Chapter Text
TW FOR DEPICTIONS OF SELF HARM. Loki is not having a good time.
Loki POV
"You have committed crimes against Asgard, and Midgard. I sentence you to a year in Midgard, to receive mental health services."
I scoff, and then laugh. "Oh, Father, you always come up with the silliest things."
His face doesn't twitch, and I feel my mirth fading. I turn frantically to Thor, and then Mother. "Surely you can't...this is preposterous. You can't do this!"
Mother gives me a saddened expression. "Loki, my boy, you are not well. They can give you help we cannot offer in Midgard. Your...illness, is far greater than our capabilities."
This time it's rather easy to force myself to cry. "So you will leave your supposedly so terribly unwell child in a foreign place, not the place he calls home?"
Thor speaks up for the first time in quite a few minutes. Pathetic. "I will be with you, Loki."
I sarcastically roll my eyes. "Oh, fabulous. A chaperone!"
Mother sighs and exchanges a glance with Father. "Loki, please just give it a try."
I sigh, unable to fight with Mother. "Yes, Mother."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Have you packed your things?"
I pat my pockets on my armor. "As always, brother. These pockets are specially designed to hold an unthinkable amount."
He eyes me in that annoying way. "I've been instructed not to let you hold any weapons."
Gritting my teeth, I hand over my daggers. Thor sighs. "All of them."
Hissing in annoyance, I unload more daggers, a mace, a smallsword, a slingshot, and razors I found in Midgard. "Are you really so frightened that I will betray you with a blade in the back, Thor? I'm already going to the Midgard loony bin, what point-"
Not looking at me, he responds in that gruff voice, "It is for your safety also, Loki."
I look at him in ultimate confusion. "My own safety? Surely you do not think me incapable of handling my own weaponry, that I trained myself to use as a child, brother."
Thor steps closer to me. "You are very capable, Loki. And that is the problem."
My mind spins, spins, spins, and then I'm laughing, so hard it hurts. "Brother, are you seriously insinuating that I, Loki, would purposefully hurt myself?"
When Thor doesn't laugh and instead gives me that same serious face, I shut up. I'm humbled for a minute. "Thor...they're wrong. I...I've done no such thing! This body, of mine, I...I have no intention to harm it."
Thor isn't fooled. Damn him! "Loki, hand over those weapons and then we'll talk."
I forget too quickly that I didn't wash off the razors, and Thor stops, looking a tad horrified at the dried blood. Something dawns on his face, and I feel incredibly stupid. "Thor...it's not what you think-"
He looks at me as if I will combust. "Loki...these razors are much, much too small for combat, and yet...they are covered in blood."
I can't defend myself. I've just accidentally exposed one of my greatest, most shameful secrets, with my own carelessness. I swallow, but no words come out. Thor's face is gentle. No...are his eyes tearing? No....Thor doesn't cry! This is ridiculous!
He nods at my arms. "Loki, take off your shirt."
I do as asked, slowly unbuttoning my tunic, gently folding the Asgardian leather on my bed as Thor closes the door for my privacy. I'm thankful for that small gesture. I suspiciously eye Mjolnir, feeling very vulnerable without my armor, my skin shivering without its protection. I guard my chest with my arms, not ready for my brother to see the...assets...I added rather recently.
Sensing my apprehension, Thor lowers his hammer onto the floor, hands held up in a gesture of peace. "I mean no harm, my sibling. I'd rather get this over with quickly. Please uncover your chest."
I do just that, my face heating up. Thor's eyes become saucers, and his cheeks redden as his hands go up over his eyes. "Nevermind, do what you were...my sincere apologies!"
I snicker. "Thor, we bathed together as children. Now, tell me. Do they...look good?"
Thor slowly uncovers his eyes, making a little peephole with his fingers. He drops his hands completely and looks up from my chest with a grin. "They rival Sif's, Loki."
A smirk finds its way onto my face. "I take that as a great compliment."
Thor tilts his head. "How did you hide them so well?"
I turn around to fix my hair and draw my curtains, turning my back to him. "Well tailored clothing, brother. Just as yours is made to fit that ridiculously muscled body of yours, mine is suited for-"
"Loki. Turn back around." Thor's face is pale. I'm confused, but I do just that. Thor comes closer, and I hear a tremor in his voice. "Loki....where did these injuries come from?"
I don't answer, beginning to tremble myself. "And your arms...Loki, I'm going to ask a question, and you must answer it."
I whisper, "Yes, brother."
He sounds truly worried now. "Loki...did you do this to yourself?"
I say with my eyes closed, "Yes."
I prepare for a lecture, for anger, but instead Thor is still gentle. "Mother has salves...elixirs...they can heal your skin."
I turn around, hiding my body with my arms. "No."
He clenches and unclenches his fists. "Loki, you know how sensitive your skin is, you'll get an infection!"
I roll my eyes. "I can heal myself."
He gives a steady, unwavering stare, and I groan. "UGH! Fine, brother, fine!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We land on Earth, me wearing handcuffs if you can believe it, Thor holding all my weapons.
"Point Break! Good to see you again, big guy. Oh! And....hey Reindeer Games. Thor, uh, please explain why he is here."
Thor stares at Tony so unflinchingly that Tony gulps. "My sibling goes by they/them pronouns, and you will do well to remember it."
Tony doesn't look totally convinced. "Right. Uh, sorry Thor. So, what brings them here? Maybe you don't remember, but last time Loki was here, they were, you know, trying to kill us all."
I cut in, rather offended. "I never intended to kill, my intent was to only maim. Do learn the difference."
Natasha raises an eyebrow. "I see no difference."
I roll my eyes. "Hmph."
Thor straightens his back. "Loki and I are here because the All-father has mandated Loki receive mental health services."
The tips of my ears burn, but I remain impassive. Bruce nods. "Not a bad idea."
Ah yes. The Hulk. Strange to see him in his puny human form. Wait, he did call me puny...hmph. I must get him back for that.
I smirk at the man. "Hello, Bruce."
Bruce steps closer, looking nervous. I notice that Natasha does too, looking very guarded. Clint is staring me down. "So last time I saw you, you were trying to kill everybody. Where you at these days?
"I want to stab him. I must stab him. Loki, can we stab him?"
I feel a shift in my head, and I glare at Bruce. "It varies from moment to moment."
Bruce looks horrified, and I giggle to myself. Thor and the others get in a huddle and I see them glancing at me. I roll my eyes, chuckling when I hear Thor recounting the hilarious time I turned into a snake and stabbed him. Ah, good times.
The little man of Iron comes over to me, and I smirk at him. "Ah, man of Iron. Is that drink offer still standing?"
He eyes me with distrust. "Depends on your terms for being here."
I laugh. "Well apparently I am here to, what's the phrase, 'receive mental health services'? Whatever that means! So I may as well have a drink before I am forced into what is very likely another prison."
Tony smiles a little. But it isn't a friendly one. "What is it your kind likes to drink, mead? Port?"
"Oh HELLHEIM no."
I instinctively summon my daggers, but they do not come. "My kind? Whatever do you mean by that, you second rate-"
"Loki!" Thor pulls me away by the collar, and I fight him until I realize he took my handcuffs off. I don't want them on again. I stop fighting him, giving him a deadly glare instead.
Tony backs away, hands raised in surrender. "We're good, we're good, all Rock of Ages did was threaten me."
I sneer, "And I will do it again!"
I'm settled into the Tower, in a room of my own. It isn't as nice as my Asgardian quarters, but it is quite a step above a prison cell. I walk around the room, inspecting the drawers, curiously touching the large TV. I chuckle to myself, remembering when I astral-projected through one. Norns, did that hurt. Never again.
"It's not Asgard, but it's comfortable. I assume you brought...clothes?"
I smirk at Man of Iron. Or....is his name Tony? "You are right, my Asgardian quarters are much more spacious. But this will do. Ah...you even brought me books."
Tony shrugs. "Pepper's idea. She thinks encouraging guests to read is important and she saved them from being thrown away...anyway. Dinner is in thirty, see you down there? Oh, uh, what sort of thing do you like to eat?"
I blink at the question, taken aback. "I beg your pardon?"
Tony grins. "Thor insisted we feed you. Frankly, I have no idea what a genocidal, war-mongering alien would-"
I interrupt thoughtfully, "Grapes."
Tony looks taken aback this time. "I...oh. Okay. Not, you know, human brains or something demented?"
I wrinkle my nose at that, and then think more. "And...fruit. All kinds. And...if you can get it...candy? And that one thing, you wrap it up and put all kinds of things in it...a burrito?"
He looks confused. "Okay, how do you know what a burrito is?"
I shrug. "Who knows. But, can I get one?"
Tony smiles for real this time. "Of course, Reindeer Games. I'll even take you to my favorite Mexican place."
My brain computes, trying to remember what Mexican means.
"Mexico is a country, south of the United States."
I mumble, "Thank you, unknown voice."
"The name is Edward."
I brush him off. "Yes, yes, of course."
Oh. I'm talking to myself, in front of Tony. No wonder Mother says I need to socialize more. "That sounds fantastic."
He claps, turning to leave. "Great!"
I nod, and he leaves. I let out a breath, startled when my stomach growls. When was the last time I ate? Hang on, Thor received a box of Poptarts, perhaps he will share?
After changing into more comfortable clothing, deciding to be brave and wear a skirt and a blouse that doesn't hide my chest, I go to find my idiot brother.
I locate Thor after using the elevators, eating, well, poptarts. He brightens when he sees me, offering me a...rectangle wrapped in foil? I wordlessly take it, suspicious. He adds helpfully with a mouth full of food, "You unwrap it, and then take it out of the...I'll do it."
Thor unwraps my poptart for me, and hands it back. I lift it to my lips, thinking that it looks similar to an Asgardian pastry. But why is it so flat?
When I take a bite, I nearly spit it out as unknown chemicals assault my tongue. But as I turn it over in my mouth, I find I don't particularly hate it. I finish it off, wishing for a much higher quality pastry or cake. "That was...an odd experience."
Thor shoves more poptarts in his mouth. "They're better toasted."
My face contorts in confusion. "You don't toast a pastry. How odd..."
A delicious smell reaches my nose, and I see Tony walk in with boxes of food. He hands me a plastic bag, and I hungrily take it. "Enjoy your burritos, Bambi."
Thor is handed a bag looking similar, and Natasha grins at him. "Thor, ever tried tacos or burritos?"
Spangled man, dressed normally for once, is handed food too, a surprisingly large amount for an ordinary Midgardian. He looks confused and astonished at the food as he takes out a taco, sniffs it, and looks with apprehension at Bruce, who must be telling him how to eat it. Strange, is he from another planet or country?
My question is answered when Tony himself takes a normal amount, along with alcohol from his bar, and looks at Spangled Man. "Steve, have you ever had Mexican?"
'Steve' shakes his head, and Natasha grins. "Well, you're in for a treat, Steve. It's good."
Tony pats Steve's very broad shoulder. "I didn't make it spicy, don't worry."
The blond man must be reassured by that, because he nods and bites into a taco. His eyes grow wide, and he eats hungrily.
I settle by Thor with his poptarts and what must also be burritos, and unwrap my first one. The smell is delicious. I inhale the aroma, and then cautiously bite into it. The taste is so good I forget my manners and hungrily devour.
By the time my food is all eaten, I'm anxious for dessert. Luckily, Tony seems to have caught on and tosses me a bag of grapes. "There ya go, if you're still hungry."
I munch on the fruit, feeling rather at home. On the TV screen, a movie is playing. I watch out of curiosity and boredom, and it takes me much too long to realize...it is not a movie, but some kind of sport. Steve seems to enjoy it, munching on popcorn as his eyes are transfixed on the screen. I eye him for a bit, finding this man....very odd before turning back to the TV.
I stare at the screen, watching the tiny Midgardians toss back balls back and forth, chasing each other, listening to whistles being blown and an announcer describing every move. A strange feeling envelopes me, and the room slides away. I eat my grapes, before they begin to taste like sawdust. The TV screen keeps playing. The people keep running. The balls keep flying. The more I watch, the less I can see a point. Who is winning? Who is losing? Where is the fighting?
My hands drift into my vision, odd appendages that feel so foreign. I stare at the oddly pale thing attached to me. Me? What...what is that?
I glance outside, thinking it odd that the sun is going down. Where am I again? This surely isn't Asgard...am I in some sort of prison cell?
The very thought makes me begin to panic. I quickly cast an illusion, slipping away with my food items. The elevator rumbles as it takes me to my designed floor. I step out, and instantly I have no idea where I am. Nothing looks familiar. My panic gets worse, and before long, I'm losing control of my magic. Pictures fall off of the walls. Tiles and debris rains down on me as I hyperventlate, bending with hands braced on my knees. "No....no...please no!"
I hear laughter, and an illusion of a man looking almost like me appears through the rain of debris. "Let me take control."
I shake my head in fear. "Please, no! I don't want to! Don't make me!"
He comes closer, a smirk on his face. No! "Loki, you're ruining everything. Let me take over!"
I throw a chunk of drywall at him before he vanishes, and suddenly I am being shoved into a box in my own mind. I yell and pound on the walls of my enclosure, but I am not freed.
"Loki, stop fighting it. The sooner you stop, the sooner you can come out again."
My panic gets worse, and I frantically find something sharp. I use my magic to create a sharp blade, and roll up my sleeve. "If you don't let me out I'll do it!"
"LOKI!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"....did not even notice, I thought they were enthralled by the...what was it again? Picture box?"
"Thor, does Loki often...refer to themself as 'we'?"
"Occasionally....but I do not think anything of it. Why?"
"It is a bit strange..."
"Loki is strange. I've had to come to terms with this as their brother."
"No, what I mean is, this could be a symptom. I was watching them, you know, during the game. Loki was...I believe dissociating. Quite intensely too. I know because Tony experiences it. And this...maybe..it isn't common...I don't know if it can even happen to a, you know, alien..."
I find myself in the living room, where I was devouring burritos earlier. I'm no longer holding my food. Where did it go? I look at myself, even more confused to find myself in my armor, my head feeling heavy with my signature helmet. No, this is much too formal. I dart into a restroom, and change into a much more comfortable attire. Ah, much better.
After fixing my hair, I venture out, quickly shifting into a tiny kitten so I can sneak around. I easily slip underneath the sofa.
"...dissociative identity disorder."
I stop, tilting my head. I do know of Midgardian mental illnesses, and I do know Thor's SHIELD file lists him as being diagnosed with ADHD, a fact that makes a load of sense. But what is this DID they speak of? They couldn't possibly think....that we have that?
"I know because I have it myself." Bruce says. "And another named Moonknight, may not have heard of him."
"I have not. Is this...this illness fatal?"
"No, Point Break, it isn't. Don't worry. But from what you said, there's reason to worry Loki could...be hurting themself?"
"I only told you in the interest of keeping Loki safe. And yes...I saw the injuries with my own eyes."
"Of course, Thor. Tony, is there a way to lock up any knives, anything sharp?"
"On it. Jarvis, protocol Safe."
"You have a protocol for this?"
"Yeah, and I'd rather not explain why, Cap."
It is then I emerge, sneaking around the corner and darting into an empty hallway. I transform back, just as Clint drops down from the ceiling. I grin at him, despite feeling dizzy from the news I just received. He glares at me and hurries away.
I walk into the living room where everyone is gathered, creating an illusion of myself to be petting a pillow. Grinning to myself, I turn back into a kitten and promptly bite Thor. He yelps, and then coos as he scoops me up. "Man of Iron! You did not tell me you possessed a kitten!"
I purr as Thor scratches my head, rubbing my ears. Tony frowns. "I...do not have a kitten. Actually, uh, Pepper's allergic."
Natasha pets my head, talking in a silly voice. I resist the urge to cackle. Illusion Me is smirking, now trying to eat the pillow. Bruce looks amused. "Oh! Loki, when did you get here? Hey, uh, don't eat that-WHOA!"
Illusion Me lobs the pillow at Bruce, and I use my magic to turn it into an explosion of doves. Bruce scampers away, chest heaving. Still holding me, Thor stands up, looking unamused. "Loki. Stop these shenanigans at once."
Illusion Me smirks and sits back down, back pin straight. "I did no such shenanigans, brother."
In Thor's comforting hands, I mew and nuzzle his chest. Oh, this is brilliant! None of them have any idea!
"...I'm serious, I do not own a kitten and I have no idea how it got in here-wait. Thor, did you say Loki could shapeshift?"
Thor nods, and then lifts me up, squinting at me. I mew, trying to be as cute as I can. Thor sets me down on the couch cushions, crossing his arms. "Loki. Change back."
FINE. I transform back, and vanish the Illusion Me. "Fine, fine, brother. It's not my fault you cannot take a joke."
Thor smirks a little. "I liked you better as a cat."
A devious idea comes to my mind, and I grip Thor's arm, lean forward, chomping down on his skin as hard as I can. Thor tries to shake me off, but I hold on, hissing. I'm an apex predator. I am ferocious! I am the king of the ju-
I'm flung onto my back, and I hear Steve's shield. Thor is massaging his arm, which is bleeding. I swear to myself and feel immense shame. Before anyone else can react, I disappear to my room.