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it's not forbidden to miss

Summary:

One wonderful, incredible and amazing day, Dracul Mihawk picks up a child and decides to turn to the only available sources for answers on parenting. It might not be such a good idea to ask drunk exes and and just as much drunk clown about parenting, but Falcon Eye doesn't have much to choose from, does he?

Notes:

Hiii. It was long way to write this so I hope you will enjoy reading! English is not my first language so I apologise up front for any mistakes.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

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Mihawk couldn't be blamed. 

Oh, anyone, for God's sake, but not him. The whole crossguild thing had bored him at first, but then it had become something routine, something you got used to. And something that could no longer occupy him sufficiently. Busy days were never canceled, and there were times when he'd come home late, but what would always be busy? .....

I mean, yes. In simple terms, Mihawk was bored. 

Yeah, bored. Or maybe he just missed something. It was unusual and uncomfortable to miss something, so he decided not to admit to himself that he was missing. Missed the times when his familiar old castle was noisy with Perona and Zoro fighting. The grumbling before breakfast. The late night sit-ups and rolling his eyes when they asked to reason with each other. The lessons with Zoro and Perona's cross-dressing. Yeah, it may have been stupid in places, yeah, missing wasn't exactly his thing, but you couldn't blame him in this situation. 

Sure, the crossguild headquarters was often noisy too - God, they knew what they were getting into when they offered the damn clown to join the guild "but this one was different. 

Therefore, Mihawk couldn't be blamed. At least, that's what he was trying to convince himself. Convincing was a little difficult - considering he had to look at the child lying next to him at the same time. Yes, in the same room as him. Yes, sleeping on the couch. Yes, a very ordinary child. Probably about seven years old - Falcon Eye wasn't very good at calculating age. The first time he met Crocodile Mihawk thought the man was forty, not twenty-five.

That's normal, isn't it? It's just boredom, he'll fix her up a bit and take her somewhere. He's a pirate, he's allowed to do that, right?

Some part of him kept saying no, he couldn't. That Mihawk had lost his mind and a kid that small was definitely not something he could handle. Zoro and Perona were a completely different matter, they were older. Yes, they couldn't make their own food and they couldn't be left alone and....well, technically, he perceived them just like this tiny girl curled up on the bed. 

He'd picked her up on some island he'd visited because of an old debt. Was it...yesterday? A couple days ago? He was basically not that far away from there now either.... could he have been careful to come and return it? Don't kids have some kind of probationary period or something? He could bring her back...but it would have to be returning in the ashes.....

Apparently some pirates were having a good time. Although fun was probably not the right word. The fields were ablaze as Mihawk strode down the path. It was none of his business  - in any case, he was here to kill one man who had messed with the Crossguild. But even he couldn't watch without shuddering as falling houses threw fiery shards into the streets. The people were gone. It must not have lasted the first day. 

So when, already wiping his blade clean of the blood that splattered it, he heard a cry coming from a burning house - it at least surprised him enough to go check it out. 

He cursed his curiosity ( kindness ( hidden softness ) ), pushing aside a fallen beam and letting the fires pay for the billows of his cloak. St. Joseph, if after this he had to completely re-stitch this outfit he…

A little girl was crying, curled up under the dining room table. Scared, tiny. Mihawk could have lifted her with one hand without much effort. At the sight of him, she hiccupped loudly and began to cry even harder.

"Hey..." Mihawk began hesitantly, and the child was instantly silent. They stood like that for a few moments, silently looking at the quiet sounds of the falling city and the screams outside the window. Perfect atmosphere.

"And I thought you were reasonable...."

"I'm reasonable, not my fault that you're the scary one" came the unexpectedly offended voice in response.

"Scary?” The man didn't know whether to take such a characterization as a compliment. Usually it flattered, but now....He cast a glance at the frightened shrunken girl.

"Just a little," the child repeated. Her eyes were still watering.

"I don't kill children," Mihawk fixed his hat in a puzzled manner. He didn't know how to convey that he wasn't dangerous.

"A....ah it's okay then," the girl nodded, but didn't stop crying. The man watched bewildered as she diligently warmed her eyes with her hands and was completely and utterly unsure of what he should do. Give her a hug? ..... Poke her with a stick?....

"Hey....”

He didn't know what to say. He'd already done everything he could, hadn't he? The man ducked from the dangerously close tongues of flame that were trying to reach him and gritted his teeth.

"It's not because of you, it's the smoke...," the girl tried to speak, apparently mistaking the sound for annoyance, but Mihawk didn't bother her.  The fire was getting bigger and bigger, and it would be possible to talk outside. He quickly walked over, bent over and, hooking her arm from under the table, pulled her outside. 

The girl looked up at him with glassy eyes and tears streamed down her cheeks. It was...sad. Sad that someone could scare a child to that extent. Not that Mihawk cared. 

The girl sobbed.

"We're leaving," he clarified further, in case it wasn't clear. He thought it was worth clarifying, even as he pressed the child closer so she wouldn't be scorched by the fire and made his way to the entrance. 

"Will you sell me?" a quiet voice almost made the man stop.

"What? No I...uh..." the man mumbled in surprise, adjusting his hat again, "Look, you must have misunderstood…”

”If you're not a thief, you're a merchant," the girl's voice became serious, but she didn't try to get out.

"No, I'm a pirate," Mihawk muttered, pushing the burning stick away with his sword.

"Аh…”

The girl was silent for a moment, giving the man a little more leeway. He was never good at concentrating on such things when he was preoccupied with his own survival. 

Or defense. 

"You burned down the city?” "the girl sobbed.

"No....," the man angrily shoved another fallen stick away, dodging a painting falling from the wall. A couple steps "and there will be a door. Great. A room like this wasn't exactly conducive to thought, but he racked his brain a little. The kid was expecting something concrete," I killed whoever did this.” 

"Then you're not to be feared.”

The strange inference, followed by absolute silence, accompanied only by quiet breathing that he felt rather than heard, put him into a slight stupor again. 

Surprisingly this had happened all too often today.

He caught himself thinking that he liked this kid. A bad, lousy thought. 

...

On his way out of town, Mihawk stopped abruptly to look at the girl he held in his arms. She looked dirty and tired. The man thought he probably didn't look any better himself. He sighed and carefully adjusted the collar of his cloak so that the girl's head rested on the soft fabric.

He turned around and called out softly.

"Hey, did someone lose a child?”

The response he got was silence. Not that he was particularly hoping for an answer. Or expected to hear one.

There was a baby crying in the house. What was the point of walking by? 

...

Mihawk caught himself thinking about getting up and making some soup for her to eat when she woke up. Damn. This seemed really bad. 

And even worse, he has absolutely no idea what he should do next. 

The Den Den Mushi on the table rang so suddenly that Mihawk flinched and impulsively reached to cover the child's ears. Thank goodness he quickly restrained himself "such precautions were unnecessary. The little girl hadn't woken up when he'd rented the hotel room, hadn't even opened her eyes on the way here, so the tiny snail phone wouldn't wake her up. 

The man grimaced once more as he picked up the phone. He hated sleeping away from his castle, but now he had no right to ask for more. Here, at least, it was peaceful. 

The Den Den Mushi on the table mumbled again. Mihawk sighed. It had been peaceful before.

”Hey, Mihawk, can you hear me?" 

"Yes, I'm here," the man sighed again, picking up familiar sounds in the background. The sounds of a circus. Yeah, of course, who else would it be," What more do you want? I've already done the favor, you're lucky it was on my way."

"Listen to this.... a very unusual situation…"

Buggy's voice became thoughtful. Too thoughtful. Mihawk was even interested in this abrupt change. What would a clown think? "Can you drive up in your wheelbarrow? 

"If you call my boat a basin again, I'll cut off your tongue and nose, clown," Mihawk's voice became lower and more threatening. Just enough to frighten him, though.

the end.

"Can you be there in an hour?”

Mihawk hung up the phone. He was going to stay on the road as long as his own curiosity would allow him and find out what those two had done.  Despite popular opinion and outward sternness, Mihawk considered Crocodile as much a natural disaster with lots of surprises as Buggy.  He glanced anxiously at the child lying beside him. And right under his own sword, looming over the tiny creature. A surreal picture. Mihawk thought it was cute. 

He definitely needed some advice on this. Or better yet, several. Even better, several hundred pieces of advice. The man rose decisively from the couch. He wanted advice? Then he would get it.

...

On his way out, he put the blade to the throat of the man behind the counter. The man swallowed hard as he listened to the swordsman clearly tell him to take care of the child while he was away.  Following that, several hundred Bellys fell onto the counter. That softened the expression on his face.

Walking out of the establishment Mihawk thought it was unnecessary to do so. Not that he cared if they'd really take care of a child in an empty room. But if they didn't, he would slit their throats. 

Just to show a little resentment.

"You've been traveling for five hours”

Mihawk only shrugged. He didn't come in from the front door "he'd never liked it. To be honest, he didn't understand why the Crossguild had a headquarters at all. Stupid idea, drawing attention, even if it was the right thing to do. 

"I come when I have to come.”

Buggy glanced at him unhappily, but remained silent. Mihawk arched an eyebrow questioningly "something really unusual had to have happened for the clown to be so concerned.  Not that he usually needed a reason to worry.

"Fufufuu, Mihawk, it's nice to see you!”

And here, apparently, was the reason. The voice was too familiar. Even if he wanted to forget it "he would never forget it.

In the next second, Mihouk's eyes took a few steps inside the room and a very funny sight appeared before him. Right in the open doorway stood Crocodile (who, by the way, did not even bother to look at the incoming guild member. Not that it offended Mihouk, not at all. But the thought of filing the legs of Crocodile's favorite chair blew through his mind like a light summer wind.)

He was used to the other man being constantly tense and angry after all. He had known him for quite some time. He was often bad at reading people's emotions correctly, but he was sure that the tone of his ally's voice was.... different now. Yes, still angry, but somehow...confused? What could make a former Shichibukai and one of the strongest pirates confused?

Mihawk guessed what the answer was. 

"Why is Doughlamingo standing at the door of our guild?” "He asked, not addressing anyone in particular. 

"What, I can't come in and see my old friends?” "A cheerful voice came from the door. 

The man in the pink coat stretched his neck, making him look even more like a bird, 

"And I've brought wine! You won't find it anywhere else.”

"I'm not interested in wine", "Mihawk shrugged, sitting down on a chair in the middle of the room. The small corner was made for that "a couch and two armchairs. A familiar place. Not that he was going to settle here or anything. This wasn't his home. 

Just...a comfortable place. 

"This wine is from the finest cellars of my winemakers, former winemakers.”

"How do you still have something from prison?”

"Fuu, with the right persistence and diligence.... Let me in, what am I gonna do? I came as a friend, with alcohol and a smile.”

"Stop smiling or I swear I'll put a hook in your face!”

"Phew, like you haven't done that before....”

"SHUT UP”

Listening to the bickering in half an ear Mihawk focused on a thought that was eluding him. What was he thinking....hm.....good wine....Doflamingo....hm....This could even work? 

"Doflamingo yeah..." he mumbled into his voice and Buggy, sitting on the couch, apparently heard him.

"Yes, he. So?”

Mihawk thought for a second and there was a quiet click in his head. 

"Isn't that his son....this....Law?”

"Yeah, Shichibukai. Brother or son, I don't remember. It's not just him, he's got several of them there.... or something. Are you going to do something about it? They don't listen to me.”

Buggy looked very tired. Usually he just looked cheeky, like a cat about to steal sour cream, or scared "after all, they were both stronger than the clown. But now he was just tired. Mihawk even felt a little sorry for the pirate. 

"Yeah..... But did he raise him?”

"Look, can you even hear me?” Buggy rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed tiredly.

Mihawk thought for a moment. He remembered Doflamingo - after all, they had been Shichibukai together for a long time. And he remembered Lo - the latter had been a Shichibukai as well.  Did that mean that Doflamingo had experience in raising children? Do didn't seem like a bad person to him - on the contrary, he was strong and confident. Well, he certainly had a strange taste in choosing associates and a funny hat, but that's a small thing. 

Parenting plays a part in that, doesn't it? Mihawk wanted his child to be strong and confident too. Not this one of course, God, it's not his kid. 

A theoretical child. 

A very theoretical child. 

Even if it's a girl, she better be a strong and smart girl. 

Theoretical, but strong and smart. 

He also brought good wine.

"Let him in.”

There was silence in the room. A sudden silence and three surprised looks directed at him ( Doflamingo was just as surprised as the others ). It was so quiet, you could even hear something exploding in the next street.

"Let him in.” 

"Let HIM in?" Crocodile didn't seem to expect such meanness. Not from this man. 

"Let ME in?" Mihawk was almost certain that Doflamingo had only come here in hopes of a fight. 

Buggy remained silent. The situation was completely beyond his comprehension. So he just silently sat down next to the man in the gothic outfit and reached for his wine.

"Mihawk but he...he....”

"He's fucking nuts!” Crocodile helped pick out Buggy's words. He was dumbfounded.

"Yeah.” Mihawk sayed.

"Uh....." the man in the pink fur coat stretched out, peering inside, "Are you sure? He's right, I'm fucked in the head.”

Mihawk didn't even look at him. He didn't want to think about the decisions he was making right now "he'd had enough of thinking about the fact that he'd have to pick up a whole live baby on the way back.

"No one was letting anyone out. What the devil is this mess. Why is Mihawk even here, Buggy?”

"Because you're standing in the doorway and showing an emotional spectrum like I haven't seen in all the time I've known you.”

Mihawk nodded approvingly, looking at the angry-looking black-haired man drilling the clown hiding behind the couch with his eyes. He thought again that it would be strange, if not so amusing, to see the usually just stern Crocodile so confused and angry. 

"Let him in.”

"Why?”

"Can we go faster? Just a little longer and my feet are going to hurt.”

"I need his advice," finally said Mihawk.  

Everyone fell silent and stared at the nonchalant man. 

"He also brought wine. And I need to drink good wine, or I won't last a minute in this room.”

Mihawk's next phrase relieved the tension a little, but it didn't take away the effect completely. He could plainly read on all three faces "What kind of advice does Dracul Mihawk seek from the former ruler of Dress Rose?". He smiled at the thought that they would never have thought it was advice about children. Having kids, it turns out, could be fun "so many hilarious situations arise with them. 

"I knew alcohol would help…”

Hears Falcon Eye, watching Doflamingo smugly walk into the room. 

"I hope you have enough to balance your smug face," Crocodile muttered, still casting angry glances at Mihawk. There was a glint of interest in them as well. 

Doflamingo's lips stretched into a smile.

"That's enough....power. What do you say to four crates?”

...

The first glass went, frankly, badly. The atmosphere was tense. Even Doflamingo wasn't laughing, despite his usual rascally demeanor. 

There was tension in the air. Mihawk hummed. He was a little embarrassed that he had been the one to start this strange meeting "and rather impulsively at that. A few minutes in the company of a wryly smiling blond, an angry frowning man who'd bought his fifth cigar, and a clown perched awkwardly on the edge of the couch had been enough to realize that they weren't going to give good advice about raising children. 

Why had he come here? 

It was too late to think of turning back. 

"Would you like a joke?” Buggy seemed confused and tense.

"No," Crocodile muttered angrily, taking a sip from his glass. 

The picture was sad. Mihawk was almost sorry he'd started all this, but the thought that he still needed answers remained burning inside. The second glass was going no better. The man was used to drinking in silence, but not this tense. He could just physically feel the interested stares of the others, forming into a mute question "What, in fact, was it necessary?".

The wine was indeed good. Strong and not sweet.

Mihawk sighed, nonchalantly rolling the glass between his fingers. The silence in the room slowly crystallized and accumulated in his hair. He took a small sip and stared up at the ceiling, breaking the silence:

"I think I've adopted a child.”

"WHAT?”

Everyone seemed to chug at the same time. It was a strange squelching sound, followed immediately by coughs and curses. Crocodile kicked too hard on Buggy's back and he fell over, knocking over Doflamingo's chair in the process. 

"What the fuck are you fucking..."

"Hey, get your hand off me!"

"Ouch, you're crushing me..."

"Bitch, get off me, you're too big, we're really gonna crush him."

"It's not my fault!"

"Not mine either," Buggy was about to squeak, but Mihawk made no attempt to help. It was funny, looking at that floundering heap. It was even funnier that he was the reason for it. The man smiled, " It's not my fault Mihawk adopted the child." 

Silence cut through the room again. The man found himself being stared at by three pairs of extremely interested eyes. Or rather, two pairs and another pair of lenses. Mihawk sometimes wondered if Doflamingo had eyes at all.

"I've had children before."

"They were adult pirates thrown to you by Kuma," Crocodile shook his head, pushing Donkeyhawk away and rising to his feet. 

"I can handle the kid."

"But why do you need him?"

Buggy poured another bokeh and eyed the man warily.

"I'm sorry, but you don't look like a man who needs children."

"I didn't need them," Mihawk muttered uncertainly, "I rescued her and picked her up myself, and I want to raise her properly, for that matter...but no, I definitely don't."

"Are you that lonely?" 

Mihawk glared in Crocodile's direction and the decision to file his chair legs later was fully established in his mind. 

"Ew.....and is that what you needed advice on?" Doflamingo said, looking thoughtfully at his glass.

"Yes. You raised Law, didn't you?"

"I'm afraid that Law's upbringing is mostly Law's own doing.."

That was a pretty good point.

"Man, I don't remember what was in there at all....em-.... I forced him to kill? Killed his whole family before that?" 

Mihawk sighed heavily. Finding who the fuck to ask for advice from. 

"Seriously, you're asking HIM for advice?"

Buggy still seemed surprised at the very fact of the question. 

"Well....," Mihawk didn't know what to say. Perhaps it would be better to think and compare the image of the man in the pink coat with Law's closed self. 

Maybe he didn't really want his child to be like that.

His child. 

The word rolled over his tongue and sounded very unfamiliar. The man took a sip, trying to wash the taste away with the wine.

"Hey, clown, do you doubt my parenting skills?"

"Very much," Buggy ventured, hiding behind the back of the couch just in case.

"Just so you know."

...

Mihawk finished his second bottle. He was used to alcohol, so it didn't hurt him too much. But the others seemed a little relieved. Doflamingo seemed to be drinking his fourth bottle, and Buggy was laughing at his own joke for the second minute. 

"Seriously, Mihawk, a kid?"

There was no way Crocodile was going to calm down. He looked overly surprised and dumbfounded. Mihawk furrowed his eyebrows. They seemed to have been drinking....not so much after all to say what they were thinking....though...he glanced at the emptied crate and listened to the slight tingling in his ears. 

At least, he hoped it wasn't not enough. 

"Get the fuck away from him. I'm having a baby, too."

Doflamingo's sudden phrase caused everyone in the room to look at him. 

Even Mihawk.

"What?" Falcon Eyes involuntarily burst out. He stared unblinkingly at the man shaking the glass in his hand. 

"Well...am I going to have a baby? Probably?"

There was still silence in the room. Buggy raised his eyebrows and eyed the figure of Doflamingo, showing that of all the men in the room, he was the least likely to be a responsible parent.

"Normally I'm an abortionist, but this is...a different situation," he waved his hand uncertainty and stared into his glass as if searching for answers. 

"Do you like women?" "Crocodile asked, and Mihawk nearly choked on his wine. 

"Fuck, I just...what if...

No one interrupted, but it felt like Doflamingo was being prevented from finishing his sentence.

"You know what...what if the baby looks like Corazon?"

The blond blurted it out in one breath and stared at the playing bubbles in the glass. There was a dead silence in the room.

"Corazon is...," Mihawk whispered, leaning forward and taking his eyes off Doflamingo.

"Yeah, that's his brother, you got that right," Crocodile muttered quietly, pouring them all another glass. Donkeyhawk immediately snatched his own and drank it in one gulp.

"No, you see, I don't...If things must go on, let the child be like him, not like me.  There's a chance, right?" he spoke confused and hurriedly, as if trying to explain something that didn't need explaining," I'm not going to be his father like Mihawk I just...she looks like him....or his mother....she looks a lot like him and I..."

He exhaled loudly and ran a hand through his hair. His glasses slid down his nose a bit, exposing his healthy eye. 

"I mean...haha no, no, I can't, I won't do it. It's just that...there's a chance, right? If I don't have anything to do with the baby maybe....probably..."

No one answered him. Doflamingo silently tipped another glass into himself. He drank roughly, quickly, not in the least bit refined or concerned about his image. It was unclear if he was drunk or if he was intoxicated by sharing his memories. Mihawk would have bet on both at the same time. 

"An evening of revelations, huh?" 

It didn't even sound bitter, but rather pathetic. Mihawk never thought he'd feel sorry for the tall man in the rose-colored coat, but that's what was happening now. Falcon Eye glanced at Crocodile, who looked like he was ready to pat the man next to him on the back and say something like, "Holy fuck..."

But he didn't. He sat there, staring off the bottle in front of him. Buggy was sitting at the foot of the couch and seemed to be mulling over everything that had just been said .

"Nobody's judging you," Buggy said, still keeping his eyes closed.

"I had a kid once," Crocodile said at the same time. 

If before there had been silence after Doflamingo's and Mihawk's words, now the room was filled with an absolute vacuum that no one could break. Buggy opened his eyes wide and turned them toward the man. Mihawk hid his face in his glass. He really hoped the others didn't do the same, because Crocodile looked very...brooding? He didn't drink, just twirled the glass in his hands, watching the wine shimmer. 

"You had WHAT?" 

Holy Mary bless that clown. He ended up being braver than he and Donkeyhawk put together-at least Mihawk noticed how the other man froze in place before reaching for the bottle.

"Yeah, what's the fucking big deal?" Crocodile shrugged, "You mean I look like a bad mother?"

"A MOTHER?"

This time there was nothing even remotely resembling silence in the room. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the silence. 

"It's an old story."

"You mean we haven't had enough to drink for old stories?" Buggy was obviously very interested. Mihawk mentally decided to ask his tailor to make the clown a hat as a thank you. He'd never have questioned it himself. He glanced at the impressively sized hook, and then at the sad-serious expression on the man's face. He certainly wouldn't.

"It happened....eh.... a long time ago? Almost twenty years ago? When I was still a woman, well..."

"WOMAN?" 

"Stop fucking reacting like that," Crocodile glared angrily at the fallen Doflamingo. 

"Eehe...," Mihawk tried to interject, but was immediately met with a pair of disapproving stares. 

"What the hell are you doing?" 

Crocodile stared angrily at Mihawk, who tried to mumble something.

"Ivankov, right?" 

Crocodile's gaze became more relaxed. Thank God. A couple more seconds and the glass he was clutching in his hands would have cracked. The man nodded, studiously ignoring the way Doflamingo arched an eyebrow.

"Yes. Ivankov."

"YOU HAD A IVANKOV'S CHILD?" Buggy was still sitting there with his mouth wide open. 

"NOT IVANKOV'S, ASSHOLE. IVANKOV CHANGED MY SEX AFTER THAT."

"So you weren't originally a man?" Buggy seemed to get it slower when he was under the influence of alcohol. Once again, Mihawk left himself a note to ask Donkeyhawk where he got such booze. 

He probably wouldn't remember it in the morning, but now he could continue to monitor the situation with a clear conscience. And a fair amount of interest. Crocodile settled back in his chair and tried to hide behind his glass. Noticing that he was being looked at expectantly, he loosened the handkerchief around his neck a little and sighed quietly. sighed softly.

" It was...a long time ago..."

He stopped, but no one interrupted him. Everyone just silently watched him bring alcohol to his lips for the umpteenth time, either trying to distract himself or gathering his thoughts. 

"I was.... young? Possibly enthusiastic, okay? I knew it was going to be a baby and I knew whose it was." 

"Sounds too good..." Mumbled Mihawk, for which he received a piercing angry eye. Crocodile leaned back in his chair angrily and waved his hand sharply.

"Not that it all mattered. I was wrong, the baby's father took him away right after delivery and I was told he was dead. That was it. He had his own agenda with making sure no one found out about him. 

"You've got to be the last louse....," Buggy muttered, but didn't finish the sentence. However, everyone already understood what he wanted to say. 

"Uh-huh. It was...unpleasant to wake up and realize that you lose everything "the person you trusted, the past, the child. It was the last straw to.... change."

Crocodile smiled bitterly.

"Not that I didn't want it before, just...don't know, there was nothing left to lose. Not that I'd ever want a child after that, ever....."

"But you know he's alive, right? "A sudden question from Mihawk interrupted the man, "You said you were 'tricked', not deceived." 

Mihawk would never have believed he would be picturing quotes with his fingers in the air. But he's here. And he's doing it.

"Because Dragon was too stupid to hide the child well," the other man's voice was slipping into a sneer or bitterness. It was hard to make out."

There was the quiet clinking of a missing bottle. It sounded like Donkeyhawk had dropped it. 

"Doflamingo if you stain the carpet...," Crocodile started to say, but was rudely interrupted in mid-sentence.

"YOU DATED THE LEADER OF THE REVOLUTIONARY ARMY," all three of them interrupted him in one voice. Mihawk furrowed his eyebrows. The evening was getting more and more interesting.

"He wasn't the leader of the Revolutionary Army when we met, okay? "Crocodile muttered angrily.

"He was," Doflamingo corrected him.

"Irrelevant. At least, I didn't know he was the leader of the revolutionary army...."

Everyone was thoughtfully silent again. Mihawk stopped counting which bottle Doflamingo was opening. 

"But the child? "the blond said quietly, "I didn't know he had a son. Except…”

Crocodile stared at him intently. For a moment, Mihawk thought he was going to hit him. But instead, the man suddenly smiled desperately and covered his face with his hand.

"Remember Luffy?

"Holy Jesus...," Mihawk whispered, nearly knocking over his glass. Luffy? Jesus christ....It makes sense, doesn't it....

"When did you realize?" 

"When I saw him." Crocodile grumbled, looking down at his feet, "He's more like Dragon than you think. And me too...Why the hell am I even telling you this?" 

"Because Mihawk thought we were good parents, and you decided to successfully change his mind," Buggy said helpfully.

"Nobody changed anybody's mind!"

"Yes? And it turned out surprisingly well, " the clown laughed, dodging from a lazy blow with a hook. 

"So, you and Mihawk are, like, half-relatives?"

"Huh?" Both men looked at the clown in surprise. 

"Well, your kids are traveling together and all that...if they're family, then you're family too?"

The men looked at each other. 

"Eh.... possible? What does that even change?" said Crocodile. 

"Yes. We're not family," Mihawk corrected, not very confidently. The alcohol was taking its toll "We're forced allies...."

"God, you're incorrigible."  

Doflamingo opened the bottle loudly and sighed. He was definitely trying to get attention, so now all eyes were on him. The man, noticing this, coughed loudly and looked accusingly at Crocodile.

"WHICH IN DRAGON IS BETTER THAN ME," the blond theatrically clasped his hands together, adjusting his coat with his other hand. It was....unexpected. Mihawk couldn't tell if he was joking or being dramatic. Judging by the bewildered look on Crocodile's face, he was wondering the same thing.

"Why the fuck would you even ask such a thing?" 

Crocodile frowned and looked at Doflamingo. He was sitting with his arms crossed angrily over his chest. 

"You met him after me! How is he any better?"

"Well, if you put it that way, a lot of things."

"I DIDN'T GO ANYWHERE AND I DIDN'T LIE ABOUT THE BABY."

"BUT YOU FUCKING LIED TO ME! AND YOU'RE A MANIPULATIVE BASTARD."

"Well, that's the details."

"Wait, were you two in a relationship?" Buggy was even slower than Mihawk. The men, who had leaned into each other during the argument, simultaneously turned toward the clown.

"YES."

"NO."

The men stared at each other angrily. Mihawk chose not to interrupt the silent battle with glances. Buggy seemed to have a different opinion on the matter. The clown had probably drunk enough to party heartily in the company of those who could easily kill him. 

Mihawk didn't mind, though. He was having fun. 

"And I thought, why are you so angry...Go suck each other's dick, I don't know, maybe it'll make you feel better....AH FUCK," Buggy actually squeaked, hiding behind the back of the couch. 

Two empty bottles flew at him at the same time, both thrown by Crocodile. He still had time to angrily kick the third and try to angrily get up before he judiciously assessed his sniping abilities 

"How could I have thought they would be able to give sound parenting advice..." "Falcon Eye thought as he watched all three of them fall awkwardly silent. The quarrel had not been resolved, but the tension had suddenly subsided. There was an irresistible urge to giggle stupidly, looking at the tall, strong pirates who were sulking at each other. 

"Anyway, it's not about him, it's about the baby."

"If you'd chosen me, I wouldn't have left."

"Shut up."

The last phrase was said angrily, but not as angrily as before. Maybe because the man was tired, or maybe because the memories were more painful than he tried to show.

"Who would have thought....Crocodile...Luffy's parent....," Falcon Eye muttered.

"It was Mihawk, who carries any news of Zoro and Perona like gold," Crocodile muttered angrily in response. 

"Well, at least his kids don't hate him," Doflamingo said. 

"'You don't look particularly sorry."

"Uh-huh. Neither do you."

They clinked glasses and drank their drinks in one gulp. 

"Yeah," Buggy said into the silence. His hand flew freely around his head with his wine glass. Mihawk wasn't sure if such complicated aerial maneuvers could be trusted to a clown in such a state, but he didn't bother. If he spilled that wine on Mihawk, it would cost him more. 

"I didn't have kids.... but you know.... unlike all of you I had normal parents..."

Crocodile opened his mouth. Closed his mouth. Opened his mouth for a sip of wine. Doflamingo reached straight for the bottle and sipped from it. Mihawk didn't even try to object. All three of them drank in complete silence while Buggy looked at something in his glass. 

"And as a man who had normal parents, I can tell you - you're in the shit." he hesitated and added a little more quietly, "If of course the pirate king and his right hand can be read as normal parents."

"What?" Doflamingo looked up in surprise, "Roger? Didn't you..."

"Shanks and I were on Roger's ship, didn't I tell you that?" Buggy raised his eyebrows slightly, surprised at the reaction to his words. 

Mihawk and Crocodile shook their heads in sync. Doflamingo simply remained silent, opening a new bottle.

"Wait, with Shanks? Oh, right, yeah...yeah right, right...."

Crocodile tilted his head thoughtfully ( or just tried unsuccessfully to keep it balanced ). Doflamingo was apparently remembering something too, responding to the back of the couch. 

"By the way, Shanks hasn't stopped by in a while," Mihawk said in the silence that followed.

"Uh-huh. Thank goodness."

"Wait, is Red-Haired coming over?" Doflamingo stared curiously at the frowning Buggy, "The one? What are you guys, like ex-lovers or something?"

Mihawk made a very strange sound that sounded like muffled laughter. Buggy turned around to Donkeyhawk and folded his arms across his chest with an angry expression. 

"Jesus Christ, me and him? God fucking forbid. This is his secret plan "he comes over, flirts, gives gifts, and acts like a lover - all to embarrass me." 

Doflamingo, Crocodile, and Mihawk looked at each other in silence. Mihawk remembered the time he'd spent the night right here and Chance had climbed in his window with flowers, and then apologized because he'd gotten the wrong window. He could bet that the same thing had happened to Crocodile.  Even then, Buggy explained it as "trying to embarrass him." Oh well. It wasn't for them to teach him that.  He glanced at the others again; they were trying unsuccessfully to hold back their laughter. Buggy shifted his eyes angrily from one man to another.

"Why are you looking at him like that?" 

"Didn't you tell him?" 

"No, he'll figure it out someday," Mihawk muttered, trying not to laugh again. The man had never spoken so many words in this room at once in his life. He definitely wasn't drunk. Just...felt like talking? Right? 

"WHAT'S TO UNDERSTAND?"

Maybe it was the alcohol's fault, or maybe it was Buggy's uncomprehending funny face but all three laughed merrily. Doflamingo, snorting, slapped his hand on Crocodile's back, and he didn't stop laughing, despite the fact that he'd almost spit up his drink. Mihawk caught himself laughing merrily as he leaned back in his chair. He caught a glimpse of Buggy laughing, too. 

He had the funny thought that the clown had actually guessed it all a long time ago and was playing a trick on them. Why would he do that? Mihawk didn't know. But he suddenly realized that he wasn't uncomfortable here. There was a strange calmness that he definitely hadn't felt he was here before. 

He looked over at Doflamingo explaining something to Buggy and Crocodile and took a drink of wine.

It was definitely the wine of alcohol.

He thought of the girl lying on the couch in the hotel. Mihawk hoped she had been fed An incomprehensible soft warmth spilled over his chest.  He wondered if he could write to Zoro and Peron about the new girl. Or would they find out from the papers?

Of course it was the alcohol's fault. Nothing more.

The first to pass out, oddly enough, was Crocodile. At some point his remarks disappeared, and after a few minutes only inarticulate mumbling could be heard from his corner of the couch. 

Buggy snored loudly, leaning his back against the base of the couch and dropping his head on his chest. His hair was partly covered by the large pink coat that had fallen off the sleeping. 

It looked oddly cozy. Too weird and too cozy to be happening at the same time, in the same place, and also in the presence of Falcon Eye.

Mihawk hummed, struggling to rise from the couch. Of course he wasn't drunk. He couldn't have drunk as much as those idiots...He cast a glance at the sleeping men at the table. Apparently they were in for a surprise in the morning. But not Mihawk's. Now he'd stand for a while and he'd definitely go.... to the kid. 

He couldn't deny that he had learned something new. Although, this new thing was more about how not to raise children. 

He'd do better than this bunch of idiots, right? 

His head spun. Mihawk staggered and leaned against the wall. There was an irresistible urge to throw, which he restrained only with the strength of his inexhaustible dignity and the remnants of his consciousness. consciousness.  Shit. St. Mary's. Apparently Doflamingo had brought something really really really really strong....

The last thing he saw when he closed his eyes for a couple minutes, just to give them a rest, was the empty living room of the crossguild and the sleeping on the couch....acquaintances? friends? comrades?  Mihawk found it charming, though. 

"For once, the ever-noisy place seemed peaceful," he thought as he drifted into a light sleep. 

There was sure to be a terrible hangover in the morning. He still managed to smile at the thought that he wasn't the only one.

Notes:

Hope you enjoyed it! Mihawk is an autistic ass lol. I'd open to any feedback!