Chapter Text
GOSSAN
You spot the hatchling slowly climbing up the ramp from the bottom of the crater. They are already geared up in their EVA suit, minus the helmet clipped to their side. They are taking their time, seemingly absorbing the sights of their home one last time before they take the final step to becoming a real astronaut. You don't rush them, focusing on cleaning the dust of out the mining helmet in your hands. You know what it's like to leave for the first time. The mix of nerves and excitement often come paired with feelings of sentimentality.
“Hey, I thought I might see you before the big launch,” you call out as they approach you. “Nerves getting the better of you?”
They don't reply, just... look at you for a while. They slowly scan over your clothes, your hands, your face, lingering at your scarred eye.
You arch a brow at them. “Need something, hatchling?”
They watch you talk, but don't listen. After a moment, they say, “Hi, Gossan.”
“Hey, Sed,” you reply. They take a steadying breath, open their mouth to say something, then stop and look away, eyes downcast.
“If you're nervous, don't worry about it. Your nerves are between you, me, and the vast endlessness of space.” You grin at them, trying to cheer them up, but they don't see it.
Eventually, they settle within themself, square their shoulders, and look at you. “Think you can give me a hand with something for a minute?”
You set the helmet on the ground and brush off your hands on your trousers. “Sure, what can I do for you?”
“I've been working on an art project, of sorts. Trying to get a photo of everyone in the village.” They gesture towards the scout launcher on their back.
“Yeah? And when did you find time for that?”
They shrug. “Everyone needs a hobby, right?”
“Fair enough. Let me guess, it's my turn?”
They nod with a small smile. “You're the last one, actually.”
“Alright, what do you want me to do?”
The two of you step out of the cave entrance. They point over at the cliffs behind the fenced-off ghost matter. “I think I want you up there. I'll get a shot from by the firewatch tower so I can get you in frame with the trees and the geyser behind you. We'll have to wait a few minutes for the sun to rise, though.”
They shoo away Arkose so as not to block the shot as you climb up and settle down on the edge of one of the shorter cliffs. They look between you and the trees and cliffsides behind you, shifting left and right and back to get a good angle. Their focused, intense squint makes you chuckle.
“Any reason in particular you saved me for last?” you call out to them.
They don't answer for a moment, and you're not sure they're going to. Eventually, they sigh, looking down at the scout launcher in their hands, and say, “I was... being shy, I guess? I don't know. I was always trying to impress you — I wanted you to see me as a proper, y'know, capable astronaut, not some artsy type like Gabbro.” They laugh a little, and you smile.
“Gabbro is a proper astronaut, a little creativity never hurt anyone,” you say.
Because for all their quirks, Gabbro was as fine and reliable an astronaut as you could ask for. They had just been finishing up the space program when Feldspar disappeared. They were graduated early, in fact — their inaugural solo flight was as part of the search party. They were devastated in that Gabbro way that can be very hard to see: perfectly easygoing and relaxed when asked to report in, but they rarely spoke otherwise and rarely came home. When you finally called off the search, Gabbro pretended they didn't get the message, that their radio was on the fritz, until Chert went out and got them themself. You know they had felt like they'd failed. You all did, yourself most of all. But Gabbro had proven themself a valuable member of Outer Wilds Ventures during that time.
Sed's lip quirks a bit ruefully. “Sure, that's true.” They look up then, and meet your eyes. “You were... this project is important to me. And you're important to me. It took me a while to believe that I was good enough to complete this project and... and good enough for you. Or something like that.” They shrug and look away, embarrassed. At the same time, the sun begins rising overhead, and they immediately focus again and start taking pictures.
You hum in response. All that tracks with what you know about the hatchling, although you are surprised at their sudden self-awareness. When Feldspar disappeared, and while Gabbro was graduating, Sed was just getting ready to join the space program. Before, Feldspar had taken the lead with new recruits. Besides being OWV's greatest pilot, Feldspar was excellent with the hatchlings, knowing just when to push them and when to be kind. The young ones adored them, and the older ones hung on every word of their instruction and guidance.
But with Sed, the role of flight coach fell on your shoulders, and you weren't sure you were up to the task. You sent them away the first few times they requested to join the space program. You had your hands full already. You had decided to not only completely redesign the safety systems going into each ship, much to Slate's displeasure, but also reconfigure the communications system with Hornfels as well as add several new modules to the training program for any new recruits. At the same time, Rutile had decided to take you on as an apprentice and train you to be the next mayor. They weren't getting any younger, they had told you, and it seemed more and more likely that OWV was going to have a significant impact on your species' future, so the new mayor should be familiar with the goings-on not just on Timber Hearth, but the rest of the solar system as well.
You dove into the work and let it consume you. You needed the distraction. Feldspar's absence left you feeling cold and numb and directionless, and you latched onto any task you could find, anything that would prevent you from floating away in the vast and freezing empty space they left in your heart. Porphy, bless them, appeared at your side during that time. They never let you miss a meal, quietly sitting beside you while you ate the food they brought you, and eventually you started to open up to them in a way you could not with anyone else. They kept you warm. They tethered you, and slowly you started to heal.
All that is to say, at that time you weren't sure that you were ready for Sed. The responsibilities you heaped upon your own shoulders were growing larger and heavier by the day. But the hatchling was persistent. They followed you like a shadow, and even when you sent them away, you still saw signs of their presence. They would try to “help” you at times; you'd come back from lunch with your documents rearranged or some wiring resoldered, usually poorly. You'd tell them off, and they'd look up at you innocently and say, “Well, teach me the right way, then.”
In the end, you took them on, if only to protect your work. Thing is, they took to space like a tadpole takes to water, like they had been born in it and for it and knew nothing else. They were loud and confident, aggressive when it came to getting information but eagerly listening when it was given. It was hard, sometimes. They reminded you so much of Feldspar. What's more, they trusted you implicitly, and believed in you more than you believed in yourself at times.
They step closer and ask you to face the lens of the camera. “Well, I'm glad you figured it out,” you say. “You usually do. I'm proud of you, no need to try and impress me.”
They look at you, young and big-eyed, then quickly back down at the scout launcher's screen, blinking.
You chuckle. “Now, don't get all weepy on me. Come up here and show me what you've got.” You pat the ground at your side, and they hop up and show you the screen.
They flip through a couple of pictures they had taken. The first few were taken from a distance, and you are dark and featureless, your silhouette outlined against the cliffs and rising sun behind you. In the last, you are much closer to the lens and in focus, your mouth in a slightly open grin as you talk.
“Huh, interesting,” you say, “I like how you captured the shadows and all that. The contrast.”
They laugh and lay back on the ground beside you, stretching out as their legs dangle over the edge. “Thanks.”
You both are quiet for a few moments, enjoying the gentle breeze and the warmth of the sun as it begins to make its descent.
“So, got any plans for your first flight? I got a 'satellite' that needs repairing in the zero-g cave if want to get in some last-minute practice before you head off.”
They don't respond for a moment. Then, “Can I ask a weird question?”
“Shoot,” you reply.
“You remember Loess?”
That... well, it's certainly a weird question, not remotely what you expected.
“Sure, probably better than you do; you were little when they died.”
“They had been on life support for a while, right?”
“For several months, if I remember correctly.” Loess had looked after you when you were young, much like how you mentored Sed now. They were studious and quiet, but always had a kind word for you. They supported you even when your interests turned away from the earthworks and geology they were trying to teach you and pointed towards the stars instead. When they got sick, several new devices were developed to aid their breathing and to monitor their well-being. Much of this new technology was eventually repurposed into the life support systems that the spaceships use today. As the disease progressed, however, Loess became more and more reliant on the machines, until they slipped into a coma and these became the only things keeping them alive.
“How was it decided to disconnect them, in the end?” they ask. “Did you all take a vote, or...”
“We all discussed it, but in the end it was decided that since I was closest to them, I would make the call.”
They frown and mumble, “That doesn't seem fair.”
You say nothing and rub the back of your neck. You are never one to discourage their questions, but something about this conversation is making you feel strangely uncomfortable. You have no idea where this is going.
Again, it takes a while for them to continue. Then, they ask quietly, “Did you feel like you were killing them?”
You look at Sed. You aren't offended, but you're very surprised and confused. They don't talk like this, not with you at least. Not this bold and direct. Not this quiet.
“Are you asking for yourself?”
Sed tilts their head at you, confused.
“That is, are you worried about getting hurt or dying in space? Or are you concerned about the life support systems themselves? If that's the case, we can do some checks with Slate-”
“You're jumping to a lot of conclusions there, Gossan.”
You quiet down and watch them, feeling lost. As Sed was growing up, they had clung to you. They spoke differently to you than they did with others. Still loud, but always wanting to please and impress, trying to say what they thought you wanted them to say, even when you could see around it. Rutile had laughed, called it hero worship, told you to leave it alone when you tried to push them towards others. You had been just the same way with Loess, Rutile told you. You didn't feel up to the task, at first, but eventually you accepted the role and did your best to lead Sed down the right path.
Now, you feel told off; corrected, but not unkindly. You feel like a hatchling.
Why does Sed sound so much older than they did just yesterday?
You realize they're still watching you, waiting patiently for your answer. It takes a moment to remember the question.
“Well, I... sure, I could've felt like that at first. But not afterwards.”
They raise their brow at you, and wait for you to continue.
“Loess... by the end, they were alive, but not living, if that makes any sense. I wasn't ending their life, that had already ended on its own. There was nothing anyone could do about that, and that's okay. Once I realized that, keeping them on the machines felt less like I was helping them and more like I was keeping them alive for my own sake. It got easier to make the decision to let them go.” You sigh. “Easier, but not easy.”
Sed quietly takes in your words. They seem to want to say more, or to ask more, they open their mouth and close it again. A geyser spouts noisily near you; the wind takes it and sprays you both with a fine mist. Sed smiles at it and looks up at the sky. You follow their gaze and watch the Attlerock trek its orbit past you. By now, it's gotten dark, and you can hear the chirpbugs chirping away.
“It all really is beautiful, isn't it.” Sed says with gentle reverence.
“Alright.” You stand up in front of them, hands on your hips. “What's going on with you? When you walked up here all quiet I chalked it up to nerves, but now I'm not so sure that's the case.”
Sed laughs, throws their arms in the air and gestures at the sky. “Look at it! The universe!”
“Sure, it's pretty, but what about you?”
“I'm just... I'm so happy I get to be part of it. That I get to be on this planet and in this solar system that's rocketing through space at hundreds of thousands of miles an hour, and I get do it with all of you.”
They stand up and take your hands, bent over to get closer to your face, grinning. You pull away a little at the intensity of it.
“I got to be an astronaut. It's all I wanted all my life. Even if I never took off in my ship, even if I never left the atmosphere, I was an astronaut. I didn't understand that for a long time. I got to be an astronaut, Gossan.”
“Sed, you're... I want you to sit down. Let's try to calm down a bit.”
Sed doesn't sit down, but they pull back and take a deep, steadying lungful of air. They chuckle under their breath. “Sorry, Gossan. I just love it all so much. I don't want it to end.”
“Sed, sit down,” you say. Your hands are shaking and you don't know why.
“But it already did, didn't it? Like you said. I don't want it to have ended. But it already has. It's not my fault.”
“Sed, stop!”
They stop. They take another deep breath and give you a gentle smile, full of compassion. It makes you feel small. This isn't... this isn't how things are supposed to be. Something is wrong, but you don't know what.
They touch your shoulder, and you startle at it. “Sorry, Gossan,” they say. “It's going to be okay.”
You don't know why this is agitating you so much. They're being honest, you think, they're not lying to you. And they seem completely unbothered themself. But something about this conversation is making you feel like your ship is in a flat spin, out of control and careening towards the ground.
No, that's not right. It's not you who's in a flat spin. It's Sed, and you're watching helplessly.
You clench your fists, breathe in your nose, out your mouth. You have to get control of this situation.
“Alright hatchling, here's the plan.” You put your hands on their shoulders. “I appreciate you speaking honestly with me. But you're not making much sense, and all this talk about 'death' and 'the end' is... frankly, I'm not sure you're in a good mindset to fly right now. So we're going to take a break. We'll head down and let Gneiss take a look at you, have a chat, and decide where to go from there.”
Sed doesn't appear to be listening. They're watching the horizon. “I really appreciate you, Gossan. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have gotten to see ten percent of the things I've seen.” They look at you with a grin that makes your heart sink. “Without you, I wouldn't have learned how to do this.”
Before you could catch hold of them, they step back out of your grip and kick themself into the air with a short burst from their jetpack. They drop into the empty geyser behind them and disappear.
You scream their name. You rush to the hole in the ground, but are thrown back and to the floor by the sudden force of water.
They come tearing up through the geyser, riding the wave with their jetpack at full blast, whooping and laughing all the way. You track them as they fly high enough to catch low orbit, before they fall and hit their jetpack again just in time to land hard on the launch pad.
“Sed, come back!” you shout. It is drowned out by the roar of their ship's engines as it takes off, screaming low over the crater and past the horizon.
It is very quiet after that.
You roll to your knees and stare at the point on the horizon where they had disappeared.
“Is everything okay?” You hear Moraine trotting up behind you. “What was that all about?”
“I... I have no idea,” you reply, panting to catch your breath. You start to stand up, then fall to your knees again with an intense and growing pain at your back. You hear a roaring in your ears. Did you fall in the ghost matter pit? No, you're nowhere near it. You can't see, everything looks blue and you fall to your belly on the ground-
You gasp and blink away tears as the pain disappears all at once, as if there had been none to begin with. You get your knees under you and sit up, feeling your arms and neck and back. Your skin and clothes are all perfectly untouched, no more scarred or holey than normal.
What in the all-encompassing void is going on?