Chapter Text
“All I know is that I can't do this anymore.”
Those were the last words I heard from her before she walked out that door, straight out of our tiny apartment and out of my life.
I always think that when a person really loves you, it will make you feel safe and secure because they won't just bolt out and leave you behind. You know that not being with them hurts them as much as it will hurt you.
Years and years of being together, having to put up with everything for and with each other. You and I, against the world, ride or die—or not. Fuck.
“Earth to Yoko!” The snap of my friend’s fingers put me out of my trance. I hate when I do this, when I fall into this rabbit hole like Alice, but not in Wonderland. Jesus. If this is Wonderland, then why was it so dark and so lonely? I asked myself, while shaking my head.
Right, I’m on a lunch date with a friend. Focus. Damn these trips I do down the memory lanes.
“Huh? I’m sorry, I was just thinking about my exhibit and this new project that I wanted to work on after.” I lied to my friend as she stared at me.
“God, Yo, your exhibit hasn't even started yet, and it will be in Thailand! Don’t overwork yourself, and knowing you, I know everything’s going to go smoothly. Are you sure that’s the real reason? Or you’re just dreading going home because you might cross paths with SHE-WHO-MUST-NOT BE-NAMED?” Lux said as she tapped my hand on the table, her eyes squinting at me with a sympathetic smile on her lips.
I chuckled. “Stop calling her that; she’s not Voldemort!” I sighed.
“You're right, I just—you know, it’s been years since I left; I’m just being nervous, I guess. The last time I was there... It was unpleasant. So many things have happened that I guess I feel like I’m still not ready. But work is work. Also, she’s married now and living her life; she’s probably happy. I mean, that’s how it works, right? You get married because you love—" I can feel the lump in my throat, “or at least like the person you're going to spend your whole life with.”
My eyes suddenly became blurry. I was trying really hard not to cry because now is not the time and she’s happy, right? She is married to one of the richest men in Thailand, her husband, and her stepson. A family. And I’m still here; I didn’t realise I choked out a sob.
I felt Lux sit beside me and pull me in for a tight hug.
“Oh, sweetheart, don’t cry. You’re going to be fine; just focus on the exhibit when you get there and come back here right away. It’s going to be fast; you won’t even notice the days that you’re there. You know you can call me anytime, text me, FaceTime me—anything for you, darling; pester me all the days you’re in there.” She smiled at me, and I chuckled as she wiped my tears away.
“Thank you, Lux, and I’ll hold you to that. Pester you, time difference and all.” I laughed and tickled her side.
“Oh shit, no, I'll take that back.” We both laughed and continued eating and talking.
FLASHBACK
Lux and I met through a common friend here in Europe. We were at a party, and there was this guy who kept on flirting with me and didn't leave me alone at the bar. Then a tall, brunette woman with light brown eyes swooped in and saved me.
“Darling, who do we have here? My, I just went to the loo, and you found someone else?! Pretend you’re with me.” She whispered the last part in my ear as she was behind me and looped her arms around my waist, pulling me close to her, her head on my shoulder.
I was taken aback, but I went along with her pretend relationship skit.
“Oh, babe, no. Baby, there’s only you; you know that. I don’t even know him. Right? Please tell my girlfriend we just met here.”
The dickhead-what’s-his-name’s face was a picture. He was staring at us with his mouth agape, like it was his first time seeing two women in a relationship.
“I—uh.. I—we.. Yes. Yeah. I just met her here. I’m sorry, I thought that you’re—umm.. that you’re...” he stuttered while looking at us, then at the arms that were wrapped around me.
“Straight?” The girl with the light brown eyes and I said it in unison. He nodded frantically while saying another sorry and leaving us alone.
“Works all the fucking time, innit, James? Give me a beer.” Ms. Cool Chick yelled through the loud music as she sat on the stool beside me and ordered a drink from the bartender, who was smirking at her.
She was wearing a black pantsuit and a white shirt inside her coat.
“Done it again, Lux; I see you got yourself a new girl.” James, the bartender, joked as he served her a beer.
I was standing awkwardly beside her, my head down, looking at the floor, not knowing how to say thank you. As I looked up, she was staring at me intently with a slight smirk on her lips.
“Come here, girlfriend, sit and have a drink with me, or do you want to break up now?” She teased.
God, her eyes are smouldering, and that smirk—wait, no.
“I, uh, thank you for doing that. T-thank you for saving me from that guy. Here, let me pay for your drink.” I told her as I opened my purse to get some cash. “Here—”
She’s staring at me. Why on earth is she still staring at me?
“Come on, ‘my damsel in distress’, sit with me. I don’t bite.”
I took a deep breath and sat down beside her. We drank and talked the whole night. I learned that she was here to take some photographs for her project; she told me about what she does, and I told her what I do, and why I was here in Europe. She is a freelance photographer, although she majored in business at her university.
“You know, I just had to do it because Daddy wants me to. So I can take over the business when he retires. Some shit like that.” She said this while drinking her beer.
She then took photography classes without her parents knowing. “I saved up some of the money that they sent me, and I worked part time to pay for my photography classes. Right, enough about me. What about you? Why is a beautiful woman like you here in a sweaty, overcrowded club? You can’t blame that dickhead over there, you know? You’re pretty. Real beauty.” She said this to me as she took a huge swig of her drink and winked at me.
I snorted at her attempt to wink, but she did it with both eyes instead.
“I just got invited by one of the staff that I work with at the museum. And I’m kind of new here, and no, I’m not pretty.”
“Oh, that suits you; you’re like one of those ladies who curates stuff in a museum or something. You look so simple yet classy, and that dress, WOW!” She failed to wink at me again. “Now, I feel like we've been in this relationship for too long, darling, and I still don’t know my beautiful girlfriend’s name.” She teased, smirking at me.
Damn, she’s bold.
My face felt warm from her flirting. “My name’s Yoko. I’m from Thailand.”
Then she smiled at me and said, “Lux Sulax, born in Thailand, raised in England. I’m sorry when I hugged you from behind a while ago. I was just trying to show him we’re really together, so he’ll go away. Again, I’m sorry; that’s very rude of me. I was watching you from afar, and I saw by the look on your face that you don’t know this guy, and he’s making you feel uncomfortable. S’why I came over and saved you.”
She rambled while looking around the club, avoiding eye contact with me. She extended her arm, and we shook hands. I told her I was so thankful that she saw what was happening, and it was great and so very nice of her to help a stranger like me.
Since then, we have become close friends. We exchanged numbers; we go out when we have time; sometimes she takes me to her photoshoots; she does the same for me; whenever I have exhibits, she’s there with me and for me.
END OF FLASHBACK
After our lunch, Lux invited me to come with her to the mall because she needs to buy a new camera. She needs it for her shoot next week, she said, but I know she doesn’t really need to go to the mall, and she just wants to hang out with me because she doesn’t want me to be sad when I go home in my flat.
After we went to the mall, she stayed a bit at my place, and we binge-watched some TV shows on Netflix. She said she'd go home once she sees me getting sleepy. I am really grateful that I have her with me. At least I have someone. It helps me not to think about her all the time.