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All he could think about was getting off.
It was an ache in him so deep that it eclipsed his need for food, water, or sunlight. Right about now, he’d trade them all for a chance at the release he was seeking. Do anything to be rid of this fire lapping at his heels.
Anything but what was asked of him.
The days blurred together. He had no natural light down here, in this windowless bedroom in the basement of the Siren’s Song, and no way to tell when day passed into night and night into day again. The only marker of time were the Madam’s visits, which he suspected to occur daily. She swept into the small bedroom he was kept in and asked him a single question, “Are you ready to submit?”
If his theory was correct, it’d been nine days since he was captured. Nine days. Long enough for someone to notice that he’d gone radio silent, but not long enough for anyone to grow genuinely concerned. If help was coming, it wasn’t on its way yet. How much longer would it take? How much longer could he hold out?
The answer was not long enough.
When the Madam first brought him here, he’d been willful and arrogant, snarling back at her like a wild dog.
“It’s an aphrodisiac of sorts,” she explained as a guard injected a translucent liquid into his neck while another held him in place on his knees, hands cuffed behind his back.
Rumors had been circulating in the Mid-Rim about a secret bioweapon project the Empire was trying to bury, and Cassian was sent on an assignment to collect intel and get to the bottom of it. Siren’s Song, a popular brothel in the system, and its madam, Lucenia Calusa, seemed to be the key, or at least, a key to finding out more.
So naturally, Lieutenant Castor Thane did everything in his position to get as close to her as possible.
That was why she was doing this, he suspected. Infiltrating her business, spying on her, stealing her secrets, that was one thing. But seducing her was a step too far that she seemed to take rather personally.
“In small doses, it acts as a performance enhancer,” Lucenia continued, circling him like a predator stalking its prey. “Boosts your stamina, increases your libido. In larger doses, however… Well. You’ll see.” She patted his cheek, a condescending smile curling on her blood-red lips as she gazed down at him kneeling on the floor. “You’ll be begging me for release.”
Cassian stayed quiet, but the burn of hatred in his gaze spoke volumes. The Madam chuckled.
“Oh, don’t be like that. We had some good times, didn’t we?”
“I’d rather have fucked a cactus,” he hissed. Her lips twitched, a little thorn in her seamless facade, but she didn’t react to the insult otherwise. Almost as stony-faced and dead-eyed as he was.
“You’ll break,” she promised before swishing out of the room. “They all do.”
The next day, he told her to go fuck herself, and she had him dosed again. The third day, he stayed silent while she circled him, squeezing his eyes shut and breathing through his nose when she stroked his hair. Never more than that. She could have done whatever she wanted to him, and he knew, but it wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted the satisfaction of breaking him; a conscious surrender. She wanted him on his knees, begging for a touch of her hands.
And after the drug had cleared, and the shame had set in, he would have no one to hate more than himself.
But Cassian stood his ground, even as his breathing got heavier from the light graze, even as his cock twitched in his pants, thick and swollen and demanding attention. He resisted even as he began to feel feverish from the lust. He would not give her the satisfaction.
However, he was quickly losing the battle in his own head.
Though he was allowed to roam freely in the small room, his hands remained cuffed behind his back, leaving him incapable of touching himself no matter how badly he craved it. A special kind of torture as the days passed, and the doses kept coming, the drug in his veins fueling him to new heights of lust he hadn’t known existed.
On what might have been the sixth day, the Madam came in to find him lying on his stomach and rutting against the bed in desperation. He’d already come twice in his pants before she interrupted, but it didn’t seem to be enough. The drug sang in his veins like the siren this place was named after, demanding gratification he could not reach. The relief lasted for merely a few seconds before he would be hard again. He wasn’t sure if it was his dosage, or the lack of human touch, but nothing he did was enough, and he was starting to lose his mind.
The Madam tsked in disappointment and had him bound to the headrest instead. Cassian felt too feverish to even resist. If they ever gave him an opening to take a swing and escape, it didn’t matter. He could not focus. Could not move anymore. He could do nothing but pant harshly as he helplessly lifted his hips and thrust into nothing.
“You paint such a pretty picture, Castor,” the Madam said, her gaze sweeping across his figure, from his messy hair, flushed cheeks, wide-blown eyes, to his shirt dripping with sweat and his cock pitching a tent in his stained pants. “I’ve so scarcely had such a handsome man tied up in this room at my disposal.” Lucenia stepped closer, her heels clicking on the ground. “You only have to say the words, and all this will be over. I’ll make you come so hard, you’ll forget your own name.”
His vision went white as he imagined the scene, unable to stop a pathetically desperate moan falling from his lips. And if he just said yes? Who would even know? He’d already slept with her, what was one more time? He could end this, he could be free —
No. Snap out of it. Cold shivers wracked his body, his breathing harsh in his ear. Cassian closed his eyes, taking deep breaths as he tried to remember himself. He wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of breaking him. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want her.
For a moment, a pair of warm green eyes swam before him, but he shook that off too. Thinking about her would only make this worse.
“The answer’s no,” Cassian just barely managed to wheeze out, blinking his eyes open to peer at Lucenia. Her lips curled in disappointment, but she wheeled around and marched out without a word.
Time lost meaning after that as he swam in and out of consciousness. His dreams gave him no reprise, haunting him with images of soft, naked flesh, star-freckled eyes, lips that kissed his own, hands that caressed his skin… He yanked himself awake with a gasp, his cock burning and straining against his stomach, so swollen and sensitive that it was a wonder the brush of his pants alone didn’t make him come.
He began to wonder (hope) that if he held on long enough, the drug would kill him. The fever surely would. Aphrodisiac or not, his human biology would catch up to him eventually. He’d give it a day or two at most. He can make it that long…
But the Madam was clearly getting frustrated, and he wasn’t quite sure if she’d rather let him die untouched, or admit defeat and take what she wanted from him regardless. Cassian knew, much as he loathed himself for it, that all it would take was a kiss, and he’d lose himself. He wouldn’t resist her, not while the drug was still wreaking havoc in his body, and he feared that outcome far more than death.
“He’s held out longer than anyone,” Cassian heard one of the guards say outside his door. The voices streamed in, muffled, like they were coming from underwater. Or maybe that was just the fever.
“You think he’ll make it another day?” his companion asked.
“Nah.” The first guard sounded dismissive. “It ends today. I guarantee it.”
“I’ll take you up on that bet.”
Cassian tuned out the rest of the conversation.
It felt like only a few minutes passed before the Madam entered the room, but it may have been hours for all he knew. Cassian sat bound to the bed, sagging on himself, his head hanging low, a bead of sweat dripping into his eyes. His heart had been racing too fast for too long, the drug thrumming in his veins, begging for mercy.
The guards weren’t wrong. He had the distinct feeling that this was the last time, one way or another.
Lifting his head just enough to look at Lucenia, he curled his mouth into a snarl at the sight of her, the last bastion standing against the siege. A pathetically weak attempt to rebuff her. The Madam’s lips curled in amusement.
“We’ve danced long enough, Castor. Surrender yourself,” she said in a silky voice that made his dick twitch in his pants. He remembered her saying his name like that when he’d been buried deep inside her.
That’s the drug talking, Cassian reminded himself. It’s not even your real name. But rationality was quickly losing ground to the overwhelming, all-encompassing, paralyzing wave of lust washing over him. A look could set him on fire. A touch may actually kill him. The thread of his self-control was wearing thin, pulled taut, and ready to snap. It only needed the slightest of pressures…
The Madam reached out and caressed his cheek, Cassian’s eyes fluttering closed at the contact. Her cool fingertips felt so good on his feverish skin that he may have moaned. Everything but the base-level need for relief fled his mind.
“Just say the words. Say I’m ready to submit.”
“I’m —”
A thunderous boom shook the ground beneath them, cutting off the words he was about to say. In a moment of clarity, Cassian’s eyes snapped open, and the drug almost seemed to quieten as his gaze fell on the door.
That sounded like an explosion. And not far away.
Chaos broke out outside. Lucenia snapped her head towards the noise, listening with quiet intensity as the sounds of blaster fire, yells for backup, and screams of pain eventually faded into nothing but an eerie silence. Then she grabbed a vibroblade from her boots and held it against his throat just a few seconds before the door blew open.
From the smoke emerged Jyn Erso, blaster in her hand, a cut on her cheek, blood spatter on her face, and a dangerous glint in her eyes. She looked feral and blood-thirsty and merciless, painting the image of an ancient warrior goddess who’d just stepped out of a holo-movie. She was death incarnate, the last thing men saw before they died.
He may have moaned aloud, but if either of the women heard, neither cared enough to look at him.
“Hi,” Jyn snarled, training her blaster at the Madam’s head who pressed the blade harder against his throat.
Her ice-cold expression never wavered, but Cassian liked to think he could see a glimmer of fear in her eyes as she stared Jyn down.
“Think very carefully about your next move,” Lucenia warned.
Jyn’s eyes darted to him for the first time, flickering with uncertainty for a split second. Do it, Cassian begged her, hoping she could read what he was trying to tell her. Take the shot.
Her face hardened with determination, and before the Madam even had the chance to blink, Jyn shot.
The blade around his throat fell away as the Madam’s body crumpled to the floor with a thud. A single blaster wound right between her eyes. Cassian stared for a second, strangely numb, and all he could think was, ‘The guards were right after all’.
Jyn wasted no time, tucking her blaster into its holster before she rushed to him and reached for the stun cuffs around his wrists. Cassian flinched, shying away from her touch. No no no no no no.
Now that the shock of adrenaline was wearing away, and her warmth and scent and presence were taking root in his brain, desire awakened like a hungry beast in his belly. The drug felt like a living thing, sizzling in his veins, whispering all sorts of nasty things in his ear. He wanted to turn his head and bury his face in her neck, kiss it, grab her hips and pull her down on him, grind against her…
Karking hells, she had to get away from him, as soon as possible. If the drug was a temptation when the Madam had been standing close to him, it was now damn near impossible not to break down and beg Jyn to fuck him.
If his hands were free, he had no idea what he would do.
“Don’t — don’t uncuff me,” Cassian gasped, short of breath. Jyn blinked in confusion, but she did stop and pull back to look at him properly.
“What? Why not?”
He wondered what she saw when she looked at him, flushed, sweaty, and panting like he’d just run a marathon. Not to mention his dick standing at attention. There was no way she missed that little detail, but he couldn’t blame her for trying to act first and ask questions later.
“Because I — I don’t think I’ll be able to stop myself from jerking off.” A half-truth, at best. He couldn’t lie to her entirely, but he couldn’t very well say, ‘Because I don’t think I’ll be able to stop myself from grabbing and kissing you’ either.
Jyn was silent for a long time. She took in his appearance, then the room they were in — not a dirty, dank jail cell, rather a small, but finely decorated bedroom — before finally settling on the woman lying dead at her feet.
“What did she do to you?” she said slowly, her voice like the edge of a blade. It wasn’t directed at him, he knew, but he still flinched, shame churning in his belly like spoiled milk.
“It’s a drug,” he began without looking at her, carefully keeping his eyes somewhere on the edge of the bed. “It enhances sexual desire.”
He didn’t have to say anything else. The state of him, bound to the bed, painted a clear enough picture.
“Did she touch you?” she asked, very obviously struggling to keep her voice even. She tried, for his sake, no doubt, but there was a quiver of fury she couldn’t hide.
“No. She wanted me to surrender willingly.” Like a coward, he chose to omit the fact that he’d been just about to give in when she burst in like a tornado on legs. This was humiliating enough.
He heard Jyn exhale a long sigh. “Okay,” she said, a little steadier, though she still sounded like she was trying really hard to remain calm and collected. “So maybe you should jerk off. Could help the drug clear out of your system faster, right?”
He squeezed his eyes shut again, a pained grimace on his face. “It doesn’t help.” He’d do it, of course, because he wouldn’t be able to help himself, but the few times he came grinding against the bedsheets were proof enough that nothing beyond another person’s touch would help him find relief.
… If even that. He had no idea how this worked; Lucenia didn’t really give him a step-by-step. She’d had him dosed so many times that he didn’t know what to expect anymore.
Jyn’s silence lingered heavily in the air. Without even looking at her, he felt the tension in her body, and he hated that he was the cause of that. But he had to be honest, had to make her see that she would be better off as far away from him as possible. He knew she would knock him on his ass faster than he could blink if it came to that, but he wasn’t in his right state of mind, and he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he tried to hurt her.
He wanted her too much, had been pining for too long. She was the star of every single fantasy he’d had before this ordeal and every single dream that haunted him during it. The want, the need, the drug – the sight of her – was driving him mad. But he would sooner die than put the weight of his feelings on her shoulders.
When he finally opened his eyes, Jyn was watching with a contemplative look that he didn’t like at all. She glanced around, eyeing the door she’d blasted open, but all was silent outside. The basement was soundproof, and nobody but the Madam and a few select guards had the clearance to enter. All of whom Jyn had just killed. It meant they were safe for now, but sooner or later, someone would notice Lucenia’s absence and come looking.
Which was why Jyn had to go.
Instead, she pulled out her comm unit and held it to her lips. “Bodhi? We’ll be a little late.”
A crackle came on the other end, but she shut it off without waiting for a response, Bodhi’s voice lost to the silence that followed. Wordlessly, Jyn leaned down to grab the Madam’s body by her legs and dragged her out of the room. When she returned, she unbuckled her holster and shrugged out of her jacket, throwing both on the armchair by the bed. Cassian watched, his growing sense of dread warring with the desire coursing through his veins at the sight of Jyn removing articles of clothing.
He wanted to watch her undress until she stood bare before him, kiss every inch of her body before throwing her on the bed, pushing deep inside her —
Fuck.
Cassian squeezed his eyes shut, but the images wouldn’t leave his brain. Would she be vocal? Would she moan his name? Drag her fingernails down his back as he hiked her leg higher on his waist, slid in deeper… Kiss his neck, tug on his hair, whisper filth in his ear?
“Cassian?” Her voice pulled him out of his head, and shame washed over him as he realized he’d been so lost in the fantasy of fucking her into the mattress that he’d completely forgotten she was still watching him. Had he moaned aloud again? Stars, what must she think of him, in such a pitiful, pathetic state, unable to control his own body. “What do you need?”
On the surface, it was an innocent enough question, but Cassian had heard her tell Bodhi that they would be late, had watched her take off her holster and jacket. The hard set of her mouth told him she was expecting a fight, but her face was determined, ready to argue her points, and he knew exactly what she was offering.
He began to rapidly shake his head, his breath coming in short, frantic bursts. “No. No, no, no, I can’t. I can’t. Just leave me here.”
“Leave you here?!” By the outrage in her voice, you’d think he suggested turning coat on the rebellion. “I just killed seven people for you! Leaving you here is not an option.” She pointed a finger at him, her eyes ablaze with that fire he’d been drawn to since the very beginning. “And you’re clearly not well. So,” she enunciated, quirking her eyebrows. “What do you need?”
He shook his head again, though his blood was singing in his veins, begging him to give in. She’s willing — Shut the fuck up, he snarled back at himself.
“You don’t know what you’re offering.”
She rolled her eyes at him. “I’m not a blushing virgin, Cassian, I get the picture. I’ve fucked men less appealing than you.”
His throat went very dry at those words, but he didn’t have time to unpack that.
“I’m your partner.”
“Exactly.” Her eyes bore into his, staring into his soul like she could break down his resolve just by looking at him. Frankly, he wasn’t convinced she couldn’t. “You trust me, right? Because I trust you.”
Cassian swallowed. Force, she really was serious…
Of course she was. Jyn Erso did nothing by halves.
But it wasn’t an option for him. No, he would not put her in this position for his own selfish desires. Drug or not, he would not allow her. He would not.
“Jyn, I can’t live with myself if I make you do this.”
A shaky breath rattled in her chest, her lips twisting into a tight, humorless smile. “Okay,” she said, but it wasn’t an okay of acceptance. It was an ‘okay, I was expecting you to make this difficult’. “You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?”
Say what? Cassian didn’t have time to guess because Jyn took a seat on the edge of the bed, the curve of her ass almost brushing his leg, and his only coherent thought was ‘kriff, I want her so fucking bad.’
A shuddering breath escaped him, so focused on the closeness of her that he almost missed the beginning of what she was saying. “This isn’t how I imagined this would go, but if you need the truth, then so be it. The truth is that you’re not making me do anything I haven’t thought about for a long time.”
He blinked, his drug-addled brain trying to make sense of what she was saying.
“I want you,” Jyn continued, aggressively straightforward. It was probably the only way she knew to be vulnerable. “I have always wanted you.”
“I…”
He couldn’t take his eyes off her, breath stuck in his throat. Was she lying to butter him up? As soon as the thought crossed his mind, he knew she wouldn’t do that to him. No, Jyn wasn’t the liar out of the two of them, it was him. And looking at her now, her wide doe eyes and earnest expression, almost a little frightened of his reaction, he saw no trace of treachery on her face, not even a hint of embellishment or exaggeration.
As unfathomable as it was, Cassian knew deep in his bones that she was telling him the truth.
Jyn reached out, tentatively so he could stop her, gently caressing his cheek when no protest came. The Madam had done the same not so long ago, but the difference was night and day. Both felt like pouring gasoline on an already raging fire, but Lucenia had been condescending in her superiority, and Jyn was nothing but tender with her affection.
Cassian’s eyes fluttered closed, instinctively pressing his cheek into her hand, a small sound of contentment falling from his lips.
“Cassian,” she whispered. He could feel her gaze on his face as her thumb rubbed the line of his jaw. “Do you want me?”
His eyes opened, honoring her with the same honesty and openness she’d granted him. “Night and day,” he said, listening to her breath catch. “I dreamed of you every single day since I’ve been away.”
Jyn surged forward, their lips meeting in a deep, frenzied kiss that left him dizzy. It wasn’t just the drug and the need to be touched, it was her confession, her eagerness, it was kissing her that made him feel like his heart was going to skyrocket out of his chest. Because she wasn’t just anyone. She wasn’t just a warm body to satisfy his needs until the drug cleared out of his system; she was the woman he’d been longing for since Jedha, and he wanted to do this right. As right as this fucked up situation would allow them.
Jyn nibbled on his bottom lip, her hand sliding into his hair to scratch his scalp, and Cassian gasped into her mouth. Fuck, he could probably come from that alone if she kept it up. This was going to be his least impressive runtime since he lost his virginity, but he’d been edged for days, his cock throbbing painfully, the drug singing in his veins, and a beautiful woman he’d wanted for months kissing him like she’d wanted him for just as long. He never stood a chance here.
Was it true, had she wanted him all this time? Had she dreamed about it like he had? Had they just been circling each other, both too afraid to make a move? His hips hitched involuntarily at the thought, prompting Jyn to pull back and assess the state of him. Flushed, open-mouthed, panting, eyes dark with desire.
Slowly, she climbed into his lap, her legs on either side of him. The guttural groan that tore from his mouth was downright embarrassing. The heat and the weight of her were just as intoxicating as the drug in his blood, and stars, he was losing his mind. With single-minded intensity, he watched her face as she ran her hand along his cheek, then reached up to finally undo the stun cuffs around his wrists. As soon as his hands were free, Cassian reached for her like a man dying of thirst for a glass of water, utterly helpless to stop his baser urges.
Jyn didn’t complain. She moaned into his mouth, a willing participant as he pulled her in for another kiss, grabbed her hips, and ground his dick against her. Karking hell, the friction was incredible. He did it again, burying his head in her neck, and moaning loudly. Fuck, he needed to come, he wanted to come so badly. He was going to die.
“That’s it, keep going,” she whispered into his ear before closing her teeth around his earlobe and pulling a little. Cassian moaned, loud and uninhibited. The pressure inside him built steadily, his movements becoming wild and frantic, almost mindless in his pursuit of relief. Jyn carded her fingers through his hair, tugging on the strands. “Let go, Cassian.”
Fuck fuck fuck
Cassian shuddered, his entire body jerking as he spilled himself inside his pants. His grip on her tightened painfully so, thrusting one more time as a deep drawn-out moan rasped from his throat. Force, it was almost unpleasant, how violently he’d come, how long it seemed to go on. But once it passed, once the air returned to his lungs, he felt calmer than he had in days. Not quite calm… but calmer. With a final quivering breath, his body crumpled against her, his strength gone.
Jyn hummed, still brushing through his hair. “Better?”
“A little,” he admitted, because it certainly was. But to his horror, he could already feel his dick stirring again, the drug pumping more poison into his veins.
The relief would only last so long.
Jyn pulled back to frame his face with her hands and kissed him again, softer than before. Now, his cock definitely twitched, and with how closely they were pressed together, she had to have felt it. Shame warmed his cheeks. He’d just come, messy and undignified in his pants like a teenager, and here he was, already wanting more. It was mortifying.
But Jyn didn’t seem to mind. She rolled her hips, a smirk on her face when he groaned.
“Are you actually going to fuck me?” she asked quietly, their lips brushing as she spoke. Her gaze bore into his, eyes dark and pupils wide. The desire written across her face was plain as day, mirroring his own, and the heat radiating from her against his stirring cock only solidified that. She was probably wet already, Cassian thought with a weak inhale. He ached to get his hands on her, but a small part of him still hesitated.
“Are you sure?” he said. They could still stop. Coming in his pants wasn’t enough, and he’d known it wouldn’t be, but it was something. They didn’t need to go further, not for his sake.
“Yes,” she said, rolling her hips again to demonstrate her point. “How many more ways can I say it?”
Well, he wasn’t going to make her beg. Flipping them swiftly, Jyn landed on her back with a surprised huff and watched with dark eyes as he pulled his shirt over his head and pushed his pants down his legs. Her eyes roved across his bare chest with a hunger that sent tingles down his spine. Something primal in him purred with satisfaction.
This magnificent, strong, sexy woman wanted him. If it weren’t for the drug, he’d think this was a dream, because surely, it was more than he deserved.
Jyn’s eyes stopped below his waist, his now fully-hardened cock straining against his boxer briefs. Without fanfare, he grabbed and pushed it down his legs. He’d just come messily in his pants while grinding against her; there was no reason to be shy anymore.
“Fuck,” Jyn breathed, but something told him it wasn’t awe at his size. “You really need this…”
Cassian’s cheeks warmed again. His cock was red and swollen and weeping, all just from kissing her. She was right; he needed another orgasm more than he needed food or water. But he wouldn’t blame her for turning away now that she saw what a wreck he really was.
“Do you want me to stop?”
She rolled her eyes and pulled her top over her head before answering. “I want you to stop asking that.”
His mouth ran dry, her words barely registering as his gaze was drawn to her bare chest. Fuck, she looked incredible. Toned muscle, strong forearms, perfect round breasts… A litany of scars scattered her torso, but he found them beautiful. A part of her, as anything else, proudly displaying to the world that she was a survivor through and through. Instinctively, he reached out, running his fingertip across a scar that ran from the underside of her breast to her hip. Jyn swallowed, watching him intensely. A little apprehensively.
As if he’d think anything other than how sexy she was.
“You’re beautiful.”
He could tell she was going to say something to downplay the compliment or make a joke of it, so he slid his hand higher on her stomach until he cupped her breast and twisted her nipple. Jyn let out a small gasp, her hips hitching a little bit. Emboldened by her reaction, he replaced his hand with his mouth, reaching to play with her other breast as he licked and sucked at her nipple. His cock was pulsing painfully now, begging for more friction, but he was content just like this, rutting against the mattress while he devoured every part of her.
“Cassian,” she gasped, pushing a little his shoulders. She was breathless, her cheeks flushed, her eyes half-lidded. “As nice as this is, we don’t have time for foreplay. Just get inside me.”
She was probably right. Still, as he pulled himself up to kiss her, he promised, “Next time, I’m going to eat you out until you scream.”
“Nice promises, Casanova.”
Oh, it was a promise alright. One he’ll happily deliver on, if she let him.
Cassian dragged her pants and underwear down her hips in one fell swoop, then faltered for a second to stare at her. Her legs fell open, and his mouth watered. Fuck, what he wouldn’t do to get his mouth on her right now…
When he looked up, Jyn was smirking at him like she knew what he was thinking. She probably did. He let out a small huff.
“Next time,” he promised again, before grabbing his cock and lining himself up at her entrance. He paused, catching her gaze, but she quirked her eyebrows, silently daring him to ask again if she was sure. She’d probably deck him if he did.
But that would be a little hot, wouldn’t it?
He didn’t ask. Cassian slid inside her and tried not to come instantly, overwhelmed by her tight, wet heat. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.
It was better than anything he could have ever imagined, because it was her, and he probably loved her, and probably would for the rest of his life. Jyn wrapped her legs around his waist as he leaned down to bury his head in her neck, taking a moment to breathe. He wasn’t sure how long he could last, but he wanted her to come with him this time. And that wouldn’t happen if he burst inside her after two pumps. Terrible first impression to make in bed.
Jyn waited patiently, playing with his hair until he somewhat got his breathing under control. Kriff, he didn’t deserve this woman or her understanding, but he was selfish and greedy, and he’d do anything to keep her.
“All good?” she asked when he lifted his head and pressed a kiss against her lips.
“Just trying not to embarrass myself,” he huffed out a laugh with a hint of self-deprecation. She gave him a stern look.
“That’s not an option with me.”
He had about a dozen replies on his tongue to that, and none of them would please her. So instead, he kissed her again, longer and deeper, and began to move. Slow, steady, powerful thrusts at first that had her panting into his mouth in a way he really liked. And as he began to fuck her faster and harder, her noises grew louder. Staccato little moans, rising in pitch, spurring him on. Fuck, she sounded so good, so hot, so perfect, and it was all because of him, for him —
“Force, you feel good,” she rasped, and it nearly broke him. He wouldn’t last much longer. Without taking his eyes off her, he reached down and began to furiously rub her clit. A breathy moan tore from her throat.
“Wanted you like this for so long,” he said, his voice nothing more than a wheeze. “So much. Fuck, Jyn… Please, fuck, come for me.”
She squeezed her eyes shut, her body going taut under him as she came with a soundless gasp, and that was all it took for him. The sight of her open-mouthed bliss sent him careening over the edge as well. With one last thrust and a guttural groan, he spilled himself inside her, then collapsed on top of her.
“Oof,” Jyn groaned, so he somehow found the strength to roll off her. But she grabbed after him, scooting closer and resting her head on his shoulder. “No, don’t go far.”
Never, he thought. Not as long as you want me around.
For a few seconds or minutes, they lay there in silence, holding each other close. She drew indistinguishable patterns on his chest as he played with the ends of her hair, content to just listen to her breathe, even as he eventually felt his cock stir again. Force damn it…
When Jyn noticed, her eyes went a little wide in surprise. “Damn. Again?”
“Sorry,” he muttered sheepishly. He’d hoped fucking her would be enough, but a part of him suspected it wouldn’t be. The drug had starved him for too long, too much, to be satisfied by coming twice.
“Don’t apologize,” she told him, leaning up to press a kiss against his lips. “I want you to take whatever you need from me.”
Cassian pushed her onto her back, one of his hands sneaking down between her thighs to rub her clit. It didn’t take long before she was wet again, bucking against him to seek more friction. He pushed a finger inside her, watching with fascination as Jyn let out a small whimper and pushed her hips into his hand. Fuck, she was so hot. He was painfully hard again.
But he ignored his dick which strained to be inside her again, working Jyn until she was gasping and squirming under his hand, seeking release. Force, he felt high on power, watching that half-lidded, blissed out look on her face. If he could have her like this every day, every night…
“I’m gonna make you come,” he told her, earning himself another small whimper. “And then I’m going to flip you on your stomach and fuck you from behind. You’re good with that?”
“Please.” It slipped from her without thinking, and fuck if that wasn’t the sexiest thing he’d ever heard. Cassian groaned.
“Say that again,” he nearly begged, earning himself a half-hearted glare, though it was undermined by the blush spreading across her cheeks and chest. He curled his fingers until she let out a whine. “Please say that again.”
“Please,” she whispered, and then seemingly emboldened by his answering moan, she went on, “Please, Cassian, please, I wanna come.”
“Fuck,” he gasped, thrusting against the mattress. It was a miracle he didn’t come again just from the sound of her voice begging him to come; though if this had been two orgasms ago, he was pretty sure he would have.
He sped up his pace and continued pumping his fingers in and out of her until she was coming all over his hand with a shout, her hips rising off the bed, her legs shaking. Small little whimpers were still falling from her lips as he pulled away and flipped her on her stomach like he promised, lifting her hips and pulling her to her knees. She let him, though her upper half remained slumped on the bed, her face buried in the sheets, no energy to support herself, it seemed.
Cassian rubbed himself between her ass cheeks a couple of times before grabbing his cock and guiding it inside her. She was still dripping from her orgasm, and fuck, he could go deeper than he had the first time. It was intoxicating to listen to her gasp as he filled her up to the brim, pushing deeper and deeper until he bottomed out. Jyn let out a series of whimpers, clenching around him. The sight of her was something to behold, open-mouthed, clutching the sheets in a death grip, her hair a sweaty mess falling into her face, her eyes half-lidded and hazed over like she was just as intoxicated as he was. He was throbbing so hard, his dick practically pulsated inside her.
Fuck, he had never ever felt like this.
Slowly, he began to move, thrusting into her with slow but deep strokes. Jyn, who seemed like she’d never quite come down from her previous orgasm, over-simulated and overly-sensitive, began to mewl with every thrust, her eyes shut tight as she lost herself in the sensations. Holding onto her hips with one hand, he ran his other across the bare surface of her back, wanting to touch her everywhere he could. Leaning down, he pressed a brief kiss between her shoulder blades and gave her a hard thrust. Jyn gasped. From her position, she couldn’t really do much but meet his pace and let him fuck her however he wanted, and it was a heady, powerful feeling, but it also spoke of the trust she’d placed in his hands.
She was no blushing virgin, to echo her earlier words, but he couldn’t imagine she’d granted many the privilege of having her on her stomach in such a vulnerable position.
His hips stuttered a little, a groan tearing from his throat, before he gradually began to pick up his pace, fucking into her harder and faster.
“Karking hells,” he panted, grabbing onto her hips with both hands now, holding her in place as he drove into her again and again. “Fuck, I’m going to come in you so hard.”
Her only answer was a high-pitched moan of what might have been his name. Her legs began to shake, her breath coming in short, staccato gasps, and he knew she was just as close as he was, so he redoubled his efforts and practically begged her, “Jyn, Jyn, Jyn, come for me, come for me, pretty girl.”
She did with a wail that made him very glad this level was soundproof, and he spilled himself inside her with such force that his vision went white for a good second. Oh, sweet skies…
Cassian pulled out of her when his brain finished rebooting, her legs collapsing now that he was no longer holding her up. He fell onto the bed next to her, still breathing like he’d been running from a wampa, his heart pounding like it wanted to jump out of his chest, and his limbs pleasantly limp like jello.
With what looked like a great effort, Jyn rolled onto her back and gave him a level look. “You call me pretty girl outside of bed, and I’ll kill you.”
He snorted, a sickeningly fond smile pulling at his lips. “I know.”
Jyn was completely fucked out, but she made him come twice more with her hands and mouth before Cassian finally deemed himself stable enough to get dressed and leave that forsaken place without getting a hard-on again. The poison in his body was dwindling, slower-acting, but not completely gone from his system yet.
He could barely look Bodhi in the eye when they entered the ship, hurrying off to his cabin to change without giving an explanation. He had no idea what Jyn told him, but she appeared not much later, inquiring about how he felt and if he needed anything. And he hated to admit it, but he had been growing hard again.
He fucked her three more times on the ship before he could finally say he was clean, then fell into a dreamless slumber at last.
Back on base, Draven had all sorts of questions for him that Cassian was somewhat reluctant to answer; not because he was embarrassed, no. He could sit there, unflinchingly, and tell Intelligence Command with a blank face that he’d been tied to a bed with a hard-on for roughly nine days, but he knew how these things went. Mandated therapy, at least four sessions before he would be cleared for field duty again. His own personal brand of hell.
Non-negotiable, Draven had said. Some part of Cassian recognized it as a sign that the man gave a shit about his well-being, but Draven had to have known that Cassian would rather be back in that room with the Madam than be psychoanalyzed by some medic with a clipboard and the false belief that they could help him. It was all for show, anyway. The Alliance couldn’t afford to pull agents from the field for too long; he’d get his clearance after the four sessions were done even if he just sat there for the entire time and said nothing. (Speaking from experience.)
Worst of all, among the debriefs and paperwork and medical examinations, Jyn had slipped through the cracks and didn’t cross his path until a few days later when she buzzed on his intercom late into the night.
“Can we talk?” she said as soon as the door swished open, almost like she had to get the words out before she changed her mind.
Cassian nodded for her to come in, withholding a sigh. His stomach twisted with nerves, though he tried his best not to let it show. Gone was his certainty from days ago; the distance had allowed old fears to resurface. This was the part he was dreading. The part where she’d tell him it had been a mistake, or a lie for his benefit, or simply something she’d come to regret and hate him for. If Jyn truly had feelings for him before, had they ruined it? Was it a stain too ugly to wash off?
“I understand if you resent me,” he began quietly, his gaze on the floor. From the corner of his eyes, Jyn frowned.
“Resent you? Did you not mean what you said?”
“I meant everything.” The confession fell from his lips without hesitation like an ancient prayer to an old god. He glanced up, hoping she’d see the truth in his eyes. “But it’s not how it should have happened.”
Silently, she stared at him for a while, something unreadable in her expression as she scanned his face. Then she nodded. “You’re right. You should have never been in that position. But it’s not your fault. And I meant everything I said too.”
Cassian swallowed, his heartbeat picking up. His hand curled into a fist by his side to resist touching her. He wanted to reach out and pull her close, bury his face into her neck as her fingers played with his hair and her warmth seeped into his very bones. But he didn’t dare just yet, rooted to the spot, afraid to spook her away if he got too close.
“So where does that leave us?”
Jyn faltered, her mouth opening and closing as she took an awkward step forward, then stopped. Her hand twitched like she too was having trouble keeping it to herself. “I don’t know… how to do this. Or even what this is. But I’d like to… kiss you again when you’re ready. And until… I don’t know. I just like to be around you.”
Her cheeks gradually grew redder as she talked, stumbling across her words. Her gaze fell to the floor when she finished, throat moving as she swallowed. She was practically buzzing with nervous energy, and distantly, he thought it was ridiculous that they’d fucked nasty only a few days ago and could now barely admit that they liked each other. Ridiculous, but not at all surprising.
Heart in his throat, Cassian moved closer until their feet nearly touched. She didn’t look up, stubbornly watching the floor, so he tilted his head down towards her and whispered against her cheek, “Can I hug you?”
Jyn glanced up with hope in her eyes that nearly blinded him. Then her mouth curled into a tiny, almost shy smile. “Yeah. I’d like that.”
Cassian pulled her into his arms, and they stood there, for Force knows how long, clutching each other like two people at the end of the world about to meet their fates.
“We’ll figure it out. It’s gonna be fine,” she murmured, carding her fingers through his hair. He couldn’t remember the last time anyone had touched him so gently. With a shuddering breath, Cassian pressed his face harder into her neck. He wasn’t crying. No, he wouldn’t cry. But something stung at his eyes, making it harder to breathe.
“Stay,” he asked, begged her, almost desperately like a child crying for their parent. He’d never felt smaller; though in her arms, it felt like he was allowed. She’d keep him safe.
“I will,” she whispered in his ear, her voice carrying a thousand unspoken promises. “I’ll stay.”