Chapter Text
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“Okay…and you are sending me to Jeju because??”
“Because I think you need to get away from the city…get out of the office. Live a little, Minho you’ve been pushing yourself for the last few years nonstop.”
“This is ridiculous, I don’t have time for a break.”
“Don’t think I am giving you a summer vacation…you will be working, just remote, close to the ocean—"
“I hate the ocean.”
“Minho..”
“What about my cats?”
“We both know you don’t have any.”
“Yet!” He snapped back.
“Lee Minho, this isn’t a request. As your boss I am sending you to Jeju for two months on assignment. We have been killing ourselves trying to pick up this client, and rumor has it they are spending their summer in Jeju writing their next book, so maybe you can find them and convince them to take our deal..”
“I can’t believe you gave them such a long deadline to accept...that seems so pretentious… September 1st. Also..they won’t sign their name anywhere, no social media, but have three of the bestselling books on the market right now.. it’s such a stunt. Also how is there even a rumor when no one knows who they are? Who is spreading that rumor??”
“Listen, they are Korea’s biggest mystery right now. Everyone wants to know who has been writing those dark romance novels, all of the angst…the passion...the books are practically impossible to find for sale, the limited availability, we could mass produce them..”
“Yeah yeah yeah… and fated soulmates, all of that garbage. Listen Chan, I love you, but this is my worst nightmare.”
“Minho, I swear you are the only person who would complain about a paid summer vacation.”
“You said it wasn’t a vacation”
“You know what I mean…you are the best we’ve got at what you do, and you are going.. It will be good for you to get out of the city, and this is the perfect excuse. Work remote for the summer, play detective a little?”
“I hate you.”
And just like that, his bags were packed, and he was on his way to his new home for the summer.
July was going to suck.
-
Minho worked for a large publishing firm, his boss (and friend) Chan had been tired of seeing the dark circles under his eyes and decided a change of scenery might help. He was so god-damned nosy.
So- what if he enjoyed putting in ten-hour workdays. So-what if he didn’t sleep much at night these days or take any time off. Honestly, Chan is one to talk, if anyone needed a break it was probably Chan himself. They lived similar lifestyles, next time he should take his own advice.
Minho’s role at the company was a bit unique, he was the Director of Client Research, always on the lookout for new potential authors they could set up contracts with. He also frequently dealt with management teams, edited stories in his free time, and even dabbled a bit with the marketing department (which he knew they probably hated). He was an excellent employee, and everyone knew Chan never gave him special treatment, that he earned every promotion and bonus by working his ass off. Day in and day out his entire life had been dedicated to his work these days. It was getting to be a bit monotonous for sure, but it was much easier than facing his reality. He was sure the staff would be equally as excited to see him gone for a bit, he was getting a bit snippy with everyone these days.
Grey, if Minho had to pick a color to describe how his weekdays felt, it would be grey. Bland and stale nothingness, grey. The shade you often find on tombstones, how fitting. Speaking of death, he was pretty sure he saw a paint color at the Benjamin Moore store once called “Barely There”, a perfect description of his current situation. He’d been working at Back Door Publishing Company in Seoul since he graduated college seven years ago. He interned there during his senior year, and the management team liked his tenacity and razor-focused eye so much they decided to offer him a full-time job. It didn’t hurt that his friend Chan was already working there and could vouch for him as well..
He had been an English major in college, which, news flash , wasn’t the most reliable choice he could have made, but he really enjoyed the art of language. He liked the idea of storytelling, grammar, culture, and honestly, he just really enjoyed reading anything he could get his hands on, so he figured, why not spend thousands of dollars studying it? Just kidding, he didn’t really have a choice. His parents said he had to go to college, but that he should choose whatever major made him happy, for example, medicine or law, ha, yeah right. Minho would rather die than spend more than four years in college, especially in a field where you have to touch people’s bodies, or kiss a bunch of judges asses to get special favors or whatever. No, he wanted a creative job, well, a job in a creative field. He wasn’t as much of a writer as he was a reader, or editor. He enjoyed editing for their campus’s journalism department’s work, and also helped his friends with their papers. His favorite thing to do though, was to read.
He liked reading books by authors with different backgrounds, he read dramas, historical pieces, thrillers, even poetry. He had always been an avid reader, getting lost in a sea of whatever book his nose was buried in. It allowed him to explore places he never dreamed of going to, books that challenged his way of life, his thought process, everything. He felt like reading an author’s book was like seeing inside their mind, the way they viewed the world could sometimes be written all through the lines of their piece. He always learned so much about them, and even himself.
That is kind of what got him into the publishing world, that, and a need for a summer internship so he could graduate on time. He had no idea what the heck he was going to do with an English degree, but he refused to spend all his money on some topic he hated just because there was a clear career path. He was way too stubborn to give in to society’s pressure to make him get into medicine or tech or something where he could actually, you know, get a job. Ha! Look who is laughing now…probably still society considering he didn’t make all that much money but...he digresses.
Chan was a great friend, and a respectable boss. If he was being honest, he was incredible, super supportive, and overly caring. His only downfall was that he was a workaholic, which then always inspired Minho to overwork too. That and his need to hide from the outside world. The more he worked, the less time he had with his own thoughts. It wasn’t that he had dark thoughts or anything, he just was getting over a breakup and would prefer to stay busy.
Okay, the breakup was just shy of three years ago, but still, it fucked him up pretty bad, and he was a slow processor. Hence, his hatred for romance novels nowadays, this snobby mystery author, and the lack of desire to spend a summer in Jeju trying to hunt them down. He wasn’t a private investigator, Jesus. That and the last thing he needed was to see hundreds of couples all summer taking selfies, sharing desserts, and kissing at sunset.
Pass.
-
His flight landed a little after 8:00pm Sunday evening, and Chan’s assistant booked a car to pick him up and drive him to the beach loft the company rented for him. Pretty nice sounding, maybe this wasn’t going to be all that bad. He didn’t mind being away from his friends for a little while, being alone never scared him much since he grew up as an only child. Maybe they could come visit for a weekend too, at least Chan or Jeongin.
“Excuse me sir, do you prefer air conditioning or open windows?”
“The windows are fine.” He mumbled. Trying to take in the smell of the summer air, a big adjustment from the smell of the city he was used to. The air already felt cleaner, even in the humidity of night.
Minho closed his eyes and tried to just let the warm breeze run through his hair. The roar of the ocean rumbled in his ears as he let the wind hit his face through the half-opened windows. He was going to be here for a while and might as well embrace it.
“So, are you here for business or pleasure sir?”
He sighed to himself. Technically, both he guessed. He was banished to the tourist trap that was Jeju in the summer to find some mystery author and beg them to sign their contract (which, what? This was total nonsense) and also to relax. Those things contradicted each other. Nothing about this trip was going to be relaxing. He had no friends here, no one to work alongside, no one to eat lunch with, no one to yell at, no pets, nothing. Maybe he was going to be a little lonely.
“Business” He mumbled under his breath again as they rolled up to his destination.
He lugged his two suitcases and backpack up to the house, and that’s when he realized it was an actual house. Chan had rented him a beach house for two months? Okay, he could get used to this. He could literally hear the ocean from where he was standing at the front door.
When he made his way inside, he was stunned to see the gorgeous crisp white walls of the three-bedroom house, rich chocolate brown leather furniture, beautiful fine art in every room. This place was impeccably decorated, whoever designed this had excellent taste. How in the world was his department going to pay for this for the summer? There was no way the company decided to splurge for Minho’s sake. This client must be important if they wanted to keep Minho – this – happy.
He would call Chan in the morning to make sure this was where he was supposed to be staying, but in the meantime, he was going to indulge.
A grand kitchen, fully stocked refrigerator, an entire glass wall with a perfect view of the ocean. He didn’t actually hate the ocean, he only said that for dramatic effect to Chan, because wow. This must be how the other half lives…
“Wow” his voice echoed in the space, jolting him back with surprise. He laughed. What an upgrade from what he had in the city. A tiny one bedroom apartment on the 15th floor of a high rise. He could get used to this… plenty of space for his future cats to roam. Ah, yes. The dream.
Minho took his time unpacking his things since he would be here a while, and then decided to wash up for bed. He brought his favorite plush bathrobe from home with him for emotional support, so he threw it on and made his way to the outdoor patio. Yeah, he had an emotional support robe. It was black and fuzzy and had a hood with cat ears on it. Every night at home he would put it on and lie in bed while he read for the evening, winding down from his day. He liked to sleep naked, but didn’t like to lounge around the house these days with nothing on, so it kind of became a routine. Well actually the robe was a gift Jeongin bought him when he crashed with him for a few months after his breakup when he was waiting for his ex to move out. He bought it because Jeongin was “tired of seeing his ding-a-ling out in the open” when he would come out into the living room where Minho was sleeping. Yeah, he realized afterwards it was probably kind of rude of him to be lounging naked at Jeongin’s place, but he was used to it back then, and he did get a sweet robe out of it so…
He leaned on the edge of the wooden deck and stared out into the darkness of the ocean. It had been a long time since he had been somewhere new. Usually in the city he always had friends kind of close by, Hyunjin only lived a few blocks away, Jeongin was in the same building, and Chan would come over every Saturday to watch anime sometimes with Felix. It was going to be kind of weird to be this alone. He knew it was only temporary, but, just like the ocean, his thoughts when he was alone would run deep.
The vastness was overwhelming.
-
The next morning Minho woke up, made himself rice, eggs, and coffee in the beautiful kitchen. Literally everything in there was state of the art. The pots and pans, the appliances all top of the line. He felt rich, it honestly took him way longer than he would like to admit figuring out how to use the coffee machine.
After he cleaned up, he decided to call Chan and check in, it was Monday morning after all. He threw his robe over top of his sweatpants and made his way back out to the deck, the sunlight beaming waves of gorgeous light off the ocean with his leftover coffee still warm in hand.
What a view.
-
“Are you insane?”
“What?”
“This place is huge Chan, like celebrities probably stay here, how can we afford this? I am a publishing director not an actor”
“Well first of all, I always thought you’d make a very handsome actor in a drama, and secondly it’s Felix’s Aunt’s rental property..I got an amazing deal on it” He laughed.
“Oh, you’re sleeping your way to a discount..well listen, as long as I get to reap the benefits…”
“Please, we have been married for two years.”
“Potato potahto”
“Anyway, I sent over a few clients for you to look at, and I know you’ve also been working on that Soyeon piece. We need the chapter edits in by next week so get with your team. Oh- and remember to take it easy today, I gave you today as a travel day so you can settle in. Start fresh on Tuesday.”
“Got it got it, I’ll try and chill today. I’ll check my emails here in a bit for anything urgent. Tell your honey I said glad that good fellatio is getting me 75% off here at the villa.”
“Oh, shut up” Chan laughed. “Listen, I also got a list of a few places you can start digging around for our spicy author. I really need us to fish them out first before some other firm finds them, we need the revenue they could bring us. And honestly..I think it would be the ticket to both of our promotions…so no pressure.” He laughed” But truthfully, I feel like an in-person conversation is the best way to get our message across that we would allow them to have pretty much all the freedom they want with their writing, and we would fully support them and market them to their liking. Happy to keep as much as we can a secret you know, except they will have to sign their name, and ours will be on the book as well, everything in the contract we had sent to their email..I mean Minho there is potential for movies here, we need--”
“Yes yes yes, I know, let them have whatever they want, beg for them to love us, got it. I don’t understand how I am supposed to find them, or why it is me and not you, or Jihyo doing this? I hate kissing ass.”
“Because, two birds remember? You need time out of the city, and this is a great excuse. Alright I have a meeting in a few but let’s check in later. I’ll send you the list of places to scope out.”
When they hung up the call Minho hopped into the shower, in what he would describe as a shower of the future based on how many different functions and buttons it had to adjust everything to your liking, and when he was finished, he wrapped his towel around his waist to find something to wear.
Hmm..might be kind of nice not to have to wear slacks and a tie every day. He could get used to this. He threw on a pair of loose shorts and a t-shirt with a hoodie, brushed out his silvery blonde hair, grabbed his laptop bag and made his way to the driveway where Chan told him his rental car would be. Excellent, at least he would have wheels out here. He didn’t have a car back home, it had kind of been a while since he had to drive, hopefully he still remembered which pedal was which.
He pulled out his phone and typed in café and watched how many little bubbles popped up on the map. He didn’t particularly care which one he went to, he just wanted some iced caffeine. So, he pulled up Chan’s list of spots to see if any of them were cafes. He wanted a nice comfy spot to work for a few hours. To get out of the house for a bit and explore since Chan said that was important for him to do. He may be addicted to work, but at least he could do it in a more comfortable setting.
“Odd Ends Book Café” Hm… sounds interesting..
The sun was already out, sunbeams glistening off the waves crashing on the sand as he drove with his sunglasses on. It had been years since he had been to the beach, not particularly fond of showing his torso off to beach goers, and not being too keen on swimming either, he chose to typically avoid it.
That, and his soulmate markings would be visible. Not that he was ever worried about a soulmate seeing them, it’s just..it’s difficult to explain.
Soulmate, a funny word really.
Soul [ sohl ] noun. The principle of life, feeling, thought, and action in humans, regarded as a distinct entity separate from the body, and commonly held to be separable in existence from the body; the spiritual part of humans as distinct from the physical part.
Mate [meyt] noun. An animal’s sexual partner.
Isn’t it the dream to meet your fated soulmate? Someone who completes you, loves you, fucks you, understands you? Knowing up front that they were put on this earth solely for you as your perfect match, physically and emotionally. Of course it is. In the world Minho lives in, there are no such things.
Everyone on Earth is said to have a fated soulmate, meaning, someone who is your perfect match. Their body will physically show the markings of their own deep emotional pain, and only your fated soulmate can see them. The markings are often referred to as soul bonds or fated markings. It’s poetic, being able to see the hurt of the one you are destined to love tattooed on their skin. It is said that those markings are different for everyone, and that no two people have the same, kind of like fingerprints. It would be the same as seeing bruises from physical abuse, only these appear from emotional trauma, and pain. Most people only ever get to see their own.
As far as everyone understands there is no rhyme or reason as to how or where those markings will appear, whether it has to do with the type of emotional trauma you have faced, the sadness you feel, the degree of that sadness, or physical DNA. The patterns tattooed onto your skin do apparently tend to combine your parents’ marking styles, even if they were not bonded by fate, but since only you and your soulmate can see them, it is really difficult to study. That and because the world is such a large place, it is almost impossible to meet your fated soulmate. (And when people do, they are totally obnoxious about it, braggy and..it’s just, it gives Minho the ick.)
Sometimes, and it is apparently very rare, soul bonds actually change when you meet. So you take their markings, something like you healing their pain, or taking their pain. Minho isn’t sure if it’s rare because it never happens, or if it is rare because no one ever meets their fated mate these days. He honestly doesn’t really care. He doesn’t plan on ever finding out.
It’s a taboo subject, not something you will find many people discussing with strangers, or even friends. Not only are the markings extremely personal, caused by the pain you feel inside, but also in modern society it is way less likely to meet your “match” without a little help from Fated Mate, Bonded in Fate, and other similar apps. Minho isn’t a fool, those apps trick people constantly into thinking they’ve found their fated soulmate, only later to find out the person was lying about their markings to hook up, and again, the world is a big place and if your soulmate could be anywhere…it might take a while to find them, even online. The only way to know for sure is if you can see their soulmate markings. It’s honestly something the world seems to have given up on, people are perfectly capable of falling in love and whatever without being “destined” by blood. Which is why it is hilarious to Minho that Chan wants him to potentially scope out this author here in Jeju. Another one in a billion chance.
Oh, and their entire collection is based on soulmate bonds. Minho guessed society loves reading about the taboo and unattainable, but Minho has had enough of romance these days (Yes he is well aware that his breakup was three years ago).
-
The café was located just outside of a cozy-looking wooded area about 15 minutes from where he was staying. It seemed to be made up from some sort of three-story old vacation home by the looks of it. He quietly made his way inside, and immediately was shocked at what he found. He was not only in some sort of café, but also perhaps a bookstore or library. Every space was filled with bookshelves. The stairs leading to more shelves of beautifully colored books. He hit the jackpot; this was borderline pornographic for a book-nerd like Minho.
He placed his order on the first floor, grabbed his iced americano and decided to explore the rest of the space.
He was fully nerding out. Did he mention he loved books? Not like on a Kindle or Ipad, but like physical books. Even the smell, ahh..yeah. He found his new home for the summer. If this writer person wasn’t here, too bad, he was never going to find them because.. he was going to be spending a lot of time working here. Sorry Chan!
He loved the open concept the building offered. The first floor had a few tables and chairs for eating and drinking, and a few cozy nooks to curl up and read in.
The shelves were filled with newer authors, current bestselling books, and those classics people just can’t get enough of. The books downstairs were all for sale, and of course Minho immediately spotted his target. A small display with only one remaining matte black book labeled, One , in red writing. The newest book in the series was titled Red . Well, Minho wasn’t even really sure if that was the author’s intention. The first book in the series was identical, only the writing was in blue, so everyone sold it as Blue . The second book, Purple, and the third Red .
Minho hadn’t really given the books a fair chance and he knew it, but still..he read the synopsis online of Blue and decided he had heard enough. Violently depressed guy meets an older psychology professor at a bar, they fuck, and discover their soulmate bonds or something. There was a murder plot in there somewhere. Okay that was probably the worst description he could give, there had to be something about them sucking everyone in, but he didn’t want to read romance alright, not even for the smut.
He grabbed the black matte book with blood red writing on it and opened it up. The pages…all of the pages were black with white font. This was a bit unique to the series of three books. Their current publisher knew how to market, but he couldn’t find the name of them in the first few pages anywhere. Literally nothing. Who was funding this? Where were they printing these books without any advertisement or claim? Bizarre. There were no words on the back or front besides the title. He grabbed the book and took it to the counter to pay. He figured he should at least pretend that he was going to read it. Maybe learn something about this author…maybe.
When he made his way upstairs with his new book in hand, he found that it was much quieter on the second floor, older books, this area seemed to be more of a library environment. A small desk that would help you search for their inventory and self-check out books. Pretty neat.
The third floor was Minho’s personal oasis.
The space felt like you were inside someone’s cozy living room. More bookshelves along the walls. Old rugs on the floor, hodge podge chairs and tables with antique furniture that didn’t match. Windows overlooking the trees, plants hanging and sitting in every open space. He couldn’t wait to get to work in this space. This might be his new spot to work, maybe he will move to Jeju. Ask Chan to let him work remote forever. Or maybe he can just quit his job and work here and never leave.
He decided to take up home at a small table in the corner by the windows. Three tables filled the space along them. He pulled out his laptop and popped in his earphones to get started for the day. It was much later than he was used to starting, already 11:00 o’clock, but Chan reassured him he should take it easy, so, he actually did.
He spent the next few hours catching up and slurping the empty straw from his old iced americano cup through the side of his mouth and chewing on the straw. An old habit his ex-boyfriend hated.
Minsoon was an asshole.
Minho and Minsoon met in college. Minmin as they were more commonly known were together for about six years, and Minho (the better half of Minmin) was sure they were soulmates. Now, I know what you are thinking, I thought you would know based on markings if someone was your soulmate? Yes, fated soulmates sure, but that is basically non-existent remember, a fairytale? Minho’s parents weren’t fated soulmates, none of his friends were either. He wasn’t even sure if he had ever even met anyone in real life that had met theirs. It was something you saw on TV a lot, and a lot of times put in dramas for drama .
But even right after they first met, Minho was sure Minsoon was his forever love. They met at a bar on campus, both looking to escape the exhaustion from finals week by blowing off a little steam. Minsoon always said he met Minho because of his undeniable beauty, and charm, but Minho knows now that he just wanted to fuck him because he was hot, and the only reason why he was staring was because he bet his friends money that he could get Minho to come home with him (which he won).
Minsoon and he hooked up for the first month with no strings attached, but Minho was falling fast. He had a lot of guys giving him attention, but no one’s ever felt like Minsoon’s did. And contrary to popular belief, Minho had been a virgin at the time. The night after the bar Minsoon took Minho to his place and gave him the blowjob of a lifetime, and then Minho embarrassingly tried to reciprocate it. I mean, he came, but, yeah he would like to wipe that memory from his existence.
After a few weeks of awkward sexual encounters Minho lost his v-card to his hookup, without telling him, but he was pretty sure he knew. Minsoon had been so sweet to him that night. Making sure he was comfortable, talking him through everything, and never once making it known, or making it a big deal. Minho was way too proud to confess it until a few years later (Minsoon wouldn’t bottom if you were wondering how that went).
After that night things changed, and soon they were officially dating. The first few years were kind of wonderful. They laughed, cried, fucked, all the important stuff. Things didn’t start taking a turn until after college when they moved in together, to which, he noticed right away when his soulmate markings started to change on his own body. A few more golden shimmery designs would pop up, now on the backs of his thigh. He ignored it, tried to ignore his feelings, but something between them had been off, and it was seriously screwing with Minho’s mind. Even at his worst as a teen, his markings never were very prominent, and usually didn’t grow across his skin. He was usually able to fight through anything too hard to manifest itself that deep. But…something about this was different.
He tried to talk to his parents, but they insisted his intuition was right. They said they didn’t trust him, didn’t like the way he spoke to Minho in front of them, so he obviously ignored them and went to his friends Jeongin and Chan who agreed. These people were stupid, they didn’t know him like he did.
Minho had been working at Back Door Publishing, and Minsoon had been working at a law firm (the financial jackpot, his parents were thrilled about that atleast). He would work his eight-hour shifts, take the train back to their apartment and find himself sitting alone, for hours . He started filling his time by cooking meals for them, to hopefully entice Minsoon to want to come home faster. He wanted to be a caretaker, something for him to desire, and appreciate. He learned how to cook for them, he cleaned their apartment, he’d even do their dry cleaning and laundry, but still, Minsoon wouldn’t get home until almost 10pm or later some nights. They had a routine Minho hated.
After another year or so of that, and Minho started to feel the beginning of the end. The connection they once had was gone. Minsoon would be on work trips, and long cases that would suck up all of his energy. Close to the end their sex life changed, barely went on one date a month together, their relationship was falling apart, and so was he.
As a last-ditch effort Minho decided to surprise Minsoon late in the office one night. He threw on the most embarrassingly sexy lingerie he could find in the law firm’s bathroom. A black and gold lace bodysuit with flowers sewn in the pattern with lace tights under. He never felt sexier, and more desperate to please in his life. He threw his clothes back on, black slacks and a black button-down shirt, and slinked his way through the empty building to step inside Minsoon’s office where he was sitting at his desk, apparently very startled by the interruption. He remembers it like it was yesterday.
“Oh Minho! What are you doing here?” He scooted his chair in quickly.
“Missed you, needed to see you…” He slowly started to make his way over to Minsoon’s desk as he unbuttoned his shirt.
“Oh..um.. I’m almost finished for the night, um do you want to just wait in the lobby and I can come in 15?”
“No..” Minho whispered as he slowly pulled his shirt off of his shoulders, revealing his lacy upper half, watching Minsoon’s jaw drop was worth all of the nerves he had built up. “I want you to come now” Minho smiled as he unzipped his pants, dropping them to reveal the rest of his sexy surprise to the love of his life. Seoul’s night sky illuminating his curves in the darkness of the office. Minho was already half hard as he kicked off his clothes and pushed the papers off of Minsoon’s desk as he climbed on top. Ass slapping down hard onto the wooden top.
Minho knew something was wrong the second Minsoon’s first reaction was to grab at the papers and not his thighs and as he got up to move, he realized that his boyfriend’s pants were completely unzipped, and falling off. The third indication something was wrong was the sneeze that came out from under his desk.
Turns out, the floral scented perfume Minho had sprayed on himself before coming in made Minsoon’s assistant have an allergic reaction. The assistant he was fucking every night before coming home to Minho. The assistant hiding under the desk, sucking his boyfriend off while he was putting on lingerie for him in the bathroom across the hall. The assistant he had been cheating on him with for years, the assistant fresh out of college that was hired to be Minsoon’s assistant because they had actually met at a bar after work one night and hooked up, almost identical to Minho’s story. Horrifying.
So many wasted lonely nights thinking he wasn’t good enough, pining for him, wanting to be better for him, doing whatever he wanted to make him happy, and the whole time he was sleeping with someone else. Yeah, it was a tough one to overcome. The irony of the entire situation? His soulmate markings were a shimmery golden glow on his lower back and on the back of his thighs, and he swore they were in the shapes of flowers. Something beautiful and dark about how pain brought them out, emotional turmoil would raise more markings on his body, but they were so beautiful he couldn’t help but be in awe. Always able to overcome his pain, fight through it, push through the tough times and have something beautiful to show for it. His parents always said he was special that way when he told them what they looked like. Said he was made for someone important. That he would find his soulmate. His real one. Hah. He always wanted Minsoon to be able to see them, to share that with him. At least his pain was beautiful.
It took him a while to love himself again, find beauty in the sadness he felt. He never shared with any partner but Minsoon what his markings looked like. Never felt comfortable enough letting someone map out his body with their tongue and finger like that. Showing Minsoon where each golden swirl started and ended. He let him paint on his skin, so he could see them. He said he loved him. He had made him feel so pretty and wanted, so safe at the beginning, and he was wrong, so incredibly wrong.
He closed himself off for a while after that. Never someone to typically show his back or thighs off randomly, but now was sure he didn’t want to stumble upon a potential fated soulmate any time soon. Swimming and sex both took the back burner for a while. Okay, swimming was never on a front burner, but yeah Minho swore off sex for a good six months.
After he finally had some therapy, and a newfound appreciation for himself again he decided to go through his “Hoe phase” as Jeongin so delicately put it. He went through men faster than a bullet train. Okay maybe not that fast, but he definitely hooked up with a new guy every few weeks. He knew his ass was on display, and he didn’t care who saw it. The soulmate bonds were not going to be tied to any of those losers. They were not soulmate material, he made sure of it.
Eventually that got dull, and now he was celibate again. Abstaining from the temptation of man. Trying to clean up his act a bit, and just avoid the male species at all costs. He had grown tired of getting tested. Tired of bad hookups. Tired of washing his sheets so much. And that is why he had been spending so much time at the office.
A grumble in his stomach woke him up out of his trip down memory lane. The time read 2:30 and it was way past time for lunch. He locked his laptop, made his way down to the café counter, ordered himself a small salad and when he came back upstairs, he stopped dead in his tracks.
Such a beautiful creature couldn’t be real.
Too perfect, too soft.
Where did he come from?
Sitting at the table adjacent to where Minho’s things rested was a slim man with rounded cheeks, a strong jawline, and a cute button nose. Circular wire framed glasses rested upon even wider rounded eyes. His dark hair was parted and laid perfectly over his forehead. Lips perfectly pouty as they sucked on what appeared to be an iced americano based on the liquid resting in the clear cup. Great choice. He had on a soft blue turtleneck sweater and jeans, and what seemed to be a cream-colored blazer resting next to his laptop on the table he was sitting at. Minho couldn’t have dreamed up a more alluring creature with skin like honey. He looked like the lead in a drama, his boyish features making it uncertain just how old he was, but Minho figured he had to be pretty close in age just based on the way he dressed, although, now Minho wished he really dressed a little nicer today..of course the one day he isn’t wearing slacks…
He shook his head to get himself to stop staring at the poor man and scurried back to his table to get back to work. Sheesh. Didn’t he swear off men?
🐿️
Han Jisung was living a double life.
It sounded way cooler than it was, but it was true.
On the outside he was happy, he had a best friend that lived with, he called his parents once a week to “chat” and worked currently as a graphic designer for an advertising firm. He was successful at work, his coworkers all seemed to like him, and after just one year he had been promoted to lead designer, taking a project for a pharmaceutical company. He was told “your smile is infectious Jisung, and your charm irresistible!” People couldn’t tell him no, his coworkers loved working with him, and all said he was a dream. The absolute sweetest. He had grown into his personality at work, he thrived when he got to focus on something he was excited about. And every day he woke up and put on his clown makeup to fake another day of happiness around everyone.
And everyone seemed to love Han Jisung these days, everyone except for, well, Han Jisung. He had his reasons.
On the inside he was empty, a shell of a man, someone he barely knew.
He was living a lie to just about everyone in his life.
Jisung was hurting from many years of self-doubt, disgust, and a lot of built-up angst. He had spent more than half of his life fighting his inner demons to the point he was numb. He just went with the flow most of the time because it was easier, he wanted to be easy. He wanted to be loved.
He spent his childhood tormented by other kids picking fun at him because he couldn’t speak their language. Tormented by his parents’ pressure to be successful, to be athletic, to be better than the rest. He wasn’t. If he didn’t turn in A assignments, he would be grounded for a month. Not from what you would think because he wasn’t a normal kid. His parents would punish him by taking away his books and art supplies. He didn’t have friends to keep away from, he didn’t have technology to play with, just his creative outlet. He would work tirelessly on assignments trying to catch up to the other students, and when eventually he learned more English a few years after his move to Malaysia he began to make a few “friends” (a loose term) as he got older.
His early teen years were brutal. His parents decided to homeschool him to make sure he was focused on his studies. They hired him a male tutor to help keep him focused on the work instead of focusing on girls. Which, surprise surprise, ended up being a distraction.
He was different for a lot of reasons.
Jisung realized he was interested in boys when he was 14. His tutor, Jinyoon, was in his 20s, a college student who Jisung could only describe as insanely handsome, dark hair, nice clothes, Jisung didn’t remember much about the time with his tutor other than the knot he would get in his stomach anytime he came over, when their skin touched, when he could smell his perfume. The way his heartrate would pick up when he was near, the way he could sometimes see his muscles tighten on his biceps when he was reaching for a book, how much he anticipated his visits. He didn’t know what all of that meant. He just knew it felt different with him, different than any times he had spent with a pretty girl close by.
Jinyoon was an adult, and obviously wanted nothing to do with a literal child, but as Jisung’s gay awakening, it really meant something to him. His parents would never approve of that. Jisung had been totally screwed.
Their friendship was really important to him, because Jinyoon, like Jisung, was also Korean, and for the first time in a long time he felt seen. He was patient with him, took the time to understand him, asked him questions about himself, and would sometimes bring him Korean snacks that his mom would send him in care packages for school. He meant the world to him.
Something else he gave him was his favorite book. The Outsiders. It was written by an author from the US named S.E.Hinton, and was a coming-of-age story about teenagers in neighborhood gangs in the 1960’s. Jinyoon said he loved reading it when he was in high school and thought Jisung might too. He was right, he was obsessed. The love that the members had for each other was something that he dreamed of having. The Greasers were so close, a brotherhood. He wanted to desperately be a part of it. He read that book from cover to cover over and over again. He really loved the Robert Frost poem written inside it, Nothing Gold Can Stay, it was a sentimental gift from one member, who was hospitalized, to another, reminding him to stay golden, rise above the gang life, to stay light and golden like the way he loved to look at sunsets, to be better and rise above. He loved that story. He loved the idea that nothing gold and beautiful lasts, but Johnny believed Ponyboy could. He wanted to believe that there was beauty in the world, and pureness that could last forever. He wanted to believe the love in his heart could last forever. The story helped him with his English, it helped him imagine a world where he fit in with the Greasers, and yeah, he may have fallen in love with the resident bad boy Dallas Winston.
He was fucked.
He spent hours online researching different renditions of “how to like girls” or how to “stop being gay”, but with no avail. Most of his searches ended with some crazy religious events and conversion therapy that he would have no idea how to attend, especially without a parent to take him, or money. What even was conversion therapy? He didn’t know what to do, because praying the gay away was surely not working, and his crush on his tutor who slicked his hair back was starting to give him a serious problem. He couldn’t change his sexuality, and it scared him. It scared him to be even more different than he already was. He was scared and alone and had no one to talk to about it. No one to confide in.
He hated himself enough already for being so different than everyone else. Now how was he going to handle being attracted to boys. But he was even more different than you could know.
It wasn’t a phase.
He hated himself for being a failure to his family. All they ever talked about was how he was going to grow up and be a successful businessman like his father was. Raise a family with a beautiful wife, make a home. And here he was screwing it up, his stupid brain. Nothing about Jisung was golden. He was nothing like Ponyboy, the hero of the book. Nothing but stupid.
Black marks.
The first time he noticed the markings on his own skin he was nine. He had had a particularly bad fight with his parents and went to journal about it. When he woke up he noticed a small black mark on his chest. Did he fall asleep on a pen or something? He spent 30 minutes in the shower trying to wash it off with no luck. He didn’t want to ask his parents, too upset still about their fight. He wasn’t good enough, he couldn’t make them happy or proud. Their only son.
Another fight a few nights later over a B grade, another black slash mark, and another, and so on.
Black scars scraped across his chest. Each year that went by, each battle within himself, each argument with his parents about grades, more ridicule from other kids, more black markings would fill the naked skin across his chest and torso.
His fated soulmate bonds.
He knew about soulmate markings his entire life. Because they were no secret to him.
He could see them, on everyone .
A burden he had to carry in secret his entire life.
He realized it when he was very young, in elementary school. He had made a comment to a teacher about her pretty pink tattoos which caused her to react very strangely. She had called his parents and he thought he had done something horribly wrong.
Impossible.
He remembers her explaining to his parents that he could see her fated marks. He didn’t exactly understand, but he remembers her saying there was no way a six year old was her soulmate. His parents asked her to be discreet about it, until they asked him the question about what other tattoos he could see. He started to describe them. Principal Lim had green spirals on her wrists, and Mr. Kim’s hands had beautiful designs on them. He remembered his parents telling his teacher to not tell anyone what Jisung had seen, and how his parents told him to never comment on someone else’s “tattoos”. He was afraid to make that mistake again, so he didn’t.
But when he turned nine, he learned about what caused soulmate marks, and discovered his own. He realized why his parents told him not to mention them. He wasn’t supposed to be able to see what he could see. He shouldn’t be able to see anyone’s soulmate markings but his own. Something was wrong with him. His parent’s didn’t want anyone to know. They were ashamed. He was ashamed. Destined to never know who his soulmate was. Jisung was burdened to see everyone’s internal pain, and never know who he could share this with.He would Never know who was fated to him because he could see everything, He was forbidden to discuss it with his parents, or anyone else.
Black marks.
Like lightning. Straight lines, slashes, veiny branches. His skin almost looked raised up as deep as the marks laid in him. The more that came the more covered his skin got. He couldn’t tell where one started and another ended.
Who would ever be able to love him like this.
Ugly.
He wasn’t made to be loved.
Burdened with his own self-hate, burdened with the curse of only seeing hurt on others and no one to see his own.
No one to share that burden with.
-
When he was 16 his parents found his journals.
His mother’s screams he will never forget. The disappointment in him he will never forget. The spidery marks on his shoulder blades are also a constant reminder.
All of his deepest darkest secrets were in that journal, and she read all of it, in front of him. Every mark on his skin inflicted was a painful enough reminder of each page, and now this.
He remembers walking into his bedroom to find her sobbing uncontrollably holding on to the black book. The pages were all black paper and he had gotten colorful pastel gel pens for a birthday gift one year to use to write inside it. It was so pretty and unique and he adored it. He doodled in it, wrote love notes to Jinyoon he would certainly never show him, and every crisis he had gone through. That particular journal was his best friend. Not any more though. Not since his mother had been searching his room for dirty laundry when she stumbled upon it in his closet. She made him sit through reading it, as punishment for what was written inside it.
He was never the same.
There were so many levels to it.
First, she had found out about his fascination with boys, and how that grew into attraction and desire, that he tried to change himself, she got to read about all of his crushes, his tutor, and Dallas Winston and Ponyboy.
Secondly, she got to read about his obsession with soulmate marks. His description of them on everyone’s bodies. How different they were, how he observed them on everyone . An invasion of privacy only made for a soulmate. It was wrong for him to be able to see them. He was wrong. He knew it, but writing had always helped him clear his head, and feel a little better. Especially since his only escape was reading and writing and the occasional outing with his parents’ friends’ kids who he was sure didn’t actually like him.
Lastly, she got to read about his soulmate markings, which normally wouldn’t be a big deal, but the issue was that most people didn’t discover any until they were already young adults (at least that is what everyone was taught). She was horrified and disgusted by him for having so many so young. She was sure something was even more wrong with him, how could he be so miserable and hate himself so much that he had so many angry marks on his skin. How would he ever be loved by a woman; how immature he was for being so dramatic to already have these marks. The description of them disgusted her. How could her son hate himself so much, how could he have so much anger in his heart. She called him poisonous.
Like it wasn’t her fault.
When she told his father what she found Jisung was slapped across the face. Hard. It left a bruise, busted his lip open too. They threw away his copy of The Outsiders, his journal, and cleaned out his phone and computer. No more crushes on boys, no more boys at all.
But, a contradiction of a lifetime…
They were disappointed beyond belief in him and wasted no time in sending him to a reform school for boys back home in Korea. A religious reform school, joy. Across an ocean away from them. His dreams of maybe praying the gay away might had just come true… ha. He was too scared to even look at a guy. He didn’t want any of them to know he had liked boys. Nose down. He didn’t want to see soulmate marks, he didn’t want to see boys, he didn’t want to see anything. Didn’t want to feel. He closed his eyes everytime he was forced to shower in the communal bathroom. He cried at night.
His parents expressed that they couldn’t believe how dark his thoughts were, how intrusive he was writing about soulmate marks, they couldn’t believe how his tutor had “turned him gay”. So much that they sent him as far away as possible, he couldn’t have failed them more. He felt kicked out, he was being punished for being himself, but he didn’t know how to be anyone else. He didn’t know how to change, he tried and failed. Cast aside like garbage from the people who he needed love from the most. He didn’t even get to say goodbye to his only friend.
Disappointment.
More dark marks, a lot more , electric veins grew into his skin, down his shoulders, across his arms.
Horrific.
Instead of getting therapy and feeling loved and supported he had been cast out from everything he knew for the next two years.
Fear.
Fear of being seen, heard, found out. His privacy was taken away from him. And the people who were supposed to love him didn’t like him after they read his real feelings. He would never open up to anyone.
He didn’t want anyone to know he was gay, he didn’t want anyone to know he was depressed, he didn’t want anyone to know he could see their most intimate sadness written onto their skin. He didn’t want anyone to see who he was, his marks. He needed to stay alone; it was better that way.
He grew out of his own voice that he was only just starting to find, introverted, shy, fearful. Even in Korea he wanted to avoid speaking his own language with others. He knew people wouldn’t like him, not even his own family did. He was an outcast. Born wrong.
-
He blocked the beginning of living in Korea out of his memory. He was miserable being alive, being thrown into that environment alone and afraid, never knowing what love was, but at least he was no longer the world’s biggest disappointment at home.
He ended up crying himself to sleep many nights. His roommate luckily never making a single comment about it.
But by his second year there he and his roommate had grown closer, Seungmin was his name. He was sent there because his rich parents were tired of him getting kicked out of all of the prep schools he was sent to. Playing one too many pranks on the teachers and they sent him off just like Jisung. He was an extrovert and slowly started including Jisung in meals, and late-night study sessions. He began to trust him.
Thankfully the boys ended up bonding despite their rocky start. Jisung was so happy because he desperately needed a friend. He had hit rock bottom in his first year. Truly no longer wanted to live for an extended period of time. He didn’t think he would ever recover from his sadness, his loneliness, the way he was a failure to the only people he loved. An emptiness as deep as the ocean.
But luckily for him, he and Seungmin balanced each other out, Seungmin didn’t ask a lot of questions and Jisung appreciated him for that. He just kind of accepted him, let him talk if he wanted to, or let him sit in silence too.
They studied together, and Seungmin gave Jisung a chance. He was the only person who ever gave him a chance, no questions asked. He gave him space when he needed it, and listened if Jisung was willing to share. Jisung had a friend.
They decided to go to college together. Rooming together again since they had ended up being comfortable. He knew he probably did it because he felt a little sorry for him, but he appreciated him.
Seungmin was organized and Jisung wasn’t. Jisung would cook for them, and Seungmin would let him. They had an understanding. Seungmin didn’t judge him for being attracted to men, he didn’t judge him for his hobbies, or shy personality. He was an extrovert and Jisung was an introvert. They were like opposites but in the best possible way, and he helped him convince his parents that he was successful in Korea and was focused on his studies. Doing well, Seungmin in school for business, their lie even more believable.
He and his parents never spoke about his sexuality, or his curse, and he let them believe whatever they wanted. He just wanted a sense of normalcy with them. Playing pretend. They never said they loved him, they did in their own way he guessed. They didn’t know how to love him for who he was, it was easier with the lies. He was too afraid they would try to bring him back to Malaysia where they lived if they knew. He didn’t want to live with them. He couldn’t go back to their house. Too many painful memories, he didn’t want to put on an act every day. He couldn’t do it anymore. He had to at least be himself.
In college he told his parents he was studying business, like Seungmin. His real major was graphic design with a minor in advertising. He originally wanted to be an English major, but he knew being a writer was probably not in the cards for him. Being a successful writer was nearly impossible and he did need to make some money to survive. Especially when his parents were going to believe he was going into business. He wouldn’t be able to ask them for help.
The other thing he spent a lot of time doing in college aside from lying to his parents was lying in his dorm. He didn’t write in journals anymore, but he did like to write stories. His outlet.
He wasn’t a partier, he didn’t like large crowds or drinking really. Those things both intimidated him quite a bit, so he would hang out in his room and type on his laptop. He was always afraid of losing control. Being in a crowded space was a reminder that he could see everyone’s lifetime of pain. He knew too much about them. He didn’t know what were real tattoos and what were soulmate marks these days, and he was not able to ask. It wasn’t something people shared unless they could see yours, but Jisung could see everyone’s. If he let his guard down for just a second with alcohol, he was afraid to overshare, and freak people out.
He feared people. Scared of them seeing him. Seeing him for what he really was, the ugly truth. He didn’t want to face himself, his fears of rejection. He couldn’t handle that, his own body so horrible for him to look at, the dark veins stretched across the expanse of his entire upper body. He hid it from himself and others.
So, he just remained Seungmin’s quiet friend to people. His friends that came by their dorm seemed to like him enough. It helped him come out of his shell a little, but not enough to want to be too seen.
He spent his entire life since he turned 16 in long sleeves. His immense fear of being found out by his soulmate as a failure so young terrified him. His parents' dislike of him terrified him. If they were supposed to love him, and couldn’t seem to, how would anyone else? He didn’t want anyone to see him. It was second nature to hide and mask his own true self. It was a defense mechanism now, a shield.
So, he wrote in the comfort of his own mind. He wrote stories, fantasies he had. His perfect love life panning out, a character falling in love, being loved for who he was. It was therapeutic for him. Gay love, soulmate marks he used from real experiences, real people he saw. Sometimes they had happy endings, sometimes they didn’t.
His first full book was about a young adult who was accused of murder, and his psychology professor who was helping him overcome his trauma through his trial. Their soulmate markings bonded them even though many people were disturbed by the relationship, it didn’t matter because they were bonded by fate. The love that the character’s professor had for him was taboo, it was real, and it was passionate. He based the professor’s character off of his first crush, his old tutor. Even used his name. The student ended up being persecuted. And because the crime took place in the United States he was sentenced to death. The professor had to live the rest of his life knowing his soulmate was gone, an unfair trial, they were ripped apart and never brought back together. The story was sad, but it told of pain, pleasure, love, everything he wanted to experience. Just maybe not that extreme.
During his senior year Seungmin was tasked to print Jisung’s final thesis for a project at the business school’s printer. And somehow Jisung had accidentally sent the wrong file. Seungmin being the nosy asshole that he was, found time to read what Jisung had sent, apparently spending the entire day diving into the story, and when he came back to the dorm he was blown away. He had read Jisung’s novel, cover to cover.
Jisung was furious, he felt betrayed, angry, upset. It was mortifying to discover that his only friend had read all of his private thoughts. But it was his own fault and Seungmin demanded that he send it to be published, saying everyone would love his story, saying they’d be crazy not to buy it. Jisung hated the idea and refused, snatching the printed stack of papers back as fast as he could and throwing it in the trash. His private thoughts, his dreams, all of that exposed again. It was his way of feeling love when he knew he never would find it on his own, sex, passion, how could he explain that to someone else. He didn’t need anyone to know he wrote these words. A gay romance novel about fated soulmates? A relationship that was off limits, the entire thing was taboo. It would probably cause a scandal, and what would his parents think? He was 99% sure they were convinced he was now straight, considering every time he talked to him they tried to set him up with a neighbor’s daughter.
But Seungmin, and his buddies in the Journalism department were relentless. They wrote a story about a mystery author of this book, and they wanted to prove to Jisung it would be successful. They made a bunch of copies of it and begged him to leave It in the English department as a free read.
The buzz the book left in its wake was insane. Students were passing it around left and right, saying it was jaw dropping, that the way it was written made them cry, they felt so connected with the main character’s journey etc. etc. He was in disbelief. People loved it? They loved his thoughts, his story, his characters? He had put so much of himself into it that he couldn’t believe it. It was trending on the campus’ social media.
Seungmin was the only person who knew who actually wrote the book. And with some support from Jisung silently, he was able to strike a deal to have a friend of a friend that worked at an advertising firm to print real hard copies of the book. Seungmin had another friend who was a lawyer, and got them set up with a legitimate way to sell the book while keeping him completely anonymous minus the two of them.
He used his pen name, One, an homage to his last time Han, and to make things even more interesting, printed them like his journal, all on black paper. It wasn’t cheap, but he was able to get a loan from Seungmin’s very wealthy parents to get it started. (He can’t stress it enough, they were rich). They trusted their reformed son, and as a gift for graduating they gave him the loan. His first business decision was believing in Jisung.
Holy shit.
It was ridiculously expensive to do, but the earnings outweighed the cost. His small stack of books sold immediately, and more and more kept printing. After he graduated Seungmin got wind Jisung had two more stories already written, and the rest was history.
He worked his 9-5 as a lead designer for the My Pace Advertising Firm, the one he printed his books from, and his afterhours job was a romance novelist (in secret).
His days were spent smiling, now fully able to be social on his own thanks to his very best friend Seungmin whose annoying persistence has finally paid off financially as well. He created a character for himself at work, a disguise, a mask. His nights, not so much.
Things were really good for Jisung on the outside. Financially stable, good job, friends, the ability to be creative, but deep down, he was miserable. He wanted to sell his book with a big publisher, he wanted to take the risk, put his name on something, be proud of his work, of himself for once. He wanted to be out, he wanted to be himself, but he only knew how to fake it for so long.
If he did that he would be completely exposed. To everyone. His family, his life would be ruined, people would see him. The real him. Not an option. And if people somehow found out he could actually see everyone’s soul mate marks? He would become a freakshow, or a science experiment. He would be exposed to the world.
All he wanted was to be loved, and he knew it was never going to happen for him. Not his family, not a lover…nothing. He was a freak of nature covered in the ugliest, darkest marks he had ever seen. He would never know who his fated soulmate was, because he would hide his body for the rest of his life, the only way for his soulmate to know would be to see his marks, and no one would ever get that chance. He’d always be careful. Especially if he exposed himself as an author. Put some sort of spotlight on himself, like shining a light into the bottom of the deepest parts of the sea.
He believed in soulmates, he believed in fate, but not for him, he was ruined. Trash, unlovable, tarnished like weathered gold.
He lived his entire life up until this point disliking pretty much everything about himself. His soulmate markings being a constant reminder of how awful of a partner he would be. His inner battles showing on his flesh so deep, so angry, slashes and curls across his entire upper half. Every night he cried himself to sleep, every lonely battle with his mind, every fight with his parents, they were all drawn on his body. How could anyone ever love someone so damaged. Covering his body from himself everyday was the least he could do to help himself believe his own fake happiness. Part of his mask.
Jisung was lonely. He was never going to have the love he longed for, wrote about, desired. This was his outlet.
Seungmin, now his roommate in the city, who now worked for a large financial company, recommended Jisung get a chance of scenery for the summer to do some deep thinking. Get outside of his bubble. His lawyer friend Changbin had recommended Jisung write a fourth book for the series, and to seriously consider going public and this was weighing heavily on him. Changbin let him know he got a serious offer from Back Door Publishing that he had to make an answer on by the August 31st,and that the money and ability to make a name for himself was just on the horizon if he wanted to take it. Once Back Door’s came through, so could a few more offers. Everyone would want the up and coming mystery author. Was Jisung ready for that? Could he go public? Should he? His dreams of becoming a writer were right on the horizon.
Seungmin was right. He needed to get away for a while to think. He rented a small loft for the summer in Jeju. A place he always wanted to visit, but never did. He loved the ocean, and the sunshine.
He decided to go, just to think. He’d have to do it alone, but he was kind of used to it. He also thought it might be kind of fun to pretend to be someone else for a while. In a new town where no one knew him.
-
He took a leave of absence from work, letting everyone know he was doing some traveling, to which his coworkers were all more than excited for him. He let his parents know he was going to be in Jeju so he wouldn’t be able to call as much. They liked to keep close tabs on him, not in person thankfully, and he was too afraid still to make a mistake with them, even though his entire life in their eyes was a lie. It was such a delicate balance he never wanted to upset. He wanted their approval, he just had to get it his own way, even if the guilt ate him alive at night.
More black marks trickling down his spine.
And that is how he ended up here, at Odd Ends Book Café in Jeju. He needed a safe space to work, somewhere that could distract him if he needed it, that could supply him with limitless caffeine, and somewhere that no one would recognize him. It just so happened to also be in walking distance from the apartment he was renting. (He couldn’t drive). Changbin had told him thought he would like this place, so he took a chance and was pleasantly surprised.
On this particular day he had been running late because he couldn’t find anything to wear and took a nap by accident, and to his dismay his regular table was taken. He had been coming every day for the last two weeks and sitting at the same corner table by the windows. The perfect view of the trees outside, and of everyone in the room with his back to the wall. It was so calming. At his regular table he noticed there was just a laptop and a bag sitting there, but it was obvious that someone was using it, so he had to sit in the middle one, the only one available. This was his least favorite because he felt like he was on display, anyone could walk by and see him, even the light was shining from the window on him, which honestly was not helping his heat situation considering he decided to wear a jacket and sweater today. He walked here in the heat of summer, and yeah, he needed to do some laundry soon. His only clothes left were sweaters.
He had thrown on a powder blue turtleneck and cream-colored blazer. Sometimes he liked to get dressed up a bit when he spent time writing in public. First of all, it made him feel more professional and take himself more seriously, and second of all it made him blend in with other young professionals who might be working at cafes. Sometimes he liked to just wear button down shirts and jeans, or long sleeve t-shirts and khakis. Sometimes he’d even add a small scarf for good measure. The least amount of skin showing, the better. He would never risk someone seeing his soulmate markings. Seeing him. He didn’t want to see them either.
It’s just that normally his long sleeve shirts were a lighter material, and the sun was making him sweat, and he had only been here for 10 minutes.
But overall, all was fine and dandy. He had his iced americano, his laptop was fully charged, his headphones playing his favorite low-fi music, and his fingers were typing away. He was inspired this time about childhood friends who grew apart only to realize later that they were fated soulmates. The trials and tribulations that led them back together. He was perfectly happy working on his outline when something, no, someone, caught his eye.
The feeling of eyes on him, and it made him extremely itchy. He tried not to be obvious, but he looked up only to see a strikingly handsome young man standing at the top of the stairwell staring at him. Did he see something he hated? Perhaps Jisung had stained his sweater, he checked but no. What was he looking at? Jisung’s eyes quickly made their way back to his laptop screen, feeling his cheeks reddening with blush from being caught looking back. He only got a quick look, sharp features, a pouty upper lip, and his clothes were totally something Jisung would wear at home, baggy sweats, his favorite. No no no. The last thing he needed was another man to fantasize about. Nothing good ever came from any of his crushes before. Not even Dallas Winston.
His dates, yeah those never went well. Jisung was odd when he was one on one. His hobbies, his lack of real social skills with another rather than Seungmin, and maybe Changbin at this point. Jisung usually spoke and stuttered through awkward conversation and immediately his dates would look disappointed, so he would just keep quiet most of the time after that. Realizing that maybe he just wasn’t meant for romance. He could fake it at work, being with a group was easier, faking confidence was easier, and he was good at his job which didn’t hurt. But dates..yeah those..were complicated. Especially when he really didn’t feel deserving of anyone’s attention. He preferred to fantasize about what the perfect date would be like. What it would be like to meet the person you were born to love. He liked to skip the part of getting to know someone and hoping they were the right match. He wanted to meet his soulmate and already know they were meant to be in love. That should be easy.
He liked to pretend he was someone else, someone more put together, someone who didn’t suffer with years of painful memories from never getting the love he desired so much. He liked to daydream about his perfect life. That is kind of what this book was about. He was inspired by the friendship of the boys from The Outsiders. The kind of life that Ponyboy wished he had. He wanted to be the perfect guy. Growing with loving parents who supported him. He wanted to be proud to be gay, he wrote about how a young boy and his best friend had grown up together and were separated when one had to move to another country. The story would give Jisung room to make his main character’s life complex, his journey back to his soulmate wouldn’t be easy. He wrote that when the boys were 11, and his best friend mentioned seeing his soulmate marks, the main character couldn’t accept it, he was much too young, it couldn’t be, he couldn’t be fated to another man, he couldn’t be gay. How the move made them never speak again.
The book would have his main character off on adventures in college to meet people, have sex, fall in love, only to be hurt again. He’d become proud of who he was finally, he’d be in charge of standing up for what was right, he’d be a role model in college. He’d be everything Jisung was too afraid to be. He’d be sure of himself. He’d be golden just like Ponyboy.
He’d be complex. Ignoring the fact that he knew he saw the soulmate marks on his former friend. He’d lie to himself about it, not speaking up when he had the chance. He’d lie to himself about the way he pushed his best friend away when he said he saw his markings. About how he called him crazy, about the things he said when he was scared.
And when they meet again by chance, how he would realize what an idiot he was when he was young. About how grown up his former best friend was, about how beautiful he was, and how he had years of hurt to make up for. About how hard it would be to get him to believe him, to trust him.
He’d write all of it. He’d write everything he wished he could be. Could there be a happy ending? He wasn’t sure. He was stuck on that.
“Holy shit it’s six o’clock” He heard a man’s voice from across the room, too afraid to look up to where it was coming from. He knew. They had clearly both been nose deep in their work the entire afternoon because he looked around and noticed they were the only people left on their floor. He checked his laptop only to be equally as shocked at the time. Yeah, it really was six. Well alright then. He normally worked until about 8:00pm so he had a little time left before the shop closed.
He could hear some rummaging around, the other man must be heading out (perhaps he turned the volume on his Airpods off so he could hear better). Just a quick peek couldn’t hurt right? Just to make sure the guy was as handsome as he remembered.
Damnit.
Their eyes met again. He could feel the flush on his cheeks building and he adjusted his blue light glasses awkwardly. How utterly embarrassing to be caught looking again. He tried to shake it off and ignore the butterflies in his stomach as he ran down the stairs to go to the restroom, mostly to hide. Trying to forget the beautiful stranger with dark brown feline eyes and silvery hair.
Thank God he didn’t trip.
🐇
The next two weeks were more of the same. Minho spent his mornings at Odd Ends Café working from his corner table and over caffeinating, and when the crash hit at 6, he would make his way home to cook and settle in to read a book on the back patio to the sounds of the ocean. His nights were so relaxing. Every few days he would borrow a book from the shop on the second floor, and when he finished he would return it only to choose another. He settled into this new routine alarmingly fast. It was like an addiction. During the day he felt like a college kid again, and at night he felt like some sort of rich housewife sipping his wine on the veranda. Thank you Christopher Bang!
His first two weekends though were pretty dull. He found a path along the ocean to walk in the mornings, and would pick some museum or restaurant to visit from the list Chan gave him in his pathetic attempt to locate the mystery author. He knew it was the entire purpose of the trip, but at the same time, he really didn’t know exactly why he was going to these places, or what he was looking for. He guessed he could start trying to do actual research on this guy, or girl. Like reading their books for start, but…he had time.
His two weeks of solitude were abruptly halted when his phone rang Sunday night.
“YAH. Wha’dyou want”
“WOW, you haven’t called me in two weeks and that’s the greeting I get…sheesh..”
“Miss my voice that much already In-nah?”
“You wish!”
“Then why’d you call me? Don’t you know I’m at peace here?”
“Resting in peace, I figured as much, I half expected you to call the second day to beg me to come stay with you for the summer”
“You would like that wouldn’t you, don’t mooch off of me, I’m on a work trip”
“Oh I am sure, I saw your texts in the group chat, ocean, wine, books, looks like you are on a retreat for single ladies over 50, thanks to Chan and Felix”
“Maybe I am!”
“Ugh- Minho, seriously though, are you enjoying yourself?”
“Yeah, it’s been good. I’m a little bored, but I’ve been able to actually get a lot of work done at that café I was texting you about. I’m already a regular there, the baristas have my drink and breakfast ready before I even get there. It’s perfect.”
“Sounds nice, when can I come up?”
“I knew this was about you”
“What? Felix told me about the house. I’m dying to come. Let’s do a weekend or something? C’monnnnn please?”
“……Fine… when?”
“Uh…next weekend, does that work for you?”
“In-nah, I have no plans..remember? I don’t know anyone here.”
“Oh right, duh, okay then I’ll come up next weekend!”
“Okay”
-Click-
Minho laughed to himself, he loved messing with his younger friend Jeongin. He was like the little brother he never had. He taught Jeongin how to take care of himself, how to cook, and how to land a date with his super-hot crush Hyunjin, and Jeongin took care of Minho when he was at rock bottom. A fair trade. He secretly or not so secretly loved being a caretaker. Minho had been waiting for him to ask to come visit, it took him long enough.
--
Shy glances.
Minho usually was way more forward than this when he was tired of waiting and really wanted something, but all he could muster up with the coffee shop cutie was shy glances. Something about him made Minho intimidated, was that the right word? Perhaps. He just seemed so different, maybe it was the way he dressed, maybe it was because he wasn’t totally sure if he liked men. Something unattainable, so precious and delicate. The way everything about him seemed so soft. Even the way his fingers clacked on his keyboard. His plush cherry coated cheeks when their eyes met. He had to be at least a little interested.
Okay fine, he was caught. Minho had been spending the last, almost three weeks, at this café just to spend his days catching glimpses of the guy he likes to call “coffee shop cutie”. Sure, he could have gone to 10 different places by now, but why do that when you could come to this heaven on earth and stare at the most adorable man Minho had ever seen whenever he wanted? The black haired, maybe student, maybe young professional, maybe nepo baby, seemed to have a very strict routine which had been great for Minho because he got to reap the benefits of that every Monday through Friday without fail. A nice little treat for coming to Jeju on this silly assignment. Working remote was having its perks. A great coffee shop, a great view…
Ever since that first Monday morning Minho had noticed the adorable guy bounce in by 11:05am every day with an iced americano and a pastry usually in some sort of nice jeans and a sweater or button down. Which inspired Minho to go and do the same. And naturally he had to see what the fuss of the pastries was all about or whatever. Chocolate seemed to be his favorite. Minho likes chocolate…
He's cute. Did he mention he was cute? Usually, Minho doesn’t have interest in cute guys, well right now he’s not supposed to have interest in any guys, but usually he goes for the buff and gruff type. Someone who can challenge him, throw him around a bit in bed, pull his hair, lift him up, smack him around a little, but this kid was just so… so…ughhh soft. He was so..pretty.
He had fluffy hair that seemed to dance every time he’d shake his bangs out of his eyes and always had on the softest fluffiest sweaters. His long-sleeved tees seemed so well loved and loose that Minho wanted to wash his own clothes 100 times to see if it had the same effect, or if it was just the softness of the guy wearing them making them look like that.
The light always seemed to hit him just right. His skin looked so warm, almost like he had a golden glow to him. His nimble fingers clicking the keys was music to his ears. The occasional sigh, the fullness of his cheeks when he’d eat. The way his eyes would widen when he seemed to be surprised by something.
Adorable.
It was a fun game Minho liked to play. See how many times he could make him blush a day. When was the last time work involved a crush? What a weird life he was living right now.
He always went to the bathroom twice while he was there, once at 1:30, and once usually around 4, and he would always come back with a half of a sandwich or a refill on his coffee the second time. Wow, okay Minho wasn’t a stalker it’s just he was always facing him and would notice what time he would suddenly get up, and he had a 1:00 meeting that always ended and it was funny that the guy would get up. Like he was in the meeting with him. This place wasn’t that busy, jeez. It was also a good opportunity to make him sweat a little when his eyes would follow him on his way down the stairs.
The cutie seemed to spend his days typing up a storm, Minho wondered if he was some sort of student writing papers at first, but then like, how many papers could one student have to write in the summer? Minho then assumed maybe he was a grad assistant helping a professor grade papers, or maybe into journalism or coding he wasn’t too sure. He could ask but, the coffee shop cutie always, ALWAYS, had his headphones in. So, he assumed he didn’t want to be bothered. Plus, it was fun trying to guess about his life, or making up a life for him, it was definitely fun to make him squirm in his seat a little. He’d find himself staring at the poor kid in a daze sometimes when he’d get lost in thought. The way he’d bite his fat bottom lip when he appeared to be deep in thought, how chapped his adorable fat bottom lip always seemed to be probably from biting it so much. Yeah okay, Minho was a bit touch starved or something and was maybe obsessing a little too much over this guy, but they seemed to have an understanding.
The only interaction he had so far was a few shy glances but, if the butterflies in his stomach were any indication that the feelings perhaps were mutual, then well, he’d take it. He didn’t seem time mind it, he could have switched tables, or sat facing a different direction. He must like the attention a little bit.
Sadly, for Minho he never saw what time his little crush would leave, or which car in the lot was his because he liked to be home by 6:30pm and he would still be typing away. Minho would be starving for dinner if he waited too long after that, and he finally promised Chan he’d take his task of finding this mystery writer more seriously so he absolutely couldn’t hang around. He’d need to start hopping to other places in town to do some research eventually, hence his weekend rendezvous at the museums or parks.
It was like they had an understanding. They were in sync, Minho would be sitting at the corner table; coffee shop cutie would roll up mid-morning and sit in the middle table across from him. They were practically coworkers at this point. A little “office” flirting never hurt anyone. (That is inaccurate, Minho was very aware considering his last relationship failed for this very reason).
He bet he had a cute name too.
He was sure he hadn’t said the word “cute” that many times in his entire life when talking about anything other than cats. Oh god, what is happening to him? Yeah, Jeongin needed to hurry up and get here. The ocean air was making his brain erode.
-
On Wednesday morning he got a smile and a head nod. A small, sweet smile and an adorable tiny nod of acknowledgement (he hoped it wasn’t some sort of nervous tick).
Minho had absentmindedly looked up at 11:05 and like clockwork the man was making his way up the stairs, nose down. He had suddenly looked up at Minho, nodded and gave him a tiny smile, hair flopping over his eyes. Minho gave him one back.
Cute. He wanted to pull his own hair out.
On Thursday morning he got another one.
Was this going to be their new thing?
On Friday morning he got, he got…nothing. It was 11:15am and the coffee shop cutie wasn’t there yet, how sad. His workday was going to suck without his only distraction.
Minho lost track of time in back-to-back meetings and realized it was already 2:00pm and his distraction didn’t make it in at all. He hoped something bad didn’t happen. God, what if he got in a car accident, or what if he was sick. He probably would have had a headache if he hasn’t had his daily iced americano, hopefully someone brought him one, he didn’t deserve a headache. Too cute, and caffeine headaches are the worst.
Is it wrong that Minho was a bit sad to not see him today? Yeah, that was kind of pathetic and a bit stalkerish. Alright, Minho would have to get laid soon or something. He needed to shake this weird little obsession he had.
“Finally got a chance to catch up with you one on one” Chan laughed on the Zoom screen.
“Yeah yeah”
“Sooo.. aside from taking care of the Soyeon stuff from our call earlier, what have you been up to”
“Chris, what are you asking?.”
“Oh my god can’t I take interest in you outside of work?”
Minho rolled his eyes. He loved playing pretend friends with him.
“Well, I’ve tried to call you three times and you never answer or call me back so I figured you’ve been busy with something, or someone ?” His voice got higher pitched on the last bit.
“HA, funny joke. No, I’ve been trying to hunt down this stupid author you’ve tasked me to . So far no sign of them. You know since I have no idea what they look like, or if they are a girl, guy, or they. So just kind of wandering the streets aimlessly…”
Chan laughed. “Jeongin told Lix he’s coming to visit, is he bringing Hyunjin?”
“No idea”
“You don’t know?”
“Nope I didn’t ask”
“Of course not” He laughed again “..well when he comes, Lix also told me his aunt said Club Indie and Zepplin Bar are both great bars to go to hang, and Aroma Dome Nightclub is a great spot to dance. She apparently knows the owner, Lee Soojin. So maybe you guys can go there, scope it out for when we come up next month? I want to see your face. I miss my big kitty”
Minho rolled his eyes.
He wrapped up his day around four and decided to go out for dinner tonight, treat himself to something tasty.
He stopped at the house to change and freshen up first, throwing on a pair of dark jeans and a black shirt, decided to go somewhere a little more upscale, Narnia Restaurant. It was on Chan’s list to look for the author, although he wasn’t sure how he’d manage to find someone at a dinner table? Whatever. He managed to snag a reservation last minute. He didn’t usually go places like this, especially not alone. It always reminded him of dates with Minsoon, and he hated it. Made him feel lonelier. Maybe if it was nice he’d make a reservation for next weekend. Enjoy the space with someone else.
He’d be lying if he wasn’t excited to see his friends. Almost a month alone and he was going stir crazy. He kind of hoped Hyunjin was coming up too.
-
When he finished dinner he wasn’t quite ready to go home yet, it was barely 9pm so he decided to check out that club Chan told him about. Just scope it out and see if the vibe was good, what the crowd was like. He liked to dance occasionally; it had been so long. Maybe he’d like to go sometime and find someone to spend a night with. Fuck out his feelings.
He parked and walked down the street, following the sounds of the music…Yeon--dong 274—25, yep this was it. Hold on.. is that??
The café cutie was..alive and well, very well it looked like. Standing in line to get into the club, soft…always so soft, shifting back and forth. He wore dress pants and a long sleeve knit cream colored button down. He looked..incredible. His black hair was wavy and hung perfectly over his ears and forehead, cheekbones glistening and accentuated perfectly in the moonlight. He was not only cute, but also extremely sexy. He wondered where he was all day today, in his mind they were working together at the café, so he was naturally curious, and obviously lonely and bored.
Maybe he’d go in tonight and just… get a closer look at this club. Just the club, no one—nothing else.
Minho made his way to the front of the line, making sure to be in view of the guy who had been making his heart beat a little faster lately, hoping he caught a glimpse of him. He looked good tonight too, and well, he was feeling a little flirty. Even if he ended up being straight, Minho never met a man who he couldn’t make desire him just a little bit.
He took a chance, desperate to impress, Minho ran his hand through his silvery hair and went to the bouncer to try and weasel his way in in front of the crowd.. He wanted the guy to think he was important here, he wanted to impress him even though he didn’t know his name, yet . He was making his own rules in Jeju. Being whoever he wanted to be. He really hoped this plan worked. It was stupid because who actually gives a shit about getting into a club, but it’s all he had to work with right now.
“Hey, I was told to come here, a friend of a friend of the owner Lee Soojin.”
The man rolled his eyes, laughed, and waved him through. Sick, that worked, why did that work, he was a little old for this crap but whatever. The pretty guy was standing in line, and he wanted some attention. He made sure to look down the line one more time catching eyes with his handsome crush, sending him a wink and making his way inside the crowded club, alone. His big beautiful brown doe eyes caught staring wide right back into his. His pouty little mouth hanging open. Yeah, he saw him alright.
Minho’s still got it.
Alright, now that he was inside what was he going to do.
The flashing lights and loud bass were already getting on his very sober nerves. A drink, good idea.
He made his way to the first bar he found and ordered a vodka tonic and scoped it out. Unbuttoning his top button to cool down a bit. And…yeah he had nice collarbones. Minsoon always loved to tell him how sexy they looked in a button down. Ugh- Minsoon. Fuck him.
The place had four levels, it was wild, seemed fun and the night was clearly just getting started. Might be fun to bring his friends here next weekend.
He leaned his back against the bar sipping his drink, straw pressed into the side of his lips. His bad habit, chewing on the straw again.
God Minho was lucky tonight. A few moments went by and his adorable Jeju crush was now standing directly across the room from him. A crush, when was the last time he said that? God, this guy was gorgeous. His eyelids darkened with a touch of smokey black makeup. He looked completely different than he did during the day. Maybe he wasn’t as soft as he seemed. Minho would love to find out.
He watched the man pull a strand of hair behind his ear and lock eyes with him again. Clearly seeing something he liked, his hooped earrings glistening under the club lights. Hot. He had to like men. Right?
Minho liked to feel like a prize worth winning, didn’t like to make the first move, and it looked like he wouldn’t have to because to his surprise it looked like the cute guy was going to make his way right over to him. Wow, he didn’t think he had it in him. He watched him take a few steps toward his direction and then…did he just? Oh my god he hoped he was alright. The poor kid tripped and almost fell over. Minho couldn’t help but laugh, he was so adorable the way he brushed his knees off and looked panicked around the room quickly retreating to the corner. He could literally not be cuter, fuck. Minho was going to have to take matters into his own hands. This guy clearly was way too embarrassed now.
He slurped down his drink and decided to make a move.
Screw it, he was lonely, this guy was hot… now would be a great chance to say somethi—Oh.
Oh.
Damnit.
He had a date.
What was he thinking, see this is exactly why Minho can’t trust people, or be the first one to make a move. He refused to be the other man, no, any interested men can come to him from now on. Yikes. Did he think he was just going to roll up and sweep the coffee shop cutie up off of his feet at some club? Minho doesn’t do this anymore. He doesn’t want one-night stands. Even if they feel very very good in the moment. The sour taste in his mouth from seeing his little crush being held onto by another man made him decide to call it a night. He didn’t feel like trying to hook up with someone else, not after his sights had been set on this guy for a few weeks now.
Bleh. Time to go home. All men are trash.
The walk back to his car was abysmal. Maybe he’d just have to give himself a good jerk off session and hopefully get his horny thoughts out of his head for the night because, what a bummer.
The sounds of the oceans’ waves no longer rocked him to sleep at night like they did before, this strange vacation house now became just as empty and lonely as his own home in the city. Too big for just him. He missed having a life partner, a best friend. Someone to share everything with, mind and body. As much as he’d hate to admit, it was true. A fated soulmate is what he honestly needed. A moment of weakness, to admit something like that.
Later that night he drew himself a bath, something he never was able to do in his apartment since he didn’t have a tub. He opened the window and lit a few candles trying to set the right vibe, he just…he felt…sad. The one person who had recently sparked his interest was off the market. He should have known, he was too attractive to be single, and of course he was. Minho was just that lucky.
Maybe a book would help keep his mind off of this guy.. The person he thought he just got the courage to finally speak to.
Crap, he forgot to get one for the weekend when he left the café early.
He poured himself a glass of Chardonnay, and double checked his suitcase, yeah nothing in there either. Hmph, he did have one book actually, Red. He had been putting off reading it. Soulmate markings…romance…love…ugh. He guessed tonight was as good a night as ever to get it over with. Only slightly crushed this evening. He might as well try to get some work done. Try to read this stupid book and see if he can get any insight into who this author might be.
He stripped himself down, staring at his body in the dimly lit room in the mirror.
His soulmate markings. Golden reminders on his back, a reminder that someone out there was made to be his match. Someone was supposed to be made for him. He didn’t want to admit that somewhere deep down in his heart he wanted to find that kind of love. He wanted someone to understand his flaws, see his marks and love him for who he was, for what he’d been through. Someone that just, got him. He guessed it wasn’t the coffee shop cutie.
He took a sip from his glass and sank down into the bubbled heat of the bath, turning to page one of Red and diving in headfirst.
Red
Chapter 1
All men are beautiful. Just not me.
Oh, interesting…. perhaps this author is gay?
🐿️
“Changbin put me down! Why do you always insist on greeting me like this!” Jisung pushed him off of him and dusted his shirt off.
“What!? You haven’t seen me in over a month and you don’t want me to swing you around like you are my long lost lover??” Changbin laughed, still giving his cheek kisses smiling and set his small framed friend down.
Jisung quickly adjusted his shirt to make sure it didn’t ride up, wiping his cheeks off, blushing from the attention of the whole incident, quickly looking around to see if the silver haired god was still watching him. Ugh, he’s gone. He ruined his chance by almost falling flat on his face the one time he had the courage to go say something. It just felt like fate or something they both happened to be there. He was going to go with something simple like, like…well he didn’t exactly know what he’d say and now he never would because he ruined his chance.
“Why are you so grumpy and flustered tonight, I thought you loved it when he did that” Seungmin nudged his side.
“Because!”
“Who are you looking for? Have you met someone here without us?” Changbin looked around the dance floor, trying to follow Jisung’s eyes.
“Nothing! No one, I just, I’m anxious here, it’s a lot of people. You know I hate this stuff, I’m only here because you guys came to visit…”
“Yeah, if we didn’t force you out tonight you’d be in your bed already”
“Okay..and? What’s wrong with that, also I spent the entire day cleaning up for you guys so what’s your deal…”
“Jisung…listen, as your friend…”
“What Bin?”
“I just want to see you let loose for once, you are always so buttoned up” Changbin reached over to unbutton his top button.
“HEY! Don’t!” Jisung swatted his hand away.
“Sorry sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it, but maaaaybe…can you at least try to have some fun tonight?”
“Well, I would have” He mumbled.
“What was that?” Seungmin asked, leaning closer.
“Nothing, let’s just get a drink, I guess? Isn’t that what people do at places like this?”
He was sure he wasn’t going to have a voice, or hearing tomorrow with the way he had to yell over the loud music. Damnit. He lost sight of that hot guy from the café, he was sure he had winked at him. Didhe recognize him? No, he couldn’t. Impossible. Maybe he just had something in his eye.
Three Sex on the Beach cocktails later and Jisung was giggling and sandwiched between his two friends dancing on the dance floor, something he’d never done in the past. Sweating but refusing to roll up his sleeves. Even heavily intoxicated he knew better than to totally let his guard down. He was having a blast.
He couldn’t believe how good he was feeling. The buzz wasn’t as scary as it used to be, losing a little control was kind of fun. Maybe he liked clubbing now. Is this what he was missing out on? Drinking was fun!
-
Drinking was awful.
He woke up lying on the bathroom floor of the flat he was staying in, dizzy and covered in a cold sweat with Changbin half in the doorway, and Seungmin in the tub. It appeared they were all painfully hungover.
He wiped the drool off of his face and slowly made his achy body rise up, head pounding.
“Fuck you both” He mumbled as he dragged his lifeless body to his satchel to fetch some medicine.
After the three boys had almost cured their hangover many many hours later, they laid out on the couches snacking on pizza and decided to catch up now that they had come back to life.
“I’m never drinking again”
“Yeah that’s what everyone says, but, meh, you’ll bounce back” Seungmin laughed.
Jisung stretched his socked feet out.
“So Sung, aside from last night…what have you been doing here?” Changbin pushed their socked feet together on the couch. They both laughed.
“Well..just been visiting the beach a bit…mostly just working on my story…I’ve been kind of inspired lately.”
“Really?” Changbin sat up, holding his stomach a bit, shivering with a wave of nausea, and then straightening out.
“Yeah”
“Took any more thought on that offer I got for you?”
“Ugh..not really, not yet..I..I don’t know..”
“Hey I’m not here to pressure you.”
“Then what was last night?? All those drinks?”
“Just as your friend, NOT your lawyer”
They smiled and laughed.
He really liked Changbin a lot. They vibed really well, he couldn’t believe he actually had two real friends. People he could count on, people who took a flight to come visit him, just to see him. People who called him family.
“SooooOoooo last night you kept mumbling some shit about a god of a man” Seungmin smirked.
“Oh god…” Okay no, maybe he hated them.
“Oh YEAH!” Changbin barked. “You were literally laying in my arms whining about him for like 20 minutes” Changbin crawled over on the other side of the couch squeezing Jisung’s feet and wiggling his legs around.
“Where’d he gooooo…why’d he leave, he’s so hot, his thighs look as big as my head” Seungmin mimicked.
“Shut up” Jisung covered his face with his sweater paws kicking his feet out of Changbin’s grip.
“I want him to chew on me the way he chews on his straws” Seungmin laughed. “Bizarre”
“Is it wrong to say I want him to pop my head with his thighs?” Changbin mocked.
“I DID NOT SAY THAT”
“Yes you did, you also said---”
“I don’t want to know what I said! Just forget it” He threw a throw pillow at Seungmin.
“So who is he?” Changbin questioned.
“I don’t know… I don’t..it’s this guy I’ve seen at the café I work at…he’s..he’s, well I guess I already told you he’s like really hot.. and I swear I saw him there last night, and I thought he winked at me.”
“What!? Why didn’t you say anything? I am the best wingman!” Changbin smiled.
“Because after you guys got there I couldn’t find him the rest of the night.. and also because I don’t want a wingman, I don’t want to actually speak to this guy”
“Why not..when’s the last time you went on a date?” Changbin questioned.
“I tried to but…eh, it’s not important”
This was a sore subject. It had been two years since he went on a date. And he only ever went on first dates. None ever made it past that. The guys never reached back out, and Jisung never tried to go any further either. Too embarrassed by how he acted. Too embarrassed by himself, too shy. He never knew how to connect with people, he always was overthinking everything he said that he seemed to bore people.
Jisung’s face soured.
“What?”
“Can we not?”
“Sore subject” Seungmin poked Changbin’s side.
“I mean, no one loves it, I’m just saying, you seemed like, super into whoever this guy was..that’s all..I didn’t mean to –”
“It’s alright..”
“He isn’t much of a dater Bin, Jisung’s a bit shy..as you may remember”
“I know, but..you’re a total catch…that guy would be lucky to have you talk to him”
“You haven’t even seen him, how would you know?”
“Because anyone would be”
“Okay Bin.” Jisung could feel the heat of his cheeks rising.
“What? I mean it, you are so creative…Jisung I’m serious these books are so good. And you’re a good looking guy…don’t sell yourself short..and..if you take this deal.. you’ll be rich rich”
“Ahcchk I thought you said you weren’t pressuring me as my lawyer this weekend”
“Nope, this is your friend Changbin too, not a lawyer” He smirked. “I want you to be rich, then you can take us on lavish vacations”
“Aren’t you the lawyer here?? Don’t you make good money?”
“Not book deal rich, movie deal rich..”
“Shut up”
They spent the rest of their night gossiping about Seungmin and Changbin’s old college friends, and trying to convince Jisung to branch out more in Jeju. It ended on him saying he’d think about it just to get the attention off of him. He knew they were right, it was just hard determining who was gay and who wasn’t, and he had some trauma in that department he’d rather not relive.
-
“Jisung…it’s like 35 degrees how are you wearing a turtleneck at the beach right now”
“Because I don’t like the sun that much” It was a lie. He actually loved the sun, he wanted so badly to lay out and let the warmth tan his skin. He loved the ocean, wanted to swim, but hated the feeling of wet clothes sticking to his body, and he wouldn’t be stripping.
Fear was a crippling disease, and so was sadness. He couldn’t dare expose his body like that. He couldn’t bear the thought of someone seeing his marks. He knows they won’t. Knows it’s a one in a million chance that his soulmate exists and would be where he was, but..at this point the self-doubt and guilt would never allow him to expose himself. And he didn’t like seeing his own marks, such a grim visual and reminder of how unhappy he was inside. He was so uncomfortable in his own skin. It wasn’t possible to rid of them, they’d be there forever in his skin. No way to remove it. He had created his own monster in his mind. Some sort of fucked up body dysmorphia that only he could see. Him and one other person, maybe.
Changbin didn’t push it, but Jisung decided to bring it up over drinks when they got back from the ocean. Three boys with beers; sandy toes, sun kissed cheeks and all.
“You’re cute Jisungie” Changbin smiled at him. “Your nose is all pink and cute”
“Yeah..real cute”
Seungmin looked at him and rolled his eyes.
“Changbin, Jisung doesn’t like compliments”
“What does that even mean?” Changbin laughed and took another sip of his bottle of beer.
He sighed. He felt comfortable enough to maybe share a little more about himself with Changbin. He had come all this way. He clearly cared about him. Jisung trusted him.
“Where do I start…”
“Bin, Jisung isn’t just..shy..he..it’s about his soulmate stuff” Seungmin grabbed Jisung’s hand where it rested on the floor. He smiled back at him.
“Oh..?”
“Uh..yeah..mine are um…” Jisung pulled on his sleeves.
“Mine are on my back, they remind me of trees” Changbin cut in. Softening the blow.
“Really?” Jisung sat up, peeking over to look.
“Yeah” Changbin pulled his shirt off and turned around pointing at the middle of his back. “They start like here, and it’s funny they just kind of…ended up looking like pine tree shapes.”
“That’s really pretty Bin..” Jisung’s knee crawled over to him.
“What do you mean that’s pretty?”
“He can see them Bin”
“What??” Changbin quickly turned around.
“Not just yours, I can see everyone’s marks” He raised his hands asking to touch.
“Oh…that’s..um.. yeah you can touch Jisung”
Jisung laid his hands delicately across his muscular friend’s back, tracing the fine lines of green and black. They were beautiful, it looked like some sort of watercolor painting. He loved them.
“Wow Bin, these are so beautiful. Someone is going to be very lucky one day” Jisung smiled.
“Thank you..but um…can I ask how? Or why?” He tried to turn to face him.
“I don’t know..but it has been quite a burden.…not only can I see everyone’s pain, I can always see when someone gets more markings if they are visible. And… the entire thing is very overwhelming. Most people die without seeing anyone’s but their own, and here I am overloaded with feelings and people’s sadness..it can be quite isolating..”
“So how would you know if you met your soulmate?”
“I don’t know..maybe I don’t have one?”
Changbin frowned. “I mean, there is more to soulmates than just fated soulmate marks” Changbin threw his shirt back on.
“Yeah..that’s kind of true..it’s just..you know how I am..”
“I know but everyone at work loves you Jisung..you have a great personality you just have to have a little confidence” Seungmin pat his shoulder.
“Yeah..I…yeah” He pulled on his shirt sleeves again.
“Can I ask you something personal?”
“Does it matter if I say no?”
Changbin smiled. “Do you wear long sleeves to hide yours?”
Jisung sighed and took another swig of his beer. “It’s complicated”
“You don’t have to tell me, just curious is all..I care about you little buddy…you know that right?”
He turned around and opened his arms for a hug. Jisung climbed in and let himself be squeezed.
“Okay okay that’s enough” He squeaked out “You are going to pop me!”
“Isn’t that what you wanted?”
“Yeah from the thigh guy, not you” Seungmin laughed.
“My soulmate marks just…aren’t something I’m very proud of..and…it’s..I mean your’s are on your back, a lot of people’s are, and some on the backs of their legs, or occasionally their chests, but it’s less common to see this many on arms and stuff…but like..if I don’t cover mine, I see them all day long and well I hate them…and I’d hate for anyone else to see them either.”
He turned to find both of his friends frowning.
“What are they like?”
He shook his head.
“It’s alright, you don’t have to tell me..but..I mean..I assume I can’t see them right? Would I see them right now?”
“No, I have them covered..but..I mean, you can check if you want..” He pulled his sleeve up and turned his head so he wouldn’t have to see their veiny black lines covering his forearms.
“Nope, can’t see anything..so now you don’t have to hide them from us…I mean I just want you to feel comfortable around me, okay?”
Jisung nodded.
After their long talk he decided it was best to get to bed. His friends would be leaving in the morning and he had another long week of writing ahead. He had overdosed on socialization, and pushed himself out of his comfort zone the last 72 hours and he was maxed out.
He was happy they were there. He spent Friday, Saturday, and Sunday engulfed in friend time. Snacks, beach, coffees, bars. He did more that weekend than he did the entire time he had been there so far. He kind of oddly missed having them close. He was a loner by nature but, Seungmin had been his roommate for so long it was weird to sleep in a place by himself. He guessed it was maybe good for him though, help him grow up a bit. He needed to eventually figure out how to live alone. He was only 25, but… Seungmin wasn’t going to want to be his roommate forever.
-
He was sad to see his friends go, but they promised they’d be back again by the end of summer. Changbin (lawyer) of course telling him he had to make a decision about the book deal at the end of summer, and Changbin (friend) telling him he needed to at least go on one date in Jeju before they come back, begging him to reach out to the thigh-god, especially if Jisung thought he winked at him. That screams “into dudes”. Seungmin (friend) agreed.
Seungmin knew about Jisung’s body phobia. He knew about mostly everything that happened to him when he was younger, the journal, the trauma at home, all of that. It was good to know how loyal he was because he apparently didn’t tell Changbin considering how surprised he seemed when they had discussed it. Seungmin had been the only person he felt comfortable with wearing t-shirts or changing in front of. He knew Seungmin couldn’t see them, and while he didn’t like to see them himself, he also sometimes didn’t have a choice when they lived in the dorm and so he was thankful Seungmin understood him.
-
Monday morning was sad.
He cried by himself when his friends left for the airport. He didn’t realize how badly he needed them, how good a hug from a friend could feel when you were lonely. He wasn’t a very physically affectionate person, but a hug here and there was much needed. He was used to being so alone in his life that he didn’t even realize he had changed and started to like it.
He didn’t feel like being seen today. His eyes were too puffy and he tired himself out so he decided to order in and take the day off. If the god of a man was at the coffee shop today, he would rather hide from him. Too embarrassed about stumbling.
He laid in bed watching anime and eating noodles until he fell asleep.
Tuesday was more of the same.
And Wednesday.
And Thursday.
He was avoiding his responsibility. He was avoiding seeing the guy from the coffee shop, the one with the thighs that made the seams on his jeans stretch. He kind of embarrassed himself at the club when he tripped on his way to probably try and fail at flirting, and he honestly couldn’t believe that man was there in the first place. He couldn’t believe he actually thought he was going to be able to go over and talk to him. Like somehow the darkness and the eye makeup he wore gave him some courage he didn’t know he had. Now he was never going to muster up the courage again. That guy was probably straight anyways. Hopefully that guy has found a new coffee shop to go to or has a new routine or something because Jisung was way too depressed this week to even be seen by anyone. Hopefully, by the time Jisung goes back there he won’t be there anymore, because seeing him now would be even more weird, he had to have seen him fall, that’s probably why he left in the first place. Didn’t want to be caught dead with Jisung near him, especially didn’t want to be approached by him. Maybe the guy did him a favor.
His friends leaving hit him harder than he thought. He couldn’t even write. He didn’t have an ounce of energy, just wanted to lay in bed, the whole loft felt so empty. He sent the occasional text to Seungmin, but other than that he was sure he went most of the week and didn’t hear the sound of his own voice.
By Friday he was sick and tired of his homemade iced coffee that tasted like garbage. He had gotten used to spending the money on the good stuff, and now everything else was just, disgusting. Maybe today he’d finally leave the house. When he finally got up and showered, he decided to take a detour first to the beach. He thought some vitamin D would do his body good since he had been indoors all week and threw a towel in the sand and plopped down. He adjusted his sunglasses, curled his legs into his chest and sat like that for as long as he could. Pretty much his entire body was covered by clothing except his hands and face so he knew he wouldn’t last in the heat very long.
He fell asleep.
When he woke up he was drenched in sweat and most likely sunburned. Lovely. He dusted the sand off of his clothes and wiped his face with his sleeve. He needed water, he needed coffee, he needed to eat. He felt dizzy, he was so warm.
When he finally made it to Odd Ends he was desperate for hydration. He smelled like sunscreen and ocean air and hoped no one got too close to him. He was disgusting.
🐇
So…Red was incredible.
Minho wanted to kiss whoever wrote this novel on the brain.
It was a beautiful story about a young sailor whose ship was overtaken by pirates. His fated soulmate ended up being the captain of the pirate ship, a young fiery rugged man who was feared by all who sailed the seas. The stories of him were only nightmares. The author told of the turmoil the sailor faced when he was found out by being caught hooking up with another man, he was tormented by his own crew. The fear he felt when he and his crew were captured and brought aboard the pirate ship. The trials and tribulations of trying to hide his soulmate marks from the pirate captain when he discovered he could see his, only to in turn be floored with how wonderful of a person he ended up being. His entire life was altered when he discovered that his own crewmates were the villains of this story, and the pirates were stealing, trying to free captives of their own on board to bring them home to their families. The entire story was beautiful. Minho laughed, he cried, he felt so connected to the main character that he read the book twice that weekend. Of course, the fated soulmates ended up being together, sailing the seas and falling into one another’s arms and bed. Some of the softest sex he ever read too. The very end of the story was so gut wrenching when the pirate captain is murdered in front of his soulmate by a former crew member and best friend of his own. The main character kills the murderer, and then himself. Unable to cope with the loss of his lover. The pain the author wrote about felt so real. Like something had been ripped from him and he couldn’t possibly live without it. Minho sobbed. He hadn’t cried that hard since his breakup. Complete and utter devastation.
God, he understood why everyone loved this story. It was trending high with young adult and adult audiences, and he could see why. What a harrowing love story. He wanted everyone he knew to read this. He wanted to shout from the rooftops how much he liked it. He wanted to read all of this author’s books. He was determined to now find this person. He needed to figure out who this person was. He needed more.
“Sooooo how has your week been?”
“Fine”
“That’s it? Just fine? Did you do anything?”
“No now why are you calling me, I’m just paying for my coffee and getting to work”
“Can’t a guy check in with his buddy?”
“No, you can’t, not before 9:00am..you want something”
“Felix wanted me to ask you if we could also come up this weekend?”
“Seriously? It’s literally the weekend in a few hours..”
“Yes…and he said I needed to ask you when he heard that Hyunjin was coming he didn’t want us to miss out, and we want to see everyone together”
“Why did you choose to call me Friday morning to ask this? And why didn’t he call me”
“Because I tried calling you this weekend and you didn’t answer, and I knew you’d answer now”
He sighed.
“Yes of course Felix can come”
“Minho……”
“Okay you both can, the house has two extra rooms, which I’m sure you all know..and don’t be late tonight, we have dinner at 7 and I already know the other gays are going to demand we go out after, not that my opinion matters” He chuckled to himself.
“We may have booked our tickets already…in hopes you would say yes”
Minho shook his head. “You do both know you are welcome anytime”
“I know you love being difficult” He could hear the smile in Chan’s voice.
In true Minho fashion he had been ignoring Chan’s calls all weekend. He had been busy reading on the patio sucked into that ridiculously good book.. He knew if it was important, he’d leave a voicemail. During the week they had both been pretty busy up until this point, and didn’t have much chance to catch up. Plus if Chan would have asked a few days ago, he may have made him wait for an answer, just for fun.
He hurried up the stairs in the coffee shop, still sad that the coffee shop cutie was gone for good. He hadn’t seen him at the café in over a week, and only saw him last at that club he was sure he would have to be visiting again tonight thanks to one Hyunjin who can’t stand sitting still for five minutes. It’s a shame the cutie had a boyfriend, or fuck buddy, or whatever he had because his adorable tripping incident actually made him even more likable to Minho. He was probably a dork. When did Minho go so soft? He still wondered why he was heading in his direction, he’d never know. He would move on. Focus on his job, finding this author, marrying them, having a baby with them, all of that.
He knew the author was a man, he knew the author was a gay man. He knew this because he could feel it in his writing, his main character was written so perfectly that he had to have put some of himself into it. Some of his real feelings and experiences. It felt too real, too authentic. Minho felt so much of his own self in the character that he wanted to speak to him. He wanted to tell him he was loved, and make sure that whoever this author was knew how wonderful their story was, how beautifully painful it was. He wanted to know what inspired this book, where he got his inspiration for the characters, what parts of the story he experienced in his own life. He wanted the movie adaptation to happen. He wondered who would play the part of the sexy pirate captain.
Okay, he was jumping ahead.
He threw himself down at his regular table and got right to work. He had a few meetings to attend and wanted to try and locate the two other books by this author to buy so he could read them.
He knew they were a hot commodity, but they were impossible to track down at a semi affordable price. This was ridiculous. Nowhere online had them. There had to be another way. He NEEDED to read Blue and Purple .
His phone buzzed on the tabletop. A call from Jeongin, wow it was three o’clock? He looked up and now some girl took claim over the cutie’s old table. A shame. She was pretty, but he was prettier.
He answered the call on the last ring, for dramatic effect.
“Who is this?”
“Ahhh—Minho-hyung come on..we just landed.”
“I’m hungry Minho!!” Hyunjin yelped in the background.
“Yeah yeah we have a reservation tonight. Apparently, Channie and Felix are coming too…”
“Do we have enough seats on the reservation?”
“Of course, I knew they’d invite themselves..I made a reservation for five from the beginning”
He could hear laughter as he packed up his things and headed down the stairs to leave the shop. He had cleaned the house up but he wanted to just double check it before his guests arrived.
“Hey Hyunjin said he and Felix already are talking about going out tonight after, so we will meet you at the house and get ready together? I think Lix and Channie are going to just meet us at dinner. Oh now Jinnie is asking for the name of the club so he can look it up”
“Uh..it’s something Dome, I can’t remember..he’ll find it, we can go there after dinner for a bit, but we have some plans on Saturday for us so don’t plan on getting too drunk. I booked us some stupid boat tour thing that I knew you would like”
“Can’t wait! See you soon!”
He rushed out of the café catching a whiff of the ocean on his way out. Someone must have just left it and came in for something refreshing, it’s not a rare smell where he was, but a fond one. He was kind of excited to get some beach time with his friends tomorrow, after that stupid boat ride.
When he got home, he made sure all of the snacks Jeongin and Hyunjin liked were stocked in the pantry, the tequila Felix liked was waiting for him to force them to take shots of, and Chan’s favorite protein shakes were in the fridge. He couldn’t help but prepare for them, he really loved them a lot. He hopped in the shower, and when he came out there was a knock on his door.
Right on time.
Tonight Minho would move on. This weekend he would go back to that club with all of his friends, and at least get someone to make out with for a night. He wanted to feel something. He needed human touch; his own hand just wasn’t doing it for him these days.
“Min, this place is insane” Jeongin made his way out of the guest bedroom dressed up for the night. He was wearing black jeans and a black vest, Hyunjin came out also in black jeans and a low scoop necked t-shirt. Makeup, jewelry, they were a fashionable couple. Minho wasn’t jealous watching them kiss in the doorway. Nope, not at all.
All black, Hyunjin made a theme. At least this time it was simple. Some of Hyunjin’s themes could get extravagant, although “Dress as a slutty version of an animal“ night was his favorite to date. Minho put on some black slacks and a short sleeve linen top, the top two buttons opened. He was on the prowl. Collarbones on display. Fuck off Minsoon, going to have someone else lick them tonight.
“Holy shit you look fucking hot” Hyunjin gasped taking a sniff of the tequila and gagging.
It was a happy reunion indeed. Things were exactly as he expected, he couldn’t be happier.
They made their way to the restaurant and Chan and Felix were already there waiting for them. Felix, in all of his freckled blonde glory, came running out from behind the table and grabbed onto Minho tight, shoving his face into his chest. “Hey baby” Minho ruffled his styled hair. “Missed you too”
“Minho, you look so…relaxed..I think the ocean air is doing you good here”
“Yeah yeah yeah whatever”
They all sat at the table and ordered food and drinks. Chatting about their last few weeks apart, and what their weekend plans were. No talk about work, tonight was just for fun. Felix made that rule because he knew Chan couldn’t resist it, and Felix said the point of the trip was to decompress and hang out with friends, so work was off limits at least tonight. Fine with Minho.
“So we actually really wanted to take this opportunity to give you guys some exciting news” Chan cleared his throat.
“Um..as you know….we have been talking about maybe adopting—” Felix spoke up.
“OH MY GOD!” Hyunjin gasped.
“Well, we got the official approval last weekend, and we are actually taking this weekend as our “baby moon” because we bring Sunhee home on Wednesday!!!” Hyunjin got up and ran over to Felix pulling him into a hug. “I’m so happy for you both, oh my god” Chan got up and sandwiched Hyunjin between them.
“You guys are going to be parents…actual parents…not just of me anymore” Jeongin smiled wide. Minho fluffed his hair. “Looks like you are just my son now, how will I be as a single parent…”
Minho guessed this is what getting older was all about. Serious relationships, marriage, kids…he was single. It was fine. He was happy for his friends, it just hit him hard. What the heck was he doing with his life. Zero prospects, zero dates in a year. Sure there was no rush but he couldn’t help but feel a little sad about it.
They laughed and wrapped up their dinner, smiles wide and bellies full. They couldn’t be happier to be together, celebrating their friends. Minho almost forgot how badly he wanted to get some sort of action until they arrived at the club.
A good fuck would be nice, but he’d take some light petting at this point, fully clothed groping. Two of his friends were having a kid, the other two had been dating for three years and showed no signs of stopping and that made Minho feel even more lonely when he thought about it. Yeah, he had a mission tonight. He was not going home without at least some lips on his, knowing that all four of his friends would be getting some tonight was not helping.
The club looked the same, not that he expected anything different a week later. The line was long to get in, longer than last weekend and thankfully the bouncer was the same and actually recognized him. “Ah you’re back, friends of a friend of the owner right?” Minho laughed. “Didn’t buy it?” “Not for a minute, but you looked like you wanted to impress someone so I figured why not” Minho raised his eyebrow. He wasn’t wrong.
“He actually is though, my aunt knows the owner, Lee Soojin”
“Wait really? You’re the little blonde nephew she talks about all the time??”
“In the flesh” Felix smiled. “You know her?”
“Of course I do, I’m Lee Soojin”
“Wait, you aren’t security?”
“No” He laughed. “He is the bouncer, you’ve just caught me both times out for a smoke” The older man laughed. Felix walked arm and arm with Soojin, Chan trailing behind trying to keep up with his spritely husband and new friend. Hyunjin whispered something about VIP so Jeongin and Minho trailed behind them. Minho scoping out the crowd, looking to see if he spotted any men looking his way. He needed to set his sights on someone quickly to avoid feeling sour again about the cute guy he almost got to talk to last weekend.
Soojin set them up at a table on the second floor, overlooking the dance floor, very visible to the entire crowd. Minho loved looking down and getting to see everyone, who could dance, who was drunk. He and Jeongin used to go to clubs and make up stories about the people there. It was always a fun bonding activity while they waited for their friends to show up.
“Do you think that man knows that his girlfriend has been staring at you” Jeongin laughed behind him, handing him a drink. Minho smirked and pinched his cheek. “I’ve missed you In-nah”
“Me too”
“You’re doing okay here though? You seem happy?”
“I am” Minho gave Jeongin a smile and looked back out into the crowd. He wasn’t lying, he was having a decent time. Better now that his friends were here.
“Scoping for prey then?”
“Hmm.. maybe..so far..I’m not finding any prospects. Too many tourists, you can tell”
“Aren’t you technically a tourist?”
“You are, I’m not, I have an address here right now, my mail is being forwarded”
“Oh, so that’s the rule, if you get mail somewhere then you live there”
“The rule is whatever I want it to be, don’t you know that?” He took another sip of his drink, straw hanging out of the side of his mouth, ready to be chewed on.
-
Felix and Hyunjin had gone off to dance after their second drink, begging Minho but he told them he’d meet them later. He was pacing himself so he didn’t get too drunk too fast. He was older now, didn’t drink as much, and he really wanted to find someone to play with.
Chan and Jeongin had been chatting about the logistics of owning a bar, or something. Minho wasn’t really paying attention. His eyes were scanning the room, trying to look as disinterested as possible, occasionally responding to something the guys were saying.
“Oh my god” Minho whispered.
“What?” Chan asked, listening to him over the music somehow. Minho swore he had superpowers or something.
“Oh, uh..nothing..just..saw something funny..think I’m going to go find Jin and Lix”
They waved him off.
His coffee shop cutie was here. It was 11:00pm and the gorgeous piece of man came strolling in wearing white pants, and a loose white linen long sleeve shirt. He looked like some sort of mix between an angel and a demon between his dark makeup and wavy hair, mixed with his beautiful white outfit. Minho wasn’t missing his chance tonight. He thought he had left town.
He was a little drunk, and a lot horny. The perfect storm for him to do something he doesn’t normally do right from the start, chase . It had to be fate he was here tonight, right?
He made it to the bottom of the stairs and over to the bar with two drinks in hand when he remembered this guy had a boyfriend. Why was he so gung-ho on trying to seduce him right now, he was probably meeting him again tonight and here he was trying to put the moves on him. Minho..come on get your shit together, you cannot be the other ma--.
“Hi” He heard a firm voice from behind him. He smiled to himself before turning around, tonight was going to be fun.
🐿️
Oh god who did he think he was. This guy was way out of his league. Had he lost his mind? Did he eavesdrop on this guys’ conversation when he walked by him at the café and happened to end up at the same place as him tonight? Maybe. Did he take two shots of bottom shelf tequila (and gagged) to get the courage to come speak to him, yes. Was he now standing at the same bar as him watching some other guy flirt with him? Also yes.
Ugh.
He was too late, ruined his chance again. He watched as a muscular guy maybe around six feet tall tower over his target leaning in closely and whispering in his ear.
Jisung was so foolish to think he had even the slightest chance. He drank tequila…oh my god it was awful. He wasn’t capable of flirting. This was literally an insane plan.
“Can you just switch it to one drink” He yelled to the bartender. “You know what actually, I changed my mind keep it two, I’ll need them both.”
He pulled the straw into his mouth and slurped down whatever pink vodka drink the bartender made him. It was pretty good, whatever the hell it was.
God, the way that man chewed on his straw was so hot too. Ugh Jisung, get a grip. He was going to drown in his sorrows tonight. He literally came out to the club with one thing on his mind, and missed his chance again because he waited too long to make a move. Too scared this guy was straight, too scared this guy had no interest in him, and too scared to make a mistake. He hung his head and made his way across the room back to the corner against the wall. Two drinks in hand, two straws in his mouth. He can’t believe he got all dressed up, watched a YouTube tutorial on how to do a smokey eye AGAIN, pushed himself out of his comfort zone, and ended up standing in a corner. Like an idiot. How embarrassing. He paid the cover fee for nothing. All of the vitamin D must have gone to his head.
The least he could do was have some fun before going home with his tail between his legs.
The music was shaking the floor as he stood there sulking. He tried not to stare but he couldn’t help it. The guy talking to the thigh god was way more attractive than Jisung was. He was built, tall, he had dark hair and tattoos. His arms were nice and big, just like the other man’s thighs. Those legs…oh god. Jisung wanted to touch them so badly, bite them. Every day his pants would hug those thighs and it would send Jisung into a spiral when he would get up to throw something away. Thighs thighs thighs. Oh brother, he was already tipsy.
Damn, one drink already down. He slurped the last of it up and set it on the table, working on his second one now. His world was already feeling a lot better. He didn’t need that guy with the sexy ashy blonde hair. He wouldn’t have liked him anyway. He probably wouldn’t have been interested. He didn’t even seem interested in this guy, Jisung wouldn’t have stood a chance. Literally what was he thinking! He tugged on his shirt sleeves a bit.
“Oh shit!” He yelled to himself as he chugged the rest of his second drink down, laughing. He was pulled out of his thoughts by the beat. He loved this song, he heard it last weekend when he was here, doesn’t know the name, doesn’t care. It would be silly to waste his night and not at least get one dance in. Let loose right? He could leave after. He paid the cover fee already, and it would be a waste not to at least fit in for a few minutes. It’d be nice to feel normal, plus he didn’t want to have to watch the thigh god talk to anyone else. It was too embarrassing to think about; him coming all this way, following him like a lost puppy. “How stupid Jisung” He shook his head and wobbled to the bar and grabbed another two pink vodka drinks, closed his tab, and ran to the corner of the dance floor, spilling some of his liquid courage along the way. Shit, that’ll probably stain his shirt. Oh well.
He closed his eyes and turned his back to the bar where the two men were chatting. He didn’t want to watch them; he didn’t want to remind himself how foolish he had been. He definitely did not want to see the man resting his hand on his man’s lower back. He’d like to just erase tonight from his memory. He tried to remember what his friends told him last weekend. Let loose, have fun. He was just drunk enough to do that.
Letting loose was a lot easier when alcohol was in his bloodstream. He lost track of how long he had been swaying his hips to the beat. How many songs had he heard? He didn’t even know. He was almost finished with his second drink when he felt a hand rest on his lower back that made him jump.
“Hey, your drink is almost empty? Want one of mine?” A man’s voice whispered in his ear, shoving a shot glass in his hand. Jisung didn’t even turn around, he just grabbed the small glass and threw it back into his mouth, the liquid burning it’s way down his throat. He cringed and kept dancing. The man behind him laughing. “You didn’t even need the lime, you must like tequila then?”
“Sure, guess so, or maybe I’m just drunk” He laughed again, feeling another shot glass go into his empty hand. “Here, have another”
“Fuck it, cheers” He clinked his small clear glass with the man pressed up slightly behind him and took it back.
That was his second mistake of the night, the first coming here all together.
His brain felt like mush as all the colors in the room started to swirl together. He laughed to himself forgetting why he even came in the first place as two hands slid down his sides and over his hips. Felt nice if he was being completely honest. He should probably turn around and see who was touching him, but he didn’t really feel like it. It was easier to just not think. Just let his body dance with a stranger, be touched. He had never been touched like that, not in this kind of scenario anyway.
“Hey beautiful, got my friend to bring us more shots here!” The man held it in front of him and he threw it back again with ease. “Thank you!” He laughed and threw his head back, landing on the other man’s shoulder. His arms now making their way under Jisung’s shirt to touch his heated skin. For a split second it felt like heaven. His eyes were closed and he could just imagine whoever he wanted touching him. Feeling him, his skin burning.
His skin? No no no.
He snapped himself out of his drunken stupor and stumbled forward.
“Hey pretty, everything alright?”
He opened his eyes but could barely see straight, or think straight. He felt like he was dreaming for a moment, but then remembered he did not want anyone seeing his skin, not there. He grew extremely uncomfortable and tried to turn around. Good god he was so sweaty.
Dizzy. So incredibly dizzy. He drank way too much, way too fast and now he was..oh god..he was sick. What even was he drinking? He felt like he was going to puke, his mouth started to feel clammy.
“Bathroom” He mumbled and felt the man grab his hand and tug him along with him. The room was spinning so he just let himself be guided. When they made it inside, he was pushed into the cold wall and a mouth was kissing the side of his neck.
“Ahh no, no please, ‘m si--”
“It’s okay I’ll take good care of you”
His hands squeezed onto Jisung’s hips and started to pull on his waist, turning him around so his chest and face was pressed harshly into the cold wall.
“No no no” He tried to squirm out from his hold, but the man just gripped him tighter. He felt like he was going to throw up. Now he was getting afraid.
Jisung didn’t even know what this guy looked like, didn’t know his name, barely knew his own. He could feel the sweat dripping down his forehead against the tile as the man yanked on his pants again.
“ssstopp-uh” He mumbled, feeling the nausea spread through his throat. He was going to puke.
“Are you serious? What was the point of all those free drinks, you don’t want to fuck around?”
He tried to cover his mouth and push his way past the man, stumbling with his pants pulled down over his hips partially. He was scared, but mostly sick as he threw himself onto the bathroom floor and crawled his way to the open stall, spit already dripping down his face.
“What a fucking waste of time”
He whined from in front of the toilet “I’m ssso sorry..I didn’t mean to”
“Hey asshole, leave him be.” He heard a second voice from the other side of the bathroom.
“Mind your own business, kid is a drunken mess”
“And that’s what happens when you shove shots down someone’s throat”
That’s the last thing he remembered hearing before spilling his guts in the toilet. (Hopefully).
🐇
“So how much has he had to drink?”
“Fuck if I know, I thought he was looking to hookup, he can’t even handle a few drinks”
He heard gagging coming from the stall. He’ll be damned if he lets the tiny dancer suffer any longer with this asshole.
“A few drinks? You gave him like five shots back-to-back?”
“How the hell would you know”
“Because I watched you do it, so why don’t you just get out of here, and keep your hands off of him” Minho barked and made his way to the closed bathroom stall door.
“Yeah, you can have fun with this one, enjoy yourself asshole!” The man slammed the bathroom door behind him.
Minho rolled his eyes and knocked on the stall door. “Hey..you alright in there?”
He only heard some light moaning. “I take that as a no..can I come in?” Minho felt sorry for him. Clearly this guy was preying on him, trying to get him drunk since he saw him alone. Yes, Minho also wanted to get him a drink, but only one, not five. Who knows what he had before that. He got tired of watching the scene unfold, jealous and irritated, and went to the bathroom only to be interrupted mid-stream by none other than the coffee shop cutie and his date tonight. He realized they didn’t know each other the second he said “no” in the bathroom. And that is when Minho got pissed. Nothing more disgusting than someone preying on someone with bad intentions.
His entire night shifted on his axis. This kid wasn’t a flirt, he either was being targeted, or was really naïve, either way he was really drunk by the looks of it and needed some help.
“I’m coming in” He texted Jeongin to let him know he might need some back up.
Minho opened the door to find his terribly cute crush, face first on the toilet seat, covered in sweat, streaks of makeup, and his own spit. He wasn’t an angel or a demon, he was very real, very human, and kind in need of help.
“Oh ..honey… are you alright?”
The small man nodded his head with his smokey eyes closed, hair sticking to his forehead. “Do you have any friends here tonight I can find?” Better to just check.
He shook his head. “You’re alone?” He just wanted to confirm. He nodded and spit in the toilet again. His shirt was covered in splashes of pink liquid, probably from spilling his drinks, maybe other liquids.
“Is it okay if I touch you?”
“hmmmm” he moaned. Minho pulled the small man’s pants up a little higher to fix them, and then placed his hand on the small of his back and rubbed his palm in soothing circles over his shirt trying to comfort him. Not his ideal first meeting, but he couldn’t stand to watch him suffer, and he was not going to just leave him here. No matter who he was. He had helped plenty of friends puke after a night of intoxication…his ex.
“Did he hurt you honey ?”
The man shook his head.
He didn’t seem to even be coherent at this point, gagging a few times and groaning holding his stomach.
“It’s alright, it’s alright, I’ll get you home, okay? Can you tell me where you live?”
“Hey we got some water like you asked, you feeling sick Minho- Oh!”
He dry heaved a few times again in the stall. “Stage fright?” Minho asked, smiling and petting his fingers in his hair.
He nodded. “Ccan’t, need to” He groaned again.
“It’s okay, what’s your address? We can get you home”
He groaned.
Minho handed him the glass of water, putting the straw up to his lips. “Here, drink a few small sips and we’ll get you up” He just looked so tiny.
Chan and Minho helped get the small man to stand up on his own two feet. “Some asshole liquored him up and dropped him when he didn’t want to hook up.”
“What the hell” Chan shook his head. “People are disgusting”
“Yeah he was going to leave him here like this..fucking horrible.” He could hear people entering and exiting the bathroom. Irrelevant to him.
They helped carefully guide him out to the exit, hoping security wouldn’t notice how intoxicated he was so he wouldn’t get kicked out first. Chan stayed back to get the rest of their friends home while Jeongin and Minho tried to get him home.
“Where can we bring you?”
“I ddon’t know” He slurred, hiccupping, his entire bodyweight pressed into Minho. Not exactly how he thought tonight would go. He ran his fingers through the back of his hair gently. He didn’t want to scare him, but he seemed so out of it. He just wanted to keep him calm.
“Alright…um..can you unlock your phone” Jeongin asked and the small boy leaned his body into Minho’s, his face pressed on his shoulder. “It’s alright honey” Minho rubbed his back again, he felt so bad for him. Minho hadn’t seen someone this messed up since college.
“Oh…Oh nooooOoOOo… you’re sooo hot” He hiccuped. “fuccck” The man slurred again batting his wet clumped up eyelashes at him leaning back. Minho laughed and petted his hair.
“Alright I got the address, it’s not too far we can probably walk it”
“Alright, hey sweetie what’s your name?”
“Ji-“hiccup”-Sung” He made a kissy face.
“Ji-sung?” Minho laughed and felt his bodyweight press back into him.
He felt a nod on his shoulder. He was right, his name was cute.
“Alright Jisung, we are going to walk you home and get you in bed okay. Do you have your keys and everything?” He felt another nod. “Can you walk for us? Here, you can lean on me”
“Noo noo noooooo youu…” Jisung laughed and held his stomach leaning into Minho with his whole bodyweight from the side. “Ohhhh why am I like this….oh my god you’re so hot why are you heeere. Am I dreaming??” Jisung slurred, whining to himself and covering his face with his hand.
“You’re fine honey, we will get you home”
“Oh my god” He groaned. “Honey, he called me hoooney” He stumbled. “He’s sooo hot and he called me honey” The drunken kid looked at Jeongin pathetically mid whine.
Jeongin looked over at Minho a little puzzled and continued to walk. Minho brushed it off. He knew what that look was for. Minho was never like this with strangers. Normally he was kind if someone was sick, sure, but he was never this friendly. Normally he’d get the guy to his friends, call someone to come get him from his phone, get him an Uber and wish him well. He did have a soft spot for people who needed help, but..this was definitely a bit much. He was treating him like a wounded animal.
After a grueling 30 minute hike in the dark, with only a few stops for Jisung to choke in the bushes, they were almost there.
“Honey we are almost there, can you make it?”
“Noooo..just leave me here” He leaned off of him and went to fall in the bushes.
“no no no” Jeongin caught him.
“Here, get him on my back”
Jeongin helped Minho hoist Jisung up on his back. Minho grabbing his legs and wrapping his arms around his neck. He was dead weight, but really light still. He must be tiny under all of those baggy clothes.
“Nnngh your thighs are as strong as they look. Want them to pop my head.” He mumbled into Minho’s shoulder where his face was pressed. Minho laughed. Drunken words are sober thoughts or whatever. Perhaps this cutie had been eyeing him a lot more than he thought.
He was pretty sure the boy fell asleep the last few minutes when he got quiet. Minho trying not to laugh at his misery. It was so endearing. Jeongin was just rolling his eyes.
They made it into the elevator Jeongin mouthing some what the hell are we doing here nonsense to him that he ignored. He was not going to abandon him. He felt like he knew him, even though he really didn’t know a single thing about him, other than his coffee order, and now his name.
Apartment 402. Jeongin grabbed the key out of his pocket and opened the door.
It felt strange going into his apartment. “Now what?” Jeongin whispered.
“Don’t act like I didn’t do this for you before”
“Yeah but you knew me, we don’t know this guy?”
“I see him at the café, he’s alright”
“So you know him..” Jeongin made a confused face and shook his head, helping the small boy off of Minho’s back.
“Look at him? He is a harmless mess”
“Immmm a mess” He whined.
Minho looked around to try and figure out where the bathroom was, once he located it, he helped guide the young guy on to the floor. “Here, you’re home now, try and puke again, you will feel better” Minho looked around the room as the kid knee crawled over to the toilet. His clothes were covered in dirt.
“Perfect” he grabbed a small comb and brushed Jisung’s hair back pulling his long bangs into a small ponytail out of his face. His incredibly soft, and very sweaty, hair felt exactly how he thought it would. He rubbed his hand between his shoulder blades, trying hard to not think about how strong and wide his back was under this baggy shirt of his. Ignoring the sounds of him hurling his guts in the toilet. He didn’t want to be a creep, the guy had already had a rough night.
“C’mon, get it all out”
“Oh goooooood I’m so gross and you’re so hot…noooo no no” He whined.
“Honey you’re alright, it’s alright” Minho petted his back.
“Nooo no no…I’m sooo drunk and you..youuuu’re here…how did you get herrree”
Minho smiled again. “It’s alright Jisung”
After a few moments he finally seemed to be finished losing his insides and Jeongin came back in handing them some water. Minho helped him drink it. “Feel any better?”
The small boy nodded. Adorably sad and cute, even at his lowest. Minho grabbed a towel and wiped his face with soap and water to try and clean him up.
“Okay honey, why don’t you get some fresh clothes on and get into bed? Do you have any friends we can call to come over?”
He shook his head and slowly stood up, bracing himself, still clearly very intoxicated.
“No?”
Jeongin made another face toward Minho. “If you weren’t here, I wouldn’t have any either, stop looking at me like that”
They helped him brush his teeth and drink more water. It was messy, toothpaste splashing around all over the place.
“Here let’s go to your room” Minho couldn’t help it, he felt some responsibility for him. He thought he was cute sure, but on top of that, if he had no friends here, did that mean he was single? Or perhaps just vacationing here like Minho? Either way, he felt some sort of connection with him since he saw him every day for so long, he couldn’t leave him like this. He needed help. He liked caring for people. He had done this for Minsoon so many times. He was good at being a caretaker. It made him feel needed. He wanted to feel needed, even if by a stranger.
“You’re taking me to bed!”
“Yes your bed, now come sit here a moment”
“Ohhhhh man…I knew you liked guys, I knew it! I am so stupid..sooooo stupid”
Minho laughed, letting him ramble a bit before trying to get him to focus. His eyes were closed and his mouth frowning.
“Do you know how much you drank tonight Jisung?”
“Hmmmm” He stumbled into his room tripping onto the bed.
“No no don’t lay down yet, let’s get you changed first okay?”
Minho helped him back up. “How much did you have to drink?”
“Uhhhh…” Jisung looked at his fingers counting, one, two, four, ten.
“Ten drinks! You’re so tiny..no wonder you are sick”
“I..I don’t drink..I sswear” He hiccuped again. Why was this so cute? Why was this working for him? Puking? How could Minho still think he was absolutely adorable, what was wrong with him. He must be lonelier than he thought.
“Am I dreaming?” Jisung asked, staring at Minho with his big sad dark brown doe eyes.
“No sweetie you’re just drunk, but it’s okay, you are going to sleep this off”
“Noo nooooo I don’t drink…you’re so hottttt”
“Okay okay sure, here, go put some of these clothes on and we will get you in bed”
Minho opened his closet door and found all of his clothes. They smelled so nice too. He ran his fingers through the soft fabrics of his long-sleeved t-shirts smiling. He was a little drunk too, he could indulge a little, he worked for it. He didn’t want to pry though so he tried to respect his space by not snooping.
He grabbed the softest shirt he could find, and a pair of gym shorts he found on the floor and tossed them next to the disaster of a person on the bed face up, laying out like a starfish. His eyes were closed, but he was smiling. Adorable. “Okay” He saluted him. Minho laughed and met Jeongin in the living room.
“What the hell are we doing here, you know him?”
“No, but he’s always at the café I work at, I recognized him at the bar”
“We are in his house? What if he thinks we robbed him!?”
“Do you have ulterior motives In-nah?”
“No!”
“Then chill out”
“You like him don’t you…”
“No”
“Yes you do, you have a big fat crush on this guy…that is the only reason we would be here, you literally only did this for us, and Minsoon..”
“Shut up” He swatted at Jeongin.
Minho waited a good five minutes and knocked on the door. “Are you decent?”
“mmyeahhhh” He heard a tiny voice mumbling behind the door.
Minho went back in the room to see the kid half dressed, face down in a long sleeve t-shirt and his shorts around his knees, his ass completely on display. His adorable round ass that Minho wanted to slap so badly.
“Jisung..as comfortable as you look” He laughed to himself. “I’m going to pull your pants up, okay?”
“Okay?” He repeated but, the boy was already knocked out cold. Minho giggled to himself and gently pulled his shorts up the rest of the way. He quietly grabbed a blanket and threw it over him, placing the cup of water next to him on the bed. Jeongin found his medicine and they placed the bottle next to his bedside table.
He couldn’t help but pet the soft skin of his plump clammy cheek. He was so pretty. Poor thing is going to feel like hell in the morning.
“What if he chokes on his own puke”
“Innie do you want me to stay the night? Like..”
“No, I just mean you came this far, clearly you see something you like”
“Shut up”
“We would not be doing this for any old person..and you know it”
“Are you trying to say I’m an asshole?”
“No I’m trying to say you only go above and beyond if you care about someone”
“Whatever, let’s let him rest“
“Let’s leave him a note so he knows we didn’t rob him”
“Fine”
Minho scribbled something down and took another look around the living room. It was cute, but seemed like a rental. Nothing personal anywhere. He’d know because he was in one too right now. He made his way quietly back into the bedroom to find the man curled up on his side squeezing a plush animal, his slightly tanned face squished into the pillow, his mouth open and drooling onto the pillowcase. It was somehow perfect. Minho smiled and put the note next to the medicine. Pushing a small trashcan close to his bedside just in case. He patted him on the back of the thigh over the blanket and made his way out front with Jeongin.
“Let’s go, he’s going to be fine, can’t have much else to puke up anyway after all of that.”
“Yeah I don’t know how you held it together, that was disgusting even from out here”
“It was kind of cute”
“You’re insane” Jeongin shoved his arm.
-
“Where have you guys beeeeeen?” Hyunjin yelled when Minho opened the door.
“With some cute drunk guy Channie said” Felix giggled and was hanging off Chan’s arm.
“Oh,you guys are loaded…please no more puke tonight.. I need a shower”
“Nooo, here take this shot we poured it for you” Felix laughed. Minho could smell the tequila, and to be honest seeing so much puke tonight he was good without alcohol for a bit.
“I’m going to bed guys, I’m old and tired now, don’t fuck too loud you’ll wake the wildlife up” Minho laughed to himself and went to ready for bed.
Minho tossed and turned for a while, his heart beating fast in his chest. He was still worried about Jisung. Jisung. What an adorable name. Usually if the guy he liked was puking and drunk off his ass it would be a major turn off but tonight Jisung was still so cute. He did that enough for Minsoon in the early days. He was stupid and too blind to see the signs that he and Minsoon were not equal partners.
He felt bad for Jisung though, this was different, he was being taken advantage of, Minho hoped he wasn’t hurt, but he guessed he didn’t really know anything about him other than the life he fabricated in his head for him. He could have sworn he was coming over to talk to him tonight before the other guy did, but he guessed it was what it was. He literally was not interested in the other guy. Thought it’d be fun to make Jisung (cute name) jealous, but when he finally brushed the guy off Jisung wasn’t even watching anymore and then it was just lame.
He hated to admit it, but his ass was cute in and out of his pants. He wondered why if he doesn’t drink, he let himself drink that much tonight. Maybe he broke up with his boyfriend. He wondered why he was staying at that loft, what he was up to all summer. He wondered what brought him out that night, or maybe he was always there Friday nights. Maybe this was something he did all the time and Minho was a sucker for wide eyes and a cute smile.
And what was the deal with him talking about how hot he was. He groaned and threw his face under his pillow.
-
The next day he woke up, checked his phone, 8:00am. He growled to himself and rolled out of bed. Why why why did he book this so early.
The gang were all in the same spirits as they dragged themselves out of the house and made their way to the beach for their boat tour. Why the hell did Minho book the tour at 9:00am? What was he thinking?
“This was singlehandedly the worst idea you’ve ever had” Jeongin groaned holding his stomach after they got back off the boat.
“Why in the world did we agree to do a jetboat ride at 9:00am after drinking?” Hyunjin wiped the sweat off his face pulling the poncho off.
“I think this was intentional torture, you should have made your little boyfriend do it with us” Jeongin laughed poking Minho’s side.
“Ha ha ha very funny..listen I tried to find fun stuff you all would enjoy, it isn’t my fault you all can’t handle your booze”
“What boyfriend!” Felix chirped.
“No”
They laughed and made their way to the beach outside of the house they were staying at. Minho ran back to the house to get their beach gear and food and made sure to check his phone again, 11:00am. No texts.
The group of friends laid out in the sand, playing catch in the shallow water and enjoying the beautiful weather.
“Can’t believe you are going to be parents..can’t believe it’s finally happening” Minho smiled behind his sunglasses at Felix.
“Me either, it’s so surreal, I guess I won’t really believe it til she’s in my arms you know?”
“Definitely…but you’re ready, you both are. You will be great..”
“Thanks Min”
They spent their afternoon laughing in the sun together, telling stories, and Minho’s heart was so full. He missed them so much he hadn’t even realized it. He hadn’t smiled this much in so long his cheeks were starting to hurt.
Maybe he had been overworking himself the last few years.
The evening was filled with barbeque courtesy of Chan and Minho, and karaoke courtesy of Hyunjin’s microphone he brought. Minho caught himself checking his phone every 20 minutes or so now at this point. No new texts. He sighed.
He didn’t help Jisung out because he wanted something, he genuinely wanted to help. But he hated to admit it made him sad he hadn’t texted him yet. At least to tell him he was alive. He left his number on the note next to his bedside. Maybe he wasn’t alive. Should Minho check? No.
“Earth to Minho--It’s your turn…or are you daydreaming about your drunk boyfriend?”
“Shut up and give me the mic, I’d like to see you hit the high notes I can”, Minho snatched the mic from Jeongin’s hand. “You kids have no respect anymore”
He went to bed feeling a little let down, but he wouldn’t let it ruin the rest of his weekend with his friends. He was back to swearing off men. He just wanted to know if the guy was alright at least. He kind of expected to hear something by now, he left his number, but he guessed the guy didn’t owe him anything. He did all of that and shouldn’t expect anything from him. Typical. He did it out of the kindness of his heart, he really did.
The next day went way too quickly. He took his friends out for a café tour, and a beach bar, and another night in cooking together. It felt like old times. It was nice being on vacation with his friends, even if it was just a long weekend. When the night started to wind down Minho found himself sitting outside on the back deck with Chan alone. The rest of the group getting ready for bed.
“So Min..you’ve been a little quiet today..you alright?”
“Huh? Oh, yeah I’m okay”
“What’s going on in your head, you want to stay here right?”
“Yeah, yeah I think so. It’s a nice change of pace. Guess I’m a little lonely but..”
“What happened Friday night?”
“Eh, just helped a sick kid get home”
“Jeongin said you knew him though”
“Not really, we just both had been working at the same café”
“Ah I see…he said the kid kept saying you were hot”
“Was he wrong?”
Chan laughed. “No guess not, so any luck with our author?”
“I knew you couldn’t resist work chat. No not yet, I did finally read one of their books though, Red. Not sure how you know they are supposed to be here this summer, but..the book was alright.”
“I told you I have a source, a lawyer friend of mine from college..now just alright? That book is right up your alley”
“Meh”
“Min..”
Minho smiled and squished closer to him on the small outdoor couch. He loved Chan, as a friend most of all. He had such a big heart. He and Felix were going to be incredible parents.
“Are you nervous Christopher?”
He rolled his eyes. “Yeah I am, but you know we’ve been trying to do this for some time now, I think we are ready”
“Good”
He was sure he was rocked asleep tonight by the waves. His heart was full. His friends absolutely rejuvenated his spirit. Even if his little embarrassing crush never texted him back after he saved his ass. It was okay. He was still happy.
-
He saw his friends off in the morning, letting them all hug him, even though he acted like he despised it, he secretly loved it. He didn’t get his dick wet this weekend, not even his lips, but he did get a lot of other things so he’d say it was successful. The rejection he felt from Jisung not reaching out stung a little, especially after he kept calling him hot, but it was okay. He didn’t owe Minho anything, really. He just didn’t like the feeling. He had decided since Chan was off this week due to becoming a new parent and all, he would need to make sure he was working and available to folks.
He really wasn’t in the mood for anymore soulmate marks. He had enough from Minsoon. It was embarrassing if he was being honest. Proof he was being affected by someone else. He hated the power that men had over him sometimes. But luckily he didn’t wake up with any.
Apparently, Chan was going to go on leave for a few weeks soon, working from home at first and then taking time off to bond with their new baby. Minho couldn’t be happier for them. He packed up his work gear, threw on some slacks and a short sleeve button down and made his way to the café. He was a little later than normal but still there before 10.
When he got inside he picked up his coffee and went to get to his table only to find someone else was sitting there. Damnit, all of the tables were full. What the heck? It was so early. He could go home sure..but..wait a second..”Jisung?” He mumbled. The man sitting at his table was Jisung. This is awkward.
The dark-haired boy turned around and faced him, biting his lip and giving him an awkward smile. Clearly he wanted him to come over.
Minho made his way to the table and stood next to the empty seat in front of him. “Please…sit?” He pushed a plate in front of the seat with a chocolate croffle on it. Minho set his laptop down and sat in front of him, unsure what to expect.
They sat for a few moments in awkward silence as Minho got himself logged in. Pulling his iced americano up to his mouth to try and get his mouth to stop being so dry. This was super uncomfortable..
“I’m um..I..” Jisung sighed. “I’m sorry”
Minho’s face lit up as he locked eyes with the sad man in front of him.
“Thank you for..everything the other night”
Minho nodded and continued typing.
“That was you right?”
“What was me?”
“I’m so embarrassed, I’m sorry this is hard for me..”
Minho smiled. He kind of felt bad for torturing him. He’d listen to him, staring at the croffle in front of him. That was a nice gesture.
“I..I don’t even know..this is..” He covered his face and groaned.
“It’s okay Jisung” He’d save him from it. “Don’t stress about it”
“You saved my ass..I don’t even know what happened..I don’t even know your name”
“I left a note?”
“I got it..I just..I didn’t know what to even say..I couldn’t..I tried to send you a message..I just didn’t even know where to begin, that’s never happened to me before..I..I don’t even know how to repay you..I’ve never been so embarrassed..”
“I signed the note with my name Jisung”
“Huh? No..it just said M..”
“Oh shit” He giggled to himself. He forgot he loved a good mystery.
“I..I don’t deserve to know, I’ve literally embarrassed myself enough. I don’t want to bother you, I just wanted to, I hoped that you were going to be here today..I..I don’t know what I said or did, but I know that I didn’t deserve to be taken care of, anyone else would have just..left me..or I don’t know..I was so messed up..I..I swear I don’t drink like that..ever..I don’t know what I was thinking all alone..my friends told me to let loose and I just like totally went for it, I didn’t mean to, and you and your friend were so nice to me, I am just…I could barely get myself to even come here today but I had to thank you and--”
“Hey..it’s okay..don’t beat yourself up kid..everyone does it sometimes.”
“Yeah but not everyone does what you and your friend did..thank you..”
“It’s really okay”
Jisung shook his head. “No, no it’s not. My friends gave me the third degree when I called them, like I didn’t already feel bad enough..I was very lucky you found me…I was lucky it was you and not someone else, especially after..you know…what you saw.”
“Minho”
“Huh?”
“My name is Minho”
“Minho…Is there..anything I can do to make it up to you, pay you for your time, or..I don’t know..”
Minho looked up from his laptop keys, staring at the big dark brown eyes begging for his attention. Adorable.
He smirked at him. “Dinner”
“What?” He looked back at him startled. Like he saw a ghost.
“Take me to dinner Jisung.”
“Uh…yeah..um..okay I can do that”
“Alright, good.” Minho nodded and looked back at his laptop. He had a lot to do at work today with Chan out, and he honestly liked making Jisung nervous. It was cute.
He knew Jisung looked confused. He was laughing in his head as he started to focus on his next work task at hand. He needed to get some more intel on this author, and he wanted to get those two other books. He could let Jisung fester in his own nervousness. It was fun to watch men squirm.
He heard Jisung clear his throat and put his headphones in.
They worked comfortably side by side for the remainder of the day.
-
Minho found himself tired around 4pm and decided to call it early.
Even though other tables had opened up neither guy seemed to want to switch. It was nice working alongside someone else. And it wasn’t awkward at all, surprisingly.
“Um, how about Thursday? Or is that too soon?”
“Huh?”
“Dinner, Can I take you Thursday?”
“Sure”
“Al-alright yeah” Jisung nodded. He was so adorable, all rosy cheeked again.
“Jisung” Minho said as he stood up, work bag slumped over his shoulder.
“yyeah?” He looked up at him, his eyes were like webs, a trap.
“Don’t stress yourself out about the other night” He placed his hand on top of Jisung’s and smiled. Trying to reassure him. He was sweet. Physically unable to formulate a text to apologize…Minho was going to give him a little light teasing, but not now. It was clear this guy was mortified, and well…he did get him a croffle, all was sort of forgiven, even though he was a little heartbroken all weekend about being ignored.
Jisung’s hand was just as soft as he remembered, just a lot warmer now, less clammy.
Jisung’s wide eyes stared at where their hands connected for a moment, and then nervously looked back up into Minho’s. He nodded at him. He hoped they had an understanding.
-
They found themselves working at the same table for the next three days. Minho waving Jisung over to his table when he arrived around 11:00. Jisung and he shared a few words here and there, but not much. Minho was busy, and he knew Jisung liked to work with his earphones in. They kind of had their own little routine. Jisung still hadn’t texted Minho, but he wasn’t worried about it. He was really looking forward to their date. Well, he wasn’t sure if it was a date, but he was looking forward to get to know him better. Friendly or romantic. He seemed nice, genuine. And with them sitting closer this week he could catch the scent of his lovely bergamot perfume. He was nice to look at too, up close. Minho could see the fine lines on his face, the way his nose scrunched when he didn’t like something on his screen, the adorable chocolate chip freckle on his cheek. He looked a lot better, full of life, face not smushed onto the toilet seat.
“So..it’s Thursday..at 5 o’clock…”
“Yes…yes sorry I..yes..it is..is tonight still alright? Or..did you want to go another night? I just know there is a place by my apartment that has some really fresh seafood on Thursday because they—”
“Yeah, today is fine, relax” Minho smiled at him from behind his screen, locking it up. “When and where do you want me tonight?”
Jisung choked on his own spit. Minho smirked, trying not to be obvious, he wanted to flirt with him.
“Um..um..is 8:00 alright? My place? Do you remember where it is??”
“Sounds good, see you at 8 then.”
Jisung was odd, obviously had a hard time communicating, but still it was endearing. He was quiet, seemed like a worried person, perhaps tonight he’d get to talk to him a bit more comfortably. He was such a handsome guy. He wanted to know his story. What made him tick?. What brought him to Jeju? Who his friends were? His family history, his dating history, his preferred sex position. Everything. He assumed he was gay or bi since he was sort of dancing on the guy at the club, but it was possible he was ace or something else, but he didn’t need to rush that information out of him. He kind of wanted to see what Jisung would do driving the conversation. What topics he would bring up, what questions he would ask.
Minho’s goal tonight though was to make him squirm a little. He liked to see an attractive man squirm and he was going to make sure he dressed the part.
He threw on some jeans that he had to squeeze his thighs into and a linen short sleeve button up top. He pushed his hair back off his forehead a little, added some nice floral musky perfume and drove his way over to Jisung’s. He remembered where it was, not too far from his own spot and pretty close to the café. When he parked, he realized he had no way to connect with Jisung so he’d have to go up to him. What an odd little man.
He hiked up the stairs, regretting it but also he liked to think a little bit of sweat made him look kind of hot, maybe? Is that a thing? He knocked on the door, 8:03pm, apartment 402.
Minho was stunned when the door opened. He wanted Jisung to squirm but it might be him tonight. Jisung had on a fitted black turtleneck, and his pecs looked incredible in it, his waist was practically nonexistent right above the line where his white pants sat. Holy shit. This guy was full of surprises.
Was he trying to kill him?
“Are you trying to kill me?”
“Huh, what?” Jisung’s nose scrunched up.
“You are so small” Minho waved his hands toward Jisung’s body and his face immediately blushed. Cute.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I can change if it’s ...um..is it bad?”
“No..god no...you ready?”
“Yes? Do I look bad? I’m sorry.. I can change if--”
“No. You look great.”
“Alright… then yeah..let’s go..”
They made their way outside and Jisung led the way, awkwardly playing with his hands walking about an arms distance away from him. Minho was going to have to break the ice. He was literally impossible to read.
“Are you sure there isn’t something wrong with what I’m wearing?”
This guy.
“So..Jisung, what brought you to Jeju?”
“Who me? Uh..um..just wanted to get away for the summer, had some work to do”
“Cool cool”
“Uh..you?”
“Kind of something similar, my boss made me come”
“You didn’t want to?”
“Not at first, but I am kind of enjoying it now” Minho looked next to him and smiled. Jisung gave a shy smile back.
They made it to the restaurant shortly after and the host recognized Jisung immediately, giving him a hug and seating them at apparently his regular table. He must come here a lot then.
“Mr. Popular”
“Haaah, no no, just come a lot.”
“Oh do you?”
Jisung’s face was as red as a tomato. He’d spare him.
“So Jisung, tell me how you ended up at the bar the other night.” He smiled. Dying to know more.
“Oh god”
“C’mon..I’ll go first. I had friends in town and they wanted to go out to dance so that’s where we ended up.”
“Ugh..that is nice, my friends actually were here the weekend before”
“Mhm so then you went by yourself to the club the following weekend?”
“Yeah..um..they told me to let loose, kind of said I needed to go on a date while I was staying in Jeju because they said I don’t get out enough, so I don’t know..I don’t know actually what I was doing. I think I got too much vitamin D that day or something” He started to fidget in his seat pulling on his sleeves.
“Yeah? When’s the last time you went on a date?”
“Oh..uh..this is embarrassing….college”
“That’s not embarrassing..I haven’t been in over a year myself, how old are you Jisung?”
“I’m 25…” He frowned.
“Stop that”
“Sorry”
“Stop apologizing”
“Okay yes yeah”
“So are you going to go on a date while you are here?”
“Um…” He waved his hands toward Minho. “I thought um”
“Oh…you want to take me on a date??”
“Well..did I misread this entire thing..oh my god..I’m sorry..”
“No, if you want this to be a date, it can be a date..”
“I hate how pathetic that makes me sound”
“Well Jisung, you didn’t ask me, I asked you to take me, and you also haven’t texted me still, so how was I supposed to know what you thought this was?”
“No..I know..I..I suck at this, I’m sorry, yeah forforget it..let’s just..”
“Let’s just what?”
“I don’t know?”
“You don’t know?” He nudged his foot with his own.
“Well I mean..I thought you knew that I..um…oh god…”
“That you??”
“Uh..obviously I think you are attractive?”
“Yeah, you may have said that a few times last weekend” Minho laughed.
“So yeah..I mean, that wouldn’t be the most ideal way to tell someone you thought they were attractive, and yeah I am super embarrassed, oh god” Jisung covered his face.
“Jisung, can I be frank with you?”
The waitress dropped their dinners off at the table.
“Is it going to embarrass me more?”
“Maybe”
“Why not”
“I think you are cute alright? So just relax. I’ve already seen you in a pretty uh, grim situation” He chuckled. “And I’m still here aren’t I? I wanted to talk to you.”
“Yes” He peeked behind his hands.
“Alright, so…just relax.”
“Okay, okay. You wanted to talk ..to..mme?”
“If you want this to be a date, I do too.”
“Really??”
“Yes, why would I lie? I hate liars.”
“I..I don’t know..I’m sorry I am just so awkward..I don’t know…”
“Jisung relax” He reached his hand out and hesitantly Jisung clasped it with his, clammy and adorable.
“You look good tonight” Minho squeezed.
“You..you.. do too..thanks” He blushed again. Adorable.
“Okay, so tell me a little about yourself”
They spent the rest of the meal chatting about their love of the food at the café, places they had been in Jeju so far, and how they both are living in Seoul. They surprisingly had a lot of the same interests too, reading and anime. Which was refreshing. Jisung was cute, endearing, he was really awkward and a little unsure of himself, but it was super likable. He was so different than anyone Minho had ever met, let alone dated. It was really fun getting to know him. He seemed intelligent and seemed to enjoy his job as a graphic designer. They chatted a little about Minho’s friends but mostly he let Jisung talk, and once Minho got him going he never stopped. He thought he was quiet and shy but it seemed like once you got to know him he was chattier than ever. He was digging into the plotlines of anime, digging into character development of his faves. Minho found himself unable to stop smiling while listening to the small man chatter away.
He told him about his friends, and his current roommate Seungmin who sounded like a pain in the ass in the best possible way. Minho was excited to know Jisung was single, and absolutely not dating his friend Changbin who he had seen with him wrapped in his arms the weekend before.
Good.
Jisung had been drinking water all night, Minho had a beer with dinner and was just enjoying watching him gab away about himself. He talked with his hands too, which was beyond endearing. Pieces of food on his mouth from talking with his mouth full.
“Hi Jisung, I hate to bother you and your friend, but we are actually about to close up.”
“Oh..oh I’m so sorry Mrs. Wong, we will head out, thank you again, the food was amazing as always!”
They got up, Jisung paid, and they made their way out to the street, it was already 11:00pm, Minho had to get to work early Friday so he figured they’d call it a night.
“Is it wrong that I don’t want tonight to end?” Jisung whispered quietly on their walk back to his apartment.
Oh interesting…full of surprises.
“No...it’s not wrong, what do you want to do?” Minho reached out and grabbed Jisung’s hand to hold while they walked.
They looked at each other and smiled. Jisung surprised as ever, like no one had ever held his hand in his life or something.
He needed to reassure him again that he was having fun. He was tired, but still very interested in seeing what Jisung had in mind for the remainder of the evening. He was still looking for some action, although he was kind of positive it wasn’t going to happen tonight. He didn’t want it to either.
“Not much is open right now” Jisung was biting his lip.
“Yeah”
“Did you want to maybe come up and um..have like a drink or something?”
“Do you want me to?”
“Yeah? I mean, if you want to…or I mean it’s okay if you’re ready to go home. Actually, yeah don’t even worry abou--”
“Alright then, take me upstairs then” Minho laughed. He wasn’t sure exactly what Jisung wanted from him upstairs, if he really just wanted to chat more, or if he wanted something more, but Minho was fine with either. He got the impression Jisung wasn’t much of a hook-up kind of guy so he assumed he just wanted to hang out more. Minho was having fun getting to know him, so he was happy to join him, maybe tease him a little.
-
“Do you mind if I use your bathroom?”
“Yeah it’s just right down the hall”
“Hm..I feel like I knew that” He laughed, Jisung cringed.
“Right..duh sorry”
Minho could only shake his head. He never stopped apologizing.
The place was spotless. He was actually impressed now that he was officially invited here, he felt like he could look around more. It was clean, smelled nice, and it sort of surprised him. He didn’t know why, because Jisung always dressed nice, and last time he was here he remembered it being clean as well, but he was still surprised. Most single men he had met were sloppy. It was another refreshing quality about him. Especially when you are in their place unannounced because they are blackout drunk and half dead. He was super impressed by his impromptu visit.
“Do you um, want something to drink?”
“Sure, surprise me”
“Surprise..oh..I don’t know um..I’ll try, but it’s okay if you don’t like what I pick.”
Jisung came back with two glasses of white wine, which kind of surprised Minho again. He loved white wine.
“Thought you didn’t drink?”
“Only special occasions and stuff, I don’t really”
“Oh yeah, what’s so special about tonight?”
“Um..I have good company?”
Minho smiled.
Jisung sat on the opposite end of the couch, it was really hard for Minho to read what he was thinking. The entire night, he said he wanted it to be a date, clearly was surprised when Minho felt comfortable holding his hand, he invited him up but didn’t seem to even begin to understand how flirting worked. He didn’t want to push too hard, but he was curious.
He turned his body to face Jisung on the couch. “So Jisung, you’re here for a bit of a refresh aye? What are you running away from?” He sipped his wine.
“Honestly?” He sighed. “A bit of myself really..not sure if you noticed but um, I’m not the most social person…”
“I may have noticed, but nothing wrong with that”
“Yeah but..I mean Min-Minho seriously, I’ve been in Jeju for almost two months and you are the first person who has set foot in this apartment other than my friends who visited from Seoul.”
“That’s okay, you don’t need to have a lot of friends or anything”
“Yeah, it’s just…”
“You’re lonely too?”
He nodded.
“I understand. I myself am more of a loner too. After my breakup…I don’t know..I was a bit hurt and slept around, it made me feel good at the time, but after I just felt even more alone. Now I’m just…eh”
Jisung nodded.
“That was three years ago…and I’m still I guess…” He sighed. “It’s lame, but, I’ve seen you puke on yourself so I feel like I’m in a safe space” They both laughed, Jisung shaking his head and drinking more wine. He was feeling sentimental, maybe the wine, or maybe Jisung was just really easy to talk to. He felt like he could bare his soul to him and he wouldn’t be judged. Something about him. It was like he was an old friend. A calming presence.
“I miss having someone…but..not just anyone you know, I want a real connection.. you know what I mean?”
“Honestly? I..I’ve never really..I’ve never had that?”
“No?”
He shook is head.
“That’s okay too.”
“Not really..it’s embarrassing, I’m 25 and I’ve never been in love”
“That’s complicated Jisung…love isn’t always good.”
“Yeah but..ah” He shook his head.
“Tell me?” Minho scooted closer.
“I don’t know…” He looked down at the ground. Minho could tell whatever he was trying to say was difficult, something painful. “I don’t know if I’ve ever felt love at all”
“No? Not friends? What about your Mom?”
He shook his head.
“Oh…oh Jisung..I’m..I’m sorry..” He reached for his hand. He hesitated for a moment, but placed it inside Minho’s. He squeezed. Minho was lucky. He had good parents, great friends, and while Minsoon was horrible in the end, when it was good, it was really good in the moment. He pulled Jisung’s shaking hand up to his lips and kissed it.
“I’m sorry..do you..do you want to talk about it?”
“To be honest, no” He laughed. “But let’s just say, this is one of the longest “dates” I’ve been on”
Minho frowned. He wanted to hug him. He just looked so ..so..sad. I mean, part of him was wondering, what was wrong with him, I mean…obviously there had to be something wrong with him, was he weird, did he collect toenails or something? But the other part of him felt for him, his heart ached. He was opening up, and seemed like a really sweet person, kind of socially awkward but it was charming.
Fuck it. He looked so sad with his pouty lips and his sad eyes. He’d think he was a serial killer if he hadn’t already been here and seen him at his lowest.
“Come here” He set his wine glass down and opened his arms. Jisung just stared at him for a moment.
“Come here!” He snapped at him again. He wasn’t one to give out hugs all willy-nilly.
Jisung set his glass down and scooted toward him, timid as ever. It was like trying to hug a small feral animal. “I won’t bite, just come here would you, before the offer is off the table”
When he got close enough Minho pulled him in close and wrapped his arms around the small boys’ back. Rubbing his hands between his shoulder blades to help him relax. Jisung seemed tense but eventually let his body weight loosen and he sank into the hug.
“You know you can touch me Jisung”
“I’m sorry..I’m sor—”
“Shh, just relax yeah?” Minho whispered to him. Jisung’s nervous arms raised up and closed in around Minho on the couch. They stayed like that for a few moments before Minho pulled back, he wanted to look at him. He stared into his wide eyes and thought he saw a tear forming.
“Hey, are you alright?”
He wiped his face and scooted back.
“Yeah sorry, sorry”
“I didn’t hurt you or anything? I mean, I think I flopped you around a lot more last weekend” He laughed, a little nervous himself for what was going on in his mind right now. He never had anyone react like that to a hug.
“No..god no..it was really nice..I just, I didn’t realize how much I needed that I guess”
“No, I get it, it’s okay”
The silence was somehow not uncomfortable as Jisung pulled himself together. There was clearly a lot to unpack there, and Minho was kind of intrigued to know more. He wanted to grill him if he was being honest, but there was no rush. Neither one of them seemed to be going anywhere anytime soon.
“Maybe some time we hang out I’ll bring you over to the place I’m staying at, there is this great outdoor patio looking over the ocean, it’s beautiful”
“some time?”
“Yeah, if you want to hang out again, or..whatever I mean, no pressure Jisung-ah”
He smiled. “Yeah, I am..I mean, I do want to, hang out I mean..or whatever..yeah..you um, you are really good company” He blushed.
Minho wiped another stray tear from his eye. “I don’t want to overstay my welcome tonight or anything, but yeah, maybe you can finally text me?”
“Oh, oh god I’m sorry..I swear I’ve tried to..this is embarrassing, I’ve tried to send a message like one-hundred times and it always sounds stupid so I just delete it”
Minho shook him by the shoulders. “Jisung….stop overthinking it”
“Right..that’s what Seungmin always says..I..I will.”
“Give me your phone”
He looked at him shocked and handed it over, unlocking it for him. Minho spent a few moments typing a text and hit send.
Jisung took his phone back and laughed.
“There, now you don’t have to send the first message alright?”
Jisung nodded.
“Um thanks for coming tonight..you didn’t have to, and..yeah..thank you for hanging out with me”
He wanted to tease him, he really did, but he also didn’t want to hurt his feelings, he seemed so delicate..he’d wait on the teasing.
“Well, I kind of invited myself” He smirked. “But I’m glad I did, it was fun. Um, see you tomorrow at the café?”
Jisung nodded, walking him to the door, Minho turned around and Jisung ran into his back.
“Um..you coming with me?”
“I was ..I was going to walk you to your car?”
“Oh..oh” He smiled. “You worried about me Jisungie?”
“I just want—I just wanted to be um..polite”
Minho nudged him and grabbed his soft hand dragging him along behind him. He was going to take a lot of work, but he didn’t mind. He guessed there was still hope for this summer after all.
He pulled Jisung tight to his chest, squeezing him in and giving him a peck on the cheek, right on his little freckle. He felt him practically jump out of his own skin.
He giggled. Why was this so cute.
He pulled their hands back after staring at Jisung. “For being such a gentleman” He smiled.
“See you tomorrow”
“Uh..uh yes..yeah..tomorrow!” Jisung was smiling big, a big beautiful heart shaped smile.
Minho was stupidly smitten for this awkward dork who couldn’t handle his liquor. There was no one in his dating history even remotely like him, maybe that’s why it was so exciting. Exciting? What the heck was Minho’s deal.
He smiled the entire way home.
🐿️
“And then he kissed my cheek!”
“Woah woah woah buddy slow down” Seungmin laughed.
“Sorry..sor..sorry”
“No no I’m half asleep I couldn’t keep up, so the dinner went well then”
“Yes…yeah maybe? I think it did? I mean..yeah..I was..I was me..but yeah he was..he was really nice and honestly he seemed genuinely interested in me..which..maybe I misread it but, I don’t know and he asked me a lot of questions, and I couldn’t believe I asked him to come up and he did..and then yeah when he left he kissed my cheek..he kissed my cheek Seungmin!”
“I’m so glad it went well, how do you feel?”
“Less embarrassed I guess, I mean, he said we could have another date, well, he said next time we can hang out and I assumed that was a second date maybe I don’t know..I mean—”
“Maybe this time you ask him right? Since he kind of suggested it the first time”
“Right..ugh right..”
“You really like him huh?”
“I mean, well…usually the people who I like don’t like me back, I mean I don’t know if he likes me back but, yeah”
“I mean I wasn’t there, but what you described seems like he thought it was a date date, and it seemed like the thigh god likes you enough, since he finally sent that text to himself from your phone you’ve been trying to accomplish all week”
“Yes..yes right” He sighed.
“Text him tonight, make sure he got home okay, thank him for a good time”
“That isn’t too much?”
“No, you like him. Make sure he knows it.”
“Kay..okay, right.”
He spent the next 30 minutes pacing his bedroom before sending the message. Finally.
Jisung: Hi Minho. I just wanted to check and make sure you got home okay. I had fun tonight. Thanks.
Wow that sounded super formal. Yikes. Jisung wasn’t an amazing texter. He could write fake relationships for days but when it came to his own, mega yikes.
Jisung: A lot of fun I mean!
He got ready for bed, trying to ignore his phone for a while. He got a quick shower, avoided looking in the mirror while he was shirtless of course, until he heard the sound of a text ring through.
Minho: Were you going to come rescue me if I didn’t? 😉
Jisung laughed embarrassingly loud to himself. Forgetting his shirt, forgetting everything he was doing and crawling right into his bed with his phone.
Jisung: Hmm..I would try!
Minho: My knight in shining armor
Minho: I made it home safe. Thank you for the great night Jisungie.
Jisung: 😊
He felt sick. Good sick this time.
He tossed and turned all night, too excited to fall asleep. He was thinking about a thousand different things he could say to Minho tomorrow. He wanted to think of the right thing to say. Minho had been so kind to him. He had been so incredibly nice. He was patient, he was kind. He took care of him when he absolutely did not have to. Jisung was confused. He didn’t want to be too needy or annoying because Seungmin told him a few of the people he tried to date acted like he was way too intense and needed to chill out. He also didn’t want to come across as disinterested because Seungmin told him he had a terrible habit of not picking up when people were flirting with him and would miss opportunities. He made a lot of notes on Seungmin’s feedback.
So much time went by he didn’t even realize it was already 5:00am. Shit.
The next few days at the café were way less stressful than he thought they would be. Monday Minho bought Jisung a much-needed iced americano after he rolled in two hours late due to his lack of sleep. They chatted a little between Minho’s meetings but overall kept to themselves. They still worked at the same table together and it was just easy. Jisung was comfortable sharing space with him, and he kind of didn’t feel any pressure to keep a conversation going.
By Friday Jisung still hadn’t worked up the courage to ask Minho out on a second date, or whatever it was he was trying to do, but no worries, Minho did it for him, again.
-
“Sorry, I suck” Jisung said as he jumped into Minho’s car Saturday night.
“Oh, you do? Do you?” Minho asked, smirking and looking over at him, rubbing his thigh.
Jisung could feel his face heating up. Minho barely had to say a word and he could get Jisung red with embarrassment.
Dinner was lovely, literally a dream. Minho let Jisung just blab on and on about college, and Seungmin and his favorite stories. He couldn’t seem to stop talking sometimes once he got started.
“My absolute favorite book when I was younger was The Outsiders. My tutor gave it to me and if I’m being honest…” He whispered “I had a total crush on Dally”
Minho was just staring at him smiling, swirling the wine in his glass.
“What?”
“You’re cute when you are excited about something.”
“Oh god, don’t look at me” Jisung covered his face with his hands.
“Stop it” He smiled. “Glad to finally meet someone else who likes to read as much as me. I feel like we have so many books to swap. We need our own book club, I’d invite my friend Chan but to be honest, he’s a little preoccupied with a new baby right now”
“Oh my god right..do you have any photos?”
“Yes, of course I do, look here. And honestly..I was more of a Sodapop kind of girl myself” He giggled.
They spent the next twenty minutes looking at baby photos and giggling on their way from their fancy dinner to an ice cream shop. “I don’t know who we thought we were going there, this..this is where we belong” Minho laughed behind a scoop of mint chocolate chip.
“Hey now, you picked that place”
“I can’t believe they didn’t kick us out”
They shared ice cream, swapping flavors and chatting more. Jisung really just never wanted the night to end. Spending time with Minho like this, it was like he was a teen again, except living the life he wanted. It was so easy for him to open up and talk about everything. Some bits about his childhood. Within reason of course. He wasn’t going to bring up the fact that he was secretly an author, or that he hated literally everything about his existence on the second date. He was high on sugar and good company.
“So…” Minho scraped the bottom of Jisung’s ice cream cup with a spoon, his heavy muscled legs stretched across Jisung’s lap on the bench. He was super chill about it too. “Did you want to come to my place, or are you more comfortable at your own?”
“Huh?”
“I mean..tonight..it’s the weekend, unless you wanted to call it a night now?”
“Oh..no..not at all, I’m having fun”
“I thought so” Minho smiled. “I just didn’t want you to feel pressure to come to mine”
“Oh..right, right sorry”
“So….”
“Um..yeah..uh..we can go to mine?” It wasn’t that he didn’t want to go to Minho’s, he did, he really did. He was just really afraid of what that might mean if he did. He wasn’t the best at reading social cues, and he didn’t like the fact that he didn’t know how to drive, so he’d have to be driven home, or walk home and he just..it wasn’t something he liked to do.
“Earth to Jisung…you there?”
“Yeah, sorry “
“What are you thinking in that brain of yours?”
“Can I be honest” He buckled himself into Minho’s car.
“Please?”
“I’m not really sure what’s implied if I come back to your place, and I can’t drive so..I really wouldn’t have a way home”
“Nothing Jisung, nothing from me. Honest. I really just like talking to you. Unless you want there to be something? And I would take you home whenever you are ready, but I understand wanting that independence.”
That question was hard to answer.
“Jisung? It’s okay you don’t have to answer that question”
“Can I think about it?”
“Of course”
They pulled up and Minho walked with Jisung up to his apartment, arm in arm. Jisung was nervous. Did that Minho meant he wanted something to happen between them? And what type of things? He didn’t have a chance to call Seungmin about it, but Minho seemed to understand him well enough.
They plopped onto Jisung’s couch and turned on the TV.
“You know..we’ve spent all this time together and I don’t really know what you do for work?”
“That’s because work is boring, and listening to you talk is way more interesting”
Jisung smiled. “I’m sorry, I know I can get carried away”
“Don’t apologize, I love it. I work in publishing. It’s kind of boring”
“What!? No way, you get to meet authors and read stories all day? That has to be way more interesting than editing designs for pharmaceutical companies all day. I used to always want to be an author.”
Minho smiled. “That’s the only fun part, the rest is kind of dull. Meetings, blah blah, meetings, blah blah, but yeah it is nice that I get to do a lot of reading still, work in the field I care the most about.”
“It’s so good you get to work with something you are passionate about”
“Sure, sort of yeah, it all kind of blurs together after a while”
They spent a little time watching whatever show was on, but Jisung couldn’t help but have the burning desire to ask an important question. He had been itching to find out more about Minho’s ex. Curious because he had never been in a relationship himself before, curious about everything. It was his nature.
“Will you tell me about your first love?” Jisung blurted out. Maybe it was the two glasses of wine, maybe it was his desperate need for knowledge but, he just wanted to know, since he had no first hand experience…it might help with his next book.
“You want me to talk to you about Minsoon?”
“Is it too invasive?”
“No, no it’s not. Just not usually a second date topic, the man who cheated on me hahaha…Hmmm” Minho sipped his drink. “Love is..it’s simple and complicated at the same time. I think I had a lot of love for him, especially at the beginning. The warmth in your gut when you are together, the ache in your heart when you are apart. I’m not sure he ever really loved me, but I loved him. I think maybe he just had lust, and when I got boring he decided to move on without telling me. He said he didn’t want to “break my heart”. Ha..right.” He took another sip from his glass. “He cheated on me for a long time. That isn’t love, but I was willing to do anything for him. One sided love isn’t good. We had an instant connection, it was fun, but yeah. Love is blinding for sure; I’d like to believe that I could fall in love again. “He paused for a moment. “You know Jisung, love is golden like that Robert Frost poem in The Outsiders, it’s warm, and it’s heavy, you’ve felt it I’m sure, like when you’ve watched the sunset at the beach, or maybe when you finished reading a really good book? It is short, and it doesn’t last but its beautiful.”
“I’d like to think the right love can stay golden. Like how Johnny tells Ponyboy” Jisung mumbled.
Minho brushed his fingers down Jisung’s cheek. His skin prickled with goosebumps to the touch. “You’re sweet Jisung.”
He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry that happened to you..I’m sorry he hurt you..”
“It’s okay, it led me here, and I like being here” He smiled and rubbed Jisung’s hand in his lap.
“What’s a book you love Minho?” Jisung mumbled again. Happy that Minho was entertaining his questions.
“It’s funny, there are a lot, but right now, not sure if you heard of it but this book called Red ?”
“Yeah, I think I know that book” Jisung tried to brush it off. It was his book. He didn’t want to talk about it. Way too embarrassed to know what he thought about it. Way too overwhelmed to know Minho loved it. No. No.
They went quiet for that, the humming sound of whatever music was playing on his speakers, and then he realized he and Minho somehow were squished together on his couch. He was slumped into his side, Minho’s arm wrapped around him holding him close. He was pretty sure he himself had been asleep for a few moments. His eyes heavy after he brushed Minho’s favorite book off, and probably the three follow-up questions Minho had asked after.. “Jisungie, you’re falling asleep” He patted his head. “Honey”
“Hmm”
“It’s late, I should get going.”
“Stay” He mumbled into Minho’s shoulder, using sleepiness as an excuse for his desperation for closeness tonight. The thought of being alone, the numbing fear aching in his stomach if he was alone tonight. He was way too comfortable where he was.
“Stay?”
He nodded. Not sure how his statement even slipped out between his lips from the beginning.
Minho ran his fingers through his hair.
“You want me to stay here… tonight…. with you?”
Jisung found himself dazed, drunk on sleep and feeling desperate to be held. He never had been held like this, never really from his family, maybe Seungmin and Changbin.
“Please? I don’t want to be alone tonight” Jisung lifted his head, he could feel his eyelids drooping, but, something about being held in Minho’s arm was the most comforted he had felt in his entire life. He couldn’t believe he said it out loud.
“Can I be honest this time?”
Jisung nodded.
“I don’t want to either” And he placed his finger under Jisung’s chin resting against his shoulder and pulled him up. Locking eyes with him. Behind them, something Jisung never had seen before so closely.
Desire.
Their lips met within seconds. Something about the confidence Minho gave him, the look in his eyes, the way his stomach knotted up with excitement. It just felt right. His lips were warm, soft, gentle. Kissing Minho was simple. One kiss, two, three. Their lips danced together, and desire ripped through Jisung’s body. He was lonely, Minho was sexy, confident, and had a familiar sadness inside of him Jisung could understand. The talks of Minsoon, there was a lot under the surface of Minho, Jisung wanted to explore. Every crevasse of his mind, and every soft crack of his lips.
His body was buzzing when they pulled apart. The kisses were chaste, but Jisung wanted more. He felt his heart rate pick up as he slowly looked Minho’s face over. He had never had a kiss like that.
“Fuck, come here” Minho whispered, almost too quiet to hear.
Minho wanted him to be closer. He anxiously climbed onto Minho’s lap, guided by gentle hands around his waist, their breaths heavy as Jisung closed his eyes and let Minho guide their lips back together. Magnetic.
Hot. Minho was so hot. Kissing him was so easy, nothing about it felt forced, it felt right. Jisung licked his tongue right into Minho’s needy mouth and explored every ounce of heated space he let him. He didn’t even hesitate; he didn’t need to. His fingers pulled on the short hair on the back of Minho’s neck feeling their prickly ends, as their tongues pressed together. His hips squeezing around his sides as his body moved naturally.
Minho’s lap was strong, Jisung could feel his fingers squeeze into his waist, and his thigh muscles tightened underneath him. He wasn’t even embarrassed to feel his own dick filling out in his pants because he knew Minho’s was too. He could feel it. His hips open and spread, knees pressing into his thick waist. Everything was overwhelming and perfect, and new. He wanted to explore what it was like to touch another man so intimately. The strength of his body, the gruff soft skin of his face. His perfect jawline.
Minho wanted him. He could feel it. Arousal was pooling deep in his gut as his jaw went slack and he let Minho take control. His tongue mapping out Jisung’s mouth. He let him take, and take, and take. Holding onto his lower back, keeping him grounded where he wanted him.
“hmmm” Jisung whimpered into his mouth as he felt his dick twitch on a particularly hard bite on his bottom lip.
“Fuck Jisung..you’re so sweet like this” His hands slid down to the round bottoms of his ass cheeks, squeezing over the denim.
He had never been in this situation before. He had never been in someone’s lap, he had never been desired, maybe it was fleeting, but Jisung was horny, he was lonely, and he wanted it. He wanted whatever Minho wanted to give him. He let his guard down, he wanted to just let his body take.
“I want” Jisung mumbled into Minho’s open mouth. Neither man could catch their breaths as they both found themselves lost in their lust for one another, built up tension and loneliness was quite the combination.
“What do you want baby?” Minho licked across his lips and began placing chaste kisses across his jaw, hands wrapped around his body.
“oh god” He whined and felt his hips buck down into Minho’s. A sweet grind of his cock into Minho’s hard body sending a chill down his spine. To be touched, to be allowed to feel. How did he get here?.
“I’ll give you anything you need” Minho kissed from the base of his neck up to his chin, lips crashing together soon after, unable to stay apart, like magnets.
Minho was intelligent, had a good job, was caring, and extremely attractive. Jisung wasn’t totally afraid of sex, he wasn’t afraid of Minho, he just never had an opportunity to be this close to anyone. Never shared so much with someone so quickly, never felt something feel so right and simple before. Everything was just so intimate.
Minho’s hands squeezed Jisung’s ass and pushed him into his own groin again, encouraging Jisung to grind down into him, and he let himself. Stuttering his way down the first few rolls of his body. Jisung let his thoughts empty as he let his hips grind down over and over and over across Minho’s body. His cock aching deliciously, trapped in the strict confines of his pants. Feeling Minho’s hardening length brush across his own was causing him to shiver under his fingertips.
“Fuck you’re so hot like this, that’s it, keep going”
“hmmm feels so good” Jisung threw his head back and rutted down into him. Minho’s lips attached back onto his neck, sucking and gently biting his sensitive skin.
He was leaking pathetically in his boxers inside his jeans as he dragged himself across Minho’s hips. Pleasure building all the way through him down to his toes curling in his socks. It wasn’t going to take much to send him over the edge. His judgment was cloudy, his brain was foggy. His body was overwhelmed with the simplest feeling.
Their lips met again, messy, Minho bit and pulled on Jisung’s every time their cocks met in their denim. A hypnotic rhythm building between their bodies.
Minho’s grip on him began to tighten, the strength in his arms pulling him in closer, the delicious grind of their bodies becoming almost nonstop as Minho started to buck his hips up, holding their bodies close together.
“Are you close?” He whispered into his open mouth.
He nodded, unable to catch his breath. The buzzing in his bloodstream making it impossible to think straight. He could feel his own muscles starting to tighten, his brain unable to make a single coherent thought as he started to chase his release.
“Ohhh oh oh god Miiiinnhoo” He whined out and squeezed his eyes shut, body arching into Minho’s chest as they squeezed their hips together, Jisung rutting down with quick micro thrusts into him.
And pleasure ripped through his body like an earthquake.
His whole body vibrated through his orgasm, toes curling, cock spurting hot release into his own pants creating a sticky mess he couldn't care less about. His body shivered with the come down as Minho bucked his hips up into him. Moaning and pressing him down hard into his thrusts up as he came underneath him. Using Jisung’s taught body for his own pleasure.
Their lips met as their bodies continued to slowly grind in tandem. Tongues and heavy panting as they rode out the endings of their shared pleasure. Jisung eventually unable to keep his head up leaned it on Minho’s shoulder, slowly stilling his hips. His brain felt like a marshmallow. He dropped all of his weight into him and whined.
What the hell just happened.
“Holy hell” Minho was panting, rubbing his lower back gently. “You are incredible”
Jisung whined again, a little embarrassed now that he realized what he had done, what they had done on his couch. Minho’s hands gently brushed across the planes of his body, and it felt good. It felt so safe, and so good.
“Are you hiding?” Minho asked, using his own nose to push Jisung out from his hiding spot in his neck. “Nnghh” He groaned.
“Are you alright honey?”
Jisung nodded.
“Can you look at me?”
Jisung shook his head. Minho laughed.
“Don’t be embarrassed.. this…you.. are so hot” His hand ran up his spine and landed in his hair, pulling gently on the thick hair and forcing Jisung to lean back and look at him. Both of their faces were flushed, sweat dripping down Minho’s gorgeous forehead. He was so attractive when he was sweating. How did a simple kiss turn into this so quickly?
He felt scared, nervous, something about being so vulnerable was frightening all of a sudden. Seeing his eyes again, realizing it wasn’t a dream. His post orgasm daze wearing off. The chemistry between them had been so intoxicating, his hormones were on fire. What was he supposed to do?
“Hey hey, it’s alright”, Minho kissed him softly. Lips landing a few times onto Jisung’s tight mouth. giving him reassurance.
They stayed there for a few more moments before Jisung started to squirm in Minho’s hold. The realization that his pants were soiled, and he was so incredibly tired.
“Jisung, you’re okay, hey”
“Hm?”
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Hm?”
“Are you okay with it?”
Jisung nodded, his eyes closed, ashamed.
“Hey, sweetie, no..no..I mean..you just tensed up on me, you didn’t do anything wrong. Are you okay with this?”
Jisung thought for a moment. Yes, he was very okay with it if Minho was. Nothing ever came that simple for him. Nothing ever felt that right. That and he never did anything like this before.
“I..I am if you are?”
“Uh fuck yes, I am, you are a wet dream Jisung.”
He let out a quiet giggle. He didn’t know it was possible for someone to say anything like that to him. To want him. To be wanted. He thought he was undesirable.
Minho gently dusted his hair out of his face with his fingers. “You’re gorgeous, let me see you.”
Minho kissed his lips one last time before his hands dropped back down to his hips and rubbed over them, caressing him with a tenderness Jisung had never experienced.
“Gorgeous?” Jisung repeated.
“Yeah...breathtakingly so” He kissed his forehead.
They stayed together a few more silent moments, heartbeats syncing up to the music in the background again as they just existed together. Jisung trying to comprehend the meaning behind Minho’s careful words.
“Want to get cleaned up and get to bed?”
Jisung nodded.
Minho helped lift them up, Jisung’s legs wrapping around Minho’s waist, a wet spot on both of their pants, arms around his neck as he carried them into the bathroom. It was unreal to be carried like that, to feel a man’s body be used for its intended strength. Muscles tensing and pulling to carry his weight.
Jisung cleared his throat as he was set down next to the sink on the counter. “I have an extra toothbrush um, in that drawer you can use” He didn’t know the protocol for this. He assumed based on the pieces he wrote and the research he had done for the stories that he should offer Minho the opportunities to feel at home, clean, comfortable. Like he belonged in his space.
Minho ran his fingers through Jisung’s sweaty hair again, kissing him gently before pulling both tooth brushes out and they both got settled in, sharing the bathroom.
Minho was hot. His face still had a sheen of sweat on it, sweat that Jisung brought on. His cheeks still flush with pink from exertion, from Jisung. He caused him to feel aroused, his body made him feel good. Jisung did that.
He spat out the toothpaste and they kissed again, Minho pulling him in for another filthy kiss, tongue back searching his mouth for more, the magnetic pull again. The grip on his head pulling him in.
“Mm Min..Min I need to change” He laughed. He wanted to keep going to see where it could end up, but he wasn’t awake enough to be making decisions like that. His horny brain was fried right now.
“Do you have anything I can throw on?” Minho asked quietly.
“Oh duh, yes..yeah let me go get you something” Jisung hopped off the counter, Minho’s hand slapping against his ass as he scooted out the door. He laughed. He grabbed Minho a pair of boxers and a long sleeve shirt and he gave him a chance to freshen up in the bathroom. He came out a few moments later, kissing Jisung’s cheek and letting him go change. He peeled off his own sticky long sleeve shirt. Closing his eyes and hiding from himself in the mirror, his normal procedure. He washed his lower half off with a rag and slid on a pair of gym shorts. Making sure all of his soulmate marks were hidden and he came back out to find Minho laying in his bed under the blanket.
“Come here” Minho reached out to him.
Jisung smiled. He couldn’t explain it, but it just felt so so so good to be wanted. It didn’t feel fake. He was going to let himself believe it was real. He was tired, tired of a life of being unsure.
He crawled under the sheet and Minho quickly pulled him close, allowing his head to rest across his chest, an arm wrapped around him tightly. Jisung closed his eyes and let his fingers roam across Minho’s stomach. He just wanted to feel him. Even if it was just for tonight. Even if Minho never wanted to speak to him again. This felt so real. His soul was so tarnished with pain, and it had never felt so alive before.
This felt like something he would write about, like his own story had meaning tonight. It had to be a dream.
-
When Jisung woke up he kept his eyes closed tight. He wasn’t sure what time it was, but what he was sure about was that he was currently being spooned by a warm body pressed into his own. A leg was thrown over his hip, and a hand was pressed into his chest. He could feel hot breaths hitting the back of his neck, and oh yeah, a hard dick was pressed into his ass.
This man was real, 100% real, and 100% in his bed. He wasn’t sure what the real-life protocol was in this situation, but he knew what he would do if he was a character in one of his stories. He’d take full advantage of the situation. The characters would absolutely fuck around. His chest was tight with nerves, but, feeling so much heat being pressed into his body was clouding his normal level of judgment.
But, the longer he laid there debating, the realization came in that he needed to take a piss, and absolutely brush his teeth though before he took too much advantage of the situation. He may be perpetually single, but he is just a man, a man with needs. He was still coherent enough to want his teeth brushed before he tried anything, he didn’t want Minho to find him disgusting…so he slowly climbed his way, reluctantly, out from under the grasp of the strong weight pinning him in place, and snuck out of the room. Wait til he talked to Seungmin…
Upon his return he saw the most gorgeous sight. Strong muscular legs sprawled out in his bed, gorgeous skin everywhere on display. A man, in HIS bed. At some point in the night Minho must have overheated and ripped his shirt off because his chest was on full display. Deliciously beautiful from head to toe. Jisung wanted to devour him, be devoured by him.
He had a naughty idea, but didn’t want to cross the line. He didn’t want to do something Minho didn’t want him to, even if he was more experienced, it didn’t mean he’d be into it. As much as he’d like to jump on top of him and rile him up, he didn’t know if that would be okay so he didn’t. Damn.
He watched Minho’s softened body roll over to his side, when he spotted them.
Snapping him out of his dirty thoughts he saw the curved gorgeous golden swirls adorned across the backs of Minho’s thighs, and over the waistband of his boxers. Jisung’s extremely tight boxers on his legs. His soulmate marks.
He felt like crying. Minho’s marks were just as beautiful as he was. How could someone be so gorgeous, statuesque, soft, and gentle. He had never seen anything like them. He had never met anyone like him. How could his soulmate markings be that beautiful? He never saw any that shined so bright, never knew it was possible for pain to glimmer so brightly.
He wasn’t good enough for him. Somewhere he had a soulmate as beautiful as he was. Minho was golden, perfect. Jisung was damaged goods, his marks as black as tar. So much space on his body taken up by pain and hurt, he couldn’t possibly be good enough for him. He caught back a sob as he ran out of the room and slammed the bathroom door behind him.
He was overwhelmed. Fuck. What in the world was he thinking?
He wasn’t a fated soulmate, life wasn’t fair. Minho wasn’t made for him, he wasn’t his, and he never would be. Jisung was playing a fantasy game, writing a book for himself that could never be real.
He jumped in the shower and tried to wash away his pain. He scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed at his chest and arms trying to get rid of the marks that caused him so much hurt. A constant reminder that he wasn’t good enough. Why was he cursed like this? Why couldn’t he be normal? He didn’t want to see himself, he didn’t want to see how beautiful everyone else’s marks were, especially not Minho’s.
He wasn’t gorgeous, he was horrifying. Poisonous .
“Fuck fuck fuck” He let out soft cry. Trying to hold it together. He knew they weren’t going to disappear. He knew it but he still always did this when he was frustrated. He wanted to wash them away. Each mark a horrible memory he hated to remember. He was startled from his thoughts by a soft knock on the door.
“Hey Jisungie? Everything alright?”
“Uh yes” He sniffled. “Sorry, I’ll be out in a minute.”
“You sure?”
“Mhm” He shut off the water and quickly dried himself off, throwing on his clothes as quickly as possible and coming back out of the bathroom. Minho was sitting on his bed, shirtless with a look of concern in his eyes.
He was breathtaking. How cruel was this world.
“Hey..do you want to talk about it?”
Jisung shook his head, still holding back tears.
“Hey...you’ve been crying..can you talk to me? Is it something about last night?”
He shook his head again, wiping the snot from his nose.
“Do..do you want me to leave?”
He hesitated. On one hand, he wanted to be alone right now, he wanted to forget this ever happened, pack his bags and go home to Seoul to never think about Minho ever again, or how good he made him feel. On the other hand he wanted to be held. He wanted it so badly.
“I can leave, I’m sorry if I did something to upset you.” He got up, turned around and quickly started to strip himself of Jisung’s boxers to throw on his own clothes.
“Wait!” Jisung yelped, holding back his tears.
Minho halted, his ass and gorgeous body fully on display for him, golden shimmery swirls were adorned across his beautiful creamy skin. It was the most beautiful thing Jisung had ever seen. Somehow his pain made him even more perfect.
“Minho”
“What’s going on?” He pulled them back up, turning around.
Jisung didn’t want to tell him, he didn’t want to tell Minho that he could see them, he never shared this with really anyone besides Seungmin, and now Changbin. But he felt like Minho needed to know, he needed to know why they couldn’t hang out anymore.
But not yet.
“Can you hold me?” He whispered, a tear dropped from his eye, down his rounded cheek.
“Lay down” Minho whispered, and he got in the bed opening his arms for him. Jisung crawled in. Minho’s strong arms pulled him in close, letting his skin soak up his tears as he cried into his chest.
“It’s okay, hey…can you talk to me? Tell me what’s wrong?”
“It’s … so…..so…...so lonely” He hiccupped out. “I..I’m so alone” He let out a few soft sobs, trying to catch his breath.
“Oh, honey” He kissed the top of his head. “I’ve got you, you’re not alone right now.”
The scent of Minho’s skin was so warm, so human, so real.
“I’m..I’m sorry” He whispered.
“For what?”
He shook his head.
Minho’s grip on him was snug, he must have tired himself out because when he opened his eyes he was still pressed into Minho close. He could hear his heavy breaths letting him know Minho must have also fallen back to sleep.
He sighed in his hold and pressed his lips into the bare skin in front of him. He was embarrassed, ashamed, and nervous, but it felt so safe.
He smelled like his bed. Like him.
He didn’t want to ruin what was being built with Minho, even though it wouldn’t last. It couldn’t. He didn’t want to, but he knew he was destined to be alone. He wasn’t made for anyone, his pain was ugly, his skin slashed and marked up with so much hurt, it would never be okay. His fingers traced the soft golden lines of Minho’s back, feeling the soft skin beneath his fingertips, until he felt him shake awake.
“Hey there… m sorry I fell asleep, are you alright?” He mumbled, still half awake.
“yeah, I’m..” Minho grabbed his sides and pulled him up into the pillow to look him in the eyes.
“oof”
“Talk to me” He caressed the back of his head. “I’m a good listener”
“I don’t know where to start”
“Whatever comes to mind first, I’ll keep up” His eyes blinked slowly, sleep still hanging on them.
Minho, could he just stop being perfect for five seconds.
He sighed.
“Take your time”
“Minho, I’m sorry I’m so strange”
“Jisung..please..everyone is weird, tell me what’s the matter?” He kissed his nose.
Jisung couldn’t help but blush and smile. Their faces so close he could admire all of his features without shame.
“My parents don’t want me to be gay.”
“Is that what’s bothering you right now?”
“No”
Minho laughed. “Okay then what is it?”
“It’s complicated”
“Can you let me try to understand?”
“I think there is something wrong with me”
“Because your parents don’t want you to be gay? I think that is a normal thing, not that it is okay”
“No..no..” he laughed. “No it’s like, I don’t know um..I don’t know who I am”
“Okay I’m not following”
He sighed. “I guess I’ve spent my life trying to figure out who I am, and I still don’t know”
“You aren’t sure if you like men?”
“No..ugh..I’m not explaining this right”
“It’s okay, keep trying”
“I..I don’t know how to be around people, My parents..they… found my journal when I was 16 and they found out everything about me..and they sent me away and yeah.. I don’t know who I am anymore..”
Minho pulled him in tighter for a hug. “I’m sorry”
“When did you.. know?”
“Hmm..I honestly can’t remember a time, I think I just kind of always knew a little bit that I wasn’t like..the other boys my age?” He sighed, kissing Jisung’s lips with a tenderness he had never seen up close.
“I think when I got into my teens I started to really just like, embrace my queerness more…I grew up in the dance community which really helped me I think..I was lucky that way.”
Of course he did. “When I was a teenager…my tutor..the one who gave me The Outsiders I told you about..he was…I just really never had got those feelings around anyone else you know?...and I had this journal…my parents found it later and..yeah they were not okay... I wrote like all of my secrets in there you know…Like.. my thoughts about myself…and..others…it was kind of awful”
“I’m so sorry…that must have been so violating…” Minho squeezed his hip with his leg.
“Yeah, that’s exactly what it was.” He huffed. “All of my feelings...when I was little I moved countries and I didn’t speak the language, I didn’t have friends..I just had my books right? I was never good enough for them. Never. Not for friends, for guys, for my parents..no one..I’ve never been..it’s never been okay…and I don’t have like…I don’t know”
Soft eyes stared back at his. “It must have been really hard Jisung, to have someone read all of your private thoughts…I’m sorry..so sorry”
“And to love you less for it..”
“Oh honey” Minho pulled him in for a tight hug. He was so warm. Jisung could feel his heart beating in his chest. “I’m so sorry.” He paused. “You are so worthy of love Jisung, I’m sorry you can’t get it from them.”
Jisung choked up.
“You are fine just the way you are, and you are worthy of love okay?”
Hearing those words hurt and he couldn’t hold back the tears from falling.
He felt vulnerable, more vulnerable than ever.
🐇
Minho was heartbroken hearing how much pain this small boy was holding inside him. He knew there was more to his story, he could tell he was holding back but he didn’t want to push him any further. He had already been really vulnerable and was clearly upset.
Normally seeing someone acting so emotional would be a turn off, especially on the second date. But everything about Jisung was different and yet Minho didn’t feel that way at all about him. He felt incredibly connected to him, he felt his chest ache with the pain of the hurt behind his tears. He didn’t know exactly what he had been through, but he could feel it in his bones how deep the hurt went, and he wanted to support him. He felt driven to give him support, pulled to him.
Like the feeling you have when you see a puppy or a kitten. You just want to protect them from the world, and immediately care about them.
He let him cry until he seemed to fall asleep again. Until he tired himself out. Clearly holding that all in for so long. Clearly needing someone to be there for him. He would have to remember to yell at his so called “friends” for clearly not being supportive enough, whoever this Seungmin was. They may not have lived the queer experience, perhaps they couldn’t understand how it felt, couldn’t give him the love he needed when he told them. He’d imagined they’d have to know about all of this. And yeah even so, if he was holding all of this hurt in for so long, Minho had a bone to pick with them too.
He let the boy’s body finally relax in his arms, his breaths steadying deep with sleep. He was gorgeous, even in sadness. Something about his honesty, his vulnerability being so fragile, but being comfortable enough with Minho to share it meant a lot to him. Nothing sexier than open communication, and intimacy, even in language. No, especially in language.
He was infatuated with him. He was unlike anyone he had ever met. He was awkward, and funny, and sexy without even trying to be.
He laid in silence, watching the soft cheeks rise and fall with his small breaths. His eyelashes long and soft. His skin was so beautiful he wanted to see more of it, but he’d let him take his time. Clearly, he was holding a lot inside. Clearly, he had a lot of pain he needed to get out, and probably wasn’t ready to be laid fully bare in front of someone yet. Minho felt comfortable with him, and he wanted to kind of be the one to be there for him. He was awkward, and strange, and lacked social skills, but he was really easy to be around. To stand in front of something so daunting wasn’t intimidating. He didn’t want to jump ship and run.
Their connection was undeniable, and he was burdened with a lot of self-doubt. Minho wanted to help him tear those walls down. He wanted to know everything about him, he wanted to help take him apart and put him back together. His sadness was so deep, and his loneliness was so relatable, the inner battles he was facing. Minho understood it to an extent. He knew what feeling alone was like, he went through extreme hurt when he and his ex broke up. And if Jisung felt like that all of the time, it was cruel. He didn’t deserve that, he was so gentle and sweet.
He stroked his hair softly, perfectly content to hold the man in his arms for as long as he needed. He didn’t want to overstay his welcome, but he had a feeling Jisung wanted him to stay. Plus, it was nice being needed. Nice being held close. He had been lonely himself lately. This felt right.
Eventually Jisung wiggled out of his grip in his sleep, rolling to his side. Minho wanted to let him rest. He looked over his body and thought about how vulnerable it is to be asleep in front of someone else. How you let your guard down so far that you let your body essentially powers down and rests. How hard it honestly must be for Jisung to even do that simple thing, how exhausted he must be. Hopefully feeling safe with Minho here.
His soft black hair splayed out on the pillow, his skinny legs crossed at the ankles, the way his shorts hugged the side of his hip, the soft space of the skin on his tiny waist that was exposed when he rolled over.
He was curious, eyes roaming the sliver of forbidden skin. He realized Jisung only ever wore long sleeves. He had never seen much of his body. Never his arms.
He could see the beginnings of something outlined in black. If Jisung had a sexy back tattoo Minho would absolutely lose it, on that tiny waist... Was that some sort of tattoo? He was full of surprises…
He carefully reached across the bed and went to pull on Jisung’s shirt a little before he was startled by Jisung waking up, choking on his own breath.
“Hey..hey just relax, you’re alright” Minho sat up next to him, his hand finding home on his thigh. Jisung was gasping for air.
“Sorry, god..I think I was having some sort of dream or something”
“It’s okay”
“You’re..you’re still here?”
“Did you want me to go?”
He sighed. “no.. I just..I can’t believe you stayed”
“Of course I’ll stay as long as you want, but uh.. let’s make some food?”
Jisung grabbed his phone from the bedside table and picked them some delivery from an app. Minho left it up to him.
He leaned on the side of the bed, throwing his shirt back on and admired the stack of books he saw hiding under the bed. Jisung really did love books. Hold up, was that.. Blue ..and Purple !? The books he’d been searching for??
“Jisung!”
“What??”
“Can I borrow some of your books?”
Jisung laughed while rubbing the sleep from his puffy eyes.
“Um.. yeah which ones?”
Minho crawled off of the bed on the floor and pulled the two out he wanted.
“I’ve been looking for these. Alright…. What’s that sour face for?”
“Huh? Oh nothing, my eyes hurt from uh, crying is all.”
“These books are like impossible to find right now.”
“Oh, yeah? I didn't know? I’ve had them for a bit, they were a gift from a friend. Haven’t read them yet, um do you mind leaving them here?”
“Oh..uh..of course, they are yours..”
“Yeah I just, haven’t read them is all, I will though and then, yeah”
“No, I understand. Honestly, I was like not into the idea of them at all at first because I think fated soulmates are so cliché, but because of work I was forced to kind of read them…and when I finally opened up Red , wow. Just wow…incredible story. The twists…the intimacy…I was hooked…that story was beautiful. I want to kiss the author right on the brain for writing it. The entire hidden author thing I think is honestly genius, but I am dying to know who it is. I feel like it’s a publicity stunt, like when they do come out everyone is going to freak out you know? I think they have quite a cult following. Kind of like that Twilight author, I personally haven’t been this excited about something in so long when it comes to a story. It’s kind of funny actually it is literally the whole reason I am in Jeju—.”
“What’s funny” Jisung had gotten up and was halfway out of the room.
“That it’s the main reason why I am in Jeju in the first place, my boss wants me to find the au—hey where’d you go?”
Jisung was out in the living room, he was so fast. Minho threw the books back under the bed making note of where they were. He didn’t seem to be in too big of a hurry to read them, but he didn’t want to overstep.
“Where are you going, don’t run away from me.
“Sorry I needed some water.”
“Come heeeere” Minho whined and snuck up behind him at the sink pulling him in for a back hug, kissing his cheek and the side of his neck until he broke out into a fit of adorable giggles.
“You’re cute you know that?”
“Stoppppuh” He whined.
-
They ate their lunch and it was just easy. Easy being in his space. They didn’t even need to talk, he just felt like he belonged there.
Minho took a quick shower and didn’t hesitate to admire all of the fancy bath products Jisung had. Good products, that all smelled amazing. He had good taste; Minho loved a clean man that knew how to take care of his personal hygiene. He liked that his skin was going to smell like his. He hadn’t smelled like another man in ages. Something about it always made his heart squeeze, that other senses could bring on such a strong feeling of intimacy.
When he came out Jisung was back in his bed curled up in a ball under the blankets.
“Hey, thinkin’ I should probably get back home and get out of your hair so you can rest”
“You’re leaving?” He unraveled himself and his wide eyes peeked out from under the blanket.
Minho laughed and climbed into the bed nest he made. “This is one long second date” He pulled Jisung over to the middle of the bed by his waist on his back, straddling across his hips. Jisung’s hands grabbed Minho’s thighs and squeezed. Minho smirked down at him as he settled in.
“Your legs are ..are nice”
“Ohh..yeah?” He wiggled his hips down into Jisung’s. The adorable little book enthusiast closed his eyes and arched his back up, wiggling, trapped under Minho. “Just my legs?”
“Hmmm” Jisung whimpered under him as Minho dragged his hips across Jisung’s, teasing him.
Minho ran his hands up Jisung’s sides, across his pecs, finding the perky nipples hiding under his shirt and pinching them to watch him whimper. He wiggled and twitched beneath him, clearly immediately becoming aroused to his touch. Minho loved teasing and he loved finding out how reactive Jisung was to it. He was finding out a lot about him this weekend.
“Don’t tease me” He whined.
“No? What can I do then?”
He looked down at the nervous boy beneath him, at his mercy. Eyelids already heavy with want.
His fingertips grazed over Jisung’s nipples again over his shirt, obsessed with the way he immediately felt his dick grow beneath his hips. How his pretty little hands covered his face with shame.
“Oh you’re sensitive” He brought himself down to his elbows and kissed his soft cheek, and then his chapped lips. “and gorgeous”
“Ughhh” Jisung whined. “You’re bad Minn-oh”
“Me? You’re the one laying here begging for me to touch you.”
“What!”
“Look at you”
“Psh…hehh”
“You are sexy, I can’t help it..”
His cheeks were flushed, heating up with embarrassment.
“I can’t believe you called me ssexy..and that you are even here”
“Why not?” He leaned back up and tilted his head.
“Because..I’ve been oogling you since I first saw you at the café and just…I can’t believe you are here..in my bed.. touching me ”
“You want me to touch you?”
Jisung’s eyes stared up into Minho’s. He wanted him. He could tell, he just needed him to say it out loud, to be sure. He didn’t want to cross a line he wasn’t ready to yet.
“You want me to touch you Jisung?”
He watched his chest rise and fall heavily. His eyelids fluttering with nerves.
“I didn’t ruin it with my crying and sob story?”
“What?” Minho’s nose scrunched. “Jisung, you are a human being, at least I think so” He laughed. “Being a human being, and having emotions doesn’t ruin something, it makes you more powerful, more real.” He squeezed into the meat of his chest, shaking the muscle around.
“Me crying all day made me more powerful?” He laughed under him, legs squirming.
“Yeah. I kind of thought it was hot that you could trust me enough to share that with me.” He pulled a strand of his own silver hair behind his ear, staring down below him.
“Me crying was NOT hot.”
“yes it was” Minho circled his hips into Jisung’s feeling his hard-on. The thinner fabric between them making the drag even smoother than the night before. Shit. That cock of his..felt nice.
“Mmmgh” Jisung whined, his eyes closing up with pleasure.
“So so sensitive…so..can I touch you?”
“Yea..Yeah” He whispered out through a breathy whine when Minho grinded down into him again. “If you wwant”
“I want” Minho smiled and scooted his body down Jisung’s. “I really really want”
Minho wasn’t a pervert, but damnit he loved a good hot guy to fuck around with. And this one was sweet, and sexy, and so god damn endearing he wanted to watch him cum again. Up close. He wanted to make him feel good.
He liked taking care of people. He really wanted Jisung to feel wanted, desired. It was clear he never had much before, and Minho very very very much desired him.
He palmed Jisung’s hard length through his shorts. Enjoying the sounds he let out, the way his body relaxed to his touch.
“pretty”
He pumped him a few times through his shorts and let him relax even further into the mattress. His dick felt perfect in his hand, nice and heavy. God, he wanted it in his mouth, to be fair he wanted it in his ass but he could wait for that. It had been so long since he had gotten to be with someone new, to feel someone’s body, to let someone give themselves up to him, to trust him. His whole body was deflating to his touch, loosening up. And his own cock already dripping in his boxers, the ones that belonged to the man he currently smelled like, at the thought of seeing him like this.
“Can I suck you off?”
Jisung jolted up, almost knocking Minho off him apologizing profusely, Minho could only laugh.
“Is that a yes?”
“You want to do that?!”
“Honey, I want to eat you alive”
Jisung gulped.
“I’ll be gentle..but only if you want me to do this, you can say no, I won’t be upset” Jisung shivered underneath him again. “I mean it, I want to suck your big ol cock til you’re cumming down my throat, but if you aren’t in the mood for all that” Minho smiled. “I promise it’s okay”
Jisung laughed.
“Trying to get my point across”, Minho kissed his clothed hip. “I want you reallllly bad, but I also want you to know that consent is important to me, and I don’t want you to say yes to something you aren’t certain about right now..”
“I’m a little… nervous.” He loved Jisung’s honesty, he placed another chaste kiss to his hip.
“What’s scaring you?”
“I don’t know, just..I’ve..you know…It’s...”
“Hey.. It’s easy to get in your head especially with someone new, but I promise, you’ve been vulnerable all day with me, you have nothing to be embarrassed about, and I don’t want you to feel like you have to say yes right now”
“Yea.. yeah..”
Minho rubbed his hands on his thighs.
“Can I ask something?”
“Of course you can” Minho sat up next to his legs, giving him his full attention.
“My, you know…what if you think it’s like...what if like—”
He cocked his head to the side.
“Like…I didn’t like.. or like..you know…tidy up…”
“Jisung, you have a cock and balls right?”
“Then it works for me” He laughed. Trying to get him to relax and just enjoy some sexual relief.
“But what if it’s not… and and--”
“Oh this is really bothering you, okay okay..um you know when you were black out drunk I saw your ass right?”
“What!?”
“Yeah I left you with your clothes to put on, and I came back to check on you and you were face down, ass up, naked”
“WHAT!” He scooted up on his elbows.
“Yeah I had to pull your pants up, so actually I’ve seen your adorable ass already”
“Oh my god that is so embarrassing”
“Stick to the program here”
“You really want to uh..suck my ..uh.. my uh..dick?”
“Good god yes..” Minho licked his lips and winked at him.
“You know me long enough, and like me enough to want my dick in your mouth?”
“Sweetie” Minho crawled back up and laid next to Jisung in the pillows. “Honey…I don’t know what people have said to you, or done to you in the past, but you deserve to feel good. You are perfectly fine the way you are. I promise.” He kissed his cheek and pulled him in close. “Let’s take a step back and come back to the dick sucking when you are feeling a little better about it.”
“Did I ruin it?”
“No, no you didn’t ruin anything. There is no rush. It’s been quite a day already, yeah?”
“I’m sorry”
“Jisung, please don’t apologize. I just want you to feel comfortable, and it’s okay, there is no rush..we’ve only had two dates..I’m not counting your black out…” He smiled.
Minho felt bad for him. He wanted to take his self-doubt and stomp on it. The poor kid had been chewed up and spit out by the world, he couldn’t even lay back and enjoy a good old fashioned blow job. He didn’t know if it was his parents, or society, or who. But someone fucked him up so bad and made him question everything about himself. He was so unsure, so worried about making a mistake. A shame Minsoon wasn’t more like him.
Mistakes were okay, he wanted to break those walls down, but he realized maybe it was going to be a slow process, and he was up for the challenge. He honestly liked Jisung. More than just a summer fling, which he wasn’t sure he was ready to fully admit to.
They spent the rest of the afternoon just chatting and napping more. It was a pretty amazing weekend, one of the best he had in a long time. Getting to know someone was always complicated. Highs and lows. He loved that Jisung had been so honest with him, he loved that he was easy to read. They talked about his family, and Minho’s as well. Minho talked more about his time with Minsoon, and how much he felt he changed since then, talked a little bit about the good times. He liked sharing with him. He liked answering his questions, ever so curious for more details. Not everything was super serious, they also talked more about their favorite books, and music and movies. Yeah, his day was fantastic. Cuddling was also fantastic. It was amazing what another body touching yours could do for your mental health, at least Minho’s. He did love physical touch. It had been years since he had been that close to someone, and not this quickly, not this in depth.
He left late in the evening, stealing a few more kisses just because he could. On the way back he stopped at the grocery store and while he was rummaging around through the produce he realized he was feeling a little sad without the small book nerd by his side. It was funny how quickly he attached himself to the idea of Jisung. The scent, the fleeting familiarity with this stranger he couldn’t stop thinking about for weeks, and spending the last 24 hours with him was amazing. Being without him left a small hole in his heart. He..missed him?
They spent the night texting. Jisung’s still super formal style that made him laugh, filled with apologies for different things he did and said, and Minho would have none of that. He reassured him as many times as it took. He was sure he’d never get bored of telling him he was important and amazing and worthy of being cared about. He was a sweetheart, and deserved to hear it. It was so full on for Minho. He was a little concerned he was falling into his pattern of giving too much, but he’d ride it out. He had a special place in his heart for him already.
-
The next day he decided to start focusing back on his goal of finding this mystery author, aka the books from the author One . Lucky bastard Jisung somehow snagged those copies somewhere and wasn’t sharing them. He only had a month left of the summer, and he absolutely hated losing a challenge, the challenge being finding this author and convincing them to sign the deal. The possibility was insane but, yeah, he was going to succeed. First, he needed to find those damn books to read.
It was odd though when he thought about it actually, the copy of the books Jisung had were different versions than the other ones he had seen online for sale. Perhaps they were some sort of first edition copies? Jisung wasn’t kidding, he did love books. The pages had been white, not black like the others, and the material was much thinner than Red. Interesting. Both Jisung and this author were both full of surprises.
-
On his list for today in the evening after work was an art exhibition at a small museum on the other side of the Island. It was supposed to be inspired by historical pirates and their ships. He threw on some slacks and a short sleeve shirt and made his way there . Inside he found the bar and grabbed a glass of wine. He was here to see the exhibit for sure, but mostly he was here for work. Listen, he had done some research about the pieces being shown and figured if there was a pirate enthusiast on the island who wrote a love story about them, perhaps they’d show up to this exhibit. Clearly they had done a lot of research before writing the book, and it only came out a few months ago. If they were in Jeju they’d have to come see it. He really had no other leads, so why not pretend.
He wasn’t sure exactly what he was looking for, but he scanned his eyes across the room, glass of wine pulled to his lips. He figured the person might come alone since it seemed like everything about them was very secretive. He would be on the lookout for men who were here alone. Great.. seems easy.
He had gone to half of the list Chan had given him, and still no one stuck out to him. All of the people he had clocked so far were out taking photos and screwing around with friends. Not a lot of people he encountered seemed to stand out. At all.
At least now he thought maybe he could narrow it down to a man. Potentially one between the ages of 21-35 just based on the topics and life events expressed in the story he read so far. At least it was kind of fun to people watch.
-
“What”
“Why do you always answer the phone like that!?”
“Oh, Hello Christopher, how are you today Daddy?”
“No, you’re right I like the other version better”
“Seriously, how is fatherhood treating you both?”
“Honestly? It’s brutal, but I love it. Sunhee is already the light of our life.”
“I’m so happy for you, really..I know how badly you both really wanted to have a family”
“Felix, is, well..he is trying.” He laughed. “We both have a lot to learn, I’m so glad my Mom lives in town, she has been a saint helping us. Speaking of, I wanted to thank you for stepping up at work and helping the team while I’m gone. It means a lot”
“Don’t even think about work, I’ve got access to your calendar and contacts, we are gonna be fine. I wanted to tell you I’m reading those dumb books, and they are actually quite good. I feel like I’m really getting to know this author. And you know..I’m kind of loving the hunt…It’s at least keeping me busy here.”
“Hah! I’m sure if anyone can crack the code, it’s you. Hopefully my lead was right and they are in Jeju”
“Well if they are, I’m going to find them. I came to this art exhibit thing tonight, I feel like a detective here. I mean, with my job I’ve spent a lot of time with authors. I’d imagine since this one wrote a whole story based on pirates they would come check this event out. It’s been posted up at every café I’ve stopped in for weeks. My guess, a younger guy close to our age, single, and likes to cosplay as a sexy pirate.”
“Alright Agent Lee.. “ He laughed “I’m glad you are there. Now that I have you, how is life there, I’ve been meaning to ask you, did you ever catch up with that cute little drunk friend of yours?”
Just as he mentioned it to Chan, a slim man with black fluffy hair in a black blouse brushed past him. A promising lead that he had to follow.
“Hey Channie, let me call you back..”
-click-
He watched carefully behind him, trying not to be suspicious or weird. It was just too big of a coincidence he said it, and then bam in comes exactly what he described.
He was wearing black loose leg dress pants, nice shoes, and black high collared blouse. The sleeves had little ruffles on them. It was actually a really sharp look. He couldn’t quite place the man’s face yet, but he watched as he pulled something small out of his bag and sat down on a little bench inside the museum, staring at a giant painting of one of Blackbeard’s ships. He paced around behind him, curious what his next move was going to be.
He had to be joking, he was actually writing in a small notebook. Was this guy serious? He had to be his author. He literally just told Chan that who they were looking for would be identical to this guy. Minho decided it would be a good idea to maybe ask to share the bench, strike up a conversation. He never really thought he’d actually find the person, he never thought Chan was totally even telling the truth.
He walked casually over to the bench and sat down, still not making eye contact. “Mind if I sit?”
“Of course” A low raspy familiar voice chirped back.
“Jisung?” Minho looked next to him. “Han Jisung?!”
Wide doe eyes full of surprise stared back at him.
“Oh my god what are you doing here!” He laughed. Oh it’s just Jisung, of course, there is no one more adorable on this island, of course he’d be here nerding out over this, in a subtly themed outfit. His Jisung.
“I am here for work! What are you doing here?!”
“Oh! Well it’s funny I am too!”
“You’re working on something for All Med that has to do with ..pirates?”
“Oh, yeah no no um..it’s like another project I’ve just been assigned” He laughed. “Not All Med.” He tucked his notebook back into his bag.
“Oh, because I was like, wow that would be some graphic for headache medicine”
“We should have coordinated this better. How did we not talk about this today?” Jisung smiled at him. Bright and full of sunshine. “I’m glad you are here”
“Oh yeah? Why is that?”
“So you can drive me home after” He laughed. Minho pulled him in for a side hug on the bench kissing his cheek.
“Well, let’s go look at some ships then, shall we?” He held his hand out and Jisung grabbed it. Damn. No luck on his author tonight, but great luck on an impromptu museum date night. He could worry about work another time. He’d much rather spend the next hour and a half listening to Jisung explain the “golden age of pirates”.
🐿️
“Sung..what are you trying to tell me you’ve been talking in circles the last 20 minutes”
“Uh..ughhhh..” He whined.
“Han Jisung..what! All I’ve gathered was your second date went well, something about books, the couch, your ass? Not my favorite topic but..I’m listening.”
“Ughhhh!”
“WHAT”
“He…uh..we um…”
“Jisung did you fuck?”
“NO!”
“OKAY then what?”
“I came in my pants”
“I can’t hear what you’re saying, what about your pants?”
“I CAME in my PANTS.”
“Ew! Why are you telling me this??”
“Because!!” He whined. “Because it’s embarrassing”
“Right..so why are YOU telling me?? No seriously... are you alright?”
“Yeah..very alright.. Seungmin….I’m in trouble”
“Why? Because you guys are hitting it off? Doesn’t seem like anything wrong to me?”
“Because”
“Because?”
“I don’t know, you know I’ll ruin it, or he’ll get to know me more and realize I’m weird, or get tired of me..or I don’t know”
“Jisung, I think you are jumping to conclusions..again”
“I know but like..okay for example he offered to…this is TMI..he offered to suhh my dihh…but then he said I seemed off so decided we shouldn’t” He paced back and forth in his bedroom holding his phone.
“Oh my god ew, are you 13? Anyway- he sounds like a gentleman then, not just in it for a “hit it and quit it”. You told me that creep tried to take advantage of you at the bar and he stepped in, then he decided to go at your pace..I like him”
“Uh..I guess? I really do like him..I’m so confused… I don’t know…I don’t know, Seung he’s just like.. ..he’s just not like anyone I’ve ever met..he listens to me too...you know how I am..everyone gets sick of my tangents.”
“Yeah I can barely keep up sometimes and we’ve been friends for a while”
“yeah yeah yeah…but … you know like… you know how I usually either don’t know what to say, or can’t shut up. He just fills the space so easily, and I don’t feel pressure to talk when it’s quiet. It’s just so..so simple…I can’t explain it. He let me kind of bare my soul a bit to him..it wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be. I swear anyone else would have ran out the door…but he stayed..”
“That’s really good”
“Right..he..he was—”
“Wait you guys hooked up... that is huge for you…how do you feel?”
“Dude he’s so hot… oh my god his thighs...I saw them up close…wow..he is a thigh god…drunk me was 100% spot on.”
Seungmin laughed. “Alright so what about him seeing your ass? I thought you didn’t like being naked?”
“He told me he did the night I was drunk, apparently I was half dressed..but yeah..dude ..can I tell you something..?”
“Yeah, when have you held back?”
“I saw his soul bonds…Seungmin…they are beautiful..”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah..like…I don’t know..it feels wrong to see them..like I’m violating his privacy..” He couldn’t help but chew on his thumbnail with nerves.
“I get that..have you talked about it at all?”
“No god no…he brought up my books too...he loves to read. Said he loved MY book…We also ran into each other at that pirate exhibit I was telling you about. Me being an idiot I said I was there for work so he was ultra confused. God I don’t know…he liked my book Seung… I told you…and he said he hated fated soulmate stuff..but Seungmin you know..you know this isn’t going to work out…he has a soulmate…it’s not me, and I mean, it’s in my face…”
“I think you should tell him about the marks if you saw them--wait he read your books? God you go so fast.”
“Yes, one of them. Sorry… He tried to borrow two of my first copies, the ones you made for me, the ones I marked all over when we were doing the reprint…I told him no. It was kind of awkward but yeah..I didn’t want to talk to him about them, I acted dumb about it, I don’t know, it’s weird. I really like him though. We have so much in common…like so many things.”
“Is it wrong if he knows you are the author? I don’t know, something to think about.” He sighed. “But maybe if you guys keep hanging out you could tell him about the marks..you know? I know it's going to bother you if you don’t…obviously a second date is soon, but maybe if you trust him it would be good for you. Plus going into a relationship and having access to that information, I think I’d want to know personally”
“Yeah, I don’t think..I don’t know..I don’t think I’m meant for a soulmate of any kind..but..I want to keep hanging out with him, I really do..I mean, he’s very kind to me..and patient..but..I just don’t see how it would last past the summer. I’ll move back home, and so will he, and we can just let it die..it’ll be for the best”
“That’s grim”
“Me? A relationship!?”
“Well isn’t that what you are trying to do?”
“Yeah well…yes I guess I’d like that but…I think it’s better if I give him a chance to meet his real perfect match, someone who deserves him, I can just bide my time till it ends, enjoy it while it lasts for the summer. I mean we live on different sides of town.”
“Sung what? What makes you think you aren’t dating material?”
“Hah..funny”
Seungmin always tried to talk sense into Jisung, always tried to remind him he deserved to be happy. But…as his friend he had to. Well, Seungmin did always speak the truth when it mattered, a little too honest sometimes, but it was alright. Jisung could handle those moments. He just never clicked with anyone like he had with Minho. No one. Ever.
He remembered his first real date. Seungmin had helped him get the courage to finally ask out a guy in his Visual Design Theory class, sophomore year at university. It was cringeworthy. If Jisung could see him now…okay yeah, he is just as cringeworthy.
He had asked a straight guy out first his freshman year, someone he met in the dining hall, how mortifying. He tried to play it off like a joke. He had become the joke, he had to stop dining there for a few months. But yeah, his first real date. Donghyun, was too polite to decline.
They met up at an off campus restaurant and Jisung had saved up some money from his part time job at the bookstore to pay for it. They ate in awkward silence. Jisung tried to ask questions, but it was clear that Donghyun was really not interested in him. He was gawky back then, underweight with large eyes and a chubby face. He wasn’t one of the hot guys, wasn’t one of the guys people on campus wanted to be seen with. Let’s be honest there were not a lot of openly gay or bi guys parading around either. Donghyun was attractive, way out of Jisung’s league even though Seungmin said that he was lucky to be out with Jisung, he was just being nice. Seungmin told him what topics to discuss. Stick with the easy stuff. Of course he overshared, spit his food out when he laughed, and couldn’t think of one interesting fact about himself. Failure.
The next date he went on was no better.
Seungmin would always tell him when he was pining after the wrong person, or when he was better off without the guy who ghosted him. This sounds like he had a lot of dates. He had like five in total.
He wasn’t sure why talking with Minho was going so well. Probably because Minho was incredible. Golden and beautiful just like his soulmate markings. Jisung was infatuated with him, the shimmery golden lines that curved down his lower back and across those beautiful legs, almost like flowers. He had been smitten since day one. He couldn’t believe what his life had been like the last few weeks. Things never worked out for him. He didn’t want to get into a false sense of hope. But it was nice to pretend. It was nice not spending a night alone in his bed. He wanted that, so badly. He wanted so badly to feel. Feel the love that his characters got to experience. That the young boy in his room always desired. Maybe part of him still wished he didn’t like guys, how much easier his life would be. How much easier it would be to stop lying to his family. To make everyone happy with him.
-
He had made a lot of progress on his new story up until this point, but nowadays his mind was wandering. His characters had ended up being physically based off of Minho and himself. The main character written with silvery hair and a muscular build. He had high cheekbones and feline eyes that could slice right through you. He wanted his main character to be desirable, and he liked basing his characters off of people he met. It made things easier to write for him, easier to imagine. He didn’t know him by his name when he started describing him, back when he did the initial characterization, but it was just so simple to do and now he fell in love with the idea and couldn’t make it stop.
It made him nervous that Minho read his book Red . He was nervous that he asked about his original copies of his books. Everything made him nervous. He didn’t want Minho to see the real him and not like it.
He hid those books under the bed so he wouldn’t see them, not that he thought he would, but just because he had someone over he figured it would be a smart thing to do just in case. And now he got himself into a situation. Minho was a publisher, he didn’t know from what company, but he knew the books were top sellers, he said something about him coming here because of his work. He knew that publishers wanted him to sign with them because of the request Changbin was making him make a decision on. And yeah he thought it was a gimmick, being mysterious, but it wasn’t. It really was to protect himself from his family, from everyone.
Did he secretly want to know every little detail about Minho’s opinion on Red, of course. Of course he did. He was obsessed over the fact that Minho said he liked it. Obsessing over the fact that he said fated soulmates were cliché. Of course they were, but isn’t that the dream? The dream of having your perfect mate, made to love you wholly.
-
“Jisung dear, how is Jeju? You haven’t been calling me enough.”
“Um, it’s fine. Business trip for the summer you know, helping work out a deal with some partners. Not sure how long it will take.” That sounded businessy right?
“Hopefully another week or two? Me and your father are going to be visiting. We moved to Korea to be close to you, and we still haven’t seen you. We miss you darling”
“Visiting!? Where, here?”
“Of course, that is where you are. Someone has to make sure you are eating right. You always had a sweet tooth when you were little.”
“Right… well you know I am really busy during the week.”
“Yes, but you are too busy for your parents? You know we’ve spent all this money on your school, we ought to finally get to see you reap the benefits of that great education of yours.”
“Oh, yeah. I mean I guess it has been quite a few years.” Are they kidding?
“Honey, you never came back to visit us in Malaysia since you left. We have only gotten to see you once since you were in college, with your father’s busy schedule. Facetime isn’t enough. We moved home to be close to you, we want to see you more now that your father is retired, we can. You’re getting older now, and we don’t want to miss when you decide to start a family.”
He choked on his water.
“What?”
“Well, you’ve been so secretive lately me and your father assumed it was about a girl…perhaps? Are you hiding someone from us dear? You are 25, it’s time.”
Oh lord. He didn’t have the energy for this tonight. He had such a great two weeks and now it was going to be destroyed in a matter of seconds by the bane of his existence. His parents.
He had been great at dodging them for years. Literally being in separate countries was the best thing that could have ever happened to them. They all had their own space to believe whatever they wanted. Jisung, that he was a great liar, and his parents, that he was a heterosexual average business student who got a job that literally was textbook Seungmin’s life. Yeah. He couldn’t fake that forever. But he wanted to fake it as long as humanly possible. Because whatever happens when they discover the lies will not be good. Most likely they would never talk to him again, disown him, try to find a way to ruin his life. Who knows. I mean, he knew lying was bad, he did. But it was safer for him this way. He got to pretend to be their perfect son for a few hours a week, and they got to think their son was perfect and maybe not hate him, even if it was fake.
He started the lies so long ago it was like secondhand nature. He knew he couldn’t explain all of that to Minho, he might not understand. His parents supported him, and his lifestyle. They met his ex boyfriend. They knew his friends were gay, they loved him the way he was. Jisung would be lying if he said he wasn’t jealous. But he had to do what he had to do to get by. Them moving back to Korea, yeah that was not in the plan. He needed to call Seungmin back immediately. They wanted to visit? Absolutely not. He came to Jeju to refresh, to think about his potential book deal, to think about who he wanted to be in life, not to be reminded of his reality. Not to be brought back down to who he was when he was 16.
No.
But Jisung was terrible with boundaries.
“Yeah so they said they are coming to visit me in Jeju next Saturday. Literally said they got a flight that morning.”
“No way...do you need me to come back? I mean I’m sure I can try and swing it.”
“No..no I don’t want to inconvenience you anymore.”
“Sung, it isn’t a problem. I am the one that encouraged you to lie to them in the first place, it’s the least I can do, and let me see….flights aren’t that much. Maybe I can get there Friday night?”
“Yeah that’ll work great..if you’re okay with it.”
“I offered..so no it isn’t an issue.”
“Okay good. Yeah I think it’ll be nice to have you staying with me. Oh! Then you can meet Minho maybe? Maybe.”
“How will you see him if they are here? I thought you kind of made it clear to him that you aren’t out to them? Well, you were, but then lowkey went back in the closet?”
“Shit. Why do they have to be so selfish? How can they not see I am purposefully avoiding them? How delusional do they have to be??”
Seungmin sighed. “I know… maybe if I get in on Friday we can do drinks or something at your apartment?”
“I can ask him”
“You’ll actually ask him? Or will you wait for him to ask you again?”
“Funny. I’ll do one better. I will take him on a proper date this week, and invite him then.”
“Oh, okay, sure. I’ll believe it when I see it. Can’t believe you actually have been going on dates… me and Changbin’s advice paid off. Look at you go.”
“I took let loose a little too literally okay…I probably gave myself alcohol poisoning”
“Ha ha ha!”
“I’ll plan the best date ever. You will see. He deserves it. I can do it.”
🐇
“I don’t know what you are saying” Minho mouthed to Jisung over his laptop, covering his camera in the process. He was on a call and Jisung was adamant about speaking to him right then.
“Sorry! I just had an idea and sorry! I’ll shut up!” He yell-whispered back.
When his call ended Minho laughed and locked his laptop screen, giving him his full attention. He was due for a break anyways, he had been nonstop since they both got in at 9am.
“What did you need to tell me that was so important, you know I take a call everyday at 1:00.” It was funny how they had settled in routine together. How Jisung was learning his schedule.
“I was thinking, do you wanna get out of here?”
“What”
“Do- you- want-to-get—”
“I heard what you said. I mean..don’t you have work? Don’t I have work? It is Wednesday right?”
“Well, yes. Oh duh, yes we have work.” Jisung laughed. “You know what, nevermind.”
“No, now you have to tell me what you want to do. You’ve got me curious.” He crossed his legs under the table.
Jisung bit his lip.
“What”
“It took me the last two days to get the courage to ask…and I kind of um..I got carried away” He blushed. “We both have work, forget it. It was stupid” He awkwardly laughed.
“I mean…” Minho checked the time on his phone, 1:32pm. “What is it that you wanted to do?” He was curious. Where did the sudden burst come from?
“I kind of um..it’s stupid”
“Tell me” He leaned over their shared table into Jisung’s space, closing the screens on their laptops to make him look at him.
“Well.. I was talking to Seungmin the other night…and he got me thinking about stuff..and yeah..I wanted to like..take..you..on a picnic..IF you wanted to go but it’s Wednesday and we both have work so ..duh.. we can’t.”
“I’ll go”
“You’ll what?” His little eyelashes fluttered with surprise.
“Take me on a picnic Jisungie”
“Oh..what about your work stuff?”
“What about yours?”
He shrugged.
“Well..what are you waiting for then…take me.” He reached his hand out.
Jisung laughed. “Oh! Yeah okay!” Jisung jumped up packing his bag and Minho followed behind him, laughing. If Jisung wanted to be spontaneous and had to work up the nerve for two days to ask him, fuck it. Minho had been overworking for the last few years, he could take one little half-day for some fun. Why not?
They walked to Jisung’s apartment to drop off their things and Minho found himself watching Jisung grabbing food from his refrigerator.
“Did you have food prepared already?”
“Well..yeah” He turned around, bottom lip protruding. Minho wanted to kiss it.
“You planned a whole picnic?”
“For you, yeah” He said quietly, unsure.
“You planned me a picnic?”
“Is ..that..okay?”
Why was Minho feeling emotional about this? First, he decided to play hooky from work, now the thought of Jisung cooking a meal for them to enjoy in the sunshine together was making him almost tear up. Had it been that long since someone had done something this thoughtful for him? Had it been this long since someone wanted to do something spontaneous and generous? Had anyone ever?
“Of course it is..it’s..it’s so…s--”
“Stupid I know..I know it was a stupid idea” He shook his head closing the door to the fridge.
“No..I was going to say sweet”
“Oh.”
“Is that a basket?” Minho set his laptop satchel down on the kitchen table and spotted an actual woven picnic basket sitting in front of where Jisung was standing. Is this guy for real?
“Yeah..you have to have a picnic basket Minho..it’s a picnic ” He turned and smiled.
Minho swore the more he saw that smile the more he was starting to believe it could cure cancer. His heart squeezed. Is this guy for real?? Nothing special? This might single-handedly be the nicest most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for him. He didn’t even know what to say.
“You’re being quiet..are you sure you are okay skipping work? We don’t have to go.. you know what we could just work from here and eat?”
“I don’t care about work” Was he feeling alright? Has he ever said that?
“Oh..alright..you’re feeling okay then?”
“Yeah” Minho said quietly as he watched Jisung finish packing up their basket. Throwing in a small container on top.
“Can you grab me the little blanket on the couch, the one that is folded up?”
“Yeah” He went and grabbed it, handing it over to the guy who had spent the last few days worried about inviting him on maybe the most romantic date he’d ever been invited to. The preparation alone was more thought that Minsoon would have put into anything. He was still in shock.
“Okay! I’m ready”
“Do I need to drive?”
“Nope we can walk there...it’s not too far, the spot I wanted to take you.”
“Do you need me to carry anything?”
“Nope” Jisung smiled at him and grabbed the basket and his key and shooshed Minho out in front of him.
They took their time silently strolling down the sidewalk, making their way to a small park in Jisung’s neighborhood. Jisung hummed his way, picking up the pace as they got closer to where he seemed to want to go. They walked up to a small hill, and on top there was a perfect view of the ocean a little further in the distance. The whole thing was…literally like out of a movie.
Here was Minho, 28 years old, on a picnic date in the middle of a workday with the most random and thoughtful person he had ever met. A workaholic who had described his days as grey just a little over a month ago was now here in the middle of a park, nothing but blue skies and sunshine, with a beautiful man, and a beautiful meal, and he didn’t have to do anything but say yes to get it. What on earth?
Jisung laid down the blanket, perfecting the way each corner fit on the grass, in the perfectly shady spot by a pine tree. He gestured for Minho to sit down, and got to unpacking everything.
“Um.. I didn’t know what kind of food you’d like today, so I just made some tteokbokki and mandu..nothing special…just..yeah..”
“Jisung, this park is so lovely.”
Minho watched behind his dark rimmed sunglasses as the guy full of surprises unpacked the basket, arranging everything he had prepared for them including two glasses for tea. This has to be a dream?
“I know right? When I first moved here I went for a walk because I was so bored..and I found it, and I always thought it would be an amazing spot for a picnic. I actually thought about writ—thinking about taking mmyself here a few times, but..it just didn’t feel right alone..thanks for saying yes”
“Well, you invited me…and…” He fidgeted with his sunglasses.
“Well..yeah..I wanted to show you this spot...and I…I wanted to ask you out. Properly.” He handed Minho a bowl of food he had plated for him. Minho couldn’t remember the last time someone made him a meal besides his parents. He couldn’t remember the last time he did literally anything out of his routine besides coming to Jeju in the first place which was not his choice. He really was having a hard time realizing how such an out of the blue gesture from such an odd guy could make him feel so many things at once.
“Are you alright? I hope the food is okay, I’m not an expert but…well I can follow a recipe alright I think..and..”
“Jisung it’s delicious, I’m sorry I don’t mean to be quiet, I know you hate that. I’m happy, I promise” He stirred his chopsticks in the bowl staring down at it. It really was good. Jisung was good. He was so good. His heart was aching and he wasn’t even sure why.
“I should have saved it for a weekend but, I don’t know, I figured it would be busier then, and I just got carried away making food and then I realized it was Wednesday when you said that and—”
“Jisung..it’s perfect, seriously” Minho peered over his sunglasses at his nervous face. “Your food is delicious” He reached over and patted his knee. “You’re a great cook”
“Okay..if you’re sure..”
“I’m positive, this was a great idea…like really great..” He waved his hand around. “This space is beautiful, I have great food, and you”
Jisung smiled behind his chopsticks.
“And me?”
“Yes..you..you are something Han Jisung”
Minho scooted over closer on the blanket toward him, squishing into his side. “Thank you for inviting me” He nudged him with his elbow. “This is really fun actually… I guess I just was thinking about the last time I took any time off..”
“Oh?” He looked next to him, mouth full of food. Minho laughed, grabbing a napkin and wiping the sauce smeared on his cheek.
“Messy. Yeah, I really haven’t taken like any time off at all…”
“No? I do sometimes..not often..because I don’t really do much I guess when I’m at home, and work keeps me busy. I usually just take time off when I’m in a funk and want to rest more.”
“Yeah, I like being busy too, but…” He shrugged. “I like being with you”
“You do?”
He nodded, eating another few bites of food.
“I like being with you too Minho..thanks for entertaining my idea..sorry it wasn’t really a good time”
“Jisungie, it was the perfect time”
“Well it was really kind of stupid actually beca—”
Minho planted his lips on Jisung’s to shut him up. He was tired of hearing him talk badly about this date. This date meant so much to him.
One kiss turned into two, and three..a bit longer than it should have been in public but he didn’t care. Jisung’s lips were warm from the sun, and swollen with spice. He licked over his own when they parted and patted his leg, watching his cheeks heat up and his smile brighten. That smile, the one where his eyes turn into adorable crescents and his gums would show. The one that could solve world hunger.
“Stop calling your idea stupid, I’m having the best day ever.”
“Really? This?”
“Yeah…” He scooped up some of the rice cakes with his chopsticks, putting it up to Jisung’s mouth, watching him open and chew. “This.”
When they finished their meals Jisung cleaned up their mess and pulled out the fruit he had inside. “Chocolate dipped pear slices! Jisungie those are my favorite.”
“I know you told me!”
“I did?”
“Yeah, remember I kept going on about how underrated pears are and then you said that you agreed that pears were already a superior fruit from the beginning and then when people decided to add chocolate to them it was game over, they win, so nothing will ever compare, and that people who don’t like pears can’t be trusted. And they are impossible to find.”
Minho laughed. “You’re right, I was right and I stand by that”
Jisung scooped one up. “Here” He leaned it close to Minho’s mouth. He wanted to feed him? Minho was going to pass out, from either heat exhaustion, or heartache. The good kind. He bit into the juicy fruit letting some drip down his cheek, Jisung catching the excess with his hand, they both giggled and he took the other end of it for himself. They sat comfortably together sharing sliced pears, shy kisses, and selfies together underneath the big black pine tree. Sticky fingers and sweet lips.
Was Minho the giggling type? Who even??
Minho found himself laying down on his back, Jisung laying next to him while they digested their meal. Talking about nothing. Jisung rambling facts about pears and pine trees and admiring the shapes of the clouds. Minho doing his best to keep up. He couldn’t be happier. He couldn’t stop smiling. When was the last time anything felt this good, this easy. Totally smitten.
“What?”
“Huh?”
“You’re staring at me”
“Oh, sorry” Minho laughed. “You’re just cute.”
“Oh..” he snorted.
“See”
“Whatever..”
When they got back to Jisung’s place Minho offered to help clean up but he refused. Told him to get home and get rest, and to let him take care of it. Minho tried to argue, insisting on helping but Jisung pushed him out, and then followed him down the block to his car of course, because he always walked him out. Like Minho was going to get kidnapped, like the tiny little man was going to be able to protect him.
-
“In-nah”
“See now when you call me, I get worried”
“Why!”
“Because you never call me”
“That is not true”
“What’s up?”
“I’m in trouble”
“Um.. real trouble?”
“Yeah..”
“What did you do??”
“It’s what Jisung did”
“Are you alright?”
“I am, but…my heart isn’t”
“Oh..god you had me worried…okay, spill?” Jeongin sighed.
“Now, you know I’d only call you if I was seriously needing your advice, so if you are going to patronize me or make jokes I’m hanging up”
“I literally don’t even do that!”
“See you already—”
“Okay fine fine..lay it on me”
“He took me on a picnic”
“You’re in danger because he took you on a picnic?”
“Keep UP Jeongin-nah! “
“I’m trying but you literally only said like five words?”
“Ugh…fine, so as you may have noticed when you met him…that he was adorable, and that he also found me attractive….”
“Yes, he may have said that a few times, and you were being superman so obviously you liked him”
“Details…anyway…we’ve been on three or four dates since you’ve seen him. He’s a great kisser…a great listener…he’s smart…and In-nah he took me on a picnic…” He whined. “Like we work in the same café at the table together, and he just…blurted out he wanted to go on a picnic…in the middle of the day on Wednesday!”
“Don’t you both have jobs?”
“Yes! I told you to keep up!”
“Okay Okay I’m trying! So you left work and went on a picnic”
“Yes…and he planned a spontaneous picnic date..like he just made us food…and brought my favorite fruit…and he hand dipped them himself…you know how much I love chocolate covered pears… like.. he made it all..got a basket and everything…and we just..we went on a picnic in the middle of the day on Wednesday. Like it was so much fun…” He sighed. “What is happening to me?”
“Oh..”
“What do you mean Oh?”
“I mean, you really like him.”
“I do? I do..don’t I.”
“Yeah. You know Minho…you haven’t sounded this happy in a long time...”
“I hate being happy”
“You always say that”
“I know because every time I am happy something bad happens, so I stopped letting myself be happy”
“I know, but what if this time it’s different?”
“I want to believe that, but..”
“Minsoon, I know...you know I saw him the other night..”
“You didn’t think you should call me and tell me?”
“Min it’s been three years…I didn’t think you’d want to know”
“Of course I want to know.”
“He was with him still”
“Fucking of course he was. I hope they are having a wonderful life together. Fuck them both”
Jeongin sighed. “I shouldn’t have said anything”
“It’s fine.”
“Did he ever do anything special for you?”
“Who, Minsoon?”
“Yeah, like…did he ever take you on a picnic?”
“We were younger then”
“Isn’t that like, prime time to try and impress someone with a picnic?”
“He never took me on a picnic, no”
“Don’t you ever think that like” Jeongin sighed again. “Like..don’t you ever think that maybe it wasn’t as good as you have it in your head that it was? Like, you thought he was really great because he like paid attention to you, but like…Minho he used to make you pay for like most of your dinners in college, and you always had to be the one who took care of him when he was drunk, and like the last two years you made like three meals a day for both of you while you both were working, and even at the beginning didn’t you..well you get the picture”
“Well..I mean yeah but”
“I just kind of feel like maybe he wasn’t that great Minho, maybe you just wanted him to be, and you tolerated it because you wanted it to be good, and it wasn’t. He was an asshole to you, you deserve better, you always did.”
“Yeah”
“I don’t mean to bring you down, I’m just saying like…Jisung sounds really nice..really good..and I think you should be happy, you deserve it, you deserve to be with someone who treats you well, and thinks about what you want and like, and doesn’t lie to you”
They sat in silence for a moment.
“You know when we played truth or dare, like…forever ago, when I was still in diapers as you usually put it.”
Minho laughed. “Yes, me you Chan, Felix… a bunch of random people…the night I invited Hyunjin to Chan’s for the party for you, because you begged me to??”
“Yes”
“What about it?”
“Minsoon couldn’t come because he was at his Mom’s”
“Right”
“And, I don’t even remember who asked you this, but you had truth, and someone was being cheeky and said do you top or you a bottom, and do you like it rough, and everyone was laughing placing bets and you and you were drunk, and you said bottom and not like it matters. “
“I said that?”
“Yeah, yeah you did..and no one asked about it, but me and Chan were kind of worried about what you meant”
“Oh”
“Yeah? I mean..I didn’t want to ask, it was a super inappropriate clearly drunken question, and obviously it wasn’t my place to pry into your like sex life, but…I think I should have?”
“What are you trying to ask?”
“What did you mean by that?”
“He wouldn’t take it up the ass. That’s all.”
Jeongin sighed. “I mean, everyone is allowed to have a preference, nothing wrong with that. If you were comfortable with that too. But like..not like it matters? I don’t know, it also kind of felt like maybe there was something else?”
“What are you implying?”
“I..uh…”
“He’s trying to say he thinks Minsoon made you have sex when you didn’t want to, and roughed you around until you liked it, and made you do things you didn’t want to, and it’s been bothering him for years that he never asked you” Hyunjin yelled in the background.
Minho was silent. “I mean…sex is complicated, you guys know that…and Minsoon was like, he was what he was..he was good in bed. I was happy”
“I don’t think you were Min…That night when you said that, you had no expression in your face, nothing at all..you looked sad, and you love teasing…, and you always liked to put on a show, but not that time, not that question.”
Minho sighed. “It didn’t start out that way…it really didn’t Innie...and Hyunjin because I know you are listening….” He paused. “When we hooked up the first time he was sweet to me. He did all the right things…he did..I really was happy..” He paused. “But I don’t know..overtime…yeah of course I asked to switch it up, I wanted to try new things…and I was okay with what we had, but he just…it’s probably when he started cheating on me to be honest. Who knows even if he was at his Mom’s that night. He would come home late at night, and yeah…it was kind of implied when he got home, what he expected…it was like routine? It felt like I don’t know…I thought he loved me, I really did. I wanted to make him happy…I thought that was..normal.”
“I know…I’m sorry I didn’t mean to bring all this up..I’m sorry Min..I’m sorry you had to deal with that on your own for so long...”
“I’m okay. I made my choices. I could have walked away.”
“No..he shouldn’t have been doing that to you, you wanted to make him happy, you wanted him to stay..that wasn’t your fault, and he shouldn’t have made you do things you weren’t comfortable with.”
“I…I just had to be okay with it after a while. I wanted it to work, I thought it was making him happy. I’d wake up when he’d want to have sex..I’d say all the right things, let him…do what he wanted..it just never felt like enough. I didn’t feel like enough. I mean in the end I wasn’t.”
“Min…he was so horrible to you...piece of shit”
“I’m okay. Really. I’ve come to peace with it…I ended up enjoying some rough sex because of it”
“Minho…” Hyunjin barked. “Not everyone is like that.”
“I know.”
“Jisung sounds so lovely Minho. I hope I get the chance to meet him sometime..”
“He is”
“As long as he doesn’t get into the habit of being a drunken mess”
“He doesn’t.” Minho laughed.
He spent the rest of his night thinking about his past. How he really did just let himself be hurt over and over and over again. And the lies…all of the lies…and the manipulation. He obviously stayed way too long. He obviously let his inexperience at the time let him believe Minsoon was a good guy, and what they had was good. It was easier to live in a world where the worst thing he did was cheat on him. It was easier to live in a world where his heart was broken because of the lies, but…yeah. Minsoon never planned a picnic for him, he never remembered what his favorite fruit was, and he never loved him.
-
The next morning he woke up feeling sleepier than normal. Perhaps it was the late night chat with Jeongin, or maybe it was his google search late at night for therapists in Seoul. Either way, he was tired. He wrapped himself up in his fluffy black robe like he did every morning and went to take a look at the ocean. He still needed to bring Jisung here. He couldn’t wait to meet this mysterious friend of his, Seungmin. Apparently, they were going to hang out when his plane got in and wanted a chance to meet Minho before those two got too busy. Something about a boy’s weekend.
He stepped out onto the deck and let the warm morning sea breeze heal his soul. The smell of the salt and water seeping into his skin as the crisp sound of the tide came crashing down into the sand. Paradise. He hadn’t put too much thought into his past life, the life he tucked away for so long. His chat with Jeongin and Hyunjin had brought up a lot of stuff he had hidden in his memories. Hurt from a while ago, stuff he didn’t like to admit to.
Jisung.
What about him? He was refreshing, like the waves of Jeju. A part of this new life he had been living for the last month or so. Minho would have never met anyone like him in his life before he came here. He would have never slowed down enough to go somewhere new, he would have never stopped running from the feelings he had been hiding from to give an actual person a real chance to matter. He had spent night after night sleeping with guys who were fuckboys, guys who he wanted to walk all over, guys he wanted to ruin (consensually) and then never talk to again. He purposefully went on dates with people he knew it would never workout with. He didn’t want to feel, he wanted to wash away his pain with sex, sex that he had control over. He wanted that back then, but now..now when he thought about all of that, and everything that happened between him and Minsoon, all he wanted was the truth. He wanted someone who was kind, and caring, and who told the truth. Someone he could trust. He needed that, he deserved that. After everything he had been through, he really deserved that. Someone that remembered his favorite fruit.
He took one last deep breath, letting the heaviness of his heart go out with the tide, and scrambled back in to take a shower when he noticed a buzzing from his counter.
“Hey Daddio, how is my little niece Sunhee?”
“She’s amazing..I just sent you some photos of her from her bath last night. She is literally everything Minho.. I’m so happy”
“Good. What’s up?”
“I just wanted to call and see if you were feeling alright. Got an email from Jihyo saying you left yesterday, sick? Everything okay?”
“Oh. Yeah I’m fine”
“I couldn’t believe it when I saw it, I was like Min took a half day? Figured you were sleeping it off, food poisoning?”
“No, it was much worse” He made his way into the bathroom, fumbling around with his phone trying to set up the speaker so he could wash up for the day.
“Oh my god, are you alright?”
“No. I’m not. I’m mentally sick” He started to brush his teeth.
“Not following”
“Mmhold ohn”
He spit out his toothpaste. “I went on a date”
“On a Wednesday? In the middle of the day?”
He twisted and turned, checking himself out in the mirror. Robe was thrown onto the floor. Admiring the curled lines that trailed down his body. He wondered what it would look like to someone else. Would they like his soulmate bonds as much as he did? Would they think he was beautiful? He shivered thinking about how much of it he shared with Minsoon. He didn’t deserve to know where they were, what they looked like, especially since a lot of them came from him. Bastard.
What about Jisung though…would he think he was beautiful? Would he still want him? Wouldn’t it be so nice if he could see them. Wouldn’t it be so good to know Jisung, the guy who woke up and wanted to do something just for Minho, to take him somewhere he thought was pretty, could be his perfect match? Someone who he knows his heart would be safe with. What it would be like to share that with him. He bet his marks were just as pretty as he was. Soft, probably pastel. Jisung would look so good in pastel. Jisung would look so good naked.
He bet Jisung would think his soul bond was pretty. The golden shimmer, Jisung always loved talking about that one poem too. He really needed to find a way to thank him for such a great date. He smiled looking over his own body again, the curved glittery lines on his lower back and hip, down the swell of his ass, down to his…huh? What is that… he licked his finger and started to twist his body further. He had some sort of black ink mark on his lower back.. Where’d that come from? Did he fall asleep on a pen?
“Minho, are you there? You just went on a date in the middle of the workday?”
“Yep. He asked, and I said, you know what…yeah why not”
“Oh my god you are sick.. kidding. The magic of Jeju…see...I told you it would be good for you…who is the lucky guy?”
Minho looked at himself in the mirror. “Huh.” He whispered to himself.
“Hey Chan I’m gonna have to call you back”
-click-
Why won’t it come off?