Chapter Text
He would have tortured and maimed anyone who would have predicted at any time in his life or afterlife that he would be dressed as a tacky top-hatted circus ringleader. Yet here he was looking into his full-length mirror and trying to make the clip-on bowtie look presentable. Alastor sighed and his stomach turned as he remembered the events that led up to the magical mishap that landed him in his predicament.
~24 Hours Earlier~
After the battle with Adam and Heaven, Lucifer moved into the hotel to start the process of bonding with his daughter. Alastor was forced to suffer the King of Hell’s presence on a near daily basis. The power dynamics of everything shifted as the two Alpha Males continuously fought and bickered for dominance. Neither Alastor nor Lucifer were built to back down. One was a powerful overlord demon with cannibalistic and near psychopathic tendencies. The other was the King of Hell.
Alastor knew Lucifer’s powers were significantly stronger than his own. The King of Hell could rip his soul apart without much thought or effort. Lucifer knew he couldn’t just destroy the demon because Alastor had somehow managed to ingratiate himself into his daughter’s life enough for that course of action to damage any progress of repairing their relationship. So, the two of them fell into a constant one-upmanship feud that no one enjoyed.
Lucifer was sitting in the lobby with Charlie as they went over the details of her plans for marketing the hotel when the front doors flung open with Alastor and Frank entering with shopping bags of food.
“Alastor. Hey, where have you been all morning?” Lucifer’s tone sounded displeased, but Alastor had no idea what reason there was to be so.
Alastor looked at the shopping bags in his arms then back to Lucifer.
“Oh Lucifer”, his radio filter seemed an octave lower than usual as he continued to walk towards the hotel’s kitchen. “If I were prone to sarcasm, I’d say I was out pulling off a heist at the museum of agriculture.” He shook his head to signal his disappointment at Lucifer’s lack of observation skills.
Lucifer’s hands clenched, but he counted to ten as Charlie had taught them all in one of her group sessions. “I meant, Golly, Alastor, you’ve been gone a long time.”
“Ah, yes. I was waylaid at the store by a lower demon who wanted to fight to the death. I realize now that he never said he wanted to fight to the death, but we fought and he’s dead. Sorry, mother hen, I didn’t think to ask before I left if I had a curfew.”
“Ugh. Why is he like this?” Lucifer growled out before standing and following Alastor to the kitchen. “Aggrevating asshole.”
“Dad. Calm down. You know you don’t always have to take the bait he lays down, don’t you?”
“No, Charlie. I can’t just take his shit and calm down. He can’t always talk back to me the way he does.”
“Well, at some point one of you will have to decide to be the bigger man.” She made the statement as they entered the kitchen.
Alastor turned to Charlie and looked at her father. “I’m guessing that will have to be me, my dear. As he will never be able to be the bigger man in this scenario.” A soft laugh track emitted through Alastor’s staff and that was enough to get Lucifer riled up.
He unfurled his wings, the horns on his head appeared and the fire in his eyes glared at Alastor as he lunged for him. His advance was slowed by a demonic tentacle that he pushed away. He balled up his fist to punch Alastor in the face, but the demon disappeared only to reappear behind him. Alastor pushed him and he almost fell from the contact. Using his wings to steady himself, he turned and grabbed at Alastor. Once again, he disappeared in smoke and Lucifer again made no contact.
Charlie watched her dad as he became infuriated at Alastor. There wasn’t anything she could do to stop them.
Alastor had transported himself to the outdoor garden on the other side of the kitchen’s door and waved his fingers at Lucifer.
Lucifer portaled himself to Alastor. The demon kept dodging and running from Lucifer. It wasn’t like his powers could do anything to hurt Lucifer or even stop him from his tirade. The only thing Alastor could do was keep out of his reach. Suddenly, Lucifer clapped his hands and a powerful shockwave rushed Alastor and knocked him down.
Lucifer stalked up to Alastor as the demon was down covering his ears. Lucifer fisted his hands into Alastor’s vest and pulled him off the ground.
Charlie ran to the garden and yelled. “Stop. Both of you! You’re acting like children when you’re supposed to be the figureheads of this hotel!”
Lucifer put away his wings and the fire went out. He still had a hold on Alastor, who made no effort to fight him off.
“I want… no NEED you two to start cooperating and work through this shit.”
Lucifer took a deep breath and released Alastor. Alastor pulled at his clothes to undo the wrinkles left behind.
“Thank you, sire, for unhanding me.”
Lucifer was still seething slightly but managed to reply. “For Charlie. No other reason.”
“Understood, Your Highness.” To Lucifer, it sounded as if Alastor was mocking him.
“Goodness, you two. Just stow your crap.”
Lucifer and Charlie left the garden and the kitchen area. Alastor returned to his task of putting away the food.
+++++
Just as Charlie and Lucifer rounded the corner to the dining room, Charlie grabbed her father’s jacket sleeve and turned him to face her. She was still upset with him.
“Dad. Please try and figure a way to be civil with Alastor. Neither of you are going anywhere and I want the two of you to be able to work together.”
Lucifer sighed. He really wanted to be able to do as Charlie asked. “I don’t know what makes that demon tick, sweetie. He’s probably got a screw loose somewhere or has even deeper issues than being a cruel overlord.”
“Well, you won’t know until you stop fighting each other. Alastor will be making dinner tonight. I want you help him. Peacefully. With no arguments.”
“Duckling… Okay. I. Will. Try. Cooking isn’t really a skill I possess, though.”
“All you have to do is try.” She pressed a kiss to his cheek, and he instantly felt like he could almost work beside the Radio Demon tonight. “I’ll go let Alastor know to expect you.”
Ugh. Lucifer sank into the nearest chair. He had to figure out how to work with the tacky asshole enough to get dinner made.
+++++
Alastor had agreed to Charlie’s terms for letting Lucifer help in the kitchen. Just barely. In return he wanted her to go into Cannibal Town later this week to get a special cut of meat for him from Rosie’s. He certainly didn’t need Charlie to do his errand for him. He wanted to see her squirm a little carrying the fresh meat. After all, surely he and Lucifer could tone it down enough to get dinner out to everyone.
When Lucifer finally made his appearance, dressed in his jacket and hat, Alastor sighed.
“Okay, sire. Firstly, we need some ground rules. You are here to assist me, not get the way. Agreed?”
Lucifer cleared his throat. “Yes.”
“Good. Now take off the hat and jacket. Neither of those are needed for what we’re gonna be doing in here.”
Lucifer noticed that the Radio Demon had removed his own jacket and had rolled his sleeves up.
“Okay.” Sounded simple enough. He snapped his fingers and his jacket, hat and staff disappeared. “So. What will we be making?”
“Thought we’d keep it simple tonight. Creole Stuffed Peppers with Bread Pudding for dessert.”
“Hmm. Oookay. I’m ready to help.” He looked around the kitchen to get an idea of what was laid out. “So, where’s the deep fryer?”
“The what now?” Alastor looked perplexed at the question. “For what would we need a deep fryer?”
“Anything? Everything? Isn’t it something you can cook everything in?”
“Are you kidding me right now?”
It was Lucifer’s turn to look confused. “Haha. Maybe? It’s really the only appliance I know how to use.”
“Dear me. Before things get out of hand, I need you to leave.” Alastor knew not allowing Lucifer to help as Charlie demanded would mean he’d miss out on some entertainment later, but he simply could not work with someone with no skills in the kitchen. “Please leave, sire.”
“Wha-? Why? I just got here.”
“Do you have any kitchen skills?”
The smile on Alastor’s face itched against Lucifer’s skin now. He felt the temper from earlier rising with the demon’s “No. Can’t you teach me enough to be able to help?”
“If I had known you had no skills, I would have asked for you to be here sooner to go through the basics. As it is, I have no time to babysit you.”
Lucifer growled and lunged at Alastor. A satisfied smile on his face when the demon thumped to the floor. “Weren’t expecting that, were you?”
“Certainly not. As we both promised Charlie to behave enough to make this dinner. Guess you just couldn’t handle your temper long enough for even that?”
“Stop this. You don’t get to talk to me like this. I’m the King of Hell, Charlie’s father and I could rip you apart with slightest of ease.”
Lucifer swung at Alastor and in doing so caused the food laid on the counter to drop to the floor and the pans to crash down.
“I know who you are Your Majesty. If I am as aggravating as you say, then go ahead… kill me. I’m sure Charlie will understand once you let her know you had no choice.”
Lucifer’s eye twitched and he rammed the demon’s head to the floor. Hard. Alastor swung a leg out from under Lucifer and swung the king off him and into the wall. The plaster cracked.
+++++
Charlie was in the lobby with Vaggie. She wanted to be near the kitchen just in case. When there came a clatter from the kitchen she cursed and ran to through the door. She watched as her father and Alastor rolled on the floor, knocking food and pans around. It was a scene of chaos and confusion. There were wings, feathers, tentacles, and what looked like brimstone swirling around the room.
She took in a long breath and yelled. “ENOUGH!”
Suddenly everything stopped and the two men looked up at her. They both were covered with food and dust. Red and gold blood had splattered onto their clothes.
Charlie looked to be on the verge of tears. “Neither of you could behave for one night?” Alastor and Lucifer stood up and dusted themselves off. Each of them fixed themselves to look as if nothing had transpired.
“Alastor, I relieve you from dinner tonight. I’ll ask Angel to pick up something.”
“Yes, dear.”
“Dad. Come with me, please.” Lucifer knew she wasn’t asking.
Alastor started clearing the mess. “I’ll pick up here and then retire to my rooms.”
Charlie simply nodded to acknowledge him and walked out with Lucifer.
“Come on Dad. What the fuck?”
Lucifer ran a hand through his hair. He knew he, they, had fucked up. “I’m so sorry, sweetie. I did try. He’s just insufferable. His attitude sucks and he’s just plain disrespectful.”
“Dad. There must be something else. Alastor is one of the most well-mannered polite demons I know. I know he’s creepy and can be a jerk at times, but he’s trying to help me with all of this.”
“I don’t know. He just has the most unnerving ways to get under my skin.”
“I thought you could do better. I’ve got to ask Angel to go get dinner.”
+++++
Later that evening, Charlie was in bed with Vaggie and still mad at both Alastor and her dad. “I don’t know what else to do, Vaggie. I really thought by now they could get past their attitudes and work together.”
“Maybe Angel’s statement about them getting laid might help.” She brushed a hand against Charlie’s face.
“Haha. Well Dad’s been isolated since mom left. I don’t want to even think about whether he’s had sex since then. And I really don’t want to think about Alastor’s personal life.”
“Ew. Right? Honey, they’re grown demons. They need to figure themselves out. You need to sleep. Maybe things will look better in the morning.”
“I don’t know, Vaggie. I hope you’re right.” Charlie turned off their room’s light and snuggled into Vaggie. “I just wish they could both find the good in each other and understand each other a little.”
Both had their eyes closed. If Vaggie had snuck her eyes open at that moment, she would have seen a golden light leave her girlfriend and fly out of their room.
Alastor had decided to forego dinner with everyone after his debacle with Lucifer. He grinned at himself satisfied in knowing he hadn’t started the latest fight. Lucifer needed a good ribbing to come to grips with himself. Hell’s ruler shouldn’t be so sensitive. He removed his monocle and settled into bed for the night. Maybe he’ll figure out something to try and make amends… to Charlie. Lucifer needed to work on himself.
Lucifer paced around his own room. He really screwed up this time. He really didn’t want to keep fighting Alastor, but the demon just always managed to raise his hackles. He really needed to work on his self-control. He thought maybe his recent deep depression and needed protectiveness of Charlie were to blame for his reactions to the Radio Demon. He climbed into bed and closed his eyes. More apologizing and extra work was in store for the morning.
Both Alastor and Lucifer crossed in each other’s minds during the night. When Charlie’s magic split in the hallway and entered both rooms, it surrounded the two men and entered their bodies.