The Big Book Of Regulars Stories

by VenusDeMiloRyder

Summary:

This is a mixed bag of relationships for The Regulars. So far there is only Andrew/Zud. I will explain at the beginning of each chapter what the story is about.

Chapter 1: ZudxAndrew part one

Summary:

Zud is alone. His mind is at war with itself and he is caught in the middle. When Andrew, Austin, and Ian find him slipping majorly, they take matters into their own hands. They take the time to figure out how they can help him, even if it means uprooting things to make it work.

 

 

 

 

Zud enjoyed what he did, making YouTube videos was rewarding. The fans were amazing, supportive even, it made him feel like he was helping people feel happy. Happiness is hard to find, he knew all about that. He would find himself in holes of darkness more than he would ever admit. It had gotten worse now that he lived alone. His only relief was recording and talking with the people he recorded with. 

 

They didn’t know his secret though, and he was never going to tell them.

 

**********************

 

“I’m fine. I can do this, it’s not that hard. I’m going to get through this and be ok.” Zud was trying to talk himself into getting out of bed again. This was becoming a daily ritual for him. It was getting harder and harder to fight the urge to stay in bed and never see the light of day again. The phone ringing saved him this time.

 

Walking into the living room where he kept his phone charger, he unplugged the phone and looked at the caller ID. “What’s up Andrew?” he answered in a flat voice.

 

“Want to record today?”

 

“I don’t know…” Zud hesitated. He wasn’t sure if he would be able to mentally.

 

“It’s just hide and seek, you know those are fun.”

 

“I guess so, what time?” He asked as he looked at a clock. Doing a double take, he realized he wasn’t seeing things and it was almost ten in the morning.

 

“Two o’clock.”

 

“Ok, I’ll talk to you then.”

 

Zud hung up with him and sank into a chair near him. Quickly he put an alarm on so he wouldn’t forget to log on at that time and then lost himself in his head. His mind was playing tricks again. The silence was haunting him, he knew he needed to move, but couldn’t find it in himself to do it.

 

What felt like hours went by, was thirty or so minutes and he broke free of the trance. Shaking his head, he went into the bathroom to clean up and get ready for the day.

 

Lunchtime came and left with him not bothering to eat, only getting some water to drink. The darkness was consuming his mind quickly. Drowning in his thoughts hurt, but fighting them off hurt more. It took too much out of him to surface and tread water. With his eyes closed, he went to sleep with his brain racing.

 

The alarm blaring woke him with a start as he fumbled to shut it off. “Time to work,” he said to himself quietly. The recording room was a happy place for him normally, but even that was losing its shine. Logging on to Discord and Minecraft, he settled into his chair and turned on his headphones and mic. 

 

“Zuddybuddy!” Ian yelled.

 

“Now we can start! Is everyone ready?” Andrew asked. Everyone responded with a yes.

 

Andrew did the usual intro to his hide-and-seek videos, but Zud wasn’t feeling it. He was beginning to wonder if this was a good idea. He was just going to bring the whole video down with his mood. 

 

As time wore on, all three of them were aware that Zud was not quite right. In the video, he was putting on his best happy tone and playing along with the antics, but something was missing. Zud wasn’t acting like himself, and no one but them could tell. 

 

Finishing the outro, Andrew closed the Minecraft server and focused on talking to Zud. “Zud, are you feeling ok?”

 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he replied automatically. It wasn’t the first time he had to reassure them.

 

“You seem really out of it…is something wrong?” Austin asked.

 

“I’m just tired, it’s not unusual,” Zud answered.

 

“You keep saying you’re tired, you have for a while now. What’s going on Zud?” Ian asked next.

 

“Nothing! Nothing is going on, nothing is wrong! I’m fine!” Zud snapped. An audible thwack was heard as he slapped his hand over his mouth. “I-I need to go, I’m only making things worse.” Zud stuttered. He then logged off. 

 

His brain was in a tailspin as he thought about what just happened. Zud hated hurting anyone, and all they wanted was to help him. Was he ok? The answer was easy. No, he wasn’t ok and couldn’t see a way out of this. Feeling utterly hopeless, he couldn’t find it in him to continue the day. He went to his room and fell into his bed allowing himself to succumb to the darkness. 

 

*********

 

Zud woke up the next morning when his phone dinged. He reached over to where he left it on his bedside table and looked at the screen. 

 

Andrew: check your email

 

“Check my email…?” He opened the app and looked finding an email with info on a plane ticket. The date was set for that night. Confused, he quickly wrote Andrew back.

 

Zud: Why is there a plane ticket?

 

Andrew: We are gathering everyone in California. So far we have you, Ian, and Nico coming. 

 

Zud: how do you know I don’t have something going on?

 

Andrew: Do you?

 

Zud: no…

 

Andrew: OK I will see you at around 5 p.m. my time

 

Zud: Yeah, see you then.

 

Confusion clouded his thoughts as he slowly got himself dressed. He looked at the time and saw he had a few hours until he needed to be at the airport. He packed what he would need although he wasn’t sure how long he was staying. Andrew didn’t give him any information about what was going on at all. 

 

This made him more confused and even a little suspicious. This was very short notice for Andrew and Ian. They planned things out at least a month in advance, so why was he told the day of his leaving? None of this was making sense to him. 

 

Soon it was time to get moving and leave his place. The ride, the waiting in the airport, boarding the plane, it was all auto-pilot to him. He wasn’t able to grab ahold of it enough for it to be anything more than a blur. Even the plane ride went quicker than he remembered it ever being. Was he becoming worse with every second? Or was he finally noticing how bad he already was? He wasn’t sure of anything anymore.

 

That was until he saw Andrew’s face. The biggest frown was on his face as he looked at Zud, and Zud suddenly felt a sadness settle over him. Was it his fault he looked like that? Zud felt the guilt take hold and before he knew it, he whimpered. Andrew heard the whimper and his face softened. 

 

“Oh Zud, why didn’t you tell us?” He asked as he wrapped a hand around the back of Zud’s neck. Zud closed his eyes at the touch and sank into it a little. Taking notice, Andrew pulled Zud to himself and hugged him tightly. 

 

Falling into the embrace, Zud felt a few tears escape him. Was this what he needed? Had he been alone too long? A shuddering breath went through him and shook both men. He couldn’t resist it anymore and grabbed ahold of Andrew returning the hug. Mashing his face into Andrew’s shoulder, he gripped his shirt like a lifeline. 

 

As Zud calmed down, he could hear Andrew saying calming words to him as he held him. “I’m sorry,” Zud whispered. “I don’t know what’s wrong.”

 

“It’s ok, we will work through this together,” Andrew said calmly. “Are you ok to make it to my place?”

 

“Yeah, I can do it. I just didn’t know I needed to be hugged.” He pulled away from the older man. “I don’t know what’s wrong…” Zud was wringing his hands. 

 

Andrew clasped his hands over Zud’s and held them for a moment to make him stop. “It’s ok. Let’s get to my place and we will talk it out.” Zud began nodding his head vigorously. 

 

The twenty-minute trip took forever for Zud, who had now become hyper-aware of every little thing around him. Once at the house, he was feeling almost overstimulated due to his inability to shut his mind off. He made it inside the house and froze after only a few feet. It was quiet in the house, so quiet it made him lose himself for a moment. It was like he was back in his apartment, in the quiet he heard daily. It was like he was stuck in that same chair as always, or in his bed, his head screaming at him. 

 

Feeling himself moving, he wondered what could be pushing him. Then with a snap in his brain, he remembered he was at Andrew’s. He wasn’t home alone in the quiet and with a deep ragged breath, he could see Andrew in front of him looking frantic.

 

“Zud, what is going on? I have got to know, I don’t know where you were just now, but that scared me.” Andrew sounded like he was going to cry.

 

“I don’t like the quiet,” Zud said in a low voice. “I hear it all day. There is nothing but quiet in my apartment. It’s always dark, with no happiness. I don’t do anything because there is nothing to do. I’m stuck in a loop. I don’t know what’s happening most of the time. Am I ok? Or am I insane?” Zud asked, whimpering.

 

“I’m glad you told me.” Andrew started, “I want you to come with me, we are going to start slow.” He then led Zud to the living room and sat them both on the couch. “Want to watch TV with me?” He asked as he put Zud’s head in his lap and made Zud lay on the sofa. “I would like that.” He replied as he felt Andrew slowly card his fingers through his hair. 

 

As Zud felt himself relax, he could feel his mind slow down. The more Andrew soothed him, the more he felt he could be ok. A thought struck him in his stupor “I thought others were coming?” He asked.

 

Andrew hummed a yes. “Austin is taking care of them. They are going to be here in about an hour and an hour and a half.” 

 

“Oh, are they the only ones who could come?” Zud felt his eyes slip closed as he pressed against Andrew’s hand. 

 

“Yes, but I think that’s more than enough.”

 

“Yeah, it’ll be nice to see everyone…” Zud replied, his mind muddled with sleep.

 

“I’ll get a text when they are on their way, I’ll tell you when it comes.”

 

“M’kay.”

 

Little did Zud know as he drifted off into a restful sleep, Andrew was trying desperately not to cry as he watched Zud seek out every touch he would give him. Guilt was consuming him as he felt Zud roll over on his back. 

 

Too wrapped up in his thoughts, he didn’t notice the time rolling by. Andrew wanted to help Zud more than anything but knew this was not happening overnight. A text came through his phone and he glanced at the sender. Seeing it was Austin, he opened it and sent a reply. 

 

Looking back down at Zud, he noticed the dark marks under his eyes, and his pale skin, he looked dead. Why hadn’t he told anyone? How did he hide it in his videos? Taking a deep breath, he felt a few tears fall finally. Putting a hand in the younger man’s hair, Andrew carded it carefully as he wiped the stray tears from his own eyes. 

 

About ten minutes later, his door opened, and in came Austin, Ian, and Nico. They took in the sight before them and knew something wasn’t right. Andrew wasn’t an overly emotional man. He didn’t cry easily and found most other emotions not worth exaggerating. So when they saw him comforting a sleeping Zud with an anguished look on his face and obvious tear tracks down his cheeks, they knew something was very wrong. 

 

“Andrew…” Ian called out quietly. 

 

He looked up at them and replied sadly, “We almost lost him.”

 

“Almost…what do you mean?” Austin asked.

 

“He told me some things when we got here…I don’t even know how he was hiding this for so long. How did we miss it?” Andrew took in a shuddering breath. “My first look at him, he looked like I was going to hurt him. I put my hand on him, and I thought he was going to fall over. He was putting all his weight on my hand like he had never been touched. I-I wanted to make him feel better, so I hugged him…he stiffened at first. I thought maybe I went too far…he…” Andrew took another deep breath looking up at the ceiling, “He grabbed hold of me suddenly and almost knocked me over. I have had to have some part touching him since we left the airport.” He was breathing harshly by the end of the explanation. 

 

“What did he tell you?” Ian asked quietly.

 

“I-I can’t say it. He needs to when he is ready. I can’t-I’m not handling this at all.” Andrew’s voice was shaky and hollow sounding. 

 

“Why don’t one of us sit with Zud so you can collect your thoughts,” Ian suggested. He moved forward to take Andrew’s place. A look came across his face that none of them had ever seen before. “No.” He said forcefully.

 

Ian jumped like he was hit. “Andrew, you are not ok, you need to be ok if you want to help Zud.”

 

“I can’t leave him…” 

 

“You're not. You are just taking a break so that you can keep helping. Austin is going to take care of you while Nico and I sit with Zud.” Ian moved to the couch again. This time he was met with no resistance. Gently he lifted Zud's head so Andrew could get up. Once Andrew was with Austin, Ian sat down and laid Zud’s head in his lap. “Zuddybuddy, what happened? Andrew is a wreck, and he is usually the level-headed one…” Ian whispered into the air.

 

After a few minutes, Zud began moving around. As his brain woke up, he knew something was different. He remembered Andrew and him talking on the couch, but this didn’t feel the same. Opening his eyes blearily, he looked up expecting to see Andrew. When he didn’t, he freaked out and screamed. In his semi-awake mind, he didn’t recognize Ian and twisted onto the floor quickly. 

 

When he screamed, Andrew ran out of his room and shot over to Zud. He quickly kneeled beside him and lifted his upper body off the floor. Putting a hand on each side of his face, he made Zud look at him. “Hey, Zud…look at me, focus on me…” Zud snapped his eyes to Andrew’s and felt himself sag. Andrew caught him and held him to his chest. Head snapping up to Ian, Andrew hissed out, “What happened?” 

 

“I don’t know…” Ian was extremely confused by what had transpired. “He was waking up slowly, and when he opened his eyes, he freaked out…” 

 

Zud spoke up, still laying on Andrew’s chest, “It’s my fault, don’t worry. I just couldn’t recognize who you were in my half-awake mind…I knew I was with him, and that’s not who you were…I-I…I’m sorry…” he didn’t want them angry with each other because he was stupid. The guilty feeling was coming back.

 

“Hey…slow down…deep breaths…I’m right here…no one is mad…” Andrew kept talking to him to help him come out of it. 

 

The three other men watched as Andrew continued to hold Zud to his chest and calm him. They all were wondering the same thing, what happened to Zud? And most of all, why did it strike such a cord with Andrew?

 

After a few minutes, Andrew pulled away from Zud and went to get off the floor. The other three were figuring out dinner for everyone. Once Andrew was almost off the floor, a very faint whine was heard. He paused and heard Zud put his hand to his mouth. “I’m not leaving, we are moving to the couch.” He said gently. A faint mhm was heard and he continued standing up. Turning slightly, he reached a hand to Zud who allowed him to pull him off the floor. 

 

They both went to the couch and sat. Andrew then started looking through the different apps on the TV for something to watch. The more they sat there, the more Zud felt nervous. He didn’t know how to ask for more touch. Mostly, he didn’t want to be a bother. A lot of people found him to be clingy, so he tried to stay away from people's personal space so that he wasn’t tempted. Almost rubbing elbows with Andrew had him wanting to lean on him, or hook a finger with his. People thought he was trying to make a move romantically, but all he wanted was the touch. 

 

Zud had isolated himself after he started living alone again. His last relationship had blown up in his face due to his tactile nature. It was not normal for him to want to touch people all the time everyone thought. He only did it with people he cared about and trusted. 

 

A hand suddenly touched his wrist and he looked up at Andrew. “What’s wrong Zud?” 

 

“N-nothing, I’m fine.” 

 

“You're shaking, what is going through your head right now?”

 

“I want to ask you something, but I’m afraid you will get mad.” Zud could barely be heard.

 

Andrew looked past him for a moment and Zud looked over seeing his other three friends cooking. When he looked back, Andrew was looking at him with furrowed eyebrows. “There isn’t much that could make me angry. What did you want to ask?”

 

“I…I’m…uh…” Zud couldn’t get the words out of his mouth. Fear was keeping them inside him. “Tactile…” he paused and waited for a scoff, laughing, yelling, being told off something. When Andrew didn’t say anything, he spoke even quieter, “I like to touch people near me.” He paused again. “People assume it is a romantic thing, but I just need touch.” 

 

“Have you been starving yourself of touch?” Andrew interjected.

 

Taken aback by the thought, he realized he had. “I did.” he thought for a moment. “She left because she thought it was unnatural for me to need touch like I did. I believed her.”

 

“Zud, that could be some of what’s wrong. When someone needs something, their body can shut down. Touch affects the brain, it could be some of the reason why you are spiraling.”

 

“You mean… I’m not crazy?” Zud whimpered.

 

“God no. We will see if this helps your mental state, if it doesn’t, then you may need professional help.”

 

“Ok. Can-can I…touch…” he pointed to Andrew, “when I need it? Or do…you need me to…ask?”

 

“Yes, whenever, just go ahead. I’ll talk to the others later and see if you can with them too.” 

 

Finally, a small smile made its way to Zud’s face. It was tiny, but it was a great start. Then, he raised his hand slightly and slowly moved it to Andrew. He hesitated a moment and drew back, but then found himself grabbing Andrew’s wrist. 

 

At first, it was enough for him and he relaxed a little and even watched the TV for a moment. The itch came to lay on him though. After starving himself for so long, he was in overdrive to gain every comfort he could. Without his permission, his body lay against Andrew’s side with his head landing on Andrew’s shoulder. 

 

His mind caught up to his body a few moments later and he bolted up withdrawing himself from Andrew completely. Closing his eyes tightly, he let out a ragged breath. ‘I’m pushing it too far.’ he thought to himself. ‘Any moment he is going to tell me not to do that.’ 

 

“Zud, open your eyes,” Andrew called to him. He shook his head no as he felt tears gather in the corners of his eyes. “Come on sweetheart, show me your eyes.” Eyes snapping open quickly, he looked Andrew in the eyes. He knew that the term of endearment was only used by him in certain situations.

 

“I’m here.” 

 

Smiling, Andrew replied, “Thank you for telling me.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Why are you sorry this time?”

 

“I pushed it too far.”

 

“By laying on me?”

 

“Yes. It was too much.”

 

“Did I tell you it was too much?” 

 

“Well…no.”

 

“Did you need a quick hug before we eat?”

 

“Yes…” Zud was at a loss for words and felt like he was talking the same way a child would to their parents. He couldn’t think beyond that as Andrew wrapped his arms around his shoulders bringing him into his chest again. Needing to be grounded, he grabbed Andrew’s arm and held it. A minute later, Nico went into the living room to tell them dinner was ready. When he saw them he was confused, Andrew didn’t just hug people. Mostly it was The Regulars and a very select few, so seeing him hold Zud was odd to him.

 

“Guys, it’s time to eat.” He called. Both of them turned to him and nodded. Nico waited and saw Andrew put up the remote and stand up alongside Zud. Then without a thought, grabbed Zud’s hand and led him to the table. 

 

When everyone sat down and was served, the conversations started up easily. Zud was joining in when he could and all of them encouraged it. Almost halfway through the meal, his mood changed a little. It had been a while since he had eaten properly and it was taking a toll on him. Seeing that he was unable to eat everything upset him, he hadn’t noticed how sick he was making himself. Why did he let himself fall down the hole so easily?

 

A tap on his hand brought him back and he looked to his left hand. Noticing a hand laying palm up next to his, he figured out quickly it was an offering. Taking the offering, Zud laid his hand on top. When no one said anything about it, he tried to focus on the conversation again. With the ability to pay attention better, he could get through dinner much easier. 

 

After they all cleaned up the kitchen, Andrew told them he would be right back. They heard the bedroom door shut and shortly after the bathroom door. Zud was nervous again but for a different reason. Did they notice the hand-holding? Were they disgusted by it? What if they thought it was unnatural too? His mind was spinning out of control.

 

“Zuddybuddy. Calm down, what is going on?” Ian asked softly.

 

“Afraid.” was all Zud got out. Panic was taking over.

 

“Hey, slow your breathing…you got this Zuddy…slow deep breaths…” Ian coached him.

 

His hand lunged out on its own and grabbed Ian’s. Ian jumped at the sudden movement and scared Zud more. He quickly let go of Ian and yelped, “I’m sorry!”

 

Ian grabbed Zud’s hands, “You don’t need to be sorry, I just didn’t know what you were doing at first.” He could feel his hands shake uncontrollably. “Now, why are you afraid? We are not going to hurt you, you know this. We want to help you, but we need to know what’s wrong.”

 

“I-I can’t…I’m too weird.” Zud’s grip on Ian’s hands was tightening. “Unnatural…” He closed his eyes. “It’s quiet again…it’s always so quiet,” whispered Zud as his grip on Ian began hurting.

 

“Zud, you need to relax…you're hurting me. Zuddy, listen to my voice, relax…” Ian was trying to get him to calm down with no results.

 

Nico and Austin had been slowly moving in two different directions the whole time. Nico was trying to get Andrew while Austin was going to the remote. Both knew Andrew was the best bet to get him out of the panic attack, and Austin thought some background noise might help. He was, after all, saying it was too quiet. 

 

Austin got to the remote first turned the TV onto something random and put the volume on low. He could see Zud’s hands release a little, but they were still tight. After another grueling minute, Andrew and Nico were in the living room again. Andrew went into Zud’s line of sight and put a hand on his cheek. “Sweetheart, come back…” He rubbed his thumb below Zud’s cheekbone. His hands slowly started to release Ian’s until they were limp. 

 

Zud pushed his face into Andrew’s hand and sighed. Andrew withdrew it and sat next to him pulling him down so he could lean on his shoulder. “Now, what happened?” He asked everyone in the room. 

 

“He said he was afraid but couldn’t tell us because he was weird and unnatural,” Nico replied. “He grabbed Ian’s hands but freaked out because it jumped Ian. But when none of us were talking that's when he was off. He said it’s always quiet and then almost broke Ian’s hands.”

 

Checking on Zud, Andrew saw he was sleeping again. “Did you know he wasn’t with his girlfriend anymore?” They all agreed that they didn’t know. “Yeah…a few things came out of that. The biggest one is that he has been self-punishing himself for over six months, I looked at her profile and did the math. Turns out he is tactile and constantly seeks out touch. He made it sound like normally he can hold a pinky in his pinky, maybe have arms pressed with someone else as they stand next to him, and this will be enough to get him through whatever. He has spent six months without human contact because she told him he was clingy and unnatural. She used the word unnatural because, in her eyes, it's not normal to want to touch people like he does. His mind is playing with him because the only human contact he gets is during our recordings. He is all alone, in a quiet building, with nothing living near him.” 

 

“Why didn’t he say anything?” Ian whispered.

 

“He was ashamed and was convinced that he is insane and broken.” Andrew sighed heavily. “I think he knows now that he isn’t insane, but ashamed and broken are still thought.”

 

“How could someone say that to him?” Austin asked.

 

“I’m not sure what she was thinking. Now Zud is a nervous wreck and I warned him that if we can’t help him even a little, then we will be taking him to a pro. This is not healthy and his mind is hurting. I'm trying to figure out how to long term help him but it’s hard where he lives in another state.”

 

“Yeah, it’s not going to be easy. We are all across the continent and he is going to need constant human interaction.” Nico answered.

 

“The only thing I have come up with isn’t fair to him,” Andrew added.

 

“What was your thought?” Ian asked.

 

“Having him move out here. He would have me and Austin at least and then you two could come here however you wanted.” Andrew paused. “It’s just not fair to him though to uproot his life.”

 

“It may not be fair, but you might also be right,” Ian replied. “Maybe we should just ask him…” 

 

“Yeah, maybe…” Andrew echoed.

 

*******************

 

When Zud woke up again, he felt warmth all around him. Lifting his head from its resting spot, he rubbed his eyes clumsily ridding the rest of the sleep from them. Looking side to side he saw Ian on his left and Andrew on his right. It was obvious why he felt so warm now. 

 

“How long was I asleep?”

 

“Two hours,” Andrew answered. “I think you are finally resting and not just sleeping because you don’t want to move.”

 

“Mmm,” Zud replied.

 

“Are you ok?” Ian asked.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine. It must be getting late though.” Zud answered. 

 

“It is getting late.”

 

“Where am I sleeping tonight?”

 

“That depends on what you are comfortable with,” Andrew answered.

 

“I don’t understand.”

 

“Do you need someone with you? Or do you want to be alone?”

 

Zud was nervous again. Pulling his sweatshirt sleeves over his hands, he put his hands over his mouth and closed his eyes. He knew what he wanted but was scared they would disapprove.

 

“Zud, it’s ok to tell us. We want to know what you want.” Andrew called to him. He began carding his hand through his hair. He had figured out this was a way of calming him.

 

Knowing that Andrew always said what he meant, Zud tried telling him. “I want…” He drew in a breath quickly. “I want to be with all of you.” He opened his eyes and looked at Andrew. “If that is ok. I don’t want to push anyone or make them uncomfortable.” He rushed out quickly.

 

“I’m ok with it,” Andrew answered. The other three agreed too. Zud felt himself sag a little. They weren’t angry or upset with him. 

 

“O-ok,” Zud said. He brought his hands off his face and slightly nudged Andrew. 

 

Confused, Andrew asked, “Do you need something?” 

 

Nodding, he whispered, “Hug?”

 

Not bothering to answer, Andrew pulled him to himself and held him. 

 

A few minutes went by before Andrew spoke. “Zud? Can Ian hug you for a little bit? I need to get things ready for us to sleep.”

   

Stiffening, he asked, “Is Ian ok with it?”

 

“Of course I am. I can always hug you whenever you need it.” Ian answered.

 

“Ok.” Letting go of him, Andrew waited for Zud and Ian to be comfortable before leaving to make a bed in the living room. 

 

Once done, it was soon realized that Nico would not fit, so he took the couch. The others lay on the makeshift bed together. Zud found himself and Andrew in the middle with Ian and Austin on either side. He reached out slowly and grabbed ahold of Andrew's hand. Andrew smiled at him and pulled him gently into him. Wrapping his arms around Zud, he started carding his hair again. In response, Zud wrapped an arm around Andrew and buried his face into his chest. 

 

“Thank you,” Zud whispered into Andrew’s chest.

 

“For what?” Andrew asked.

 

“Noticing me.”

 

“I always notice you. How can anyone forget you? I’ll always be here for you, no matter what.”

 

 

 

 

Chapter 2: ZudxAndrew part two

Summary:

It's been a few months and Zud is doing better. Months of intense therapy have helped him go back to how he was before. This time, he has learned the tools he needs to love himself. Zud feels good now. So good, that he doesn't want to leave Andrew's place. Good enough to be able to focus on his growing attraction that is quickly turning to being in love with Andrew.

Andrew is so proud of Zud. He was relieved that Zud was no longer in danger and was showing signs of being himself again. He is also saddened because it means Zud will be leaving. Andrew wants nothing more than to start a life with Zud by his side. He just can't get past thinking he isn't good enough for him.

 

 

After six months of therapy and almost seven months of living in California, Zud finally felt like himself again. His self-confidence was back and he was the energetic adhd spazoid that everyone loved. When he took the two months off to work on himself, he thought his career would be over. It was hard on him and he didn’t want to leave his job, but he found his fans were loyal. When he returned, they were super excited to see him and hoped he felt better now.

 

Living with Andrew was the easiest thing for him. He was similar in how he kept his place so the adjustment was mostly living with someone again. Andrew was caring and helped Zud no matter what the issue was. Andrew was afraid Zud was going to leave now. The thought of Zud not living with him felt like a knife through the heart. The only thing that made him feel better was Zud’s need for him. 

 

Zud was attached to Andrew now. Andrew was attached to Zud.

 

***********************

 

Andrew wanted to have a small gathering to celebrate Zud completing his therapy. It was a big accomplishment in his and Austin’s eyes and both felt Zud deserved the recognition. Few people knew what had happened, only knowing that he had a depression relapse that needed a lot of attention. Zud was ecstatic at the thought of seeing some of his friends. Only one thing made him nervous; his tactile nature. 

 

As time went by and it grew closer to when the gathering was happening, Andrew could see Zud was starting to spiral a little. 

 

“Zud,” Andrew approached him the day before everyone would start arriving, “What’s going through your head right now?”

 

Zud looked up from his phone, “Nervous.” He replied.

 

“About what?” Andrew sat down next to Zud on the sofa.

 

“How are they going to react?”

 

“React to what?”

 

“I’m going to need to touch someone, what if they think like most people do?”

 

“Zud, what have we told you?”

 

“That I don’t need negative energy.” Zud sighed loudly.

 

Andrew snorted, “Yes, but that’s not the one I was looking for.”

 

“Oh,” Zud said, confused at which one he wanted. “I don’t need to explain myself to anyone?”

 

“That one is a good one to remember here,” Andrew replied thinking for a moment. “The one I was looking for was people’s opinions of you don’t matter. Only your opinion should matter to you.”

 

Zud nodded knowing what he meant now. “I’m still having a hard time with that one.” He looked down at his hands fidgeting a little. 

 

Andrew reached over and grabbed the hand closest to him. “You will learn. We all know it’s not a snap of the fingers and you're healed. It takes time to learn how to live with this. There will be a time when you will be fine, it’s just not yet.” He reached over and nudged Zud’s chin to make him look at him. “You are amazing, no one has the right to take that away from you. Plus, I’ll kick anyone's butt who wants to say anything against you.” Andrew smiled lightly. 

 

Zud smiled back, “I’m glad I have you. You always know when I need help.”

 

Not knowing how to respond, Andrew pulled Zud into a hug. “I’ll always help.”

 

Zud sank into the hug relishing the feeling of affection. He still found himself seeking out Andrew’s touch constantly. Others touch was fine, like if he had Austin near him he could stay calm. Andrew was different though. When Zud could have his touch, he felt amazing. It was like he could take on any problem with major confidence. 

 

Zud never wanted to leave Andrew’s side.

 

*************

 

A few days later everyone arrived in California. Zud was still a bundle of nerves as he talked to people. He was trying to keep to himself physically as he interacted with everyone. It was making him slowly withdraw from everyone. His mind was convincing him that no one would understand. One of his friends asked what was wrong with him. The friend didn’t know anything beyond needing help with his depression. The conversation quickly went downhill after that.

 

“I was severely depressed and needed help. My friends Andrew and Austin helped me get into a therapy that worked for me.” Zud replied to him as he started searching for Andrew in the crowd. 

 

“But why did you need to come to California? You could have done that back home.” His friend asked.

 

“They knew what happened and were willing to change their lives so I could heal. No one else knew what happened or saw what I was going through. It made sense to be out here with them.”

 

“So you're going back home now that you're healed?”

 

Zud could feel his hands shake slightly and he drew a shaky breath to calm down. “No. I’m staying in California.”

 

“Why? Do you feel like you owe them? Live where you want. It’s great that they helped, but you're healed, move on.”

 

His eyes finally found Andrew who turned around and looked at him. It was like he felt Zud’s gaze and looked for him too. Seeing the look on Zud’s face, Andrew quickly made his way over to him.

 

“I don’t want to leave California. I’m happy here.” Andrew was at his side now. He grabbed ahold of his hand before turning back to his friend. “I know I don’t owe them anything. I want to stay here because I am doing better than I was back home. I have support when I need it, I have a good therapy setup, and I’m stable. Plus, I’m not healed. I am just getting better at handling my mental problems. I am learning coping mechanisms and getting better at loving myself.”

 

Zud’s friend didn’t say anything for a moment. He looked at Andrew standing next to him and narrowed his eyes at him. “Is this Andrew?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Is there a problem?” Andrew asked. “I don’t want Zud stressed out. He deserves to relax with his friends.”

 

Looking at Zud and Andrew again, his friend shook his head. “I think I’ll leave. I’m glad you are figuring your life out, but this is the end of the line for us.” He then walked away.

 

Andrew turned to Zud and hugged him. “I’m sorry about that Zud.”

 

“Don’t be. He wasn’t happy that I was staying in California.” Zud held on to Andrew hugging him tightly. “He couldn’t understand that I’m not cured and happier here than I ever was there.”

 

Andrew pulled back enough to look at Zud’s face as he talked. “I’m still sorry. Loss of a friend no matter what is hard.”

 

“True.” Zud pulled out of the hug. “I’m going to try this again I think. I’m not feeling as bad as I thought I would.”

 

“OK, just find me if you need me,” Andrew said and slowly walked away. 

 

Zud managed to get through talking to another person before he felt the tug of needing comfort. Searching for Andrew, he found him with Kate. Kate was safe in his opinion. He could be himself and know he would never be judged. 

 

Walking up to Andrew, he made himself known before he placed his forehead on the back of Andrew’s neck. Andrew was concerned when he felt Zud do it knowing this meant he was running on empty. Acting like there was nothing wrong, he continued talking to Kate as he reached back and grabbed Zud’s hand lacing his fingers with his. Curious, Kate pointed at Zud and raised an eyebrow. Andrew mouthed later and she nodded continuing the conversation. 

 

Forgetting he was around a bunch of people, Zud wrapped his arm around Andrew and gripped his sweatshirt on the chest area. He felt Andrew reach up and lay his free hand on his own. Feeling emboldened, he brought their other hands up to let him hug Andrew. Letting out a huge sigh, he finally felt better. 

 

Andrew was worried that Zud might not have been ready for such a gathering. Within a few minutes, Zud went full-on hugging him like his life depended on it. Deciding that Zud’s mental health was more important than anything else, he turned in the embrace and wrapped his arms around him. Bringing his mouth to Zud’s ear he whispered, “Are you ok?”

 

“No,” Zud replied.

 

“Do you need a break?”

 

“Can we sit together?”

 

“Sure, come on.” Andrew pulled away and kept holding one of his hands. He looked over at Kate, “Do you want to come with us?”

 

“Sure, I could use a chair.”

 

The three walked to an area with a porch swing and a few chairs. Kate went for a chair while Andrew and Zud went for the swing. Andrew sat on one side while Zud laid down and put his head in his lap. Without missing a beat, Andrew started carding his hair with his fingers as Zud closed his eyes. 

 

Kate watched them, noticing how easily they fell into it. They obviously did this a lot. Andrew began talking to her again, but she kept her eyes on Zud. She replied to Andrew before watching Zud smile slightly as he pushed against Andrew’s hand as it went through his hair. Looking at Andrew she saw him look down at Zud occasionally as he spoke to her. Checking on him she assumed a slight smile on his lips. The thought was fleeting, but she realized they were falling for each other.

 

“Kate?” Andrew called out.

 

She realized she didn’t respond to something he said. “Hmmm?”

 

“You ok?” He looked very concerned.

 

Looking at Zud one more time, she saw he was sleeping. “Is Zud really ok?”

 

Andrew was taken aback by the sudden change in topic. “He will be. He has all the tools now to help himself. Learning that he wasn’t a freak was the biggest issue and he still struggles with it.”

 

“Why does he think that?”

 

Andrew knew he could trust Kate, but was still hesitant to say. “When he was with his now ex, she told him he wasn’t normal and his need for touch was unnatural. He believed her and hated himself for over six months. He was alone due to self-isolation and thought this would help him become normal. We saw he wasn’t acting right and flew him out here.” 

 

Kate could see how much it hurt Andrew to talk about it. “What do you mean by his need for touch?”

 

“He has a tactile nature and with him, he needs touch to help him stay calm or feel more confident. It helps him in other ways, but we have found those are the biggest ones.”

 

Kate wasn’t a person who held anything back no matter what the situation was. So when she wanted to know something, she usually asked without hesitation. When the next sentence came out of her mouth Andrew froze not expecting it.

 

“When are you going to tell him that you want to be more than friends?”

 

After his mind rebooted, he replied to her. “I have been wrestling with it for a long time. I’m not sure when I started falling. I know it was before we noticed what was wrong with him. Now I am unsure due to his healing. It would be wrong to put my feelings in front of him learning to cope.”

 

“Even if he feels the same?” Kate asked gently. 

 

“It’s a nice sentiment, but I know he isn’t in love with me. No matter how much I want him to, I can’t make him love me like I love him.” A tear went down Andrew’s face and he quickly wiped it away. 

 

A small barely heard whine escaped Zud in his sleep. Andrew carded his hair again after he noticed he had stopped. Noticing the crease forming on his forehead, Andrew took his finger and began rubbing it like soothing a baby. Once Zud’s face relaxed Andrew looked up again. Seeing Kate look at him he tilted his head slightly asking, “What?”

 

“Nothing, Andrew. I just wish you could see what I do.” 

 

*********

 

After talking with Kate for a while, Andrew started swinging the swing needing to expel some pent-up energy from sitting. Keeping up with the conversation, he didn’t notice his best friend coming up to them until he said, “Old man, doesn’t that hurt the knees?”

 

Smiling at Austin he replied, “Nope. I got the strongest knees in town.”

 

“If you say so…” Austin quickly greeted Kate before asking Andrew, “Is Zud ok?”

 

“He was trying to get through this without needing touch and exhausted himself in the process.”

 

Austin sat in the chair next to Kate. “Did he search you out or did you have to go to him?”

 

“He came to me, why?”

 

“Just seeing if he is understanding his limits.”

 

“He knew when he needed to find someone. He leaned on me to recharge and I noticed he seemed off so we moved here so he could relax.”

 

“Leaned on you?” Kate interrupted. “He draped himself across your back and held onto you like you were the only thing keeping him upright.”

 

Andrew narrowed his eyes at Kate before turning to Austin when he heard him giggle. “What’s so funny, Austin?”

 

“What she said is more believable than your recollection. Zud seeks you out when he needs more than hand-holding or a quick hug. He’s aware that you will cuddle him when he needs it and treat him like he is the only person in the world.” Austin watched as Andrew’s face paled slightly. “Just tell him how you feel, he can handle it now. I know you waited so he could be in a better mental state. He is ready and waiting.”

 

“What is with you guys,” Andrew mumbled then began talking in a normal voice, “He isn’t in love with me. I’m too old for him anyways, I’m just being stupid to think I could have him.”

 

“Why is it stupid? What makes you think you are too old for him? Last I checked you were both adults.” Austin threw back at him.

 

“He is younger than you two! I’m in my mid-thirties, and I’m at the point where I want to settle. It would be selfish to even think about asking that out of him.” Andrew sighed heavily, “I’m just going to enjoy what I have right now. He is going to move out soon now that he is doing better. The only thing that I can say I’m happy about is he isn’t leaving California.”

 

“I can’t even wrap my head around your logic right now. He isn’t leaving California because of you! Zud doesn’t want to leave you!” Austin was almost yelling at him.

 

Andrew scoffed. “I’m not the reason for anything. Zud has created a safe place here with his therapy, he probably wants a fresh start.”

 

“Jesus! Andrew, I’m not sure where you are getting this, but I’m going to slap some sense into you if you don’t stop. He only thinks…” Austin was suddenly cut off.

 

“Is it raining?” Zud asked.

 

Confused, Andrew answered, “No it’s not.”

 

Zud looked up at him wide-eyed, confusing Andrew more. When Zud reached up and wiped under his eye, Andrew realized he was crying. “What’s wrong?” Zud asked concerned.

 

“Nothing is wrong. Don’t worry.”

 

Zud got up and sat next to Andrew grabbing his hands in the process. “Why won’t you tell me?”

 

“There is nothing wrong. I promise.”

 

Zud didn’t believe him but let it go. “I’ll pretend I believe you.”

 

“Ok.” was all Andrew could answer before Zud was hugging him. They ended up in an awkward position but Andrew couldn’t help but laugh. “Easy Darling, I thought we were going to fall off for a minute there.”

 

The three of them all wore shocked expressions on their faces. “Do you always hide that accent?” Kate asked.

 

“Huh?”

 

“You just said that with the biggest accent. I thought you lost it or something.” Austin added. “How do you hide it so well?”

 

“I don’t hide it? There are times it comes out stronger than normal but it’s always there.” Andrew answered. 

 

“You have never sounded like that…” Zud said in awe. 

 

“I feel like I’m getting put on blast here.” Andrew felt self-conscious. 

 

“No, I love it,” Zud replied. Andrew pulled away from Zud and looked at him. Zud’s cheeks were bright pink as he stared at Andrew. 

 

Austin broke the silence asking, “Why don’t we hear it more then?”

 

Andrew turned slightly in Zud’s arms so he could answer properly. “Uh…probably because it only happens in certain situations.”

 

Curiosity got to Austin, “When does it happen the most?” 

 

Andrew’s face turned bright red. “Mostly when I’m extremely mad or am a few drinks in, but there are a few other times it can crop up.”

 

“Why are you so embarrassed?” Kate asked.

 

“Hmm?” Andrew replied.

 

“Seriously? Just tell us.” Austin deadpanned.

 

“Tell you what?” Andrew continued to play stupid.

 

“Why won’t you tell us?” Zud asked.

 

Andrew could feel how close Zud was to him when he spoke. Closing his eyes, he replied, “It always shows up when *clears throat* I’m with someone.” They all gave a confused look so Andrew tried again, “Ya know, in bed with someone. In that state of mind with someone, anything like that. It never fails, I always end up having the accent come out. Extreme emotions set it off.” Andrew’s face was burning up at this point.

 

Austin and Kate started giggling. “So, you're saying that whenever you want someone or end up in bed with someone, your emotions are so strong that the accent comes out,” Austin confirmed.

 

“Uh…yeah. It works for any emotion, but that one just happens every time it never fails.” 

 

The two laughed harder. Andrew was wondering if he should have said anything. He began pulling into himself, for once unsure about something he did. Zud noticed him drawing back and pulling out of his arms. Seeing Andrew pull himself into the corner of the swing flipped a switch in Zud. He found himself reacting like Andrew would.

 

“Will you two shut up already?” He hissed out. Hearing him talk like that made them both stop quickly. “Can’t you see what it took for him to say that? After you hounded him about it even!”

 

Andrew quickly sat up, “Zud, I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.” 

 

“They hurt you. Why are you not defending yourself?”

 

“Some things don’t matter. That didn’t matter.” Seeing that he wasn’t getting through to Zud, Andrew put a hand on each side of his face to force him to look at him. “I chose to answer, no one forced me. I was wondering if I should have said anything since it was very personal. It was not because of them.” 

 

Zud nodded his head in understanding so Andrew let go of his face. He was almost knocked over when Zud grabbed and pulled him into a crushing hug. Not able to see anything, Andrew moved around until he could comfortably sit and hug Zud. When he stilled, Zud pushed his face into Andrew's neck whispering, “I’m sorry.”

 

“Oh Darlin, you ain’t got nothin' to be sorry bout,” Andrew replied.

 

Andrew heard rustling and turned his head slightly to look. He watched as Austin and Kate got up and walked away leaving the two men alone. Not caring anymore what anyone thought, he pushed his face into Zud’s neck. Soaking up the comfort of each other, they both slowly fell asleep.

 

**********************

 

When the party was over, Austin and Nico realized they hadn’t seen Andrew and Zud for a while. Austin suggested they look where he left them last in case they never moved. When they saw them curled up on the swing together they both knew it was only a matter of time before they would be a couple. 

 

Agreeing that they should wake them up, Austin gently shook Andrew until he saw his eyes open. “I hope you had a good nap,” Austin said, smiling widely.

 

“Mmm,” Andrew replied, still waking up. He gripped Zud closer to himself in his sleep-riddled state. “Leave me alone.” Andrew finally said as he snuggled into Zud’s hair. 

 

“Seriously?” Nico muttered under his breath. 

 

Austin giggled a little bit. “Come on Andrew. You have to wake up, it’s getting late.”

 

“Don’t want to move. ‘M comfy.”

 

“I just want you two inside, then you can do whatever you want.” 

 

“Fine.” Andrew started gently shaking Zud. “Sweetheart, you gotta get up. We need to go inside then you can sleep again.”

 

Zud woke up enough to understand and started getting off the swing. Once Zud was up Andrew followed and they both walked into the house. Austin and Nico followed them to make sure they made it safely. They watched as Andrew went to his room, Zud following him closely. Seeing them go to their respective rooms, they began cleaning things so Andrew had less to do in the morning. 

 

When they heard a door open and close they were confused. Austin said he would check on them and walked down the small hallway. He saw Andrew’s door was slightly ajar and walked up to be sure things were fine. As he walked closer he could hear them talking. 

 

“Can I stay here?” Zud’s small voice asked.

 

“Of course. You know I don’t mind.” Andrew replied calmly.

 

Austin peeked his head around the door slightly. He could see Andrew pull Zud into the bed and push his head into Zud’s chest. A confused look came across his face as he looked down at Andrew. 

 

Wrapping his arms around him he asked, “Are you ok Andrew?”

 

“No. I think I need comfort tonight if that’s ok with you.”

 

“Of course it is.” Zud almost sounded offended that Andrew would ask. “You can be my sweetheart tonight instead.”

 

A low rumble came from Andrew as he chuckled at Zud’s words. “Sorry Darlin, but you will always be my sweetheart. Ain’t no changin' that.”

 

The accent came out again as Andrew grew more tired. Austin watched as Zud closed his eyes and shivered slightly. 

 

“You ok?” Andrew asked suddenly.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He tightened his hold on Andrew laying his head on top of his. “Night, Andrew.”

 

“Night, Zud.”

 

Austin shut the door as quietly as possible. Once he returned to the kitchen, Nico asked him what happened. “Apparently when Zud has a bad day, he sleeps in Andrew’s room. Also, when Andrew is exhausted, his accent comes out and Zud likes it.” 

 

Nico felt like he had whiplash with the two sentences. “Uh, ok. I don’t think I want to know.”

 

“No, probably not.” was Austin’s reply as they continued cleaning.

 

*******

 

The next morning Andrew found himself laying on Zud as he woke up. Not wanting to wake him up, he slowly worked his way out of the bed and got dressed. When he went out to the kitchen, he found Austin and Nico talking. 

 

“Did you clean last night?” he asked.

 

“Yes,” Austin answered, “We knew you both were tired and didn’t want you to wake up to a mess.”

 

“Oh, thank you.”

 

“How long have you and Zud slept in the same bed?” Nico asked bluntly.

 

Andrew felt like he was slapped, “Uh, we don’t.”

 

“You did last night,” Austin replied.

 

“Yes, it was a special circumstance. If he needs help at night it’s easier if we do that.”

 

“Mhm.” Austin hummed.

 

Andrew was aware of what that meant. “I’m telling the truth,” he defended.

 

“We both know you enjoy it.” Nico pushed back.

 

“That’s not why I do it though.” 

 

“How many times a week does it end up happening?” Austin asked.

 

Andrew shrugged his shoulders. “Like, three or four.”

 

“Seriously?” Austin almost yelled. “That’s your idea of not happening much?”

 

“Are you trying to make him dependent on you?” Nico asked.

 

“I’m not doing anything!” Andrew yelled. “I’m helping him when he asks for it! What is so bad about trying to help him?”

 

“You are in love with him! It makes you biased. I wish we knew sooner so that one of us took him in instead.” Austin said.

 

“I wouldn't have let you!” Andrew yelled without thinking.

 

“Excuse me?” Nico asked in shock.

 

Andrew cringed. “That’s not how I meant that.”

 

“You make it sound like we couldn’t have done it,” Austin said.

 

“I’m done talking about this!” Andrew raged, “I know I’m in love with him! I have tried to step back! I can’t!” He then stormed off to the bathroom.

 

A moment later Zud came out still in his pajamas. “Why are you guys yelling at each other?” he asked.

 

Austin felt bad thinking he had no idea what was happening. “We just had a disagreement. Don’t worry.”

 

“I’m not stupid you know,” Zud replied as he sat at the kitchen table.

 

“We know you're not stupid,” Nico said slowly.

 

“Good. Now stop interfering.”

 

Austin and Nico were shocked. “Interfering?” Nico asked.

 

“Yes.” Zud looked at the two of them with a cross look. “I know he is in love with me.” He watched their faces morph into anger. “Before you say anything, I am aware of how Andrew works.”

 

“Go on…” Nico encouraged.

 

“If I tell him I’m in love with him too, he won’t believe me. He needs to see it, feel it. I’m working on him. It’s slow and hard, but I know he will get it soon.”

 

“Ok, we will leave you alone,” Austin said after a moment.

 

Nico suddenly asked, “So do you pretend to need him at night?”

 

“Most of the time, no. I have nightmares about being alone in my old apartment. The other times, I see he needs me but won’t ask.”

 

“Sounds like him.” Austin sighed.

 

Zud smiled at them. “He is selfless.”

 

“It’s you Zud. He cares so much for you he wants to give everything up so that you are comfortable.” Nico said.

 

“I know. That’s why I draw lines.”

 

“Then why do you seek him out so much?” 

 

“He is my comfort. Most of the time I do it without thinking. A lot of the time he is already running to me like he can feel my discomfort.” Zud could feel tears come to his eyes. “I feel like a burden sometimes, but he always says it’s fine.”

 

“He never lies,” Austin interjected.

 

“It doesn’t make the feeling go away,” Zud replied as the tears fell.

 

Austin was about to walk over to comfort him when he heard footsteps. Looking up he saw Andrew almost running into the kitchen. Bending down in front of Zud, he took his hands in his, “What’s wrong?” he asked concerned.

 

Zud shook his head not wanting to say anything. Andrew looked around at the other two men before reaching up and making Zud look him in the eyes. “Sweetheart, what’s going on?”

 

“I was telling them not to yell at you. It made me nervous is all. No one meant to hurt anyone. I’m fine.” Zud replied. He was never able to keep things in when Andrew called him sweetheart. 

 

Andrew looked up at them again before wiping Zud’s tears away with his thumbs. “OK, so long as everyone is ok.” He then gathered Zud into his arms and held him. “Why don’t we go out today? Explore the town a little before Nico has to leave again.” Andrew suggested.

 

Zud nodded his head on Andrew’s shoulder then nuzzled into his cheek before leaving to get ready. Andrew’s heart was in his throat as he processed what just happened.

 

“Earth to Andrew,” Austin said as he waved a hand in his face.

 

Shaking his head, Andrew looked at him replying, “What?”

 

“Was that not normal?” Nico asked.

 

“Uh…no. That was new.” He thought for a moment. “Every time I get used to something, he throws something new at me.”

 

“I’m telling you, he loves you too.” Austin tried to reason.

 

Andrew rolled his eyes. “I have told you, I know he loves me. He just isn’t in love with me.”

 

“I’m not so sure you are correct,” Nico added. 

 

He waved them off. “Let’s get ready to go.”

 

*********************

 

Austin had the bright idea of vlogging the day for all the channels. Andrew agreed but suggested putting it on The Regulars and if Zud wanted it on his. Zud declined saying he was fine with being on The Regulars only. Most of his fans were on their channel anyway. 

 

Austin and Nico were the designated camera holders as they walked around L.A., passing the camera around as they walked to different places. Austin was determined to catch as much of Andrew and Zud as possible. 

 

The two never left one another's side the whole day with only a few exceptions. Most of the time they were hooked together by hand holding or one of them putting a hand in the other’s back pocket. It made for some wonderful shots of them. There was a point when a fan of The Regulars noticed them and walked up.

 

Shyly she commented how so many fans were going to be happy that Andrew and Zud had finally gotten together. Before anyone could say a word, she walked off smiling. Nico and Austin watched them to see their reaction. When neither said a word about it and started walking to a park, they acted as if nothing was out of place.

 

Nico and Austin walked a few feet behind Andrew and Zud as they walked a path in the park. They were unable to hear the conversation they were having, but Austin still recorded them. Strolling along, Andrew was looking at where they were going as Zud watched him. Andrew was talking as his hand flew through the air as if explaining something. 

 

Suddenly, Zud pulled Andrew by his hand and wrapped his arms around Andrew’s shoulders in a hug. Andrew wasted no time wrapping his arms around the middle of Zud hugging him back. Zud then nuzzled into Andrew’s cheek and neck lovingly. 

 

“You ok sweetheart?” Could be heard from Andrew, “I don’t mind the affection.” He said after a few seconds as if replying to Zud. Andrew then returned the affection pushing his face into Zud’s neck. 

 

Austin was in shock knowing Andrew wasn’t into showing affection. “Fans, I think we have a new Sigils. Tell us what you guys think.” He said as he continued to record them. 

 

When they finally returned to Andrew’s place again, Austin was still recording everything he could. As they hung out together, Austin passed the camera to Nico every so often so he could be in the video too. Finally, as it got later, Austin was winding down and finding it tedious to keep recording. He was about to tell Andrew he was thinking about going home for the night when he saw Andrew and Zud fast asleep on the couch. 

 

Finding it in him to record one more time, he let the fans see what he had been seeing for more than half a year. Andrew was laying on his back with Zud laying on him. One hand was in the dark curls while the other was slid into a back pocket. Zud had his arms wrapped around Andrew’s chest while his face was pushed into his neck. 

 

“I hope you guys can see what we do. They are hopeless.”

 

 

 

 

Chapter 3: ZudxAndrew part three

Summary:

In the last part of this short story, Zud gets the wrong idea and causes a series of events that trigger quite a few things to happen. Andrew being sleep-deprived is quite a trip and no one wants to be on the ride.

 

 

 

After a few months, everyone could feel the tension forming between Zud and Andrew. They had been tiptoeing around actually saying how they felt since the video surfaced of them. Now more than just their friends were waiting for them to get together, the entire fandom was too.

 

Their relationship had grown so much, that to anyone that didn’t know them they would think they were a couple. His self-hatred blinded Andrew too much to see Zud waiting for him. Zud was trying to go at Andrew’s pace but was starting to get frustrated. He had been waiting for almost three months for him to open his eyes. 

 

Zud was finally at the end of his rope. He finally decided enough was enough and things were changing.

 

*****************

 

Andrew woke up with Zud laying across him like every morning. He wasn’t sure when it happened, but they shared his bed instead of being in separate ones. Not that he was against it, he just wished it was under different circumstances. 

 

Feeling himself get slightly depressed over it, he moved to get out of bed. In his sleep, Zud tightened his hold on him so he couldn’t move. Trying to unhook his hands, he woke Zud up in the process. 

 

“Is it time to get up?” Zud asked, his voice filled with sleep.

 

“It’s still early if you want to sleep.”

 

“Mhm,” Zud replied, reaching up and pulling Andrew down so they were at eye level. “Lay down then.” He said before closing his eyes.

 

“Uh…” Andrew was at a loss for words as he felt Zud shove his face into his neck. Feeling his breath on his neck made his mind blank for a few seconds. “Yeah…I’ll lay with you for a little bit.” He knew his voice was higher than normal. Nuzzling in his neck was the reply he got from Zud. That was a feeling he was never going to get used to. It always set him on fire.

 

Feeling Zud’s breathing even out, he knew he could relax a little. When Zud was asleep he didn’t worry as much about awkwardness. Pulling Zud’s body to himself, he held him close. Closing his eyes, he let himself drift off a little longer. His dreams were becoming his best friend, at least there he could be with Zud and not worry.

 

After what felt like only a few minutes, he could feel Zud waking up for real. Tightening his hold, Andrew hugged him tightly before letting him go completely. Zud’s eyes flew open as soon as he let go. “Time to get moving.” He said before climbing out of the bed and getting his clothes for the day. Andrew walked out to the bathroom so he could shower and change. 

 

Zud waited a little bit before letting out a quiet cry. Maybe he was wrong all along and Andrew wasn’t as in love with him as he thought. Getting out of bed he padded to his room deciding he would back off a little. It was obvious he was pushing him too much. 

 

After changing, Zud walked into the kitchen to start coffee. As he was doing that, Andrew walked in and greeted him. When he replied Andrew could sense something wasn’t right with him. 

 

“Zud, is something wrong?”

 

“No. Nothing’s wrong.”

 

“It doesn’t sound like nothing’s wrong.”

 

“I’m probably just tired.”

 

Fear struck Andrew and he flashed back to when Zud first moved here. He felt himself moving and shook his head. He saw Zud in front of him with a scared look. “I’m here.” He said quickly.

 

Zud’s shoulders sagged when he heard him. “What happened? I’ve never seen you look like that.” He asked, his voice clogged with fear.

 

“I’m sorry. When you said that I was afraid you were relapsing. That was what you would say whenever you didn’t want to tell us something.” Andrew could feel the tears in his eyes. “I was scared.” 

 

Zud didn’t know he sounded like that. He felt horrible for making Andrew relive that. “I’m sorry. I’m just having a bad day.”

 

Andrew was wiping his eyes as he felt the tears fall. “You don’t need to say sorry. I just didn’t realize I was as traumatized as you.”

 

“Can I hug you?” Zud asked. The whole conversation had him second-guessing everything.

 

“Oh sweetheart, of course. I think I could use it too if I’m being honest.” 

 

Zud threw himself on Andrew, both holding on to the other as if they were a lifeline.

 

“I’m sorry I scared you,” Andrew said softly. 

 

“I was being stupid, and it hurt you,” Zud whispered.

 

“Want to tell me what’s on your mind?”

 

“I can’t this time. I’ll tell Austin if it will make you feel better.” 

 

Andrew felt a little miffed but didn’t want to discourage him. “I would feel better if you talked to someone.”

 

“OK.”

 

*************

 

After he talked with Austin, Zud felt a little better and was in a better mood than he had been. He still thought for both of their sanity, they needed to be separated a little more. For the next week, he slept in his bed. He continued to hug and hang off Andrew during the day, but at night he would go into his room and not come out again until the next morning. Zud regretted it after day six.

 

Andrew had never slept so horribly in his entire life. He wasn’t sure why but Zud wasn’t sleeping in his bed anymore. How could one person change an entire sleep schedule so easily? Never had Andrew experienced this and quite frankly, he was growing insanely frustrated. Once he started snapping at everyone, Austin began asking questions.

 

Zud came clean about it and told him what he was thinking. He told him they were all sick of how Andrew was acting and to figure something else out. He was sick of it too, there was only so much angry Andrew anyone could take. He agreed to figure something out and said he might just go back to sleeping in the same bed again until then. 

 

On the sixth night, Zud went to his room like he had been and tossed and turned until close to midnight before falling into a light sleep. Andrew wasn’t as lucky and was still trying to fall asleep well into the morning. By three in the morning, he had had enough and went storming into Zud’s room. When he saw him sleeping, something in him snapped.

 

Andrew picked Zud up and took him into his room putting him on the bed. Once he landed on the bed, he was startled awake and looked around before seeing Andrew climb into the bed. “What the…?” Zud exclaimed.

 

“I don’t want to hear it. I can’t sleep, I know the problem, I’m fixing it.” He then laid down, pulled Zud against him, shoved his face into his neck, and relaxed for the first time in almost a week. Stunned, Zud was still for a minute or two. After he felt Andrew still, he arranged himself comfortably in his hold. Snuggling into Andrew and the blankets, Zud slowly fell asleep.

 

When the next morning came and went with neither of them waking up, people noticed. There were a few videos that were supposed to be recorded that afternoon that they both slept through. Once it hit around four o’clock and there was still no sign of them, Austin was worried enough to check on them.

 

When knocking went unnoticed, he used his key to unlock the door and walk in. The entire place was dark and it looked like no one was even there. Calling their names a few times, he looked throughout the place before going to the hallway with the bedrooms. Looking in Zud’s first he found it a mess but no Zud. He began to get more worried as he went to Andrew’s bedroom. 

 

Opening the door, there was enough light coming in the window to see them both fast asleep. “Seriously?” He said as he turned the light on. “Get up you idiots.” He yelled.

 

Both of them jumped before laying down where they were and groaning. “Why are you yelling Austin?” Andrew asked, annoyed. Finding himself comfortable, he nuzzled into Zud’s cheek. Zud, not missing a beat, returned the gesture. 

 

“You realize you worried all of us when you didn’t make it to the recording.” Austin chastised. 

 

“What do you mean missed the recording? What time is it?” Andrew was unsure of what was happening.

 

“It’s close to five at night.” 

 

“What?”

 

“How did you guys sleep that long? Plus I thought you guys were in separate rooms right now.” Austin was confused by how this happened.

 

“He broke last night,” Zud replied, face still pushed into Andrew’s neck. 

 

Austin smirked slightly. “You broke?”

 

Andrew growled, “I was sick of not sleeping all night. I knew how to fix it, so I fixed it.”

 

Zud giggled slightly into his shoulder while Austin hid his laughter behind his hand. 

 

“And what are you laughing at?” Andrew asked in that thick accent. 

 

Zud bit his lip harshly to keep the moan in when he heard him. 

 

“Don’t get pissy just because you have a weakness.” Austin scolded him.

 

“I’m no longer pissy. I feel great again.”

 

“You're welcome.” was whispered into his neck. Austin giggled again as Andrew froze.

 

“I’ll let the others know you two are ok,” Austin said as he left the room. “We changed the recording to tomorrow at the same time.” He called out before leaving completely.

 

Once left alone, they both felt an awkwardness surrounding them. 

 

Zud spoke up, figuring they ought to clear the air. “I’m sorry I put us through these sleepless nights.”

 

Andrew was confused about the whole situation from the start. “I just don’t understand what made you do it. You told me you were doing better after talking to Austin and then you did that.”

 

“I thought I was pushing you too far and wanted to give you space,” Zud replied softly.

 

“Space?” Andrew felt more confused as the conversation went on. “What gave you the idea I needed space?”

 

“That morning you acted like you didn’t want to be near me when we woke up. I thought that was my signal that I needed to back off.”

 

“Whoa, that is not what happened. I had a bad dream and didn’t want to make you feel my sad mood. You always feel sad when I do, so I was trying to get rid of the mood before you could feel it” Andrew explained in a rush. 

 

“I should have just listened to Austin,” Zud replied as he hugged Andrew tighter. “I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s ok. Misunderstandings happen. We figured it out before it could hurt us.”

 

“In case you forgot, it did hurt us.” Zud reminded him. “Both of us couldn’t sleep well and became angry.”

 

“When I went in there, you were sleeping. That is what made me pick you up and bring you here. I was enraged that you could sleep without me, but I couldn’t sleep without you.” Andrew explained.

 

“I actually couldn’t sleep without you. You just caught me when my body gave out.” 

 

“Oh.” Was all Andrew could say. He was a little ashamed now that he was so physical.

 

“Don’t worry,” Zud said as he got out of bed heading for the bathroom. He was almost to the bathroom door when he yelled behind himself to Andrew, “I found what you did quite intoxicating.” He then shut the door leaving Andrew staring at the closed door wondering when he fell through the rabbit hole.

 

**************

 

The next day while they were recording things took an interesting turn. Andrew and Zud hadn’t slept since five the previous night because they slept for so long. When they started recording, they were doing good but by the time they were on the third video things were going downhill quickly.

 

“Sweetie, where are you!” Andrew called out while playing hide and seek. Zud wasn’t in the mood for the half-cooked nickname and didn’t respond. Frustrated, Andrew called out again only to not get a response still. 

 

Having had enough, the accent came out due to his frustration and he put his mouth within an inch of the mic, “Darlin, Marco for me.”

 

Zud couldn’t hold back the moan that escaped him softly. Everyone was quiet for a moment before Andrew angrily said, “You respond to that but not sweetie.”

 

“Not my name,” Zud said quietly.

 

Andrew growled loudly. Aggressively he responded with “Fine, sweetheart, Marco for me.”

 

They could all hear the smirk in his voice as he told Andrew no.

 

Austin stepped in this time, “If you two keep this up, this won’t be able to be used.”

 

“I’m tired and in need of a nice warm bed.” Andrew snarled, “And one other thing…”

 

“We know,” Zud replied tauntingly.

 

“I wouldn’t play Darlin, I know where you sleep.”

 

“I should hope so.”  

 

“OK, I think we need to pause the recording.” Ian broke through the argument. They listened to him and paused.

 

“Now, how about you say what you really want to.” Zud taunted.

 

“Fine, I need you in my bed from now on.” Andrew snarled.

 

“What if I don’t want to?” Zud asked, uninterested.

 

“Oh darlin', we both know you can’t sleep without me.” 

 

A louder moan came out of his mouth. Then he shook his head to clear it. Zud was getting frustrated now too and yelled at Andrew. “Stop calling me that!”

 

“Why? I call you sweetheart and you don’t have an issue with that!” Andrew yelled back.

 

“You are an idiot!” Zud screamed. “I can’t do this. I’m sorry, I’m going to calm down, maybe we can record tomorrow.” He then logged off and shut off the computer. 

 

“Andrew, fix it,” Ian said before he left.

 

“He is right, fix it.” Austin agreed before he logged off also.

 

Andrew shut everything off before he slammed his door open and went to Zud’s room. Not bothering to knock on the door, he slammed it open finding him laying on his bed. Zud jumped when the door went flying open and then was furious. 

 

“What are you doing?” He asked Andrew.

 

“Tryin' to figure out what your issue is.” Andrew drawled out.

 

Zud bit his lip and avoided eye contact with Andrew as he said, “I think I need to go to bed.”

 

“Oh?” Andrew challenged. “At five at night?”

 

“Yes, at five at night!” Zud pushed back.

 

“Avoiding more things?”

 

“Wouldn’t need to if people understood what was in front of them.”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“You heard me.”

 

“Explain to me what you mean.”

 

“I can’t have you call me darlin in front of people.”

 

“Why?” Zud was quiet. “Zud… I need to know.”

 

“I can’t tell you until you figure out other things.” 

 

“What other things?” Andrew was worried now.

 

“Can you answer why you need me to sleep?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Can you say it to me?” Zud looked vulnerable to Andrew.

 

“I’m afraid,” Andrew whispered.

 

“Then I can’t tell you anything.” Zud sounded firm in his decision. “When you can tell me anything without fear, we can talk about my thoughts.”

 

“It sounds selfish, but am I still able to have you in my bed tonight?”

 

“Yes, but only because I’m in the same boat as you.” Zud sighed. “Get out so I can change. I want to be comfortable.”

 

Andrew didn’t say a word as he walked out and went to his room again. Changing into different clothes also, he thought about what Zud said. A knock on the door brought him out of his thoughts. He walked over to the door and opened it. Without a thought, he grabbed Zud’s hand and gently pulled him to the bed. 

 

Zud allowed himself to be pulled knowing it was Andrew’s way of apologizing. Climbing into the bed, Zud rolled onto his side facing away from Andrew as punishment. Andrew accepted it without complaint and pulled himself against Zud’s back wrapping his arms around him. He pressed his head into the base of Zud’s neck, nuzzling it lightly. Not able to stay mad, Zud threaded his fingers with Andrew’s as they both fell asleep.

 

The next morning Zud woke up feeling hot and bothered. He flung his eyes open quickly and noticed he and Andrew had rearranged in the night and were now facing each other. Hearing Andrew talking, he thought at first he was awake. When he felt a kiss pressed to his jaw, he soon gathered that Andrew was sleep-talking. 

 

Not able to hear him properly, he had no idea what Andrew was dreaming about. Being stuck while getting kissed repeatedly along his jawline and neck was making his mind go blank. A long moan vibrated through his throat and he felt himself begin to pant. Unsure how much more he could take, he suddenly felt Andrew move and that beautiful accent made an appearance.

 

“You awake already?”

 

Zud suppressed a whine before answering, “I have been for a few minutes. You sleep talk by the way.”

 

Andrew was still not awake and seemed confused. “I do? What did I say?”

 

He was still trying to calm himself down as he answered, “I couldn’t hear, your face was shoved into my neck.”

 

“I’m sorry darlin, I hope that wasn’t uncomfortable.”

 

Zud gave up on breathing regularly after he said that. He felt like an animal in heat with how harshly he was breathing.

 

“Are you ok?” Andrew asked concerned. 

 

“F-fine.” He replied. 

 

Andrew brought his face closer to his like he was inspecting Zud. “Are you sure?”

 

“God! I can’t take it!” Zud said, frustrated. He grabbed the back of Andrew’s neck and kissed him hard. Andrew was not expecting this and allowed Zud to roll on top of him as they kissed. He grabbed a handful of Zud’s hair and dug his fingers into his hip. A long groan vibrated through him when he heard a whine escape Zud. 

 

Breaking the kiss breathlessly, he watched as Zud panted as much as him. A satisfied look was on his face as he looked down at him. “Tell me,” Zud demanded.

 

“Tell you what?” Andrew asked, he was pretty sure he knew, but wanted to hear him ask.

 

“Tell me you love me. Tell me I’m the only one you want. Tell me everything.”

 

“I’m in love with you. I have been for over a year. I know you are my forever.” Andrew spoke truthfully. With every word, he saw Zud’s smile get wider and his body less stiff.

 

“Thank God you finally got it. I’ve been waiting for those words for a while now.” Zud bent down and kissed Andrew again before pulling back and saying. “To prove I love you too, I’m going to tell you something you have been asking about.”

 

Andrew was curious, “What have I asked about?”

 

“You can’t call me darlin in front of people anymore.”

 

“OH! I still don’t understand why.”

 

Zud’s face turned deep red. “It does things to me. It’s involuntary and I can’t stop when you say it.”

 

“Does things…?” Andrew asked. He watched as Zud looked almost nervous. He figured he could understand if he saw. “Why won’t you tell me, Darlin?” He watched as Zud’s eyes rolled back and a shiver ran through him. The cherry on top was the guttural moan that left his lips.

 

Without much thought, he yanked Zud down and kissed him harshly while rolling on top of him. His body took over for a moment and he began to slowly grind against Zud as he worked his way kissing down his neck. Small whines and moans were tumbling out of Zud’s mouth continuously and he gripped the back of Andrew’s head. 

 

Too caught up in each other, they forgot that today The Regular’s were meeting at their place. 

 

“They have been catching up on sleeping so they probably are still in bed,” Austin told Nico as they walked into the house. “Last time I had to come at five at night and wake them up because Zud thought it was a great idea to stop sleeping in Andrew’s bed for a week suddenly.”

 

“Is that why Andrew was miserable?” Nico asked, walking into the kitchen to start coffee.

 

“Yes. Apparently, he lost his mind at three in the morning and dragged Zud into his bed. They slept so well that it was over twelve hours later I had to wake them up. That was the day before, so they may still be tired. I just hope they are in a better mood than last night.”

 

“Fighting?”

 

“Over tired mixed with ignoring their emotions, it’s a deadly combination for them.”

 

“Hmm,” Nico replied, finishing what he was doing.

 

“I’m going to go check the bedrooms.” 

 

Austin started down the hallway checking Zud’s room even though he doubted anyone was there. Seeing he was correct, he went straight to Andrew’s room and opened the door. A loud moan stopped him in his tracks. Looking up, he saw Andrew on top of Zud who wore a blissed-out expression as he let out another moan. 

 

“Holy Crap!” Austin yelled.

 

Andrew’s head whipped around quickly with an angry expression on it. “What are you doing?”

 

“We had a meeting today, did you forget?” 

 

While hidden behind Andrew, Zud said, “Yes, we forgot Nico was flying in this morning. We will be right out. I’ll calm the Alpha Wolf down before then.”

 

“OK,” Austin replied before quickly shutting the door and sprinting down the hall.

 

When he arrived in the kitchen, Nico could see he didn’t look right. “What happened this time?” He asked, almost sounding defeated.

 

“I don’t think we need to worry anymore.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“If they are not together now, then I quit life.”

 

“That’s a bit dramatic.”

 

“I just saw them doing naughty things!” 

 

Nico rolled his eyes. “Seriously? That’s what you chose to call it? You're an adult, Austin.”

 

Austin stuck his tongue out at Nico who just chuckled lightly.

 

A few minutes later, Andrew and Zud came into the kitchen fully dressed for the day. When they sat down side by side Austin couldn’t hold it in anymore.

 

“Who broke?”

 

Andrew was lost for a moment before answering, “Zud.”

 

Austin whipped around to look at Zud. “Why did you break? I thought it would be him.”

 

Zud blushed deeply and looked down at his hand in his lap. “Uh…”

 

Andrew was concerned, “You don’t have to answer him. He is always nosey.”

 

“I’m fine with telling him, it’s just you don’t even know everything,” Zud explained.

 

“I don’t?”

 

“No, you were sleeping.” They all looked confused. “I woke up to Andrew sleep talking. I didn’t know it at that moment, but then he started kissing my jaw and I figured out he was still asleep. After a while, he finally woke up and we talked for a minute. I asked if he knew he talked in his sleep and that started the beginning of my downward spiral.” Zud turned to look at Andrew who nodded encouragingly. 

 

Taking a deep breath, he continued. “I told him I couldn't understand what he said in his sleep because he had his face shoved into my neck. He apologized but he also called me Darlin. I almost lost my mind then. The accent is what killed me though. I understand what an animal in heat feels like.” He buried his face in his hands. “That's when I snapped.”

 

“I didn't see it coming, but I enjoyed every minute,” Andrew commented. Zud looked up and saw a dreamy look on Andrew's face. 

 

“You are corny,” Zud replied giggling.

 

Andrew chuckled as he reached over and threaded his fingers in Zud’s hair. Still playing with it, he turned to Austin and asked, “So, what are we doing today?” 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 4: AndrewxZud

Summary:

Andrew and Zud have finally gotten together, but they have decided to keep the others in the dark for now. With the relationship still new, they want to have time to figure this out before letting the others know. Recording becomes difficult though because Andrew keeps slipping up. Will he spill the beans? Or will they be able to tell everyone when they are ready?

 

 

 

Andrew had fallen in love with Zud months before they had gotten together. He knew he was with someone, so he tried to act as normal as possible around him. Zud knew when his relationship had run its course and was glad when things ended before everyone was hurt. At first, Zud thought it was only an attraction. It took him a while to see that he was falling for Andrew. 

 

When they met up once for a video, they were hanging out together one night alone. Everyone else had either gone home or were sleeping. As they talked, Zud’s relationship status had been questioned. Andrew was unaware he was single now and felt bad when he found himself overly happy about it. 

 

When asked what had happened, Zud replied that they both found themselves looking at other people, so they went their separate ways. Andrew was confused by this and asked who Zud had his eye on. His reply was an older man that he often worked with.

 

They ended up getting together that night.

 

That was around three months ago and Zud had been in California the whole time. They decided to go all in and Zud officially moved in with Andrew almost two weeks after that night. Wanting to enjoy the beginning of the relationship without drama, they told no one. This proved to be the hardest part of them being together.

 

****************

 

When recording videos for the channels, they were in separate rooms on opposite sides of the house. They figured this would make sure there was no crossover in sound. It worked and no one was wiser. The only person they ended up having to tell was Caleb as they hired him to edit Zud’s videos now that he was in California. 

 

One time, when they were recording a hide-and-seek for Andrew’s channel, one of them slipped up. They were doing a toxic fighting hide and seek and it was Andrew seeking. He was looking around a building for either Ian or Zud. He was continuously sniped by someone and the giggle he kept hearing told him it was his boyfriend. 

 

Frustrated like always, Andrew was screaming at the game as he tried to figure out where Zud was hiding. Looking at the timer quickly, he saw he had one and a half minutes. Glancing back at the screen, he saw the respawn screen was up. 

 

“NO!” He yelled again. “Where are you!?”

 

Another round of giggles was heard as Ian popped up and shot him. “Seriously!?” He yelled slamming his hand on the desk. 

 

“Aww, are you having issues?” Zud teased. 

 

“You are a brat,” Andrew growled out.

 

“What is the matter Sigils? Can’t find us?” Ian taunted.

 

Zud let out another round of giggles as he shot Andrew again from his spot. Andrew couldn’t find the window he was using to snipe him and finally yelled, “Babe! Stop snipping me!” 

 

Everyone was silent. “Sigils, what did you say?” Austin asked.

 

“I said hey stop snipping me.” He replied not missing a beat. 

 

“It didn’t sound like it…” Austin mumbled. 

 

“I’m a little frustrated, I probably screwed up my words,” Andrew said. Bang! He was snipped again. “I hate you guys.” He said through his hands as he heard the timer go off. He closed the video and shut everything off. After he was finished with the computer, he walked out of the bedroom and sat on the sofa. 

 

His eyes closed as he leaned back, and he didn’t see Zud walk up to him. He sat next to him and put a hand on his leg. Andrew opened his eyes and reached over laying a hand on Zud’s cheek. “I’m sorry.” He said to him rubbing his thumb across his cheekbone. 

 

“Why are you sorry?” Zud asked as he laid his hand over Andrew’s, closing his eyes and nuzzling his face in his hand.

 

“I slipped up.” He pulled Zud to him and hugged him into his chest. 

 

“I’m not mad. It was a clever cover-up.” 

 

“I don’t think he believed me.” Andrew was upset with himself. He found comfort in Zud as he pushed his face into his hair. “We haven’t talked about when we want to announce our relationship, and I almost did it without your ok.”

 

“Is that why you’re upset?” Zud asked as he lifted his head to look Andrew in the eyes. Andrew avoided eye contact and shrugged his shoulders. He knew this meant yes for him. “Oh, hun. I don’t care when they find out. I just wanted some time for us to figure out a dynamic.”

 

“You sure?” Andrew barely whispered.

 

Zud sat up and kissed Andrew firmly. Pulling away he made him look at him as he said, “I’m positive.” He then smirked a little, adding. “Maybe we should play around a little bit. Make little slip-ups here and there.”

 

“That’s mean.” Andrew said with a smile, “I like it.” Andrew drew Zud in for a kiss. They sat on the sofa for the next ten minutes kissing each other and cuddling. When Andrew’s phone rang, he pulled away from Zud to see who was calling. Seeing Austin’s name, he answered.

 

“What’s up Austin?”

 

“I was wondering what you were doing tonight.”

 

“I’m not sure what I’m doing. I was thinking of just ordering some food and going to bed early tonight. Why? What’s up?”

 

“Did you want to do a video, just the two of us?”

 

“Sure, I can do a video with you. We haven’t done one in a while. When do you want me to log on?”

 

“I was thinking of logging on at four, does that work?”

 

“Yeah, I’ll talk to you then.”

 

They hung up after that and Andrew put the phone down. Sitting back on the sofa again, Zud asked, “Got another video?”

 

“Mhm. Austin hasn’t wanted to do a video with only the two of us for a while. I’m kinda excited.” Andrew smiled at Zud.

 

“I’m glad you guys get to record alone. You need your own time without us.” Zud replied smiling back at him. 

 

“This is one of the many reasons why I love you Zud. You get me.” He sat up and kissed Zud. 

 

After the kiss ended, Zud giggled. “Not to sound rude, but you’re not hard to understand.”

 

“Are you calling me easy?” Andrew asked smirking.

 

“If the shoe fits,” Zud answered, “But those are your words, not mine.”

 

“That was cruel.” Andrew acted as if it hurt him.

 

Rolling his eyes, Zud climbed into Andrew’s lap and straddled him. He knew this would make him stop pouting. “I am not cruel, you just don’t like it when I’m right.” 

 

Wrapping his arms around Zud’s waist, he said, “Maybe. But if this is what I get when you are right, then I want you right all the time.” He smirked up at Zud.

 

Rolling his eyes, Zud leaned down and kissed him. “You are horrible.”

 

“No, just blinded.” He rubbed his nose against Zud’s. “Blinded by love.”

 

“Jeez. No one is ever going to believe how corny you are.” Zud giggled.

 

“It’s ok, so long as you know.”

 

*******************

 

When Zud’s hide-and-seek video was being made, it was chaos as always. Zud was already frustrated and it was the first round. Austin was annoying in his opinion and Ian was giving him away. Andrew was unusually quiet throughout the round. 

 

“What are you saying?” Zud all but yelled.

 

“You're a little chunky,” Austin said playfully.

 

“What? You can’t say that to me, Biffle.”

 

“No, let him cook,” Andrew said out of nowhere.

 

“Uh, why?”

 

“I’ll tell you later,” Andrew replied before becoming quiet again.

 

“Tell him later?” Ian said to himself.

 

“Marco!” Austin said again.

 

“I am,” Zud answered.

 

“Got you SSundee.” He yelled.

 

“Zud, what are you doing here?” Ian asked as he watched him in spectator mode.

 

“I wonder,” Zud replied sarcastically.

 

“You are really lighting things up.” Ian giggled as he said it.

 

“Don’t start SSundee!” 

 

“What?” Ian asked indignantly. “I didn’t do anything.”

 

Austin appeared out of nowhere and hit Zud. “Thanks, SSundee,” Zud said under his breath.

 

“Why do you always hide like this Sigils?” Zud asked.

 

“What? He hasn’t found me. I’m big braining this.”

 

“Stop commanding him,” Ian said out of nowhere.

 

“Command block got it,” Austin said and beelined to Andrew.

 

“I hate you guys,” Andrew mumbled.

 

“Keep telling yourself that, someone might believe you,” Zud muttered as he set up Andrew’s round of seeking. 

 

Andrew continued to mumble under his breath as everyone hid. Once he started seeking, the subject changed again. 

 

“Are you guys being mean again?” Andrew whined. 

 

“We aren’t acting any different than normal,” Ian answered.

 

“Fine, Marco.” Fireworks sounded off near him and he flew over to the sound. Hitting everything in his path, he struck Austin who yelped.

 

“One down, two to go.”

 

Austin wasn’t happy he was found so quickly and looked at everyone's spots. Once he settled for watching Zud and talking to him, he began his revenge.

 

“Sigils, you're getting close.” Austin taunted.

 

“I know I’m close. Your not helping so stop.”

 

“Oh, you took a wrong turn,” Austin added.

 

“No, I didn’t, stop helping me.”

 

“Huh, who knew there was a trap door there.”

 

“Shut up Biffle!”

 

“You are not good at this game are you?”

 

“Biffle, I swear…”

 

“Don’t swear! Zud, he is trying to swear! Don’t ruin his video!”

 

Andrew was aware that he was joking, but something was snapping inside him when he defended Zud. His mind told him he needed to lash out, but he knew in the back of his head he was acting jealous.

 

Zud watched as Andrew’s character stood still for too long. Hearing his alarm go off, he tried to think of something to say. “I have to go check on something, I’ll be right back,” Zud said as he left the room. 

 

Almost running through the house, he opened Andrew’s door as noiselessly as possible and peeked in. Seeing Andrew stare at the screen, he knew something wasn’t right. Reaching over, he muted Andrew’s mic before talking to him.

 

“Andrew, what’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing, I was just being stupid and let my anger get the best of me.”

 

“Are you ok to continue?”

 

Andrew turned his chair so he could face Zud. A strained smile appeared on his face. “I’ll be fine.”

 

He didn’t believe him for a minute and leaned down hugging him. “Don’t lie. You suck at it.”

 

Andrew couldn’t handle it anymore and pulled Zud into his lap hugging him tightly. After a minute, he started to feel the tension leave his body. “Now I’m feeling better.” He smiled genuinely at Zud who kissed him gently. 

 

“Good. Let’s finish this video and then we can watch a movie or something.” Andrew nodded and kissed him once more before letting him get up.

 

Returning to his computer, Zud put his headphones back on and apologized to the group. “Sorry about that, I thought I heard someone knock on the front door.”

 

“Things happen,” Ian said.

 

“Sigils, you there?” Austin asked.

 

“Yeah, I’m here.”

 

“You sound like you’re in a better mood,” Austin said suspiciously. “Why were you muted the whole time Zud was gone?”

 

“I wanted to eat while he was gone. It was noisy, so I muted.” Andrew defended. It was believable since he ate all the time during the videos.

 

“What’s your food’s name?”

 

“What does that mean?”

 

“I know you weren’t eating because you never mute when eating,” Austin answered matter of factly. “You were completely frustrated before Zud had to check his front door, and now you are in an insanely happy mood. What’s their name?”

 

“Uh…I’m not saying.” Andrew answered nervously.

 

“What?!” Austin yelled. “How did you find a girlfriend? You don’t ever leave the house!”

 

“Uh, I do leave the house, just not often,” Andrew said sounding unsure. “Plus, why do you think it’s a girlfriend?”

 

Silence rang out loudly.

 

“Are you telling us that you are seeing a man?” Ian asked.

 

“Yes…” Andrew replied. They could hear the nervousness in his voice.

 

“Sorry for assuming. I should have remembered you liked both.” Austin apologized.

 

“You knew? I never told you.” Andrew was shocked.

 

“Of course, I knew. A blind person could see it.” Austin chuckled.

 

“Oh.” Andrew cleared his throat. “Well, I’ll let you meet them when we are ready to announce our relationship. It’s still new and we are trying to find our footing.”

 

“Ok, I’m just happy you found someone.” Austin sighed.

 

*********

 

With all of his friends aware that he was with someone, Andrew was beginning to wonder if they should just tell them. Zud had no problems with letting them all know. After almost five months of being together, they knew they couldn’t wait any longer. They were recording a Roblox video with SSundee when it all came out.

 

“You are cheating again!” Andrew yelled at Ian as he cackled.

 

“No, I’m not! It’s not cheating!”

 

“It is! You said no Robux and you spent so much!”

 

“I have this friend, SSundee, and he has a lot of Robux.” Nico slid in.

 

“Nico!” Andrew yelled at him, “Don’t encourage him!”

 

“I’m not doing anything!” Ian insisted.

 

“Then why are you so far ahead?”

 

“I’m only one world ahead of you!”

 

“That’s because I spent Robux when I realized you did!”

 

“So you're cheating. He’s cheating!” Ian yelled.

 

“I know how much you spent! I bought the same things!”

 

“Wait, you spent as much as SSundee did?” Zud asked.

 

“Uh…” Andrew knew this could go bad. “I just wanted to beat Ian!”

 

“Are you twelve?” Zud asked. “Why did you spend so much?”

 

“I told you!”

 

“Don’t yell at me.”

 

“Babe! Please don’t be mad!”

 

“Don’t think that calling me babe is getting you out of trouble hun.”

 

“But,”

 

“Later, we will talk later.” Zud ended the conversation.

 

“What just happened?” Austin finally spoke up.

 

“I think we just met Sigils' boyfriend,” Ian replied laughing.

 

“Surprise?” Andrew said.

 

“Seriously…?” Zud whispered.

 

Ian’s timer rang out. “At least it’s the end of the video. And hey, I win!” 

 

A loud thunk was heard over their headphones. “Stop hitting your head Sigils,” Zud said in a defeated voice. “You don’t need brain damage on top of no common sense.” 

 

“Babe,” Andrew whined, “Don’t call me out like that.”

 

“We already knew you had no common sense, why do you think people enjoy us making videos together,” Austin said. 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 5: ZudxAndrew

Summary:

Zud was asked to come down to California again to record irl with The Regulars. This time it's hard for him because of his feelings for Andrew. It's also hard for him because he hasn't told anyone in his entire life that he is bisexual. When his two secrets start to come out, he finds himself panicking and feeling overwhelmed.

 

 

 

 

Zud woke up with a start. Another unwanted dream was swimming in his head from only moments ago. Why was his brain torturing him so much? The man in his dreams was off limits. He could never have him.

 

That didn’t mean he couldn’t dream though.

 

The Regulars were starting to become as popular as the individual channels that each of them had. Finding the time to do all of the content was starting to take a toll, but they still loved to record for the channel. The content wasn’t what they were used to, but that made it fun. Zud loved being a part of it when they asked. He wished sometimes he could be a part of them more.

 

 It was hard to be so far away from them. 

 

Zud knew it was just a pipe dream, him being hopeful for certain things. These things were only in his dreams, not allowed to come out in the daylight. Always feeling ashamed, he pushed the thoughts away acting as if they didn’t exist.

 

Thoughts always come out though, no matter if there is light or not.

 

His emotions were running higher than ever before. All he could do was wonder if he was making the right choices. Knowing he was going to have to clear his head, he let himself run away with his thoughts at night until the day came. 

 

The day he went to California and had to come face to face with the subject of his thoughts.

 

Zud finally couldn’t do it anymore. He knew the choice was going to have to be made. He either was going to stick around and say what was on his mind, or he was going to leave and never look back.

 

*************************

 

The phone going off woke Zud up from the latest dream. Looking at it, he didn’t bother answering it. It wasn’t a good idea after the night he had. Talking to him could wait until he cleared his head and pushed the dream into the dark part of his mind. They were his secrets, no one was allowed to know.

 

The caller was insistent though and tried to call again. Again, he ignored the call walking off afterward to go into the bathroom. He went through his morning routine before looking at his phone to see if he left him alone. He was already aware that he would find a text on his phone. He wouldn’t leave him alone until he answered. 

 

Opening the text, it was the same thing as always. He replied that he was fine and had just woken up. Not a lie, but not the truth. It usually satisfied him, but today it didn’t. He needed to call him back for Regulars business. Sighing, he said he would in a few minutes.

 

He wasn’t sure why he was stalling, he had to speak to him no matter what. It was best to get it over with and then delay the inevitable. Another minute went by and he finally bit the bullet and called. 

 

“Hey, Zud.”

 

Zud closed his eyes upon hearing his name come out of his mouth. “Hi, Andrew.” 

 

“Rough morning?”

 

“Yes.” Zud changed the subject quickly. “What is going on with The Regulars?”

 

“Oh, right.” Andrew seemed to forget what the call was about. “We wanted to see if you were up for coming to California.”

 

Zud lost himself in thought. Would he be able to handle being around him all the time? “Zud?” He heard Andrew call out to him.

 

“I’m here.” He replied, shaking himself out of his stupor. “When did you plan for this to happen?”

 

“We were planning for next week unless that’s too soon?”

 

“Uh…” Zud quickly ran through everything in his head. “That should be fine.”

 

“Good, I’ll send everything when it’s ready.”

 

After that, they hung up. Zud was able to breathe again. How would he make it through a few weeks of being with him 24-7? It was getting hard just to record with him. This was going to test his secret-keeping skills.

 

*********************

 

The flight was nerve-racking, but not due to the flying. Zud was more and more nervous as he got closer to California. Recording and being around his friends was exciting, he always enjoyed doing in-real-life content with them. It was the prospect of being alone with him. He was always poking fun at him and he never knew how to take it. 

 

Zud wasn’t sure how he was going to feel seeing him in person this time.

 

The last time everyone had gathered, he didn’t feel like he did now. His feelings made themselves known shortly after he went back home. That’s when the dreams started. They have only grown stronger as time has gone by. It consumed him and made his girlfriend leave him. Some of his shame came from hurting her. Even if it was unintentional, he upset her badly.

 

The nerves were making him feel sick as he gathered his luggage. Texting Andrew, he told him that he was on his way over to Austin’s where they were meeting. All he got was an ok in reply. The closer he got, the more he couldn’t sit still. It was like he was going to crawl out of his skin. 

 

Then, he arrived.

 

They were all out front waiting for him. Once he started up the front walk, they began to hug him and say hello. Noticing there were more than The Regulars, he was feeling a little better about his stay. This meant he could hide more easily if he needed to. 

 

As he worked through all his friends greeting each one, he couldn’t help but wonder where he was. Normally he would see him before anyone else could get near him. Today, he seemed absent though. It didn’t make sense, he had been talking to him only about this whole trip, so why wasn’t he there?

 

Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore. “Where is Andrew?”

 

Austin seemed confused. “I don’t know,” He replied as he looked around the front yard. “He was here when you arrived. Maybe he had something inside he needed to take care of.”

 

“Mind if I go look for him?”

 

“Not at all, go ahead.”

 

“Thanks.” He said as he walked into the house. Standing in the mud room, he quickly looked around to figure out where he could be. Hearing voices, he went towards them. Walking through the living room to the dining room, he heard the voices grow louder. 

 

“...it’s difficult Maia.” A voice said. “I don’t know how I’m going to get through this.”

 

“You’ll be fine. No one is telling you to say anything about it. Just act like you always would, nothing bad will come out of this.” Maia answered.

 

“I don’t know if I can act the same. I bolted just now, how am I going to do this for a few weeks?”

 

“Andrew, I never took you for a quiter.”

 

“Uh, 'cause I’m not?” 

 

“Mhm, could have fooled me.” Zud could hear the sarcasm in her voice, “Go out there and say hi to Zud. He is going to think you don’t like him if you don’t say hi.”

 

Quickly Zud made some noise as if he was trying to find his way around. Maia stuck her head out of the kitchen and smiled. “Zud! It’s good to see you. Looking for something?”

 

She hugged him quickly and looked at him for an answer. “Uh, Austin said Andrew might be in here?” 

 

“Oh! Yes, he was helping me for a moment. Andrew!” She called out to him.

 

Andrew came out around the corner and smiled at Zud. “Hey Zud, sorry I couldn’t see you as soon as you got here.” He then walked up to Zud and hugged him. 

 

Zud returned the hug almost greedily. All he wanted was to stay like that with Andrew. He felt himself relax against Andrew. Not wanting to draw attention, he slowly pulled back to end the hug before he let his secret slip. Andrew couldn’t know, no one could know.

 

Zud couldn’t let them see he was in love with Andrew.

 

“There are some people here that you didn’t tell me about,” Zud stated.

 

“Yeah, we thought we would get as many of our friends as possible while you were here.” Andrew cleared his throat. “We don’t get to have you here often and we know you're close with some others.”

 

Zud could feel himself swoon a little. Smiling, he looked at Andrew saying, “I love that I can see all of my friends.”

 

Andrew smiled back at him and they seemed frozen for a moment. They were satisfied with just looking into each other's eyes. 

 

Then Maia cleared her throat. “We ought to go back out and join the others.”

 

“Yeah, I’m sure everyone wants to hang out…” Zud rubbed the back of his neck and turned away from Andrew awkwardly. A mumbled ‘yeah ok’ was heard from Andrew and the three of them walked out front again. 

 

A few people greeted Zud and soon found himself lost in conversation. A few hours of talking helped make him feel more at ease. Not worrying about how he was acting made it easier to sound normal. 

 

The night brought the dreams though. 

 

Once everyone found themselves tired and ready for bed, they made their way to where they were staying. There were so many this time around that there was a house being rented for everyone to stay in. This was the easiest and cheapest option. 

 

Finding a bed in an empty room, he began getting ready to sleep. Once he was in his bed, he let his mind go. Falling asleep with pictures and thoughts of Andrew, he felt at peace. 

 

The next morning he woke up in fear. Last night's dream was a nightmare even though it held the same person as always. His fear of rejection was holding on to him tightly. This was the main reason for keeping his secret. He would rather lie than lose everyone. 

 

As he became aware of the room around him, he started wiping the tears from his eyes. Grabbing some things he quickly went to the bathroom to get ready for the day. Once he was done, he went downstairs to see everyone. Putting blinders on, he found what he needed and sat at the table.

 

Engrossed in his phone, he didn’t see or hear anyone around him. So when he felt fingertips graze the back of his neck, he shuddered and let out a peaceful sigh. Coming out of the spell, he looked around and found no one. Then a thunk was heard and he looked up in front of him.

 

An open-mouthed Kate was looking shocked back at him. Zud’s eyes widened as he realized Kate knew who had touched him. As he opened his mouth to speak, Kate shook their head no. 

 

Taken aback, Zud gave them an odd look. Why wouldn’t Kate tell him who it was? Watching Kate, he could see them looking over his head. As subtle as possible, he turned around and looked behind himself. Noticing the person was back to him, he felt bolder about simply looking at who it was. 

 

There, standing back to him only a few feet away was Andrew.

 

Zud quickly turned around and faced Kate. Looking them in the eyes, he mouthed ‘Did he…?’. Kate nodded subtly looking over Zud’s shoulder again. Zud couldn’t handle it anymore and stood up suddenly.  He heard his name be called but ignored it and continued out the front door. He just needed to escape from everyone in the house. It felt like his nightmare was coming true. 

 

He didn’t feel the panic attack come as he spiraled into his thoughts. Stuck in his head feeling a loss he hadn’t even had. “Zud!” He heard, but couldn’t find a way to answer. Something was on his face, he couldn’t tell what it was. It made him feel grounded though, he wanted more. Realizing it was someone touching him, he slowly came back. 

 

He felt his body give but was powerless to stop himself from falling. Arms wrapped around him and guided him down to the ground. His eyes started to focus, allowing him to see the outline of a person holding onto him. Closing his eyes due to the brightness, he pushed his face into the person. 

 

“Oh Zud…” a person said. It took a moment, but Zud knew who had a hold of him. 

 

“I’m sorry Andrew. I don’t know what happened. I’ve never done that before.” Zud whispered into him. 

 

“I’m just worried. What were you thinking about?”

 

“I...” Zud didn’t want to say, but he couldn’t think of a lie. He felt the panic this time start to rise.

 

“Hey, if you can’t say it’s ok. I don’t want you to panic again.” 

 

“I’m afraid of something, that’s all. No need to worry.” Zud was able to see clearly again and pulled away from Andrew. 

 

Andrew let him pull out of the hug and stood up next to Zud. Once they were both off the ground, Andrew took Zud’s face in his hands and made him look at him. “I am worried.”

 

Zud pulled himself out of Andrew’s reach. “I’m ok, promise.” He then walked around to the back of the house to escape. 

 

Less than an hour later, he felt ready to face everyone again. He wasn’t sure if it was embarrassment from having a panic attack or the fact that Andrew was the one who brought him out of it but he didn’t want to go near anyone. Once he entered the house, he felt a shift in the atmosphere. It was worse than everyone having eyes on him.

 

Almost running to the kitchen for a drink, he nearly ran Kate over. “I’m sorry.” He mumbled as he walked past them to the cupboard. 

 

“Why haven’t you said anything?” Kate asked.

 

Zud wasn’t sure what they were asking about. “About what?”

 

Kate paused, so Zud looked over at them. He found them looking around the area before they spoke. “About your feelings for him.”

 

He quickly busied himself with pouring a drink mumbling out, “There is nothing to say.”

 

“So you're in denial.” 

 

“I know how I feel!” Zud hissed out.

 

“Oh, so you're acting like they don’t exist. Even better. Great idea.” Kate replied sarcastically. 

 

“Don’t act like you know what’s best.”

 

“I know that you can’t keep pushing them down. What happened this morning? That’s just the beginning. You’re going to hurt yourself in so many ways.”

 

“I have been doing just fine. Today was the first time that happened.”

 

“So it’s getting worse?”

 

“I just haven't seen him since I’ve been aware.”

 

“Mmm.” Kate hummed. “Be careful. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

 

Zud nodded and walked out of the kitchen. These three weeks were going to kill him.

 

************************

 

The first week went quickly as they got everything ready and planned out. It was easy to avoid Zud’s issues when he could bury himself in work. 

 

When the weekend came, they all stayed in the house to hang out and rest. That Monday they were going to start recording. Zud wasn’t sure how he was going to be in front of a camera with Andrew. The regular recordings were difficult enough, these were going to really test him. 

 

His dreams were getting worse too the longer he was in California. He was dreaming more vividly and it was making them feel like they were real. Already he avoided Andrew as much as possible and the dreams made him want to never face him. 

 

Sunday night brought a small celebration just because they could. Zud had been keeping himself around Kate most of the time. It made him feel safe due to them knowing. Nico, Austin, and Andrew were extremely aware something was wrong but were unable to get Zud to say anything. 

 

Finally, Zud couldn’t take it anymore and went to bed by ten o’clock. His dreams were making him happier than reality right now. He knew this wasn’t healthy, but still convinced himself it was better than telling the truth. 

 

In his dream, he was able to tell Andrew everything. There were no secrets and the happiness he felt was amazing. The dream showed him that he could be with Andrew, kiss him freely, and show the world how much he loved him. 

 

His dream showed him what he wanted though, not what was happening.

 

Waking up the next day was depressing and unwanted. Knowing they were working that day was the only reason he forced himself out of bed. Seeing he was the only one awake, he went into the bathroom as he was. After he finished, he walked into the kitchen not bothering to change due to the time of day. Waking up at 6:30 in the morning was not idealistic, but it had its perks. 

 

Making coffee, he waited for it to brew leaning against the counter while scrolling on his phone. Hearing footsteps, he glanced up from his phone to see Andrew walking into the kitchen. A little shocked, he stood frozen bent over the counter still watching Andrew walk around the room. 

 

Without turning around Andrew asked Zud, “Why are you up?” 

 

“Couldn’t sleep anymore.” He replied, still staring at him. 

 

“Still having nightmares?”

 

“No, I didn’t have a nightmare, just a dream that upset me.”

 

“That’s too bad. Dreams should make us happy.” Andrew answered as he turned to face Zud.

 

“I was happy,” Zud said without thinking.

 

“Then why did it make you sad?” Andrew was confused.

 

“I know it will never be real.” He saw Andrew’s face slowly turn red as he looked at him.

 

“How do you know it can never be real?” Andrew was moving around again, this time getting mugs and other things needed for coffee.

 

“Some things are just obvious,” Zud replied quietly as he accepted the mug he was handed.

 

“I don't think things are that cut and dry,” Andrew replied as he poured the coffee into each mug. “Emotions can bring us to different places and make us believe lies. I think your mind is lying to you about whatever the dream was about.” He looked Zud in the eyes, “Maybe you can have the dream happen, you just don’t think you can.”

 

“That’s just wishful thinking, but thank you for trying to make me feel better.”

 

Andrew was blushing again as he turned to finish making his coffee. “I just want to see you happy.”

 

“I am happy,” Zud replied. He felt as though Andrew was trying to hint at something.

 

“I know that’s not true.” Andrew sighed as he walked to the table and sat down. “I wish you trusted one of us to tell us what is wrong.”

 

“It’s not about trust.” Zud was starting to shake as he thought about what to say. “I can’t say it out loud because then it’s real.”

 

“But wouldn’t reality be better than dreaming?”

 

He had never seen Andrew so serious. Everyone was aware that he had a mothering instinct that was stronger than most mums. This was different though. It was like he could see into Zud’s brain and watch what he was thinking. “If I talk to one of you, would you feel better?”

 

“Better? Yes. Would I stop worrying though? No.” Andrew was always honest.

 

“I’ll think about it.”

 

“Thank you,” Andrew said, smiling slightly. “Why don’t you go get dressed before the others wake up? Better to beat the rush for the shower, right?”

 

“Yeah, you're right.” Zud wandered slowly up the stairs as he thought about the conversation. He didn’t know if it would help to talk to someone, but it was tempting.

 

***************

 

The first day of recording went smoothly for Zud. There wasn’t much that required him to be near Andrew or talk to him directly. The following days were similar, normal, impersonal, and no contact. By Friday, Zud was almost certain he could make it through all the recordings and keep his secret.

 

He didn’t remember Maia.

 

Maia wanted to see Andrew happy. He was one of Austin’s oldest and closest friends, they both were worried about him. Him pushing his feelings for Zud under the rug was making him go crazy in many ways. Maia had had enough and was taking matters into her own hands. 

 

They were doing a version of truth and dare. Nothing gross or invasive was allowed within reason. Relationship questions were acceptable along with a few others, but were allowed to be skipped without consequence. The fans loved to learn about them and watch them do crazy things. 

 

“Hi and we are The Regulars, I’m Sigils, these two are Nico and Biffle, and we have special guests Zud and Kate. Today, we are playing truth or punishment. Before we get into that, Biffle….?”

 

“Hit that like button!”

 

“Hit that subscribe button!” Nico chimed in.

 

“That’s right! Now, we all have questions that you, the fans, have wanted answers to and some from us. We have our color cards that Kate will read from when it’s our turn. We are allowed to skip, but it comes with a price that Maia will deal us.” Andrew frowned slightly, then looked into the camera, “Why did I agree to this?”

 

“Who is going first?” Kate asked.

 

“Oldest to youngest,” Andrew replied.

 

“OK, so I’m grabbing a green card first.” Pulling from the green pile, they read, “Do you work more hours than a regular job?” 

 

“If we are talking a regular eight-hour day, then yes. Sometimes we all work more than forty hours a week.” He replied.

 

“Ok, next question…” Kate continued. 

 

They went on like this for ten to fifteen minutes before there was some stalling. Nico refused one question and ended up having his hair done by Maia and Kate. He looked good with braids and glitter. Andrew was close to not answering a question but decided he didn’t want punishment yet. Austin and Zud were the only ones who hadn’t thought twice about answering. 

 

Until Zud got one question.

 

“Zud, are you interested in a girl or are you focusing on you?” Kate read. 

 

“Am I allowed to ask if a fan asked or if one of you did?”

 

“You can ask,” Austin said.

 

“Then I would like to know.”

 

“It says in the corner a fan asked,” Kate replied.

 

“Uh…” Zud was trying to decide if he was outing himself to the world, or just taking the punishment and staying in the closet a little longer.

 

Kate noticed he looked nervous and asked inconspicuously, “Have you not come clean?”

 

Zud gave them a confused look and watched them look between him and Andrew. He suddenly realized what they meant. “No. I have not come clean to anyone, ever.”

 

This upset Kate, “Can we give him another card? This is something that he can’t answer yet.”

 

“What do you mean he can’t answer yet?” Andrew asked in shock.

 

“I mean it makes him uncomfortable and I can’t explain why.”

 

Maia realized something was wrong and began paying closer attention. Zud looked like he was about to be beaten up as he looked between Kate and Andrew.  He was drawing into himself slowly while they were arguing. “Pause recording now.” She suddenly stated. Never had she interrupted recording before. Hearing someone say the recording was paused, she walked over to Zud. “Come with me. Leave your mic behind.”

 

Nodding, he quickly took everything off and walked behind her into the building. Once inside, she went around the room to be sure they were alone. After she was done, Maia turned to him and asked, “You haven't told anyone you're bi?”

 

“No. I would be shunned. I can’t handle that.” He replied in a small voice.

 

“Who would shun you? Your family?”

 

“Yes.” He squeezed his eyes shut tightly. “I don’t think they would like it if I told them I’m in love with a man.”

 

“Oh Zud…” Maia laid a hand on his arm. “Have you asked them their opinion on it?”

 

“No.” 

 

“Maybe you should. It’s not fair to you to hide who you love.”

 

“It doesn’t matter,” Zud replied, shaking his head in despair, “He is straight. I somehow fell in love with a straight man.” A tear slipped down his cheek.

 

Reaching up, Maia wiped the tear from his cheek. “Who is it? You can trust me, Zud.”

 

“I can’t…I haven’t told anyone. Kate figured it out on their own, they are the only one who knows.”

 

“Zud, it will make you feel better. Scream it, whisper it, I don’t care. Please let it out though, you are suffering.”

 

“Andrew…” Zud barely said under his breath.

 

“Does it make you feel better?”

 

Zud wasn’t listening to her, thinking only that he finally said it out loud. “I can’t believe I said it out loud, I’m in love with Andrew.”

 

Seeing him gain a little confidence, Maia smiled asking, “Are you ready to go back?”

 

“Yes, but I’m still skipping that question.”

 

“No punishment, don’t worry.”

 

They returned to the others and hooked Zud up to the mic again. When he sat down he told Kate, “We are skipping that question and there is no punishment.”

 

Kate nodded and went to pick one up from the green cards. Austin surprised everyone by speaking up.

 

“Why are you skipping that card? It’s not that personal.”

 

Maia spoke before anyone else could. “Austin, leave it alone.”

 

“I don’t get how that is personal!” Austin replied, confusion leaking into his voice.

 

Zud knew there was only one way to get Austin to back off. He quickly wrote on a piece of paper; ‘I’m not out of the closet. Only Kate and Maia know.’ Then, he folded the paper and said, “Austin, I’m going to trust you with this. NO ONE can know.”

 

Austin could see the seriousness on Zud’s face as he took the paper. Turning away from the cameras and Andrew, he unfolded it and read. Putting the paper in his pocket, he turned back slowly and looked at Zud. “I’m sorry. I will keep to myself.”

 

Nico and Andrew were now confused. Austin didn’t just let things go that easily. They both decided to let it go and continued with the game. 

 

Later that night, Zud was able to let go of some of the tension he had. Three people knew who he really was now. Two knew his secret. He was still alone though. 

 

Alone on the front porch of the rental, Zud sat on the steps holding his head in his hands as he thought about everything. He began to wonder if anyone was going to accept him being how he was. Kate and Maia did, but did Austin? Was he putting up a front because everyone was there? What if he told people? What if he found out about Andrew?

 

Before Zud could register the spiral, arms were suddenly wrapped around him. After that, the tears fell rapidly. Unwillingly, Zud was mumbling under his breath, “I need this to stay secret.” over and over.

 

The arms tightened around him, whispering to him, “Please don’t keep it secret, it’s hurting you. Let it out.”

 

“Don’t want to be disowned…” Zud replied finally.

 

“We will never leave you. If others do, we will be here for you.”

 

“Always?” He whispered into the person's chest.

 

“I promise, always.”

 

Zud was feeling exhausted from the panic and crying. Feeling himself relax completely against the person holding him, he was slipping into sleep. A final whisper of “I’m bi.” slipped out before he went to sleep.

 

******************

 

The next morning Zud woke up in his bed still wearing the clothes from yesterday. Confusion flooded him as he got out of the bed. Changing his clothes, he then went downstairs to see what was going on. 

 

Looking around he didn’t see anyone. He was beginning to wonder if he was up earlier than he thought. Finding a clock, it read after nine which made him more confused. A slight panic was going through him as he searched the house for someone. 

 

Almost running at this point, he went out the back door. When he saw Andrew, he felt so relieved that his body sagged. “Where is everyone?” Zud asked.

 

“They left us alone.”

 

“Why?”

 

“You said something to me last night. All of us talked about it and they think I’m the best one to talk to you about it.”

 

“What did I say?”

 

Andrew looked confused. “You don’t remember?”

 

“No, I don’t remember anything after we came home. I figured I was too tired and fell asleep early.”

 

“You didn’t.” Andrew sat on a loveseat and motioned for Zud to follow.

 

Zud walked over and sat. “What did I do then?”

 

“I found you on the front steps crying into your hands. You were repeating over and over about how you had to keep a secret. I was hugging you telling you it would be better if you said something. You told me you didn’t want to be disowned.” Andrew paused watching Zud’s reaction. Seeing him not react, he continued. “I said we would never disown you, that we would help you no matter what. I had to promise we would always be here for you.”

 

“That doesn’t sound that bad…” Zud replied.

 

“That’s not the part I need to help with.” Andrew was hoping he wasn’t screwing this up. “You were falling asleep on me and whispered two words; I’m bi.”

 

Zud paled quickly and felt light-headed. It took a moment for him to notice his body tipped over. Andrew caught him and pulled them both up further into the loveseat. “Zud, you ok? Come on, I need an answer buddy.”

 

A strangled cry left Zud as he became aware of what was happening. Andrew pulled him into his chest hugging him tightly. “Zud, is this what has been wrong?”

 

“Some of it.” Zud sniffled.

 

“Who are you afraid of?”

 

“Everyone.”

 

“We do not care who you love. We love you as you are.”

 

“I did the bad thing though.”

 

“Bad thing?”

 

“I fell in love with a straight man.” He buried his face into Andrew’s shirt.

 

“Oh.” Andrew thought for a moment. “Are you sure he is?” 

 

“Honestly, I don’t know. I just know he has never mentioned wanting or being with a male.” 

 

“Hmm….sounds like you need to talk to them.”

 

“I’m afraid.” Zud paused then continued. “You seem to know a lot about this…”

 

Andrew chuckled. “I was chosen to talk to you for a reason, Zud.”

 

Zud pulled away reluctantly to look at him properly. “What reason is that?”

 

“You don’t know?” Zud shook his head. Andrew looked him in the eyes, “I’m the same as you. I’m bi.” Andrew gave him a huge smile.

 

Zud was stunned. Without much thought, he flung himself at Andrew, hugging him tightly. Andrew almost fell off the loveseat catching himself just in time. “I haven’t met anyone who was like me.”

 

Andrew was holding Zud tightly wanting to show him how loved he was. “There are a lot of us. Some think like you do, others are more like me. We all had to learn how to love ourselves.”

 

“What do you mean like you?”

 

“I have never been afraid. I stopped telling people because they acted like it was a brave thing. I’m me, not a hero.”

 

“I don’t think you understand.” Zud pulled back enough to look at Andrew. “I’m afraid, but you are showing me I don’t have to be. You may not be a hero, but you are special.” 

 

Andrew was lost. He had never heard someone say that to him. Feeling tears gathering in his eyes, he pulled Zud into him again. A tear fell down his face as he said, “I guess we both needed this talk.”

 

It was a comfortable quiet as they both enjoyed each other's company. A thought went through Andrew’s head so he asked Zud, “Are you going to talk to the guy you like?”

 

“I think you are right, it’s a miscommunication and I need to talk it out.” Zud smiled slightly.

 

“Good.” Andrew smiled too, “I hope you can have a chance with him.”

 

“I’m feeling a little better about it. I’m still not sure if I can be with him.” Zud was staring off as he spoke.

 

“Why? Anyone would be lucky to have you.”

 

“He is older than me by enough that some people wouldn’t like it. I know some like younger other halves, but this guy seems to like his age. Also, we don’t live in the same area, so I don’t know how it would work anyway.” Zud was lost in thought. “It wouldn’t matter now that I think about it.”

 

“What do you mean it wouldn’t matter?”

 

“I think I’m going to move. I don’t want to go home and feel like this. I’ll find someplace I’m loved.”

 

“Move here.”

 

“Here? To California?”

 

“Yeah, you would have me, Austin, Maia, and sometimes Nico. Make your own family.”

 

“My own family…” Shaking his head he frowned slightly. “I can’t live here.”

 

Andrew felt slapped. “Why?”

 

“I can’t tell you.”

 

“Another secret.” Andrew almost growled the words out. 

 

“Yes. Maia and Kate know why.”

 

“Why do the girls know?” Andrew was feeling slightly angry.

 

Not sure why he was hostile, Zud began shrinking into the corner of the loveseat. “Kate guessed. I didn’t tell her. Maia asked me to tell her so I would feel better. I have never said it out loud.”

 

“Why is everyone learning these secrets but me?” Andrew growled.

 

“I’m not telling anyone! They just figured it out!” Zud was a little scared at how quickly Andrew was losing his temper. 

 

“I didn’t think you were one for secrets, Zud!”

 

“I’m not! You found out one of two that I keep.”

 

“Why can’t you tell me the last one?”

 

“It’s too personal. I don’t want anyone to know.”

 

“Maia and Kate know…” He began to say.

 

Zud cut him off screaming, “Oh my God! I’m sick of explaining this. Just drop it. I can’t move here!”

 

“Whatever.” Andrew stomped out of the yard leaving the house. 

 

Zud didn’t know how it came to this. He thought things were ok between them. Why did this upset Andrew so much? Zud didn’t like the thought of being near an angry Andrew, it was too much like his nightmares. 

 

 So he did what he was good at, he ran. 

 

Throwing his stuff into his bags, he ordered a ride to LAX. On his way there, he found the first flight he could get on was in two hours. Buying the ticket, he knew he was being stupid. The regret was already forming in his gut. Pushing it down, he went along with his plan.

 

His nightmare finally caught up to him and he chose to outrun it.

 

****************

 

Maia watched as Austin suddenly went still and didn’t move for a minute. 

 

“Is everything ok, Austin?”

 

“I have two texts and I don’t like either one,” Austin said in a voice only she could hear.

 

“Who is it?” She whispered back.

 

“Andrew said he screwed up with Zud.” Austin then looked at her, “Zud said he went home because he couldn’t face Andrew.”

 

“What the Hell happened?” Maia hissed out.

 

“I don’t know, but this is bad.”

 

“We need to go to Andrew first. Zud is probably unreachable.”

 

“Yeah, that’s a good idea.” 

 

After gathering everyone, they made it back to the rental. When it was empty, Austin texted Andrew to come to the house. Once he was back at the house, Austin and Maia pulled him into a room away from the others.

 

“What happened?” Austin asked.

 

“We got into a fight.”

 

“Zud doesn’t fight, how did that happen?”

 

“He said he wanted to move. I told him to move to California. We are here, he could make a new family here. He seemed fine with it, but then said he couldn’t.” Andrew’s face went sour. “I asked why and he said he couldn’t say. We got into an argument about him keeping secrets. He kept telling me he only had two, one that he was bi, and the other one only Kate and Maia know.”

 

Austin looked at Maia. “You know both his secrets?”

 

Maia shrugged her shoulders. “He was in pain, I told him saying something might help him. It did, by the way, just not enough.”

 

“Why won’t he tell us?” Andrew asked.

 

“Because it’s about you,” Maia replied nervously.

 

“Me?” Andrew asked.

 

“Yes! I can’t say anything else. I have said too much.”

 

“Oh…” Austin said. 

 

Both looked at him. “What do you mean, oh?” Andrew asked.

 

“I figured something out, that’s all.”

 

“I’m going to go check on the others and make sure they don’t need anything,” Maia said.

 

After she left the room, Austin chuckled under his breath. Andrew was staring at him. “Why did she suddenly leave?”

 

“She can’t say anything, I can.”

 

“Oh,” Andrew said, slightly unsure, then a light went off in his head. “OH! What is Zud’s issue?”

 

“You.”

 

“I know that, but why.”

 

“Did he mention anything about who he likes?”

 

“Yeah, he said he thought the guy was straight. I know he is older than him and they are not in the same state.” Austin was looking at him expectantly. Andrew gave him a look of confusion and annoyance. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

 

“Seriously? You are dumb. Think about what you just said and replay the conversation you had with him.”

 

Andrew stopped and thought back to his conversation. His mind suddenly went into overdrive and he thought about all the interactions they had had since Zud arrived. Filtering through everything, something always came up. Zud was always watching him. His eyes were always following Andrew.

 

“Me,” Andrew whispered.

 

“You,” Austin replied smiling.

 

“I need to talk to him.”

 

Austin turned serious. “He isn’t here.”

 

“What?”

 

“He left after your fight. I didn’t know my phone went off and didn’t get your texts until about thirty minutes ago. He is already home.”

 

“Why would he leave?”

 

“I don’t know his reasons, he told me he went home because he couldn’t face you. Even knowing how he feels about you, I don’t get it.”

 

“It doesn’t matter,” Andrew said as he walked out the door, “I’m bringing him home.”

 

Zud was a mess. Unable to get out of his bed, he was trying to sleep through the messages coming in on his phone. He didn’t want to deal with hearing his family question why he was leaving for good. Reaching over, he grabbed his phone wanting to shut it off so it would stop vibrating non-stop. He hadn’t even been home two hours yet and his family wouldn’t stop. 

 

When he looked at the screen he saw it filled with texts. His family was yelling at him for dropping that on them and then ignoring them. He didn’t really care anymore. Knowing he would regret it if he deleted them, he only blocked the numbers so he could have a break from them for now.

 

Other texts were on his phone too. Austin was trying to get him to respond, it looked like for a few hours. Reading over them, he wrote he was fine and he would call when he was ready. Seeing one from Kate asking what happened, he told them to talk to Maia. He felt like they should know, but he didn’t want to relive it. Seeing the last text was Andrew, he didn’t bother to read it and shut his phone off.

 

Taking a shower and grabbing a few things from the kitchen, he laid on his bed again listening to the TV play in the background. His ability to focus was gone and found himself lost in thought. Dreaming was a better reality at this point in his opinion. 

 

He couldn’t stay in his dreams forever though, fate had other plans.

 

When the sky turned dark and midnight drew closer, Zud was still in his bed unwilling to move. His body was rebelling and telling him he couldn’t sleep. With his mind screaming at him, he wanted nothing more than to find a distraction. The TV was useless and he had no recordings for a while. Considering going live just to pass the time, a knock sounded through his apartment. 

 

Hoping the person would go away if he ignored them, he began picking up his room. Another knock sounded and he was getting frustrated. All he wanted was to be alone. While he was getting things ready to go on his computer, a third knock came. Finally, he couldn’t ignore it anymore and went to the door. When he opened it, he felt the blood leave his head.

 

“Hi Zud, I think we need to talk,” Andrew said as he stood in the hallway of Zud’s apartment building.

 

Zud was a little numb as he moved to the side so Andrew could enter. Once he shut the door, he turned to Andrew with an angry look on his face. “Why do we need to talk?”

 

“I think we have had a lot of miscommunication and it needs to be resolved.”

 

“There is nothing to talk about. You made it clear that my having a secret was a deal breaker for our friendship.”

 

Andrew moved so he was only a foot away from Zud. “I know the secret.”

 

Zud felt the betrayal run through him. “Why would they tell you?”

 

“The girls didn’t. Austin figured it out and told me.”

 

“Ok, but why are you here then?”

 

Reaching up, Andrew cupped Zud’s cheek rubbing his thumb along his chin just below his lip. “I can’t believe we were so blind…” He mumbled as he looked into Zud’s eyes.

 

“Blind?” Zud whispered as he tried to suppress a shiver. Andrew’s touch was making him lose his train of thought.

 

“We fell for each other and thought we loved a straight man.” Andrew gently pulled Zud’s head down until their foreheads touched. “Then, we couldn’t see how much we already loved each other after the discovery of us being bi.” Andrew moved his hand to the back of Zud’s neck. “Fools, we are stupid, helplessly in love fools.” 

 

“Please say it, I’ve seen this in my dreams. I always wake up before this.” Zud whispered as he held Andrew’s hips tightly.

 

“I’m shamelessly in love with you Zud. I love your long, dark, curly hair. The glasses you perch on the end of your nose. Even the sweaters you insist on wearing. I love you.” Andrew’s voice was raw with emotion as he spoke.

 

Zud sighed as he let go of all the tension he held. “I love how you giggle whenever you are about to trick someone. I love your tsundere attitude even though we all know you are the most loving person in the group. Your beard is my favorite thing, the silver fox look? It’s a sight to see on you.” Zud nuzzled his nose into Andrew’s. “I love everything about you.”

 

Andrew took charge and connected their lips. The kiss was soft, sweet, and emotion-filled. Pulling away, Zud asked, “Is the invitation to move to California still open? I already told my family I’m leaving.”

 

“For sure. Although, I’m thinking it might be easier to just move in with me.”

 

“I like that idea.”

 

They smiled at each other before once again connecting their lips into a loving kiss.

 

 

 

 

Chapter 6: ZudxAndrew

Summary:

Zud can't understand what Andrew is doing. He knows that Andrew is flirting with him, but he doesn't understand that he is trying to catch his attention. Confused about how it makes him feel, he starts asking for help to get confirmation on what he thinks is wrong with him.

I'm hoping that I didn't misrepresent demisexuality.

 

 

 

Zud was confused. Everything that involved Andrew was confusing. Everything Andrew did around him had a double meaning. For all he knew he could be joking with him, but it felt like low-key flirting. 

 

He knew Andrew tended to say things that sounded like flirting with everyone. It was obvious to a blind person Andrew found this fun to do. Zud felt like it was different with him though. The last time he did it, it sounded so real. How many times do you hear your friend say something about kissing you?

 

None, that’s how many.

 

Not knowing how to react most of the time, he either was a stuttering mess or super quiet. Nobody seemed to notice his reactions and carried on with whatever joke Andrew started. No matter what he did, Zud was always confused.

 

Zud had never thought of falling in love with a man until he met Andrew.

 

*********************

 

One day when Zud was recording for a hide-and-seek video, a weird conversation happened. Everyone was hiding as Austin was seeking, he was having a hard time so they began to talk to each other. 

 

“Are any of us near Biffle? I haven’t seen him.”  Ian asked,

 

“I can see him, I’m just not near him,” Zud replied. 

 

“I can’t see him either,” Andrew answered.

 

“Marco then so I can find someone!” Austin yelled.

 

All of them sent a macro and Zud watched him run toward Andrew. 

 

“Awesome,” Andrew said, “Why do you always find me first Biffle?”

 

“I don’t know…” He mumbled as he moved on.

 

“Ok, so where is everyone hiding?” Andrew mumbled as he tp’d to Ian. “Aww…SSundee…Biffle is going to be so mad at you.”

 

“What?!” Austin sounded defeated. “Marco!”

 

Andrew figured he caused enough trouble there and tp’d to Zud. “Hmm…interesting place to hide Zud.”

 

“Please don’t give my spot away.”

 

“Why would I do that?” Andrew asked innocently.

 

“One of you always does.”

 

“I am not going to.” Andrew watched from Zud’s spot for a minute before saying, “Zud, do you like Tangled?”

 

“Uh…Yeah, I like the movie Tangled.” Zud couldn’t figure out where he was going with this.

 

“Can I be your Flynn Ryder to your Rapunzel?” 

 

“What?”

 

“You are being Rapunzel, can I be your Flynn Ryder?”

 

“Uh…I…umm…” There was a giggle as Zud stumbled over words.

 

“Oh no, did you break Zud?” Austin asked as he closed in on Ian.

 

“I’m not sure…” Andrew paused. “Hey, Zud, can I try my smolder on you?”

 

“Smoulder? Huh?”

 

“Hold on…” They could hear Andrew leave his desk and walk away. 

 

“Am I the only one confused?” Zud asked.

 

“Yes, I understand completely,” Austin said as he found Ian.

 

Ian tp’d to Zud and looked around the area. “Ok, I get the Tangled reference now.”

 

“Is he in a tower?” 

 

“Yes, now pick which one.”

 

“I’m back!” Andrew yelled out. “Check your phone Zud.”

 

“Ok…” Zud picked up his phone and found a message from Andrew. Opening it, there was a video. Hitting play, he watched as Andrew did the Flynn Ryder smolder, including the words, “All right listen, I didn’t want to have to do this but you leave me no choice… Here comes the smolder.” 

 

When it was done, Zud was glad he muted his mic on the game. He began laughing so hard he was crying. Once he had calmed down, he unmuted, “Sigils, you can totally be my Flynn.” He was trying to hold his giggles in as he spoke.

 

“Did the smolder work!?” Andrew asked excitedly. 

 

“Yeah, it worked.” Zud was losing his battle with holding his laughter in.

 

“Yes!” Andrew yelled.

 

“What are you guys talking about?” Ian asked.

 

“I sent him my best smolder.”

 

“Can we see?” Biffle asked.

 

“No, only my Rapunzel can see it.” 

 

“What? But I want to see how stupid you look!”

 

“This is why I don’t want you to see it, it was awesome.”

 

Zud was lost as they argued back and forth. He couldn’t think straight after Andrew called him ‘his Rapunzel’. Trying to decipher what he meant by that, he didn’t hear them call his name.

 

“Zud! Hey! Are you there?” Ian yelled.

 

“Did you break him?” Biffle asked.

 

“Why do you keep asking me that? I didn’t break him!” Andrew sounded indignant. “Zud!” He yelled.

 

Jolting out of his thoughts, Zud quickly said, “I’m here. I was thinking and got lost.”

 

“Geez, don’t hurt yourself,” Ian replied.

 

“Shut up,” Zud mumbled. “The ducks went off, so next round. Sigils, you’re up.”

 

The round seemed to be going smoothly for hide and seek. Zud was beginning to wait for the other shoe to drop as Andrew slowly found everyone. It came to the point where only Zud was left and there were about two minutes left. That’s when the other shoe dropped.

 

“Oh Rapunzel…” Andrew called out as he walked closer and closer. “I can see your beautiful glowing hair.”

 

“Glowing hair?” Zud asked.

 

“Zud, you are glowing,” Austin said.

 

“Sigils! Stop cheating!” Zud chastised. 

 

“But you need to have magic glowing hair.” Andrew pouted.

 

“I do not!”

 

“Zud, you're glowing again,” Ian said this time.

 

“Seriously?” Zud sounded defeated.

 

“Hi,” Andrew said as his character looked at Zud’s.

 

Zud groaned in irritation, “Hi.” He growled out. A respawn screen showed up and the thud of Zud’s hand hitting his desk was heard through all the headsets. 

 

“Are you good, Zud?” Ian asked.

 

“Fine. Let’s just finish this.” He replied.

 

The rest of the game went smoother and ended on a less frustrating note. Once everyone was done saying goodbye and Zud closed and saved everything, he wanted nothing more than to go to bed. Dealing with Andrew’s actions today was exhausting. 

 

Changing and lying in his bed, he felt himself slowly drifting off. Then, his phone rang. Looking at it, he had been sleeping for only an hour. Sighing heavily, he sat up to see who wrote him. Seeing Ian’s name, he was curious. Opening the text it read;

 

Ian: Some of the guys and I have been trying to figure out some new content to record. We have seen a lot of requests for irl with me. Everyone is aware that I can’t just leave for a week or two, so the fans figured it out for us. They want us to meet at my house. What do you think?

 

Zud was a little shocked by the plan. 

 

Zud: What would we be doing?

 

Ian: Well, one of the ideas the fans had was a large-scale hide-and-seek with everyone. I have enough room for it to happen so we thought that was a great idea. Also, to make things easier we are going to be camping out in my yard the whole time. 

 

Zud: You got Andrew to agree to that?

 

Ian: Only because we agreed that a king-size pillow top air mattress could be used. I feel bad for whoever ends up bunking with him.

 

Zud: Agreed. It sounds like fun, I’m in.

 

Ian: Awesome, I’ll send everything your way once we know more.

 

***********************

 

Almost a week later, Zud got the information on what was happening and when. Zud was excited about some activities but couldn’t wait for the two different hide-and-seek they had planned. Looking at when he would fly out, he saw it was a day away. It didn’t give him much time to get everything listed. 

 

Finding everything was easier than he thought. Double-checking the list before he left, he found himself almost shaking with excitement as he waited outside for his ride. It didn’t take long to get to South Carolina. They all gathered in the airport as the others flew in. Zud couldn’t believe how many people Ian was able to bring together. 

 

Once at Ian’s house, they turned on a few cameras to start recording their adventures. Ian started with how they were sleeping.

 

“You all know that we are camping outside the entire time everyone is here. What you don’t know is there are only four tents. I asked everyone's fans who should share tents, except Kate. Kate is the only one who has their own. Ready for the pairings?”

 

“Wait, how is that going to work? You already know I need my air mattress…” Andrew called out.

 

“I feel bad for who is paired with you is all I can say,” Ian replied before continuing. “Now, I’m calling the pairs, they will grab a tent and stand off to the side waiting. The first pair is Nico and Biffle.” Zud wondered why the fans didn’t put Andrew and Austin together.

 

“Next pair, Sigils and Zud.” Ian looked a little confused. “Huh, I wonder what the fans are playing at. Anyways, then me and Garry.” 

 

Once everyone was with their partner and had a tent Ian told them the next step. “Now we’re going to race to see who can set up their tent the fastest. Every team will have a camera to record them as they pitch their tent.” Seeing Austin raise his hand, Ian answered, “Yes it has to be done correctly, Biffle.” Austin put his hand down again. “Time starts now!” Ian yelled as he started with his and Garry’s.

 

Zud and Andrew went a good twenty feet from everyone else. Zud looked at the tent, then at Andrew, “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

 

“I haven’t done this in years,” Andrew replied.

 

“This ought to be entertaining,” Zud mumbled as he set the camera up. 

 

Andrew snorted and started getting everything laid out. After Zud finished, he turned to find Andrew trying to connect poles as he looked at the instructions. “Is it that complicated?” 

 

“Yes and no. It will only go up one way, I just don’t remember how to do it.” 

 

Looking over his shoulder, Zud read what it was saying, then looked at what Andrew was doing. “Um, I don’t think that’s what it’s saying.” 

 

“It’s showing it like this,” Andrew replied, a little frustrated.

 

“It’s backward.”

 

Andrew paused. “Figures.”

 

“It's fine, we can still fix it without too much backtracking.” Zud laid a hand on Andrew’s shoulder. Looking up at Zud, he looked defeated. 

 

“Yeah, ok.” 

 

Things went more smoothly after that one issue. Zud was following behind Andrew as he told him what to do. He knew Andrew liked to take charge of things, but wanted to make sure he didn’t misread anything again. It took only fifteen minutes for them to complete it. Looking around, Zud realized they were not last. Only Nico and Austin were done already.

 

Walking over to them he asked, “How long have you been done?”

 

Nico replied, “Only a few minutes. I’m surprised you two are second, I didn’t think either of you knew how to pitch a tent.”

 

“I don’t, Andrew said it had been a long time for him. He did most of it because he slowly remembered.”

 

“Who knew?” Austin said as he watched the others struggle.

 

“What is Sigils doing now?” Nico asked as he watched him.

 

Looking over, he saw Andrew bringing something into the tent. Racking his brain as to what it could be, he remembered, “I bet it’s the air mattress.”

 

“What?” Nico said in shock. “He brought an air mattress?”

 

“Yeah, that’s why Ian said he felt bad for anyone paired with him.” Zud looked over at his tent again, “I ought to make sure he doesn’t screw that up.”

 

Nico laughed at him as he walked away. Peeking into the tent, he saw Andrew unfolding the mattress and hooking the pump up. “Need help?”

 

“I don’t think so…” Andrew was looking at the pump trying to find the button. Zud reached over and flicked it on. “Oh, thanks.”

 

Standing near the opening of the tent, they both watched as the mattress grew. As time passed, he began to see that it took up almost the whole tent. Slapping a hand to his forehead, he now understood why Andrew and Ian acted like they did earlier. 

 

Noticing how Zud was acting, Andrew had a hand to his mouth as he tried not to laugh. He knew Zud figured out they would have to share the air mattress. Once the mattress was done filling, Andrew shut off the pump and looked at Zud, “So Rapunzel, finally understand?”

 

“Yup. I wish someone could have at least told me.” A look of shock morphed on his face suddenly. “Rapunzel!?”

 

Andrew snickered. “I’m not letting that one go.”

 

Zud groaned, “Of all the names you have called me, that’s the one sticking?”

 

“Yup!” Andrew smiled like he was proud of it.

 

A sudden yell jumped them both and they stuck their heads out the door. Seeing Kate jump up and down, they assumed they finished before Garry and Ian. 

 

“I did it all by myself and didn’t finish last!” They screamed.

 

“What happened with you two?” Austin asked Ian and Garry.

 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Garry said.

 

“We finished it, didn’t we?” Ian asked. A grunt was Garry’s only reply.

 

“Let’s quickly get all our stuff into our tents and get into comfortable clothes,” Ian suggested.

 

Zud grabbed his bags and went back to the tent. Setting them next to the door, he rifled through them for a minute before extracting some sweatpants and a shirt. Then he unrolled his sleeping bag and threw it on the air mattress. Pulling out a pillow, he toed his shoes off and climbed on the mattress to put it at the top. Rolling onto his back, he lay there for a moment. 

 

“Comfy?” Andrew asked as he watched him.

 

“Yup. Don’t want to get up now.”

 

“Gonna have to.”

 

“I know, I will.” Zud closed his eyes for a minute thinking it might not be that bad rooming with Andrew.  Opening his eyes, he was met with a shirtless Andrew who was trying to pull his sweatpants on. 

 

Feeling his pulse quicken, he wasn’t sure why this was affecting him. His throat went dry and he felt himself breathing heavily. Seeing him bent over like that gave him an urge he never thought he would have. Stuck in his head, he didn’t hear Andrew talking to him. His mind was going into overdrive trying to figure out where these feelings came from and why was Andrew the one to trigger them.

 

“Zud!” He heard suddenly. Shaking his head, he looked up at Andrew looming over him, a hand on his shoulder. 

 

“Sorry,” Zud was able to say. He was distracted by piercing green eyes.

 

“You were acting funny, are you feeling ok?” Andrew’s face showed he was very concerned.

 

Zud was still lost looking into Andrew’s green eyes. “I think I’m learning something new about myself, I was lost in thought. I’m sorry I scared you.” 

 

Andrew smiled, “It’s ok. I understand.” When he climbed off the bed Zud heard himself whimper when he couldn’t see those green eyes anymore. He cringed at his behavior and barely caught a low rumble that sounded like Andrew laughing. “I’ll meet you out there,” Andrew said before ducking out the door and zipping it closed. 

 

Cursing himself, he quickly changed and practically ran to where the others were and stood next to Nico. Nico leaned down and whispered faintly, “Are you ok? Your face is really red.” 

 

Zud groaned in agitation. “I’m fine just finding things out about myself I didn’t know.”

 

“Care to share?”

 

“No.”

 

Nico shrugged his shoulders. “If you need an ear, we can all help.”

 

Zud sighed. “I might take you up on it.”

 

Ian suddenly spoke. “I think we are done for the night with recording, let’s enjoy being together for once.”

 

Nico tried again, “Are you sure you don’t need to talk to one of us?”

 

“I don’t know who I could talk to about this.” 

 

“Can I know the subject?”

 

Zud hesitated before whispering, “My sexuality.”

 

“Oh.” Nico thought for a moment. “Austin!” He yelled out to him.

 

Turning around, Austin looked over at them. “What’s up, Nico?”

 

“Can you come here?”

 

He jogged over to where they were standing. “Is everything ok?” He could feel the nerves rolling off Zud.

 

“Zud needs someone to talk to who won’t be judgemental and can help him.” Nico was cryptic on purpose. 

 

“Ok, Zud, why don’t we go to mine and Nico’s tent so no one can hear us.” Nodding, Zud followed him into the tent and sat in front of him. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

 

“I am trying to figure out what’s going on with me. I think I know, but I’m not sure.”

 

“Ok, bounce the symptoms off me.”

 

“My pulse was quicker than normal. I found myself unable to breathe properly. I had the urge to touch them.”

 

“Zud, you have been with girls, why do you not understand falling in love?”

 

Zud felt a small amount of panic, “It’s not a girl, that’s why. Plus, I’ve never been in love.”

 

“Oh.” Austin was trying to figure out how not to upset Zud. “Have you ever felt attracted to a man before?”

 

“Not until this man. It’s only ever been this man. No other man interests me.”

 

“Huh. Do you know what’s different about him?”

 

“I don’t know. I’ve known him for years and slowly started feeling attracted to him.”

 

“Ok, now we are getting somewhere.”

 

“We are?” 

 

“Yes. You are someone who needs to form a connection with someone before you can fall in love with them. It explains why you haven’t fallen in love with anyone. You did normal dating, right?” Zud nodded his head. “You said this man has been around you for years.” He nodded again. “You just started sexually noticing him, am I right?” Zud nodded again. “That’s what it is then. You just need to form a bond with someone before you feel anything loving or even sexual towards anyone. Make sense?”

 

Zud was less confused but still was worried. “How do I know he feels the same though?”

 

Austin looked at Zud for a moment focusing on his shirt. “That your shirt?”

 

Looking down, Zud saw nothing weird and answered, “Yeah, why?”

 

“Didn’t know you liked the color green. I’ve never seen you wear it.” he smiled.

 

Zud was lost again thinking about those green eyes. “I find myself liking green a lot lately. Especially eyes…” A smile made its way to his face.

 

“I wouldn’t worry then,” Austin replied, smirking slightly. “That bright green-eyed man is in love with you too. So, when you’re ready, he is waiting.”

 

Looking at Austin to find any hint of a lie, he realized he was telling the truth. “Ok. Thank you for helping me.”

 

They both stood up and Austin grabbed Zud pulling him into a hug. “I’m glad we could sort this out.”

 

Zud hugged him back and made his way out of the tent. Nico walked over to him and asked, “Better?”

 

“Much better, Austin helped a lot. Thanks.” 

 

“I knew he would. Who better to help than your issues best friend?”

 

Zud choked on air for a moment. “How…?”

 

Nico smiled at him, “It didn’t take a genius to realize you were flustered over him.”

 

Sighing he said, “I guess not.”

 

Nico suddenly walked away and Zud watched confused. Someone calling his name made him turn. Walking up to him was Andrew. “Zud, where have you been? No one could find you.”

 

Zud looked into those green eyes again and found himself smiling “I was talking to Austin. We like to hang out together too, you know.”

 

Andrew gave a lopsided smile, “Fair enough. Come on.” Zud let him lead him to the group he was with.

 

**********************

 

Zud was dreaming, he knew that much. How confident he was in the dream wasn’t how he would be in real life. Plus, he didn’t think he had it in him to pin Andrew to a bed as he had relations with him. It felt as real as it looked. Everything he did felt natural to him and he just wanted more. Greedy didn’t cover how he felt, both of them were throwing clothes off, touching each other. 

 

When a long loud moan ripped through his actual body, he was startled awake. Ripping his eyes open the first thing he saw was a bright light. After adjusting he realized it was early in the morning and no one was up yet. Feeling around a little, he noticed he kicked the sleeping bag off himself. It wasn’t new for him, he did it almost every night.

 

What was new was the arm holding onto him.

 

Looking down, he saw a hand just above the waistband of his pants. Becoming aware of his body he felt hot breath on the back of his neck accompanied by a body pushed into his back. Closing his eyes to calm himself, he wondered if he should go to sleep. When Andrew moved in his sleep and pushed up against Zud, he didn’t think sleep was happening. 

 

How could anybody sleep when the person you were falling in love with is pressed against them?

 

He felt his pulse quicken again as Andrew grabbed a hold of the bottom of his shirt. Lips grazed his neck as Andrew half groaned and half growled in his sleep. Zud wasn’t going to be able to handle much more. Trying to figure out a way out of this Andrew jolted awake suddenly. Zud didn’t want him to feel bad, so he acted as if he was sleeping. 

 

In Andrew’s half-awake state, he believed the lie and mumbled under his breath. “I’m sorry Zud, sleeping apparently makes me not think. I hope someday we can cuddle for real.”

 

Zud’s heart broke hearing him. Andrew seemed to have been waiting for a while. Zud wasn’t ready yet though. Feeling Andrew roll over, he waited a little to make sure Andrew was sleeping again. Then he rolled into Andrew and held him instead. The natural feeling he felt in his dream came back. He didn’t fight it and let himself be lulled into sleep by Andrew’s breathing.

 

When Zud woke up again he was alone in the bed and could hear noise outside. Rolling onto his back he rubbed his eyes to wake himself completely. After a while, he sat up and got dressed. When he left the tent, he saw everyone was awake and eating. He walked over and sat next to Austin and leaned on him. 

 

Looking over to see who it was, Austin said, “Not awake?”

 

“I hate mornings. Especially if I have vivid dreams and get up early.”

 

“It’s almost nine in the morning, it’s not early.” Austin chuckled. 

 

“This is the second time I have woken up. I woke up before everyone this morning because of my dream.”

 

“Bad dream?”

 

“No, not what I’m used to. I’ve never had a dream like that.”

 

“What was it about?”

 

“What we talked about.”

 

“Oh.” Austin stopped talking and let Zud use him as a leaning post.

 

Soon after everyone was done getting together for the day Ian began explaining how hide-and-seek would work. “Everyone is going to have a cap gun and ammo, if you hear the seeker yell marco, shoot it. You can use everything except the house. I have already gone around the property and marked it every fifteen feet so everyone knows the boundaries. Now, my wife has already randomly picked names, the first one seeking is Sigils. Oh, one more thing everyone is wearing a body camera.”

 

Once everyone had cameras and a gun with more ammo, they had one minute to find a spot before Andrew started. He was given twenty minutes to find everyone. When the countdown started, everyone scattered. 

 

Zud already knew where he wanted to hide and knew it would make Andrew laugh. Smiling, he looked at all the trees he passed to see if any could be climbed easily. He knew he was taking longer than the minute they were given, but he wanted to make this work.

 

Almost five minutes in, he found one and climbed about forty feet off the ground. He found a branch he could comfortably sit on and waited. Keeping the time on his watch, he saw ten minutes passed. He heard a faint marco called out and shot the gun. A minute later a louder marco was called and he shot the gun again. 

 

Finally, he saw Andrew. Giggling to himself, he shot the gun again for fun. Andrew stopped quickly looking around. “I can hear you taunting me…where are you?” Zud shot the gun again laughing. Another minute went by and Andrew finally looked up. Zud laughed loudly and Andrew spotted him.

 

Giggling, Andrew yelled, “My my, old habits die hard, don’t they Rapunzel?”

 

“I wanted to make you work for it. Thinking about it, you could never climb up here. I’ll be right there.” Zud slowly made his way down. When he touched the last branch, he sat down again. Being only six feet off the ground, Andrew could touch him if he wanted to. 

 

“Don’t want to join me?” Andrew asked.

 

“You may be my Flynn, but I still do what I want,” Zud smirked.

 

“Cheeky aren’t we?”

 

“You like it.”

 

“Oh, I love it.” Andrew gave him a raised eyebrow. “Gonna stay there all day then?”

 

“No, I accomplished what I wanted.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“You are out of time now.”

 

Andrew quickly looked at his watch and groaned. “That was a dirty trick.”

 

Zud hopped down to the ground. “Worth it.” 

 

Walking to the camping area, they chased and pushed each other around. They were laughing so hard by the time they made it back, they couldn’t breathe. 

 

“Did you get anyone?” Ian asked.

 

“No, Zud was up a tree and made me waste my time.” He giggled as he spoke.

 

“Ok, next seeker is Nico. One minute starts now.” Ian yelled.

 

Zud ran in the opposite direction as before and still was surrounded by trees. He didn't want to climb another tree yet and Nico could just climb after him if he wanted. There was no way to outsmart him mostly due to his athletic nature. Zud finally settled on trying to stay hidden if he saw him. Peeking around a large tree, he suddenly felt a hand over his mouth. His body stiffened and he tried to pull out of the grip. 

 

“Rapunzel, it's me.” Was said against his ear. Upon hearing this he stopped moving and went limp against him. Andrew continued to hold on to Zud, one arm slung around his stomach while the other was around his chest. Zud laid his head on Andrew's shoulder as he felt his pulse quicken like it always does with him. 

 

Andrew noticed Zud was acting weird and moved enough to look at him. Zud was panting, mouth hung open slightly with his eyes closed. “Are you ok?” Andrew asked.

 

Zud let out a whine without thinking. This made Andrew more concerned and he moved them so Zud was leaning against the tree. Andrew watched Zud more before asking again, “Zud, are you ok?”

 

“I’m fine, just a small issue. Nothing you need to worry about.”

 

“I am worried. What is wrong with you?”

 

“I-I can't j-just say “ Zud stuttered. 

 

Andrew pressed against him to see his face better. The lighting was horrible and he couldn’t tell if Zud was burning up. As he pressed against him, Andrew quickly realized what was wrong. “Oh Rapunzel, with hair so fine, let me tug on it and make you mine…” Andrew whispered in Zud’s ear. Zud grabbed ahold of Andrew’s hips pulling him closer to him. 

 

Feeling his breath along his neck, Zud dug his fingers into Andrew who let out a throaty moan. Feeling where his hands had moved, he was shocked at how bold he was acting. Andrew was dragging his lips along Zud’s neck making him moan quietly.

 

A snap of a twig caught their attention. Andrew looked around the tree and saw no one. Zud was looking behind Andrew and saw Nico walk up behind him. Nico was motioning to him not to say anything as he crept up. Knowing what he was about to do, he mouthed no to Nico a few times. Ignoring Zud, he kept moving forward.

 

Andrew didn’t think anyone was near them, so he shoved his face into Zud’s neck and kissed him. Zud’s eyes rolled back and he lost track of Nico. If he had been paying attention, he would have noticed Nico trying to keep quiet as he reached out and poked a finger into Andrew’s back.

 

Andrew yelped loudly and pushed into Zud roughly as he tried to get away from whatever touched him. The result left Zud screaming out in pleasure as he gripped Andrew’s ass tightly. In response, Andrew nearly lost his mind and bit Zud on the shoulder as he moaned.

 

“I can’t believe you two,” Nico said as he quickly poked Zud in the shoulder. “You have cameras on you or did you forget.”

 

“Yup, forgot.” Zud managed to spit out.

 

“Idiots, love-sick idiots,” Nico mumbled as he walked off. 

 

Looking at his watch, Andrew said, “We have just over five minutes. We could pretend to be lost and continue this or just head back.”

 

Green eyes. That’s all that was flooding Zud’s head. Gorgeous green eyes. Beautiful green eyes. Smoldering green eyes. His Flynn. Then a light flicked on in his head. He wasn’t falling in love with Andrew.

 

Zud was already in love with Andrew.

 

Thinking back to all the videos in the past months, he couldn’t reply to the flirting because he was hoping. Hoping that what Andrew said was true. Hoping Andrew loved him back. Not understanding the whole time he was quietly in love with him. 

 

His body was telling him that he was ready to be with Andrew.

 

Coming back to reality, he saw Andrew looking at him worriedly and saw those enchanting green eyes. A smirk made its way on his face and he quickly switched places with Andrew. Letting himself go, Zud stopped overthinking and just acted. 

 

Placing one hand under Andrew’s shirt on his hip, the other was weaved into his beard. Holding tight enough to bruise the man's hip, he felt Andrew’s moan vibrate his chest. Lips pressed against his neck, he slowly kissed up his neck continuing along his jawline. Once he was less than an inch from his lips, he paused.

 

“Andrew…” Zud whispered.

 

“Yeah.” Andrew sounded completely breathless.

 

“I found something out about myself. I feel free now.” Zud then connected their lips. The moment he kissed him, everything felt right. The natural feeling came back and he felt in every cell in his body that Andrew was it.

 

Pulling away, they stood their foreheads touching as they both tried to catch their breath. 

 

“I love you,” Zud whispered.

 

Andrew chuckled. “I love you,” he replied.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I didn’t know I was in denial of who I was until yesterday.”

 

Andrew was confused and a little worried. “What do you mean by denial?”

 

“I talked to Austin yesterday because I didn’t know I was falling in love. I have never been in love.” Zud sighed, “I can’t just fall in love with someone. Austin explained that I need to form a bond before I can.”

 

“Oh Zud, it’s called demisexual. I overlooked that. I feel awful that you didn’t even understand your feelings.” 

 

“It has a name?”

 

“Yes, it has a name. It explains so much about how you acted.” Andrew had a thought after a moment. “What made you want to make a move suddenly?”

 

“I had a dream last night, it was graphic…” Zud’s face went red as he spoke. “I woke up feeling like the dream was real. I felt you against me, hugging me. I was freaking out. Then you woke up and rolled over. I couldn’t help but feel bad and wanted to have you still, so I hugged you.”

 

“I woke up to you holding me. I wasn’t sure if it meant something or if you were that kind of person when you slept.”

 

“I don’t cuddle. That’s why it was strange.” 

 

“Why now though? I’m happy that you are ready, but why so soon?”

 

“In the past twenty-four hours, I have found it impossible to concentrate with you because I get lost in your eyes.” Zud nuzzled into Andrew’s cheek causing the older man to chuckle. “I was lost in them after you said something about the time just now and came to a realization. I have been falling in love with you for months now, I just didn’t understand that’s what it was. That's when I kinda lost it and pinned you to a tree.”

 

“I’m not complaining. I feel bad for flirting so hard with you. I thought I was working with a bi or pan. I would have treated you better had I known you were demi.”

 

“I didn’t even know, so how could you?” Zud kissed him again. “I’m just glad Austin knew.”

 

Feeling wet suddenly, Zud and Andrew looked up and saw it was raining. Zud chuckled and held Andrew tighter. “New start.” He said.

 

Andrew rubbed his nose against Zud’s, “New start.” He said before kissing him.

 

 

 

Chapter 7: ZudxAndrew part one

Summary:

Andrew is noticing a change in Zud. Feeling like Zud was going downhill quickly, Andrew flew to Zud's place to see if his thoughts were correct. When he sees things are worse than he thought, he wants nothing more than to help Zud find a way out of the dark.

 

 

Andrew had always known that he liked people. He didn’t just look for women to be lovers or in a relationship with, he also looked for men. Never feeling the need to say it out loud, he always acted like it was common knowledge if someone asked him. Austin never once questioned him. It was obvious to him that Andrew wasn’t in the closet, but he didn’t want to talk about it. 

 

Most of his friends were aware of how he was, even the ones he recorded with. Some still thought he was completely straight due to the ongoing joke of him being unable to get a girlfriend. It was one of the reasons why he joked about it too. He found it funny that people thought he was only looking at women. 

 

Zud wasn’t able to be as open as Andrew.

 

Zud’s family knew he didn’t care what gender he was with. He was afraid at first to let anyone know, outside his family, for a long time. When he joined the SSundee crew and saw how they were he knew he was safe. 

 

The other issues in his head became unbearable though. He had seen professionals to help himself, but nothing worked. Self-worth is hard to believe when you don’t let anyone know you hate yourself. He found himself to be ugly and not worthy of having a relationship. Everyone was better than him in his opinion and didn’t deserve to be stuck with him. 

 

Zud’s self-hatred worsened when he noticed himself developing a crush on Andrew.

 

Watching Andrew act so carefree and enjoying everything that happened made Zud hopeful. He could only dream of being that open. Sometimes he found it hard to even look at himself in a mirror. It always made him want to scream and cry.

 

Knowing it was stupid to even pine over Andrew he shoved every feeling he could deep inside himself. He didn’t want to get his hopes up just to fall on his face in a few months. It was always the same, start falling for someone just to see them go to someone else because Zud wasn’t anything more than a friend. 

 

Zud was as lonely as they made Andrew look.

 

So, when Zud felt his heart slowly falling to pieces he searched for them hoping to put as many as he could back. Without his knowledge, someone was going behind him picking them up and putting them in his pocket. He was hoping to mend Zud’s broken heart and love him forever. 

 

****************

 

Andrew’s worry grew as he watched Zud retreat into himself more. The Zud before them was reminiscent of when he first started recording with them. Zud had grown a lot over the years making himself one of the most loved people in the crew. Even the Regular’s fans included him all the time. 

 

No one else seemed to notice Zud’s abrasive attitude when recording now. He was also dropping things left and right that he started with them. When asked, the others didn’t see what Andrew did. They all figured he was going through something or just stretching himself thin. Andrew knew better though and soon realized it was because he saw Zud differently than they did. 

 

Andrew had developed a crush on Zud, so he saw when he wasn’t ok.

 

After some thought, he decided to go to Zud. Trying to figure out what was wrong would be easier face-to-face. He started by figuring out when he could leave and went on to ask Ian if he knew Zud’s address. What should have taken a few hours, took two days to gather and prepare. By the time the weekend came, Andrew was leaving the state.

 

Hours later when he was standing in front of Zud’s door he began second-guessing himself. What if he was ok and Andrew was seeing things wrong? What if Zud gets angry at his intrusion and they get into an argument? Andrew knocked on the door quickly before he lost his nerve. 

 

When Zud opened the door, he found himself frozen to the spot. Why was Andrew at his front door? His body moved without his permission and he let Andrew in his apartment. Once in the living room, he turned to him and asked, “I’m sorry if it sounds rude, but what are you doing here?”

 

“I needed to get away from everything for a while. We haven't hung out in a long time and I wanted to see you.” 

 

“You never thought to call or text me?”

 

“Um, no I didn’t think about that.”

 

Zud couldn’t help but let out a tiny giggle. “We are all terrible about last-second decisions.”

 

Andrew smiled replying, “I meant to tell you, I just forgot.”

 

“It’s ok, come on, let's catch up.”

 

After almost an hour of talking, Andrew wondered if he was wrong about Zud. Zud was holding a conversation with him without any issues. Was he just overthinking what he saw? Andrews's confusion seemed to leak into his face as he talked. He soon heard Zud ask him what was wrong.

 

“Nothing is wrong, something crossed my mind and I can’t quite understand it.”

 

“Oh, do you want to talk about it?”

 

“Not yet.” Andrew rubbed his face a bit to get his mind on track. “It’s all muddled in my head, it won’t make sense.”

 

“Ok. Want to go for a walk? I was getting ready when you showed up earlier.” Zud asked nervously.

 

“I would love to. I love to explore new places.”

 

“Ok, let me grab a few things and then we can go.”

 

As they walked along Zud showed Andrew different places he might like and brought him to various stores to explore. Andrew was enjoying the time with Zud. He found it easy to go around the town with him. Almost natural, like they did this all the time. He found it made him happy just to be by Zud’s side. 

 

Zud felt the same as he showed Andrew around. They walked and talked with ease. Zud only had issues when people started stopping them to talk to Andrew. He didn’t mind those who noticed he was Sigils, fans were always important. No, his issues were the people, both male and female, who stopped to flirt with Andrew when it was obvious they were trying to hang out. 

 

Noticing how Andrew was handling them, Zud was a little confused. Anyone could see Andrew didn’t want to flirt with them. Repeatedly he tried to politely tell them no even though they never got the hint. Finally, he would grab ahold of Zud’s hand or loop his arm with Zud’s and they would back off.

 

“Does it get tiring?” Zud asked quietly as the fifth person walked off disappointed that Andrew wasn’t available.

 

“To turn people away?” Andrew hadn’t let go of Zud’s hand yet and was gently swinging it as they walked.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I hate it. I wish I could tell people that I’m only looking for forever, not just a quick one night.”

 

Zud wasn’t shocked to hear Andrew say he wanted a forever. Everyone who knew him also knew how much he craved having another half. “They don’t actually care about you. You want someone to love you for you, not what you do or how you look.”

 

“Yes. That’s exactly it.” Andrew smiled at the thought of Zud being his forever.

 

“Do you have hope that you will find someone?”

 

“I have found the person, but I don’t know if they are ready.”

 

“Oh. Have you talked to them about it?” Zud felt the disappointment flood through him. It was happening again. He fell in love with someone who couldn’t love him.

 

“No, they have no idea I’m in love with them. In a way, I’m afraid of a lot of things that could happen.”

 

“Like what?” Zud had never seen Andrew shy away from something.

 

“One of the biggest things I’m afraid of is my age. This person is around seven years younger than me. I know age isn’t a big deal now, but it can still make some people uncomfortable.”

 

“That’s not a large gap.” Zud felt like this wasn’t a big issue. “After a certain age, everyone is just an adult.”

 

Andrew smiled at Zud. “I like that answer. I don’t want to make someone settle down though. I’m at the point where it's all I think about. At their age, I was still running around the entire world. I would feel guilty if I was the reason for them to not experience what they wanted.”

 

Zud felt his jaw drop. Andrew was self-sacrificing without a second thought. Pulling him off the sidewalk and into an alley, Zud made Andrew look at him as he spoke. “Andrew, how could you think like that? If they love you, they would never blame you for a choice they made. Also, what makes you think you can’t continue to travel? I would think it would be more fun to be with someone than alone.”

 

“I’ll keep that in mind. You are correct, it could be more fun.” Andrew replied slowly. “Why don’t we continue to a less depressing subject?”

 

Nodding, Zud led them to a new store still holding Andrew’s hand.

 

Once the day turned into night, they both agreed they should get back to Zud’s place. Upon arriving, Zud began making something for them to eat.

 

“I knew you were hiding that you could cook.” Andrew teased.

 

“I try to hide what I’m good at. Makes me look more like the fool I like to play.” He chuckled a little, “Not that it matters. My fans are fully aware that I’m not a fool.”

 

“Is it really that shocking?”

 

Zud looked up from what he was doing. “Do your fans see that you have aged five years in seven months?”

 

Andrew was taken aback, “No, they don’t see anything I don’t let them.”

 

“OK then. I didn’t expect my fans to notice how broken I feel or how much I try to be the funny man.” He then went back to cooking.

 

“Broken?”

 

“Ever since I can remember, I have always felt broken. It’s like something is missing but I don’t know what it is. Every happy person serves as a reminder that I’m broken.” 

 

Andrew’s fears came back. Zud wasn’t ok and this was proof. “Zud, you're not broken.”

 

“Don’t try to tell me differently. You are one of the people that is a constant reminder.”

 

“I fake it most of the time.” Andrew didn’t realize how good of a liar he was. “I’m not happy. I’m so lonely and the man I love is out of my reach. I hate my life most of the time. I only enjoy streaming because my fans matter to me. I’m not happy.”

 

Zud let Andrew’s words sink in. After a while, he was at a stopping point with cooking and sat next to Andrew. “I’m not going to say everything, but I know my mind is warped. I’m sorry I assumed you were happy. I had no right to assume.”

 

“I didn't tell you because I was angry.” Andrew then gently grabbed both sides of Zud’s face, forcing him to look him in the eyes. “I told you so you would know that you're not alone. We are all here for you. I’m here for you.”

 

Andrew watched as Zud worried his lip and closed his eyes tightly. Gently he tugged his lip out from his teeth. When Zud opened his eyes, he could see all the sadness pour out of his eyes. Andrew wanted to cry and tell him he would take it all away, but he knew that’s not how it worked. Drawing him closer, Andrew wrapped an arm around his shoulders and put a hand in his hair. Hugging him tightly, he felt Zud’s breathing hitch before it evened out. Slowly, Zud wrapped his arms around Andrew holding on just as tightly.

 

A ringing sounded too early for Andrew’s liking and Zud pulled away. Shutting everything off, Zud began setting everything up. He was about to get up when he felt something on his shoulder. Feeling it as he looked, he found his shirt wet. Zud had been crying silently. 

 

Thinking quickly, he told Zud he would be right back. He claimed he wanted to be more comfortable and was changing into night clothes. Zud accepted it and continued what he was doing. Making his way back into the kitchen, he found Zud muttering to himself as he finished up. 

 

“You ok?” Andrew asked quietly.

 

Zud jumped slightly, “Yeah, just working through some thoughts.”

 

“You can talk to me if you need it.”

 

“I,” Zud paused as he struggled to find the words. “I’m not ready. I haven’t been able to say it out loud ever.”

 

Andrew walked over to him and laid a hand in his hair. “It’s ok. When you're ready, I’m here.”

 

Zud nodded and they moved on to eating.

 

*********************

 

The next day was a lazy one for Andrew. He wasn’t used to not working every day. Even though the rest was welcomed, his mind was clouded with worry for Zud. As he tried to figure out what was wrong, he slowly fell asleep.

 

Zud was doing a few things with his channel that morning. He wanted to spend time with Andrew but knew he couldn’t ignore his work. Taking longer than he wanted, Zud was finally done well into the afternoon. He hoped that Andrew was able to find some sort of entertainment. 

 

Making his way out to the living room he was shocked to find Andrew passed out on his couch. He was about to grab the remote from his hand when Andrew breathed out his name. Unsure if he was awake, he replied with yes. 

 

The next words hurt him, “Let me save you.”

 

“No one can save me, Andrew.” He reached out and ran a thumb across his cheek. “No one will ever be able to help me. I will forever hate myself and no one will ever know.”

 

As his eyes blurred due to tears, Zud moved from the couch and walked into the kitchen. Feeling a few tears fall, he wiped them away before grabbing a bottle of water. Once he was back in the living room, he noticed Andrew was awake and sitting up. Quickly he wiped his face before saying, “Awake again? I found you fast asleep.” He proceeded to sit next to him.

 

“Yeah, I don’t know when I fell asleep. I kinda wish I didn’t. I feel more tired than before.”

 

“Foggy feeling?”

 

“Yeah, I don’t like the feeling.” Andrew leaned against Zud forcing him to lean back and catch him.

 

“Are you ok?” Zud had never seen Andrew this out of it.

 

“I have been working more than normal.” Andrew’s eyes were drooping again.

 

“What’s more than normal and how long?”

 

“Almost a year.” Andrew yawned out. “When I’m not recording then I’m writing or doing something else.” He laid across Zud forcing him to turn and grab Andrew before he fell. “You weren’t wrong when you said I’ve aged. Austin and Nico noticed.”

 

“I noticed, I just knew you wouldn’t listen.” He began to realize Andrew’s body was forcing him to rest. Grabbing everything around them and putting it within his reach, he then laid them both comfortably on the couch.

 

“I know I’m thick-headed.” He mumbled into Zud’s chest. “I’m sorry I’m terrible company.”

 

“I don’t mind. I enjoy your kind of company.” Zud tightened his hold on Andrew. “Just rest. I think you finally found your breaking point.”

 

Andrew rolled over onto his stomach before letting out a sigh. “Thanks for understanding.”

 

“Just sleep,” Zud whispered as he hugged Andrew.

 

Minutes turned to hours as Andrew continued to sleep. It was worrying Zud how much he was sleeping. Gently dragging a finger down Andrew’s face, he saw him scrunch his face up. Taking this as a good sign, he left him be. Unknown to him, Zud’s fingers were working their way through Andrew’s whitened beard. The sensation was bringing Andrew out of his slumber. As he awoke, he heard Zud talking to himself.

 

“I need to stop letting myself fall in love,” Zud mumbled under his breath. Andrew was straining to hear him. “I know better yet I still think someone will love me. I need to remember my worth. No one wants someone ugly like me.” 

 

Andrew could feel the sadness Zud was holding. He wasn’t able to understand what he meant by self-worth. Did he think he was unlovable? Why did he say he was ugly? The questions kept rolling through Andrew’s head. A random thought of whether Zud was going to live much longer sent Andrew into a spiral.

 

Zud was knocked out of his thoughts when he felt Andrew shake slightly. Concerned, he tried waking him up only to find him stuck in the dream. A whimper escaped Andrew’s throat as his mind spiraled into the dark thought. 

 

“Andrew, wake up,” Zud said forcefully. “Andrew, I need you to wake up.” Zud shook him harder. “ANDREW!” He almost shouted.

 

Jolting awake, Andrew scrambled to sit up only to fall on Zud’s chest. The force of his falling on him made Zud lose his breath momentarily. The sound of him quickly inhaling made Andrew look up and notice him. “Zud?” He whispered.

 

“Yeah?” He wheezed out still trying to recover from the blow to the chest. 

 

Reaching out, Andrew laid his hand on Zud’s hair, “I’m sorry. Nightmare.” He struggled to say.

 

“About what?” Zud asked quietly.

 

“You.” Andrew threaded his fingers in Zud’s hair. Cradling Zud’s head, he pulled them both upright. “You died and no one knew you could be saved except me.” Putting their foreheads together, Andrew’s eyes slid closed. Zud felt his own eyes slide closed as he relished the feeling. “But I failed.” 

 

“You didn’t fail though,” Zud whispered, “I’m still alive.”

 

“Are you?” Andrew said in earnest. “Or are you only living?”

 

“I can’t tell you.” 

 

“I will save you, even if it kills me.” Andrew sounded so determined and passionate about it that Zud almost believed him. Almost. 

 

“Can’t you see it’s useless?”

 

“It’s not to me. I need you to see what I see.” desperation was leaking into his voice.

 

As the conversation went on Zud was feeling more desperate to get around this conversation. With the last sentence though, his blood ran cold. ‘He is in love with me.’ Zud thought. ‘He can’t be in love with me! I need to stop! No one can love me, I’m horrible to look at. I’m meek and can’t stand up for myself. I’m bullied by my friends watchers.’

 

As his mind played tricks on him again, Andrew felt a new desperation. “Zud, listen to me, not the voice in your head. I can help, that voice is lying. Please, listen to me.”

 

Zud heard him but pulled further into himself. This was a move he always did when he wanted to cover up his bad thoughts. Pulling away from Andrew’s hands, Zud leaned away from Andrew and changed the subject. 

 

“I know it’s close to nighttime, but what do you want to do with the rest of the day?”

 

Andrew’s voice was clogged with sadness as he replied, “Let’s just stay home and hang out tonight.” He then sat next to Zud as they fell into what Zud would call safe talk.

 

***************

 

As days rolled by, Andrew found himself closing in on a week of trying to help Zud with no progress. It was beginning to worry him that he may lose Zud. He was slowly growing frustrated with how Andrew acted around him. But all he did was love Zud, even though it was obvious he didn’t want the love.

 

Everything came to an end when Zud lost it as Andrew passed the bathroom door at the right time. 

 

Andrew felt off when he got up that morning. Something wasn’t right and he couldn’t figure it out. Slowly he got up and began looking around the apartment to see if Zud was up yet. Not finding him, he went to the bathroom to get ready for the day. 

 

As he approached the door, he could hear crying coming from the bathroom. Once he was standing in front of the door, he could hear a voice.

 

“Why? Why do I look like this? No one will ever want to be with me. Everyone leaves. It’s always because of me.” A thud was heard along with a faint cry of pain.

 

Andrew couldn’t listen anymore and started knocking on the door. “Zud, what’s going on?”

 

“Nothing, I’m fine.” Zud’s voice was emotionless.

 

“I know you're not, let me in.”

 

“I’m fine, Andrew. Just drop it.” 

 

“I’m going to break this door down if you don’t let me in.” 

 

“Just leave me alone! Stop wasting your time on me!”

 

“Never. I can’t watch you hate yourself. It hurts so much to see you this sad, this full of anger, this self-loathing.”

 

“Why?! Why can’t you just leave me be?!”

 

“Open the door and I’ll tell you.”

 

Zud didn’t want to open the door. Andrew would see he punched a hole in the wall. More worry would pour out of him if he saw Zud hurt even if it was his fault. He also knew that Andrew wouldn’t give up until he opened the door. He was stuck no matter what he did. 

 

“I’m going to be selfish for once,” Andrew called out suddenly, “Open the door now. I’m not giving you an option.”

 

Zud knew he wasn’t getting out of this and slowly unlocked the door. As soon as the click was heard, Andrew opened the door. Taking in the scene in front of him, Andrew raked his eyes around the room first. Noticing the hole next to the mirror, he immediately looked at Zud’s hands. When he looked at his hands, he noticed Zud shrink into himself. 

 

“I’m not mad. I just want to see your hand.” 

 

Andrew watched as Zud’s face went into a grimace. “That’s all you were looking at?” He whispered.

 

“Yes, I want to make sure it’s not broken. Is that an issue?”

 

“No. I thought…” He shook his head. “Never mind.”

 

Andrew wanted to ask what he was talking about but saw him hold his hand out to him. Looking it over he saw it was not broken, but needed to be cleaned and bandaged. 

 

As he patched Zud up, he watched his body language as he did it. Zud seemed nervous. When he was close to being done bandaging him, he noticed he seemed to want to bolt. Once finished, he put himself in front of the door.

 

“I know I told you I would say why I can’t give up on you, but I’m almost certain I know what’s wrong with you. If I tell you why, it may hurt you more than help you.”

 

Zud felt cornered suddenly. “I’m fine. Everything is fine.”

 

“Fine is a placeholder. It’s what people say when they can’t think of a better word. Why are you unable to think of a better word?”

 

“Nothing is wrong,” Zud said more forcefully.

 

“Zud,” Andrew sighed, “How long have you hated your own body?”

 

“I-I…” Zud tried to speak, but he was horrible at lying to Andrew. He wanted to continue denying that he had an issue. He wanted to tell him that everything was just a misunderstanding, that he was just going through a rough patch. None of the words would come out though. He felt a hand on his face and looked up at Andrew. “Forever,” he whispered. Tears ran down his face as he finally let someone know.

 

“Sweetheart…” Andrew mumbled. “Have you tried getting help?”

 

“It didn't work. They couldn’t help me. That’s why I know I’m broken. I spent ten years getting help and no one could help.” 

 

“Did your family help?”

 

“It was my issue. They never questioned it, so I never told them.”

 

Andrew slowly walked over to Zud and pulled him into a hug. “This time, it will be different.”

 

“How?”

 

“You won’t be alone.”

 

Zud felt something weird in his chest. A tug. Holding tighter to Andrew he felt the tug a little more. After a deep breath, he felt himself sag onto Andrew as everything left him. The tug grew stronger until it hurt. He felt Andrew slowly lead them to his bedroom and let him pull him there. 

 

Andrew laid him down before sitting next to him on the bed. When Zud laid his head in Andrew’s lap, the tug was unbearable and he felt himself begin talking against his will. Everything poured out about how he always found himself in situations that led to feeling so worthless. About never being able to hold relationships, or be able to get into relationships because he was timid, fearful even. 

 

Andrew didn’t speak, allowing Zud to release everything that he had been holding for too long. Almost an hour passed before Zud was running out of words. Clinging to Andrew, Zud felt lighter than he had in years. Feeling himself calm down, it dawned on him what he did. A slight panic hit him, “I’m sorry I made you listen to that.”

 

“There is no need to be sorry. I should be sorry.” Andrew replied as he gently pulled Zud upright. Pulling him into his arms, he looked in the eyes and said, “I came here under false pretenses.”

 

Zud needed clarification. “You didn’t want to hang out with me?”

 

“I love hanging out with you.” He said quickly. “I came here though because I knew something was wrong and no one believed me. I came here to help you in any way you needed.”

 

“What I need you can’t do.”

 

“Try me.”

 

Zud sighed heavily before he lay down staring up at the ceiling. “I tried this alone and failed.” He shut his eyes tightly, frowning, “I need someone to help me pick up the pieces as I try to put them back.” Looking over at Andrew, he asked “Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”

 

“I do understand. I’m also willing to help. I’ll stay as long as you need me.”

 

“What if I never get better?”

 

“Then I’ll never leave.”

 

“How will you work?”

 

“That’s easy to figure out. We will figure this out together.”

 

Zud realized he was serious. “Ok. Let’s figure this out together.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 8: AndrewxZud

Summary:

Andrew is a mean man with ice in his heart. Most don't know how bad it is, only Austin and Nico see the worst of it. When Zud joins them for an irl recording for The Regulars, he finds himself wanting desperately to melt the ice that formed. Fighting was a given, but love? That wasn't in the cards.

I was writing one of the other stories chapters using this song to help and I thought about a what-if scenario that involved the live-action Beauty and the Beast. This is what became of it.

 

 

 

 

 

Andrew was a harsh man. In his videos, it looked like he was playing around, but in reality, most of his fellow YouTubers knew he was a bomb with a short fuse. They were still friends with him, still cared about him, but knew at any moment he would lose it. He had a frustration level that rivaled toddlers. The reality was, he knew he was better off alone. 

 

Austin was important to him, along with a few others he held close to his heart. Andrew didn’t want anything else though. Love? That was useless to him. Who needed to let their guard down just to be used and left in the mud. Not him, he wasn’t letting himself do that again.

 

Growing colder as the years passed by, Andrew made it look like he was proud to not be in a relationship. His favorite thing to do was make others who were single remember that they always would be. Maybe he could save them from becoming him. Nothing was going to change him now. 

 

With the success of his books and a few other ventures, he was content with how his life was. Throwing himself into making his fans happy, he knew it would be easier to explain why he didn’t have someone by his side. Everyone slowly lost hope. It was now clear he was never going to let anyone melt the ice around his heart. This led to the ice growing so thick, it was making a physical mark on Andrew.

 

It didn’t matter to anyone though.

 

No one cared that he looked ten years older than he should. No, they only cared about what he was doing next. Even he could see some qualities in his fans he didn’t recognize. When did he start allowing them to tell him what his schedule was? Moreover, when did he start allowing anyone to tell him what to do?

 

Never, that’s when.

 

A new cold front went across him and stopped some things for a season. When he started them up again, he saw a change and was content again. 

 

Content.

 

That’s the only thing he felt. That is until fall turned into winter and the year 2025 was closing in on them. A lot had happened, and a lot had changed, including himself. This was the beginning of his change. He went from a horrifying angry beast to a loving prince who learned what real love was. 

 

All because one man never gave up on him.

 

****************

 

Austin leaving L.A. left Andrew feeling bitter. Knowing full well that Las Vegas wasn’t that far, he still felt a slight betrayal. Not that he would tell him. Austin was one of the few people Andrew rarely yelled at. Austin was a kind man, he didn’t need to have Andrew berating him. It was the only relationship he was able to hold onto for years. He didn’t understand why Austin stayed friends with him.

 

With Austin moving and a few other things happening, The Regulars couldn’t record irl videos for almost six weeks. That didn’t include the almost two months they couldn’t record at all. Andrew was frustrated more so than normal due to the complications that kept cropping up. By November, they were finally able to get a few videos out that were irl. 

 

This didn’t help Andrew’s anger.

 

Insisting they needed to do something bigger, Andrew kept after Nico and Austin. He continued to tell them that while they couldn’t stop what happened, they still needed to make it up to their fans. Especially because they made them think The Regulars were breaking up. Both understood what he was trying to do, but thought he was pushing it too hard. Finally, a small fight happened.

 

“I don’t know what you want to happen, Andrew. It takes a lot to do regular videos now and you want a huge shindig?” Austin tried to reason with him.

 

“I’m not talking about big like when we did our first ever irl videos. I mean like having a person or two do a few videos with us.” Andrew replied.

 

“Do you even know of anyone who would come?” Nico butted in.

 

“No…I haven’t thought that far ahead. I wanted to talk to you guys first.”

 

Sighing heavily, Austin seemed reluctant, but offered, “I think I can get someone. Let me talk to them before I tell you just in case it falls through.” 

 

“No one can say no to you Austin,” Andrew said, sounding a little happier.

 

“Yeah, yeah.”

 

It took almost a week before Andrew got a call from Austin saying he found them a guest. 

 

“What took so long?” Andrew asked.

 

“They needed to make sure they could first. I just heard from them and they have agreed. They rearranged their schedule for this.” Austin was used to calming Andrew down.

 

“Fine, whatever. Who is it?”

 

“Zud.”

 

Silence. A deep breath was heard before, “Zud.”

 

“Yes. He is a favorite for all of our fans and if you want to make them happy, he would be the best person to have.”

 

“You're right.” Andrew was trying not to lose his temper. “He is The Regular's most popular irregular. It does make sense to have him.”

 

“I’m glad we agree,” Austin said with such finality that Andrew was shocked. “Now, I already talked to Nico and all three of us figured out the best time.”

 

Snarkily, Andrew said, “I’m so glad you guys figured it out.”

 

Austin wasn’t in the mood for Andrew today “We are the ones flying in, not you. Yes, we figured it out without you.”

 

“I understand.” was all Andrew could say without letting his anger seep through.

 

“Good. Now, all you need to do is come up with ideas. We will be in California the weekend after this one. All three of us figured we would carve out a week just in case. Sound good?”

 

“Yes, Austin.”

 

After hanging up with Austin, Andrew let go of his anger. As it coursed through his body, he decided to go online under a different name to get everything out. An hour in and he had already made three people rage at him, and two quit for unknown reasons. This alone made him feel better. 

 

Two more hours slipped by before he felt calm again. Knowing he was getting worse didn’t make him want to change what he was doing. He used to be able to game for an hour and move on. Now it didn’t always work after a few hours. The ice that filled his heart was becoming heavier and thicker. 

 

It was going to kill him.

 

Pushing the dark thought out of his head, he looked in the kitchen to see if there was any food. Not seeing anything he wanted, he started searching on his phone as he walked to the couch. Hitting order, he turned on the TV putting on a show he had been watching. As he sat there, his mind started to wander. Nothing was unusual or out of place about this, except all the thoughts were dark. As he tried to ignore what he was thinking, three words were on repeat in his head. Old, alone, done for.*

 

The words kept repeating in his head until he heard a knock on his door. Startling out of his dark reverie, he looked at his phone seeing it was his order. Pausing the tv, he went to the door retrieving it before setting it on the dining room table. Looking at the bags in front of him, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to eat now. A few minutes went by of him debating before he hit play on the remote and sat down to eat. Skipping food would be stupid he figured. 

 

The food was ash in his mouth. This was normal for him now. Nothing held any appeal to him. Another sign of him being depressed. Also, another sign for him to lock away in his ice-cold heart. If he had to choose which one to admit to, it would always be the anger issues. He would never tell a soul he was always in a deep dark depression. 

 

Old, alone, done for.

 

The words were going through his head again. They never left his head it seemed like. 

 

Looking at the time, he saw it was close to a recording session. Cleaning up what was around him, he slowly made his way to the computer. Maybe recording would let him forget for a while. 

 

He could only hope.

 

************

 

Per usual, the time went slowly as Andrew waited for the day to come they would fly in. When it finally came, Andrew wasn’t ready for it. His mind had picked that day to be stuck in a dark abyss. Anger was the only way he knew of covering it up. Thankfully, it was Austin who was first to arrive. 

 

Taking one look at him, Austin knew something wasn’t right. “Hey, not sleeping again?”

 

Knowing Austin was starting with a safe subject, Andrew curtly nodded. “Yes. I’m finding it harder than normal lately.”

 

“Hopefully it’s just stress because of this project.”

 

“Yeah, hopefully.”

 

“Nico will be here in an hour and Zud will be soon after.”

 

“Might as well wait here then.” Andrew wasn’t exactly thrilled about that.

 

Sitting down near where they were, Austin began talking about different things that were happening. Andrew didn’t say much but listened dutifully to him knowing it was important to Austin. With him talking, Andrew was able to forget about the time and soon Nico was going to be coming out. Seeing them both emerge put him in a better mood.

 

“I didn’t expect both of you at the same time,” Andrew said politely as he greeted them.

 

“Yeah, my flight ended up early,” Zud said as he greeted Austin. 

 

“Good. That means we have time to go over everything today and maybe even start getting materials.” Andrew replied. 

 

Austin saw the looks on their faces but shook his head just enough to tell them not to fight it. If they thought about it, Andrew was being nice. He liked to work constantly unlike everyone else. So if he was suggesting an easy task today, he was in a semi-good mood.

 

Both took the hint and smiled. Zud even went as far as to say, “That sounds like a great idea.”

 

Andrew seemed happy about them going along with it and they made their way to the new studio. 

 

It took a few hours to get everything done. By the end of it, everyone was done, tired, and wanting to go to bed. Where Andrew had no one in his condo at the moment, he figured it would be easier for everyone to be there. Reaching the end of his rope with people, Andrew quickly explained everything that they needed to know before going into his room. 

 

Nico and Austin knew what was going on with Andrew and started getting things needed for bed. Zud couldn’t seem to function for a moment as he wondered why he was acting like that. It was well known that Andrew wasn’t the most sociable person, but Zud didn’t think he was so…prickly. His eyebrows narrowed as he continued to look at the door and think. 

 

Austin noticed Zud hadn’t moved and began to worry. “Zud, is something wrong?”

 

Zud was startled. “Oh…uh…” He hesitated as he looked at the door once more before turning to Austin. “Is he always so…rough?” Zud whispered.

 

Smiling gently, Austin tugged Zud toward where he would sleep. “He was on his best behavior today. I don’t think he wanted to upset me.”

 

Zud was more confused. “Upset you?”

 

“He seems to think I’m fragile and need as little stress as possible. Sometimes he fails miserably, other times he does really well.” 

 

“He seems so…different when we are recording.”

 

“Andrew cares about making people happy.”

 

“What about himself?”

 

Austin looked sad as he replied, “Andrew is a cold-hearted bastard. He will die lonely and doesn’t even seem to care.”

 

“That can’t be right,” Zud mumbled.

 

A bittersweet smile went across Austin’s face. “Hate to tell you, but it’s true.”

 

“I can’t believe that,” Zud said more firmly.

 

“Can’t? Or won’t?” Austin asked quietly.

 

“I won’t.”

 

“These are the moments I wonder about you.” Austin placed his hand on Zud’s cheek. “You still remind me of a boy… so naive.”

 

Pulling away from him harshly, Zud told him firmly, “I don’t care what you think. I’m going to melt his ice-cold heart.”

 

“If you do, I’ll take it all back and then some,” Austin replied truthfully. “Just don’t let him ruin you. He is good at hurting people.”

 

Zud nodded before walking away to get ready for bed. Hearing a noise to his right, he asked, “Do you think he can do it?”

 

“No,” Nico said quietly. “He is going to be hurt so badly.”

 

“That’s what I’m afraid of.”

 

****************

 

Zud was true to his word and worked on melting Andrew’s heart. 

 

On the first day, they still had to get some things before they could start recording. This led to Andrew already being in an off mood. Seeing this as an opportunity, Zud began talking to him. 

 

“Andrew, don’t worry. It won’t take long.” Zud was in a good mood.

 

Good moods rubbed Andrew the wrong way. “It still takes time away from our recording. We will end up behind schedule if this continues.”

 

“There’s no need to worry. Everything will work out in the end.”

 

“Mmm.” Andrew wasn’t sure what was going on with Zud, but he knew something wasn’t quite right. Maybe he just didn’t know the younger man like he thought he did. 

 

Seeing Andrew try to restrain himself made Austin jump in. “Zud, why don’t you and I go outside and wait for the stuff to arrive.” 

 

His eyebrows furrowed as he replied. “I’m just going to get bored.”

 

“No matter what you will be bored,” Andrew commented. Zud glared at him slightly. Shrugging his shoulders Andrew added, “You are the worst ADHD’er in this group, you're going to be bored.”

 

Andrew didn’t see that he was being too blunt, which made Zud upset. Rarely did he notice when he was hurting someone. It didn’t matter the situation, he always hurt someone and then wondered why they were upset with him.

 

“Did I say something wrong?” Andrew asked, slightly annoyed. 

 

“No, I guess you didn’t,” Zud replied sadly. He wasn’t sure if it was Andrew’s words that hurt him, or the fact Andrew was the one saying them. He didn’t usually react when people threw words at him. It was something he didn’t think needed his attention. But when Andrew was saying it, it hurt.

 

Noticing the turn in attitude, Austin changed tactics. “Zud, go outside. I’ll be there in a minute.”

 

Not fighting it this time, Zud walked out the door.

 

“Don’t say it” Andrew said as soon as the door shut.

 

“Don’t make me and I won't.” 

 

“He isn’t going to toughen up if we keep babying him.”

 

“He doesn’t need to toughen up. Have you ever felt that way with me?”

 

“Of course not.” Andrew felt offended by that question.

 

“Then stop treating him so badly. He only wants to be your friend.”

 

“Mhm.”

 

Austin knew he wasn’t getting anywhere so he went to Zud. “Are you ok?” He asked when he found him on the steps.

 

“It hurts,” Zud whispered.

 

“I told you he was cold-hearted.”

 

“That’s not it.”

 

“Then what hurts?”

 

“I don’t care about what people say normally. I learned quickly that people are cruel when they want to be. But him attacking me like that with no thought at all hurt. Because he said it, it hurt.”

 

“Do you…” Austin hesitated, “Do you care about him?” He asked gently.

 

“Of course I care about him.”

 

Deciding he got the answer he needed, Austin let it go. 

 

Later that night Andrew wasn’t in the mood to be around people again. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t escape Zud though. Every time he thought he could slip away, Zud started talking to him again. It was like he could sense him trying to walk away and would bring him back into the conversation. 

 

Slumping into his couch again after another failed attempt to leave, Andrew gave up. Listening to everyone talk, he didn’t speak unless spoken to. Just because he was stuck there, didn’t mean he had to join in the conversation. 

 

As time went on, Andrew noticed Zud wasn’t making him talk. Confused as to why he was still sitting there, a horrifying thought went through his head. ‘Am I staying here because Zud wanted me to?’ When the thought occurred to him that yes, he was indeed staying there because of Zud, he quickly got up and walked off. 

 

Shutting his door, he began pacing the floor. ‘Why am I suddenly letting him decide what I do? Why is he able to manipulate me?’ His mind spiraled, unsure of what he was experiencing. ‘I can’t let this happen again.’ He thought just as he heard a knock on the door. 

 

Thinking it was Austin, he swung it open. Seeing Zud made him scowl. “What do you want?” He growled. In his mind, Zud was the issue and he wanted nothing to do with him. 

 

A small ripple of fear went across Zud’s face, making Andrew feel weird for a moment. Suddenly, Zud’s face hardened. “I wanted to make sure you were ok.” He huffed out.

 

“I’m fine.” Andrew snapped.

 

“Good,” Zud said loudly.

 

“Good!” Andrew yelled before shutting the door.

 

Andrew wasn’t going to let Zud think he could ‘cure’ him. He was always going to be cold-hearted, and no one was going to stop him.

 

***************

 

The following day made Zud more aggressive in his pushing Andrew. Seeing that he semi-enjoyed at least sitting with everyone last night gave him hope. Even the small fight they had was better than he thought it would be. This drove him to constantly be around him as they were in between recordings. 

 

It was obvious to anyone that Andrew was ready to yell at him. He didn’t like having needy people around him. Seeming to feel when Andrew was about to yell, Zud disappeared. A little shocked but mostly happy Andrew went back to what he was doing. After a few minutes went by Zud appeared beside him again. 

 

This went on all day long. When they made it back to his condo, he braced himself to have it continue until he went to bed that night. When Zud was nowhere in sight, this confused Andrew. Not wanting to waste this opportunity, he sat on the couch and enjoyed the peace and quiet. 

 

Not knowing when he closed his eyes, he opened them when he heard Nico call his name. Opening his eyes, he quickly answered him before sitting up. Noticing movement at the end of the couch made him look over. He nearly fell off when he saw Zud curled up in sweatpants and a sweatshirt. He looked content as he stared at his phone screen.

 

“What are you doing?” Andrew asked him.

 

“Reading,” Zud mumbled quietly.

 

“Reading?” 

 

“Yes, reading.”

 

“I didn’t know you liked reading.”

 

Zud looked up from his phone to glare at him. “There is a lot you don’t know about me.”

 

Andrew bristled at the comment. “I’m sorry if I don’t feel compelled to talk to everyone.”

 

Zud rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“I said whatever.” Zud gathered his things and walked to his room.

 

Andrew was following him as he said, “I heard you, but what does that mean?”

 

“It means whatever. Whatever you want to think, think it. Whatever you want to hear, hear it. I don’t care.” He then slammed the door shut.

 

Andrew was stunned for a moment before he growled and walked to the kitchen. Grabbing a glass, he did something he hadn’t done in a hot minute. He grabbed the bottle of whiskey and poured two fingers worth. Drinking it in one go, he slammed the glass down on the counter. 

 

“Seriously?”

 

Andrew turned around to see Austin leaning against the kitchen counter behind him. “I’m not in the mood Austin.”

 

He laughed humorlessly before saying, “I don’t care.”

 

Another growl left Andrew. Before he could snap at Austin, Nico walked in looking just as mad as Austin. “What? Are you going to join in?” He snapped at Nico instead.

 

“Apologize to Zud,” Nico said.

 

“What? I’m not doing that.”

 

“You were a jerk to him. He told me what happened. You were degrading him by saying it that way.”

 

“No, I wasn’t.”

 

“You acted as if it was news that he could read.” Nico nearly yelled.

 

Shrugging, Andrew said bluntly, “It was shocking. I didn’t know he could.”

 

“Apologize!” Austin suddenly bellowed. 

 

“Fine!” Andrew fired back.

 

Stomping his way to Zud’s door he knocked on it harshly.

 

“What?!” Zud yelled through the door.

 

“I would like to apologize to you, could you open the door,” Andrew said through his teeth as he struggled to keep his anger in check. 

 

“I don’t want to see you,” Zud replied. It sounded like he was standing next to the door. 

 

Another growl went through him as he heard a throat clear. Looking behind himself he saw Austin giving him a look. Taking a deep breath, he tried again. “Fine.” He ground out. “I’m sorry I was shocked that you enjoyed reading.” 

 

“Whatever.”

 

“Stop saying wherever!” Andrew finally unleashed his anger.

 

“Stop being a jerk!” Zud yelled back.

 

“I’m being a jerk?! Fine. Just hide in there for the rest of the damn night, see if I care!” Andrew then stomped out to the kitchen again. 

 

Nico and Austin looked at each other before pointing to the one they would talk to. Going out to the kitchen, Austin was met with Andrew throwing back another shot of whiskey. “Think it will help with the guilt?” He asked.

 

“What guilt?” Andrew snapped at him.

 

“Of screwing that up beautifully.”

 

“Why would I feel guilty? It’s not my problem, he couldn't accept my apology.”

 

Austin was fed up with Andrew’s attitude. “This is why no one wants to be near you. I sometimes can’t even handle it.”

 

Swinging around to face him, Andrew yelled, “If no one can handle me, then they don’t need to be near me.”

 

“Then you will die cold and alone.” Austin didn’t wait to hear his rebuttal. He didn’t want to fight anymore.

 

“What’s it matter anyways? No one could love me. I’m just a mean beast.” He heard Andrew say quietly to himself. 

 

That’s when Austin realized he didn’t want to be alone.

 

********

 

Day three of Zud trying to melt Andrew’s heart was miserable for them both. Neither wanted to do anything and recording didn’t happen that day. Both stayed in their rooms not willing to deal with reality. 

 

By the afternoon, Nico was sick of them acting like this and attempted to get Andrew out of his room first. When that blew up in his face, he tried Zud. More willing to try a new mood, Zud came out of his room to see them. 

 

“Is he upsetting you?” Austin asked.

 

“No,” Zud replied sadly. “I don’t think I will be able to help him though. I think you were right. There is no hope for him.”

 

“Don’t give up,” Austin said quickly. “I was wrong. I saw something different last night after your fight. There is hope.”

 

Confusion flooded both Zud and Nico’s face. “What’s changed?” Nico asked.

 

“I’m not going to betray him, but I heard him say something. I can only say I was wrong.”

 

“I’m not sure what to do anymore though. My personality seems to anger him. I can’t even talk without him becoming frustrated.” Zud lamented. 

 

“He isn’t angry.” 

 

“What do you mean he isn’t angry?”

 

“I can’t explain. Just please, don’t give up.”

 

Nodding his head, Zud slowly lost himself in thought. Nico and Austin decided to go out and get groceries. They figured everything would be fine while they were gone. They weren’t wrong.

 

They just didn’t count on Zud deciding to try again so soon.

 

A few minutes after they left, Zud found the courage to knock on Andrew’s door. 

 

Andrew quickly opened it, “Austin, I don’t care what…” He finally noticed it wasn’t Austin. “What do you want?” He sounded more tired than angry.

 

“I wanted to see if you would like to watch TV with me,” Zud replied quietly.

 

“Where are the others?” He started peeking around the door frame.

 

“They said something about needing to get more food.”

 

“You didn’t go with them?”

 

“I don’t always like being social.”

 

Andrew could understand that completely. “Yeah, ok. I’ll come out.”

 

Smiling, Zud nodded and went to the kitchen to get a drink. When he came back, Andrew was on the loveseat waiting for him. “Was there something specific that you had in mind?” Andrew asked politely.

 

“No. I didn’t know what to watch.” Zud continued to use a quiet voice in hopes of helping Andrew feel calmer. “You can put on whatever you want.”

 

“Ok.” Was all Andrew said as he looked. Feeling the loveseat shift, he saw in the corner of his eye that Zud sat next to him on it. He said nothing but was a little peeved that he sat directly next to him instead of anywhere else. Hearing him click on his phone was too much for him though. He had started the movie a few minutes ago and he was on his phone already.

 

“Why are you on your phone if you want to watch something?”

 

“I can’t just watch a movie. I have to do something else at the same time.”

 

“Mmm.” Andrew wasn’t sure what to think of it but assumed it was an ADHD thing. 

 

As they watched the movie together, the air around them seemed less tense. Zud noticed the condo felt less suffocating. It hadn’t felt like he could breathe since he arrived. The feeling made him relax quickly. Soon, Andrew was switching movies and Zud didn’t even remember watching the first one. Not even ten minutes into the second movie Zud was asleep.

 

Andrew felt warmer than he had in years. His aura usually radiated bone-chilling cold. Right now, it was like a spring day. Cool, but still held warmth. Why did he feel different? Rolled through his head as he watched the movie. Not able to figure it out, he tried to force it out of his head. 

 

Feeling comfortable, Andrew figured it wouldn’t hurt to watch another movie with Zud. He seemed calmer than he had all week, so what was the harm? Completely engrossed in the movie, he didn’t notice Zud fall asleep. Getting up and going to the kitchen, he quickly got a drink. When he sat down again, he felt a shift in the loveseat before a weight fell on him. 

 

Knowing what happened, he slowly looked over to find Zud lying on him as he slept. A slight panic went through him before he went to push him to the other side of the loveseat. Before he could, Zud rearranged in his sleep and grabbed Andrew’s shirt. The panic came back stronger than before. How was he getting out of this?

 

Able to get his arm out from under Zud, he wanted to pry his fingers off his shirt. Instead, Zud started hugging him. Feeling his face heat up, Andrew panicked again. Warmth radiated off of Zud as he hugged himself tightly to Andrew. A new feeling came over him as he tried to figure out how to escape this predicament. 

 

His panic wasn’t there anymore. Rather, his body was relaxing without his knowledge. Hesitantly, he wrapped an arm around Zud. A sigh left Zud making Andrew hold him to himself. The feeling wasn’t foreign to him, but it was a feeling he didn’t think he would ever feel again. How could this man he barely knew make him feel like this in only three days?

 

Finally, after all these years, Andrew felt his heart warm up.

 

In this moment of weakness, Andrew allowed himself to enjoy the companionship. Holding him completely now, he laid his head on Zud’s and relaxed. The warmth running through them both soon put him to sleep too.

 

When Nico and Austin made it back to the condo it felt off to them. Unsure of what they were walking in on, they saw Andrew and Zud asleep on the loveseat together. The most curious thing was how they held each other as if they would die without the other. It was something neither had seen Andrew do with anyone. 

 

Not wanting to break whatever spell was over them, Austin and Nico went to the kitchen and quietly put things away. Soon they realized that they were not going to wake up anytime soon. Silently they ate together before going to their separate rooms for the night. 

 

It was close to ten that night that Andrew woke up suddenly. Observing his surroundings, he saw he was still holding Zud as he slept. Deciding he didn’t want Zud to wake up to this, he got up and went to Zud’s room. Bringing out a blanket and pillow, he set Zud up to sleep on the couch. 

 

Before he left him for the night, he spoke to the night air as he brushed Zud’s hair back. “I can’t let you find the good in me. You will only be disappointed when you find there is none. I wish you would stop wasting your time on melting my heart. There is no hope for me.”

 

He then slipped into his room only to be met with another sleepless night.

 

**************

 

Day four brought a sleepy Zud and a calm Andrew. Austin and Nico were not sure what to do with these versions of them. Zud being sleepy made him almost needy. Austin already had to hug a few times as he randomly laid his head on his chest. After this happened a few times in only thirty minutes, Andrew huffed as he grabbed Zud. Andrew was hoping it would give Austin the ability to get something done if he took him. 

 

He just didn’t know what he was doing.

 

Unsure of himself, Andrew brought Zud into him holding him tightly. Wasting no time, Zud wrapped his arms around him and shoved his face into his shoulder. It took him by surprise, but he threaded a hand threw Zud’s hair. He could feel him relax at the touch and a rumbling groan left him. 

 

Andrew didn’t feel the ice around his heart melt more. 

 

When they were back at the condo, Zud had made it to the couch before lying there and refusing to move. No one argued about it. Nico and Austin both went into their rooms stating they would be out in time to eat. Andrew felt extra energetic that night and wanted to cook for once. As he did, he put music on. 

 

He had been working for a little bit and was finally able to sit down when the song changed again. Only thirty seconds into it, Zud made his way into the kitchen. 

 

“Feeling better?” Andrew asked.

 

“The music caught me.”

 

“This song in particular?”

 

“Yes. I didn’t know you listened to jazz.”

 

“I learned to dance to this song.”

 

“You can dance?”

 

“Yes. My mother insisted.”

 

Walking over to where Andrew was sitting, Zud held out a hand. “Care to show me?”

 

Andrew hesitated a few seconds before gripping the offered hand. “Sure.”

 

Slowly they got the feel for each other as they went along the kitchen floor. As they went along beside the speaker dock, Andrew reached over and hit repeat, and turned it up a little. He found himself enjoying the dance as they went around again. 

 

Starting with the normal space between them, they slowly made their way closer as they went along. The wide gait that they were moving in soon became a small circle as they gravitated to each other. On the third playing of the song, there was no space between them as they made slow circles around the kitchen.

 

The song playing over and over made Nico and Austin come out of their rooms out of curiosity. When they looked in the kitchen the sight shocked them both. Neither saw this happening in a million years. They saw Andrew and Zud cheek to cheek as they spun around the kitchen. The scene felt too intimate to watch, so they both went into the living room. 

 

“When did that happen?” Nico asked.

 

“I was going to ask you if you knew.”

 

“I’m at a loss. I didn’t think Andrew wanted to love anyone.”

 

“He didn’t. You think Zud melted him?”

 

“It’s the only thing that makes sense. What else could have done this?”

 

“But do they love each other? Or is it only one of them? I don’t know what to think. I just know I don’t want either one to be hurt.”

 

“I agree. But something tells me that the feeling is mutual.”

 

Austin was about to say something when the music cut out suddenly. Not hearing anything made him worry. As he got off the couch, Zud went racing to his room. Shocked at the sudden change, he was about to go see if he was ok. Before he could get there, Zud went racing out the door with a bag in his hand. 

 

Not able to hold back, Austin went straight to the kitchen. Seeing Andrew looking forlorn, Austin asked, “What happened?”

 

“I let him leave,” Andrew answered quietly.

 

“Why is he leaving?”

 

“I’m not sure. I couldn’t understand what he was saying. I told him if it was as bad as it sounded, then he should go home and make sure everything was ok.”

 

“Were you able to tell him?”

 

“Tell him what?”

 

“That you love him.”

 

“No. He doesn’t need that. I shouldn’t have even let myself. He deserves much more than I can give.”

 

“Everyone deserves love.”

 

“Not me.”

 

“Even you.”

 

“It doesn’t matter anyways. He had to leave and I know I won’t see him. I’ll be here forevermore.”

 

The finality of the sentence struck Austin as if he had been slapped. For once, he walked away without fighting him. When Nico asked what was wrong, he told him that they were right. When asked to elaborate, he only said it looked bleak. 

 

Andrew finished cooking what was left before he told them they could eat. Walking into his bedroom, he flopped onto his bed and thought about what just happened. A tear escaped him as he felt a pain in his chest. The damn ice in his heart was melting even now. He was in love with Zud. Why did he have to fall in love with him? He didn’t deserve to have him. Zud deserved someone ten times better than him. 

 

Changing into night clothes, he walked out to the living room and sat on the loveseat. Laying out, he found himself only able to think of Zud. He worried that he would never see him again. But his biggest worry was something was going to happen and hurt him. The rest of the night he spent on the loveseat listening to the TV as he watched the door even though he knew it wasn’t going to open again that night.

 

*****************

 

Day one without Zud made Andrew feel like a zombie. Not able to fully function, he took a shower and got dressed hoping it would help him. Sitting on the loveseat again, Andrew found it hard to do anything. 

 

Austin was watching him and decided to intervene. “I’m glad that you're not angry anymore, but seeing your depressed side is worse.”

 

“Is that what this is? I always pushed it aside.”

 

“Well, that’s not healthy,” Austin mumbled. “But yes. It’s your depression.”

 

“Huh,” Andrew said before he got up and went to the room Zud had stayed in. He saw a bag there still and repacked it so it was ready when they needed to get it to him. He straightened out the room and made the bed before looking around. His body seemed to move on its own as he lay down in the bed. A shudder ran through him making him shake. Zud was never going to leave his mind. Even now his thoughts were consumed by him. 

 

Hearing the door open, Andrew looked over to see Austin in the doorway. He didn’t bother greeting instead he went back to staring at the wall. The bed dipped down as Austin lay next to him. “Andrew.” He called out.

 

Not wanting to talk, he rolled over to face him. Austin understood and continued. “You can’t give up.”

 

“Mmm”

 

“You need to keep going. Zud will be back.”

 

Closing his eyes tightly, Andrew replied, “No he won’t.”

 

“Why?”

 

“That’s his home. Plus I won’t ask him to come back.”

 

“It doesn’t matter where he is from. If he loves you, he will come back.”

 

“I’ll leave the hoping to you. I’ll stay with reality.”

 

“What if they are the same?”

 

“My mind is already tricking me, I don’t need you to also.”

 

Knowing it was useless to argue, Austin didn’t retaliate. Getting up off the bed, he walked out the door and left him for now. 

 

***************

 

Day two of Zud being gone was met with a call from him. Austin was very happy to hear from him and asked if everything was ok.

 

After explaining what happened, Zud concluded, “It was basically a false alarm. But at least everything is good.”

 

“I’m glad to hear that.”

 

“I wish I hadn’t left so quickly. I’m glad everything is fine, but I wish I hadn’t been so quick to freak out.”

 

“That brings me to my next question.” Austin didn’t want to be pushy, but he was worried about Andrew. “Are you coming back?”

 

“Uh…” The hesitation made Austin’s heart drop. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Andrew needs to have his space. We invaded it enough.”

 

Growing a little angry, Austin lashed out, “Do you love him?”

 

“What?”

 

“I said, do you love him?”

 

“Of course I love him.”

 

“I mean are you in love with him?”

 

“Yes, that’s why I don’t want to go back.”

 

Sighing heavily, Austin felt like he had a huge weight lifted from his chest. “Thank God for small miracles.”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“You need to come back.”

 

“I don't want to fall more in love with him. He doesn’t want to be in love.”

 

“Damn it Zud, just listen to me!”

 

The harshness of his voice made Zud a little scared. “Ok.”

 

“You did it. You managed what you wanted. Come back.”

 

“I did it?” Zud tried to think of what he might mean. Then it dawned on him. “The ice?”

 

“Yes! Now come back!”  

 

“Ok. I’ll come back as soon as I can.”

 

Content with his answer, Austin got off the phone with him. Walking out into the living room, he found Andrew lying on the loveseat again staring at the door as he watched a movie. It was the same one he and Zud had watched that day they fell asleep together. The stupid part? Austin never noticed what movie it was. The live-action Beauty and the Beast. 

 

Oh, the irony. 

 

“Andrew?” He watched him look over at him. “I was going to make something for lunch, you want something?” 

 

“I don't care.” He answered in a flat voice.

 

Not answering him, he decided to make something just in case. Noticing how Andrew’s depression was working, he saw not eating was one of his issues. Not bothering to talk to him, he set the food in front of him on a table. He then walked out and ate as he waited for some sign that Zud was on his way. 

 

When the day started turning to night, Austin began worrying. Talking to Nico made him feel a little better. He told him to wait a little longer. It may have been as simple as not getting a flight easily. Thinking more rationally, he knew Nico was right. Austin saw it was close to eleven at night and decided to go to bed. He would wake up if Zud suddenly called or texted. 

 

Much later that night Zud made his way into the condo. Knowing no one would be up at two in the morning he was planning on going straight to the room he had stayed in before. When he opened the door and found the TV on, he searched the room for signs that someone was there. On the loveseat, he found Andrew fast asleep. At least, that’s what he thought.

 

Walking up to Andrew, he kneeled in front of him laying a hand on his cheek. Andrew shot upright at the touch confused. Zud almost fell backward at the movement. Standing, he sat next to Andrew before speaking. “I’m sorry I jumped you. I thought you were sleeping.”

 

“I haven’t been able to sleep since you left.” Andrew croaked out.

 

Concern filled Zud’s face as he asked, “What’s wrong?”

 

“I’m confused.”

 

“About?”

 

“You came back.”

 

“Of course I came back.” 

 

Glancing over at him, Andrew gave him a questioning look. “What do you mean of course you came back?”

 

“It’s simple,” Zud turned his body to face him completely. “I love you. So I came back.”

 

A weird look came across his face. Zud was afraid for a moment and slowly backed away enough so his back was against the arm of the loveseat. He didn’t want to make him feel trapped.

 

Andrew noticed he was putting space between them. The thought made him sad and he closed the space between them. Straddling Zud’s lap, he sat up and gently tugged his face close to his own. Once their noses were touching, he whispered, “I love you too.” before he connected their lips. 

 

The moment their lips touched, he felt what was left of the ice in his heart disappear. Warmth replaced it, making it feel like his heart was beating for the first time in forever. The warmth made him kiss Zud harder and faster. He never wanted to feel the cold again. Zud gripped his shirt as they kissed and he felt him put one hand in his beard feeling it. It was comforting to Andrew who hummed as he continued kissing him. 

 

They continued for a little longer before Zud pulled away panting. Hugging Andrew to him, he said, “Is the ice gone?”

 

Shocked that he knew about it, he answered, “Yes. You melted it.”

 

“Good.” He kissed him gently before adding. “Let’s get you in bed. You need sleep.”

 

Andrew nodded before getting up off the loveseat. Grabbing Zud’s hand, he gently pulled him to his bedroom. Climbing into bed, Andrew waited for Zud to join. A minute later he felt the bed dip and arms go around him. A gentle kiss was pressed to the back of his head as he started falling asleep almost instantly. 

 

The ice that made his heart heavy was now gone for good. The beast that lived within him was banished. A man who saw the prince trapped inside him never gave up, even when he thought he should. Love comes in different ways and happens in different timelines. They had known each other for years, but one week together made them see something there that wasn’t there before. 

*Peter Pan 2003 Captain Hook