Chapter Text
The world was full of joy. The morning was painted with reds and golds. The Seine was the color of mystery. Her classmates were loud and full of energy. Sabrina hadn’t taken time to know most of them. She’d been stuck dying instead of living. Now, she wanted to change that.
New faces, new dynamics, she’d anchored herself in collége and so many of those people had moved on. They were spread throughout Lyceé across Paris and in a few cases, even beyond. That was better at the moment. Sabrina knew she’d be facing questions in any event. The truth of her night time visit to the Kenzo house were a secret between her and only one other-
Sabrina chided herself for not daring to even think the name in her head. Chloé .
The fact that Sabrina had gone radio silent after Marinette’s phone call wouldn’t go unnoticed. That friend group was still tightly knit. At times it was a welcome support, and at others, it was a cursed restraint. Sabrina knew questions were only a matter of who first and how soon , not if.
That was for later Sabrina though. Right now, this Sabrina was reveling in sucking in deep breaths that did not bring on coughing fits. She offered smiles that didn’t disturb blooms in her throat and took long strides that weren't held in check by vines in her veins. In place of these familiar curses, there was warmth, there was lightness, there was love . It might be unrequited but it was hers . She had finally let herself feel, and wanted to share it with the world.
She bought a giant bouquet and shared them with everyone she met until they ran out. They were flowers, but they weren’t hers. Her hands didn’t shake when she held them. They were powerless, pretty, gentle. She loved how they made people smile, even strangers.
She wore an absolutely grotesque lavallière in place of her usual black. It was a relic of the past. Red, yellow, blue, and green mingled shamelessly on it. Chloé had laughed mercilessly when she first saw it half a decade ago. There was no sting to the laugh anymore. Sabrina knew it was hideous, and she wanted to hear that laugh, rather than the fragile whisper that had spoken to her so recently.
Did her indiscretion bring about an early inquisition? It was possible. When Sabrina spotted Marinette in the market on the way home, it was almost a relief. Marinette didn’t live anywhere near her.
Marinette made sense. She was the defacto leader of the social group that Sabrina had orbited. Her pigtails disappeared around the ends of isles, behind shelves, and out of the corner of Sabrina’s vision.
Sabrina decided to turn the tables. It had been a while since she had used these particular skills, but she still had them. Marinette was craning on her tiptoes, peering over a bread display for her lost quarry when Sabrina sidled up beside her.
“I wouldn’t trust the baguettes today. I think they have yesterday’s mixed in.”
Marinette jumped. She came down off balance, dragging the bread display with her. Sabrina squeaked and dove for some of the loaves herself. They ended up both crouched, face to face, clutching their bakery batons haphazardly.
“Sorry,” Sabrina murmured. That was more than she’d bargained for.
Marinette stood, shoving her burden back into the basket display. “Sabrina!” Too loud, “Imagine meeting you here.”
Sabrina slotted her rescue-bread in with Marinette’s. “I live on the next street over,” she reminded her friend.
Marinette stammered, she was fourteen again. “Oh? I uh yeah. I knew that. I totally knew that. But it’s just surprising you’re here now .”
Sabrina clasped her hands behind herself and cut to the chase gently, “Are you following me?”
“No! No of course no-” Marinette stopped herself, and the difference of years came through. She spread her hands. “This is exactly what it looks like.”
Sabrina smiled. There was a genuine warmth knowing people cared. “Thank you, but I’m fine.”
“Are you sure? Have you…”
Sabrina took just a little of the sweetness out of her tone, “I’m happy with how I am right now, Marinette. If that changes, I will let you know.”
Marinette’s eyes drifted down to the lotus bloom pinked to Sabrina’s vest. “Sabrina, we just worry…”
Sabrina added a touch of force, “Don’t worry about me Marinette. I’m the best I’ve been in a long time.”
Marinette bit her lip, another sign of how far she’d come. Sabrina had put up a soft yet clear boundary. Marinette didn’t cross it. “Okay, just, keep in touch okay? You’ve been distant lately. Zoé has been worried.”
Marinette visibly flinched after this last pronouncement. You couldn’t bring up one sister without bringing the other into the light. Sabrina was proof from it all for the moment. She rocked onto her toes, “I’ll call her later. I promise.”
Marinette’s relief was written clearly on her face, “Thank you.”
Before things could get, well, more awkward, Sabrina reached down to a lower shelf to pull a plastic wrapped pastry. She handed it to Marinette. “Here, try one of these. I’ve never seen them anywhere else. They’re probably not good for you like fresh baked, but they have a distinct flavor all their own that nothing else quite matches.”
She left Marinette with that and went home to cook dinner for her father.
Sabrina sat in her darkened room. It only felt right to wait until dark. A newly christened notebook was open on her desk, pages already full of notes. It shared the yellow glow of her lamp with the scrapbook that held the petals of her love.
Sabrina paged to the bud that had never bloomed once more. She had a bloom now. It sat in water, defying its lack of stem and roots with continued beauty. On this particular page though, written neatly in a corner was the number she needed. It had been long exiled from her phone. Now as she re-entered the digits her hands shook, now with fear but anticipation.
She lifted it to her ear. Each ring spanned more of her heartbeats. The click was like a gunshot, but only an impersonal recording answered her. It wasn’t even Chloé’s voice. She wouldn’t be deterred.
“Hi, Chloé! It’s me, Sabrina. I know we just talked the other day, but I already looked up more stuff about Hanahaki. I thought, if you wanted, we could try to figure out what’s going on. I know things seem really bad right now, but trust me: It will get better. We can do this, even if it’s just until you’re healthy again. I’m not trying to change your mind, honest. I just want to help you. No matter what, I do still care.”
Sabrina let the timer tick, hoping for one of those last second connections. After a minute she hung up and set her phone down. This never happened in books. There was never the crushing weight of silence after someone reached out.
She clapped her hands to her cheeks and shook her head. “Snap out of it, silly. Happy thoughts! You’ve got a whole life to get living!”
That triggered another thought and Sabrina picked up her phone again. She felt even more apprehensive this time, and chided herself for being silly again. She tapped a favorited contact. It only rang once.
“Sabrina! Hi! Long time no chat! What’s up?”
The strident word-rush was overwhelming. “Hi, Zoé,” Sabrina paused to set the pace, “I saw Marinette today and she said you were worrying about me. I just wanted to let you know I’m doing good. I was sick for a while, but I’m finally feeling like myself again. Thank you for thinking of me, but I don’t want you to stress out over nothing.”
A warm sigh answered first, then, “I’m glad you’re feeling better. Do you want to hang out with us this weekend? Nathaniel got a bunch of discontinued paint cheap and we’re going to tape down paper and make an amazing mess with it.”
Sabrina could imagine it clearly. It made her smile, but… “I don’t know Zoé. I’m kind of working on something right now,” Sabrina fingered the edge of her new notebook, “I am not sure if I should make plans I can’t keep.”
“Totally fine!” Too loud, “Totally. I mean, you’re welcome to come if you can. If you can’t it’s fine too. It’ll be at the hotel, dad’s letting us empty a storeroom. We’re gonna start around eleven Saturday. You can come any time.”
The hotel . Sabrina hedged, “I’ll try Zoé, just don’t be mad if I can’t.”
Softer, “I won’t be mad, I promise.” A pause with expectations. “I miss hanging out. I know I kind of-”
“Don’t apologize!” Sabrina headed off the entire topic. “It’s fine. We’ll hang out again. We can play ‘spot the tourist’ on your balcony.”
“I’d like tha-”
A tone interrupted Zoé’s answer. Sabrina glanced at her phone. The number tied to the text notification set Sabrina’s heart running for different reasons. “Zoé I gotta go-”
“Did you talk to my sister yet?” ran over her goodbye.
Zoé was not Marinette.
Sabrina swallowed to try and calm herself. It didn’t help, she still imagined the thorns. Zoé deserved the truth. “Yesn.”
“Sabrina…” a plaintive whine. “You don’t need to do this. She’s-”
Anger spiked out of a mix of fear, guilt, and love. “She’s what, Zoé?” Sabrina snapped, “What are you going to tell me that I don’t already know? I used to spend more time with her in a single week than you did your whole life. Everyone’s been circling me since she left. I love you all, and I needed the support, but you don’t know everything. No one bothered to know. It’s easier hating an ogre, right? God-”
Sabrina paused, wiping tears from a hundred reasons out of her eyes.
“Look, I know you care. You all do, and I love you for it. I need to do this though, for me. No one else can, and no one else can give me advice because you don’t know. ”
Zoé’s answer was still infinitely gentle, “You could tell me.”
Sabrina had berated herself with that simple truth over the years. Now though… “No, I can’t really. I still don’t even understand it all.”
Wavering, was Zoé crying too? “Then how can you- ?”
Another truth surfaced, “Because I have to, Zoé. I have to because I’m living it. It doesn’t matter if it makes sense, because it’s real and it’s happening. I promise you. I mean it, I really promise. If I can ever put it into words, I will tell you first.”
A lingering silence had Sabrina checking her phone screen. The notification had turned into an unhelpful icon. The call timer still ticked.
Zoé finally spoke, “I’m sorry.” for falling for you, was left unspoken.
All Sabrina could manage was, “Don’t be.”
Sabrina hung up, there was never going to be a good place to stop. She sat for a moment, perfectly still, Zoé deserved that much at least. Five slow breaths then Sabrina swiped her texts open so fast she snagged a nail on her case.
She stuck her finger in her mouth as she read:
‘My phone is monitored for my own good. This number is not on my approved list. There is no way mommy would want her daughter exchanging texts with a mere policeman’s family. Please do not text me again. She may be moved to get a restraining order, or worse.’
Rebuffed, at least that’s what most people would think. They would see a snobby way of saying, ‘Get lost loser.’
Sabrina wasn’t most people. Please , again, twice in two conversations. That made Sabrina pay attention. Mommy this, mommy that, there was only a single line from Chloé herself in it. ‘Please do not text me again.’ and the reason: a restraining order. Sabrina wove the tale in her heart. Chloé wanted to see her. She just didn’t want to risk not seeing her, permanently.
Sabrina could work with that.
She had a bag stuffed in minutes. Rope, toolkit, picks, her new notebook, and various other useful sundries. After a long lingering look, she left her flower scrapbook. She wanted to share that with Chloé, but maybe not all at once. Lastly she changed into bland dark gray clothing. One final mirror check and Sabrina ran down the stairs, calling as she went. “A friend needs help dad, I’ll be back late!” I hope .