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The elevator dinged , and silently, Sayaka made her way out of the hospital.
“ Are you torturing me?" The words echoed in her ears, her stomach turning unpleasantly.
Kyousuke had never yelled at her like that before. Sure, there had been times when he’d yell over to her with a smile, arms waving to get her attention. But never had he looked at her with such loathing while screaming at her , like it was her fault.
Warmth rose from the sun-soaked sidewalk, but the sun had long sunk down in the sky. Dusk would creep in soon, and with it, the cold would seep through the cracks of her room and into her skin. Her hands shook, but she clenched them tightly, nails digging deep into her palms.
Was she torturing him? With one wish to Kuybei, she could have anything. Money, fame, power; whatever she wanted, she could have. She had the power to wish for his hand to be healed. With a few words uttered from her lips, it would be like his accident had never happened.
So why hadn’t she?
‘ I’m a bad person. ’ Her whole body trembled with the effort to not cry, but not a single tear fell. All it would take was one call of Kyubey’s name, and it’d be there, eager to make her into a magical girl, another protector of the world to fight against witches.
A chill crept up her back, and she clutched her arms closer to her chest.
With a single wish…but she was scared. Deep down, past her anger, her grief , she was scared.
‘ I don’t want to die .’
But they all died eventually, didn’t they? If she could give Kyousuke the life he had before the accident, she would be absolved of the music that haunted her steps. He wouldn’t have to suffer anymore, he could play his violin.
She could make it all go away, with just one wish .
But then there would be no going back. She would hold the lives of thousands in her hands, and when a witch formed, she would have no choice but to run into its labyrinth and kill it . She could never escape.
She’d be a magical girl to the day she died. But if she didn’t, who would? Madoka was too scared , but Sayaka…she was strong . She could handle it, if it meant Kyousuke could play his music again. She could take it.
But Mami was strong too. How many witches had she killed before they caught up to her? How many lives –
Sickness rose up in her again, and desperately, she tried to think of something, anything else . No one was around to see her stumbling like a newborn fawn, but she still felt embarrassment sink deep into her skin. Wind brushed its way through her hair, and she was suddenly grateful for the coolness that calmed the heat consuming her. The leaves rustled with it, and in the distance a light, lilting melody made its way to her ears. She latched onto the sound until it was the only thing she could hear, that distant song. Every note brought her back to him.
The accident had stopped his music, but its sound never left her. His bow dragging against the strings, creating beautiful melodies that brought tears to the eyes of his audience. His smile in the aftermath, pride radiating from his every movement. He was enchanting.
A prodigy , they called him.
A freak accident , they called it now.
Magic was real; she could bestow upon him a miracle he’d never be able to forget. That gorgeous smile could grace his face again, and he would be back to the prodigy he’d always been. That had to be worth it.
But the notes only made her feel more desperate, and she felt herself spiral. Her future unraveled in front of her, two clear paths rolling beyond; the one where she became a magical girl, and the one where Kyousuke never played violin again. The power to save people, to survive , or a life with no witches, no looming danger, at the cost of Kyousuke’s own future? The weight of indecision weighed heavily on her shoulders; which one was more important? Who was more deserving of a good life?
No one but Madoka would ever know. There would be a clear divide between her and the rest of the world, a barrier preventing her from being a normal girl.
Sayaka wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to go back to being a normal girl. She loved Kyousuke, and she had the means to save him; was there ever any choice to begin with?
“Kyubey.” She was home now, and she could hear the comforting clatter of her mother cooking her dinner inside. She made no move to enter the door.
Kyubey appeared before her, and if it could smile, she was sure it would now.
‘ Yes, Sayaka?’
Looking back, she was clueless about what she was agreeing to. She hadn’t known what it meant to pay for a miracle, nor the price of one. All she had understood was the desperation that loomed over her. But with those final words, her fate had been sealed.
“I’d like to make a wish.”