Chapter Text
That’s the moment when terror seizes me. What kind of insane revenge is there in exulting in his revulsion? And worse, far worse, I like this. I like everything about kissing him - the familiar buzz of fear, the knowledge I am punishing him, the proof he wants me.
The knife in my hand is useless. I throw it at the desk, barely registering as the point sinks into the wood. He pulls back from me at the sound, startled. His mouth is pink, his eyes dark. He sees the knife and barks out a startled laugh.
Which is enough to make me stagger back. I want to mock him, to show up his weakness without revealing mine, but I don’t trust my face not to show too much.
“Is that what you imagined?”, I ask, and am relieved to find my voice sound harsh.
“No,”, he says tonelessly.
“Tell me,”, I say.
He glances up at me, tight-lipped and with a chagrined expression. It was clear he would rather die at my dagger than reveal more of his secrets. A few hours ago I could not have cared less what he fantasized about, would have been appalled by what he apparently thought about me. And yet, I find myself wanting, no needing to know now, my body buzzing with need.
I had never been the patient type and so I pluck the dagger from the desk, pointing it at him.
“Tell me,”, I repeat, staring him down.
Cardan lets out a breath, his eyes on mine just like his resolve; unwavering. “I’d rather not.”
I realize if I wanted to get anything out of him, violence was not the answer. I put the blade back onto the desk and take a step closer to where he sits on the chair. His eyes follow me as I come closer until I stand directly above him, my stance wide to make room for his legs. Cardan leans his head back to keep our eyes locked. I see him swallow nervously but otherwise not moving at all.
I hesitate a little. It is an entirely new thing to me to be able to touch him, to be close enough without being threatened death. He could grab the dagger and slit my throat if he so pleased at any moment. Under different circumstances he might have, but all I see in his eyes is nervosity and fear. Maybe a little bit of self-hatred and there was something else, something dark. Nevertheless, my heart is pounding in my chest as I sink down onto his lap.
Cardans breath hitches. It feels like my heart is about to burst out of me. I hear nothing but his breath and the blood rushing through my head but I leave myself no time to calm my nerves. My hand traces up his chest, feeling his heartbeat throbbing just as hard as mine, his neck and over his clenched jaw, his eyes fluttering.
“Was it something like this?”, I ask, glad my voice wasn’t shaking. I find myself digging my fingers into his raven hair. It was so silky smooth, just like I expected.
Cardan lets out a loud breath, eyes fluttering close for just a moment too long to be a blink, before he forces them open again. As I look at them again, they have darkened. “Not quite,”, he breathes.
My breathing turns shallow and I know I have signed my fate as I say my next words. “Show me.”
His hand twitches where it lays on the armrest. “Jude,”, he says.
“Show me,”, I repeat, craving to be touched by him, for him to live out his fantasies which have now become mine too in record speed. I would never admit that to him, I need to keep the advantage I have over him, but right now, right here, I want nothing more than to kiss him again. I ignore all the alarms ringing in the back of my mind as he leans in.
The second time our lips meet it doesn’t take him any time to adjust. His mouth is just as soft as the first time but he is not nearly as hesitant, wrapping his hands around my waist to press me into him. I gasp, an entirely unfamiliar feeling spreading through my limbs as I felt his touch, his chest flush against mine. His fingers dig into my skin as I lean closer and open my mouth to his. I rake my fingers through his hair just as his find their way to the back of my corset to unravel the ties there.
I mercilessly push the uncertain and hesitant thoughts down, there is no going back now. No matter how twisted, I want this.
As I pull away to get the corset over my head I look into his eyes, dark with pupils blown wide by desire. Desire I caused, I realize. The corset falls to the floor and my loose, thin shirt does nothing to hide the curves of my breasts, fabric only highlighting the perk of my nipples. I unbutton it far enough to fit over my head and take it off. The initial thoughts of panic over exposing myself to my sworn nemesis and all the dangers of humiliation and pain that could come with it were overridden by something deeply primal.
For a second Cardan does nothing, raking his gaze over my half naked form. I start to get self-conscious with him staring at me. I know I don’t look faerie, I look painfully human, maybe to him too. Maybe my naked form made him come to his senses.
But then he lets out a sound that could only be described as animalic and pulls me to his lips, kissing me as if he had been starving. I give myself into his touch and gasp when his hand comes to cup my breast. I never thought someone else’s touch might feel so good. I feel a pounding between my legs, warmth spreading. Cardan leans down and closes his devilish mouth around my nipple and I moan, arching into him for more immediately. He makes a deep noise against my skin as my hips grind down on his lap. He is hard under me, straining against his clothing and rub myself against him again, making him groan.
“Take off your clothes,”, I tell him breathlessly, already working on the buttons of his doublet, suddenly overtaken by the need to see him as he sees me, touch him, feel him.
“Yes,”, he says, letting off of me to strip off the jacket and shirt. Without hesitation I start on his belt. My fingers make quick work of his pants and I stand up for him to push them off.
My breath hitches in my throat as I see him in full. Faeries are not known to shy away from nudity and I have certainly seen my fair share but yet, I find myself unable to look away. He was beautiful, carved like a statue.
I step closer and Cardan doesn’t let me out of his sight, following my every move, his tail swishing nervously from side to side. His arousal rests against his stomach, blushed and full. I feel drawn to it and go to my knees. I look up at him. His cock twitches.
“May I?”, I ask, although I hadn’t asked for permission before.
“I’m your slave, Jude,”, he says.
Something inside me churns at those words. I wrap my fingers around his length and he lets out a sigh. I run my hand up and down a couple times, tracing over the tip with my thumb. I have no idea what I am doing but I am afraid of asking and exposing my inexperience. But Cardan seems to enjoy what I was doing, moaning. His stomach clenches as I squeeze a little harder. There are some small beads gathered on his tip and I wonder how it tastes. I heard somewhere your lover may enjoy when you take him in your mouth. It was probably from some magazine Vivi read.
Without thinking too much about it, I bend down and lick the head, looking up at him to see his reaction. He sucks in a breath and grabs onto the armrests.
“Jude,”, he grits out.
I do it again, this time closing my lips around him just like he did with my nipple and his eyes flutter shut. I grin. I like it. And so I repeat it. He tastes good, salty. His fingers fly up to dig into my hair and guide my head up and down. I can’t take much of him, not even half but his moans and the way the throws his head back make it seem like I am a very experienced lover.
He doesn’t let me do it long, panting as he pulls me off and stares at me with a red flush creeping up his neck. I rise to my feet and take a step back, wiping my mouth, staring back at him.
I feel invincible as I wait for him to say something. At least until he rises from the chair and towers over me. With his eyes pitch-black he looks down at me and I gulp. Did he get taller somehow?
Cardan takes a step towards me and I fight the urge to stumble backwards and hold my ground, looking up at him rigidly. His hand snakes around my waist to push me into him while his other wraps around my neck, thumb pushing my chin up to kiss me. I feel hot as his tongue licks into my mouth and he trails kisses down my neck, biting the skin right at the juncture of it and my jaw. I shudder and my legs feel weak. Grabbing the desk for support I moan breathlessly.
His hand on my waist burns. Everything burns. It feels as though all my blood is rushing to my middle and I feel light-headed as he starts to unbuckle my pants, the last barrier. Impatiently I help him pull them off of my legs. As soon as they hit the floor he spreads my thighs apart and gets between them, lifting me onto the desk.
I am hyper-aware of his arousal resting on my throbbing middle, of hot liquid gathering where it presses against me. My hands clench involuntarily where I grabbed his arms and I find it hard to return the searing gaze he was staring down at me with.
“Jude,”, he calls to make me turn my head. I can’t help but squirm as I meet his eyes which makes his cock drag against me. Both of us gasp.
“Jude,”, he says again, voice rough. His arms tremble slightly.
Desire sears through me at the sound of my name on his lips. My whole body is primed, vibrating and aching for him. “Please,”, I let out, shedding my last ounce of dignity.
“What do you want, Jude? Tell me,”, he asks and doesn’t hide his hunger, his desperation in his voice. His hips grinds against mine and a high, breathy noise escapes my lips I never heard myself make before.
There was nothing left in my mind except one thing; Cardan, Cardan, Cardan. “You,”, I manage and look at him as I say it. If I wasn’t drugged out of my mind with lust, nobody could have ever dragged that confession out of me. Even if I had not known it to be true hours ago. But now I would say anything just for him to keep going.
He runs his thumb over my lower lip, eyes steadily on mine. “Say my name,”, he demands.
“Cardan,”, I say, “I want you, Cardan. Please.” His hand runs down my body to where I craved his touch the most. “Cardan,”, I say again. “Cardan!”, I moan as he slowly pushes into me.
I tried to pleasure myself with my fingers before but this is different. The sweet stretch of his cock inside of me, opening me up feels almost unbearably good. I grasp his arms harder and spread my legs wider until he was all the way inside of me. Throwing my head back, I relish in the sensation of him pressed up against me, his hand tight on my waist. I hear him breathe unevenly before he rocks his hips once, forcing a groan from my lips.
“More,”, I demand and arch my back into him. He obeys my command wordlessly and without hesitation like he just waited for me to tell him. Cardan pulls out of me torturously slow before driving his hips into mine.
“Again,”, I say and he does; again and again and again. I cry out with each snap of his hips, wrapping my legs around his torso.
His fingers run over my writhing body down to where our bodies join. As they brush over my knob I let out a near scream. He bends over to press a kiss below my ear, dragging his teeth over the sensitive skin while increasing the pressure of his circling fingers.
I bite back a sob.
“You want me to fuck you harder?”, he asks, raspy voice eliciting goosebumps on my arms. “I could fuck you ‘til you won’t know up from down, ‘til you come so hard you won’t be able to stand tomorrow.”, he breathes into my ear and those words alone push me close to the edge. I don’t doubt he could. “I want to,”, Cardan adds.
The only thing my mind is able to form was; “Yes!”, a very shaky, desperate yes. I don’t know when my advantage over him flipped into the reverse but I couldn’t care less at the moment. I mourn the loss of his fingers as both of his hands grab my hips for better leverage as he pounds into me.
The desk rattles and skin slaps against skin but my breathless cries drown out the noise and in the need to hold onto something I grab the edge of the wood. The heat churning in my stomach threatens to consume me and I feel my body tensing up more and more with his every thrust, rushing towards release without me being able to do anything to stop it.
“Cardan,”, I moan. I struggle to keep my eyes open as pleasure consumes me rapidly with his unwavering pace. He looks at me with flaming eyes and I reach up to drag him into a searing kiss. My fingers tangle into his hair and he groans as I pull on it slightly. The kiss is wet and sloppy, open-mouthed, exchanging our breath when he leans his forehead against mine.
My legs tremble. I am close, so close. I writhe against him for more friction and he understands, dropping a hand in between our bodies.
“Come for me,”, he says against my lips, “I want to see you come.” He drives into me harder than before and moves his fingers just the right way that I can do nothing but cry out his name and let orgasm run me over.
I come with him inside of me, his hands all over me and beneath his gaze. My eyes squeeze shut when I burst, every single of my muscles tensing up and clenching around him as the sweet, hot feeling ripples through me. I can’t stop saying his name. Everything turns to jelly. I draw heavy breaths, relishing in the aftershocks. I can’t stop my thighs from shaking.
Cardan mutters something I can’t quite make out, groaning. His eyes are drinking me in. His hands roam over my trembling body. I can’t lift my head, catching my breath. I feel him moving, chasing his own high. His face is buried in my neck and his hot breath hits my skin. I rake my nails over his back.
“Fuck, Jude,”, he moans as my walls clutch around him.
“Cardan,”, I gasp and his cock throbs, spilling inside of me with another strangled moan on his lips.
We lay there catching our breaths for a second before my mind clears and panic comes rushing in and I push him off of me. What did I just do? He stumbles backwards and I get up, pulling my shirt back over my head. Cardan follows my example, gathering his clothes where they were strewn on the floor. My heart is still? pounding in my chest as I put on my pants and do my best to relace my corset.
“Let me help,”, Cardan offers. I glance at him. His hair is even more disheveled than it was before, cheeks flushed and his lips glistened with the remnants of a kiss. I don’t want to know how I looked. I turn around and let him.
His fingers make quick work of the intricate lace pattern and I am glad I have my shirt on already so he did not see the goosebumps his breathing down my neck causes.
“Thanks,”, I say curtly and before I can stop myself; “And? Did you imagine it like this?”
“No,”, Cardan says after a moment of hesitation. He brushed a bit of dust from my shirt. I glance at him with a question. “It was worse.”
I ignore the sting and chuckle. I shouldn’t care what he thought, if he found me desirable. I hate him more than anyone. And yet still it hurt. I swallow. This was only supposed to be a way to assert control over him. But at some point it had spiraled completely out of my control. I have to look away.
“I guess your experiment failed then.” I hate how that sounds, as if I care. I don’t want him to have this power over me. “Should stay with faeries.”
“No,”, he says again. Can he stop saying that word? “I can’t go back now.” The last part was merely a croak, sounding incredibly pitiful. I did not have an ounce of pity for him. But I do want to know what he meant by that.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”, I could not help but ask.
Cardan shook his head. “Forget it,”, it sounds harsh, “It won’t happen again.”
“I agree.”, I say, glad that we can at least agree on that.