Work Text:
Severus Snape's first reaction when Dumbledore said a teaching assistant was being assigned to him was protest. Then, when his protests were met with the assurance that if the assistant wasn't up to par he could have them dismissed, Severus reluctantly allowed it. After all, he had been overworked lately, even for him. Besides, it wasn't like this assistant would be good enough to stick around long…right?
You were a few years off of graduating from Hogwarts, twenty years of age and looking to start a teaching career. Entering the castle again felt nostalgic, as you breathed in deep the familiar air you noted that it all looked exactly as it had when you attended. The Potions classroom as well was just how you remembered.
As you knocked on the open door to make your presence known, stepping into the doorway of the classroom, Severus looked up at you from his desk. He knew you had been a student of his, but he had trouble actually recalling you when Dumbledore told him your name.
However, now he recognised you as he saw you fidgeting with your hands in the doorway. You had been a bit of a loner, and very skilled in potion making. Severus recalled how you would subtly smile whenever he deemed your brews successful.
“Come in.” Severus said. If you weren't feeling nostalgic before, that baritone voice definitely induced it. You stepped into the room, admiring the shelves lined with potion ingredients and the brewing stations.
“Hello, sir. I'm Y/N, the new TA.” You said.
“I am aware.” Came your former professor's dull reply. He sure hasn't changed one bit. “I will warn you, I'm not going to make this easy for you.” Not one bit.
“I…expect as much.” You replied quietly, creating a hangnail on your thumb. “So, where should we begin?”
Snape sighed, as though your mere presence was tiring. He put down the quill he was using to write something in a notebook and rose from his seat. He's wearing the exact same outfit he always did. “I'll begin by testing your brewing. I will not have an assistant with sub par potion making capabilities.”
So, he tested you. He made you brew Wolfsbane, difficult- but not for you. Your brew was perfect, and he couldn't deny it.
“Very well done.” Severus conceded. Having to praise you peeved him a bit, but then he saw your smile. He supposed this might not be so bad, so long as your other skills measured up to your brewing.
Thus, that is how your journey as Potion TA began. You proved yourself capable of whatever task was sent your way, be it answering questions in actual classes or fetching ingredients from the Herbology room or Hogsmeade.
Severus wasn't one to make conversation, but you managed to get some small talk out of him while completing your tasks. These conversations were usually limited to the events and activities of Hogwarts, but a few times Severus actually let you in on some gossip, such as the fact that Professor Sprout grew a certain smokeable muggle herb in a hidden part of the greenhouses. You remarked that you'd suspected her and Hagrid of enjoying that particular plant while you'd been in school.
Severus learned some things about you as well, such as the fact that you hadn't had many friends in school. Most who seemed like your friends were just trying to get homework help. You claimed you didn't mind being alone, spending most of your time reading or enjoying nature. He saw a bit of himself in the details you shared, not that he told you as much.
Yet, when you assisted during class you seemed to get along quite well with the students. Perhaps now being more of an authority figure rather than their peer imbued you with confidence. The students liked you, and you got the reputation of being the “good cop” to Snape's “bad cop”.
At first, Severus warned you not to interfere with his teaching or offer unsolicited criticism about how he ran his classroom. Though, over time as you tried to defend the students, he started to be more tolerant and actually listened to you. You had always bitten your tongue when you were a student yourself, but now that you were an adult and his peer you made good use of the little bit of power you had.
You had no idea why Severus had begun to go softer on you, but you were glad of it as it benefitted the kids. Severus hardly knew himself, he just found it hard to say no to you. This bothered him.
One particular day, you were grabbing an ingredient for a student who couldn't reach it. You were helping this particular student with their assignment, as they often had trouble. The jar was slightly too high for you to reach normally, so you had to stretch your hands up above your head.
As you did this Severus noticed a small injury on your finger. Normally, he wouldn't care one bit. However, if you were going to be brewing a potion, an open wound could prove hazardous. He didn't want his ingredients squandered on a soiled brew, not to mention if you got certain ingredients on it there could be serious consequences.
As you exited the storeroom, you thanked Severus quietly for the ingredient. He blocked your way by putting up his arm, which you nearly ran into. “I suggest you wear gloves or a bandage to cover that injury before brewing.” He said flatly.
You instinctually balled the fist with the offending finger and hid it in your pocket. Severus couldn't guess why, but you avoided his eyes, seemingly embarrassed. “Right, I will.” You replied quickly.
You went back to the student you were helping after putting a bandage from your bag on your finger. The student watched closely as you demonstrated the proper method to measure the ingredient you had acquired with the bronze scale.
Severus was watching as well, however he was not focused on the concept you were reviewing with the student but rather, on you. He had noted many of your small, subtle behaviors ever since you started your position. Somehow, your every subtle action had begun to catch his interest.
For example, the way you tapped the bronze dish to get some bits off of it and into the cauldron. The way you swayed absentmindedly while watching the student copy your actions for the second measurement. The way your hair fell onto your face a bit when you learned over to see how the potion was coming along, and your grin when it appeared to be going well. How your smile faltered as you looked over to see him gazing at you…
Oh, you had noticed. Severus turned to scrutinize the work of the nearest student. Unfortunately, their work didn't meet his expectations and earned them some points taken away. The student protested, saying another student that had been picking on them sabotaged the potion, and was given detention.
After class, when you were cleaning up the brewing stations, you saw that the student given detention was glumly re-brewing their assignment with a sour expression. “Hey, something getting you down, Sarah?” You said, approaching the girl. Unlike Severus and some of the other professors, you always referred to students by first name. You thought it set them at ease, made you seem more personable.
She sighed and looked in the direction of Professor Snape, who was busy marking assignments. She looked back at you, and began to explain. “Justin Bower keeps picking on me, and in class today he dumped a bunch of wormwood into my potion and got me in trouble.”
“I'm sorry to hear that, did you let the Professor know?” You asked, already suspecting the answer.
“No…I tried, but he wasn't hearing it.” Sarah replied softly, glancing at Snape. She was likely afraid he'd hear her criticism of him. You nodded slowly. You had witnessed Severus do similar things before.
“I see. Would you…would you like me to talk to him about it for you?” You suggested. Sarah seemed relieved and replied in the affirmative. You approached Severus's desk, admittedly anxious about it yourself. Your nail began to pick at an area of broken skin on the index finger of your opposite hand.
As you repeated the compulsive action, Snape did not acknowledge your presence beside his desk until you spoke. “Excuse me, sir.” Severus ceased his grading and turned to face you.
“What is it?” He asked.
“I know I wasn't there when it happened, but Sarah has just told me that the reason her potion was ruined was Justin Bower sabotaging it.” You explained, “She tried to tell you this earlier but you…didn't hear.”
“I see, and what evidence has Miss Campbell provided to substantiate this claim?” Severus retorted.
“Well, she says he has been bullying her for a while now. From what I've seen of his behavior towards other Hufflepuffs, I believe her.” You said.
“Very well, I will look into this behavior.” Severus said. You lingered at his desk, expecting him to dismiss Sarah from her unjustified detention. Snape began to return to his task, but as you continued to look at him expectantly he sighed and his voice gained a more irritated tone. “Was there anything else?”
Your picking worsened as your nervousness increased, now two nails were at work. “I…was thinking Sarah should be allowed to leave, since her reason for being here has been proven to not be her fault.”
“Nothing has been proven yet.” He said. Your shoulders slumped and you bit your lower lip in disappointment and slight frustration. You glanced back at Sarah, who seemed to read your expression and looked disappointed as well.
Severus saw how dejected you looked and was about to change his mind when you unexpectedly spoke up again. “I don't think it's fair to punish Sarah for trying to speak up for herself.” You said, your stomach just about flipping.
Part of Severus wanted to argue against your words, but even he couldn't avoid the truth in them. No one had ever directly criticized his disciplinary style before, students would of course defend themselves but they were too intimidated to actually call him out.
His pride didn't want you to win. However, as he picked up his quill once more he said in his regular dull tone, “You may dismiss her.”
Having succeeded, you couldn't help but smile as you thanked him. You let Sarah know she was free, and she happily handed her stirrer over to you. You would finish the potion anyway and find some use for it, not wanting the ingredients wasted.
“Thank you!” She exclaimed to you, then sheepishly addressed Severus, “Thank you too, sir.”
Severus hummed in response, not looking up from his desk until she left, at which point he raised a brow at you that said ‘don’t push your luck’. You pretended you didn't see, keeping laser-focused on the potion. However, you were quite pleased with yourself.
Severus saw your cheerful expression and that you had stopped picking- or as he thought it was, fidgeting nervously- he couldn't help but feel a tug in his chest. He marveled that just helping that girl brought you so much joy. You had the same look of happiness on your face as you did whenever he praised your work, he realised. How could that be?
Despite the imposing presence of Severus Snape, you liked being able to somewhat take him down a peg every once in a while. Not out of disrespect, rather because you did respect him. He had actually been your favorite professor due to his deep knowledge about his subject and the challenge his class was.
Although, you had scarcely admitted to yourself the real reason it was so easy to pay attention in potions class. As much as you had suppressed it, since he had started teaching in your sixth year you had developed a crush on Severus. That's partially why you always ended up picking your fingers raw when around him, the anxiety of having a crush on your very intimidating professor. An unfortunate side effect.
At first, arguing with Severus resulted in him being a little more cagey for a few days after at least. You'd come to realise that despite his cold exterior, his pride was easily hurt. This time though, he initiated conversation with you the very next day.
The two of you were working on a couple of example potions for a sixth year class. You were working on Draught of Living Death and Severus was working on a Wound Cleaning Potion. The two of you ordinarily brewed in silence, and this is what you expected to happen as you crushed sopophorous beans against the edge of the cauldron, a technique Severus remembered teaching you specifically. You had actually taken his advice, even after graduation.
“...How has your day been?” Severus asked out of the blue.
You were taken aback, but answered nonetheless. “Oh, it's been good. Dumbledore asked me if we're getting along again today, though.”
Severus rolled his eyes as he stirred his potion. “Albus never tires of involving himself in my business.” He grumbled, “The man likely considers me a tyrant and wants to ensure you aren't being mistreated.”
“Actually, it sounded more like he hoped we were…enjoying each other's company?” You clarified. “Anyway, how about you? How've you been?”
Severus was silent for a moment, as if processing what you said. “My day has been unremarkable.” He answered. Severus wondered why Dumbledore would be concerned about whether the two of you were enjoying each other's company. If he had to decide it for himself, he'd say he liked having you around. Actually, he had to admit he had grown to really like having you around. Even when you proved him wrong. Maybe especially then.
As he was thinking this, he noticed that his potion was beginning to overboil. You noticed it too, and were about to let him know when Severus quickly used his wand to lower the heat and covered the potion before it overflowed and caused disaster. Severus swore harshly, which startled you a bit.
“I’m sure it will turn out okay-”
Severus, clearly aggravated by his mistake, gritted his teeth and cut you off. “If you hadn't been so distracting I wouldn't need to worry about that to begin with!” You had distracted him almost ever since you arrived, including when Sarah Campbell had been sabotaged by Justin Bower. If it weren't for him paying so much attention to you, he would have noticed the subterfuge!
You stared at him, not sure how to react. Your first instinct was to immediately think that you'd somehow majorly screwed up and he was angry with you. Then his actual words began to sink in and you found yourself thinking what on earth does that mean?
Anxiety won, though. You started picking again. You had some areas of scabbing that your nails found instantly, which hurt but you couldn't make yourself stop. “I'm…sorry.” You said quietly, heart racing.
Damn it. Severus regretting raising his voice at you as soon as he saw you freeze and heard you feebly apologise. Then he saw for the first time what your hands were really doing and felt even worse.
He had seen you fidgeting many times, but he always thought it was just that, fidgeting. Severus had taken in so many of your smallest movements, expressions, and quirks, but he hadn't noticed how often you had a bandage or two on your fingers? He hadn't seen the broken skin or…
Blood?
You had drawn blood on a couple of your fingers, right by the fingernails. Not only that, but you were still going at it. Severus decided he had to somehow ease the anxiety he had caused. First though, he had to ensure you stopped the harm you were causing yourself.
“I…” Severus swallowed and regained composure, “I apologise for taking that tone. My error was not your fault.”
Hearing Severus actually say he was sorry helped, but didn't magically make you return to normal. “I accept your apology.” You replied, with some effort.
“You are hurting yourself.” Severus breathed. Your hands stopped moving and you finally registered the pain.
“Sorry.” You said quickly.
Severus frowned at the needless word. He silently turned on his heels and went to his private stores after having you rinse your hands in the sink. He was gone for what felt like forever but was certainly just a few moments, and returned holding a small container.
“Hands.” Severus said. You held out your hands, that being the only meaning you could glean from that statement. As Severus twisted open the container of a creamy looking salve, it dawned on you what was happening. Severus Snape was going to put a salve on your fingers. By touching them. Merlin.
Taking some salve onto his thumb, Severus warned you that it may sting a little. You could only manage to nod to indicate you understood, and to give your permission for him to apply it. As flustered as you were starting to feel, you trusted him.
Severus gently took the index finger on your left hand and carefully applied the salve with his thumb. His touch was surprisingly soft. You watched as he moved on to your other hand’s middle finger. His hands are large, but graceful…
The worst off was your right thumb. You winced when he began, feeling an angry sting. Severus stopped for a moment to let the initial pain subside before continuing. As he finished and put the cap back on the salve, you worried he could see the heat that had risen to your cheeks and ears. If he did, he gave you no indication besides a gaze that lingered for half a second before he received bandages.
Severus once again took your left hand and applied a bandage to it. You could definitely have done this, and applied the salve for that matter, yourself. Were you going to remind him of that? Absolutely not. It's not like I can really manage speaking at the moment anyway, you thought.
Severus gently applied the bandages to your other hand and examined both hands. He then let them go and you could breathe normally again. “Is there any way you can manage it?” Severus asked. Finding your voice again, you replied.
“I sometimes use a stress ball to keep them busy, but it doesn't always work and isn't conducive to everything I need to do in a day.”
“I understand that this habit is caused by anxiety, correct?” Severus asked. You answered that it was, more or less. Severus added, “I'm sorry I caused it to become worse.”
You shook your head, “Don’t worry about it.”
“A person I care for was hurt by my careless actions, I'm going to worry about it.” Severus argued.
‘A person I care for’.
You watched as Severus's projection of stoicism cracked and his chest rose with the intake of a sharp breath. Your own expression softened a bit as well, a ball of light named ‘hope’ forming where your heart lived. Finding courage in there too, you managed your reply.
“Well, I care for you as well and don't want you to worry, so I suppose we're at a stalemate.” You said lightheartedly.
Now, there were many things to happen over the past few months that you never expected to happen. Severus accepting you as his TA, him conceding that you were right on multiple occasions, him helping mend your minor injuries, and him admitting he cared for you. Yet, what happened now was the most out there so far.
Severus Snape smiled at you. A warm, heartfelt smile. He stepped forward, hesitating a bit. What if I'm wrong? What if they don't mean it the way I do?
You were thinking the same thing, but decided on a reasonably safe move to test the waters. You rose on your tippy toes and pressed a quick, gentle kiss to his cheek. His skin was warm, as you pulled away you noticed a faint blush to his cheeks. Cute. Bracing yourself for his reaction, you kept your hands in tightly balled fists at your sides.
Tentatively, Severus reached forward and took your hands in his, at which point they instantly relaxed. “Can I take that as you saying you return my feelings? That you…” Severus struggled to get the words out. You didn't need him to be any more specific.
“Yes.”
Severus smiled again, once more taking your breath away. You would definitely need to make that happen as much as possible. You looked into his endlessly deep black eyes and saw them glance down, toward your lips.
You leaned in a bit, giving him permission to kiss you. Severus closed the gap between the two of you. One of his hands found the side of your face, and your now free one rested on his chest. It was soft and slow, but passionate. You'd kissed before, but it hadn't felt like this.
Neither of you wanted to seperate once you pulled away, though. Severus held you for a few minutes, his arms snaking around you. You sighed and leaned into his chest.
Severus softly said, burying his face in your hair, “From now on, if your hands get restless, just take mine.”