Chapter Text
„Move over.“
Frank pulled his legs onto the couch, blocking the space next to himself. Otter cursed when Frank kicked him in the thigh.
“Fuck off, Mikey, I need the space. It’s not my fault your couch is this fucking small.”
Mikey gave him a long look from behind his glasses.
It was true that the couch in the Way living room only offered space for three people if they squeezed together closely. They rarely held movie nights here, because too many people had to sit on the floor. Frank had been early on purpose.
The doorbell rang and Mikey turned away with a small sigh, so Frank could relax instead of preparing for physical combat.
He heard chattering from the front door as Mikey let in Ray and the others. Otter was on his phone. Frank looked around. He hated having to wait idly, but he wasn’t going to get up and lose his spot on the couch, he wasn’t stupid.
Thankfully, someone entered from the kitchen.
Gerard’s hair had gotten quite long since the last time they’d seen each other. He still dyed it though and his face looked especially pale in contrast to the black strands framing it. He hadn’t bothered to change out of his sweatpants for their guests and his oversized hoodie covered his arms completely.
Frank swung his legs off the couch.
“Hey, Gee, come sit with me.”
Gerard smiled at him. He had a way of looking genuinely happy whenever he saw Frank and it made his heart stumble in his chest. He was still as pretty as Frank remembered him to be, behind the shy awkwardness and his greasy hair and the clothes that were clearly meant to hide as much of his body as possible.
He squeezed himself in next to Frank, batting his lashes in a way that always made it impossible to tell if it was intentional or not. Maybe Gerard was just blinking and his bright eyes and long lashes made it seem as if he was giving Frank a very pointed look.
“Did you actually save me a seat?” Gerard’s voice was high and smooth and whenever he talked to Frank in particular, he sounded slightly mocking and Frank could never tell if he was making fun of him or flirting with him, but it made him feel weak in the knees either way.
He’d had a thing for Gerard ever since Mikey had first introduced them. He’d always felt like the attraction might have been mutual, but first Gerard had been away for art school in New York and when he’d finally moved back in with his family, he’d been in a relationship and then Frank had been in a relationship and the timing had just never been right.
But as far as Frank knew, both of them were single right now.
“And what about it?” he asked. “I missed you, motherfucker. I haven’t seen you in ages.”
Gerard shifted around on the couch until he could put his head against the backrest, looking at Frank.
“And whose fault is that?” Once again, Frank had the inexplicable feeling that Gerard was teasing him. It was his tone rather than his words that sounded slightly amused. It made Frank’s cheeks feel hot with embarrassment, though weirdly enough, he never actually disliked that feeling; not when Gerard was the one causing it anyway. Maybe it was because he never sensed any malice behind his teasing.
“You’re the one who never leaves the house,” he pointed out.
“Yeah, but that means you know exactly where to find me.”
Frank snorted. He leaned his head against the backrest as well. They were sitting so close to each other that their legs were touching.
“I’ve been kind of busy those past four months,” Frank confessed. “I broke up with my girlfriend.” He had looked for a way to work that information into the conversation smoothly, just in case Mikey hadn’t mentioned it yet.
The corner of Gerard’s mouth curled into a smirk. His lips were thin, but very pink. They looked cute when he puckered them. His skin had broken out on his chin, probably because he didn’t shower very often. Sitting this close to him, Frank could tell that he hadn’t washed his sweater in a while either.
“And that took you four months? That’s a slow fucking breakup, my friend.”
Frank scoffed. He considered coming up with a lie that would make him look cooler than he actually was, but being honest with Gerard was always surprisingly easy, even though they didn’t see each other that often. It was probably because Gerard never tried to make himself look cool either. He was obnoxiously open about every single one of his weird interests.
“The breakup itself was quick. I was just busy trying to get over it for so long.” He made a face.
Gerard kept looking directly into his eyes. He usually talked a lot, but he was also a surprisingly good listener. Sometimes Frank felt like Gerard was reaching into his ribcage and pulling out words he hadn’t been meaning to say in the first place.
“And how did you do that?” Gerard was still smirking. “Crying in your room? Or sleeping around?”
Frank’s face felt incredibly hot again. Gerard’s straight-forwardness often got him flustered.
Once more, he considered lying.
“You know me,” he finally said. “I’m more of a crying in my room type of guy. Always takes me a while to let something go.”
He shrugged, aware that his voice had sounded too raw. Gerard’s smile turned more sympathetic.
Frank cleared his throat. “Though I did give a handjob to a guy at Tommy’s aftershow party the other week,” he added.
He tried to sound casual as if he did stuff like that all the time, although the whole thing hadn’t been much to write home about. They’d locked themselves in the bathroom for five minutes of awkward fumbling and Frank hadn’t really known how to go about it, because the dude’s jeans had been so tight, he’d barely managed to get his hand into them at all.
He figured that it couldn’t hurt to drop a subtle reminder of his interest in men though, just in case Gerard had forgotten about it. They’d talked about their sexual orientation before during an afternoon they’d spent getting high together in the basement, but in all the time they’d known each other, Frank had pretty much been exclusively with girls and it couldn’t hurt to bring it back to attention. He hoped Gerard had forgotten about the inexperience he’d also confessed to that day.
Gerard frowned. Frank always wanted to run his thumb over his thick, dark eyebrows when he did that, as if he could smooth out the wrinkles on his forehead that way. For a moment, he hoped that Gerard felt jealous.
“Tommy’s?” he asked. “Down Irving Street, right? I think we went to elementary school together.”
Frank stared at Gerard. He felt completely dumbstruck by the fact that this was the detail Gerard would latch onto. He was either very slow at picking up cues, or simply not interested in Frank at all.
Gerard looked back at him innocently. Frank suddenly got the feeling that he was being made fun of again.
“Oh, fuck off,” he said.
Gerard laughed. He had a cute, weird little laugh. It always sounded as if he was trying to pronounce the ha-syllables very accurately to let people know he was laughing.
Frank shoved his shoulder. Gerard had definitely been making fun of him.
“Seriously, though,” Gerard said and batted his lashes again in that way that probably meant nothing. “If you’re hitting the rebound phase and want to go a little wild, you know I …”
“So that’s how it is,” Mikey interrupted him and kicked Frank's shin.
Frank had been so focused on Gerard that he hadn’t noticed the others entering the room. He felt like strangling Mikey. He’d been dying to hear the end of that sentence.
“Of course Gee gets to sit on the couch.” Mikey looked at Frank and although his expression didn’t give away much, Frank felt himself flushing. Mikey knew exactly what he was calling him out on.
“Thank fuck you’re back,” Otter said. “I had to sit here and listen to Frank oversharing.”
“Oi!” Frank protested. “I did not …” He looked at Gerard. “I did not overshare, did I?”
Gerard shrugged. It drove the attention to his round shoulders underneath the hoodie. “A smidge.” He grinned at Frank in a way that made his legs feel like jelly.
“Anyway, you were saying?” he asked as Mikey turned towards the DVD player to set everything in motion. His voice sounded a little breathless and way too fucking eager.
Gerard looked past him, then he shook his head with a small smile. “Never mind.”
Frank cursed his luck. If Gerard had actually considered offering to hook up with Frank to help him get over his breakup, of course he wouldn’t do it with so many of their friends and his own brother within earshot.
Frank considered inquiring anyway, hushing his voice and hoping no one would pay attention to them.
“Hey, Gee,” Ray said and turned towards them. He’d made himself comfortable on the pillows Mikey had put down on the floor. “My friend Tony asked about you. I said I’d check in with you first to see if it’s alright to give out your number. He’s cool though.”
Gerard lifted his head off the backrest. “Sure, just send him my way.”
“God, everyone is always asking about you these days.” Mikey scoffed while searching for the remote. “I can’t leave the house without at least three people asking to get in touch with you.”
“It’s not my fault you know all of Jersey,” Gerard muttered.
“So, you’ve been hiding, too?” Frank asked. Everyone knew Gerard didn’t go out a lot. If people were asking about him, it meant he hadn’t left the basement for an extraordinarily long time already. “You’ve also broken up with someone recently?”
It was meant to sound like a joke, but he also hoped it would give Gerard an opportunity to confirm whether or not he was actually single at the moment.
Gerard smirked again. His large eyes were very attentive. He looked at Frank as if he was the only person in the room.
“Not recently, no,” he said.
Frank gritted his teeth, because that answer told him absolutely nothing, and because he was pretty sure that Gerard’s ambiguous phrasing had been intentional. His eyes flickered down to Frank’s lips briefly, just long enough to ensure Frank would notice. Frank felt like he was being toyed with and yet he thought that he might actually enjoy it if Gerard called him out on his blatant crush and mocked him for it – provided the others weren’t here to overhear. Frank kind of liked it when Gerard was a little bit mean.
“And how …?” He cleared his throat, trying to change the subject to prove that he could definitely hold a normal conversation with Gerard without stumbling all over himself. “How are things going with your comics and shit?”
Gerard shrugged again. He turned more serious. “You know. I’m still writing, and it’s fun. It doesn’t pay the rent though.”
“Can we start the fucking movie now?” Mikey asked and Frank realised that everyone seemed to be waiting for him and Gerard to finally stop gazing into each other’s eyes.
“Yeah, sure, man.” He chuckled nervously.
Mikey pressed play and Gerard shifted next to him, snuggling closer to rest his head on Frank’s shoulder as the opening credits rolled. Frank remained sitting very upright, his heart beating in his throat. It wasn’t unusual for Gerard to cuddle up to him, he was a touchy guy with most people he liked. But all Frank could think about was that it felt different this time, because he was finally ready for it. Nothing was holding him back and once everyone left, he might stay behind to ask Gerard if he wanted to hang out sometime, just the two of them. He might get to workshop his handjob skills.
They were only about ten minutes into the movie, when a loud chime interrupted them.
Gerard pulled his phone from his pocket, sitting up properly, so Frank couldn’t get a look at the screen.
“Mikey, could you pause for a sec?”
Mikey groaned dramatically, but paused the movie anyway.
“Everyone be quiet for a moment,” Gerard asked, then he lifted his phone to talk directly into the speaker. “Hey, baby,” he purred. “Have you been good? I want you to do something for me. I want you to take off your clothes and lie down. And then I want you to touch yourself.”
Gerard’s voice was smooth and a little darker than usual, as if he was concentrating to keep it low. Everyone in the room stayed completely silent.
Frank’s face seemed to be burning up. Apparently, he’d been wrong. Gerard seemed to be dating someone, which was disappointing. But more than that, it was irritating that he would just let them listen in on such a private moment.
Frank looked around the room, but no one else seemed bothered by Gerard’s voice. Everyone just waited for him to finish as if this happened all the time. Mikey was looking at the still on the TV screen.
“Use the new wand you’ve got. And once you’ve come, you’re going to thank me for allowing you to get off. Now do as you’re told, honey.”
Gerard lifted his thumb to send the voice message and put his phone down. “Alright, I’m done,” he announced.
Mikey started the movie again. No one commented on what had just happened. Frank stared at the TV. He didn’t dare to look at Gerard. He didn’t snuggle up to Frank again, but they were still sitting so close to each other, that their arms were touching.
Frank wasn’t just judging Gerard for letting them all listen in on an explicit message to someone who most likely had to be his girlfriend. He also couldn’t forget Gerard’s gentle yet firm voice while giving instructions. He shouldn’t feel this flustered by his friend – by his friend, who was clearly not interested in him, because he was in a relationship already - but Frank felt too hot. He was overly aware of his body where Gerard was touching him.
He had realised that he really wished Gerard would give him orders like that, at the same moment he had realised that he wasn’t allowed to wish for that, if he wanted to be a good friend.
He was hardly able to concentrate on the movie at all, but luckily, they tended to rotate the same five DVDs anyway and he’d seen them all a million times by now.
It took another fifteen minutes before Gerard’s phone chimed again.
“Seriously?” Mikey asked and paused the movie. “Is it going to be like this all night?”
Gerard was already checking his phone. “It’s Friday evening, what do you expect? People are lonely as fuck.”
He lifted the phone and Frank braced himself for another experience that would probably haunt him.
“Hi, sweetheart. I’m not doing much. Watching a movie with friends. Wish you were here right now. I miss you. How was your day? How did that presentation pan out? I’m sure you nailed it.”
His voice sounded less commanding this time. He sounded sweet and casual, a lot more like you were supposed to sound when recording a message for your partner in front of friends.
Frank tried to wrap his head around what was happening. Both of these messages seemed to be directed at someone Gerard was being intimate with, and yet it didn’t seem like he was talking to the same person. The tone of the messages had been wildly different each time.
Frank wondered if Gerard was two-timing, although he didn’t seem like the type for that. Still, no one else seemed to question any of this.
Mikey started the movie again and this time, Gerard put his head back on Frank’s shoulder. Frank thought that maybe Gerard was poly now. In that case, it wouldn’t be totally immoral for him to get a little flustered by his touch. He might still have a chance to hook up with him in the near future.
Gerard’s phone chimed again.
“I swear to fucking god …” Mikey paused the movie again in spite of his complaints. Frank had always been slightly jealous of his good relationship with Gerard. Even though he was clearly annoyed by him, he would rather pause the movie than ask Gerard to leave. Frank thought that it had to be nice to have siblings.
Frank cast a quick glance at Gerard. He mostly saw unkempt hair.
“So, what I’m wearing right now …” Gerard interrupted himself with a small giggle. His voice sounded breathy this time. “It’s actually a little embarrassing. I’m only in my underwear.”
Frank stared at the gross sweatpants he was wearing.
“It’s a set of pink lace panties. They’re almost see-through. The fabric is so flimsy, it can barely hold my dick.”
Frank knew that Gerard was lying. There was absolutely no need to picture it.
Gerard lowered his voice until it was hardly more than a husky whisper. “I wish you could see me in them, daddy.”
Frank let out a strangled noise. It was very loud in the otherwise silent room.
“Great, Frank,” Gerard said in his normal voice. “Now I have to do another take.”
“Thanks, Frank,” Mikey added. “Now I will have the memory of my brother saying these words out loud. Twice.”
“Oh my fucking god.” Gerard scoffed. “I’ll do it in the kitchen then. Save my seat, Frankie?”
He moved to get up and Frank stared at his back as he left for the kitchen, while Mikey grabbed the remote to resume the movie.
“Is anyone going to tell me what the fuck is going on?” Frank said, before he could press play.
Mikey lowered the remote. “You don’t know about Gee’s new side hustle?”
He looked at him as if Frank was supposed to know what was going on. Frank shook his head.
“Everyone has heard about it, dude,” Ray chimed in.
“Well, I’ve …” Frank gestured with his hands helplessly. “I didn’t go out a lot recently, okay? Just catch me up.”
“You mean you didn’t know?” Gerard had entered the room again. “Shit.” He made a face and sat down next to Frank on the edge of the couch, as if he was ready to get up again immediately. “That’s awkward.”
“You’re a sex worker now?” Frank blurted out.
Gerard huffed. “I think of myself as an entrepreneur,” he corrected. “I don’t sell sex. I sell a fantasy. I’m helping people explore their own desires.”
“It’s weirder than sex,” Mikey clarified.
“I’m providing a kink service.” It was almost comical how serious Gerard sounded, as if he was trying to pitch his idea to Frank. “Most people are a bit kink curious, but they are too embarrassed to ask their partner or to hire a professional to explore their fantasies. So now they can just hit up Mikey to get in touch with me and we give it a shot.”
Frank looked at Mikey in disbelief. “So you’re his pimp?”
Mikey scoffed. “I wish. He doesn’t pay me.”
Gerard crossed the arms in front of his chest dramatically. “I got you those concert tickets you wanted,” he pointed out.
“It was my birthday,” Mikey said. “You were several months late with the present, too.”
“Whatever.” Gerard lowered his arms again and turned his attention back to Frank. “Anyway, I make most of my money through voice messages. People transfer me five bucks and put their request down in the payment reference. Some people want to be bossed around, some want me to beg. A lot of them just want me to ask about their day and shit. It’s honestly quite depressing.”
Frank frowned. “Isn’t that unsatisfying, though? Just a voice message?”
Gerard shrugged. “They can replay it as often as they like. And it’s less stressful than a call. They can text me back once, those are the rules. I don’t reply, but I react to the message with an emoji. For most people it’s enough to know I’ve read it. Some write really long messages about their day. Others send explicit messages. Everyone is different. It’s actually pretty fun.”
Frank nodded very slowly. The fact that no one else seemed shocked by this told him that he was indeed the only one who hadn’t known about Gerard’s new career.
“And is it just voice messages or …?”
“Well, I do in person sessions, too. They don’t get booked that much though. 50 dollars for an hour. 100 if you’re weird about it.”
Frank felt himself flush with embarrassment, but this time it wasn’t pleasant at all. He realised what Gerard’s offer earlier had actually meant: he’d been trying to acquire Frank as a customer. He wasn’t interested in hooking up with Frank because he was attracted to him. It had been stupid of Frank to assume he saw him as more than a friend.
“Isn’t everyone weird about it, though? The whole thing sounds fucking weird to me.”
“I mean if you want to get off,” Gerard clarified. “I’m not fucking my customers. Just non-sexual kink exploration. Some people get really turned on though. If they want me to watch or whatever, I’m fine with that, but it costs extra.”
“Hm.” Frank wasn’t sure what to say. He was glad to hear that at least Gerard wasn’t sleeping with a shitload of other people. He also felt disappointed, because it meant not even money could buy him out of the friendzone.
At the same time, he found it very hard to picture a non-sexual kink service. He didn’t quite understand the appeal of it if it wasn’t about sex.
“So you’ve never slept with a customer?” he made sure.
Gerard groaned and scrunched up his nose. He looked embarrassed. “To be honest, I sometimes get handsy, if we both want it and I’m into what we’re doing. I don’t charge for it though. That’s not the kind of service I sell.”
Frank wondered what exactly Gerard was into. Probably something weird as fuck.
“Don’t people suggest really fucked up shit though?” No one interrupted them, although Frank seemed to be the only one curious. Maybe everyone else had already heard about this before.
“It’s really not so bad.” Gerard brushed the hair from his face to meet Frank’s eyes. He didn’t seem to mind talking about it. “We have all those weird stigmas around kink that make people feel fucking ashamed. Most of them warn me that they’re into some really fucked up shit and I have to promise not to be shocked and all that. And in 80% of the cases, it’s just watersports.”
He sounded weirdly disappointed.
“So that means …?” Frank trailed off.
“It means he finances his comic book career by pissing on people in our grandma’s shower,” Mikey supplied helpfully.
“That’s, oh, well.” Frank cleared his throat. It was weird and gross, but he didn’t want to offend Gerard by pointing that out.
He didn’t understand why anyone would want that. He imagined kneeling in that weird-ass shower down in the basement, Gerard standing over him, unzipping his pants. He imagined the way he would sneer at Frank and how warm his piss would feel and how gross it would smell. He thought about how degrading it would be, but also how intimate, to share something that everyone else would judge them for. And how pathetic he would feel, not being good enough to be treated as Gerard’s equal, just good enough for his piss. And how proud Gerard would be if he took it for him. And he imagined being drenched and disgusting and still on his knees and the way Gerard would smirk, just like he always smirked, a little condescending and yet full of affection.
Maybe Frank did get it after all.
“That’s not all I do,” Gerard said. “I also had someone piss on me in our grandma’s shower once.”
Frank imagined Gerard on his knees in front of him. He tried to picture him naked, but there were too many blanks to fill in. So he pictured him in a black shirt instead, the fabric drenched and the long strands of his hair dripping wet, while he allowed Frank to degrade him, just because he wanted to please him so badly.
“And how was that?” Frank asked. His voice sounded hoarse. He concluded that he was either weird about piss or a lot weirder about Gerard than he had given himself credit for.
Gerard frowned and tilted his head, as if he really had to think about the question first.
“It was okay,” he said.
Frank snorted. “You’re so strange, dude.” He looked Gerard up and down. He really didn’t understand how his business was successful. Frank was definitely attracted to him, but they were friends and even he felt irritated by it at times. Objectively speaking, Gerard was a weird nerd, who rarely showered and was oddly casual about piss play. The fact that he obviously held the sessions in his family’s basement, which was cramped with Star Wars merch and smelled like something was rotting down there, made the whole thing even more confusing.
“That’s my whole selling point, actually.” Gerard grinned at Frank as if he’d read his thoughts. “I told you, most people are too embarrassed to ask anyone for this shit. But I’m such an off-putting freak, they figure I’m in no position to judge. Honestly, I think that’s what people pay for in the end. To not be judged.”
“You’re not off-putting,” Frank said, just a little too softly.
“I drank some of it,” Gerard said. “I wasn’t even paid to do that.”
“Okay,” Mikey said. “I’m starting the goddamn movie again.”
Gerard chuckled and Frank had to admit that this really wasn’t the best time or space to discuss any of this. He still had quite a few questions though. He couldn’t concentrate on the movie, even when Mikey pressed play again and Gerard settled back against his shoulder.
At least Gerard was most likely still single. Not that it mattered, because Frank had clearly misread the signals earlier. Gerard was interested in doing business. He was probably too busy with his customers to have time for dating anyway.
Gerard rubbed his cheek against Frank’s shoulder like a sleepy cat.
Frank thought about kinks. It seemed weird that so many people would come to Gerard with their ideas. It seemed weird that so many people were kinky in the first place.
He wondered if he had any kinks he would like to explore. Not with Gerard of course, because they were friends and that would be weird, but in general. He had to admit that there were a few things he’d always wanted to try. He had never gotten around to suggesting it in his past relationships, because he hadn’t meant to make things weird. But it had something to do with the way he’d felt when his ex complimented him, and the way Gerard’s condescending smirks sometimes covered his legs in goosebumps like a very good song.
The problem was that he wasn’t sure. He liked the idea, but he wasn’t sure if it would actually do something for him. That was probably why he had never brought it up with his ex. If you suggested that kind of thing and then weren’t into it, that would make you look really fucking stupid.
He assumed that was why people hired Gerard. If they didn’t like it, they could just never contact him again. Frank might have been tempted to give it a try as well, except he couldn’t just cut Gerard out of his life if he embarrassed the fuck out of himself. He would miss him far too much.
And even if he did enjoy it, Gerard might never be able to look him in the eyes again afterwards. Especially if he enjoyed it.
He wondered if it was a common request. Maybe Gerard had experience already. People seemed to request all kinds of stuff. He might be able to give Frank some tips. It didn’t mean they had to do anything about it. Not with each other, that was.
Frank kept thinking about Gerard’s voice when he recorded the messages. It was always high and sweet. Even when he gave orders, he didn’t sound bossy, more like he was asking you to make him happy. Frank liked it when Gerard was happy.
He kept waiting for Gerard’s phone to chime, almost hoping for it, because he felt morbidly curious what people requested of him, and because he wanted to hear him say filthy things again. But he also dreaded it, because thinking about his customers made him feel jealous and it worried him that no one else seemed the least bit flustered listening in on him. Frank didn’t understand how no one else got flustered hearing him talk about his dick in flimsy lace underwear. Flimsy lace underwear wasn’t even Frank’s thing. At least it hadn’t been his thing until today.
He wished someone would open a window.
But the movie finished without another interruption. Gerard yawned as he sat up.
They had met pretty late in the evening already and everyone wanted to head home soon. In fact, everyone seemed pretty eager to leave, as if they were scared Frank would ask more uncomfortable questions now that the movie was over.
Frank stayed behind in the living room as Gerard and Mikey accompanied the rest of the group to the front door to say their goodbyes. He picked up empty bags of chips and placed the pillows back on the couch, feeling twitchy and nervous. He wasn’t quite sure why.
“What do you want?”
Gerard’s voice made him look up. He was standing in the doorway, loud chattering telling Frank that the others were still talking to Mikey by the front door.
“I just thought I’d help you clean up before I leave.”
Gerard chuckled. “You’re not usually the type for that.”
“I am,” Frank protested. He was pretty sure he had stayed behind to help. He was about 70% sure it was the only reason. “I’m a nice guy.”
Gerard laughed, somewhat louder this time. He stepped forward and started collecting empty glasses. “No, Frankie, you’re a bit of an asshole.”
Frank rolled his eyes, but he was grinning. “Call it personal growth then.”
“Fine,” Gerard said. He turned to carry the glasses into the kitchen.
Frank stared after him. He had expected Gerard to keep inquiring. The fact that he didn’t made him feel challenged.
He should just leave it.
He picked up the remaining glasses and followed Gerard into the kitchen.
Gerard was loading the dishwasher, but he looked up when Frank entered the kitchen. He didn’t seem surprised he had followed him.
“You can tell me, you know,” he said. “I know that look. I’m sure we can work something out.”
Frank placed the glasses on top of the kitchen counter.
“Aren’t you ever bothered by it? The stuff that people ask of you?” He tried to make it sound like a general question.
Gerard went back to loading the dishwasher. He looked unremarkable with his unwashed hair and his stained sweatpants. Frank wanted to curl up on the couch together again. The cuddling had been nice. He’d missed physical affection since his breakup. He liked it especially when it came from Gerard.
“No, not at all. Actually makes me happy, you know? I mean, people sharing that kind of stuff with you? It makes me feel honoured. And I like being of service to someone. I’m also just really fascinated by the things people want and crave.” He chuckled to himself. It sounded self-conscious.
Frank watched Gerard’s hands as he placed the glasses in the dishwasher. He didn’t stock them very efficiently.
“It’s embarrassing though,” Frank pointed out. “I mean, I assume it is. For the people who want to ask for something weird, you know.”
He expected Gerard to laugh, but he just looked up, surprisingly serious. He seemed to be searching Frank’s face for something. His expression was kind and patient.
“Whatever it is you want me to do,” he said. “I promise, I’ve jerked off to something weirder before and we both know it.”
Frank snorted with laughter, but his cheeks heated up anyway. He understood why people entrusted themselves to Gerard. He was endearing and comforting in a very weird way.
Gerard bent down to close the dishwasher and Frank felt the pockets of his pants. He pulled out his phone alongside a few crumpled bills, scanning them until he found a five-dollar-note. It looked very worn.
He held it out to Gerard.
“Could you …?”
Gerard nodded and took the money without even waiting for Frank to finish his sentence, as if he wanted to let him know that whatever he was about to request would be alright with him.
“Could you call me a good boy?” Frank stared at the floor. “Like I’m, you know, a fucking dog or something?”
He exhaled shakily. It was alright. It was only words. They would probably not do anything for him anyway. It wasn’t a big commitment. They could move on after this and pretend it had never happened.
“Of course,” Gerard said. He sounded firm and warm, not startled at all. Frank instantly felt relieved. A part of him had been convinced that Gerard would laugh in his face. It was one thing to act professional around strangers, but it was probably hard to take your friend seriously. Gerard made his request seem perfectly natural though.
He pocketed the money and got out his phone.
Frank watched him in confusion.
“You don’t have to …” He cleared his throat. “I don’t need a recording.”
“Oh, trust me.” Gerard licked his lips. He lifted his phone, holding Frank’s gaze. “If this works for you, you will want a recording.”
Frank was pissed that Gerard had to act so cocky, just assuming Frank would replay his voice message again and again to get off. Gerard’s assumption also made his cheeks feel hot with shame and arousal. He forced himself to hold Gerard’s gaze to prove that he wouldn’t let himself be embarrassed this easily.
“You’re such a good boy, Frankie,” Gerard cooed into his phone.
Warmth spread through Frank’s stomach and suddenly he didn’t want to stare Gerard down anymore, he just wanted to look at him. He wasn’t sure what had just happened, but he realised he’d reached for the kitchen counter instinctively to keep himself stable. His legs felt weak.
“Oh,” he whispered.
Gerard’s smile turned soft. He put his phone away again. “Anytime, Frank.”
“I … okay, thanks, man.” Frank cleared his throat. His head seemed to be spinning. His own voice sounded weird to him. “That was, yeah, thanks for that.”
Gerard frowned. He looked somewhat worried. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.
Frank shook his head. He didn’t even know what to talk about. It was just words. He’d been called good before, albeit always in a mocking way. No one had ever told him in such a serious manner before, like it was alright to feel too strongly about it.
“I think I should head home,” he said.
“You sure?” Gerard touched his arm lightly as if he wanted to make sure that Frank was steady on his feet.
“Yeah, dude. It’s late.”
“Alright. I’ll take you to the door.”
Gerard led him to the front door. It was cold outside, but maybe the short walk home would actually help Frank calm down and sort out his thoughts.
“Tell Mikey I said bye,” he mumbled as he walked down the front porch.
“Sure.” Gerard looked after him for a moment, before he closed the door.
Frank rounded the next corner, before he stopped and got out his phone. He realised that Gerard might see he’d opened the message before even getting home, but he didn’t care.
He opened their chat and clicked on the voice message Gerard had left him. He held the phone close to his ear. The streets were empty at this time of night.
“You’re such a good boy, Frankie.” Gerard’s voice was high and sweet as always, and it sounded so genuine that it knocked the air straight out of Frank’s lungs. He was Gerard’s good boy. He was a good boy for him. He was good and Gerard was pleased with him.
He hit replay.
“You’re such a good boy, Frankie.” Something seemed to tighten right between his hips. He felt nauseous and possibly more turned on than he’d ever been.
At least he knew now.
He knew that he was going to rush home and that he would listen to the recording over and over again. And he knew that he would touch himself while he did and he wouldn’t even care that it was his friend’s voice he was getting off to, or that he had paid for it. He would imagine Gerard watching him while he desperately fucked his own hand, calling him a good boy because he was putting on such a good show for him. And he would only feel a little ashamed afterwards.
And he also knew that after two or three wanking sessions, he was going to take a good, hard look at his bank account to calculate how much money he could spare.