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Minho had gotten kicked out three weeks before her eighteenth birthday. Her parents had caught her kissing her best friend and, long story short, told her that she was no longer their daughter if she chose "that lifestyle." After, naturally, her mom had screamed and wailed, and her dad had punched a hole in the wall. (The long story involved her parents calling her best friend's parents, resulting in her getting sent away to live with her aunt four hours away to finish her senior year, as well as far too many references to Bible verses about fire and brimstone as they listed all the ways Minho was an abomination.)
Her parents would probably argue that she hadn't been kicked out because she'd "chosen" to leave after their ultimatum, but fuck what they had to say. Minho hadn't seen them since the day she'd walked out with the few meager possessions that she managed to throw into her backpack.
It was only ("only") a few days of sleeping in a park before she'd found her way to a youth shelter for LGBT+ teens. That's where she'd met Hyunjin, sixteen, who ran away the night before his parents were set to send him to a conversion camp. His hair was long and he always took the time to do some new complicated eye makeup look that involved lots of sparkles even though they were, essentially, homeless. Minho liked him immediately.
Having arrived around the same time with plenty in common (religious zealots for parents, being the most obvious and least pleasant), they became each other's family quickly.
Unfortunately, no matter how much support they offered each other, they both had demons too fierce to easily exorcize through commiseration and understanding.
If meeting Hyunjin was one of the best things to ever happen to Minho, meeting Dukyun was one of the worst.
One of the only ways to manage their demons, that they'd found, was alcohol, so they often found themselves at sketchy parties thrown by questionable people, numbing their pain with way too much booze in a room full of people who were also doing their very best not to feel.
Dukyun had been the unsavory host of one of these parties.
He'd been gregarious and welcoming when Minho and Hyunjin had stepped through the doors of the abandoned warehouse on the edge of the worst neighborhood in the city, offering them free alcohol and a place to stay if they weren't able to make it home.
Hyunjin had ended up dancing on a makeshift platform, drunk as shit and high on ecstasy, while Minho threw back shot after shot of terrible whisky until Dukyun had appeared beside her, blurry and unfocused in the throbbing lights, and offered her something a little stronger.
And that, despite the initial relief it provided as she watched the lights dance and felt like every worry melted away, was the worst decision of her life.
Dukyun wasn't so affable after that first night.
Hyunjin mostly kept his shit together, though he missed early shifts at his minimum wage job at a factory due to staying out too late partying.
Minho, however, completely fell apart.
She quickly lost her job at the fast food restaurant the youth center had set her up with when she was using too much to be capable of doing much of anything. When she did crawl out of her apartment, it was to buy more pills from Dukyun which she couldn't afford along with her rent, especially since she wasn't working.
Hyunjin, at the time, had been living with some older guy he'd met, so after getting evicted, she ended up staying in the lofted space at the warehouse where many of Dukyun's "regulars" also lived.
Rock bottom was getting backhanded by Dukyun when she had been begging for a fix, already feeling the effects of withdrawal in the ache of her bones. She'd had no money, no way to pay him, but she'd been desperate- tears sliding down her cheeks and a sob caught in the back of her throat.
The black eye he gave her had Hyunjin gasping when he saw her, and somehow convincing the dirt bag he was living with to let Minho stay over for a few nights. He'd sat with her while she shivered on the bathroom floor, throwing up enough that she thought she was going to look into the toilet and see her lungs and her stomach and her intestines floating in the water too.
It was sheer stubbornness (and Hyunjin's benign threats of violence that actually just served to show Minho how much she'd scared him) that had her sobriety sticking after that, though it was a struggle that didn't disappear. The whole ordeal had only lasted half a year, but she felt like she'd aged ten.
After that, Minho got a job on the cleaning crew at the seedy strip club Hyunjin had started working at thanks to his skeevy boyfriend. It was the least glamorous job she could think of (and horribly disgusting when she had to clean the back room), but it was a job and she needed it.
She still mostly lived in the warehouse since the pay was bad and she, unfortunately, owed Dukyun money, but it was better than feeling like she was holding on by a single thread. It was several threads, at least.
She had Hyunjin, flitting between apartments of men he met at the club after he'd dumped the one who got him the job, but still always there for her. She had a job. She had a place to sleep.
It wasn't a lot, but it was a start.
---
Minho fiddled with the water bottle in her hands, thumb pressing against the top of the paper label until it started to bunch under her nail, as she tried not to listen too closely what Hyunjin was saying about hooking up with some guy he'd met at the strip club. The story was for Seonghwa's sake, anyway- Minho just happened to also be present. But being sober at the party of an acquaintance while trying to tune out the part about a crooked dick didn't leave Minho with much incentive to be there.
It was a challenge, being sober around a group of people imbibing in all types of substances as a former addict. But the alternative was just staying behind on her mattress in the semi-converted warehouse, headphones in and brain still running, and giving up on all pretenses of a social life. That would have been trying in itself, so she was here. When Hyunjin wanted to go to a party or heard about a rave, she went. It broke up the monotony of cleaning up after morally questionable men at the strip club (if the stains on the floor were alcohol, it was her lucky day.)
There was a knock at the door, and Minho watched with a sort of detached disgust as Dukyun stepped into the apartment. But just as she was about to tune back into whatever Hyunjin was saying (something about a fire escape?), she noticed the second person who had come through the door- hand held tight in Dukyun's.
Dukyun bringing a girlfriend around wasn't new- he'd had any number of them during the unfortunate number of years Minho had known him. But this girl immediately looked like she didn't belong- not here, in this shithole apartment filled with drifters, degenerates, dealers, and miscellaneous people down on their luck. The smoke that made the room hazy was as thick as the collective regrets of its inhabitants, and someone whose smile looked like that- pure, bright, and full of hope- should turn around and run before they got sucked in.
It wasn't her business, who Dukyun cursed with his company, but there was just something about this girl that got under Minho's skin. Was she projecting her own innocence lost to Dukyun's nudge into the arms of addiction? Maybe partially, though she knew she'd been haunted and broken before he had gotten his claws into her. Still, it felt remiss to do nothing, so when Dukyun wandered away to, presumably, sell to his regular clients in attendance, Minho found herself standing from the couch and making her way over to the girl.
"Hey," she said, feeling slightly unprepared for the interaction now that she was here. She didn't really have any game plan, and it wasn't as though she could tell a stranger that her boyfriend was a terrible person. That didn't tend to go over well. "I haven't seen you around before."
"Oh!" she replied, looking almost startled at being addressed. "Yeah, I'm here with Dukyun. I haven't really met any of his friends yet. I'm Felix."
Minho had to grit her teeth at the word friends. The idea of being friends with that man made her want to throw up, but Felix didn't know that.
"Minho," she replied, holding out a hand for Felix to shake.
Seeing Felix close up just confirmed what Minho had surmised when she'd seen her come in. She was young- younger than Minho, probably, and definitely younger than Dukyun. She looked like she belonged in one of those teen magazines in the grocery store checkout, not in this dimly lit apartment. Her black hair was parted down the center with little short pieces framing her face, freckles across the bridge of her nose and her cheeks, full lips shining with pink gloss, and wide eyes that didn't betray the haunted look of having seen too much that everyone else in this room had.
She was rubbing at her upper arms, bare in the cap-sleeve dress she was wearing, and Minho wished she had worn a jacket so she could give it to her.
"Do you want to come sit down?" she offered, gesturing to the couch where Hyunjin and Seonghwa were still animatedly conversing about...well, hopefully not anything too obscene. "While you wait for Dukyun to get back."
Felix smiled, the action breathtaking, and nodded, following Minho across the room to perch on the edge of the threadbare couch.
"This is Felix," Minho interrupted, waving her hand in front of Hyunjin to get his attention. His eyes flicked to her in playful annoyance, glitter on the tops of his cheeks glinting in the low light, before he turned a smile on Felix.
"I'm Hyunjin," he introduced himself, "and this is Seonghwa."
"I love your makeup!" Felix enthused, leaning forward to get a better look, and Hyunjin grinned.
"Thanks! I like your choker!"
It was beaded and woven to look like little flowers- sweet and pretty like Felix.
"Thank you," she smiled shyly, fingers going up to gently touch the necklace.
"How did you meet Dukyun?" Minho asked, like knowing was going to help.
"I met him at a party thrown by a girl I went to high school with," she explained, twisting the strap of her purse around her index finger so the tip turned white before she released it. "I graduated last year, but I'm taking a year off before college to earn money. Um, but she, the girl from high school, is going to college around here, so she invited everyone who's still around. And Dukyun was there as well, and we got to talking and realized we have a lot in common!"
Minho couldn't imagine what that could be, but bit her tongue against asking. Dukyun at a party of fresh high school grads, obviously to sell them drugs, was not surprising, but it still made Minho’s stomach turn.
"So you live around here?" she prompted instead, tucking a loose piece of hair that had come free from her ponytail behind her ear.
"I, uh, do now," Felix offered with an embarrassed little laugh, back to twisting the strap again. "My parents really didn't like Dukyun. Because he's older. They were really against our relationship, so I moved out and I'm, um, staying at his place now."
"Oh, honey," Hyunjin said, eyebrows curved in sympathy.
Minho felt her stomach sink all the way to the floor.
"No, no, it's fine," Felix assured them, nervous laughter bubbling up as she waved her hands placatingly. "I'm going to get a job closer to his apartment and keep saving for college. It's just a scenery change."
That sounded like what Felix had been telling herself. She knew how it sounded. She knew, deep down, that it was a mistake.
Minho felt ill.
"So, I'm sure I'll be seeing you guys around a lot!" she finished, smile bright but forced around the edges.
If we all agree it's fine, it's fine. Minho could practically see the plead in her eyes.
"Well, I can't complain about that," Hyunjin allowed with an indulgent little grin. "It'll be nice not to be the only person who looks cute at these things."
"Hey!"
"Excuse me!"
Minho’s and Seonghwa's complaints overlapped as Hyunjin cackled, and Felix finally seemed to relax, letting out a little snicker behind her hand.
"Seonghwa, you're excused," Hyunjin said, sending a nod of approval toward his outfit. "Minho..."
"Stop insulting my plaid shirts, you're just jealous," she sniffed, tossing her ponytail over her shoulder and adjusting her plaid shirt where it hung open over her Sleater-Kinney t-shirt.
"Sure," he replied, more condescension dripping from the syllable than should have been possible.
"Babe, c'mere," Dukyun interrupted, sticking his head out from the kitchen with a beer in his hand. "I want to introduce you to someone."
Minho did everything she could not to sneer.
"Coming!" Felix answered with a glowing smile that he did not deserve before she turned it on the three of them. "It was nice to meet you guys! I'll be seeing you around I'm sure."
And with a little wave, she was gone- hand engulfed in Dukyun's and dragged away into the bowels of the apartment.
"Damn," Seonghwa said, shaking his head and taking a swig of whatever concoction was in his plastic cup. "That's so sad."
"That guy should rot in hell," Hyunjin commiserated, a poisonous bite to his voice. He would never forgive him for getting Minho hooked. And for how he treated her afterwards.
Minho just grit her teeth, not even trusting herself to speak.
Her water bottle crackled as she squeezed it in her fist.
---
"What the fuck was that?" Minho asked, eying Hyunjin judgmentally where he had his hand covering the stack of cards in the center of the foldable table they had set up outside the warehouse.
"Sandwich!" he defended earnestly, not moving his hand like someone was going to snatch away the deck.
"Uh-uh," Minho started, ready to argue, but Felix beat her to the punch.
"I played a six! That's a seven!" she exclaimed, eyes wide like a round of Egyptian Rat Screw was of the utmost importance.
Hyunjin's face crumpled, finally lifting his hand to check.
"Look!" Felix nearly shouted when Hyunjin had uncovered the third card down and revealed it to be a six, like she'd promised.
"Dammit," he grumbled, pulling his hands back.
"Burn your cards, burn your cards," Yeosang chanted from Hyunjin's right, beating his fists against the table in time with his words.
"I'm doing it," Hyunjin pouted, pulling two cards out of his own stack and adding them to the bottom of the pile in the middle.
Minho glanced to the side to catch Felix's eye, sharing a grin at Hyunjin's expense.
Dukyun had been bringing Felix around while he did "business" at the warehouse-cum-housing where Minho and Hyunjin lived. Which was, well, good and bad. Good because Felix was so sweet and nice and funny and-
Bad because of all of those things and the fact that she was still with Dukyun. She deserved so much better.
It wasn't even just Minho and Hyunjin thinking that. Literally everyone who stayed at the warehouse (and wasn't entirely out of their mind from substances or otherwise) tsked about what a shame it was that someone as lovely as Felix was with someone as awful as Dukyun.
But to focus on the silver lining, spending time with Felix had been great. Not that Minho didn’t have anyone else to hang out with when she wasn't working, or that their company wasn't good enough. But Felix was a breath of fresh air. Despite their surroundings and despite the rather unfortunate situation Felix, herself, was in (whether she'd admitted it to herself or not), her smiles were effervescent and her laughs contagious. It was like she trailed light behind her wherever she went, and Minho counted herself lucky to get caught in the rays.
Squealing in excitement, Felix stood from her seat as she violently slapped the pile of cards after two eights had been put down in a row.
"Mine!"
Hyunjin grumbled, running low on cards, and Yeosang cursed, his own hand raised to smack the pile before he'd been beaten to the punch.
Felix's grin was wide as she took the stack from the center of the table and added it to her hand, and Minho found herself smiling despite her own dwindling pile.
“You're feral,” she teased fondly, feeling the indulgent smile stretch across her face as Felix turned to her to stick out her tongue playfully in response.
Minho had barely been paying attention to the cards, in all honesty. Watching Felix's surprisingly competitive nature emerge from behind her angelic smile was much more interesting.
“Come on,” Hyunjin complained as Felix showed off her now-towering pile. “This is ridiculous. Where did Felix go and who are you?”
Felix practically cackled, and Minho was grinning, blooming warmth curling outwards from the center of her chest, without even realizing it. Felix was just so-
“Babe! Let's go!”
Wincing at the sound of Dukyun's voice booming across the yard, the warmth she felt was quickly replaced with a chill as Felix’s smile dropped almost instantaneously.
But before she could let the disappointment settle into her features, Felix quickly pasted on a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.
“Coming!” she called over her shoulder, standing from the plastic folding chair and adjusting her cream colored cardigan to properly cover the straps of her floral sundress.
Minho couldn't even bring herself to look at Dukyun as the crunch of gravel under his feet got closer and closer.
“Well, safe to say I won, I think,” Felix added, eyes sparkling again.
“Yeah, sure,” Yeosang sighed, tossing his meager handful of cards on the table to the soundtrack of Felix's tinkling laugh.
“Come on,” Dukyun urged, impatient as he stood at his truck a few feet away. “I gotta get downtown before five.”
“Sorry, see you guys soon though, okay?” Felix promised, taking the time to look at each of them sincerely before she turned to jog away on her platform sandals towards her boyfriend.
“See you, Lix,” Minho called, hoping she'd hidden her sour feelings well enough that Felix wouldn't worry.
Felix hated upsetting others, and Minho knew that any displeasure at her abrupt departure would weigh on her like they were blaming her for it.
Hyunjin was already getting up, saying something about meeting his current boyfriend soon, and Yeosang was gathering the cards to bring them back inside.
As the truck peeled out of the driveway, Minho met Felix’s eyes through the window and felt her heart clutch at the secret, little wave she gave her- inconspicuous enough that Dukyun wouldn't have seen it as he ranted about who knew what behind the wheel.
The more time she spent with Felix, the more her heart broke for her. But that didn't stop her own feelings from building slowly- slow enough that she was able to ignore them at first as nothing other than fondness and concern.
Now though, as Minho had to shut her eyes against the pang of her heart breaking for herself, she knew she was in deep trouble.
---
Minho didn’t usually get dressed up to go out like Hyunjin did. She would much rather avoid extra attention than garner it, but just this once, she gave in to Hyunjin's pleading to help her get ready.
The rave was supposed to be huge- some famous DJ Hyunjin insisted was a big deal would be there, but all Minho cared about was that Felix would be there.
She wasn't dressing up for her, though. At least that's what she told herself (and Hyunjin when he raised his eyebrows at her in that annoyingly knowing way.) Felix was her friend, and that was all.
Besides, the younger girl had already seen her coming home from a cleaning shift- hair messy, uniform rumpled with damp spots of cleaner that splashed on her as she'd aggressively scrubbed at the nubby carpet of the strip club for the thousandth time. What was the use trying to pretend to be glamorous when they all already knew the truth?
Still, as Hyunjin patted iridescent glitter onto her cheekbones in front of the cracked, floor length mirror in the warehouse loft, Minho could acknowledge that she looked good.
Despite Hyunjin's best attempts to persuade her to keep it down, Minho had ended up pulling her hair into its regular ponytail, though Hyunjin had helped to free some pieces to frame her face.
She was in a cropped black tank top she usually wore under a flannel except this time it was a long sleeved mesh top that she wore on top. Though the highlight of the ensemble was a pair of silver bell bottoms that Minho had let Hyunjin convince her to buy when they'd gone to the thrift store earlier in the week.
The black choker she had on was Hyunjin's and the shimmer smeared over her eyelids, cheeks, and lips were all Hyunjin as well. At least Minho’s combat boots were her own. Having to deal with blisters was the last thing she wanted to worry about.
But all in all, she felt good walking into the space- an abandoned factory at the edge of the city and taken over by club kids. Hyunjin, in his tight, pleather pants and angel wings he'd procured from who knew where, looked right at home as he immediately started moving to the thumping bass- the body glitter his skin was caked in sparkling as the strobe lights flashed.
Minho was fine to dance and lose herself in the music, even sober. It wasn't the type of music she listened to in her Walkman when she curled up on her old mattress in the loft and closed her eyes to drown out everything but the guitars and wailing vocals coming through her headphones, but she had always liked dancing, even as a kid.
The ballet classes she had taken up until high school didn't directly help her now, swiveling her hips and tossing her hair to the EDM reverberating through the floors, but the feeling of giving herself to the music was surprisingly similar.
It was hard to gauge time when there weren't distinct songs being played- instead, the electronic beats bled into each other with no space for a breath in between- but it couldn't have been more than twenty minutes before Minho felt a hand grip her bicep.
Initially, she was ready to shove whomever it was away with a few choice words and potentially gestures as well, but instead she had Felix throwing her arms around Minho’s neck as soon as she turned- the smell of sweetpea and vanilla filling her senses.
“You look amazing!” Felix gushed in a shout next to Minho’s ear to be heard above the music, and even though it was probably just amazing compared to her usual effort free ensembles, Minho felt herself flush under Felix's appraising eyes.
“So do you!” she yelled back, meaning it so wholeheartedly she wondered if Felix would be able to tell how extremely gay she felt in that very moment.
Felix knew she was, anyway. Kind of hard to bypass when it was the reason Minho had been kicked out of her parents’ house to begin with. She'd never treated Minho differently because of it, though.
And instead of looking alarmed by Minho’s enthusiastic compliment, she just grinned- palms dragging down Minho's arms to grab her hands instead.
“Let's dance!”
Minho didn’t hear that request, but she saw Felix's lips move around the words, and context took care of the rest.
Who was she to deny her?
So they danced- jumping up and down while holding hands and grinning at each other like carefree kids. The laugh bubbled up in Minho’s chest, joy radiating off Felix and bleeding into her space until she nearly forgot anything else beyond that moment.
Felix looked like something from a dream- like she had to have been something Minho conjured up because no one could be so beautiful.
The front pieces of her hair were twisted back in little butterfly clips, she had sparkles on her cheeks and on her décolletage. Her makeup was lilac to match the silk of her camisole and matching skirt- knee length with slits high up her thigh on either side. Her platform sandals would have had her towering over Minho had her own boots not had a bit of a lift as well.
As it was, they were eye to eye as Felix grinned and danced, tossing her head back to laugh as they both started getting more creative with their dance moves. It didn't matter who was around them or if they looked ridiculous. Minho would have done anything to keep Felix smiling like that.
The beats gradually shifted, pace slightly less frenetic, and Felix stepped into her space to easily put her hands on Minho’s shoulders as she swayed her hips. There were still eight inches or so between them, but Minho could swear she felt the heat of Felix's body like she was the sun itself.
She was an adult, but it felt like she was thirteen with her first real crush on a girl- breathless from friendly proximity that only meant something more to her.
With any luck, the colorful strobes masked the way Minho knew her ears must have been glowing red.
But the butterflies were short-lived.
Felix was getting wrenched away from her, and before Minho could even comprehend what was happening, there was a hard shove at her shoulders that had her staggering back and barely catching herself before she ended up on her ass on the floor.
As she righted herself, everything started making sense, and Minho felt her anger shoot through her body so fast it left her scalp tingling as if singed.
Dukyun was there in front of her, face twisted with rage and disgust. Felix was behind him, seemingly tugging at his arm to get him to back off, but she was just getting shaken off and swatted away.
“What the fuck?” he yelled at her, but Minho just saw his mouth form the words- unable to hear him until he stepped into her space to scream directly in her face. “Keep your fucking hands off my girlfriend, you dyke!”
Vaguely, Minho registered Hyunjin at her right, also yelling something, and holding onto Minho’s arm like she might lunge forward and throttle him. It was tempting.
“We were just fucking dancing you insecure piece of shit,” she spit before she could stop herself. Yelling at Dukyun wasn't going to do anything, but piss him off more. But it was so hard to hold back.
Hyunjin's grip around her bicep tightened like he could sense her fuse burning up in front of him.
“I don't give a fuck!” he thundered, face red and veins bulging on his forehead. “You're disgusting, and I don't want to see you anywhere near her.”
Before Minho could respond or, better yet, shake free of Hyunjin's hold to kill him, Dukyun was turning on his heel and stalking away with Felix's arm in a bruising grip.
Felix turned to look at her, tears streaming down her cheeks and sparkling in the lights like glitter. I'm sorry, she mouthed. Or maybe she spoke. Minho didn’t know. She couldn't hear anything besides the bass and her own pulse pounding in her ears.
Doing her best to shake off the anger coursing through her limbs like lit gasoline, she shook her head and tried to smile reassuringly. Felix shouldn't have been the one apologizing. If anything, Minho wanted to apologize to her, even though she knew that she hadn't actually done anything wrong.
In the space of another shaky breath, Dukyun and Felix had disappeared into the crowd, and Minho felt herself start to tremble.
“Fuck,” she whispered, fear for Felix filling all the spaces where rage had just been. “Fuck!”
“Let's step outside,” Hyunjin shouted into her ear, and Minho nodded, allowing herself to be dragged away in the opposite direction from which Felix disappeared.
Worry and anger swirled through her limbs as she bumped against dancing bodies as Hyunjin led her toward a side door that led to an alley.
The stink of the dumpster a few feet down wasn't helped by the stagnant night air, but Minho barely even registered it with the horrible thoughts that began to flash through her mind.
“Fuck!” she swore again. She had long since lost track of how many times she had uttered fuck since Dukyun had shown his face.
A wave of frustration scorched through her, and Minho kicked against the brick wall with her lug-soled boot.
“We have to do something!” she insisted to Hyunjin whose arms were crossed against his glitter-caked chest. “He just dragged her out of here after shoving me! He is not above violence, Hyunjin! Do you think they're going back to his apartment? We should follow. We should-”
“Minho,” Hyunjin said, voice carefully steady like he was talking to a feral cat he didn't want to get bitten by. “What are we going to be able to do if we manage to track them down? Anything we do is just going to piss him off even more, and make things worse for Felix.”
She knew he had a point. Her presence had been what had set him off to begin with. What would he do if she showed up, uninvited, to his apartment to get to Felix? If she somehow made it out of that unscathed, she didn't want to think of how he would take it out on Felix once the door had been slammed in her face.
“Maybe we could call the police,” she tried, conviction lost because she knew it was futile. They couldn't exactly report Dukyun for leaving a rave with his girlfriend, no matter how much of an asshole he was. No crime had been committed, as far as the police were concerned.
“Minho,” Hyunjin said again, tone betraying he knew that she already understood that wasn't an option.
Collapsing against the wall, Minho scrubbed her hand across her face, unconcerned with the way she could feel the mesh of her shirt catching and snagging on the rough surface of the brick. Or the fact that her mascara and glitter was probably smudged beyond repair, if the smears on her palm were anything to go by.
“Let's go home,” Hyunjin offered, gentle as he reached out for her.
Minho didn’t feel any less like a stray cat he was trying to soothe, but she took his hand nonetheless and let herself be pulled upright.
She nodded, following Hyunjin down the alley, around a suspicious puddle, and toward the street.
“I hope she's okay,” Minho murmured, feeling entirely helpless as they trudged down the sidewalk toward the subway.
Hyunjin squeezed her hand, but didn't say anything.
The silence between them hung heavy with worry.
---
The relief Minho felt the first time Dukyun brought Felix to the warehouse after the incident at the rave was immense.
With Dukyun keeping Felix at his side for that entire visit, Minho wasn't able to ask Felix how she was or apologize for her part in what had set Dukyun off, even though the only one who should have been apologizing was him.
But Felix sent her a smile when they locked eyes- a reassurance that she was okay. And maybe that they, as in Felix and Minho, were okay? It didn't seem that Felix was going to snub her just because Dukyun didn't like that they were friends. Though whether they would get to still be friends in any meaningful way with Dukyun seeming determined not to let Felix out of his sight, Minho didn’t know.
Just seeing Felix had Minho able to lessen her worry, albeit slightly. And on subsequent visits, he started paying less attention to what Felix was doing or who she was talking to.
They were able to go back to playing cards together with whomever was around, and sometimes Felix was even able to slip away with Minho for a bit to listen to music on her Walkman while Dukyun was particularly busy.
Felix's musical taste wasn't quite in line with Minho's- she liked Jewel, The Cardigans, and “sometimes the Spice Girls. Come on! They're fun!” Meanwhile, Minho's cassette collection consisted of Babes in Toyland, Bikini Kill, and Team Dresch. Felix liked some PJ Harvey though, and she always wanted to hear Minho’s riot grrl albums even though they weren't quite her thing.
Sitting side by side on Minho’s threadbare blanket and shoddy mattress, each with their own headphones courtesy of Hyunjin's splitter, was probably the most content Minho had ever been. At least since she grew up enough to realize that she was someone her family would never accept.
But for as much as Minho appreciated that things were getting back to how they were, Felix herself seemed to be what was changing.
When they first met, she would always be dressed in pretty dresses or skirts with jewelry and makeup to match. But lately, Felix had been wearing loose fitting jeans and hoodies- no jewelry, no cute hairstyles. Just her hair pulled back in a simple ponytail and her ring-less fingers gripping onto her hoodie sleeves like they were all that was keeping her tethered to her body.
Felix seemed especially fragile that day, perched on Minho’s mattress and blinking unseeingly at the cassette tape she'd picked up.
“Hey,” Minho said softly, almost putting a gentle hand on Felix's knee before thinking better of it and setting back in her own lap instead. “What's going on? You okay?”
It was with horror that Minho noticed Felix's lower lips wobbling as her fingertips pressed against the cassette case in her hands.
“I'm sorry,” she quickly apologized, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear so she could watch Felix's expression and try not to upset her even more. “You don't have to tell me.”
She wanted to help, but not at the expense of Felix feeling worse.
Felix shook her head, though whether that was an indication that she did or didn't want to talk about it, Minho wasn't sure.
Taking the cassette from Felix when her grip went slack, Minho set it aside and scooted closer to Felix even though she wasn't sure whether or not she should touch.
But it shouldn't have been a surprise, given Felix's affectionate nature, that she immediately collapsed into Minho's side- forehead resting against her shoulder and fingers gripping the fabric of Minho's shirt.
“It's okay,” Minho murmured, even though it probably wasn't- tentatively lifting her hand to rest it against Felix's back.
“I'm sorry,” Felix apologized wetly, and Minho made a shush-ing noise as she rubbed against her shoulder softly. “I don't know how things got this bad. It wasn't always like this.”
Minho hummed and patted her and waited. Whatever Felix wanted to say was up to her. Even though Minho wanted to know everything so she could go about doing everything she could to fix it, what Felix shared wasn't up to her. And the last thing she wanted to do was drive her away by being too pushy.
“He used to be good to me, you know?”
Felix sat up, eyes glittering with tears as she looked Minho in the face.
“When we first got together and I moved out… he was nice. I thought-”
Felix shook her head, a sob getting caught in her throat as tears spilled over and dripped down her freckled cheeks.
Minho nodded in encouragement even though Dukyun being anything other than horrible was hard to imagine. Though she supposed he had been somewhat kind the first night she and Hyunjin had met him. And of course he'd had to have been nice to make Felix believe that he was.
She wanted to wring his neck, but forced the anger down because that wasn't what Felix needed from her.
“It seems like I'm always doing something wrong no matter how careful I am not to upset him,” Felix said, sniffling and hastily wiping her tears with the back of her hand. “I walk on eggshells, but it's never enough. He's always mad!”
“That's not your fault,” Minho told her, careful to keep the focus on Felix and not on how much she hated Dukyun's guts. If she reacted too strongly, there was a chance Felix wouldn't feel comfortable confiding in her anymore. “You know that, right?”
Felix nodded sadly, though knowing and feeling were two different things.
“I just don't know what to do anymore,” she confessed through her tears. “He's so unpredictable. No matter what I do-”
She shook her head, face crumpling as a fresh flood of tears streaked over her skin.
“Does he…” Minho hesitated, unsure if she would be making a mistake, but needing to know. “Does he hurt you? Physically hurt you?”
“No,” Felix was quick to deny, stretching the cuffs of her sweatshirt between her fingers as she cast her gaze down. “Well, I mean. I've gotten bruises from when he grabs my arm too tightly. But he doesn't hit me or anything like that!”
Minho exhaled carefully through her nose. Her hatred for Dukyun was so potent she could nearly taste it- sharply metallic and nauseating.
“He shouldn’t be doing anything to hurt you, Felix,” Minho told her, tone steady but gentle enough that she hoped it wouldn't have Felix turning inward to keep her relationship safe from Minho’s judgments.
“I know,” Felix whispered after a moment, looking back up to meet Minho eyes with her own. “You must think I'm so stupid!”
“No! No, of course not,” she soothed, wrapping an arm around Felix's shoulders as she leaned into her again. “You're not stupid. You're sweet and kind, and you believe the best of everyone- even if they don't deserve it.”
Sniffling, Felix started to say something else, but loud footsteps on the stairs had both of them looking up.
Minho’s stomach dropped as a surge of hatred so strong it nearly left her dizzy shot through to the tips of her fingers as Dukyun strode up to them where they were perched on the edge of Minho's mattress.
“What the fuck is this?” he spat, eyes steely and jaw clenched. “Lee, have I not warned you about putting your queer hands on my girl?”
Biting her tongue against the tirade she wanted to spew at him, she forced herself to meet his eyes anyway even as she removed her arm from around Felix shoulders. If there was a time for a pissing contest, it wasn't now with Felix between them.
“She was just comforting me,” Felix assured him, hastily wiping the tears from her cheeks like the sight of her crying would anger him even more. “It's just silly girl stuff.
That couldn't have been further from the truth, but Dukyun was the type to believe that any reaction a woman had to anything was “silly,” so by his standards, it might as well have been fact.
“I doubt she's any more qualified to deal with girl stuff than I am,” he added derisively, almost looking gleeful to have an opportunity to insult Minho further. “Plus, anything a junkie says isn't worth shit. She could be out-of-her-mind high right now.”
The gay barbs were one thing- shitty, but a worse look for him than Minho- but to mention her addiction felt like a stab in the gut. Especially since Felix didn't know anything about that. She knew Minho didn’t drink or do drugs at parties like most of the others, but she didn't know why she was so adamant about staying sober.
“You know that isn't true,” she gritted out.
“I guess I'd have had you sniveling for just one hit if you were using again, huh?”
He laughed like it was funny. Like the piss-soaked, absolute rock bottom of Minho's life was a joke.
“It's been four years,” she said, inhaling slowly to try and keep herself from snapping. That's what he wanted. He wanted her to lose control so he could say See? What a mess. Let's go, Felix.
And maybe Felix would think so too.
“Feels like only yesterday,” he simpered, and Minho had to stare at the chipped yellow and white paint on the corrugated metal floor beneath his feet to keep herself under control.
Truthfully, she was also afraid to see Felix's reaction.
“Alright, enough time wasted,” Dukyun was saying, stepping forward to grab Felix by the arm and yank. “You know better than this.”
For as much as Minho feared what Felix would think of her former addiction, fear for Felix quickly replaced that entirely as she watched the rough manner in which Dukyun pulled her up and had her stumbling to regain her balance.
She was on her feet before she could even think, striding forward to grab onto the arm Dukyun was using to jostle Felix with. His grip looked painful, and all Minho could think of were the bruises Felix had mentioned.
“Stop it! Don't grab her like that!”
Dukyun's scoff was immediate, and he let go of Felix to shove Minho’s hand off of him.
“Mind your fucking business, dyke,” he seethed, face reddening in anger as he stepped forward to look down at Minho threateningly.
Minho raised a hand to keep him at bay, but he grabbed at it before she could pull it away.
Everything happened so fast.
His grip twisting on her fingers, forcing her to crouch to try and alleviate the pressure. But it wasn't enough.
It felt like a pop, or maybe a snap, and Minho's vision was whiting out with the sudden rush of pain from her middle finger up her arm. She thought she cried out, but it was hard to hear over the rushing in her own ears.
The floor was hard under her knees as she fell, cradling her left hand to her chest and vaguely registering that her finger was probably broken. Dukyun had broken her finger.
Through the tears in her eyes, she watched Dukyun dragging a sobbing Felix away, and while she wanted to stop them- to protect Felix or at least reassure her that she'd be okay- she couldn't do anything.
She was dizzy, with shock probably, and though she knew she should get up to try and get help, she was having a hard time getting her legs to work as she shivered through the sharp throbs of pain emanating from her finger.
Hyunjin appeared next to her shortly after Dukyun and Felix had disappeared down the stairs. He was cursing Dukyun under his breath and helping Minho to stand.
There was a free walk-in health clinic a few subway stops away, and Minho made it there with Hyunjin guiding her and her finger resting against a bag of frozen corn he'd procured from somewhere.
It ended up being a nine hour wait before she was taken back to get an x-ray that confirmed the break and given a metal splint to keep her finger in place while it healed.
Hyunjin sat with her for the first handful of hours until he had to go to work, at which point Seonghwa materialized and took his place. He must have called him from the pay phone while Minho had been in the bathroom.
She was immensely grateful for their help, but all she could think about was Felix. Was she okay? What had Dukyun done once he'd gotten her alone? Was she blaming herself and feeling guilty for what had happened to Minho?
Even knowing the outcome, Minho would have done it again in a heartbeat if it meant protecting Felix. Not that she had even managed that since Dukyun had taken her away with him.
Minho would do anything to keep Felix safe.
The subsequent realization that she was in love with her hurt more than a broken bone ever could.
- - -
Minho’s smile was Felix's favorite thing in the world.
It made her look younger, actually looking her own age, and carefree in a way Felix knew she wasn't.
Minho had never shared all the details about her past with Felix, but it was apparent that it hadn't been easy.
She knew Minho had been kicked out for being gay just shy of eighteen.
She knew that she cleaned the local strip club for cash, but that she couldn't afford rent, so she squatted in the loft of an abandoned warehouse where many of Dukyun's clients also lived.
And from Dukyun's recent comments, she knew that Minho had struggled with addiction.
But despite all of that, she was the only person keeping Felix afloat. She was like an island in the middle of a turbulent sea, and Felix was clinging to her shore with a white-knuckled grip.
Everything that had happened to Minho had been the product of something she couldn't control- her sexuality and her parents’ reaction to it.
Felix's hardships, on the other hand, had been preventable. Had she not made such a rash and foolish choice, she would have been safe under her parents’ roof, saving money and starting to apply to colleges.
And yet Minho never told her what to do, even as Felix watched her own mistakes morph and stretch and bloat until she felt like she was drowning in them.
Someone else might have taken the opportunity to point out where she'd gone wrong, as if she didn't know, and start directing her to do as they said- the implication that she was incapable of making her own choices clear with every pitying word.
But Minho wasn't like that.
Her presence was a comfort, but her heavy gaze on Felix as she fought not to crumble was never one of judgment or condescension. It was what made it so easy for Felix to fall, headlong and tumbling, despite love (or something she'd mistaken for love) being what had led her here to begin with.
Loving Minho was easy.
It was everything else that was hard.
- - -
For what an ordeal it had been, Minho getting her finger broken, life mostly resumed as normal. At least in some regards.
The throbbing pain subsided a bit after a few days, though it was never more than several minutes that she could go without some sort of uncomfortable twinge reminding her that it was broken.
It was lucky she was ambidextrous. Her cleaning job may have taken longer than before, but she was at least still capable of doing all the tasks required of her. She'd only ended up missing one day of work, and that was at Hyunjin's insistence since she had been up all night at the clinic and had gotten exactly zero hours of sleep.
But after that first day, Minho kept up with her usual schedule.
The only thing missing was Felix.
It wasn't a surprise, of course, that Dukyun hadn't been bringing her around. His disdain for her friendship with Minho was at an all time high, and Felix must have made it known how upset she was about what had happened.
Minho hadn't even seen Dukyun in the week since the incident. She knew he'd come by to sell to his regulars, but she had made herself scarce during his visits. Not because she feared what he would do to her, but because she didn't trust herself not to do something reckless after what Felix had told her.
Yeosang apparently had asked about Felix when Dukyun had come by. They were all worried about her.
Dukyun had said that she was fine, but staying back at his apartment. Though the message hadn't been directly relayed to Minho since he'd probably used some choice phrases referring to Minho or Felix or both.
So, for as much as Minho wanted to see her, she wasn't expecting to see Felix until she got desperate enough to go bang Dukyun's door down.
Flat on her back on her bed with her headphones in and her eyes closed, listening to Louise Post and Nina Gordon harmonize, Minho was not expecting to feel someone sit on the edge of her mattress and tap her thigh.
Even more unexpected was opening her eyes to see Felix sitting there, eyes cast worriedly where Minho’s hand was resting against her chest- finger splint easily noticeable.
The music cut off abruptly as she yanked her headphones off and sat up fast enough to get a head rush.
“Felix,” she breathed, like the other girl might have been a figment of her imagination.
It was involuntary, the way she glanced behind Felix like Dukyun might have been barreling up the stairs, ready to pick a fight.
But of course he wasn't. If he was there, Minho knew he wouldn't have let Felix out of his sight.
“He really broke it,” Felix was murmuring, fingers tentatively tracing over the knuckles of Minho's hand. “Motherfucker. That bastard.”
Hearing Felix swear was rare enough that it nearly threw her off, but there were more important things to think about.
“How are you…here?”
Felix's eyes met hers then- filled with concern even as her lips twitched up in a ghost of a smile.
“I just walked. Left after Dukyun did,” she explained, shaking her head. “He's always gone for a long time on Tuesdays. Meets with his suppliers or something. I don't know. I just had to see you.”
That had Minho’s heart flipping over in her chest, but she knew Felix just meant she wanted to make sure she was okay after what had happened the last time they'd seen each other.
Felix sucked in a deep breath as Minho tried to will her ears not to flush.
“I'm going to leave him,” Felix rushed to say on the exhale, and Minho was no longer concerned about something as trivial as whether or not she was blushing.
It was hard not to just exclaim thank god, or something, even though that was how Minho felt. But her hesitation had Felix looking worried, like Minho could possibly not think that was exactly what she needed to do.
She took another second trying to think of anything to say that would be delicate enough for the situation while still conveying her enthusiasm. When the perfect phrase didn't come to mind, Minho just blurted out, “Good.”
Freezing in horror that that was all she managed to come up with, her fear of offending Felix was quickly obliterated when Felix let out a crack of a laugh that had Minho unable to do anything other than join in.
They giggled together until there were tears in their eyes, stomachs cramping from laughter, before the seriousness of the situation settled back into place and had them sobering.
“Whatever you need, I’m here, okay?” Minho offered, her good hand grasping at Felix's. “And the guys too. We’re here for you.”
“I know,” Felix replied with a serious nod and wide eyes that felt like they were looking straight into Minho's soul. “Thank you.”
“Will you be able to go back to your parents’ house?” Minho asked, swallowing the selfish part of her that didn't want Felix to go, even though it was only an hour away.
But Felix was already shaking her head.
“I may have…glossed over how much my parents were against the relationship,” she confessed, teeth digging into her lower lip hard enough it bloomed dark pink. “I mean, they were right.”
She laughed humorlessly
“But they've made it pretty clear that I made my choice,” she continued, seeming to steel herself with a deep breath. “The few times I've spoken with them on the phone, they've reiterated that it's too late to change my mind and come home.”
“I know they want to make a point, but they really wouldn't take you back?”
It seemed cruel, even though Minho could understand how frustrating it would have been for them to see their daughter make such a damaging choice. The lesson had been learned the hard way. Allowing her home when she needed a place to go for her own safety wasn't going to undermine that.
But Minho knew better than anyone that parents didn't always make the choices that were best for their children.
Felix shook her head again.
“I think…I don’t want to go back, anyway,” Felix said, sounding more sure than Minho might have expected. “I know I must have broken their trust by choosing to ignore their warnings about Dukyun, but they kind of broke mine too by how quick they were to just…I dunno…wash their hands of me. If that makes sense?”
“It does,” Minho assured her, squeezing Felix's hand reassuringly in hers. “We'll figure something else out.”
Felix smiled at her, so bright and open that it almost hurt to look at.
She'd been misled and mistreated by Dukyun and practically abandoned by her parents when she needed them most. How she could still look at Minho with so much trust when she had been let down by those closest to her?
It had her throat feeling tight, and she quickly blinked against the sudden stinging in her eyes.
“About what he said last time…” Felix started, expression shuttered again, and Minho felt her stomach drop all the way down to her feet.
She knew what Felix was referring to.
“I know he isn't reliable, but I asked Dukyun about it later,” Felix explained, looking almost ashamed. “He said he used to be your dealer when you were…addicted?”
Minho could guess that Dukyun had put it a different way, and Felix was editing it in real time for Minho’s sake.
She nodded in confirmation.
And when Felix didn't say anything else, she elaborated.
“Yeah, Hyunjin and I met him at a party. He offered some of his wares,” Minho nearly sneered, remembering Dukyun using that exact phrasing. “I was still really depressed about how things had gone with my family, so being numb seemed ideal. I got addicted pretty quick. Lost my apartment and my job that the center set me up with. That's when I moved in here. I didn't have the funds to fuel my addiction, so Dukyun let me go into debt with him. Fuck knows what his plan was if I just kept digging myself deeper. But Hyunjin helped me get clean. That was four years ago. I finished paying my debt to him a few months ago, so now I'm just saving up enough for a security deposit on an apartment.”
She shrugged, fighting the urge to shrink into herself with her past mistakes out in the open.
“I'm sorry I didn't know. That's so awful!” Felix exclaimed. “You must think I'm such an asshole, just parading around with the guy who…who got you hooked and put you in his debt! God, I'm so sorry! You should hate me!”
Felix’s chin was starting to tremble as her eyes sparkled with unshed tears.
Minho couldn't even stop herself from reaching out to gather Felix in her arms, petting against her back as she sniffled into Minho's chest.
“Why would I hate you, hm?” Minho murmured into the top of her head. “You haven't done anything. Don't apologize for other people's asshole behavior. And he's put you through worse than me, anyway. He's the one who should be apologizing.”
“He broke your finger,” Felix sobbed into Minho's shoulder. “Because of me!”
Hushing her, Minho stroked her hair soothingly.
“Not because of you,” Minho tsked gently. “He’s a dick and I got in his face. It's his fault, but I knew what I was risking. Don't feel sorry for that.”
“You're too nice to me,” Felix complained, voice muffled by Minho’s shirt.
“I'm not,” Minho told her. There was no such thing as being too nice to Felix. She deserved so much more.
Felix sat up, cheeks streaked with tears and nose pink. The way her eyes caught on Minho’s, so steady despite the tears in them, had Minho pinned in place- breathless.
“You're so good to me,” she said earnestly, both her hands finding Minho’s uninjured one. “It's too easy to love you.”
The words were like fireworks going off in Minho’s chest. Bang bang.
Love you.
She didn't mean love love, Minho tried to reason with herself even as she sat frozen under Felix's ardent gaze.
“I-” Felix cut herself off, cheeks flushing and eyes sweeping down momentarily before meeting hers again. “I didn't mean to tell you now. But…I want you to know. And even if you don't feel the same, that's okay. You showed me what love is supposed to feel like. So thank you.”
Minho’s brain wasn't working. Her ears surely weren't working properly either. How could Felix-
“I'm in love with you,” Felix said, impassioned but so plainly. Like it was a truth that couldn't be denied.
Minho felt like she was in an echo chamber- Felix's words bouncing around in her head until they barely made sense anymore.
Felix was in love with her?
She hadn't even dared to hope. It had felt selfish to even consider.
Somehow reciprocating still felt too greedy. Minho didn’t want to make it about herself when Felix's wellbeing and safety was on the line.
But lying about it was worse, and the resignation that was creeping into Felix's expression was enough to get her voice unstuck from her throat.
“I love you,” she said, nothing about the moment feeling even remotely real. “I'm in love with you, too. How could I not be?”
The tears still shining in Felix's eyes spilled over and cascaded down her cheeks as her face crumpled into a sob.
“Minho,” she breathed, throwing herself back into Minho's arms to tuck herself under her chin.
“I've got you,” Minho murmured, hands trembling as she held Felix close and willed herself not to cry.
Their confessions felt so heavy between them even with Minho feeling lighter than she ever had. Nothing about the moment felt insignificant. Felix's love and trust was more precious than anything Minho had ever held in her hands, and she was committed to keeping them safe.
Stroking against Felix's back as she sniffled, Minho did all she could to keep herself together. Felix needed someone to be strong for her more than ever, and Minho would do anything she could to support her as she pulled herself out from under Dukyun's cruel influence.
Felix sat up, taking a deep breath and wiping away her tears with her fingertips. But despite her watery eyes, the smile she sent Minho was breathtakingly bright.
Minho couldn't help but return it.
The conscious thought to kiss Felix didn't cross Minho’s mind in that moment because she knew she shouldn't. But that didn't mean anything in the face of Felix's eyes flitting to her lips and back up, leaning forward like gravity had shifted so they were being pulled toward each other instead of the earth.
When their lips connected, Minho felt her heart soar- wings flapping and all. She'd had her fair share of kisses with different women- some of whom she felt deeply for, others whom she didn't even know their last name. But nothing, nothing, had ever felt like that kiss with Felix.
It felt right in a way few things did- their lips gently catching and pressing like they were made to kiss each other. The happiness that swirled in Minho’s chest was like carbonation, ready to lift her in the air on a sea of bubbles.
Kissing Felix was the truest thing Minho had ever done.
But she was absolutely not supposed to be kissing Felix.
Not now. Not yet.
“We shouldn't,” she said, forcing herself to pull away from Felix's soft lips. “You're still with Dukyun.”
Felix's brow furrowed, mouth parting.
“Not that he doesn't deserve to be cheated on,” Minho amended, because it was true. The way he treated Felix left no room for any respect for his relationship with her. “But I would hate to know what he would do to either of us if he found out. It's better to wait.”
Sighing, Felix nodded. Acquiescing even though it wasn't what either of them wanted.
Minho scooted back so she could lean against the wall and helped Felix get situated next to her- head on her shoulder and hands clasped in Felix's lap.
It felt so good to just be together- relaxed and without anyone to interrupt them. Felix's warmth against her side was comfortable like Minho’s favorite song playing in her headphones. And also like her favorite song, it also had her feeling almost giddy- whether it was the first or hundredth time hearing it.
Minho didn’t think she would ever tire of Felix’s presence by her side.
“Just so you know,” Minho spoke after a moment, feeling Felix adjust her weight against her side, “my help isn't conditional. Even if you change your mind about me…this, us, I’ll still help you leave him.”
“I know,” was Felix's immediate and easy reply. “That's why it's so easy to love you.”
So simple, so matter of fact.
Minho felt her ears and cheeks burn as she squeezed Felix's hand tighter in her own.
They stayed like that- just breathing together- until Felix had to go to be home before Dukyun. Hopefully so he wouldn't know she'd left.
They didn't kiss goodbye, as tempting as it was.
But Felix's warm hand on Minho's even warmer cheek felt almost more intimate. I love you, please wait for me.
She didn't say it out loud, but Minho felt it in her chest.
And Felix's blinding smile before she left was enough to leave her breathless.
Felix kept saying that Minho was easy to love, but nothing was easier than loving Felix.
With her heart feeling too full and an unstoppable grin stretching across her face, Minho knew that first hand.
---
When Minho had been fifteen and shared her first kiss with her best friend during a sleepover at three in the morning, it had been all she could think about for days afterwards. The butterflies in her stomach were part of it- knowing that her crush hadn't been in vain and that the things she'd been feeling were shared.
But it couldn't just have been pure giddiness and joy like she might have felt had she had a crush on a boy who told her she was beautiful in a whisper and kissed her.
There was an edge of panic to her non-stop replaying of the kiss in her head. What if her friend decided she actually didn't like girls at all? What if their classmates found out? What if her parents found out?
The worry that accompanied her daydreams about handholding and kisses and dates had made her head spin.
There was never a time between the first flutters of feelings for her friend and the time that her parents caught the two of them kissing that Minho could ever just be completely happy.
Even in the best moments of their relationship, Minho was worrying. She never once stopped worrying. Not when she left home, not when she was so high she could barely remember her own name, and not when she found out that Felix was in love with her too.
This time it was a different kind of worry. A worse kind of worry. Because even though she did wonder if Felix might change her mind about wanting to be with a woman for real and what would happen when and if Felix's parents found out, the real worry was for Felix's safety at Dukyun's hands.
Minho couldn't feel the burgeoning joy at being in love and having that love reciprocated because, until Felix was out of Dukyun's grasp, she wasn't safe. And Minho wouldn't be happy until Felix was safe.
She was thinking about Felix as she ambled home from work on that Saturday morning, sun not yet high in the sky but still uncomfortable through the long sleeved shirt and jeans she wore to clean.
When would she get to see Felix again? Would she come back on Tuesday? Maybe Minho could arrange for some of the boys to be around, so they could try to come up with a plan to get Felix out of there. She didn't have a ton of money saved up, but it was enough to get a room at a shitty motel for a few nights while they figured out what to do without putting a huge drain on her savings.
Was it crazy to ask if Felix wanted to move in with her when she had enough for her own apartment? It wouldn't have to be living together like in the romantic sense- just to make it more financially feasible while Felix figured out what she wanted and where she wanted to go.
With two incomes, it might not be so bad, and Minho could maybe afford to put down a security deposit sooner.
She and Hyunjin had talked about living together, but Hyunjin had moved in with his boyfriend a month prior. Normally, that wouldn't mean much since his boyfriends were random guys from the club who were besotted enough with his performance and looks to let him stay with them until they realized there was nothing real between them.
This time, it was one of the bouncers from the strip club who Hyunjin had been flirting with on and off for months. And unlike with the sketchy patrons, there were real feelings involved.
Minho was so happy for him. He was her family, so seeing him genuinely happy for maybe the first time since she had met him was incredible. Even if it meant she had to push her plans to move into a real apartment back. She didn't mind, except now Felix needed to get away and soon.
If Felix came back Tuesday, they could sit down and figure this out.
Minho pulled the handle of the side door of the warehouse, metal hinges screaming as it swung open. It had been years since she winced at the sound.
“Oh look, she's finally back from scrubbing spunk from the carpet,” a voice sneered as Minho’s eyes adjusted to the low light inside after the bright sun. But even without seeing clearly, that voice was unmistakable, and Minho felt her entire body tense.
What the fuck did he want? She braced herself as she blinked, stepping further inside. But what she saw was so much worse than anything she could have imagined.
Dukyun was there, alright. But he wasn't alone. And while Felix's presence usually had elation welling up so high in her throat she practically had to swallow it down, Minho felt like her insides fell through the floor at the sight she was greeted with.
Dukyun's arm was wrapped around Felix's shoulders, keeping her trapped against his chest, and in his other hand, he was holding that damn pocket knife he always carried around and messed with. It wasn't pressed against her throat, but it was close enough that its threat was clear.
Felix, in soft shorts and a ratty t-shirt that looked like they were probably pajamas, was crying- wet eyes wide and fearful when they met Minho’s. Dukyun was holding onto her- fingers digging into her arms unforgivingly so she couldn't get away, and his pocket knife held next to her throat.
“I heard the funniest thing about you!” Dukyun exclaimed, voice dropping with derision. “Apparently, you're in love with my girlfriend! Isn't that the funniest thing you've ever heard? I'd tell you tough shit, she isn't a faggot, but, here's the real kicker, I heard she kissed you! So I guess you're both filthy dykes afterall!”
Fuck. Fuck!
“A very dear friend told me he saw you last week, here, kissing and discussing how Felix is going to leave me for you,” he jeered, jostling Felix as a sob was wrenched from her throat. “And neither of you lying bitches even decided to come clean and apologize.”
He spit on the floor, eyes dark with anger like smoldering coals.
Minho was so stupid. She hadn't realized someone else had been there that day since she'd had her headphones on and eyes closed before Felix came in. She should have checked. She should have told Felix they had to go somewhere else to talk. This was all her fault.
“Now I obviously can't just stand by when my girlfriend and my former client disrespect me like this,” he seethed, holding the knife closer to the column of Felix's throat.
The adrenaline that shot through Minho was unlike anything she'd ever felt, and she was moving toward the stairs before she'd even finished contemplating her next move.
“Where are you going?” Dukyun taunted, as if she was running away. As if she could ever leave Felix in danger. “I just wanna talk!”
His voice bounced off the ceiling as Minho made it to the loft and dove for Yeosang's mattress, knees hitting the floor hard. She didn't feel the pain though- too busy pushing the mattress up to get underneath it.
Almost no one was there at that time and the ones who were around were passed out after a night of drinking and partying. No one was going to help Felix except her.
Finding the slit in the fabric, Minho reached her arm inside the mattress and felt around until her fingers collided with cold metal.
She grabbed the gun and felt her heartbeat pound in her throat as she pulled it out.
Gun in hand, Minho sprung up and clattered back down the stairs toward the grating noise of Dukyun's voice.
“Oh that's cute,” he sneered when he saw what she was holding as she stalked back over to where he was standing. “You don't even know how to use that. I bet the safety is still on.”
It wasn't.
The splint on her middle finger made it a bit more awkward to hold, but she knew she could still shoot if she needed to.
“The one useful thing my piece of shit dad ever did was teach me to shoot,” she told him, voice remarkably stable for how hard her heart was hammering in her chest.
She wanted to look at Felix, but she didn't take her eyes off Dukyun- gun pointed directly at his smug face.
“You're bluffing,” he insisted, though just a tinge of doubt crept into his voice.
Minho shrugged a shoulder, finger still poised on the trigger.
“Up to you if you want to take that risk.”
She watched the uncertainty flash across his face before he was rolling his eyes at her like she was causing him some petty inconvenience.
“Whatever,” he scoffed, pushing Felix away from him.
Minho made quick eye contact with her and tilted her head. Get behind me.
Seeming to understand, Felix rushed to stand behind her- a feather-light touch to her lower back.
“What do I need with a couple of dykes anyway?” he mocked, and through her panic of keeping Felix safe and the relief that Dukyun had let her go, Minho felt her anger at Dukyun and everything he had done surge up and harden like magma hitting the air to solidify.
“I could kill you,” she told him calmly, voice like steel. There was nothing stopping her, and they both knew it.
That was a heady thought.
“You're fucking psychotic, you know that?” he spat, rage and disgust mixing with just a hint of real fear. “I always knew you weren't right in the head. You're insane.”
But Minho wasn't listening to his tirade anymore.
“Felix,” she said gently, though her eyes never left Dukyun's fury-reddened face. “Do you want me to kill him?”
There was a part of her that just wanted to fuck with him and make him feel one iota as helpless as he had made Felix, or even herself, feel. But there was a resolve that had taken hold as she aimed the pistol right between Dukyun's eyes that made her sure that she would pull the trigger if Felix asked her to.
If Dukyun dead was the only thing that made Felix feel safe, then she would do that for her.
She would do anything for Felix.
The pause after her question stretched longer than she expected. Felix- sweet Felix- was the type to forgive, not seek revenge. So the fact that she would even consider it had Minho’s determination hardening further.
“No,” Felix finally said, voice soft but feeling loud after the prolonged silence. “No, you don't need to kill him.”
Then Minho wouldn't. Simple as that.
“Alright,” she agreed, taking a breath before addressing Dukyun again. “Hear that? She's kinder than me. Now get the fuck out of here before she changes her mind.”
He hesitated for a second, like he was going to argue, before his lip curled in distaste and he spat on the floor.
“Crazy bitch,” he muttered, turning and making for the front door.
Minho breathed a small sigh of relief, but kept the gun pointed at him all the while- not relaxing until she heard his car door slam, the engine turn over, and the car pull out of the lot.
“Are you okay?” she asked, spinning to face Felix and searching her for any injuries with restless eyes, hands hovering carefully- too afraid to touch.
“Yes,” Felix breathed out, throwing herself into Minho to wrap her arms around her in a fierce hug. “Oh my god, Minho. I'm so sorry. I was so scared he was going to hurt you!”
“Me?” Minho asked incredulously, putting the safety back on before holding Felix to her chest with shaky arms. “I thought he was going to kill you.”
Felix shook her head, though Minho didn’t know how she could possibly not realize how much danger she had been in. Shock, maybe.
“He got home and just yanked me out of bed and threw me in the car to come here,” she explained, breath puffing against Minho’s neck. “I didn't know what was going on until he said we had to wait for you. I had no idea he knew. I'm sorry!”
“Stop apologizing,” Minho hushed, stroking against Felix's hair. “None of this is your fault. But we can't stay here in case he comes back. Lemme grab some things and we'll go to a motel or something to lay low, okay?”
Felix nodded, reluctantly stepping out of Minho's embrace and holding Minho’s hand as she quickly led her upstairs in order to pack whatever belongings would fit in a bag.
She didn't know when she would be back.
An armful of clothes, her Walkman and cassettes, and the roll of money she had hidden in the hollowed out leg of the rickety little bedside table she's found on the street.
Minho hesitated, looking to Yeosang’s overturned bed, but decided she couldn't risk him finding them on their way. She'd have to get the gun back to him later.
He'd told a few people he trusted about where he hid it in case they ever needed it. She thought he would understand her need to keep it for just a bit longer.
So with the gun tucked into the back of her jeans, her satchel thrown over her shoulder, and Felix's hand in hers, Minho left the warehouse for what could potentially be the last time.
The closest motel was only three blocks away, but it seemed too risky. If Dukyun wanted to find them, that would probably be one of the first places he checked.
Plus, walking around the area he was likely driving around felt too dangerous. So Minho prayed she had enough for two fares on her transit card, and led Felix down the stairs to the subway.
Even standing on the platform, waiting for the train, Minho felt like her head was on a swivel. Every movement in the corner of her eye had her snapping her head in that direction, imagining it was Dukyun. Every loud noise, every male voice, every sudden movement had her on edge.
Felix was still clinging to her arm, toes curled in her flip flops against the chill of the underground.
When they got on the subway, Minho pulled Felix toward the back of the car so they could see who got on and off at each stop from both doors, and once the doors slid shut for the first time, Minho finally relaxed enough to open her bag and pull out a sweatshirt for Felix.
“Thank you,” she breathed, ponytail barely hanging on from everything that had happened and baby hairs around her face mussed even further from pulling the material over her head.
Minho shook her head, hand finding Felix's again where it poked out of the too-long sleeve. She felt like, if she didn't hold on, Felix was going to be ripped away.
“There's a motel a few stops South,” she said, voice low as though the three strangers in their car cared. “We can lay low there for a day or two while we figure out what to do. Does that sound okay? I'm sorry you don't have any of your things.”
“It's fine, don't worry,” Felix assured her, squeezing her hand like she hadn't been the one with the knife to her throat a mere thirty minutes earlier. “I don't need anything.”
“I have some clothes you can borrow,” Minho offered anyway, bumping into Felix as the train lurched from stopping at the next station.
A woman got on, headphones over her ears and acrylic nails tapping against the strap of her purse.
The three men stayed in their seats.
None looked in their direction.
Minho tried to relax.
“Thank you,” Felix said again, voice soft and knee knocking into hers, “for everything.”
Minho shook her head again, too much emotion stuck in her throat.
All she needed was for Felix to be okay.
---
They checked in under a fake name.
The motel was shitty enough that they didn't ask for i.d. or any proof of who they were. Considering the clientele, that wasn't a surprise.
Keycard in hand, they made their way up to the second floor and Minho still checked over her shoulder- over the banister that looked over the sidewalk- before she let them into the room and closed the door.
Minho dropped her bag at her feet and employed the swing bar lock before she took what felt like the first full breath since she had walked into the warehouse after her shift.
Except the exhale was cut off when Felix's mouth pressed insistently to hers, hands gripping Minho’s shoulders tight enough that her nails dug into her skin through the fabric.
The urge to kiss back was strong enough that she gave in momentarily before their situation cut through the fog in her brain, and she pulled back.
“Felix,” she breathed, looking into Felix's shiny, blown eyes. “We shouldn't. You're in shock. So much happened today. You shouldn't feel like you need to rush into anything. We can just relax and get something to eat-”
Felix's lips were against hers again, tongue coming out to prod at the seam of her lips.
“Felix,” she said again, head spinning as she watched Felix's tongue swipe against her full lower lip. “I'd be taking advantage of you. You're in a really vulnerable place right now. I-”
“You're not,” Felix insisted, palms smoothing over Minho’s shoulders and moving up to her neck. “You're not, I swear, you're not. I want you. I've wanted you. I need you, Minho. Please.”
It wasn't a plea that Minho wanted to reject, but she couldn't help but worry that Felix would regret it when she was thinking more clearly.
She opened her mouth to say as much, but Felix was already shaking her head like she could read it all on Minho's face.
“I promise I'm sure,” she insisted, pushing onto her tiptoes to bury her face in the side of Minho's neck, bodies pressed together from shoulder to thigh. “If you don't want to, that's okay. But if you do…”
The sentence hung there, breathed into Minho's neck, and she grasped at Felix's waist to steady her. She could feel the way her stomach extended with her breathing.
Felix in her space, nearly breathing the same air, was intoxicating. And though she worried, she didn't want to be the type of person to insist she knew someone else's limits better than they did.
She trusted Felix. So if Felix said she was sure, she had to trust that as well.
Her palm skimmed up Felix's waist and then down to her lower back. The shudder and the gasp against her throat had goosebumps rolling over her skin.
Lips dragging up Minho's throat to her jaw, it wasn't long before Felix's lips were on hers again, but this time, Minho didn’t stop her.
The kiss started chaste, but quickly turned desperate and messy. Felix's saliva smudged against her chin as their mouths met again and again- frenzied with the build up of feelings and spurred on by the adrenaline still buzzing through both of them.
Minho’s uninjured hand slipped too easily under the hem of Felix's oversized sleep shirt- palm running up the warm skin of her back and making her shiver in her hold.
Body rocking forward against her, Minho was reminded of the clothes she was wearing and how absolutely gross they were from cleaning.
“I swear this isn't a line, but my clothes are filthy,” Minho said after pulling back from Felix's eager mouth with a wet smack.
Felix snickered, cheeks flushed and lips puffy and pink from kissing.
“I don't mind,” she assured her, short fingers ringing Minho’s wrist. “But I also wouldn't mind if you wanted to take them off.”
Her eyes danced with amusement as Minho felt her ears burn even though she was the one to suggest it in the first place.
Nodding, she crossed her arms and tugged her t-shirt over her head. And before making eye contact with Felix and feeling too self conscious, she unbuttoned her jeans with one hand and shoved them down her thighs.
Not knowing she was going to be in this position, her underwear wasn't anything special- just some pale blue, plain panties and the most uninteresting beige bra a person could imagine. But Felix's face when she finally looked at her again was awed.
“Minho, you're so beautiful,” she marveled, and Minho’s blush deepened and spread down her now exposed chest.
She wanted to argue- insist that Felix was the beautiful one- but somehow, she couldn't find the words with her voice feeling caught in her throat at the sensation of Felix's reverent gaze on her.
Felix's hands on her waist was a slight distraction from how naked she felt, but Felix's lips on hers was enough to get her out of her own head and back into the present.
The kiss quickly deepened again, and they stumbled toward the bed- hands roaming and gasps swallowed in each other's mouths.
With Felix on her back, hair splayed across the ugly duvet and eyes bottomless pools of want as she stared up at her, Minho couldn't stop the desperate sound in her throat as she dove down to reconnect their lips.
Her hand with the splint was braced beside Felix's head and the other slid under Felix's shirt until the fabric was bunched above Felix's breasts.
Minho really couldn't help the sigh of admiration.
“You're gorgeous,” she breathed, transfixed as she watched her own hand cradle Felix's breast- thumb grazing over her nipple and making her whimper.
“Minho, please,” Felix begged, fingers threaded through the hair at Minho’s nape. “I need you, I need you. Please.”
No one could have denied her. No one would have the strength. Moreover, Minho didn’t want to. She needed her too, though it wasn't something she could admit so easily.
When Minho moved her hand down Felix's torso, Felix arched against her and parted her thighs.
The warmth of Felix as she slipped her fingers beneath the elastic waistband of her underwear was enough to take Minho's breath. And she couldn't hide the sound of appreciation in her throat at the wetness that greeted her when she touched her properly. Even the backs of her fingers met slickness when the crotch of her panties dragged against them.
Lifting her hips, Felix pushed her shorts and underwear down her thighs, and Minho, through her stupor, helped her take them off the rest of the way.
Felix, turned on and wanting her, was something she could barely wrap her mind around, but she wasn't about to leave her hanging while she tried to let it sink in.
Moaning as soon as Minho’s fingers were against her again, Felix arched into her touch- back bowing and thighs widening. Minho’s fingers moved against her, the slide slick and easy, listening for the hitches in her breath and feeling her tense when it felt especially good.
“Inside,” she requested, breathless, and Minho readjusted the angle to slip her middle finger into her tightening warmth.
Her lips smudged kisses against her jaw, her neck, her breasts- every inch of soft, alabaster skin she could reach- and she was rewarded with little mewls of pleasure each time.
Felix was so responsive- the prettiest gasps, moans, and whimpers falling from her kiss-pinkened lips as Minho added a second and third finger at her request.
“Oh my god, oh my god,” Felix sobbed, scrabbling to grip Minho’s wrist, her bicep, her waist. “I'm close. Minho, I'm so close.”
With some amount of regret, Minho leaned back on her heels so she wouldn't need her left arm to hold her up. Her lips tingled, unable to reach Felix's skin from her new position. But now she could rub her thumb against Felix's swollen clit as she fucked the fingers of her other hand into her.
The wail she got for her efforts sent a pulsing jab of arousal straight through her that echoed between her legs.
“Oh god, Minho,” she whimpered, hips jumping on the bed and fingers digging in where she had them hooked around Minho’s bicep and the nape of her neck.
Vision swimming with arousal, Minho watched in awe as Felix cried out with her climax- body clenching around her fingers so tightly as her eyes squeezed shut and her brows creased so deeply, it could almost have been mistaken for pain.
She was gorgeous.
Felix's lips were parted as she came down, trying to catch her breath as she seemed to melt into the mattress with satisfaction.
Unsure of what to do and wary not to overstep, Minho carefully eased herself down so she was resting on her side next to Felix's prone body. She allowed herself to brush away the hair that clung to Felix's temple with sweat, but she made sure there was space between them.
“Oh my god,” Felix huffed out after a moment, sounding fucked out and exhausted all at once.
Eyes fluttering open, she turned her head to look at Minho immediately- smile blooming on her face as soon as their eyes met.
“That was amazing, thank you,” she gusted out, humming as she rolled into Minho to slot their legs together and press a chaste kiss to Minho’s lips.
“Don't…thank me,” Minho managed on an awkward laugh, having to use far too much concentration not to let her hips rock forward where Felix's thigh was pressed between her legs. “It was alright?”
Maybe a stupid question on the heels of an orgasm, but she couldn't help that her worry of moving too fast or taking advantage of Felix still remained.
“Alright?” Felix laughed incredulously, pulling back to meet Minho’s eyes again with a disbelieving grin. She giggled, biting her lip a little coyly as a flush spread across her nose. “That was incredible. I swear, it's never been like that before with anyone else.”
It hadn't been. Not for Minho either, even though she hadn't even been touched. But the flood of warmth spilling from her heart to the tips of her toes and the way her mind felt melted and scrambled already... There was no comparison.
Felix leaned in to kiss her, and Minho lost herself in the plush press of her lips and the teasing swipe of her tongue. The twitch of her hips was involuntary, but before she could apologize, Felix gasped into her mouth and pressed against her lower to back as though to encourage her.
“Are you-” Minho started, wanting to be sure she wasn't misunderstanding, but Felix pressed her thigh up between Minho’s legs before she could finish her sentence, and all that came out was a pathetic sounding whimper.
“I can touch you too,” Felix offered earnestly, one hand gripping Minho’s hip and the other kneading at her breast through her flimsy bra.
But as the damp fabric of her own underwear dragged against her sensitive cunt with every rock of her hips forward, the end was already in sight.
“Almost,” Minho puffed against Felix's neck, embarrassment warring with the sticky, hot arousal filling her gut as she chased her climax. “Gonna come.”
Moaning like it was her own orgasm, Felix urged her on with a hand gripping her ass through her underwear and her lips mouthing at Minho’s pulse point.
It was too fast, but as Minho ground her clit against Felix's tensed thigh, the pleasure rose before she could stop it- spinning out of control as she tipped over the edge with colors dancing behind her closed lids and a groan working its way out from between her bitten lips.
Felix was murmuring encouragements as she came down and back into herself, embarrassment nearly unreachable over the satisfying hum of release that swelled in her and spread to the tips of her fingers.
“Was it good?” Felix asked, eyes shining and lips pulled up in a content smile when Minho managed to open her eyes.
She knew her ears were red when she leaned in to kiss Felix in answer, but the smile against her mouth was well worth any self-consciousness.
“You're still doing okay?” she checked after a couple of minutes of their lips moving languidly together as their heartbeats calmed.
Felix hummed in reply, nose nuzzling into her jaw affectionately.
“Not counting this morning, I've never been better,” Felix joked, rolling so she could throw her leg over Minho’s hip and look down at her with her elbow propping her up.
“And what if you count this morning?” Minho reluctantly prompted after Felix had pressed a kiss to her cheekbone and her cupid’s bow.
Thoughtful, Felix looked at the headboard for a moment before she shook her head.
“I don't know. I mean, it was awful, right? But at least it feels like…it's over, you know? The bandaid got ripped off, anyway. I don't know what he's going to do in the future, but I'm not stuck in his apartment, waiting for it to happen. I'm here.”
She tucked a strand of Minho's hair behind her ear, and Minho couldn't stop herself from letting her lips catch on Felix's wrist when she went to pull away.
Her chest warmed with the curl of Felix's lips.
“I hate that you had to get in the middle of things,” she went on, brows creasing in worry as her eyes swept over Minho’s face- looking for something like regret that she wouldn't find. “But thank you.”
“I was always going to get in the middle of things,” Minho told her truthfully, a wry smile playing at her lips. And then because she couldn't keep it tucked beneath her tongue anymore, “I love you.”
Felix's gaze softened even further, tears springing to her eyes even as she smiled as brightly as she ever had.
“I love you too,” she said, one and then two tears spilling over to run down the swell of her cheeks. “I love you so much.”
They needed to eat and shower and make some sort of a plan, but not yet.
Curled together in bed, safe and accepted and content, they didn't move until the sun was coloring the drab white walls a deep persimmon as it started to dip below the horizon.
Everything else could wait.
---
Nine pm on Tuesday night, Minho dialed the number of the club.
She had it memorized for emergencies.
This…kind of was one.
Felix was cross-legged on the three-day dirty sheets in her own sleep shorts and one of Minho's t-shirts, dark hair pulled up in a messy ponytail.
The sight of her, especially in Minho’s clothes, had something twisting in Minho’s gut that made her want to laugh out loud and also scream for how intense it felt.
But as she waited for someone to pick up, ringing echoing in her ear, all she did was smile when Felix met her eyes.
“Hello, Taste Gentleman's Club.”
Minho exhaled in relief when she heard the manager's voice. She'd met this one, and knew Hyunjin liked her. Hopefully she wouldn't have any qualms with handing over the phone even though Hyunjin would be preparing to go onstage right then.
“Hi, this is Minho. Would it be-”
“Minho? Oh my god, Hyunjin has been worried sick! Let me get him for you.”
She was put on hold before she could even thank her.
“She's getting him,” she told Felix, whose expression had turned worried when Minho had been cut off from completing her practiced spiel.
But for as relieved as she felt that she'd be able to talk to Hyunjin, the guilt that she'd caused him to worry had her stomach feeling like it was full of acid.
She hadn't wanted to wait so long, but Hyunjin only worked Tuesday nights, and she and Felix didn't dare step foot back in the warehouse and risk running into Dukyun.
So, the two had spent the last 3, almost 4, days holed up in their shitty, little motel room ordering pizzas for almost all their meals and filling in the gaps in their diet with candy from the vending machine on the first floor.
Their time had been split up between napping and talking. Minho had finally given the unabridged version of how she'd ended up living in a converted warehouse, owing money to a scumbag. And in turn, she'd learned about Felix's past, her family, and the uninspiring marriage her parents had, which Felix thought might have had something to do with her propensity for dating men who were assholes. They still had so much to discover about each other, but after talking until the wee hours of the morning multiple nights in a row, Minho had never felt closer to another person in her entire life. Even Hyunjin, though it was close (and very, very different.)
During those three days, they had also been having sex, but that felt a little sleazy given the fact that their friends hadn't heard from them in days and were worried.
Still, it wasn't like anyone would fault her for giving into Felix's every whim. She deserved it. She deserved everything and more.
“Hello?”
Hyunjin's voice.
He sounded frantic.
“Hi, it's me.”
Anticlimactic after everything, but Minho wasn't good with genuine, emotion-filled dramatics.
“Minho! Holy shit!” he exclaimed, very good at dramatics of all kinds. “I thought Siyeon was lying! It's really you! Where are you? What happened? Are you okay? Are you with Felix?”
“I'm okay,” Minho started, trying to go in order from the most to least important of those questions. “We're okay. I'm with Felix.”
The exhale of relief crackled through the line, and the guilt reached Minho's esophagus.
“Fuck, thank fuck,” Hyunjin uttered, voice weak like all the worrying had wrung him dry. “We thought Dukyun might have buried you somewhere. People were saying they heard yelling and saw his car, but then you never came home. I was so scared.”
Hyunjin's voice was so small, almost breaking, and Minho's throat ached, eyes stinging.
She swallowed, and shut her eyes against the blur of the yellow-tinged lamplight.
“I'm sorry,” she said, voice wobbling even as she tried to keep it steady.
Felix's hand was on her thigh- a kiss being pressed to her shoulder- before the first teardrop even fell.
“We got out of the area so he wouldn't find us,” she explained, ignoring the grapefruit sized lump in her throat and the tears spilling from her eyes. “I took Yeosang's gun. Tell him I'm sorry. I'll get it back to him, I promise. We're in a motel, just laying low. I'm sorry you worried. I didn't want to come back in case he was there.”
Minho hated crying, and tried not to let it bleed into her voice, but she was sure Hyunjin knew anyway.
“No, no, no, of course not,” Hyunjin soothed as Minho messily swiped at her tears with her wrist. “You did the right thing. You're safe. That's all that matters. And Yeosang isn't worried about his fucking gun, Minho,” Hyunjin chided on a watery laugh.
“He…” she started, glancing at Felix who had teared up in sympathy. She didn't want to retraumatize her, but she wanted Hyunjin to know what happened.
Felix nodded encouragingly, even if she might not have known exactly what had made Minho pause, and that was enough.
“I got home from work, and he had Felix at knife point,” she recounted, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath to keep the anger and panic of that moment from coming back. “He found out-” she paused again.
Hyunjin didn't know what had happened the week before, and Minho couldn't help the guilt she still felt for the role she played in everything. Obviously, Dukyun was the one to blame, but Felix had still been in danger as a direct consequence of her actions. That was something that would haunt her.
“Someone heard us talking the week before,” she started again. “Felix snuck out to tell me she was planning to leave him and we kissed. And someone saw.”
Taking a deep breath, Minho barreled on quickly even though she knew Hyunjin wasn't about to chastise her.
“So, anyway, I ran and got Yeosang's gun, and made him let Felix go, and after he left, I grabbed some stuff and we got out of there. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you before.”
“Stop apologizing,” Hyunjin gently scolded, sounding less teary and more irate. “He had Felix at knife point? I'd have just killed him if I were you!”
“I almost did,” Minho admitted, and Hyunjin's appreciative cackle had the knot in her chest loosening.
“So…you and Felix?” he asked, voice light. She never outright told him she had feelings for Felix, but it must have been obvious despite her attempts to play her cards close to her chest.
“Um,” Minho started, heart flipping behind her ribs as she met Felix’s eyes- shining with encouragement even though she could only hear one side of the conversation and didn't know what Hyunjin had asked. “Yeah.”
The squeal he let out had Minho holding the phone away from her ear, and Felix looked at her questioningly until Minho laughed, shaking her head.
“I need to hear absolutely everything about that at some point, but we should probably make a plan,” Hyunjin reasoned, sounding disappointed by his own proclamation.
It reminded Minho of the early days of their friendship, sitting outside the warehouse to share a cigarette at three in the morning and gossiping about the guys Hyunjin was hooking up with and the girl Minho was flirting with.
“You guys can stay with Changbin and I while you figure things out,” Hyunjin continued, referring to his new boyfriend. “No use wasting all your money on hotel rooms.”
“You said it's a one bedroom,” Minho argued, frowning. She hated to put people out or be a burden of any kind. Hyunjin knew that. “And you haven't even asked him.”
“You can sleep on the couch. We'll get an air mattress. Whatever,” he replied breezily, like it was that easy. “And if he doesn't agree- which he will because he's a good guy and he knows how worried I've been about you- then I'll break up with him, and we can split the hotel room three ways.”
Minho rolled her eyes fondly even though Hyunjin couldn't see her, because it was either that or burst into tears again.
“Okay,” she agreed, just because Hyunjin wouldn't back down until he got his way. “Okay, tell me his address. We'll come over tomorrow after checkout.”
She could hear Hyunjin's grin through the phone, so maybe he heard her eyeroll after all.
---
Changbin's apartment was, indeed, not meant for four people.
But he had agreed to Minho and Felix staying for a couple nights, so Hyunjin was right about that, anyway.
As soon as they'd arrived and Hyunjin had had a chance to hug both of them, sniffling into Minho's shoulder as she teased him for being a softie as though she hadn't cried on the phone too, it became very obvious that Felix didn't have any of her own belongings.
The single bag was one clue. Minho’s oversized Bikini Kill t-shirt hanging off Felix's small frame was another.
“It's all at Dukyun's,” Felix had explained. “I don't think I'll be able to get any of it. It's fine.”
“It is not fine!” Hyunjin had shrieked, which had quickly led to Changbin offering to go get it himself with another one of the bouncers from the club.
All of Hyunjin's gushing about Changbin's muscles was true, it seemed, but Felix had still tried to protest, not wanting to put anyone in a bad position.
Changbin wouldn't hear any of it, though, and confidently offered to fuck him up while he was there, shooting Hyunjin a grin that had him swooning and Minho hoping the walls weren't as thin as they looked.
After the flirting, Felix sat down with Changbin to make a list of what she had left in Dukyun's apartment, as well as where everything was…if Dukyun hadn't tossed it out or sold it, of course.
Which was how they ended up sitting at the round little kitchen table the following morning, each with a mug of coffee, waiting for Changbin to get back from Dukyun's place.
It was just the two of them since Hyunjin had insisted he tag along, though he'd had to promise Changbin he would stay outside. They were also going to swing past the warehouse to give Yeosang his gun back as long as things didn't go South with Dukyun.
Changbin certainly seemed capable of holding his own, but Minho was still anxious about it and could see that Felix was too.
“We should probably try to make a plan so we don't have to sleep on a blanket pile on Changbin's floor forever,” Minho joked, hoping to take Felix mind off of worrying for a bit. “Not that the blankets aren't comfortable. It's more the nighttime soundtrack that is less than ideal…”
Felix's pensive frown was startled into a smile that rivaled the sun slanting through the kitchen windows, a belly laugh escaping as she tilted her head back in mirth.
“No, I'm glad you brought it up,” Felix said when her laughter died down. “I've been thinking about it, and I think we could probably afford a security deposit on an apartment outside the city. Not a good one, but good enough while we save up.”
“I… don't think I have enough saved yet, even for outside of the city. Plus, with what I had to use for the motel room and food the last couple of days…” Minho bit the inside of her cheek, short nails tapping against the side of her coffee cup with some sports team emblazoned on the side that she had never heard of. “I'm sorry.
“No, no,” Felix shook her head, reaching across the table to put her hand on Minho's forearm. “Sorry, I didn't explain that well. I have some savings from when I was working and living at my parents’ house. I've used some since moving in with Dukyun, but not a lot. He didn't ask for rent, and used that as an excuse to claim I didn't need to get a job. So with that and whatever you have left, I think we should be okay for a security deposit and a couple months’ rent until we can both find jobs.”
Minho blinked. She hadn't considered that. On one hand, having the means to get out of the city and away from Dukyun was amazing. But she hated that Felix was going to be financing most of it. She didn't want to be dead weight. And besides-
“That money was for your college, though,” Minho argued, hating even more that she would be holding Felix back.
Felix, however, leveled her with an unimpressed look.
“It would have been if I hadn't gotten myself in this mess,” she pointed out, and held a hand up when Minho opened her mouth to argue.
“It’s true,” Felix insisted. “If I hadn't left home to be with that asshole, I'd be registering for classes around this time, but I'm not. I'm sleeping on someone's floor, avoiding my psychotic ex, and needing somewhere safe to live. My savings couldn't be used for anything better right now.
“Of course I don't want you to feel like you have to come with me. I guess living together might be kind of a big step considering we haven't even really had the what are we talk yet, but I'd like it if you did. And I can start saving for school again once we get on our feet. I'm not planning on letting Dukyun destroy my future, don't worry.”
Speechless, Minho just stared at Felix for a moment- eyes imploring and jaw set with determination as she sat in a near stranger's apartment with none of her possessions, no help from her family, and no home to speak of. Minho had been in a similar position, and could say with certainty that she hadn't handled it with anywhere near as much grace.
“You're fucking amazing, you know that?” she finally said, feeling the smile tug at her lips as she shook her head in disbelief.
Felix flushed, sitting back in her chair and flapping a hand in front of her as she giggled. “I'm not.”
“Seriously, you are,” Minho insisted, sitting forward and trapping Felix's ankles between her calves under the table. “And as far as what we are, I was hoping you were my girlfriend, but I guess I shouldn't get too ahead of myself.”
“I am, I am,” she quickly interjected, sitting up straight and grabbing for Minho’s hands with a giddy grin on her face. “As long as you're mine too.”
“Of course I am,” Minho told her, swallowing around the feeling of her ballooning heart creeping up her throat.
Felix was up off her chair and in Minho’s lap before she could even take a full breath, lips against hers even though they both were smiling too much to properly kiss.
The apartment door banging open had Minho tensing- a habit formed early with the knowledge that getting caught kissing a girl wouldn't lead to anything favorable. But Felix's expression when they pulled apart wasn't one of fear of being caught doing something she shouldn't.
Instead, it was just relief when Hyunjin and Changbin filed inside with two suitcases and a couple plastic bags full of what was presumably Felix's things.
“You're back!” she exclaimed, hopping up from Minho’s lap to take one of the bags from over Hyunjin's arm. “Did it go okay?”
Her concern was for them, not for having been in Minho’s lap when they walked in, and something settled in Minho's chest that she hadn't even known was untethered. She was safe there, in Changbin's and Hyunjin's shared apartment. She was safe with Felix.
“Apparently Changbin had him against the wall with his forearm to his throat at one point!” Hyunjin told Felix, throwing his hands up after setting down the bags he was carrying. And then to Changbin, “I can't believe you made me wait outside and I missed it!”
“You see me manhandle unruly customers at the club all the time,” Changbin pointed out, seemingly pleased with Hyunjin's excitement.
“Yeah, but this is personal,” Hyunjin complained, sticking out his lower lip and petulantly crossing his arms over his chest.
“You're right, I'm sorry,” Changbin teased, leaning forward to press a smacking kiss to Hyunjin's pout. “Next time I have to threaten Dukyun, I'll get you a front row seat.”
“Thank you,” Hyunjin sniffed, unable to keep up the sulky act with Changbin's indulgent grin directed at him.
“Did you give Yeosang back his gun?” Minho interrupted. For as cute as they were, she wanted to know how successful their outing had been before they fell back into shamelessly flirting with each other with no end to their banter in sight.
“Yep!” Hyunjin confirmed as he knelt down to start arranging the bags they'd brought back. “He said he was honored that his gun had been pointed at, and I quote, that fucking asshole.”
Minho snorted.
“Thank you,” she said, sobering, “for doing that.”
Hyunjin waved her off. “Of course.”
“So, I can't promise that we got everything of yours,” Changbin said when Felix unzipped one of the suitcases and started looking through it, “but we looked everywhere in that apartment and got everything we found that was yours.”
“My wallet,” Felix murmured, hastily opening it to see what was inside.
“Yeah, I peeked in there, and there's no cash, so if there was at one time, he probably took it,” Changbin explained. “But at least it looks like your i.d. and a couple cards are still there.”
“Yes, my i.d. is here,” Felix confirmed, understandably relieved. “And my debit card.”
“He doesn't have the pin, does he?” Hyunjin checked, and Felix shook her head.
“He doesn't, but I'll call my bank this afternoon just to make sure everything is fine.”
Felix looked up at Minho who was hovering- not wanting to invade Felix's privacy by looking over her shoulder, but wanting to be nearby in case she was needed- and smiled.
Like it was the last piece of the puzzle they needed before they could start over together. Felix's things, shoved into suitcases and plastic sacks- ready to be sorted and repacked and rehomed in a space they could call their own.
No more looking over their shoulders. No one keeping them apart. Just them, Felix's beautiful smile, and Minho's love for her that threatened to burst her open at the seams.
It was all they needed.
-----
Kicking her worn shoes off, Minho closed and locked the door behind herself as she stepped into the apartment.
The light in the kitchen was on, but the secondhand lamp on the table next to the couch in the living room wasn't- the cool, dim light of the evening still coming in between the plastic slats of the blinds.
Felix's textbooks were spread across the kitchen table next to what seemed to be a half full cup of tea. Felix's familiar handwriting filling the open notebook had Minho smiling as she set her keys in the little dish on the counter.
Felix was only taking two classes at the local community college that she managed to schedule around her hours working as a waitress in the diner a few blocks from their apartment, but it was a start. Minho was so proud of her, and had insisted on taking extra hours at her own job working in the kitchen of a fast food restaurant in order to make ends meet.
Naturally, Felix had protested, but Minho had insisted. She was still feeling guilty for the amount of money Felix initially put toward their security deposit, but even without that, she just wanted to see Felix work toward the life she wanted for herself- the life that she deserved.
Minho was only a couple of credits away from her high school diploma, and she planned to finish once they were a bit more settled.
“You're home,” Felix enthused, smile overtaking her face almost blindingly as she emerged from the bathroom in one of Minho's t-shirts and a pair of sweatpants.
Felix in her clothes never failed to have her stomach swooping like she was on a rollercoaster, heart turning over and over as Felix made her way over to her to kiss her like she hadn't seen her in days instead of hours.
It was always like that, whether Minho had nipped out to the store down the block for less than ten minutes, if she had come back from a double shift at the restaurant or from a weekend visit to see Hyunjin in the city. Felix greeted her like every second apart was a second wasted when they could have been touching or kissing or just breathing together as Felix studied and Minho listened to something on her Walkman so she wouldn't disturb her with her music.
It had been almost a year since they'd moved in together, and Felix still kissed her like she would die if she didn't, fingers gripping onto Minho’s neck and jaw as she fought to get closer still. Sometimes their teeth knocked together, and it was a little painful but always worth it when Felix whimpered into her mouth as Minho sucked on her tongue and grasped at her ass to pull their hips tighter together.
Initially, Minho had been worried that Felix might change her mind about their relationship. She thought Felix might decide she didn't want to be with a woman after all, whether it was because she wanted a man more or because the judgment and bigotry they had to face wasn't worth it.
What if Dukyun being such an asshole just made Minho seem like a better choice in comparison than she was?
There was some spiraling that Minho definitely denied when Felix brought it up later because, really, she wasn't the spiraling type. That was better left for Hyunjin and his dramatics.
But the point was that none of Minho's worries came to fruition.
When she guiltily admitted her fears to Felix after work and hormone sponsored sleep deprivation, Felix hadn't been offended or angry that Minho had doubted her. Instead, she had gingerly cupped Minho's cheeks in her hands and told her in no uncertain terms how much she loved her.
I've never been more certain about anything than I am about you were the words that had all of Minho's anxieties rushing out of her in big gulping sobs as Felix soothingly stroked against Minho’s spine, tears pouring down her own cheeks as well.
Their combined pasts had left them both with plenty of baggage and insecurities, so forging a healthy relationship wasn't always easy. But it was the most worthwhile thing Minho had ever done. And every stumbling block of miscommunications or hurt feelings was worth it when she had Felix laying down next to her every night with the stars in her eyes and speckled across her cheeks, leaning in to give her a goodnight kiss that tasted like chapstick and promises they were both working to fulfill.
Felix's kiss that evening tasted like the green tea she had been drinking while she studied, but by the time they separated, Minho felt like she'd licked all the tea from her mouth so all that was left was Felix.
“How was your shift?” Felix asked, leaning into Minho and following as Minho went to their bedroom to strip out of her work clothes, perpetually stinking of grease.
“Long,” she sighed, lips quirking at the casual boob grope Felix got in before she got her sweatshirt over her head.
She needed to shower too, but that could wait until later. Right then, Minho just wanted to be off her feet and with her girlfriend.
“How's your studying?” she asked in return when they made it back to the kitchen table, Felix's hands still wrapped around Minho’s arm like they could possibly lose each other in the six foot long hallway that led from the bedroom.
“Okay, I think,” Felix replied, scrunching her nose as she slumped back in her chair and regarded her notes. “Test isn't until Friday, so I have time to absorb all of this,” she gestured to her notebook, flipping through a few pages covered with her familiar looping scrawl for effect.
Minho smiled, dropping into the chair beside her and reaching up to massage her fingers into Felix's shoulder. Felix groaned, letting her eyes flutter shut for a moment before snapping them open and shooting a cute glare at Minho.
“You shouldn't be massaging me! You just got home from work!” she complained, trying to look stern, but pouting more than anything. “I should be massaging you!”
“You can later,” Minho assured her, digging her fingertips into the side of Felix's neck where she felt a knot and humming sympathetically when Felix jolted before leaning into her touch.
Exhaustion tugged at Minho’s limbs, but just being near Felix was like a recharge. She'd joked she was solar powered by Felix's sunshine smile before, and Felix had smacked her through happy giggles and with rose dusted cheeks.
“I was thinking of making myself an omelet. Do you want one?” she asked, readying herself to stand up again.
“You don't have to, you're tired,” Felix frowned, highlighter in hand as she flipped the page in her textbook.
“Anything for you,” Minho sang, grinning as she pushed herself up and took the four steps it took to get to the fridge to grab the eggs.
“Well, you did almost shoot a man for me, so I guess an omelet isn't that crazy,” Felix joked, collapsing in laughter against the table as Minho snorted, closing the fridge with her foot.
It had taken a while, but they were able to joke about it all now. Because it was truly an insane series of events that they had been through, especially compared to the quiet, albeit busy, life they had currently.
And what better way to get over a hard time than by making light of it? They’d definitely earned it.
“I did once, and I’d do it again,” Minho confirmed, turning on the stove and shooting a smile at Felix who was grinning back.
It was a tease, but they both knew it was true.
“Well, since you would do anything for me, would you mind adding some extra cheese to my omelet?” Felix asked, sitting on her feet and fluttering her lashes at Minho. As if she needed to butter her up to get what she wanted.
As if Minho wasn't already going to put extra cheese in Felix's omelet.
“Hmmm,” she hummed, feeling her lips pulling up in a smile as she dropped a dollop of butter in the warming pan. “I suppose I could do that for you.”
“I love you!” Felix called before getting up to press a smacking kiss to Minho’s cheek.
Minho turned her head, catching Felix's lips with her own.
At seventeen, with only a backpack to her name and no place to go, she never could have imagined being so happy and feeling so safe and accepted.
The version of love she had gotten from her family hadn't instilled much faith in the concept in her, but she had somehow managed to find her own family and learn what it truly meant to love and be loved.
“I love you too,” she replied, laughing as Felix pressed kisses to her cheek and jaw and brow and everywhere else she could reach.
She was home.