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It's just a body.
True, but it's still her body. And with that, comes the horrible fact of being in her body. It doesn't matter how many ballet classes she'll take, how many morning stretches she does. She still feels gawkish, lanky, hyper aware of the muscles and sinew under her freckled skin. Somehow she is growing wrong.
But it has never really mattered. Until now.
“Ash?” She hates when he calls her that, she hates that shit-eating grin that's always on his face. “Ya good?”
Well, Christ, she's the one who started this, and now she can't even finish it. “I'm good.”
He looks down, still smiling, but it's softer, less teeth. “We can stop.”
“I don't want to,” she answers quickly. She doesn't. She doesn't know when she'll ever get the chance to do this again. She's probably going to die one of these days, so she wants to notch off at least some of the things she's supposed to do. But it doesn't make her feel any less childish, a little girl in a hardly grown-up body, all knobbly knees and hidden curves, trying to play as an adult.
“Hmm." Aiden's lip curves upward, his eyes twinkling. It's starting to get on her damn nerves. He moves a cold finger (his hands are always cold, she's duly noted) up her arm, tapping the sunspots on her skin, tracing imaginary constellations.
She can feel her cheeks heating up. “If you don't want to, just say so.”
His hand stops, and his gaze meets hers. He has that scary white grin on his face again. For a guy who takes such trash care of himself, his teeth are almost startlingly white. “This isn't some fuck or die situation, Ash.”
She cringes at his crude phrasing. But he's right, isn't he? It's just sex, it's just their bodies, it doesn't have to mean anything. So it's just…fucking.
It's not like you're in love with the guy.
But maybe she could be, one day. If they were still alive by then. Which they might not be. She doesn't really want to think about that right now.
“I don't care,” she says finally. “But if you don't want to, we don't have to.”
Aiden smiles, but there's a look in his eyes, a solemn seriousness that makes his whole expression seem grave. "Nah, I want to. I'm not as stupid as people say I am.”
There. Perhaps not quite as enthusiastic as she expected, but consent.
“O-okay then." Shit. She hadn't meant to stutter.
Already that mischievous glint has returned, an impish smirk spreading across his lips. Tell-tale signs he is about to do or say something stupid. “Aww, Ash, are you nervous?”
“Shut up,” she groaned, shoving his shoulder so hard he fell back onto his bed, still laughing.
“It's normal if you are.” His blonde hair fans out across his gray bed sheets, and it's so unfair, she thinks, so unfair how his smile seems to make the room brighter. Like he's the goddamned sun or something.
“Like you're not a virgin either,” she retorts hotly. As if Aiden would ever get laid.
That's rich, coming from your position.
He wiggles his eyebrows, grin stretching even wider, “You tryna guess my body count, Banner?”
She smacks his bicep. “I don't need to guess, I know it's zero.”
He winces, the corner of his eyes crinkling. “Eh, kinda.”
She arches a single brow, before leaning on the bed, chin in her palm. “What do you mean?”
“I guess, I've never hit a home run?” It's meant to be a statement, but his inflection makes it sound like a question. His empty grin and wide eyes make him look like an idiot.
She narrows her eyes. “Oh, really?”
He turns his head, angling it in such a way that the muted sunlight pouring through the window shines like a spotlight on his face. “Yeah, but I think I know enough to make sure you have a good time.”
His smile is wide, languid, with hooded eyes. It makes him look like…something else. Her stomach does a weird jittery motion that puts her on edge. It feels like she can hear the rhythm of her own heart, unsteady, anxious, excited.
“Haha, don't look at me like that! I don't bite…unless you ask me to.” God, he's so corny sometimes. And then his grin is all white teeth, sharp canines, with wild eyes. It looks like he wants to eat her alive.
And she's not sure she's entirely opposed to the idea.
“Don't say stuff like that, ya creep,” she mutters. Her face feels hot, she probably looks like a strawberry at this point. But who cares? This is far from the most embarrassing expression she's going to make in front of him.
He moves across the bed, leaning his head towards her, his tired eyes bright, focused on her. “Why don't you shut me up, then?”
Unconsciously, her gaze is drawn to his mouth. She knows what he means. It's a good starting point for what they're about to do. So why is her throat so dry and her hands so shaky?
It's just a body. It doesn't mean anything.
It doesn't. So she screws her eyelids shut, tilts her head forward, and connects their lips.
There are no fireworks, no lightning in her veins, no blinding epiphany in her mind. Only a soft, slight pressure on her mouth. Then, nothing. She blinked slowly, lashes brushing against her cheekbones. “Aiden?”
He had his fist hiding his mouth, but he couldn't hide the flush spreading up his neck, across his face, even reaching the tip of his ears, “Ah…I didn't expect you to actually do it.”
“Oh, I-”, her breath hitches. Great, now she's fucked it all up, “I'm…I’m sorry, I thought-”
“No!”, he exclaims, a touch too loudly, “Don't apologize, you just surprised me!"
He has a manic look in his eyes, enough to make her a whole new kind of nervous. “So, that was…okay?”
“More than okay." He pulls her in close, one of his hands going to the back of her head, like that day on the staircase, threading his fingers through the roots of her hair. “Let me show you.”
She wants to say it isn't a big deal, it can't be that hard to kiss, she doesn't need a teacher. But his lips are already on her own, swallowing up any protests she might have had.
She felt that gentle pressure again, except this time Aiden was focusing on her upper lip, then her bottom, so she tried to copy what he was doing, because she had to admit it actually felt pretty pleasant, and this was supposed to be a two-way street.
“Mmm…”, he sighed, his breath cool on her lips, and she wanted to laugh because she could smell the orange-flavored Tic-Tacs he'd been eating when she arrived at his house. But then he moved his hand from her nape to her cheek and she forgot all about it. The heat in her face was stark against the coldness of his fingers, but it wasn't bad. She could feel the tip of his tongue sliding between her lips, prodding her teeth, and she took it as a cue to open her mouth. She felt his lips curve into a smile, and he laughed; a low, gravelly kind of laugh that was different from his usual laughter.
What's so funny?
He slipped his tongue in, and she almost recoiled at the sensation. It was weird, slippery and warm and so, so, so fucking weird. But she didn't pull away. It was… kind of a good weird. He tasted like oranges and smoke, and when his teeth tugged lightly at her lips it felt like she was dizzy but in a delightfully light-headed way.
Light, she felt so very light. It was a wonderfully euphoric feeling after all the oppressive weight they'd been under, all the death and gore and phantoms and horrors. It didn't matter right now. Only Aiden's cold hands moving up her skin, goosebumps prickling under his touch, and his mouth, warm on her own.
“You can touch me too, you know." The words ghosted over her lips, half-lidded red eyes now staring at her in amusement. She felt an embarrassed flush creep up her neck.
Oh, yeah. Right. I probably should.
Her fingers twitched as they grazed his arm. Where was she supposed to touch him, exactly? His hair? That felt nice for her, but she didn't know if he'd like that. His hands? A little too…intimate.
Aiden chuckled. “Need some help?”
She glared at him, her mouth pulled into a petulant sort of pout. Obviously she needed help, but she wasn't going to ask him.
Thankfully, he didn't say anything else, only grabbing her wrist and moving it to his chest. “This okay?”, he asked, but he had that stupid smug grin on his face like he already knew her answer.
She pressed her fingertips, trying to feel his body over the cotton fabric of his t-shirt. He wasn't a bodybuilder by any means, but Aiden was strong. She could feel it in the hardness of his muscles. “Yeah, it's okay.”
He traced a path to the center of his chest, pressing her palm right over his heart. She could feel it, steadily thrumming on, still beating, still alive. “And this?”
Yeah, that was fine. It was only a constant reminder of the fact that they were here. Feeling, breathing, living. She jerked her hand down, raking her nails across his stomach.
“Woah!” He was still grinning, but now there was a panicked look in his eyes, they were just a bit too wide, a bit too frightened, like an animal caught in a trap. “Aight, aight, I get it…” He threw off his shirt quickly, where it landed unceremoniously in a small heap next to his desk. She blinked at him, her jaw slack. That was not what she had meant, at all.
But, she had to admit, it wasn't a bad sight at all. Aiden kept fit, obviously. She swallowed thickly, orange-tinged saliva permeating her throat.
He cracked a grin at her, lying on his back, lacing his fingers behind his head. “You likin’ the view?”
Normally, she would have shut him down right away. But today she felt softer, not so rough around the edges, so she only smiled, eyes dazed, and traced her fingers down his bony hips, resting on the hem of his jeans. “Mmh, yeah… I guess I am.”
Aiden's cheeks immediately colored, his mouth frozen in a half-open laugh. She could see a bead of sweat on his forehead, and she couldn't help the smirk forming on her face.
Bingo.
“Heh… heh… you're pretty bold, aren'tcha?”
Maybe. She wasn't sure if being bold and being brave were the same thing. The only thing she knew was that this was happening. And it was about time she started being more proactive.
“Maybe you've been rubbing off on me,” she said lightly. In a rush of ill-placed confidence, she swung her legs over his and sat on his lap, immediately paling at the sensation of something poking her.
Aiden groaned. “Urgh… not nearly enough-”
It was such a sudden, absurd, perverted response that she couldn't help but burst into giggles. When was the last time she'd giggled? She must have been…seven or eight, maybe, but, God, he was just so… ridiculous sometimes, she couldn't help it. She missed the way his eyes softened, when she stared at the ceiling, sweet laughter bubbling up in her chest.
“Ahh…sorry, that was just…” She didn't know what it was, but that was besides the point.
“It's fine… now, where were we?” His hands were toying with the frayed edges of a faded green tank top. Briefly, she wished she'd worn something nicer. Not that she had any clothes for this particular kind of… situation.
She gripped the worn fabric, hands trembling, because no matter how hard she tried to ignore it and not care, taking your clothes off in front of a guy was just weird.
Weird and scary and a little bit exhilarating.
She closed her eyes, throwing it off and dropping it silently next to his nightstand. Her heart was racing, a feeling she thought she had long become accustomed to, but this was different. It was good, like she was running in a marathon and she could see the finish line on the horizon. Not like when she was fleeing for her life from flesh-ripping phantoms.
“Ash.”
She wished her hair was loose, so she could hide behind it. “What?”
“Are you gonna wear the bra, or-”
Quickly, she blinked open her eyes. She was still wearing her sports bra. She barely wore regular bras, it was hard to find anything small enough that was still comfortable, so training bras were the usual for her. Which was biting her in the ass right now, because she felt extremely unsexy and it was infinitely harder to have sex when you felt like an overgrown kid.
“Of course I'm not gonna wear it, that'd be weird.”
He tilted his head in what she assumed was a nod.
“Unless you want me to keep it on, I guess," she mumbled.
Aiden shrugged. “I'm fine with whatever.”
Not helpful.
“Okay…I'm…gonna take it off, right now,” she finished, only somewhat awkwardly.
“I can look away, if you want.”
Her hands were still trembling. “...Yes, please.”
Aiden made a soft humming noise and closed his eyes. Christ, she felt so stupid right now. But he'd been nothing but nice the whole time, if somewhat cheeky, but that was to be expected. If she really wanted to do this, she had to at least get naked in front of the guy.
Don't think about it don't think about it just don't think about it.
Her shoulder blades jutted back, her arms arcing high as she removed the garment. She flung it away into a lonely corner of the room so she wouldn't have to look at it. “Okay, I'm done.”
She steeled herself for his reaction. Some pervy joke that wouldn't land, laughter (though she doubted it), or even an earnest compliment. Everything was possible with Aiden. Instead, she watched his pupils dilate, his jaw working to say something, yet his voice was gone. He raised his hand, paused, and then put it back down with a nervous gulp.
“W-what is it?” She didn't like the way he was looking at her, like she was awe-worthy or something.
He made a low croaking sound, before clearing his throat. “It's n-nothing, just...”
She narrowed her eyes. “Just what?”
“Just…”, he sighed, in a dreamy, almost lovesick way, “I didn't know you had freckles there.”
She blushed suddenly, cheeks pink. It wasn't even a compliment, not really, but the way he said it flattered her.
Aiden traced his hand up her waist, brushing against her ribs, “You know, sometimes they're called angel kisses.”
She'd heard a lot of different names for her freckles, but this was definitely the nicest. Even if inaccurate, because if an angel had kissed her at birth, they'd left her to rot in a ditch since last year.
“I don't need an angel, I need something real,” she muttered hoarsely. The weariness in her bones, the aching joints, the constant brushes with death, it all weighed heavily on her. What had angels ever done for her?
Aiden stood straighter, dipping his head to the hollow of her neck. “Then… tell me if this feels real.”
She nodded clumsily, wondering what exactly he was going to do. She felt a feather-light kiss at the base of her neck, then her clavicle, then on her right shoulder. She watched him as he traced an imaginary path across the speckling on her skin, as though he were following a star map.
These are uncharted waters, I suppose.
She closed her eyes, hands settling on his shoulders. His lips were curious, exploring wherever they could reach. She sighed. This wasn't so bad. She hadn't needed to stress out so much.
Then Aiden kissed the slope of her breast.
She let out a half-surprised noise that she could only describe as a squeak.
Okay, relax, you knew this was coming, just-
“That's cute.” He smiled, watched her in fascination, before trailing a line of kisses in a semicircle, to the center of her chest. He stopped for a moment, before his hands went to the small of her back and hugged her close. Her turned his head and pressed his ear to her chest, every soft exhale he let out tickling her skin.
The heat returned tenfold, “W-What are you doing?”
Aiden closed his eyes. “Just making sure this is real.”
Jesus, he was saying stuff that was way too romantic.
Then he grinned up at her and said, “Okay, real,” and pressed two chaste kisses to her nipples, a feeling that left her squeaking again.
She was still trying to process what exactly had happened when he flipped her over and pushed her on the bed, “Mmph! Hey!”
He was laughing, “I just think you should lie down for this part.”
She crossed her arms to cover her breasts, suspicion etched over her features, “What are you talking about?”
He blinked. “Isn't it obvious?”
“I dunno if you noticed, Aiden, but I've never done this before.”
“Oh, well...I'm gonna try and get you off.”
She stared at him for a long while. And then it hit her as suddenly as a freight train, so much that she grabbed a pillow and shoved her face into it, so he wouldn't see how mortified she looked.
Oh my god, oh my god, just chill out, isn't it a good thing that he's even trying?
With her hearing, she had accidentally eavesdropped on far too many conversations about unsatisfactory boyfriends. So this was a good thing, right?
“You don't want me to…?”
Feeling only a little ridiculous, she peeked at him from behind the pillow. “I just didn't expect you to…”
He scratched his cheek. “I don't know if you're gonna come when we…”, he coughed, “So I thought it would be better if I tried it now.”
“Oh… that's… nice of you.” She cringed at how awkward she sounded.
Aiden just shrugged. “I know my bedroom etiquette.”
“Have you done this before?”
He stared at her blankly, “Well…not with my mouth…”
What do you mean with your mouth?!
He saw her panic, tried to smile disarmingly. “Don't freak out.”
She was freaking out. “You're gonna put your mouth there?!”
She didn't know why she was so anxious, she knew people did this. But her hands still trembled and her heart was fighting to leap out of her throat.
“If you're already wet, I can use my hands,” he said soothingly.
This was weird. She felt weird that Aiden knew so much more, that he was so calm, and she felt like she didn't know anything. She let out a shaky breath.
Okay, calm down, reassess. It's good that he knows what he's doing. And you did your own research, don't forget it all now.
Her fingers fiddled with the hem of her cargo shorts. She didn't feel wet, she just felt…like she usually did. Maybe a bit hot. But it was summertime, too. “Well, let's just check…”
She slipped her thumbs into the waistband of her shorts, and slowly pulled them down her legs. She tried to ignore the feeling of Aiden's eyes following her movements.
“You wear camo print panties?” Aiden asked, grin wider than ever.
She flinched, flushing so red she must have matched her hair. “You literally wear smiley face boxers.”
“Hey, I like them! They're so… you,” he cocked his head to the side, the corners of his eyes crinkled in…amusement? She couldn't tell. The way he said ‘you’ made her feel funny. He fingered the bare skin above the elastic band, making her jolt. “But they'll have to go for what I'm planning!”
He sounded way too excited about this plan of his. “And what exactly does this plan entail?”
His eyes shifted away from hers, and now his grin seemed nervous, fingers hesitant. “You know…”
She bit her tongue. “Walk me through it.”
He looked surprised for a moment, before smirking. Because that was definitely going to help her calm down.
“Okay.” He pressed his hand to her sternum, softly pushing her back down on the bed. “I'm going to take off your panties, is that alright?”
He said it in a stupid sing-songy voice, because he already knew the answer. So this was just to embarrass her.
“Yes,” she muttered through gritted teeth. “I get it, you can shut up now.”
He only hummed happily in response. She felt his nails scrape along her thighs as he pulled her underwear off, and she did her best to suppress the shiver running up her spine. Feeling strangely shy, she impulsively pressed her thighs together, hands darting down to cover herself.
“Ash…” He rested his hand on her knee, “Are you sure you want to?”
“Yes! Just- Let me get used to it, okay?”
“But I haven't done anything yet?”
She fought the urge to shove her foot in his face. But, unfortunately, he was also right. Slowly, she retracted her hands. “Yeah, okay, whatever, just…start.”
He spread her legs, and she couldn't bear the way he was looking at her, so she pressed her cheek to the comforter and squeezed her eyes shut, jaw clenched. She felt more like she was about to let blood than… ugh, she didn't know what she was supposed to feel.
“You won't enjoy it if you're not relaxed,” Aiden said, not unkindly. She felt his thumb ghost along her inner thigh, and she tried so very hard to just fucking relax.
“I'm trying.”
“Should I put on music or something?”
Well, that was an idea. Even if it made her blush.
“Mmh… okay. Nothing weird though.”
He chuckled. “Maybe an instrumental, then?”
She shrugged, quirked her head to the side. He could pick.
“This good?”
She perked up at the sound of the music. Slow, soft rhythm, classical guitar, tamborim-
“Is that bossa nova music?”
He looked at her anxiously, a wobbly smile tugging at his lips, “I can't think of anything else except maybe jazz.”
Unbidden, she burst out laughing. “Oh my god, Aiden! Seriously?”
He looked shocked for a second, but he quickly joined in, “I'm sorry! God, I'm gonna turn this off.”
Then it was silent, but it was a comfortable silence, her heart had slowed to a gentle but steady rhythm, and her lungs didn't feel quite so tight anymore. She closed her eyes and exhaled, trying to empty her mind. “Actually, forget the music, I'm doing better now.”
She didn't hear Aiden answer, but she felt his bed creak as he shifted his weight. The coldness of his hands on her thighs made the heat of his breath all the more stark. Goosebumps pebbled her skin.
The first time, it was so soft, she almost didn't notice. Then, he pressed a flurry of kisses on her inner thigh, his cheek brushing against her skin.
“Oh my God, your thighs are so soft!” He wrapped his arms around her legs and pulled them close, squishing his face between them.
She squinted at him from under the pillow, her mouth twisting in confusion. God, he was cringy sometimes. “What the-?”
Then, without any prior warning, he kissed her right there.
Oh!
She couldn't put a name to the feeling, only that it was a lot. Her right leg spasmed, jerked, and kicked Aiden, right where his kidney was.
“Ghh-!” He flew away from her, groaning as he rubbed his side. “Ughh… ”
“Oh, shit- Aiden! Are you alright?!”
He gave her a pained smile that stretched too thinly, before giving her a weak thumbs-up.
“I-I'm sorry, I just-” She hid behind her hands, even though she felt like her blush was so bright she was practically glowing. "I don't know what happened, sorry.”
He let out a wheezy chuckle. “It’s a'ight, I should’ve warned ya.”
She didn't know what to say, so she sat there, rubbing her thighs together.
“Ah… can I try again?”
“You're not worried I’ll kick you again?”
He put his hands up. “Nah, it didn't hurt that much.”
She looked wearily at the bright red skin on the underside of his torso, and instinctively knew that it would bruise.
“Okay, just… be careful.”
He winked. “Aye aye, Captain!”
Oh Lord, have mercy.
Against her better judgment, she decided to not drop the pillow back on her face. He started as before, trailing a long row of kisses up her thigh. She could barely call them kisses, it was a brush of his lips, a chaste peck.
“I'm…I'm going to…” Aiden's voice trailed off, but she could hear the breathless excitement in it. She bit her lip, holding back a grin.
Oh! O-oh! Wow, that's- wow!
There were no words, his lips on her clit, it was so overstimulating she felt herself go dizzy. He traced his tongue in slow oval patterns, suckling softly. Her breath hitched, stumbled into a gasp. Her toes curled, and she sank her fingers into the roots of his hair. Absurdly, she noted the hint of black hair growing in.
He needs to bleach it again.
She wondered if it was normal to think about hair dyeing when doing this sort of thing, but then Aiden did some strange twisting motion with his tongue that made her insides feel like they were melting, and she forgot all about it in the first place. “Hah-! K-Keep going-!”
He did, quite enthusiastically. He hugged her thighs and sank deeper, sucking harder, quicker, his teeth pressed against her. Sometimes her sensitive ears would catch him sighing, or even moaning.
Ahhhh…no way it feels as good to him as it does for me.
Because it did feel good. It felt fucking awesome. She finally understood what all the fuss was about, if Heaven existed, it must have felt like this. Still, she could feel something steadily building, something that threatened to burst at the seams, something that needed to come into fruition.
“Ai-Aiden! Please-” She didn't know what the hell she was trying to say, because every time she tried to speak, all that came out were breathless gasps or highly embarrassing moans. Even a keening whine when he flicked his tongue which she knew would come back to mortify her.
Oh, oh- wow~!
She couldn't think straight. It was like a burst of flavor on her tongue, sweet music in her ears, stars in her eyes. Her stomach clenched and released over and over, a pure, primal form of relief that left her reeling.
Wow.
“Ya good?”
Aiden's voice startled her out of her stupor, and she stared blankly at him, chest still heaving, “Huh?”
He licked his lips shamelessly, and she noted that the entire lower half of his face was wet. “I asked if you were good.”
She allowed a shaky smile to form on her lips. “Just peachy.”
He perked up, wiping his mouth with his forearm. “So you came, right?”
She could feel her cheeks coloring. “I'm pretty sure I did…”
“Great, so can we…? These shorts are killing me.”
Her gaze drifted downwards, and she noted, a little guiltily, that they did look rather uncomfortable. His spine was too rigid, made all the more noticeable since he was always slouching.
“Oh, um- yeah, of course. Should I also…?” She gestured vaguely, hoping he would deduce her meaning.
His brows furrowed, a half-bemused half-confused smile spreading across his face. “Uh…? Oh! It's fine- To be honest, I feel like I'm gonna come in like…five seconds at this point, so I don't need any prep.”
She laughed nervously, half out of nerves, half out of relief, because honestly the idea of holding his dick, or worse- putting it in her mouth, terrified her.
“How long does it usually take you?”
Aiden was already kicking off his ripped jean shorts, “Not gonna lie, like three minutes. You?”
She tried her best to not stare at his erection that was so obviously straining against his briefs. “I- Um, I'm not sure, never orgasmed before.”
“Woah! I gave you your first one? Nice.”
She sighed. To be honest, it had always been something she wasn't interested in. As a tween, she'd given a few half-hearted attempts, but it didn't feel all that good anyways, so she'd never bothered to try it again.
“Good for you,” she quipped flatly.
He sniggered. “Good for me, now, can ya pass the condoms? They’re in the nightstand”
Oh, yeah. Duh.
“You have this all figured out, don't you?”
He tilted his head forward, a conspiratory smile tugging at his lips, “Well, I Boogled a lot before you came over.”
She ignored the fluttery feeling that settled into her stomach at the realization of how much care he had put into this. She opened the top drawer and saw the aluminum foils right away, next to an inconspicuous box of tissues. She picked it up gingerly, counting each packet.
One, two, three, four…five in total.
She raised an eyebrow, feeling her cheeks darken. “Do you really think we’ll need this many?”
Aiden quickly snatched them up, uncharacteristically flustered, “That's how they came in the packaging!”
“Uh-huh…”, she did her best to hide her laughter, quickly covering up her smile behind her hands.
He ripped open one with his teeth, “I didn't even buy ‘em, I took ‘em from my dad.”
“He's not gonna notice?” The last thing she needed was for his parents to tell her parents.
“He won't,” Aiden said with a note of finality in his voice. He turned away from her, so that all she could see was his back.
Okay, you're doing this. You're actually going to do this. Don't lose your head. Everything is already planned out, nobody is in the house, it's still early, you're on birth control, he has protection, this literally can't go wrong. And at least you already came, so-
“Ash!”, she nearly jumped out of her skin as Aiden snapped his fingers. “What position?”
She blinked at him, “What?”
“Missionary or cowgirl? They're supposed to be the best positions if you're a virgin. Should hurt less too.”
No way was she picking cowgirl, the thought of it alone made her want to crawl into a hole, shrivel up, and die of shame. But missionary didn't sound all that great either. Too much eye contact.
“Missionary. Just, please, don't stare at me.”
He looked a little put out, but he didn't say anything. She slowly laid down back on the bed before Aiden could push her again and closed her eyes.
“Why can't I stare if your eyes are closed anyways?”
She grumbled as she felt the bed creak under his weight, “I can still feel you watching me.’
He sighed dramatically, like this was some great personal injustice to him, but as long as he didn't push the issue, she didn't care. “Alright…let me just…”
His arms slipped underneath her back and he basically fell on top of her, pressing their chests together, “Umf-!”
“Sorry,” he said quickly, sounding not sorry at all. It wasn't that he was heavy. Aiden wasn't super built or tall like his cousin or anything. She'd just imagined he would have done this a little more gracefully. Aiden shifted his hips, lining up their sexes. She felt something warm probing her down there, and her curiosity got the better of her and she couldn't help but sneak a glance at him. She could kinda see it. She'd been on the Internet long enough and had taken plenty of biology classes, so she shouldn't have been surprised, but it was different, seeing one for real.
He sunk his nose into the crook of her neck. “I thought you said no staring?”, he murmured, voice no louder than a whisper. He must have been being careful because he was so close to her ears.
She flicked her eyes towards the ceiling. “I'm not staring.” But the image was already burned into her brain.
It wasn't very pretty, but she imagined she wasn't the most attractive thing to look at either. The thatch of black hair was also surprising, but then again he wasn't exactly going to dye it. The latex, or whatever it was, gave it a filmy sheen, shining, like it wasn't real. She dropped her head back on the bed, a sharp gasp leaving her mouth. He was rubbing against her slit, and it was slippery and hot and it made her body tremble with little currents of electricity.
Real, extremely real-!
“Can I put it in now?” He sounded even more manic than usual, and his shoulders were shaking.
Or am I the one shaking?
“Y-yeah, okay.”
“Tell me if anything hurts.”
She gave a shaky nod before burying her face in his shoulder, slipping her arms around his back. She couldn't explain why she was so scared, couldn't stop herself from biting down on her teeth so hard she thought she might grind them into dust, couldn't help but sink her nails too deep into his skin, digging red crescent moons into his back.
Then, he pushed forward.
“Ghh…Holy fuck-” Aiden moaned into her chest, and she could feel how his forehead was slick with sweat, his bangs flopping forward and covering his eyes. “Wow.”
She wouldn't use that word, but she knew this probably felt way better to him than it did for her, so she didn't say anything.
“Y-ya good?”, his voice wavered, cracked at the end. The smile was starting to look painful.
“Are you?”, she tried to say it as lightly as possible. She was fine, Aiden on the other hand looked like he was on the verge of having a stroke.
He looked up at her, and she realized his eyes were bleary, unfocused, his pupils startlingly dilated. “Yep!”
A little awkwardly, she lifted one of her hands to stroke his nape, running her fingers through his (only slightly) damp hair. “I'm okay too.”
He sighed in relief. “I'm gonna try…slowly-”
“Thanks.” She appreciated the effort. It was like the complete lack of care Aiden had for himself was constantly being given to her. She wished he was a little more cautious, but she had to admit it was also rather flattering.
He started rocking his hips. She closed her eyes, sinking her nose into his hair, softer and smoother than she'd expected. She felt warm and full and happy, it wasn't anywhere near as good as his tongue had felt, but it still felt wonderful. It was like a full-body tingle, an itch deep inside her only he could scratch. A bunch of silly words popped into her head as she tried to name the feeling.
Glittering, scintillating, sparkling, radiating...
Then Aiden kissed her, and whatever word she might have chosen disappeared from her mind. It was rougher than before, his teeth were pulling, biting, bruising, he was everywhere. Her lips, her jaw, her neck, she even felt him nibble her earlobe. “Nnhh… Aiden…!”
His teeth sank into her shoulder, and her ears picked up a groan trapped in the back of her throat. The sentiment was nice, but she thought she preferred her ears hurting for a few minutes as opposed to a very prominent hickey. She could hear him mumbling her name under his breath, over and over, like a broken record.
Every time he drew his hips forward, it was like things had slotted perfectly in place. Like they were made for each other. She wasn’t the romantic type, but it just felt so right, that she couldn’t think of a better comparison. The best part was when his pelvis would brush against her clit. The warmth grew steadily, spreading throughout her entire body. “M-more! ”
He didn’t waste a second. He roughly grabbed her hips, digging his fingers into the tender flesh, and quickly increased his tempo. God, the sounds they made! She could hear everything! A furious blush spread across her cheeks, and she clasped one hand over her ear, sinking the other into bed, desperately trying to block out her own moaning. She let out a tiny yelp as Aiden slammed forward, his hips stuttering, and finally, he stopped.
Good…he came.
For a while, all she could focus on was getting her breathing back to normal. She was feeling faint, so she concentrated on a small spot on his ceiling, waiting for the dizziness to pass. Luckily, she had built a pretty good tolerance due to her ballet classes. Eventually, the world stopped spinning, and she felt the bed shift under Aiden’s weight. For a moment she wondered when exactly he’d pulled out, before realizing she felt startlingly empty. Not the emotional kind (she was pretty sure she was feeling too many emotions right now), but an actual physical sensation, like how her stomach felt when she was starving.
What time is it…?
She turned her head towards the window, saw the hot sun high in the sky, and deduced it was probably already noon. She felt her cheeks flush; had they really done that for two hours?
Whatever, nobody’s gonna notice.
She wiped the back of her hand on her brow, still exhausted. She lazily traced Aiden's movements as he walked around the room. He'd put his boxers back on.
“I'll get you a towel,” he chirped brightly.
He wandered into his bathroom (because of course he had his own bathroom, being this rich should be illegal), shutting the door with a soft click.
She tried to collect her thoughts.
Well, that was…something.
It was great, honestly. She'd had her first orgasm, which was awesome all on its own, but Aiden had also been a complete gentleman the entire time.
Maybe it shouldn't be that surprising, he's usually pretty careful with me…
Right on cue, Aiden came out with a fluffy white hand towel. “Catch!”
He flung it at her so quickly she didn't even have time to react, so she let it flop onto her face. She was way too exhausted to care at this point, all she wanted was something to wipe the sweat off of her, and it smelled like Aiden's shampoo, which was a nice bonus. He always got really expensive stuff that smelled great, like tree sap or some shit.
“Oops-”
She dabbed at her neck, “It's fine, it's not like it was gonna hurt.”
Even with that wide, blank grin, he managed to look apologetic. He bounced on the bed, sitting next to her. “Sooooo…how ya feelin’?”
She wiggled around on the bed, arching her back and sliding the towel in place. “Um…I'm feeling good. Honestly, it was…very nice. And you?”
He smiled. It wasn't his usual grin, the kind where she could see his gums and wondered if he was just baring his teeth, but a very small, subtle sort of smile, the corners of his mouth tilted upwards, eyes fond and full of warmth. “Best day of my life, so far.”
Well, now she was feeling like an asshole for giving him such a lousy answer.
It was his first time too, you should be a little more tactful.
She tried to think of the right thing to say, but she kept drawing blanks. Just because she wasn't a virgin anymore didn't mean she suddenly understood the intricacies of socializing. On a whim, she grabbed his hand, interlacing their fingers. She hoped he would understand. He tilted his head curiously, eyes wide, before his face split into a genuine grin, the kind of smile that just lit up a room. He gave her an affectionate squeeze before leaning back on the headboard. She'd never seen him so peaceful, except when he was sleeping. Blonde curls, golden skin, his profile highlighted by the sun, he looked...
He looks like an angel. But he's more like a demon.
Her skin tingled as she remembered his lips on her freckles. Angel kisses.
She didn't know for how many minutes they had been lying there. It felt like a long time, but she didn't mind. The quiet stilled her mind. She hadn't felt this calm, happy, even, in a long, long time. She was even starting to drift off into unconsciousness…
Then Aiden started talking and ruined everything. As he was prone to doing.
“Hey, Ash, you do ballet, right?”
She grunted in response, still in the throes of sleep.
“So we can do it in weird positions, yeah?”
That woke her right up.
“Jesus Christ, Aiden!”
He just started laughing, and soon enough she was laughing with him. Her heart thrummed happily, a sweet tune that bloomed in her chest.
Damnit, I'm definitely in love with him.
The thought didn't bother like she thought it would, and she smiled. She could deal with it later, right now, all she wanted to do was see his real smile.