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It's nearly two in the afternoon on a Saturday and the park is packed. It's hot and it's loud, and as the clock ticks over to two, the moms arrayed along the sides of the pool shift so they can get a good look at the lifeguard station.
Jisung climbs down, unhooking his bag and shoving his towel, sunscreen, and water bottle in. He's fumbling with his flip flops, flipping them back over from where he left them wear-side-down so they didn't get too hot to put back on when his shift was over, when he hears -
"Oh, he's wearing the hat today, that's too bad."
"I don't care about that, as long as he takes the shirt off."
Jisung tries not to make a face at it, but it's kind of gross. Objectively, watching Hyunjin walk down the pool deck toward the lifeguard station, Jisung knows Hyunjin is hot, with his stupid broad shoulders all sun-kissed and his long legs and his bleached-blonde hair covered by a snap-back with the park's logo on the front.
Jisung hates him, actually.
If Jisung melts when Hyunjin smiles at him and says hi, as he walks up, that's between Jisung and his god. And it's hot, anyway. That's why he's melting, and not because of Hyunjin's lips or his dimples, or -
"Anything I need to know about?" Hyunjin is asking, his eyes hidden behind dark sunglasses.
"No, it's been quiet over here today," Jisung responds.
"I always forget how quiet this pool is," Hyunjin says, and right, right.
Hyunjin usually works at the wave pool, where you either have to be tall (Yunho) or a strong swimmer (Chan) or both (Hyunjin). Jisung perpetually gets stuck on the lap pool, which is boring because the lap swimmers police themselves and everyone on the pool deck is there to tan because it's quieter and there aren't any children running around and the lifeguards hardly ever have to blow their whistles.
The lap pool isn't a bad gig - it's probably the chillest spot to be a lifeguard in the whole park. But it's boring. It's perfect for when you're working with a hangover, but kind of terrible otherwise. Jisung would rather be running a slide than working the lap pool.
Maybe he shouldn't have gotten his lifeguard certification. Except his parents were pushing for it, and he was trying to behave (for once), so -
A dozen pairs of eyes hidden behind cat-eye sunglasses watch Hyunjin climb the chair and settle in, and Jisung wonders what Hyunjin did to deserve what's basically punishment for him, when he actually has an interesting and exciting gig over on the wave pool every day.
They're not friends, though, so Jisung doesn't ask.
As he's heading off the deck toward the path back to the break room, he overhears one of the women sigh. "He's so hot."
"It would be so slippery but so worth it."
Jisung wants to make a gagging noise, but he doesn't want them to know he heard them.
He hits the break room around the same time as Jeongin, who isn't an idiot like Jisung and doesn't have his lifeguard certification, so he's always on the slides. Mostly the big slide, because Minho's scared of heights and Jeongin made the maybe-critical mistake of rolling his eyes about it once when he said he'd take the big slide. Minho is, after all, shift manager and senior slide operator.
"You would not believe some of the shit those women say about the lifeguards," he says, watching Jeongin drain a bottle of water from the cache in the fridge. "Like, are they not embarrassed? We're just throwing our dignity to the wind in favor of being horny these days."
"You go to our post-close parties," Jeongin says, crumpling the bottle and tossing it toward the recycling bin before sitting down to rummage through his bag. "What, did you switch with Changbin today?"
"What?" Jisung asks, briefly confused. But of course, it makes sense they'd say things like that about Changbin, too, part of the park's gym rat squad. Most of the gym rats work in security, but Changbin is loud and he can swim. "Oh, no, Hyunjin."
"God, the Strings are so weird about them," Jeongin says. The strings. Women in string bikinis, walking around with the plausible deniability that they're wearing a swimsuit without a single care for the fact that there are children at the park. "Remember why they don't work on slides anymore."
There are two locations that can be worked for slides - operators at the top, lifeguards at the bottom. Lifeguards can work as operators in a pinch, but most of the lifeguards who work slides are either being punished for something, or actually like barking orders at swimmers who aren't getting out of the way in an expeditious manner. It's not really lifeguarding so much as directing traffic. Jisung hates it. Changbin is banned from it.
Legally, they can't tell Strings they can't go down the slides, and they can't dictate what has to be worn to be able to go down the slides. And everything is, technically, covered. At the top of the slide. It's just that, well, at the bottom of the slide, things don't always stay covered. Which is why the one time they put Changbin on a slide pool, it caused a run on Strings down the slide, leading to a lot of bare skin at the bottom, a traumatized Changbin, and a general ban on gym rats working slide pools.
Jisung is never taking his t-shirt off in public. Ever.
It's like this: Jisung's parents own the waterpark. They inherited it from his mom's dad, and one day, either Jisung or his brother will inherit it from them. As it stands, Jisung is working at the park and going to school because - and he guesses this is a totally normal thing for parents to think - rapping is not a legitimate career.
Whatever, tell it to all of his SoundCloud followers.
Unfortunately, it also means that when someone starts screaming they're going to call the owner because they don't like what a manager told them after they didn't like what a lifeguard (or worse, security) told them, Jisung is on the hook for it.
If a lifeguard whistles down a runner three times, for instance, under their three strike rule the runner is no longer allowed in the park that day. Sometimes people disagree with that - strongly - but it's dangerous for the person, other patrons, and a liability for the park. It's what the lifeguard tells them, it's what security tells them when they show up to escort the runner out, and it's what Minho tells them when the mom starts throwing a fit because little Timmy broke the rules and now she has to take him home instead of making the lifeguards babysit him for the rest of the day.
And then Jisung's radio goes off. On the lifeguard stand, in the break room, at home when he's off work. And of course, Jisung is never acceptable as the owner, because he's clearly a college-aged kid, but here he is, the best they're gonna get. He's learned to stand his ground the past few summers, even if he has to disappear into the manager's office afterward to breathe through the ensuing panic attack.
He's not the best with confrontation.
It's a pain in the ass: once Jisung's radio beeps, he has to radio back to Minho (or whatever manager on duty) to find out where they are, and if he's on duty, find a lifeguard to cover him until he gets back. Any time someone demands "the owner" it turns into an entire 30-minute ordeal involving management, security, and at least four lifeguards.
"What's up?" he asks into the radio after it bleats.
"Runner at the wave pool," is Minho's curt reply.
Jisung takes a deep breath, then picks up the regular radio off his stand. "I need a lifeguard to Vortex. Incident cover."
He waits, his eyes on the Vortex landing pool. "Blue shorts, you gotta move bud," he says into the megaphone in his other hand. Blue shorts, fortunately, complies.
There's a burst of static from the lifeguard station's walkie: "JK coming up from the bunker." Probably cut his break short, but at least Jungkook will get there quickly. Jisung keeps working.
His walkie bleats again. "ETA?" Minho asks.
"Cover incoming. Five minutes." He lets go of the button, and reaches out an arm to stop a kid. "First warning. I know you're excited to get back in line but you can't run. We don't want you to get hurt. Two more times and you're out of here."
What are the odds he'd get two in the same day? The kid nods with wide eyes, then power walks his way toward the ride entrance.
The park rules against no running means the lifeguards also can't run, unless it's an actual emergency. An angry mom throwing a fit because her kid didn't obey the rules isn't an emergency, and Jungkook comes up the path, moving as fast as he can and still giving plausible deniability that he is not, in fact, creating an insurance liability by running.
"I'll try and come back," Jisung says, and Jungkook shrugs. They both know it depends. He hands his megaphone over to Jungkook. "Keep an eye on the blonde kid in the red shorts with the white flowers, I've already stopped him running once."
Jungkook surveys the pool, then waves Jisung away.
"Got it," he says.
"File for the comp on your break!" Jisung calls to him as he starts speed walking down the path toward the wave pool.
"Let's go, Navy T-shirt, you gotta get out of the way," is what he hears from Jungkook in response.
When Jisung arrives at the Incident Location, he finds Hyunjin sitting at a picnic table, his lifeguard t-shirt on, sunglasses hooked on the neck, looking bored. Matt from security is sitting on the tabletop of the same picnic table, also looking bored.
Meanwhile, Minho is staring blankly at Little Timmy's Mom as she tells him exactly what she thinks of their rules against running - he wasn't hurting anyone! It's a stupid rule! They can't kick him out for this! Minho doesn't even bother to nod in acknowledgement, just stares. Jisung thinks if Minho stared him down like that, he'd be totally unnerved and absolutely crumple under the pressure.
The mom doesn't seem phased, and she doesn't stop complaining. Jisung isn't even sure she stops to breathe. So he puts on his best customer service voice, and he tries not to look like a college student in a lifeguard t-shirt (identical to Hyunjin's) and a pair of slides, which is, unfortunately, exactly what he is.
"Sorry for the wait," he says, using his politest tone. Maybe she won't yell at him.
She turns to him, looking like a bird of prey about to snap him in half. "Who are you?" she demands.
"You asked for the owner," Jisung says. "Sorry for making you wait, but I couldn't leave the pool where I was working unattended. What can I help you with?"
"I asked for the owner," she says. Jisung nods.
"Yes, that's me."
"You're a child."
Jisung shrugs. "And yet - still me. If you have your phone you're welcome to call our office and ask."
No one will answer in the office if she calls. Minho is the only one ever in the office, and Minho's standing right in front of her.
She huffs.
"He - " She points a finger taloned with a long, sharp red nail toward Hyunjin. "Is saying that my son was caught running three times and now he's being kicked out of the park. And he - " this time she points at Minho. "Is saying that's park rules. That can't be the park rules."
"Well," Jisung says. "It is park rules. I think it's extremely reasonable, given that it's dangerous for patrons to run on the pool decks and pathways." This, of course, is a rote speech he always gives in these situations. "We'd hate for our patrons to slip or trip and fall and get injured, or cause another patron to be injured."
"You can't just throw him out!" There's a hint of a screech coming into her voice.
"We warn patrons twice before removing them from the premises," Jisung says. "Usually the first warning is enough, but we understand that kids can get excited sometimes and forget they've been warned, especially when they're at the park all day - "
"We've only been here an hour! We paid for a pass and we've only been here an hour!" Jisung manages not to grimace at her. Her assertion they've been there an hour is not helping her in the way she might hope. It means her kid ignored the warnings he was given and immediately started running again. Or he has really, really bad short-term memory. Jisung is sure it's the former.
"Park rules are park rules, and they apply to everyone, regardless of how long they've been on site," Jisung says. He can see the woman's neck and ears starting to turn red, and not from the sun.
"You can't kick him out!" She yells.
"I can," Jisung says. "This is a privately-owned business and you either abide by our rules, which are in place for your safety, ours, and the safety of our other patrons, or you leave."
Matt is rubbing his face in a way that indicates he might be trying not to laugh. Hyunjin's chin is resting on his hand now, as he watches Jisung.
"You're welcome to come back and try again tomorrow," Jisung says.
"I want to use the pass I bought today," she says. "I spent money on it today."
"Unfortunately, I can't refund you and you can't stay," Jisung says.
"I'm not letting some kid kick me out of here - " She reaches out and grabs her kid's arm, ready to start dragging him back toward the pool, past Jisung.
Matt is off the table like a shot, using his body to stop the woman from continuing down the path without ever actually touching her. "Ma'am, I can't let you do that."
"You're going to let me do whatever I want - "
In that moment, she makes the critical error of trying to shoulder past Matt.
It doesn't work - Matt's nearly six and a half feet tall and built like a brick shithouse, courtesy of long hours spent at the gym with the rest of Team Gym Rat. But it's not just that - the second she touches Matt, he's allowed to touch her back.
Minho is immediately on the radio calling for additional security.
This, Jisung thinks inanely, is why all the members of the security team wear sneakers.
The mom, of course, starts screaming the second Matt puts out his arm to stop her from going past him - he doesn't even grab her or push her, just puts an arm out to stop her. Suddenly it's assault, she's going to sue.
She lets go of the kid and the kid does what the kid has done all day: he takes off running.
He doesn't get far. He only gets a few steps down the path before he collides directly with Hoseok, coming running up the path in his blue security t-shirt and white sneakers. He grabs the kid to keep him from falling, but - fortunately, Jisung thinks - doesn't let go once the kid is steady on his feet.
"Nope," he says, as the kid struggles, dragging him back up the path toward his mom, who is still screaming at Matt. Hoseok is so calm, even as the kid is trying to kick him, that Jisung wants to start laughing.
"Ma'am, we're going to have security escort you off the premises," Jisung says.
"I'm calling corporate! I'm calling the police!" She shrieks.
"You do that," Jisung says.
"We'll be happy to show the police the tape of this incident," Minho says, his tone bored. "And I'm sure Jisung can tell you the exact same thing he's just told you when you speak to him after calling our "corporate" line."
Jisung can hear the air quotes. Their corporate line directs to the main office in what they call the bunker - the building where the offices, break room, and employee locker rooms are. After hours, it forwards to Jisung's cell.
Kyubin is the third security guard on the scene, coming up the path from the other direction. He makes a beeline for Matt.
"Is she leaving?" he asks, looking at the woman.
"Her son is being ejected for breaking park rules," Jisung says calmly, even though he can feel his hands starting to shake.
"She is being ejected for not complying with our decision to eject the child," Minho says.
"I was assaulted," the woman says.
Kyubin looks at her, looks at Matt's arm bar, looks at the kid trying to kick Hoseok in the shins. "Sure," he says. "Are we taking her to the office and banning her, or just kicking her out?"
Minho looks at Jisung.
"Just kick her out," Jisung finally says.
"I'm never coming back here anyway!" She yells. "I'll tell all my friends never to come here! You assaulted me."
"Ma'am, are you going to leave or are we going to carry you out?" Matt asks.
"We'd prefer not to carry you out," Kyubin says. "But I have zip ties."
The threat of being put in handcuffs to be escorted out of a water park is enough to make the woman, at the very least, allow herself to be escorted out of the park. She doesn't stop talking for one minute, telling her escorts exactly what she thinks of them, the park, and Jisung's mother.
Hoseok follows behind them, the kid's wrist gripped in his hand.
"Have a good night," Jisung calls after them.
"You want me to go with them?" Minho asks.
"Please." As Minho hurries after the group, Jisung plops down on the bench of the picnic table, his back to Hyunjin, who is still sitting there, having been mostly ignored the entire ordeal.
Jisung sits there and breathes.
"Are you okay?" Hyunjin asks after a moment, making Jisung jump.
"Yeah," Jisung lies. "I'm fine."
"Jisung." Hyunjin's voice is quiet. When Jisung turns to look at him, he's watching Jisung, his head tilted to the side. "I can see you shaking."
Hyunjin saying it startles a laugh out of Jisung. "Oh," he says. "Um. Yeah. Confrontation isn't. Uh. My forte."
"No shit," Hyunjin says, and that makes Jisung laugh again.
"Yeah," he says. "I um. I just need a minute."
"Do you want to walk with me to the Bunker? I know that I have to fill out an incident report for this, so..."
Jisung takes a deep breath, and nods.
One of the worst parts of the day is when the sun starts to set and the lights start to come on and the pools start to empty out for the night. It's almost closing time and that would be great, except so many people are so slow about getting out of the pools.
And it's not like they haven't announced they're closing - they start announcing every fifteen minutes with an hour left in the day. They close the ride lines, too, but there's always a few kids who slip under the ropes to run back up the stairs to rejoin the line, and there just aren't enough security guards to post at the entrance to every slide.
Working on one of the slide pools is an easy job - riders have to get out of the way anyway, and no one ever swims around in a slide pool. Jisung would rather work at the bottom of a slide than turn blue in the face blowing a whistle at one of the big pools trying to get all the patrons out.
All Jisung has to do is make sure everyone gets out of the pool. Jeongin has the harder job, walking down the stairs after the last rider and turning back any kids who have snuck under the rope to go up just one last time. Most of the time threatening to get security does the trick.
No, the worst part is when everyone's gathering up at the front of the park, after security has swept everyone out for the day, and one last person comes through the gates.
Jinyoung.
He's got an employee pass that Jisung never gave to him. He's older, a grad student. He's handsome.
He's Hyunjin's boyfriend.
Jisung hates him.
It's not just that he's Hyunjin's boyfriend, though Jisung would maybe, maybe admit that's part of the reason if anyone pressed it. It's part of it. It's just that - well.
Jisung and Hyunjin hang out with different people, and Jinyoung, even though sometimes he slums it with "the kids," as he always calls them - like Hyunjin isn't the same age as half of them - it's that Jisung has learned a few things.
Namely, that Jinyoung likes having Hyunjin as arm candy.
And okay, maybe Jisung wishes he didn't know that Jinyoung says things to his friends, and that gets back to Jisung, because they have overlap in their friend groups. He wishes he didn't know that Jinyoung dates Hyunjin because he's pretty, because he's a star on their university's swim team. Jisung wishes he didn't know that Jinyoung hooks up with other boys at parties he doesn't take Hyunjin to, wishes he didn't know the way Jinyoung talks about how Hyunjin is too needy, too desperate, too -
Sometimes, Jisung sees red when he looks at Jinyoung. When he watches Jinyoung slip his arm around Hyunjin's waist and tug him close and kiss him in front of God and everybody -
And he can't say anything.
He and Hyunjin aren't friends. Hyunjin works for Jisung - well, Jisung's parents, really, but don't tell the customers he deals with who demand the owner of the park when they don't like what a manager tells them.
So he watches as Jinyoung strolls right through his front gates and over to Hyunjin, who fucking lights up with a smile every time. Jisung makes eye contact with their front gate manager, Hongjoong, over Hyunjin's shoulder and Hongjoong makes a gagging motion.
Maybe Hongjoong and Jisung need to have a talk about the whole Letting Jinyoung In thing. He could pick Hyunjin up just as well from outside the park, and then Jisung wouldn't feel like he wants to scream and throw up all at once.
The music is just a little too loud, and Jisung can feel a headache starting to build. He needs to find Changbin or Chan and tell them he's out, but Changbin's house is too big, too crowded, too noisy.
He manages to push his way into the back yard, fresh air, less noise, the faint stench of weed. Jinyoung and Hyunjin making out on one of the deck chairs, Jinyoung's fingers tangled in Hyunjin's hair and - wait. No.
Hyunjin had gone to dinner with his parents. Jisung knows because Felix had begged him to smoke with him because Felix might be incapable of smoking a joint alone. Hyunjin wasn't at the party.
Jisung turns right back around and heads back into the house. Suddenly the fresh air doesn't seem so important as getting out.
He finds Felix, which feels a step closer, at least, to finding Chan. Then, he thinks, what if he just keeps going. He can just tell Felix to tell Chan or Changbin or whoever he sees, and he can go. He can get as far away from this house as he can, he can not think about what he saw, he can - he can think about how he knows Hyunjin's boyfriend is cheating on him and is he supposed to tell?
"I'm heading out," Jisung yells over the music when he's close enough Felix will hear.
"It's still early!" Felix yells back.
"I'm getting a headache." He makes motions like his head is going to explode. Felix pouts, then leans in and smooches his face.
"Text me when you get home," Felix yells.
Jisung gives him a thumbs up and slips out the front door.
The worst thing about knowing is that he has to see Hyunjin every day at the park, and Hyunjin doesn't know. Jisung makes sure that Minho schedules them on different pools, and he hopes that he doesn't have to play manager at any point.
On Thursday, he heads into the bunker for lunch. The only other person in the break room is Hongjoong, with his headphones on, a pen in one hand and half a sandwich in the other. Jisung sits, picking chunks of breading off the chicken tenders he grabbed at the snack stand because he was too lazy to actually make himself food.
He listens to the music leaking out of Hongjoong's headphones for a few minutes, then gets his attention. Hongjoong looks startled to see him there.
"What?" he asks.
"If you knew someone's boyfriend was cheating on them, would you tell them?" Jisung asks.
Hongjoong stares at him, confused. "My boyfriend isn't cheating on me," he says, automatic.
"I didn't even know you had a boyfriend," Jisung says. "So no, that's not who I mean."
"I assume you're friends with this person, and you know for sure their boyfriend is cheating on them," Hongjoong says. He stuffs the last bite of his sandwich in his mouth.
"I guess we're friends," Jisung says. "I just. I hate his boyfriend, and I saw - well."
"You saw him cheating, you want to help your friend," Hongjoong says.
"I want you to confiscate Jinyoung's park pass," Jisung says.
Hongjoong looks confused for a split second, then his entire face lights up.
"Yes sir," he says, grinning. "Happy to be of service."
Hongjoong must waste no time in taking Jinyoung's pass, because the next morning before the park opens, Hyunjin corners Jisung to ask why. And Jisung... doesn't know what to say. He doesn't want to lie.
Finally, he settles on, "we're cracking down on non-employees that have passes." Which could be true, Jisung supposes, since really the only non-employee that has a pass is Jinyoung, because Hyunjin gave him one that Hyunjin "lost."
Hyunjin sighs. "But you know he picks me up every day after work."
"He can pick you up from outside the gates," Jisung says, and he can see that Hyunjin is mad. "I can't just let people in, Hyunjinnie. It's for audit purposes."
Jisung has no idea if anyone would audit that. That's literally Hongjoong's department.
Hyunjin pouts at him and actually stamps his feet. Jisung wants to bite him, grab his hair and kiss him, something, anything. "Fine," Hyunjin says. "But I'm mad at you."
"No you're not," Jisung says. He's not sure.
Hyunjin gives him a sunny smile. Jisung feels like his heart is shriveling up inside.
"No," he says. "I'm not." A pause. "But tell Minho I want back on the wave pool. I'm bored."
"Noted," Jisung says, then Hyunjin is waving at him and heading in the direction of the lap pool.
They're back at Changbin's house on Saturday night and Jisung wonders - are they always at Changbin's? He can't remember the last time they were anywhere else, but he thinks they must have been to other peoples' houses. He's hosted... not recently, even though he lives the closest to the park. Literally, on the grounds of the park.
Changbin just has the most space. He probably pays for someone to clean up, or his parents do, like everything else, and no one has ever destroyed anything that Jisung knows of.
Jisung loves Changbin. Jisung is drunk.
"You're drunk," Changbin tells him.
"No," Jisung says. He's got his face nuzzled against Changbin's cheek. Changbin's skin is soft. "What kind of skincare do you use? Your skin is so soft. What's your SPF?"
Changbin sighs. Felix is giggling, and Jisung tilts his head, leaving his cheek pressed against Changbin's, until he can see where Felix is sitting on the floor, rolling a joint, his delicate little fingers moving over the paper. Jisung loves Felix too.
"I'm going to get a drink," Chan says, pushing himself to his feet. The bass is vibrating through Jisung's chest. Changbin is warm pressed against him. "Jisung, you want some water?"
"I need another beer," Jisung says.
"Do not bring him another beer," Changbin says.
"Beer," Jisung says.
"He's three seconds from kissing me," Changbin says.
"And what's wrong with that?" Jisung asks, sitting up straight. "I can't kiss you?"
"You may not," Yeonjun says, climbing over the back of the couch to sit next to Changbin. "You can't just go around kissing people's boyfriends."
"Please bring Jisung water," Changbin says.
"Beer," Jisung repeats.
Chan throws up his hands and leaves.
"Shotgun?" Felix asks, holding up his joint.
"Oooh," Jisung says, and suddenly Changbin is forgotten. "Better than beer."
Felix giggles as Jisung slides off the couch and onto the floor, half into Felix's lap. Felix lights the joint, then exhales smoke into Jisung's mouth, pulling him close. Their lips meet. Felix's tongue tastes like cheap beer and resin.
Why won't Yeonjun let Jisung kiss Changbin? Chan lets Jisung kiss Felix whenever he wants. Yeonjun should be more like Chan.
Jisung is too busy breathing into Felix to notice when Chan comes back. The conversation around them is muffled and Jisung shifts fully onto Felix's lap, Felix's hands on his ass, and the world has narrowed to just the two of them.
Felix pulls back, smiling, his eyes red and pupils blown and Jisung would sit here and count every single freckle scattered across Felix's nose like a perfect constellation. He kisses Felix on the top of his nose, and Felix laughs with delight.
Then Felix stops. Stops laughing, stops smiling. "What happened?" he asks. He's looking over Jisung's shoulder.
Jisung turns. Yeonjun and Changbin are whispering now, their heads tilted close together. Changbin has a beer and a bottle of water, which means Chan came back, but Chan's not there anymore.
Jisung's brain spins. Idly, he wonders if Chan might have gotten mad about him and Felix shotgunning, but logically, he knows that Chan doesn't care, that Chan has watched them do it a hundred times, that Chan has joined them. But why -
Hyunjin comes into the room, power walking across the carpet and heading straight for the kitchen. Chan is close on his heels, and he's still talking, but with the music Jisung can't hear what he's saying. Jisung's stomach does a flip. Chan must have seen. Chan must have seen Jinyoung too. And he told Hyunjin.
Jisung scrambles to his feet, making Felix yelp with pain, and Changbin reaches out to grab his hand. "I don't think you should - " Changbin starts, and Jisung tugs away.
"No, no, I have to go, I - " Jisung is already heading toward the kitchen.
"Let Chan handle it," Changbin is saying at the same time Yeonjun asks, "wait, did Jisung already know?"
Did Jisung already know?, so yeah, exactly what Jisung thinks is happening is happening. He drifts - he doesn't have the ability to do much more than drift, with this many substances in his system - into the kitchen and follows the sounds of shouting through to the back porch.
Jinyoung is explaining something very earnestly and it's a different boy this time, sitting on the patio chair and at least having the grace to look ashamed. Jisung can't focus on the words Jinyoung is saying because all he can see is Hyunjin. The look on Hyunjin's face, the hurt, the way his eyes are so shiny in the light spilling through the kitchen windows.
"But I was here," Hyunjin says, and his voice is small. Cracked, broken. Jisung's stomach flips. He could throw up. "I was here the whole time. My friends were here."
"It's not that, it's - " Jinyoung says, but Jisung is talking before he realizes his mouth is moving.
"That's a different boy," he hears his own voice saying. "Than last week."
"What?" Hyunjin asks. Jinyoung's head snaps around to look at Jisung, his eyes narrowed.
Chan's voice is warning. "Jisung."
"That's a different boy than last week," Jisung repeats, then swallows hard. "Is it a different boy every week?"
"Jisung," Chan says again.
"You - " Jinyoung starts, and then he's moving toward Jisung before Jisung realizes what's happening. He doesn't get far; Chan steps between them.
"No one's going to fight," Chan says. "You're not going to beat up Jisung or something because you can't keep your side of the street clean."
"What the fuck does that mean?" Jinyoung asks.
"Why are you mad at Jisung? For saying he saw you with someone last weekend?" Chan asks. "Because you need to direct your anger at getting caught at someone else right now? You're not gonna hit me, because you know I'll hit back and it won't be pretty. You won't hit Hyunjin, because you know half the people at this party will jump you if you do. Do you think they won't if you hit Jisung?"
"You all need to mind your business," Jinyoung says.
"My business is making sure my friends don't get hurt," Chan says. Jinyoung tries, experimentally, to push past Chan like he's going to make another go at Jisung. Chan doesn't move.
"How many other boys," Hyunjin finally says. Jinyoung turns back toward him, away from Chan, away from Jisung.
"What?" Jinyoung asks.
"How many others?" Hyunjin asks. "Every party? Just the ones I wasn't at? Just the last couple of weeks?"
"Hyunjin - " Jinyoung starts.
"Is he going to be the pretty swim team star on your arm now?" Jisung blurts out. "The one you keep around because it makes you look good? Because he's not as pretty as Hyunjin." Jisung flicks his eyes over to the boy still sitting on the chair. "Uh. No offense, I guess. Maybe a little bit of offense."
The boy laughs, bitter. "Yeah, that's probably fair. But you're also right."
"What?" Hyunjin asks, confused. At least he doesn't look like he's on the verge of tears anymore.
"Jisung," Chan warns again. Jisung takes a deep breath.
"All summer he's been going around telling people how he only dates you because you're so pretty and you're on the swim team at the university so it looks good to have you on his arm," Jisung says.
Crickets chirp.
"Cool," Hyunjin says, his voice fragile. "I'm gonna go home. Thanks for the - yeah."
Hyunjin turns on his heel and heads back toward the kitchen. Chan stops Jinyoung from going after him. Jisung tries, but Changbin grabs him as he comes through the kitchen door. Changbin and Yeonjun must have been watching from just inside the kitchen.
"Let him go, baby," Changbin says, and this time he nuzzles his cheek against Jisung's. "He needs to go."
"But - " Jisung starts.
"Talk to him tomorrow. Later this week. But let him go right now," Changbin says. Jisung lets himself go limp in Changbin's arms.
"Do you think he hates me, too?" Jisung asks.
"No," Changbin says. "Not really. I think he hates everything right now. Let Yeji take care of him for tonight."
Jisung sighs.
Hyunjin calls out of work the next three days.
Even when he shows back up on the schedule, Jisung can't figure out where he's stationed. Sure, the rota shows, in Minho's tiny, cramped handwriting, that Hyunjin's supposed to be on the wave pool. But when Jisung shows up there at the tail end of his break, Hyunjin isn't there. Yunho's in his place, and when Jisung asks what happened to Hyunjin, Yunho just shrugs.
"He asked to switch," Yunho tells Jisung. "I don't look a gift horse in the mouth."
The problem is, Jisung doesn't really have time to go back to the bunker and look at the rota again, and he has no idea where Yunho was supposed to be, or if Hyunjin switched with someone else after that. He opens his mouth to ask, but then Yunho is blowing his whistle and yelling and Jisung decides it's just better to leave, instead.
Thursday's lunch break happens to overlap with Hyunjin's, and Jisung only discovers that when he gets to the snack bar and finds Hyunjin standing at the counter, whispering furtively with Yeji. She spots Jisung first, and narrows her eyes at him. Hyunjin notices and turns, and even with his sunglasses on, Jisung can tell he looks tired.
"You be nice to him, Han Jisung," Ryujin threatens as she hands Jisung a cardboard boat with three overcooked chicken tenders.
How did Jisung become the villain? He's not the only one who knew, and other people who knew were much closer friends with Hyunjin than Jisung is.
"Why am I in trouble?" Jisung asks. "I didn't do anything." He looks at the chicken tenders. "Do you serve this to customers?"
"No, I made those special for you," Ryujin says with a grin that bares her teeth.
Jisung isn't scared of her. They went to elementary school together.
"Okay, well, give me some that don't suck and give Hyunjinnie fries, and we're gonna go have lunch and you're all gonna stop being weird," Jisung says. "Because I didn't do anything."
"He's right," Hyunjin says, sighing. He sounded tired, too. "He didn't do anything."
"Okay," Ryujin says, turning back to the kitchen. "But say the word and - "
In near unison, she and Yeji make slashing motions across their throats. Great, Jisung thinks. My 25f, 24f snack bar workers are unionizing. To kill me.
Ryujin gives him fresh chicken tenders and fresh french fries. Jisung drenches it all in ketchup and he and Hyunjin head to the bunker. They slip into the cold dark, and instead of going to the break room, they go to Jisung's office. Well, not entirely Jisung's office. He shares it with Minho, the park manager, who uses it way more than Jisung ever does.
Minho isn't in the office, and it's quiet and dark. Jisung flips on the light and Hyunjin follows him in, closing the door behind him.
"I tried to find you yesterday," Jisung says. Hyunjin doesn't look at him, focusing on dragging a soggy crinkle-cut fry through the puddle of ketchup. He's taken off his sunglasses, and now Jisung can really see how tired he looks, dark purple bruises under his eyes.
"The wave pool gave me a headache, I had to go somewhere else," Hyunjin says.
"Okay," Jisung says. The silence stretches between them then, and it's awkward. It's making Jisung's skin crawl. Hyunjin does more playing with the fries than he does eating.
"Hyunjin," Jisung says. "Are you okay?"
Hyunjin shrugs. He doesn't look at Jisung. If Jisung had to guess, he would guess that Hyunjin is really not fine. And Jisung doesn't know what else to say.
"How long did you know?" Hyunjin finally asks. He looks up at Jisung for the first time, and Jisung can see how red his eyes are for the first time.
"How long did I know what?" Jisung asks. He knows, but he asks anyway.
"That he was - that he was hooking up with other - other people," Hyunjin says.
"Oh," Jisung says. This time he looks down. He picks at the breading on the chicken. There's too much breading on these chicken tenders, and he hates them. But the guests like them better than the old ones, so they have these, even if Jisung hates them. Wait, he's supposed to be answering Hyunjin's question. "I don’t know. I never - I never knew for sure. I’d heard - but this time I saw him, so."
“You’d heard,” Hyunjin repeats. Then, "there wasn't an audit, was there?"
"A what?" Jisung asks.
"You told me that you needed to make sure there weren't any extra employee passes," Hyunjin says. "In case you got audited."
Jisung forgot that he'd even said that. "Oh," he says. "No, I - I just didn't want him coming in here and hanging all over you and kissing you when I knew - when I knew what he'd done."
"You asked Hongjoong to take it," Hyunjin says.
"Yes," Jisung says.
Hyunjin takes a deep breath. "Did you know it wasn't just boys? That it was - "
"Hyunjinnie," Jisung says, his voice soft. "I only knew for a week. I only saw him with one other person."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Hyunjin asks. His voice sounds thick now, and Jisung's afraid to look up, afraid to see if Hyunjin is crying.
"I didn't know how," Jisung says. "I didn't know how, so I asked Hongjoong to take Jinyoung's pass instead."
"And the - and the rest. Did you know about that too?" Hyunjin asks. He's definitely crying. He sniffles, and Jisung looks up to see Hyunjin's tear-streaked face, the tear that drips off his chin.
"The things he was saying about you?" Jisung asks. "Yeah. All of us - all of us knew. He'd say that kind of shit to us. I guess. I guess we should have known. That he. That he was cheating. If he was willing to say shit like that to your friends."
"Oh," Hyunjin says. His voice is small.
"Hyunjin," Jisung says, his voice barely a whisper. "I'm sorry."
"You didn't do anything wrong," Hyunjin says, and that's almost a surprise. "You were - you were trying to protect me. I get it. I just."
"I'm still sorry," Jisung says. "You were - in love with him and -"
"I wasn't," Hyunjin says abruptly. "And that's why this. I wasn't, so why does this hurt so fucking much?"
"I don't know," Jisung says. "I don't know if you know this but I - my dating history isn't - I'm really not the person you should be going to for advice."
That, at least, makes Hyunjin laugh, even if it is watery and even if he is still wiping tears off his face. "I don't think I'm really asking for advice."
"Look," Jisung says. "I'll give you my key and you can go to the cabin and just - I think you need to - rest."
"I look that bad, huh?" Hyunjin asks.
"Well, first of all, you're gorgeous," Jisung says, almost automatic. "But you don't look your best."
That makes Hyunjin laugh again, and despite the sniffling, he's almost stopped crying. Obviously, there are absolutely no tissues in the office, not even part of a roll of toilet paper, so Jisung offers Hyunjin a slightly greasy napkin from the snack bar. Hyunjin only hesitates a little bit before taking it to blow his nose.
Hyunjin takes Jisung up on his offer to go up to the cabin, and Jisung just hopes that the cabin doesn't look like he's too much of a slob and the dishes in the sink don't smell too horribly. Unfortunately, it also means that Jisung has to cover Hyunjin's station.
Like Jisung had thought the day before, Yunho wasn't the only lifeguard Hyunjin had switched stations with. He'd switched with Yunho to get off the wave pool, which would have put him on the lap pool. But then he'd switched with someone else - and not just anyone else, either. He'd switched with Felix, which put him on the splash pad.
Which means when he'd told Jisung that he'd needed off the wave pool because it was giving him a headache, he'd been lying.
"He wanted to make sure that if Jinyoung showed up, he wouldn't be able to find him," Felix tells Jisung, when Jisung catches up to him at the closing meeting.
Jisung thinks he's the one that has a headache.
He gets back to the cabin and has to find the spare key to let himself in. The place is dark, so he guesses that maybe Hyunjin has already gone home, but left the keys inside and locked the door. Jisung guesses he appreciates that.
When he gets inside, though, he finds that Hyunjin is still there, curled up on his side on Jisung's sofa, wearing one of Jisung's hoodies with the hood pulled up. He's sound asleep, and the only light in the room is from the TV. It's playing Jisung's favorite drama, and for a moment, his heart twists - Hyunjin must have put it on. Is it his favorite, too?
Jisung doesn't wake him. He doesn't know how long Hyunjin has been asleep, but Jisung knows Hyunjin needs it. Instead of waking him, Jisung goes to shower. He thinks about making dinner for Hyunjin, but he knows there's probably nothing in his kitchen, and - well, he'll probably just embarrass himself. Instead, he just orders food for both of them, then he showers.
Hyunjin is still sleeping when Jisung gets out of the shower, but there's not much Jisung can do when the delivery knocks, even though they're just supposed to leave it on the porch. He hears more than sees Hyunjin jerk awake on the couch, sitting up, startled. He looks toward Jisung, bleary-eyed.
Jisung steps onto the porch and grabs the bags of food, closing the door behind him. "I ordered dinner," he says, as though that wasn't obvious.
"You didn't have to do that," Hyunjin says. His voice is rough with sleep.
"Yeah, well, you're here, and I was just going to let you sleep. They weren't supposed to knock, but." Jisung shrugs. He heads toward the kitchen to unpack the food. Hyunjin eventually follows, pushing the hood off his head. His hair is messy, and Jisung can see creases on his cheeks from the hoodie or the couch.
Jisung's heart twists. Even with his swollen eyes and dark circles, Hyunjin is too beautiful, and Jisung is too in love with him. Fuck.
The sleeves of the hoodie - something Jisung thinks he probably stole from someone, a hoodie that he swims in because it's still huge on Hyunjin, taller and broader than Jisung - hang down over Hyunjin's hands. "Thanks. For dinner. For letting me sleep."
"You needed it," Jisung says. He hands Hyunjin a plate. "Help yourself."
Hyunjin piles food on his plate, and they're quiet as they both stuff food in their mouths. "Oh, do you want something to drink? I have... water. Water for sure. Probably soda. Maybe beer, but odds are very low." It makes Hyunjin laugh, eyes crinkled and his dimples deep. Jisung likes making him laugh.
"Water's okay. I should - I'm probably dehydrated," Hyunjin says. Jisung thinks about how red Hyunjin's eyes have been, and yeah, Jisung thinks. Probably.
He gets both of them water and they're quiet again, and even though it isn't really awkward, Jisung gets antsy in silence.
"Why did you lie about why you switched stations?" Jisung blurts out. Cool. Sick. He could've said literally anything, and that's what came out of his mouth.
Hyunjin doesn't answer for a long time, and he doesn't look up at Jisung. Then, finally, he says, "I just - I don't know. It's. Embarrassing. I'm embarrassed because I'm hiding from him."
Jisung's voice is soft. "Are you scared of him?"
"No," Hyunjin says. "Not really. I don't think he's going to - he's not going to show up and try and hurt me or anything. Not physically. He might - I think he'd show up and try and humiliate me." Hyunjin takes a deep breath. "Not that I think he could really humiliate me more than he already has."
"He wouldn't be able to get in, you know," Jisung says. "Hongjoong took his pass."
"He'd pay, just to be that hateful. I think."
"Hongjoong wouldn't let him." That much, Jisung is sure of.
"Maybe he wouldn't always be at the gates," Hyunjin says.
"Hyunjinnie," Jisung says softly. "Do you think he wouldn't make sure every single person at those gates knew not to let Jinyoung in? Do you think that all of us wouldn't fall all over ourselves to protect you?"
He watches Hyunjin's eyes fill with tears. "I don't know," Hyunjin says, his voice rough. He blinks a few times, hard.
"Like, not to sound like an Olive Garden commercial or something, but you're family," Jisung says. "We're going to protect you."
"Please stop making me cry," Hyunjin says. "My eyes hurt so bad."
That makes Jisung laugh. "Okay, okay, fine. But I mean it, and you know most of us would do anything for you. Well, maybe not anything. Minho would definitely not do _anything_, but he would definitely do murder."
This time it's Hyunjin who bursts out laughing.
Hyunjin isn't at the party on Saturday night, and Jisung thinks that's totally fair, because fuck, maybe he wouldn't go out either. Hyunjin had stayed at Jisung's on Thursday, borrowed a clean tank and gone to the park from there.
Jisung would love to pretend he wasn't thrilled to have Hyunjin sleep over or to receive some Very Hard Looks from some of his coworkers (Minho, Yeji, Hongjoong) in the bunker as they all struggled to wake up and figure out where they were supposed to be. Jisung just shrugs. If they make assumptions based on Hyunjin simply showing up at the same time, that can't be Jisung's fault.
All Hyunjin did was sleep on his couch and borrow a phone charger. No, Jisung doesn't know the devastating information now that he and Hyunjin have the same favorite anime. And the same favorite comfort drama. That's not information that was detrimental to Jisung's health at all.
Hyunjin seems happier on Friday and Saturday, so Jisung can't complain. But he doesn't come to the party. And right, okay, well, it's only been a week. And if Hyunjin doesn't want to show his face, then he doesn't have to.
(Changbin tells Jisung that the art nerds have gone off to art, which explains not only Hyunjin's absence, but also Yeonjun's. Jisung had forgotten they were friends.)
He does, however, take notice of the unusually high volume of gym rats hanging around, and later on in the evening, finds out why. In fact, he's sitting in Felix's lap on the floor, halfway through a joint, when the front door bangs open. Music is still blaring, but conversation stops. Heads swivel.
Jisung coughs.
Jinyoung is standing in the doorway, like he has a right to be there. Jisung wonders if others knew he would show up, and that's why Hyunjin ended up somewhere different.
"You should leave." Matt is the one closest to the door, and when he speaks he's using his brightest customer service voice.
"It's not your house," Jinyoung says. Jisung can almost feel the sigh that Changbin lets out just before he gets to his feet. He sticks his hands in his pockets, casual, as he heads for the front door, his t-shirt straining across his shoulders and around his biceps.
"You should leave," Changbin repeats. And what's Jinyoung going to say to that? That Changbin doesn't have the right to say it? It is, actually, Changbin's house. "And not come back."
"Excuse me?" Jinyoung asks. Jisung can see that his ears and neck are red.
"So," Changbin says, "the thing about fucking up a good thing is that sometimes you lose things in the process."
"So I can't hang out with my friends now," Jinyoung asks.
"Name one single person in this room that's your friend," Changbin says, "and not Hyunjin's."
The room is silent except for the music pounding from the stereo. Jinyoung has nothing to say, because there isn't anyone in the room who'd claim him as a friend, especially not over Hyunjin. Jisung wasn't lying when he said they were family, that they'd have Hyunjin's back.
"This is bullshit," Jinyoung says.
"That's cool," Changbin says. "I think what you did was bullshit. So I think you should leave, and if you come back, I'm afraid I'll just have to call the cops. Or let someone here throw you out. I'm sure there's no shortage of people in here who'd volunteer. And you're trespassing. On my property."
Jisung finally speaks up. "And for the record, you will also be trespassing at the park."
"That's public," Jinyoung says.
"It's a privately owned business," Jisung says. His heart is racing. "And your 20 bucks isn't worth it."
One of the guys near the door - Matt, Hoseok, Jisung isn't sure who - gives Jinyoung a less-than-gentle shove just to get him through the doorway. Changbin closes the door in his face.
"You're shaking," Felix whispers to Jisung.
"I'm really bad at confrontation," Jisung says.
"You literally manage a water park," Felix says, his eyebrows going up.
"No, I own the water park on a technicality," Jisung says. "Minho manages it."
Felix shakes his head, then wraps his arms around Jisung to hug him tightly.
Things are both the same and different after Jinyoung.
Everything at the park is business as usual. Hyunjin's back rotating between the wave pool and the lap pool, and he comes to parties on Saturday nights just like he always has. Except.
Except now he's leaving the park at least three days a week and crashing at Jisung's, making dinner - making Jisung dinner! - and watching anime or dramas or even random Youtube videos until way too late into the night. He sleeps in Jisung's hoodies, falls asleep with his head on Jisung's shoulder, and he's compromising Jisung's mental health.
On Saturdays, he sits on the floor to smoke with Jisung and Felix, even though he never used to before. Jisung knows that Hyunjin doesn't - or didn't - because of the random drug tests for the swim team, and Jisung - well, he doesn't ask what's suddenly changed. It's clearly not Hyunjin's first time, and he inhales without a cough and blows smoke rings in Jisung's face.
Jisung wants to kiss him so fucking badly his throat aches with it.
He gets so used to Hyunjin being on his couch, in his life, just being around, that he finally, finally lets his guard down. It's not the first summer they've known each other, but it's the first time Jisung has been really comfortable.
"I'm fucking late," he announces as he bursts through the front door, well after his shift should have been over on a Tuesday evening to find Hyunjin already showered parked on the couch with his sketchbook. Hyunjin turns to look at him with big, dark eyes, his hair a tangled mess of a bun on top of his head. Jisung grits his teeth.
"For what?" Hyunjin asks. His eyebrows come together, confused.
"I'm supposed to have dinner with my parents," Jisung says, and he genuinely can't remember if he told Hyunjin or not, but Hyunjin makes a sound of agreement like Jisung did and Hyunjin just forgot. "And of course there had to be a crisis, so I'm late, so - you know." Jisung flaps his hands.
"Good thing I didn't make dinner," Hyunjin says, his tone teasing.
"I'm late and you're making jokes," Jisung says, tripping over his own shoes as he kicks them off, stripping out of his shirt as he makes his way down the hall to the bathroom.
He's already in the shower when he realizes what he did. He always wears a shirt at the park. He never, ever takes his shirt off in front of anyone, even when he has to dive into a pool for a rescue. He always says it's because he's self-conscious about the other guys, like Changbin or Jeongin or even Hyunjin himself.
It's not at all about hiding the scars from his top surgery.
Hyunjin either didn't notice, or doesn't say anything, just waves goodbye as Jisung rushes out the door to meet with his parents. He keeps not mentioning it, so Jisung thinks he's in the clear. Until - until -
They spend most evenings together sitting on Jisung's couch, watching dramas or anime or sometimes the animal documentary videos on YouTube that Jisung likes but make Hyunjin fall asleep. That's what they're watching when it happens.
Jisung is engrossed in something about birds and Hyunjin is mostly asleep, absently playing with Jisung's hair as they lean against each other, sharing the throw blanket. One of the birds is swooping toward a stream, looking for food, trying to feed its newly-hatched chicks, and Hyunjin kisses him.
Jisung almost jumps out of his skin, and Hyunjin pulls back, looking away, his cheeks red. "Sorry," he says. "Sorry, um. I thought you would - um. I thought we."
"I was just surprised," Jisung says, and grabs Hyunjin's t-shirt, pulling him back.
"Oh," Hyunjin says. He lets Jisung pull him back, lets Jisung press their lips back together.
It's as simple as that.
They start kissing and they don't stop, really, except they're keeping it as on the downlow as they can for two people who are basically living together without admitting they're living together. Hyunjin sleeps in the guest room; he has extra clothes, he does laundry there. Jisung doesn't ask why Hyunjin suddenly stopped going home; he figures Hyunjin will tell him when he's ready.
Hyunjin comes in after a day off with his hair dyed dark. It's a surprise, because Jisung can't remember the last time Hyunjin wasn't blonde; he's been blonde maybe the entire time Jisung has known him.
"I like it," Jisung says. Hyunjin looks confused for a second, then Jisung gestures.
"Oh," Hyunjin says. He runs a hand through it. Jisung thinks Hyunjin's hair is probably shorter, too. He's not sure. "Yeah. I needed a change."
Hyunjin is, Jisung thinks, going through something Jisung doesn't feel like he can ask about, but at the same time, knows he should. "Are you okay?"
"I don't know," Hyunjin says. "I failed my drug test."
Ah, Jisung thinks. But Hyunjin had to have known he would fail it the second he took the joint from Felix. Jisung thinks he can't possibly be that sad about that part of it.
"And I got kicked off the team," Hyunjin continues, and again, Jisung thinks this is probably not the heart of the problem. This, too, is the natural consequence of failing the drug test, which Hyunjin knew would happen. Jisung waits. Hyunjin takes a deep breath. "And my parents kicked me out."
There it is. All of the time Jisung has spent wondering if Hyunjin lives with him now, and the answer has been yes, if Jisung had thought to ask. Jisung knows that being on the team is covering a lot of Hyunjin's school expenses, and now - he doesn't know. Maybe Hyunjin doesn't want to be in school. Maybe now isn't the time to ask about it.
"You know you can stay here as long as you want to," Jisung says. Hyunjin looks at him, quiet. He's dry eyed, but something about it seems odd.
"I was already taking advantage of you," Hyunjin says.
"I really don't think you were," Jisung says. Hyunjin sighs. "Oh no, my boyfriend is living in my house and we can watch tv together and snuggle and kiss all we want."
Hyunjin raises an eyebrow. "Your boyfriend?" he asks.
"I'm pretty sure you've figured out by now that I don't do the casual hookup thing," Jisung says.
"To be fair, we haven't actually hooked up," Hyunjin says. "Not for lack of trying."
"Listen," Jisung says. "I just. I need to be sure."
"Of what?" Hyunjin asks.
"Of - of you?" Jisung says. He's not sure that's the right way to put it. "That I'm not just. Some rebound because I'm here and you haven't found something better."
"That feels good," Hyunjin says, letting his head fall back against the couch.
"I don't mean it as an insult!" Jisung protests. "I just mean it as - like, you're hot. Everyone trips all over themselves for you. They don't do that for me."
"Because they're stupid," Hyunjin says. He tips his head until he's looking at Jisung. "And because you have no idea how hot you actually are."
"Shut up," Jisung says. "I'm not. We work at a water park, Hyunjin. I see the way everyone acts around people who are actually hot, and I'm not one of them."
"More for me, then," Hyunjin says.
Jisung rolls his eyes. "Fine. Let's say I accept that I'm hot," he starts.
"Thank you," Hyunjin says.
"That doesn't mean that I'm not some kind of rebound, or that you're not just waiting around until you find something better," Jisung says.
"You're already the something better," Hyunjin says. His voice is soft. "I don't - I don't think you understand what it's been like for me the past few weeks, staying here with you. Being with you. How good it's felt."
"But that doesn't mean that it's forever," Jisung says.
"Nothing does," Hyunjin says. "If I wanted to hook up with someone else, I would. Jisung, I have, before I kissed you, before we - whatever this is. Before I was someone you'd want to call your boyfriend."
"Unfortunately, you've been someone I've wanted to call my boyfriend for a long time," Jisung says.
"And now you're thinking of excuses to push that away now that it's being offered to you?" Hyunjin asks.
"No," Jisung says. "It just seems like it shouldn't be real. Like it shouldn't be offered to me."
"If I'm so hot," Hyunjin says, "that I can just go do whatever I want, fuck whoever I want, I'm choosing to be here with you."
Jisung's mouth shapes the word "oh," but no sound comes out. Fuck - Hyunjin is choosing to be here, with him.
"You called me your boyfriend, Jisung," Hyunjin says. "Why are you trying to fight me when I tell you I want that too?"
"Because I didn't expect you to," Jisung admits. "Because I expected you to laugh at me."
"You said you wanted to be sure of me," Hyunjin says. "What could make you more sure than me telling you that I want this? I want to be here with you."
"I think we both know that my brain doesn't always do logic!" Jisung half-shouts.
Hyunjin looks at him for a long moment, then shakes his head, starting to laugh.
"What?" Jisung asks.
"You," Hyunjin says. He shakes his head. "I just want you to know that if I wanted to be somewhere else, I would be. But I want to be here with you."
"You mean that," Jisung says, half a statement, half asking.
"Yeah," Hyunjin says. "I'm here. I want you. I'm choosing you over someone else."
"Are you just saying that so I'll stop pushing your hand away when you try and get in my pants?" Jisung asks.
"No," Hyunjin says. "But I'd really like that."
Jisung makes a face. "But you might not - like. It. Me. When you get there."
"Jisung," Hyunjin says.
"I'm - trans," Jisung manages to say, choking the words out. "So you know - that's why I needed to be sure, that you weren't going to run away, that you weren't going to tell anyone, because it's not something I really share, so -"
"I know," Hyunjin says. Jisung's mouth snaps shut. There's a beat of silence.
"You know?" Jisung says.
"I've known since you went to that dinner with your parents," Hyunjin says. "You never said anything, so I figured you didn't want to talk about it. Or you didn't want me to know."
"When I took my shirt off," Jisung says. "You saw my scars."
Hyunjin shrugs. "Yeah," he says. "But like, it's not a big deal? It doesn't really - it's not something that really matters to me, so -"
"How did you know? From seeing that?" Jisung demands.
"Jisung, I spend all my free time with dancers and artists, you're not the only transgender person I know," Hyunjin says, tone dry.
Jisung's head is spinning. He's not sure he can take in this much information at once. "So it doesn't matter to you. It really doesn't matter to you that I don't - that I have a pussy."
Hyunjin doesn't even flinch, just keeps looking at Jisung, his head leaned against his hand, his elbow propped on the back of the couch. Jisung has nearly broken himself of saying he doesn't have a dick - he does, just not the way most guys think of it - but the other part is true, and every partner Jisung has ever had has flinched when he's managed to say the words out loud.
(Admittedly, he hasn't had a lot of occasion to say it.)
"Jisung," Hyunjin says. "I just told you you're not the only transgender person I know. Why do you think telling me that is going to make me run off?"
"Because it has everyone else," Jisung says.
"Well," Hyunjin says, "I'm not everyone else."
To make the point, Hyunjin leans in and kisses Jisung, a little rough. Jisung is surprised and doesn't move at first, but then he's shifting, pushing up against Hyunjin's mouth, moving forward to climb into Hyunjin's lap. Jisung pulls back after a moment, putting his hands on Hyunjin's shoulders to push him back.
"Okay, wait," Jisung says. "You're telling me you've slept with other trans men? Like. Jinyoung wasn't - as far as I know, so it's not like. It's not some kind of weird kink for you, is it?"
"No, he wasn't," Hyunjin says. "And no, it's not. It's not - It's not a thing, Jisung. I hooked up with a guy I wanted to hook up with. I hook up with boys I want to hook up with." He smiles, then taps Jisung on the end of the nose. "I like boys, not what's between their legs. Stupid."
"Oh," Jisung says, and fuck, that's kind of hot. He wants to believe that Hyunjin really doesn't care, and that this isn't all some dream that he's definitely going to wake up from with come in his shorts, but it doesn't seem real. Lived experience makes it not seem real.
He stops holding Hyunjin back and lets Hyunjin kiss him again, lets Hyunjin wrap his arms around Jisung, pull him close.
"Wait," Jisung says and pushes Hyunjin back again.
"Actually, I don't want to be your boyfriend," Hyunjin says.
"No, no - not - you don't mean that do you?" Jisung asks.
"No, but Jisung, you're really killing the vibe," Hyunjin says.
"You were upset when you came in," Jisung says. "You - like, is this weird?"
"Jisung," Hyunjin says. "I kissed you first."
"Right, right, but if we hadn't started this whole boyfriend conversation," Jisung says, "you wouldn't have."
"Jisung, I need you to think, like, 90 percent less and put your hands on my ass, okay?" Hyunjin says, and that startles a laugh out of Jisung.
"You're real," Jisung whispers to him.
"I'm real," Hyunjin says. He holds up his hand, showing Jisung his pinkie. "And I want you. I want us. Promise."
Jisung links their pinkies and touches their thumbs together.
And he does put his hands on Hyunjin's ass.
The fact that they're officially boyfriends, or that they're officially hooking up - sort of, anyway, because Jisung keeps balking as soon as Hyunjin goes for his underwear. Hyunjin handles it like a champ, but Jisung knows he won't be content to rub off against each other forever, and that no matter how much he swears Jisung gives the best blowjobs he's ever had, Jisung knows it won't get him by forever.
He likes Hyunjin so much. He just wants Hyunjin to like him. All of him, and as much as he's come to accept himself, the thought of it is terrifying. He doesn't want Hyunjin to realize he doesn't like it, doesn't like Jisung, and leave.
"You just need to take a deep breath and let it go," Changbin tells him. They're standing in the kitchen at Changbin's house, and Jisung is at least three beers deep. It's more than he'd usually drink, but he's trying to calm down the nerves he feels almost all the time around Hyunjin.
"Yes, let me just turn off my anxiety and do that," Jisung says. He's watching Hyunjin, who is in the living room. He's sitting on the floor in front of Yeonjun, who has been braiding and unbraiding Hyunjin's hair for what seems like the last hour. Jisung is pretty sure Hyunjin has no idea how long it's been; he's pretty stoned.
Since they got to the party, Jisung has learned a lot of things. He's learned that Yeonjun was the one who dyed Hyunjin's hair, because hair is Yeonjun's actual, real life job. He's learned that Hongjoong apparently always has nail polish concealed somewhere on his person, and that despite looking at his boyfriend like he hung the moon, public affection makes him squirm.
Jisung realizes he doesn't know as much about his friends as he thinks he does. He thinks about what Hyunjin said, about hanging out with art kids and dancers, and watching Hyunjin sitting with Felix, with Yeonjun and his pink hair, letting Hongjoong paint his nails, he can't understand how he didn't think of it before.
Realization dawns on him as he watches Hyunjin giggling at something Hongjoong has said.
"Oh my God," Jisung says out loud.
"What?" Changbin asks, having been left out of Jisung's internal monologue.
"I know who he hooked up with," Jisung says.
Changbin raises an eyebrow as he looks at Jisung over the rim of his cup. He lowers the cup and says, "Yeah, Jinyoung probably. And not you if you don't get your shit together."
"No, he said - " Jisung realizes that he can't repeat what Hyunjin said, because he doesn't know if Changbin knows. Sure, Changbin knows about Jisung, but. Jisung sighs. "He said he'd hooked up with someone else who was - y'know, like me. And I just realized he's - he's like. Friends with that person. And it's never been weird. I've seen them interact a hundred, thousand times and it's - "
"Weird, Hyunjin treats people like they're people?" Changbin says. "Who would've thought?"
Jisung makes a frustrated noise.
"I keep telling you," Changbin says. "This is a you-problem, not a Hyunjin-problem. Also I'm pretty sure you're literally the last person to figure out he and Hongjoong used to fuck."
Jisung makes a strangled noise and walks away from Changbin as fast as he can, Changbin's laughter loud behind him.
Jisung is lying in bed, mostly sober, when Hyunjin knocks on the door. They share the bed most nights, but Hyunjin still knocks on the door.
"Come in," Jisung says. Hyunjin pushes open the door and comes in, closing it behind him. He's only wearing his underwear, and he immediately climbs into bed with Jisung.
"Felix gave me a joint," Hyunjin says. "You want some?"
"Not right now," Jisung says. "Not in bed."
"Fair," Hyunjin says. He puts the joint down on the nightstand and slides under the covers with Jisung. Jisung is wearing a t-shirt and boxers and feels less than half as sexy as Hyunjin looks right now.
Hyunjin presses close to him, then presses a kiss to Jisung's jaw. "Wanna make out?" he asks, and he's smiling, and yeah, Jisung definitely does. He turns toward Hyunjin, shifting until he can slot their mouths together, until he can press a thigh between Hyunjin's.
He's already wet, Hyunjin's thigh pressed against him, and Hyunjin's hands slipping under the back of his t-shirt to push it up, then eventually off. The kisses are wet and sloppy and Hyunjin's dick is hard where it's pressed against him and -
"Let me suck your dick," Hyunjin says, and -
"Okay," Jisung exhales.
No one's ever asked him that before. No one's ever wanted to; no one's gone down on Jisung, sucked his dick, eaten him out. And Hyunjin asks it so casually, and when Jisung says yes, he just starts kissing his way down Jisung's neck, digging his teeth into Jisung's collarbones and making him gasp.
He stops at Jisung's chest and lifts his head, running a thumb over one of Jisung's nipples. "Do you like - I know sometimes people who have had this kind of surgery don't have a lot of sensation in their nipples, so. Do you like it? Want it?"
Jisung could die. Hyunjin couldn't be more perfect if Jisung had dreamed him up. Maybe Jisung did. Maybe he's in a coma and this is the last thing his brain is giving him before he dies.
"It's - yeah, I can. It feels good?" Jisung says.
"Okay," Hyunjin tells him. Except then he puts his mouth on Jisung's nipple, and Jisung's body nearly comes all the way off the bed. His reaction makes Hyunjin laugh, which would be fine except for the part where Jisung's nipple is still in Hyunjin's mouth, so the sound vibrates through Jisung's skin and makes him squirm. "Okay, you definitely have sensation in yours."
"Stop talking," Jisung says. "More sucking."
Hyunjin laughs again.
It feels like he takes forever to work his way down Jisung's body, licking, sucking, biting. Jisung digs his fingers into the sheets, trying his best not to put his hands on top of Hyunjin's head and push him to go faster.
"Are you still okay?" Hyunjin asks, lifting his head up to look at Jisung as he loops his fingers into the waistband of Jisung's boxers to tug them down. Jisung nods, chewing on his lower lip. "Tell me if you want me to stop."
"Okay," Jisung says. "Okay."
Hyunjin tugs Jisung's boxers down, following the waistband with his lips across Jisung's hipbones and down his thigh. Jisung starts breathing faster when Hyunjin's head dips between his legs, sucking a hickey near the crease of Jisung's thigh.
"I said okay," Jisung nearly yells at him. "Jesus fuck."
Hyunjin starts laughing. Jisung thinks about kicking him, except that's around the time Hyunjin's fingers slide around his cock and Jisung's entire body almost flies off the bed.
"That good?" Hyunjin asks, looking up at Jisung.
"Do it again," Jisung says. "Do it with your mouth like you said you would, you coward."
"I like how you get bossy in bed," Hyunjin says. "You know what you want."
"No I don't," Jisung says, rocking his hips up into Hyunjin's hand.
"Sounds like you do," Hyunjin says.
"I want you to stop talking," Jisung says.
Hyunjin laughs and dips his head down. His fingers are still rubbing Jisung's cock, slick between Hyunjin's fingers. Hyunjin's lips brush across his thigh and then - and then.
"Fuck," Jisung whispers, and Hyunjin's free hand is holding down his hips as Hyunjin's mouth closes over the head of his cock, sucking the entire thing into his mouth.
As much as Jisung wishes he could, in any way, be cool about this, he isn't. He has a hand in his own hair, pulling. He puts a hand in Hyunjin's hair, desperate to push, to guide, but trying not to. And he's rambling. God, he can't shut up.
Hyunjin lifts his head, licking the slick wetness of Jisung's cock and cunt off his lips. "You can pull my hair, you know," Hyunjin says. "I like it."
"Oh," Jisung says, and suddenly he has no idea what to say.
Hyunjin smiles at him, then dips his head back down between Jisung's thighs. Jisung twists his fingers in Hyunjin's hair, listens to Hyunjin's sharp intake of breath, but the way he hums against Jisung's cock sends electricity all the way through Jisung's body.
And then there are Hyunjin's fingers. And okay, yeah, Jisung could probably come just from Hyunjin sucking his cock, it wouldn't be hard - ha ha, it's so hard, it's absolutely rock-hard - but Hyunjin is teasing, running one finger through the wet mess around Jisung's hole without ever putting it in until Jisung is squirming underneath him.
"Stop teasing me," Jisung whines, his voice going so high pitched he's a little grossed out by himself. Hyunjin doesn't answer, because he's busy, but he also does not stop teasing, because he's clearly a monster. He keeps one palm flat on Jisung's hips, holding him down as he tries to buck up into Hyunjin's mouth, to squirm closer to his fingers, to - to - anything.
"Please," Jisung whimpers.
Jisung is so wet from Hyunjin's mouth on his cock that Hyunjin's finger slides in easily, one finger all the way to the third knuckle, and Jisung has to press his hand to his mouth to muffle the scream that threatens to escape, then the sob that follows as Hyunjin crooks his finger just so.
"I've got - " Jisung starts, and has to remember his mouth is covered. He swallows hard and moves his hand, gripping the sheets instead. "I've got toys bigger than that."
He looks down just in time to see Hyunjin lift his head to stare at him through the messy hair falling across his face. He licks his lips.
"Put your mouth back," Jisung says.
"Like I said," Hyunjin says, and pulls his finger out, too, making Jisung whine, making him clench around nothing. "You're awfully bossy. Especially for someone who has no control in this situation."
"I want to break up," Jisung says.
Hyunjin laughs at him, and this time it's two fingers and his thumb extended to rub against Jisung's cock. "You do?" Hyunjin asks. "After all this time I've been waiting to get my mouth on you, you're going to dump me?"
"Fuck you," Jisung says, breathless, grinding down on Hyunjin's fingers.
"You wanna come on my fingers?" Hyunjin asks. Jisung makes a sound that he's not proud of. "Your cock in my mouth?"
Jisung is almost in tears. What Hyunjin is doing now isn't what he was doing before. It's not enough. "I'm going to die if you don't do something," Jisung tells him.
"I am doing something," Hyunjin says. Slowly. Deliberately. Deliberately not getting Jisung off.
"What do you want," Jisung asks. "Do you want me to beg? I'll beg."
"Yeah?" Hyunjin asks. "You'll say please and ask nicely?"
"Fuck," Jisung says. "Please. Please, Hyunjinnie. Please."
Hyunjin laughs again and Jisung thinks about kicking him for real this time, except he lowers his head back down and puts his mouth on Jisung's cock and somehow Jisung is suddenly even wetter around Hyunjin's fingers and -
"Please, please, I'm so - Hyunjinnie, I'm so close, please - " Jisung is rocking his hips, riding Hyunjin's fingers and -
When he comes, his body clenches tight around Hyunjin's fingers, and Hyunjin doesn't stop sucking his cock, just keeps going until Jisung is shaking and tugging on Hyunjin's hair, because it's too much, too much, he needs Hyunjin to stop.
Hyunjin, an asshole, sits up and stares at Jisung while he licks Jisung's come off his fingers.
Activity at the park starts to wind down toward the end of the summer, and then they have a true blowout of a weekend over Labor Day, their last weekend open for the season. It's already starting to get a little chilly after sundown, but that doesn't seem to bother most parkgoers trying to cram in a last day in the sun before the summer's over.
Hyunjin fucks Jisung on the desk in Jisung's - Minho's - office during their lunch break, with his hand over Jisung's mouth because Jisung is too fucking noisy for everyone not to know what's going on. Everyone probably knows anyway, and Minho tests the knob twice.
"I know you're in there, Han Jisung," comes a threatening voice from the other side of the door after the second time. Hyunjin muffles a laugh in Jisung's shoulder.
The weekend after Labor Day, when the park is closed but before everything is officially shut down and closed up for the winter, Jisung hosts an end-of-season party. He is emphatic that neither he nor the park are responsible for any injuries because they're not technically open and this may or may not count as breaking and entering ("I literally opened the gate," Hongjoong tells him, "you told me to open the gate.").
"Also," Jisung tells them. "No alcoholic beverages are allowed on premises."
Everyone boos him, but he holds up his hands. "But if I don't see it, I can't know about it."
Jisung will see it. Jisung will know about it. Jisung will, in fact, partake of it, waist deep in one of the slide pools with his legs wrapped around Hyunjin's waist, his beer forgotten on the edge of the pool as Hyunjin kisses him.
Hyunjin has Jisung's back pressed against the side of the pool. The music is loud, the bass thrumming through Jisung's body. Nearly everyone else is at the wave pool - it's bigger, and the slope of it allows for better mingling.
"You were in the office," Minho says, voice flat. Hyunjin stops kissing Jisung to look up at Minho. Jisung tips his head back. "The two of you."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Hyunjin says, trying his best to look innocent. Hyunjin doesn't do a good job at looking innocent on a good day, but with his lips swollen and red from making out with Jisung, he looks even less innocent.
"I knew something was up as soon as I realized the door was locked," Minho says. "I should have known. Why did you need the door locked, Jisung?"
Jisung smiles up at Minho. "Sometimes you need to lock the door, hyung," Jisung says. Hyunjin gives Minho his most winning smile.
"I wouldn't know anything about it," Hyunjin says. Minho narrows his eyes.
He's about to open his mouth and say something else when he gets shoved into the pool from behind. Now, Jisung knows Minho can't swim, which is a wild thing to say about someone working at a water park, but he also knows that the water isn’t anywhere near Minho’s head in the pool they're in, and it will be well below Minho's head when he gets his feet under him. And it's not like Minho wasn't wearing swim trunks, or wasn't already wet or anything.
Seungmin is grinning with all his teeth.
"You're a dead man," Hyunjin says as Minho breaks the surface of the water, sputtering. "And you better run before he gets out of the pool."
"Don't run, actually, that's still dangerous," Jisung says. Hyunjin laughs and leans down to press a kiss to Jisung's neck.
"I'm going to fucking kill you," Minho is saying as he slogs through the water to the edge of the pool to heave himself out. "You're so fucking dead."
"Remember that withholding sex is a punishment for both of us," Seungmin shouts toward Minho. He doesn't run, per Jisung's request, but Jisung has never seen someone power-walk so fast, bare feet slapping on the concrete.
"That's happening?" Jisung says.
"Mmm," Hyunjin says. He leans his forehead against Jisung's. "It's been on and off for a while."
"How do you know these things?" Jisung asks.
"We hang out with different people," Hyunjin says. "The same people, and different people."
"It's weird," Jisung says. "To think that we know the same people but there's all these things I just don't know."
"You're shy," Hyunjin says.
"I'm making out with you in public right now," Jisung points out.
"We went somewhere else for privacy," Hyunjin says, then lifts his head away from Jisung's. "We locked the door."
He raises his voice on the last part, though Jisung's sure that Minho can't hear them anymore.
Jisung smiles and kisses Hyunjin again, pulling him back down. Jisung had spent the last couple of weeks of the season tied in knots over Hyunjin going back to school, moving back into the dorms. It was silly; like Jisung wasn't going to be moving back to campus, too. Like they don't go to the same university.
Except.
Hyunjin doesn't go to university anymore. He got kicked off the swim team, and he's not exactly on good terms with his parents anymore. He's taking a semester off, he says, though Jisung thinks he didn't really have much of a choice. Minho has a full-time job that he spends all summer fitting in around working at the park (and, apparently, fucking around with Seungmin), and Hyunjin assures Jisung that Minho can find him something.
("If you're worried about it," Hyunjin had told him, "I'm not planning on breaking up with you."
"I didn't think - I wasn't thinking you - " Jisung had sputtered.
"You were," Hyunjin had said.
Hyunjin was right, of course. Jisung had been thinking it.)
Jisung moves back into the dorms before the end of the season, and classes start before the park officially closes, but he makes it work. Plenty of the guys don't go to university, make time to work at the pool between other jobs, or haven't started classes yet. Minho helps a lot. Hyunjin helps a lot.
Despite antagonizing each other constantly, Jisung realizes that Hyunjin and Minho are actually close. Close enough that Hyunjin moves in with Minho. Close enough that Minho finds Hyunjin a job at the same dance studio where Minho works his real-world job.
Hyunjin can dance. Hyunjin is beautiful and he can dance, and Jisung never knew. Because Jisung has only known Hyunjin as a swimmer.
"It's what my parents wanted," Hyunjin tells him. "Not me."
"Hm," Jisung says.
Jisung is smart. That's the thing most people don't realize, because most of the time Jisung is so anxious that whenever he opens his mouth, dumb shit falls out without him ever really thinking about it. He goes to school because that's what his parents want him to do, the same as he runs the water park. Because, he thinks, they supported him through his transition. The least he can do is go along with the other things they ask him to do. He doesn't even like science that much.
But rap isn't a career. He slumps in a chair until late in the night between Chan and Changbin and he thinks about how this is what he wants, even if it's not what his family wants for him. He wants to be in the studio, not sitting in the library drawing endless carbon structures.
He wishes he had the balls to quit.
"So quit," Hyunjin tells him.
They're laying in bed in Hyunjin's room in the apartment Hyunjin shares with Minho. Minho is, according to Hyunjin, "out, so fuck as loud as you want." Jisung's head is on Hyunjin's shoulder, Hyunjin's fingers running mindlessly through Jisung's hair.
"I can't just quit," Jisung said. "I know you did, but - "
"I didn't quit," Hyunjin says. "I deliberately and systematically ruined my life. There's a difference."
"It wasn't that systematic," Jisung retorts.
"I knew what I was doing and I knew what would happen," Hyunjin says. "What I'm saying is that you should get to do the things that you want. If you want to make music, you should get to. What happens after you finish school? They expect you to go out and get a job doing whatever with your degree? They don't. They expect you to move into the cabin and run the park every summer. So you'd what? Get a job teaching?"
Jisung looks at Hyunjin, open-mouthed. He's never thought about it this way. Get the degree his parents want for him, run the park, and - then what?
"Ask them. What they expect from you," Hyunjin says. "Why not make music? Why not - why not produce and make music when you're not running the park?"
"Sorry to my fans, I have to run my family's water park during the summer," Jisung says.
"Listen, if you get that famous, your brother can run it instead."
Jisung laughs and rolls on top of Hyunjin to kiss him.