Chapter Text
Todd's train finally reached NYC, and he wanted to be the first to get off the train car, but much too many people's stop was here. He rushed out from the platform and speed walked to the main area of the Grand Central Terminal, just to have visible proof that he finally made it to the city of his (and Neil's) dreams. People here, he noticed, looked restless with the speed in which they walked to and from places he'll never know of.
His eyes drifted from the people at eye level to take in the sight of the untouched parts of the giant room. He strained his neck to stare at the high ceiling and followed the patterns with his eyes, and he didn't care that he was in the way of hurried commuters that threw insults at him like it was nothing. Because he was finally in New York City.
He already came up with some ideas for a poem just from being in the Grand Central Terminal alone, and sat down against the wall. He whipped out a tattered spiral notebook that was half-written in while using a leaky fountain pen he stole from the floor back at Welton and wrote his poem hurriedly just to get his ideas onto a paper before he went on to see the Empire State Building or maybe the Statue of Liberty if he had time before sundown.
He spent around two minutes writing before packing his notebook and pen back into his jacket pocket and and continued his journey.
The Empire State Building was the tallest building he's ever seen, and his neck was even more strained than staring at the Grand Central Terminal Station ceiling. Todd's eyes traced the silhouette of the skyscraper numerous times, and wrote about it as well.
Todd did not have time to see the Statue of Liberty, so he decided to see it once he settled into his dorm.
He had trouble making it to south to Brooklyn, where the TUONY campus was located, but he made it after three hours of going toward the Bronx (which was in the opposite direction) because he went to the wrong platform. Once it was his stop, he felt exhausted and just wanted the day to be over after hours of being lost. Luckily, the campus of TUONY was two blocks to the east exit of the subway station he came from.
He trodded and dragged his belongings with him into the building and made it to the dormitory building easily, as it was the first building by the main entrance.
TUONY was not as grand, prestigious, or ancient as Welton, and he liked it so far. It was also co-Ed and had no uniform so Todd was excited for this change, not that he cared for the girls though. He just wanted something that would not remind him of his time at Welton, and that was good enough.
Todd consulted the front desk of the dorms and signed in. He was then given a key to his room, with the floor and number etched into it.
It read "24, 2F."
Todd thanked the front desk employees, which was something he wouldn't have been able to do if it weren't for the Dead Poets, especially Neil and Mr. Keating. He did not need that reminder now, and he vowed to leave the past in the past and to only look at the present and toward the future.
He was in a state of numbness as he made his way to his room. The feeling of arriving to his dream city wasn't as euphoric as he anticipated, and it frustrated him that he didn't feel excited. Excited of being free, and excited of having free will. He felt like he was missing something. Not a thing, but he couldn't pinpoint what.
Deep down, he wished he could tell Neil that he could now thank people and not feel his palms sweat while doing so, but he couldn't. He wished he could be praised by Neil and grin about how he felt proud of himself over a small win. But of course, a wish can't change reality.
His bags felt heavier than ever while plodding up the creaky wooden stairs, and even more so when waddling down the hall of doors. Behind those doors, he heard muffled speaking overlapping as he continued down the hall, and his room was on the left, being the last one on that side.
Todd took a deep breath. He double and triple checked that the number on the door matched the one on the key, and proceeded. Using the key to enter his new room signified a new chapter in his life, and he needed to mentally process it. It's too late to turn back, so he inserted the key and twisted it carefully. He unsuccessfully tried to unlock it, and he panicked as he heard footsteps from the opposite side of the door approaching. His heart accelerated, and the door knob twisted and the door cracked open slightly, being stopped by a fastened bolt.
Todd instinctively looked down to avert eye contact like he always had in the past. He shakily asked, "Th-this is room 24, floor 2, r-right?"
It was silent for a heartbeat, and he didn't hear a proper response, but rather, he heard, "Todd?" In a voice he hadn't heard in a long time. In a voice he never thought he would hear ever again until he died too.
Todd's neck moved so fast to look at the person behind the door that it hurt. His bright blue eyes met beautiful brown ones. Todd's eyes widen as he stammered for a few seconds in disbelief. In disbelief that a boy whom he thought had drowned in a lake over a year and a half ago was still alive, but now in New York City.
From what he could see through the crack of the door, Neil's hair was slightly longer in a messy style, parted slightly off center like it was before. He had a very slight stubble on his chin as if he skipped shaving for around two days.
Neil tried to open the door, but the chain and bolt was there.
"Give me a sec."
Neil closed the door, and Todd, still in shock, heard the sliding of the bolt and the door opening again.
Todd had so many questions and and thoughts running through his mind, but they all stopped the moment he felt Neil's arms around him, his head tucked in the crook of his neck, breathing unsteadily.
"God, I missed you so much Todd. You have no idea how much I wanted to see you for all this time, and suddenly you show up in front of my dorm on a Sunday evening. Is any of this real? Have I finally lost my mind?"
Todd felt his eyes stinging from the tears forming, and he tightly wrapped his arms around Neil. The tears streamed down his face uncontrollably and they let go soon after.
"Wha-what on Earth is this!? Wh-what is this, Neil!? How are you not.. dead!? Have I lost my mind!? How-"
"QUIET!" The boys heard down the hall, as a head peeping from a room had scolded them for their loud confusion.
Neil quickly pulled Todd into the dorm, along with his baggages. They go to sit on some chairs by the window. The room is much more spacious than the dorm in Welton.
Neil continued the conversation, passing tissues over to Todd to wipe his tears, and Neil himself felt some tears beginning to form as well.
"I'm not sure I follow, Todd. What do you mean I'm dead?" Neil looked genuinely confused, and he reached for Todd's fingers, caressing them gently.
"Th-the day after you disappeared, there was a search party, and they found a body floating in the river. It was severely deformed, so we just assumed it was... you."
There was a length of silence that hung over them, and the heat in the room was beginning to overwhelm Todd. It irked him even more. He jerked his hands out of Neil's grasp and stood up.
"Are you gonna say something, Neil? You disappeared for more than a year and you never bothered to say anything. We thought you were dead the entire time, and you didn't think to let us know you were alive and breathing? Write a letter, or call us on the phone? God, I wish I could be mad at you, but seeing you in the flesh just confuses my mind so much. This whole time, I've been thinking you're dead, and..."
Neil was covering his face and looking down as tears streamed down his face as well. Todd was speechless, and crouched down crying too.
Neil found the courage to speak up. He didn't know how to explain himself, but he did the best he could.
"I wanted to tell you guys that I'm doing well. I just thought that if my father found out, he would be angry at the Dead Poets for being the reason why I left. He would make sure you all suffered from "destroying my life." Looking back on it, I regret not telling you or at least leaving a note behind. And I'm sorry about leaving the Dead Poets and I'm sorry for leaving you, Todd. I had a reason to not contact you, and it was for your safety, but you have no idea how bad I wanted to see you again. Seeing you here is like a dream come true."
Neil still felt the guilt within himself, but much of the burden of regret was lifted once he was able to explain himself for once. Todd thankfully looked less angry, if that was a way to describe the mixed look on his face from before.
"I guess it's better to not dwell on it for too long, since at least I'm here with you. That's all that matters now, I suppose." Todd took his jacket off as the room had grown warmer than when he first entered.
He looked to the other side of the room to see two beds separated by two bed stands with a simple lamp on each. The room size was slightly larger than the one they shared at Welton, and it still only fit two people maximum. There was a private bathroom connected to the room, which was a new addition. On the bed to the right, there were posters and photos pasted on the walls adjacent to it, and the bed stand next to it had books, magazines, and packets of paper stacked. The sheets were navy blue and the pillow was bright green. The bed on the left was empty, and so was the wall and bed stand. The sheets and pillow were bleach white.
"I forgot to ask, what brings you here?" Neil readjusted himself on his seat to lean forward and look directly into Todd's eyes, smiling through the teariness of his eyes. Neil was good at breaking the ice, and Todd followed along so that things wouldn't tense up even more.
Todd was flustered by how gorgeous Neil looked with the warm-tinted lamp illuminating his features. He had an urge to touch his face gently, but replied instead, snapping out of his state of awe as he was being asked a question.
"Oh, uh, I'm not sure. I just felt like I had a calling to be here."
Neil's gaze was overwhelming Todd, and he had to look away to not have his heart jump so fast, but he still sensed his eyes burning holes into him. He secretly hoped Neil missed him just as much as he had.
"That calling led you to me, so I'm glad you listened to it. And you made it to the same borough, university, and even dorm room as me. There's no way this isn't fate."
Todd stood up once again, grabbing his belongings and putting them on his bed. "Speaking of being at my dorm, I need to start unpacking."
Neil immediately sprung up from his seat, making his way to Todd's soon-to-be bed.
"Here, let me help you."
"No, I can-"
"Remember what I said that one time? You don't have to do things on your own when I'm here for you."
Todd's heart fluttered hearing that, and that convinced him that he was definitely still madly in love with Neil. He fell for his caring personality, and he is still attracted to that, it seemed.
Then the two start unloading the two briefcases and a large backpack, pulling out clothes, books, toiletries, and more. They brushed arms and hands a few times, to which they both didn't react to (at least outwardly).
"I came to New York the morning after the play, and my father had a talk with me about Harvard and doctor stuff, and then I knew for certain that I wouldn't be able to live if I were to continue listening to him. I packed the essentials that night and left before my parents woke up. I was to be sent to military school had I stayed, so I wouldn't have returned to Welton since then either way."
"Military school?" Todd chuckled. "Didn't know that."
"Yeah, and I heard somewhere along the line that Julliard had a good acting program, but I didn't get in, so here I am. In two more semesters, I plan on transferring so I can finally live life the way I did in my dreams."
Todd pulled out a notebook he didn't remember packing, and it was his first notebook of poetry. He quickly buried it in his backpack so that Neil wouldn't point it out.
"That's nice that you found your path. I still don't know if I want to continue poetry and pursue it as a career, and it's been more uncertain since Mr. Keating left."
Neil stopped unpacking Todd's things and looked at him.
"Mr. Keating left!?" he exclaimed.
"Fired. They thought he was the one who was responsible for your..." Todd took a deep and shaky breath, and Neil could see tears form once again in Todd's eyes. It hurt to see him look so melancholy.
"We all thought you committed suicide because of your father, but the school and Cameron blamed Mr. Keating."
Neil went quiet. No wonder Todd was in shambles when he saw him at first. He wasn't just 'dead', he also 'caused his own demise'.
"Anyway, it's all in the past now, and what I learned that year has stuck with me." Todd swallowed down the second wave of tears, and the two finished unpacking and arranging everything not long after that.
Now, the room looked completely lived in, and Todd yawned. The day for him was quite long after all, as he started the day just arriving in the city and sight seeing a bit, along with getting lost.
"Wanna head to bed?" Neil asked.
"Sure, I'll head to the washroom to brush my teeth and I'll shower tomorrow morning."
And with that, Neil went to bed and Todd made his way to the bathroom sink with all his toiletries, laying them out. He put his razor where Neil put his razor, his toothpaste where Neil put his toothpaste, and his shampoo where Neil put his shampoo.
While brushing his teeth, Todd spaced out in utter disbelief. First of all, Neil was still alive, and he seemed to be doing well. Second, they live together again. What are the odds? He had to agree with Neil that this was fate.
He tried to walk silently to his bed, but the wooden floorboards creaked and the springs of his mattress creaked as well.
The mattress wasn't nearly as comfortable as the ones they had at Welton surprisingly, which should've have been hard to beat, but it was okay because 5 feet to his left was Neil.
"Goodnight," Todd whispered, turning to his left side to face Neil, who was sound asleep given his deep and slow breathing. He had no right to look so good while asleep.
Todd stared at him for a few seconds before closing his eyes and dosing off with a smile painted on his face.
New York City has brought inspiration to him, and in the form of the way of living, in the form of the buildings, and in the form of a muse he was previously familiar with.
He could write poems for infinity with the inspiration.