangchon, Sangwoo?”
Soobin smiles at him. The lie slips out easily when he says, “I do. And it’s not everyday I see a looker like you out here.”
Jimin chuckles, clearly believing it. He pulls back his hand, and fishes out another cigarette from his pocket. Ignites the end with his lighter.
He huffs out some smoke and says passively, “You’re not so bad yourself.”
Just as he expected, Jimin’s eyes scans his body from his face to his torso to his legs. Soobin knows he’s attractive. Good looks, decent proportions, these things run in his family. It’s probably the only thing he’s got in common with his siblings, who don’t have a single clue what kind of a maniac their youngest brother was.
“So, what’s your deal, Jimin?” Soobin puts his hands in his jacket pockets, trying his best to sound somewhere in the middle of confident yet interested.
“Well, I like pretty people.” Jimin runs his fingers through his hair. Body language tells a lot about a person, and the urge to fix their hair tells Soobin things are going his way tonight. “Can you tell me if there’s anything here for me?”
Soobin shrugs, “You’re looking at it.”
Jimin snickers, liking the attention. “Not exactly my type, I usually like guys a bit smaller than me, a little dantier– you’re a giant.”
Soobin crosses his arms, something about showing vulnerability. “Let me change that tonight. Come with me to my place?”
It’s not Soobin’s fault that the guy’s a complete idiot, and he can’t help the smile on his face when Jimin says, “We’ll see.”
Soobin brings Jimin to a house whose owners don’t even know he exists, but he knows them. He knows for sure that they’re far away, out on some vacation in the Maldives, and they won’t be back for the next few weeks. He knew this after hacking into their emails on their computer, the first time he broke into this house. He won’t be needing it for too long anyway, the night is carefully planned out in his mind already.
“You live alone?” Jimin asks him when they step inside the living room. Gray chenille curtains drape over the windows, covering the pair who just came in. Soobin makes sure to only turn a few lights on. This should be quick.
“Yeah, why? Are you worried I’m secretly married?” Soobin asks him flatly.
“Wouldn’t be the most surprising thing.” Jimin says. He sits on the velvet sofa, making himself comfortable already even when the fake owner of the house hasn’t invited him yet.
“Oh?” Soobin says. “You’ve hooked up with a married man before?”
“Woman. Doesn’t matter, I don’t discriminate.” Jimin laughs, looking at Soobin like that was something funny. It’s obvious that he feels trusting. Too trusting.
Soobin walks to the kitchen in the guise of grabbing something to drink. Close to where the knife is, he’s suddenly aware. “What was she like?”
The living room sofa wasn’t too far from the kitchen island, so he can see Jimin raise a brow at him. “The woman I fucked when her husband wasn’t around?”
So crass, Soobin thinks. “Sure.”
Jimin chuckles and clenches his jaw, suddenly unable to read the situation. “Why do you ask?”
Soobin shrugs, No reason . His heart thumps when he opens a drawer and feels metal on his fingertips. The meat cleaver shines under the dim lighting.
But he won’t be using that tonight.
“Care for a drink?” He asks, letting go of the topic.
“Sure.” Jimin slowly gets up from the sofa and walks over to him. He sits on a barstool right next to Soobin as he takes two glasses from the cupboards. He’s memorized this place already, making sure he knows exactly where things he needs are all located.
“In the mood for this, if you don’t mind.” He lifts up a bottle of pinot noir to show him.
Soobin offers him the first glass he pours, and Jimin takes it, lightly swirling the red wine before setting it on the counter.
“So,” Jimin says, “What do you do, Sangwoo?”
Soobin smirks, “Oh come on. You don’t need to do that with me.”
Jimin blinks, his smile slowly fading. “Do what with you?”
“We both know you’re not interested in that stuff. It’s unnecessary.” Soobin raises a brow at him. “You and I both don’t have time for that.”
Soobin’s eyes land on the wall clock just behind Jimin’s head. It tells him it’s 8 PM. Just 24 hours ago, this guy was at dinner with Beomgyu and as he knows now, it went terribly.
Beomgyu, he makes Soobin all warm inside. An image of his face appears in Soobin’s mind and he feels a surge of motivation to carry out his plan tonight.
What kills him inside is that he could have stopped it all from happening. Could have knocked down Beomgyu’s door, grabbed Jimin off of him, instead of watching him getting fucked by this fucker last night. If only he had the balls to reveal that he was just as bad of a creep to his crush as this guy.
He didn’t, though. He thought Beomgyu wanted it. It wasn’t until that morning when he and his friends came by the cafe that he realized that he read that situation all wrong. Now, Jimin had already done what he did to Beomgyu, and it’s too late for Soobin to be the hero, but he can still try.
“What was it you said earlier?”
Jimin frowns, “What?”
“Your type.” Soobin says, smiling at him. He takes a sip of his own glass. “Smaller than you, dantier , I think those were the words you used.”
Jimin almost slams the glass on the counter. “What is this? Are you trying to fuck with me right now?”
Soobin ignores his yapping. He slowly slides the glass Jimin held and moves it away from him. If he wanted to waste a perfectly good glass of red wine on his last day alive, that’s on him.
“Hey!”
“Calm down,” Soobin says. He takes another chug of the pinot noir. “You’re not nearly as scary as you think you are. Nor as interesting.”
Jimin stood quickly, looking mad now. He was so full of himself that the one thing that got him riled up tonight is the indication that he was boring. Soobin wonders what Beomgyu saw in him. He was way better than this guy.
Jimin begins to step away, disappointed. “Listen, I don’t have time for this–”
Soobin was quicker. In a flash, he was lifting himself off the barstool with the wine bottle in hand. In a swift, precise movement, he swings the bottle over Jimin’s head, knocking him forward. He falls on the kitchen floor with a sickening thud.
Blood slowly trickles down from the back of his head. Soobin grabs him by the collar and turns him around, putting Jimin’s back on the ground. Soobin towers over him, locking Jimin’s chest with his weight as he straddles him.
Jimin weakly attempts to fight back. He reaches for Soobin’s head, trying to scratch his face, but Soobin dodges it and manages to deliver a powerful punch to his face. Jimin’s face gets knocked so fast and he groans in pain. Soobin feels him slowly giving up.
The house is eerily quiet. His heart is drumming, loud and fast in his ears. He can do this. He can. He was made for this. The real owners won’t be back for weeks.
“Why… why are you doing this?” Jimin manages to croak out, probably disoriented and dazed by now. A blow to the head does do it, his research hasn't failed him.
Soobin snorts, never letting go of the bottle’s neck. “Well, not a lot of reasons. Really, I’m just bored, and I have to do something for that adrenaline rush, you know?”
He eyes the broken wine bottle on his hand, now with sharp endings from when he smashed it on Jimin’s head. He gets an idea of a good place to shove it later. Haebangchon is a safe, casual neighborhood. No one would ever think to look here for a crime scene.
“But, this time, I do have a reason. Someone beautiful, kind, dainty— as you said.”
Jimin gasps as the realization that this was his final moment came to him. The glass shard grazing dangerously close to his neck.
“And his name is Beomgyu.”
March 20, 2024
It’s been three days. Contrary to what Beomgyu promised his friends, he hasn’t been taking good care of himself. It’s hard to do that when he keeps losing focus, drifting back to that god awful night that transpired in the very room where he’s supposed to feel at peace.
“Fuck,” he hisses.
There’s blood oozing out of his thumb, the aftermath of cutting strawberries and spacing out, again . He quickly drops the knife on the kitchen counter and goes to the sink to wash the cut.
He blocked Jimin’s number and social media, so there’s no reason for him to hear anything from the guy anymore, but he saw something strange that afternoon. When he was absentmindedly scrolling on Facebook, there was a circulating post about someone missing — it was Jimin.
He’d been missing for almost 3 days.
This just added a whole new kind of worry to Beomgyu, even though he knew absolutely nothing else about the guy except for the fact that he was an accountant, he couldn’t help but be weirded out by it. He wishes he could have Kai or Yeonjun over, to talk to them about it, but they were both busy with work.
There are no band aids in his medicine cabinet. Great.
He grabs his jacket and his wallet. He needed to leave his apartment anyway. Again, it’s been three days, and those three days have just been spent in here, alone, with the excuse that he needed to just feel normal on his own.
The cool March air hits his face as soon as he leaves the door. It’s beginning to get warm in Itaewon, but it’s almost evening and he still shivers a little bit. It’s been that way since he was a kid. His mom worries so much that he’s so sensitive to weather changes.
Where the fuck was Jimin? He doesn’t owe him any space in his mind at all, but Beomgyu is only human. He couldn’t help but wonder what happened to that guy. Did he run away because he’d messed with the wrong people? Did he start a new life and convert to some new religion to repent for his sins?
Beomgyu zips up his bomber jacket. The closest pharmacy is just a block away, but as he takes his first few steps, he realizes he needs to get groceries too. Those strawberries were the only fresh food he had left in his apartment, and who knows when he’ll have the wherewithal to go out again?
There’s a supermarket just in the other direction, an extra block away compared to the pharmacy’s distance and they don’t close until 9 PM. He could just get band aids there, as well as fresh groceries to last a few days.
Beomgyu makes the decision mid-step, awkwardly turning around to change his route and– bump .
“Ow, sorry.”
“Beomgyu?”
The person he accidentally crashed into towers over him, staring at Beomgyu with surprised eyes. He almost couldn’t recognize the guy without the apron on.
“Oh hi, um… Soobin-ssi?” There’s two hands on Beomgyu’s arms, an effect of their collision on the street.
Soobin was in a black leather jacket, dark denim jeans, black boots, looking like a whole new person. Almost completely different from his usual getup.
He slowly lets Beomgyu’s elbows go when he’s steady on his own again. It’s still warm where he’d touched him.
“Yeah, hello. I didn’t expect to see you here.” Soobin’s mouth slowly curves up in a small smile, and that’s what Beomgyu recognizes. Those dimples faintly appear. Beomgyu feels red on his cheeks all of a sudden.
“Me neither. Um. Do you live here?” he manages to say, not realizing he’s smiling too.
“Yeah, right here.” Soobin points to Beomgyu’s own apartment building. “I didn’t move in until yesterday though. Been staying at my noona’s house and I figured I can afford my own place now so, what the heck.”
Itaewon isn’t that big. Decent yet affordable renting living spaces aren’t that easy to come by either. Maybe it isn’t that crazy for them to choose the exact same apartment.
“Anyway, I was just about to go get dinner. Were you about to go too?”
Beomgyu embarrassingly takes a bit longer than normal to speak again. “No, I… err… went out to get band aids. Had a little accident earlier.”
Before he realizes how weird it is to show an almost stranger a really gross image of open flesh, Beomgyu holds up his left hand, showing Soobin the cut that’s just almost an inch wide right on the side of his thumb.
Soobin frowns, leaning in to look closer, like he wasn’t even bothered by it at all.
“Oh no,” he grimaces. “You shouldn’t go out with a cut that wide, some bacteria could get in. I have some band aids in my apartment if you want.”
Beomgyu shakes his head, “ Ani , it’s fine. Thank you. You’re on your way to eat, I don’t want to be a bother. Besides, I’m about to get groceries anyway.”
“I don’t mind, and my apartment is much closer, Beomgyu-ssi. It’s the least I could do, as a new neighbor.”
Soobin is just trying to be nice. Beomgyu knows he could really use a nice something today. He bites the inside of his bottom lip to think.
“Okay. I’ll wait in the hall.”
“Perfect,” Soobin smiles widely now. Dimples out in the open. He steps towards their building, “Come on. It’ll take like, 2 minutes.”
Soobin led the way to his apartment on the 7th floor. As they stood in the elevator, Beomgyu turned to him to see that Soobin was already staring at him, again. Like how he usually does in the cafe.
“Is there something on my face?” Beomgyu asks, tucking his hair behind his ear.
Soobin shakes his head, “N-no, nothing. Sorry.” His hand flies to the back of his neck. He looks stressed.
Beomgyu nods. That might have sounded kind of bitchy, and now he feels bad. Soobin is just being nice. It’s not his fault Beomgyu isn’t comfortable with new people right now.
“It’s fine, I just…” notice it a lot at the cafe , he wants to say. Instead, he changes the topic. “Where did you live before coming here, Soobin-ssi?”
Soobin takes a beat. “Ansan, with my parents.”
“Oh yeah, Sunmi-noona mentioned that she grew up there.”
“Did she talk about me?” Soobin looks down on his shoes, tucking his hands in his pockets.
Honestly, Beomgyu didn’t even know she had a brother. He doesn’t even remember if she’s talked about her family besides the fact that she was the first one to have her own business, which is why Heaven’s Cup was like her pride and joy. He doesn’t remember her mentioning her siblings at all.
“I bet she didn’t.” Soobin says, and Beongyu can’t tell if he’s sad or not.
The elevator doors open to their floor and Soobin waits for him to step out first. Soobin makes a short walk and Beomgyu follows him. They pause just outside of apartment 713.
It only takes Soobin a few seconds to come out his door with 3 band aids, a ball of cotton, and some ointment.
“You should also get some antibiotics later.” Soobin says, handing over the band aid. “Need some help?”
“Sure,” Beomgyu says, genuinely appreciating the gesture.
He takes Beomgyu’s injured hand, and Soobin’s own hand easily covers most of it. Beomgyu already knew this but… wow. He really is just huge, isn’t he?
He tries not to look visibly nervous as Soobin dabs some ointment on his bruise, even only wincing a little. He’s got a good pain tolerance. It’s just that he can’t quite get over the fact that Soobin is touching him again.
“Are you sure this isn’t a hassle for you?” he asks.
“‘Course not, Beomgyu-ssi.”
Beomgyu smiles. He doesn’t know why he feels so comfortable with him already, but he is. It’s almost like they’d known each other for a long time.
Soobin carefully wraps the cut with the thin band aid. He looks at Beomgyu’s reaction if it’s good enough, and Beomgyu mutters that’s fine .
If he was staying here in the neighborhood long enough to rent his own place, Beomgyu decided that he could make a friend.
“When’s your birthday, Soobin-ssi?”
Soobin blinks at him before answering. “1995, December five. You?”
“‘Ninety-six. March thirteen.”
“I’m older than you.” Soobin says, sounding proud, and Beomgyu rolls his eyes.
“Barely.” Beomgyu snorts. He looks at his now wrapped thumb, hoping it heals fast. He has a feeling he’ll think of Soobin everytime he sees it now.
There’s an unreadable look on Soobin’s face when he looks at him again and he goes quiet.
“I’m joking, by the way!” Beomgyu explains. “Sorry, I sometimes forget people might think I’m being serious.” He lets out a weak laugh as proof of it.
“It’s not funny.” Soobin crosses his arms, and now it was Beomgyu’s turn to not know what to say.
When he’s not smiling, when he’s all serious like this, Soobin looks a hundred times more intimidating. Like a switch flipped and the person with Beomgyu earlier is now nowhere to be found, like was replaced by someone completely new. Someone who wouldn’t give Beomgyu free strawberries with his pancakes and offer to wrap his cut with a band aid.
Then, just as quickly as he turned serious, Soobin’s eyes crinkle and he… laughs.
“I’m also joking, Beomgyu-ssi.” Soobin’s voice vibrates through his giggle, and it makes Beomgyu all warm in his belly again, relieved. My god , what is wrong with him?
Beomgyu squeezes his eyes shut and rubs the bridge of his nose, pretending to be annoyed. “Yah, okay, fine. I deserved that, Soobin-ssi.”
Just like that, Beomgyu feels so much more relaxed than he’s been all week. Maybe he just met his match.
“Hyung. Call me hyung.” Soobin says, locking his apartment door with his key.
Beomgyu feels a tugging in his chest.
“Okay,” he brings his hand up. “Thanks for this, hyung.”
Soobin shrugs, “It’s my pleasure.”
They talk about how nice the neighborhood is as they go back down. Soobin tells him about how he finds their landlord a bit chatty, how he feels bad for not knowing how to talk to him. Beomgyu tells him he’s not that bad. Yong-guk ahjussi once even gave him a discount when Beomgyu took his son’s graduation photos.
It makes Soobin go ‘ Woah, you’re a photographer? That’s so cool! ’, and Beomgyu blushes again for the hundredth time just that night.
“Really? I thought most people would see it as more of a hobby.”
Beomgyu opens the door for them to exit the building. Soobin follows after him. He scoffs.
“No way. I suck at taking photos. Seriously, I bow down to anyone who has the skill to capture people and be able to give them justice, much more if they’re talented enough to make a living out of it!”
Beomgyu just laughs. It’s nice. It’s so nice to just talk to someone and feel appreciated for something he loves doing. It's almost corny, but he feels seen.
“Well, that’s really nice of you to think so.”
Soobin tilts his head to the side, furrowing his brows. “I’m sure I’m not the only one who does, Beomgyu-ya.”
“You’d be surprised.” Beomgyu says. It’s ridiculous. He should really just learn to take a compliment.
“Well, you know, I still think it’s cool.” Soobin answers like it’s a fact.
Out of habit, Beomgyu takes out his phone to check the time. It must have given Soobin the wrong idea because he suddenly straightens up.
“So, I’m going this way.” He points to the side, to where Beomgyu initially was headed towards that evening.
“Right… um. I’m going,” he points to the other direction, “this way.”
“Right.” Soobin slips his hands into his pockets again.
“Well…”
“Yeah…”
“Yeah.”
“I guess I’ll see you around, Beomgyu-ya.”
Soobin gives him a small nod, and slowly begins to walk away to his own destination. Beomgyu, on the other hand, should do the same.
“Soobin hyung?”
Soobin stops in his tracks and looks at Beomgyu again. What am I doing? Beomgyu clears his throat.
“Where are you eating dinner?”
Soobin grins. “There’s a place that my noona said cooks japchae like our mom did when we were kids. I was thinking of trying it tonight.”
“Do you mind if–
“Wanna join me?”
It’s a no brainer. Beomgyu’s already walking to where he is.
“If it's not a bother.”
The dumbest giggle escapes him when Soobin says, “‘Course not, Beomgyu-ya.”
They walk through the lively streets of Itaewon, a neighborhood with a vibrant nightlife that makes Beomgyu wonder if this is why Soobin chose to move here now. Headlights flash harshly in their direction as they walk, making them both squint, covering their eyes. When he turns to look at Soobin, there’s always that knowing, friendly look in his eyes, and now Beomgyu can’t stop staring up at him either. He already noticed it last Saturday, but Soobin is so handsome. Very handsome.
He opens the door for Soobin when they arrive at the restaurant, and Soobin lets him. He doesn’t know it but Beomgyu feels more like himself again, bit by bit. It’s literally just something simple but it is some way of having control. He wants to feel in control.
“No, don’t tell me… Computer Engineering?” Beomgyu is trying to guess what Soobin majored in in college. They’re halfway done with their meals. Soobin was right. The japchae really is good.
“No. Well. This is awkward, but,” Soobin bites the inside of his cheek before continuing, “I didn’t go to college.”
“Oh.” Beomgyu mumbles dumbly. “I’m sorry. I mean, I’m not sorry. I shouldn’t have–” Soobin holds a hand up, almost like he’s about to laugh.
“It’s fine, Beomgyu-ya. Almost everyone in my high school did, so I’m not offended. Truth is I just never felt like I needed to go. I did military service, like, two years after graduating.”
Beomgyu’s eyes almost pop out. “Really? You were so young then. Is that… was that what you always planned on?”
“Sort of, yeah. I just wanted to get it over with, to be honest.”
Beomgyu nods. Soobin had a point.
He remembers his own time in the army. Yeonjun warned him about not standing out too much, and so he did his best not to. Beomgyu was honestly just lucky that he had a superior who was decent enough to treat his company like actual human beings, which is why he got to go home in one piece and a sane mind. Not everyone was the same, unfortunately.
“You know the first thing I did when I got back from my service?” Beomgyu asks, taking a mandu. There’s two left.
“Grow your hair?” Soobin’s eyes turn into half moons when he says it.
“Well. Besides that.”
Soobin shakes his head, eating a whole mandu in one big bite. One left.
“I went to an IU concert.”
Soobin’s brows shoot up, like a light bulb switched on in his face. “No way, I love her!”
“She is an actual life saver.”
“I could not stop listening to Through the Night. Literally on my playlist everyday.”
“You could just really feel the emotions in her voice. And her lyrics? They’re so… God, they’re so beautiful. So tender. So…” Beomgyu sighs, bursting with energy.
Soobin grins. “Yeah. She really is… amazing.”
He eyes the one mandu on the plate, and usually, Beomgyu would offer it to the other person. He’s not one to fight over food, he’s had enough of that growing up with an older brother.
“You can have the last one,” Soobin offers.
“Let’s share it,” Beomgyu says.
Soobin nods, dimples out again. “Alright with me.”
Their conversation just flows smoothly, like Beomgyu doesn’t have to have his guard up. Why should he? It’s just dinner. It’s not a date or anything. They just happen to be in a… situation. That’s all.
So he wonders why it is that he feels his cheeks burn, later when Soobin offers to walk him up to his own apartment before heading to his own place, which is a floor below Beomgyu’s.
“Well, I had a great time, Beomgyu-ya.”
Beomgyu’s back is to his door. He told himself he won’t be letting anyone else in for a while. He needs to be in control.
“Me too. And, I’m glad I made a new friend who lives here.”
Soobin is at least a couple inches taller than him and they are, what, a foot away from each other? If humans glowed with hues that indicated their auras, he’s pretty sure his and Soobin’s would be something like a soft orange. They would be colliding with each other, touching.
He could kiss him now if he tried. He then shoos that thought away. He doesn’t know where that came from.
“Yeah. So, I guess I’ll see you around, Beomgyu-ya.”
“See you, hyung.”
He watches Soobin walk away, and Beomgyu lets out a sigh that he didn’t know he was holding in.
That night, he decides to take out his rusty CD player from the boxes from when he first moved in and plays Palette. He falls asleep listening to IU’s voice and dreams of warm mandu.
March 25, 2024
It’s Monday. The state of the photography studio is less than ideal, but it’s nothing Beomgyu can’t handle – it’s his studio after all. On busier days, he gets help from friends he met in college, Eunseok and Sungchan, who are also photographers, but they are not here today. Now he is thinking of getting a proper assistant next year. He’s starting to really need it.
Just a year ago, his original studio was his apartment. He started out with a single vacant wall in his living room and cheap equipment that needed to be replaced every few months. Now, his work is done here, in a rented 30 x 45 feet space in Insadong, with more durable, long-lasting cameras, lights, and gear that were carefully curated from his knowledge and experience in the field. He still has to spend money in building his inventory, and supplies like gaff tape and batteries every few months, but it’s all worth the investment.
The tripods from the last shoot he had are gathered on one corner. Beomgyu remembers him lazily tucking them all there on that last day when he left the place. Beomgyu moves to the side all the umbrellas and reflectors, which he intentionally put on wheels so he could easily move them around. He only sneezes five times before he remembers that he brought a face mask with him. Now he can really get to work and properly vacuum the place.
He hasn’t seen Soobin for longer than a few seconds since that Wednesday night, which is kind of funny considering they live in the same building together. Every now and then, he has the idea of just casually staying in the lobby in the hopes to maybe catch a glimpse of the barista, but no.
Literally no one does that.
That would be weird.
And Beomgyu is nearing 30. He can’t just suddenly start acting like a stalkerish teenager with a crush just because there’s a cute guy in his building.
Beomgyu does mentally kick himself for not asking for Soobin’s number. Would that have been too soon? He doesn’t know.
Once the studio begins to look like an actual functioning workspace again, Beomgyu rechecks his schedule for that month on his office computer. He’s so glad his regular clients (the most important one being this modeling agency that he won’t be meeting with until next week), were all so understanding when he took a break.
He hums when he sees his booking for that Wednesday: an elderly couple celebrating their 50th anniversary. The theme is 60s romantic vintage films, and Beomgyu makes a call with the makeup artist for the rehearsal. The aesthetic from those years are very specific, and he likes to be prepared. He’s never had an unsatisfied customer yet, which can be credited to how dedicated he is to match the setting, lighting, and backdrop to whatever the client needs. It’s part of the fun.
He answers about 20 to 30 emails and gradually re-plots the schedules pushed back from last week. By the time he’s done with all of them, it’s already 6:39 PM. His neck aches.
What time does the cafe close? He could really use some… drink. Yeah. That’s totally it. That is the only reason why he’s packing his bag and getting on a bus to get to Heaven’s Cup cafe even before 7PM, his regular closing time. It’s not at all because of a certain tall fella whose giggle just won’t leave Beomgyu’s mind.
“What can I get for you?” Soobin chirps at him. He sounds just as bright as he was last time.
He’s wearing a baby blue polo shirt under his cafe apron. The sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, and Beomgyu tries not to focus on the veins on his forearm.
“Iced americano please.”
“Can never get behind these drinks, if I’m being honest.” Soobin mumbles, hands still flat on the counter. There are at least three tables occupied in the cafe, mostly students coming from school.
“I don’t think you should say that to a customer. Seeing as you’re a cafe owner.” Beomgyu chuckles.
“We have dozens of other drinks on the menu. I gladly encourage you to go for literally any of them.”
That’s not a bad idea. Beomgyu notices that Soobin hasn’t started on the drink yet.
“Okay, I’ll bite. Any suggestions?”
Soobin points to the small menu board where the drink of the day is written with yellow chalk and Beomgyu reads it out loud, “Tamarind ice tea. Is it good?”
“You get your money back if it isn’t.”
“That’s pretty bold of you to say.”
“I’m the owner today, so, it’s my rules.” Soobin smirks.
“Okay then,” Beomgyu says, knowing he’s going to like the drink anyway. “I’ll be at our table.”
Soobin gives him a thumbs up.
The drink is then ready in a flash. An earthy, sweet taste hits Beomgyu’s senses immediately, and the undersides of his tongue waters at the tanginess in the end.
“Not a fan of sweet drinks?” Soobin asks, concerned.
“No, no, it’s… good. Keep my money.” Beomgyu answers, grimacing, which makes Soobin laugh. The drink was worth it.
“Are you staying here long?” Soobin asks, giving the tables a once-over. One of the cafe’s other employees is getting additional orders from one of them.
“Oh, no. I’ll finish this and go to the supermarket.” He forgot to get a new dishwashing liquid last week when he actually got to buy groceries.
“How about you have dinner here? You in the mood for a… pretzel?” Soobin flashes a toothy grin as he offers.
“Actually, I was thinking of getting a–” Beomgyue pauses. Why was Soobin asking? Beomgyu’s eyes land on him and there’s a hopeful look on the taller man’s face. He puts two and two together and clears his throat.
“And maybe after we could walk home together?” Soobin adds, hopeful. He checks the time on his phone on the counter. “We’ll be closing at, like, 8.”
It’s a 15 minute walk. Beomgyu wouldn’t have minded on a regular day, but they have to compromise.
“Or, we take the bus to the supermarket, you wait for me to get some soap, and then we walk back home.”
Soobin looks like an absolute dork when he pumps his fist close to his chest, going, “nice”.
“And can I get a BLT instead?”
“Absolutely. I’ll go get it myself.”
When Beomgyu’s food arrives, Soobin might have forgotten that he should technically still be working, because he’s still here, on Beomgyu’s table, instead of helping with the other customers. He’s in front of Beomgyu, finishing his own sandwich and asking him about his day. Beomgyu tells him about how tired he is and just wants to go to bed already, Soobin tells him the sandwich is free because Beomgyu waited for him. He doesn’t say no this time, but it’s Soobin who looks like he’s won.
“When is Sunmi noona coming back?” Beomgyu asked him as they finished closing the cafe.
Soobin pursed his lips. “First Saturday of April. Why? You in a rush to have me gone?” he said, smirking.
“No, I just wonder until when you’ll be giving away free food.”
Soobin snorted. “Depends on how long I think you’ll need it.”
He lightly slaps Soobin’s arm. “No but seriously, are you leaving when she comes back?”
“No,” Soobin stares at him softly. “I- I have a feeling I’ll be settling down here too, actually.”
Beomgyu only hums. Soobin staying here too sounds nice.
They are shoulder to shoulder on the bus to the supermarket. Soobin still looks good in the half-dark space in the moving vehicle. When some light from street lamps and open establishments dance on Soobin’s profile as they pass them, Beomgyu is sure he’d be able to make him look great in a photo. He has the face for it.
Soobin puts 2 cans of lychee sparkling soda on the checkout counter next to his dishwashing soap. “ Are the drinks where you work not enough? ” “ Don’t judge me. ”
They saw an old man walking his dog as they walked from the grocery store to their apartment. It was a St. Bernard. Soobin says he wants to get one someday, not a St. Bernard, something smaller. Beomgyu wants one too.
“By the way, before I forget, can I have your number?” Soobin asks him as they get closer to their building. He takes out his phone to open his phonebook and hands it to Beomgyu. “Just so I can tell my noona that I have a real friend here now.”
Beomgyu titters before typing in his number, “Do you normally find it hard to make friends, hyung?”
Soobin rubs the back of his neck and the corner of his lips curl up, “N-no, of course not. I make friends. It’s just… I’m picky with who I want to really keep.”
Beomgyu almost malfunctions before tapping “save”. He feels his cheeks burning. God, this guy just had no idea what he does to him, does he?
“Well,” Beomgyu continues, trying not to smile too widely. “Promise to text me tonight. I would like to keep you too.”
That was not the cool thing to say, but Soobin giggles with an airy squeak anyway, and it sends a warm feeling in Beomgyu’s belly.
“I promise.”
He saves his number and sets the name as ‘cutie beomgyu’. Soobin laughs even louder when he sees it, and doesn’t argue against it. He must agree. Beomgyu hopes he does.
The rest of the walk back has Beomgyu’s heart soaring in a way that he doesn’t want it to end.
“Are you Choi Beomgyu?”
There’s a police car outside their apartment. A man wearing a uniform who looks really impatient stops Beomgyu when they walk in. Their landlord is there too. He looks nervous.
He’s so confused for a few seconds and then he remembers he needs to answer.
“Yes, I am. What happened?”
“Sir, we just have a few questions. It’s…” the officer looks at Soobin, who’s still next to Beomgyu. He hasn’t left his side. “Excuse me, can we please have some privacy?”
“Hyung, could you go?” Beomgyu turns to him. He can’t think about being polite right now and Soobin understands. He’s on the way to the elevator as soon as Beomgyu asked.
When they are alone in the lobby, the cop asks him about what he knows about Lim Jimin, and a chill travels down his spine. Beomgyu feels like he’s done something wrong.
Just tell the truth. Beomgyu doesn’t need to hide anything. He didn’t do anything. Regardless, his palms are sweaty and his heart is pumping so fast.
Beomgyu tells him everything directly. He met him at a club, they texted a few times, they went to dinner last week, and went here together right after. Beomgyu doesn’t say the part where he instantly regretted it.
“He left the next morning and he didn’t even say anything. So I blocked him.”
The officer doesn’t look like he’s any older than 40. There’s gray hair peeking out from his temples. He looks like he’s had a long day too.
“What happened?” Beomgyu asks again.
The police officer sighs heavily before delivering the news that sends Beomgyu into a state of shock. “Mr. Choi, Lim Jimin is dead. His remains were found on a mountain in Chungcheongbuk-do.”
Beomgyu practically feels the color drain from his face, and his legs betray him. He stumbles backward and thankfully catches himself on the wall. The officer continues, explaining that they are investigating the circumstances surrounding Jimin's death and need Beomgyu's official testimony to piece together the timeline of events leading up to that night.
He agrees when the police officer asks him to come with him to the station. Their questions come one after another, and Beomgyu answers mechanically, his mind clouded by a mix of confusion, pity, and guilt. He didn't even know Jimin well, but the weight of the situation bears down on him.
When the police questioning is finally over, Beomgyu is told he can go. He’s still shaking but he manages to open his phone with the intention to book a car, when he sees three texts from an unknown number. It was Soobin.
He calls him and asks if he could help pick him up. He doesn’t know what is overstepping boundaries at the moment. All he knows is that Soobin is the closest person here now. And Beomgyu knows for sure that he is still awake.
Only one thing is keeping him from completely losing it right now. He has a clear alibi for the last few days. Each hallway in his apartment has CCTV cameras installed, which his landlord had already handed over to the investigators that afternoon, crossing him out as a suspect. How could he be behind it when he’s been at home all this time?
This is ridiculous. He’s innocent, he knows he is, but something doesn’t feel right.
His stomach still churns. Soobin tells him to stay inside the station. The wait for him to arrive makes the situation feel heavier and more surreal by the second. Beomgyu feels a wave of nausea overwhelming him.
“Hey, are you okay? What was that about?” Soobin asks him the first thing when he walks into the station.
More questions only start to race in his mind. What happened to Jimin? Who would do that to him? What kind of monster would set another human being on fire until only his bones and teeth are left, and dump him in a mountain?
He regrets asking for details from the police.
“Can we go first? I’m sorry, I… ” Beomgyu says, and Soobin puts an arm over his shoulder telling him ‘Okay, it’s okay. You’re okay.’.
They arrive at their apartment and he manages to reach his floor and rush into his bathroom before the nausea finally gets to him and he throws up in his toilet. Soobin is outside, probably on some spot in his living room, standing awkwardly and confused as fuck as to why Beomgyu was having a full blown mental breakdown.
He doesn’t even know Jimin like that, but he literally just talked to the guy a week ago. He was here. In this very apartment. He, oh god, he’s really dead. How is he just suddenly dead?
“Gyu?” Soobin knocks on his bathroom door. “Can you just… can you tell me you’re okay?”
Deep breaths. He can do this. He didn’t do anything wrong.
Beomgyu wipes the gross acidic remains of his dinner off his chin. “I’m fine. I’m… fine. Please just, give me a sec.”
This is definitely not graceful. Why did Soobin still go with him all the way here? Just because he felt safe with the guy didn’t mean that he had the right to keep him up and awake this late. This is so embarrassing.
“You can go, hyung. I’m really sorry.” He tries to make his voice loud enough to get to the other side of the door.
A few seconds pass before he hears, “Are you saying that because you feel bad for me or because you need some space? Because if it’s the first one, you– you really shouldn’t.”
Beomgyu could cry, but instead he laughs. The guy who fucked him last week is dead and Soobin is outside trying to decode what he’s saying. He’s going crazy.
“Are you okay?” Soobin asks him again.
Breathe in, breathe out.
He lifts himself off the tiles and flushes his own vomit down. “Yeah… I’ll be outside in a sec.”
He goes to his sink and gathers water from the faucet using his hands. He splashes water on his face, rinses his mouth, and stares at himself in the mirror. Not too bad, but not that great either. His eyes are kind of pink and he feels a bit gross.
When he steps outside, Soobin is still standing upright, just by the door. A feeling of dread washes over him. This is Soobin, someone who’s been nothing but soft and kind and wonderful to him, but he cannot help but think of the last time he was alone with another man he barely knew. It’s randomly nerve-racking and he doesn’t understand why.
“I’m sorry about that,” Beomgyu starts. He can’t even look at Soobin’s face, but he senses him walking closer. “I… I just found out someone I knew is dead.”
“Oh.” Soobin says, just in front of him now. “And… how do you feel about that?”
Beomgyu’s eyes land on Soobin finally, and he has this unreadable look on his face. Like he’s observing Beomgyu closely.
“I don’t know. I don’t know how I feel about it, hyung.”
Soobin nods. “Are you sad?”
He doesn’t think so. Beomgyu then thinks about the question. It’s a normal question. But given the context, Beomgyu couldn’t understand why it feels a bit out of place, a bit unusual.
“I’m just– I’m in shock.” He rubs a hand over his face and walks past Soobin back to his living room, creating some distance between them. “I’m sorry I didn’t know why I called you to pick me up. It just seemed to make sense. And my friends, they live too far away and–”
“Beomgyu, I don’t care. And I’m your friend now too.”
Soobin follows him back to the living room and only looks at Beomgyu as he sits down on his couch. He feels him still staring again, but he doesn’t say anything after that. What he does know is that he should be thankful for Soobin for being here with him tonight. He’s so nice that Beomgyu feels a bit guilty for the way he’s shaking.
Beomgyu’s hands are fidgeting on his knees. The cut on his thumb from last week hasn’t fully healed yet but it doesn’t need a bandaid anymore. A few feet away from him, Soobin’s hands are on his sides, motionless and careful. If Soobin notices how nervous he is, he doesn’t show it.
“I know, I’m… I’m sorry.” Beomgyu gulps. “I really appreciate you being here but I think I just really want to be alone now.”
There’s a hint of hurt in Soobin’s face and his demeanor quickly changes. It feels like ages when the older man finally nods at him, “Okay, Gyu. You have my number.”
His footsteps are swift and heavy as he makes his way to leave.
“Don’t forget to lock your door.”
Beomgyu waits at least a few seconds before he gets up and does as Soobin said, hands still shaky over the knob as he locks it.
When he attempts to sleep later, Beomgyu thinks there must be something wrong with his brain, for the way it’s associating that night with Jimin to a small, harmless moment with Soobin earlier. Will it always be like this with every guy who starts off as a stranger to him now? Will it always be this miserable? Will he simply never be able to move on?
His bed feels like it’s not his. After tossing and turning for what felt like an eternity, Beomgyu takes the bear plushie gifted to him by Kai when he first opened his photography studio and makes his way to his living room couch. It’s really hard to make this place feel like home again.
March 29, 2024
In another life, Yeonjun probably could have been a suburban mom of three kids with the way his surefire tactic to comfort his friends is to have sleepovers. He doesn’t have time to cook, but he did order pizza and whipped up an easy strawberry milkshake in his kitchen for him, Beomgyu, and Kai in his apartment. It was just the first night of Beomgyu’s stay at his place, as he himself proposed.
After Beomgyu told his friends about what happened to Jimin and how uncomfortable he feels in his own home lately, Yeonjun made him pack his things and move in until he feels a little bit better again. Now, it’s Friday, so they can stay up as long as they want.
“Isn’t it beautiful how literally anything tastes glorious as long as it’s in the form of pizza?” Kai says, biting into a slice with mostly green toppings, something which he normally avoids.
He’s sitting on Yeonjun’s loveseat. Beomgyu is on the floor resting his back on his legs, all warm and cozy. His dark brown hair has gotten a bit longer in the past few months, just ending below his ears now. It must tickle Kai’s knees but the youngest doesn’t even complain.
“Is Hueningie getting emotional over spinach?” Beomgyu says. It’s only 8 o’clock now, and it’s one of his attempts at normal banter.
“I could, no, I am!” Kai exclaims proudly above him.
Yeonjun plops down next to Beomgyu on the floor and turns on his smart TV, scrolling through their choices of movies for the night. Beomgyu can tell that his friends are both doing their best to help things feel normal with him again, but they haven’t talked about it all yet. He knows he will have to, but they won’t start unless he does.
“Did you tell Gyu about Lea?” Yeonjun nudges Kai.
“What’s going on with Lea?” Beomgyu asked.
Kai grabs his phone and shows him a picture of his older sister showing the back of her hand at the shot and a big diamond ring on her finger.
“Oh my god, when did this happen? Was it the Australian guy?” Kai hands it to him so Beomgyu could get a better look. The last time he heard from Kai’s sister was just last month, when she’d ask for his advice on what camera to buy after she decided to try vlogging. She was the only one in his family who lived in Europe.
“Yeah. It’s crazy. She’s been with the guy for, what, 5 years?”
“Long time. Must be love or something. ” Yeonjun jokes next to him, still looking for a movie. Kai snickers and pats his arm.
“Wow,” Beomgyu says, genuinely happy. “Good for Lea, give her my congrats, will you?”
“Text her yourself! She misses talking to anyone in Korea who isn’t me, our parents, or Hiyyih, just so you know.” Kai says.
Beomgyu looks at the TV. “Yeah, yeah, okay I will.”
“Now when are you settling down, our Kai-ya?” Yeonjun teases him, earning a scowl from Kai.
“Not with the kind of dating pool we have, no thanks.”
“ Ya , that guy I introduced you to, who was that, Chanyoung? He wasn’t too bad, right?” Yeonjun insists.
“Yeah but, I don’t know. Can’t really trust people nowadays.” Kai sounds humorous when he says it.
Beomgyu doesn’t realize he’s chuckling.
“I would know.” Beomgyu says, wheezing.
The other two suddenly go quiet and Beomgyu doesn’t even notice until he turns to Kai above him, and he has this horrified look on his face.
“Oh come on,” Beomgyu twists his torso to turn to both of them, patting Yeonjun’s arm. “It’s funny!”
Kai lets out an uncomfortable giggle. Not Yeonjun though. Yeonjun is far less interested in dancing around the topic. He would have been a terrible actor, with the way he looks at Beomgyu with disappointment and all.
It doesn’t take a long time before Yeonjun smacks Beomgyu’s thigh, making him yelp.
“Ow! What the hell?!” Beomgyu cries.
“Until when are you gonna avoid talking about it?” Yeonjun basically whined, half-screaming at him.
“I’m not avoiding it!” Beomgyu massages his thigh. Yeonjun can be such a little shit. “What movie are we–”
Yeonjun basically grabs elbows, making him turn to the oldest completely. “Gyu, how are you feeling? You haven’t talked to us about it yet and we know you need to, even if you don’t want to. So just… talk to us.”
Beomgyu sighs. In his defense, Yeonjun never was the one who went for subtlety.
“Okay, fine.”
He is let go and Beomgyu feels the gentle weight of Kai’s hand on his shoulder.
“I know you won’t judge me for it. You’re my friends, of course you won’t. But… guys, I don’t know how I feel.”
They don’t say anything, so Beomgyu takes it as a signal that he could keep going. He hates getting unnecessarily emotional but he figures that Yeonjun is right. Letting it out now isn’t just for him either. It’s for his friends who care about him too. He owes them some honesty so that all of them could move on.
“Once I got over the shock, I think I felt this relief. Not a happy kind, but more of just a numb relief? Like, I was in a terrible situation and I was scared about deciding what to do. But then the cause of my suffering suddenly gets removed from the equation, and then I just… don’t have to worry about it anymore.”
Yeonjun next to him nods, like it all makes sense to him too.
“You never had to worry about him again after what he did,” Yeonjun says quietly. “Even if he was still around, we were going to report him. And he would have never been able to do that to you or anyone else ever again.”
Right, they were even planning to get a lawyer for Beomgyu. He doesn’t think he’s going to be needing it now.
“Yeah,” Kai adds, “And honestly, what if… whoever did that to him was because of his own doing?”
Beomgyu looks up at him, “Kai—“
“It could be possible. What if there were other people that he assaulted before? That’s a burden that you don’t have to carry, hyung.”
Kai smooths a hand on his shoulder, and Beomgyu gets the message. Whatever happened to Jimin wasn’t Beomgyu’s fault. So he doesn’t need to worry about him anymore.
“I did something stupid though.” Beomgyu says. “I stalked his friends. And as expected, they have all been posting about what a kind soul he was and how much he didn’t deserve all that.”
Beomgyu doesn't want to say whether or not he thinks Jimin didn’t. But he just can’t grasp how different the guy that he got to know was and the one that his friends did.
“We think he was full of shit too. You’re not alone in that, hyung.” Kai adds, and Beomgyu can’t laugh despite him finding that a bit funny.
“This is sick,” Beomgyu runs a hand over his face, something he’s been doing a lot lately. “That's why I’ve been avoiding talking about him now, I think. To me, he was just that monster from that night. And the fact that I don’t feel any remorse that he’s dead… I don’t know what that makes me. If it makes me a terrible person.”
Yeonjun shuts his eyes and shakes his head before saying, “You’re not. Okay? You went through a really shitty thing with that guy. And as much as what happened to him is…” Yeonjun thinks about the right word to say.
“Unfortunate?” Kai says.
“Yeah, unfortunate, it doesn’t mean that you should have to feel bad for him. You’re allowed not to feel anything for him.”
Kai nods, “I agree with hyung.”
“So,” Yeonjun says. “We don’t have to talk to him anymore if you don’t want to. I feel like that will be the best thing to do for you from now on. Right?”
At that, Beomgyu feels a huge weight taken off his chest for real. Him and his friends don’t know the most effective steps to take towards healing, but he really likes the idea of not mentioning Jimin again.
However he could move on, he needs to be intentional about it.
“Yeah. Thanks,” Beomgyu says, audibly relieved. “Now for the love of god, can you choose a movie already? I thought that’s what we were here for.”
“Thank you for talking to us,” Yeonjun gives him a proud beaming smile, like it was such an important hurdle for the three of them.
He ruffles Beomgyu’s hair and he groans, acting annoyed. He loves them so much, especially right now. The real reason why they’re here is because he needs their comfort, not the movie, but Yeonjun grabs the remote anyway.
They finally settled on a rom-com movie called ‘Why Him’. It’s about a dad who didn’t approve of his daughter’s sketchy boyfriend. At least that’s what he thinks it’s about. Beomgyu wasn’t really paying attention. His eyes are glued on his own phone, opening it to find zero new notifications. No new texts from anybody.
Because of his own doing, he admits, Beomgyu hasn’t seen or talked to Soobin since that Monday.
If he was being honest, it’s because he felt embarrassed about what went down that night. He wishes he could have gathered himself a bit more gracefully in Soobin’s presence after they got back from the police station, but that unfortunately wasn’t what happened. Instead, he made him leave and never contacted the guy again after, so what else was Soobin supposed to do?
After the movie, Beomgyu hasn’t noticed that he’s only eaten half a slice of pizza. His milkshake has melted, almost untouched.
“You can have the last slice, hyung.” Kai says to him before standing up from the couch and stretching. “Yeonjun-hyung, you said you’ll let me have some of that sleeping mask of yours for your face, right?”
“In almost the 10 years I’ve known you, this is when you decide to start caring about your skin?” Yeonjun babbles, also lifting himself from the floor. He makes a dramatic sigh before adding, “Yes, Kai. It’s in my bathroom. Hey! No! Wait for me to teach you how!”
Kai is already gone and rummaging around in Yeonjun’s bathroom as he answers back. “Too slow.”
The last thing Beomgyu hears from Yeonjun is something along the lines of ‘This brat, all this time he’s been making fun of me for caring about aging and now…’
Beomgyu’s phone beeps. He then moves way too quickly to open it again, only to see that it’s an email from his client from that Wednesday.
‘The photos were beautiful! Thank you for your great work, Beomgyu-ssi!’
Beomgyu sends a quick ‘It’s my pleasure, Hye-su-ssi.’ before closing his phone again.
He throws his head back on the loveseat. Beomgyu really, really wants to talk to Soobin again, but he hopes to skip the part where he has to explain that awkward reaction from him the last time they saw each other. It probably wasn’t even that bad. Maybe Soobin didn’t think he was a total bitch for kicking him out so suddenly. Maybe Beomgyu was just thinking the worst of him.
Or, maybe Soobin realized that Beomgyu was too much of a mess to consider him his friend again.
“Gyu! Come here,” he hears Yeonjun roaring with laughter. “Kai is finally not like other guys. He does skincare now!”
Before Beomgyu could react, the two of them walk out anyway, giggling, and Beomgyu decides to move from the carpet to the actual loveseat behind him, sitting on a cushion.
Kai has a wet, paper thin mask on his face covering everything except his eyes, nostrils, and mouth. Beomgyu can’t see the actual expression on his face but he seems to be enjoying this a lot. “I am now a changed man.”
Beomgyu takes a beat before he reacts, snickering and rubbing the top of his brows. “I’m so happy for you.”
Yeonjun kept laughing with hands on his stomach like it was the most hilarious sight in the world. He then looks at the pizza box on the coffee table and turns to Beomgyu as his laughter dies down. “You don't like the pizza? There’s still other food in the kitchen if you want.”
“No, pizza’s fine,” Beomgyu says weakly.
“What’s going on?” Kai asks. Yeonjun smacks his arm and tells him to stop talking so much or else the mask might slip off.
“Do you still want to talk about…” Yeonjun asks, with one hand on his hip, tilting his head to the side.
“No, I’m not thinking about that. It’s just…” Beomgyu purses his lips in a line, letting out air through his nose. “There’s a guy and, I don’t know… I like him. Really, really like him. But I think I might have scared him off.”
Yeonjun’s brows shoot up and if Kai could move his facial muscles, he’d probably do the same too.
“It’s the barista, isn’t it?” Kai mumbles, awkwardly shuffling to the ottoman close to the TV.
Beomgyu does a small nod.
He carefully tells them about the whole band aid story, which is how he found out that Soobin lived in the same building as him. He keeps emphasizing how Soobin has been nothing but nice and respectful. That Beomgyu was the one who went out of his way last Monday to find an excuse to hang out with Soobin again by visiting their cafe, at which Yeonjun and Kai share a look.
“And he left. As soon as I asked him to go, when I said I wanted to be alone, he left. Which is a good thing. I mean, duh. It’s the normal thing to do, I know. But it let me know he wasn’t someone who would ignore what I say or that he wouldn’t force me to let him stay…”
Beomgyu takes a deep breath. “Oh god. He’s not even into me. But I keep overthinking it and I probably don’t even stand a chance with him, right? I’m…” Beomgyu stops himself as he notices himself rambling.
“Why don’t you just text him?” Yeonjun says.
Beomgyu basically cackles at that. “Right, like I could just text Soobin, ‘hey, sorry about freaking out last time. wanna grab a coffee?’”
“Why not?” Yeonjun shrugs.
“Yeah, also, I don’t think he hates you. If your narration is any accurate at all, I think this is just you projecting a little bit.” Kai says. The mask is still on his face, nearly dry from the air.
“Besides, for what it’s worth,” Yeonjun says, sounding half-sleepy, “In case you’re worried that he might also be a terrible person, which I can’t blame you for, you said it yourself, he didn’t force you to let him stay in your apartment. He seems like he isn’t an asshole, at least.”
Yeah, Beomgyu thinks so too. He doesn’t know why exactly but he can just tell that Soobin is a good person. He’s thought that way since the first day he saw him.
Yeonjun yawns, “So, if you don’t want to text him tonight, that’s fine too. You’re a grown man, and you can do whatever you want. But I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with just texting.”
“You have a point.” Beomgyu murmurs, actually agreeing.
“Of course, I do. And you,” he turns to Kai. “The one you put on can be used all night, so don’t waste it and try to peel it off before you– Oh, okay. Yeah. You’re peeling it off now. Great.” Yeonjun pinches Kai’s side making him squeal, finally free of the sleeping mask.
Hearing it from his own friends, it all sounds so simple. Maybe Beomgyu was just making all of this complicated for himself. If he really wanted control, he has to practice it. That means not holding himself back if he feels something strongly enough.
“Okay, I gues I’ll text him now.” His friends don’t hear him say quietly to himself.
A little while later, Kai falls asleep next to him on the futon mattress that the three of them set up that afternoon. Yeonjun is on the other side of Kai, also looking like he’s still on his phone, nearly dozing off.
11:08 PM isn’t that late, at least not by Beomgyu’s standards.
He needs an opener. He pushes away that voice in his head saying that literally everyone and their mother has seen IU’s new Love Wins All MV, and copies the link to the video. He opens his messages with Soobin, seeing that his number is still unsaved. Beomgyu will fix that later, maybe. If Soobin does reply.
His heart almost jumps out of his chest when not a minute after sending his text, his phone buzzes with a notification.
Soobin
I saw this
I dont think i can ever look at cubes the same way ever again
Beomgyu has one hand over his mouth. He’s so glad to hear from him, and he’s not going to deny this excitement is something he should probably be more cautious about. Right now though, he just couldn’t wait to reply to Soobin. Oh god, Soobin. He’s so cute.
Beomgyu
omg i thought u would be asleep by now
Soobin
Too early for my bedtime
Wbu?
Beomgyu
oh i think i can still see cubes and not have terrible flashbacks dw
Soobin
Hahahaha
I’m so jealous
Beomgyu
kidding
i go to sleep at 12-1am
usually
Beomgyu giggles on his side. He beams with pride knowing that he said something that made Soobin laugh. That’s a good sign. And Soobin replies fast– that’s an even better sign.
He takes a deep breath before sending his next text.
Beomgyu
im sorry about the other day. i was in a bad place and i really shouldnt have let it out on u.
Soobin
I understand Gyu
Beomgyu
ur not mad?
Soobin
U asked for some space
Why would i be mad at u for that?
Beomgyu
Haha yeah no ur right
U wouldnt
Soobin
I wouldnt
Beomgyu
Thanks hyung
Soobin
Besides, u know u could just text me or knock at my door anytime u want to hang out
Which i would very much like
Beomgyu
oh about that
im not there today
not for the next few days
Soobin
Oh why not?
Beomgyu
just
reasons
Soobin
I see
Well I hope u feel better and come back soon
And just so u know, im willing to listen anytime
Beomgyu
Yeah of course
I live there after all hahaha
Soobin
Good to know
Tell me about ur day Gyu
Beomgyu thinks his heart literally skipped a beat. He can’t stop his face from splitting into an embarrassingly wide grin anymore, and he wonders why he was so worried. Of course Soobin would understand, he’s just a normal, good guy. A normal, sweet guy who treated him well even if they are just friends. Oh how he wishes to see him again soon.
They go back and forth texting for what felt like the entire night, and the spark escalating in his body doesn’t go away as Soobin keeps replying to his every text with the same energy that he has. Some time before dawn, Beomgyu finally tells him he thinks his eyes are failing him soon. Soobin wishes him good night and he can’t wipe the stupid smile off his face as he falls asleep— but not before saving Soobin’s number as “sweet soobin hyung”.
March 29, 2024
There isn’t exactly a specific point in Soobin’s life which he could say was the beginning of his disdain for humans. All he knows is that it existed inside him for a long time, even before he went and came back from his military service. He didn’t need training on how to do hand-to-hand combat or how to hold a gun just to realize that he’d be a killer. It was something that came naturally to him.
Maybe he was broken. Something in him just found it so thrilling to see the life drain from a person’s eyes. He liked the idea of seeing them go. He liked knowing that he was going to be the reason why they did.
His knowledge for the "how to's" were fed to him by the internet, looking up ways to make sure he would be able to clean up nicely after his tracks. And it’s because of his tediousness and diligence for preparation, that he knew he would never get caught.
It was so easy for him, someone who was big and strong enough to overpower another human being, while also looking as innocent and as kind as he did. It definitely helped that he had the reputation of being a huge sweetheart.
Soobin felt it everywhere in his body, from the top of his head down to his toes, how well he would be able to pull it off. He just needed a reason, and he found it.
Beomgyu.
Something just shifted in the room when he entered it. In all honesty, Soobin has seen a lot of beautiful and handsome faces before. He’s been hit on by models and other attractive people countless times. He even let himself get a good fuck out of the attention every now and then. They were never as fun as the idea of killing, though. Not a single person has ever intrigued him enough for Soobin to actually pursue a relationship and quit his bad fixation.
This inability to understand romance was something which he thought was just an effect of being an aspiring murderer. Maybe he was just never meant to feel that way. Maybe he was incapable of it.
But Beomgyu was different.
It was in his old home in Ansan just a year ago that he first learned of the exceptionally talented photographer.
Soobin didn’t care much about fashion or art, but his mother, as the old-school woman that she is, brought home some new local magazines into their home for guests who wanted some “light reading”. Out of boredom, Soobin skimmed through a couple of them one day, and they proved to be as shallow and as soulless as he expected them to be– that was until he stumbled upon a 6-page fashion spread of three men in denim outfits.
It wasn’t even the models that caught his attention, nor their outfits per se, but how they were looked in the photographs. Despite their rugged, virile styling, they looked soft. Milky jaws and soft eyes that exuded feelings that Soobin could only describe as sublime. Almost as if Soobin was looking at doves dancing in clouds and not men posing against each other.
He glanced at the name of the person behind the work and read ‘Choi Beomgyu, Seoul’.
Soobin later found a photo of him on his photography website, and he almost thought that he died in that instant, with the way it felt like he was looking at an angel. The man himself looked like he could be a model. Fuck, he looked like a work of art.
Soobin’s curiosity about Beomgyu eventually spiraled into an uncontrollable obsession, thank god for the internet. Before he knew it, Soobin was reaching out to his sister, someone who he hadn’t talked to in a long time, mostly since he started truly planning to be good at killing, and asked for her help in moving into Seoul. He needed to meet Beomgyu. And if he had to act like he was suddenly interested in making coffee, then that’s what he was going to do.
The moment Soobin first laid eyes on him in his sister’s cafe, he knew Beomgyu needed to be his.
Initially, Soobin thought that what he wanted to do was just kill him. He thought that he’d eventually just make Beomgyu his first victim. Otherwise, what else would satisfy him about this man? Soobin couldn’t feel love. He didn’t need a relationship. God knows he would be a terrible boyfriend. The memory of that old way of thinking makes him laugh now.
Something unexpected happened one day, just the morning after he saw Beomgyu come back to his apartment with another man. It dawned on him that Beomgyu didn’t like what Jimim was doing to him that night. He realized that Beomgyu wasn’t enjoying having sex with that guy.
Soobin couldn't breathe normally when he realized, he just began to see red. It was so fucking hard to see Beomgyu crying like that. Like it physically hurt him too, and he couldn’t take it anymore, so he had to do something.
He had to do what he'd been ready to do all his life.
As he was disposing of Jimin’s dead body later that night, seeing it drown in flames in the mountain, Soobin realized that he didn’t want to kill Beomgyu. He wanted to kill for Beomgyu. As long as it meant that he would be kept safe and happy for as long as he could.
He woke up smiling today. It’s Saturday, and Soobin had just spent the entire night texting Beomgyu, the man of his dreams, the apple of his eye. His angel in this hellscape of a world. Slowly but surely, he is thinking that he might have been wrong about himself.
Maybe he could feel love, because he might be falling in love with Beomgyu after all.
“Soobin-ssi! I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages!” Taehyun called out, waving at him. The landlord’s son was not an acquaintance, but not exactly a friend.
“Oh hi, Taehyun-ssi. I’m always at the cafe, how’s Hobak?” Soobin smiled.
“Still Hobak. Still a low-energy typa guy, as you know,” his upstairs neighbor giggles.
Soobin is not a cat person, at least he never thought so. Cats would scratch, bite, and shed their fur, leaving trails of themselves in everything they touched. He did, however, have to cat-sit for Taehyun’s pet last week, when the landlord’s son went on his monthly visit to his grandparents in Incheon.
He began to befriend Taehyun by going to the gym. After doing some investigation, he learned that the only way to get close to Beomgyu without actually getting close to him before was to be acquainted with his neighbor. Beomgyu lived in apartment 812, while Taehyun stayed in 813. It was all so clear in Soobin’s mind.
Taehyun was sweet, carefree, and trusting. Who in their right mind would let someone they barely knew stay in their apartment for free in exchange of looking after their pet? Apparently Taehyun must have thought it was fine. Or maybe Soobin was just that charismatic, that he managed to convince Taehyun to let him do him a favor and take care of his cat while he was away.
The hole he made between the two apartments was just the right size. Small enough to still be easily concealed, but wide enough for him to look at Beomgyu for those 5 days when Taehyun was away. He’s surprised Taehyun nor Beomgyu hadn’t noticed.
“He really is.” Soobin says. He brings up his bag of dirty clothes. “Need to go, I have some laundry to get done.”
“Of course. You go ahead!” Taehyun answers, before pausing. His face, sharp and handsome at almost every angle, suddenly turns serious. “Wait, before you go, did you know that the police were here the other night?”
Soobin clears his throat. Of course news spread that fast. Taehyun’s own dad witnessed Beomgyu getting stopped by the cops himself. No need for him to lie.
“Ah, yeah. There was a dead body found in some mountain, right?” Soobin replies, sounding nonchalant about it.
Taehyun look visibly uncomfortable, “Yeah, oh god. That’s so scary. Apparently one of the tenants knew him.”
“Oh really?”
“Yes. Appa said he’s not a suspect or anything. He’s been here the whole week when they deduced the murder could have happened, but it’s still pretty sus,” Taehyun scowls. “Imagine if there was some killer in the building. Our business would go bankrupt.”
Soobin exhales through his nose, a habit he can’t help when he’s annoyed. “Are you saying you think the tenant might be connected to the murder somehow?”
Taehyun shakes his head so fast. “God no, I actually know the guy. He lives right next to me. He wouldn’t hurt a fly. I’m just saying it’s odd. The guy who was killed stayed the night at his place,” Taehyun lowered his voice and looked behind him, making sure there weren’t any people in the lobby that could hear them. “If you know what I mean.”
Soobin clicks his tongue. “I do. But hey, if the police don’t see anything wrong with him, then I think it would be best if you kept your suspicions to yourself.” He tries to make his words come out lightly, smiling cheekily at Taehyun who doesn’t even notice how affected he truly is.
“Well, yeah. Anyway it’s probably nothing. I just hope whoever did it does get caught though.” Taehyun says. “‘Til then, you stay safe, Soobin-ssi.”
Soobin gives him a thumbs up. “You too, Taehyun-ssi.”
Soobin walks out of the apartment and heads to the small laundry shop next to their building. As the washing machine spins in front of him, he clenches his jaw, stressed. The last thing he wants is for Beomgyu to get suspected for something that he did. He won’t let that happen. Never. His sweet, perfect, and innocent Beomgyu. Soobin vows that he will do whatever it takes to clear his love’s name. If it does come down to it.
April 2, 2024
The weekend went by in a flash for Beomgyu. He is so glad that he spent the last three days at Yeonjun’s place, with Kai to keep him company too. There was more stuff to do here than there was in his apartment.
Yeonjun had a plethora of games for his PS5, which is pretty mind blowing considering that he barely even stayed at home enough to use it. Regardless, Beomgyu ruthlessly indulged himself with them. Besides that, there was the heavenly spoiling of their stomachs too. Yeonjun didn’t cook and neither did Kai, but he did have a fully stacked fridge which allowed Beomgyu to whip up whatever he craved to his heart’s content.
He thinks his favorite thing to do though was just hang out and enjoy his friends’ presence. Whether it was Yeonjun making his coffee in the morning while he ate breakfast, or Kai playing on his phone while he texted Soobin, it was nice.
Maybe that’s a lie. Actually, his real favorite part about the past three days was texting Soobin, as silly as that sounds.
They would send each other updates about their day, something funny they heard recently, photos in their galleries.
Mostly very random ones that always made Beomgyu chuckle to himself as his friends stared at him, concerned: the very unhealthy stir fried noodles Beomgyu cooked that Saturday which he swore tasted perfect, the cat which Soobin had to babysit some time ago, a selca of Beomgyu trying on Yeonjun’s sleeping mask for himself, a selca of Soobin with his hair in tiny pigtails (this pic was his personal favorite).
“Save yourself the trouble, I don’t think he even has social media.” Beomgyu grumbles, mid-packing up the last of his stuff to go back to his own apartment. It’s just past 7 AM on Tuesday, which means Yeonjun is running late for work and Kai has already left to go to his job at the marketing company.
“You don’t think that’s weird, Gyu? Sunmi noona posts a gazillion pictures of herself at her honeymoon daily. Meanwhile her brother doesn’t even have instagram? That’s weird!” Yeonjun just wouldn’t quit. He’s been spending his morning stalking Soobin online (to no avail) instead of actually helping Beomgyu pack.
“Say weird one more time, and I’ll believe you.”
“It’s weird!”
Beomgyu groans, zipping up his carry-on bag. “Are you even going to work today? You’re looking pretty relaxed for a guy who works at a law firm.”
Yeonjun frowns, resting his chin on his palm at his kitchen counter. “Took a leave. And stop changing the subject, Gyu. Do you know what kind of people don’t have an online presence nowadays?”
“People who just like privacy?”
“People who are trying to hide something!”
Beomgyu shoots him with a grudging face, “Hyung, that is such a superficial thing to say. We didn’t even care about Facebook or Insta when we were in high school, now why is it suddenly a norm for everyone to have it?”
Yeonjun crosses his arms, like he wasn’t wrong about this. Screw him for being constantly surrounded by lawyers who never backed down.
“I’m just saying, be careful. Just because he’s a family member of someone we know, doesn’t mean he’s automatically a good person.”
“I think this is one of those cases where you and I simply disagree, hyung!” Beomgyu chirps, mostly to annoy him.
If Yeonjun saw Soobin being absent on the internet as something like a ‘glass half empty’ situation, Beomgyu saw it as the glass being half full. Unlike him, Beomgyu honestly doesn’t care too much about that stuff. He knows plenty of people in the fashion industry who crave to clear themselves of any online footprint if only it weren’t for their line of work. Some people just didn’t need that, and maybe Soobin was one of those people.
“When are you seeing him again? I need to take a good look at him and I want him to see that you have friends who aren’t scared of–”
“Of what, grinding his coffee beans?”
“That, and more,” Yeonjun pouts. He’s so cute when he does that and Beomgyu can’t help but snort. “ YAH! I’m more than capable of punching a guy!”
Beomgyu shakes his head, “That’s not something to be proud of, hyung. And it’s not even necessary. Soobin, if you just got to know him, he wouldn’t hurt a fly.”
Beomgyu gets it, of course his friends are protective. After what he’s gone through, he expects nothing less. Yeonjun can be honest to a fault about how he feels, but at least he is honest.
“And in case you forget, again, we’re not even actually a thing. We’re just talking.” Beomgyu adds.
Yeonjun scoffs, “With the way you’ve been giggling at your phone like some highschooler all weekend, I don’t think that will stay true for too long.”
Beomgyu rolls his eyes. Why is Yeonjun so sure?
“Tell you what, if there’s any progress between us, any at all, you’re the first one I’ll talk to. And I promise to properly introduce you guys if he’s fine with it.”
Yeonjun narrows his eyes and grits out, “Good. I would really appreciate that, thank you.”
“No, thank you. Our Yeonjun hyung, always looking out for me.” Beomgyu coos, pinching the older man’s cheeks, leaving it pink for a few seconds. It’s his way of telling Yeonjun he loves him. Yeonjun doesn’t say anything at that, because he knows what it means.
Beomgyu’s shoes are on now and he makes his way to leave Yeonjun’s apartment. Before he steps out, Yeonjun ruffles his hair, the way he always does. It’s his way of saying ‘I love you too, you little shit.’
His phone rings at 7:01 PM that evening.
“ Wanna grab dinner together? ” Soobin says from the other line distractedly. Must be a busy day at the cafe. He’s already told Soobin that he’ll be back at his apartment today, and that he’s feeling a bit better than he did a few days ago.
Beomgyu has just stepped out of the studio. “Oh, I kind of want to eat at home tonight. I have some tofu running out of time before I’ll have to throw it away.” Beomgyu says, which is honestly kind of an exaggeration. It’s tofu from Yeonjun’s fridge that his friend bought for their weekend staycation. Actually, he’s just tired and wants to recalibrate for the day.
“ Tofu? What do you plan to do with it? ” Soobin asks. “ Don’t say stir-fry. ”
Beomgyu giggles. “But what else am I supposed to do?”
“ At least braise it a bit with some sauce or something! ”
“Oh really? Why don’t you do it, then? Cook something for me.”
There’s a pause. He thinks he hears some buzzing machine sound in the background. Beomgyu imagines Soobin in his usual get-up, cafe apron, and bunny smile working his way through the drinks at the counter.
“Hello?” Beomgyu says quietly.
“ Y-yeah? Oh, sorry about that, ” Soobin stutters. He’s so cute. “Are– are you serious though? ” Soobin makes a light coughing sound, “ Would you like me to come over later? For dinner? ”
Beomgyu can’t help the smile on his lips. “As long as you promise to cook for me, hyung.”
He thinks he deserves a pat on the back. Truth be told, even when the last guy he was seeing was an absolute nightmare, Beomgyu felt like he was just back to square one again. To the person he was before all this, and that was alone and single. And how he craved to be with someone again, someone good, even if it won’t last as long as he wants it to. He hopes Soobin does though.
His kitchen had run out of red pepper flakes but there were some chili peppers in his tray. He makes sure to wash them as he waits for Soobin to arrive. We’re Korean , he’d usually say, we can handle our spice . Really, he’s just fidgety and excited to see him again.
Soobin greets him at the door with kind eyes and two cans of lychee soda.
“Hey,” Soobin says, handing over the drinks to him. “For you.”
“Thank you. Come on in,” Beomgyu says breathily, trying to act normal as Soobin’s fingers brush against his. Soobin looked great with any color, but Beomgyu thinks this dark blue on his flannel tonight suits him best.
“It’s nice to see you again.” Soobin sounds sincere when he says it.
“You too, hyung,” Beomgyu says earnestly, closing the door behind them.
“I’m sorry for making you wait, it’ll take about 15-20 minutes,” Soobin says apologetically as they reach his kitchen.
Beomgyu waves a hand. “Don’t worry about it. I had a heavy lunch.”
“Really? Will you still have an appetite for this simple meal I’m making then?” Soobin teases, making Beomgyu chuckle.
“If you actually started on the cooking, maybe I could decide how to answer that question!”
“Okay, okay, I got it, Sir.” Soobin says, smirking and holding a hand up. Did he mention they were huge? “No need to be alarmed.”
Beomgyu had to actively do his best not to just ogle at him while Soobin did his magic with the two blocks of tofu. Instead, he tried to pay attention to what he was saying. He listened carefully as Soobin talked about his life in Ansan. How he never liked sports even as a kid, worked as a baker for a few years before moving here, never been in love – things they lightly glazed over as Soobin cooked.
“What about you?” Soobin turns to him as he mixes the sauce.
“Hm?” Beomgyu was next to him, literally just sitting, looking pretty. If Yeonjun’s sleeping mask was any help at all. “I don’t really bake.”
“No, I mean,” Soobin chuckles, “have you ever been in love, Beomgyu-ya?”
Beomgyu pauses to think about it. He’s had a couple boyfriends and one girlfriend back in college. He could say he has.
“Sure. I don’t think I would be in a relationship with anyone if I didn’t love them,” he says confidently. “Although I’m curious about how you haven’t. You must have pretty high standards.”
“Or maybe, I just haven’t found the one yet.”
Soobin sounds so serious, eyes softly locked on Beomgyu. For a split second, Beomgyu wonders about what it could be that Soobin was looking for. He says he might not have met the right person for him yet, which tells Beomgyu that he must be crossed out from being someone that Soobin could be interested in.
“Hyung.”
“Hm?”
Soobin’s lips are so pink. Beomgyu realizes they had such a pretty shape, curved upwards at two beautiful corners on his face. They look a bit dry too, but he thinks he’d like to know for himself if they really were.
Beomgyu gulps, he really needs to get a grip.
“Th–the tofu, I think it’s been 4 minutes already.”
“Oh, right.” Soobin lowers the stove heat and flips each slice of tofu on the pan. “After another 3-4 minutes, I’ll add the sauce.”
Mentally, Beomgyu kicks himself. He knows this is him chickening out.
But love? The one? Really? It sounds like so much pressure.
Even when he is interested in Soobin, what if he wasn’t what the guy was looking for? He thought there could be something here, but maybe he was reading this all wrong. What if Soobin genuinely just wanted friendship from him. He really needs to stop thirsting for this guy before he gets ahead of himself.
Whatever this is going on between them, at least Soobin was right. The braised tofu tasted delicious and way, way better than anything Beomgyu himself could have cooked.
“Now, will you tell me your real thoughts?” Soobin asks him after they eat. They wash down their dinner with lychee soda that Soobin brought for him, and it all tastes perfect together.
“It’s terrible, really hyung. It hurts my tongue!” Beomgyu fake frowns, making Soobin laugh.
“Come on, Gyu. Why can’t you just give me a proper compliment?”
“Okay, okay, it was perfect. Dare I say, you should open your own business.” He’s serious too. Soobin made a regular meal taste like it could come from a 3-Michelin star restaurant.
Soobin shakes his head, “Ridiculous. You overdid it now.”
“I’m serious! Hey!” Beomgyu grabs his hand to make sure he’s really listening. “You have got to cook for me again soon.”
Soobin stares at their hands together and a sudden sense of awareness spreads down Beomgyu’s spine. Before he could take it back, Soobin did something that made him almost jump out of his skin.
He smoothly slides his hand away from under Beomgyu’s grasp and switches their positions, with his larger hand now holding Beomgyu’s fingers, delicately running his thumb over them.
“Is this okay?”
Oh my god. Beomgyu’s breath hitches. Maybe he was wrong, again. Does this mean what I think it means?
“Y-yeah.” He’s stuttering. A cute guy held his hand and now he’s stuttering. If his friends were here now, Beomgyu knows they’d laugh their asses off. Who could blame him though? What the hell was Soobin so beautiful and sweet and funny and kind for?
“Beomgyu-ya,” Soobin says, his voice dipping low.
“Yeah?”
It feels like an eternity passes before Soobin says the next thing.
“Nevermind.”
Beomgyu blinks. What.
Soobin gives him a dumb smile, still holding his hand.
“No, hyung, what were you going to say?” Beomgyu tries not to sound like he’s whining but he can’t help it. His heart nearly fell down to his butt and all Soobin says is ‘nevermind’?
The taller man shakes his head. “It’s nothing.”
Beomgyu takes his hand. As quickly as it disappears from Soobin’s hold, he uses the same hand to smack Soobin’s shoulder. Not enough to actually hurt, but it makes him wince anyway. Beomgyu’s not violent, but he can’t help himself. It was like Soobin was actively trying to make him lose his mind.
“What do you mean ‘it’s nothing’?! Why did you suddenly call me?”
Soobin just laughs. Low and deep and sending vibrations along Beomgyu’s skin. “I’m sorry, I’m just… nervous.”
“Why would you be nervous?”
Soobin is still smiling, but his eyes told Beomgyu like he was contemplating his next words. He looked down at his own hand which was now alone on the counter. A picture of Soobin at the cafe flashes in Beomgyu’s mind and he suddenly remembers something.
“Why… Why did you get me those strawberries? That day at the cafe when I was with my friends?”
Soobin’s eyes still continue to avoid him, making him think this was a mistake. He didn’t mean for this to happen. It feels like a confrontation, like Soobin was being cornered. But Beomgyu really was curious. He deserves to know, right?
“Soobin-ah, can you please look at me?”
Soobin does. He catches Beomgyu’s eyes and his smile slowly fades.
“Can you tell me why you did all that for me?” Beomgyu tries again.
Soobin takes a deep breath, and finally, finally says what Beomgyu’s been dying to hear.
“How could I not? I just… I like you so much, Gyu-ya.”
“Really?”
Soobin does a small nod. For a huge person, he looks so small right now, and it makes Beomgyu want to hug him. Right after he himself combusts from happiness.
“Hyung, I really like you too.”
Like that, Soobin’s face beamed with the same excitement that Beomgyu felt in his own chest.
“Like, how much?” he asks, sounding sincere.
Beomgyu’s smile widens. With his heart fluttering and hands slightly shaking, he says, “This much.”
Beomgyu’s body had a mind of its own. His hand flies to Soobin’s neck, right below his ear, and he pulls him close.
When their lips touch, Beomgyu’s head spins. The world around them simply disappeared and there was nothing he could focus on but Soobin’s lips – soft, soft, soft.
He doesn’t let go as he stands up from the stool where he'd been sitting. Soobin reacts and does the same, making them both upright now.
Soobin’s hand makes its way around the small of his back, then to his waist, and his other hand slips upwards, behind Beomgyu’s head, deepening their kiss. Beomgyu places his other hand around Soobin’s back, further eliminating any space between their bodies.
Soobin feels warm everywhere. His lips, soft and careful, make Beomgyu hot all over, from the top of his head down to the end of his toes. He then remembers he has to show Soobin just ‘how much’ he likes him, so he slowly pokes his tongue between the opening of Soobin’s lips, and the taller man gets the message and welcomes him in. Beomgyu meets his tongue, lewdly gliding against the soft, bottom part of it, and hungrily drinking up the liquid gathering in his mouth, like he could get drunk just from tasting him.
Fuck . Soobin just let out a painfully delicious sound from his throat. Beomgyu whimpers in response. He slowly lets Soobin take over, allowing him to lick into his mouth now. His tongue hits the roof of Beomgyu’s mouth before their tongues meet to dance wetly again.
They pull away for a bit of air, and their mouths are locked again just a second later. This time, Soobin wastes no time taking in Beomgyu’s bottom lip to suck on it. Beomgyu moans in response, oh god. This is happening so fast. He needs to–
“Mmf, w–wait,” Beomgyu mutters, pulling away, letting them both catch their breaths again.
Soobin slowly opens his eyes, like he’d just been out of it too. His hair is all a mess, thanks to Beomgyu’s hand that moved up as they got lost in the kiss. How is it possible that he still looks so fucking good though? It was unfair. Beomgyu felt something twist in the bottom of his stomach.
“Sorry, got carried away.” Soobin heaves, moving his hand up and down Beomgyu’s back.
Beomgyu presses their foreheads together. “Me too. That felt… good.”
Soobin breaths out as he smiles, closing his eyes again.
“I can’t believe you like me too.”
Now that was just silly. Beomgyu kisses his nose in response. It’s soft against his lips.
“Does that make you believe it now?”
He hears him chuckling. Soobin then cups his cheek with one hand, and thumbs over his skin. “You’re so beautiful. I think I’m dreaming.”
Beomgyu winces at that, being called ‘beautiful’. Memories of the last time someone called him that begin to invade his mind and he tries his best to shoo them out. He succeeds, but he still feels vulnerable again anyway.
They slowly stand up straight again, still looking into each other’s eyes as they move their faces away.
“I think I’m dreaming too,” Beomgyu says quietly. “And I really like… really love kissing you, but I don’t think we could do more than that tonight. At least not for now.”
Soobin seems to read the sadness in his words because he gently wraps his arms around Beomgyu to give him a big hug. Beomgyu rests his forehead on Soobin’s neck, and their difference in height lets him fit right in. He feels so adored by Soobin. So, so safe with him.
“We don’t have to do anything more than what you want. Ever.” Soobin slowly moves his head back so he could look at Beomgyu’s eyes. “Don’t ever feel like you have to push yourself to do anything for me, okay?”
Beomgyu feels like he could melt. Soobin is so perfect, so wonderful in every way that it’s all very clear to Beomgyu why he’s had a good feeling about him since day 1.
“Thank you, hyung.” Beomgyu says to him, slowly relaxing.
All things considered, Soobin should really be more thankful. Don’t get him wrong, this has to be the happiest he’s ever felt.
The person who he’s been pining over, quietly stalking, and carefully adjusting his whole life around in the past few months, the man that he’s admitted to himself that he is in love with, had just admitted that he likes him back.
Really, really likes him – according to Beomgyu’s own words.
But now comes a new problem for Soobin: he can’t touch him without him freaking out.
Beomgyu is dropping him off by the door now. He is a couple of inches shorter than Soobin is, so he stands on his toes to kiss him on the cheek. Soft, gentle lips tickle his skin and Soobin feels himself flush red.
“Good night, Soobin hyung,” Beomgyu says.
“Good night, Beomgyu-ya.”
He waves him goodbye as he walks away, hearing the door close behind him.
Okay, maybe he can touch him, but it’s not in the way that could really satisfy him. There has been this aching desire growing inside Soobin, making him want Beomgyu more and more each day. How he just wants to take the man in his arms and make him feel good. Make him feel good by ruining him.
He arrives at his own floor and Soobin quickly heads to his apartment. He's running warm, and it's all thanks to the man upstairs. Even just kissing him made his blood rush down, leaving Soobin hard as he opened his door.
It's the same layout as Beomgyu's apartment – two bedrooms, an open kitchen, and living room. Beomgyu’s was adorned with pretty trinkets, a collection of his prized photographs on his walls, and indoor plants that hung from his ceiling.
Soobin's place was duller by comparison – not having any other decorations besides a few posters of his favorite anime shows in his bedroom and the basic framed wall art in his living room. As time passes, it might change. He’s newer here after all.
He also cleans up quite well, keeping all his old hammers, baseball bat, and knives in one big box closet that is always tucked under his bed. A collection of all the things he thought he needed for his plan to be a killer. He hasn’t used any of them since he moved that night with Jimin, actually, but it was better to have them here than leave them at his parents’ home in Ansan.
He follows the same routine every time he goes back home after seeing Beomgyu. Lock the door, take a shower, and hope his boner goes away.
He won’t be doing that tonight.
Soobin closes the door to his bedroom to lie down. He unbuckles his belt, hearing the sound of chunky metal as he unhooks it. Just the memory of kissing Beomgyu was enough to get him all worked up now – the way his mouth felt against Soobin’s, the way he whimpered into the kiss, the sound of his gasps.
The sounds he made, they were nothing like what Soobin heard that night when he was with Jimin. Beomgyu was enjoying it too, the same way Soobin was. Shit, he really does like him back.
His hands are practically trembling as he releases his erection from his pants. As expected, he’s already leaking from being so aroused and he wastes no time to grab his throbbing dick in order to ease the heat of his lust.
What would it be like to have Beomgyu’s pretty, soft lips around his dick? Soobin keens, feeling himself tensing up as he pumps himself. He brings up his hand to spit and it helps with sliding his fingers up and down his shaft. If only this was Beomgyu’s hands, fuck, if this was his tongue, licking Soobin’s slit before swallowing his entire cockhead in his wet, dirty mouth, he just knows he’d come in seconds.
“Ahh, f— Beomgyu-ya…” Soobin moans, trying not to be too loud as he gets himself off.
He decides to keep his mouth busy by biting his bottom lip, making his breathing grow louder in his ears. He feels like an animal out of control. Beomgyu makes him feel like an animal. Pathetic and needy of attention, but he would never want to control him. In fact, he thinks this might be the first time that he’s alright with letting someone else take charge over him.
“Mmm.” He was getting closer, and he made sure to swipe against his slit more thoroughly, feeling the tickle of pleasure as his fingers rub against it. He bites his lip harder, now dry from his quick, hungry pants. Beomgyu, in his mind, looks up at him with those gorgeous, brown eyes, and Soobin imagines them water a little when his cock hits the back of his throat.
“Ahhhhh… fuck, fuck.” Soobin’s hips buckle as he comes, white spurting out onto his mattress and into his hand. He tries to catch his breath, slow and heavy in the quiet bedroom. It takes him a few minutes to gather his thoughts again and wake up from the haze of his orgasm.
God, what was Beomgyu doing to him? This isn’t Soobin. He knows he could very well just have his way with Beomgyu if he wanted, and lord knows how much he wanted him now. Yet, he doesn’t want it to happen that way. He wants Beomgyu to come to him. He wants Beomgyu to make that choice to have sex with him when he’s ready. Nothing more, nothing less.
He has a feeling that sex with Beomgyu when he’s happy and eager too might be the greatest thing ever.
Soobin decides that a quick, warm shower would be nice right now, so he gets out of bed and heads to his bathroom to do just that. As he washes up, he tries to think of how he could help Beomgyu move on.
The last man that he slept with left him traumatized, and Soobin knew nothing about how to help someone get over that. He’s done what he knows how to do. He’s eliminated Jimin from the equation, but there’s still an emotional scar left behind in his poor, brave Beomgyu. A scar that Soobin wishes he could heal himself.
When he was a kid, Soobin hated challenges. Puzzles and quizzes made him impatient. When he wanted something, he wanted it to be easy for him to have. As he finishes cleaning himself up and goes back to his bed, he still hasn’t solved his problem. He doesn’t believe in miracles, but he sure could use one.
It only takes a couple of minutes for Soobin to fall asleep.
April 3, 2024
Beomgyu isn’t one not to follow through with his promise. The next day, he texts Yeonjun to call him later at lunch because he has some “big and important news” that the oldest surely wouldn’t want to miss.
He giddily gets up from his couch, where he went to sleep again last night, and gets ready for work. As he heads out of his building, he smiles when he sees a text from Soobin greeting him ‘good morning’.
He’s so happy. There’s something he can look forward to again besides work and his friends.
Speaking of work, Eunseok will be at the studio today. He’ll be joining Beomgyu on a meeting with a creative team for a magazine shoot scheduled two weeks from now, the third week of April, which would then be featured in the magazine’s May issue.
Not everyday do they get big jobs like this. At most, they get serious magazine gigs twice or thrice in a year, so it’s kind of a big deal.
During the meeting, the art director proposes a romantic concept with flowers as the main highlight of the shoot. At the mention of romance, Beomgyu’s brain becomes unstoppable, and he gives his suggestions, one after the other. Normally, he tries to be more lax and let the other people spearhead the project, but he can’t help it, he’s inspired.
Once the meeting is over, they agree on a date for a rehearsal shoot. He sees the team off and goes to the restroom.
When he walks out, he almost jumps.
“Gyu.”
“Oh my god!” he yelps as he sees Eunseok, with his eyes, big and round, and a flat expression on his face.
“Dude, can you stop creeping up on people like this? You’re gonna give me a fucking heart attack,” he says weakly without any real punch.
The corners of Eunseok’s lips rise just a fraction but it makes his cheeks grow big. He has that face that makes you think he knows something you don’t. It was something that really bugged Beomgyu when they weren’t yet close — now it’s his tendency to surprise the living daylights out of him that Beomgyu hasn’t worked on.
Eunseok blinks back at him. “We have a problem.”
Beomgyu furrows his brows. “What?”
“I can’t do a practice shoot with you next week, and I don’t think Sungchan can either.” Eunseok says.
Besides the fact that it’s going to be the time of their pre-planning which involved him studying the main subjects of the catalog through practice shoots in the studio, he had a couple of clients coming in by then for smaller commissions. Beomgyu could really use the extra hands around the place.
“Why not?”
“I have a trip scheduled.”
“And Sungchan?”
“He has a… trip scheduled.”
Beomgyu groans. Of course these two planned a couple’s vacation just when he needed them. He’s not even sure they are a couple. They mostly just flirt around the studio but never really admit to anything.
He exhales deeply. It’s fine, he can try to ask someone else.
“Okay, but when are you two coming back? I need you in the fifteenth for the real shoot.”
“We’ll be back by then. It’s just a 5-day Jeju trip,” Eunseok explains. “So we won’t take that long.”
Beomgyu snorts and crosses his arms. Unbelievable. “So you are going together?”
Before Eunseok could answer, he hears his phone ringing. Eunseok’s face brightens up. He shrugs and waves at Beomgyu, walking away, “Woah, would you look at that. I think it’s time for lunch. See ya later, Gyu.”
You can’t control the things that happen to you, but you can control how you react to them, Beomgyu’s mom always said to him. This wasn’t a real crisis. Maybe he could ask Kai or Yeonjun to help him out if they were fine with it.
Or maybe Soobin. Now that sounds way more exciting. If he would be interested in that stuff.
He answers Yeonjun’s call. “ I have 5 minutes. Make this quick. ”
“It’s lunch time, how do you only have 5 minutes for me?”
“ I don’t like to talk while I eat my food, Gyu. What was so big and important that you wanted to tell me? ”
Beomgyu can’t help the grin on his face. He wishes Yeonjun was eating as he delivers his news. “There’s been progress between Soobin and I.”
He hears a loud coughing on the other end. Count on Yeonjun to be dramatic enough to choke on something like this.
“ Sorry, sorry, ” Yeonjun clears his throat. “ See? What did I tell you? ”
“Yeah you were right, whatever.”
“ Not even a day after I said it too. Damn. What happened? ”
“I thought you only had 5 minutes?” Beomgyu says before faking a yawn.
“ Well that means you need to talk faster then! ”
Beomgyu chuckles, walking over to his table to lean against it. “Okay, okay jeez,” he rubs his neck, feeling warm again as he recounts last night. “He said I made him nervous and that… he’s liked me since he met me.”
“ What? Come on. Be fuckin for real. ”
“That’s what he said!”
“ And? What did you say? ”
“I said what I felt, I like him back.” Beomgyu says sincerely. “And then we kissed.”
“ And, did you hear wedding bells ringing and songbirds singing too? ” he can practically hear the sass in Yeonjun’s voice.
“No, but we did say we’ll see where this goes.” He says confidently.
“ Shit. ”
“Yeah. Shit.” Beomgyu waits a few seconds. “Well? What do you think about a quick dinner at my place this Saturday?”
He hears Yeonjun breathe heavily through his nose. “ Okay, Gyu. ”
“It’s a date,” Beomgyu says. “I’m being careful, but I have a good feeling about him, hyung.”
“ Alright, I know. Just… It would make me feel better to meet him first, you know. ”
He does know. It’s hard enough for his friends to feel so helpless about what happened to him before. He can let them be uptight as long as they don’t overstep his boundaries.
“Yeah, I understand. I’ll text Kai about Saturday.”
“ Okay. I need to eat now and you should too ,” Yeonjun says. “ Keep me in the loop, Beoms. ”
“I will,” Beomgyu says. “Thanks, hyung.”
April 5, 2023
For the following nights, Beomgyu and Soobin have spent more and more time with each other. Mostly by having dinner together in Beomgyu’s apartment.
The only time they could actually see each other on weekdays was in the evening, so Soobin had to take every opportunity he could be around him. Beomgyu seemed to enjoy time with him too, despite both of them always being tired from work.
He noticed a lot of little things about Beomgyu that he never would have if he didn’t get to know him himself.
When he got shy, his ears turned red really fast. When something was funny, his laugh starts mutedly and eventually escalates to a loud window swiping sound that Soobin couldn’t help but laugh at too. When he was nervous, he would find a loose thread or a rough fabric to fidget between his cute, delicate fingers.
And he also had a mouth. Loud and sassy and it was at times like these when Soobin thought he saw the real Beomgyu. And it made Soobin’s time with him never boring.
Everything about him was just so adorable and it all made Soobin fall for him more and more deeply.
It is Friday now, and Soobin repeats what Beomgyu just said, “Your studio?”
They sat on the younger guy’s living room couch. Soobin had one arm over his shoulder and Beomgyu was leaning on his chest, rubbing his own belly after they just had dinner.
This was basically the most they did in terms of anything physical besides kissing, and it was really difficult to not grow a tent in his pants whenever Beomgyu was this close. Needless to say, he still hasn’t gotten the courage to ask him if they can go further than this.
“Yeah. I know, I know you’ll be busy but listen,” Beomgyu says, “You’ll get to be around cool photography stuff and you can see me work. And –”
“I don’t really know how to model, yeobo .”
Another thing they’re doing now. Calling each other pet names. Beomgyu hasn’t quite gotten used to it yet, always blushing pink when Soobin calls him ‘darling’. He wonders how far his skin flushes that color, if it reaches his whole neck, maybe his chest.
“Hyung, you don’t need to. I just need someone to help me keep things in order while I’m busy handling a client,” Beomgyu pouts at him basically and just like that, he gives up.
Soobin does like the idea of seeing Beomgyu working, and he’s asking so sweetly. “Okay, then I’ll take a few days off. My sister will be back by then anyway. You promise no modeling for me?”
“Yes, yes, I promise!” Beomgyu beamed excitedly, “There’s a separate rehearsal shoot with the actual models. I just like having extra hands around.”
Soobin hums, not saying more. On top of this, he’s nervous enough about tomorrow. Saturday.
He’s about to meet Beomgyu’s friends, to be introduced to them as someone who’s, well, more than a friend to him now.
He already knows their names: Yeonjun, the one with sharp eyes and black hair, and Kai, the tall, blond one who ordered those pancakes for him.
“Are you really going to help me?” Beomgyu asks again. He sounds so excited and it makes Soobin want to eat him whole.
“Can I get a kiss first?”
Beomgyu makes the most wonderful sounds as he pulls himself up to Soobin’s face. Their lips collide clumsily, as the younger wraps his hands around Soobin's neck to draw him closer. This kiss was just like their other ones, hungry and soft and leaving Soobin warm all over.
“How are you real?” Soobin sighs after, still hazy from his lips. He says it all the time. It’s one thing he can let himself be honest about — how in disbelief he is that Beomgyu wants him too.
Beomgyu only giggles at him, hands still around Soobin, when suddenly, he stops.
Soobin follows where his eyes landed, and he realizes that the side of Beomgyu’s knee had basically found its way against the front of Soobin’s hips during their kiss – right where there’s a thick, hard spot on his crotch.
Soobin feels himself panic. Shit. If this was going to be the reason to set back all of Beomgyu’s progress in being comfortable with him, he’s going to hate himself.
“Oh,” Beomgyu says. He lets out an airy giggle. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to.”
He quickly adjusts himself again to move a bit further away from Soobin. The warmth of his body disappears.
Soobin watches him quietly, only feeling slightly irritated. He doesn’t want Beomgyu to feel sorry. He wants him to touch Soobin in any way that he wants. He could be patient and wait for when Beomgyu is ready for that, but damn it. He wants to make sure that Beomgyu knows of his privilege at least.
He chuckles, “Gyu, why are you saying sorry?”
“Because, I… nevermind.”
“No,” Soobin says, trying to keep his voice light. “Tell me.”
“It’s really nothing, jagiya. ”
Beomgyu covers his face with both hands and buries himself in Soobin’s shoulder, trying to hide.
Soobin clicks his tongue, “Fine, you won’t tell me? Then I’ll talk.”
He takes Beomgyu’s hands with little effort away from his face to make sure the younger man sees his seriousness now.
“I’m not ashamed of it,” Soobin begins. “You felt that, didn’t you? I’m hard, because of you, Gyu-ya.”
Beomgyu breathes slowly. His eyes didn’t seem scared, just surprised at Soobin’s honesty.
“Hyung,” He says, his voice coming out weak.
“I don’t ever want to pressure you to do anything, but I also don’t want to lie to you,” Not about this, anyway. Keeping his past from Beomgyu is a whole different story.
Beomgyu’s hands in his hold go limp and Soobin kisses the back of each one before putting them down.
“I don’t want to scare you. I just… I want you to know this. Of your power over me because–”
Before he could finish speaking, Beomgyu was on his mouth again. This time, he felt the younger one climbing over to his lap to straddle him. Soobin’s eyes are still wide open to see Beomgyu’s lashes falling shut, and he instinctively helps him balance himself on Soobin’s lap, moving his two hands behind his bum.
Beomgyu licks at the opening of his lips, and he opens up to let him explore further. He exhales through his nose when he feels Beomgyu’s hands travel up to his hair, running his fingers through them while pressing himself closer. There was practically zero space between their bodies, and Soobin could only feel himself grow more and more aroused, lust spreading all over his skin. Beomgyu’s tongue clashes with his and he moans.
When they pull away, Beomgyu’s breath fans against his mouth which now hung open, covered in the mixture of their spit.
“Binnie hyung,” he softly says, “You really turn me on, too.”
Soobin could explode in his pants. Fuck. Was he hearing this right?
He exhales so deeply that they can both hear it and kisses the top of Beomgyu’s head.
“Oh, baby,” You’re safe with me, let me prove it . “Let me take care of you then.” Soobin adds pressure on one of his ass cheeks, and the younger man whimpers, but he doesn’t stop him. Jesus. Soobin could just die right now. “Please.”
Beomgyu looks at him like he was in pain, and Soobin is starting to think that he’s doing the one thing he didn’t want to do. That he’s pushed Beomgyu too far.
He feels Beomgyu’s fingers glazing his jaw, and he begins caressing his face.
“There’s something you need to know about me first, hyung.”
Shit. Is this it? Is he opening up to him?
“The last guy I slept with… It was the person I told you about. The one who died.”
Soobin moves one hand away from his bottom to tuck Beomgyu’s hair away from his face. It’s also an excuse to see him better.
“He was the reason why the police talked to you last week, right?”
Beomgyu does a small nod, and he looks down. He shouldn’t be embarrassed about anything, not with Soobin. It was Soobin’s own hands that did that. And he’d do it again just to help him feel safe.
“Things were over between us even before he died, I swear. And... he wasn’t good to me, hyung. We were only together one time. And h-he didn’t treat me right d-during.” Beomgyu’s voice begins to get shaky, and just like that, Soobin feels himself melt.
“Baby, I would never do anything bad to you. I’m nothing like him.”
It feels so good to say this, finally, now that Beomgyu has told him about that asshole himself. Now, he doesn’t need to pretend that he’s clueless.
“I know. But… there’s more.”
Soobin only looks at him in silence. Patience, Soobin . It’s a virtue that’s served him all his life.
“He’s the reason why I’m scared of sleeping in my own room. It’s where h-he…” Beomgyu’s lips quiver as he talks. Eyes have begun to water, threatening to spill.
Once the first tear falls against his cheek, Soobin has to stop himself from kissing it away. Even while he was crying, Beomgyu still looked so beautiful. Soobin is a sick, sick man.
“Shhh…” Soobin hopes he calms him down. He wipes Beomgyu’s tears with both hands now, and he adjusts his body so that Beomgyu could stay balanced on him. He didn’t need to worry about it for too long because the younger man went pliant against his chest, and he lay the side of his face on his shoulder.
As Beomgyu sobbed against him, Soobin could feel his shirt getting wet. He doesn't like this. Doesn't like seeing him sad. He hopes he never does anything that makes him cry.
As he keeps crying, Soobin takes the time to speak again.
“Gyu, it’s okay. You don’t need to get to the details if you don’t want to, okay?”
Beomgyu says something against his chest, but it comes out muffled.
“What was that, baby?”
Beomgyu sniffs and slowly leans back to face him again. His eyes were now red and puffy, and Soobin wipes his thumb when another teardrop spills. “Do you think differently of me now?”
Soobin frowns. “Why would I think of you differently?”
“Because I’m not the person you thought I was. I have… I have so much baggage. D-do you think I’m broken now? After knowing what happened?”
Soobin answers by cupping his cheeks with both hands and planting a long, soft kiss on his lips. When they part, he whispers to him loud and clear. “Not even a little bit.”
It only makes Beomgyu cry harder and Soobin patiently waits him out until he calms down. A few minutes later, he asks, “Hyung, can I stay with you tonight?”
He brings Beomgyu’s fingers to his lips to place a soft kiss there and doesn’t think twice about it. “Of course.”
Some 20 minutes later, Beomgyu was now in his apartment. Thank god he made sure to change his bedsheets and lock his tools away into his broom closet that morning.
He guides him into his room, and Beomgyu, now in his sleeping clothes, a loose gray t-shirt and plaid pajama pants, lies on his bed first. He audibly sighs, sounding relaxed and at peace in Soobin’s sanctuary. He doesn't turn the light on, only one bedside lamp providing them any vision.
As he looks at him in the pool of his pillows and blankets, Soobin can’t help but think Beomgyu belongs. Right here. Where Soobin was.
Beomgyu scoots over to the right side so Soobin could climb in. They lie down, side by side and he makes sure to adjust the pillow under Beomgyu’s head. It proves to be pointless because Beomgyu only shifts again, until his head is resting on Soobin’s shoulder, taking him by surprise. The top of his hair is the only thing in Soobin’s vision. Lavender fills his nose.
“Gyu?” he whispers. Feeling Beomgyu’s hand landing on his chest. He’s so precious. Soobin takes it and laces their fingers together as he uses his other hand to draw circles on Beomgyu’s back.
“Hm?”
“Listen, you don’t need to talk about that person unless you want to, okay? I want you. No matter what happened to you in the past.”
Soobin pauses, in case he was reading it wrong. “Do you want to talk to me more about it?”
“No.” Beomgyu answers quickly, “I really, really don’t.”
“Then we don’t have to. You’re still the Beomgyu I know, the one that I like. Nothing changes that.” Nothing can.
Beomgyu mumbles a really quiet ‘ I like you too, Soobin hyung. ’ He’s had a long day.
Soobin hums. “But I need you to tell me something. Is that okay with you?”
Beomgyu waits a few seconds and Soobin hears him breath deeply. He tilts his head up to look at him, and Soobin is once again in awe of how beautiful he is. His milky soft skin looks so much greater this close. “What is it, hyung?”
Soobin inhales slowly. “Can you tell me what things you’re not comfortable with?”
“Do you mean the things I don’t want to do?”
“Yes, yeobo . I want to know what you don’t want me to do with you, so that I don’t make the mistake of scaring you.”
Beomgyu has a pensive look on his face and he seems to consider his answer to the question like it was the first time he was figuring this out for himself too. Things that could trigger him.
“To be honest. I think I can be comfortable with anything, but what I don’t want is to feel like I’m not being heard,” he says softly. “When I say no, I want you to listen. When I say I don’t like something, I want you to never do it again.”
In all honesty, these were just simple requests. Beomgyu was stronger than he looked, Soobin noticed. He thinks that, ultimately, the one thing that Beomgyu doesn’t want during sex is to feel like he doesn’t have—
“Control. You just want to feel in control, is that right?” Soobin murmurs.
Beomgyu breathes in and nods, looking surprised. “Y-yeah. I think that’s exactly it.”
He nuzzles into Soobin’s chest, and he thinks he feels him smelling him through his nose. He wonders if it’s comforting.
Soobin hums at that, before asking seriously. “When we do, decide we want to have sex,” he pauses, “can you tell me what you want me to do?”
Beomgyu wheezes, squeezing his eyes shut.
“Just… make sure to properly prep me, hyung, ” he says, like he's trying to make it sound like a joke, but Soobin knows it's far more serious than it is.
“Of course, baby,” he says, holding Beomgyu closer. “What else do you want, during?”
Beomgyu says quietly, “I want to see you while we do it. Wanna look… into your eyes.”
“You have the most beautiful eyes, I’d love that too."
“Really?”
Soobin whispers, “Really.”
Beomgyu nuzzles into him again, smiling, “And I want you to kiss me a lot.”
“You have the most beautiful lips, too.”
Beomgyu snorts, weakly slapping Soobin's chest. “I think that's you, hyung. You have the most beautiful lips.”
“You can't convince me to think that, I'm sorry.” Soobin says pointedly.
“Corny,” Beomgyu pinches his cheek, “My hyung is so corny.”
When Beomgyu lets go of his cheek, leaving it to sting a little bit, Soobin retaliates by tickling his side, making him squirm.
He’s in a much better mood now .
Beomgyu looks at him again, “When we do have sex, I want you to enjoy it too and not just think of me. I just need you to remember to pay attention. For communication, you know?”
“Yeah okay, Gyu-ya.” Soobin says. The tears on Beomgyu’s eyes have dried out, and his voice is no longer as shaky as before. Soobin isn’t stupid enough to think they can go all the way tonight, but, “Can I communicate something with you, right now?”
Beomgyu’s fingers are at the end of his sleeve, playing with the fabric near his hand. Chuckling weakly, in a lighter mood. “Sure.”
“I want to try to make you feel good.” Soobin says, “Can I do that?”
Beomgyu peers up at him. The tips of his ears turning into a faint pink.
“Okay, hyung.”
Soobin thoughtfully repositions them both. He helps Beomgyu lie on his back on the bed, making sure he’s comfortable, as Soobin moves above him, keeping his own legs between Beomgyu’s legs. He grabs his thighs and places them on each side of his waist, all while checking Beomgyu’s reactions. He seems fine so far. Just observing Soobin.
He leans down just an inch away from his face. “First, I want to kiss you everywhere,” he says, caressing Beomgyu’s sides, “Can I see you?”
He slips his fingers under Beomgyu’s gray shirt and comes in contact with skin, just as soft and warm as he imagined it to be.
“Yes,” Beomgyu says breathily, letting Soobin lift up the fabric off of him, “Okay.”
Once his shirt off, he takes in Beomgyu’s naked chest, smooth and beautiful everywhere. The gorgeous slope of his shoulders, his rosey pink nipples, his pale, soft belly. Soobin licks his bottom lip once, twice, while Beomgyu stares up at him. Must be wondering what's in Soobin's mind.
Soobin’s words are heavy leaving his tongue. “Shit. You’re…”
His mouth goes dry, just staring at Beomgyu’s body like it was a lake and he’s been thirsty for years.
“What?” Beomgyu asks him, sounding worried, slowly hugging his arms around himself.
“Perfect. You’re perfect.”
Beomgyu visibly relaxes below him. His arms fading away. He smirks, but his eyes remain soft, “Well then where are the kisses I was promised?”
Now there’s the bratty Beomgyu that he loves to see. There is a fire inside him. Soobin leans in, caging Beomgyu’s head with his big, lean arms. He goes to peck his lips once and moves to his jaw to nibble along the skin, feeling a hint of peach fuzz. Beomgyu gasps. His eyes fall shut as Soobin goes lower, and proceeds to lick the junction of his neck and shoulder.
He keeps moving southward, now with his face on Beomgyu’s chest, kissing his collarbones and everything around it, feather light touches. Not lying about ‘everywhere’, he presses his lips on every inch of skin he can, closer and closer to his sternum, while his hands find their way to his nipples.
He smooths over the buds simultaneously, making Beomgyu whimper out, “Ahh, hyung.”
“Mm..” He replaces his fingers with his lips, and now licks at one bud.
“Oh my god,” Beomgyu gasps, arching his back. The sound sends shockwaves down Soobin’s crotch.
He sucks on the nipple before letting go, leaving it wet and more swollen than the other. “Is this okay?”
Beomgyu nods, gulping. “Yes, I– I want this off too.” His hands tug at Soobin’s white t-shirt, and he wastes no time taking it off.
Soobin knows he’s good-looking. It doesn’t hurt that he just gains muscle easily. He imagines himself from Beomgyu’s perspective: broad chest, solid abs, toned shoulders and arms that could have no trouble throwing him around if Beomgyu does so little as ask.
“Shit, this is what you’ve looked like all this time?” Beomgyu says, covering Soobin’s chest with his hands. “Who birthed you? A Greek god?”
“Ridiculous,” Soobin sighs, not being able to stop the stupid grin on his face. His cock only grows stiffer.
“No, you are,” Beomgyu retorts, giggling. He’s enjoying this, so Soobin couldn’t be any more pleased. “How does a barista have a six-pack?”
“Good genes,” Soobin heaves. “Now can I please continue?”
“Fuck yeah,” Beomgyu says. Soobin wants to bite him for cussing so much, but he’s really no better. “What next?”
His breath hitches when Soobin goes to his other nipple, lapping at it like he’s hungry, and it does a good job at momentarily making him go quiet.
On his stomach, Soobin presses down, right where Beomgyu’s crotch was.
His head snaps back up to look at Beomgyu. “Can I touch you down here?”
“Just touch?” Beomgyu asks.
“And suck you off?”
There’s a flash of worry in Beomgyu’s eyes, but his answer comes out quiet. “Yes, yes. Okay.”
He lifts his hips up, helping Soobin take off his pajamas, leaving him with only his briefs. Soobin cups him with one hand, and his eyes widen when he realizes that Beomgyu himself was packing. He hadn’t gotten a good look that night when he watched him.
Beomgyu moans, but he pushes himself up to get a better look of Soobin between his legs. The older caresses his thighs, ivory-hued and smooth on his palms, before nosing along his crotch, still covered with fabric. He drinks in his scent, clean and a little musky in his nose.
He begins to slip his fingers inside the band and slowly removes them, throwing away his underwear on the floor. Once he’s completely naked, Soobin helps him reposition his legs on his sides again, and Soobin uses his elbows for support on the mattress.
He only takes a few seconds to appreciate his cock, and it’s a very nice cock. It’s not as unbearably huge as Soobin’s, but it’s still pretty big.
“Hyung…”
“Yeah?” he says, seeing Beomgyu take in a deep breath.
Beomgyu gulps, “C-careful. I'm so… ”
Soobin slowly pushes himself up, to have his face hovering above Beomgyu again. His chest rises and falls below Soobin, and his brows were gathered in sweat.
“Oh baby,” Soobin says, cupping his face gently. “Don’t be scared. I’m going to make you feel good, right?”
Beomgyu nods, closing his eyes.
“I need you to trust me. Let me touch you, please?”
Beomgyu takes a while, breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth. Soobin cannot contain how fucking hot he thought it was that Beomgyu was kind of terrified, but he waits it out patiently.
He kisses the corners of his lips before giving him another full kiss. Letting Beomgyu nibble at his lip while his own quivers. He feels Beomgyu thickening again below him.
“Can I eat you out now?” Soobin asks when they pull away.
“O-okay… ” Beomgyu says.
Soobin sighs, kissing him one last time before lowering himself again in his previous position. He feels Beomgyu's eyes never leaving him as he gently pushes his thighs to open wider, catching a glimpse of the inside of Beomgyu’s legs.
The line from his balls down to his hole looks tempting too, he wants to have his mouth all over it tonight.
He wraps one hand at the base of Beomgyu’s dick, making him gasp audibly. He brings his face close enough that only his breath hits the head, but it twitches already. “So sensitive,” he murmurs.
“Fuck,” Beomgyu says weakly, easing the hot tension.
“Oh I will,” Soobin says. “Not tonight, just when you’re ready.”
Which he hopes won’t be for too long. He can’t wait to know what it’s like to be inside Beomgyu, for his own cock to be swallowed by his ass.
“I’ll start, okay?”
Beomgyu nods, and then Soobin’s lips are on his tip. He kisses it wetly before opening his mouth, swiping at the slit with his tongue tasting salt. He laps at the slit repeatedly but not too rushed, wanting Beomgyu to feel every sensation and making sure this is amazing enough for him to forget ever being worried of being intimate with him.
Beomgyu's breathing grows louder. Soobin places his thighs on his shoulders for better access, opens his mouth wider, and takes in more and more of his length. He sucks on as much of it as he can, drinking in his own spit and pre-cum. He moves his hands under Beomgyu, lifting his ass up so he could push his cock into Soobin's mouth more.
“Ahh, hmm," Beomgyu sighs, running his fingers over Soobin's hair.
Soobin hums, sliding him out and in again. He repeats the motion, breathing through his nose. God this was hot. It felt so good to have Beomgyu’s cock inside him, all hot and heavy in his mouth.
Soobin closes his eyes, this time swallowing as much of Beomgyu's length as he can. Beomgyu gasps, tugging his hair weakly when his tip hits Soobin's throat. He keeps it in there for as long as he can, blocking his own airway.
“O-oh god, oh god. Aaaah…"
Soobin feels his eyes water, but he stops himself from gagging, feeling Beomgyu’s thighs trembling. Finally, he pulls it out again and takes a deep breath of air.
When he’s ready again, he gives Beomgyu a proper blowjob. He gradually starts bobbing his head on his cock, relaxing his mouth and carefully avoiding his teeth as he continues to suck him off. All while he hears the younger man whaling in pleasure in front of him.
“Shh.. Ahh. Yes, yes.” Beomgyu cries, and Soobin continues as his head goes dizzy.
When he pulls him out to gather himself, he pumps Beomgyu's spit-soaked cock with one hand, looking up at him. Beomgyu’s face is so pretty, with his mouth open and his eyes looking dazed. He’s pretty sure he looks the same.
Soobin moves Beomgyu's legs which were over his shoulders and places them on the mattress, pushing his knees in the air. Like this, he can see his taint and hole much better. He dives in again to suck on his balls, gliding his tongue over them hungrily as he continues to swipe his hand up and down Beomgyu’s throbbing dick.
Beomgyu’s hips buckle, but he doesn't tell him to stop. Without thinking, Soobin then leaves his balls to lick a line from his hole up to where his balls were, making sure the slide is thorough and slow. Beomgyu's thighs start to shake, “F-fuck."
He presses kisses over it, feeling his chin soaking with his own saliva. “Good?”
“Y-yes. So, so good, hyung.”
He begins alternating between sticking his tongue in Beomgyu’s rim, coating the supple flesh with his spit, and licking his ballsack, repeating the process while he continues to pump him. The squelching sound of his spit coating Beomgyu’s cock fills the room, making him feel hotter by the second. Soobin was so fucking turned on, he could explode in his own pants.
He halts a few seconds later, and lets go of Beomgyu’s thigh, reaching for his own pajamas and slipping under the band to touch himself.
“Can I? I’m not going to…”
Beomgyu nods, understanding, and he shakily lifts himself from the pillow.
“Yes, want to touch you too,” Beomgyu huffs.
Soobin pushes himself up, making sure not to bring Beomgyu’s thighs with him so that he could touch his own throbbing dick too. He gets on his knees, straightening up his torso, and he begins to jerk off both himself and Beomgyu.
Beomgyu also pulls himself up to join him, copying his position on his knees. He wraps a hand on Soobin’s hand which was over the older’s throbbing dick, helping them both out. Soobin leans down just a little to meet him, swallowing Beomgyu’s lips with lust. Their lack of distance presses their crotches together, and Soobin rubs their hard, leaking cocks against each other, causing them to moan in unison.
Beomgyu’s and his hands wrap around their cocks, and they fuck into their palms while gasping against each other’s lips. They are wet and rough and smooth all over, and Soobin feels so fucking good, so fucking amazing as he continues to chase his own pleasure, rubbing himself on Beomgyu. The sensation makes him almost lose balance, but he tries to keep himself upright.
“Mm, gonna c-come,” Beomgyu calls, his hips buckling while Soobin tucks one hand behind his thigh to keep him steady. Soobin kisses him again, their saliva mixing and spilling out of their mouths.
In a few seconds, Beomgyu tenses and cum bursts out of his cock, right into his and Soobin’s hand.
Soobin continues rubbing their fronts together, chasing his own arousal, with Beomgyu’s cum which was now all over them.
“My mouth,” Beomgyu gasps, still high from ejaculating, “In my mouth…”
He gets the message, pushing Beomgyu back so he can lie down again, and climbing over his chest, careful not to put his whole weight on him. Beomgyu takes in Soobin's throbbing member into his mouth, much bigger than his own. And when he feels Beomgyu suck on it and licking on the underside with his tongue, Soobin sees stars. His hips spasm after Beomgyu continues to suck him and he finally reaches his own climax.
Some of the white spills out, but Beomgyu tries to gather as much of the liquid with his tongue, swallowing it down his throat until it stops coming out of Soobin.
When he looks down at him, Beomgyu’s eyes are crystal clear, staring up at Soobin with his perfect, pink lips around Soobin’s cock. It was like something straight out of his dreams and now it was an image he will ingrain in his memory forever.
He pulls out his dick from Beomgyu’s mouth, after it’s done twitching from his high, and carefully moves to the side to collapse on the bed next to him.
From the corner of his eyes, Beomgyu's chest rises and falls, catching his breath from their orgasm.
Soobin moves to get closer to him. He brings up his hand to his face, still wet and glistening in white.
The younger’s eyes never leave him as he licks every drop of Beomgyu’s cum left on his hand, bitter and salty on his palate.
“How do I taste?” Beomgyu asks him, out of breath.
Soobin smiles at him, “Delicious.”
“Kiss,” Beomgyu whines, “kiss me.”
Soobin follows, crashing their lips together. He’s never been happier.
April 4, 2024
Beomgyu woke up the next morning with Soobin already awake next to him, the younger’s chest being hugged from behind.
“Good morning,” he heard Soobin whisper, sending soft tingles down his back.
He hums before turning himself around to hug the taller man, burying his face on his naked chest. They really need to take a shower.
“Kiss?” Soobin says above him, and he shakes his head.
“Why not?” Soobin asks again.
Beomgyu turns to the side, careful not to let his mouth meet with his. “Morning breath,” he explains quickly, before hiding again. Eyes still closed, trying to avoid the sun coming in.
Soobin ends up showering his face with kisses anyway, mumbling ‘ It’s fine ’. Also his neck. And he doesn’t even get mad, only giggling while covering his mouth. He’s adamant on getting them both cleaned first. It’s going to be a long day.
Beomgyu’s still a bit out of it, still couldn’t believe last night happened so easily. He wasn’t even scared that much at all.
Initially, he thought he’d be a lot more freaked out about the whole getting physically intimate thing again, especially since he just had a mini emotional breakdown last night while explaining to Soobin what happened to him.
God that was embarrassing, but he knows it was necessary. If he really wanted to open up to someone again, he needed to be brave about it. Intentional healing, as he called it before.
What got him was how surprisingly very comfortable he was, easing into Soobin’s body like that. Like it was the safest place in the world. And god damn, was it great being with him. Beomgyu hadn’t come like that without actual intercourse before. He feels himself turn hot at the memory.
He can’t believe this guy, with his beautiful face, golden heart, and godly body even wanted him.
The day played out like a movie. He finally got a better look at Soobin’s dick because the older insisted it was better to shower together — which he couldn't help but agree with. And shit, he was as big as Beomgyu remembers. To make sure though, Beomgyu tests his memory as he got down on his knees to suck Soobin off this time.
For breakfast, he wore Soobin’s extra clothes, too lazy to go back into his floor just above him, and they shared the same cup for drinking coffee in the older man’s apartment, a non-issue since they basically shared many other things anyway last night.
As he gets cleaned up for the day, Beomgyu isn’t able to wipe the smile off his face. He’s so happy, so at peace.
He decides to go up to his own place and change. As he walks nearer to his door, he sees a gray chubby cat right outside. His neighbor’s door just a foot open.
“Hello little friend,” he greets the animal. It purrs and nuzzles against his leg.
“Hobak,” Taehyun, the landlord’s son and his next door neighbor says. He dyed his hair a bluish silver. “Oh hello.”
Beomgyu waves at him, “Hey.”
“This cat has been learning new tricks on his own,” Taehyun squeeks, crouching down to carry his pet. “I could have sworn I closed the door when I came in.”
Beomgyu smiles at them, noticing how the cat licks the air when Taehyun rubs his back. “How old is he again?”
“Two years old,” his neighbor answers.
“He looks familiar. Why do you look familiar, little friend?” Beomgyu asks the cat.
Taehyun shrugs, turning to the cat for a question as well. “Have you been going out behind my back?”
They share a laugh. He doesn’t avoid them but he also doesn’t really talk with his neighbors a lot, but Taehyun is nice.
“Looks like a cat my… friend took care of.”
“Is your friend Soobin?” Taehyun asks him.
“Yeah,” Beomgyu says, cocking his head. “You know him?”
“Yeah. Got along with him at the gym and I mentioned needing someone to look after my child and he offered. Long story.”
“Ah,” Beomgyu says. Soobin did mention that it was someone who really needed his help.
“Nice guy. Maybe he taught you the tricks, did he, Hobak?” Taehyun rubs under the cat's chin now.
Full of surprises.
Beomgyu politely excuses himself to go into his own apartment. He adds Taehyun to one of their common friends now, even when he himself wasn’t super close with his neighbor. Maybe they could invite him over someday.
The last time Beomgyu introduced a boyfriend to his friends was 4 years ago, and it was at a nightclub where they all easily got along well. A mix of alcohol and loud music does wonders in reducing people's sense of judgment. Now though, Beomgyu specifically didn’t want to go drinking. Soobin himself didn’t seem too excited about making him uncomfortable after knowing what he went through the last time he went out with a guy.
The last time that he went out with a guy, Beomgyu ended up going through something terrible. So it's no surprise why the plan of introducing Soobin to his friends was filled with layers of complexities this time, and why he's spent all day preparing for it.
He could imagine the evening play out like this. His friends being all overly protective, cornering Soobin and bombarding him with questions about himself like he was some potential criminal. Yeonjun, probably. He can imagine him doing the most. Kai could be a little more subtle, he’s usually more guarded about meeting new people.
“And remember, you just have to be yourself. If they ask you stuff that you don’t want to answer, well, I hope you answer, but if you don’t want to, you can just say so. And don’t get intimidated by Yeonjun hyung, he’s actually really chill and silly himse–”
He gets cut off when Soobin leans down to kiss him. They were now at his own apartment, the hands on the clock nearing 6 PM, and their dinner was carefully laid out on the table, just waiting for their two guests to arrive.
Soobin pulls away, holding him around his waist, “Stop worrying. Things will be fine.”
Besides the fact that Soobin quite literally sweeps him off his feet effortlessly, he also looked extremely delectable tonight. Beomgyu himself only wore a cream cardigan and jeans, but Soobin really made the choice (and effort) to wear a dress shirt tonight — simply just to meet Beomgyu’s friends.
Once his friends had come, Beomgyu was pleasantly surprised. Maybe he shouldn’t have expected the worst from them. Kai and Yeonjun were actually acting really normal.
“So, Soobin-ssi,” Yeonjun says after taking a sip of iced tea. “What did you do before being a barista?”
Soobin clears his throat, “I worked as a baker.”
Next to him, Beomgyu was trying to make him feel more at ease. They’ve talked about this dinner all morning, and he told Soobin to just be himself. That way, his friends can easily see why Beomgyu adores and trusts him so much. But really, he thinks he’s the only one who’s nervous.
“Oh, really?” Yeonjun says. “Baker turned barista, you sound like a character straight out of a Lifetime holiday movie.”
Kai snorts next to him. He’d also been really casual about everything, asking Soobin about his favorite shows or movies. They even ended up learning that they both like anime, something Beomgyu himself couldn’t quite get into after years of knowing Kai. Now he’s thankful for it, maybe these two could actually bond even without him pushing for them to.
“Junnie is kidding,” Beomgyu whispers to him, before narrowing his eyes at his oldest friend.
“Yeah, I am,” Yeonjun says flatly. “Do you take jokes personally, Soobin-ssi?”
Soobin shakes his head, “No, of course not.”
“Hm. Alright. You see our Beomie here is a big joker, so some people might not get into his wavelengths at times, but he means well.”
Soobin doesn’t seem fazed. He takes Beomgyu’s hand under the table and laces their fingers together. “I know. It’s one of the reasons why I like him, Yeonjun-ssi.”
The feeling of Soobin’s skin on his fingers spreads like wildfire in his body, making him feel warm all over. Beomgyu smiles up at him.
“That’s sweet.” Yeonjun says.
“Very sweet,” Beomgyu butts in. He turns to Soobin, “Want more rice?”
“No, thanks.” Soobin says. Yeonjun grabs the bowl of rice instead and puts some on his plate.
“Let’s talk relationships,” the oldest of the bunch chirps. “Anyone wanna share anything?”
When no one answers, Yeonjun turns to Soobin again. “Soobin-ssi, how many boyfriends have you had? Or girlfriends. Have you had girlfriends?”
“Um…” Soobin mumbles. “No, j-just guys.”
Beomgyu coughs loudly. Maybe Yeonjun’s gone one overly invasive question too far.
“Okay. I just remembered there’s this really nice jar of kimchi from my aunt in the fridge. Yeonjun hyung, can you come with me to get it?”
“Do you really need my help with–”
“Yes!” He doesn’t let him finish. He stands up and drags Yeonjun out into his small kitchen leaving Soobin with Kai.
When they’re a bit further away, Yeonjun speaks up first.
“Don’t ask me to stop. You know I can't do that,” he says in the lowest volume he can muster, which for Yeonjun, is not doing a lot.
“I know, I was actually expecting much worse." Beomgyu says, crossing his arms.
Yeonjun snorts, “Oh, did you want me to interview him like he was on To Catch a Predator, or something?“
Beomgyu slaps his arm, “Dumbass, that’s not what I meant. But, I pulled you aside to know what you’re actually thinking so far. You seem… calm."
Yeonjun breathes through his nose, with an unreadable look on his face.
“What? You don’t like him?” Beomgyu asks, surprised.
“No, no, I don’t not like him. It’s just… I get this weird feeling about him, Gyu.” Yeonjun says, quietly. “Like… there’s something about him that’s kinda… unusual.”
Beomgyu purses his lips in a thin line, confused. He certainly hadn’t expected that. Was he reading this whole night wrong? He really thought things were going well.
“Well, what about him made you feel this way?” Beomgyu asks him, trying not to sound like he’s that disappointed. He really wants them to like Soobin, despite him also appreciating their concern.
Yeonjun just looks at him in silence, when he suddenly remembers something.
“Wait… you’re not still caught up about him not having social media, are you?”
“It’s really weird, Gyu. Think about it, he’s good-looking, he’s worked these cute, little dreamy jobs. Why or how would he not want to be on the internet?” Yeonjun explains, narrowing his eyes. “Unless, he’s hiding something.”
“Hyung,” Beomgyu rubs his nose. “Look, we’ve talked about this. He just doesn’t care about that stuff.”
“Maybe. But… I don’t know. I just can’t trust him yet. At the cafe, I didn’t notice it before but he just seems really cold. Like you know how Sunmi noona is always bright and cheerful when talking with customers? I don’t feel that way about him.”
First of all, there was really no need to compare him to his sister. Soobin was an introvert, and he was new to the whole barista work, but Beomgyu thinks he’s done such a great job talking to strangers everyday.
And second, “What are you talking about? He’s always sweet with me?” Literally. Beomgyu thinks that Soobin is such a breath of fresh air.
“That’s ‘cause he’s trying to get into your pants, duh .” Yeonjun rolls his eyes. “I don’t know how you haven’t noticed.”
He really hasn’t, and now he’s worried his vision is all closed off. That he’s only seeing what he wants to see. Also, getting into his pants, he wonders what his friends will think if he tells them that he and Soobin had basically shared bodily fluids already.
“Look,” Yeonjun says. “I’m not saying he’s got this dark aura around him, I’m saying he just feels too guarded. Like, he doesn’t really say what he’s thinking. And you know I’m not used to people like that.”
Huh. He should have known. Yeonjun is one of those people who wants to understand everything at once, and if he thought something was odd, he’d never feel good about it. Maybe this was just more of a Yeonjun issue, and that he was judging Soobin too harshly.
“Great, now I really don’t know what to feel.” Beomgyu admits, biting his lip.
There’s a panicked look on Yeonjun’s face. “No, no, that’s not what I— Gyu. He seems like a nice guy, okay? I’m just saying, I’m finding it hard to trust him myself.”
Beomgyu nods, still overthinking everything. He really doesn’t want to make another mistake. Something he’ll regret again.
“If you’re wondering if I think he’s actually a dangerous person, the answer is no.” Yeonjun hurriedly says. “At least, I hope not.”
Beomgyu snorts. “Jeez, thanks hyung.”
Yeonjun groans. “Gyu, you know what Kai said to me? He said I might feel something like this. Because my judgment’s already too clouded by what happened to you with that previous guy.”
“Kai said that?” he looks at their youngest friend on the table who seemed to be doing small-talk with Soobin. Soobin, on the other hand, catches his eyes, nodding at him as if to say everything’s going fine.
“Yeah, wise kid, huh?” Yeonjun snorts, placing his hands on his hips. “So, as I said, you really shouldn’t care too much about what I think.”
Yeonjun takes one of Beomgyu’s hands. “I’m gonna be that scary friend until I’m sure he’s not secretly some jackass who will hurt you.”
Beomgyu takes in his words. It does make sense, as much as he hates being coddled like this too much.
“I really appreciate you for that, hyung. And Kai too. But can I be honest?” Beomgyu says. “This is exactly what I don’t want. I don’t want my experience with dating to be forever tainted by what happened. I don’t want you to think that, whenever I meet a guy I like. I am not what happened to me.”
He wants to say that he doesn’t want to be a victim, even in his friends’ eyes, forever, but Beomgyu stops himself.
“And I really, really like Soobin hyung.”
Yeonjun nods, “That’s what I’m saying, I’m trying not to do that. But, yeah, I guess I need to try to be better.”
“Yeah, please,” Beomgyu says. He exhales, relieved. “Thanks.”
Yeonjun’s lips rise on one corner, and he once again pets Beomgyu’s hair, trying not to mess it up. “Alright, now were you serious about the jar of kimchi or was that a lie?”
When they went back to the table, they hear Kai and Soobin in the middle of some conversation about what seemed to be cakes and forks. He sits down next to Soobin again, hearing Kai mid-laugh.
“Cake people? You’re still talking about baking?” Beomgyu asks them, and Soobin somehow finds it funny, chuckling.
“No, no,” Kai waves his hand. “It’s this thing that’s getting popular with manhwas lately. Just look up ‘cakeverse’.”
“Oh god, this is what you guys are going to bond over, huh?” Yeonjun groans.
Kai rolls his eyes, grinning, “You guys just wouldn’t get it. Right, Soobin-ssi?”
“Yeah, I don’t think they would.” Soobin adds, grabbing Beomgyu’s hand again. He leans in to whisper, “Everything okay?”
Beomgyu can’t help but feel a bit unsettled from his conversation earlier but he tries his best to assure him, “Yeah, everything’s fine.”
Soobin looks at him with a worried face but he doesn’t say anything. Dinner goes smoothly, with Yeonjun being less invasive with his questions and focusing more on talking about Sunmi, who is coming back next month. All the while, Beomgyu tries to pay closer attention to Soobin and try to see what Yeonjun was talking about.
Soobin didn’t seem guarded or secretive for that matter, at least not to Beomgyu. Maybe Kai was right, maybe his judgment was really just biased until he gets to know Soobin more.
They say their goodbyes at the door, and he hugs his friends before they go – something they’ve been doing only lately, even though they used to not be super big on skinship. Like as they’ve gotten older, they’ve learned to appreciate each other more.
Soobin waves at them as they close the door, staying behind to be with Beomgyu again tonight.
“Not bad, right?” Soobin asks when they’re gone. He leans against the head of Beomgyu’s sofa, offering his two arms for Beomgyu to grab on to.
Beomgyu slowly walks over to him and lets Soobin wrap his arms around his waist. He leans up to look at the older’s face, all soft and kind like he knows it is and always has been, “Yeah. Not bad.”
Soobin smiles, “I think Yeonjun doesn’t like me, though.”
Oh no, did he hear what they were talking about?
“He does, he… he just takes a while to get used to people, you know?” Beomgyu explains.
Soobin breathes deeply. “I thought that’s what you said about Kai.”
Beomgyu squeezes his eyes shut before opening them up again. Fair point.
“Well. Yeonjun hyung’s just… he’s protective, that’s all. If you were my friend, you would be too, right?”
Soobin plants a kiss on his forehead, “If I were your friend, I would do everything to ruin our friendship.”
Beomgyu scoffs, “Hey!”
“Because I want to be more than just a friend to the Choi Beomgyu,” Soobin explains, laughing with his voice low and deep in Beomgyu’s ear. It tickles, spreading goosebumps all over his neck, making him laugh too.
“You’re so corny,” Beomgyu giggles. “I’m dating a corny guy.”
Soobin halts, and leans back to look at him. He clears his throat. “Does this mean I’m officially your boyfriend?”
He’s so cute, it’s ridiculous. What’s even more ridiculous is that anyone would ever think of him as anything but cute.
“Boyfriend sounds so childish,” Beomgyu teases him.
Soobin rolls his eyes, but he beams, dimples out, “Okay, how about manfriend? That sound mature enough for you?”
Beomgyu wraps his hands around his neck to pull him down. He hears Soobin breath hitch before he slots their lips together, feeling a warm rush in his chest. All he could think of is that he’s happy. He’s happy and content with his Soobin.
Soobin’s hands go lower, down to cup his ass. Beomgyu’s eyes widen, but he lets out a soft moan to let him know it’s okay.
When they pull away, Beomgyu smiles against lips.
“Sounds good.”
It’s so weird. Whenever he’s with Soobin, all he does is see how well he fits right in with him. Like he was perfectly made for Beomgyu. He doesn’t remember ever feeling this good in his past relationships, even the ones that lasted for years. Soobin surpassed all of them.
Beomgyu looks up at him, and Soobin just gazes at him so lovingly he thinks he could melt.
“Hyung, do I make you happy?” he suddenly says to him.
“Of course, babe.” Soobin answers. “So much.”
“How?”
“I guess you just do.”
Beomgyu wrinkles his nose, “I wanna know how exactly.”
Soobin presses his lips together and exhales. In one motion, he suddenly swoops Beomgyu off the ground and carries him up, bridal style, making Beomgyu yelp. Beomgyu was a tall person, but he was able to lift him up like it was nothing. Holy shit, he’s strong .
“Wha–”
“Wait.” Soobin says, walking them around to the front of the couch. He plops down on the cushion, keeping Beomgyu on his lap, with one arm behind his back and the other one moving from under his knees to take his hand.
“Let’s see,” Soobin says, looking straight at him. “How do you make me happy?”
Beomgyu feels himself warming up. That was so hot.
“When you try to hide how flustered you are by biting down your smile, but your pink ears give you away,” Soobin begins, reaching up to move his hand up to touch the tip of Beomgyu’s ears. “That makes me really happy.”
Beomgyu breaks into a smile, squeezing his eyes shut. He can’t believe Soobin is really doing this. He doesn’t know if he can handle it.
“What else? When you drop by the cafe after work just to see me, even when you’re tired too.”
“It’s the free food,” Beomgyu teases. “I go there for the free food. Bad business owner discount.”
He feels the older man slowly dig his fingers into his sides, making him howl in laughter.
“When you tease me like that, because you like seeing me getting riled up.” Soobin follows up, as he stops tickling him.
When Beomgyu collects himself again, he counters. “That’s ‘cause you don’t get mad at me.”
“Because you know I couldn’t get mad at you.” Soobin confirms. He leans down to kiss Beomgyu’s neck, causing the younger to close his eyes, feeling the sensation. Beomgyu wants him to kiss more, kiss him lower, but he stops at one, right there.
When he opens his eyes again, there’s a different intensity in Soobin’s stare. Like he read his mind.
After a few moments, Soobin speaks again. “When you kiss me, or when you look at me, or when you simply exist… You make me the happiest. It’s really that simple.” He licks his lips, letting out a weak laugh, “You just do.”
Beomgyu doesn’t realize how fast his heart is pumping, heat spreading everywhere in his body. He thinks his limbs have gone wobbly, and his mouth dry.
“Hyung. Soobin hyung,” He says, feeling sure about this more than anything. “Your place. Please.”
“Now?” Soobin’s eyes go wide.
“Now.”
They stumble into Soobin’s apartment, clumsily reaching for the lights. It’s no surprise why it’s a lot more spacious than Beomgyu’s place, he’s only moved here last month after all.
Once Soobin locks the door, Beomgyu suddenly gets lifted off the ground, with the older’s hands carrying the back of his thighs to wrap his legs around him. Their lips crash together again, and they both keen against each other’s mouths, the sounds sending liquid fire into the pit of his stomach.
His eyes remain closed when they pull away. Soobin kisses the corner of his lips, his jaw, his neck.
“Gyu, baby,” Soobin heaves. “What do you want?”
Opening his eyes, his gaze meets Soobin’s, two dark orbs filled with lust. He did that. He did that to Soobin. He can’t get over how much he wants him.
“F-fuck me, please?” he shakily requests. He can’t even muster up the strength to hide how terrified he is, but he wants this so badly, and he wants Soobin to give it to him.
He palms over Soobin’s chest, feeling the line of his collarbones under his dress shirt. Despite his big build, Soobin was still smooth everywhere.
“Are you sure? Are you ready to do this?” Soobin asks, with his breath fanning against Beomgyu’s nose.
Beomgyu wants to prove it. He grinds his hips forward, letting the stiffness in his crotch push against Soobin’s body, making him feel how turned on he is. How ready and eager.
“Yes,” he nods desperately. “I’m sure. I’m sure with you, hyung.”
If Soobin hadn’t been carrying him, he might have thought the man could have melted right there. A pained sound escapes his mouth, brows furrowing at Beomgyu. He then feels the two hands supporting his weight simultaneously squeeze his ass, making him moan.
“Shit, okay,” Soobin’s voice comes out shakily, “Okay. Fuck, you’re so sexy.”
He feels sexy. Soobin saying it makes him feel it all the more better. The older drags him in for another fevered kiss, with their tongues swirling around each other, wet and hot in his mouth. Beomgyu’s lashes flutter shut. He feels himself getting carried away into the older’s room.
Soobin lays him on the bed, right where they’d slept together the night before. They’d changed the sheets this morning. Too bad they’ll have to do that again tomorrow.
“Lights, or no lights?” Soobin asks him, his voice laced with concern as he grabs the remote for the AC.
“Just a bit of light. Wanna see you, big guy.” Beomgyu says, trying to make himself sound strong. He begins to unbutton his cream cardigan, leaving him with his brown shirt and jeans.
Soobin reaches over his bedside lamp and turns it on. Beomgyu gasps, when he sees his black hair all messed up, making him look so much hotter in the soft, orange light.
The taller man takes out a bottle of lube, some condoms from his drawer, making him sigh with relief. Beomgyu gets up to his knees on the mattress, crawling to the side of the bed to unbutton Soobin’s shirt, helping him out, and Soobin stares at him amused.
“So helpful, Gyu-ya.”
Soobin unbuckles his own belt and kicks off his pants, now leaving him with only his briefs. Light falls faintly on his chest, making Beomgyu’s mouth water a little. He had already seen him naked last night, but his brain still stutters seeing Soobin’s body.
Beomgyu removes the rest of his clothes, leaving him fully naked on the bed, the air hitting his skin. He backs up when the older climbs in to join him, caging Beomgyu with his two arms on each side of his torso, the rest of their bodies on top of each other. Soobin’s erection just above his own, much bigger than him.
With his back to the bed, Beomgyu cups Soobin’s face, kissing him again and letting his nerves go away. At times, he still gets these short, weird flashbacks of that night, but he shoos those away to the best of his ability. He won’t let it ruin this for him.
“C-can we have a safe word?” Beomgyu suggests suddenly.
“Safe word?” Soobin asks him, cocking his head.
“Yeah, I just.” Beomgyu knows that he probably doesn’t need it, but it’s just better to have it. Soobin would never hurt him, but he thinks he would be more comfortable with it. “I trust you. I just think it would make m-me feel better.”
Soobin’s face melts with worry, but he says, “Okay. What’s our word?”
“Um… Coffee?” He says with seriousness.
Soobin nods, letting out a weak laugh. Coffee for his barista lover. He really can’t think straight anymore, even more when Soobin smiles at him, “Okay. Coffee it is.”
Beomgyu feels much more relaxed. He lets himself fall apart more freely, as Soobin showers his chest with his hungry kisses. Every touch spreading tingles in his skin.
Beomgyu’s arms caress his back, smooth and firm against his palms.
“Hyung,” he says. “What do you want me to do?”
Soobin freezes and tilts his head up to look at him from where he’d lowered himself on Beomgyu’s sternum.
“Like, d-do you have anything you want? Kinks?”
Soobin’s face splits into a smile. “Baby, do whatever you want to me.”
“No, seriously.”
“I am serious. Anything you want. I want you to do whatever you want.”
Soobin sounds so sure, as he lowers himself more, his face now just above Beomgyu’s stomach.
“I’m yours, baby.”
Beomgyu’s mind imagines Soobin swallowing him up, his back marked with his nails, his shoulders with his teeth. The endless possibilities swim in his mind. Overwhelming but good.
“Blow me again?” he asks. Soobin’s hands caressing his thighs, the knobs of his knees.
Following along, Soobin takes Beomgyu’s dick, wiping the shaft with his hand once, and guides it into his lips. Beomgyu is wrapped up with the wet, jelly blanket of his mouth, Soobin’s tongue swirling around the tip, sucking on his slit and his eyes fall shut. He feels woozy.
His stomach tenses when he hears the grotesque sounds of Soobin sucking him off, taking in all of his length so easily. Soobin’s head bounces up and down, lighting up the pool of arousal in his belly.
Beomgyu can’t stop moaning into his arm. He was being taken by Soobin’s mouth into new heights, closer and closer to release.
“H-hyung, hyung.”
Soobin lets go of his dick with a loud pop, “Hm? Want it now?”
“Yes, yes.” Beomgyu nods, “Inside me, now.”
Soobin carefully shimmies off his briefs and grabs the bottle of lube to coat his fingers. Beomgyu gulps, anticipating his touch.
Cold wetness prods at his rim, circling around as Soobin pecks his thighs. “Relax, okay? Hyung will take care of you.”
The slide in is slow and smooth, making him hum in pleasure. Soobin’s fingers, like most of the rest of his body, were bigger compared to Beomgyu’s, so the fact that this was only one knuckle in making his breathing go heavy was just ridiculous.
Two knuckles in, Soobin begins to twirl his digit around, loosening his hole. He arches his back when another finger goes in, and fuck, it was opening him up real good alright.
“So good for me, Beomgyu-ya,” Soobin whispers. “You’re so soft, so ready to take me, aren’t you?”
A third finger makes him gasp. Tightness overwhelming him. Soobin stretches his hole wider, and with his other hand, covers the tip of his cock, leaking out liquid salt. He rotates his hand inside Beomgyu, and he moans, “Ahh, s-so good.”
Soobin makes a pained sound and lets go of his cockhead. He takes his fingers out, leaving Beomgyu clenching at nothing. He hears him fiddling with the condom and he hands it to Beomgyu. “Here, baby. Put it on for me.”
“Okay,” he obeys. Opening the plastic with his teeth, eyes still hazy from being finger fucked.
Soobin places a pillow under his back. Beomgyu sits up, with Soobin caressing his hips in circular motions. His heart beats faster when he eyes Soobin’s erection. When they were on top of each other, the head of it would end almost just above his belly button, and he could imagine it stopping there when Soobin does go inside him, making him feel more dizzy.
He slides the condom over Soobin’s cock, still hard as rocks in his hands, and adds a generous amount of lube over it, pumping it a few times to warm up the liquid.
Beomgyu lies on his back, with his ass elevated by the pillow. Soobin climbs back on top of him, lifting up Beomgyu’s thighs on his sides. So close to Beomgyu’s face, Soobin smiles.
“Hi.”
“Hi,” Beomgyu says, then he adds, “Kiss.”
Soobin leans down to do that, letting Beomgyu suck on his lower lip, lightly grazing his teeth against flesh. They pull away and Soobin grunts, his wet dick in his hand.
“I’ll start, yeah?”
“Okay.”
Soobin’s cock begins to enter his rim, way bigger than his fingers were. Nice, wet, and slow, he slides in further, and Beomgyu tries not to tense up too much. It’s just, he’s so fucking huge, bigger than anyone Beomgyu has ever been with before, that even just half of his penis feels like a monster truck squeezing into a pretty average-sized garage.
He feels the wind get knocked out of him when Soobin doesn’t stop coming in. He’s pretty sure he’s somewhere in his guts now. Fuck, oh fuck, he’s so full.
“Ahhh,” Beomgyu moans, “W-wait.”
Soobin halts, with his mouth agape. He gulps, “S-sorry. Pause for a sec?”
Beomgyu nods, wrapping his arms around his neck, “Y-yeah, sorry. Just want to feel you right now.”
“Alright.” Soobin looks stupid dizzy with maybe 80% of his dick buried into Beomgyu. “Fuck, baby. You're tight.”
“Really now,” Beomgyu sighs, chuckling.
“Yeah, I think without the condom, I could have already come like this.”
“Exaggerating,” Beomgyu squeezes his nose.
“N-no, seriously, Gyu,” Soobin retaliates. “Wish I could stay inside you forever.”
“Me too,” he goes along. They kiss for a few seconds and when he feels relaxed again, he taps on Soobin's cheek.
“You can start again.”
“Okay, baby.”
Soobin kisses him again as he rams back right into him. He whimpers and feels sweat trickling from his temples when Soobin's thighs finally contact his ass, burying himself fully inside Beomgyu.
They both can't even properly focus on their mouths anymore.
“Feel so good, Gyu. Taking me so well.”
“S’bin hy’ng.” He breathes, “Go, go.”
Soobin makes a pained sound, his breath fanning against Beomgyu's tongue. Soobin's cock feels so tight inside him, almost impossible for any other movement besides in and out.
Soobin slowly draws out just a bit, and he rolls his hips, grinding into Beomgyu's hole. Hitting him at his prostate even with their angle.
He begins to move, thrusting in and out repeatedly at a comfortable pace. Soobin moans in pleasure, and the squelching sounds of their bodies floods his ears.
A tear rolls down his face, but he doesn't want him to stop. It's starting to feel so good, with the size no longer being an overwhelming issue. He whimpers.
“You're hitting me so good, hyung.” More, more. He just wants this so much.
Soobin is so eager, so full of life as he fucks into him, gradually increasing the speed of his thrusts. His larger hands hold Beomgyu's waist, keeping him steady as he pounds. Yes, yes, oh yes. Harder .
Beomgyu's own dick is still hard, caught between their stomachs. He lets his hands lightly dig on Soobin's back, needing and wanting more of him, more of Soobin.
His eyes begin to roll back, pleasure coursing through his stomach. He missed good sex, but shit, this has got to be the best sex he’s ever had. Soobin, soft and kind and caring to his every need, powering through with his huge, strong body — using it on Beomgyu, driving him into his arousal. It's the best feeling in the world.
“Wish we could’ve skipped the condom,” Soobin grunts, still inside him. “M’clean anyway…”
Beomgyu laughs. He is too. “Ahh, f-fuck. Why’s that?”
“Maybe–” he thrusts, “Could’ve put’baby in you.”
Beomgyu snorts, his chest shaking. Soobin having a breeding kink. God, he might just want that too.
An image of his hole leaking with Soobin’s cum flashes in his mind. He knows it’s a bad idea but, “Take it off.”
Soobin’s eyes widen, halting his thrusts. “What?”
Beomgyu pants, lifting himself up with his elbows. “I said take it off,” he says clearly, “And let me go on top this time.”
“Shit,” Soobin grunts, looking like he’s won the lottery. “Okay then.”
With the rubber off and their positions switched, Beomgyu takes a deep breath. He positions Soobin’s dick, hard and leaking with its own precum right below his hole. He closes his eyes as he sinks down, taking in his manhood, his mouth hanging open.
“Oh my g-god,” Soobin gasps, lying on his back. “Oh god, you’re killing me, baby.”
It’s such a tight squeeze but he triumphantly impales himself in Soobin’s behemoth of a cock completely, feeling it twitching somewhere in his stomach. He clenches, and Soobin makes a pained sound.
Using his knees for support, he starts to bounce, fucking himself on Soobin’s cock like it was made for him. Full, it’s so full inside him. His ass could be molded into the shape of Soobin’s dick. All 8, hell, all 9 inches of it, and he’d love it.
Soobin holds him by his waist, helping up and down like he was a doll designed just for fucking. He’s so hot, even when Beomgyu was in control, he just couldn’t get his hands off of him.
The older’s hips suddenly buckle and he thrusts upwards, meeting Beomgyu’s bounce, and oh fuck , he begins to see stars. Soobin hits his prostate repeatedly, rough and fast, and Beomgyu feels white rise up in his own cock.
Soobin sits up, hugging Beomgyu’s torso as they both slam their bodies together, his walls continuing to take Soobin wholly. Soobin’s mouth on his ears, he licks and lightly bites, Beomgyu does the same to his shoulder.
“So sexy, so perfect my Beomgyu-ya,” Soobin moans into his ear. “Mine, and no one else’s.”
Beomgyu’s body spasms as he comes, wetting their stomachs. White on olive skin and trembling muscles. “F-fuck,” Soobin grunts, “I’m c-coming too.”
Beomgyu forces his eyes open, still drunk from his climax, to see Soobin’s brows gathering and his jaw going lax. His thrusts slow down, and he tightens his arms around Beomgyu’s back, closer to his face as he releases inside him, plugging his ass with hot liquid.
Out of breath, Soobin finally kisses him again properly, still twitching in his orgasm. Beomgyu's shaky hands cup his jaw, opening his mouth to let Soobin’s tongue lick him everywhere.
They lay down together for a few moments. Soobin on his back to the bed, still inside Beomgyu who had now gone flat above him. Soobin pulls out his dick which has softened up. Beomgyu hums when he feels a finger on his hole, still fluttery from fucking, wiping Soobin’s own cum leaking out of it.
Soobin brings his hand up, moving it close to his lips, and Beomgyu licks it. Swallowing the bitter taste down his throat.
“Good boy,” Soobin says. He presses a soft kiss on Beomgyu’s forehead.
I love you , Beomgyu thinks. He sighs contentedly on his chest.
April 8, 2024
“I’m just so glad our Binnie here has made good friends,” Sunmi cooed, handing Beomgyu a latte that she insisted was on the house. Maybe Soobin wasn’t original with his generosity after all.
Besides their giving nature, Beomgyu couldn’t believe how much they looked so much alike. Sunmi had rounder eyes but she and Soobin shared the same high cheekbones and sharp cupid’s bow in their lips. It suddenly makes him more curious about what else in Soobin’s life he hasn’t discovered yet.
“Noona, you’re making it seem like I don’t have friends.” Soobin stood behind him, holding Beomgyu’s hand in his.
“You did, but you never hung out with them outside of school when we were growing up.” Sunmi crossed her arms, in a gentle smile.
“Uh-oh,” Beomgyu chuckled, looking at Soobin. “Your noona is exposing you.”
Soobin laughed awkwardly behind him. He doesn’t answer, only going quiet and smiling at him.
Sunmi waves her hand. “But who am I to know, you were such a quiet kid. And I wasn’t at home anymore by the time you were an adult.”
“Well, true.” Soobin agrees quietly. “Anyway, we just stopped by because Beomgyu here wanted to welcome you back.”
“You’re so sweet, Beomgyu-ya.”
Beomgyu can’t help but blush. “Noona, I also want to say sorry for borrowing him this week.”
His phone tells him it’s only 10 minutes before 8 AM. He usually goes to the studio at this time, but they left their apartment early today because he felt it was only right to show themselves to Sunmi first.
“It’s fine, he’s been really helpful even just looking out for the cafe when my husband and I were away. He deserves to do whatever he wants now.” She says genuinely.
Soobin nods, “Yup, okay. So, shall we go?”
“Wait,” Sunmi says, suddenly looking like she remembered something. “While you’re here, Soobin-ah why don’t you go get me those cake boxes in the storage room, the white and blue striped ones on the top shelf.”
“Noona we really need to go—“
“No, it’s fine,” Beomgyu assures him. Soobin will be with him the entire week, it can’t hurt to let him give a few minutes just to grab something for his sister.
Soobin sighs and lets go of his hand to go and do what was asked of him, leaving him with Sunmi at the counter.
“It helps to have a tall brother,” Sunmi snickers and Beomgyu chuckles at that.
“You two look cute together. I really wasn’t kidding when I said I was glad he met you.” She adds.
“Thanks, noona. Wish I could chat with you more about him actually, but I don’t think he’d like you revealing all his secrets.”
Sunmi leans in closer, looking excited, “Oh nonsense, ask away. What do you wanna know? Although as I said, I really wasn’t there for a lot of Binnie’s life.”
Beomgyu smiles. He understands. He and his own brother only had a 5 year age difference and the gap still reflected in how much they didn’t always get along. What more with Sunmi, who he learned was 9 nine years older than Soobin.
“Um. I don’t know…” he says, trying to think of something he really was curious about. “What was he like as a kid?”
Sunmi raises her brows, “Oooh, okay.”
“Soobin was a shy kid. He was a bit chubby so everyone loved to squeeze his cheeks. And he’d always complain to our mom about it in secret, but he still couldn’t say no when people came up to him,” she says, chuckling at the memory.
Beomgyu could imagine a little Soobin, with his small backpack and dinosaur socks, being swarmed by people who want to squish his cheeks. So adorable, he can’t help but smile.
“And he was just really quiet. Like, we could never know what was going on in his little mind,” she adds. She suddenly claps her hands, “He also did, like, these little weird things which kind of scared our parents.”
“Scared?” Beomgyu asks. “Like what, noona ?”
Sunmi takes a few moments, with a contemplative look on her face. “You know, kids with their odd little experiments. Catching little animals, insects, and that stuff.”
Beomgyu nods. So it’s not that weird. He remembers him and his own friends catching lizards at their school library when they were little.
“The thing that got our mom mad was when he’d set them on fire in our backyard.”
Beomgyu’s eyes almost pop out of his face. Did he hear that right?
“Set them on fire? Like, the little animals?”
“Yeah, but he didn’t burn them alive or anything like that,” Sunmi hurriedly explains, gesturing her hands ‘no’. “They were already gone by the time he’d do that.”
She hums, “I think he just really liked fire.”
“Oh.” Beomgyu says, nodding. Gosh. Young Soobin sounded like a fucked up kid.
He suddenly finds himself staring at a far off distance as he imagines that little Soobin from earlier, now setting a small cat’s carcass on fire with a match.
Hopefully, it wasn’t that extreme.
“Oh, great, yes. Those are what I needed.” Sunmi chirps, like she hadn’t just described a pretty creepy image of her younger brother to Beomgyu.
Soobin returned with the boxes, staring at the both of them. “Can we go now?”
“Yeah, alright.” Sunmi says, waving a hand. “Thanks. And it was nice to see you again, Beomgyu-ya.”
“Y-you too, noona .”
He nods at her, smiling too. Maybe he can ask Soobin more about his childhood again later. At least, that is what he thought.
When ‘later’ does come, Beomgyu is already too preoccupied with work. His talk with Soobin’s sister long forgotten.
As expected, it was a bit of a bigger challenge not having Eunseok or Sungchan this week. They mostly take over with taking pictures of clients when he got tired.
People who came in made up most of his regular clients, models who needed new headshots done or special commissions that needed little planning. He’d usually get a 2 or 3 in a week at most, which was a fair number already. Nothing too intimidating that he couldn’t do by himself, it’s just that today, he had to cater to them while also making sure he was updated with the magazine catalog project. The creative team sending in new updates every few hours for the upcoming shoot.
His new assistant made it a little less stressful though. Familiarizing himself with the equipment and assisting Beomgyu with setting up the backdrops.
These were just easy, simple things. But Soobin looked at him like he was saving the world. Telling him, ‘You’re so cool. So talented, my Beomgyu-ya’, whenever they were close enough.
“It’s lunch time,” Soobin says to him by noon.
“Yes, yep, you… are… correct…” he mumbles to him, while typing out a quick email to a stylist about which day the wardrobe arrives exactly. Changes every few hours, as always.
“Come on,” Soobin whispers to his ear, and he finally presses send. He looks at the older man looking relieved. “Okay?”
“Yeah, okay.” Beomgyu says. He sighs and stretches his back.
In the afternoon, there wasn’t much to do at the studio. Beomgyu begins to clean up, and Soobin helps him out. There wasn’t much to clean anyway. Most of the cameras and lights that he will be using for the week will stay the same ones he used today.
“Have you ever thought of modeling yourself?”
Beomgyu looks up at Soobin. He sat on one of the makeup chairs and Soobin was carefully checking out one of his cameras.
He thinks about it, tapping on his philtrum. “Yeah, years ago. But I don’t think it’s for me.”
“Really?” Soobin says, holding up the camera in his hands. “Why not? You’re gorgeous, tall.”
“I like being behind the camera more,” he says, reaching a hand out. “Can I have that for a sec?”
“I’m not gonna break it.” Soobin says, pouting.
Beomgyu snorts. “I didn’t say you would.”
Soobin hands the camera to him. It’s a sony one, mirrorless. Flexible for either outdoor or indoor pictures.
He attaches it to a tripod and carefully places it right next to the makeup table where there was ample lighting. He gestures for Soobin to follow him. “Come, hyung.”
Soobin walks over to him. “Yeah?”
“Sit here,” Beomgyu says, pointing at a stool. Soobin does and he angles the camera to check if he was within the frame. As expected, Soobin looked flawless. “Now you, you belong in front of a camera.”
Soobin awkwardly rubs his neck, looking down.
“ Jagi , don’t look down. I’m serious.” Beomgyu tells him. “You’re so handsome.”
Soobin crosses his arms, still pouty and shy. “I-I want you in the picture with me.”
Beomgyu squeezes his eyes shut, chuckling. “Just right after one of yours, please? Pretty please?”
Soobin lets out air through his nose, pursing his lips. He looks at Beomgyu behind the camera. “Okay. Just one, okay?”
“Yes sir,” Beomgyu says. “Tilt your head a little. Look that way, relax your lips. Yeah, like that. Perfect.”
He takes the shot. Soobin looked like a total heartthrob. Maybe he could keep this for when he marries him someday. The idea makes him giggle.
Beomgyu then changes the height of the tripod so that it takes a picture from a higher angle. He sets the timer and joins Soobin where he’d been sitting. “Ready?” he says, and Soobin smiles at him.
He pulls Soobin closer so that they could both fit the shot. On the last 3 beeps of the countdown, he leans closer to plant a kiss on the side of the older’s face.
The photo comes out perfect — Soobin beaming, his dimples out, and his eyes crinkling with Beomgyu’s lips on his cheek.
He loves him. He knows it now.
July 21, 2024
“I wanna go out today.”
Soobin was in the kitchen, making their breakfast when Beomgyu suddenly appeared behind him, slipping his arms around his boyfriend’s waist. Morning sunlight peeking through his apartment windows falls over them, kissing their skin fresh from sleep.
They had been together for a few months, and it’s the happiest Beomgyu has ever been all his life. Not a day goes by when he isn’t grateful.
Soobin flips the pancake on the pan and lowers the heat. He turns around to see Beomgyu, just out of bed. Soobin’s face is still a bit puffy and he knows his own nose is all swollen. Still, the older leans down to touch it with his. Tickles.
“Good morning,” Soobin says, pecking his lips. Beomgyu hums, smiling up at him. Morning breath was not something they cared about anymore. “Anywhere in particular?”
“Dunno, maybe we can go shopping. You need more of those blue shirts.” Beomgyu wiggles his brows. Soobin looks good in midnight blue.
“Okay,” Soobin murmurs. “After breakfast.”
Beomgyu giggles idiotically. There’s always butterflies in his tummy since he met Soobin. They might never go away.
He lets go of his hips and leaves him to salvage the pancake he abandoned for him. He sets the table, with plates and utensils that they bought themselves. In the time they’ve been together, Beomgyu hasn’t given up his own apartment, but he has spent an awful lot of his time at Soobin’s place that he might have to move in with him anyway. It’s something they’ve considered. A great idea, he’s always said.
He suddenly hears his phone going off, the standard ringtone blaring from its speakers.
It’s an unfamiliar number. “Hello?”
“ Hello. Are you Choi Beomgyu? ”
“Yes,” he answers, not recognizing the voice. “Who is it?”
There’s a heavy breathing on the other line. He waits in silence for a response but it doesn’t come.
“Hello? Who’s calling?”
“ Sorry. I…I didn’t know why I called. I just figured I could try to talk to someone who— “ the woman’s voice cuts off. He hears some sniffles.
“I’m sorry I don’t understand. Who are you?” he says.
Soobin looks over at him with a curious look on his face. He mouths what did they say ?
Beomgyu shrugs, ‘I don’t know’.
She speaks again, her voice sounding hoarse. “ You knew my brother Jimin, right? He was with you the night before he… ”
Beomgyu’s mouth splits open slightly. He hasn’t heard of Jimin in months. He’s actively been trying to forget him actually.
He clears his throat, his body tensing. “Y-yes. I remember him.”
“ They still haven’t discovered who did that to him. And they said you’re clear. I know that .” Her voice is shakey. “ B-but you were with him. I saw his messages before you blocked him. I just want to know if you… if you know anything. ”
Beomgyu palms over his face. He’s breathing heavily now too. Soobin turns off the stove and walks over to him, placing a hand on his back.
“Babe, what’s wrong?” Soobin asks him.
He gulps. Deciding to try and talk to her.
“I’m sorry for what happened to him but I don’t know anything. I can’t help you more than the police can.” Breathe in, breathe out. Hours and hours of talking about this to his friends months ago replay in his mind.
Like explosions in the quiet Saturday morning, she begins to scream.
“ No! Do you understand how much this has been fucking me up? How much it’s messed up my whole family? We haven’t been the same! ” She’s hysterical in Beomgyu’s ears. “ You must have done something! You fucking pig! I bet it was it you who fuckin — “
Beomgyu ends the call. Not realizing his cheeks were wet with tears now.
He looks up at Soobin and weakly drops his phone on the sofa where he picked it up.
“Baby, oh my god. You’re shaking.” Soobin says to him, pulling him close by his wrists. His whole body had just been doused in ice cold water.
Why him? Why was she accusing him when he’s the one who Jimin hurt? It’s not the other way around. It was never the other way around.
“It was J-Jimin’s sister. The guy who hurt m-me.” He has never told Soobin his name before, fearing for it to put a dark cloud over their relationship. Now he wasn’t able to stop himself.
Soobin lets him cry on his chest, his thin t-shirt from his sleep soaking wet. Hands massaging circles on his back.
“Shhhh, it’s okay. What did she say to you?” Soobin asked him. He sounds angry.
Beomgyu hiccups, nervous. He didn’t do anything wrong.
Beomgyu only shakes his head. He never wants Soobin to know. He doesn’t want him to think of him badly, even if he never did anything wrong in the first place.
Soobin breathes heavily against his ear. “Did she say you did it?”
Beomgyu should have never kept talking to her. He should have ended it as soon as she brought up Jimin.
“Gyu, did she say you killed him?” Soobin snaps.
Beomgyu freezes in his arms. Blinking out more tears, he looks up at him.
“W-what?” he stammers.
Soobin’s voice sounded icier. “Did she?”
Beomgyu’s brows shoot up. “Hyung, how did you know that someone killed Jimin?”
Something registers in the taller man’s eyes, his face turning ghostwhite. He opens his mouth to say something and closes it again.
Beomgyu presses his hands on his chest, trying to lean back and look at Soobin. “Hyung?”
“B-babe you once told me–”
“No, I didn’t. I never told you about that.” He specifically never mentioned that to Soobin. About what the police told him that night at the police station. About Jimin having been clearly murdered.
Set on fire, leaving nothing but bones and teeth. A crack on his skull. Dents on his ribs — signs of stabbing. 79 times.
“Hyung, how did you know he was killed?” Beomgyu’s voice comes out accusatory.
The room around them suddenly feels smaller, foreign.
Never once did Beomgyu wonder about how odd it was that Soobin had moved in just right where he lived. How he met him just right after what happened to Jimin.
“Why can’t you answer me?” he grabs the front of Soobin’s shirt with his fists, almost shouting at his face.
“Beomgyu, baby,” Soobin says weakly, looking panicked. Oh god. This can’t be.
“Y-you took care of Taehyun’s cat when he was away. Was that in March? Was it?” he screams, his voice getting louder more and more, but he can’t find it in himself to care.
Soobin’s eyes begin to avoid him. He grabs Beomgyu’s hands, smoothing his thumbs over them, but it only feels like needles on his skin.
“Were you there that night?” Beomgyu says quietly, pained. He sucks in a breath, trying to be firm, but his voice just comes out weak now, light and squeaky. “D-did you see what he did?”
He doesn’t want to even think about it. About the possibility that Soobin had something to do with what happened to Jimin. To him, all this time, Soobin was this perfect, special world away from all of that, from all the things that caused him so much pain and fear.
Beomgyu sucks in a breath when Soobin does one small nod.
His knees feel like they’re about to betray him. He steps back, away from Soobin. Away from the man that he thought he knew like his own soulmate. He thought Soobin was his soulmate, his own person.
“The thing that got our mom mad was when he’d set them on fire in our backyard.”
“They were already gone by the time he’d do that.”
“I think he just really liked fire.”
Had Soobin done it? Had Soobin killed Jimin? He–
“Beomgyu, please,” Soobin cries, trying to cup his face. He was crouching down in front of him. Beomgyu hadn’t realized that he just collapsed to the floor. “I never meant for you to find out.”
“Oh my god,” Beomgyu gasps. A chill travels down his spine.
Get away . His brain screams at him to get away, but he can’t even push himself up. His hands and whole body were a pile of shaking nerves. It’s the most terrified he’d ever felt all his life.
The only thing he could do was cover his face with his hands. Not able to stop the tears from falling. He hiccups, feeling fear rise up in his throat.
What kind of sick, twisted man did he fall in love with?
“I just wanted to help you!” Soobin rushes to say. “Okay? I have never wanted to kill anyone ever since I met you. You make me want to be a better person, Gyu. I don’t want to go back to that, I love you–”
He slaps him, the sound echoing in the room. And Soobin goes quiet.
Beomgyu is furious after hearing him say those words. Love? He feels disgusted.
“You lied to me! You fucking lied to me! Manipulated me, made me think you were someone who cared about me!”
Soobin stares at him, his fingers on his cheek where Beomgyu’s hand landed.
“I’m still that person, Beomyu-ya,” Soobin’s voice slowly rose in its volume. “I never fucking did anything to hurt you!”
His lip quivers. All he sees is red and he can’t even register the words coming out of Soobin’s mouth. He doesn’t know what to believe.
Moments ago, Soobin was the only thing that made him feel safe. Now, he realizes he was the danger.
His hands closed into fists. Clenching his jaw, he makes the decision. He wants to leave this room. Now. It doesn’t matter that he was only in his underwear and this man’s shirt. He can’t be here. This wasn’t the person he fell in love with. This wasn't his Soobin.
Soobin was stronger than he was, but he was faster. Beomgyu musters up all his strength and shoves Soobin, knocking him backwards. He wastes no time getting up from the floor. He grabs his phone from the couch and bolts to the door. Adrenaline coursing through his body.
As he was about to reach for the doorknob, Soobin grabs him by his waist and he yells.
“Fucking let me go!” he shrieks, panic rising in his chest.
“Where are you going?!” Soobin cries, he hears the wetness in the older man’s voice. It stabs at his heart, but he can’t let himself be fooled again.
He punches Soobin’s arms holding him tight but it doesn’t budge. He’s too strong and now it registers to him that this must be why. It’s because Soobin killed people.
“G-Gyu, please,” Soobin begs. “I love you. I would never hurt you. I take care of you, remember?”
No, not this. He can’t let him do this. Beomgyu’s own tears spill again but he doesn’t give up. He thrashes and tries to kick what he can. Fear and the hurt of betrayal fueling him.
“Get away from me!” he shouts.
Beomgyu slowly begins to feel tired. He gives up, his body going limp. The arms around him held him closer, like a hug.
“You’re right. I saw it that night…” Soobin says quietly. Beomgyu stills, taking a deep breath.
“And I wanted to stop him— I wanted to. I didn't realize that he was hurting you. I thought you liked him so I didn't want to get between you.”
Beomgyu can't do anything but listen, and it fucking hurt even more, looking back on that night. Knowing that Soobin could have helped him. Knowing he could have done something about it.
It hits him like a ton of bricks. He is angry that Soobin lied to him, he is scared that Soobin was a murderer, but this, this has got to be the worst.
He's hurt that Soobin could have helped him but he didn't.
If it had been Kai or Yeonjun there, he knows one of them could have grabbed Jimin off of him and kicked him out. But Soobin, someone who claims to love him, didn't even do that.
“When I realized that I read it all wrong the next day," Soobin says against his ear, “I knew I had to kill him. He never should have hurt you, Gyu-ya.”
Beomgyu exhales, “Don’t you dare say you did that for me. Don't you fucking dare say it.”
Soobin sniffles. He buries his face on Beomgyu's neck from behind him. “I’m so sorry, Beomgyu-ya. I'm really, really sorry.”
It’s too much. All too much too fast. He begins crying loud, sobbing against Beomgyu’s body.
The arms around him let him go and Beomgyu falls to the floor again with an awkward thud. He tries to stand, his plan was to leave, wasn’t it? But his legs keep failing him. Urgency to escape slowly draining out.
Soobin falls to his knees, still crying as he tries to get closer, crowding Beomgyu’s space.
Beomgyu swallows the lump in his throat. His body, his heart they just can’t catch up to what his brain knows now.
He doesn’t flinch when Soobin buries his face on his stomach and hugs his middle. Familiar with his warmth.
“Please, please forgive me.”
Beomgyu exhales deep, a tear sliding down his cheek. He wasn’t religious or anything like that. He knows someone doesn’t need to be in order to be a good person. But he does know that killing isn’t something that a good person does.
“I… I was too late. I didn’t… I didn’t want him to hurt you, Beomgyu-ya,” he sobs.
He kills people. Why does he have to kill people?
Soobin’s head is on his stomach. Beomgyu’s hands find their way closer, closer. Wanting to touch him, but he doesn’t. He thinks he could throw up.
Beomgyu tilts his head back and closes his eyes.
“Soobin.”
The older man continues to cry, hands tightening around Beomgyu, but he slowly looks up at him. His eyes bloodshot red, despite his face being angel-like.
“How much of it was real?” he asks quietly. “How much of us?”
“Everything. I— the guy you met, that was still me. I’m still that person, Gyu.” Soobin says. “I never lied about anything I felt for you.”
He tries to take it all in. Rubbing the vein on his temple.
“I don’t think I can be here with you,” he says, hurt.
“Gyu…”
“Let me go.”
Soobin looked at him, defeated.
As much as he knows he should be more careful, being alone with a killer, he can’t find it in him to truly be afraid of Soobin. Maybe it’s because he’s felt safe with him for so long, that it doesn’t make sense to see him as danger.
But he knows that he is.
Beomgyu gathers himself again, successfully standing up and dropping Soobin’s arms from him. He doesn’t look at him as he walks out of the door.
“Don’t follow me.”
The breakfast Soobin prepared for that morning stayed on his table, remaining untouched. He doesn’t see the point of eating it anymore, not when the person who he wanted to eat them with just walked out on him.
He’s still on the floor, like the pancakes, he also hasn’t moved. Beomgyu’s words echoed in his mind.
He doesn’t understand. He kept telling Beomgyu that he loves him, that he would never hurt him. And he’d done his best to prove it, hadn’t he?
“I don’t think I can be here with you.”
Did he really mean that? Dread and rage begin to erupt inside him. He isn’t someone who gets shaken, who gets hurt so easily. Now here he was, his heart like glass shards on the ground, right where Beomgyu had smashed it to pieces.
He cards his hands through his hair, fuming. The CD player he got weeks ago so he can borrow Beomgyu's IU albums hangs on the wall. He angrily stares at it, wanting to rip it off to slam it on the floor. Stepping on the box until it’s absolutely wrecked. Take the plates they bought and smash them one by one too.
He really thought he got through to him, that he managed to get Beomgyu to love him, really love him enough to see him through anything. A lump in his throat forms again, and his breathing goes jagged, remembering Beomgyu in his bed just that morning. His lips on his.
Maybe he was always wrong about all of this. He might feel love, but he could never have it.
There’s a box under his bed. Contained the tools from the life he let go of for Beomgyu— the things he prepared to be used for killing. His mind is made up, there’s only one thing he can do now, now that Beomgyu doesn’t love him anymore.
Beomgyu spent all morning in his own apartment, with his head feeling like it had been cracked open. The tears stopped pouring an hour ago but his headache hasn’t gone away.
He still hasn’t really accepted it, for the relationship that he’d treasured so much to crumble in just less than 10 minutes. It replays in his mind, over and over again. He can’t believe that that morning happened, that it was Soobin he was screaming at. It feels like someone else’s experience. Like after this, he can go back and call his boyfriend and ask him to come over for dinner tonight. It doesn’t feel real.
The time on his phone shows it’s 7 PM in the evening, and he realizes he hasn’t eaten anything all day. A growling sound comes from his stomach, making him rise from his couch. Remembering that this is where he first kissed Soobin, his chest tightens, threatening him to tear up again.
There’s a loaf of bread in his kitchen. It’s dry food, the only thing he thinks he can manage to eat right now. He begins pacing in his living room as he chews on a piece of bread, trying to gather his thoughts.
Beomgyu should have seen the signs, it just really never occurred to him that it was even remotely possible. The only person who ever sensed something odd about Soobin was Yeonjun and– he laughs. He can imagine his friend’s reaction. He’d never live this one down. Oh yeah, the guy I’m dating that I’ve been in love with, he killed the guy who assaulted me. Crazy right?
Actually, no. He can’t tell Yeonjun about this. Or anybody. And that’s what scares him the most.
What does it say about him that he’s so willing to take this to his grave? To never tell anyone the truth about Soobin?
It’s wrong, he knows it. But the truth was, even when Soobin had been a monster, a murderer, he never hurt Beomgyu. Not even once.
He felt so safe in the hands of a killer.
His phone hasn’t rung all day. No new texts or calls from Soobin. His heart screams at him to go back to him, to tell him that he still wants him. If he was his own friend, Beomgyu would have slapped himself.
He doesn’t know if he’s ready to even talk to him again. He doesn’t want to see him and have to act as strong as he did earlier— he just doesn’t have it in him to treat Soobin that way again.
The picture of the two of them taken in his studio a few months ago is placed on stop of his living room cabinet. He stares at it. Remembers it like it was yesterday. How happy he was, how he felt unstoppable and nothing could ever hurt him again. All because of Soobin next to him.
Now that the shock has subsided, he realized something. The only way he knew how to respond to Soobin was to love him. It doesn’t make sense in his mind to hate him, no matter how he tried.
It was such a sick, twisted thing, he knows.
He looks like a mess in front of his bathroom mirror. Splashing his face with water, he rubs his face thoroughly, feeling the blood in his face moving again. When he looks up, the front of his shirt— Soobin’s shirt, is soaked.
He decides to take it off. He takes a long shower, exhausted out of his mind. He knows he won’t be getting any sleep tonight. The only time he’s felt safe enough to sleep lately was when he was with Soobin, now he knows he would not be able to do that.
As he walks back out to his living room, drying his hair with a towel, wearing his own fresh clothes, he gets a weird feeling. Like something shifted in the place.
It’s eerily quiet, and then,
“You didn’t lock your door.”
Goosebumps appear all over his back. Beomgyu stops, following Soobin’s voice from the kitchen where the lights are off.
“I told you to do that.”
Beomgyu’s hands on his towel pause. He slowly gives it one last squeeze, letting the fabric absorb any water left in his strands before putting the towel on the sofa.
He doesn’t say anything. Just looks at Soobin’s silhouette. Is he here to kill me? Beomgyu is bothered by how calm he is. He should do something. Run.
“Or are you just not scared now that you know I’m the danger?” Soobin says again.
Beomgyu takes a deep breath, closing his eyes. Don’t cry, don’t cry .
“Why are you here?” he says, firm and determined.
Soobin begins walking closer to the light. He takes him in like a picture coming alive. Dressed in the same kind of attire when they first got to know each other just outside this very building. Black leather jacket, dark jeans, rugged boots.
His eyes, they look as tired as Beomgyu’s, probably worse. Much darker.
Soobin licks his lips, laughing breathily.
“Just the other night, you wanted me here. Last night, you were in my bed,” his voice comes out, pained and weak. “Now you can’t even look at me without glaring.”
Beomgyu doesn’t say anything as Soobin chuckles, low and deep in his ears. He should tell him to get lost, grab something solid or sharp, defend himself, but the only thing he imagines himself doing is melting in Soobin’s arms. A contradiction that could mean either life or death.
“Y-you can’t blame me.” Beomgyu manages to say.
He’s made terrible mistakes in his life, but loving Soobin must be the best and the worst of all of them.
“I know, babe.” Soobin agrees. He smiles at him, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. They’re shining instead. Why is he crying now? Is this really him coming in to kill Beomgyu tonight?
“Why aren’t you doing anything?” Soobin asks him, his voice going quieter.
“W-what?” Beomgyu stammers.
Soobin doesn’t repeat himself. He knows Beomgyu heard him.
Beomgyu scoffs, laughing. “Is that why you’re here? To scare me? Get a good laugh before you break my neck?”
Soobin looks at him again, hurt, like it was Beomgyu who was stabbing him with a knife.
“I would never do that to you.” He says.
Soobin takes a deep, long breath. He walks closer to Beomgyu. Footsteps, slow and heavy in the hardwood floors. Beomgyu doesn't even flinch, like he wanted Soobin to go to him. To touch him again.
He stops just in front of him, studying Beomgyu's face. Beomgyu doesn't realize he's holding his breath, looking at every part of Soobin’s face, trying to recognize him, or remember him.
“I'm here to say I'm sorry again, and… you don't have to be scared anymore,” Soobin says, smiling. “I’m turning myself in tonight.”
Beomgyu blinks up at him, his arms aching to touch the man in front of him. “What? W-why?”
Soobin does it. He takes Beomgyu's hand, ice cold compared to the older man’s warmer palms. Fire spreading everywhere.
“Soobin,” he says. “Why?”
The taller man shakes his head, keeping his mouth sealed. He brings Beomgyu's hand to his lips, kissing them once. Soft, soft, soft on his skin. Warm nights in Soobin’s bed. Legs tangled together under the blanket.
“Don't worry about me, anymore, okay?” Soobin says with finality.
Soobin squeezes his hand, and lets it go, orange burning right where he'd touched him.
He gives Beomgyu one last smile, before turning around to go to the door.
“Wait!” he says, but Soobin doesn't stop. “Soobin, wait!”
He grabs the man’s arm, “Hyung!”
Soobin freezes, slowly turning his face, but not looking at Beomgyu.
“I have to do this, Gyu. You don't deserve someone like me. I understand now.” Soobin says. “I… I need to let you go.”
Panic rises in his throat. Now it was him rushing to lock Soobin in, hugging his arms across his chest.
“Don’t go!” he says. “D-don’t…”
Soobin sighs, “Baby, you don't mean that—”
“You don't get to say that!” Beomgyu sobs, his throat is painful with sharp daggers. “I don't want you to do this! I… ”
Soobin slowly turns around, his mouth hanging open.
“I need you,” Beomgyu says honestly, tears rolling down. “I love you! Even when I know I shouldn't, I love you!”
Soobin's eyes soften, he cups his face, crying now too.
“Don’t leave me,” Beomgyu begs. It's the one, clearest, surest thing in his mind. “Don’t leave me.”
If there is a hell, Beomgyu thinks he could be ready to go. His pain tolerance is quite high, he’ll go with Soobin to burn anywhere.
Soobin sucks in a breath, before he leans in, crashing their lips together. Fire and ice stirring in his chest. Blood boiling, heart thawing.
As their lips parted, he opened his eyes to an unreadable look on Soobin’s face.
“D-do you mean it?”
“Yes,” he says, nodding. “I don’t want you to leave.”
“No, what you said before that,” Soobin asked, his voice soft.
He did, still does. “I do,” Beomgyu says, his thumbs caressing Soobin’s face. His Soobin, the man who’s kept him safe and happy all this time. He presses their foreheads together, “I love you so much, hyung.”
Soobin’s arms made their way below his thighs, and he let himself be lifted off the ground, clinging to Soobin like a lifeline. He kisses him everywhere, I’m sorry. It’s okay. I’m sorry . Melting all his doubts away.
Tonight, they lay on Beomgyu’s bed. Doing nothing more but hold each other, accepting their new reality. Beomgyu trying to accept this version of Soobin better.
July 22, 2024
The bed is empty when Soobin wakes up. He looks around Beomgyu’s room, a small panic creeping up behind him before he goes quiet and listens again. There’s clattering of pans from outside.
He quickly rises and follows it, sighing at the view of Beomgyu’s back, busy frying an egg in the kitchen.
He melts into his neck, his favorite place to touch on Beomgyu’s body, other than his waist, where his hands landed.
As they eat breakfast together again, he can't stop staring at Beomgyu's face, bright and glowing just inches away. Mine , he thinks, he's mine forever now.
Soobin studies his face as he sits in front of him on the small table. Scrambled eggs, toast, and jam on their plates. Beomgyu’s eyes aren’t on any of them. He stares at nothing, resting his chin on his hand, deep in thought. Soobin patiently waits for him to speak first.
“Babe.” Soobin reaches for his hand, trying to pry it away from his face. Also helps to get Beomgyu to look at him.
“Hm?” Beomgyu looks at him now, an unreadable look on his face.
“Is… How are you feeling?” Soobin asks. “What are you thinking about?”
Beomgyu lets his hand go weak in Soobin’s grasp. He stares at him as the older kisses each knuckle.
“Can-can you come here?” Soobin asks, and Beomgyu follows. He gets up from his seat and lets the older pull him to his lap. He rests his side against his chest, and Soobin drinks in the younger’s scent, smelling his neck.
“I think– I know, I’m an idiot.” Beomgyu says flatly.
“You are not,” Soobin tells him quickly. “I promise you. I’m not that person anymore, Gyu-ya.”
It’s the first time he’d acknowledged it all morning. The dark shadow that loomed over from yesterday.
Beomgyu leans the side of his head on Soobin’s chest. “Why did you do it?”
“Because I didn’t like that he hurt you, jagiya ,” Soobin answers.
“No, I mean, why kill him?” his voice goes shaky at the word ‘kill’.
Now that Soobin was actually being confronted with it by someone who matters to him, he takes the time to ruminate about his fascination for murdering people.
“I just… I always hated people, Beomgyu-ya. I couldn’t understand them. Feelings and relationships and love, I didn’t think they were real. And I just… I was angry that I couldn’t understand what everyone else did,” Soobin explains weakly. He keeps his arm locked around Beomgyu’s waist. “But I– I do now.”
Beomgyu sniffed. He’d started to cry again. This time, Soobin doesn’t tell him to stop. It’s his own fault.
“I don’t want you to leave me,” Beomgyu says. It’s the same thing he said last night. He must really mean it. “But I also don’t think you… you should stay here.”
Soobin exhales, bracing himself.
“His family is really angry.” Beomgyu says, he pulls away from Soobin’s chest to look at him. “We need to get away.”
“B-baby,” Soobin licks his lips. “They won’t know it was me, okay? I did everything I needed to do, you don’t have to–”
Soobin halts his words. We need to get away . That’s what Beomgyu just said. Is he saying he’ll go with him?
“Hyung,” Beomgyu says, wetly. “I don’t think I can keep living here knowing that you could be taken from me, okay? I don’t… I can’t live like that.”
“What are you saying, Gyu-ya?”
Beomgyu blinks his eyes shut, long lashes so close to Soobin’s vision. After a few seconds, he locks his eyes with the older again, and Soobin listens.
“Hyung, can I tell you something?”
“Of course, baby.”
Beomgyu takes his hand and laces them with his as he talks. He tells Soobin about his young life back in Daegu, where his own parents lived.
There used to be a huge crack on the wall in his childhood bedroom. An earthquake, if he remembers it correctly, caused the sturdy cement foundation to break, forever leaving this large lightning-shaped line just right next to his toy cabinet. Beomgyu’s eyes look fond as he recalls it.
It used to bother him, that huge crack, although as he grew older, entering his teen and young adult years, he learned to live with it.
“It’s strange,” Beomgyu says. “I used to think I could learn to live through anything, even if they left huge, glaringly obvious marks in my life.”
Beomgyu takes a deep breath, “I don’t know if I can get used to this one, hyung. I need a fresh start. And I want it with you.”
Soobin then listens to him start talking about Tokyo. Modeling agencies, better opportunities, new beginnings.
“They also have a good culinary program,” he says quietly.
Beomgyu had big dreams, is the thing. He talks about them with certainty, like a kid who's sure the sun will still be there when he wakes up tomorrow. He also had this heart, big and golden, willing to give as much as it can.
Soobin wants to imagine himself being there, next to him, holding his hand, every step of the way.
“You said you would change for me, right?”
Soobin nods, “I did, I am.”
“Will you come with me?” Beomgyu asks him, hopeful, and he says yes, without a doubt in his mind.
It’s fucked up, what they have. It’s not like these were just small cracks in their relationship that they could cover up and conceal with time. They needed to work through it from the bottom, brick by brick, holding each other tight as they try to rebuild everything they held dear again.
Beomgyu was willing to hold on, carry the burden with him. And now Soobin is sure, he’ll go with him anywhere.
END