Chapter Text
The thing that Dustin never realized was that Mike was the glue to the party. When Will had left for California, the party still stood, when he was at summer camp, the party still stood, and when Lucas was gone for basketball practice, the party still stood. When it broke up from Max and El, it still stood strong because it was Mike who held them together. He had said that at his funeral, that despite everything they’d gone through, all their struggles and turmoils, Mike held them together because that’s who he was.
It was woefully ironic that the one person who had to be out of Hawkins when the Upside Down came back was killed in California by a government agent. His body was left to bleed out in the Byers’ new home, leaving Will, Jonathan, and Argyle to escape on their own. His body was recovered and the funeral was an open casket. For once, Mike actually looked rested, he knew that things were going on at home, and he wished that this expression would be on his face at a sleepover rather than a casket. What made it worse for Dustin was that the casket was a dark oak one, it was covered in beautiful engravings and painted with signature red markings. It was the kind that Mike had written in his will in case the Upside Down finally got to him.
Dustin had received all his science books, Mike’s jeans and hats, and Will had received his DND figurines, plans, and books. He had broken down when he received Mike’s hellfire shirt and other tops. Lucas received his entire dice collection, and it was a massive one, along with his jackets. Lucas also received a portion of MIke’s cassette collection that was dedicated entirely to the sports games that Lucas missed when he was practicing. They were all basketball and Lucas said that Mike commentated throughout the entire thing. Max received his vinyl collection and record player, she also received his game pass to the arcade with the rest of his quarters. El had received all his flannels, letters, and the gifts that he had been saving for her birthday. She also received his movie and magazine collection, with a short letter to explore what she hasn’t seen yet. Even Erica had received something, she had gotten a new handbook for DND, Lady Applejack written across in Mike’s cursive along with her own set of dice. It was her birthday gift, and it was the first time he’d seen Erica’s brave facade drop.
Dustin thinks that Nancy had it the worst. She had gotten everything that wasn’t taken. Robin had gotten his music collection, Steve had received posters and trinkets to spice his room up with, Eddie had gotten a growing collection of guitar picks along with a few new DND supplies, and Jonathan received an old camera and hundreds of photographs that were waiting to be developed. Photographs were displayed all over his funeral. But Nancy had gotten everything that was left behind, his shoes, old school assignments, the rest of his money, and anything else that was left in that small room. When Dustin walked inside it after everything was handed out, all he saw was a bedroom that would be displayed in real estate. He was buried where Will would have been buried. He wondered what Hopper and Joyce received. Even his mother had gotten something from Mike, a set of cookbooks he owned that were written in British English rather than American, something about his great-grandparents owning them back in London.
Three long years had passed since Mike’s death, Dustin had just turned eighteen and was getting ready to apply for colleges. He had written about Mike’s death in his essay, how he wanted to pursue mathematics because there was always a chance for anything to go right, but yet everything to do wrong. Something had been miscalculated and their glue had fallen apart.
They got together for birthdays, monthly meet-ups, and Mike’s anniversary. But they would go separate paths after that, too painful to stay together when a snobby someone wasn’t there to keep them close. He thinks that it hit him the hardest on Nancy’s twentieth birthday. Receiving gifts from all of them, stationery supplies, and recording materials. But a single gift had been placed on the table after she had finished. Mrs. Wheeler stood over her with a teary expression, “I found it in your brother’s room. It was pushed under some loose floorboards.” The cheery atmosphere had faded so quickly. Nancy’s hands were shaking as she gingerly picked up the card as if it was thousands of years old and would turn to ash. She had put a hand to her mouth and made some laughing-crying note over the letter and put a hundred-dollar bill aside, opening the package instead. Her sobs took over as she picked up a leather journal, examining it on all sides.
“Nancy?” Robin whispered beside her as her sobs became laughs and she placed her forehead against the book cover.
“He had argued with me… about journalism. I saw this book,” She gave it a small shake, “and was planning to buy it. He told me not to spend my money on a job I may not even get. I had snapped at him and screamed at him before everything broke down. We acted like it was fine until Chrissy. Then he started asking me for quarters for the arcade and when I asked him about his own money, he said that he spent it on some DND equipment.” She placed the book down and wiped at her nose, “He bought me the journal. He wanted me to use it for my first story.” Her voice had developed into hiccups as she put her hand on the journal’s cover. Dustin just looked down at his feet, tears dripping down his face as he realized that Mike probably had birthday gifts stored for all of them under that floorboard. He had searched Mike’s house for his Christmas gifts years ago. He found nothing.
After the clock had struck midnight, they left, Max, going with Lucas and Erica, Will leaving with El, Hopper, and Joyce, and that left just him alone. Steve drove him back with Robin, Eddie would take his own van back, and he would be dropped off and sleep. He missed it when they would talk until the sun rose and they were too exhausted to go back to school. He missed it when, on Nancy’s birthday, they would all play DND while Nancy spoke to her friends upstairs. He never thought he’d miss the sound of arguing and scolding, but every night he wished he could hear it one more time.
Sometimes, right before he would fall asleep, he wondered what would happen if Mike had stayed alive and someone else in the party had died, would they have been so torn up about it? Rarely speaking to each other and flocking in different groups? He didn’t know, and not knowing made it worse. He wondered, if he had died, would they have been so torn up, or what would have happened if Mike hadn’t been saved by El back in ‘83. Something about that still tore his stomach up at night. How Mike had hesitated for just a second before falling, how Dustin had called him a true paladin , and Mike had awkwardly laughed it off.
“You would do the same for me.” And Dustin laughed just as uncomfortably because he probably wouldn’t have. He wasn’t brave like Mike, or at least, he wasn’t ready to kill himself for his friends. He had said that he would, but watching Mike fall, it had him question everything that he knew about his friend, and it became a common thought of: what if the bullet that tore Mike’s heart apart was just a deliberate accident?
It was summer, Dustin would get his college acceptance letters in two months, Nancy would start her first journaling job in six, Steve was going to move back to Italy for a few years with Robin, and Lucas was being accepted under a scholarship with Max. Will was going to art school, El was going to a community college nearby, Erica was starting high school, and even Eddie was going off somewhere. He was going to music school, to start the band he had dreamed of. Everyone was splitting apart, and maybe that’s why they had all come together one more time. They were sitting by Lover’s Lake, at Eddie’s new home, Dustin had his toes dipped in the water and looked out towards the empty waters. Steve had been dragged under, the first gate was here, and no one acted any different. Except for Steve, who avoided the water surrounding them, staying far in the shade and speaking with Robin in Italian.
Dustin had approached them carefully, “Steve?” He looked up, Dustin hadn’t realized just how tired he looked. Dark eyebags and that line across his throat that never healed.
“Hey, Dustin.” He patted the ground next to him, “What’s up?”
“When you go to Italy, can you still write me letters?” He sat in the damp grass, “I know you’re going to college there with Robin, you’ll probably be busy, but-”
“Dustin.” Steve cut in, “I’ll always remain in touch with you, even if we’ve all separated to mourn, we’re always going to stay together.” He smiled softly at him and Dustin leaned against him, “I’ll always write to you, communication will be longer, but that doesn’t mean that we have any fewer words to say.” Dustin snorted.
“When did you get so wise?”
“Ever since we decided to move to Italy,” Steve sighed, “We lost Mike, and I think that it made me realize how much we take for granted. Everything with the Upside Down, we nearly lost Eddie, but I’m so used to us living that a death like Mike’s startled me. It made me think of my family back home.”
“What about college?”
“Robin and I got accepted, government funding and all, they send the money for the tuition that we can transfer for euros.”
“What do you think you’ll do?”
“Well, I’m fluent in two languages, Robin in five, we’re thinking about going into communications. Owens said he’d be willing to have me as a member of his team in case something like this happens elsewhere. I told him as long as Robin goes and to keep an open mind for anyone else, what about you?” Steve looked down at him, “What are you planning to major in?”
“I was thinking physics, maybe quantum mechanics…” Dustin drew a small circle in the dirt, “I want to know where and how these gates opened, I just need to know.” Steve hummed and looked out towards the water.
“You know,” Robin spoke up, “you should go into what you’re passionate about, I wanted to do criminology, to figure out why Jason did what he did, Steve was debating counseling, to help himself learn about his struggles, but it was making it worse. Every night, it was like we were kept up at night because we wanted our majors to help us understand what happened. When we talked about it, we decided to go into what we’re passionate about, and then understand. You should switch to something that won’t have you stressed.”
“I see you’ve rubbed onto Steve.” Dustin murmured, “But do you really think so?”
“A need to understand is worse than acceptance.” Robin sighed, “Curiosity killed the cat, so let’s not have another member die, okay?”
“Right.” Dusin mumbled, fiddling with his fingers, “If you die, then I live on.” He and Steve had changed their saying when Mike had died because someone had to live on in their memory, someone had to finish life when the other’s was taken too short. He glanced over at Steve who had closed his eyes, seeming to nap between the two and Dustin let himself lean back and stare at the water. Eddie was knee-deep, no one was swimming but seemed to just splash around instead. Hopper and Joyce were trying to cover up the fact that they were holding hands and Nancy was off to the side, staying far away from the rest of The Party. He heard Robin whisper Italian, reading something aloud while Steve’s even breaths reassured him they were all okay.
“Steve probably doesn’t want you to know this,” Robin’s voice broke him out of his daze and he looked over, she put the book down, “But he also has a will.”
“I know.” Dustin confirmed, “I knew about it since ‘85.”
“Hmm, it’s strange that there’s only four of us that ever wrote a will.” Robin’s face did a strange contortion, “Hopper has one for police reasons, Steve has one because he knew he’d try to sacrifice himself, Max had one when she found out she was cursed, and Mike had one. I don’t know why the rest of us didn’t. Maybe it’s because we all thought we would make it out alive.”
“I’ve thought about that.” Dustin admitted, “I think it’s because we all know that we wouldn’t die. I knew I wouldn’t because Steve would take any measures to protect us, Will knows that the Upside Down needs him alive, and Jonathan would be dammed to die and leave his brother behind, the same as Nancy and Mrs. Byers. Lucas wouldn’t let Erica die and Steve wouldn’t let Lucas. Eddie never even got the chance to consider it, I think… what happened back in ‘83 made Mike realize that there was a chance that he would die, and I think he’s been changing it since then.”
“What happened in ‘83?” Robin’s voice went quiet as if she was trying to tell a secret despite no one being around.
“My old bully held a knife to my throat and threatened to cut my teeth out,” Robin inhales sharply, “Mike jumped off The Quarry to save me, I was telling him not to, but he did it with just a moment of hesitation. I think that he’s always attempted to be a leader to die. Something was wrong, and it never clicked until…” He breathed in and wiped at his eyes.
“Until it was too late.” Robin finished off, “I just wish that we could see him again, I miss his shit personality.” Her words were harsh, but her voice was soft and solemn as she looked up at the sky.
“You think we’ll see him again?” Dustin followed her gaze towards the clouds, “Do you think he’s waiting for us?”
“I think he’s waiting for us so he can snip about our gray hairs and wrinkly faces.” Dustin laughed and curled in on himself as they continued to pour from his mouth, it had been a long time since he had laughed like that. Robin broke out into laughter beside him. He had returned home that night in higher spirits which dampened when he walked into his room. Pictures of The Party, diagrams of gates, and books scattered everywhere reminded Dustin of everything that he had lost. Carefully, he grabbed the first diagram and pulled it off the wall, crumbling it with his fists as he grabbed another, and then another, until he could see the walls of his room for the first time in years and stared down at the balls of paper surrounding the floor.
It felt lighter, like a part of him no longer had to worry about the gates. Because everything reminding him about them was gone. His hand moved for an image of Mike, but he pulled it away as he stared at it for a moment longer. Mike’s hair was curly and his smile was bright, his teeth unnaturally white while his eyes twinkled with mischief, and his freckles were illuminated under the lighting which made him look more ghostly than the rest of them. Beside Mike was himself, who had the same grin on his face and eyes squinted from the light of Jonathan’s camera. He felt his lips turn upwards as he put his hand up to the image to gently remove it and place it on his nightstand, on top of a book titled ‘Physics for Dummies, Vol 3’ . Mike’s letter was placed on top of it as he picked it up.
Hey Dustin,
I know I’ve been a crappy friend recently, but depending on when you’re reading this, it’s currently 1984 for me, I may have changed. I hope so at least. I’m becoming like my father, and that scares me. But if you are reading this, then please don’t try and follow me, you should know better. I originally was going to fill this with DND puns to put a smile on your face, but it didn’t feel right. I’m not a dungeon master, I can’t control my fate, I’m simply just a pawn for Vecna in this whole ordeal.
If I end up dying, then it wasn’t because I wanted to, I’m not brave like any of you. I can’t sacrifice myself, but I know that I’m giving. I can give you so much and take so little. So, I leave all of my books for you. We’ve been talking about what we’d do after we graduate, I think that I’m going to go into quantum mechanics and figure out why these gates opened. I think we should go together. I think that you’d do amazing in quantum mechanics, but even better in physics. I know it’s something we’ve talked about, but I think that it’s an awesome path for you. I got these books when you were at summer camp, so maybe they’ll help you. You also need new pants, frankly, your jeans are all getting torn up and bloody, so I’m entrusting them to you.
You’re smart Dustin. Smarter than anyone in this group, so I know that you’re going to do something stupid if someone isn’t there to stop you. That’s why I wrote you this, don’t be a hero, you’re our bard, you inspire, you create, and you survive. I know I said I wasn’t going to do any puns, but this is true, and you need to follow that.
Thank you. For everything. I wish I could have controlled our fates around a table one last time.
- Mike
P.S.: I know you’re used to getting long letters from me, but there’s too much to say and not enough time, I’m sure that you’ll read between the lines someday.
P.P.S.: My letters are usually written with precision and planning, but there was no time this year, I hope you can accept a less-than-good final letter from me. I hope you can forgive me as well.
Beside him, as midnight came close, he heard the radio fritz and come to life, he already knew the message before it even came through, “Code Red!” Will’s voice rang through and Dustin felt a pool of dread crawl to his stomach before he rushed out of bed with his radio, cycling out of the house as his mom called out to him. He wouldn’t let anyone die like Mike.