Work Text:
"FUCK!" A scream could be heard from the bathroom
"Chuuya? What happened?" Dazai looked at the bathroom door
"You didn't pull out is what happened" Chuuya said, opening the door and starting to walk towards the brunette
"What?" Chuuya threw a positive pregnancy test at their face, Dazai was quick to grab it
"I'm pregnant" He deadpanned
"WHAT?"
"Yeah"
"Chuuya! I- we can't be parents now! We're too mentally ill"
"Nuh uh, YOU'RE too mentally ill to be a parent, what we are too much to be parents is young, you flying blue mackerel!"
"So, uhh-" they pointed at Chuuyas lower belly "what are you going to do with it?"
"Shit, I don't know"
"Well, lets look at the options, we have abortion, orphanage, or raising" they lifted three fingers when listing the options
"Fuck, those are few, I love children but having to give birth is fucking scary, plus the dysphoria... is abortion even legal?"
"Chuuya you're in the mafia, when has the law stopped you?"
"Fuck i forgot about the mafia, i would have to tell Boss if I want a paternity leave, but then the kid would have to grow in the mafia. I don't want to traumatize my kid so i would have to put it on adoption but what if- Fuck this is hard"
"You should probably go see a doctor first"
"Right, shit uhhh"
"Want me to schedule your appointment while you think?"
"Thats the bare minimum you can do, since this is all your fault"
They were attacked "How is it my fault?! You were the one who was oh so horny you didn't even let me get a condom!"
"You still didn't pull out properly before! And you know the testosterone increses my libido a lot, you signed up for that the moment you gave consent!"
Dazai started stepping back "Chuuya, it's ok, you're emotional, its because your hormones are acting up, it's fine"
"OH YOU ARE NOT GIVING ME THAT SEXIST SPEECH RIGHT NOW" Chuuya looked at them with a bewildered look
"Shhhhh calm down, its ok, want me to go buy some ice cream?" Dazai showed the palms of their hands and put up the fakest innocent smile
"IF YOU SAY ANOTHER WORD I WILL CASTRATE YOU MANUALLY" He pointed at their crotch and looked them dead in the eye
Dazai's face whitened, they very much still wanted both their testies "... I'm making the appointment" They went to the landline phone and started marking the hospitals number
"As you should, and it better not be your co-worker, you hear me?" Their relationship was very much still unknown to all of their friends and co-workers, excluding a certain pompous detective
"Loud and clear, my lord"
Chuuya sighed and went to the studio to get a notepad "I'll go write down our options"
This was going to be hard