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Bloody, torn hands have carried Regulus around as long as he can remember. They are full of scars, visible and accumulated under the skin. They stroke his tear-streaked cheeks with a rough surface, the calloused fingers wiping every last cast of misery away.
The way they operate is soft, Regulus contentedly notes every time.
And the smile is even more so in its endearing crookedness; it is brighter than the lights inside their house. It is always so dark and scary inside, but Sirius’ smile is always so reassuring.
He has always been the safe haven that protects Regulus from the bullets. But they both know that the bullets still must go somewhere; they must stop at some surface after the trigger has been pulled.
—
It is so terrifying to be the only one carrying another person, while barely keeping yourself afloat. But Sirius still tries. He has always tried. And he continues trying, even as it always takes his breath away and never gets easier.
Meticulously aimed hits with a cane knock his consciousness out, as per usual. It is not out of the ordinary, but it is always as hurtful as all the times before. He just has gotten better at keeping his chin up and willing his tears away before they can see. So, he keeps getting up, even with the restricted oxygen. He must keep going.
For Regulus, it is all worth it. He must keep his promise to Regulus.
Why would the scratches on himself matter, if Regulus is safe? After all, he is all that matters.
—
‘Go,’ his mouth is forming the all-too-familiar words. The words dissolve breathlessly into the air, but Regulus has caught them, regardless.
He nods once, fear-stricken but still determined, and carefully tip-toes away as fast as he can. The pained yells make him slap his hands on top of his ears, but he doesn’t turn back. Not anymore. He must not.
They made a pinky promise, and Regulus knows; those must not be broken. So, he will act according to their deal.
Hiding in the closet Sirius announced as Regulus’ hiding place, Regulus never once lifts his hands from his ears. The screams are ear-shattering. This way Regulus can pretend it’s just heavy wind from a storm. It’s similar in the way it is bone-chilling and cold.
Regulus can barely hold his hands up to his ears. They are shaking and constantly on their way to falling limply on the floor. It is scary. And Regulus doesn’t understand. How is this ‘teaching a necessary lesson’? This is not how Regulus is taught, right? Or maybe he is taught in the wrong way?
His teachers do reprimand him often, because there is always something more interesting, like a bird chirping on the window sill. But they just make him do the tasks again. He is never hurt after the teaching. But why is Sirius always in pain and barely there after his lessons?
Regulus cannot understand. And he does not really want, either. Why would Sirius need to hurt to learn, when even Regulus is able to learn without it?
And Sirius is so much smarter, too.
—
“You’re too smart for your own good, poor child,” Euphemia sometimes mutters silently with something sad settled in her eyes. She probably thinks that Sirius cannot hear her. But of course he does. His ears always automatically tune in to every sound, no matter whether it is quiet or loud.
So, he tries to tone it down. After all, Euphemia is the smartest person Sirius knows. Maybe they will stop, if I’m stupider, he thinks.
It doesn’t work; that day the hits come so much faster and harder than usually. That day, he realizes that pretending to be okay does not help, at all. So, when he finally closes his eyes, cheeks full of dried tears, he doesn't expect to see the daylight anymore.
When he finally opens his eyes, struggling, his blurry vision catches the uncomfortably familiar walls of their private doctor’s room. Something heavy presses on to his left hand. Reggie.
He smiles once more, looking at the dark hair of his little brother, before his eyelids feel too heavy to keep open. The darkness catches Sirius gently, keeping him in its hold in the loving way his parents never did.
Before passing out, Sirius mutters, barely audibly, “R’ggie… I- I love you”.
But he doesn’t get to hear the answer, as the darkness drowns everything under it, and sinks Sirius somewhere he can never get out of.
At least it is warm.