Chapter Text
"STAYS, once again, thank you so much for celebrating my birthday with me. It means so much more to me than you know. Thank you for taking the time off to join Chan's Room. I hope everyone enjoyed their time, because I had a really great time today. Big hug!! Haha. See you next week! Thank you!" Bang Chan exclaimed, in his routined ending for Chan's Room. He's been doing this for years and he is already a natural at live streams. Around him, were his members, smiles plastered on their faces, eyes softened into grins.
"You're old, old man" Seungmin helpfully commented. Chan rolled his eyes, pushing Seungmin away from him, but grin not once leaving his face. Chan thanked STAYS once more, then ended the stream.
"What wish did you make?" Felix asked kindly, a huge contrast against Seungmin's teasing.
"Hmm, I didn't make a wish. I was saving it for when we really need it." Chan helpfully added, causing Minho to roll his eyes in the corner.
"Hyung, you've been saving like, 5 years worth of wishes. Start spending it man, maybe wish that we'll win a Grammy or something. That's cool." Changbin, the ambitious producer he is, said.
Chan just nodded silently, it was his birthday after all, he would make a wish when he was desperate enough. He looked down on the table in front of him, a black charcoal cake was in front of Chan, just like his closet and his instagram feed. It was just his style, they were thoughtful and knew him well. Glacing around the room that was buzzing with joyful chaos, bouncing around the room like a bunny with the zoomies, he smiled and couldn't help but get lost in his thoughts.
Everything about today had been perfect. The company had outdone themselves, showering him with affection and well planned games. His members, who had a pact to not give gifts during birthdays anymore, took the time to spend it with him, and that was more than enough for Chan. Every laugh was a warm hug on a cold day.
The day came and go that quickly and after a high energy day, he was finally alone in his room. The remanence of the day still ringing in his ears, cheeks hurting from smiling. It almost felt as if everything he did to get to this day had been worth it, and that was a scary thought.
Because beneath the charismatic exterior that Chan loved to show, birthdays were especially tough for him to get through. Underneath it all laid the scar that was sliced onto him, that he sliced onto someone else, 10 years ago, on this exact day. He remembered that day like a movie on tape.
A little bright pink cupcake in front of him, his little brother and all his parents. A little candle with the number 15 in white and blue. Hesitant smiles on the sibling's faces, unsure how to react to the sudden generosity of their parents. No birthday song was sung so Chan silently cut the tiny cupcake into 4, giving each to everyone. Before even eating their quarters, his mother fished out her phone from her Louis Vuitton handbag and walked away without leaving a look at him. His dad threw both the pieces into his mouth in one go and left to his room. His 5 year old little brother, Hannah, shared him a look of sad understanding.
They went back to Chan's room, Hannah tugging on Chan's arm in muted excitement. Noise was not allowed. Chan gently closed the door behind him, stuffing the space beneath the door with a towel as sound proofing. Hannah bounced on his bed, snatching Chan's ukulele in his hand.
"Chris!!!! You're 15th!!!!! Happy birthday!!! I made you a gift, look!"
In his hand, was a black beaded necklace with letter C&H on it. Gingerly, Chan took it, smiling brightly as affection bloomed in his chest. With little strums, Hannah played happy birthday, singing along to it in celebration. It finally felt like one.
"Make a wish!" Hannah said.
"I think I'll be leaving to be a trainee in Seoul." Chan broke the camels back.
Silence. Confusion, as Hannah tilted his head, wide eyes blinking.
"Leaving? When?" Hannah asked, innocently.
"Tomorrow morning. JYP is holding an audition." Chan said.
If Chan had better ears, he could probably hear the ripping of Hannah's heart, but all he could see was tears brimming in his eyes. "You're... you're leaving tomorrow?" Hannah asked, voice wet with devastation.
All Chan could do was nod, not letting his feelings get in the way of this decision.
Hannah hasn't stopped him. He just stayed silent, then got up and ran to his room. And Chan hadn't stopped him either.
Chan packed his bags and early next morning, he quietly opened Hannah's room, seeing him sound asleep, dried tears staining his face. Without a last word, just like that, Chan left for Seoul.
Chan made lots of big decisions in his entire life but this was one he could never get over. He had so many questions. What happened to Hannah? What were his parents' reaction? Did they start treasuring Hannah more or...Chan didn't want to think about the alternative. Chan googled Hannah several times that night, as per usual on his birthdays but just like last year, he couldn't find anything.
He made a silent birthday wish that his brother was okay as he pushed his feeling away, just like he did that very day, and forced himself to sleep.