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Teru leans back against his headboard, an old N64 control cradled in his hand. Shigeo lounges next to him, absently eating plain potato chips out of a bag. Each time he finishes a chip, he diligently wipes his fingers on his napkin that he keeps in his lap.
He glances over each time Shigeo wipes his hand. He told him he didn’t care about the crumbs… But Shigeo was persistent.
You can’t have crumbs on your bed. That’s gross .
An amused smile cracks on Teru’s face and he goes back to focusing on the screen, pushing Mario forward across the platforms.
His smile wanes as the thoughts from earlier in the week come back, circulating in his head.
Teruki, you were left on your own at 9 years old…
He quickly shakes his head, forcing himself to pay attention back to the game. Focusing on Shigeo’s quiet munching of chips. Focusing on the present, present, present, present—
Teru crosses his arms, sinking into the couch. “You don’t know them.”
His therapist gives him a soft smile. “I don’t. But you did not deserve that, Teruki. You didn’t. No one does.”
The boy scoffs to the side, nails digging into skin. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” he mutters, shoulders stiff.
“Okay,” his therapist lets him redirect, “is there anything else on your mind?”
Teru shakes his head again, coming back to the present as he dies on screen.
Shigeo hums next to him. “Oh no, you died.” Teru nearly rolls his eyes at the statement, but it somehow elicits a giddy chuckle instead.
Shigeo does that to him—makes his emotions confusing and complicated.
“Yeah, I was distracted,” Teru explains while rolling his shoulders, then gets right back into the game after respawning.
“Oh, I hope I wasn't distracting you,” Shigeo says bluntly.
“Nah, it’s not you,” Teru shakes his head, focusing all his energy back on the game. He was finally at the first level with Bowser.
They lapse into a semi-comfortable silence, broken only by the whoop’s and yahoo’s of the little red plumber on the screen. Shigeo's hands stay in his lap, playing with the edges of his napkin.
“Teru…” Shigeo says after a few more minutes of silence, “are you okay? Am I making you upset?”
“W-What?!” A gasp passes Teru’s lips and he pauses the game, neck snapping as he whips towards Shigeo. “No, no! Not at all, why would you think that?”
“I… didn’t have a great day.” Shigeo mutters, folding the opening on the bag of chips and placing them on the nightstand. “I wasn’t sure if I was bringing you down. You’re so good at reading people. I thought maybe you were reading my bad mood.”
Teru latches onto the topic like a shark to a meal. He tosses his controller on the bed, spinning his torso towards his friend. “Shigeo! Tell me what happened, I’m here to help!”
“Oh, I…” Shigeo leans back a little while rubbing his fingers on his napkin. “I had a fight with… Ritsu,” he admits. “I’m figuring it out… We’ve never fought before. I’m not sure how I feel about it. I’m seeing my therapist tomorrow, we’re going to talk about it.”
Therapist…
The word scurries into Teru’s chest, sharp pincers crawling up from his stomach into his lungs. He can’t help the scowl that spreads over his face, and can’t help even less his eclectic-buzzing aura from leaping out from his shoulders. Lightning, carbonation, lemon acid—
“I’m sorry for bringing you down!”
Teru jolts and blinks in surprise as two of Shigeo’s hands latch onto his arm, squeezing it. His friend’s eyes shine blood red, hair lifting as his aura mixes into complicated reds and blues.
Teru stutters, “W-what… Shigeo, you didn’t—”
“I’m making you upset, my bad mood is making you upset,” Shigeo spills out, fingers tightening.
A quick shake, his blonde hair falling into his face. Teru brushes it back with his free hand. “No, Shigeo, it was something else. Don’t worry about it.”
The fingers lessen their grip and Shigeo’s aura starts to calm. “Are you sure?”
Teru swallows down the emotions tearing his gut apart and smiles the truest smile he can muster, urging his powers to relax. “Yes. I’m sure.”
Shigeo holds onto him for a few more moments before letting go. “Okay. If you’re sure. Do you want to keep playing?” He points to the screen.
Teru nods, picking up the controller. No answer leaves his mouth as he goes back to the game. Shigeo doesn’t pick back up his snack, looking off into the distance slightly away from the television.
Teru continues to play, but the memories keep coming.
“Teru, please, just,” Reigen heaves out a sigh, pinching his nose. “You need an emergency contact. What if you went to the hospital, or something happens to your apartment again, who would you call? I’m just trying to help!”
“I don’t want your help!” Teru scoffs, glaring. “I don’t NEED it!”
They have done this song and dance for months now–maybe even a year at this point. Reigen started off soft, but each time he gets more and more impatient. This is the first time Teru has ever had him push this much.
They flood his mind to the rhythm of Bowser in the Fire Sea.
“Teru,” A soft voice to his left and he whips towards it. Serizawa is standing hesitantly, but his hand is enveloped in his aura. He activated the barrier in the office. “Arataka just wants to help. We don’t need to be involved in anything else, just please… put us as your emergency contact.”
Teru’s shoulders hunch up to his ears as his aura dances on his arms like static electricity.
“Please…”
Mario dies.
“Fuck,” Teru grumbles under his breath, restarting the level. He senses Shigeo tense briefly to his side, but he softens once Teru starts to play again.
“Stop bringing them UP!!” Teru yells, slamming his fist on the coffee table. The wood cracks in two, splinters flying around the room.
His therapist flings up her arms to block her face, but Teru has enough control to block every sliver of wood midair. His hand is still shaking as he slowly moves the pieces, melding the wood back together.
The table is cracked… but back to whole.
He wishes he could crack this Chill Bully on the screen in half as well.
His therapist lowers her arm, and looks at Teru with eyes that make his insides squirm.
“Don’t pity me,” Teru hisses, rubbing at the point of contact that his hand made with the table.
“I don’t pity you Teruki,” his therapist says softly. “I feel for you. And I know that this is hard… we can talk about something else if you want to. Is there anything else you want to talk about?”
Teru shifts in his seat, uncomfortable. Strangely, he wants to keep talking about them… his parents. But thinking about it also fills his chest with cement and makes his fingers quiver. “I… no,” he whispers to the floor.
She gives him a genuine smile. “Okay. Then we end for today. You made a lot of progress, and you are doing so well, Teruki. If you need to talk anytime between now and next week, you know you can always call me.”
Mario dies. Game over.
Teru nearly throws the controller across the room. Nothing is working. Nothing is taking his mind off of the whirlwind of emotions that culminate into a storm in his gut. Ever since that session this morning, his chest has felt so full. His mind keeps racing, his body is disjointed and uncomfortable. Nothing feels good, everything is just—
Too much.
Shigeo is quiet next to him. That in itself isn’t unusual, but…
Blue eyes peek over to his friend. Shigeo is looking up at the ceiling, a deeply thoughtful look on his face.
“Shigeo–”
“Teru, can I show you something?” Shigeo cuts him off. Teru gasps for a second, a flush of surprise rushing over his face.
“Uh… Sure, I guess?”
Shigeo smiles, and without any movement he turns the light off.
Heat rushes to Teru’s cheeks as they are thrown into soft darkness. W-wait—why did he turn off the lights—was… Did Shigeo–? … WHAT!?
Suddenly, the room starts to glow as a blue, purple and pink aura leaks from Shigeo’s skin. It flutters around his shoulders, like a kaleidoscope of butterflies, and his eyes begin to shimmer like garnets in the light of it.
The blush on Teru’s face heightens and he can feel the blood rush down his neck. He is staring, he knows it, but he is completely enraptured.
Everytime he thinks maybe he got over his middle school crush, Shigeo goes and drags him back in.
Shigeo’s smile only grows, the colors of his aura brightening as he points up. Teru turns himself around, his shoulder just brushing against the other’s as he leans back into the pillows.
More and more purples and blues of so many shades grow and dance around the room, flickering, glowing, sparkling on the edges. Without meaning to, divots of yellow from Teru’s own aura start to mix in. Like Kintsugi pottery, sharp gold shimmers and shines akin to cracks throughout Shigeo’s aura. As they meet deep violets and dusky blacks, however, their edges start to soften.
A shudder runs through Teru’s spine and the spinning wheel of emotions in his gut rises, like vapor floating towards the clouds in the sky. His eyelids heat up and burn against his eyes. His eyelashes are nearing dam failure, yet Teru keeps battling against the deluge.
Without meaning to, Teru shifts in closer, pressing his full shoulder against Shigeo’s own. He can feel the other's body heat through their t-shirts. He barely notices Shigeo leaning in closer too.
Blankets of aura stretch above them, a twilight masterpiece. Speckles of bright white stars start to dot the sky, as if sunset came and went earlier than expected in Teru’s bedroom. The smell of a warm summer evening settles over them, dew and lavender tickling the blond’s nose.
Teru’s lips are quivering now, the cloud of emotions floating up higher and higher from his chest to his throat. His ribcage tightens.
His aura gets pulled out of him and he lets it go, allowing Shigeo to take it—he’d follow the black haired esper to the ends of the earth, if asked. The gold of Teru aura mixes with gentle reds and blues of Shigeo’s, casting the edges of his room into a brilliant orange twilight.
More stars dot above them, forming tiny galaxies, small nebulas, constellations that have no names and ones with multiple identities. They sit among the edge of time and the beginnings of supernovas. An expanse that is more brilliant than any sky Teru’s ever seen.
The cloud of emotions reaches his face and he bites his lip to keep them from quivering, but everything from the day, the week, the month (his whole life ) threatens to overflow. He tries to fight it, tooth and nail. He doesn’t want to let this go in front of Shigeo.
But he feels like…
Sunlight shifting through the trees…
Sitting out on a summer evening, eating cold mochi with Shigeo and Ritsu and Shou…
The old smell of nicotine that still sticks to Reigen even after all these years of not smoking…
A child sitting alone in a room, the shadow of his body stretching long across the floor as he picks at the carpet under him. Telling himself…
It’s better this way.
He smells lavender.
A dam bursts from Teru’s eyes to the sound of a hiccup ripping from his throat. He rubs his eyes furiously, but it seems to only make the tears come out more intensely. They keep coming, a cascade bleeding out from the cracks in his well, an overwhelming taste of salt pouring over his tongue. He sniffs, the feeling tightening his windpipe as mucus pulls back down his throat and a whimper bursts out of him.
The stars above him freeze and the temperature drops. “I-I’m sorry! I didn’t mean…” Shigeo murmurs, while moving away from Teru. “I didn’t mean to upset you again.”
“No, no, no,” Teru sniffs, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes as he moves his torso back closer to Shigeo’s body. “You didn’t upset me. God—no, Shigeo, it’s s-so beautiful,” a dushing of pink tints the hue of the ceiling. “You’re amazing...” Another sniff, this one much more wet and congested. He flicks his wrist, floating a tissue box into his lap as he quickly blows his nose. “Holy crap,” a wet chuckle. “I’m so gross .”
A soft sigh escapes Shigeo’s lips. “You’re not gross, Teru.”
“Y-yeah well,” another loud sniff. “I f-feel gross.” He snickers to himself through the tears and suddenly more well up, and he bows forward, a sob escaping his lips without meaning too. “I-I’m sorry, it's just—everything just…” He keeps his head tilted away, almost to keep his tears hidden, as he tries to hold in another sob, but it escapes him like a hiccup.
How did Teru get so lucky, to have someone show him the universe just to make him feel better? The well of tears resurface at the thought of how much he treasures this friendship.
“I-I’ve been seeing…” A hiccup cuts his line. “...A therapist to talk about stuff and it's just, it just… it sucks sometimes,” Teru tilts his head up, almost trying to force the tears back in using gravity as he distracts himself with the blooming night sky above him, where stars are moving again. “I know it’s what I need to do but it is also…” The last word comes out barely audible. “...hard.”
“I know.” Shigeo says next to him, just as quietly. “I know.”
Another sob tears from Teru’s chest and he stops trying to keep them in. He lets his crying loose enough to form an ocean of its own, a years-old dam broken inside his chest. Emotions that he has not felt since the dawn of his memories rush out like a flood from a storm.
“It’s just so beautiful , Shigeo… I don’t… I don’t deserve…” His aura scatters around them, speckling the deep color of Shigeo’s aura in gold and greens. Some zip outward, tiny comets exploding into space. A reverberating, low register dissonant chord, rumbles around the room, tinted by the sound of a bow hair pulling across iron with ferocity.
Teru forgot how loud auras can be when emotions rage so high.
He continues to whimper, choking gasps and tears as he babbles, words not making sense, strings of letters with no meaning. And then, a few come out strung together…
“Why did they leave… ” A whisper so quiet that he hopes Shigeo didn’t hear. But the sudden wrap of an arm around his shoulders tells him otherwise. Shigeo heard him just fine.
Teru is pulled in just by Shigeo’s arm strength alone, his face pressed into the other’s collarbone. Teru does not care about how close they are—it does not matter how he feels deep down, all he knows is he wants this. He wants this physical comfort, when everything is breaking apart. Shigeo is solid rock, a mountain he can ground himself on.
Calloused hands from continued weight lifting tighten on his shoulders as Shigeo’s aura expands and floods the room. Objects start to float, surrounded by citrus lemons and sweet plums. Neither make any notice of it.
A thumb rubs circles into Teru’s shoulder as the tears intensify, lessen, increase again, before finally waning into stiff sniffles.
A selfish thought flutters through Teru’s head at how nice it feels to be held in an embrace so tight. Even after he has gotten all his emotions out, Shigeo’s strength keeps him pressed to the other side. And neither of them makes any movement to leave.
Teru takes in a deep breath, before letting it out slowly. He tilts his head up, watching as the lights dance above him.
He feels a squeeze on his shoulder—Shigeo’s hand, which soon relaxes. “Feeling a bit better?” Shigeo asks.
“I think…” Teru tries to take in another breath, but it catches in his throat. He nods his response instead, then clears his airway before continuing. “When did you figure out how to do all of this?”
He feels Shigeo shift and Teru forces himself to lean away from the embrace, much to his disappointment. The hand falls from Teru’s shoulder and Shigeo adjusts his position on the bed so they are facing one another head on, both still illuminated by bright blues and deep purples. “When I get overwhelmed, or things feel too big, I’ve been making night skies in my bedroom to calm down. It helps me focus on my breathing.”
Shigeo tilts his head up towards the aura sky above them. “Sometimes, my powers just feel too big inside of me and I need to let them out. I find this helps. It’s like meditation with psychic powers, I guess.”
Teru looks up again at the floating ocean of Shigeo’s aura as it continues to dance above them. His eyes blink rapidly as he thinks. Perhaps…
He folds his legs under himself, letting his palms sit lightly on his knees. Shigeo follows his lead, mirroring his posture. Neither say a word as Teru’s blue eyes stare upwards, tracing constellations.
With each passing minute, Teru breathes in and out as he focuses on the colors, the stars, the galaxies that dot his ceiling. He can hear Shigeo doing the same, both of them unintentionally syncing up their breathing.
As the air leaves his lips, his own aura expands around him, like a sunrise, steadily growing brighter, painting the horizon of his room in soft yellows while also brightening Shigeo’s own colors into pastel pinks.
Teru’s shoulders sag, muscles twitching as they start to pull to the earth. His chest expands, air no longer getting caught in his throat but instead traveling down into his lungs. He takes in another deep intake of air and he feels a sensation of sparkling cold travel down from his nostrils into his core. Teru nearly coughs at the sudden sensation but holds it back as he tries to let his body relax into it.
He breathes in again…
The cold lightens and warms as his own powers meet it. Brisk yellow curls around midnight blue, brilliant white and turquoise getting lost in deep galaxies. His powers swell and…
Teru’s face heats up as he starts to connect the dots. His brain is barely able to comprehend it, but it feels like…
“Uh…” Teru starts, glancing down hesitantly to Shigeo before flicking back up to the ceiling. The other esper doesn’t seem to be bothered. “This is going to sound kinda crazy, but did you just… give me some of your power?”
That comment makes Shigeo’s shoulders jolt and his eyes dart down, then up again. “I, uh… D-Did I?”
Teru is not sure himself, yet he says: “I think so.”
“Oh…”
A minute of silence between them.
Teru bites his lip as his eyes dart around the room. “I’m… I don’t mind it.”
“Oh…” Shigeo rubs his fingers on the bed sheets, an embarrassed look on his face. “Good. I didn’t… I don’t think it was intentional. Sorry, I hope that wasn’t invasive.”
Teru quickly shakes his head, yellow zaps bouncing off his arms as he waves them in front of himself. “No no! Just unexpected!” He chuckles. “You just surprised me, that’s all.”
“Ah,” a small smile crosses Shigeo’s face, “okay.” What Teru wouldn’t give to see it more often.
“You really are amazing, Shigeo.” Teru says softly, honesty in every word. Shigeo scratches his cheek, the aura above them brightening into embarrassed pinks.
Teru continues to smile as he goes back to focusing on his breathing again, letting the new power inside him settle. It’s strange, and weird, but also calming. He feels lighter somehow, even as Shigeo’s power seeps into his own. It’s like he’s breathing starlight.
It supports him.
Shigeo has been with him through so much, and even now… The tears threaten to return but the absolute joy that fills him now keeps them at bay.
(...Maybe he should add Reigen and Serizawa as his emergency contacts tomorrow at school.)
“...Hey, Shigeo,” Teru asks after some more time of pleasant silence. The other hums in response, giving him the go ahead to keep talking. “Can you come with me tomorrow, to the admin office?”
Most friends would ask questions, would pester, would act concerned. But Shigeo only nods. “Sure.”
Teru smiles in return. He feels like the wall that he had been chipping away at for the last year has been broken apart. It took everything he had been through since the day he met Shigeo to get here.
There are bits and pieces of the wall standing, that will likely rebuild here and there. But as Teru breathes in deep, letting the starlight fill his lungs, he thinks about everyone that got him to this point. How they will be there, to be his emergency contact, to get cold mochi with him. To show him small acts of beauty just to make him feel better.
Perhaps he is making some progress after all.