Moonlight sheet

by trickywow

Summary:

Just finished reading Heart of Darkness in my AP lit class. Totally fell for the book. This fanfic is what I imagine Marlow and Kurtz's relationship would be like, and what actually happened during the moonlight talk scene. This is my first time uploading a fanfic in Archive of our Own. Hope you guys enjoy it.

“They’re coming to get me soon. Soon.” Kurtz said to the Russian sailor, eyelids dropped. His bony hands rubbed soundlessly, causing visual pain and pity.
The sailor held his haze on him dazzlingly, with an erratic admiration. “What are you going to do, Mr. Kurtz?”
“Easy,” Kurtz paused for a second, “just sink the ship.”
“Sink the ship?” the sailor exclaimed with astonishment.
Kurtz didn’t explain. He retreated from the house, walking outside. He left to end the conversation. The natives were waiting there. Crawling. For instructions. Kurtz said something to his woman, the one with ornaments and helmet, and then he left.

He didn’t understand why he still came. To seek him? A hollow soul, a lost shadow. Surely the captain has seen his notebook or journal. He made him see it. He liked to call it the book. With all his great theories, worthy of spreading. But he’s ruthless, he very well knew it. Wasn’t he afraid of being lost, being slaughtered, being devilized in the jungle? Didn’t he hold any respect! Kurtz held his fists to a bruising strength but felt no pain. He’s degraded and deteriorated with such amazing progress, which even shocked him.

He was sick, deadly ill, helpless. Kurtz knew. He needed no savior. He needed no repentance.

Several days later he heard the news, more obliviously, the sound. The cheering of some rude European sound. Something too far to be familiar. He heard the natives growled, fearfully or painfully. He didn’t know. Kurtz ordered to close the door, pretending to be ever more sickened.

He knew deep inside he wished to see the captain badly. He heard his name to be something like “Charles.” Sweet, sweet name. Kurtz smiled. Reminded him of perseverance and curiosity. Maybe he made him feel this. He’s gone from emotions too long to feel anything. But he felt his curiosity, his passion, even his love. He knew that the manager’s aim well. Obvious. Profit, ivory, treasure method. But he didn’t know his. That made him afraid. Afraid of the passionate desire that might’ve as well burst out. He held this peculiar feeling for the man.

Darkness dropped on Congo. A small breeze blew under the heavy deadly leaves, not causing a swing. The moon hung like a marble in the grey sky, hung half high, that could just fall and crush him to death. He found death imminent, and for the first time in his life, but he longed for life.
He sighed a breathless sigh. Minutes later, he heard a knock at the door.

“Tell them to meet me tomorrow.” His voice was still powerful, his most effective disguise.

Kurtz decided to impress them. Give them a warning sign. He also wanted to approach Marlow higher. His dirty secret self-esteem. Knowing that he would be lower if they ever reached so far.
He ordered the natives to place him on a stretcher, his “holy spot,” as always, to greet their visitors. The black crowd obeyed. They crawled in front of him. The comfortlessness vanished. He seized pride again.

They approached the crowd slowly, and he recognized the manager immediately. The manager, with his wicked smile, narrowed his eyes on him. Kurtz tried not to notice it. But stir his gaze aimlessly in the crowd. He noticed a strange expression—an amazement with anger, almost like outrage. His cheek muscle twitched as he held his gaze on him. Kurtz knew that Marlow wanted to smile, wanted to show comfort, but as well too dreaded to do that.

Kurtz knew that he tried to be calm. He liked the effect.

He also liked him. To be honest. Marlow’s well into his 40s, with sandy blonde hair. Waterdrops pearled on his eyelashes like a delicate ornament. His blue eyes were tired but stirred with curiosity. His face red and energetic. Kurtz saw hope in him. An energy he adored and once owned.
Kurtz heard his heart leaped, a second and a half. Everything seemed to be motionless when they held their gaze.
He suddenly knew that he was here.

Kurtz got off the stretcher to greet the manager and perform the civilized refinement he had lost so long ago. The manager nodded callously. They entered the room; Marlow and the Russian sailor followed them, muttering something. He resisted hard not to turn around his head or try to overhear.

The manager talked to him privately about what he knew several months earlier. The proposal he already turned down. He felt a string of rage when the manager talked like it was none of his business, and levied his eyes lazily on him, like seeing a dying animal.

I might look bony and bold and ivory-like, Kurtz thought to himself, but I’m just hiding it. I had my prestige.

Kurtz said that he’s sick and needs time to consider. The manager left the room without a second thought. Without even asking about his health.
Kurtz felt the stone in his heart fell hard on his toes. A sense of sorrowful relief. He lay on his bed. He had been sleeping alone for a long time. Since, well, he had got sick.
The sound of Marlow and his Russian sailor kept leaking into his ears. How irritating that he couldn’t hear a single word. It was like they were discussing something of great importance and sound revelation.

Were they talking about me? Kurtz thought to himself. He subsequently felt the dizziness surrounding his head. He’s been grounded, by the darkness of his heart and the danger of revealing to civilization again.
Kurtz fell asleep without noticing it. It was like he had been punched.
The night grew again when he woke up. How bad he’s been fucked up. By some random, normal nobody.
But he liked me. Kurtz couldn’t smile and think. It was the only possible explanation. That he read the diary, saw his demon soul, and still came. Kurtz grasped a self-recognition. What didn’t he realize earlier?

Since when did he become so pitiful and need someone’s admiration to prove his prominence? Kurtz mocked himself but couldn’t help giggling. He hadn’t laughed for an infinitely long time.
His role did not allow him to. He was the given and chosen one to shed light on the primitive souls, and he accomplished the goal by becoming their “Father.” How successful was he? Well, he tried to be good. At the beginning.

Kurtz sensed a strong repulse of the situation. For the first time, he’s lost control. His life was slipping away from him, and someone was going to get him soon. His disgust for himself continues to grow. The horror.
His instinct told him to run. And he might as well follow that. For the last time in his life.
He ran, blindly, aimlessly, ghostly into the jungle. The place where he claimed himself king. The labyrinth that only he understood. It had become his home, his worm, his grave. There’s nothing to take him back.
The wind dragged his clothes close to his skin. He felt cold. The dreaded cold. In the form of ivory and death.

Kurtz heard footsteps. He was just thirty yards from the native tribe. He hesitated. Kurtz turned his head. He saw blonde hair shining under the moonlight, grey and bright. He stood still and held his breath.
Kurtz couldn’t believe he was almost waiting for him.
“Hide yourself,” Kurtz said with a hush. Marlow looked firm, making Kurtz feel more ambivalent.
“You will be lost. Utterly—lost.” He heard Marlow say.
“Charles, how would you know.”
“Do you know what you are going?” Marlow questioned.
He peeked into the jungle. One of his followers seemed to notice something and started to rise. Surely he wouldn’t be lost.

But look at that man. Five feet eight. His blue eyes stuck on him without a blink. There was a charm, a pull that he couldn’t understand. He followed the magnetic field. His, magnetic field.
He sighed in the way of giving up. A cold breeze struck his face. Marlow seemed warm and welcome, with his captain suit. No shoes. He must’ve been in a haste.
He followed him back to the tent. Moonlight sheet on a rotted couch. He sat down quietly. Marlow marched to the other side. They were facing each other. Kurtz felt like falling into his sea of eyes.

“You will be promoted. Your success is secure.” Marlow started to persuade him.
How did he know his hidden vanity so well? He knew how to penetrate his heart. Might’ve just been his asshole. Stupid.

Marlow dropped his eyebrows. He pretended not to care.
“You’re going back to London with me,” Marlow stressed resolutely.
Kurtz heard himself speaking about his plans, trying to explain his great project. He was kind and naive before, was what he wanted to say.

Did he get that? Kurtz tried to perceive by staring at him. He’s lost in that sea again.
Marlow’s face softened word by word. Kurtz was satisfied to notice the process.

Kurtz held Marlow’s hands, unconsciously, when he expressed his loneliness and fear, of surviving in the jungle. Marlow did not jolt back. Kurtz felt the warmth and sweat in his palms. He must’ve been nervous, talking to him.

Kurtz released a relieving smile when knowing his secret. He saw Marlow’s mouth stretched out a little curve. He leaned on for a kiss, wanting to hold the curve right.
Marlow stuck a moment for the surprise kiss. When he realized what it was, his tongue was in Kurtz’s teeth.
They both enjoyed it deeply. The soft moonlight kiss.

Marlow was the first to hold back.
“I hate you.” He finally said to him. “You’re a devil.”
Marlow regretted immediately when he saw the twitch of pain expressed ever so subtlety on Kurtz’s face.
“
No, you don’t,” Kurtz said at last. He surrounded his arms Marlow’s waist, a little more tightly.

Marlow released a moaningly sigh and gave up, allowing himself to indulge in Kurtz’s bony hug. Kurtz sucked his head in his puffy chest.
The jungle hid all the secrets, and the moonlight showed them all.
Kurtz’s head leaned on Marlow’s shoulder at the aftershock. His legs were still shaking. He didn’t care.

“I’m going home with you.” He finally said.
Marlow smiled and caught an ending kiss on the reddened lips.

“Because of you. Nothing else.”

Kurtz fell asleep again on Marlow’s back, feeling safe and sound.

Notes:

Leave kudos and comments. They are really encouraging for me. Maybe write and upload more.🖤🖤🖤