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Exactly as she feared, with Francesca in Scotland with her newfound husband and Colin and Penelope settled in their new home (with a child on the way, no less), her mother had turned her focus, once again, onto her. This being her third season, Violet was not as eager as she was during her first, and Eloise supposed she had Mr. Anderson partially to thank for that. However, the dresses and hair and dance cards were still almost too much to bare, and although it was the first ball of the season, her exhaustion had already peaked tonight.
With the excitement of Francesca's debut eradicated, it had become clear that the eager men of the ton had once again turned their attention towards Eloise as she was the only Bridgerton woman out this season. No sooner than five minutes after her and her family entered the ballroom at Lady Danbury's home had she began to be approached by nervous, sweaty young sirs and entirely overly-confident, far-too-old-for-her lords alike. She was simply thankful that they only wanted conversation and not a dance as she knew it was 'improper’ to refuse. Still, she kept the conversation as short and polite as possible.
It was not as if Eloise was completely opposed to the idea of love. She supposed that with time she could have felt some form of love for Theo Sharpe. However, the more she thought about it, the thought of marrying him and settling down in the town or the countryside in a little cottage sounded just as unappealing than doing so in Mayfair, despite being able to avoid the Ton's hungry eyes if she did so.
There was always something missing for Eloise. She knew she disagreed with society's expectations for women, and she had never feared being vocal about this topic. If there is anything she learned from the previous season, there are other women in the Ton who, at least to some extent, agree with her opinions. However, she seems to be the only one who is particularly adamant about it. Granted that is partially because of the liberty her family allows her, but the other girls do not seem to be opposed to at least finding love.
"Lost in thought, Sister?" Eloise jumped and turned to meet her brother's eyes.
She gave a tight smile and crossed her arms, looking out at the ballroom as she replied.
"Simply imagining pouring champagne on the head of whichever simpering man approaches me next" Colin rose his eyebrows and let out a small chuckle.
"Yes, well I should like to see that" he shook his head slightly and sipped from his glass.
She turned to him.
"And why are you attending tonight, brother? Do you not have my best friend and your child to attend to?" He smiled fondly as he replied.
"My wife has taken ill these past few mornings as is common, I'm told, in pregnancy. As a side effect, she has had considerably less time to write her column and insisted I attend tonight so that she may write in peace. And as for my child, he or she rests comfortably in her stomach, so there is not much need to worry there" Eloise rolled her eyes at his slightly sarcastic response.
"I suppose you being married has had its benefits. You practically repel people since you are married to the former Lady Whistledown and they are afraid of being gossiped about, even without Penelope at your side. Which, let me say I still believe is a ridiculous notion that a woman must hide the fact that she is with child once it can be seen, even if she is married. I shall use you as a shield, and it will work so long as mama stays distracted" she gestured to their mother who was giggling while speaking to Mr. Anderson near the snack table.
"Yes well, what kind of brother would I be if I did not keep my debutante sister from marriage and security" Colin smirked.
"And that is why you are my favorite brother" She paused.
"Sometimes."
Colin gave her a playfully shocking look.
"And to think that I was going to protect from all of the dangerous lords who want to dance with you this evening. What is that? I believe I hear mother calling me over. Do excuse me" Eloise sputtered and reached out towards her brother who was already halfway to their mother (who had definitely not called him over). She huffed. This is why she preferred Benedict.
Come to think of it, where was Benedict? The family had walked in together, as they always did, but she had not seen Benedict in some time. Eloise did not have much time to ponder this as she already felt several prying eyes belonging to various men on her, and she began to make her way out of the ballroom for some fresh air.
She figured that the best place to have some solitude was the balconies, and reaching them proved not to be difficult considering she had been coming to the Danbury house since she was a girl. She made her way up the stairs and found a door with a direct exit to a balcony but paused as she heard voices floating into the hall.
She had not meant to spy. She knew that if she were caught it could be scandalous for all parties involved. However, the door was slightly cracked, and the first thing she noticed was that there were two voices speaking frustratingly (not that she cared) softly. The second thing she noticed was that the voices were both decidedly male.
She should not be doing this. She should turn and run back down the stairs right this moment. After all, she is unchaperoned with these two men despite them not knowing she is there, and the last thing Eloise wants is to be married off to one of these strange men because she did not use her head. She also may not be the most worldly woman, but she knew that there was danger as a woman alone with two men.
She was about to turn and make her leave when she heard a distinctive voice that caught her attention.
"I cannot believe I was able to convince you to attend a ball" She knew that voice. That was her brother's voice. What was Benedict doing up here? Had he invited a friend and they slipped away for some "men's time"? (As her brothers so graciously called it).
She got closer and took a peak through the crack. Yes, that was definitely Benedict. His back was turned to her, but she could tell. Him and the other man were leaned against the railing, and they were close. The other man was tall with long brown hair and dark eyes. Eloise did not recognize him.
"Yes, well I was assured that I would be well compensated" The other man's voice was deep, and a smirk played at his lips. Compensated? Had Benedict paid someone to attend this ball so that he may have company? Should she be worried that he is in need of friends?
Benedict's chuckle and reply brought her out of her thoughts.
"I do not believe hiding away on a balcony rather than attending said ball is indeed worthy of compensation, Paul" Paul. That was the strange man's name. She still did not recognize him.
"Well, then I suppose I can consider this quid pro quo" Benedict laughed at that and the strange man Paul laughed as well. After a moment, the laughter died down and they stared at one another for a moment. That smirk still played at Paul's lips.
Just as Eloise had decided that what she was watching was a friendly conversation and started to turn to leave, she noticed something happening out of the corner of her eye.
They were leaning in to each other. She turned back and before she could blink-
They were kissing.
Her brother, Benedict Bridgerton, was stood on a Balcony in Lady Danbury's house, being kissed by another man. Rather intensely, in fact, and from the looks of it, her brother was not an unwilling participant.
"Oh" she hadn't meant to let it out, but there was no changing that she had, and the small noise she made was enough for both men to snap and look at her, and she her eyes locked onto the wide and shocked ones of her brother.
Her feet moved before her brain did, and next thing she knew she was running down the stairs, out of the front door, and into her family's carriage. She heard a faint "Eloise, Wait!" as she fled, but it was too late.
Eloise did not feel as though she could breathe. She closed her eyes as she felt tears well up in them. She was not sure why she was crying. All she was sure of is that she needed to go home and as far away from Danbury House as possible.
———-
"Eloise, wait!" Benedict called from the balcony doors as he watched his sister flee down the stairs and out of the front door of Danbury House. Paul grabbed his hand from where he was positioned behind him, still on the balcony but nearly in the doorway.
Paul gently pulled him back out onto the balcony away from any potentially prying eyes and made sure to pull the door completely shut.
Benedict turned and gripped onto the railing so hard that his knuckles turned to white while staring out at the view he had remarked ten minutes before was quite beautiful. He wanted to paint it. He resisted the urge to cry.
"Alright" Paul started. Benedict was trying to steady his breathing.
"Let us take a moment. First off, who was that woman?" Paul asked. Benedict let out a long, shaky breath and turned to meet Paul's worried gaze.
"That" he swallowed.
"Was my sister." Paul's eyes widened at that, and he nodded as he processed the new information.
Benedict let out a hefty sigh and closed his eyes as he realized the weight that must be on Paul as he has no idea who Eloise is.
"My apologies. Do not worry. We are rather close, and she knows how to keep a secret. It's just-" he cuts himself off.
Paul nodded.
"I understand. From what I understand, I am not nearly as close with my family, but I suppose that I do not know how I would react if any of them were to find me in the rather compromising position we were just in" Benedict just stares and glances back out at the view of the back garden.
"I suppose I should follow her" He says rather solemnly, and Paul nods in understanding.
"If you should need anything, you know where to find me" Paul kisses his cheek and slips back inside. Benedict waits a few minutes as to not be noticed, and follows.
He slipped back on his usual carefree smirk as he reentered ballroom to find his mother and Colin. He told them that Eloise has fallen ill and that he is taking her home, to which Violet nodded while looking concerned and Colin smirked and rolled his eyes as he assumed that this is a lie so that Eloise may take her leave unscathed. Benedict ponders this for moment and comes to the conclusion that, in a way, he has done Eloise a favor.
It seemed like hours that he stood in the cold before his family's carriage returned from Eloise's departure. He hurriedly climbed in and instructed the coachman to take him back home, although he nearly instructed him to go in the opposite direction and never to stop.
He has to pull himself together. It isn't like him panic in such a way, and he is not one for dramatics. Even deciding to engage in intimacy with Paul, while a challenging decision to make, had not been terribly difficult to follow through on. Once he had done it, he quickly become comfortable, and now, months later, Paul was not the only man Benedict had laid with.
The voice in his head continued to remind him that while he had time to become used to it, Eloise had not. Then there is the fact that Eloise is a woman. Benedict knows better than most not to underestimate his sister's intelligence, but she still grew up a lady sheltered from the world. While Benedict had not personally seen such activities before he stumbled upon Sir Granville and his lover a few years back, he had at least heard of the concept. He was doubtful that Eloise had.
Benedict knew that one some level, he was being ridiculous. This was Eloise, his sister with which he smoked cigarettes and talked about the world with. Plus, with everything that occurred last season, he knew that Eloise could keep a secret. Although, the more he thought about it, a new fear crept into his head.
He had heard all about Eloise threatening to tell Colin Penelope’s secret in an effort to protect him. Benedict still cared for women and may very well marry one one day. What if Eloise refuses to believe that he also holds affections for women and tries to come inbetween them? He shook his head. This was not like him. He did not sit and fret over anxiety-induced scenarios in his head. Something about her finding them on that balcony just made it all so… real. Two of his worlds that he never meant to collide had, and now he had to deal with the fallout.
He was brought out of his thoughts as the carriage approached Bridgerton House. He took a long, steadying breath before exiting the carriage and forgoing the front entrance in favor of the gate to the back garden, as he knew exactly where Eloise would be.
————-
Eloise let out a large puff of smoke into the night air, one hand holding the cigarette while the other wrapped around the swing in which she sat.
“I knew I would find you here” Eloise jumped and looked up to find her brother approaching, and her heartbeat quickened. He walked towards her with his hands in his pockets and smirk that did not quite reach his eyes.
“I am not sure how much I wanted to be found, although in retrospect it was not my best decision to come here, as this is, of course, where you would expect me to be” Benedict froze as he was about to sit down on the swing next to her, absorbing her words. She looked as if she had been crying.
He hung his head slightly.
“I.. I can go if you wish to be alone” Eloise paused for a moment before rolling her eyes and patting the swing, to which Benedict followed and promptly sat. Eloise offered the cigarette to him, to which Benedict gladly accepted.
They sat in somewhat heavy silence for several moments before Benedict cleared his throat and found his voice.
“I.. apologize if what you saw tonight made you upset” Eloise let out a dry laugh at that.
“Yes, well that is a word for it” She stared off into the night before glancing at Benedict to find him looking down and fiddling nervously with his fingers. She sighed.
“You did not upset me, brother” He snapped his head up at her words, eyes filled with confusion and hope. She continued.
“I suppose at first you did. I mean after all it was rather surprising, and no matter who the person, I am certain no one wishes to find their brother in such a position. I mean it was rather a private moment and I had never seen kissing like that before-“
“Eloise” Benedict let out a watery laugh and cut her off. Even though she had discovered his biggest secret, she was still nervously rambling to him. He loved his sister dearly.
She cleared her throat, looking anywhere but him.
“Right. Well, like I said at first I was upset and-and confused. But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense” Benedict straightened at this.
“You mean.. you could tell that I..” he trailed off, fearing the implication of her answer, said implication being that others may have been able to tell as well.
She looked at him confused for a moment before her eyes widened in understanding.
“Oh- oh no, not at all. Before tonight I did not know that that was even an option so when I saw you and the more I thought about the more things started to make sense— for me” Benedict drew in a sharp breath.
“You mean… that you… with women?” Benedict asked hesitantly, hoping that Eloise understood what he meant.
Eloise sniffled as tears began to well up in her eyes once again. Slowly, she nodded. Benedict sighed and leaned back in his seat. What had he unlocked in her? Eloise stared at the ground.
He thought for a moment before speaking.
“I suppose it makes sense” Eloise snapped her head up at that, eyebrows scrunched and eyes looking lost. Benedict gave her a small, encouraging smile.
“I mean, it is very clear that you have no interest in the men of the ton or marriage. But I always thought that was because you wanted to- how did you put it- change the world?” Benedict smiled wider, suddenly feeling as if a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. He felt for his sister, and he knew the implications of this revelation in regards her position as a debutante and as a woman, but he could not help but feel relieved that she did not hate him.
Eloise gave a weak smile back and rolled her eyes, muscles relaxing slightly. Benedict always knew how to calm her.
“Yes, well- that is still very much on the table. I had simply never realized that part of the reason I was so uninterested in the men of the Ton was not simply because they were Sirs and Lords but because they were-“ she huffed.
“Men” Benedict finished for her. Eloise nodded.
This was where Benedict could not relate to Eloise’s troubles. Benedict could still marry a woman and be perfectly happy, or live on as a bachelor and meet a male lover in secret while remaining unscathed in society’s eyes. Eloise, however, was not as fortunate. She did not hold affection for men at all, and to be left unmarried meant being a spinster, and she would likely never be allowed to live on her own. Meeting the expectations society had set out for her would never make her happy.
“I suppose I felt some sort of affection for the printer that I met during my- adventures into town” Benedict nodded, recalling the night she cried to him on these very swings about the events that occurred during that situation.
“But the more I think about it” she continued.
“The more I realize that I was simply excited to venture outside of Mayfair, and a life married with him or any other man outside of society would be equally unfulfilling” she confessed as she took another long hit from her cigarette.
Benedict snagged the stick from her fingers as he replied.
“So what makes you believe that you could hold affections for women?” Eloise’s breath hitched, and she swallowed thickly at his question. It was all so new and so much to think about.
“As I said, I did not know that it was an option. But as I reflect on my life, the more it becomes glaringly obvious. When I was nine, as you may recall, I would not stop following around the gardener’s niece when she came to visit. She was one and three I believe. I thought it was simply because I had never seen a woman in trousers before, and perhaps that was part of it, but me crying when I discovered she had returned to Wales was considerably not normal” Benedict chuckled at that, recalling that day. No one could console her, and here Benedict thought it was simply because she was unable to say goodbye.
Eloise went on, fixating her gaze on a nearby tree.
“Then, there was my very first visit on my own to the modiste at one and five. With a maid, of course, but without mother. I insisted on her allowing me to choose my own clothes. At the time, Madame Delacroix had an apprentice who was only a year or two older than I. I remember that she had really tan skin, and that she was rather beautiful. She took me to a private room to be measured and, well- let us just say that, while is was a pretty typical visit, that particular memory stuck out to me.” She blushed at her own words, not wanting to give her brother the details on how she recalled her skin feeling as though it were on fire everywhere she touched, and how her knees went slightly weak when she felt her breathe on her neck.
Benedict nodded, understanding the implication. He grabbed her hand and gave it squeeze, electing to stay silent.
“And then-“ she continued.
“There was my friendship with Cressida” Benedict’s eyebrows shot up at this. He had not been expecting that.
She rolled her eyes once more at his surprised expression.
“I know, I know. She is particularly awful. That is just it. I kept asking myself how did I not see how malicious she truly was, although Cressida did have her moments. I came to realize that I held some sort of affection for her— one that went beyond friendship.
Benedict took in all of this. He smirked.
“All of this in a few hours?” He asked, and she huffed.
“Well, walking in on one’s brother kissing another man can leave a person with a lot to think about” Benedict’s smirk fell slightly at her words.
“Again, I apologize for troubling you. Clearly you were not meant to see that. Although, in a way, I am glad that you did.” Eloise looked up at that and Benedict grabbed her hand.
Eloise gave a weak smile.
“I suppose I am glad as well, if anything that it was me who stumbled upon you two. I mean seriously brother, how could you be so careless, you are lucky that I was not mama!” Benedict laughed and cringed at the thought.
“Please, I do not need that thought in my head. She might have passed out on the spot” He laughed, and Eloise laughed with him. After a moment, their laughter died down they fell into a comfortable silence.
“So-“ Eloise started.
“This… Paul” Benedict was slightly surprised to hear his secret lover’s name come out of his sister’s mouth before realizing that she must have overheard it.
“Yes?” He asked, his usual smirk displayed across his face.
“Do you… Do you love him?” She asked, turning to him with a questioning gazed. Benedict smiled and shook his head.
“No. Paul is a friend, and while we are occasionally.. intimate. That is all we are” Eloise slowly nodded.
“I did not know that that was an option either. Up until a few years ago, I did not know where babies came from, and I had stumbled into that accidentally. This entire situation is making me realize how truly little I understand of the world. That no matter how many books I read from our library, they are still chosen from the Ton for me. I know what society wants me to know” She said solemnly.
Benedict was realizing how much he will never truly understand what it is to be a woman in this world. He thought for a moment before coming up with a brilliant plan.
“Well, I suppose we’ll have to get you out of the Ton, then” Eloise stared at him and blinked.
“What- what-“
“How about” he cut her off.
“After this season, I take you on some travels. After all, you cannot possibly change the world if you do not know it” Eloise’s breath quickened as a smile grew on her face.
“You mean it, brother?”
Benedict laughed.
“Of course I do! Part of the reason I have been with Paul is that I have enjoyed the feeling of being free. I can only imagine that traveling will heighten this feeling. We will start with a visit in Scotland to visit Francesca in order to ease Mama’s mind and then… see where the wind takes us?” Eloise practically leaped out of her swing to hug her older brother. Benedict laughed, hugging her back.
She pulled back and put her hands on his shoulders.
“And that is why you are my favorite brother” She hugged him once more, and Benedict smiled.
He knew that wherever Eloise landed, it would not be the most ideal situation, but he would do whatever it took to make sure that she was happy. After all, she was his favorite sister.
—————
EPILOGUE
One thing that Benedict had not expected from this season was marriage, and he definitely did not expect to find it in a house maid named Sophie Beckett. After the season had ended and they got back from their honeymoon, Benedict had explained his promise to Eloise (in full detail with Eloise’s permission, of course. Sophie was a much more worldly woman, and had been so understanding when he regaled on his time with men). Sophie not only understood but was ecstatic. Like Eloise, she had not seen much of the world either, and she was thrilled to be able to travel with her new husband and favorite new sister. It was certainly a bonus that stopping in Scotland meant meeting another one of her new sisters (They were all in for quite a surprise there, and Eloise was particularly thrilled to meet her sister’s newfound love, Michaela Stirling).
TWO YEARS LATER
Benedict smiled as a house maid passed by with a letter from his dear sister Eloise. Two years prior, after their travels in Scotland, they had decided to venture to France and then Greece. Eloise loved it there. The people, the books, the history, and a curly-haired, Greek-native tavern maid named Maria. She was confident and sarcastic and she took Eloise’s breath away.
It had been far easier to find people like them in Greece, and while it still had to be hidden, there was almost a community there that allowed Eloise to thrive.
To keep up appearances, please her mama, and remain secure in the world (she was still a woman, after all), she chose to marry. She married a man named Alexandros that she met in their community of sorts who was titled and quite wealthy. This, of course, pleased her mama, but the best part was he was in love with his footman and held no affection for women whatsoever. He was kind, respectful, and shared her love for books. So, the four of them moved in together, staging as a wealthy couple with a footman and a maid. They made certain that their staff was discreet, and simply led her mama to believe that they had not been able to be ‘blessed’ with children (although Violet knew her daughter and was also not an idiot).
As Benedict predicted, it was not the most ideal situation, but it allowed Eloise to be in love and be free from Mayfair’s watchful eye. She was happy.
His smile widened as he read the letter he received from his sister. She had began writing and was on her way to becoming published, something that would have been nearly impossible as a debutante in London. She wrote that her book would be about how it truly felt to be a debutante in an effort to shine a light on how unfair society really was. She wrote of Penelope’s journey as well, thinking it a truly fascinating (and true) tale. She also stated that he needn’t worry because Alexandros had already cautioned her to not be so forthcoming right away with her thoughts for her own safety.
Benedict thought back to two years prior. He thought of how sad and lost Eloise looked on those swings after finding him and Paul. She was a girl then, a debutante without a husband and no means of finding her own way in the world. Now, she was married, in love (albeit not to her husband) and doing what she said she would do— changing the world.
He could not be more proud of his dear sister Eloise.