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It never would have happened if Sanji hadn’t dropped a stack of porn magazines.
After two years of near-complete solitude, Usopp’s become something of a light sleeper. Not to the point of waking up at every creak of the ship or thump of feet on the boards, but still, he tends to notice the sounds of his nakama when they’re nearby. Unconsciously, he can’t help but latch onto those little noises eagerly. He’s so happy to be back with the crew.
So it’s not too shocking when he wakes up before the crack of dawn to the sound of glossy printed magazines sliding from their spot in the locker and scattering to the floor of the bunkroom. He blinks awake to Sanji’s soft cursing and the creak of some of the other room occupants shifting in their bunks. Sanji’s always the first one up and usually the last to bed, so listening to him getting dressed if you happen to be awake is a normal morning routine. Usopp would normally roll back over and go back to sleep, but this time he lifts his head intending to quietly mock the cook for owning way too many skin mags. When he peers over the edge of his bunk, the words garble in his mouth.
He's not sure what he’s looking at.
At first glance, it looks like Sanji’s naked except for his sleeveless undershirt. Just… bare ass out to the room, bent forward slightly to stack his magazines back up. Which… bold choice to put on your shirt before your underwear, but who is he to judge? Except, he straightens up, and…
Usopp screams.
There are several thumps as the other men in the bunk jolt upright. Sanji screams, too, whirling around and dropping the magazines in his hands back onto the floor. Except now it’s worse, because from the back, he just had a little scrap of fabric wedged in between his ass cheeks, but from the front –
“What are you wearing?!”
“What the fuck Usopp?!”
Sanji grabs his slacks from his locker and holds them protectively in front of himself like a shy girl. It’s too late. Usopp already saw. The tiny little underwear – a tasteful powder blue with cream lace edging and a little bow, he inanely remembers – is burned into his memory. He’d seen it all. The little straps over the v of his hipbones. The bulge of his dick and balls cupped protectively in the thin fabric. The ripple of his ass cheeks as he moved.
“Why are we awake? Is breakfast ready?” Luffy rubs his eyes and slurps some drool back into his mouth.
Zoro looks like he was in the middle of opening his mouth to scold Usopp, but he, too, is frozen in place, staring at Sanji’s crotch.
“No, breakfast isn’t ready. For fuck’s sake, Usopp, you scared the shit out of me.” Sanji clutches his trousers tighter to himself and gives them all a wary look. “What the fuck are you all looking at?”
“Panties…”
It’s remarkable how fast Sanji can grab one of Zoro’s boots off the ground and chuck it directly into Brook’s face for a guy who doesn’t usually fight with his hands.
“Oh, just Sanji’s tiny panties?” Luffy looks disappointed.
“They’re not panties!”
“What the fuck are they, then?” Zoro seems to have regained his ability to speak.
Sanji’s face is turning an alarming shade of red. Usopp tries to tell himself that he doesn’t find it interesting at all that he can watch the blush spread from his cheeks to his ears and he does not wonder if Sanji’s one of those people who flushes when they –
Brain out of the gutter! Abort mission! Abort!
“They’re just underwear, asshole,” Sanji snaps. He unclenches one of his fists from his slacks and runs it through his hair instead, briefly flashing both eyebrows at them. He averts his eyes even as he squares his shoulders like he’s about to fight for his life. “Don’t be fucking weird about it. I just like the way my ass looks in my slacks when I wear them, okay? Is that a crime?”
Zoro blinks his one eye slowly.
Luffy picks his nose.
If Franky weren’t on watch, he’d probably do something to break the silence. Like declare themselves “speedo-bros” or something and play a song on his guitar. Usopp looks beseechingly towards Chopper, but the little traitor is lying down with his pillow over his head and humming so he doesn’t have to listen to them.
“I’m sorry,” Usopp blurts out, “I thought you were about to bend over to pick up the magazines and I thought you weren’t wearing underwear.”
Sanji turns his incredulous gaze to him. “The fuck? If you thought that I was bare-assed – which why the fuck would I be? – why didn’t you just look away instead of screaming and waking up the whole ship?”
“Technically, you are bare-assed,” Zoro mutters.
Usopp’s saved from answering Sanji’s question by the ensuing fight between Zoro and Sanji. He absolutely does not watch the fight and stare at the way Sanji’s junk is practically flopping out of the side of his not-panties when he kicks. He doesn’t. Because that would be weird.
@@@
Usopp’s going to have to admit that he’s a fucking weirdo now.
It really shouldn’t be a big deal. They’re nakama. They’re all guys. They shower together all the time. He’s seen Sanji’s ass. He’s even seen his dick in little surreptitious glances and by chance, and it’s all totally normal. Hell, he’s seen all the guys’ dicks. It’s so normal.
Why is he being so not-normal about this?
It’s been weeks now. The rest of them seem to have forgotten if they even cared in the first place. Except he’s seen Zoro looking, too. And he knows he’s probably more obvious than he thinks he is.
He can’t get it out of his head. Sanji came back after two years… well, fuck, he came back hot, okay? They all got hotter, but maybe he noticed Sanji a little more because of the… the thing that Nami calls a “thong.”
How perfectly that little bit of fabric framed those muscular ass cheeks. How tantalizingly small the front had seemed. Why can’t he forget? Why does the memory of Sanji’s ass and the fine dusting of blond hair over his upper thighs and the hint of darker blond hair leading down from his belly button down and down into that tiny bit of blue fabric… why does it haunt him so?
It’s just… curiosity, right?
He catches himself watching Sanji cook. Watching the way his thighs flex as he walks around the kitchen, the way his ass firms up when he braces himself to toss a huge wok of fried rice, wondering each time if he’s wearing the thong. Is that why he doesn’t see the line of his boxers on his upper thigh today? Does he have more than one? Does he wear them every day?
It’s just a phase, he tells himself.
@@@
…Yeah, it’s not a phase.
That, or it’s a weird, long-ass phase.
He’s starting to run out of justifications for this being totally normal and above board. Being curious about his buddy’s weird new underwear? Not gay at all, very normal. Fixating on them and the buddy himself in general? It’s starting to get weird.
At least he knows Zoro is just as bad as he is. He’d caught him looking one night when Sanji had stumbled in for bed. Watching him undress by his locker. The shared disappointment when he’d grabbed his things and gone for the shower instead of stripping completely. The utter betrayal when he returned in boxers and a tee shirt, yawning and lifting the front of the shirt slightly to scratch at his belly.
(Okay, so that had been disconcertingly adorable and he’d felt uncomfortably warm and fuzzy about it for days.)
They don’t talk about it, but sharing knowing looks with Zoro is becoming a Thing. Because apparently he’s not the only one who had his brain chemistry fundamentally altered by witnessing Sanji’s thong in all of its glory. They give each other a nod sometimes.
Like today. They’re fighting some locals on a weird island. Typical adventure. Until… There’s a moment where he sees his opportunity so clearly that he thinks maybe it’s a message from God.
Sanji. Mud Puddle. A misplaced pop green? Sanji fall into the mud puddle… Sanji will then need a bath.
He meets Zoro’s eye, and he knows it’s insane, but they seem to be on the same wavelength. Zoro gives him a nod.
“Oh, no, Sanji! Watch out!”
He’s too late to avoid the sprouting plant knocking him over. His dress shoe skids in the mud, and Sanjj goes ass over teakettle into the sticky, puddly lake of mud.
The blistering, expletive-laced scolding he gets on the way back to the Sunny is worth it for the view of his mud-damp trousers plastered to his thighs and molding the fabric to his ass as he walks. No doubt about it, today is a thong day. Zoro surreptitiously gives him a congratulatory fist bump behind Sanji’s glorious, muddy backside. It’s the greatest moment of his life.
That is until they get to the Sunny and Nami orders them all to the showers. Then Usopp gets to stand back and watch like a complete weirdo in the bathroom as Sanji strips his muddy suit off, bitching and grumbling the entire time in a rant that he seems unwilling to give up on. He can feel himself holding his breath as the cook unbuckles his belt and slides it off, loudly complaining about mud on quality leather, before he turns away from them and yanks his trousers down and…
The thong is a dark green one this time.
Usopp can die happy now.
Sanji turns mid-rant to throw his dirty clothes into the hamper, pausing when he sees Zoro and Usopp just standing there half-dressed, staring. Luffy breezes past with no concern at all, already naked and heading to his favorite shower stool. Sanji furrows his visible brow.
“Can I… help you?”
Zoro shakes his head. Usopp is quick to shake his, too. “No, no, nothing!”
Sanji gives them one last lingering, suspicious look before he seems to write it off as not worth the fight. He strips the rest of the way down and follows Luffy. Usopp shares another look with Zoro before they shelve their weird fascination and go shower off, too.
@@@
“Hey, Luffy, you ever think about kissing Sanji on the mouth?”
Luffy pulls his finger out of his nose, inspects the booger he unearthed, and flicks it over the side of the ship. He looks confused when he finally turns to Usopp.
“Do I think about kissing Sanji?”
“Yeah.” Maybe it’s normal. Maybe everybody wants to kiss their friends.
Luffy laughs. “That’s silly. I kiss Sanji all the time!”
Usopp’s stomach does a peculiar flip. “You… You do?”
Luffy nods. “Yeah! He gets real sad sometimes, so I kiss him on the forehead and it always cheers him up. His face gets really red and he chases me out of the galley, but he laughs, too, so I know he likes it.”
“Oh.” Is he relieved or disappointed? He’s not quite sure. “But you don’t want to kiss him on the mouth?”
Luffy blinks. “No? Am I supposed to kiss his mouth? It probably tastes bad. His cigarettes taste bad.”
“Probably because you tried to eat them instead of smoking them.”
Luffy sticks his tongue out cheekily. Little freak. He knows exactly what he’s doing. This is proven even more when he grins and says, “Usopp should just tell Sanji he wants to kiss him!”
“Not so loud!” He looks around, but Zoro’s the only one nearby. He lowers his voice, “I can’t do that.”
“Why not? You want to, right?”
“It’s not that simple…”
“Sure it is. You tell him you like him and you wanna kiss him and then you tell him how much you like his butt and his tiny panties.”
Luffy snickers at him when his jaw drops.
“I do not –“
“Yeah you do! You and Zoro both wanna touch his tiny panties!”
“I – we –“
“Luffy,” Zoro says warningly.
“Sanji and Usopp and Zoro, sitting in a tree. K – I – S – S – I –“
Zoro flips Luffy into the ocean, but to his credit, he’s also the one who dives in and fishes him out.
@@@
It’s getting out of hand.
Usopp’s officially lost his mind.
See, before this, he was pretty comfortable with his sexuality. Girls are pretty and soft and usually smell like nice things like flowers and vanilla and coconut. He and Sanji had actually bonded a bit in the past over how much they like girls before Sanji had taken it a little too far and he’d had to drop the subject. (Sanji likes girls to a concerning degree.)
So what if sometimes his mouth goes a little dry when Zoro’s working out nearby and the sunlight glistens off of the sweat rolling down his back, and the little grunts and huffs of exertion make him feel a little… tingly. That’s probably normal guy stuff. And if he’d checked out Luffy’s hot brother back in the day, well, didn’t everybody? Ace had been ripped. And if he gets warm and fuzzy when Sanji forgets to remind himself that he hates men and gives Usopp special treats with that soft little smile on his face…
It’s all the damn thong’s fault.
Before this, he could write all this stuff off as being lonely or bored or something. But now, all he can think about is the stupid thong and Sanji’s stupid legs and ass and thick body hair and his stupid, perfect hair and kind eyes, and…
He’s turning into Sanji, is the problem.
It’s an open secret that Sanji’s libido is, frankly, stupidly high. If he doesn’t disappear into the bathroom at least twice a day with the jar of unscented lotion he swears is for his hands, he’s probably dying of a terrible illness. Usopp didn’t used to be a creep and notice it so much, but now…
His head’s full of all kinds of terrible images. Wonderful images. Fuck, just inappropriate images. It definitely violates bro code to think about your friend jacking off. To imagine him sliding his slacks down just halfway down his thighs. To imagine that thong, those long fingers stroking across the thin fabric front of them, teasing until they become so tight and stretched that he has to tug them down. Would he slide them off? Or just tuck the front of them under his balls to impatiently stroke himself? Does he like to take his time? Does he rush through it? Is he quiet or loud? What kind of sounds would he make?
Usopp swallows, watching Sanji heading back into the galley after a suspiciously long bathroom break. Maybe he’ll just go take a little break himself, really quick.
@@@
Sanji’s mood plummets for a few days. That’s not altogether unusual. His mood swings are not often commented on, but he has a pattern of going listless and irritable for a while before overcompensating in the other direction with boundless energy and near-frantic cooking and pampering and very little sleep.
This time, he disappears with Robin for an hour and comes back in a better mood. His mood improves even more when Nami announces their next island is an urban island called Nuvexpera, and they’ll have a week before the log pose resets.
The first day at the new island is pretty typical. Franky runs out for materials, Sanji ropes Zoro and Chopper into going on a grocery run, and Nami and Robin go to check out the shopping district.
It’s the second day that changes things up.
“Usopp, Marimo, Luffy,” Sanji calls after breakfast, stopping them from leaving the galley. He tamps his cigarette out in an ashtray and folds his arms, staring them down. “You three are coming shopping with me.”
“We just went shopping yesterday,” Zoro says.
“Different shopping trip. I want to show you something.”
They exchange a dubious look, but Sanji so rarely genuinely asks for anything that they agree without any more questions.
Sanji pulls a map out when they leave the ship and gestures for them to follow him. Luffy loudly asks a bunch of questions until Sanji stuffs some beef jerky in his mouth to shut him up. Otherwise, he doesn’t say much other than peering around and muttering to himself. Finally, they stop at a storefront at the edge of the shopping district where it’s transitioning into a manufacturing district.
“Here we are.”
It doesn’t look like much. Just a little boutique. Zoro crosses his arms.
“Where the hell are we, Curly?”
“Doesn’t look like much, but you see that?” Sanji points to the edge of the shop’s sign, where, when Usopp squints, someone’s scratched a small carving of a peach into the wood near the logo. “This shop’s a front for the Revolutionary Army. Ivankov’s branch.”
“Ooh, Iva!” Luffy looks excited.
“I don’t think Iva’s actually here,” Sanji says.
“Awww…”
“So you were with the Revolutionary Army for two years?” That’s news to Usopp. Sanji never talks about what he did for two years other than shuddering and comparing it to hell.
Sanji’s smile looks forced. “Something like that. Anyway, we’re not here for them.”
“What are we here for?”
Sanji’s smile is now completely fake and rigid. “The tailoring.”
He refuses to answer any more questions, gesturing instead for them to go in. They do, stopping abruptly in the doorway when the plain storefront gives way to a boutique that is… incredibly pink.
The tile is glittery pink. The walls are pink. The shopkeeper is dressed in pink. And on the walls and tables are racks upon racks and piles upon piles of lingerie.
“Ooh, I know a Candy when I see one,” the shopkeeper says, winking at Sanji. She’s a pretty lady, though she is rather tall and does have quite large hands. Her grin is wide. “Converting some friends to the newkama ways?”
Usopp glances at Zoro and mouths ‘newkama?’ Zoro shrugs.
“Satisfying their curiosity,” Sanji counters. He turns to the three of them with a scowl. “Look, you’ve all been weird the past couple of weeks. It’s time to get it out of your system. You like the thongs so much? Go nuts. Get your own.”
He gestures widely to the mounds of lace and satin and silk and cotton and nylon and who knows what else all over the room.
“Nami gave me a budget. Most of the stuff in here should be sewn with male genitalia in mind. You really want something, just buy it.”
Sanji waves them off and wanders over to poke at a table of panties with feigned disinterest. Usopp looks helplessly at Zoro, because Luffy’s already run off to stick his face in every display.
“You want some men’s panties?”
Zoro frowns more deeply. He grumbles too quietly for Sanji to hear, “Not for me. More interested in the cook.”
Usopp agrees, but he decides to humor him anyway. There really is an impressive array of choices, and he’s always open to new experiences. Plus, he’s pretty intrigued by the satin and silk varieties. If they feel this good and smooth on his fingers, how would they feel on his…
“That color will look awful on you.”
Usopp shrieks and jumps. Sanji gives him an unimpressed look.
“Here. Try this.” He hands him a different pair and walks away. Usopp looks down and has to laugh when, of course, the silk in his hand harmonizes perfectly with his skin tone.
“You not gonna look, Marimo?”
“Don’t need to.”
“Why, you scared of some panties?”
“Just not interested.”
“Aww, not even a little?” Sanji grins, reaching to a nearby rack to hold up a mint green lacy bralette. “Think your stupid fat tits will fit in here?”
Usopp doesn’t pretend he’s not eavesdropping, nor does he pretend not to be shocked when Zoro snatches it out of Sanji’s hands and stares down at it consideringly.
“You want me to wear this?”
Sanji’s face goes from slightly pink to bright red in a heartbeat. “I never said that!”
Zoro grins, sharklike. He’s always been good at sensing weakness. “Really? Bet you think about my fat tits all the time.”
“I do not!”
Usopp does. He really indulges in the image of Zoro wearing the bra and finds his own face heating up. Would he wear matching panties?
Zoro’s grin widens. “Oi, shopkeep! Help me find my size.”
The shopkeeper bounds over in an instant. “Oh, yes, that will be lovely! You’ve got good taste, Candy-boy!”
Sanji blinks for several seconds before he visibly shakes himself and wanders away. Usopp follows him and finds him fingering the lacy strap of a garter belt consideringly.
“Oh, Usopp. Did you need something?”
Usopp follows his gaze back down to the display. It’s a matching set all in a rich, deep navy blue. He can tell already that it would look stunning on Sanji’s pale skin and against his golden hair.
“You going to get that?”
Sanji jerks his fingers away guiltily. “No! I mean… We came here for you guys. I can’t buy something this expensive.”
Usopp swallows and decides it’s time to lay at least some of his cards on the table. The whole day’s been weird enough. What does he have to lose? He puts his hand on Sanji’s arm and looks earnestly into his eyes.
“I think it would look great on you. You should buy it.”
Sanji’s face brightens right back up to cherry red.
(He buys the set before they leave)
(Zoro leaves with a mint green panty and bralette set and a grin like he’s won)
(Luffy almost gets kicked out for swallowing a set of pantyhose)
(It was a good afternoon)
@@@
Buying his own panties does absolutely nothing to slake Usopp’s weirdly specific new libido. If anything else, it’s worse. Because before, all he had to fantasize about was the glimpses he’s seen of Sanji’s thongs. Now, he’s got the image of Zoro’s lingerie set in his mind, and the absolutely filthy wet dreams he’s been having about tan skin and minty lace pressing down on navy blue straps crossing over pale skin dusted with golden hair…
He can’t really “no homo” his way out of this one. It’s definitely homo to dream about watching your friends fuck each other.
What he doesn’t really know is how to move on from here.
Zoro seems content to keep up his usual banter and fighting with Sanji. He just does it now with this smirk on his face like he’s planning on eating him for dinner. And Sanji blushes every time, but doesn’t back down. He’s pretty sure the crew’s noticed the ratcheting sexual tension in the usual afternoon fights. Nami just rolls her eyes. Franky looks amused, but surprisingly holds back on too much teasing. Usopp’s pretty sure he’s making fun of them behind their backs with Robin and Brook, though.
Usopp wants something to change. Something already has. He’s gone way beyond being fascinated by Sanji’s body or lewdly checking out Zoro. The dynamic’s irrevocably shifted in some unquantifiable way, and he feels greedy for wanting to open his mouth and swallow it all. He wants the fancy treats on his plate and the way Sanji’s fingers linger against his too long when he serves them. He wants quiet nights on the lawn with Zoro on one side with his sake and Sanji smoking quietly on the other as they watch the stars. He wants Sanji to look at him the way he looks at the ladies, and he wants Zoro to give him the same smug grin he gives Sanji. He wants everything, and he’s too afraid to ask for it.
@@@
“Look, is it just a fetish thing?”
Usopp’s tea goes down the wrong pipe, and he spends the next minute choking all over the kitchen table.
When he recovers, Sanji’s holding a dish towel to clean up the mess and looking at him with a guarded expression.
“Wh-What? What fetish thing?”
Sanji sighs and starts mopping up the splattered tea and spit off the table. He doesn’t look at Usopp when he speaks, “You’ve been weird since you found out about my underwear. And you haven’t stopped being weird. I figured you’d get it out of your system sooner than later, but… Look, I don’t want you to be weird just because of this. I want us to stay friends.”
“We are friends!” Usopp stares, horrified. “Sanji – I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable…”
“I’m not uncomfortable. I just…” He stomps away to throw the towel into the sink. He stays turned away when he speaks up again, “If you want something… I don’t want it to just be because you have some weird thing about thongs or something. I don’t… Don’t get my hopes up.”
The last part is the barest mumble. Usopp’s standing before he can think, his heart sinking to the floor. Somehow, through all this, he hadn’t given much thought to how Sanji would feel about his sudden interest. He feels like an asshole.
“Hey! I don’t – Look, okay, maybe it started off kind of weird because yeah, I was surprised by the thongs or whatever, but I was already weird about it back in Sabaody!”
Sanji turns to him and gives him a lost look.
“You came back hot,” he blurts out. Red-faced, he continues, “We’ve always been friends and I always thought you were cool, but then holy fuck, Sanji, what were you eating while you were gone? You came back buff and stronger and cooler, and…”
“Have you even looked at yourself in the mirror?!” Sanji’s hand shoots up to point at him accusatorily. “I came back hot? What about you?! How the fuck did you go away such a little string bean and come back looking like that?! What the actual fuck, Usopp?!”
Usopp blushes, but he can’t stop himself from preening. “Oh, well, thank you…”
“You have any idea how frustrating this has been, you being all hot now and getting weird and bothered by my stupid fucking underwear? But you know what? I have some self-respect.”
“You do?”
“Shut the fuck up!” Sanji’s face is turning a shade of red normally only seen on tomatoes. “I do! And I’m not going to let myself just be some weird fixation for you to get your rocks off about a dude in panties!”
“But you’re not! Not anymore!” Usopp throws his hands out wide and chucks his dignity out on the floor. “Yeah, you look stupidly fucking hot in those panties and your stupid ass haunts my dreams, but you’re my friend! And I love you!”
They both freeze. Sanji looks like he was just hit with a hammer.
“I do.” He does, he realizes. He keeps talking. “I love hanging out with you. I love watching you cook. I love how you treat the ladies nice even though neither of them are interested in you – I love that you still make them feel special without getting anything back. I love when you bring me snacks to my workshop when I forget to come out for lunch. I love how you make cotton candy for Chopper even though you scold him about cavities the entire time. I love that you’re kind of an asshole and you’re mean, but you never say mean things that aren’t true. I love that I feel stronger and like a better man when I fight with you by my side. So yeah, I want to do crazy things to you because of the stupid panties, but I want to do other things, too. Like take you on dates and buy you cool kitchen stuff and give you hugs in front of the crew without you freaking out.”
Sanji blinks. He looks speechless and flushed.
“Usopp…”
They don’t say anything for a long minute. Neither of them want to disturb the silence. Eventually, the silence is broken for them by the galley door slamming open, Zoro striding through from the darkness outside. He slams the door shut behind him and walks to them both with a scowl.
“You idiots,” he says.
Both Sanji and Usopp start stammering out insulted questions. Zoro holds a hand up to stop them.
“You.” He points at Usopp. “Yeah. What you said. I want all that shit, too. With both of you. And you.” He points at Sanji. “Stop overthinking things and let me suck your dick.”
There’s another beat of silence before Sanji launches himself at Zoro with a kick, yelling something embarrassed and incoherent about being a caveman with no tact. Usopp steps out of the danger zone and finds himself laughing. What a fucking mess, and how typical for Zoro to cut right through with the most blunt solution possible.
Still…
The fight between the two of them has gotten a little… weird. Zoro’s managed to wrench Sanji’s shoes off, and Sanji’s trying to crush his torso between his thighs, except Zoro’s not fighting back, he’s instead unbuckling Sanji’s belt while they press their foreheads together and growl insults at each other with barely any space between their mouths, and it’s suddenly becoming quite obvious that this particular fight has crossed over some invisible line into actual foreplay, and Usopp’s feeling left out.
“Hey,” he says, stepping forward.
Both men’s heads swivel to look at him and he stumbles a little at the intensity in their eyes. Zoro keeps one hand braced on Sanji’s hip where he’s effortlessly holding his entire weight and reaches the other one out to grab hold of Usopp’s chin. He turns his face back and forth consideringly before tilting it at an angle and leaning in to mash their mouths together.
Usopp reaches out unthinkingly, one hand grabbing Sanji’s shoulder and the other ending up on Zoro’s throat. It’s been an embarrassingly long time since he’s kissed anyone, but no kiss he’s ever had would compare to this one. Kissing Zoro feels like a battle. Usopp barely has the thought to try to keep up as Zoro alternates between nipping at his lips with his teeth before nudging his mouth open to almost violently lick inside. He only pulls away when Sanji yanks him back.
“You asshole, I was going to kiss Usopp!”
“Wait your turn, Curly.”
“Fuck you - you can wait.”
Usopp’s chin is grabbed again, this time more gently, and it’s Sanji’s turn to angle around his long nose to kiss him. Of course Sanji’s kiss feels more classically romantic. He takes it slow, savoring it. His mouth does taste kind of like stale cigarette smoke, but it also tastes like the red wine he served with dinner, and his thumb is stroking the side of Usopp’s mouth until they gently pull away.
Usopp opens his eyes – when did he close them? – to see Zoro staring at both of them with a nakedly hungry expression. It makes a shiver run down his spine.
“Curly. Your dick. My mouth. Right now.”
He dumps Sanji unceremoniously back onto the ground and starts yanking at the buttons of his slacks. Sanji’s occupied complaining to him, and Usopp feels a surge of boldness. He steps around to stand behind Sanji, pressing against his back and feeling him twitch in surprise. He loops his hands under Sanji’s arms and starts undoing the buttons of his shirt by feel alone.
“You two are so impatient,” Sanji complains.
Usopp hums in agreement and nuzzles his mouth against the side of his neck. He’s not wearing an undershirt today, so every opened button exposes more skin for him to trace his fingers over. Zoro finally yanks the offending trousers off. Usopp gives in to his curiosity and peers over his shoulder, grinning when he sees that powder blue thong already straining around Sanji’s half-hard dick. He undoes the last button and immediately presses his hand flat against his belly, feeling the twitch of his muscles and the coarse hair under his palm.
“Usopp, move.”
He steps back at Zoro’s command, grinning when the swordsman immediately hoists Sanji up like a sack of potatoes and dumps him onto the galley couch. He stifles his complaints with a bruising kiss, holding his head in his hands as Sanji grips his forearms. Usopp unbuttons his own pants to relieve the building pressure there. It’s a pretty picture, Sanji leaned back in just his thong and an open button up, Zoro still fully clothed and manhandling him. They break apart, and Zoro wastes no time in pushing him back into the cushions and mouthing his way down his body. Sanji gasps and turns hazy eyes over to Usopp. He beckons him over.
Usopp’s not waiting to be asked twice. He kneels on the couch beside him and takes his mouth again, kissing him unhurriedly. He lets his hands roam as he does, almost unable to believe he’s really here, really getting to mess up his soft hair with his hands and tweak at his rosy little nipples. Sanji breaks away with a gasp, groaning aloud and squeezing his eyes shut. Usopp looks down to see Zoro’s yanked the thong that started this all off and is lazily licking a long stripe up the underside of Sanji’s cock from base to tip. He grins at Usopp before sucking the head into his mouth and hollowing his cheeks. Sanji makes another groan that Usopp eagerly swallows with his own mouth.
Sanji frowns as he pulls back, reaching out to yank petulantly at Usopp’s clothes.
“Off,” he commands.
Usopp shrugs and gets up to drop his pants and underwear, tossing his tee shirt to the floor. It briefly feels strange to be naked in front of both of them with his cock bobbing eagerly with his steps, but Sanji’s staring at it like he wants to swallow it, and Zoro’s flicked his one eye over to look at him too even as he bobs his head on Sanji’s cock. It’s a nice confident boost.
He kneels back on the couch and kisses Sanji again. He’s the one who gasps this time as a large, soft hand wraps around him and starts stroking. It’s not like being touched by a girl – they’re usually so hesitant. Sanji has no qualms about gripping him firmly and milking him for precum to ease the glide, keeping a steady rhythm even as he bucks his hips into Zoro’s face and moans. It’s such a ridiculously pretty picture that Usopp’s pretty sure he’s not going to last long. He looks down again, watching Zoro sucking Sanji off and sees that he’s gotten his own cock out in his fist and is working himself in time to his sucking. Oh, Usopp’s not going to last long at all.
Sanji cums first, moaning prettily with Usopp’s tongue on his nipple and his cock down Zoro’s throat. His hand falters in jerking Usopp off, but he can’t complain for how fucking lovely he looks. Usopp’s not neglected for long, anyway. Zoro’s big hands grab him and yank him around so he can line their cocks up together, wrapping them both in his huge hands and pumping them together. Usopp moans and kisses him, tasting Sanji on his lips. He jerks and spills over Zoro’s fist after only a few strokes, and Zoro strokes him through it, wetting his own cock with his cum and finishing a handful of seconds after the pleasure starts to become overstimulation.
Zoro flops heavily onto the couch next to them. The three of them sit there for a minute and catch their breaths.
“So…” Usopp takes another deep breath and lets it out as his heartrate starts to slow. Idly, he catalogues that his earlier hypothesis was right – Sanji’s flushed along his abdomen and chest in splotches. The three of them probably look ridiculous – Usopp’s naked, Sanji’s just wearing a shirt, and Zoro’s fully clothed except his dick hanging limply from the front of his pants. It makes him laugh a little. The other two men huff, though Sanji does giggle a little, quietly.
“So are we boyfriends now?”
Zoro snorts, too, and now all three of them are laughing, probably high on endorphins.
“Yeah, Usopp,” Sanji says fondly, “I think we’re boyfriends.”
@@@
Being Sanji’s boyfriend is great.
Somehow, Usopp’s been added to the ladies’ afternoon tea, sitting around the little round table with trays of petite sandwiches and petit fours, tea and lemonade laid out under a little umbrella. Robin and Nami accept him easily, chatting with him like he’s one of the girls. At first, he wasn’t sure what to make of it. Does Sanji consider him a lady or something just because they’re dating now?
But he’s dating Zoro, too, and Zoro still gets his afternoon snack thrown in his face aggressively on the lawn, so…
“Mellorine!” Sanji swoops in to pour the tea, hearts flying everywhere. There’s absolutely no difference in the way he dotes on the three of them even though a week ago, Usopp was also in the rotation of “disgusting men being fed slop.” Now Sanji pours his tea for him and sneaks a kiss to the top of his head as he goes, floating off back to the galley in a glaze of romance over his “ladies-plus-Usopp.”
“Perks of sleeping with the chef,” Nami mutters.
“I think it’s sweet,” Robin says with an indulgent smile.
“I like it,” Usopp admits.
“Oi,” Zoro shouts after Sanji from the lawn, “I’m fucking you, too! Where’s my fancy tea party, huh?”
The ladies-plus-Usopp watch sedately as the lawn erupts into a flurry of kicks and flying katanas. Usopp takes a sip of his tea.
“Some things don’t change, do they?” Nami asks, hiding her smile behind a tangerine petit four.
“Oh, I don’t know about that,” Robin says, smiling.
Zoro darts in and plants a kiss on Sanji’s mouth, stunning him for a half-second so he can get the upper hand and knock him over with the flat of his blade. Sanji recovers quickly, throwing his legs around him and flinging the both of them across the deck in a wrestling move that looks a half-second from becoming R-rated. The steamy moment is interrupted by Luffy and Chopper leaping on top of them, turning into a four-way wrestling match across the lawn. Brook laughs from the upper deck and starts a jaunty tune on his violin.
“I’m happy for you, Longnose,” Robin says.
Usopp looks across the lawn and grins when he sees the top of Sanji’s thong peeking out from the waistline of his shorts.
“Yeah, I am, too,” he says.