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Caroline couldn’t believe she’d been talked into this! What the hell was she doing sat in Hebden Cricket Club on a rainy Saturday with her Head of Science three seats away?
Speed dating! Caroline Elizebeth didn’t do speed dating!
She wouldn't have come at all if it hadn't been for her secretary. It was no lie that Caroline had been rather short tempered lately, and as a last-ditch attempt to keep her boss calm and content, Shirley had bought her a ticket to this particular event. She could only assume that she thought that if she got her rocks off, she would be a little easier to deal with...
Gillian, who after her little dabble at Hebden’s Women’s Disco had found herself at a speed dating event hosted by the owners of the club. Whilst Caroline was in the corner getting chatted up, she had gone to the bar in search of more cocktails and ended up talking to the owner who made her aware of the speed dating events they organised and encouraged her to go along. Never mentioning it to Caroline who was having her face snogged off as she returned to the table, she wanted to venture out on her own and figured 5 minutes with some of Hebden’s lesbians couldn’t get her into too much trouble and would help her come to the conclusion whether she really was into women or just one in particular.
"Ladies!" A small, self-important looking man rang a bell to gain their attention, and silence fell around the room as he climbed onto a low stool. "It is time to take your seats! You will have five minutes to talk, and then when I ring my bell, those on the left-hand side will move one place to the left. Right hand siders, stay put."
Caroline quickly found her seat. Thank God she was on the right, no moving seats for her!
As the bell rung her first guest appeared and sat in the opposite chair. First impressions, Caroline was going to be finishing her drink and going! Tonight, was going to be hell!
"Oh, I do like a bit of blonde," purred a tall, haggard looking woman with a pink mohican who Caroline vaguely recognised from the group of musicians that hung around the precinct - the ones that her mother always called "hoodlums" despite the fact that they were all at least forty. "I bet you look fucking ace in a corset, love."
"Bloody hell," Caroline muttered, sitting up straight, crossing her arms defensively. The other woman, however, didn't seem to get the message.
"That's right, shove those babies together," the woman growled, wiggling her eyebrows at her as she tried to peer down her top. "God, if I had those to play with, I'd never get out of bed in the morning..."
Lucky for Caroline she was saved by the bell.
Dates 2-4 were just as annoying and downright rude as the first. Making her fast loose hope on the evening been anything but a washout.
She was honestly just about to leave when lucky number 5 slid into the chair.
“Gillian?!” “Caz?!?”
Caroline's eyes went wide as she took in her stepsister. She was the last person she had expected to see at an event like this - she had thought that if Gillian wanted to get her end away then she would just prance down to the local pub and wiggle her arse at the first man that took her fancy - she was so damned attractive that it always seemed to work.
Gillian didn’t know where to look, anywhere except across the table into her stepsister’s eyes. She was slowly turning a bright shade of red; she looked like a kid who’d just been caught with her hand in the biscuit tin.
"When you said that you were thinking about becoming a lesbian... Did you actually go through with it?" Caroline hissed, pressing both of her hands flat on the table in front of her as she widened her eyes. "Why didn't you tell me?!"
“Might ‘ave. Been out for drinks with a couple girls from the disco. Didn’t know ow to tell you Caz”
Suddenly Gillian took an interest in a spot of dust on her jeans, dipping her head.
"Right... right..." Caroline swallowed, mentally digesting this new piece of information. "I'm sorry you didn't feel that you could tell me." She looked her up and down, mentally appraising her choice of outfit - she looked utterly gorgeous, and she recognised the pair of closely fitting black trousers as the ones that she had been entranced by during their last family dinner. "How's it going so far, then?"
“The one with the pink mohawk scared the shit out of me. Then there was a hippie that smelt worse than mi sheep dip” She looked up into Caroline’s eyes and could see her trying not to laugh.
"You ought to have seen the last one I had, she was eighty if she was a day and kept asking me if I'd like a Werthers Original," Caroline confided, darting her eyes from side to side to check that they weren't being listened to. "I'm pretty sure that she was one of Mum's friends from bingo, in fact..."
“Oh shit! Nobody swept the good doctor off her feet yet then!?”
As Caroline was about to answer the bell went and Gillian was supposed to move on.
Before she did, she leant over the table to whisper in Caroline’s ear “Don’t leave without me.”
"Don't want you to leave with the pink mohawk ... or anyone else," Gillian smiled as she walked over to the next table, leaving a flustered Caroline in her wake.
"Why, ain't you pretty as a picture?" the next woman drawled, a platinum blonde with a white Stetson and an American accent. "Broad like me, I'd be lucky if I could tie down a fine filly like you...."
“Trust me when I say you’re wasting your time. There is no tying me down!” Caroline looked over her companions shoulder but she couldn’t see any signs of Gillian. She couldn’t have gone far, could she?
"I've got a lasso that says different," she continued, spinning the chair round, and straddling it as she sat down. "Tell me, do you like a nice hunk of beef steak?"
Caroline flushed the deepest shade of pink, she could feel the heat radiating from her neck.
“I-I-I’m vegan” she managed to choke out, all while praying the bell would ring.
“Well as long as you’re vagatarian.” The woman winked. Caroline felt her soul leaving her body.
"I don't think I'm actually even a lesbian?" The words came out as a question - anything to dissuade this woman from coming after her. "I'm just here with a friend, for a laugh, you know..."
"Hmm you know what they say, spaghettis straight until you get it wet.” Jesus! Caroline thought, did this shit ever work? "Which one is your friend then?", the other woman looked around. Before Caroline could even think of an answer, the bell rang.
Before anyone else could fill the seat across from her Caroline was out of her chair like her thigh highs were on fire. She was out the door before anyone could notice she was gone. Now she just had to find Gillian.
As she exited the cricket club she caught a glimpse of the other woman out of the corner of her eye, leaning against one of the windows as she smoked a cigarette.
"Couldn't hack staying any longer, then?" Caroline asked with a relieved smile, moving to her side, plucking the cigarette out of her fingers. "Bloody nightmare."
“I’ve got a bottle of your favourite whiskey back at the house, you coming?!” Caroline asked, looking back at Gillian with a glint in her eye that made her heart race.
“Yep.” She said flicking what was left of the cigarette to the ground.
“Good, get me the fuck away from here. Someone offered to lasso me... She’d av better luck with a noose.” Caroline said. Gillian laughed.
"Why did you come here in the first place?" Speed dating wasn't very Caroline. "I could ask you the same question."
“Apparently my staff have a death wish and wanted me to relax” She waited for the telltale sign of the seatbelt clicking in before she drove off towards home.
“You do need to relax Caz, that’s a good point. I was there, testing a theory out from one of the girls at the disco”.
"What theory might this be?" Caroline asked curiously, raising her eyebrow at her.
“Well, once we’d talked about my short coming with men she said ‘What you think is a wonderful man, Is in fact an average lesbian.”
"Well, she's not wrong," Caroline smirked, raising her eyebrow and shrugging her shoulders at her as she navigated the winding country roads that led back to her home. "Was there not anyone there who took your fancy, then? Not even that woman who looked like.... bloody hell, what was her name? The blue one out of all those superhero movies you made me watch?"
"Nah, I don't like to date superheroes. I don't need to be saved."
"What's your type, then?" Caroline continued, both curious and terrified to hear her answer. It was one thing to have had a crush - or somewhat more than a crush - on her stepsister when she had been straight as an arrow. It was quite another when she had just admitted to liking women...
“Well, I seem to prefer the more well put together woman, you know has a real ‘snotty bitch’ aura to her’
Caroline could hardly breath, she couldn’t be talking about her. Could she?
Before she had time to respond she was pulling her car into the driveway and her guest was out the passenger seat before the car was in park.
In a flash she was round at her side of the car, flinging open the door and holding out her hand to her.
"I think we should have our five minutes again," Gillian suggested, gently tugging her out and beaming up at her. "Pretend like we don't know each other, this time."
“Sure, lead on stranger in the night” Caroline aloud herself to be guided to the door in fits of laughter. Only stopping to unlock the door.
Once inside, both women sat with a drink at Caroline’s kitchen table. “So, what’s your name and where’d you come from?” Gillian imitated a Liverpudlian accent. “Crikey, it’s like the reincarnation of Cilla Black herself.” Caroline laughed loudly. “I’m Caroline and I’m from South Yorkshire.”
“South Yorkshire!? You don’t sound very Yorkshire! You sound like a reight posh bird.” Gillian emphasised her own Yorkshire accent.
"I believe Snotty Bitch, is the preferred term," Caroline gave back with mock haughtiness. "And how about you, what's your name and where do you come from?" She didn't even try to copy Cilla this time, having little affinity for accents.
“I’m Gillian, aka Trailer Trash. I’m from round these parts”.
The two fell into fits of laughter, this was going to be fun!
"And may I ask what you do?" Caroline continued, wiping tears of mirth from her eyes.
“I errmmm, have a farm. It’s not much but we get by. I’m a wrangler too! Ya know parents, kids… Head Teachers who need an extra pair of hands! What about you Caroline? What do you do?”
Caroline looked at her with a poker face at her last sentence. “I’m a Doctor of Chemistry, graduated from Oxford university with flying colours and now I am a Head Teacher at a public school.” Caroline said proudly if nothing else she was pleased with her career and academic achievements. “So, are you on the lookout for love? What’s the reason for you going speed dating?”
“Oooo a Dr, you are indeed a Snotty Bitch” Gillian return with a wink.
“Yep, I am indeed looking for love. I want to settle down and be happy with someone who doesn’t want to change me”.
"I can understand that..." Caroline nodded, a slow smile gracing her features. "Why would anyone want to change you, anyway? First impressions, you're pretty awesome."
“Thank you” Gillian responded with a blush beginning to creep up her neck. “Yer not so bad yasen Dr”
"So, tell me... what are you looking for in a partner?" Caroline hummed, taking a deep swig of her whiskey. "Apart from being female, I mean."
She sighed and paused, allowing the confident and flirtatious facade to fall. “I want someone who can make me laugh, someone to have a takeaway with on a Saturday night over shit TV because I either can’t finish the food or make up the minimum order. Someone who will eat the two fingers out of my four finger Kit-Kat. Someone who understands I’m complicated, perhaps a little rough around the edges but can accept that.” She knew Caroline was there for her in all those capacities, only at the moment just as her best friend. “Christ, I’m not getting any younger, am I? I don’t want to grow old and be all on own…I’m scared Caz, of being lonely.” Her eyes connected with Caroline’s as she looked up, brimming with tears as she said out loud her deepest fear.
“You’re not alone Gillian, you’ve got me. Always”
Gillian nodded, brushing away her tears surreptitiously on her sleeve. "How about you, then? What do you want from a partner?"
Caroline paused for a moment, before looking dead in the eye.
“I want someone who understands my job, who isn’t going to get mad when I bring it home. Someone to share a pizza and a bottle of wine with. Someone to walk the dog with and keep me company while Flora’s away. Someone who understands… But if I’m being honest with you Gillian. It’s you I want, just you”.
Gillian nodded several times, trying to process her words. "Hang on..." she mumbled, standing up and going to retrieve the pad and paper that Caroline kept by the phone. She was incredibly organised like that, a trait Gillian could only dream of - she usually scribbled any messages down on whatever she could find, including once - rather memorably - on Raff's shoulder. Leaning over it, she quickly scribbled down Caroline's name and put a big X next to it, before ripping it off and shoving it in front of the blonde with a nervous grin.
“Ok, no more whiskey for you! We’re not playing hangman”
“I’m not playing bloody hangman Caz, I ticked the box for you…Tonight! I didn’t think you would feel the same so I went ahead and did it anyway, but now I know you do, I’d like us to see each other again. Properly.” Gillian blushed a little, she hoped Caroline had crossed her name off too, maybe she would tell her or maybe she would wait until the next day once the text message came through to tell you who and how many women you matched…if any.
"I'm meant to be seeing you tomorrow anyway, you twat... Sunday lunch, remember?" Caroline hummed but couldn't help grinning at the sentiment that she had been offered from the smaller woman. "So... do you want me, too?"
“God yes Caz. So much”
Caroline rose from the table, offering her hand to Gillian, pulling the farmer to her feet.
"All this time we could have had," Caroline breathed, tentatively trailing her fingers down Gillian's cheek. "All those moments that we shared that we could have had something more..."
Finally, the women closed the gap between them, pressing their lips together. It was nothing like either of them could’ve imagined. Both letting out a deep sigh of relief.
Knowing that with each other by their side they’d get through.