Chapter Text
Mizuki arrived at the bus station after a mentally tiring school day just like any other, but this day in particular was their breaking point. Instead of boarding the bus they took every day they instead boarded one with Tokyo Bay as its destination. After sitting down their brain must have shut down since the next thing they remembered was arriving at the destination. Mizuki had been here before with their family a long time ago, but now was not the time to admire the view. The sun was still bright, meaning they should wait a few hours for the sun to set and for the beach to be dark. Meanwhile, it was probably a good idea to find a location with no people swimming and no nearby buildings. This was actually a lot harder than they originally thought, probably because this was the ideal weather for visiting the beach.
Mizuki started to question why they even chose to do it this way. They didn't want to do it at home since they didn't want their dear sister and parents to discover them hanging from a noose, dead cold after consuming a whole bottle of prescription pills or a toxic cleaning chemical, slit wrists in their bathtub or anything like that. Seeing cars speeding in front of them on their way to school gave them the idea to just walk a few steps forward, but they did not want to cause trouble to the unlucky driver. They briefly considered simply jumping off the school rooftop, but it was probably not even high enough and would just end up with them at the hospital. Even if the distance was enough, why would they choose to die in the place they hated the most in front of people who might just cheer if they died? Not like they were the biggest fan of the beach since they hated wearing a swimsuit that never felt right in their body, but they enjoyed the view enough. After finishing their train of thought they found a perfect spot: the beach was rocky and not particularly pretty so there were no people hanging around, and the only nearby buildings were under construction so they would only need to wait a little longer for the shifts of the workers to end for this area to be completely desolate except for them.
They found a big rock that was comfortable enough to sit in and saw that the sun was a lot closer to reaching the horizon already. Memories of yesterday's dinner came back to them even after trying so hard to bury them in the back of their mind. Mizuki started eating quickly to go to their older sister's room and vent about how horrible their day was. They had found out that a classmate that they had been getting closer to lately and Mizuki almost considered a friend was just hanging out with them to gossip about the things they said to her actual friends and increase the things they could bully them about. Mizuki didn't even know why they bothered spending this much time and effort, since Mizuki's classmates mostly just made up stuff about them anyway. Mizuki thought they had become used to the rumors and they wouldn't affect them anymore, until someone in their class started to make up stories about them dressing up the way they do to enter the girl's bathroom and do awful things Mizuki didn't even know about; or to "trick" guys into dating them only to do similarly awful things later. Now even classmates who used to be sympathetic towards them (or at the very least did not get involved with the bullying) looked absolutely terrified whenever Mizuki was near them.
As they were planning in which order to tell this messy situation their sister arrived to the table, envelop in hand. Yuuki looked extremely nervous, and Mizuki understood why as soon as they saw the letter was from that fashion school in France she had applied to a while back. Why would they not just send an e-mail, surely the shipping all the way from Europe would be really expensive? Apparently it was a really prestigious college, so Mizuki guessed they didn't mind spending that extra money. "Mizuki, could you open it for me? My hands are WAY too shaky right now", Yuuki asked her younger sibling. Mizuki opened the letter carefully to not damage it and handed the paper inside to their sister. Yuuki looked it up and down frantically and stayed silent for a few seconds. "What is it honey? I'm sure you will be accepted in your second option", their mother said while taking the dishes away from the table.
"I'm in", the voice was so quiet Mizuki was sure they were the only one who heard it. "I got accepted!" now loud enough for their mother and father to listen. Everything after that was a blur, Mizuki could only think about this empty feeling inside them. They plastered a big smile on their face to not ruin the mood and probably said a few words about how proud they felt of their sister, but that was about it. Obviously they felt like a horrible person for not celebrating something the person closest to them had worked years to achieve, but they just couldn't picture going through the next years without their sister's advice, help, and shoulder to cry on when everything felt too overwhelming. Mizuki's parents had never stopped them from acting or dressing the way they enjoyed and they were obviously thankful for that, but that didn't mean their parents understood what they were going through. As far as both of them were aware, Mizuki was a decent student who was not the most sociable but was doing fine overall. Mizuki could not even begin to imagine how they would react if they learned what Mizuki's actual school experience was like.
Now there was only a sliver of sun peeking above the waves, so Mizuki looked around one last time to make sure no one was around and took off their shoes and left their bag to begin approaching the shore. To bury any second thoughts they could feel surfacing Mizuki kept reminding themselves of that one day when some of the kids in their previous school had discovered their documents said they were a guy and decided to make sure with their own eyes if it was true. Their faces full of disgust were branded into Mizuki's brain, even now that they had forgotten most of their names. Afterwards Mizuki ran to their empty house and cut up most of their girly outfits made by their sister, Mizuki themselves, or both; followed up by the beautiful hair Mizuki always took good care of with the hair products Yuuki had gifted them. Their sister found them in this horrible state and helped fix their hair as best as she could, reassuring Mizuki that she didn't care what they did with the clothes she had made for them. Yuuki was even the one who convinced their parents to let them move schools after Mizuki explained most of what happened, only leaving some details out that Mizuki did not even want to tell to the only person they felt they could tell anything to. But that wouldn't happen anymore. Mizuki would be left on the floor surrounded by torn clothes and hair, scissors in hand.
The waves reached their ankles. Even after dressing in the uniform they were expected to wear nothing improved.
They reached Mizuki's knees. If anything everything was worse now.
Their thighs. Mizuki could not even stand looking at their own reflection anymore.
Chest. Even when they gave up and made themselves miserable acting exactly the way they were supposed to the whispers followed them.
Neck. Those stares. Disgust. Fear. Pity. Confusion. Cruelty.
Nose. What was the point in living in a world that would never accept you?
That was the only thought circling around their brain as they stepped deeper and deeper into the water, consumed by the cold, dark liquid now invading their lungs and fighting their own survival instinct that decided to come out now of all times, but it was too late. Numbness took over their body as they slowly sank to the bottom of the ocean...
Air. They needed air.
As they spit out the saltwater inside them to replace it with air they saw a mass of tentacles and bright purple hair quickly return to the waves that nearly devoured them only moments before. It was probably a trick of the light, or Mizuki had started seeing things that simply were not there. The waves must have carried them back to the shore, fate either imploring them to keep trying or messing with them by not even let them die in piece. Either way, Mizuki wasn't going to just jump back to the water. They picked up their phone that was still inside their bag and checked they could just barely reach the last bus back to Shibuya if they hurried. There were also some notifications from Yuuki, to which Mizuki responded to with a "be back soon" without even reading what the messages actually said. Mizuki nearly tripped several times while running to the station since their legs were still numb from the cold water, but luckily they made it two minutes before the scheduled time. Some of the water had dried while they ran, but their hair and clothes were still soaked, making Mizuki apologize as they sat down near the back. In any other situation they would stand to not get the seats wet, but their legs were threatening to give out any minute now. Luckily they only had to walk a few blocks from the stop to their house, and their legs were in slightly better condition after resting during the bus ride.
Yuuki opened the door before they even rang the bell, she was probably waiting near a window for them to be back. They were greeted with a soft hug from their sister. "I'm so sorry sis". "I'm just glad you're okay Mizuki. Did something happen?". "I- I don't want to talk about it right now". Even Mizuki themselves was surprised at the words that had just come out of their mouth. Yuuki let go of their hug, probably slightly taken aback since it was unlike their younger sibling to keep things from her, but she also was not going to force them to talk. "That's fine then. You can tell me later if you feel comfortable". Now that the hug was over Mizuki noticed from the state of Yuuki's makeup that she had been crying before they got here. Mizuki did not believe their older sister would even be able to take it if they had actually died earlier that day. "Thank you for everything," Mizuki whispered with a voice that sounded broken as they headed to their room. Yuuki felt awful since she supposed whatever Mizuki had done that afternoon was caused by last night's announcement, but it was probably better to just let them rest before asking.
Mizuki closed the door and started to take off their uniform. While their full-body mirror had been covered with a sheet ever since they moved schools, Mizuki still saw something weird out of the corner of their eye in their smaller mirror. It looked liked some sort of red marking on their shoulder, likely caused by sand scraping their skin as the waves dragged them around. They decided to take off the sheet just to inspect the mark a little closer and make sure it wasn't bleeding or infected, but Mizuki was surprised to find several similar markings on their abdomen and legs. Inspecting them closer, each mark seemed to have many circles throughout them. Suddenly Mizuki recalled the mass of tentacles they thought they had seen as soon as they regained consciousness lying on the beach.
Maybe Mizuki had not been imagining things after all.