Chapter Text
Bold = Direct game quotes
Looking back, Tav supposed she did perhaps remember one previous incident.
It was only the second time they’d slept together – Astarion was a fantastic lover, of course, and remarkably selfless, more attuned to her needs than any of her previous lovers had ever been. And, infuriatingly, he knew he was a fantastic lover, the cocky little bastard. As though he had it down to a science – because, of course, he did.
But now, as they slept in his tent, having exhausted themselves completely hours earlier, she was startled awake by the sound of him hurriedly pulling on his pants, cursing under his breath. She lifted her head silently.
“Where are you going?”
He startled, then turned to meet her gaze. “Nowhere, darling, just thought I heard a noise, going to take a look” he assured her in a hushed whisper.
Tav rubbed the sleep from her eyes and began reaching for her dagger. “I’ll go with you,” she said, pushing herself up from the bedroll.
“No, ah, there’s no need,” Astarion insisted, his voice sounding a bit more frantic now. “Go back to sleep, my dear, I’ll take care of it.”
“It could be an ambush,” Tav continued, not to be deterred. “I’ll just—”
“Impero tibi!” Astarion cast the spell in a strained voice, and a wave of sleep overtook her as he dashed out of the tent.
- Several Weeks Later -
Feeding on Tav truly was the best way to start the morning.
He was incredibly grateful to her for allowing him to drink her blood – and his enjoyment was doubled, even tripled, by their late-night trysts - when he delighted in returning the favor.
His plan to form an alliance with her had been simple, even easy. At first.
But now, having slept with her and fed from her, he could certainly understand how some Vampire Lords went mad with jealousy, consumed by their possessive obsession for their mated spawns.
To have her so intimately, to touch every part of her and feel her blood running through him – it was intoxicating, and terrifying.
But it was more than that. It was… her. She was… different. It was terribly annoying.
On this particular morning, they had all woken up early to prepare to walk through the lower city, having finally reached their destination.
Tav had eaten her breakfast quickly, as everyone else was preparing their packs, and had proceeded to his tent with her wry little half-smile, revealing a single dimple he’d grown to adore.
“Ate two extra eggs this morning,” she bragged, pulling her hair away from her neck, craning it toward him in offering. “We’ll need the protein to visit all the shops.”
And so, he drank from her, until his belly was pleasantly full (he had hunted a few small animals already, before anyone else had awoken, in preparation for their day in the city). He had closed his eyes, his mouth latched gently onto her neck, as the morning sun warmed their skin.
It was the happiest he could remember feeling in a long time.
Now he was practically giddy as he, Shadowheart, and Gale waited at the edge of camp, waiting for their fearless leader to join them and head out.
“Here's my little treat, with her cheeks all flushed. You will come to my bed tonight, won't you?"
She gave him that same little half-smile, dimple and all. “Mmm, I’ll think about it,” she hummed, but she raised her eyebrows in exaggerated innocence and made quite a show of brushing lightly against him as she made her way to the head of the group.
Cheeky little pup indeed…
- Five Hours Later -
On one hand, he was thoroughly enjoying the banter with his companions, and Tav in particular, as they bounced from building to building, taking in every moment of the bustling city – and gathering intel as they went along.
On the other hand, it had been impossible to slip away without someone noticing, even for a moment. And as the blood made its way through his system, that was becoming a real problem.
His bladder was full. That was troublesome enough for anyone in such a crowded place, particularly one with very few public privies to begin with. But even those wouldn’t be an option to him – he needed absolute privacy, had needed total discretion in such matters for as long as he could remember…
“Ahhhh, thanks for stopping again, friends!” Gale’s obnoxiously perky voice interrupted his thoughts, as the wizard adjusted his robes, emerging from the outhouse. This was the fourth time he’d had to stop and watch his companions find the relief he himself couldn’t have.
Don’t murder the wizard, Astarion, he told himself, staring straight ahead. You’ll spoil the mood for everyone else.
~~~
Finally, they arrived at the Elfsong Tavern. Astarion and Tav made their way into their room, the two of them dropping their packs on the ground and stretching their sore shoulders.
“So how was it, seeing the city during the day?” Tav asked.
But Astarion hadn’t heard her – in fact, he looked miles away, a grimace of discomfort on his face.
"Are you alright?"
“Oh I'm fine!” he trilled, forcing a smile and smoothing the back of his hair. “I just, um… I..."
Her eyes locked with his, and he found his mind frustratingly blank trying to come up with a lie. She had such a peculiar expression on her face – so trusting, so… determined, as though she was willing to conquer any problem that was facing him. She made that expression at him often, and it always had this effect on him.
He blushed, unable to bring himself to say it, and the cadence of his voice dropped. "I've needed to, ah, use the privy..." he winced, "all day, really."
Even as the words were out of his mouth, he couldn’t believe he’d allowed himself to say them.
Tav stared at him blankly now, as though he’d spoken another language. She was never at a loss for words, and to see it now was unsettling.
"…What?” he hissed, desperate to break the silence.
"Do vampires pee?"
Astarion was flummoxed at the absurd question. "Of course we do! We drink blood, don’t we?” His voice was high in pitch now, his arms gesturing in exasperation. “And all the bottom-barrel wine we keep at camp? Do you think all that liquid just goes POOF into thin air?!”
The edges of her lips tweaked upward – she was smiling at his animated response. But somehow… it didn't feel as though she was mocking him. She wasn't laughing at his misfortune, but rather... was delighted by him. Laughing with him, and not at him, as it were. She had a way of doing that; he found it to be a rather addictive feeling.
He winced, shifting from leg to leg – his need was becoming more and more urgent, and his tension was rising with it.
"And, strictly speaking, it's your fault I've ended up in this situation," he added, the flirtatious lilt to his voice returning, if not a bit strained. Tav raised her eyebrows inquisitively.
"If you hadn't enticed me this morning with that gorgeous neck of yours, I wouldn't have anything in my system to begin with!"
Her smile widened at his teasing, and she shook her head and shrugged. "It's just, I've never heard you mention having to go before…"
"That's because I don't shout it from the rooftops! Unlike the rest of our rag-tag companions, I don't feel the need to announce it in civilized conversation!" He sneered.
"Well you could have stopped at any time when the others did," she rebutted. "Gale has the bladder of a kitten, it's not as if you didn't have the opportunity."
But as she spoke, his smile was fading, and he felt a cold, familiar wave of dread building.
Tav knelt down and rummaged noisily underneath the bed, and finally brandished a (thankfully unused) chamber pot, setting it down in front of them and opening the lid.
"There you go, then," she stated matter-of-factly, and made her way over to her bags to begin unpacking. “I’m going to prepare a bath.”
Astarion shifted uneasily as he stared at the chamber pot. "I... I can't."
"What?"
"I can't, in front of people! Or even if there is anyone remotely nearby. It’s—”
He felt a sharp, sudden pang of need – his situation was becoming dire, and his body was warning him as clearly as possible. Instinctively, his hand began to reach for his groin; he forced it to a stop. "It's just another lasting effect of my master’s hospitality."
"Cazador did this?"
"He would gorge us with the blood of vermin, and make us hold it until we were writhing with pain," he recalled, his eyes clouding over at the painful memory. "Told us how filthy we were, how even a trained dog could hold their waters." His voice trailed off. "And as soon as our muscles would fail, he would be there to dole out the punishment." His face twisted in disgust. "To admonish us for our sin of urinating in his presence, even if it had been days since he'd last allowed us to..."
Tav gaped at him with a look of horror. "I'm so sorry."
He closed his eyes, certain he wouldn’t be able to continue if he kept looking at her. "Somewhere along the way, my body learned its lesson. Unless I am completely and utterly alone..." He was finding difficulty even putting it into words. "Well... not a drop." He opened his eyes, but kept them low to the ground, and crossed his legs. Then, through clenched teeth: "…No matter how badly I have to go."
Tav looked confused. "Is it... some kind of curse? Something a healer could look into?" Her eyes trailed to the door. "Perhaps we could have Shadowheart-"
"NO—" he shouted, then cleared his throat and lowered his voice, immediately regretting sounding so harsh. "…No, darling, it's nothing like that, it—"
The pressure was becoming unbearable now - talking about it was making it all the worse, as though his bladder heard them and was angry for the delay.
"Agh, w-will you excuse me for a moment?" Even as he said it, he was making his way to the door. "I need to get to somewhere private."
Tav stood up, preparing to exit in his stead. "Don't be silly, you stay here. I'll wait down in the tavern for you, and you come get me after-"
"No!" His voice cracked, eyes wincing with desperation. He would not hold himself like a child in front of her. He would not.
His whole body began to flush, and he felt as though the ground might fall out from beneath him.
"It won't work, because you'll still be waiting on me, and I'll be standing there knowing you're waiting on me, and you’ll know that I know, and I can’t—"
He felt the smallest of leaks building at the tip of his penis. "I'll be back!"
And with a flash of light, he was gone, leaving a rather perturbed Tav standing there, at a complete loss for what to do.
~~~
Astarion had just barely made it to the back alley behind the inn - stinking and ridden with trash, but thankfully empty, not another soul in sight - before releasing a furious stream of piss against the crumbling cobblestone.
Gods, what she must think of me now, he thought miserably, watching the puddle grow larger and larger until he had to readjust his stance to prevent getting it on his boots. Given different circumstances, he’d likely remark on the irony; his piss was likely the cleanest thing to have touched that alley in years...
His chest contracted painfully, his body frozen as his mind took him back to the catacombs of Cazador's dungeon. In his mind's eye, he was lying naked on a filthy bedroll, his wrists and ankles rubbed raw from the heavy chains binding him to the floor.
"Gods be damned, Astarion, too much of a mongrel to even hold your piss?" Cazador's mocking tone echoed through his head. Shame and fury and disgust pooled in his stomach as his exhausted cockhead failed him, hot piss spraying in uncontrollable rivulets against his freezing skin.
“Get a hold of yourself,” he hissed through his teeth, his eyes clenched shut as he tried to ground himself back into the present reality. For a moment, he feared he might lose consciousness, his entire body growing uncomfortably hot as he fought to keep the image at bay.
He couldn't tell how long he had been standing there - long enough that his bladder was now empty, and he was now standing against the wall, cock-in-hand, panting like an animal.
He couldn't possibly look Tav in the eye, couldn't possibly live up to the expectations he'd set for himself in the bedroom, when he could barely stand.
And from what? he thought bitterly. Were you mortally wounded? Exhausted from intense manual labor? Oh no, of course not, just having a panic attack about taking a fucking piss.
Pathetic.
He tried to tell himself that going back to their room would go against his plan. He didn't want to sully her opinion of him - didn't want her to think of him as anything but the insatiable sex fiend he'd portrayed himself as. Without his sensuality, he'd have no way of keeping her under his thumb, after all. He had to keep her wanting more - and returning to their room, limp-dicked and flushed with panic from nothing but mere memories, was sure to have the opposite effect.
He told himself it was a purely tactical move. It had nothing to do with how... compassionate she'd seemed. Had nothing to do with the little divot between her eyebrows as they furrowed with concern for him.
And it certainly had nothing to do with the way her expression brightened in reverence every time she caught his eye across the battlefield.
Nothing at all to do with the clever little quips she wrote into her ballads, singing his praises - as though he were a perfectly capable, strong, self-assured man - a man she could lean on without fear of breaking him.
His earlier words rung through his head:
"Here's my little treat, with her cheeks all flushed. You will come to my bed tonight, won't you?"
That was the man she was expecting, as she waited upstairs in their private room, likely looking absolutely delicious.
He couldn't bear to let her find out he was nothing of the sort. Shoving himself back into his pants, he disappeared into the shadows, desperate to forget himself in a few hours of mindless hunting.
~~~
By the time he returned, Tav was not only finished with her bath, but had fallen asleep, candle still burning, curled into the blankets with a book.
As soon as the doors opened, she jolted awake.
“So sorry, darling, I didn’t mean to wake you!” Astarion grinned, returning to the familiar comfort of his boisterous, jovial persona.
“Where were you?” Tav croaked, voice thick with sleep, her eyes blinking in protest.
As he unlaced his boots: “I got a bit peckish after finishing that, ah, urgent matter earlier, so I went hunting – took a while, I’m afraid, this close to the city there’s not nearly as much wildlife.”
He took off his jacket and belt, and began to lift his shirt over his head – then decided against it. Best not to open up the temptation, he thought. To either of us.
“So sorry I wasn’t here to warm your bed, darling,” he said, coming to sit on the edge of the bed. “I promise I’ll make it up to you in the morning,” he hummed flirtatiously, lifting the covers slightly to ease himself in.
Smack!
Astarion blinked. A single, not-particularly-threatening smack had landed on his forearm, with a rather sleepy yet heated looking Tav – adorable – looking up at him as though he hadn’t even spoken.
“Scared me!” she scolded, scooting her body backward until she was on the far edge of the bed – and for a moment, his heart sank. Had he made her so angry she recoiled at sharing a bed with him? Should he get his own room?
But no – with a small grunt of effort, she took hold of the blankets and held them above the two of them, revealing her sleeping form underneath.
She certainly hadn’t dressed as though she had been expecting sex. He had prepared himself to walk in on her, furious for having been left high and dry, wearing underwear or lingerie - or maybe nothing at all.
But, to his surprise, she was wearing a soft cotton nightgown that covered down to her ankles. He felt a bit of relief at the revelation.
As she held the blankets, it took him a moment to realize what she was waiting for…
“Come on!” she mumbled impatiently, letting her face fall back into the pillow.
Slowly, he climbed into bed beside her, letting out a small sigh as her arm flopped down on top of him, the blankets along with it.
“I was worried about you,” she chided quietly, closing her eyes and readjusting her grip on her pillow. “Just tell me next time.”
For the first time in what felt like ages, he felt the tension leave his body, as though the warmth of her beside him was slowly spreading through him.
She… hadn’t even mentioned the sex. Granted, she was still angry at him, but… because she was scared.
Scared for him.
For some reason, he felt an ache deep in his chest.
“I’m sorry,” he said softly, but Tav said nothing more.