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Promotions just ended yet they are still in the dance room, this time practicing for their upcoming concert.
Idol life rarely ever grants you breaks, except for the 20-minute ones in between rehearsal sessions.
“Don’t forget my oat milk latte, Jae!”
"I heard you the first time, Johnny!” Jaehyun’s voice echoes as he exits the room.
Mark is sitting on the floor leaning against a wall. Glad it’s not his turn to get everybody coffee because he can now use this time for something more important: staring at Yuta through the mirror in front of him. For whoever was to look at him, it would seem like he’s zoning out but he’s actually focused. Yuta’s standing a few meters away, slouching a bit, laughing at poor Doyoung trying and failing to win in a playful fight against Taeyong and Johnny.
Yuta’s skin is glistening, he took off his hoodie and is now in a sweat-soaked tank top that sticks to his lean torso, his hair is loosely tied back, strands falling on his face, his hands on his hips, and his gigantic smile with all his perfect teeth on display, his face is still kind of red from the exercise.
Mark’s hands tingle as he wonders how warm Yuta’s skin would feel against them if he… when Haechan gets him out of his trance by violently shaking a bottle of water in front of his face.
“Hydrate yourself, hyung” He looks at where Mark’s stare was directed and smiles mischievously “You look thirsty ” then winks at him.
He runs as soon as Mark grabs the bottle and threatens to throw it in his direction.
At a safe distance, Haechan laughs at Mark’s scowl and makes finger hearts at him before going on his way to torment someone else.
Distraction over, Mark’s gaze is back on Yuta, not through the mirror this time. Suddenly, like he sensed Mark’s eyes on him, Yuta turns his face, looks directly at him, and starts walking towards him with a sly smile. Mark immediately plays it cool, he grins and begins to wave at Yuta. By the time he lowers his hand, Yuta has already made his way to him.
“Ahhh, hi Mak-cute-lee,” he sits down next to him, putting his weight on Mark. He welcomes the warmth and chuckles at the wordplay. “Hi, hyung”.
Mark is talking softly, telling Yuta about the past weeks from his point of view, where is the weirdest place he fell asleep and for how long, a few funny things Johnny said, and how he messed up his laundry the other day for doing it half-asleep.
"My favorite sweaters are now kid-sized! Aaah, I really should’ve waited till the next morning to do it. Go on, you can laugh.”
Mark loves talking to Yuta. He’s missed him.
It’s not like they haven’t seen each other, it’s quite the opposite in comeback season. Being shoved in cars together, spending hours in waiting rooms at music shows, at practice, on stage… but it’s not the same, it’s never just them two, and usually, they end up too tired to make time for anything other than to rest before the next schedule.
It seems like Yuta is still regaining his energy, he is in a quiet mood, providing mmm s and ooohs and small laughs so Mark knows he is listening, his head leaning on Mark’s shoulder, eyes closed, looking almost like he’s about to fall asleep.
Until Mark mentions how he and Haechan went to see the dreamies one random night and found them all sobbing at some sea documentary. “I got worried for a second, then Jaemin’s pointing at the TV going like the penguins the penguins!” That seems to spark Yuta’s interest, he perks up all of a sudden.
“Aw, I love guins! Did you know that if those guys need to cross a body of water, they will push their leader into the water to check if it’s dangerous?”
“Oh!? really?”
“Yes! if he doesn't get eaten by a predator then all is well and they can jump too. Quite practical.”
“Wow, just like that?” Mark can’t help his surprised expression. Yuta: hot person/ idol/ penguin expert?
“Yeah, nature is ruthless” Yuta chuckles and points “Taeyong’s lucky we’re not penguins 127, heheh”
Mark wants to bite Yuta’s cheek more than anything right now. Instead, he chooses to be normal and gulps his water bottle. “I know a thing about penguins too, hyung. Did you know— He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand— Did you know penguins mate for life? like, they find their partner and that’s it for them. Romance, baby!” The last phrase he says in English.
Yuta smiles cheekily. “Actually, that’s not true, Markie. They CAN mate for life, and I think most do, but not always”
“what?! noo—”
“yeeees, penguins have extramarital sex all the time, BUT they do return to their regular partners after… Romance, baby ?” Yuta mocks.
“wait, for real ?” Of course, he shouldn’t get his biology knowledge from a tweet.
“Even penguins need to see what’s out there for them, Markie.”
“Daaang” Mark tsks and shakes his head disapprovingly “Penguins aren’t shit after all”
“They also steal from other penguins,” Yuta’s amused. “Rocks”
Mark lets out a high-pitched gasp “Penguins, man, we’ve been fooled! Hyung, you know all this and still like them?”
Yuta shrugs “They’re cute” He rests his head back on Mark’s shoulder and hugs his arm. “And I can’t resist cute”
Mark tries to contain his smile.
After a few seconds of silence, Mark’s talking again and Yuta is playing with his hands.
Suddenly, Yuta intertwines his fingers and his heart skips a beat.
“Hey, Mark”
Yuta looks up at him, batting his eyelashes “Would you love me even if I was a cheater criminal penguin?”
Mark bursts out laughing at that. This conversation is so silly, he doesn’t ponder much and says whatever comes to mind first. Yolo.
“Duh, of course, I would, Oppa! I’d warm all your eggs too”
Oh God, your eggs did he just say that? where did that even come from? A slight blush warms his cheeks.
Yuta loves that answer because he plasters himself to Mark with a dreamy expression “Aww, Markie, I would make sure you’re healthy and super fat so our eggs can hatch. We’d be a happy penguin family and we’d grow old to see our children become the nonmonogamous penguins we raised them to be, wouldn’t that be perfect ?”
This is ridiculous but Mark loves it. “Perfect! Nothing I wish more than that! I think we should pitch it as our next comeback concept. Cheating penguins who love each other and are amazing parents.”
“Great!”
“—Jaehyun would be into it”
“—Jungwoo would love that!”
They shake with laughter.
It feels so good being with Yuta like this. Yuta makes every moment enjoyable.
He’s aware he’s explicitly said this, even in interviews: there has never been a moment when he didn’t like him… although Mark doesn’t know when the lines started blurring; when this feeling became like a balloon about to burst.
Mark has never been good at being patient, he needs to do something about it.
So, Mark has been trying to gather some bravery to confess his feelings. It’s a risk but Mark doesn't think he’s too far off in thinking Yuta feels something for him too. One could argue that Yuta plays it up for the camera and concerts but how can Mark believe it’s all for show when there are moments like this one, when it’s just the two of them, sitting together on the floor in the corner of a practice room jokingly(or not) picturing a life together(as penguins). It just makes sense, Mark thinks.
They have a weekend off soon after the concert and Mark thinks it’d be perfect for them to spend it together. They’ve been so busy lately, it’s been a long time since their last movie night; they could watch Happy Feet.
As the laughter dies down, Mark is about to ask him if he wants to spend the weekend together when Yuta’s phone gets a message notification.
He gets his cell phone out of his sweatpants’ pocket, revealing a bit of his cheetah-print underwear. Mark’s gaze lingers a bit more than he should. Then he looks down at Yuta’s hands as he tilts his phone away slightly, so only he can see the screen. Hm .
A soft chuckle escapes Yuta’s lips and he quickly types something. A few seconds later, his phone rings. He gets up rapidly, his shoes squeaking against the floor “Sorry, gotta take this”
He walks past Johnny, who has Haechan on his back trying to balance himself with only his legs, Jungwoo recording them.
“Yuto, hi!” Yuta exclaims as he goes to exit the room. “You’re back in Korea?”
“oooooh Yuta’s boyfriend #1 is calling,” Johnny says before Yuta closes the door.
Yuta flashes a smile but gestures for him to shush as he turns and steps into the hallway.
“Now he’ll be out there for God knows how long” Haechan chips in. “Everybody! act surprised when he comes back in blushing and twirling his hair”
Doyoung rolls his eyes at them “Quit it guys, they’re just really close friends”
“And historians will say they were best friends” Haechan adds dramatically, still from Johnny’s back “That’s literally gay erasure, Doyoung. I hope you know that”
“Come here, I will erase you,” Doyoung stretches his arms and makes grabby hands at Haechan who just sticks his tongue out at him “Me and my big strong horse” patting Johnny on the shoulder twice. Johnny, as always there for the joke, delivers his best impression of a horse, neighing loudly.
Laughs erupt, Jaehyun comes back with everybody’s order and quickly catches up.
Mark feels strange just sitting there in silence. He hopes his face is not giving away that Yuta with Yuto is currently his least favorite topic.
Yuta has a lot of friends, and Yuto happens to be one of his closest ones outside of NCT, that Mark knows of at least.
Because Yuta is so charming, everyone ends up wrapped around his finger, which is good!! Yuta deserves many friends and love!! but Mark can’t help but feel something ugly brewing inside him whenever he hears Yuto’s name coming from Yuta’s mouth so happy and excited. The calls have been more frequent as of late and he has been hearing it more often than he’d like.
He doesn't even know if Yuta and Yuto are a thing, you know, more than friends, in a romantic way, or whatever, or if they were, he has never dared to ask Yuta about Yuto, fearing what he might find out, but if they are, Mark wouldn’t want to complicate his and Yuta’s friendship. Plus, he feels mortified just thinking of confessing only for Yuta to let him down easy and then having to continue with his life. He’d rather die, thank you so much.
More than that, Yuta got up so quickly and left him to talk to Yuto, they were having a nice moment, top one in Mark’s week so far, honestly, and now Mark’s feeling sorry for himself at the thought that Yuta would choose Yuto over him. Why is his brain such a mood killer?
Mark knows Yuta loves him, as a dongsaeng , as a friend, and as a member, but Yuto is someone he met and grew to like outside of work, kinda, it was not conditioned at all, plus Yuto understands Yuta in a way Mark can’t, being from Japan in this industry and all the difficulties that come with that.
Jungwoo’s voice yelling into the hallway interrupts his spiraling.
“Yuuutaaaa, break’s over!!”
***
Practice today went almost the same as yesterday, and the day before, it’s fun but as the concert comes closer, Yuta feels his tension rising. Preparations for such events are long so it can get kind of stressful and dull, practicing the same songs and seeing the same people every day, drives Yuta a bit crazy.
That’s why he’s excited to see a friend who is not in the group just to get out of the routine. Since Yuto informed him he’s back in Korea, they’ve made plans to meet this weekend. It’s always a healing time with him, he gets to speak in Japanese with his friend, they shop together, eat delicious food, and tell each other about their love life, or in Yuta’s case, his non-existent one aka Yuto gets to tease him about his eternal crush on Mark. Sigh.This is also why he needs that concert, it’s a distraction.
The concert is not until a few weeks, though, so in the meantime, he has to find other ways of distraction. Lately, it’s been going out for a run at night. He does a few laps around the parks he finds, watches people with their dogs, and comes back home warmed up, ready for a bath, and then straight to a deep sleep.
Now, to complete his relaxation routine and finally go to bed, he needs a cold hydrating mask. Yuta is half-body inside the fridge looking for one, maybe they got pushed to the back, he’s sure he put in more than 10 packets of his favorite brand, but for some reason, they keep disappearing. He suspects it’s Jungwoo who uses them, maybe Jaehyun. He needs to conduct an investigation.
Yuta’s perceptive and he trusts his instincts mostly, but sometimes he thinks he’s paranoid and making things up just to have something interesting going on. Sometimes it’s People can read my mind or The bug I tried and failed to kill will come back with more to take revenge. Tonight we have: Somebody’s stealing my masks.
Suddenly hands around his waist startle him. “Yuuu-taaaa”
“Jesusー” Yuta puts a hand over Mark’s and lets himself be pulled out away from the cold air. ”You scared me”
Another thing he’s noticed is that Mark has been clingy lately. Yuta welcomes it, don’t get him wrong, but it’s a bit strange coming from him. He’s used to being the one initiating physical contact most of the time, it makes him wonder if something happened.
“Oopsie, sorry” Mark squeezes him a bit. His chest warm against Yuta’s back. “What are you doing inside the fridge? Hyung, close the door, you’ll get sick”
He does as told and turns around in Mark’s arms to look at him. He is wearing his glasses low on his nose and his hair is messy like he just woke up from a nap. He can’t help his fond smile.
“Hi, Markie, can I use one of your face masks? Someone keeps using mine and leaving me dry, quite literally” Yuta pouts as he taps his face.
“Sure, I just bought a new batch so you can just— hey, don’t change the subject! I can see your hair is wet, you shouldn’t expose yourself to the cold like that, it’s dangerous.” Mark looks at him with a frown. He reminds Yuta of a grumpy cat. Cute .
“How?” With his index finger, Yuta presses lightly the line in between Mark’s eyebrows which helps relax his face and then he gently pushes his glasses up so they sit well on his face.
“How is it dangerous? Um, okay, I don’t know the science but I’ve heard…” Mark’s eyes go crisscrossed following Yuta's movements. “it’s not, like, safe for your body to change temperatures all of a sudden. You are still warm from the shower I suppose, so… yeah, don’t. do. it.” Mark rocks him side to side, accentuating the last words.
“Aw, Markie you care for meee” Yuta puts his arms around Mark’s neck and rubs their head together.
Mark giggles in his ear and surprises him by lifting him off the floor for a second. “Someone has to or else you’ll give yourself hypothermia, you baby-hyung!”
Yuta’s brain fixates on how Mark grunted the word baby just now as he lifted him. He almost misses the adequate time frame for a response.
“Glad I got my own Mark Lee then, what would I do without you?”
It hits Yuta that Mark’s face is really close to his and in this position, he could lean a bit and easily reach his lips. He could do a quick peck and pretend he did it just to get back at him for startling him before. It’d be just a second, less than that. He could probably get Mark to laugh it off.
But It’d be wrong. Mark’s his friend above anything else, and Yuta doesn’t play bout that. He can’t just do whatever he wants to him just because he would let him. It’s a dangerous territory to go into, that’s why he’s always been careful.
Yuta is known to be a touchy person but the only reason he gets away with all his flirting and affection towards Mark is because everyone thinks it’s partially a joke, that he’s exaggerating his love for him, to be funny or for the shock value, including Mark. It’s their thing. Plus everybody enjoys seeing Mark get flustered.
The fact that he’s been clingy doesn’t have to mean anything even if Yuta would like to believe it.
“You’d be miserable, oppa” Mark gives him one final tight squeeze and lets him go. He steps outside of Yuta’s hold casually as he motions for the fridge door, Yuta moves out of the way and leans on the kitchen counter.
“Ah, by the way! wanna watch something? I came to get some drinks, Jungwoo is on the couch already, he’s in charge of picking the movie, if nobody intervenes soon, he’ll finish the popcorn by himself so we gotta hurry”
“Mm, I don’t know if I have the energy right now”
Mark's head peaks out and he scans Yuta “You tired?”
Yuta yawns on cue. “Mhm, I’ll sit this one out, but you guys can tell me about it later” Mark grabs 2 sodas and a tupper of watermelon and he closes the refrigerator with his foot. “You got it!”
He expects Mark to say goodbye and head back to the living room but he just stands there.
“Hyung, I have been thinking about us doing something on our weekend off. We could go out, watch a movie or something, talk, whatever. I miss hanging out just the two of us.”
That weekend. Yuta immediately wants to cancel his plans with Yuto, simultaneously labeling himself as the worst friend ever for thinking that. He'd feel guilty canceling on him. Plus, he’s genuinely excited to see him after some time. Shit, really bad timing.
“Markie, sorry. We can do something some other day. It’s justーI already made plans for that weekend with Yuー”
“ーWith Yuto, yeah. Don’t worry about it, hyung, we’ll catch up when we can”
Yuta wants to know how many men his age get disappointed in themselves for not being available any time their friend wants to hang out. His life would be easier if he could let his crush go, then he wouldn’t get sad at the thought of having Mark in the friend category, only a friend.
Mark’s calm expression makes him feel a bit better.
He misses how Mark’s grip tightens on the things he’s carrying.
“Yeah, I will be seeing him after a long time.”
“Good. Have fun.”
“I will, we always end up finding something fun to do, plus he’s funny, especially in Japanese, but not like doing bits, more like he’s good at teasing you, in a good way. You’d like him”
He’s suddenly pitching Yuto to Mark. Well, since he’s meeting Yuto instead of spending time with Mark, he needs Mark to know Yuto is not just anyone. Yuta appreciates his friend for many reasons but he really likes his talent of making fun of Yuta’s problems so that he can see it’s not the end of the world. Yuto is honest without hurting Yuta’s feelings, he gets a reality check and many laughs too.
It’s not like he has to justify anything, still, he just did.
Mark nods once. “I bet. Um. Anyway, were you getting ready for bed?”
“Yeah, we all have to be up early, remember?”
“We won’t stay long!” Mark rolls his eyes then he starts stepping backward out of the kitchen, still looking at Yuta. “Plus, if I’m tired tomorrow, I can sleep in the car”
“Ha. You always do”
Mark pauses and smiles coyly at the floor and then at him. “Will it be okay… if I fall asleep next to you?”
What. Yuta must be hallucinating. He can only manage a weak yes.
Mark winks at him “Thanks, oppa”
And he’s gone, leaving Yuta disoriented. “What the…”
His brain is scrambling to find an explanation for this interaction.
Seriously, he just wanted a mask then go to bed, ugh .
***
“I love Mark” Yuta tells the camera while he’s helping Mark stretch. “I love taking care of him like this”
They’ve been practicing a new performance for the concert and it has repetitive movements that are making him feel a little sore so he decided to stretch but as he was lifting his arms Yuta grabbed them and said he could do it. Now he’s doing his neck and it feels so good he’s being extra conscious not to let out a moan. Since the cameras are rolling.
“Yuta-hyung is good at stretching because he played soccer for many years” Mark can’t help the little groan that scapes his mouth towards the end of the sentence. Meh. “He does this for all the members sometimes”
“No, I do it only for Mark cause I love him,” Yuta says with a smile that shows all his teeth.
Mark turns around to hug him then feels someone else’s hands on his back and suddenly Haechan is trying to join them. Yuta separates and Haechan chases him to get his hug. “Me too, hyung, me too”
The cameraman moves to record something else as Mark watches Haechan struggle to get Yuta’s attention.
He gets the intrusive thought that he will be chasing after Yuta like that once he gets together with someone else. Woah, way to break your own heart Mark Lee.
Last night left him thinking. Yuta will be seeing Yuto soon. Mmm , What if it’s a date, what if they are already together? Many thoughts invade Mark, but besides giving him a mild fit of rage and sadness, he now feels like he has a deadline and a sense of purpose. He needs to get his feelings out. He needs Yuta to know what he feels and vice versa.
Mostly because he can’t let Yuta continue treating him like he’s someone special to him, flirting with him, acting like he’s obsessed with him for the world to see while thinking it’s a lighthearted joke. Mark is starting to feel kind of hurt by it a little bit. He knows Yuta wouldn’t like to know he's been doing something to hurt him even if not on purpose, either. So it’s better to be honest.
Now, Mark is not sure how to confess because not to brag, but he’s never had to confess first before. He knows he can’t just say it casually like “hey, Yuta, pass me the salt, thank you, also, hand in marriage, please’’
So, his strategy so far consists of increasing his flirting until Yuta does something about it. Either he gets it and acts on it (because if he likes him, he will take the hints and kiss him or something. Right??) OR he rejects him and Mark has to quit the band and turn into a rock.
Last night he tested the waters. He swears he could hear Yuta’s wheels turning in his head when their faces were close. Was he thinking whether or not he should kiss Mark? God, he should’ve tried a kiss, a peck, or something.
However, sometimes his resolve weakens.
Like when the members tease. “Mark someone's coming for your oppa” Yuta just finished being on a call with Yuto.
“oooh, Yuto’s his new special someone now?”
Jungwoo stomps his foot like a child “Hyung, that’s not fair, I thought I would be next!
Yuta laughs and rolls his eyes but doesn't correct them.
Mark’s lying on the floor feeling defeated. He locks eyes with Doyoung next to him, who raises his fist and mouths “Mark, fighting!”
***
Yuta has this bad habit of navigating his internal turmoil alone. He needs space. Which is hard to get when living and working with a bunch of people. He thinks he’s going insane. Mark’s been more clingy, more touchy, more flirty?
His brain tells him Mark is just being playful because it’s what friends do, that he hugs him longer than before because he misses him now that they’re so busy, that he’s become confident and doesn’t feel embarrassed reciprocating Yuta’s energy anymore.
Yuta doesn’t know what to do. Except run until he can process it.
You would expect Yuta to be happy about it but- the truth is Mark is not interested in him the way Yuta is. He’s never shown signs of liking Yuta as more than a friend. And Yuta’s grieved that, he accepted it a long time ago. Resigned to continue showing his affection until Mark tells him to fuck off. What else is he gonna do with all the love he carries with him?
Whatever the reason Mark’s being like this now is only making Yuta want to repel it.
He can’t help but pull away as imperceptibly as he can. Like, when Mark comes to hug him or be close to him, Yuta says he needs to run to the bathroom or to get water or hell whatever he can come up with at the moment.
Which turns out to be a fail because everybody notices and things get awkward. He feels that way at least. It’s hard for him to fight his desire to be near Mark, trying to keep him at arm's length, and seeing Mark’s disappointed face kills him, it’s like going against his instincts.
Despite everything, Mark still wants to be around him. He somewhat ambushed him just as Yuta was leaving for his run tonight and asked if he could come with. Yuta said okay because he couldn’t think of an excuse on the spot.
But it turned out to be fine. And they even got competitive trying to outrun each other, it was fun until they had to take a break. More like Yuta’s legs got weak after turning around to see a flushed-face Mark, hands on his knees, panting with his tongue out, looking up at him, asking “Oppa” to wait for him.
They walk and find a cute small park, with some bushes decorated with lights.
They’re lying on the grass, they’ve been like this for a while and Yuta knows that when they finally get up to go home their clothes will feel wet the way clothes do after being pressed against humid grass for long. It’s cold and the jacket Yuta brought is starting to feel like it’s barely doing its job which means he’ll have to ask Mark to go home soon. He is holding on because he doesn’t want this moment to end. He feels light. He doesn’t remember the last time he felt as peaceful as he does now.
Suddenly Mark’s tapping on his shoulder rapidly. "Hyung, Hyung!" Mark sits up, pointing at the sky urging him to look up.
"A SHOOTING STAR" yells Mark “Oh my Gー quick! Hyung, make a wish!" And Yuta doesn't have time to react before watching Mark clasp his hands together, hugging them to his chest and closing his eyes.
Yuta keeps his open.
It all happens fast but it feels like Yuta is frozen in time looking at Mark.
He is so expressive and too cute to pass the chance to just see him, you know? Especially after his futile efforts to be away from him.
It's night but the surrounding lights allow some visibility. Mark's cheeks are slightly flushed due to the cold, his face adorned by a small smile, light breeze blowing his bangs while he seems to be holding his breath. Yuta feels his chest tight.
I wish ...
And isn't it silly how Yuta starts feeling a bit self-conscious about his wish? as if Mark would hear him.
Yuta thinks he can allow himself this, to wish with all his heart. If only to relieve a bit of his pain, even if it’s brief.
With his eyes still on Mark, Yuta whispers "Okay" only loud enough for Mark to hear, to not break the moment.
I wish you would like me back.
Mark comes back with a loud inhale and opens his eyes slowly still wearing the same smile on his lips.
Yuta knows Mark will ask about his wish, it’s just a matter of when. He looks at Yuta and lets a few seconds pass before he starts.
"Sooo"
He is fiddling with a blade of grass, trying to sound nonchalant "What did you wish for?"
Yuta genuinely giggles at that, Mark can be so adorably predictable, which is why Yuta loves to rile him up as much as he can.
"Hmm, someone's nosy" he teases.
Mark does his classic eye roll but smiles. It’s like they’re back to their usual dynamics.
"Nah, just curious about what you want, hyung. For real" looking intently at Yuta. Maybe not the usual…
That throws Yuta off a little. "Wーwell" he looks down at Mark's hands, who is now mindlessly breaking a blade of grass in pieces, then up again and holds his gaze. Again, he permits himself to let out a bit of truth hoping it will come through "I want lots of things".
Yuta looks away and hears Mark huff air out through his nose. Yuta is not bothered by silence but he feels like he wants an answer, even though he technically didn’t ask for anything.
The silence is deafening and Yuta can’t stand it.
"Anyway, it's a secret aaand I have to keep it that way if I want it to come true"
Mark pouts.
“Do not pout or puppy-eye me, Mark-yah. I know all your tricks and I'm immune" A lie. He folds every time.
"C'mon, Hyung, ahh I thought there were no secrets between us" Mark feigns pain clutching at his heart and dramatically falling on his back. "You hurt me, Hyung"
Yuta lays back down on the grass next to Mark, hands behind his head.
"What did you wish for, Mark?"
***
Closing your eyes to make a wish is, like, the most obvious rule ever so he assumed Yuta had already asked for his when he opened his eyes and saw his big eyes looking at him.
"Sooo, what did you wish for?"
Mark fought the urge to ask for approximately 5 seconds before giving up. He knows he is weak okay? He can’t help it, he just wants to pick at Yuta’s brain, he wants to know all about him at every moment.
Yuta giggles. God, he’s too cute, Mark will explode.
"hmm, someone's nosy"
Mark rolls his eyes, amused. Yuta eluding a question he could easily answer? And they say HE is predictable.
He could play along and tease Yuta back for once but instead what comes out is "Nah, just curious about what you want, hyung. For real" The good thing about acting according to what people expect of you most of the time is that when you want to surprise people, you actually can. Yuta’s expression change is so subtle that if he hadn’t been focused on it, he would’ve missed it.
"W-well" Yuta swallows. Mark keeps tearing grass into little pieces to kill his anxiety a little bit. He’s still observing Yuta, he seems to be pondering something. "I want lots of things"
Mark feels a shiver on his back. He has never been able to comprehend Yuta's talent to make a lighthearted moment into one so charged? intense? You know, making it seem like it means something.
Maybe it does.
Maybe Mark should confess now, tell him and rip the band-aid quickly, seeing as how his attempts of conveying it physically aren’t doing much.
A light flickers next to Yuta and with a quick smile he continues
"Anyway, it's a secret aaand I have to keep it that way if I want it to come true"
There goes Mark’s chance for now.
“Do not pout or puppy-eye me, Mark-yah. I know all your tricks and I'm immune"
His curiosity is not satisfied but Yuta is giving him a dazzling smile, so he lets it go, he can always ask later.
"C'mon, Hyung, ahh I thought there were no secrets between us" The grass feels wetter when he feels it on his back even through his thick hoodie "You hurt me, Hyung" He laughs, although the phrase holds some truth. He likes Yuta so much it hurts.
The intensity of his feelings keeps increasing.
He wants Yuta to always be with him, to trust him, to smile and laugh with him, for him, because of him, to remain by his side and need no one else but him.
He can hear Yuta shift next to him when he asks "What did you wish for, Mark?"
He turns on his side and throws an arm over Yuta’s stomach.
If things go well for him, he will tell Yuta one day how he tried to contain all his wants in one when he wished:
I wish you were happy with me.
“Aaah, just that the concert goes well, hyung”
***
Mark woke up thinking of Yuta and him stargazing last night. They saw a shooting star together, like, what are the odds!!! He pinched himself many times to double-check it wasn't a dream. He feels his heart grow each time he remembers. It’s a memory he will keep forever.
The concert is nearing and Mark has to drill some last-minute details into his head, he should be going over them but he’s on his bed thinking of Yuta’s dancing in a tank top and a low ponytail at their last rehearsal.
“Why can’t I stop thinking about hiiim?? Aaaah” He grabs a pillow and puts it over his head.
Then a voice saying “Thinking about who?” almost makes him jump. He removes the pillow, mortified, and sees Haechan standing on the door with a devilish smile.
He enters the room. “Your door was open. Now, who is that him you’re referring to?”
“Iー Iー “
“JKLMNOP, Mark! I know my abcs, now spill”
Mark knows there’s no way out of this, if he dismisses it now, Haechan will bring it up again. It could be at a random moment, it could be in front of everybody. So he makes a desperate move and tells Haechan. Plus, he’s kept this to himself long enough.
Apparently, he needed it because once he gets going he can’t stop.
“And he will have his date with Yuto this weekend and I will have lost my chance!”
He wipes a tear as Haechan strokes his hair, his head on Haechan’s lap. This topic was affecting him more than he was aware, it seems.
After a moment of not saying anything Haechan deadpans “So you think Yuta-hyung is not interested in you because he hasn’t responded to your nonexistent confessions.”
“I told you I did try!”
“Sticking to him all the time and touching him is not a confession, Mark, it’s harassment!”
“FUCK YOU”
smack! Haechan slaps Mark’s forehead “You absolute dumbass! Is he supposed to read your mind?! You have to use your words!!”
“Ow!” Mark motions with his hands, exasperated “But I thought I was so obvious! I thought it would work. That he’d be encouraged and…”
“He was probably confused you know, also don’t you think it’s selfish of you to expect him to take the final and most crucial step in this situation? Especially when he’s probably not even aware of the script you created in your head?”
Mark hadn’t considered that. He’s the one who decided to change their dynamics yet he was expecting Yuta to do the heavy duty. What Mark perceived as Yuta ignoring his advances was probably Yuta not having a clue of what Mark was trying to accomplish. Shit. Shit. Shit.
“Mark, quit spinning your wheels.”
“I have to tell him,” Mark says looking at the ceiling.
“Yeah, you can start with that”
***
The last few days before a concert are packed. Mark gets frustrated because he can’t manage to get time alone with Yuta so they can talk. Yuta keeps trying to distance himself sneakily and avoiding Mark’s attempts.
Thankfully Mark can always count on Yuta being a man of habit. He takes advantage of Yuta going on his nightly run and waits for him outside of their building.
When he comes out, he sees Mark and starts turning the other way. Mark follows him. “Hyung!”
“Oh, hi, Markie” Him pretending he didn’t see him proves Mark he didn’t’ want to talk to him.
“Hi, hyung. You’re going for a run?” Yuta studies his face with a serious expression. He knows something’s up. Then he changes completely “Yeah! Wanna join me?” he says with a smile but it doesn’t seem genuine.
This time it’s a different route from the night they saw the shooting star. They’re running in silence, unlike Mark’s mind. After a few laps around a park with many trees, Mark figures it’s time. He stops near a tree with a wide trunk to catch his breath. “Yuta-hyung”
Yuta, already a bit ahead, turns around and stops in front of him.
Mark starts. “Hyung, I came because I wanted to talk to you”
Yuta’s eyes briefly widened in surprise.
Mark hypes himself up. “Okay, alright, I got this. So , you probably noticed that I amー that I’ve been acting perhaps a bit differently with…you”
“Really?” Oh.
“Yes, I mean, waitー ” Mark shakes his head like a dog drying his hair. “what…”
“Are you okay, Mark?”
“Yeah! I am but…” Mark’s trying to process this. “Did you seriously not notice anything different in me? In us? Our relationship?”
Yuta’s expression’s stiff.
“Wー What do you mean? To me, everything’s the same. You, me, us, same old…” Yuta swallows, Mark can tell he’s nervous.
Huh, all this time, Yuta avoiding him didn’t bother him as much as Yuta pretending nothing’s wrong does.
It makes Mark snap.
He takes a step forward towards Yuta. “Hyung cut the bullshit, will you? Why are you pretending you don’t know what I’m talking about?!”
Yuta doesn’t say anything.
“Hyung, I know I started being more daring, so to speak, especially when it comes to skinship and withー”
“Okay, I don’t know where this is going Mark, soー” Yuta gestures behind him suggesting they continue running.
Mark can’t be patient anymore.
“WELL, I’M TRYING TO TELL YOU!” Yuta’s startled expression makes him contain himself. He coughs. “I’mー trying to get there, if you just let me finish…
“Why are you mad I’m the one who’s confused here”
“I’M TRYING TO CONFESS, OKAY,” He crosses his arms and goes to lean against the tree in a huff. “I like you” He doesn’t want more misunderstandings so he adds “As more than friends, as in romantic partners, dates, hugs, kisses, more, all in a non-platonic way.”
Yuta blinks at him.
“Mark. Don’t joke about that”
Mark exhales “Hyung, why would I joke about that?” Mark’s shoulders sag. “It’s hard for me to verbalize my feelings, that’s why I started to flirt more. I thought you would do something about it since you so easily act like you love me in front of everybody already, I don’t know. THEN I got upset because you were not doing what I wanted you to do, but that’s my fault too, miscommunication is a big problem. You also avoided me and you’ve been paying more attention to your dear Yuto, whom I can’t stand - I’m sorry- even if you and him have something going on I don’t care, I had to tell you. Ok, so it’s out there now.”
Mark’s breathing is heavy. Maybe they should consider love declarations a sport. Now that he’s said it, he relaxes his arms and hands from fists. He can feel himself shaking a bit. He’s looking ahead of him and doesn’t know what Yuta’s reaction is to all.
He doesn’t have to wait long because he senses Yuta stepping closer until he’s directly in front of him, facing him.
“You were jealous?
“Seriously? Out of all the things I said?”
Yuta raises an eyebrow “Were you?”
Mark’s slouched position makes him have to look up at Yuta. “Hyung, I thought you were good at reading people?”
Yuta gives him one of the biggest most beautiful grins he’s ever seen.
“Aaaah, I'm sorry for not noticing, Markie” Yuta hugs him like something precious, but firm at the same time, holding the back of his head and caressing his back. “We wasted so much time.” Yuta’s voice breaks slightly and after a few seconds, he hears sniffling.
“We can make up for it from now on” Filled with relief, Mark hugs Yuta’s waist as tightly as he can, with his head buried in Yuta’s neck, thinking that now that he’s got him, he won’t let go.
As they walk home arm in arm, with red faces, lips warm and tingling from kissing behind the tree, the cold air hits like a slap. But Mark is happy. Yuta’s been humming a song for a few blocks but he stops suddenly when he gets a text notification. A playful smile forms on Yuta’s face.
“Can’t wait to tell Yuto about this. Hehe”
As Yuta chuckles, Mark’s jaw drops out of surprise. “Tell him about this too!” He punches Yuta on the arm “Fuck you!”
“Ah!” Yuta laughs rubbing his arm “Not yet, baby, let’s take it slow. Foreplay and all”
Mark punches him again and he bets Yuta's cackles can be heard in all of Seoul.
***
The concert goes better than expected, everyone enjoyed it. It was a great night overall, a night of new performances and revelations too. They hadn’t toldl the guys about their new romantic status because it was fairly recent, but they got caught making out in a small closet when everyone had to go look for them because they were late for dress rehearsals. Yuta’s hands lower and grippier than a friend’s hand should be on Mark’s back.
“Ass grabbing at work is crazy” Haechan remarks as they walked to the stage.
Mark blushes but frankly, he’d do it again.
The energy is high and optimistic. Mark and Yuta can’t help but find each other often during the show, laughing, hugging, dancing, and singing to each other. Yumark tag on twitter goes wild that night.
Later, as they’re in the car on their way back home, Yuta’s looking out the window in silence when Mark, who fell asleep as soon as the car started, stirs awake, not fully.
“Hyung”
“Hm?”
“That night, what did you wish for” Mark’s words slurred a bit, his eyes remain closed.
“Nosey, Markie”
Mark whines. Yuta caresses Mark’s arm, a reflex.
He figures there’s no harm in telling him now. “If you must know, I wished you would like me back” Yuta whispers in his ear.
Mark’s fighting sleep to keep talking, he yawns. “It’s not that I don’t believe the star did something, you know…but I already loved you so much then”
Mark sighs and lets himself drift off, content. His smile is so big his cheeks are pulling.
Mark will probably not remember any of this conversation, but Yuta will, forever. “Yeah, me too”
***
He didn’t expect to be sitting eating breakfast with his sworn enemy so soon, but Yuta insisted they meet since it’s their weekend off and we have to take advantage of that. The schedules aligning is not something to take for granted.
After the introductions and polite questions, Mark feels more at ease. Yuta’s hand on his waist rubbing small circles with his index finger soothing him too.
“I must say, I thought this day would never come,” Yuto says, smiling at Yuta and Mark in front of him. He gestures at Yuta. “This guy talked about you all the time, believe me. Oh, and he used to get so whiny every time because he thought you were not interested. It was worse each time I saw him”
Mark smiles sheepishly. Well, he can’t say he’s not glad to hear that.
“Even now he can’t shut up about you, he’s so whipped. Just a few days I called him and he referred to you as his pengui-”
“SHUT IT, YUTO” Yuta throws a napkin at Yuto’s face.
Mark is reminded of that goofy conversation they had during one of their dance practice sessions for the concert.
“However pathetic you think that was, I was probably worse. I told him if I were a penguin I’d warm his eggs!” He quickly covers his mouth.
Head on hands, why did he just admit that unprompted?! He will never be free from his brain-to-mouth coordination, oh my god.
“And I said I would GLADLY raise a penguin family with you.” Yuta accentuates it by kissing Mark’s forehead making him blush.
Mark’s trying not to smile too big.
“I’m really happy for you guys.” Yuto comments.“It’s nice when the weirdos find each other and free someone else of that fate. Thank you for your contribution to society. We appreciate it.” He extends his hand to Yuta and gives a diplomatic shake. Yuta plays along “You’re welcome, we work hard”
Okay, Mark can admit Yuto is funny, fiiine .