Chapter Text
The dawn was red outside the window. Eto turned on the stove and rubbed her eyes hardly. She was sleepy as hell. She set the turk on a burning red circle and reached for a dark green bag of coffee beans. Tokyo looked kind and friendly in the early morning, very native. Eto smiled at the awakening city. A stretched red banner hung in the sky, crossed out by wires like a flap. Eto looked at it on the set date. So, today. She rubbed her eyes again – still not used to getting up early. She was an owl (their eternal joke with Kishou). The spreading coffee aroma did nothing to help her wake up.
The lock of the front door clicked, then the rustle of clothes was heard. Kishou went into the kitchen, taking off his glasses as he went. He put the white bag on the table, walked over to her and gently touched his lips to her temple. Eto rolled her eyes slightly, but her lips stretched into a smile of their own. He took advantage of the moment to peck her temple again and pulled her to his waist.
“The coffee will burn." She tried to pull away.
“And when it didn't burn?” She jokingly elbowed him in the side. “What did you buy?”
“Milk, rice, dorayaki for breakfast." His hand continued to stroke her back. Eto rubbed head against his shoulder.
“Today came so fast. This banner annoys me." She nodded towards the window for some reason.
“They're expecting us today. We'll have to go." He puts the groceries in the fridge. "You know, I'm glad we have to." He smiled thinly, and Eto felt the warmth in her chest. She twirled her spoon. “I hear you're putting in a lot of sugar." He smiled mockingly.
“I'm desperately in love with you, it's incurable. Sugar won't hurt more." Kishou looks shocked and awkward, doubting that he deserves such words even after so many years. Eto feels bittersweet inside. She reaches across the table and takes his hand, squeezing it firmly. "Hey, I love you."
“I love you too." He kisses her hand gently. (Eto doesn't blush).
Going back in time, Eto couldn't clearly answer why she survived the raid on Cochlea. Drugged with RC-depressants, wounded and stunned by emotions, she was messed up. She didn't know how much time had passed between the time Furuta’s departure and Kaneki's arrival. Her body did not regenerate (as expected), the pain was worse than she thought. Quinque "Owl" was broken, and this phrase was ringing a bell in her head. Arima is going to die soon, Arima is going to die soon, Arima is going to die soon. And she's with him. The thought didn't make her feel any better. Death in one day, in a hackneyed romantic way, instead of smoothing and simplifying, only confused more, and asked questions that no longer had the time and energy to look for answers.
At some point, through the red veil, she saw a tall silhouette and white hair, and a strong hope (which she did not know existed) stirred in her. Elusive consciousness didn't immediately inform her that Kaneki was in front of her, not him. She knew it would hurt, and wounded, on the cold iron floor, she was preparing herself for this pain. The pain was stronger, a burning ring covering her chest and making it difficult to breathe. She managed to get her emotions under control (put on a mocking mask), but still she stared at the ceiling, and blinked, with force, as if her eyes were not dry. Indifference followed the pain, and Eto joyfully accepted it, knowing that there would be no more pain. (Maybe she'll be lucky and there's an afterlife).
Her mouth was sweet when she opened her eyes again, which were not covered with blood. She was still there, on the cold floor, but her body was healing. They lived in a world where wishes were not fulfilled. She went with Kaneki, although she wanted to turn around and run back to see the body. The idea that Arima is now just a body, without that crazy swarm of thoughts in his head, without emotions hidden under the mask of indifference, without strange rules and a clear list of things to do, a body without anything – the thought turned out to be scary now that it became true. She didn't want to see him. Dead. Hirako guided her while her body was recovering, for some reason. She had no further plan.
The next thing she remembers clearly is how she lies down on the bed in Re: (nasty cafe). (She didn't have the energy to think about it then). For several days she just lay in bed, not thinking about anything. It didn't hurt her – she didn't feel anything. She didn't remember. She just lay there exhausted (she even had no strength to crawl under the covers), looking at the wall and at the ceiling, and sometimes slip into sleep (wonderful moments, but she always woke up too quickly). Someone was trying to talk to her, she couldn't hear. Sweet food smelled on the chair next to her bed, but she didn't have the strength to eat. (Depression on the background of loss, but she started making diagnoses later).
On the fourth (or fifth day?) she went downstairs. She was thirsty (her throat was sore, and her regeneration was too weak for her to live without water). She didn't want to die (but a tempting thought appeared in her head for a second, just to stay lying down until all her strength drained out and she died, slowly and calmly – this thought made her stand up – she still resisted – everything in the world). The water hit parched throat painfully. There was a TV in the corner – the news was playing. She wasn't looking, but something jerked her gaze – his face. Eto choked on the water. The ears themselves began to listen to the text (against her will).
“You didn't kill him?” Her voice was hoarse, her throat was on fire, her hand crunched around Kaneki's forearm.
“No." Kaneki ruffled his hair in confusion, not understanding yet.
Eto put her hand over her mouth to keep from screaming. Her legs gave way, all the pain that lurked deep inside rushed out. She was crying, for the first time since she was a child, clutching her mouth painfully. God, how obvious it was at that moment. It was only then that she realized how much she was afraid of losing him. Have always been afraid.
Amon and Kirishima must not have understood anything at that moment, but all clicked for Kaneki. He fell next to her, hugging her (she was too stunned and broken to break free). He was alive. He was alive. Alive.
Eto feels someone is touching her head.
“I'm not sleeping!” She immediately jumps up, throwing hands up in the air
“Eto, take a rest." But at this suggestion, she only rubs her eyes with force, trying to banish sleep. There are too many things to do, and despite all the reforms, there are still 24 hours in a day.
“It's so strange that we're alive. Still." She doesn't know why she's saying this. In the first year, when everything was just over (or rather just beginning), this phrase sounded between them every day, according to the schedule: for breakfast, lunch, dinner, upon waking up and before going to bed. How is come the dead are still alive? But gradually they asked less and less often. Today is a special day (she hates it because she put all her energy into preparation) – and it's really strange, they're still alive. But she's too happy to ask the second question: what if? The answer is simple: nothing, complete and absolute.
“I'm glad we're alive." Kishou runs his hand over her cheek.
At first it was: “I don't understand why."
Then: “this is wrong."
Almost immediately: “I just have to try again” (and natural quarrels followed, mixed with threats) (they didn't admit to love at that time).
Now he says: “I'm glad”, and she agrees. I'm glad too.
They somehow got used to working together over the years, not immediately, of course. At first, they checked the boundaries and how each stand the gaff. For a long time. Then there was the struggle for primacy (rivalry is more precise). Then they tasted endurance of others, methodically and clearly. She still sins about it. And somehow, imperceptibly during this time, they intertwined with nerves, grew on each other, inadvertently soldered their souls. They learned to obey, to give in, until they merged into one organism, mistakenly having two separate bodies. With one brain cell for two.
Certainly, two bodies separated by distance, war and other problems don't live well. She hadn't really thought about it. They were torn apart, but somehow they always came back together. In the Aogiri Tree, in a favorite cafe, in an old shelter, in her/his apartment, in an abandoned movie theater, on a skyscraper, in the subway. When she was in the RE: the connections were cut off. Not to meet, not to cross paths, not even to collide in a crowd (she tried).
Everyone at the Goat hated her (she was used to it). Well, except Kaneki (who tried to pretend to be the hero of a third-rate novel about heroes) (they decided to make him a One-eyed King for this, of course). And yes, except children too (human and ghouls), she knew how to be cool. And if the former comrades from the destroyed Tree looked with respect, and some with a semblance of warm and bright feelings, then everyone else like she was a bomb that cannot be defused, and which will definitely explode (not that they were wrong, but ...). It was just unpleasant when it was necessary to clarify who was in charge here. But the worst was to be the daughter of the Great and Beloved Yoshimura, who took a wrong turn. For the first time in her life, she liked doves more than ghouls, a curtain. The relationship with Hirako was smooth (they didn't care about each other, but there was a mutual dear person) (she considered him mediocre) (he considered her too overrated) (of course they got along). He, of course, suspected her (his devotion was obvious, hers had to be seen through layers of sarcasm, sarcasm and anger). He watched very carefully until she nodded in the direction of dear daddy's protege. Her dear daddy's protege tried to get her back on track (it would be better to keep an eye on who his niece was fucking with) (or at least for a second try to remember that his sister had two children) (actually, she quite effectively brought her two problems together and created a massive headache for surrounding people). (No Face didn't turn gray just because his hair was dyed). They were familiar with Amon (for some reason he remembered her as a bitch who turned him into a ghoul, and not as a writer who pointed out gaps in the ideal image of CCG) (shit happens). But they considered each other (she is a little less, he is a little more). They argued a couple of times on philosophical topics, with nothing to do (for several hours when others defiantly covered their ears, but Ayato benefited from their debates, no matter how he denied it). It was difficult with Kurona (because she was fixated on her non-father) (Eto kind of once had a hand in breaking her psyche, but honestly, when did she not do that?), but the enemy of my enemy is not my enemy, and Kanou successfully played the role of the enemy. But, of course, the hardest part was with Mado. No, she was passed out in the beginning, and everything was easy, but then she woke up. (She killed her mother, her mother tried to kill her, just like her father, and she made both her boyfriends ghouls). It was a stupid situation, Eto had nothing against Mado, but she turned out to be the main monster of Mado's nightmares. But nothing brings people closer together like a good drink (although no one warned that Mado was a lightweight, and Eto had to drink a lot quickly to catch up with her) (the last time she drank at such a speed was when she was fifteen, when she first tried alcohol). Anyway they talked all night (she seemed to be telling stories about Arima, and it seems better for him not to know about it). By morning, they had figured all out (and suffered the consequences together).
She was angry every day of her stay at the Goat (she appreciated the literary reference exactly until she realized how shaky the organization was)(that is, the first half hour). Eto was angry at the king, who needed to be raised, and who was completely stupid. At the employees of this damn cafe because they were idiots who needed to be told everything more than once (actually because the father loved them, but who cares about such little things). At Tsukiyama because he managed to combine all those personality traits that she couldn't stand. At doves because they were doves (otherwise, they were not bad, and Eto could talk to them). At the children (because she was angry at everyone, and they were no exception) (and because she was supposed to be their mom) (no one asked her about it, actually, it was her personal wish, but she is not one of those who admit weaknesses). And of course at Arima because the brain cell is one for two, but her thoughts do not reach his head, because the body knows that there should actually be two of them, because for some reason they were alive, and lived without a clear plan, lost control of all situations. In general, they became human again. (She fell in love with him, to put it quite simply, but as already mentioned, she started making diagnoses later).
So she tries to kill him during the clown attack. Honestly and frankly, she should have been trying to kill Furuta at that moment. Or any other clown. Or rescue people who have become hostages (she cares about them). But she, with boiling kakuja, rushes at him with a multi-voiced roar so that everyone knows how much she hates (loves) him. So that see him not in her own illusions and not in others' (on TV), but in the flesh. So that look straight into the eyes and see the soul. So that scream: "drop everything and come with me" (she didn't do that – a suicide attempt doesn't cancel his work as a double agent). Then, overreacted, she does what she has to do. He stays on one side, she stays on the other, even though they share a third one.
They really meet on the most inopportune day, when sirens are wailing on the street, when skyscrapers lie in fragments on the asphalt, when they were late (control was lost a few months ago, but this is not an excuse). She doesn't have nightmares about that time – no dream can be scarier than that reality (unless he dies in them, but no, in her nightmares he dies in a different way). Crematoriums on the streets, stretchers with sufferers, and the long-awaited unification settles like ashes on head and a stone in soul (That's not how I wanted it, not at this price, please don't). (Dreams in their world are too expensive).
In between an urgent meeting and planning actions, she pulls him (or he her) to the toilet (male or female?), where they had sex four times in a row, without stopping, without foreplay, without protection, without even preparation, in clothes, in a dirty stall, without even having time to say hello. It's hard and painful – no pleasure, getting under the skin again and pouring kerosene over the wounds. No words, no screams, no sounds. Biting lips, scratching with nails. When the siren doesn't stop and people are running up and down. And then they look into each other's eyes. Alive.
That's the first time she sees him in public and not in a suit. And not even in uniform. Only in a dark turtleneck sweater and trousers. With the untaped maim on his cheek, because there is no time. With disheveled hair. With circles under eyes that are visible to everyone, not just her. And she knows that he sees her differently too. An adult. Serious. Without a smile on her face. Collected. Setting the brains of anyone who panics, who hesitates. A straight back and an empty face. And with guilt in her eyes. She was late. She didn't stop. Even though she pulled out the zero children and a few Oggai. The death toll is in the thousands. Even though she killed Furuta, she disassembled his body almost to atoms so that he would not recover, but it is impossible to deal with Kaiko.
Eto settles down with Kishou's laptop on the couch next to him, her head resting on his chest. She knows he's uncomfortable, but he doesn't mind, and she doesn't move. With all the reforms, the bureaucracy rules over everyone, and reports must be submitted on time. She needs to turn everything in before ten in the morning (she deserves at least a bonus for such a feat). And then the preparation for the evening. Ten years since the signing of the agreement between humans and ghouls. Eleven and a half since the Dragon appeared. Three years since the destruction of the last dragon orphan. Six months since the destruction of the last oviduct. Well, no way she takes a job at TSC, which is not specified in the contract, again .
Kishou at some point puts his head on her shoulder, continuing to do something with his hands. She doesn't know what.
“Do you want me to write the reports for you?” He runs his nose along her neck. “Marude won't look at them today anyway."
“I'll have to redo them for you anyway." It sounds sharper than she'd like. But he understands everything (he always understands everything). He just kisses lightly on her open shoulder. “What are you doing?” She has no idea what the construction looks like in his hands.
“Disassembled the scanner. Now I'm thinking about how to make it easier and reduce production costs. I'll test it in the research department tomorrow." Eto looks at the details lying at feets. Surprisingly, over time, her desire for chaos broke through his pragmatism, since he collects some important stuff at home, and not in the laboratory.
The days after the Dragon's appearance were mixed into a mess – a glass of alcohol, taken from the medical room to keep on her feet. Endless planning, resource cuts, desperation in everyone's eyes. And the expectation of an attack. The fortieth cup of coffee (after a day they offered to take turns sleeping, but she is stubborn). The cigarettes stolen from Ui (he smoked three packs without stopping, and then passed out), because she is shaking, because it's necessary to kill the V, and not look at the falling statistics. But it is difficult to find them. Coffee with alcohol — to get the adrenaline pumping, to stay awake, to think faster — if she were human, she wouldn't have survived that week. Thanks to Dad for the regeneration.
The V is eventually found when there is so much coffee in her that it is fatal even for a ghoul, when the pressure is high, blood vessels are about to burst, and Kishou clearly lost out to caffeine anxiety a few mugs ago. He doesn't look any better – his face is like death, blue, and his hands are shaking like an epileptic (he had a few hours of sleep sometime in the middle of the week)(the body surrendered, bypassing the orders of the brain). They allow themselves to fall asleep when all of the V become bodies, when Kaiko's head flies off his body, when they find a way to stop the Dragon – not to destroy, not to extract Kaneki's body, but simply to stop. They fall asleep on the floor, covered in blood, dirty, and Kishou has not even treated the cuts.