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I had lunch with my friend Lucy recently at a cute little bistro in Washington, DC. It was great to see her. We’ve been best friends since we were twelve years old. Her father was a Senator and mine was a Congressman so we had a lot in common growing up. Later we were roommates in college. We’ve always been close and told each other everything about our lives, but since she got married a few years ago, we haven’t gotten together as often. Of course, we still talk on the telephone.
I was already at the restaurant when she arrived, so I stood up and greeted her with a little hug as soon as I saw her. Lucy was about six months pregnant and she was wearing a pretty maternity smock. I said, “You look wonderful! You are positively glowing.”
She smiled, “I guess that’s because I’m happy.
I teased, “I envy you. You can eat anything you want without worrying about your figure.”
Lucy agreed, “Yes, it hasn’t been an easy pregnancy, but that is one good thing. I don’t have to watch my weight. At least now the morning sickness is over. That was awful.”
”Well, you have your handsome charming husband to console you,” I pouted. “I’m so jealous. I bet he’s thrilled about the baby.”
Lucy wrinkled her brow and hesitated, “I think he is. I mean he says he is.”
“But what?” I asked anxiously. “You two are not having problems, are you?”
“N-no….I mean, no, of course not,” Lucy replied uncertainly. “I guess I’m afraid I might not be as attractive to him now. You know what I mean?”
I teased, “You mean S-E-X? I think that’s natural during pregnancy, don’t you?”
“I guess so,” Lucy shrugged, “but I don’t really know. My mother never talked about stuff like that.”
“Mine didn’t either,” I sympathized. Both of our mothers were always very busy with the social obligations that come with being married to elected politicians so they were a little remote with their children.
“I’m sure you have nothing to worry about, though,” I assured. “Hawk is such a sweetheart. I can’t imagine him playing around or anything like that.”
Lucy mused, “Well, there is one thing my mother did tell me. Once I complained about Hawk working late a lot of evenings and she said I should just be glad that I’m the one he comes home to.”
“Really? What do you think she meant by that?” I wondered.
“Well, she said something like it’s just about meeting needs,” Lucy recalled. “She said my father was the same way.”
“Senator Smith? Really?” I questioned. “I can’t imagine him being an unfaithful husband. I mean he was good looking, but he was practically a saint.”
Lucy nodded, tearing up for a moment at the thought of her dead father, “I always thought so. I idolized him. I wish I could talk to him now.”
I was surprised. “Really? You’d talk to your father about something like this?”
Lucy sighed wistfully, “I could always talk to him about anything. He was so fond of Hawk, too. Sometimes I wonder if we would even have gotten married if my father hadn’t been so enthusiastic about it.”
“You don’t mean that,” I chided. “You know you always had a big crush on Hawk.”
“You’re right,” Lucy agreed. “It’s just sometimes it seems like Hawk doesn’t really desire me, I mean, even before I was pregnant.”
I reached across the table and patted her hand. “I’m sure you have nothing to worry about, Lucy. Hawk loves you. You two have been together for a long time and he’s never even looked at another woman. Your hormones are just making you emotional right now.”
Lucy smiled, “I’m sure you’re right. I’m not myself these days. I’m just being silly.”
We moved on to catching up with each other and gossiping about some of our friends. Afterwards, I thought about our conversation. I remembered when we were in high school, Hawkins Fuller was so handsome and athletic and popular. All the girls were crazy about him (including me). He was always nice to everyone, but the only girl he ever showed any interest in was Lucy.
Lucy knew him well because he played tennis at her home with her brother, Lenny. Apparently, he also grew close to her father, the Senator. I don’t know the whole story, but Lucy said Hawk had problems with his own father so he preferred spending time at her house.
Anyway, Hawkins Fuller and Lucy Smith were a stunning couple at the Senior Prom. We all thought they would probably get married someday, but right after graduation, Hawk and his friend Kenny joined the Army. Sadly, Kenny died in the Pacific and Hawk was badly wounded in Europe. Senator Smith took care of him after he came home. When Hawk got well, he got a job in the Congressional Relations Office and also became a political advisor to the Senator. It was rumored that their plan was for Senator Smith to become President in a few years.
Lucy and I went to college and after graduation, she traveled to Europe. When she came home, she and Hawk began dating again. They had just gotten engaged when, tragically, the Senator killed himself.
The day after we had lunch, Lucy called me. She was very upset and said she had to talk to me about what happened after our lunch. She began, “My great uncle died and I inherited the place where he lived in a neighborhood near the State Department. We’ve been talking about selling it, but Hawk hasn’t gotten around to contacting a realtor yet. I thought it would be good to go ahead and sell it before the baby comes so I decided to stop by and check on its condition.”
I asked, “What’s the matter? Was it in bad condition?”
“No,” she explained, “but Hawk was there.”
“I guess he had the same idea you had then,” I suggested.
She said bitterly, “No, he was standing in the living room, putting a record on a stereo. The place was unfurnished, but apparently he has been using it since we got rid of his apartment.”
“Oh,” I mused, “Well, I know he works late a lot, so…”
“That’s what he said, that he was taking a lunch break between his meetings at the Capitol,” she explained, “but it seemed to me he was expecting someone - and it wasn’t me.”
“Oh, Lucy,” I gasped. “Did he say that?”
“No,” she admitted. “He just said he was surprised to see me and wondered why I was there.”
“Well, of course,” I said. “He wasn’t expecting you.”
“I know, but he seemed nervous. When I said I was checking on it so I could go ahead and contact a realtor, he told me I shouldn’t worry about that. He was going to take care of it.”
“That makes sense, Lucy,” I agreed.
Lucy worried, “I know, but everything about it just seemed wrong. I wish I hadn’t gone there.”
“Did you think he didn’t want you there?” I questioned.
“I don’t know,” she mused. “He offered me a soda, but said there wasn’t much food there.”
“Well, why would there be?” I asked. “I mean if it’s only used occasionally.”
Lucy sighed, “Maybe, but when I asked what he was going to eat for lunch, he looked at his watch and said he was just about to leave because he didn’t want to be late for his meeting I said I ought to take a look around as long as I was there so I could see what needs to be done before we sell it. He insisted there was no reason for me to worry about it because he would take care of it. He said all I should worry about is our baby.”
“Okay, well, what’s wrong with that?” I soothed.
“I just can’t help thinking he was expecting someone else and tried to hurry me out of there before she showed up,” she confessed.
I gasped, “She? Oh, Lucy, you don’t think Hawk is cheating on you?!”
She laughed nervously, “Well now that I said it out loud, I guess I’m being too suspicious. I don’t want to accuse him of anything.”
“Of course not,” I reassured. “He was probably just worried about being late to his meeting. You know how important his work is.”
Lucy calmed down. “You’re right. I think I’ll fix him a nice romantic dinner tonight. Maybe I’ll put some candles on the table and dress up a little bit.”
I agreed, “That sounds like a good idea. I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about.”
Well, the next day, she called me and said everything was okay. After he got home, she felt the baby move and put his hand on her belly to feel it. She remarked, “He’s been very active this afternoon.”
Hawk asked if she was sure the baby was a boy and she told him she had a hunch that it was. She said she thought he would be pleased because every man wants a son, but he said he just wants her and the baby to be healthy.
I said, “Aw, he’s so sweet. He really loves you, Lucy.” We both agreed she had nothing to worry about.
The next time she called me though, she was really upset. She asked if I could come to her house so we could talk. Of course, I agreed.
When I got there, she offered me coffee and then we sat down in her lovely living room. I asked, “Now what has you so upset? Is everything okay with the baby?”
She nodded seriously, “Yes, the baby is fine, but I’m not. I don’t mean physically. It’s just that, well, now I’m sure that Hawk is having an affair.”
I exclaimed, “What?! Why? Did he tell you that?”
She explained, “No, but he didn’t have to. Last night we were getting ready to go out and I was trying to find a shirt for him. He was shaving at the sink wearing just his sleeveless undershirt. I found the shirt and went to give it to him and, and…”
“And what?” I asked anxiously.
She blinked back a tear. “And he had a big bruise on his shoulder. It was a love bite, I mean, you know, a hickey.”
“No!” I reacted. “Are you sure? What did you do?”
She nodded, “I knew that’s what it was but I didn’t say anything. I just said I needed to press his shirt and I walked out of the room.”
I asked, “So you didn’t talk to him about it?”
She shook her head. “I didn’t want to have a fight about it, especially since we were about to go out.”
I wondered, “So what are you going to do? Are you just going to pretend you don’t know?”
Lucy took a deep breath. “Here’s what I want to do. I want to go look around my uncle’s place when Hawk isn’t there. Maybe I can figure out who it is.”
“How?” I questioned. “What do you think you might find?”
She shrugged, “Oh, I don’t know. I just want to be sure if it’s what I think it is.”
I worried, “Then what will you do?”
She shook her head sadly, “I don’t know. But will you come with me to check it out? Maybe you could drive?”
I agreed, “Of course, I will. When do you want to go?”
Lucy looked relieved. “Thanks, you’re a true friend. I know there is a hearing tomorrow that Hawk has to attend. He should be tied up all day. I want to be sure he won’t be there.”
I shrugged, “Okay, I’ll pick you up in the morning then. Oh Lucy, maybe it’s not what you think.”
She sighed, “Maybe,” but I could see she was convinced Hawk was cheating. I just couldn’t believe it.
In the morning, I picked her up and we drove to the townhouse in Foggy Bottom. Lucy had checked to be sure Hawk would be in the hearing all day.
She unlocked the door and we went in. It was sort of eerie because the place was basically empty. We looked in the refrigerator in the kitchen and found some beer and some milk there.
Lucy opened a closed door to a bedroom and cried, “Come here! Look!”
There was a mattress on the floor and it had rumpled sheets on it. I was as shocked as Lucy was, but I tried to make an excuse. “Well, you said sometimes he works very late. Do you think he sleeps here sometimes?”
She didn’t answer. Her attention was on something she saw on the floor. She bent over and picked it up and she turned so pale that I was afraid she was going to faint. I ran over to her to help her sit down on the mattress. I looked at what she had in her hands, expecting to see ladies underwear or something. Instead it was a dark green necktie like the ones worn with military uniforms.
I was confused. “Is that Hawk’s tie?”
She just shook her head and I could see she was trying not to cry. She said slowly, “No, it’s not Hawk’s. The last time Hawk wore his Army uniform was at my father’s funeral.”
“Then what do you suppose it’s doing here?” I wondered.
She stood up suddenly with the tie still in her hand. She cried, “Let’s get out of here!”
I took her arm and guided her away from that place. We didn’t say anything until we got in my car. I ventured, “Lucy, what are you so upset about? Do you think he could be having an affair with a WAC?”
“A what?” she asked absently.
“You know, a female soldier,” I explained. “Maybe she left her tie there.”
Lucy laughed and looked at me pitifully. She sighed, “I think I know whose tie this is and it’s not a woman.”
“What do you mean it’s not a woman?” I asked. Then it dawned on me. “Oh, Lucy! You don’t think it’s a man that Hawk is….”
A tear ran down her face and she begged, “Please, just take me home. Then I’ll tell you what I know.”
We were silent the rest of the way back to her house. I turned on the radio for distraction. I just couldn’t imagine what Lucy was thinking.
When we got to her home, she fussed around getting something for us to drink. I just waited, giving her time to compose herself. When we were both sitting down, I prodded, “Lucy, tell me what you think is going on.”
She had picked up the necktie she’d found and she was nervously fingering it. She looked away and sighed, “There is something I’ve never told anyone. When Hawk finally gave up his DC apartment, I packed up his stuff for him.”
“Did you find something suspicious there?” I guessed impatiently.
She shook her head, “It wasn’t that. While I was there, someone slipped a note under the door. I looked out the window and saw a soldier in uniform getting into a car and leaving.”
“He left the note?” I wondered.
She nodded, “Yes. It was addressed to Hawk, but I read it.”
“Ohhh,” I gasped. “What did it say? Do you remember?”
“I can never forget,” she confessed. “It said: Dear Hawk, I went into the Army to get away from you. I thought time and distance would help. But it hasn't. Hawk, I still love you. But I'm hoping to find something else. Maybe a deeper faith someday. Tim."
“Oh my God,Lucy!” I gasped. “You must have been devastated. What did you do?”
She looked at me defiantly, “I burned it. I never showed it to Hawk. And I never told him about it.”
I shook my head, “Oh, you poor thing. And now you think that’s the soldier that Hawk has been, uh, meeting up with?”
She nodded grimly, “I think that’s who put that mark on his neck, yes.”
“But Lucy,” I objected. “I never knew Hawk was… I mean that he…. Are you sure?”
Lucy looked at me so sadly it broke my heart. She admitted, “I’ve always had my suspicions. After he gave up his apartment in DC, he built a hunting cabin on our country property where he could be alone. He hired a good looking contractor and he payed so much attention to him, it was like he was flirting with him. I fired him. Hawk said he didn’t mind, but there were others. Handymen, you know the type, good looking, muscular, young…”
“But, still,” I asked, “are you sure? I mean, how did you know?”
“I didn’t really want to know,” Lucy sighed, “but there was something else. Hawk never wanted to make love to me. At first, I thought it might be because I had that affair when I was in Europe. But I told him about that and he didn’t seem to care.”
I pointed out, “You never told me there was any problem.”
She looked down at the tie. “I didn’t want anyone to know. But the truth is, I practically had to beg him to get me pregnant.”
“Oh Lucy!” I felt so bad for her.
She shrugged, “My mother taught me to just look away from things I didn’t want to see and be glad that he loves me.”
“Do you think she knew? Or suspected?” I asked.
“She probably thought he was fooling around with women,” Lucy guessed, “but I don’t know. Do you remember what happened to my brother, Lenny?”
We had never really talked about it, but I’d heard that Lenny was a homosexual and that might have had something to do with Senator Smith’s suicide. I never knew the details, except….“Didn’t Hawk take him to a place where they tried to help boys like him to be normal?”
Lucy nodded sadly, “Yes, and Lenny never got over it. He doesn’t speak to us at all. Anyway, at the time, we just told Mother that he was getting treatment for his drinking. I don’t know if Lenny ever told her what it really was, but I doubt it.”
“Okay,” I said, “but now you think Hawk has the same nature as Lenny?”
She leaned back against the couch and shook her head, “I don’t know. I don’t know anything. I don’t want it to be true.”
I crossed the room and sat down next her. I took her hand and asked gently, “Lucy, what are you going to do?”
She looked at me and said flatly, “I’m not going to do anything. I’m going to hide this necktie and I’m not even going to say anything. I can’t. I am going to have Hawk’s baby. Maybe after that, things will be different.”
I saw her point. She was in a very vulnerable position. After what she had just told me, I had serious doubts that Hawk would change, but I agreed with her anyway. “That’s probably for the best. Just give it some time. When Hawk sees the baby, he will only want to be with you.”
She nodded, “But I’m going to insist that we sell that little love nest right away!”
I smiled, “That’a girl.”
We hugged and I went home. I started thinking about how Hawkins had never shown much interest in girls when we were young. Could what Lucy suspected be true? If so, I wondered how things would ever work out for my poor friend.
The next time I called Lucy, she told me that she was was having a little problem with her pregnancy, but it wasn’t serious. Apparently, she had tried to call Hawk at his office a couple of times and couldn’t get him, but her mother finally did. She told him she was worried because Lucy was feeling ill. Hawk hurried home to check on her, but she told him she was fine and he should go back to work. She said it was her job to worry about the baby and shooed him back to the office.
She didn’t tell me until much later what really happened. She got angry because she wasn’t able to get Hawk on the phone at the office, so she decided to go confront him about his lover. As she approached the townhouse, she heard music playing so she let herself in with the key. She couldn’t believe what she saw. Hawk and the man named Tim were both stark naked and they were dancing! They were holding each other tight and kissing and she saw love and desire in Hawk’s eyes that he had never shown for her.
The men were so absorbed in each other that they didn’t even notice Lucy. She just quietly closed the door and fled. She felt sick, and hurt, and scared. She managed to get home and crawl into bed. For a couple of days, she just told everyone she was having a minor problem with her pregnancy.
She couldn’t stand to be around Hawk so she told him she was too uncomfortable with him in their bed and made him go sleep in another bedroom. After a few days of that, she decided she had to confront Hawk. She got out the Army tie that she had found and hung it over the tie rack in his closet where he would see it right away.
She watched him the next time he got dressed. He went into his closet and froze. He pulled the incriminating tie out and looked at Lucy. He asked warily, “Where did this come from?”
She stared at him and answered coolly, “Where do you think it came from, Hawk?”
He closed his eyes for a moment and then approached her cautiously, “Lucy….”
She stood her ground and warned, “Don’t lie to me, Hawk.”
He looked shocked, but he said softly, “Lucy, I never meant to hurt you.”
She rolled her eyes,”Really? Then, I guess you thought I would never know.”
He asked quietly, “How did you find out? Where did you find this tie?”
Tears filled her eyes as she said bitterly, “You know where I found the tie. It was in your sordid little love nest. But Hawk, I saw you! You were dancing with him and you were both nude! You didn’t even notice that I came in.”
Hawk was stunned. He shook his head, “I’m sorry, Lucy. I never meant for you….”
“To find out?” Lucy was outraged. “Of course, you didn’t want me to know! Your feelings for him are obvious, and his for you. I could see that very plainly. But Hawk, you have to make a choice right now. Me and our baby or him.”
Hawk looked confused, “What are you saying?”
She said firmly, “I want you to end your affair with that man immediately. I’m going to have this baby very soon, and if you don’t get rid of him for good, you are never going to see our baby. I’ll get a lawyer and make sure of it.”
He walked over and tried to touch her, but she shrank away from him. He vowed, “Of course, I choose you, Lucy.”
“Then you have to get rid of him,” she demanded.
He pledged, “I will. I’ll do it right away and I won’t see him again.”
Lucy insisted, “I want him gone for good, Hawk. I mean it.”
He repeated, “Okay, I’ll tell him. What else do you want me to do?”
She took a deep breath and then demanded, “Report him to the M Unit!”
Hawk protested, “Come on, Sweetheart. That’s really not fair to him.”
She stood with arms crossed over her chest and stared at him. “What do you think is fair to me, Hawk?”
Hawk took a deep breath, then gave in. He said sadly, “Okay, okay, if that’s what you want. I’ll take care of it.”
Lucy went into labor a couple of days after that and Hawk went to the hospital with her. They were both enthralled with baby Jackson. They didn’t mention Hawk’s affair with the soldier again, but Lucy never fully trusted him after that.