Chapter 1: Welcome to Hell
Chapter Text
/
‘It has been said that something as small as the flutter of a butterfly’s wing can ultimately cause a typhoon halfway around the world.’
(Chaos Theory)
/
Irina Richards was born with a strange, bluish hint to her skin color. Perhaps that was why her biological parents abandoned her to the doorstep of a hospital. There were also some... anomalies in her blood values and for the longest time the medical professionals around her imagined that she was somehow ill. That perhaps she wouldn’t have a long life ahead her.
Irina defied all expectations and thrived. No one could explain why she was... the way she was but she was healthy enough to be adopted. Her parents considered her unusual skin beautiful. Irina herself didn’t think so anymore after people started whispering about her behind her back, ridiculed her openly and shunned her. Eventually she started covering all of her skin with makeup and clothes to make herself look like everyone else.
At the age of ten Irina discovered that she had special powers, such as being able to produce small yet destructive blasts of red energy and summoning items. One day she found a strange, tiny store and purchased what was called a spell book. She imagined that it was nothing but a stupid joke until she read one of the spells out loud and made nearly her entire classroom sick. Fearing herself and unable to understand what she was, she isolated herself. By the age of fifteen she barely talked to anyone. Then she started hearing an enchanting, velvet smooth man’s voice in her head.
‘I can teach you how to control your powers, Irina. I can help you understand yourself. You only have to help me get to you.’
Irina was a lonely, scared and desperate teenager. On the night Valentine attacked the New York Institute (not that she would’ve known anything about that... incident) she did what the voice asked her to. And Asmodeus stood in front of her in all his pitch-black glory.
The Prince of Hell smiled at her. “Hello, Irina. Allow me to thank you for your assistance.”
Irina let him embrace her. And clung back tightly. She spent her final moments screaming.
/
Magnus couldn’t believe that he’d been lucky enough to get himself and Madzie to safety right before it would’ve been too late. But Alec was still there, so were Valentine and his men. Magnus had to go back.
Their... clash at Raphael’s home couldn’t be their final encounter.
Magnus was about to create a portal when he froze, sensing a presence. Such that should’ve been impossible. Such he thought he escaped, permanently, a very long time ago.
Magnus turned, slowly and reluctantly. To see a face he’d hoped to never encounter again. “You can’t be here.”
Asmodeus tilted his head. “My boy. I believe it’s time for you to come home.”
Before Magnus could do a thing, everything faded to black.
/
“Where’s Magnus? He wasn’t here, was he?”
Alec had faced great many terrifying situations over the course of his fairly young life. He’d almost died and come close to losing loved ones several times. (Too many times.) Nothing had ever been as awful as that night. He ran through the Institute, hoping desperately that Magnus was still alive and well. What he said to the warlock before they last parted ways played in his head over and over again, taunting him.
/ “You knew enough. We’re leaving.” /
The things Alec would’ve wanted to tell Magnus now echoed in his head, too. Tormenting him. He was all too aware of the fact that those words were such he might never get a chance to say.
None of it was your fault. I was mad at myself, not you.
I’m sorry.
I love you.
And then there was the most terrifying thing of all. The big question. One Alec wouldn’t have wanted to think about at all but it refused to leave him alone.
What if he’d never see Magnus alive again?
Some of the bodies Alec ran past were unrecognizable. He didn’t pay much attention to them. Didn’t want to see something he might’ve recognized. A piece of clothing, a ring, a glazed over cat eye...
/ “They’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.” /
Alec raced through the whole building. Far too often someone wanted to talk to him and forced him to stop or slow down. Someone, he couldn’t remember who for the life of him, told him that Valentine had been apprehended. Some celebrated, others mourned. Great many lives had been lost, Shadowhunters and Downworlders alike. Guilt, sorrow, fear and despair made Alec so sick to his stomach that he nearly threw up several times.
I love you.
Minutes blurred together. Then hours. Outside a new morning began to dawn. Most of the world continued on as though nothing had happened while Alec’s world seemed to be falling apart around him.
Eventually there was nowhere else to go but out of the building. Trembling to his core, Alec stood by the Institute’s doorstep and waited for a miracle, barely able to breathe. He waited and waited, his anxious gaze searching the area around him. His miracle – his second chance – never came. There wasn’t a trace of Magnus.
I love you.
In his despair Alec decided to call Catarina. Maybe Magnus was with her, safe and sound. Maybe Madzie needed his boyfriend’s help. Maybe Magnus was mad at him for his lashing out and unfair accusations, and kept his distance. (Alec was mad at himself, too. Would be for a very long time to come.) Maybe...
Sadly Catarina couldn’t offer anything to soothe his fears with. “Magnus headed towards the Institute hours ago. He was so worried about you.” Catarina did her best to sound calm but Alec heard how worried she was. She gulped loudly. “Did... Did Clary really activate the Sword?”
Alec was in no fit physical or emotional state to produce an answer. His phone slipped from his grasp and as the last remnants of breath left him, he fell down on his knees to the ground. In the light of a new morning Alec experienced the kind of agony he’d never known before.
“I love you”, Alec choked out barely audibly, his line of vision growing blurry from tears that refused to fall. “I’m sorry. Magnus, I’m so sorry.”
No one answered him.
/
Magnus felt nauseous and almost every part of his body hurt as he began to wake up frustratingly slowly. If it wasn’t for his warlock tolerance, he would’ve suspected that he suffered from the world’s worst hangover. What happened to him?
He was on his way to Alec – then...
Full of fear and disgust, Magnus shuddered visibly. His eyes flew open and widened. To see the fiery, hostile sky of Edom above him.
No...! No, no, no... This couldn’t be happening. One of his worst nightmares couldn’t have come true.
“Ah, finally. I was getting bored waiting for you to wake up.” Asmodeus’ smile was far from a warm one. “Welcome home.”
Magnus narrowed his eyes. “This isn’t my home. This will never be my home.” He attempted to lash out magically, only to find that there were metallic shackles around his wrists. They kept his magic firmly locked up.
“My apologies for that.” Asmodeus didn’t sound sorry. “Like any father I was hoping for a pleasant reunion, for a chance to clear things and talk. But considering our... history, I decided that it was for the best to take some precautions.”
Rage and fear warred over room inside Magnus. He wasn’t scared of what Asmodeus might do to him physically. (That part he could take.) He was absolutely terrified of what Asmodeus might do to his mind. Since he was a child, the demon had known exactly what words to use, what strings to pull, to have him under his spell. The previous time he barely escaped with some of his human side and free will left.
Alec. He had to get home to Alec. “I don’t know what you did and who you killed to be able to escape Edom and kidnap me. But I am going back, one way or another.” He didn’t know where their relationship stood but he needed to see Alec. Make sure that the Shadowhunter was alright. Kiss him. Hold the man close and never let go.
Asmodeus rolled his eyes. “You and your terrestrial nonsense. Do you really imagine that I’d let you go back to those pathetic people after getting you here? You’re precisely where you belong.”
Magnus clenched his jaw, refusing to display weakness. “My friends... My true family... They’ll figure out where I am. They’ll come up with a way to get me back.” He wished he would’ve sounded more confident.
Asmodeus hummed, appearing amused. “Are you really sure about that, my son? Surely fate and experience have taught you better by now.” The demon leaned closer and revealed his cat eyes. The same that once upon a time tricked Magnus into imagining that he’d found someone who understood him. Someone who might be able to love a monster like him. “You belong here. And you have nothing to go back to. You’ll believe that soon enough.”
Chapter 2: Waken Nightmares
Summary:
Alec struggles horribly after losing Magnus. And Magnus fights as hard as he can against his father’s manipulation. Will he succeed?
Notes:
It’s time to update this. (rubs hands together)
THANK YOU, so much, for you comments, love and support! They always mean the world to me. (HUGS)
Alright, then. Let’s go! And let’s see how painful this chapter gets...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Alec didn’t know how long he stayed there, on his knees on the ground. Or how many times he’d tried to call Magnus, only to reach a voicemail. It was Izzy who eventually found him. Tears filled her eyes as she realized what was going on. “Alec...”
Alec shook his head. If she’d make him break down now... “I haven’t found him. I haven’t... I haven’t actually found him.” He hadn’t seen a body. (At least one he would’ve recognized.) As long as there was no body he could hold, and bury... “I need to...” I need him alive, I need him in my arms. Suddenly talking became impossible because Alec couldn’t breathe. He gasped repeatedly but no air seemed to reach his lungs.
Izzy didn’t tell him to breathe because she knew that it would’ve been useless. Nor did she make empty promises. Or even say anything. Instead she sat in front of him and pulled him to a hug. Held on to him as though hoping that she’d be able to keep him from falling apart entirely.
Alec didn’t manage to hug back because it would’ve made him wish unbearably badly that it was Magnus embracing him instead.
/
There were too many people demanding Alec’s attention. Shadowhunters waiting for further orders... Downworlders who lost loved ones that day, several of them furious and hurting... An official order to file a report for Clave... His mom, demanding to know whether he and his siblings were okay... (No, they weren’t.)
Alec remained functional with the aid of sheer stubbornness. He filed paperwork, managed people, urged Catarina to keep trying to track Magnus and ask for help from the warlocks who adored his boyfriend. Alec didn’t stop because stopping would’ve meant giving up and admitting that...
Alec couldn’t finish that thought.
In the end, though, Alec needed air because the Institute’s four walls seemed to be closing in on him. His chest tight from agony, pressure and anxiety, he made his way to the building’s rooftop. And froze upon discovering that he wasn’t the only one there. The kind of tension there was between him and Jace... It made the air around him feel cold.
Jace swallowed loudly. (Alec felt his parabatai’s guilt like his own.) “Alec, I... I’m so sorry.”
Alec shook his head. Out of the million things he wanted to do it was all he could manage. “Don’t. He’s... He’s not gone, Jace. He can’t be. I’d... I’d know if...” What happened at Raphael’s apartment... It couldn’t be the last time he and Magnus saw each other.
Jace appeared uncharacteristically small and wounded. A desperate pair of eyes searched his. “I swear, I never meant to...”
“I know what you’d want from me.” Even without their bond Alec would’ve sensed how much Jace needed someone to tell him that everything would be alright and that none of it was his fault. But no matter hoard he tried... “I... I can’t...” He couldn’t save Jace from drowning when he was sinking, too, and failing his parabatai as well somehow managed to make him feel worse. He loathed the part of him that blamed Jace more.
If Jace never touched that disgusting Sword...!
Alec didn’t know whether he would’ve been able to hold his tongue if it wasn’t for Izzy’s appearance. She appeared utterly exhausted, sorrow and detoxing having drained her. “I... There’s a body.” She pulled herself together for a second. “He’s unrecognizable but... What can be told about his physical description matches Magnus perfectly. I could take a DNA sample...” She kept speaking but Alec’s head drowned out the words.
“No.” Alec rubbed at his face roughly with both hands. “Magnus, he... He wouldn’t want it. Wouldn’t want to risk the sample ending up to the wrong hands. Even if...” He wanted to throw up. Scream at the top of his lungs. Run. He managed one of those things. Alec activated a couple of runes and before his siblings could twitch to stop him jumped into the night. Then ran.
Alec ended up to a familiar fire escape. To the exact same spot where he ran while hurting from Jocelyn’s brutal death. (Back then he imagined that he couldn’t hurt worse. Oh how wrong he was.) This time the familiar loft was dark. And no matter how long Alec waited no one came to comfort him or let him in.
/
The next few days following Magnus... going missing... (Because Alec couldn’t bear even the thought that his boyfriend might be dead.) They were nothing but fog to the archer.
Alec wasn’t able to sleep. (How was he supposed to when all his dreams were full of Magnus? Of their last meeting... Of having to watch Magnus die a horrible, painful death under the Sword’s grim impact... Of running and running endlessly, to never find the one he was desperately looking for...) He didn’t really eat, either. (His appetite vanished with Magnus.) Alec dedicated his days to struggling to figure out where his beloved was although everyone around him tried to tell him that it was futile. Catarina’s tracking and spell-books were useless. The ‘I love you’ and ‘I’m sorry’ he whispered brokenly every now and then weren’t any sort of magic words, either. Something inside Alec seemed to die a little more each day.
Inquisitor Herondale didn’t waste time after learning that they’d finally apprehended the monster who’d caused her a great deal of personal agony. Valentine’s revelation that her grandson was alive did nothing to soothe her ire or to distract her from it – if anything all the lost years added fuel to her fury. On day three Alec stood and watched, his hands behind his back and his posture that of a soldier, as Herondale slit Valentine’s throat open. Perhaps witnessing the man responsible for so many deaths and for what happened to Magnus should’ve made him feel better. It didn’t.
Alec didn’t think he’d feel properly alive until he had Magnus in his arms.
/
Edom could drain all anyone’s energy. Especially if one attempted to avoid the impact of its darkness. It increased Magnus’ powers but at the cost of his soul. It was strange to grow weaker and stronger simultaneously.
Asmodeus taunted him constantly. Took particular delight in yanking to view his memories of Alec and watching them. “You do realize that he only uses you, don’t you? Perhaps he doesn’t realize it himself but... It’s true. If you didn’t have your magic, if you weren’t able to help him and his family...” Asmodeus snapped his fingers and the memory vanished. Its echo remained. “... you’d be nothing to him.”
/ “Why can’t you just do this one thing?” /
Magnus scowled. He loathed how Asmodeus’ words triggered the insecurities centuries of getting his heart broken had left into him. “Am I supposed to take that speech from someone who always uses and manipulates me? Who dragged me here against my will?” he spat.
“’After everything I’ve done for you’, he said. What has he done for you, completely selflessly? Has he even claimed that he loves you?” Asmodeus went on before he could say a word. “I... dragged you here because you’ve been living in a ridiculous romantic fantasy. I plan to wake you up.”
/
Five Months Later
/
A lot, too much, had happened in the past few months.
Herondale was quick to name her grandson the new Head of the Institute. Jace only remained one briefly. (The solution to gather DNA samples from all Downworlders and later have them micro-chipped to find out who killed several Shadowhunters came close to causing a war. The... unrest continued even after those plans were cancelled and the Seelie responsible had been apprehended. Alec, who raised his voice against those plans, was the last person Kaelie managed to attack. Moments before he would’ve been killed the only thought in his exhausted mind was Please. And it wasn’t a wish that he’d survive.) Jace named him the Head shortly after that disaster. It should’ve been one of the greatest days of Alec’s life. Instead he felt practically nothing. Not much later Jonathan’s true identity was revealed after a mundane’s dog found the real Sebastian’s body. The man was handled as swiftly as Valentine. Alec should’ve been relieved but all he could focus on was how Jace supported Clary through it all. How was his parabatai’s budding relationship supposed to not make him miss Magnus even more? To honor his boyfriend Alec started arranging Downworld cabinet meetings in hopes of making the two halves of the Shadow World more united. The progress wasn’t fast or easy, nor was working with Raphael. (They managed to get along for the sake of the man they loved.) But things were improving, step by step. Alec knew, even on his worst days, that Magnus would’ve been proud of him.
Alec told himself, with all his might, that Magnus wasn’t gone. But after several months of nothing... It was getting hard to hang on to hope.
Alec drifted through the first four steps of grief over and over again. Perhaps what he called hope was actually denial. He bargained with Catarina, who stepped in to replace Magnus (for the time being, Alec reminded himself), and the rest of the warlock community, practically begged them to continue with their efforts to locate his beloved. Those few who were willing to speak directly with him (in honor of Magnus’ memory, no doubt) were shockingly understanding but there was only so much they could do. (The only good thing that came out of the nightmare was getting to spend a lot of time with Catarina. Little Madzie seemed to like him a lot.) Whenever Alec wasn’t working or attempting to search for Magnus his mind altered between anger and depression.
Everyone he cared about seemed to be in hells of their own, too. His relationship with Jace was strained, no matter how much he reminded himself that what happened wasn’t his brother’s fault, and while he kept his half of their bond mostly muted, he sensed how the other struggled. Izzy fought a war to harness her addiction and pretended that she was fine too often. His parents were held responsible for their deeds under Valentine’s command. His mom was deruned and his dad had been evicted to Los Angeles. He was so desperate to keep his family together, once, and now it was falling apart, with him being able to do nothing to stop it.
Alec was falling apart and about to blow up, and he was terrified of what might happen when he’d finally run out of hope entirely.
Some days the agony was so great that Alec relapsed to old nasty habits to deal with it. Such as that evening. He punched a bag with all his might. Over and over again, ignoring how much it hurt. Not noticing the blood he ended up drawing. Nothing erased the mental image of Magnus’ lifeless face from his mind.
/ “You hope the pain here will overpower the pain there.” /
Nothing was ever going to overpower this, make it go away.
The last of his strength leaving him, Alec stumbled towards the wall. He punched it, too, as hard as he could. And screamed at the top of his voice.
/
The past few months... They hadn’t been easy on Jace. They’d been made a thousand times harder by Alec blocking their bond.
Jace had always imagined that nothing but death could sever a parabatai bond – now he wasn’t so sure anymore.
That late evening Alec’s self-control slipped and a hint of the man’s pain slipped through. Jace knew his brother well enough to head to the training room. True enough, Alec was there, leaning heavily against a wall. Their gazes met and Jace hesitated. Nothing had been the same since... “I’m not sure if you want anything to do with me but... You look like you could use a sparring partner.” He nodded towards the bloodied knuckles. “Or healing.”
“I’m fine”, Alec growled warningly.
Jace wasn’t too proud to admit that he was close to tears. There was a tough conversation they’d been avoiding for too long. “Alec, please.” His voice broke. “We’re... We’re not fine. How are we ever supposed to be fine again after I k...?”
Alec twirled around and the rage radiating through their bond made Jace certain that the man would punch him. (Maybe he hoped for it. He was used to violent punishments.) “Magnus isn’t dead!” Alec snarled, trembling from agony and fury.
Jace’s heart pounded. He’d never been good at realizing when it was time to shut up. “I wish he was alive, you have no idea how much. But you’ll never heal if...”
Jace barely comprehended what was happening before it was all over. Alec slammed him against a wall, a hand pressed against his throat. And raised a bloodstained fist to strike him with. Then sheer horror filled Alec’s eyes. By the time Jace could breathe properly the man was long gone.
/
Roughly two months earlier, after spotting him at the fire escape while visiting to tend to Magnus’ strays, Catarina gave Alec a key to the loft. Either sensing how much he needed to stop by occasionally or feeling sorry for him. (Likely both.) Alec didn’t step inside often, it was too bittersweet and it felt wrong to be there without Magnus. After his blowout with Jace he was in a desperate need of the apartment’s comfort.
Not quite sure how he was still on his feet, his fists hurting and his mind in a state of chaos Alec dragged himself to the bed he and Magnus had shared through regrettably few nights. He chose his usual side and curled up so that if the warlock was in the bed, he would’ve faced the other. He closed his eyes to block out the discovery that no one was there. (Even Magnus’ familiar scent had faded away.)
After pulling himself together for close to an hour Alec started whispering. As he had on a handful of nights before. “I... Today was... really bad...”
Alec fell asleep fantasizing that Magnus was beside him, a phantom sensation of the smaller man’s fingers caressing his hair lulling him to sleep.
/
Time... It flowed strangely in Edom. Especially when one was chained to a mockery of a palace.
Asmodeus huffed. “No bargaining or threats for me today?” The man inspected his own fingernails. “These silent treatment days of yours are the most boring ones.”
Magnus glared. Sadly it had hardly any heat with how hollow Edom had carved his soul. “How, exactly, am I meant to treat someone who holds me hostage?”
Asmodeus rolled his eyes. “Always so dramatic... You haven’t been a prisoner in a very long time. You’ve chosen to stay.”
Magnus started to point towards the chains holding him still, only to find that the metal was gone.
Asmodeus snapped his fingers and a portal appeared. “Better yet... I’m giving you a chance to go and see your precious Alexander. To stay with him if you wish. But before you walk through that portal, ask yourself this... You’ve been here for ten years. How long do you reckon a beautiful young mortal would wait for you?”
“You don’t know anything about our love”, Magnus growled.
Asmodeus shrugged. “I know a lot about mortals. They always let you down.”
Magnus wasn’t going to let Asmodeus play with his mind again. A voice inside him screamed that he was walking into a trap. The need to see Alec overpowered common sense and he jumped through the portal.
Magnus frowned upon finding himself from a park in New York. He couldn’t understand how he ended up there, of all places. Until he saw Alec. The Shadowhunter seemed to have aged a lot more than ten years since their last encounter but the man was smiling. As devastatingly pretty as before. Enchanted, Magnus was about to take a step forward. Then another man, one with blond curly hair, stood beside Alec, a carrying a little boy on his shoulders. Something in Magnus died as the men shared a sweet, loving kiss. Sunlight shone on the archer’s golden wedding ring.
Barely able to breathe, Magnus staggered a step backwards. Through the portal and back to Edom. Practically to his father’s arms.
Asmodeus sighed with mockery of pity and lay a hand on his shoulder. (He stiffened instinctively.) “Oh, my poor, foolish boy... All those centuries spent topside and you still haven’t learned.”
Magnus clenched his jaw. The agony in his heart... It was unbearable. “Whatever you’re planning to say, keep it to yourself”, he hissed.
Of course Asmodeus didn’t obey. “Love is so very fickle and fragile. But I will always be here for you.”
Magnus clenched his jaw and looked away. He tried to warn himself against falling for this trick, he really did. But something inside him...
A noise cut his trail of thought short. He and Asmodeus turned their heads simultaneously to see a huge, terrifying creature flying towards them. It took Magnus’ befuddled mind a moment to realize that it was Lilith.
Asmodeus didn’t seem concerned. “Well. We did know that she’d make her move eventually.” The demon’s attention turned to him. “We can defeat him. Together. Do you want to fight her or mope around and let her kill you?”
Magnus wanted to tear something apart. To give in to the darkest of his impulses. With a terrifying intensity Asmodeus and Edom had sparked inside him. So he joined his powers with his father’s and closed his eyes. And saw several memories as vividly as if they were happening all over again.
/ Alec smiling at him. /
/ Alec marching to him and kissing him in front of a room full of people. /
/ “It’s supposed to bring you luck and protection.” /
/ The two of them making love. /
/ “They’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.” /
There was nothing beautiful about Magnus or his life anymore.
Their conjoined power, intensified incredibly by Edom, their true home... It hit Lilith mercilessly. She screeched deafeningly loudly. Their fire destroyed her chillingly easily.
Asmodeus lay a hand on his shoulder again. (This time it didn’t make him tense up. He sensed how satisfied the Prince of Hell was without looking.) “How did that feel?”
Magnus smiled as his father did, his eyes glowing golden. “Good.”
Notes:
Oh, these two... They’re both losing it in their own ways. (whimpers) Our poor babies.
Soooo... Thoughts? Speculations? Don’t ever hesitate to let me hear from you.
Until next time! I really hope I’ll see you there.
Take care.
Chapter 3: The Trials of True Love
Summary:
Mourning the loss of Magnus, Alec reaches his breaking point. Will the hold Asmodeus has on Magnus loosen or tighten as manipulation is played against true love?
Notes:
I’m baaaaack! Yay?
THANK YOU, so, so, so much, for your comments, love and support! Words can’t express how much they mean to me. (HUGS)
Alright, then. Let’s go! I really hope that you’ll enjoy this... quite bleak ride.
TRIGGER WARNING: suicidal thoughts, mild(ish) description of self-harm
/
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Alec’s eyes flew open, to find a familiar bedroom bathing in the light of a beautiful morning. A body pressed against his shifted. “... ‘xander? What’s wrong?”
Alec gulped repeatedly but the lump in his throat remained. He turned his gaze and admired Magnus, did his best to memorize every detail. “I... think I had a bad dream.”
Magnus kissed him so sweetly that all worries and negative thoughts floated away. “Don’t worry. It’s over, now.” Magnus nuzzled his neck with his nose. “I love you.”
The words made Alec’s heart flutter in the best way. “I...”
Really wide awake, Alec bolted to sitting position, trembling to his core. The night outside the loft was dark and the other side of the bed was empty as he searched it with his hand. Alec wished he would’ve been able to ease his pain by crying.
/
Returning to the Institute on the day following his... confrontation with Jace Alec felt as though everyone watched him. There were security cameras and people gossiped. Surely everyone had heard about the parabatai pair’s nasty little falling out? A couple of young hunters stared at him openly.
Alec had always preferred blending in. He never created drama. All of a sudden he was the constant source of gossip. First there was his very public first kiss. (Which he would’ve done all over again, a thousand times, if given the chance. The way Magnus lit up at being Alec’s choice... It was one of his most haunting and precious memories.) Suddenly he was an openly gay Shadowhunter, the son of two disgraced, former Circle members no less – that certainly got people talking. He killed Jocelyn and while it wasn’t officially his fault Alec felt watched as he threatened to drown into a sea of guilt. Then there was Magnus’ alleged death and his... not exactly stellar way of dealing with it. (No one could claim that Alec neglected his professional duties or handled them poorly. But he wasn’t deluded enough to not notice that he’d changed. How was he supposed to not change when his heart was somewhere out there?)
And now he attacked Jace. Snapped. That was sure to get the whole Institute buzzing and the last thing Alec wanted was all the attention. There was only one thing he wanted, so badly that it threatened to consume him whole.
Entering his office, Alec froze upon finding someone waiting for him. “Mom? What are you doing here?”
Maryse’s eyes filled with sorrow. “Jace called and told me everything. That you two... fought. And about Magnus.” She shook her head. “Alec, it’s been months! Why didn’t you tell me that your boyfriend is d...?”
“Magnus isn’t dead. He’s missing”, Alec hissed. “And I will find him.” He shook his head. “I told Izzy and Jace not to let you know. You have enough to deal with already.”
Maryse’s eyes flashed. “I may not be a Shadowhunter anymore but I haven’t stopped being your mother. When the three of you pretty much stopped calling and visiting, I thought...” She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter what I thought. I want to be there for you. Your siblings want to be there for you, too. They’re worried about you.”
“I’m fine.” Alec would keep telling himself and others that for as long as he’d have to. “And I will get Magnus back.” No matter what he’d have to do or where he’d have to go.
Maryse didn’t seem convinced. If anything the sorrow in her eyes grew. “I should’ve told you this a long time ago, so you would’ve understood me better.” She swallowed. “You and your siblings... You’re my life, my greatest loves. And for a long time I loved you father, too. Maybe I always will a little. But there was someone I loved with all my heart before any of you.” Maryse hung her head under the weight of the memories. “Mikael... He always wanted to believe the best in everyone, regardless of race, no matter what we’d been taught. He wanted to serve and protect the whole Shadow World, not only Clave and angels. And then... Then he was attacked by a rogue warlock, and died. I... I changed after that. A big part of my heart closed, became inaccessible.” Maryse grimaced. “That’s why Valentine managed to charm me, got into my head so easily. He and Robert came into my life shortly after I lost Mikael. I fell deep into Circle’s bigotry and violence.” Maryse shook her head. “Don’t let yourself change the way I did. Don’t close your heart.”
Alec lowered his gaze. He didn’t know what to think about his mom’s story. Or what to tell her. “I don’t think closing my heart is the problem”, he murmured. “I don’t feel much anymore.”
Maryse sniffled. “You know I had my prejudices but Magnus... I could see how happy he made you. And how much he loved you. He saved your life twice. I hate that I’ll never get to thank him for all that.”
Something about Maryse’s words and their finality broke a piece of Alec. He wanted to lash out, to scream that didn’t he tell her Magnus wasn’t gone. Instead he broke down to sobs that didn’t seem to ever end.
/ “Never underestimate a mother’s love.” /
Maryse hugged Alec and he didn’t have the heart to tell her to stop because the only embrace he wanted was Magnus’.
/
Another year passed. And Magnus found himself using a portal to topside every now and then. Sometimes he stopped by briefly, other times he stayed for hours and, always hiding himself carefully, watched as Alec played with his child or spent time with his husband. It was a very special, cruel form of torture. Especially that afternoon, as we witnessed a kiss between the couple.
Alec was clearly happy and thrived. Shouldn’t that have been enough for Magnus? Sadly he couldn’t force himself to be that selfless. Magnus had lived for a very long time. Sometimes he felt like for too long. He’d never experienced the kind of longing he did while watching Alec with the man’s family.
Alec made him believe that there was something beautiful in him. For a moment the archer made him hope that perhaps they’d be able to build something that’d last. He should’ve listened to Camille, should’ve finally learned his lesson.
Love was fleeting – and not meant for someone like him. Alec’s world wasn’t meant for him, either, perhaps that was why its occupants kept disappointing him. Magnus loathed to admit it but Asmodeus was right. He belonged to Edom, to his father’s house. No one would ever break his heart again, he wouldn’t give anyone such power. There were no pretty temptations in Edom.
/
Asmodeus lifted his gaze from a book and waved a hand subtly as Magnus returned. “Back so soon? Did you have fun?” He’d make sure that his son would never find out that these... trips were his manipulation, that Magnus never actually set foot to topside. He’d also keep the knowledge of how much time had really passed to himself. Asmodeus’ trick... well, worked like magic. Played with Magnus’ mind, expectations and insecurities.
Magnus stormed off without saying a word.
Asmodeus couldn’t understand his son’s pathetic human side. Why Magnus elected to torture himself by insisting to... check up on Alec occasionally. Asmodeus was ready every time, waved a hand to create an illusion that his son actually visited topside. Perhaps magic couldn’t create fears but it could enhance them – and abandonment and loneliness had always been Magnus’ greatest fears.
He’d make sure that Magnus would never really leave Edom, whatever it’d take.
/
Sometimes missions don’t go the way they were supposed to, no matter how skilled of a team handles them. Alec’s team was ready for their task. Unfortunately no one could’ve predicted that the group of five winged demons tormenting a shopping center had been there for long enough to build a nest. They attacked fiercely. Two of Alec’s teammates died. (Why did the man who bled to death in his arms have to look a bit like Magnus? Or maybe he just saw the warlock everywhere.) One was badly injured. One barely got scratches. Alec couldn’t understand why he was another one as lucky. Why he deserved to – had to – walk out alive.
There were certain self-punishment techniques Alec had taught himself. Training until he drew blood was one of those. Sometimes he denied himself food. Giving up on sleeping occurred often, half of the time without him meaning it to happen. And then there were cold showers. After that day Alec was in a desperate need of one. Deserved one.
Alec trembled as he stood under the ice-cold spray of water. Magnus’ words echoed in his head. Taunting him.
/ “Just promise you’ll tell me if things ever get that bad.” /
“Things got that bad”, Alec choked out. “Things... They’re that bad. Where are you?”
Exactly where your parabatai sent him, Valentine sneered in his mind.
Alec didn’t hear Magnus anymore, even in the form of further memories. As much as he would’ve needed it, he couldn’t feel the phantom sensation of the man’s touch. And the fool’s hope Alec had been hanging on to for dear life, that one day he’d get to hold Magnus in his arms again... Tell the warlock all those things he wanted to... It began to fade away.
/ “You knew enough. We’re leaving.” /
I LOVE YOU.
He’d never get to tell Magnus that. Because his boyfriend was gone, would never come back to him miraculously. The realization – the awful acceptance – was more agonizing than any stab. Yet somehow it didn’t kill him where he stood.
Alec screamed as loudly as he could. And punched the wall, over and over again. Until he realized that he’d managed to fracture bone and break skin. He stared at the red stains, chillingly mesmerized. Alec didn’t know for how long but eventually his legs began to feel weak. Stumbling out of the shower, he caught his own mirror image and shuddered.
That sadness, loneliness and anger... He’d seen them in his eyes before Magnus. He’d felt the same hopelessness, too. And suddenly he couldn’t come up with a single reason to keep going with that burden. To make those around him continue living with the person he’d become.
The decision having been made was a relief.
Moving on autopilot, Alec started to walk. Perhaps it would’ve been for the best to walk out and run away from the pain but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Instead he passed by the bedroom and glanced towards it against his will.
/ “The key to having no fear is having nothing to lose. I guess that’s why I hadn’t opened my heart up for almost a hundred years. Then I met you.” /
Alec’s feet were unsteady as he made his way to the balcony. He couldn’t remember much of what he did under Iris’ spell but he remembered how he felt. Especially after there was nothing under his feet and he started falling.
Alec didn’t know what came after death. But whatever it was, even if it was only emptiness... It had to be better than his current existence, where Magnus haunted him every second.
/ “They’re not all your responsibility.”
“But you are.” /
Alec didn’t hesitate.
/
Magic can be a curious, surprising thing. Even to someone who has centuries’ worth of firsthand experience on it. Magnus’ magic was very fond of Alec. In the depths of Edom it tingled warningly, the same way his wards alerted him when a threat approached his loft.
Magnus, of course, was too out of it to understand what was happening to him. The mug of a soothing warm beverage he’d been sipping slipped from his grasp and he gasped loudly, nearly slumped down to the floor. Tears made his eyes sting. “Alexander...!” Something was badly wrong.
/
Alec was so out of it that he didn’t sense or hear someone entering the apartment. Nor did he register Izzy’s voice. “Alec, are you here? Jace sensed something weird through your bond and asked me to check how you’re holding up. Why was the door open?” Then she reached the balcony’s doorway and gasped. (A step away from the railing, Alec peered over his shoulder just in time to see Izzy blanch.) “Alec...!”
Alec shook his head, more drained than ever in his life. “The Institute... The Downworld... Jocelyn... Jace... You... Magnus...” He bowed his head and took a step forward. “I... I keep failing everyone. What’s the point if I just keep failing everyone?”
A horrible, wounded sound left Izzy. Her eyes became watery. “Magnus... He wouldn’t want you to do this. He’d want you to...”
“Magnus wanted to live! And I wanted a future with him!” Alec didn’t know how he managed to speak when he could barely breathe. “All my life I’ve... I’ve tried my best to be good enough. And somehow I always manage to mess things up. I’m done.” He couldn’t continue with the gaping hole inside him any longer.
By then Izzy was crying openly. She twitched from how badly she wanted to run to him but didn’t dare to move. “What about Jace? And me? Do you have any idea how much we love you and need you? You can’t...!”
It was impossible to tell what might’ve happened, how bleakly the night might’ve ended, if they hadn’t been interrupted. They tensed up as a portal opened in the living room. Catarina jumped through it, urgency clearly visible on her usually calm features.
Izzy clenched her jaw and wiped her eyes swiftly. “Catarina, now...” She cleared her throat. “Now isn’t a good time.”
“No, you need to listen to me.” Catarina’s eyes shone from despair. “I made a DNA test on the body we thought might be Magnus’. It was negative. And the night Valentine attacked... I didn’t hear until recently that there was also a demonic attack. A teenage warlock was killed in her home, her adoptive mother found her. She thought that her daughter had been playing some satanic game with friends who ran away but... I visited her room, pretending to be with the police. There’d definitely been a visit from a powerful demon. The magical signature was that of Asmodeus.”
Alec frowned. His heart pounded as fool’s hope began to rush back into it. “Asmodeus? The Prince of Hell Asmodeus?”
Catarina nodded. Then hesitated. “He’s Magnus’ father.”
/
Asmodeus rolled his eyes at Magnus, who paced around in restless circles. “How can you still be this overdramatic as a man grown? Alec has moved on, you’ve seen it yourself. Why would you consider going back to that world?”
“Because I still love him.” Magnus’ golden eyes flashed. “I know you’ll never understand it, but I do. And I can’t stop, even if he never thinks about me, doesn’t want or miss me. True love... It’s not something you can switch off.”
“Love”, Asmodeus scoffed. “It’s nothing but a foolish fantasy. And an immortal loving a mortal... You were headed towards heartache from the start.” The demon shook his head. And before Magnus could twitch a crushing amount of energy wrapped around him, holding him still and helpless. “I’m not letting you go back to that Nephilim who’d only take advantage of you, who’d never let you reach your full potential. Even if I have to rip out all your memories of him to stop you.”
Notes:
Oh Alec... And Magnus, too... Let’s hope that the gang HURRIES before it’s too late. (whimpers)
Thoughts? Speculations? Don’t ever hesitate to let me hear from you.
Until next time! I really hope that I’ll see you all there.
Take care.
Chapter 4: Fire and Ice (Holding on and Letting Go)
Summary:
After learning that Magnus is alive Alec decides to do whatever it takes to get to him. No matter what the cost. Magnus continues to fight Asmodeus but time is running out.
Notes:
I’m baaaaaaaaack, ya’all! (rubs hands together) Yay?
THANK YOU, a hundred times, for your comments, love and support! They mean more to me than you know. (HUGS)
Alright, then. Let’s see what happens now that Alec knows the truth...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Alec’s head spun as it struggled to take in what Catarina just told him. His instincts, those screaming desperately that Magnus wasn’t dead... They were right all along.
Magnus was alive – literally trapped in hell.
“We need to get him out of there.” Alec didn’t care how frantic he sounded. His anxious eyes met Catarina’s. “You have to get me to Edom...”
“Alec, stop.” Izzy’s voice, sharp as her whip but also full of sympathy, managed to get his attention. She seemed scared. Terrified. (Alec realized belatedly that she feared for his life. Could he blame her after he almost...?) “We can’t just... march to Edom. Asmodeus isn’t going to let Magnus go without a fight and he’d sense us there immediately. Even Catarina wouldn’t stand a chance, not in his own home-world. And just being in Edom... It’d kill you instantly, remember?”
Alec scowled. “Then what am I supposed to do? Wait here uselessly?”
“We need to plan this, carefully if we want to have any hope of bringing Magnus home.” When did Jace get there? The blond appeared even more scared than Izzy. (How much of that night’s... emotional turmoil did his parabatai sense?) “Magnus needs you alive and focused.”
Alec hated admitting that Jace was right. He worked his jaw as his thoughts whirred. “Simon could turn me into a vampire.” Wasn’t his mortality one of the million things, and one of the biggest things, he was worried about at the start of his relationship with Magnus? What a way becoming a vampire would be to solve it.
“Uh, no. Just... No.” Simon shook his head firmly. (Clary was there, too, apparently. Were those two attached by the hip?) “Sure, being a Daylighter has its perks but... I miss being a human. Having to dig yourself out of your own grave... Craving for blood... Trust me, you don’t want that, especially after living as a Shadowhunter. And I’d be a terrible sire. Besides, Magnus would find a way to actually kill me if I’d do that to you.”
“Then what? I’m open to suggestions!” Alec could barely contain his frustration. “If you don’t have any productive...!”
“We have to do research. To find a way”, Clary pointed out. Her eagerness to get Magnus back was palpable. “Magnus has a lot of books and scrolls here, right? We’ve got a pretty big group. Half of us could search from here, half from the Institute’s library.”
That... wasn’t a terrible idea. It was infinitely better than doing nothing. Alec nodded.
“And hey?” Simon shrugged. “Magnus is pretty badass. Maybe he can just... break free and come back on his own.”
What Alec would’ve given for that being possible...!
Alec couldn’t bring himself to leave the apartment, he didn’t want people to see him... as he was. (The ‘angels’ chosen’ gossiped about him enough already.) Even after seeing Alec’s renewed little spark of life Izzy was obviously reluctant to head to the Institute. Before leaving she insisted to have a talk with Catarina.
Jace also didn’t seem eager to leave. His parabatai hugged him tightly and whispered in his ear. “What I felt through our bond tonight, I... I don’t want to ever feel anything like that again. You hear me?” It wasn’t often Jace sounded that emotional. Did his brother tremble? “I know things between us... They’ve been... tense. A part of you will probably never forgive me for what happened to Magnus. But... I can’t lose you, ever. Especially... that way.”
Alec wished he could’ve made promises. Eased Jace’s worries and guilty conscience. But all he could do was hold on as though his life depended on it while his world cracked and trembled around him, whether it’d stay together or collapse still undecided.
/
When a new morning began to dawn, Catarina had to leave to check up on Madzie. Clary, too stubborn to rest or give up, kept working with Alec. Considering how... unideal things had been between them since the beginning the nearly companionable silence was a surprise. Even Simon was uncharacteristically quiet, focused on trying to find out how to save his Downworld Sponsor.
Clary could only stay silent for so long, though. “Look, Alec... What happened to Magnus... It was my fault, too. He headed to the Institute with me. We split up. Valentine... He got me. Jace grabbed that Sword and tried to destroy it to protect me. Magnus, and those Downworlders who died... I blame myself for it every day.” Clary swallowed, her gaze fixed on a book. “So if you’re mad at Jace... Be mad at me, too.”
Under different circumstances it might’ve been funny how Simon’s gaze darted between them.
Alec sighed, drained. “Right now... I’m mad at the whole world.” He didn’t feel angry with Magnus beside him because the warlock grounded him. He missed that. And a million other things.
“You have to know that I’m not giving up. But...” Clary hesitated. “What if there isn’t a safe way to bring Magnus back?”
“I already know that there isn’t one. And it doesn’t change a thing.” Alec shook his head firmly. “I need to get to Magnus before it’s too late, whatever it takes. I don’t care what happens to me, Clary.”
Clary’s small smile was a sad one. “Magnus said almost the exact same thing before...” She trailed off.
Getting stabbed would’ve hurt less. Alec strained his all to maintain at least some composure. “He did?” Despite how things had been left between them... Despite how he treated Magnus at Raphael’s place...
“I’m with Alec.” Simon’s courage caught his attention. “Think about everything Magnus has done for us all. We owe this to him.”
Who would’ve thought, for at least a moment Alec actually liked Simon.
/
In Edom Magnus fought against the hold of Asmodeus’ magic with all his might. And somehow being trapped made him see things clearly for the first time in too long. “... Alec I saw ... wasn’t real, was he?” The happy family was nothing but an illusion.
Asmodeus shrugged. “Who knows. Mortals are fickle. Perhaps he’s already forgotten you.”
Magnus shook his head. “... felt his pain ... needs me ...” He didn’t know what was happening to his boyfriend. Or why his magic was still connected to Alec after such a long time. But the need to go back was so strong that it filled his whole mind.
“Fools imagining that they’re in love...” Asmodeus huffed, the man’s eyes full of rage and annoyance. “Why must you always make everything difficult? I’m doing you a favor.”
Magnus shook his head firmly. “I’m not letting you take those memories”, he hissed. I’m not letting you take Alec away from me.
Asmodeus rolled his eyes. “Keep those memories, for now, if you insist that you want to torture yourself with them. But keep in mind that I’m not the true enemy. Time itself is. Sooner or later your Nephilim’s short and unremarkable little mortal’s life will come to an end.” Asmodeus snapped his fingers and a tiny bit of sand floated to the ground. “Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, is that not what they say? His kind are like mayflies. Trained to die since they’re children. Why did you give your heart to someone you knew you wouldn’t get to keep for long? I taught you better.”
“I’ve done my best to forget your... teachings”, Magnus snarled.
Asmodeus hummed and tilted his head. The demon’s magic wrapped more tightly around Magnus. “Pity. Keeping my lessons in mind would’ve saved you from a lot of heartache.” Asmodeus’ golden eyes hardened. “Alexander will never set his foot here and live through the experience. If you defy me and run away from me again... Well, you’ve seen that I will always find my chosen son. Either time or I will make you regret your arrogance. One way or another...” Asmodeus’ smile was covered in ice. “... death will claim your Nephilim. Your foolish love story can’t have a happy ending. Do you still insist to cling to those memories of yours?”
“Yes, I insist”, Magnus growled. By then he could barely breathe. “If you ever hurt him...”
“Then what?” Asmodeus appeared deeply annoyed. “You’re starting to sound like the insufferable child you once were. Let’s send you to a nap.”
The magic tightened its cruel embrace until Magnus felt a rib or two snap. Something seemed to wrap around his throat, too. What little breath he’d had was lost.
The last somewhat coherent thought Magnus had before darkness claimed him was of Alec.
/
Finding a way to get to Edom that wouldn’t kill Alec within moments took frustratingly long. Thrice more he begged Simon to turn him, only to get the same answer each time. Then, four days later, they found out about Victor Aldertree’s Project Heavenly Fire. And some of the awful substance ended up to the Institute Head’s hands.
Alec stared at the vial of Heavenly Fire on his desk and tremors went through his body. Would it help him do the impossible? Would having it in his body allow him to live in Edom?
It was a stupid and reckless plan. He didn’t have even nearly enough data to base his decision on. Usually he would’ve told off anyone considering doing such a thing. Now despair and the mental image of Magnus made him drink the whole thing.
Alec had been falling apart for a while, now. Might’ve gone through with his... plan despite Izzy’s pleas if it wasn’t for Catarina’s arrival. He wasn’t afraid of even the bleakest outcome.
Then the process began and Alec wondered if it’d actually kill him. He attempted to lean on his desk for support but within seconds his legs became too weak to support him as the horrible fire gnawed at him. Alec slumped to the floor, first to a sitting position, then on his back. The room spun around nauseatingly in his constantly dimming line of vision and he opened his mouth to scream but didn’t have enough breath for it. The fire intensified, seemed to be destroying him one cell at a time.
Alec wasn’t afraid of pain, either. He welcomed it. Especially when there was a chance that it’d bring him closer to getting to see Magnus again.
/ “You’re more than just a pretty face, aren’t you?” /
As the burn reached its peak Alec squeezed his eyes closed, threw his head back and screamed. Howled from sheer anguish. Then everything faded away.
/
It was Izzy who found Alec, since she was the pretty much only one who dared to approach his office. As she opened the door and saw him on the floor her blood ran cold the same way it did when she saw her brother on the balcony. “ALEC!”
Izzy raced to Alec and crashed gracelessly beside him. He was much too warm and his heart raced but he was alive and breathed. Izzy dared to inhale a shaky sigh of relief. Until she saw the broken and empty vial nearby.
Izzy swallowed and shivered. By the angel... “What did you do?”
/
Magnus drifted in and out of consciousness while Asmodeus continued on a new path of torture. The dark magic attacking him... It could burn, choke, crush, or make him certain that he’d freeze to death in seconds. Every time a thought of Alec crossed his mind it started all over again, until pretty much every memory of the Shadowhunter was tainted by agony. Chained once more, Magnus was unable to defend himself. Blacking out was a relief.
The worst part was that Asmodeus could see that he was close to his breaking point. The Prince of Hell tilted his head. “Are you ready to give up those painful memories yet?”
“No”, Magnus mumbled, but the sad truth was that he wasn’t sure he’d be able to hold on and fight back if his father would try again.
Asmodeus’ eyebrow arched. “You don’t sound very sure about that.” The man leaned closer. “Remember, my boy... You can let me bring this torment to an end.”
Liquid ice seemed to travel through Magnus’ entire being as Asmodeus tugged at the most precious of his memories. It hurt so terribly that he could barely concentrate on the flashes. Let alone on holding on to them.
Their first meeting, Alec’s smile.
Their first kiss at the wedding, how right Alec’s lips felt against his own.
Choosing effort, to fight for each other and their relationship, after their almost disastrous first date.
Their first time, Alec’s strong, steady and eager hands, and soft words, soothing wounds Magnus hadn’t known he had.
/ “You’re beautiful.”
I love you, Magnus remembered thinking as he stared into Alec’s sincere eyes with his true golden ones. /
They all began to fade away and Magnus writhed infuriatingly uselessly, desperate to hold on.
“Shh...” Asmodeus touched his cheek, staining a memory of Alec’s touch. “Let me burn them and the pain away.”
Magnus’ scream echoed through Edom.
/
Alec woke up with a frustrating amount of difficulty at the infirmary. The moment he saw how Helen watched him he knew that things didn’t look good. “You don’t think I have a lot of time left, do you?” He sounded remarkably calm. And why shouldn’t he have? He’d accepted his fate.
Helen gulped, her eyes sad. “You work around demons all the time. Until we find out how to get the Fire out of your system every encounter...” She didn’t have to finish. “And if you’re planning to do what Catarina suspected you are... It’d be a death sentence.”
Alec shook his head. “I don’t care. All I need is enough time to get Magnus out of Edom.” He sat up, ignoring how dizzy it made him.
Helen frowned. It was touching to face such genuine concern. “Nothing I say would make you change your mind, would it?” His facial expression must’ve given her an answer because she sighed. “You should at least talk with your family first.”
Alec knew exactly what they’d say. He clenched his jaw. “Can you get me a pen and paper? I’ll make sure that we can sneak out of this building unnoticed.”
/
It took Izzy nearly half an hour to find Jace. The blond blanched upon learning what happened. “I... sensed something. But I didn’t think he’d...”
Izzy scowled. “I don’t think any of us thought that he’d pull off something so...” By then they’d reached the hospital bed in which she last saw Alec. Instead of the archer there was a short letter waiting.
‘I’ve reprimanded you two a million times for doing stupid and reckless things. Now it’s my turn to do something stupid and reckless. I’m sorry, and I love you. I hope that one day you can forgive me for this. Tell Max, mom and dad that I love them, too. And look after Magnus for me.’
/
Helen obviously wasn’t happy about it but, knowing that there was no stopping him, she and Meliorn helped Alec find a route to Edom. The male Seelie looked at him with great suspicion. “I’d better not get into a trouble for this. Shadowhunters have caused me enough problems already.”
“You won’t”, Alec promised hoarsely. His gaze went from one Seelie to another. “Thank you. Both of you.” Not waiting for commentary or objections, Alec jumped into another world.
If this was the last thing he’d ever do, his final hunt, he’d make it count.
The moment Alec reached Edom chills went down his spine. The whole place and the creatures he could see... They were the stuff of nightmares.
How long did Magnus have to spend there when the warlock was younger?
The fire hissed and boiled inside Alec, made breathing difficult. Feeling time running out, he forced himself to keep moving and followed his instincts. (Just like Magnus had told him to do since the beginning.)
It seemed to take days and several times the Fire burned inside Alec so fiercely that he wasn’t sure he’d make it. (Edom’s creatures weren’t happy about the presence of what was inside him. Several winged demons and one snake-like being attempted to attack him but they retreated quickly with furious hisses, afraid of getting burned alive if he’d lose control.) When Alec saw the chained man leaning against a mockery of a castle, he first imagined that it was a mirage. What overcame Alec as he realized that it was all real... There were no words to describe it. Relief and joy made his knees grow weak, and tears filled his eyes.
“Magnus!” Alec cried out, all caution thrown to the wind.
Notes:
It’s reunion time! But how will it go? (gulps)
Thoughts to share? Speculations? Don’t ever hesitate to let me hear from you.
Until next time! I really hope that I’ll see you all there.
Take care.
Chapter 5: Hell and Heavenly Flames
Summary:
Alec faces Asmodeus. Will Magnus be able to help him? Or will Asmodeus and Edom destroy them?
Notes:
A couple of days behind my original plan. BUT. I’m back with another chapter!
THANK YOU, a million times, for your comments, love and support! They always mean more to me than you know. (HUGS)
Alrighty. Are you ready? Are you sure...? Let’s goooo!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Perhaps a deruned Maryse wasn’t really a Shadowhunter anymore but with the... contacts she’d made over the years not all rumors got past her. Especially one as big as the Head of the Institute going missing. She didn’t think she’d ever seen Izzy and Jace as scared as they were when she barged into Alec’s office.
“... understand, but you can’t come to Edom with us, you wouldn’t survive it”, a warlock she remembered faintly being called Catarina Loss explained as calmly as she could.
Maryse shivered. “Edom? Why in the world would you be going there?”
Izzy and Jace shared a look. It was her daughter who answered. “Alec went there to get Magnus back.”
Maryse buried her face to her hands after hearing a short version of the whole story. “By the angel...!” Her anxious gaze found Catarina’s. “I know I have no right to ask anything of you. But please... Bring my son home.”
Catarina nodded. “I’ll do everything I can. Someone I care about immensely is trapped there, too. My reinforcements are almost ready.”
They could only hope and pray that it wasn’t too late already.
/
Magnus didn’t respond to his name being called. Growing worried, Alec circled to stand in front of his boyfriend. The half-open cat eyes, those he’d loved so dearly since first seeing them, stared right at him but were glazed over. Magnus didn’t move, even twitch, or utter a sound.
Alec didn’t know how, exactly, he expected Magnus to react. Some anger over his recklessness would’ve certainly been reasonable. Maybe fear for both their – well, knowing Magnus, mainly the hunter’s – safety. Of course Alec would’ve loved to see happiness, too.
What Alec hadn’t anticipated, at all, was... nothing.
Alec searched the warlock’s eyes, which didn’t have any recognition in them. “Magnus?” He loathed how weak and pained he sounded when he was supposed to be strong for them both. “It’s... It’s me. I’ve come to take you home.”
“Oh, my son sees you. But you’re no one to him, now. And he already is home.”
Tension filled Alec as he peered over his shoulder. Asmodeus stood a few steps away, leaning on a cane the demon obviously didn’t need. Threat and darkness oozed all the way to Alec. “What did you do to him?” he growled.
Asmodeus shrugged. “I removed something that only brought him pain. Something that only made him weak and held him back.” The man lifted his chin. “I gave his memories of you a look while getting rid of them. I can understand how you caught his... interest. You were new and exciting. Dangerous, considering what your kind, including your parents, have put my son’s kind through. You’re also pretty and Magnus has always appreciated pretty things.” Asmodeus’ gaze hardened. “My son gives away that foolish heart of his too easily. That’s why I needed to... interfere. You and that... parabatai of yours... You’ve been happy to take advantage of Magnus’ generosity, haven’t you? Just like so many before you. The saddest thing is that I’m fairly sure Magnus knows you’re only keeping him around because he’s useful to you and tolerates it to avoid being abandoned again.”
A stab of pain went through Alec. Was that how Magnus’ memories of him made him seem? What the man imagined? “It’s not like that. Magnus knows that I wouldn’t leave him even if he wouldn’t be able to... do favors anymore.”
“Does he?” Asmodeus shrugged. When did the man get so close? “Everyone but me has left him, one way or another. You were already about to marry someone else after Magnus lowered himself to begging you to choose him. If nothing else causes the inevitable one day, quite possibly soon, you’ll die. You’ll become nothing but dust and bones.” Asmodeus wrinkled his nose. “What do you, a pathetic mortal, imagine that you can offer my son? You can give him nothing but pain and misery. He could never thrive with you.”
Hearing that hurt, a lot. Alec clenched his jaw. “And this is what you call thriving? He doesn’t want to be here. You took him here by force and now you’re resorting to cheap manipulation to make him stay. Magnus deserves to be free.”
Asmodeus appeared disconcertingly smug. “I reckon you imagine that he’d choose you. Why would he do that when he doesn’t remember you?”
That hurt, nearly enough to sweep Alec off his feet. He remained strong by reminding himself that he couldn’t give Asmodeus the satisfaction of seeing him break down. “I want Magnus to get to choose. I want him to be happy.”
“Do you actually think I believe that after how many times you and your people have demanded him to help you?” Asmodeus rolled his eyes but something sinister was clearly threatening to boil over inside the man. “You’re a child who lost his favorite toy. Go back home. There’s nothing for you here.”
Alec shook his head. “No. Everything I want is here.”
That seemed to genuinely surprise Asmodeus. “Really? What about your former Circle member parents you were so desperate to please that you almost married a woman? Or your sister you always keep saving from the messes she gets herself into, roping my son to the task of saving her as well?” Asmodeus stood right in front of him, oozing threat in a manner that couldn’t be explained. “And what about that precious parabatai of yours? You nearly died in that moronic attempt to find him. Why should I allow Magnus to remain captivated by someone to whom he’ll only ever be a second choice?”
Was that really how things seemed through Magnus’ memories? Or was Asmodeus merely playing with his mind? Alec opened his mouth but before he could speak a syllable a horrible force began to wrap itself around his throat. Asmodeus watched with a chilling amount of satisfaction as life was quite literally squeezed out of the archer.
Asmodeus tilted his head. “I don’t know if you were brave or stupid to come here. Perhaps both. But now...” (The hold tightened and black spots began to dance in Alec’s rapidly dimming line of vision.) “... I’m sending you to those pathetic angels of yours.”
/
True, Asmodeus worked his hardest to erase Magnus’ memories of Alec. The Prince of Hell managed to grab some little hold of them. But the warlock’s mind and what magic he was able to use... They protected his time with Alec fiercely. Fought back, created walls, cocooned the memories.
The process was taxing, though, and Magnus drifted into a world of his own. Until he began to realize that Alec’s voice... It didn’t come from inside his head but from almost right beside him. Which didn’t make any sense.
Alec couldn’t possibly be in Edom.
Slowly yet surely the haze began to lift. Peering over his shoulder, Magnus saw his father. And Alec, who appeared to be barely conscious. Primal fear, the darkest of his impulses, boiled instantly inside Magnus as the memories began to break free from their cage.
/ “I trust you. I don’t know why but... I do.” /
/ “I did feel you there. And it did make a difference. So... Thank you.” /
/ Once again Magnus saw Alec on his fire-escape, having chosen to come to him when needing comfort and safety. /
/ Once again Magnus felt Alec taking his hand without a heartbeat of hesitation despite not knowing how dangerous or taxing what was to come would be. /
/ “Take what you need.” /
/ “They’re not all your responsibility.”
“But you are.” /
/ Once again Magnus tasted Alec on his lips from their first kiss – and from the kisses which followed. /
/ Once again Magnus saw Alec marching towards him on what was supposed to be the man’s wedding, and heard the Shadowhunter turning back towards him instead of walking away after their first date. /
/ “I hear that relationships, they, um... take effort.” /
/ Magnus practically felt Alec’s marvel and adoration when the man saw his true eyes for the first time. No one had ever looked at them, or him, that way before after he’d revealed his real self. /
/ “They’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.” /
The moment Alec first saw a glimpse of him the man saved his life – it was almost poetic. The archer protected him. Trusted him. Chose him. Thought that he was beautiful, inside and out. Maybe even loved him. Could something so intense be anything but love?
Usually warlocks needed their hands to use magic. (Which was something Circle took dark advantage of.) Magnus’ magic... Whether Alec was really there now or not, it reacted. As eager and desperate to keep the man safe as Magnus was.
A wave of red magic flowed out, shattering Magnus’ chains.
/
For a few moments Alec was sure that Asmodeus would kill him. The hold the demon had on him... There was no escaping it and he was barely conscious. Then things happened bafflingly fast.
One moment he was being choked and as his mind began to fade to black a sizzling sensation made itself known underneath his skin. Then something yanked Asmodeus away from him, hard. While the Prince of Hell was dragged backwards Alec slumped on his knees, gasping, dizzy and barely seeing clearly.
Magnus stood tall in all his glory. (The man was so beautiful and dangerous that Alec lost whatever breath he’d had.) Cat eyes burned as they glared at Asmodeus. “Did you really imagine that I’d let you steal him from me? That I’d let you take away the memories when they’re everything I have left of him?”
Asmodeus tried to stand up, or at least sit up, but his son’s magic refused to allow it. “... your father ... tried to protect you ... will only ever make you weak ...”
Magnus snorted. “If it’s strength you’ve been trying to teach me here... Then I want none of it. And after everything you’ve put me through...” The warlock shook his head. “I don’t want anything to do with you, either. Ever again.”
Asmodeus scowled. “... foolish boy ... always come back to you ...”
Magnus nodded eerily calmly. “I know. So I had to figure out a way to ensure that you can’t come back.” Magic began to grab a hold of Asmodeus’ neck. “You know exactly what happens when one enters a portal unconscious. I hope you’ll enjoy the eternal limbo.”
Asmodeus had no hope of reacting fast enough, especially with Magnus’ magic holding him firmly still. There was a swift movement, then the man’s body was shoved into a portal which closed in a blink of an eye. Suddenly it was all over.
Or not quite.
Magnus stared at the spot where the portal used to be with conflicted eyes and whispered something. (Alec understood achingly well. Despite everything the Prince of Hell did the man was still Magnus’ father and doing what his boyfriend just did... It couldn’t be easy.) Then, without a warning, Magnus collapsed gracelessly.
Panic flared through Alec like flames. “Magnus!” He staggered to his feet and hurried towards his beloved, firmly ignoring how dizzy he was and how much everything hurt. “Are you okay?”
Magnus nodded shakily. “... fine ...” The man’s eyes, now dark instead of golden, stared at him in disbelief and desperate hope. “Are you...? Are you real?”
Alec reached out to touch Magnus and reassure him. At that moment fate decided that he needed a reminder of the foolish thing he did to make it to Edom. As soon as his fingers brushed Magnus the Fire reacted and the warlock flinched back. Horrified, Alec fought a war to hold back to destructive force, which didn’t appreciate his effort at all. Unable to stop himself, he screamed as burn slashed him from the inside like a whip.
Magnus’ eyes widened in horror. “Alexander... What did you do?”
Some tears of agony and sorrow filled Alec’s eyes. “I’m sorry”, he choked out. “I had to.” The Fire inside him... It boiled and grew. Fully ready to burst out and burn him at any given moment. On his knees and gasping, Alec could feel time ticking away rapidly.
He’d do everything in his power to make his final moments count.
/
In New York Jace howled from pain and also fell on his knees, an unsteady hand pressed against his parabatai rune. Tears gathered to his eyes and he barely felt Izzy’s touch on his shoulder. “Alec, he’s... He’s running out of time.”
/
Alec didn’t have enough strength to sit anymore so he sank to lay on his back on the ground and wasn’t able to hold back a whimper as the Fire was on the verge of breaking out. The only pain he’d ever experienced strong enough to match what overtook him was the one from when he imagined that Magnus was...
Alec shook his head the best as he could while the warlock crawled to sit beside him. “... go”, he urged quietly but frantically. “... the Heavenly Fire ... could kill you ...”
It was Magnus’ turn to shake his head. (The warlock cried and Alec loathed himself for causing that sorrow.) “I don’t care. Whatever happens... We’ll face it together.” Magnus grimaced. “What were you thinking? You know how dangerous that cursed thing is! Why would you...?” The man trailed off.
I was already dying without you. At least this way it’ll make a difference. “... found you ... that’s what matters.” He managed a tiny smile. “You’re free, now. I don’t regret a thing.”
Magnus sobbed, sounding breathless. “Stupid, reckless Nephilim...! I’m not letting you die for me.” They both knew how hopelessly little could be done to actually stop it. “I’m an old fool, Alexander. I’ve lived a good life. I’m not worth dying for.”
You are to me. Alec swallowed with difficulty and struggled to remain conscious although passing out, or worse, would’ve been a relief. Everything hurt unbearably. “... happened at Raphael’s ... I’m so sorry.” What he would’ve given to be able to touch without it having awful consequences...! “I love you.”
/
Magnus had always been strong and powerful, sometimes too powerful for his own good. He’d never felt as weak, helpless and pathetic as he did then. Sitting beside the love of his life, unable to use his magic because it would’ve made things infinitely worse, unable to touch because it would’ve added to Alec’s pain. He couldn’t even hold the younger man’s hand.
This couldn’t be how it’d end...!
Perhaps the Fire would destroy him, too, once Alec wouldn’t be able to hold it back any longer. It probably would, and tear down all of Edom. That bleak thought was Magnus’ only comfort.
Magnus placed his hand as close to Alec as he could. “I love you, too, Alexander.” This wasn’t how he’d wanted to profess his feelings and he wasn’t sure the man in front of him was real. But he needed to let those words out before... “So much.”
Alec’s lips parted but the man didn’t get to utter whatever was on his mind. A terrible, nightmare inducing scream left the archer. And the Fire broke out. It was hauntingly beautiful as it rose towards Edom’s hostile sky. Magnus crouched close to Alec protectively although he knew how useless it was. The other first howled, then whimpered after running out of breath. Magnus wondered despite not wanting to how much agony Alec had to be in.
“Hold on, please”, Magnus choked out and closed his eyes to spare himself from the sight of Alec weakening more with every passing second. “Please hold on. Stay with me.” If Alec would die because of trying to save him...
“Magnus!” Could that really be Catarina’s voice? “Take my hand, and Alec’s, now!”
Magnus complied mechanically. Alec’s hand was terrifyingly lifeless and so warm that he could barely stand touching it. The discomfort eased a great deal soon, though. Confused, Magnus opened his eyes and his heart skipped a beat.
It wasn’t just a few warlocks gathered around him. It was New York’s whole community. Along with Simon and Raphael. All of them having joined hands in a huge circle to share the Fire’s burden. It hurt immensely but together they could handle it. Magnus wished he had the breath and words to express how much he appreciated them all coming to help, risking their lives.
It could very well be because of the effort but by the time they were done Magnus felt unexplainably drained. He nonetheless strained himself and lifted his head. The sight of Edom quite literally burning down and falling apart made him smile. “Look, Alexander”, he whispered. “It’s over.” The decade long nightmare was finally over.
Magnus couldn’t hold himself in a sitting position any longer. Which was perfectly fine, someone behind him caught him gently, saying something he didn’t comprehend in his current condition. Nor did he realize that Alec’s hand was limp in his own.
The hell, the burning sky and the flames faded away, leaving behind only darkness and peace.
It was over.
Notes:
It’s over but... At what price? (gulps) Oh, our babies...
Thoughts? Rants...? Never hesitate to let me hear from you.
Until next time! I really hope that I’ll see you all there.
Take care.
Chapter 6: Calls Me Home
Summary:
Defeating Asmodeus and the destruction of Edom have devastating consequences. Will Alec and Magnus make it?
Notes:
What’s this? An update appearing when I wanted it to? Magic! (chuckles)
THANK YOU, so, so much, for your comments, love and support! They fill my heart with so much warmth. (HUGS)
Alright... Are you ready to see the aftermath of the big battle? (gulps) Let’s gooooo.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Waking up was painful and took frustratingly long. When his eyes finally opened a little everything was blurry. The first thing he saw somewhat clearly was Catarina’s face. She looked like she hadn’t slept properly in a week. (He had unfortunate firsthand experience on how that felt.) “... careful ...” Her voice echoed in his throbbing skull. “... recovery to do ...”
He frowned. Anxiety kept him from slipping back to the darkness. “... ‘xander”, he croaked. Was that audible? “... is he?” Magnus couldn’t think clearly enough to process what happened. But his thoughts went to Alec instantly and despite him being barely conscious worry sparked.
Something horrible happened, his instincts reported.
Magnus had always been able to read Catarina like an open book. (It was incredibly comforting after all the times he’d been let down by people.) Now he couldn’t. All he knew was that she hid something behind her comforting smile. “Don’t worry about anything right now. Just go back to sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”
Where was Alec? Was his boyfriend alright? Magnus tried to ask, with all his might, but couldn’t get the words out. He wondered, more with curiosity than outrage, if Catarina had something to do with how drowsy he began to feel.
Then his mind faded to black and he couldn’t wonder anything anymore.
/
Catarina sighed as much from relief as exhaustion once she could be sure that Magnus was out cold. Her whole body trembled as she gave his shoulder a comforting squeeze. She felt like she deceived him although she knew, on a level of reason, that her deed was an act of kindness.
“He’ll have to hear the news eventually”, Raphael pointed out.
Catarina clenched her jaw. Of course Raphael was right. But she was drained, magically depleted and reeling emotionally from everything that’d happened. She wasn’t in the mood for his blunt honesty. “Not yet. We need to give him some time to recover first.”
Raphael was quiet for a long time. “Do you think he’ll be alright?” That was the most open the vampire had ever been around her. This was the angry, terrified and sad kid Magnus saved once upon a time, scared of losing the man he’d began to consider a father figure as decades passed. Right after getting the man back.
Catarina wanted to comfort Raphael. But she also knew that the man wouldn’t appreciate dishonesty. “I don’t know.”
/
Magnus woke up a second time to the sound of a heavy rain. It comforted him instantly. There was never rain of any kind in Edom. He sighed softly, only dimly aware of how badly his body ached, and allowed himself to drift back to sleep.
Until a hand brushed his cheek. “There you are. Are you finally ready to wake up for me?”
Of course Magnus reacted to that voice. Furiously stubborn despite how much effort it required and how much everything hurt he wrestled his eyes halfway open. Seeing Alec brought a smile to his lips immediately. “There you are”, he rasped.
Alec smiled back. “Yeah. I’m here.”
Needing further reassurance, Magnus reached out and brushed Alec’s face with his hand. Then the man’s bare chest. The illusion didn’t shatter. Magnus blinked slowly and shook his head. “I’m... I think I had a horrible nightmare.”
“A nightmare? Is that what you call your time with me?” The new voice was cold and hostile, clashed brutally with the serene and loving atmosphere from seconds earlier. Asmodeus smiled icily. “Did you really imagine that you’d get rid of me that easily?”
Magnus shook his head and positioned himself protectively in front of Alec. This couldn’t be happening...! “If sending you to a limbo wasn’t enough... Then I’ll send you back to Edom as many times as I have to.” Taking full advantage of being underestimated, he sent forward a destructive blast of magic.
Only, Asmodeus wasn’t harmed. The Prince of Hell laughed. “Oh, that rage... Did you look at your stepfather that way before you burned him? You’re a creature of hell. Your anger is always going to hurt those you care about.”
“Magnus...”
Alec’s voice was terrifyingly feeble. Fearing what he’d find, Magnus peered over his shoulder. The damage his magic had done to his beloved... It was catastrophic. Alec’s pale face and dimming, agonized eyes... The smell of burned flesh... They’d always haunt Magnus.
He started screaming and wasn’t sure he’d ever manage to stop.
“... gnus ...” Where did that voice come from? “Magnus, I need you to wake up.”
Still screaming, Magnus opened his eyes. To find his outraged magic filling the whole room. Breathless and hoarse, he panted and wrestled to get his powers under control. Every cell in his body reported pain, as though he’d been the one burned alive. Once it was over all he heard was his own pounding heart, shuddering breaths and the rain outside.
“That’s it, Magnus”, Catarina encouraged him. She didn’t dare to touch him yet. “Breathe. You’re awake, now. Whatever you saw... It was just a nightmare.”
Was it? How could Magnus be sure about anything anymore? “Alec.” So what if he whimpered? “... need to see him ... please.”
Catarina frowned. “You should regain more of your strength first. Your magic...”
“... is going to keep doing... this.” (How many such infernos and other complications had his friend already soothed?) “... until I calm down ... and I can’t... Not without him. So please...!”
Catarina sighed heavily. (How was it possible for a warlock to appear old beyond their years?) “Fine. But before I allow you to get up from this bed, let alone go all the way to the Institute... I need you to brace yourself for some things.” Catarina gave him a moment to prepare himself for whatever was to come. “The Heavenly Fire... It seems to have an impact on Alec even after it’s gone from his system. His body is fighting it. And I can also sense your magical signature on him.”
Magnus shuddered. What...? “That’s... That’s not possible.”
Catarina’s smile was a sad one. “That’s what I imagined. But I think you gave so much of yourself to keep him alive that the kind of a bond that’s never been seen before was formed.”
Magnus felt faint. What had he done...? “Is it...? Does it harm him?” He’d never forgive himself if...
Catarina hesitated. “He’s... adjusting. Right now he’s at the Institute’s infirmary. Helen knows more about the Heavenly Fire than anyone so she’s in main charge over his care. Alec... He hasn’t woken up since we returned from Edom.”
Magnus wondered how long ago that happened but didn’t dare to ask. He wanted to throw up and scream but managed neither. Instead he trembled.
“Are you still sure you’re ready to see him?”
Magnus nodded, not trusting his voice enough to try speaking. This entire mess and Alec’s... condition were all his fault. The least he could do was face whatever awaited and do everything in his power to fix things.
/
Catarina stood in the living room with Raphael and Simon while Magnus prepared himself for leaving. (Emotionally and physically.) Surprisingly it was Simon, the eternal optimist of them, who dared to voice what they all feared. “Are you sure that this is a good idea?”
Catarina rubbed her face roughly with both hands. She needed more of that potion which helped one stay alert and refreshed. And coffee, a lot of it. “Magnus... He’s so bad off that I don’t think anything else helps at this point. And I’ve seen Alec’s vitals. I don’t know if Magnus is ready to see him but... They really need some time together.” Before it was too late.
Catarina didn’t want to say out loud the bleak full truth. Magnus’ magic was dangerously out of control. One day, perhaps terrifyingly soon, it’d either drive her dearest friend mad or simply tear him apart. And despite having received the best possible care Alec was slipping away from them, a little more each day. If the men wouldn’t be able to help each other... Then there was a very real possibility that they’d lose them both.
/
Magnus did his best to brace himself for whatever might await but of course no amount of imagination could match with the reality.
The second he entered the Institute it felt like everyone was staring at him. Was it any wonder? He was a Downworlder at the headquarters of Shadowhunters. And not too long ago he was, apparently, presumed dead. But the last thing he needed was all that attention, which was for the most part negative.
The infirmary with its cold, clinical color and smell made Magnus’ skin crawl. He doubted that he would’ve been allowed anywhere near Alec if it wasn’t for Helen’s help. Her eyes were full of sympathy. “We just did some tests so Alec doesn’t have any other visitors right now.” (Magnus loathed himself for the selfishness but he was relieved to hear that. Alec’s siblings had to loathe him for what happened to their brother because of him. And his boyfriend’s parents... They only tolerated him under the best circumstances. There was no telling how they would’ve reacted to his presence now. Perhaps coming was a mistake.) In the middle of his internal chaos Magnus began to hear Asmodeus’ laughter and every muscle in his body stiffened. He could’ve sworn that a human-shaped shadow moved at his right. What if...?
Helen’s touch on his shoulder came dangerously close to making him lash out. “Magnus? I think you need to sit down. You’re really pale.”
Magnus didn’t plead often but he couldn’t have stopped himself even if he tried. “Helen, please. Where is he?”
Not far, as it turned out. Alec lay in a bed less than ten steps away, so very still that if it wasn’t for the monitor reporting feeble but present vitals Magnus would’ve assumed the worst. The archer was so pale that the bruising and burn marks around the man’s neck and the dark shadows around the Shadowhunter’s eyes stood out nauseatingly.
Magnus was grateful beyond words that Helen was quick to place a chair behind him when he began to slump towards the floor. The hand he grabbed as though it was his lifeline was unnaturally cold. Did the Heavenly Fire steal all Alec’s warmth? A big part of Magnus wanted to crawl to the bed and pull the taller man close to share his body heat but he barely dared to touch. Hadn’t he done enough damage already? “I... don’t know if you can hear me but... I’m here, Alexander. I made it back because you came to bring me home.” Magnus sniffled. “Now... Now I need you to come home, too. I need you to come back to me.”
Alec twitched. For a few seconds Magnus harbored hopes that his boyfriend was waking up but of course there was no such miracle. His chest clenched and stomach knotted as the twitches continued, transforming into something akin to light seizures.
“It’s okay.” (It wasn’t until Helen spoke up Magnus realized that she was there, and that he’d whimpered, loudly. He bit his tongue to not snap back that nothing was okay.) “Those are nowhere near as bad as the ones he had at the beginning. His body is still adjusting to whatever is happening to it.”
Magnus’ grip on Alec’s hand tightened. What he would’ve given to feel it squeeze back...! “What if he can’t... adjust?” he whispered.
Helen didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to. Of course they both knew the answer. She left soundlessly to grant them some privacy.
Magnus barely noticed. He cradled Alec’s larger hand between both his own and closed his eyes. Maybe he didn’t have a lot of healing magic left. But he’d give every last drop of it, his all, to pull Alec back from wherever his beloved wandered.
Magnus didn’t care about the tears running down his cheeks. “I love you, too, Alexander. Come home”, he murmured over and over again, like it was a spell or a prayer.
/
Edom after it’d been destroyed was a strange place. Black and charred, thick layers of dust and ashes covering everything. It was a grave and a hell. The sand under Alec’s feet seemed to be made of broken glass and cut his skin painfully.
Alec knew that there was no way out but he kept walking on, anyway. Searched for something although he couldn’t remember what it was anymore. He’d never been so tired in his life.
Eventually Alec couldn’t go on any further. He slumped to his knees and gasped although every breath filled him with fiery agony. He was about to give up the pointless quest until he sensed something. A comforting presence.
Alec looked around but saw no one. Then his attention locked on his hands and he blinked slowly at the blue glow surrounding them. Following his instincts, he lifted his gaze and saw an identical blue glow in the horizon. It seemed to call out to him. Alec wondered whether he should head towards it.
/
Magnus must’ve fallen asleep at some point, his head resting on his and Alec’s joined hands. He jolted awake at Asmodeus whispering in his ear. “You’re not winning this battle, my boy”, the demon who sounded to stand right behind him taunted. “Did you really imagine that I’d let you keep him, especially after what you did to me? Consider this your final lesson.”
Magnus dropped Alec’s hand abruptly and got up so fast that he made himself feel dizzy, then twirled around, placing his body between Asmodeus and Alec. His magic reacted instantly, sent the Prince of Hell at a wall. Magnus wasn’t allowed to feel satisfaction over his accomplishment.
The person wincing and shaking her head on the floor was Izzy, and Jace crouched beside her to assess and help her stand up, his jawline tight.
How many people was he going to hurt? All he brought was death and pain. Magnus couldn’t stand being there anymore, didn’t think he deserved to be there. So he left as hurriedly as he could, not bearing to look back towards Alec.
None of the three noticed Alec’s fingers twitching, attempting to hold on, or the momentary blue hue of magic around the hunter’s hand.
/
Izzy was a trained and seasoned Shadowhunter, and recovered swiftly. By then Jace had already chased after Magnus. She found the men from a nearby hallway, where back exit located. Her brother was blocking the warlock’s path by standing in his way.
“... let me go.”
Jace shook his head fiercely, the man’s eyes blazing. “No! I won’t move out of the way. I’m not letting you run out on this. On him. Do you have any idea how horribly Alec suffered without you? How dark of a place his mind wandered to? He almost...!”
“Jace!” Izzy hissed, too late.
What little color there’d been on Magnus’ face vanished. The man slumped visibly. “He... what?”
Jace seemed to realize that he’d blurted out too much. But it was too late to take any of it back. At least the blond appeared apologetic. “When he thought that you were... gone... Alec almost took his own life.”
It was terrible to see someone as strong and powerful as Magnus deflate the way the warlock did. (Izzy would never forget the look in the man’s eyes.) Magnus retreated a step, then another. “You have to let me go. Now.”
That was when she and Jace saw the red magic crackling around Magnus’ hands. It was clearly unstable. Although being alone was the last thing Magnus needed at the moment, they couldn’t do anything but let him go or they would’ve risked the whole Institute.
“Izzy...”, Jace started after the door closed.
Izzy shook her aching head. “We’ll talk about your loud mouth later. Call Catarina. Now.”
/
Magnus was shocked that he managed to create a portal. It was unsafe and stupid to enter one in his mental state but he had to get away before he’d have more horrible things to regret. He didn’t know where he ended up but at least he was alone. There was no one around he could’ve hurt while Asmodeu’s voice tormented him.
When he was a child Asmodeus offered him a hand and he took it because there was no one else to turn to, no one else who cared. / “Don’t be afraid. I will teach you what you are.” /
Asmodeus nodded towards a group of people. / “Do you want to make me proud? Earn your place in my house? Then do as you were told.” /
Asmodeus showed Magnus a beautiful flower that withered and died on the man’s hand. Then burned from the demon’s magic. / “See? This is what we do to mortals. This is what the thing you call love is. We bring nothing but death and great destruction. So stay away from them. You belong here, with me.” /
Magnus saw Alec’s pretty, innocent face – and suddenly it was Alec burning instead of the flower.
Magnus had kept it together with all his willpower. Now... Now he couldn’t anymore. It hurt too much. He squeezed his eyes closed, threw his head back and screamed as loudly as he could while his magic raged around him in an inferno.
Then, having spent his all, he collapsed.
Notes:
Oh gosh, our poor babies... (whimpers) Alec, please, keep fighting, come back.
Thoughts, speculations? Don’t ever hesitate to let me hear from you.
Until next time! I REALLY hope that I’ll see you there.
Take care.
Chapter 7: A Blue Light in the Darkness
Summary:
The fight to make it back home is hard on Alec and Magnus. Will they win or lose?
Notes:
I can’t believe how close to the end this story is! Here I am, with the second to last chapter.
THANK YOU, a hundred times, for your comments, love and support. They always mean the world to me. (HUGS)
Alright, then. Let’s see how things continue for Alec and Magnus. (gulps)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It was dark again. And it’d been getting cold since Edom was reduced to nothing but ashes. Not having the strength to continue for another step, Alec sat on the no longer burning hot sand and stared at the horizon with vacant eyes.
There seemed to be so little reason to go anywhere anymore.
“Hello.” Out of nowhere a little boy appeared and sat down beside him. “Are you lost?”
That... was one way to put it. “I think so. I’m... not sure where I was going, anyway.”
“It’s easy to get lost here.” The boy faced the same way he did and tilted his head. “That’s odd.”
That was when Alec saw the blue light again, shining in the distance. It was somehow familiar. And seemed to call out to him.
He felt the child watching him. “What are you going to do? Will you go to it?”
Alec blinked twice, very slowly. “I don’t know.” He was so tired already.
“You don’t have a lot of time to decide before this place corrupts your soul and you’re trapped forever.” The child scowled. “If you can get away from here somehow before that happens... You should try. I hate it here.”
Alec nodded. “I don’t think I should be here, either.” He didn’t know much at the moment but his instincts screamed that he didn’t belong. He turned his attention back to the boy. “How did you end up here?”
The child giggled. “This is my father’s house. Where else would I be?” The boy went on before he could question the cryptic response. “You’ve changed. Have you noticed that? If you go back... Your life will never be the same again. You will never be the same again, either. Adjusting to it wouldn’t be easy.”
Alec smiled wryly. “Well. I’ve never done anything the easy way.”
“Me neither”, the boy admitted and sounded old beyond his years.
Alec’s exhaustion grew, to a point where keeping his eyes open was a challenge. He was fast on his way to fading away. Until memories, such he’d imagined were out of his reach forever, began to resurface.
/ “You’re more than just a pretty face, aren’t you?” /
/ “You’d blow up the ground you stand on to make something right.” /
/ “You continue to surprise me.” /
/ Shortly after they first made love Alec was more than halfway on his way to sleep, with Magnus in his arms. He wasn’t entirely sure whether the whispered words he thought he heard were real or a trick of his imagination. “Aku cinta kamu.”
“... that mean?” Alec mumbled, too sleepy to open his eyes.
“I’ll tell you later.” Magnus kissed his brow. “Sweet dreams, Alexander.”
They were sweet indeed. By the time he woke up he’d forgotten about Magnus’ words. Their meaning remained a mystery. /
/ “If you fail to grant time for the things you care about, you’ll forget why you’re even fighting at all.” /
/ “I hear that relationships, they, um... take effort.”
“I’m all for effort.” /
A strange tingling sensation took over Alec’s hands. He looked down with a frown to see them glowing blue. It was magic, wasn’t it?
Magnus’ magic.
“Come back”, the boy urged. “I need you, Alexander.”
The blue glow exploded from Alec, then everything became dark.
/
Catarina cursed, loudly, after Jace called her to announce that Magnus wandered off all alone. In a beyond awful state of mind. At least magic helped her locate her dear friend fairly easily. Finding out that Magnus had ended up to Ragnor’s old house shattered her heart.
How often did Magnus go to Ragnor for advice and comfort when the man was still alive?
Catarina felt a familiar, restless power everywhere as soon as she stepped through a portal. There was a large, circle shaped patch of scorched land near the house. (At least the building hadn’t been damaged.) Magnus lay in the middle of it, unmoving.
Catarina’s blood ran cold. No, no, no... “Magnus!” Trusting that his magic would never, under any circumstances, harm her she raced to him and landed on her knees beside him.
Magnus had barely any magic left and his vitals... They weren’t promising. He was still alive but her healing didn’t manage to pull him back. It was as though he’d given everything there was in him and...
Catarina clenched her jaw and shook her head. “I’m... I’m not letting you give up on me. Do you hear me?”
Catarina took a couple of calming breaths. Then held Magnus close to ensure that he wouldn’t get lost on their way through a portal. She hated taking him to where she’d have to. But there was only one person in the world who might be able to pull him back.
She could only hope, from the bottom of her aching heart, that they hadn’t lost Alec already.
/
A week dragged by agonizingly slowly. In infirmary beds that’d been practically pressed together Alec and Magnus remained unconscious. (Or perhaps comatose would’ve been a better term.) No one, Catarina and Helen included, could tell if they’d ever wake up. It was a nightmare that refused to end.
That afternoon Alec’s twitching – which his family couldn’t bear to call seizing – was much worse than usual. According to Helen there was also some abnormal brain activity. Was Alec slipping further away or trying to come back? As much as she would’ve obviously wanted to Helen couldn’t give them a definite answer.
After two hours Jace couldn’t stand watching any longer. The sight of Alec fighting for his life and barely holding on, the emptiness where he used to feel his parabatai... They became unbearable. He mumbled some probably incomprehensible excuse and fled hurriedly, not looking back.
He didn’t make it very far. “Jace, hey.” Izzy gave him a look of deep sympathy. “I know that this... This is rough. But everything will be okay. Alec will be okay. You know how strong he is.”
Jace shook his head, tears gathering to his eyes. “I... I can’t even feel him anymore. I haven’t dared to check the parabatai rune because it may not be there. How is anything supposed to ever be okay again?”
Izzy sniffled. “Jace...”
Helen’s appearance interrupted her. The blonde appeared dishearteningly solemn. “There’s... something I have to tell you.”
/
In an otherwise completely dark room Alec stared at his own mirror image, which was illuminated by the magic surrounding him. It wasn’t natural, a part of him screamed, remembering what Clave and his parents had drilled into his head about Downworlders. But that immense power... It hummed contentedly as it settled into him. Filled gaping holes he hadn’t known existed. Completed him. Became a part of him as easily as breathing. Even his new eyes didn’t scare him. Why would they have when he loved them the second he saw a similar pair on someone else?
The boy he met in Edom stood next to him. “You’re close, now. Are you ready to face your world as this version of yourself?”
Alec was terrified, if he was honest with himself. But also determined. Something called out to him, he felt it far more strongly than before, now. “I am.”
The boy nodded. “Close your eyes. Then open them again.”
Alec complied without hesitation. The view in front of him had changed. Instead of a mirror there was a window. On its other side he saw himself, lay in an infirmary bed. And Magnus in the bed next to his. Tears gathered to Alec’s eyes at how frail and lifeless his beloved appeared.
“You have what it takes to get to him”, the boy reassured him. Something shifted in the air around them. “If you really want to go to me... You have the power.”
Didn’t Magnus always tell him to listen to his instincts? Alec did. Every muscle in him full of tension, he pressed his hands against the window and let the magic fate granted him flow. It shone almost painfully brightly as cracks began to appear. Then it exploded.
/
Maryse suspected that as a mundane she was only allowed to stay by her son’s side out of pity and due to threats from Izzy and Jace. She didn’t really care about the reason. Not while Alec lay in front of her, barely alive.
Maryse wiped her eyes. “I don’t think you remember this but... You got very sick when you were five. It was a bad scalding fever.” The memory made her shudder. “It’s supposed to be mild for children but your case was among the worst those treating you had ever seen. For a day or two I was terrified that you’d slip away from us. But... You didn’t.”
In the bed Alec’s body spasmed and he unleashed a small whimper.
Maryse closed her eyes for a few seconds before she managed to continue. “You fought so hard to make it back to us. And the first thing you said after waking up... It was ‘Please don’t cry, mom’.” She sobbed. “That’s... That’s how you’ve always been. Mature beyond your years. So much stronger than you should have to be. Always putting others first.” She ran a trembling hand through Alec’s sweaty, curly locks. “You’re... You’re my amazing boy. And for too long I pushed you so hard to fulfil my ridiculous expectations that you didn’t know how much I love, cherish and respect you.” Tears rolled down her cheeks. “I... I need more time to make all that up to you. Please, come back to me again. I can’t lose you.”
Maryse had just finished her speech when without a warning Alec’s whole body began to glow blue, startling her. Then, frustratingly slowly, his eyes fluttered halfway open. They were golden and cat-like. “Magnus”, was the first thing Alec uttered in far too long, his voice barely even a whisper.
/
Jace braced himself the best as he could. “Alec... He’s getting worse, isn’t he?”
“I’m not sure how to answer that.” Helen searched for the right words. “The recent test results... They suggest that Alec isn’t fully a Shadowhunter anymore. His whole genetic structure has changed, that’s probably why he’s been struggling so much.”
Jace’s brows furrowed. He felt cold. “He has his runes...”
“And he’ll continue to have them. He’s still a half Shadowhunter, just like I am. The other half... I don’t know how it’s possible, there’s no record of it having ever happened to anyone before. But it’s as though he’s transformed into a part warlock.”
That... was easily among the last things the siblings expected to hear. Izzy recovered first enough to find some of her voice. “That’s... That’s impossible. But, if it’s somehow happened...” Her eyes flashed. “You can’t tell anyone. If the wrong people would find out...” They all doubted that Clave would’ve approved of something they were sure those people deemed ‘unnatural’. The things they might do to Alec if they ever heard this...
Helen lifted a hand. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell a soul. I’m bound by confidentiality, remember?”
Jace’s head spun. “What, ah... What would it even do to him? Does Alec have magic? Is he immortal?”
Helen sighed. “This is still a big mystery to me, too. Let’s just take one step at a time. Right now...” She trailed off when they saw a blue glow coming from Alec’s room.
/
After the darkness of Edom the room Alec woke up in was agonizingly bright. And overwhelmingly loud. His mom cried, appearing relieved and scared simultaneously, and reached out a hand but in the end didn’t dare to touch him. Then Izzy and Jace were there, crowding his personal space and talking simultaneously. Alec’s ringing ears failed to catch what they were saying.
Alec thought, with absolute certainty, that he’d never get to see them again. He was elated to be back with them, and didn’t quite dare to trust that it was real. But his whole heart and soul... They yearned.
Where was Magnus, why wasn’t anyone telling him...?
Izzy understood. Her voice echoed so badly that it was difficult to understand her. “... right here”, she promised. She bustled around his bed before coming back to his line of vision. (Later he realized that she pushed Magnus’ bed against his and lowered the railings separating them.) “... turn and look.”
Alec did, ignoring stubbornly how much moving hurt. And there he was. The man Alec thought he lost. The love of his life. Close enough to be touched yet somewhere far away from him.
Alec sobbed. From relief, sorrow, despair, anguish, longing, love, happiness and so many other things. He was in no state to notice how Helen ushered everyone else out of the room as his glowing hand pushed back a strand of hair from Magnus’ forehead, then went to where the warlock’s heart was beating. It was still there, so very sluggish and feeble. “I... I thought I lost you”, he choked out. “Don’t make me lose you for real. Not when we finally made it back home.” Alec didn’t know how such a miracle happened, didn’t really care at the moment. It was no miracle if...
Magnus shuddered. Whether that was a good or a bad sign he couldn’t say. (It was a small mercy that he didn’t know Magnus’ heart stuttered to a stop.)
Alec closed his eyes and pressed their foreheads together. Since when had Magnus been that cold to the touch? “Wake up”, he prayed. “We made it out of hell. Please, Magnus, wake up.”
The magic that’d adored Alec before it became his, too, reacted.
/
Magnus was trapped in his very own internal hell as he sank deeper and deeper into pitch-black water. Alec, Asmodeus, his mother, his stepfather, Camille and countless of others... They kept him company. Taunted and tormented him, dragged him deeper. It all hurt horribly until he was so deep that nothing seemed to matter anymore. It was quiet and peaceful.
Magnus breathed out, one last time, closed his eyes and let go – until a hand grabbed his and began to pull him up stubbornly.
The world made itself known to Magnus gradually. His chest-area and head ached, just about everything did. “... breathe ...”, someone whispered. (Being able to do so was a surprise and Magnus complied despite all the discomfort involved.) “... it ... breathe and stay with me.”
Magnus might’ve drifted to sleep or unconsciousness for a while. Once he came to someone was holding him in their arms and it didn’t hurt so badly anymore. “Magnus?” His line of vision was blurry when he managed to pry his eyes open but slowly Alec’s face came to focus. “There you are.”
Magnus stared, his mind in a state of utter chaos. He’d had this dream so many times while Asmodeus made him stay in Edom. He couldn’t stand going through it again.
A hand touched his cheek. “Magnus...”
Magnus flinched away and squeezed his eyes tightly closed. He didn’t want to see whatever his mind had created. What if it was real? What if it wasn’t? “I’m losing my mind”, he choked out. “I’m really losing my mind this time.”
“You’re not.” Alec kissed his forehead. “I don’t know how but... We made it home. Your magic saved us.”
Magnus gathered his courage and opened his eyes once more. Alec was still there in front of him. Sounded real, and felt real to his touch. Unable to fight back the desire, Magnus pressed their lips together and Alec responded with the urgency of a drowning man. Sparks lit up everywhere inside the warlock.
If this was another dream or a cruel illusion he didn’t want to ever wake up.
Notes:
They’re awake! (BEAMS) This is where recovery begins.
Thoughts to share? Don’t ever hesitate to let me hear from you.
Until next time! I really hope that I’ll see you all there.
Take care.
Chapter 8: A Second Beginning
Summary:
Alec and Magnus begin to truly recover. Some things need to be talked about.
Notes:
Here we are, folks! At the final chapter of this tale. Let’s see what shall happen.
THANK YOU, a million times, for your love and support! They always mean the world to me. (HUGS)
Alrighty, then. Let’s go! I really hope that you’ll enjoy the ride.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Magnus opened his eyes to find the fiery world of Edom around him. His heart began to race and shock slammed all breath from his lungs. The feeling of suffocating intensified as Asmodeus came to view. Violent, dark magic wrapped around Magnus’ neck.
Asmodeus tilted his head while the grip tightened, and tightened. “My boy... Did you really imagine that it’d be so easy to get rid of me?” The burn of his father’s powers was nearly unbearable. “It’s about time you pay for your ungratefulness and disobedience.”
Magnus burned screaming – and jolted to a sitting position still screaming, clawing at his chest frantically as his skin tingled. His body trembled and ached but... Somehow it wasn’t on fire. And the uncomfortably bright room he woke up in definitely wasn’t Edom. His anxious golden eyes didn’t spot Asmodeus anywhere.
What...?
Someone moved beside him. Before Magnus managed to panic it occurred to him that the arms wrapping around him protectively were too gentle and muscular to be Asmodeus’. Slowly his body burning began to seem like a horrible nightmare. Was it? How was he supposed to trust anything...?
“It’s okay, Magnus”, Alec whispered. Like talking to a scared wild animal. “You’re okay. You’re safe.”
Magnus wasn’t worried about himself. His eyes widened in horror as he found his angry, red magic surrounding his boyfriend. “Alexander...!”
“It doesn’t hurt”, Alec reassured. And true, there wasn’t a trace of damage on the Shadowhunter’s skin. It was as though his magic caressed rather than intended to harm, even at its most destructive. “I’m really here and I’m okay, too. Try to calm down, baby.”
Tears filled Magnus’ eyes. It was absolutely terrifying to believe in something so wonderful after... “I thought I’d never see you again”, he choked out. “And when you came to Edom and all that Heavenly Fire burst out of you...” Alec could’ve died. Shouldn’t have survived such an ordeal. The realization made Magnus feel like he was being magically strangled all over again and some rage joined his feral fear. “How could you do something so stupid and reckless?”
Alec’s eyes flashed. Were they golden for a second? “Because I... I was dying without you!” It was easy to see how difficult admitting that was. Despite them being in the same room Alec seemed to be tortured by the memories. The man sniffled once. “I thought I lost you. Forever. When I found out that you were in Edom... I knew that I had to save you. No matter what the cost.”
Magnus shuddered. None of his past lovers had cared about him enough to risk their lives. “The cost should never be your own life. I’m not worth that.”
Alec’s facial muscles tightened. “You don’t get to decide for me what your life is or isn’t worth. If the tables were turned... I know you’d do the same for me.”
Magnus couldn’t deny something that was true. Still catching his breath from the nightmare and the emotional overload which followed, he lowered his gaze to Alec’s hands. There was no wedding ring or a wedding rune in sight. “Asmodeus... He showed me illusions that you were married. Happy with someone else and a father. Over and over again, for years. It was his favorite method for breaking me.” Because it was the only one that worked. “Eventually I, ah... didn’t need chains to keep me there.” What was there left to fight for?
Alec blanched. It took a while before the man found his voice. “He... chained you?” Alec obviously wanted a chance to finish off Asmodeus again. “How long... was it for you?”
Magnus squeezed his eyes closed and shuddered. “Ten years”, he admitted barely audibly. “I think. It was... quite difficult to keep track after a while.”
Alec was shocked into silence for a very long time. The man’s hold on him tightened. “I’m... I don’t know what to say. The things you’ve been through...” Alec trailed off.
Magnus sighed. He’d never been very good at talking about the things that bothered him and this occasion... was worse than most. The sense of defeat... The emotional and physical torture... His conflicted emotions regarding Asmodeus’ fate... “I’m not the only one who’s been through a lot”, he pointed out. Partially deflecting, partially desperate to talk about this... unpleasant topic. Magnus studied Alec’s face with his gaze. What he found from those haunted eyes broke his heart. “Jace... He told me that you almost...” How was he supposed to be able to voice the final words?
Alec scowled. “He had no right to tell you!”
“So it was true.” Magnus felt sick to his stomach. “I can’t... I don’t want to have that kind of a power over your life. I’m...”
“Magnus.” Alec took his face between two strong hands. (Magnus had been grabbed similarly by a Shadowhunter before. Under... far less pleasant circumstances. But never this way, by anyone. Never with such love and passion.) “Shadowhunters... They typically only love once, and fiercely. Did you know that? I... I’m a screwup and... I’ll continue to make mistakes. But my heart... It’s yours. All of it. That’s why I had to get you back.”
Magnus smiled sadly. “I’m... not sure how much there’s left of me.” He wasn’t the same man who was dragged to hell for a decade and he hoped that Alec understood as much. But then, the young hunter wasn’t the same again, either, was he? Would this new Alec still find something worth loving from the new him? “But whatever there’s left... It’s yours.”
They survived with each other’s help. Now? Now it was time to make the most out of their new chance. And hope that whatever might come they’d make it through. Together.
The kiss symbolizing the second beginning of their relationship couldn’t have been more different from the one at Alec’s wedding. Slowly and shyly, two lovers getting to know each other all over again, they leaned closer. Then pressed their lips together tenderly, started a new and exciting dance.
I choose you.
I choose you, too.
/ “I’m all for effort.” /
/
The feelings Jace sensed through the parabatai bond while Magnus was... away... They terrified him. While he’d seen from early on that there was certain sensitivity to Alec, his brother had always been strong in his eyes. Invincible. A rock to lean on he took for granted too often.
Alec was the one who supported and protected others, no matter what. When the archer was the one needing help all of a sudden... Jace wasn’t proud to admit that he panicked. Before the Lightwoods took him in, he’d never been taught how to care for others. He was out of his depth.
Now Jace sensed contentment and happiness again. But things still weren’t back to how they’d been. Would never be again. Because Alec would never be the same, in more ways than one.
Entering the infirmary room where Alec still rested, Jace opened his mouth for a greeting. Until he realized that Magnus was fast asleep, curled up to his brother’s lap like a cat. Shockingly vulnerable for someone terrifyingly powerful.
“I just got him to sleep ten minutes ago.” Alec shook his head. “I can’t believe you told him about... the balcony incident.”
Jace sighed. “I’m sorry”, he whispered. “It just... slipped.” The memory still made him feel cold. “Do you have any idea how badly you scared me? Promise me that you’ll never do anything... like that again.” Don’t you dare try to leave me and imagine that I’d be okay with it.
Alec’s features softened, albeit only slightly. “I’m sorry, too. And... I promise.” His parabatai did have the man’s whole world in his arms to fight for, now, after all.
They’d have to talk about it all later, of course. The topic was too big to be just brushed off. It’d take time before Jace would trust that Alec was genuinely okay and he’d have to make up for blurting out a secret that wasn’t his to share. But at least they had a chance for all that.
Alec nodded towards the chair beside the bed. “Do you want to sit with us for a while?”
Jace accepted the invitation eagerly.
Alec didn’t have the energy for more talking and neither of them wanted to bother Magnus’ much-needed rest. And Jace wasn’t ready for further lectures. Just being there in the same room... For now that was enough.
/
Alec had too many unpleasant dreams. Of Edom. Of Magnus being burned by the Heavenly Fire. Of Asmodeus killing Magnus. Of drowning into darkness.
Alec began to come to as someone was touching him. His new powers reacted instantly, lashed out and threw the potential threat at a wall. Jace’s grunt yanked him back to full awareness. And then Magnus’ voice spoke softly. “It was only a dream, Alexander. Nothing more. Tell the magic to calm down.”
Alec complied the best as he could. Frustratingly slowly the real world around him came to full focus. Alec’s eyes grew wide. “Jace...!”
Magnus’ smile was a sad one. “He’s fine. He’s right outside, making sure that no one walks in before you’re full in control over yourself.”
Alec nodded. He felt numb and far too much at the same time. Being so out of control that he was a danger to those around him... It was a bitter pill to swallow.
For Magnus, too, apparently. “I’m so sorry, this is all my fault. If you never had to come to Edom...” The rest of the sentence was inaudible. “I can’t believe my magic did this to you.”
“I can’t believe it, either.” Alec trembled as he watched the glow around his own hand. It was new and terrifying. But in some strange way it already felt like a part of him. “Is this...? Will I always be... like this? For the rest of my life?”
Alec could actually see Magnus withdraw from him mentally. Almost the same way the man did right before his wedding, promising to not ask again. “I don’t know. I’ve been around for a very long time but... I don’t have all the answers.”
It hurt so much that Alec came close to whimpering. “Don’t do this to me. Not now, please.”
The air between them was heavy and loaded. Magnus frowned. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Alec clenched his jaw. “Yes, you do.” He sniffled despite his decision to stay strong. “I... I’m scared, Magnus. Terrified. And... I need you. More than ever. So please... Don’t pull away from me. Don’t shut me out. And don’t apologize when I have no idea how I feel about any of this yet.”
Magnus’ tension grew. Yet slowly but surely the warlock’s walls began to waver and crumble. “I’m scared, too”, Magnus admitted quietly. “Once we find out what, exactly, is going on with you... You may start to resent me. I wouldn’t blame you for that. That... this happened to you... It’s all my fault...”
Alec lifted a hand. He couldn’t bear listening to that any longer. “Stop telling me how I’m going to feel. Okay?” He fought hard to not sound hostile and hoped that he succeeded. “All of this is Asmodeus’ fault. No one else’s. I chose to save you, regardless of the cost. I’m never going to regret it. Whatever the cost turns out to be. You’ll have to accept that, just like I have to accept this new me.”
Magnus nodded, clearly understanding that no words would change his mind.
Alec nodded back. Then swallowed hard, for once in his life not ashamed of letting all his true emotions show. (It was incredibly liberating to be around someone who’d never judge him.) “I’ll need you. To teach me, and to support me.”
Magnus kissed his forehead. “You have me”, the man swore. “For as long as you want me.”
Alec snorted. “Seriously? I’ll never stop wanting you.”
“What a scandalously naughty choice of words, considering where we are.”
“Magnus...!”
/
Perhaps it was foolish, but Imogen Herondale expected executing Valentine Morgenstern to make her feel better somehow. Especially when she also got her grandson back. But the anger, pain and bitterness... They’d rooted themselves so deep into her that ridding the world of Valentine wasn’t enough to soothe them.
There were people she wanted to see suffering as she did.
One rainy early evening she received a video call from the New York Institute. The Shadowhunter Nobody introduced himself as Raj. (With great irritation Herondale wondered how he was even able to call her directly. Typically her number was only in the hands of Institute Heads and a few other carefully chosen people.) “Madam Inquisitor, weird things have been happening at my Institute lately so... I took the liberty to install a secret surveillance camera to the infirmary. It recorded this.”
Herondale was about to end the call right away. She was glad she didn’t. On the screen Magnus Bane’s destructive red magic danced around Alec Lightwood as the men hugged but it didn’t harm the man or the room around him. A blue glow coming from the archer seemed to cocoon the two. Was it real or a trick of imagination and light? Suddenly this Raj person wasn’t so annoying anymore. “Tell me everything.”
Raj was eager to do exactly that. “Lightwood... He behaved weirdly since Valentine attacked the Institute. Then he just... disappeared for a bit and came back more than half-dead. He’s still at the infirmary. So is that pet warlock of his. And something weird is definitely going on.”
Herondale’s eyes flashed. “Thank you for informing me. Continue to keep an eye on the situation. This may warrant Clave’s closer attention.”
Maryse and Robert Lightwood were eager supporters of the man who basically took away her whole world. If she’d get to take away their firstborn as a retaliation... Then she’d certainly embrace the opportunity.
/
It was two days from when the men woke up properly and Alec left the infirmary to find out what happened during his... absence. (It was also possible that laying around in a bed doing nothing was driving the archer insane, even if his bed was joined with his boyfriend’s.) In the meantime a baffled Magnus learned just how far New York’s warlock community went to save him. They actually went to Edom. Defied Asmodeus. Healed him, as much as they could.
Catarina elbowed him gently. “Don’t look so shocked. You know you’re beloved.”
Magnus wasn’t sure he deserved so much love. Did it matter much when he had it, anyway? “Once I’m... more myself again I’ll throw a party for them all.”
Catarina leaned her head against his shoulder. It was palpable how much she’d missed him. “I’m looking forward to it.”
Magnus smiled and leaned his cheek against her head. Oh, how good it was to be home. “I’m looking forward to it, too.” To feeling more like himself and the party both.
“The warlock community worked hard to heal Alec, too, by the way. They know how important he is to you. And he’s done so much for the Downworld while you... were away.” Catarina’s tone and facial expression were fond. “He’s young, and he was grieving, yet he still managed that. He’s going to pull off amazing things.”
A proud smile appeared to Magnus’ lips. “Well. I did suspect from early on that he’s more than just a pretty face.”
At that moment Alec returned to the room. The man appeared utterly exhausted despite only having been on his feet for an hour and a half. “I have at least ten small emergencies to sort out over the next couple of days.” Alec slumped beside him to the bed’s edge and took his hand as though it was an anchor in the middle of a storm. (By then Catarina had moved out of the way. She left the room swiftly and subtly, knowing that she was leaving her dear friend to the best hands.) “And Herondale wants an official report on what happened in Edom, before and after.”
“She can’t find out...!” Magnus’ grip on Alec’s hand was almost painfully tight. “Clave... They’ll try to...” He couldn’t bring himself to voice the rest. Nor did he have to. They both knew how dangerous of a game they were playing.
Alec lifted his chin. The man’s eyes glowed golden triumphantly. So did the magic they shared. “You know what? Let them try.”
Notes:
And so we’ve reached a happy ending. (smiles) Sort of...
Here’s the thing. I feel like this story has so much more to tell. Malec vs Clave, Alec getting used to his new self and learning to use his powers... Sooooo. How would you feel about a sequel?
Thoughts to share? Don’t ever hesitate to let me hear from you.
Thank you for much for reading this! (HUGS) Perhaps I’ll see you soon with some other project.
Take care.
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